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00:02:16,390 --> 00:02:20,008
Oh, look at me, I'm dying.
4
00:02:25,942 --> 00:02:32,526
ome bastard in a dirty white cap - a cook
in the Normative Nourishment canteen...
5
00:02:33,241 --> 00:02:38,403
...at the Central Council of National Economy -
spilled some boiling water and scalded my side.
6
00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:42,833
What a swine.
7
00:02:43,836 --> 00:02:45,876
And a proletarian too.
8
00:02:48,466 --> 00:02:50,589
Christ, it hurts.
9
00:02:53,472 --> 00:02:55,428
What harm was I doing?
10
00:02:57,602 --> 00:03:03,188
I'm not robbing the Council of National Economy's food
supply if I go foraging in their garbage cans, am I?
11
00:03:05,777 --> 00:03:07,152
Greedy pig.
12
00:03:09,238 --> 00:03:11,480
A thief with a copper snout.
13
00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:17,614
God, I am so hungry.
14
00:03:32,888 --> 00:03:36,933
We are back from the field.
15
00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:41,260
And everywhere class
enemies are celebrating.
16
00:03:42,023 --> 00:03:46,188
Tell me, Uncle,
for the sake of the people
17
00:03:46,695 --> 00:03:50,029
No enemy will escape our punishment.
18
00:03:50,741 --> 00:03:54,691
The hoofs are knocking,
19
00:03:55,121 --> 00:03:58,656
The machine-gun is sounding.
20
00:03:59,376 --> 00:04:03,539
The White guard is all beaten up.
21
00:04:04,047 --> 00:04:07,666
But no one will ever
overpower the Red army!
22
00:04:08,719 --> 00:04:12,052
The White guard is all beaten up
23
00:04:12,473 --> 00:04:15,806
No one will ever overpower
the Red army!
24
00:04:41,045 --> 00:04:42,622
Of all the proletariat janitors
25
00:04:43,172 --> 00:04:47,881
are the most vile filth.
26
00:04:49,971 --> 00:04:54,764
Human refuse of the basest sort.
27
00:04:58,855 --> 00:05:01,145
Cooks vary.
28
00:05:02,192 --> 00:05:08,314
Take Vlas, the late Vlas from
Prechistenka treet. The lives he saved!
29
00:05:09,993 --> 00:05:15,236
When Vlas used to throw you a bone there was
always a good eighth of an inch of meat on it.
30
00:05:39,190 --> 00:05:42,108
harik, poor thing, you are so cold.
31
00:05:50,953 --> 00:05:52,696
A typist...
32
00:05:54,247 --> 00:05:58,199
he gets a category nine salary
of 45 roubles a month.
33
00:06:00,546 --> 00:06:05,457
he is underpaid at the office, they
give her rotten food at the canteen.
34
00:06:07,387 --> 00:06:10,424
he hasn't got enough money
for the cinema...
35
00:06:11,350 --> 00:06:16,308
...and the cinema is a woman's
one comfort in this life.
36
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,791
Did any one ever kick you
on the backside with a boot?
37
00:07:18,797 --> 00:07:21,549
Or hit you with a brick in the ribs?
38
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:26,712
My body is all broken, all beaten up.
39
00:07:28,557 --> 00:07:32,638
People have committed just about
every outrage you can think of on it.
40
00:07:34,230 --> 00:07:36,851
he called me harik.
41
00:07:37,775 --> 00:07:39,851
I am no harik, am I?
42
00:07:40,362 --> 00:07:43,481
harik is the sort of name
for a round, fat...
43
00:07:44,073 --> 00:07:49,281
...stupid dog that's fed on oatmeal,
a dog with a pedigree. And what about me?
44
00:07:50,498 --> 00:07:54,163
My future is crystal clear to me.
45
00:07:55,336 --> 00:07:58,751
Tomorrow I'll get pneumonia...
46
00:07:59,089 --> 00:08:02,506
...and having contracted that I,
dear citizens, will die of hunger.
47
00:08:03,886 --> 00:08:07,588
I will try to crawl about on my stomach,
getting weaker and weaker...
48
00:08:08,975 --> 00:08:12,060
...and the first toff will
finish me off with a stick.
49
00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:25,490
Yeah, this one wouldn't
eat rotten salt beef.
50
00:08:27,537 --> 00:08:31,582
What would he want to buy
in that filthy store?
51
00:08:34,253 --> 00:08:36,827
ausage!
52
00:08:38,965 --> 00:08:42,335
Dear ir! Better give it to me.
53
00:08:48,935 --> 00:08:52,054
As a matter of fact what use
is pecial Cracowian to you?
54
00:08:52,481 --> 00:08:55,054
What good is a bit of rotten
old horsemeat to you?
55
00:08:55,734 --> 00:09:00,776
It's only in Mosselprom
that you can get muck like that.
56
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:05,369
There's nothing for it;
I will lick your hands.
57
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,157
No collar.
58
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:14,035
Excellent. You're just what I want.
59
00:09:16,339 --> 00:09:18,331
Come with me.
60
00:09:21,846 --> 00:09:28,263
Obukhov Alley? Very well. This place
is very well known to me.
61
00:09:41,616 --> 00:09:43,525
Good evening, Philip Philipovich.
62
00:09:43,786 --> 00:09:46,703
Good evening, Fyodor. Any letters for me?
- None at all, sir.
63
00:09:48,832 --> 00:09:51,999
What are you waiting for?
Don't be afraid, come on.
64
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:56,584
Hey, no, wait a minute. There's a porter
here... much more dangerous than janitors.
65
00:09:57,633 --> 00:09:59,377
Worse than cats.
66
00:09:59,928 --> 00:10:01,885
Come, come.
67
00:10:04,433 --> 00:10:05,891
Come in, please.
68
00:10:14,568 --> 00:10:20,073
Philip Philipovich, there're new
residents just been put into Flat Three.
69
00:10:20,366 --> 00:10:24,233
- Really?
- Yes, indeed, sir, four of them.
70
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:29,531
My God! I can just imagine what it must be like
in that flat now. What are they doing there?
71
00:10:31,712 --> 00:10:33,420
Nothing special, sir.
72
00:10:34,882 --> 00:10:36,506
And Fyodor Pavlovitch?
73
00:10:36,759 --> 00:10:41,884
He's gone to get some screens and bricks.
They're going make partitions, Philip Philipovich.
74
00:10:43,308 --> 00:10:46,012
I don't know what the world
is coming to! Dear me, dear me!
75
00:10:47,228 --> 00:10:49,386
Come, come with me.
76
00:11:03,787 --> 00:11:07,453
Where on earth did you get that from,
Philip Philipovich? He does look lousy.
77
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,992
What nonsense. He isn't lousy.
78
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,047
That's not lice.
79
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:22,717
It's a scald. Who was mean enough
to throw boiling water over you? Eh?
80
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,389
Take him into the consulting room
at once and get me my smock.
81
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:30,941
Come with me. Come. This way, come.
82
00:11:44,498 --> 00:11:48,745
- Oh, I can't Philip Philipovich!
- Doctor Bormenthal, get the ether!
83
00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:54,961
- Doctor Bormenthal!
- Hold on, you bastard!
84
00:11:55,469 --> 00:11:57,959
Zina, grab him by the scruff
of the neck, damn him!
85
00:11:58,430 --> 00:12:00,256
No electricity. Again.
86
00:12:12,695 --> 00:12:13,975
Just a moment.
87
00:12:17,199 --> 00:12:18,741
Look out, Doctor.
88
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:58,742
...from eville to Granada...
in the still of the night...
89
00:12:59,620 --> 00:13:05,955
Now, you little tramp, why did you bite the Doctor?
Eh? Why did you break all that glass?
90
00:13:06,627 --> 00:13:09,415
All right, you've come to,
so just lie there, stupid.
91
00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:15,383
o it's me who bit him.
That's my work.
92
00:13:16,638 --> 00:13:18,845
That'll mean a beating.
93
00:13:19,224 --> 00:13:23,056
However did you managed to lure such
a nervous dog, Philip Philipovich.
94
00:13:24,438 --> 00:13:26,395
By kindness.
95
00:13:27,524 --> 00:13:31,523
The only way to deal
with a living being.
96
00:13:32,322 --> 00:13:37,778
Terror will get you nowhere. That I have maintained,
do maintain, and always will maintain.
97
00:13:38,203 --> 00:13:44,242
They believe, terror will
help them. Well, it won't.
98
00:13:44,835 --> 00:13:48,335
No matter which one it is -
white, red or even brown.
99
00:13:49,172 --> 00:13:54,002
Zina! I bought this good-for-nothing
some Cracowian sausage.
100
00:13:54,388 --> 00:13:58,088
Take the trouble to feed him
when he gets over his nausea.
101
00:13:58,475 --> 00:14:01,641
Cracowian sausage!? I'd rather eat
the Cracowian salami myself.
102
00:14:02,019 --> 00:14:06,897
Just you try! Poison to the human
stomach, that's what it is.
103
00:14:07,359 --> 00:14:12,567
You are a grown-up girl, but you go on putting all
sorts of nasty things into your mouth, like a child.
104
00:14:13,324 --> 00:14:18,401
Remember: neither me, nor doctor Bormenthal
will bother ourselves with you...
105
00:14:18,830 --> 00:14:21,367
...when you go down
with a stomach ache.
106
00:14:22,083 --> 00:14:26,710
o, you've come to?
Let's go see the patients.
107
00:14:35,973 --> 00:14:37,383
hut up.
108
00:14:40,978 --> 00:14:42,472
An old patient.
109
00:14:46,484 --> 00:14:48,441
Good afternoon, Professor.
110
00:14:49,070 --> 00:14:54,196
- Gracious me, I wouldn't have recognized you, my good man.
- You are a magician, a wizard, Professor.
111
00:14:55,076 --> 00:14:57,912
- How have you been sleeping?
- Are we alone, Professor?
112
00:14:58,372 --> 00:15:04,625
Incredible. Parole d'honeur, I haven't
known anything like that for 25 years.
113
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:07,247
Believe it or not...
114
00:15:08,257 --> 00:15:12,421
...every night I dream of naked
girls - hordes of them.
115
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,804
Take off your pants.
116
00:15:15,098 --> 00:15:19,844
Oh, Professor, if only you had discovered
a way of rejuvenating hair too!
117
00:15:20,313 --> 00:15:23,182
One thing at a time, my dear,
one thing at a time.
118
00:15:31,741 --> 00:15:34,363
Look here, you shouldn't overdo it,
you know.
119
00:15:34,661 --> 00:15:40,332
I don't. Only as a sort of experiment,
dear Professor.
120
00:15:40,668 --> 00:15:42,576
Well, and what were the results?
121
00:15:43,462 --> 00:15:47,625
Oh! wear to God, I haven't known
anything like that for 25 years.
122
00:15:48,801 --> 00:15:56,014
The last time was in 1899
in Paris on the Rue de la Paix.
123
00:15:57,143 --> 00:16:00,145
Excellent. Everything
is in great shape.
124
00:16:00,521 --> 00:16:02,977
I admit, I never expected
such results.
125
00:16:03,734 --> 00:16:09,986
treams of blood and song galore...
126
00:16:11,075 --> 00:16:14,609
And to the one who's
most enchanting...
127
00:16:17,206 --> 00:16:20,541
One, two, three.
128
00:16:27,718 --> 00:16:31,762
You need not come for another check-up for two weeks.
- Thank you.
129
00:16:41,607 --> 00:16:45,023
The age is not filled in correctly.
It is probably between 54 and 55.
130
00:16:45,737 --> 00:16:47,943
Heartbeat's muffled.
131
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,702
- Do come in.
- Good afternoon, Professor.
132
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:03,329
- How old are you, madam?
- Oh, Professor...
133
00:17:04,298 --> 00:17:08,083
Professor, I swear that if you knew
the agony I've been going through..!
134
00:17:08,386 --> 00:17:11,755
- Your age, madam?
- Upon my honour...
135
00:17:12,682 --> 00:17:15,137
Well, I am 45.
136
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:19,392
Madam, there are people waiting. Please don't waste my time.
You're not my only patient, you know.
137
00:17:19,689 --> 00:17:23,272
I will tell you and you only
as a luminary of science.
138
00:17:23,611 --> 00:17:27,230
- How old are you, madam?
- That is just awful. I am 51.
139
00:17:27,615 --> 00:17:30,106
Take off your knickers. This way.
140
00:17:30,451 --> 00:17:34,318
It is such agony, Professor.
It is so appalling.
141
00:17:34,914 --> 00:17:38,285
I am at a loss what to do.
Help me, Professor.
142
00:17:40,086 --> 00:17:42,163
Not too moral a flat.
143
00:17:43,507 --> 00:17:45,583
But what comfort.
144
00:17:47,010 --> 00:17:50,462
What the hell can he want me for?
145
00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:54,341
Will he let me live here?
What an eccentric.
146
00:17:55,102 --> 00:17:59,930
He could get a pedigreed dog
at the drop of a hat.
147
00:18:00,691 --> 00:18:05,983
And what if I am good-looking?
I must be lucky.
148
00:18:08,451 --> 00:18:11,404
But that owl is trash.
149
00:18:11,954 --> 00:18:13,448
Get dressed.
150
00:18:17,085 --> 00:18:22,791
I swear, Professor, this boy Morits...
He is my only passion.
151
00:18:25,135 --> 00:18:28,301
He cheats at cards. He is notorious
throughout Moscow.
152
00:18:28,596 --> 00:18:31,717
He can't resist a single
disgusting little salesgirl.
153
00:18:32,142 --> 00:18:34,514
But he is so devilishly young!
154
00:18:36,314 --> 00:18:39,314
I will implant the ovaries of
a monkey into your body, madam.
155
00:18:41,735 --> 00:18:46,481
What? Not a monkey, surely,
Professor?
156
00:18:46,950 --> 00:18:48,657
Yes.
157
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,491
When is the operation?
158
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:57,123
...from eville to Granada...
in the still of the night...
159
00:18:57,419 --> 00:19:02,296
Monday. You will go into the clinic in the
morning, my assistant will prepare you.
160
00:19:02,550 --> 00:19:07,011
No, I don't want to go into the hospital.
Can't you do it here, Professor?
161
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:11,261
Impossible. You see, I operate
at home only in extreme cases.
162
00:19:12,103 --> 00:19:15,803
It will be too expensive.
500 roubles.
163
00:19:16,106 --> 00:19:18,229
- That is all right.
- ettled.
164
00:19:18,817 --> 00:19:20,560
Good bye, Professor.
165
00:19:29,329 --> 00:19:31,819
Is there anyone here
besides the tenants?
166
00:19:33,249 --> 00:19:35,871
- No.
- Where is the Professor?
167
00:19:37,003 --> 00:19:39,044
Over there.
168
00:19:51,311 --> 00:19:54,227
- Have you come to see me?
- Don't worry, comrade.
169
00:19:54,648 --> 00:19:58,182
We've come to see you, Professor,
on a matter of business.
170
00:19:58,443 --> 00:20:02,773
You, my good sirs, are most unwise to be going around
without galoshes. In the first place you'll catch cold.
171
00:20:03,073 --> 00:20:08,412
In the second you've left dirty footprints all
over my carpets and all my carpets are Persian.
172
00:20:08,746 --> 00:20:12,790
In the first place, we are not your good sirs.
- In the first place, are you a man or a woman?
173
00:20:14,626 --> 00:20:17,462
- What difference does it make, comrade?
- I am a woman.
