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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,872 Narrator: TONIGHT ON "HOT PACKAGE"... OUCH! 2 00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,314 Beckles: "DADDY CAN'T DANCE" DANCED ITS WAY 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,539 INTO NORTH AMERICA 6.5 YEARS AGO. 4 00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,475 WE TAKE A SPECIAL LOOK BACK. 5 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,410 Narrator: THEN THE BIZ PIT IS BACK 6 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,245 WITH ALL THE BIZ BUZZ WORTH NOTING. 7 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:16,721 PLUS, THE BUFF BOYZ HAVE ACCESSED HOLOGRAM MARK'S DISK 8 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,390 AND UPDATED HIS HELICAL CONSCIOUSNESS PROGRAM. 9 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:25,090 THIS IS IT -- IT'S THE "RISING STAR SCREEN TEST" FINALE. 10 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:28,026 WHO WILL WIN $40,000? 11 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,862 Beckles: THEN HEIDI FLEISS HELPS ME UNDERSTAND 12 00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:31,897 EVERYTHING I NEED TO DO IN CASE THERE'S A SCANDAL. 13 00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,372 THEY ASKED ME IF I HAD KIDS, 14 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,201 AND I SAID, "THANK GOD FOR ABORTION." 15 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:38,106 HEY, SPEAKING OF SCANDALS, WHAT DO YOU GUYS PREFER -- 16 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:41,909 JUICY SCANDAL OR A SENSIBLE SCANDAL? 17 00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,582 [ CLAPPING ] 18 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:46,611 ALL RIGHT! LET'S GET INSIDE! 19 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,917 Narrator: YOU'RE WATCHING "HOT PACKAGE" -- 20 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,449 THE ONE AND ONLY ENTERTAINMENT NEWS PROGRAM 21 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:53,945 WITH A HOLOGRAM CO-HOST. 22 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,290 WELCOME BACK, NORTH AMERICA. 23 00:00:58,326 --> 00:00:59,586 I'M DERRICK BECKLES. 24 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,097 I'M ANASTASIA ROARK. 25 00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,059 BUDDY MEMORIES. 26 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,367 I'M MARK McGRATH. HELP ME! 27 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,469 [ CHUCKLES ] EXACTLY. DONE. 28 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,471 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S ONLY BEEN 6.5 YEARS 29 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:14,114 SINCE "DADDY CAN'T DANCE" BLEW MOVIEGOERS MINDS? 30 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:15,942 HELP ME! 31 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,776 Beckles: WRITER, DIRECTOR, ACTOR, AND -- DON'T FORGET -- DANCER, 32 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,482 PETE VINAL'S AT IT AGAIN. 33 00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,954 FROM OUR SHARED TEARS... 34 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:23,822 WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET ICE CREAM TOGETHER. 35 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:26,721 WHAT ABOUT THAT, PAT? WHAT ABOUT THAT FRICKIN' PATTON? 36 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,424 YOU BETTER COME BACK, THEN. 37 00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:29,456 ...TO OUR LAUGH-OUT-LOUD LAUGHTER. 38 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:30,790 GOOD MORNING. MORNING. 39 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,334 I HAVE A BUNCH OF INFORMATION 40 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,630 FOR YOU THIS MORNING. 41 00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:36,161 WHAT, ON [deep voice] HOW TO SMOKE A CIGARETTE 42 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:37,297 IN THREE EASY COUGHS? 43 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:38,971 [ COUGHS THREE TIMES ] 44 00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,999 [ High-pitched voice ] "THE SMOKING SECRETARY" 45 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,004 BY THE PUFFING FREAK. [ PUFF QUICKLY ] 46 00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,636 I DON'T SMOKE! 47 00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:47,812 I CANNOT BELIEVE -- STOP! 48 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,311 [ Laughing ] GOLLY! 49 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,183 "DADDY CAN'T DANCE" DELIVERED 50 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,412 AND IT MADE AMERICA THINK... 51 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,647 I'M THE ILLEST. I'M THE BEST. 52 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:57,323 SOUND LIKE YOU'RE CONFUSED TO ME. 53 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:58,851 ILLEST, BEST? 54 00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:01,816 ...AND AMERICA THOUGHT ALL THE WAY TO THE BOX OFFICE, 55 00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:04,685 INTO THEIR SEATS, AND BACK ONTO THE STREETS. 