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1
00:00:15,732 --> 00:00:16,968
Happy
Fourth of July
2
00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:19,669
to everybody out in the
beautiful US of A tonight.
3
00:00:19,736 --> 00:00:22,006
How about some tunes
for those barbecues?
4
00:00:22,073 --> 00:00:22,940
All right.
5
00:00:24,809 --> 00:00:27,611
Oh yeah, I'm having the
best Fourth of July ever.
6
00:00:27,677 --> 00:00:30,680
Driving through these
dark ass woods all alone.
7
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,985
It's cool, it's
fine, it's great.
8
00:00:35,685 --> 00:00:36,921
Fucking kill me.
9
00:00:47,064 --> 00:00:48,565
No fucking way.
10
00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:50,700
No fucking way.
11
00:00:51,936 --> 00:00:52,837
Shit.
12
00:01:04,949 --> 00:01:06,616
I didn't think I'd
be able to hear
13
00:01:06,683 --> 00:01:09,921
fireworks from all
the way out here.
14
00:01:12,123 --> 00:01:13,657
Fucking bullshit.
15
00:01:19,897 --> 00:01:23,067
Look, whoever's out there,
this isn't funny, okay?
16
00:01:23,134 --> 00:01:27,604
I'm lost and out of my element
and I get scared easily.
17
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:29,807
I'm trying to find my friends,
18
00:01:30,875 --> 00:01:32,944
my friends that are Navy SEALs.
19
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,047
They have trained experience
20
00:01:36,113 --> 00:01:40,084
with kahrv magah or
however the fuck you say it
21
00:01:40,151 --> 00:01:42,753
and they're expecting me,
22
00:01:43,955 --> 00:01:45,756
so don't try any shit.
23
00:01:47,892 --> 00:01:49,026
'Cause they're gonna find me.
24
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,131
Pull it together, Jennifer.
25
00:02:03,007 --> 00:02:03,908
No!
26
00:02:05,877 --> 00:02:07,011
No, no, no FUCK
27
00:02:07,078 --> 00:02:09,379
No, no, no, no, oh my god! FUCK!
28
00:02:10,915 --> 00:02:11,816
Oh my god!
29
00:02:13,084 --> 00:02:13,985
Oh my god!
30
00:02:17,822 --> 00:02:18,722
The party.
31
00:02:19,757 --> 00:02:21,125
Everyone's waiting.
32
00:02:22,193 --> 00:02:24,561
I don't think I'm gonna make it
33
00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:25,930
to the party.
34
00:02:25,997 --> 00:02:28,966
Here's another
classic American jam for you.
35
00:03:10,207 --> 00:03:12,076
Happy Fourth of
July, mother fuckers.
36
00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:17,580
Too Cold.
37
00:03:18,983 --> 00:03:20,617
Marcus, it's
too cold in here.
38
00:03:20,684 --> 00:03:21,953
Okay,
it's cold in here
39
00:03:22,019 --> 00:03:23,888
but it's like 100
degrees outside.
40
00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:25,756
Would you guys rather freeze
to death or burn to death?
41
00:03:25,823 --> 00:03:27,724
If I say burn to death,
will you turn the AC down?
42
00:03:27,792 --> 00:03:29,693
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
43
00:03:31,929 --> 00:03:34,664
Whoa, shoot, I think
the car's stuck.
44
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:38,135
Okay, can we at least
get some fresh air?
45
00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:42,773
I already feel
the sweat coming on.
46
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,775
- Ooh.
- Get away from me.
47
00:03:46,243 --> 00:03:47,744
All right, I should
probably go check the tire.
48
00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:55,152
Oh my gosh, did you see
this photo Nate just posted?
49
00:03:55,219 --> 00:03:58,022
Yeah, "Guns out, fun's out."
50
00:03:59,023 --> 00:04:00,657
He's such an idiot.
51
00:04:00,724 --> 00:04:02,726
Hey, come on now,
he's your brother.
52
00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:04,261
Half-brother,
he's your boyfriend.
53
00:04:05,763 --> 00:04:07,098
I thought you were doing better?
54
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:10,901
Yeah, I mean it's
not bad, it's just not-
55
00:04:10,968 --> 00:04:14,105
- Great, I think the tires
are stuck on both sides.
56
00:04:16,107 --> 00:04:19,777
Let me check the tail light.
57
00:04:20,878 --> 00:04:22,146
The tail light?
58
00:04:23,781 --> 00:04:25,648
Look, I shouldn't
have said anything.
59
00:04:25,715 --> 00:04:27,852
Nate promised me that he
was gonna behave tonight.
60
00:04:27,918 --> 00:04:29,220
So we're just gonna have fun.
61
00:04:30,855 --> 00:04:32,722
Right Angela, fun?
62
00:04:34,258 --> 00:04:35,860
Look at the comments
on Nate's picture.
63
00:04:35,926 --> 00:04:37,028
People are even stupider than-
64
00:04:37,094 --> 00:04:39,864
- I thought we agreed
no phones on this trip?
65
00:04:39,930 --> 00:04:41,232
- No, we didn't.
- No.
66
00:04:41,298 --> 00:04:42,299
- We didn't?
- No.
67
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,736
Oh god, well then who did
I make that agreement with?
68
00:04:46,804 --> 00:04:47,537
I don't know.
69
00:04:50,074 --> 00:04:51,175
That's weird.
70
00:04:51,242 --> 00:04:52,910
Okay anyways, listen,
71
00:04:55,312 --> 00:04:56,914
let me check under the car.
72
00:04:58,249 --> 00:05:00,151
Okay, so what's the plan?
73
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,685
A couple of drinks
or college drunk?
74
00:05:02,753 --> 00:05:05,056
Ooh, college drunk.
75
00:05:05,122 --> 00:05:06,257
All right.
76
00:05:06,323 --> 00:05:08,125
All right.
77
00:05:08,192 --> 00:05:10,861
All right chitters,
enough chatting or whatever.
78
00:05:10,928 --> 00:05:12,029
Let's give this thing a shot.
79
00:05:12,096 --> 00:05:13,998
I'm gonna go ahead and
step on the gas here.
80
00:05:14,065 --> 00:05:15,900
Angela, you use your
little hand and go
81
00:05:15,966 --> 00:05:18,202
from blue to red on the AC
thing there or whatever.
82
00:05:18,269 --> 00:05:19,303
Mary-
83
00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:20,771
- Okay, why don't I just get out
84
00:05:20,838 --> 00:05:22,239
and push while you rev the gas?
85
00:05:23,841 --> 00:05:24,942
I hadn't thought of that.
86
00:05:25,009 --> 00:05:27,178
See, that's why they
pay you the big bucks.
87
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,979
I know.
88
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,916
Up, up and away.
89
00:05:33,851 --> 00:05:35,252
Down, down, down, shit.
90
00:05:37,354 --> 00:05:38,989
Putting all the
meats, all the meats
91
00:05:39,056 --> 00:05:41,058
into the freezer for my friends.
92
00:05:50,968 --> 00:05:51,869
Good job, Nate.
93
00:05:53,838 --> 00:05:56,107
Ow, damn, that smarts.
94
00:06:01,112 --> 00:06:02,012
Well now,
95
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:07,952
this party just went
from 10 to 1776.
96
00:06:27,204 --> 00:06:28,372
Spooky.
97
00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:29,340
Marcus.
98
00:06:31,175 --> 00:06:33,244
This place is a lot
creepier than I remember.
99
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,946
What's so creepy
about it out here?
100
00:06:36,013 --> 00:06:37,781
Is it the fact that
we're two miles
101
00:06:37,848 --> 00:06:39,183
away from the closest neighbor?
102
00:06:40,851 --> 00:06:41,919
Or what about the fact
that the only road
103
00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:44,654
in and out is a winding
gravelly nightmare?
104
00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:47,391
Or is it that
redneck gas station
105
00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:49,927
attendant that told us
not to come out here?
106
00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:52,963
- Or is it the-
- Hey, uh, Marcus?
107
00:06:53,030 --> 00:06:55,332
Why do you have a small arsenal
in the back of your car?
108
00:06:55,399 --> 00:06:58,135
Oh, Nate wanted me to
bring some fireworks.
109
00:06:58,202 --> 00:06:59,970
Aren't fireworks
illegal out here?
110
00:07:00,037 --> 00:07:02,206
Yeah, because they're
super dangerous.
111
00:07:02,273 --> 00:07:03,274
Yeah.
112
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,809
Illegal, dangerous.
113
00:07:05,876 --> 00:07:07,311
What about dope as fuck?
114
00:07:11,949 --> 00:07:13,250
Okay, fine.
115
00:07:13,317 --> 00:07:16,353
I'll only bring the ones with
labels written in English.
116
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:17,888
Buzzkill.
117
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,262
Hello?
118
00:07:51,155 --> 00:07:53,190
Yo.
119
00:07:53,257 --> 00:07:56,260
One if by land, two if by sea.