174
00:20:17,839 --> 00:20:20,211
In that case you may
keep your cap on.
175
00:20:20,384 --> 00:20:23,717
As for you, dear sir,
be so kind and take yours off.
176
00:20:24,012 --> 00:20:26,847
Don't \x22dear sir\x22 me.
177
00:20:27,181 --> 00:20:31,595
We've come to see you Professor on a matter of business.
- Who are we?
178
00:20:33,522 --> 00:20:36,689
We are the new House Management
Committee of this block.
179
00:20:37,276 --> 00:20:41,440
I am hvonder, her name
is Viazemskaya.
180
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:46,407
Comrade Pestrukhin and
comrade Zharovkin.
181
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:52,911
It was you they settled into Fyodor Pavlovich ablin's flat?
- Us.
182
00:20:54,628 --> 00:21:00,049
Ah, God, this house is finished. What's
going to happen to the steam heating?
183
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:03,713
- Are you making fun of us, Professor?
- Far from it...
184
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:09,096
o, what brings you here?
Be brief, it's my dinner time.
185
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:13,182
We've come to see you Professor
for the following reason.
186
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:18,611
We, the House Committee, have come to see
you after a general meeting of the tenants...
187
00:21:19,155 --> 00:21:23,947
...of this block, at which the question
of the reallocation of living space stood...
188
00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:27,112
Who stood on whom?
189
00:21:27,622 --> 00:21:30,742
Be so good as to express
yourself more clearly.
190
00:21:31,167 --> 00:21:34,418
The question of the reallocation
of living space stood on the agenda.
191
00:21:34,796 --> 00:21:37,750
Do you realize, that
under the regulation...
192
00:21:38,091 --> 00:21:41,626
...of April twelfth 1924...
193
00:21:43,305 --> 00:21:47,635
...my flat is exempt from any and
every reallocation and resettlement?
194
00:21:47,977 --> 00:21:53,730
We know that. But when the general meeting
after due consideration of the question...
195
00:21:54,567 --> 00:21:59,230
...came to the conclusion that, by
and large, you occupy too much space.
196
00:21:59,531 --> 00:22:03,481
- Far too much.
- You live alone in seven rooms!
197
00:22:03,785 --> 00:22:06,989
I live and work in seven rooms.
198
00:22:13,046 --> 00:22:17,339
And I should very much like an eighth.
I need a room for a library.
199
00:22:17,592 --> 00:22:20,842
- An eighth? That's cool.
- Incredible.
200
00:22:21,179 --> 00:22:27,348
Excuse me, Professor, but the general meeting
of the tenants of this block requests you...
201
00:22:27,770 --> 00:22:31,933
...as a matter of labour discipline...
202
00:22:32,691 --> 00:22:34,768
...to give up your dining
room voluntarily.
203
00:22:36,195 --> 00:22:40,109
- No one in Moscow has dining rooms.
- Not even Isadora Duncan.
204
00:22:40,449 --> 00:22:45,955
And also that you should give up the consulting room.
Your study can double perfectly well as a consulting room.
205
00:22:46,331 --> 00:22:48,573
- Quite so.
- Is that right, comrades?
206
00:22:48,874 --> 00:22:51,284
Where am I supposed
to partake of food?
207
00:22:51,671 --> 00:22:54,126
In the bedroom.
208
00:22:55,841 --> 00:23:00,634
I expect that is what
Isadora Duncan does.
209
00:23:01,055 --> 00:23:05,350
Perhaps she dines in her study and
dissects rabbits in her bathroom.
210
00:23:05,727 --> 00:23:09,143
Perhaps. But I am not Isadora Duncan.
211
00:23:10,648 --> 00:23:14,481
I will dine in the dining room and
operate in the operating theatre.
212
00:23:14,778 --> 00:23:18,194
Pray inform the general meeting of this.
And meanwhile kindly allow me...
213
00:23:18,365 --> 00:23:21,900
...to take supper where
all normal people do so.
214
00:23:22,703 --> 00:23:25,620
And not in the hall and
not in the nursery!
215
00:23:29,836 --> 00:23:34,083
In that case, Professor,
in view of your stubborn resistance...
216
00:23:36,259 --> 00:23:39,130
...we shall complain about you
to higher authorities.
217
00:23:39,638 --> 00:23:42,556
Just a moment. Please, wait a minute.
218
00:23:48,731 --> 00:23:53,310
Put me through to Pyotr Alexandrovitch.
Professor Preobrazhensky.
219
00:23:53,695 --> 00:23:58,819
Pyotr Alexandrovitch? I am glad I was
able to reach you. Thank you, I am well.
220
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,534
Pyotr Alexandrovitch,
your operation is cancelled.
221
00:24:03,038 --> 00:24:05,327
And so are all my other operations.
222
00:24:05,666 --> 00:24:08,702
I am giving up my practice in Moscow
and in Russia in general.
223
00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:14,414
Four people have just come in to see me.
One of whom is a woman dressed as a man.
224
00:24:14,967 --> 00:24:20,259
Two men are armed with revolvers.
They are terrorizing me!
225
00:24:21,057 --> 00:24:23,216
Pardon... Professor...
226
00:24:23,601 --> 00:24:26,436
I cannot work under such conditions
and have no right to.
227
00:24:26,729 --> 00:24:32,567
o I shall cease my activities,
lock up my flat, and go to ochi.
228
00:24:33,112 --> 00:24:36,563
I can leave the keys with hvonder.
Let him operate.
229
00:24:37,533 --> 00:24:39,609
But on one condition.
230
00:24:40,285 --> 00:24:44,451
I don't care who, where or what,
231
00:24:45,125 --> 00:24:49,870
...provided it's the sort of paper
that would keep hvonder...
232
00:24:50,755 --> 00:24:55,881
...or whoever from even approaching
the door of my apartment!
233
00:24:56,553 --> 00:24:59,888
The ultimate in certificates.
Factual!
234
00:25:00,391 --> 00:25:02,799
Real! A true protection!
235
00:25:04,354 --> 00:25:08,268
I don't want my name even mentioned!
As far as they are concerned, I am dead.
236
00:25:08,900 --> 00:25:12,068
Hand the receiver to hvonder.
237
00:25:13,614 --> 00:25:16,365
Would you mind, you're wanted
on the telephone.
238
00:25:20,621 --> 00:25:23,991
Hello. Yes... I'm hvonder, the chairman
of the House Management Committee.
239
00:25:33,343 --> 00:25:38,503
Yes. We were only acting according
to the regulations... I understand.
240
00:25:40,684 --> 00:25:43,140
The Professor has quite
exceptional privileges anyway.
241
00:25:43,604 --> 00:25:45,762
We know about his work.
242
00:25:46,274 --> 00:25:49,393
We were going to leave him
no less than five rooms...
243
00:26:01,957 --> 00:26:05,160
This is a disgrace.
244
00:26:11,508 --> 00:26:14,593
If there were a discussion now I would
prove to this Pyotr Alexandrovitch...
245
00:26:14,887 --> 00:26:18,802
Pardon me, do you wish to open
a discussion right now?
246
00:26:19,100 --> 00:26:21,722
I can understand your irony,
Professor.
247
00:26:22,020 --> 00:26:26,563
We will leave now. till, as chairman of
the cultural department of this house I...
248
00:26:26,817 --> 00:26:28,975
- Chairwoman.
- Chairwoman.
249
00:26:29,736 --> 00:26:34,980
...I suggest that you buy some of these magazines
sold for the benefit of the children of Germany.
250
00:26:35,326 --> 00:26:38,612
- Fifty kopecks a copy.
- No. I will not.
251
00:26:38,955 --> 00:26:43,249
- But why not?
- I don't want to.
252
00:26:44,670 --> 00:26:49,794
You have no sympathy for the children of Germany?
- I do have sympathy.
253
00:26:50,425 --> 00:26:53,047
- You grudge fifty kopecks?
- No.
254
00:26:53,762 --> 00:26:56,965
- Why then?
- I don't want them.
255
00:26:58,810 --> 00:27:04,350
You know, Professor, if you were not
a luminary known throughout Europe...
256
00:27:04,649 --> 00:27:07,686
...if you hadn't been interceded for by
certain people in the most disgraceful way...
257
00:27:08,111 --> 00:27:11,645
...you should be arrested.
- What for?
258
00:27:12,407 --> 00:27:18,411
- You don't like the proletariat.
- No, I don't like the proletariat.
259
00:27:19,415 --> 00:27:23,911
Zina, dear, do please, serve the supper.
With your permission, ladies and gentlemen?
260
00:27:36,933 --> 00:27:41,228
Doctor Bormenthal, pray, leave
the caviar alone, will you.
261
00:27:42,231 --> 00:27:46,099
I'd like to give you a piece of sound
advice, pour yourself some Russian vodka...
262
00:27:46,444 --> 00:27:50,311
...instead of the English vodka.
- With the blessing of the state?
263
00:27:50,614 --> 00:27:55,076
How could you, my dear fellow.
Darya Petrovna prepares excellent homemade vodka herself.
264
00:27:55,495 --> 00:27:57,453
I wouldn't say that,
Philip Philipovich...
265
00:27:57,665 --> 00:28:00,831
...everybody says that the new vodka
is quite good, 30 proof.
266
00:28:01,084 --> 00:28:04,168
Vodka should be at least 40 proof,
not 30, that's number one.
267
00:28:04,504 --> 00:28:07,078
And number two, one can never tell
what muck they put into it nowadays.
268
00:28:07,299 --> 00:28:10,301
- Can you tell me what may occur to them?
- Anything.
269
00:28:12,847 --> 00:28:14,590
That's just what I think.
270
00:28:18,561 --> 00:28:22,181
And now, Ivan Arnoldovitch,
gulp this little bit at once.
271
00:28:26,278 --> 00:28:30,407
And if you tell me you don't like it,
you are my sworn enemy for life.
272
00:28:40,668 --> 00:28:43,954
You don't like it? You don't?
273
00:28:44,881 --> 00:28:46,921
Answer me, dear Doctor.
274
00:28:47,968 --> 00:28:51,337
It's excellent.
- I should think so. Mind you, Ivan Arnoldovitch, that the only people,
275
00:28:51,846 --> 00:28:57,637
...who take vodka with cold collations and soup are a few remaining
landlords whom the bolshevicks didn't have time to murder.
276
00:28:57,979 --> 00:29:03,222
Anybody with a spark of self-respect
takes his hors d'oeuvres hot.
277
00:29:03,818 --> 00:29:07,733
And of all the hot hors d'oeuvres
in Moscow, this is the best one.
278
00:29:08,698 --> 00:29:14,819
Once they used to do them magnificently
in \x22laviansky Bazar\x22.
279
00:29:17,959 --> 00:29:19,239
There, take it.
280
00:29:23,547 --> 00:29:27,498
If you feed a dog at table, afterward you
won't get him out of here for love or money.
281
00:29:28,137 --> 00:29:31,302
I don't mind.
The poor thing's starved.
282
00:29:33,350 --> 00:29:38,974
Food, Ivan Arnoldovich, is a subtle
thing. One must know how to eat.
283
00:29:39,898 --> 00:29:44,192
And yet just think of it that most people
don't know how to eat at all.
284
00:29:44,570 --> 00:29:51,867
One must not only know what to eat, but
when and how, and what to say while eating.
285
00:29:52,370 --> 00:29:57,116
If you care about your digestion,
my advice is:
286
00:29:57,417 --> 00:30:02,957
...don't talk about Bolshevism
or medicine at table.
287
00:30:03,257 --> 00:30:07,420
And, God forbid - never read oviet
newspapers before dinner.
288
00:30:08,470 --> 00:30:12,220
- But there are no other newspapers.
- o don't read any at all.
289
00:30:13,017 --> 00:30:17,062
I once made thirty tests in my clinic.
And guess what?
290
00:30:17,522 --> 00:30:22,184
Those of my patients whom
I forced to read \x22Pravda\x22...
291
00:30:22,695 --> 00:30:24,771
...lost weight.
292
00:30:26,198 --> 00:30:29,200
And to top it off they had retarded
knee reflexes, lost appetite...
293
00:30:29,535 --> 00:30:32,985
...and exhibited symptoms
of general depression. Yes.
294
00:30:34,540 --> 00:30:42,500
The difficult years of fighting
295
00:30:43,634 --> 00:30:50,764
for the liberty of this
country are gone.
296
00:30:52,768 --> 00:31:00,978
The ones that follow them
297
00:31:02,570 --> 00:31:10,282
are also difficult.
298
00:31:11,996 --> 00:31:14,120
Zina, my dear, what's that noise?
299
00:31:15,084 --> 00:31:18,168
- They're having another general meeting.
- What, again?
300
00:31:18,671 --> 00:31:22,752
Oh well, so it's started. This is the end of this house.
Mow they'll get things rolling.
301
00:31:23,050 --> 00:31:25,755
First of all, there'll be community singing every evening,
then the pipes will freeze in the lavatories...
302
00:31:26,054 --> 00:31:28,627
...then the steam-heating pipes
will blow up, and so on.
303
00:31:28,973 --> 00:31:31,643
You paint too grim a picture,
Philip Philipovich.
304
00:31:31,893 --> 00:31:33,685
They're very different now.
305
00:31:33,937 --> 00:31:37,388
And I won't mention the boiler,
my dear...
306
00:31:38,275 --> 00:31:42,107
Let them! When there's a social revolution
going on, one does without central heating.
307
00:31:42,529 --> 00:31:46,658
But I ask you, why all this,
when did it all start...
308
00:31:47,034 --> 00:31:52,575
...Why is everybody marching up and down the
marble staircase in dirty galoshes and felt boots?
309
00:31:53,041 --> 00:31:55,199
Just listen to that!
310
00:31:55,753 --> 00:32:00,248
Why must we still keep galoshes
under lock and key...
311
00:32:00,507 --> 00:32:03,877
...and put a soldier on guard over them
to prevent them from being stolen?
312
00:32:04,178 --> 00:32:09,517
He could well be making money speaking
at meetings. A First rate speaker.
313
00:32:09,808 --> 00:32:12,478
Why was the carpet removed
from the main staircase?
314
00:32:16,441 --> 00:32:22,776
Is it that Karl Marx forbids people
to cover staircases with carpets?
315
00:32:23,657 --> 00:32:29,328
Did Karl Marx write somewhere, that the front door
Number Two of the house on Prechistenka treet...
316
00:32:29,622 --> 00:32:35,327
...should be boarded up, so that people have
to go around and come in by the back door?
317
00:32:37,464 --> 00:32:41,212
What good does it do to anybody?
Why can't the proletariat leave...
318
00:32:41,551 --> 00:32:45,798
...his dirty galoshes downstairs
instead of dirtying the marble?
319
00:32:46,515 --> 00:32:49,682
- But the proletarians don't have any galoshes at all, Philip Philipovich.
- Nothing of the sort.
320
00:32:51,604 --> 00:32:55,222
They do have galoshes now
and those galoshes are mine!
321
00:32:56,108 --> 00:32:59,976
The very same galoshes
that disappeared in 1918.
322
00:33:00,279 --> 00:33:02,651
o the question is who pinched
them? Me? Impossible.
323
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:07,280
ablin the bourgeois? Polozov,
the sugar manufacturer? On no account.
324
00:33:07,621 --> 00:33:11,156
It was done by those
songbirds up there.
325
00:33:11,750 --> 00:33:15,000
Bu if only they would take them off
when they go upstairs.
326
00:33:15,713 --> 00:33:18,630
Why on earth did they have to remove
flowers from the landings?