56 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,825 Weaver: SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU 57 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:10,630 WHEN YOU'RE COMPETING FOR YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE. 58 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:15,504 IT'S ADRENALINE...OR LOVE. 59 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,666 IT TAKES OVER EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BODY. 60 00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,176 YOU HAVE TO WIN, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. 61 00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:23,379 Beckles: MAKING "DADDY CAN'T DANCE" 62 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:27,521 THE TOP-GROSSING SUCCESS AMONG BREAK-DANCING FATHERS 63 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,478 WHO HAVE FACED ADVERSITY TO WIN $40,000 64 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:31,888 FOR THEIR DAUGHTER'S OPERATION. 65 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,049 UGH! 66 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,556 I LOVE THAT MOVIE -- SERIOUSLY. ALL RIGHT. 67 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:39,289 AS A SPECIAL TREAT, TWO OF THE STARS OF "DADDY CAN'T DANCE" -- 68 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:43,027 DIRECTOR-DANCER PETE VINAL AND THYM "WHITE GLOVES" KENNEDY -- 69 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,803 CAN'T BE HERE WITH ME TODAY. 70 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,702 BUT, INSTEAD, I HAVE ANOTHER MAN 71 00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,574 WHO SHARES MY PASSION FOR "DADDY CAN'T DANCE." 72 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,542 Narrator: MEDICALLY MANIPULATED MIRACLE, 73 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,341 A HUMAN KEN DOLL -- JUSTIN JEDLICA. 74 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,843 IT WAS A GREAT MOVIE. Beckles: YEAH, RIGHT? 75 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,835 WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THE MOVIE IS THE WHOLE IDEA 76 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,677 ABOUT A FATHER TRYING TO, LIKE, HAVE... 77 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,212 HE NEEDS TO SORT OF PICK UP HIS LIFE 78 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:01,748 THAT WAS REALLY FALLING APART. 79 00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:04,082 THE WHOLE IDEA OF, LIKE, A FATHER TRYING... 80 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,147 THE WIFE THAT WAS PISSED OFF AT HIM, THE DAUGHTER THAT WAS SICK, 81 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,517 HE'D JUST LOST HIS FATHER, SO... 82 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:10,887 I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. 83 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,194 I THINK MY FAVORITE THING 84 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,056 WAS THE "GONE WITH THE WIND" FABULOUS TURN, 85 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:16,564 WHEN HE RUNS AFTER HIS DYING FATHER IN THE HOSPITAL. 86 00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,867 WOW. ALL RIGHT, WE GOT TO WRAP THIS UP, 87 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,269 BUT LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE BODY 88 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:22,341 THAT TOOK A LOOK AT "DADDY CAN'T DANCE." 89 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,700 [ CHUCKLES ] LOOK AT THAT. 90 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:24,837 WHERE AM I? 91 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,782 WHAT DID YOU HAVE DONE, EXACTLY? 92 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,508 CAN'T FEEL MY HEART BEAT. 93 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,913 PECS, UH, BUTTOCKS... 94 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,075 TONS ON MY FACE HAD TO BE DONE. 95 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,624 WOW. 96 00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:40,645 [ ALARMS BLARING ] 97 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,431 GUYS, GUYS, WHAT DO WE GOT? 98 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,929 GOT A GUY IN NEW YORK. 99 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,600 VERY NICE. DOING WHAT? 100 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:50,930 * HE'S CRYING 101 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,104 HEY, DON'T DO THAT. OKAY. 102 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,702 JUST GIVE ME YOUR LINES STRAIGHT. 103 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,644 DON'T [BLEEP] SING. OKAY. 104 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,369 I LIVE HERE. I LIVE HERE. 105 00:03:57,405 --> 00:04:00,405 AND [SNIFFLES] I USED TO PLAY FOOTBALL HERE. 106 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:03,941 [ Voice breaking ] AND I JUST DON'T -- I CAN'T BELIEVE 107 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,907 ANYBODY'D WANT TO CLOSE THIS DAMN THING DOWN. 108 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:11,047 AND I'M A CARPENTER. I-I COULDN'T -- AH, SHIT. 109 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,554 WHAT ELSE WE GOT? WHAT ELSE? 110 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,386 WE GOT DERRICK... 