120
00:07:56,327 --> 00:07:58,395
You fuckers are here
to party with me.
121
00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:03,334
I didn't even hear
you guys come in.
122
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,935
You could be getting
murdered up here,
123
00:08:05,002 --> 00:08:06,870
I'd never know the difference.
124
00:08:06,937 --> 00:08:08,105
I guess it's
good that we weren't then.
125
00:08:09,206 --> 00:08:11,175
Babe.
126
00:08:11,242 --> 00:08:14,178
Stop, stop, stop,
the sun's still up.
127
00:08:14,245 --> 00:08:18,148
Hey listen, so I brought
that sexy Uncle Sam costume.
128
00:08:18,215 --> 00:08:20,251
Oh my god, seriously,
you brought that with you?
129
00:08:20,317 --> 00:08:22,286
What? It's
gonna be so hot.
130
00:08:22,353 --> 00:08:25,022
You're gonna be hot,
babe, you are so hot.
131
00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:28,459
Oh my god, stop
it, you're being gross.
132
00:08:28,525 --> 00:08:30,961
I'm not doing that shit while
Ange and everybody are here.
133
00:08:31,028 --> 00:08:32,997
Oh come on,
it's the Fourth of July.
134
00:08:33,063 --> 00:08:35,366
It only comes around once
a year, please, please?
135
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,001
- No.
- I want you.
136
00:08:39,036 --> 00:08:41,138
We're not doing the sexy
Uncle Sam again, okay?
137
00:08:41,205 --> 00:08:43,173
- It's weird that you like that.
- Hey Nate.
138
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,210
Hey Nate, you have any where
I can plug in my air purifier?
139
00:08:46,277 --> 00:08:48,112
I have allergies, you know.
140
00:08:48,178 --> 00:08:51,081
Yeah bro, plug it into
that power strip over there.
141
00:08:51,148 --> 00:08:52,383
- All right.
- Yeah.
142
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:53,384
Knucks.
143
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,218
Careful of the beer.
144
00:09:01,392 --> 00:09:04,528
Hey Mary, you want to give
me a hand outside real quick?
145
00:09:04,595 --> 00:09:05,462
Yeah, sure.
146
00:09:18,442 --> 00:09:22,980
Nate, I understand what
you've done with the place.
147
00:09:23,047 --> 00:09:24,348
Yeah, yeah.
148
00:09:24,415 --> 00:09:26,250
Thanks, thanks.
149
00:09:26,317 --> 00:09:27,318
Yeah.
150
00:09:27,384 --> 00:09:28,952
- Red, white.
- Blue.
151
00:09:29,019 --> 00:09:30,988
- Blue.
- Yeah, it's fitting.
152
00:09:31,055 --> 00:09:32,523
Yeah, I thought
so, I thought so.
153
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:38,195
Hey, I got the food
for you, by the way.
154
00:09:38,262 --> 00:09:41,265
I tried to get the stuff that
your mom used to make for us.
155
00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:43,300
Yeah, it's
an honest effort.
156
00:09:46,236 --> 00:09:49,440
Well hey, thanks
for coming back.
157
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,541
Yeah, of course.
158
00:09:50,607 --> 00:09:52,142
No, I wouldn't want to miss it.
159
00:09:53,110 --> 00:09:53,977
Cool, good.
160
00:09:54,044 --> 00:09:55,079
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
161
00:09:55,145 --> 00:09:58,982
And thank you too, by the way.
162
00:09:59,049 --> 00:10:01,285
Oh, for what?
163
00:10:01,352 --> 00:10:02,519
For thanking me.
164
00:10:04,088 --> 00:10:05,422
- Right.
- Yeah.
165
00:10:05,489 --> 00:10:07,424
- Yeah, don't mention it.
- Cool.
166
00:10:10,661 --> 00:10:13,364
Hey Nate, what happened
to all your tires?
167
00:10:13,430 --> 00:10:15,199
- They're like shredded.
- Oh yeah.
168
00:10:15,265 --> 00:10:17,601
That winding gravelly nightmare
road really tore 'em up.
169
00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:19,269
It's definitely worse
since last time.
170
00:10:19,336 --> 00:10:21,271
How are you gonna get home?
171
00:10:21,338 --> 00:10:23,607
That sounds like a
problem for future Nate.
172
00:10:23,674 --> 00:10:25,609
That's right,
oh, coming in hot.
173
00:10:25,676 --> 00:10:28,212
- Look at that, it's a snail.
- That's cool.
174
00:10:29,279 --> 00:10:31,081
You pussies gotta catch up.
175
00:10:33,384 --> 00:10:36,453
Hey babe, did you invite
that girl, what's her nuts?
176
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,255
Juanita, Jamilla?
177
00:10:38,322 --> 00:10:39,390
Jennifer?
178
00:10:39,456 --> 00:10:41,291
Arguably the most
common name in America.
179
00:10:44,161 --> 00:10:45,496
She picked up a shift at work.
180
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,431
She'll be here
after she gets off.
181
00:10:47,498 --> 00:10:49,099
Oh, that's awesome, I didn't
think she was gonna make it.
182
00:10:49,166 --> 00:10:50,467
Oh fuck yes,
Jennifer's the best.
183
00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:52,236
I know, right?
She's hilarious.
184
00:10:52,302 --> 00:10:54,138
That bit that she does when
185
00:10:54,204 --> 00:10:55,105
she acts like a cowboy and
she's like "Yippie-ki-yay!"
186
00:10:56,273 --> 00:10:59,076
"I've got a boot in
my snake," or whatever.
187
00:10:59,143 --> 00:11:01,645
Yeah, oh Jennifer.
188
00:11:01,712 --> 00:11:03,647
She's always the
life of the party.
189
00:11:03,714 --> 00:11:04,615
Yeah.
190
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,456
Hey Nate, what
kind of beer is this?
191
00:11:12,523 --> 00:11:14,591
This is American Bohemian,
192
00:11:14,658 --> 00:11:17,361
the official beer of patriotism.
193
00:11:19,196 --> 00:11:22,332
That's weird, the first
ingredient listed is Americana.
194
00:11:22,399 --> 00:11:23,667
I mean, I guess that's more
195
00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:26,069
of an idea than a
tangible ingredient.
196
00:11:26,136 --> 00:11:28,138
Oh yeah, well you're
just mad because it's not
197
00:11:28,205 --> 00:11:32,209
your bullshit pretentious
hipster single malt home-brewed
198
00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:36,280
hamster-picked apple ginger
kombucha buttplug NPR beer.
199
00:11:36,346 --> 00:11:38,649
Okay guys, we're here to have
200
00:11:38,715 --> 00:11:40,317
a good time just
like we used to.
201
00:11:40,384 --> 00:11:41,652
Yeah, a good time.
202
00:11:41,718 --> 00:11:43,153
Remember Spring
Break four years ago?
203
00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:44,321
- Mm hmm.
- Yeah,
204
00:11:44,388 --> 00:11:45,689
and Summer Break four years ago.
205
00:11:45,757 --> 00:11:47,357
And Winter Break
four years ago.
206
00:11:47,424 --> 00:11:48,692
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
207
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,427
- And then-
- All right, yeah, we get it.
208
00:11:50,494 --> 00:11:51,295
We had a good time
four years ago.
209
00:11:51,361 --> 00:11:52,162
Yeah, I just,
210
00:11:53,464 --> 00:11:55,632
I just want to have
a good time, woo.
211
00:11:55,699 --> 00:11:58,402
Oh yeah, that's the spirit.
212
00:11:58,469 --> 00:12:01,104
Well, Evan is
gonna be here soon.
213
00:12:01,171 --> 00:12:02,372
Shut up, Evan's coming?
214
00:12:03,674 --> 00:12:05,542
He didn't respond
to my text-vitation.
215
00:12:05,609 --> 00:12:06,710
Well, he texted me.
216
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:10,581
What?
217
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,583
I guess you guys
just drifted apart.
218
00:12:14,184 --> 00:12:16,687
Yeah, drifted apart? Bullshit.
219
00:12:16,754 --> 00:12:19,490
Beta Beta Betas never drift
apart from your Beta bro
220
00:12:19,556 --> 00:12:22,726
'cause Beta bros have
the best bonds, baby.
221
00:12:24,595 --> 00:12:28,265
Babe, why don't you help me
take my bags upstairs, okay?
222
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:30,200
Yeah okay, sure.
223
00:12:30,267 --> 00:12:31,001
Yeah.
224
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,605
Oh Nate,
those are my bags.
225
00:12:41,545 --> 00:12:42,613
I'm trying, okay?
226
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:43,714
You saw me trying, right?
227
00:12:44,648 --> 00:12:46,250
Ah.
228
00:12:46,316 --> 00:12:48,619
Let me get you a towel, Jesus.
229
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,553
Why?
230
00:13:19,583 --> 00:13:20,450
Ooh.