327
00:33:19,175 --> 00:33:24,715
Why does the electricity, which if I remember right
only failed twice in the past twenty years...
328
00:33:24,931 --> 00:33:27,885
...now go out regularly twice a day?
329
00:33:28,184 --> 00:33:32,348
It's Disruption, Philip Philipovich.
- And what does this \x22disruption\x22 of yours mean?
330
00:33:32,898 --> 00:33:34,973
An old woman with a broomstick?
331
00:33:35,316 --> 00:33:39,481
A witch who smashed all the windows
and put out all the lights?
332
00:33:41,199 --> 00:33:46,870
No such thing. What do you
mean by that word?
333
00:33:51,126 --> 00:33:56,286
I'll tell you what it is: If instead of operating
every evening I were to start singing in chorus...
334
00:33:58,050 --> 00:34:01,584
...in my apartment,
I would get Disruption.
335
00:34:02,763 --> 00:34:07,721
If when I go to the lavatory I don't pee, if you'll excuse
the expression, into the bowl but on the floor instead...
336
00:34:08,060 --> 00:34:12,972
...and if Zina and Darya Petrovna do the same,
there would be Disruption in he lavatory.
337
00:34:13,441 --> 00:34:16,857
Disruption, therefore, does not happen
in lavatories, but in people's heads.
338
00:34:17,863 --> 00:34:22,987
o when those baritones start
howling \x22Away with Disruption\x22.
339
00:34:23,368 --> 00:34:25,906
Really, I laugh.
340
00:34:26,496 --> 00:34:30,958
It means that every one of them should
hit himself on the back of the head!
341
00:34:31,419 --> 00:34:34,953
And then when he has knocked
all the hallucinations out...
342
00:34:35,339 --> 00:34:39,124
...and gets down to cleaning out the barns -
which is his job in the first place...
343
00:34:39,552 --> 00:34:41,878
...all this Disruption will
disappear of its own accord.
344
00:34:43,557 --> 00:34:50,355
You can't serve two gods,
dear doctor.
345
00:34:51,357 --> 00:34:56,648
You can't sweep the dirt out of the
streetcar tracks and settle the fate...
346
00:34:57,780 --> 00:35:01,197
...of some foreign beggars
at the same time.
347
00:35:02,201 --> 00:35:04,740
You sound like a counterrevolutionary,
Philip Philipovich.
348
00:35:05,121 --> 00:35:07,612
Nothing dangerous. Nothing
counterrevolutionary.
349
00:35:08,166 --> 00:35:12,959
Incidentally, that's another word
I simply can't stand.
350
00:35:13,255 --> 00:35:16,588
What the devil is it supposed
to mean, anyway? Nobody knows.
351
00:35:17,051 --> 00:35:19,968
o, there's nothing counterrevolutionary
in what I am saying.
352
00:35:20,554 --> 00:35:23,840
It's full of sound sense
and a lifetime of experience.
353
00:35:26,144 --> 00:35:30,437
Merci. Do you need me this evening,
Philip Philipovich?
354
00:35:30,774 --> 00:35:34,689
No, thank you. We won't
do anything today.
355
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:41,320
For one thing, the rabbit is dead,
and for another there's \x22Aida\x22 at the Bolshoi tonight.
356
00:35:41,743 --> 00:35:44,235
It's a long time since I heard it.
Do you remember that duo?
357
00:35:46,708 --> 00:35:50,243
- I'll go in time for the second act.
- How do you find time for everything, Philip Philipovich?
358
00:35:50,502 --> 00:35:53,838
One can find time for everything
if one is never in a hurry.
359
00:35:54,340 --> 00:35:57,258
I believe in the division
of labour, Doctor.
360
00:35:57,678 --> 00:36:03,183
Let them at the Bolshoi sing and I shall operate.
And that's right. And there'd be no Disruption.
361
00:36:03,517 --> 00:36:06,352
Is you flank going to heal soon?
362
00:36:07,314 --> 00:36:12,105
And there's something else, Ivan Arnoldovich,
be on the lookout, as soon as there is a suitable corpse...
363
00:36:12,568 --> 00:36:15,487
...take it straight from the table,
place it into the nutritional fluid and bring it to me.
364
00:36:15,739 --> 00:36:19,273
Don't worry, Philip Philipovich,
the pathologists have promised me.
365
00:36:19,743 --> 00:36:23,871
Professor, it will be an experiment
unparalleled in the world.
366
00:36:25,124 --> 00:36:31,245
No doubt. Meanwhile, we'll examine
this neurotic street Arab of ours.
367
00:36:32,923 --> 00:36:35,593
oon we'll need you.
368
00:39:26,317 --> 00:39:28,144
I am handsome.
369
00:39:29,445 --> 00:39:33,526
Perhaps I'm a dog prince,
living incognito.
370
00:39:35,536 --> 00:39:39,118
I wouldn't be surprised if my grandmother
had had an affair with a Labrador.
371
00:39:40,333 --> 00:39:44,829
That explains the white patch on my snout.
I wonder how it got there?
372
00:39:58,227 --> 00:40:01,596
...from eville to Granada...
373
00:40:03,900 --> 00:40:07,945
in the still of the night...
374
00:40:09,364 --> 00:40:12,899
You can here the serenada...
375
00:40:26,923 --> 00:40:31,586
Oh you are like a devil! top it!
Zina may be back any minute.
376
00:40:32,638 --> 00:40:35,593
What's the matter with you -
have you been rejuvenated too?
377
00:40:35,892 --> 00:40:40,851
I don't need rejuvenating!
You're so passionate!
378
00:40:43,107 --> 00:40:45,350
Get out, get out!
379
00:40:45,694 --> 00:40:48,945
hameless bastard! I'll hit you
with a log, don't you spy on us!
380
00:40:52,326 --> 00:40:55,326
I didn't clear it up on purpose so
that you could take a good look.
381
00:40:57,039 --> 00:41:01,369
You should rub his nose in the owl,
so that he learns not to spoil things.
382
00:41:07,134 --> 00:41:11,595
Why did you ruin the owl, you little
bastard? Was the owl doing you any harm?
383
00:41:11,847 --> 00:41:16,593
Was it, now? Why did you smash
the portrait of Professor Mechnikov?
384
00:41:16,852 --> 00:41:19,936
He needs at least one good hiding, Philip Philipovich,
or he'll become completely spoiled.
385
00:41:20,147 --> 00:41:23,065
Just look what he's done to your
galoshes, Philip Philipovich.
386
00:41:23,234 --> 00:41:26,151
Nobody must be beaten. Never.
Remember that once and for all.
387
00:41:26,613 --> 00:41:30,231
Animals and humans can only
be dealt with by persuasion.
388
00:41:31,117 --> 00:41:32,862
Have you given him his meat today?
389
00:41:33,162 --> 00:41:36,447
Lord, he's eaten everything there's in the
house. I'm surprised he doesn't burst.
390
00:41:36,749 --> 00:41:39,157
Let him eat. It's good for him.
391
00:41:39,584 --> 00:41:43,120
Did Doctor Bormenthal call? No murders today?
- No.
392
00:41:45,049 --> 00:41:50,885
end the owl to the taxidermist today.
Now then, here's eight roubles,
393
00:41:52,557 --> 00:41:55,677
...and another sixteen kopecks
for the carfare.
394
00:41:56,937 --> 00:42:01,101
Go over to Myur's and
buy a good collar.
395
00:42:03,944 --> 00:42:09,698
What harm did professor Mechnikov
do to you? Little hoodlum.
396
00:42:23,674 --> 00:42:25,049
Good boy.
397
00:42:28,679 --> 00:42:31,431
There's a good dog.
398
00:42:36,020 --> 00:42:39,390
Where are you going? Come to me.
399
00:42:39,733 --> 00:42:44,111
Where are you going? Come to me.
Come, come.
400
00:42:50,035 --> 00:42:53,156
A collar's just like a briefcase.
401
00:42:53,664 --> 00:42:56,784
I have won the main dog's prize.
402
00:42:57,418 --> 00:43:02,875
A knife wound in the heart? Excellent.
Bring it round at once, at once.
403
00:43:07,720 --> 00:43:12,265
Zina! Tell Darya Petrovna to answer
telephone calls and take notes. No visitors.
404
00:43:13,769 --> 00:43:15,726
Get dressed, I need you here.
405
00:43:25,491 --> 00:43:32,372
The dead man - Klim Grigorievich CHUGUNKIN,
25 years old, single, not a party member, sympathiser.
406
00:43:32,706 --> 00:43:38,495
Brought before court three times and found not
guilty the first time for lack of evidence...
407
00:43:38,922 --> 00:43:45,042
...the second time he was saved by his social origins, the
third time given a suspended sentence of 15 years hard labour.
408
00:43:46,929 --> 00:43:50,797
Thefts. Profession: Plays
the balalaika in pubs.
409
00:43:51,227 --> 00:43:53,433
Enlarged liver (alcohol).
410
00:43:54,354 --> 00:43:58,566
Cause of death: struck in the heart
with a knife in a pub.
411
00:43:59,776 --> 00:44:03,359
Quiet, come, come with me.
412
00:44:07,618 --> 00:44:10,905
Come on, harik? harik.
413
00:44:11,831 --> 00:44:13,741
Come here, don't be afraid.
414
00:44:18,338 --> 00:44:21,423
Zina, take off the collar,
only don't excite him.
415
00:44:25,138 --> 00:44:27,260
Doctor, the ether, quick.
416
00:45:07,099 --> 00:45:09,424
May I leave now, Philip Philipovich?
417
00:45:10,270 --> 00:45:11,727
You may.
418
00:45:17,610 --> 00:45:22,521
Well, doctor. All in all we have
nine and a half minutes.
419
00:45:25,827 --> 00:45:27,369
God help us. The knife.
420
00:45:49,352 --> 00:45:50,894
cissors.
421
00:46:06,412 --> 00:46:08,037
Give me the glands.
422
00:46:26,184 --> 00:46:28,888
Put in the stitches, doctor,
sew the skin this instant.
423
00:46:36,944 --> 00:46:39,483
No one in Europe could equal
you, by God, Professor.
424
00:46:39,865 --> 00:46:42,652
Cut it out. Turn him over.
425
00:46:55,298 --> 00:46:56,923
Quicker.
426
00:47:00,679 --> 00:47:02,054
Trepan.
427
00:47:13,651 --> 00:47:16,320
- The pulse is dropping.
- Injection.
428
00:47:22,410 --> 00:47:24,984
- Into the heart?
- Why ask?
429
00:47:25,706 --> 00:47:28,493
He would have been dead five times
on your hands. Make the injection.
430
00:47:33,379 --> 00:47:37,081
- He is alive, but only just.
- top musing: alive, not alive.
431
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:42,222
Give me the pituitary.
432
00:48:16,342 --> 00:48:18,169
10 minutes.
433
00:48:18,886 --> 00:48:20,714
He is dead of course?
434
00:48:21,223 --> 00:48:24,141
- A thread of a pulse.
- titch him up.
435
00:48:25,728 --> 00:48:30,224
Zina, I want clean
clothes and a bath.
436
00:48:35,739 --> 00:48:38,858
I'll be damned! Just look at him,
he is not dead yet.
437
00:48:39,283 --> 00:48:41,360
All the same he'll die.
438
00:48:43,079 --> 00:48:47,078
I feel sorry for the dog, he was good and
affectionate although he had his little ways.
439
00:48:51,631 --> 00:48:55,416
And so, Timofeeva, you want
to christen your twins?
440
00:48:55,718 --> 00:48:58,007
I want to name them.
441
00:48:59,013 --> 00:49:02,513
That's right, I propose
the following names:
442
00:49:03,434 --> 00:49:07,599
Barricade, Bebelina, Festelina...
443
00:49:08,106 --> 00:49:10,859
No, no, no. No.
444
00:49:11,402 --> 00:49:16,479
Let's give them simple names:
Clara and Rose.
445
00:49:17,616 --> 00:49:22,743
In honour of Clara Zetkin
and Rose Luxembourg, comrades.
446
00:49:23,707 --> 00:49:30,041
The red thunderstorms are past
447
00:49:31,339 --> 00:49:38,754
We have won a victory.
448
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:47,851
Mop up the tears shed in battle
449
00:49:49,359 --> 00:49:57,534
With your sleeve.
450
00:50:01,373 --> 00:50:03,199
Meet my colleagues.
451
00:50:03,750 --> 00:50:07,119
Vasily Vasilievitch Bundarev,
Professor specializing in skin diseases.
452
00:50:07,378 --> 00:50:10,794
Nikolai Nikolaevitch Persikov,
453
00:50:10,966 --> 00:50:13,457
...director of the Moscow Exemplary Veterinarian Institute...
- How do you do.
454
00:50:13,635 --> 00:50:15,130
This way, please.
455
00:50:19,307 --> 00:50:20,850
You may begin, Doctor.
456
00:50:21,351 --> 00:50:24,139
I am at a loss. By God,
it's unbelievable.
457
00:50:24,522 --> 00:50:26,265
tart reading.
458
00:50:27,149 --> 00:50:31,444
On December the 23rd Prof. Preobrazhensky
commenced the first operation of its kind...
459
00:50:31,655 --> 00:50:34,229
...to be performed in Europe.
460
00:50:34,657 --> 00:50:39,201
Under chloroformic anaesthesia the dog's
testicles and pituitary gland were removed...
461
00:50:39,538 --> 00:50:44,662
..and replaced by implanted human testes
and pituitary taken from a dead male.
462
00:50:45,043 --> 00:50:48,875
Purpose of the operation: conduct
an experiment to find out...
463
00:50:49,214 --> 00:50:53,924
...about the functional viability of the pituitary
in a host organism and its role in rejuvenation.
464
00:50:54,220 --> 00:50:58,598
Operation performed by: Prof. P.P. Preobrazhensky,
Assisted by: Dr. I.A. Bormenthal.
465
00:50:59,100 --> 00:51:03,680
- Very interesting. And the outcome?
- Yes, what are the results?
466
00:51:03,981 --> 00:51:06,472
The results are amazing.
467
00:51:06,900 --> 00:51:10,899
There has been malting of hair on the
forehead and along the sides of the torso.
468
00:51:11,155 --> 00:51:17,241
The bark instead of 'aow-aow' now sounds more like a grown
reminiscent of the sounds \x22ah\x22 and \x22uh\x22.
469
00:51:17,495 --> 00:51:23,700
But the most important point is the lengthening of the
extremities and the replacement of claws with nails.
470
00:51:31,677 --> 00:51:33,634
This way. Doctor.
471
00:51:35,140 --> 00:51:36,550
Gentlemen.
472
00:51:54,076 --> 00:51:55,535
Very strange.
473
00:51:56,162 --> 00:51:59,116
These symptoms appeared on the fourth
day following the operation.
474
00:52:02,334 --> 00:52:07,081
- The nails grow at an incredible pace.
- I've been watching it for two days now.
475
00:52:07,381 --> 00:52:11,925
Congratulations, colleague. Wells'
characters are nothing compared to you.
476
00:52:12,596 --> 00:52:16,842
Well, I thought it was all rubbish.
- What use talking about Wells and minor matters.
477
00:52:17,184 --> 00:52:22,640
Colleague, what you did was unheard of.
It's a revolution in medicine. A triumph!
478
00:52:23,107 --> 00:52:27,685
I am very glad. But still, colleagues:
what is the diagnosis?
479
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:32,615
uch cases are not described in literature.