111 00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,462 NICE. 112 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:17,929 ...TAKING TAPES... WHAT?! 113 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,788 ...OVER TO, UH...L.A. SHRED, 114 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,557 AN L.A.-BASED TAPE-SHREDDING FACILITY... 115 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,226 JEFF. ...IN LOS ANGELES. 116 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,674 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, JEFF? 117 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,670 I MEAN, WE HAVE DERRICK LAST NIGHT 118 00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,313 TAKING VIDEOTAPES... 119 00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:34,139 I HEARD YOU, JEFF. WHERE ARE MY TAPES? 120 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,444 UH, THEY SAID THEY'RE GONNA AIR 'EM. 121 00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:39,909 JEFF, LISTEN TO ME. 122 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,017 WHO SAID THEY'RE GONNA AIR THOSE TAPES? 123 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,488 Narrator: WHAT'S DERRICK HIDING? 124 00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:56,197 WHAT IS ON HIS TAPE? 125 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,669 UM...OKAY. 126 00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,098 WE ARE DOWN TO THE FINAL TWO 127 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,672 IN "HOT PACKAGE'S RISING STAR SCREEN TEST"... 128 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,002 HELP ME! 129 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,006 Beckles: AND NOW THE ORIGINAL CLASSIC SCENE 130 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,668 FROM MY MARVELOUS MOVIE COLLECTION 131 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,677 FOR THE FINAL BATTLE... 132 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:10,980 OH, CHARLIE -- WHAT ARE YOU, 133 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,451 TRYING TO SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME? 134 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,280 WHAT'S THE DEAL, BOY? I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT IS IT? 135 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,024 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT'S THE DEAL, BOY? 136 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,319 AND TELL IT TO ME STRAIGHT, OR HE GON' TEAR YOU APART. 137 00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,492 OOH. 138 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,220 Narrator: AND NOW THE FINAL BATTLE -- SCREEN TEST. 139 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:25,155 OH, CHARLIE, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, 140 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:27,292 SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME? 141 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,997 WHAT'S THE DEAL, BOY? WHAT IS IT? 142 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,500 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 143 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:32,702 WHAT IS IT, BOY? 144 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:35,303 AND YOU BETTER TELL ME STRAIGHT, 145 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,765 OR HE'S GONNA RIP YOU A NEW ASS! 146 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,384 [ SMOOCHES ] 147 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:46,350 WHO WILL WIN $40,000? [ BELL DINGS ] 148 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,720 SCANDAL AT "HOT PACKAGE"... WHAT'S ON THE TAPE? 149 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:52,519 Narrator: WE TAKE A PEEK AT THE POTENTIAL POSSIBILITIES... 150 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,923 POTENTIAL POSSIBILITY... 151 00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,688 ...POTENTIAL POSSIBILITY... 152 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:04,058 ...ANOTHER POTENTIAL POSSIBILITY. 153 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:07,837 [BLEEP] W-WHAT'S ON DERRICK'S TAPE? 154 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,538 Roark: AND NOW, DERRICK BECKLES, 155 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:12,570 OUR INSPECTOR OF INQUIRIES AND THE PHARAOH OF FACTS, 156 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,406 WITH A "ONES ON ONE." 157 00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,712 Beckles: SHE'S BEST KNOWN FOR DOING TIME 158 00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:20,454 AFTER HER HIGH-CLASS HOLLYWOOD PROSTITUTION RING WAS SHUT DOWN. 159 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,021 BUT NOW SHE'S ON "HP" OPENING UP 160 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,779 ABOUT LESBIANS, POT, DILDOS, AND SCANDALS. 161 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,547 THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S MY PAL, HEIDI FLEISS. 162 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,846 ANY ADVICE FOR SCANDALS 163 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,057 OR ANYONE WHO'S GONNA BE IN A SCANDAL? 