231
00:13:21,451 --> 00:13:22,452
Oh yeah.
232
00:13:23,687 --> 00:13:24,756
It's party time.
233
00:13:27,324 --> 00:13:29,393
I just think that if every
other country in the world
234
00:13:29,459 --> 00:13:33,263
was a person, that America
would be this jacked up cage
235
00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:36,066
fighter who can kick any other
country's ass in a fight.
236
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:38,602
Listen Nate, I
appreciate your insight.
237
00:13:38,669 --> 00:13:41,305
I really do but have you
taken into consideration
238
00:13:41,371 --> 00:13:44,241
the countries who've existed
far longer than the US?
239
00:13:44,308 --> 00:13:45,777
You don't really have to.
240
00:13:45,843 --> 00:13:47,644
I'm talking about the
countries who've experienced
241
00:13:47,711 --> 00:13:51,748
worse hardships because
arguably those countries would
242
00:13:51,816 --> 00:13:54,786
be more hardened and thus,
more powerful in a fight.
243
00:13:58,655 --> 00:14:00,090
Just throw the damn ball.
244
00:14:01,658 --> 00:14:02,559
All right.
245
00:14:06,764 --> 00:14:07,664
Over here, Ange.
246
00:14:08,599 --> 00:14:09,633
Celeb shot.
247
00:14:11,401 --> 00:14:12,804
Oh yeah.
248
00:14:12,870 --> 00:14:14,738
Bullshit, that doesn't count.
249
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:18,542
That's what I'm talking about.
250
00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:19,643
Nah, bullshit, bullshit,
that doesn't count.
251
00:14:23,347 --> 00:14:23,881
Hey.
252
00:14:25,382 --> 00:14:26,617
Hello there.
253
00:14:26,683 --> 00:14:28,251
Bonjour.
254
00:14:28,318 --> 00:14:28,853
Salaam.
255
00:14:30,654 --> 00:14:32,589
Mary, Mary, Marky Mark.
256
00:14:32,656 --> 00:14:33,724
- Evan.
- What's up, guys?
257
00:14:33,791 --> 00:14:34,725
I'm so much stronger now.
258
00:14:34,792 --> 00:14:36,360
Yeah.
259
00:14:36,426 --> 00:14:37,594
Jeez, what's up with that?
260
00:14:37,661 --> 00:14:39,429
Hey, what's up Ev?
261
00:14:39,496 --> 00:14:41,632
Hey Nate, it's
good so see you, man.
262
00:14:41,698 --> 00:14:43,600
- Yep.
- Come here, dude.
263
00:14:44,902 --> 00:14:46,104
Beta bros.
264
00:14:46,871 --> 00:14:48,505
Yeah come on, Beta bros.
265
00:14:49,807 --> 00:14:51,742
- I'm not gonna do it.
- Do it, Beta bros!
266
00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:53,811
Come on dude, Beta bros
267
00:14:54,946 --> 00:14:55,847
or bust.
268
00:14:58,415 --> 00:14:59,884
- Yeah, dude.
- That was fun times, man.
269
00:14:59,951 --> 00:15:00,852
For sure.
270
00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:04,521
Well hey, I'll get you a beer.
271
00:15:04,588 --> 00:15:05,622
- Yeah.
- Okay.
272
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:06,556
Thank you.
273
00:15:11,595 --> 00:15:13,497
Where's Jennifer?
274
00:15:13,563 --> 00:15:14,832
Oh, she's coming in a couple
hours, she picked up a shift.
275
00:15:14,899 --> 00:15:16,901
Oh good, I can't
wait to see her.
276
00:15:16,968 --> 00:15:18,836
I mean, no offense to you guys.
277
00:15:18,903 --> 00:15:20,905
She's kinda the
life of the party.
278
00:15:20,972 --> 00:15:22,673
Oh man, I couldn't
agree with you more, Evan.
279
00:15:22,739 --> 00:15:23,440
Definitely.
280
00:15:24,842 --> 00:15:26,643
We suck compared to Jennifer.
281
00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:28,545
What's that bit
she always does?
282
00:15:28,612 --> 00:15:29,746
- Oh, like the cowboy?
- Cowboy, yeah, yeah.
283
00:15:29,814 --> 00:15:30,747
"Yippee-ki-yai."
284
00:15:30,815 --> 00:15:32,649
"Ooh, get a dog, girl"
285
00:15:32,716 --> 00:15:35,652
"Ooh, I've got a boot
in my snake" or whatever.
286
00:15:39,423 --> 00:15:41,391
- What's that?
- What?
287
00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:43,627
There, right behind your ear?
288
00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:47,397
What?
289
00:15:47,464 --> 00:15:47,899
What?
290
00:15:47,965 --> 00:15:48,866
Yes.
291
00:15:51,002 --> 00:15:55,773
Now, let's party
like it's 1776!
292
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:56,740
Let's do it.
293
00:16:12,622 --> 00:16:15,726
Hey Ange, remember when I said
294
00:16:15,793 --> 00:16:18,528
we should get college drunk?
295
00:16:18,595 --> 00:16:19,563
Vaguely.
296
00:16:21,531 --> 00:16:24,668
Do you two know how many times
297
00:16:24,735 --> 00:16:27,704
I could have busted you
for drinking in your dorm?
298
00:16:27,772 --> 00:16:29,807
Oh what? Yeah right.
299
00:16:29,874 --> 00:16:31,608
Like you would have busted us.
300
00:16:31,675 --> 00:16:34,511
You were drunker than
we were half the time.
301
00:16:36,047 --> 00:16:38,816
Yeah, and you thought
we were too cute to bust.
302
00:16:38,883 --> 00:16:40,417
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
303
00:16:40,484 --> 00:16:41,953
- Oh yeah?
- Yes.
304
00:16:42,019 --> 00:16:45,422
- Yeah, is that what it is?
- Stop, I'm so ticklish.
305
00:16:45,489 --> 00:16:47,724
Whatever you say,
you fucking lamppost.
306
00:16:47,792 --> 00:16:52,797
I'm so ticklish, stop.
307
00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:55,398
Stop.
308
00:16:55,465 --> 00:16:57,034
Okay, you pussies
ready for a drinking game?
309
00:16:57,969 --> 00:17:00,004
I see you two, let's go.
310
00:17:00,071 --> 00:17:04,041
♪ Drinking game, drinking game ♪
311
00:17:07,078 --> 00:17:08,612
Yep.
312
00:17:08,678 --> 00:17:09,579
Hey,
313
00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:11,816
Nate,
314
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:16,788
why don't we take it a
little easy on the drinking?
315
00:17:16,854 --> 00:17:19,791
Come on Evan, you used
to love binge drinking?
316
00:17:19,857 --> 00:17:23,861
Why don't you come sit down
and drink some water with me?
317
00:17:23,928 --> 00:17:25,695
Here we go.
318
00:17:25,763 --> 00:17:28,866
Oh I'm sorry
Ange, what was that?
319
00:17:29,834 --> 00:17:30,935
Listen, man.
320
00:17:32,536 --> 00:17:33,905
Pardon me Evan,
321
00:17:33,971 --> 00:17:35,472
I'm just having a conversation
with my sister real quick.
322
00:17:35,539 --> 00:17:36,908
All right, half-sister.
323
00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:38,642
Look, I'm just saying,
324
00:17:38,708 --> 00:17:41,611
I think you had a
little too much tonight.
325
00:17:41,678 --> 00:17:43,881
Look, you will tell me
326
00:17:45,783 --> 00:17:46,884
when I've had too much.
327
00:17:49,553 --> 00:17:50,087
I just did.
328
00:17:51,756 --> 00:17:52,656
Wait a minute.
329
00:17:54,524 --> 00:17:56,928
Come on, man, we all want
to have a good Fourth but
330
00:17:56,994 --> 00:18:00,998
we don't have to give ourselves
fucking alcohol poisoning.
331
00:18:01,065 --> 00:18:02,800
Shut up.
332
00:18:02,867 --> 00:18:05,069
Don't tell me how to
celebrate America's birthday.
333
00:18:05,136 --> 00:18:06,804
I am a patriot.
334
00:18:06,871 --> 00:18:08,973
You didn't even vote
in the last election.
335
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,707
Okay, I forgot
when the election was.
336
00:18:10,775 --> 00:18:12,509
You had an election day party.
337
00:18:12,576 --> 00:18:13,610
That's highly unlikely.
338
00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:15,545
You made up a hashtag for it.
339
00:18:15,612 --> 00:18:18,783
"Hashtag Nate Harmon's
election day party BYOB
340
00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:21,618
show up at 4:00 one
guest only please."
341
00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:24,055
Okay Nate, I just
think you're being-
342
00:18:24,121 --> 00:18:26,489
- What, oh, you think?
343
00:18:26,556 --> 00:18:28,525
That seems to be the only
thing you can do, Angela.