- I am at a loss.
480
00:52:33,243 --> 00:52:37,704
No one has observed anything
like that. Let us keep watching.
481
00:52:38,373 --> 00:52:40,165
Give him some herring.
482
00:52:42,587 --> 00:52:45,256
A change in taste occurred yesterday.
483
00:53:06,153 --> 00:53:08,560
People are saying Martians
live here now.
484
00:53:10,032 --> 00:53:15,323
To hell with Maritans. Look, here it is in black
and white in the paper of January the 7th:
485
00:53:16,164 --> 00:53:20,791
...rumours about Martians in Obukhov alley
are spread by traders in ukharevka...
486
00:53:21,210 --> 00:53:25,956
...they will be severely punished. Is that clear?
- o what the hell are you doing here?
487
00:53:30,387 --> 00:53:32,296
God knows.
488
00:53:41,148 --> 00:53:46,605
When I get my manuscript published I'll stress,
that I couldn't have managed without you.
489
00:53:47,113 --> 00:53:49,866
That doesn't matter.
All the same, thank you.
490
00:53:51,910 --> 00:53:53,488
Catch him!
491
00:53:57,916 --> 00:54:00,324
Professor, he stood up!
492
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:05,130
Just notice how quickly he is gaining weight.
- 25 kilos.
493
00:54:05,425 --> 00:54:08,840
He is eating twice the amount he ate before.
- witch the phonograph on.
494
00:54:13,809 --> 00:54:15,601
That's phenomenal.
495
00:54:18,022 --> 00:54:21,770
- Perhaps, he is hungry?
- Bring something, please.
496
00:54:24,612 --> 00:54:27,529
Professor, we are witnessing
a miracle.
497
00:54:28,533 --> 00:54:31,487
Do you know what \x22abyrvalg\x22 is?
498
00:54:33,330 --> 00:54:39,949
It's... GLAVRYBA, fishery, colleague,
spelled in reverse order.
499
00:54:41,171 --> 00:54:42,795
It's GLAVRYBA.
500
00:54:57,314 --> 00:54:59,721
Doctor, ammonium chloride.
501
00:55:01,693 --> 00:55:04,149
Professor, his tail fell off.
502
00:55:06,114 --> 00:55:09,567
Humanity is likely to remember
for a long time this inheritance...
503
00:55:09,911 --> 00:55:13,244
..left by the time of
military communism.
504
00:55:13,539 --> 00:55:18,285
Let these glands living a life of their
own be turned into special machines...
505
00:55:18,544 --> 00:55:22,672
...special factories for rejuvenating
and improving living humans!
506
00:55:28,972 --> 00:55:31,808
Me too, I read Brokgauz and Efron.
I read two volumes.
507
00:55:32,351 --> 00:55:34,557
You read and read, the words
are not difficult.
508
00:55:34,811 --> 00:55:38,228
Mechislav, Boguslav and I'll be damned
if I can remember who is who.
509
00:55:39,066 --> 00:55:41,438
Once you close the book,
nothing is left!
510
00:55:42,444 --> 00:55:46,490
I do remember one name - Mandrian.
511
00:55:46,700 --> 00:55:49,701
What sort of Mandrian?
There is no Mandrian in the book.
512
00:55:50,579 --> 00:55:55,325
There on the left page were two Bronetskis.
One was mister Adrian, the other Marian.
513
00:55:55,710 --> 00:55:58,035
And I have Mandrian.
514
00:56:00,381 --> 00:56:02,670
And I have Mandrian.
515
00:56:05,345 --> 00:56:09,638
No, no, no. There'll be
no reception today. I can't.
516
00:56:10,058 --> 00:56:14,886
God knows what, 82 phone calls.
Everybody's crazy!
517
00:56:15,439 --> 00:56:17,645
Ivan Arnoldovitch, please.
518
00:56:22,487 --> 00:56:26,949
Excuse me, I am a newspaper reporter.
Thank you.
519
00:56:27,452 --> 00:56:30,903
Excuse me, Doctor...
- I am sorry, but there'll be no reception today.
520
00:56:31,206 --> 00:56:34,206
Professor...
- Professor will inform every one of the time of the appointment.
521
00:56:34,459 --> 00:56:38,160
I am sorry, it absolutely impossible to do
anything today, I am sorry, very sorry.
522
00:56:39,422 --> 00:56:42,673
Kerosene stove. American recognition.
523
00:56:43,427 --> 00:56:46,215
Moscow tate Clothing tores.
Kerosene stove.
524
00:56:46,972 --> 00:56:49,379
Pub. A couple more.
525
00:56:49,851 --> 00:56:53,350
Pub. A couple more.
526
00:56:55,481 --> 00:56:58,518
Pub. A couple more.
527
00:56:59,819 --> 00:57:02,572
Pub. A couple more.
528
00:57:03,157 --> 00:57:07,699
Moscow tate Clothing tores, Moscow tate
Clothing tores. Pub. A couple more.
529
00:57:08,704 --> 00:57:11,112
Bourgeois, bourgeois.
530
00:57:12,291 --> 00:57:17,119
top pushing, bugger. Get off the bus.
You son of a bitch.
531
00:57:17,379 --> 00:57:18,578
top it.
532
00:57:18,756 --> 00:57:21,248
Kerosene stove. American recognition.
533
00:57:21,801 --> 00:57:25,005
Moscow tate Clothing tores, Moscow tate Clothing tores,
Moscow tate Clothing tores.
534
00:57:25,347 --> 00:57:27,423
Kerosene stove. Pub.
535
00:57:27,766 --> 00:57:30,008
I must acknowledge my mistake.
536
00:57:30,436 --> 00:57:35,810
Transplantation of the pituitary induces
not rejuvenation but total humanization.
537
00:57:36,109 --> 00:57:41,067
This does not, however, lessen the value
of you stupendous fantastic discovery.
538
00:57:41,406 --> 00:57:44,323
Moscow tate Clothing tores.
You son of a bitch.
539
00:57:45,493 --> 00:57:47,153
Moscow tate Clothing tores.
540
00:57:47,495 --> 00:57:51,447
Moscow tate Clothing tores... Yes, yes,
Doctor, dear, Moscow tate Clothing tores.
541
00:57:52,292 --> 00:57:53,668
Kerosene stove.
542
00:57:54,337 --> 00:57:58,334
Ivan Arnoldovich, please do go
and buy him a jacket and pants.
543
00:57:58,883 --> 00:58:01,254
An amazing phenomenon.
544
00:58:01,969 --> 00:58:08,554
\x22Recently a baby was born in Obukhov
Alley who plays the violin\x22
545
00:58:10,604 --> 00:58:15,599
\x22It was only thanks to the achievements of
contemporary medicine that it could be born. \x22
546
00:58:17,069 --> 00:58:23,024
\x22The photo shows Prof. P.P. Preobrazhensky,
who performed the Kaesarian section on the mother. \x22
547
00:58:23,284 --> 00:58:26,071
- Caesarean.
- Let it be Caesarean.
548
00:58:27,539 --> 00:58:31,453
- But it's doctor Bormenthal.
- Let me see.
549
00:58:36,465 --> 00:58:44,010
Take my word for it, on May the 4th 1925
the world will crash into a heavenly axis.
550
00:58:44,348 --> 00:58:47,467
- That's true, I tell you. That's true.
- My Goodness.
551
00:58:53,774 --> 00:58:55,435
Catch him.
552
00:59:00,491 --> 00:59:01,770
Damn you.
553
00:59:07,415 --> 00:59:09,407
- Put on the pants.
- Just a minute.
554
00:59:10,042 --> 00:59:12,664
Queue up, bastards, queue up!
555
00:59:13,420 --> 00:59:15,710
- Give him some herring.
- Queue up!
556
00:59:24,641 --> 00:59:28,140
Give a cigarette, you
have got striped pants.
557
00:59:30,564 --> 00:59:32,106
Don't spit on the floor.
558
00:59:33,317 --> 00:59:35,356
Get lost, louse.
559
00:59:36,821 --> 00:59:40,522
If ever again you let yourself
insult me or the Doctor...
560
00:59:41,785 --> 00:59:43,908
...you'll be punished.
561
00:59:50,085 --> 00:59:54,296
He understands, Philip
Philipovich, he understands.
562
00:59:57,426 --> 01:00:00,298
Every day his brain becomes
more and more awake.
563
01:00:00,596 --> 01:00:05,343
Professor, harik will develop into a
very intellectually advanced personality.
564
01:00:06,103 --> 01:00:08,260
You think so?
565
01:00:10,398 --> 01:00:13,436
Are you OK, Philip Philipovich?
566
01:00:15,404 --> 01:00:19,567
We have created such mess
with this pituitary...
567
01:00:21,243 --> 01:00:23,532
...that the flat has become
uninhabitable.
568
01:00:23,788 --> 01:00:26,706
Ivan Arnoldovich, dear...
569
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:30,748
...please move in with me for the time
being, otherwise I can't handle him.
570
01:00:44,060 --> 01:00:45,767
Come on, comrades.
571
01:01:58,180 --> 01:02:01,135
Professor Preobrazhensky's
marvellous experiment...
572
01:02:01,434 --> 01:02:04,602
...has unveiled one of the mysteries
of the human brain.
573
01:02:05,272 --> 01:02:10,183
The mysterious function of the pituitary
has now been clarified!
574
01:02:17,701 --> 01:02:20,406
It determines human appearance.
575
01:02:20,872 --> 01:02:26,115
A new field has been opened up to science, without the aid
of any Faustian retorts a homunculus has been created.
576
01:02:27,504 --> 01:02:32,665
The surgeon's scalpel has brought
to life a new human being.
577
01:02:37,097 --> 01:02:39,671
Prof. Preobrazhensky -
you are a creator!
578
01:02:43,103 --> 01:02:49,522
Physically, he is a complete human
being, weight about 108 Ibs.
579
01:02:50,528 --> 01:02:52,521
Below medium height.
580
01:02:53,782 --> 01:02:56,569
Eats human food, has started smoking.
581
01:02:57,328 --> 01:03:00,244
Plays musical instruments.
582
01:03:05,461 --> 01:03:06,872
Here you are.
583
01:04:19,791 --> 01:04:21,997
Philip Philipovich, that's enough,
isn't it.
584
01:04:23,879 --> 01:04:27,294
Eh, talk Moscow, speak Russia
585
01:04:28,133 --> 01:04:30,920
Oh, my tasty apple
586
01:04:31,345 --> 01:04:34,299
Here comes a girl with
the white skin.
587
01:04:34,597 --> 01:04:37,884
With the white skin
in a precious fur-coat
588
01:04:38,184 --> 01:04:41,435
Give us something and
you'll remain intact.
589
01:04:41,772 --> 01:04:44,809
Oh my tasty apple
590
01:04:45,110 --> 01:04:48,146
Come here, bourgeois,
I'll pluck your eye out.
591
01:04:48,488 --> 01:04:51,406
I'll pluck one eye out
but the other will remain
592
01:04:51,700 --> 01:04:55,318
For you, bastard, to see,
before whom to bow.
593
01:04:57,820 --> 01:05:01,024
- Philip Philipovich, are you OK?
- Philip Philipovich! Professor!
594
01:05:01,366 --> 01:05:03,074
What a misfortune.
595
01:05:03,868 --> 01:05:06,574
Pulse. Pulse, check the pulse.
Ammonium chloride.
596
01:05:06,871 --> 01:05:09,789
Open the windows, open the windows!
597
01:05:11,753 --> 01:05:14,160
Is he still dancing?
598
01:05:16,924 --> 01:05:18,466
He is.
599
01:08:36,464 --> 01:08:39,833
\x22There's no doubt that it is
his illegitimate...
600
01:08:40,177 --> 01:08:43,877
...(as they used to say in rotten
bourgeois society) son.
601
01:08:46,351 --> 01:08:50,432
That's how the pseudo-learned members
of our bourgeoisie prefer to have fun.
602
01:08:50,731 --> 01:08:56,938
Everyone can well occupy seven rooms
until the glittering sword of justice...
603
01:08:58,532 --> 01:09:02,947
...flashes over him like a red ray.
hvonder.
604
01:09:08,462 --> 01:09:10,918
Damn it all.
605
01:09:13,176 --> 01:09:17,803
The moo-oon is shining...
shining bright...
606
01:09:18,641 --> 01:09:22,592
The moon is shining...
I can't get rid of the damned tune!
607
01:09:24,774 --> 01:09:28,939
Zina, tell him it's five o'clock.
608
01:09:29,613 --> 01:09:31,939
Tell him to shut up. Yes.
609
01:09:32,993 --> 01:09:35,068
And ask him to come here, please.
610
01:09:51,640 --> 01:09:57,478
I believe I have already requested you twice not to sleep on
the high bunk in the kitchen - particularly in the daytime.
611
01:09:59,817 --> 01:10:02,273
The air is more agreeable
in the kitchen.
612
01:10:03,030 --> 01:10:06,565
What on earth is that repulsive
object? I mean your tie.
613
01:10:07,953 --> 01:10:11,322
What's repulsive about it?
It's a smart tie.
614
01:10:12,291 --> 01:10:14,331
Darya Petrovna gave it to me.
615
01:10:14,585 --> 01:10:18,205
In that case, Darya Petrovna has given you
an abomination, like those shoes of yours.
616
01:10:18,507 --> 01:10:20,713
What sort of glittering
trash are they?
617
01:10:22,386 --> 01:10:24,463
Am I worse than other people?
618
01:10:25,140 --> 01:10:29,304
Just take a walk down the Kuznetzky Most and
you'll see everybody wearing patent-leather shoes.
619
01:10:30,021 --> 01:10:35,894
leeping in the kitchen must stop.
Understand? There are women there.
620
01:10:38,282 --> 01:10:42,744
Huh - women. Fine ladies.
621
01:10:43,829 --> 01:10:47,329
They're ordinary servants, but you'd
think they were... commissars.
622
01:10:49,587 --> 01:10:52,292
It's all that slut Zina - she's
always griping about me.
623
01:10:52,673 --> 01:10:56,008
Don't you dare to call Zina
a slut! Understand?
624
01:10:56,470 --> 01:10:58,630
Understand?
625
01:11:00,975 --> 01:11:02,637
Yeah, I understand.
626
01:11:03,228 --> 01:11:08,936
Now then. Don't throw cigarette butts on the floor,
don't spit, don't make a mess in the lavatory.
627
01:11:09,278 --> 01:11:11,734
Do not ever talk to Zina any more.
628
01:11:12,031 --> 01:11:15,115
he complains that you wait
for her in dark corners.
629
01:11:16,246 --> 01:11:18,321
And who told the patient:
630
01:11:19,124 --> 01:11:21,200
...'Devil alone knows'?
631
01:11:21,710 --> 01:11:24,664
Where d'you think you are,
in some low dive?
632
01:11:25,172 --> 01:11:27,710
You sure being too hard on me, Dad.
633
01:11:28,468 --> 01:11:31,635
What?! Don't you dare call me Dad!
634
01:11:32,097 --> 01:11:36,310
What impertinent familiarity? You will
address me by my name and patronymic!
635
01:11:36,770 --> 01:11:43,024
Aw, why can't you lay off? Don't spit...
Don't smoke... Don't go there...
636
01:11:43,278 --> 01:11:46,862
It's just like the rules in a tram.
Why don't you let me live?
637
01:11:47,741 --> 01:11:51,076
And about my calling you Dad.
You are wrong here.