164 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,588 I THINK IF YOU'RE INVOLVED IN A SCANDAL, 165 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,393 YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY TRY AND AVOID PRISON. 166 00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,025 THAT WOULD BE MY FIRST SUGGESTIONS. 167 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,030 AND, GIRLS, IF A GUY COMES IN YOUR HAIR, JUST LEAVE IT. 168 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,802 WHEN THEY SAY, "HERE, WANT A TOWEL?" 169 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,570 SAY, "NO, I'M OKAY." 170 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,929 DO YOU THINK O.J.'s SCANDAL 171 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,467 TOOK THE LIMELIGHT AWAY FROM YOUR SCANDAL? 172 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,042 ARE YOU KIDDING? HE CUT OFF HIS WIFE'S HEAD. 173 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,111 [ CHUCKLES ] HOW CAN YOU COMPARE THAT? 174 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,109 AND WHO EXACTLY WAS ORDERING "IN" 175 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,611 OFF OF HEIDI'S TAKEOUT MENU? 176 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,053 I HAD A BILLIONAIRE GUY, NO NAMES MENTIONED, 177 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,609 WHO, HE WOULD HAVE A FEW GIRLS, 178 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,747 AND ONE WOULD DRESS UP AND BE THE DILDO SALESWOMAN 179 00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,294 WITH A BRIEFCASE AND KNOCK UP 180 00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,788 LIKE SHE'S SELLING WATCHES OR TUPPERWARE 181 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,121 AND BE JUST YOUR LOCAL DILDO SALESWOMAN. 182 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,726 I JUST CARED ABOUT MY MONEY. 183 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,158 THAT'S THE PART I CARED ABOUT. 184 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:08,303 SPEAK OF THE DILDO, ANY LESBIAN STORIES? 185 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,298 OH, I WAS GROWING MARIJUANA LEGALLY 186 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,300 WITH THESE LESBIANS IN TEMECULA, AND THEY SCREWED ME OVER. 187 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,403 AND I HAD MY HOUSEKEEPER WHO HELPS WITH MY BIRDS, 188 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,735 AND HERE SHE WAS, LIKE, FILTERING THEM INFORMATION 189 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,011 OR, LIKE, WHERE I'M GONNA BE. 190 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,939 YOU CANNOT TRUST TEMECULA LESBIANS. 191 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:23,144 OH, NO. I MET THEM IN PRISON. OF COURSE NOT. 192 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:25,176 SO, I PLANTED A GOOD CROP. 193 00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,352 DONKEYS -- WILD DONKEYS CAME AND WIPED ME OUT. 194 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:31,420 SO, I PLANTED ANOTHER CROP, AND SOME OFFICER COMES TO MY HOUSE, 195 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,991 AND I JUST WALK STRAIGHT AHEAD, AND I HEAR ONE OF THEM BE LIKE, 196 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:37,591 "HEY, HEY, MS. FLEISS!" OR WHATEVER, "COME OVER HERE!" 197 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,155 AND AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, 198 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,762 HEIDI'S CHARM AND BEAUTY ARE STILL ARRESTING. 199 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,025 I NEVER WOULD KILL A COP. 200 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,203 IN FACT, IF I HAD KNOWN HER BACK THEN, 201 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:48,142 THEY WOULD HAVE THROWN AWAY THE KEYS AND CALLED ME "JOHN." 202 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:51,638 Narrator: DERRICK'S SCANDAL. WHAT IS ON HIS TAPE? 203 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:55,982 HERE'S JEFF DEANE TURNER WITH THE EXCLUSIVE LIVE LOOK. 204 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,339 HERE'S THE TAPE. 205 00:07:57,377 --> 00:08:01,517 WARNING -- THIS IS GONNA MAKE YOU SAY "MAMMA MIA!" 206 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,889 WHAT MORE DO THEY HAVE TO SAY? 207 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,834 ROMANCE IS ALL THEY NEED, RIGHT? 208 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:18,031 WRONG. IT'S NOT... 209 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,525 [ ALARM BLARING ] 210 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:24,238 THIS HAS BEEN A SCANDAL SIMULATION. 211 00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,171 THERE WAS NO TAPE, NO SCANDAL. 212 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,336 I WANT TO THANK JEFF DEANE TURNER 213 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,675 FOR COMING UP WITH THE IDEA. 214 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:34,051 VIBRATORS, DILDOS -- I'M FASCINATED WITH DILDOS. 