344
00:18:28,592 --> 00:18:30,027
You kinda just think.
345
00:18:30,094 --> 00:18:32,930
Do you think that our
forefathers thought
346
00:18:32,997 --> 00:18:34,799
whenever they were
founding our great country?
347
00:18:34,866 --> 00:18:36,968
What? Yeah,
I think they did.
348
00:18:37,034 --> 00:18:38,668
Oh, wrong.
349
00:18:38,735 --> 00:18:40,872
George Washington
didn't think whenever
350
00:18:40,938 --> 00:18:43,640
he had to fight off the
British and Abe Lincoln
351
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:47,044
didn't think whenever he
had to fight the South
352
00:18:47,111 --> 00:18:51,082
and Andrew Jackson didn't
think whenever he had to fight
353
00:18:54,185 --> 00:18:55,953
to be on the $20 bill.
354
00:18:57,788 --> 00:19:01,125
Bro, do you even know
who Andrew Jackson was?
355
00:19:01,192 --> 00:19:02,592
Nate, will you
just listen to me?
356
00:19:02,659 --> 00:19:03,794
You're being insane right now.
357
00:19:03,861 --> 00:19:08,799
Angela, can you just
meet me in the middle?
358
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,569
God, you've been shitting on
me ever since you got here.
359
00:19:12,636 --> 00:19:14,839
First it's the beer, then
it's the dirt on the walls.
360
00:19:14,906 --> 00:19:16,908
Then it's "Oh no Nate,
I fell in the toilet.
361
00:19:16,974 --> 00:19:18,608
Can you please keep
the seat down?"
362
00:19:18,675 --> 00:19:20,144
Okay, well this
is my cabin too.
363
00:19:20,211 --> 00:19:22,646
Oh, this land is your land?
364
00:19:22,712 --> 00:19:25,816
No, this land is my
land and I really think
365
00:19:25,883 --> 00:19:28,886
you're kinda ruining
everybody's good time.
366
00:19:28,953 --> 00:19:30,755
I'm ruining
everyone's good time?
367
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,057
You're so unpredictable,
we're all on babysitting duty
368
00:19:33,124 --> 00:19:34,759
making sure you don't
blow your foot off
369
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:37,194
with a firework or
drink yourself blind.
370
00:19:38,863 --> 00:19:41,564
Angela, you know how
important this day is.
371
00:19:41,631 --> 00:19:44,101
Oh, how important this
day is to little Nathan.
372
00:19:44,168 --> 00:19:46,771
Yeah, I know, we
all fucking know.
373
00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:48,638
It's so important
because you get
374
00:19:48,705 --> 00:19:50,841
to show everyone out
patriotic you are.
375
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:53,911
Okay.
376
00:19:53,978 --> 00:19:55,046
All right.
377
00:19:55,112 --> 00:19:56,847
You're right, you're right.
378
00:19:56,914 --> 00:19:57,815
I'm sorry.
379
00:19:58,983 --> 00:20:02,652
I'm sorry that I have
a deeper understanding
380
00:20:02,719 --> 00:20:05,923
of this great country
of ours than you do.
381
00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:08,926
You know what, and I'm sorry
that I love America so much.
382
00:20:08,993 --> 00:20:11,028
You don't love
America, you jackass.
383
00:20:11,095 --> 00:20:12,930
You just love being
American because
384
00:20:12,997 --> 00:20:15,032
you think it makes you
better than everyone else.
385
00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:20,071
Wow, that's just really
good Ange, really good.
386
00:20:20,137 --> 00:20:21,872
I think you probably
just figured me out, huh?
387
00:20:21,939 --> 00:20:23,808
Yeah and you
know, dad would be
388
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,876
really disappointed in how
you're acting right now.
389
00:20:40,191 --> 00:20:41,092
Did I win?
390
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,102
Whoa, I didn't
think we'd be able
391
00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:53,471
to hear fireworks from
all the way out here.
392
00:20:58,809 --> 00:21:00,978
Nathan, you did not
go through dad's stuff.
393
00:21:02,246 --> 00:21:05,082
"We hold these truths
to be self-evident,
394
00:21:05,149 --> 00:21:08,886
that all men are created equal.
395
00:21:08,953 --> 00:21:11,188
That they are endowed
by their Creator
396
00:21:13,024 --> 00:21:16,894
with certain unalienable rights,
that among those are life,
397
00:21:16,961 --> 00:21:19,930
liberty and the
pursuit of happiness."
398
00:21:21,232 --> 00:21:23,000
Okay, cool, are
you really gonna
399
00:21:23,067 --> 00:21:25,770
sit here and read me the
fucking US Constitution?
400
00:21:25,836 --> 00:21:28,738
Ha, nope, it's the
Declaration of Independence.
401
00:21:28,806 --> 00:21:29,907
Mark one point for Nathan.
402
00:21:29,974 --> 00:21:31,708
- Okay, you know what I meant.
- Oh, did I?
403
00:21:31,776 --> 00:21:32,943
Did I know what you meant?
404
00:21:38,783 --> 00:21:40,117
Damn, this thing's pretty long.
405
00:21:41,085 --> 00:21:42,787
Uh-huh, here we go.
406
00:21:42,853 --> 00:21:45,122
"We therefore, the
Representatives of the
407
00:21:45,189 --> 00:21:48,893
United States of America in
General Congress assembled,
408
00:21:48,959 --> 00:21:51,896
appealing to the Supreme
Judge of the world
409
00:21:51,962 --> 00:21:56,967
for the rectitude of our
intentions, do in the name and by
410
00:21:58,836 --> 00:22:00,737
authority of the good people
of these colonies solemnly
411
00:22:00,805 --> 00:22:04,842
publish and declare for the
support of this Declaration
412
00:22:06,277 --> 00:22:09,046
and a firm reliance on the
protection of divine Providence.
413
00:22:09,113 --> 00:22:13,284
We mutually pledge to
each other our lives,
414
00:22:13,350 --> 00:22:16,987
our fortunes and
our sacred honor."
415
00:22:18,389 --> 00:22:20,057
Right there, right
fucking there,
416
00:22:20,124 --> 00:22:21,926
George fucking
Washington signed it.
417
00:22:21,992 --> 00:22:23,726
That's not George Washington.
418
00:22:23,794 --> 00:22:25,229
That's John Hancock, dumbass.
419
00:22:33,137 --> 00:22:35,005
Oh look, there's
George himself.
420
00:22:36,874 --> 00:22:38,175
There, now he fucking did.
421
00:22:44,849 --> 00:22:47,084
Get the fuck away from me.
422
00:22:47,151 --> 00:22:50,020
What in the United States
of fuck is your problem?
423
00:22:51,188 --> 00:22:53,157
Oh my god Ange, are you okay?
424
00:22:57,194 --> 00:22:59,196
Oh my god Ange, are you okay?
425
00:22:59,263 --> 00:23:00,931
Are you okay, are you all right?
426
00:23:07,037 --> 00:23:09,039
I hate you, I
wish you were dead.
427
00:23:12,243 --> 00:23:14,111
Hey Angela, this
beer wasn't cheap.
428
00:23:14,178 --> 00:23:15,212
Yes it was.
429
00:23:16,247 --> 00:23:18,082
Here, how much was it?
430
00:23:18,149 --> 00:23:20,851
Five bucks, huh,
was it five bucks?
431
00:23:20,918 --> 00:23:22,786
Is this is what you want?
432
00:23:22,853 --> 00:23:23,787
Here.
433
00:23:23,854 --> 00:23:24,889
Yeah.
434
00:23:24,955 --> 00:23:26,190
You know, actually, oh look,
435
00:23:26,257 --> 00:23:28,025
it's your good buddy,
Andrew Jackson.
436
00:23:34,932 --> 00:23:36,333
I don't need this.
437
00:23:38,002 --> 00:23:41,005
What I need is an ice
cold American margarita.
438
00:23:45,476 --> 00:23:46,377
Okay.
439
00:23:52,249 --> 00:23:53,951
Jesus Christ.
440
00:23:55,419 --> 00:23:57,421
What the fuck was that?
441
00:23:57,488 --> 00:23:59,190
I thought you said you
were gonna behave tonight?
442
00:23:59,256 --> 00:24:01,125
What was un-behaving
about what I did?
443
00:24:01,192 --> 00:24:03,260
You owe your
sister an apology.
444
00:24:03,327 --> 00:24:06,063
Half-sister and I
don't owe her anything.
445
00:24:06,130 --> 00:24:07,865
I can do what I want,
it's a free countr...
446
00:24:07,932 --> 00:24:09,934
If you say it's a free
country, I swear to God,
447
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,369
I'm breaking up with you
and hooking up with Marcus.
448
00:24:14,238 --> 00:24:18,042
Apologize to her and then go
get the fucking power back on.
449
00:24:18,108 --> 00:24:21,378
Babe, the breaker is
all the way downstairs
450
00:24:21,445 --> 00:24:23,981
and Angela is all
the way upstairs.