638
01:11:52,081 --> 01:11:55,248
I didn't ask you to perform
the operation, did I?
639
01:11:56,001 --> 01:12:01,543
A fine business - you go and grab hold
of an animal, slice his head open,
640
01:12:01,842 --> 01:12:04,085
...and now you're sick of him!
641
01:12:05,222 --> 01:12:08,674
I didn't give permission
to operate on me, did I.
642
01:12:09,268 --> 01:12:11,428
Neither did my relatives.
643
01:12:14,025 --> 01:12:16,979
I guess I have the right to sue you.
644
01:12:19,447 --> 01:12:23,613
o you object to having been turned
into a human being, do you.
645
01:12:23,911 --> 01:12:29,786
Maybe you'd prefer to be sniffing around garbage cans again?
Or freezing under gateways?
646
01:12:30,085 --> 01:12:35,330
Why do you keep on at me? Garbage cans, garbage cans!
Perhaps I was making my living there.
647
01:12:36,802 --> 01:12:42,094
And what if I'd died under your knife?
What d'you say to that, comrade?
648
01:12:42,560 --> 01:12:44,968
My name is Philip Philipovich.
I'm no comrade of yours!
649
01:12:45,355 --> 01:12:49,519
Oh sure, I know. Of course,
how else, we're not your comrades!
650
01:12:49,860 --> 01:12:52,103
How could we. We understand, sir!
651
01:12:52,947 --> 01:12:55,071
We didn't go to universities.
652
01:12:55,618 --> 01:12:59,236
We never had a flat of fifteen
rooms and a bathroom.
653
01:13:00,124 --> 01:13:02,875
Only now it is time to forget
about all that.
654
01:13:04,837 --> 01:13:08,538
At present everybody
has his own rights.
655
01:13:10,970 --> 01:13:15,928
Use your fingers to catch fleas! Use your fingers!
I can't understand, where you get them from?
656
01:13:16,644 --> 01:13:19,598
You don't think I breed
them on purpose, do you?
657
01:13:24,445 --> 01:13:27,150
I guess fleas just like me.
658
01:13:28,032 --> 01:13:35,614
There is no time to weep
659
01:13:36,334 --> 01:13:44,879
When we leave the stirrup and
take up the steel of labour.
660
01:13:45,597 --> 01:13:53,854
There is one answer to every question
661
01:13:55,149 --> 01:14:04,618
And there is no other.
662
01:14:06,413 --> 01:14:09,368
I need some papers,
Philip Philipovich.
663
01:14:10,584 --> 01:14:14,499
Papers? Damn.
664
01:14:17,093 --> 01:14:20,427
- May be... H'm... Perhaps we might...
- orry, no.
665
01:14:21,099 --> 01:14:27,553
You know yourself, that a man without
a document is strictly forbidden to exist.
666
01:14:28,608 --> 01:14:31,063
To begin with, there's
the House Committee...
667
01:14:31,402 --> 01:14:34,607
What has the House Committee got to do with it?
- What do you mean? Everything.
668
01:14:34,948 --> 01:14:41,569
Every time I meet one of them they ask me
when I'm going to get registered.
669
01:14:41,873 --> 01:14:46,583
I can just imagine what you tell them.
I thought I told you not to loaf around the stairs!
670
01:14:46,838 --> 01:14:49,412
That sounds rather insulting.
671
01:14:51,469 --> 01:14:53,426
Very insulting.
672
01:14:54,640 --> 01:14:58,258
What am I - a convict?
What do you mean - loaf!
673
01:14:58,519 --> 01:15:01,722
What does your precious
House Committee say, then?
674
01:15:01,982 --> 01:15:06,560
There's no call to brand it 'precious'.
It protects people's interests.
675
01:15:06,988 --> 01:15:09,526
Whose interests, may I ask?
676
01:15:09,825 --> 01:15:13,574
Everyone knows. The working
class element's.
677
01:15:13,913 --> 01:15:16,203
Are you a worker then?
678
01:15:16,667 --> 01:15:19,205
That's obvious, I am not a capitalist.
679
01:15:19,629 --> 01:15:25,667
o how does the House Committee propose
to defend your revolutionary rights?
680
01:15:26,011 --> 01:15:29,713
Easy. You ought to register me.
681
01:15:31,978 --> 01:15:36,142
They say it is unheard of...
682
01:15:36,899 --> 01:15:41,064
...that a man should live in Moscow
without registration.
683
01:15:41,405 --> 01:15:45,486
That is for starters. But the most
important thing is to have a record card.
684
01:15:46,202 --> 01:15:49,074
I don't want to be taken
for a deserter.
685
01:15:49,957 --> 01:15:52,710
And then again there's the Union,
the Labour Exchange...
686
01:15:52,961 --> 01:15:56,212
And how, pray, am I supposed
to register you?
687
01:15:56,675 --> 01:15:58,833
You have got neither
name nor surname.
688
01:16:02,473 --> 01:16:04,550
That is not fair.
689
01:16:05,101 --> 01:16:08,222
I can very easily chose
a name for myself.
690
01:16:08,731 --> 01:16:13,560
I announce it in the newspapers and there you are.
- What do you wish to be called?
691
01:16:18,201 --> 01:16:19,742
Poligraph Poligraphovich.
692
01:16:19,995 --> 01:16:22,569
top playing the fool, I am serious.
693
01:16:22,874 --> 01:16:27,702
I don't get it. I mustn't swear.
I mustn't spit.
694
01:16:28,422 --> 01:16:31,458
Yet all I ever hear from you
is 'Fool, fool'.
695
01:16:32,301 --> 01:16:36,467
I guess that in the RFR swearing
must be for professors only.
696
01:16:36,765 --> 01:16:41,429
I beg your pardon. Your name struck me as a little odd.
Where, as a matter of interest, did you dig it up?
697
01:16:42,272 --> 01:16:46,057
The House Committee helped me.
We looked it up in the calendar.
698
01:16:46,653 --> 01:16:49,323
They said: 'What do you fancy',
so I chose that one.
699
01:16:49,656 --> 01:16:52,362
Zina, bring me the calendar
from the consulting room.
700
01:16:52,911 --> 01:16:55,746
There could not possibly be anything
of the sort in any calendar.
701
01:16:56,081 --> 01:16:59,284
Now you do surprise me, considering it
is hanging in your consulting room.
702
01:17:01,630 --> 01:17:03,837
- Here you are.
- Where is it?
703
01:17:04,174 --> 01:17:07,590
Just here. His day is celebrated
on March the fourth.
704
01:17:08,012 --> 01:17:11,263
Yes, there it is... Into the stove
with it. This moment.
705
01:17:14,687 --> 01:17:16,846
And may I ask what surname
you will take?
706
01:17:17,149 --> 01:17:22,274
urname? I don't object to my
hereditary surname.
707
01:17:23,781 --> 01:17:25,775
Meaning?
708
01:17:26,827 --> 01:17:28,701
harikov.
709
01:17:54,403 --> 01:17:59,031
...As comrade Trotsky writes
in his numerous works...
710
01:18:04,666 --> 01:18:07,371
the building of socialist society...
711
01:18:07,586 --> 01:18:11,253
...is quite ensured internationally.
712
01:18:11,675 --> 01:18:16,503
In the capitalist world class
and economic contradictions...
713
01:18:16,805 --> 01:18:20,886
...shall steadily increase.
Remember it once and for all.
714
01:18:22,939 --> 01:18:26,937
Class struggle between the proletariat
and the bourgeoisie...
715
01:18:35,245 --> 01:18:37,072
What should I write?
716
01:18:37,372 --> 01:18:40,043
Nothing difficult.
717
01:18:40,376 --> 01:18:46,630
Write a certificate, citizen Professor.
You know the sort of thing...
718
01:18:47,134 --> 01:18:52,641
...This is to certify that the bearer is
really Poligraph Poligraphovich harikov.
719
01:18:53,100 --> 01:18:56,268
Who was born in this flat.
720
01:18:56,522 --> 01:18:59,356
Goddammit, I've never heard
anything so idiotic in my life.
721
01:19:00,193 --> 01:19:05,616
He wasn't born at all, he simply...
well, he sort of...
722
01:19:05,867 --> 01:19:10,031
That's your problem. It's up to you
to decide whether he was born or not.
723
01:19:10,289 --> 01:19:15,082
All in all you were conducting
an experiment, Professor.
724
01:19:16,547 --> 01:19:21,007
And you are the creator of citizen harikov.
- As simple as that.
725
01:19:21,261 --> 01:19:24,464
Kindly keep out of the conversation.
726
01:19:24,806 --> 01:19:27,926
You have no grounds for saying
It was simple... It's very far from simple.
727
01:19:28,686 --> 01:19:30,312
Why should I keep out
of the conversation.
728
01:19:30,479 --> 01:19:34,728
I'm sorry, Professor, but Citizen
harikov is absolutely right.
729
01:19:35,944 --> 01:19:41,237
- He has the right to take part in the discussion of his own future.
- Well, all right.
730
01:19:44,164 --> 01:19:47,747
The bearer is a human being created in
the course of a laboratory experiment...
731
01:19:49,295 --> 01:19:53,839
by means of an operation on the brain.
He requires identity papers.
732
01:19:54,176 --> 01:19:59,005
Dammit! I object in principle
to obtaining these idiotic documents.
733
01:20:02,143 --> 01:20:04,766
igned: 'Professor Preobrazhensky.
734
01:20:05,732 --> 01:20:11,072
Rather curious, Professor, that you
should call documents idiotic?
735
01:20:11,406 --> 01:20:15,487
I can't allow an undocumented tenant
to go on living in this house.
736
01:20:15,827 --> 01:20:20,741
...especially the one who hasn't been registered
with the militia for military service.
737
01:20:21,543 --> 01:20:26,289
- upposing war suddenly breaks out with imperialist predators?
- I'm not going to war.
738
01:20:28,343 --> 01:20:32,175
You are completely lacking in Political
consciousness, Citizen harikov.
739
01:20:32,973 --> 01:20:37,719
- You must register for military service.
- I'll register all right, but I'll be damned if I'm going to fight.
740
01:20:38,022 --> 01:20:42,186
I was severely wounded during the
operation. Look - they cut me right open.
741
01:20:42,528 --> 01:20:45,196
Are you an anarchist-individualist?
742
01:20:46,072 --> 01:20:50,736
- I ought to be exempt on medical grounds.
- Well, that's not the point.
743
01:20:51,413 --> 01:20:54,700
Meanwhile, we'll send the Professor's
certificate to the militia...
744
01:20:56,169 --> 01:20:59,041
...and you will get your document.
745
01:20:59,548 --> 01:21:05,089
Do you happen to have a spare room in
the house? I'd be prepared to pay for it.
746
01:21:06,139 --> 01:21:08,547
No, Professor, I deeply
regret we don't.
747
01:21:10,979 --> 01:21:13,103
And aren't likely to have any.
748
01:21:16,987 --> 01:21:23,786
I swear, Doctor, that I'm more exhausted following
the past fortnight than from the past fourteen years!
749
01:21:24,120 --> 01:21:25,994
- top, thief!
- Let it go.
750
01:21:26,415 --> 01:21:28,158
A cat! I'll strangle the bastard! op!
751
01:21:28,374 --> 01:21:30,784
How many times have I ordered there
should be no cats. Where is it now?
752
01:21:30,962 --> 01:21:33,335
There he is, in the bathroom,
the devil.
753
01:21:33,591 --> 01:21:37,341
Ivan Arnoldovich, please reassure
the patients. Open up this instant!
754
01:21:38,138 --> 01:21:40,808
- I'll get you!
- There it is. The cat's here.
755
01:21:50,026 --> 01:21:54,074
Come out at once! Why have
you locked yourself in?
756
01:21:55,158 --> 01:21:57,650
What on earth... I can't hear
a thing - turn the water off.
757
01:21:58,788 --> 01:22:02,573
- Turn the water off!
- Turn the water off, you idiot!
758
01:22:02,876 --> 01:22:05,664
- What's he done? I don't understand.
- There he is.
759
01:22:09,093 --> 01:22:11,549
Have you gone out of your mind?
Why don't you come out of there?
760
01:22:12,889 --> 01:22:16,055
- I've locked myself in.
- Unlock the door then.
761
01:22:16,477 --> 01:22:20,891
- Haven't you ever seen a lock before?
- The goddamned thing won't open!
762
01:22:21,358 --> 01:22:23,814
- There's a small button on the lock.
- A small button.
763
01:22:24,069 --> 01:22:25,861
- Press it downward.
- Down.
764
01:22:26,072 --> 01:22:27,780
Press it down! Down.
765
01:22:29,160 --> 01:22:30,783
I can't see my paw before my face!
766
01:22:30,993 --> 01:22:33,700
Well turn the light on, then! He's gone crazy!
- A dog.
767
01:22:33,915 --> 01:22:36,488
That goddamned cat smashed the bulb...
768
01:22:36,793 --> 01:22:41,503
...and when I tried to catch the bastard by the legs,
I wrenched out the tap, and now I can't find it!
769
01:22:42,550 --> 01:22:45,836
Oh Lord Jesus Christ
have mercy on us.
770
01:22:46,263 --> 01:22:47,806
What do you want?
771
01:22:48,140 --> 01:22:53,184
I've come from Pskov, a pilgrim.
I've come to see the talking dog.
772
01:22:53,438 --> 01:22:55,681
- Out, out of the kitchen.
- he's from Pskov...
773
01:22:56,026 --> 01:22:57,484
Get out.
774
01:22:59,488 --> 01:23:02,109
Darya Petrovna, I've
asked you before...
775
01:23:02,533 --> 01:23:06,402
But Philip Philipovich, People
keep coming in all day long!
776
01:23:14,714 --> 01:23:17,585
- Quick, Fyodor!
- Just a moment, I'll get the lamp.
777
01:23:17,844 --> 01:23:20,964
- Fyodor, quick!
- Coming, coming.
778
01:23:27,815 --> 01:23:29,689
Fyodor, what is it?
779
01:23:30,359 --> 01:23:33,479
Philip Philipovich, we'll have
to open the door.
780
01:23:34,364 --> 01:23:37,485
We must let the water run out.
We can mop it up from the kitchen.
781
01:23:37,869 --> 01:23:39,412
Open it, then!
782
01:23:47,798 --> 01:23:49,459
Dear God.
783
01:23:51,637 --> 01:23:55,387
- I only just managed to get the tap back in. The pressure is so strong.
- Where is he?
784
01:23:57,059 --> 01:23:59,302
Over there. He's afraid to come out.
785
01:24:03,024 --> 01:24:04,851
Will you beat me, Dad?
786
01:24:06,028 --> 01:24:07,524
Idiot.
787
01:24:19,086 --> 01:24:23,002
What d'you think you're doing, you fool,
spreading it all over the flat! Pour it into the bowl.
788
01:24:23,217 --> 01:24:25,589
The bowl is no use, the water's
running out the front door.
789
01:24:26,096 --> 01:24:28,634
Oh what a fool.
790
01:24:29,349 --> 01:24:33,348
There will be no reception today. There'
an emergency, we have a burst pipe...
791
01:24:33,646 --> 01:24:37,016
No, no, it can't be done today.
No way.
792
01:24:37,359 --> 01:24:40,943
Zina, Zina, mop up here! The water will start running
down the front stairs any minute now. Hurry up.
793
01:24:41,196 --> 01:24:43,273
- I'll do it.
- I'll scoop it up with jugs.
794
01:24:43,490 --> 01:24:46,659
Yes, all right... Nothing can be done
today. No, tomorrow, some other day.