215 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,581 HOLY COW. 216 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,046 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 217 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,494 YES. PEOPLE LOVE A SCANDAL, EVEN IF THERE ISN'T ONE. 218 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,659 NO, I DON'T THINK... ALL THE SHOWS ARE DOING IT. 219 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:44,689 YOU CAN TRY IT AT HOME, AND, PLEASE, IF YOU DO, SEND US YOUR TAPE. 220 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:47,825 SEX TOYS. NOW, WHAT ABOUT ANAL SEX? 221 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,001 I MEAN, IS ANAL SEX SOMETHING THAT JUST SHOULD -- MM! 222 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,030 [ CLICKS ] * HE-E-EY! 223 00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,325 OH, I KNOW WHAT THAT MUSIC MEANS. 224 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,497 I THINK I SMELL AN A-LISTER. 225 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,767 SAY WHAT?! 226 00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,237 Narrator: THIS IS IT. 227 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:04,414 IT'S THE "RISING STAR SCREEN TEST" FINALE. 228 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,714 THIS IS A BADGE! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST! [ YELLS ] 229 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,677 WINNER -- DIVISION 1. 230 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,116 DO I LOOK SICK TO YOU? 231 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,750 WHO IS THIS FRUITCAKE THAT CAME IN HERE FOR ME? 232 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,756 THAT'S THE MAIN QUESTION. 233 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,788 WINNER -- DIVISION 2. 234 00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:20,894 WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, SCARE THE HELL OUT OF ME? 235 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,958 WHAT'S THE DEAL, BOY?! THIS IS IT. 236 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,796 WHO WILL WIN? 237 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,102 INCREDIBLE. 238 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,943 OKAY, THE WINNER IS... 239 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,098 [ DRUMROLL ] 240 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:31,096 I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. 241 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:34,908 ROD... I NEVER WANTED TO BE A HOLOGRAM. 242 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,982 ...IVES! KILL ME. KILL ME. 243 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,111 [ LAUGHTER ] 244 00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,447 [ GUNFIRE ] 245 00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,251 SAID HE WANTS TO BE MY HOLOGRAM CO-HOST 246 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,623 FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON. 247 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:47,822 [ Echoing ] IF I WAS A HOLOGRAM, I'D BE IN HELL. 248 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,985 I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! 249 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,794 [ DING! ] 250 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:55,426 I NEVER WANTED TO BE A HOLOGRAM! 251 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,462 [ SIGHS ] I-I DIDN'T KNOW. 252 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,927 DUDE, I TOLD YOU I'D BE IN HELL. 253 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,167 [ SOBBING ] 254 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,641 I TOLD YOU! [ SNIFFLES ] 255 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:07,611 [ SIGHS ] PLEASE UN-GRAM ME, BRO. 256 00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:15,022 UN-GRAM ME, BRO. 257 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,948 [ SOBBING ] 258 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,224 BYE, PAL. 259 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,694 [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] [ SCREAMS ] 260 00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,363 GOODBYE! 261 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:29,164 [ SCREAMING CONTINUES ] 262 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:31,196 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] 263 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:35,201 [ SCREAMING CONTINUES ] 264 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,844 OW! THAT HURTS! 265 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,672 OW! BYE-BYE. 266 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:43,178 OW! 267 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,024 THAT HURTS! 268 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,518 [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] 269 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,956 [ SCREAMING CONTINUES ] 270 00:10:55,989 --> 00:11:00,559 [ MUSIC CONTINUES ] 271 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,038 [ SOBS ] 272 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,439 [ SNIFFLES ] 19757

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