451
00:24:25,316 --> 00:24:27,184
What can I do for
you on this floor?
452
00:24:27,251 --> 00:24:30,321
In the dark while I'm
still pissed off, nothing.
453
00:24:32,523 --> 00:24:34,091
You guys are such-
454
00:24:34,158 --> 00:24:35,226
- If you say pussies,
I swear to God,
455
00:24:35,292 --> 00:24:37,995
I'm breaking up with
you and fucking Marcus.
456
00:24:41,065 --> 00:24:43,067
Calm down, you talking tree.
457
00:24:45,135 --> 00:24:47,737
Let's go, guess this is
a job for present Nate.
458
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,041
We'll be back, so
try not to take
459
00:24:51,108 --> 00:24:53,210
Angela's side over
mine while we're gone.
460
00:24:53,277 --> 00:24:55,045
Nate, you're really making me-
461
00:24:55,112 --> 00:24:56,880
- Oh, I'm so
sorry, I can't hear you.
462
00:24:56,947 --> 00:24:57,982
I'm already in the basement.
463
00:25:01,218 --> 00:25:03,287
- So are we gonna have some-
- Marcus, no.
464
00:25:10,127 --> 00:25:13,264
Jesus, is it tomorrow yet?
465
00:25:29,079 --> 00:25:30,381
What the fuck
is all this shit?
466
00:25:30,447 --> 00:25:32,016
He couldn't put it
in his own room?
467
00:25:33,484 --> 00:25:35,252
I can't believe he did
that in front of you guys.
468
00:25:35,319 --> 00:25:37,087
He's such a fucking dick.
469
00:25:37,154 --> 00:25:38,455
Yeah, I know, you're right.
470
00:25:38,522 --> 00:25:40,357
And I know Nate, I
know he's gonna try
471
00:25:40,424 --> 00:25:42,526
to get back at me for ruining
his pathetic little night
472
00:25:42,593 --> 00:25:44,528
and Mary and Marcus
didn't say shit.
473
00:25:44,595 --> 00:25:47,498
They never defend me because
he's the fun party guy.
474
00:25:47,564 --> 00:25:49,967
- Well, it's not funny anymore.
- Ange, Ange.
475
00:25:50,034 --> 00:25:51,568
- We're not 20.
- Ange.
476
00:26:01,045 --> 00:26:03,213
He hung a fucking
American flag in my room.
477
00:26:07,351 --> 00:26:10,454
Here, let me give
you a shoulder massage,
478
00:26:11,622 --> 00:26:12,823
kinda my trademark.
479
00:26:14,224 --> 00:26:16,226
Evan, I'm not really
in the mood for,
480
00:26:18,228 --> 00:26:19,830
it's your trademark?
481
00:26:21,298 --> 00:26:24,535
I'm known far and
wide for my massages.
482
00:26:29,239 --> 00:26:30,374
Oh Evan.
483
00:26:32,042 --> 00:26:35,279
I don't think this is
good timing, you know?
484
00:26:35,346 --> 00:26:38,148
Because I just was
fighting with Nate and-
485
00:26:38,215 --> 00:26:41,418
- Come on, think about
how pissed Nate would be.
486
00:26:42,486 --> 00:26:44,121
Yeah, that would really piss-
487
00:26:44,188 --> 00:26:46,090
- Pisses me off, the
fact that she actually
488
00:26:46,156 --> 00:26:48,392
thinks she's so
much smarter than me
489
00:26:48,459 --> 00:26:52,129
when spoiler alert,
she's actually not.
490
00:26:53,263 --> 00:26:54,164
Really?
491
00:26:55,499 --> 00:26:59,470
Hey, but didn't she graduate
like something cum latte.
492
00:26:59,536 --> 00:27:02,139
Look, any asshole
can make good grades
493
00:27:02,206 --> 00:27:05,109
but I've got smarts
where it counts, ow.
494
00:27:06,410 --> 00:27:08,278
Hey, I know what
you mean, gamer.
495
00:27:08,345 --> 00:27:10,614
You see, people think I'm
dumb 'cause I'm blond but,
496
00:27:10,681 --> 00:27:14,251
well actually I'm dirty blond,
so joke's on them, right?
497
00:27:14,318 --> 00:27:18,055
Exactly, you know, people
underestimate us, Marcus.
498
00:27:18,122 --> 00:27:20,190
But I bet a zombie
apocalypse scenario,
499
00:27:20,257 --> 00:27:21,625
I'd be the one that survives.
500
00:27:23,093 --> 00:27:25,162
- Ooh, beaker box.
- I don't know.
501
00:27:25,229 --> 00:27:27,431
You see, I think Evan
would make it pretty far.
502
00:27:31,168 --> 00:27:33,303
Oh god, my allergies.
503
00:27:41,445 --> 00:27:42,379
What the hell?
504
00:27:42,446 --> 00:27:45,182
Hello Jennifer, hey.
505
00:27:45,249 --> 00:27:49,119
I haven't heard from you yet
and it's kinda freaking me out.
506
00:27:49,186 --> 00:27:51,088
So could you just please give me
507
00:27:51,155 --> 00:27:53,257
a call back when you get this?
508
00:27:57,194 --> 00:27:58,395
Fuck.
509
00:27:58,462 --> 00:28:00,431
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
510
00:28:04,468 --> 00:28:06,537
Nate, can you just
please hurry up?
511
00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:08,338
I don't like being in the dark.
512
00:28:10,741 --> 00:28:12,309
Come on, Jennifer.
513
00:28:16,647 --> 00:28:19,583
Oh, thank God.
514
00:28:19,650 --> 00:28:24,288
Jennifer, Jesus, you scared
me, I didn't even hear you.
515
00:28:24,354 --> 00:28:25,255
Jen?
516
00:28:35,767 --> 00:28:37,201
Holy fucking-
517
00:28:37,267 --> 00:28:38,168
- Shit.
518
00:28:40,404 --> 00:28:41,338
Oh my-
519
00:28:41,405 --> 00:28:43,340
- God.
520
00:28:44,708 --> 00:28:46,710
What the-
521
00:28:46,778 --> 00:28:50,247
- Fuck, I'm sorry,
they're making a lot of noise downstairs.
522
00:28:50,314 --> 00:28:51,582
Is it okay if I?
523
00:28:51,648 --> 00:28:53,750
Yeah, hey, let
me play some music.
524
00:28:55,252 --> 00:28:56,420
- Can I use your phone?
- Yeah.
525
00:29:06,697 --> 00:29:10,000
- It's a little loud.
- I know, sexy right?
526
00:29:13,403 --> 00:29:14,371
Oh yeah, ahh
527
00:29:14,438 --> 00:29:15,472
AHHHHH
528
00:29:15,539 --> 00:29:16,740
Choo!
529
00:29:16,808 --> 00:29:18,475
- You okay, bro?
- Yeah.
530
00:29:18,542 --> 00:29:20,177
I have allergies.
531
00:29:22,546 --> 00:29:24,515
Is that Mary screaming up there?
532
00:29:24,581 --> 00:29:28,151
Yeah, she probably just
wants to get a rise out of me.
533
00:29:28,218 --> 00:29:29,520
It's gonna take a lot of
534
00:29:29,586 --> 00:29:32,489
Sexy Uncle Sam for me
to forgive you, babe.
535
00:29:32,556 --> 00:29:34,491
Hey, can you swing that
flashlight over here?
536
00:29:34,558 --> 00:29:35,425
Yeah.
537
00:29:41,732 --> 00:29:44,434
♪ Bum ba da da da ♪
538
00:29:46,236 --> 00:29:49,706
♪ Bum ba da da da ♪
539
00:29:49,774 --> 00:29:50,775
♪ Bum ba da ♪
540
00:29:52,476 --> 00:29:53,811
I think we should
do something.
541
00:29:55,445 --> 00:29:57,314
Fine but if she's
fucking with us,
542
00:29:58,248 --> 00:29:59,516
you're sleeping outside.
543
00:29:59,583 --> 00:30:01,585
- Oh boy, camping.
- No, no, no.
544
00:30:03,287 --> 00:30:05,422
All right Mary,
you've made your point.
545
00:30:07,658 --> 00:30:08,559
No, no.
546
00:30:14,298 --> 00:30:14,832
Get down.
547
00:30:15,767 --> 00:30:17,568
What's going on, man?
548
00:30:17,634 --> 00:30:19,269
Who is that guy?
549
00:30:19,336 --> 00:30:21,305
Holy shit, that's
George Washington.
550
00:30:22,606 --> 00:30:24,308
Holy shit, that's
George Washington.
551
00:30:28,712 --> 00:30:30,547
That's not George
Washington, man.
552
00:30:30,614 --> 00:30:32,482
That's probably just
some drunk homeless guy
553
00:30:32,549 --> 00:30:35,519
who stumbled in here wearing
George Washington's costume
554
00:30:35,586 --> 00:30:39,523
and started violently attacking
your girlfriend with an ax.