795
01:24:46,913 --> 01:24:50,579
Ivan Arnoldovich come into the bedroom.
I'll give you a pair of my shoes.
796
01:24:50,875 --> 01:24:54,127
Don't bother, Philip Philipovich,
I'm all right.
797
01:24:55,924 --> 01:24:57,122
Oh God.
798
01:24:58,135 --> 01:25:01,670
Then put on the galoshes.
- It doesn't matter. My feet are wet anyway...
799
01:25:02,014 --> 01:25:03,723
Oh dear me.
800
01:25:05,143 --> 01:25:09,853
What a nasty animal!
- Whom are you talking about, may I inquire?
801
01:25:10,650 --> 01:25:13,522
I am talking about the cat.
Filthy swine.
802
01:25:14,237 --> 01:25:16,991
I swear I have never seen a more
brazen creature than you.
803
01:25:17,659 --> 01:25:21,326
Hhow much longer are you going
to chase cats? You're a barbarian.
804
01:25:21,831 --> 01:25:26,624
I am no barbarian? Not in the least.
I won't stand that brute in this flat!
805
01:25:27,046 --> 01:25:29,667
It stole Darya's mincemeat.
I wanted to teach it a lesson.
806
01:25:30,049 --> 01:25:35,175
It's you who needs a lesson! Just take
a look at your face in the mirror.
807
01:25:43,274 --> 01:25:46,025
Nearly scratched my eyes out.
808
01:25:48,072 --> 01:25:49,731
The slut.
809
01:25:50,199 --> 01:25:55,989
Philip Philipovich. I'm sorry, I wouldn't like to
mention it but the windowpane in Number even...
810
01:25:56,957 --> 01:26:00,578
Citizen harikov threw stones at it.
811
01:26:00,921 --> 01:26:03,757
You mean at a cat?
- Not quite, he was throwing them at the owner of the flat.
812
01:26:04,550 --> 01:26:08,844
harikov was cuddling their cook,
and they chased him out...
813
01:26:09,263 --> 01:26:11,221
...They had a fight.
814
01:26:11,518 --> 01:26:14,090
- How much?
- One and a half.
815
01:26:16,231 --> 01:26:20,182
Fancy paying one and a half roubles
for such a filthy swine. He himself...
816
01:26:20,820 --> 01:26:22,362
Don't you dare!
817
01:26:22,947 --> 01:26:24,987
Please, Philip Philipovich,
don't upset yourself.
818
01:26:27,494 --> 01:26:32,205
Where d'you think you are?
In a pub? top that at once!
819
01:26:32,501 --> 01:26:37,165
That's it, serves him right.
A clip over the ear's what he needs!
820
01:26:37,465 --> 01:26:42,593
- No, not that, Fyodor.
- I am sorry for you, Philip Philipovich.
821
01:26:43,432 --> 01:26:46,552
The spirit of the emperor,
do tell us...
822
01:26:47,270 --> 01:26:51,434
...will the Bolsheviks remain
in power for a long time?
823
01:26:57,615 --> 01:27:00,285
Quiet, gentlemen, that's interesting.
824
01:27:14,971 --> 01:27:17,677
No, no, no! You must tuck
in your napkin.
825
01:27:17,974 --> 01:27:19,683
Why the hell should I.
826
01:27:20,768 --> 01:27:23,473
I shan't allow you to eat
until you tuck on your napkin.
827
01:27:23,813 --> 01:27:27,349
- Zina, take the plate away from harikov.
- Hey, how do you mean take away?
828
01:27:34,578 --> 01:27:36,820
And use a fork please.
829
01:27:37,331 --> 01:27:42,290
Thank you, Doctor. I sick and
tired of reprimanding him.
830
01:27:47,342 --> 01:27:50,511
- I'll have some vodka.
- Don't you think you've had enough?
831
01:27:50,763 --> 01:27:54,845
- Do you grudge it?
- You, harikov, are talking nonsense.
832
01:27:55,853 --> 01:27:59,639
The most revolting thing is that you talk
with such confidence and assuredness.
833
01:28:00,525 --> 01:28:04,572
I don't grudge you the vodka of course, all the more so
since it's not mine but belongs to Philip Philipovich.
834
01:28:05,198 --> 01:28:10,028
It's simply that it's bad for you. That's number one. And
number two: you can't behave yourself even without vodka.
835
01:28:11,831 --> 01:28:13,659
It isn't done that way.
836
01:28:14,043 --> 01:28:17,330
You should first offer it to Philip Philipovich,
then to me, then pour yourself a glass.
837
01:28:18,464 --> 01:28:21,467
You always act just as
if you were on parade here.
838
01:28:22,762 --> 01:28:30,854
Put your napkin here, place your tie
there and \x22excuse me\x22 and \x22please-merci\x22.
839
01:28:31,482 --> 01:28:36,524
Why can't you behave naturally?
840
01:28:36,988 --> 01:28:40,738
You torment yourselves as though
you were still under the tsar.
841
01:28:41,202 --> 01:28:44,489
What do you mean
by \x22natural\x22 may I ask?
842
01:28:50,838 --> 01:28:53,411
I wish you all...
843
01:28:54,677 --> 01:28:57,798
- The same to you.
- An old habit!
844
01:29:00,309 --> 01:29:04,354
There's nothing we can do
about it - Klim Chugunkin.
845
01:29:04,647 --> 01:29:10,319
- Do you think so, Philip Philipovich?
- No need to think, it is clear as it is.
846
01:29:10,655 --> 01:29:13,228
I'll have some more vodka.
847
01:29:14,242 --> 01:29:18,241
Well now, what are you and
I going to do this evening?
848
01:29:20,126 --> 01:29:22,830
Let's go to the circus.
I like it best of all.
849
01:29:23,170 --> 01:29:26,007
If I were you I'd go
to the theatre at least once.
850
01:29:28,176 --> 01:29:30,335
I won't go to the theatre.
851
01:29:34,100 --> 01:29:37,802
Belching at table spoils
other people's appetites.
852
01:29:38,146 --> 01:29:41,018
Incidentally, why don't
you like the theatre?
853
01:29:45,698 --> 01:29:49,779
Hell, it's just crap... talk, talk.
854
01:29:50,830 --> 01:29:53,036
Pure counterrevolution.
855
01:29:55,126 --> 01:29:59,504
You should do some reading, otherwise you know...
- ure, I am reading already...
856
01:30:00,549 --> 01:30:03,042
Zina, take the vodka away, baby.
857
01:30:04,638 --> 01:30:07,841
What have you been reading?
Robinson Crusoe?
858
01:30:09,185 --> 01:30:13,765
That what do you call it... correspondence
between Engels and... hell,
859
01:30:14,817 --> 01:30:17,523
...What's the blighter's name?.
Oh - Kautsky.
860
01:30:24,454 --> 01:30:28,998
I'd be interested to know what comment
you can make on what you've read?
861
01:30:32,046 --> 01:30:36,295
- I don't agree.
- With whom - Engels or Kautsky?
862
01:30:40,599 --> 01:30:45,061
- With either of 'em.
- That is most remarkable, by God.
863
01:30:46,231 --> 01:30:51,986
Well, what would you suggest
for your part?
864
01:30:52,196 --> 01:30:55,199
Why suggest? They just keep writing...
865
01:30:55,617 --> 01:31:00,744
ome congress and some Germans... Makes my head reel!
Take everything and divide it equally.
866
01:31:01,875 --> 01:31:06,204
Just as I thought,
just what I expected.
867
01:31:06,756 --> 01:31:11,384
- Do you know how it is to be done?
- How to do it? That's plain enough.
868
01:31:12,221 --> 01:31:18,972
What do you think? Here's one guy who spreads himself
out in seven rooms and has forty pairs of pants,
869
01:31:19,438 --> 01:31:23,984
...and there's another who hangs around
garbage cans looking for something to eat.
870
01:31:24,236 --> 01:31:27,024
I suppose that remark about
the seven rooms is a hint at me?
871
01:31:27,323 --> 01:31:33,078
All right, I've nothing against a fair division.
How many patients did you turn away yesterday, Doctor?
872
01:31:33,331 --> 01:31:37,827
- Thirty-nine.
- H'm... three hundred and ninety roubles.
873
01:31:38,462 --> 01:31:41,665
Your share is a hundred and thirty
roubles. Kindly hand it over.
874
01:31:42,007 --> 01:31:44,298
Hey, wait a minute! What's that for?
875
01:31:44,637 --> 01:31:47,473
- I mean for the cat and the tap!
- Philip Philipovich.
876
01:31:47,723 --> 01:31:52,102
For the intolerable chaos you created yesterday
and because of which I had to cancel my reception!
877
01:31:52,813 --> 01:31:56,763
A man goes leaping about the house
like a savage ripping off taps!
878
01:31:57,109 --> 01:32:00,195
Who killed Madame Polasukher's cat?
Who?
879
01:32:00,448 --> 01:32:02,654
The day before yesterday you, harikov,
bit a lady on the stairs.
880
01:32:02,868 --> 01:32:05,193
But she slapped me across the muzzle!
My muzzle isn't public property!
881
01:32:05,412 --> 01:32:07,654
Because you had pinched her bosom!
You stand...
882
01:32:07,832 --> 01:32:13,456
You stand on the lowest rung of evolution.
You are still in the formative stage...
883
01:32:13,715 --> 01:32:19,553
...You are intellectually weak as yet.
All your actions are purely animal.
884
01:32:19,847 --> 01:32:23,761
Yet you allow yourself in the presence
of two university-educated men...
885
01:32:24,060 --> 01:32:27,311
...to offer advice on a cosmic scale...
886
01:32:27,523 --> 01:32:31,901
...and of equally cosmic stupidity, about
how everything should be divided up!
887
01:32:33,195 --> 01:32:38,323
- And at the same time you eat toothpaste.
- That was the day before yesterday.
888
01:32:39,663 --> 01:32:43,826
And mind you, you've got
to keep quiet and listen...
889
01:32:44,293 --> 01:32:48,375
...keep quiet and listen, to what you are told!
You've got to learn and try to become...
890
01:32:48,715 --> 01:32:52,880
...at least a marginally
acceptable member of society.
891
01:33:01,231 --> 01:33:04,399
By the way, who was the scoundrel
who lent you that book?
892
01:33:04,652 --> 01:33:08,734
Everybody is a scoundrel to you. Well, hvonder gave
it to me. o what? It was so I could get educated.
893
01:33:08,949 --> 01:33:12,698
I can see which way your education
is going after reading Kautsky. Zina!
894
01:33:13,121 --> 01:33:14,864
- Zina!
- Zina!
895
01:33:15,915 --> 01:33:18,372
There in the reception room...
Is it in the reception room?
896
01:33:18,669 --> 01:33:21,541
- It is. Green, the colour of vitriol.
- Yes. There is a green book.
897
01:33:22,174 --> 01:33:25,378
Now he is going to burn it. It is public
property, it's from the library!
898
01:33:25,844 --> 01:33:31,385
It's called Correspondence between, er, Engels and that
other devil what's his name... Throw it into the stove!
899
01:33:33,772 --> 01:33:38,433
Upon my word, I'd hang that
hvonder from the first tree.
900
01:33:39,236 --> 01:33:44,777
This poisonous fellow sits
in this house like a boil.
901
01:33:45,078 --> 01:33:48,944
To say nothing of his idiotic
ravings in the newspapers...
902
01:33:50,333 --> 01:33:53,454
Oh Doctor, for Goodness sake,
go to the circus with him tonight.
903
01:33:53,879 --> 01:33:57,001
Only do check the program and
make sure there are no cats.
904
01:33:57,925 --> 01:34:01,047
I don't know how they let such
filthy beasts into the circus at all.
905
01:34:01,388 --> 01:34:04,260
Well, never mind what filthy beasts they
let into the circus. What's on tonight?
906
01:34:04,726 --> 01:34:07,432
Elephants and the Ultimate
in Human Dexterity.
907
01:34:07,772 --> 01:34:10,477
What do you say to the elephants,
my dear harikov?
908
01:34:10,775 --> 01:34:13,811
I am not a fool.
Cats are a special case.
909
01:34:15,281 --> 01:34:19,778
Elephants are useful animals.
910
01:34:20,078 --> 01:34:23,495
Excellent. Go and watch them.
911
01:34:24,167 --> 01:34:28,332
I beg you, Ivan Arnoldovich, not
to offer harikov beer to drink.
912
01:34:45,402 --> 01:34:47,940
Gentlemen!
913
01:34:48,612 --> 01:34:54,202
I have the honour of introducing
to you a famous fortune-teller...
914
01:34:55,038 --> 01:35:01,707
...mademoiselle Jeanna
from Paris and icily!
915
01:35:16,981 --> 01:35:24,362
Mademoiselle can tell you
about your past, present and...
916
01:35:26,244 --> 01:35:28,237
...future!
917
01:35:28,997 --> 01:35:33,161
As well as your family secrets.
918
01:35:38,007 --> 01:35:40,844
Make an enigmatic face, you idiot.
919
01:35:42,722 --> 01:35:48,014
Mademoiselle Jeanna!
920
01:35:55,070 --> 01:36:01,360
You shouldn't think, though,
that it all has something to do with witchcraft or miracle.
921
01:36:01,662 --> 01:36:06,206
Nothing of the kind! There are
no miracles as we all know.
922
01:36:06,877 --> 01:36:13,462
And Professor Preobrazhensky
has once again proved it.
923
01:36:27,234 --> 01:36:32,147
Everything is determined
by the forces of nature...
924
01:36:33,369 --> 01:36:39,656
...and the permission of the local
committee and the educational committee.
925
01:36:40,293 --> 01:36:46,796
This is vitallopatia!
926
01:36:47,593 --> 01:36:52,637
It is based on the teachings
of Indian yogis...
927
01:36:53,059 --> 01:36:57,473
...repressed by British colonialism.
928
01:37:00,818 --> 01:37:03,274
I welcome you questions, comrades.
929
01:37:03,614 --> 01:37:06,735
What is the main event of my life?
930
01:37:07,577 --> 01:37:08,822
Ahead.
931
01:37:09,161 --> 01:37:13,492
The main event in your life
is still ahead of you.
932
01:37:22,929 --> 01:37:25,052
By God I'll do it.
933
01:37:27,643 --> 01:37:29,101
Damn.
934
01:37:36,613 --> 01:37:44,111
The difficult years of fighting
935
01:37:45,833 --> 01:37:54,007
for the liberty of this
country are gone.
936
01:37:55,178 --> 01:38:03,767
The ones that follow them
937
01:38:05,731 --> 01:38:13,148
are also difficult.
938
01:38:22,962 --> 01:38:24,337
Bastard.
939
01:38:45,907 --> 01:38:47,316
Bormenthal!
940
01:38:49,619 --> 01:38:51,363
Bormenthal!
941
01:38:53,875 --> 01:38:56,829
Kindly address me by
my name and patronymic.
942
01:38:58,797 --> 01:39:01,503
Then call me by my name
and patronymic, too.
943
01:39:01,760 --> 01:39:05,924
No, I won't have you addressed
by such a name in my flat.
944
01:39:06,348 --> 01:39:10,643
If you like, Doctor Bormenthal
and I will call you Monsieur harikov.
945
01:39:10,979 --> 01:39:14,515
I'm not a 'monsieur'- all the
'monsieurs' are in Paris.
946
01:39:16,653 --> 01:39:18,812
I see hvonder's been at work on you.
947
01:39:19,281 --> 01:39:22,865
All right, I'll place an advertisement
in the papers today...
948
01:39:23,370 --> 01:39:25,860
...and, believe me,
I'll find you a room.
949
01:39:26,080 --> 01:39:30,625
I am no fool to move away from here.
950
01:39:32,005 --> 01:39:35,339
What?!
- Don't be so impertinent, Monsieur harikov!
951
01:39:36,010 --> 01:39:41,597
There. I'm now a member of this residential
associate don and the tenant in charge of flat...
952
01:39:41,933 --> 01:39:46,264
...Number Two, Preobrazhensky, has got to give me
thirty-seven square feet of space. Be so kind.
953
01:39:49,986 --> 01:39:53,521
I'll shoot that hvonder
one of these days.
954
01:39:59,497 --> 01:40:03,746
- Philip Philipovich...
- To hell with caution.
955
01:40:05,087 --> 01:40:10,962
Mind you, If you commit
one more piece of impudence...
956
01:40:11,221 --> 01:40:14,257
...I shall deprive you of your dinner -
in fact, of all food in this house.
957
01:40:14,641 --> 01:40:18,854
Thirty-seven square feet may be all very well,
but there's nothing on that stinking little bit of paper...
958
01:40:19,898 --> 01:40:22,603
...which says that I have to feed you!
959
01:40:22,902 --> 01:40:28,489
I can't do without food.
Where would I eat?
960
01:40:28,783 --> 01:40:31,454
Then behave yourself!
961
01:41:10,919 --> 01:41:13,755
Eh, talk Moscow, speak Russia!
962
01:41:15,215 --> 01:41:17,007
Come on, boys, come on!
963
01:41:39,413 --> 01:41:41,072
What's wrong?
964
01:41:49,509 --> 01:41:52,676
Ah, fuck you, Professor!
965
01:41:53,013 --> 01:41:56,299
Come on, have a drink with us.
966
01:41:57,352 --> 01:41:58,810
Who are they?
967
01:41:59,186 --> 01:42:00,681
They?
968
01:42:01,731 --> 01:42:05,895
They are good guys. They'll stay
for the night with me.
969
01:42:06,278 --> 01:42:09,566
Ivan Arnoldovich, call the 45th
police department. Be so kind.
970
01:42:10,534 --> 01:42:11,993
Get out.
971
01:42:12,245 --> 01:42:16,742
Bormenthal himself should be turned
in to the 45th department.
972
01:42:17,709 --> 01:42:20,380
He lives here without registration.
973
01:42:28,014 --> 01:42:30,054
Who stole 20 roubles?
974
01:42:35,147 --> 01:42:36,690
I didn't take them.
975
01:42:36,901 --> 01:42:39,023
Who then? Who else, if not you?
976
01:42:39,321 --> 01:42:41,608
I'm not alone in the apartment.
977
01:42:42,657 --> 01:42:44,734
Maybe Zina took it?
978
01:42:47,164 --> 01:42:48,445
Me?!
979
01:42:49,165 --> 01:42:51,041
Calm down, Zina.
980
01:42:52,961 --> 01:42:54,373
Take him to the bathroom.
981
01:43:13,153 --> 01:43:17,400
Philip Philipovich,
I shall never forget how...
982
01:43:17,909 --> 01:43:22,157
...as a half-starved student came to you and
you how you gave me a place at the faculty.
983
01:43:22,498 --> 01:43:26,448
Believe me, Philip Philipovich,
you are much more to me than a professor, a teacher.
984
01:43:26,919 --> 01:43:28,461
Thank you.
985
01:43:29,882 --> 01:43:33,666
I'm afraid I sometimes bawl
at you during operations...
986
01:43:35,055 --> 01:43:37,891
You must forgive
an old man's testiness.
987
01:43:38,184 --> 01:43:41,684
The fact is, I'm really so lonely.
988
01:43:47,487 --> 01:43:50,109
From eville to Granada...
989
01:43:51,658 --> 01:43:56,322
Philip Philipovich, naturally,
it's not for me to offer you advice...
990
01:43:56,957 --> 01:44:02,748
But look at yourself, you're completely worn out,
you can't go on working like that.
991
01:44:02,964 --> 01:44:05,718
- Absolutely impossible.
- o.
992
01:44:07,262 --> 01:44:13,432
But I am deeply convinced that there is no
other solution than to put an end to him.
993
01:44:13,728 --> 01:44:18,391
No, no, no, don't tempt me, don't even
mention it, I won't hear of it!
994
01:44:20,486 --> 01:44:23,653
Don't you realize what would happen
if they found us out?
995
01:44:25,326 --> 01:44:28,162
Because of our 'social origins' you
and I won't have any chance of...
996
01:44:28,412 --> 01:44:32,031
...going to Paris, despite the fact
that we should be first offenders.
997
01:44:32,334 --> 01:44:34,622
I don't suppose you have suitable
'origins', do you?
998
01:44:34,878 --> 01:44:37,715
What the hell! My father was
a court investigator in Vilno.
999
01:44:38,008 --> 01:44:42,469
There you are.
There's your bad blood.
1000
01:44:44,391 --> 01:44:47,595
You couldn't have come from
a more unsuitable background.
1001
01:44:47,936 --> 01:44:52,897
till, mine is even worse. My father
was dean of a cathedral. My mother...
1002
01:44:53,903 --> 01:44:59,063
From eville to Granada...
in the still of the night...
1003
01:44:59,368 --> 01:45:01,657
Damn it all.
1004
01:45:01,995 --> 01:45:05,614
Philip Philipovich, you are
a world-famous scientist.
1005
01:45:05,959 --> 01:45:09,495
And just because of some - forgive
the expression - son of a bitch...
1006
01:45:09,838 --> 01:45:12,462
...urely they can't touch you,
believe me!
1007
01:45:12,968 --> 01:45:15,126
- All the more so, I refuse to do it.
- But why not?
1008
01:45:16,556 --> 01:45:20,424
- Because you are not world-famous.
- Far from it.
1009
01:45:20,686 --> 01:45:25,514
o. I will never let a colleague
down in a calamity...
1010
01:45:25,858 --> 01:45:29,144
...and myself shelter behind my world-wide
reputation. That's something I won't do.
1011
01:45:30,197 --> 01:45:33,115
I'm a Moscow University alumnus,
not a harikov.
1012
01:45:33,366 --> 01:45:35,776
Are you just going to wait...
1013
01:45:36,081 --> 01:45:38,950
...until that hoodlum turns
into a human being?
1014
01:45:39,625 --> 01:45:45,712
Ivan Arnoldovich, do you think I understand a
little bit about the anatomy and physiology?
1015
01:45:45,966 --> 01:45:47,925
Philip Philipovich - what a question!
1016
01:45:48,095 --> 01:45:51,097
Now listen to me,
Professor-to-be Bormenthal...
1017
01:45:51,390 --> 01:45:55,685
...No one will ever manage to turn him
into a human being. And don't ask me.
1018
01:45:57,398 --> 01:46:01,693
I spent five years doing nothing
but extracting cerebral appendages.
1019
01:46:02,237 --> 01:46:06,318
You know bow much work I did on the
subject - an unbelievable amount!
1020
01:46:07,244 --> 01:46:11,372
And now comes the crucial question - what
for? o that one fine day a charming dog...
1021
01:46:11,915 --> 01:46:15,914
...should be transformed into a specimen so
revolting that he makes one's hair stand on end?
1022
01:46:16,170 --> 01:46:18,924
- omething extraordinary.
- I quite agree with you...
1023
01:46:19,717 --> 01:46:23,585
This, Doctor, is what happens when a researcher,
instead of keeping in step with nature,
1024
01:46:24,097 --> 01:46:31,762
...tries to force the pace
and lift the veil.
1025
01:46:32,315 --> 01:46:35,233
The result is a harikov. We have made
our bed and now we must lie in it!
1026
01:46:35,820 --> 01:46:37,979
upposing the brain had been
pinoza's, Philip Philipovich?
1027
01:46:38,491 --> 01:46:42,785
But what in heaven's name for?
Will you kindly explain that to me?
1028
01:46:43,205 --> 01:46:46,906
Will you kindly tell me why one has to manufacture
an artificial human being, when any woman can...
1029
01:46:47,209 --> 01:46:49,499
...give birth to a real one any day of the week.
- Philip Philipovich...
1030
01:46:49,712 --> 01:46:53,295
No, don't argue,
Ivan Arnoldovich, please.
1031
01:46:53,800 --> 01:46:58,345
Theoretically, the experiment was interesting.
The physiologists will be delighted. Moscow has gone mad.
1032
01:46:59,265 --> 01:47:04,261
But what have we got in practice?
Who is this creature? Who?
1033
01:47:04,605 --> 01:47:07,276
- An unmitigated scoundrel.
- Yes, but who is he?
1034
01:47:09,863 --> 01:47:13,943
Klim. Klim Chugunkin.
1035
01:47:16,621 --> 01:47:20,950
Twice sentenced, an alcoholic,
\x22take and divide everything up\x22,
1036
01:47:23,713 --> 01:47:27,248
...hoodlum and swine. Yes.
1037
01:47:30,429 --> 01:47:32,885
I was concerned with something
quite different.
1038
01:47:33,475 --> 01:47:39,229
With eugenics, with the improvement of
the human nature. And what have I got?
1039
01:47:42,778 --> 01:47:46,228
You don't think I do these rejuvenation
operations because of the money, do you?
1040
01:47:46,906 --> 01:47:51,370
- I am still a scientist.
- And a great one, that's what I tell you.
1041
01:47:52,916 --> 01:47:59,964
Yes, Doctor, this case
is absolutely hopeless.
1042
01:48:02,468 --> 01:48:05,256
Okay, then, Professor.
1043
01:48:05,556 --> 01:48:09,091
If you don't want to do it yourself,
I will take the risk of feeding him a dose of arsenic.
1044
01:48:09,978 --> 01:48:12,517
I don't care if my father
was a court investigator.
1045
01:48:12,814 --> 01:48:15,437
No, absolutely not.
I won't let you do it.
1046
01:48:16,945 --> 01:48:19,863
I'm sixty - and have the right
to give you advice.
1047
01:48:20,283 --> 01:48:26,488
Never commit a crime
no matter against whom.
1048
01:48:27,042 --> 01:48:31,621
Keep your hands clean until old age.
1049
01:48:32,130 --> 01:48:33,958
For God's sake, Philip Philipovich...
1050
01:48:34,258 --> 01:48:38,042
...if that damned hvonder sets to work
at him, what is going to become of him?
1051
01:48:38,346 --> 01:48:41,965
I'm only just beginning to realize what
may become of our harikov, by God.
1052
01:48:42,226 --> 01:48:46,805
Aha, so you realize now, do you? Well, I
realized it ten days after the operation.
1053
01:48:48,859 --> 01:48:54,531
Now then, that hvonder
is the greatest fool!
1054
01:48:55,576 --> 01:48:59,076
Right now he's doing all he can
to turn harikov against me...
1055
01:48:59,331 --> 01:49:02,285
...not realizing that if someone were in his
turn to set harikov against hvonder himself...
1056
01:49:02,627 --> 01:49:07,124
...there'll soon be nothing left of
hvonder but the bones and the beak.
1057
01:49:07,382 --> 01:49:10,669
Just think of the way he goes about cats.
A man with the heart of a dog.
1058
01:49:11,012 --> 01:49:16,088
Oh, no, don't insult the dog...
I assure you that his reaction to cats is purely temporary.
1059
01:49:16,602 --> 01:49:23,436
The whole horror is that he now has
a human heart, not a dog's heart.
1060
01:49:23,777 --> 01:49:29,733
And about the rottenest heart
in all creation!
1061
01:49:31,077 --> 01:49:33,831
- I shall kill him.
- Help!
1062
01:49:34,207 --> 01:49:37,077
- What is it?
- Mommy! Help!
1063
01:49:37,545 --> 01:49:40,630
- What are you doing, bastard?
- Darya, let go.
1064
01:49:41,048 --> 01:49:44,549
Just look at our precious visitor
Telegraph Telegraphovich, Professor!
1065
01:49:44,845 --> 01:49:48,132
I've been married, I don't care.
But Zina's an innocent girl...
1066
01:49:48,390 --> 01:49:50,514
It was a good thing I woke up!
1067
01:49:50,852 --> 01:49:53,142
Darya Petrovna, please forgive us.
1068
01:49:53,773 --> 01:49:56,728
Darya, we are young.
1069
01:49:57,277 --> 01:49:59,187
Doctor! I forbid you!
1070
01:50:00,447 --> 01:50:04,399
- Doctor!
- You haven't any right to fight.
1071
01:50:04,661 --> 01:50:08,447
Ok. OK. Just wait till morning.
1072
01:50:10,043 --> 01:50:12,961
Bormenthal, let go! Where are you
taking me? I can walk myself.
1073
01:50:13,214 --> 01:50:17,758
I'll fix a little show for him when he sobers up.
- Philipovich, you tell him.
1074
01:50:24,645 --> 01:50:30,482
I warn you Egorovna, if you go on burning parquet
in the stove I'll move you all out. That's it.
1075
01:50:34,489 --> 01:50:35,950
Yes?
1076
01:50:37,868 --> 01:50:41,867
Excuse me, do you happen to know where
monsieur harikov is at the moment?
1077
01:50:43,250 --> 01:50:45,409
Is he not at home?
1078
01:50:46,463 --> 01:50:50,081
He's gone. What a fool I am not
to have locked the door!
1079
01:50:51,260 --> 01:50:55,840
Look for him yourself.
I'm not his guardian, am I?
1080
01:50:57,226 --> 01:50:59,718
All the more so because your
harikov is a scoundrel.
1081
01:51:00,521 --> 01:51:04,686
Yesterday in the office of the house
committee he took 7 roubles to buy textbooks.
1082
01:51:06,153 --> 01:51:07,435
The dog!
1083
01:51:23,425 --> 01:51:28,384
I can well imagine what is going on
out there. I can imagine.
1084
01:51:28,681 --> 01:51:32,133
He stole three bottles of ash berry vodka and
borrowed three and a half roubles from me.
1085
01:51:32,519 --> 01:51:35,438
You deserved it. You well knew
what sort of a guy he was.
1086
01:51:36,191 --> 01:51:40,024
ure I did. No need to bring
stray dogs into the flat.
1087
01:51:40,905 --> 01:51:42,778
We must inform the militia at once.
1088
01:52:20,121 --> 01:52:25,329
I, Philip Philipovich, have taken up an official post.
- Give me the paper.
1089
01:52:29,757 --> 01:52:33,423
The presenter of this Polygraph
Plygraphovich harikov...
1090
01:52:33,888 --> 01:52:37,933
...is truly employed as head of the sub-department
for the control of stray animals...
1091
01:52:38,310 --> 01:52:44,480
...(cats etc.) in Moscow.
1092
01:52:45,902 --> 01:52:49,069
o, who got you the job?
But I suppose I can guess.
1093
01:52:50,199 --> 01:52:53,450
Yes of course, hvonder.
1094
01:52:55,163 --> 01:53:01,169
Forgive my asking, but why are you
giving off such a revolting smell?
1095
01:53:04,132 --> 01:53:09,175
Well, it does smell -
that's because of my job.
1096
01:53:10,264 --> 01:53:15,057
I spent all yesterday
strangling cats, cats, cats.
1097
01:53:16,064 --> 01:53:20,193
trangling, strangling, strangling.