555
00:30:45,629 --> 00:30:47,564
I'm not worried about it.
556
00:30:47,631 --> 00:30:49,299
I've seen her kick bigger
ass-clown's asses than this clown.
557
00:30:57,407 --> 00:30:58,442
Yep, I told you.
558
00:30:59,576 --> 00:31:00,845
He's even wearing zombie makeup.
559
00:31:00,912 --> 00:31:02,646
This guy's clearly
trying to fuck with us.
560
00:31:02,713 --> 00:31:04,348
What a total loser.
561
00:31:16,928 --> 00:31:20,330
Holy George Washington's ghost,
562
00:31:20,397 --> 00:31:21,598
it's George Washington's zombie.
563
00:31:23,667 --> 00:31:25,870
It looks like his corpse
has been like reanimated.
564
00:31:25,937 --> 00:31:27,504
No, he's been
565
00:31:31,508 --> 00:31:32,542
re-elected.
566
00:31:38,582 --> 00:31:40,384
Nate, you should do something.
567
00:31:40,450 --> 00:31:42,319
What am I supposed to do?
568
00:31:42,386 --> 00:31:44,688
He's the first President of
the United States of America.
569
00:31:44,756 --> 00:31:47,424
He's not the President,
man, he's a monster.
570
00:31:48,692 --> 00:31:49,827
He's gonna hurt Mary.
571
00:31:55,967 --> 00:31:58,635
You know, I'm gonna
bow out of this one.
572
00:31:58,702 --> 00:32:00,303
- Leave it to you, good buddy
- Oh no.
573
00:32:00,370 --> 00:32:01,605
I actually haven't
had much to eat today.
574
00:32:01,672 --> 00:32:02,706
My blood sugar's real low.
575
00:32:02,774 --> 00:32:04,909
You had 15 empanadas earlier.
576
00:32:04,976 --> 00:32:07,577
That's bad sugar,
I need good sugar.
577
00:32:07,644 --> 00:32:08,913
Like Splenda or something?
578
00:32:08,980 --> 00:32:10,848
No, Splenda's actually a lot
579
00:32:10,915 --> 00:32:12,649
worse for you than
regular sugar.
580
00:32:12,716 --> 00:32:16,720
- You don't say?
- Oh no, I do, you see...
581
00:32:43,647 --> 00:32:44,882
Goddammit, fuck.
582
00:32:46,818 --> 00:32:50,353
Stupid ass fucking woods.
583
00:32:50,420 --> 00:32:50,955
Fuck.
584
00:32:52,422 --> 00:32:52,957
Shit.
585
00:32:55,726 --> 00:32:56,626
Dammit.
586
00:32:57,762 --> 00:32:58,830
Fuck.
587
00:32:58,896 --> 00:33:00,363
Shit.
588
00:33:00,430 --> 00:33:01,665
Oh my god.
589
00:33:11,943 --> 00:33:14,444
Fuck. Goddammit.
590
00:33:25,923 --> 00:33:27,524
Did she get it?
591
00:33:28,793 --> 00:33:30,694
How the fuck am
I supposed to know?
592
00:33:30,762 --> 00:33:33,463
I was back here hiding with
you, fucking human windmill.
593
00:33:33,530 --> 00:33:36,466
Oh right, hey,
I have feelings.
594
00:33:36,533 --> 00:33:37,068
Oh.
595
00:33:38,069 --> 00:33:39,804
Hey, I'm sorry man.
596
00:33:41,705 --> 00:33:43,607
It's all right, man.
597
00:33:47,845 --> 00:33:48,880
Oh man.
598
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,549
She destroyed a
whole case of beer.
599
00:33:53,617 --> 00:33:54,819
That's 11 bucks down the drain.
600
00:33:56,653 --> 00:33:59,689
It's okay, I stashed a few
house beers around just in case.
601
00:34:03,593 --> 00:34:04,996
Jesus Mary, what happened?
602
00:34:05,062 --> 00:34:05,897
- Are you okay?
- Did you kill the zombie?
603
00:34:05,963 --> 00:34:07,597
Was it epic?
604
00:34:08,665 --> 00:34:09,834
Trash can.
605
00:34:09,901 --> 00:34:11,769
Oh no, no, Marcus.
606
00:34:14,571 --> 00:34:15,273
Here, here.
607
00:34:24,748 --> 00:34:28,019
Hey babe, why
don't you lie down?
608
00:34:35,559 --> 00:34:36,928
What's going on?
609
00:34:36,994 --> 00:34:38,562
Mary, are you okay?
610
00:34:38,628 --> 00:34:39,663
George Washington
was just here.
611
00:34:39,729 --> 00:34:41,565
No, I wasn't talking to you.
612
00:34:41,631 --> 00:34:44,035
Mary, oh my god, what
did you guys do to her?
613
00:34:44,101 --> 00:34:45,735
She just fought a zombie.
614
00:34:45,803 --> 00:34:48,072
All right, you've
all had your fun.
615
00:34:48,139 --> 00:34:52,043
Can you just please
turn the lights back on
616
00:34:52,109 --> 00:34:55,780
so we can try and enjoy
the rest of our night?
617
00:34:55,847 --> 00:34:58,850
Seriously, zombie George
Washington was just here.
618
00:34:58,916 --> 00:35:00,885
Yeah, Mary chased
him off into the woods.
619
00:35:00,952 --> 00:35:02,820
- It was kind of scary.
- It was gross.
620
00:35:02,887 --> 00:35:04,989
- It was pretty cool too.
- Yeah, Mary and the zombie.
621
00:35:05,056 --> 00:35:06,723
Yeah, she's a real badass.
622
00:35:06,791 --> 00:35:08,893
Oh my god, shut
the fuck up, okay?
623
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:10,761
What, so you're
trying to tell me that
624
00:35:10,828 --> 00:35:13,730
the corpse of the first
President of the United States
625
00:35:13,798 --> 00:35:15,766
came back to life,
dragged itself out
626
00:35:15,833 --> 00:35:17,734
of the ground and then
broke into our cabin?
627
00:35:17,802 --> 00:35:19,636
Right.
628
00:35:19,703 --> 00:35:21,973
And then Mary fought it
and chased it into the woods?
629
00:35:22,039 --> 00:35:23,673
Correct.
630
00:35:23,740 --> 00:35:25,575
And so the zombie is
supposed to be some sort
631
00:35:25,642 --> 00:35:28,145
of lesson about what it
means to truly be a patriot?
632
00:35:30,147 --> 00:35:33,084
I mean, it wouldn't be
the worst thing to happen.
633
00:35:33,150 --> 00:35:35,652
Shut the fuck up,
okay? It's not funny.
634
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,588
God, Mary, you're so
much better than this.
635
00:35:38,655 --> 00:35:39,957
Why are you playing along?
636
00:35:41,893 --> 00:35:43,393
We were attacked.
637
00:35:45,196 --> 00:35:49,800
I know that sounds crazy
but that thing wasn't human.
638
00:35:54,005 --> 00:35:57,008
Whoever attacked
you was probably
639
00:35:57,074 --> 00:36:01,745
homeless or on drugs,
sick or something, okay?
640
00:36:01,812 --> 00:36:04,115
There has to be some sort
of rational explanation.
641
00:36:05,715 --> 00:36:07,018
What's irrational
about zombies?
642
00:36:07,084 --> 00:36:08,685
We gotta go somewhere
when we die.
643
00:36:08,753 --> 00:36:10,788
We're not talking
about zombies.
644
00:36:10,855 --> 00:36:12,722
Well, I'm talking
about zombies.
645
00:36:12,790 --> 00:36:14,792
Yeah, he's been talking
about zombies all night.
646
00:36:14,859 --> 00:36:17,094
That's what I'm saying,
you're just being paranoid.
647
00:36:17,161 --> 00:36:18,930
We were attacked.
648
00:36:18,996 --> 00:36:20,630
So let's call the cops.
649
00:36:20,697 --> 00:36:23,034
Cops can't do anything
about that monster.
650
00:36:23,100 --> 00:36:25,903
Ange, it killed Jennifer, I saw
651
00:36:26,804 --> 00:36:28,172
her body.
652
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:32,575
Oh my god, her body,
where's her body?
653
00:36:32,642 --> 00:36:33,177
Mar,
654
00:36:34,879 --> 00:36:36,881
I'm sure she's okay, okay?
655
00:36:38,149 --> 00:36:39,749
You're just shaken
up, it's okay.
656
00:36:40,750 --> 00:36:42,619
How about this?
657
00:36:42,686 --> 00:36:45,655
We'll go outside and look for
the creep that attacked you.
658
00:36:45,722 --> 00:36:48,658
You guys stay back
and call the police.
659
00:36:51,162 --> 00:36:56,167
There's a bunch of us
and what, one old dude?