1098
01:53:22,197 --> 01:53:24,106
- Help!
- Ivan Arnoldovich.
1099
01:53:24,366 --> 01:53:26,691
Don't worry, Philip Philipovich,
I shan't do anything violent.
1100
01:53:26,953 --> 01:53:29,195
Zina and Darya Petrovna!
1101
01:53:31,334 --> 01:53:37,171
Repeat after me: Forgive me
Darya Petrovna and Zinaida...
1102
01:53:37,465 --> 01:53:39,873
- Zinaida..?
- Prokofievna.
1103
01:53:40,386 --> 01:53:45,760
...Prokofievna, for my disgusting prank
the other night in a state of intoxication.
1104
01:53:46,184 --> 01:53:49,020
- This will never happen again!
- Never.
1105
01:53:49,523 --> 01:53:53,306
- Let him go, you'll strangle him.
- Let him go, Ivan Arnoldovich.
1106
01:53:54,946 --> 01:53:57,104
Now mind the following.
1107
01:53:57,324 --> 01:54:00,858
You've come back to
Philip Philipovich's flat.
1108
01:54:01,495 --> 01:54:04,117
- Have you?
- Where else can I go?
1109
01:54:04,373 --> 01:54:08,503
Very well. You will be as good
as gold and as quiet as a mouse.
1110
01:54:09,380 --> 01:54:13,674
Otherwise, you will have to reckon
with me each time you misbehave.
1111
01:54:13,969 --> 01:54:15,547
Got it?
1112
01:54:16,472 --> 01:54:17,966
Yes.
1113
01:54:21,394 --> 01:54:26,603
What do you do with them...
the dead cats?
1114
01:54:27,361 --> 01:54:29,649
They'll make overcoats of them.
1115
01:54:30,490 --> 01:54:34,109
They'll make squirrels out of them
and sell them to workers on credit.
1116
01:57:15,235 --> 01:57:16,515
Come in.
1117
01:57:20,198 --> 01:57:21,823
Don't be shy.
1118
01:57:24,829 --> 01:57:27,748
What are you waiting for, come in.
1119
01:57:33,048 --> 01:57:34,293
Take off your coat.
1120
01:57:38,262 --> 01:57:40,505
- Who is this?
- Me and her's getting married.
1121
01:57:40,891 --> 01:57:44,224
he's our typist. he's coming
to live with me.
1122
01:57:44,646 --> 01:57:48,976
Bormenthal will have to be moved out of the reception room.
He's got a flat of his own.
1123
01:57:50,903 --> 01:57:53,904
May I ask you to step into
my study for a moment?
1124
01:57:54,866 --> 01:57:56,776
- I'm coming with her.
- I beg your pardon.
1125
01:57:57,037 --> 01:57:59,527
The Professor wants to talk to the lady,
and you and I are going to stay here.
1126
01:57:59,747 --> 01:58:02,453
- I won't!
- No, I'm sorry.
1127
01:58:07,966 --> 01:58:12,214
He told me he'd been
wounded in battle.
1128
01:58:12,513 --> 01:58:14,056
He's lying.
1129
01:58:16,518 --> 01:58:21,763
I'm genuinely sorry for you,
but you know you should not...
1130
01:58:23,610 --> 01:58:28,855
...go off with the first man you meet
just because he has a steady job.
1131
01:58:29,952 --> 01:58:32,740
Baby, it's scandalous.
1132
01:58:33,081 --> 01:58:35,453
Nothing but salt beef
every day in the canteen.
1133
01:58:39,046 --> 01:58:42,546
He threatened me, he said
he was a Red Army officer.
1134
01:58:47,681 --> 01:58:52,227
He promised to take me to live
in a luxurious flat.
1135
01:58:56,944 --> 01:58:59,400
Pineapples every day.
1136
01:59:00,155 --> 01:59:03,525
ays he's kind-hearted, really...
1137
01:59:05,913 --> 01:59:08,369
...he only hates cats.
1138
01:59:09,793 --> 01:59:12,035
He took my ring as a keepsake.
1139
01:59:14,507 --> 01:59:16,085
I'll poison myself!
1140
01:59:16,676 --> 01:59:20,840
Well, well, well. You just have
to bear the pain a little while.
1141
01:59:22,057 --> 01:59:24,466
You're still so young.
1142
01:59:26,939 --> 01:59:28,682
harikov!
1143
01:59:30,777 --> 01:59:34,561
Kindly take the trouble to explain to this
lady where you got that scar on your forehead.
1144
01:59:37,326 --> 01:59:40,993
I was wounded at the front fighting against Kolchak.
- top it!
1145
01:59:45,294 --> 01:59:49,080
Just a minute - the ring, please.
1146
01:59:53,097 --> 01:59:56,299
I'll get you. You'll remember me.
1147
01:59:57,935 --> 02:00:00,426
Tomorrow I'll arrange for some
reductions of the office staff!
1148
02:00:00,772 --> 02:00:03,608
Don't be afraid of him!
I won't let him do you any harm!
1149
02:00:04,068 --> 02:00:06,559
- What's her surname? urname?
- Vasnetsova.
1150
02:00:07,698 --> 02:00:13,488
Every day I shall personally make inquiries at the City
anitation Department, if citizen Vasnetsova has been sacked!
1151
02:00:13,789 --> 02:00:17,538
And if I find out that she has,
I will shoot you down with my own hands!
1152
02:00:21,506 --> 02:00:23,712
I know where to lay hands
on revolvers myself.
1153
02:00:25,386 --> 02:00:26,667
Beware!
1154
02:00:43,575 --> 02:00:45,200
Don't stop the engine.
1155
02:00:48,581 --> 02:00:51,951
You look right, you look left.
Let's go.
1156
02:01:15,197 --> 02:01:18,981
You stay here, you - here.
Watch carefully.
1157
02:01:20,787 --> 02:01:22,448
Catch him!
1158
02:01:51,325 --> 02:01:54,031
Catch him, catch!
1159
02:01:54,538 --> 02:02:00,080
- Well, Polygraph, you seem to know where they are hiding.
- I can feel them with my heart. Get in.
1160
02:02:02,005 --> 02:02:05,457
Let's go quick. Be careful
not to let it slip by.
1161
02:02:37,007 --> 02:02:39,499
Have your pains come back?
1162
02:02:39,844 --> 02:02:43,712
No, Professor, I'm very
grateful to you.
1163
02:02:45,851 --> 02:02:50,515
I've come, hm, about another matter,
Philip Philipovich.
1164
02:02:51,108 --> 02:02:56,352
\x22also threatening to kill of the House
Committee chairman, Comrade hvonder\x22
1165
02:02:58,033 --> 02:03:02,530
\x22which makes it clear
that he keeps firearms...
1166
02:03:02,914 --> 02:03:08,123
...and makes counterrevolutionary
speeches...
1167
02:03:09,089 --> 02:03:15,756
...has even ordered his domestic worker,
Zinaida Prokofievna Bunina...
1168
02:03:17,139 --> 02:03:19,216
..to burn Engels... Engels...
in the stove...
1169
02:03:19,935 --> 02:03:26,307
...like a true Menshevik together with his
assistant Ivan Arnoldovich Bormenthal...
1170
02:03:26,652 --> 02:03:34,068
...who is living secretly in his flat
without being registered.
1171
02:03:34,410 --> 02:03:38,989
The signature of the head of the City
anitation Department harikov is valid.
1172
02:03:39,584 --> 02:03:43,748
...House Committee chairman hvonder.
1173
02:03:46,508 --> 02:03:49,630
ecretary: Pestrukhin.
1174
02:03:52,058 --> 02:03:56,685
It's lucky that they reported
directly to me.
1175
02:03:56,980 --> 02:04:00,814
May I keep this?
1176
02:04:01,153 --> 02:04:07,820
Or perhaps you need it so that
legal proceedings can be started?
1177
02:04:08,161 --> 02:04:14,532
Forgive me, Professor, but you seem
to regard us with too much contempt.
1178
02:04:14,835 --> 02:04:18,003
- I...
- Please forgive me, my dear fellow.
1179
02:04:18,882 --> 02:04:24,258
I really didn't mean to offend you.
Please don't take offence.
1180
02:04:26,016 --> 02:04:28,591
He tired me out.
1181
02:04:43,580 --> 02:04:45,406
You must be here tomorrow morning.
1182
02:04:51,506 --> 02:04:54,177
Good evening, Polygraph
Polygraphovich.
1183
02:05:20,541 --> 02:05:22,914
erve dinner in the dining room.
1184
02:05:28,594 --> 02:05:32,806
harikov, come into the study.
1185
02:05:43,445 --> 02:05:44,988
What do you want?
1186
02:05:46,407 --> 02:05:51,782
Go and collect your things at once - pants, coat,
everything you need - then get out of this flat!
1187
02:05:52,248 --> 02:05:55,415
- What is this!?
- Get out of this flat - today.
1188
02:05:55,668 --> 02:05:59,500
What is this after all! You think
I can't find a way to deal with you?
1189
02:05:59,840 --> 02:06:02,926
I've a right to thirty-seven square
feet and I'm staying right here!
1190
02:06:03,302 --> 02:06:07,171
- Get out of this flat.
- Like hell I will!
1191
02:06:09,186 --> 02:06:10,977
Keep away, Bormenthal.
1192
02:06:14,900 --> 02:06:18,236
Doctor Bormenthal! Doctor Bormenthal!
Doctor, what are you doing?.
1193
02:06:26,790 --> 02:06:29,911
Doctor Bormenthal! Doctor Bormenthal!
1194
02:07:00,875 --> 02:07:02,666
Give me the key to the front door.
1195
02:07:05,963 --> 02:07:08,538
The Professor says you
mustn't leave the apartment.
1196
02:07:09,468 --> 02:07:12,506
It's not because we don't trust you,
but should anybody come...
1197
02:07:12,847 --> 02:07:17,142
...you might not be able to keep them out,
and we mustn't be disturbed. We're busy.
1198
02:07:19,981 --> 02:07:24,809
It's not because they don't trust us.
They mustn't be disturbed. They are busy.
1199
02:07:51,480 --> 02:07:53,636
Where's the chief of the
pest control department?
1200
02:07:54,608 --> 02:07:57,478
And who the hell are you?
- I am chairman of the house management committee hvonder.
1201
02:07:58,152 --> 02:08:02,616
God knows where you chief of the pest control is.
It's now the third day that we are waiting for him.
1202
02:08:04,870 --> 02:08:06,280
Well then.
1203
02:08:26,647 --> 02:08:27,927
Who are you?
1204
02:08:28,106 --> 02:08:31,808
Criminal Police and investigator.
Open up, please.
1205
02:08:41,957 --> 02:08:43,832
Where is the Professor's room?
1206
02:08:53,931 --> 02:08:55,804
What is it that you desire gentlemen?
1207
02:08:56,434 --> 02:09:00,646
We have a warrant to search your flat and arrest you,
depending on the results of the search.
1208
02:09:01,857 --> 02:09:05,273
What, may I ask, is the charge,
and who is being charged?
1209
02:09:05,611 --> 02:09:10,026
Professor Preobrazhensky, Bormenthal...
1210
02:09:11,160 --> 02:09:16,203
...Zinaida Bunina, and Darya Ivanova
are charged with the murder of...
1211
02:09:17,460 --> 02:09:21,375
...Poligraph Poligraphovich harikov,
ubdepartment Head of the Pest Control.
1212
02:09:22,674 --> 02:09:27,136
I don't understand. What harikov do you have in mind?
Oh, you mean that dog of mine... the one I operated on?
1213
02:09:27,429 --> 02:09:32,009
Not your dog. This happened when
he was a man. That's the trouble.
1214
02:09:32,603 --> 02:09:36,816
You mean he talked? That doesn't
necessarily imply being human.
1215
02:09:37,067 --> 02:09:40,188
Anyhow, it's irrelevant.
harik still exists.
1216
02:09:40,571 --> 02:09:44,073
- No one ever killed him.
- In that case, you must produce him.
1217
02:09:44,368 --> 02:09:49,742
It's ten days now since he disappeared, and the evidence,
I am sorry to say, is most disquieting.
1218
02:09:52,628 --> 02:09:57,836
Doctor Bormenthal, will you please
produce harik for the detective to see.
1219
02:10:21,246 --> 02:10:26,834
But how then, did he work for Pest Control?
- I didn't send him to the job.
1220
02:10:27,504 --> 02:10:32,251
It was Monsieur hvonder who
recommended him, if I'm not mistaken.
1221
02:10:34,137 --> 02:10:38,966
Is that him?
- That's him. Only the villain has gone all hairy again.
1222
02:10:39,520 --> 02:10:44,680
- But he talked!
- He still talks, though less and less.
1223
02:10:44,984 --> 02:10:47,024
Now is the time to hear him speak.
1224
02:10:47,529 --> 02:10:51,196
cience has not yet found the means
of turning animals into people.
1225
02:10:51,701 --> 02:10:57,906
As you see, I tried, he talked, and then
he began to revert to his primitive state.
1226
02:10:59,169 --> 02:11:03,416
- An atavism.
- Atavism? A...
1227
02:11:04,257 --> 02:11:06,797
Don't swear at me!
1228
02:11:09,805 --> 02:11:13,426
- Give him valerian. He's fainted.
- Did you see it? He sent his dog at me.
1229
02:11:13,685 --> 02:11:16,095
I shall personally throw
hvonder downstairs...
1230
02:11:16,315 --> 02:11:18,984
...if he ever turns up in Professor
Preobrazhensky's flat again.
1231
02:11:19,610 --> 02:11:22,612
Please enter that remark
in the report.
1232
02:11:28,746 --> 02:11:32,447
Did you here? Did you? I request that
those words be recorded in the protocol.
1233
02:11:45,642 --> 02:11:49,178
That's our lot,
1234
02:11:49,857 --> 02:11:53,690
We are back from the field and the enemy
class is celebrating everywhere.
1235
02:11:54,904 --> 02:11:58,355
Tell me, Uncle, for the sake
of the people
1236
02:11:59,534 --> 02:12:03,036
No enemy will escape our punishment.
1237
02:12:03,831 --> 02:12:07,117
The hoofs are knocking
1238
02:12:08,211 --> 02:12:11,581
The machine-gun is sounding.
1239
02:12:12,509 --> 02:12:15,843
The White guard is all beaten up
1240
02:12:16,806 --> 02:12:20,341
No one will ever overpower
the Red army!
1241
02:12:21,229 --> 02:12:25,523
The White guard is all beaten up
1242
02:12:42,922 --> 02:12:49,174
From eville to Granada...
in the still of the night...
1243
02:12:50,472 --> 02:12:57,722
You can here the serenada and
the clash of steel so bright.
1244
02:12:59,234 --> 02:13:02,934
treams of blood and song galore...
1245
02:13:03,281 --> 02:13:10,244
I've been very, very lucky -
Incredibly lucky.
1246
02:13:12,708 --> 02:13:15,330
Now I'm really settled in this flat.
1247
02:13:17,505 --> 02:13:22,382
Though I'm absolutely sure there's
something fishy about my pedigree.
1248
02:13:23,973 --> 02:13:26,725
A Labrador is sure to have
something to do with it.
1249
02:13:27,060 --> 02:13:32,018
he was just a tart, my old grandmother,
God rest her soul.
1250
02:13:33,735 --> 02:13:40,189
ure, they cut my head up a bit for some
reason, but who cares. That's all right.
1251
02:13:41,744 --> 02:13:45,742
None of my business, really.
108165
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