660
00:36:57,835 --> 00:36:58,903
I think
that's a great idea.
661
00:36:58,970 --> 00:37:00,771
Cool, Angela and I
will go into the woods.
662
00:37:00,838 --> 00:37:02,139
You guys stay back
and wait for the cops.
663
00:37:02,206 --> 00:37:04,875
Whoa, whoa, whoa
there, lover boy.
664
00:37:04,942 --> 00:37:08,079
Are you trying to say that I
can't protect my baby sister
665
00:37:08,145 --> 00:37:10,214
and my crying girlfriend
and my tall buddy, Marcus?
666
00:37:10,281 --> 00:37:12,016
No, I'm not
saying that at all.
667
00:37:13,851 --> 00:37:15,719
But I'm definitely thinking
it now, so thank you.
668
00:37:15,786 --> 00:37:18,823
I could protect everyone in
circles around you, jerk-off.
669
00:37:20,758 --> 00:37:22,659
Marcus, you take care of Mary.
670
00:37:22,726 --> 00:37:24,895
Yeah, I think splitting up
is definitely the way to go.
671
00:37:24,962 --> 00:37:27,630
No wait, guys, guys,
please don't leave me.
672
00:37:27,697 --> 00:37:29,867
No Mar, we won't
leave you, don't worry.
673
00:37:29,934 --> 00:37:32,702
Don't worry babe,
I'll never leave you
674
00:37:34,905 --> 00:37:36,240
- aside from right now.
- What?
675
00:37:37,875 --> 00:37:39,043
But I will be
here the whole time.
676
00:37:45,182 --> 00:37:48,819
Pretend I'm this eagle
protecting America
677
00:37:50,254 --> 00:37:51,055
and pretend you're
America in this scenario.
678
00:37:52,957 --> 00:37:53,858
What?
679
00:37:56,927 --> 00:37:59,230
Let's go impeach
that mother fucker.
680
00:37:59,296 --> 00:38:00,197
What?
681
00:38:02,066 --> 00:38:02,967
Impeach.
682
00:38:03,834 --> 00:38:05,870
You know, like kick his ass but
683
00:38:05,936 --> 00:38:09,106
he's the first President of
the United States, so impeach.
684
00:38:09,173 --> 00:38:11,008
I thought it sounded
kinda badass.
685
00:38:11,075 --> 00:38:12,009
It didn't.
686
00:38:12,076 --> 00:38:13,743
It kinda did.
687
00:38:13,811 --> 00:38:15,079
No, you can't
just add the word
688
00:38:15,146 --> 00:38:17,547
mother fucker to things and
expect it to sound badass.
689
00:38:18,949 --> 00:38:19,850
Shut up.
690
00:38:21,852 --> 00:38:23,788
Let's go into those woods.
691
00:38:25,089 --> 00:38:26,957
Let's get out of these woods.
692
00:38:27,024 --> 00:38:29,293
Oh no, Nate's scared,
we better turn around.
693
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:30,928
I'm not scared.
694
00:38:30,995 --> 00:38:32,296
Yes you are.
695
00:38:32,363 --> 00:38:34,165
Why is that so hard
for you to admit?
696
00:38:34,231 --> 00:38:35,299
Ang, I'm starting to
think we should head back.
697
00:38:35,366 --> 00:38:37,168
See, Evan's scared too.
698
00:38:37,234 --> 00:38:38,903
Yeah, but I haven't been
crying for the last half hour.
699
00:38:38,969 --> 00:38:40,805
I was not crying.
700
00:38:40,871 --> 00:38:42,840
I told you I think there are
onions growing in these woods.
701
00:38:42,907 --> 00:38:45,910
Shh, I think I
heard something.
702
00:38:45,976 --> 00:38:48,979
Yeah, I'm sure you did,
we're in the fucking woods.
703
00:38:50,014 --> 00:38:51,714
Yo, Ange.
704
00:38:51,782 --> 00:38:53,050
No, you know what?
705
00:38:53,117 --> 00:38:54,151
We've been pointing
our flashlights
706
00:38:54,218 --> 00:38:55,319
at trees for the last hour.
707
00:38:55,386 --> 00:38:57,788
You got me, okay?
708
00:38:57,855 --> 00:39:01,792
I know that this is some
sort of elaborate joke,
709
00:39:01,859 --> 00:39:03,994
kind of like the
Electoral College.
710
00:39:05,296 --> 00:39:07,098
Come on, I thought
you'd like that one.
711
00:39:09,967 --> 00:39:11,302
What is it?
712
00:39:11,368 --> 00:39:13,170
Zombie.
713
00:39:13,237 --> 00:39:15,072
And let me guess, this
one's Abraham Lincoln, right?
714
00:39:15,139 --> 00:39:16,606
Beard, top hat and all?
715
00:39:20,411 --> 00:39:23,080
And he's coming up
right behind me.
716
00:39:23,147 --> 00:39:25,816
He has a knife or
an ax or something
717
00:39:25,883 --> 00:39:27,985
and he's gonna say
something really stupid
718
00:39:28,052 --> 00:39:32,056
and obvious like "Four
score and seven years ago."
719
00:39:33,023 --> 00:39:34,258
Four
720
00:39:34,325 --> 00:39:35,926
score.
721
00:39:37,161 --> 00:39:38,162
Oh my god.
722
00:39:39,163 --> 00:39:40,364
No way.
723
00:39:40,431 --> 00:39:41,932
Four
724
00:39:41,999 --> 00:39:42,900
score.
725
00:39:43,834 --> 00:39:46,270
No way, that's
Abraham Lincoln.
726
00:39:46,337 --> 00:39:47,838
And that's...
727
00:39:54,044 --> 00:39:55,712
I don't know who that is.
728
00:39:55,779 --> 00:39:58,015
- That's Andrew Jackson.
- Who?
729
00:39:58,082 --> 00:40:01,785
- The guy on the 20.
- Oh, I love him.
730
00:40:01,852 --> 00:40:03,154
This doesn't make any sense.
731
00:40:04,388 --> 00:40:06,891
It all has a logic to it
732
00:40:06,957 --> 00:40:08,058
if you just
733
00:40:08,125 --> 00:40:09,026
understand.
734
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:11,829
Four score,
735
00:40:11,896 --> 00:40:13,230
four score,
736
00:40:13,297 --> 00:40:14,965
four score,
737
00:40:15,032 --> 00:40:15,799
four score.
738
00:40:19,937 --> 00:40:21,172
What are you doing?
739
00:40:21,238 --> 00:40:23,140
Sorry bro, catch up.
740
00:40:31,882 --> 00:40:34,818
Mr. President, sir,
let's settle this
741
00:40:34,885 --> 00:40:37,188
in a sophisticated,
dignified, patriotic manner?
742
00:40:47,164 --> 00:40:49,867
Now Andy, Andy,
that wasn't cool.
743
00:40:51,235 --> 00:40:53,304
Come on, you were always
my favorite President.
744
00:40:55,105 --> 00:40:57,141
President?
745
00:40:57,208 --> 00:40:58,108
Right.
746
00:41:00,211 --> 00:41:02,880
The leader of the free
world, Commander-in-Chief.
747
00:41:03,847 --> 00:41:04,348
Mm-mm-
748
00:41:04,415 --> 00:41:06,984
Mander Chief?
749
00:41:07,051 --> 00:41:07,952
Exactly.
750
00:41:12,323 --> 00:41:14,925
Hello Nathaniel, yes it's me,
751
00:41:14,992 --> 00:41:17,861
your favorite President,
Andrew Jackson,
752
00:41:17,928 --> 00:41:19,897
the man that's on the $20 bill.
753
00:41:19,964 --> 00:41:20,931
I need you.
754
00:41:22,166 --> 00:41:26,203
Come on Andy, let's
settle this diplomatically.
755
00:41:48,359 --> 00:41:50,127
We need to go back for him.
756
00:41:50,194 --> 00:41:51,428
We need to go back for him now.
757
00:41:51,495 --> 00:41:53,130
- We do not.
- Now, yes we do.
758
00:41:53,197 --> 00:41:55,966
We need to stay
here for the night.
759
00:41:56,033 --> 00:41:57,067
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
760
00:41:57,134 --> 00:41:58,502
I'm trying to protect us.
761
00:42:00,204 --> 00:42:02,139
- He's dead weight.
- He's my brother.
762
00:42:02,206 --> 00:42:03,107
Half-brother.
763
00:42:04,375 --> 00:42:06,410
You said you wished he was dead.
764
00:42:06,477 --> 00:42:08,212
This isn't about me, okay?
765
00:42:08,279 --> 00:42:09,913
You never liked Nate.
766
00:42:09,980 --> 00:42:13,117
I'm not about to
let him get us killed.
767
00:42:21,258 --> 00:42:22,926
Nate and I used to play
768
00:42:22,993 --> 00:42:24,328
in this barn together
when we were little.
769
00:42:24,395 --> 00:42:25,996
No, no, Angela.
770
00:42:27,031 --> 00:42:29,066
We don't have time for this.
771
00:42:30,401 --> 00:42:32,102
From the second I
got here tonight,
772
00:42:32,169 --> 00:42:35,306
you've been saying how
much you hate Nate.
773
00:42:35,372 --> 00:42:38,409
I know you feel some
sort of obligation
774
00:42:38,475 --> 00:42:41,879
to him but he would
have done exactly
775
00:42:41,945 --> 00:42:44,214
the same thing to us if
he had had the chance.
776
00:42:45,549 --> 00:42:47,418
How can you say that?
777
00:42:47,484 --> 00:42:50,421
I can say that because
I know who Nate is
778
00:42:52,089 --> 00:42:55,025
and deep down, you
know who he is too.
779
00:42:57,127 --> 00:43:00,297
This situation
really sucks, it does
780
00:43:01,965 --> 00:43:04,301
but I can protect you,
we can survive together.
781
00:43:04,368 --> 00:43:06,170
I don't need
you to protect me.
782
00:43:08,505 --> 00:43:11,975
Fine, you can protect me.
783
00:43:12,042 --> 00:43:13,310
Semantics, whatever.
784
00:43:14,411 --> 00:43:15,312
Angela,
785
00:43:16,580 --> 00:43:18,482
please trust me.
786
00:43:25,155 --> 00:43:26,523
♪ Sweet ♪
787
00:43:26,590 --> 00:43:27,458
Okay,
788
00:43:29,093 --> 00:43:30,094
I trust you.
789
00:43:31,028 --> 00:43:32,596
♪ Girl ♪
790
00:44:05,028 --> 00:44:07,231
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Angela,
it's just me, it's just me.
791
00:44:07,297 --> 00:44:09,099
Chill out, chill out.
792
00:44:09,166 --> 00:44:11,235
- Oh gross, is that blood?
- Evan.
793
00:44:12,369 --> 00:44:13,504
- What?
- Evan.
794
00:44:15,439 --> 00:44:17,441
I just watched him die.
795
00:44:17,508 --> 00:44:22,112
Oh my god, oh my god,
hey, hey, come here.
796
00:44:23,147 --> 00:44:25,215
- Oh my god.
- I'm so sorry.
797
00:44:26,483 --> 00:44:29,386
I'm so sorry, I didn't
want to leave you.
798
00:44:29,453 --> 00:44:30,354
No.
799
00:44:32,189 --> 00:44:35,592
Hey, let's just say, uh,
don't worry about it, okay?
800
00:44:35,659 --> 00:44:37,494
- Okay.
- All right?
801
00:44:37,561 --> 00:44:41,198
Hey, come on, let's
get to the cabin, yeah?
802
00:44:41,265 --> 00:44:42,466
- Okay.
- Okay.
803
00:44:42,533 --> 00:44:44,401
Wait, what
happened to Jackson?
804
00:44:44,468 --> 00:44:48,439
Let's just say we won't
have to worry about him.
805
00:44:52,109 --> 00:44:53,477
I thought you said we don't
have to worry about Jackson.
806
00:44:53,544 --> 00:44:56,346
I said "Lets say we wouldn't
have to worry about Jackson."
807
00:44:56,413 --> 00:44:58,515
I don't know, it seemed
like the right thing to say.
808
00:45:04,388 --> 00:45:06,023
Okay, what now?
809
00:45:06,089 --> 00:45:07,224
I think we're lost.
810
00:45:07,291 --> 00:45:09,626
You'd better be joking.
811
00:45:09,693 --> 00:45:11,328
No, I really don't
know where the cabin is.
812
00:45:11,395 --> 00:45:13,263
Well, it should
just be over there.
813
00:45:13,330 --> 00:45:15,299
Well, it should be but,
wait, hold on one second.
814
00:45:16,567 --> 00:45:18,235
Okay yeah, here we go.
815
00:45:18,302 --> 00:45:19,336
So if trees grow
towards the north
816
00:45:19,403 --> 00:45:22,239
and moss grows fat
on the rolling stone,
817
00:45:22,306 --> 00:45:23,507
then the cabin should be...
818
00:45:25,542 --> 00:45:27,244
Ow.
819
00:45:27,311 --> 00:45:28,512
- Let me look at it.
- No stop, get off.
820
00:45:28,579 --> 00:45:30,514
This is my replacement phone.
821
00:45:30,581 --> 00:45:32,616
It's very susceptible to
being broken by rocks.
822
00:45:33,717 --> 00:45:35,552
Mary.
823
00:45:35,619 --> 00:45:37,387
- Let me talk to her.
- No, let me talk to her.
824
00:45:37,454 --> 00:45:39,122
- She's my girlfriend.
- No, she's my best friend.
825
00:45:39,189 --> 00:45:40,290
- I've known her longer.
- I've known her longer.
826
00:45:40,357 --> 00:45:41,258
- Have you kissed her?
- Yes.
827
00:45:41,325 --> 00:45:44,194
- What?
- What?
828
00:45:45,295 --> 00:45:46,730
- Nate, are you there?
- Ow.
829
00:45:48,198 --> 00:45:50,300
Ange, oh my god, are you okay?
830
00:45:51,735 --> 00:45:53,403
Nate,
831
00:45:53,470 --> 00:45:54,371
Ange?
832
00:45:56,373 --> 00:45:58,141
Hello?
833
00:46:04,481 --> 00:46:05,349
Marcus.
834
00:46:07,551 --> 00:46:09,386
I think it got Nate and Ange.
835
00:46:10,454 --> 00:46:12,289
What about Evan?
836
00:46:12,356 --> 00:46:15,158
I tried calling but it
went straight to voicemail.
837
00:46:15,225 --> 00:46:17,261
Oh Evan, that's who I made
838
00:46:17,327 --> 00:46:19,296
the no phones on this
trip agreement with.
839
00:46:19,363 --> 00:46:23,300
Marcus, it could just
be us out here now.
840
00:46:23,367 --> 00:46:25,702
Dammit, Nate thought
he'd be the last
841
00:46:25,770 --> 00:46:28,572
one alive during a zombie
apocalypse scenario.
842
00:46:28,639 --> 00:46:30,307
He's gonna be so disappointed.
843
00:46:31,508 --> 00:46:33,310
- Oh my god.
- Hey.
844
00:46:33,377 --> 00:46:35,445
Hey, stop all that, come on.
845
00:46:35,512 --> 00:46:37,314
It's gonna be okay.
846
00:46:37,381 --> 00:46:39,550
- Oh my god.
- It's gonna be all right.
847
00:46:39,616 --> 00:46:41,718
Hey, hey.
848
00:46:43,387 --> 00:46:44,254
Marcus.
849
00:46:46,323 --> 00:46:48,625
Maybe we should call the police.
850
00:46:48,692 --> 00:46:51,194
Yeah right, the police,
let's call the police.
851
00:46:52,496 --> 00:46:53,397
What's the number
for the police?
852
00:46:53,463 --> 00:46:55,165
Seriously?
853
00:46:55,232 --> 00:46:57,200
I'm just kidding, I'm
not that fucking stupid.
854
00:46:57,267 --> 00:46:58,268
Oh my god.
855
00:46:59,670 --> 00:47:02,205
1-800-Police...
856
00:47:02,272 --> 00:47:04,207
It's 911 Marcus, 911.
857
00:47:04,274 --> 00:47:05,342
Right, right.
858
00:47:07,812 --> 00:47:08,745
911,
what's your emergency?
859
00:47:08,813 --> 00:47:12,182
Hi, well, we, I-
860
00:47:12,249 --> 00:47:13,750
- Hello, sir?
861
00:47:13,818 --> 00:47:16,219
Zombies, there's zombies
here, you gotta save us.
862
00:47:16,286 --> 00:47:18,488
Sir, this line
is for emergencies only.
863
00:47:18,555 --> 00:47:20,357
This is an emergency.
864
00:47:20,424 --> 00:47:22,392
We're at a cabin in
the woods off I-15.
865
00:47:26,663 --> 00:47:28,365
Oh my god, they're
gonna get her.
866
00:47:28,432 --> 00:47:29,767
Oh no, please don't get me.
867
00:47:29,834 --> 00:47:31,668
Oh, they're getting her.
868
00:47:31,735 --> 00:47:33,604
Oh my god,
869
00:47:33,670 --> 00:47:35,439
they're dismembering her
body right in front of me.
870
00:47:35,505 --> 00:47:37,641
Oh no, I don't want
to die, Marcus.
871
00:47:37,708 --> 00:47:40,577
I won't let you die,
baby, it's gonna be okay.
872
00:47:40,644 --> 00:47:42,346
Oh my god.
873
00:47:44,648 --> 00:47:47,317
Jesus Christ, they ate her,
they just fuckin' ate her.
874
00:47:47,384 --> 00:47:50,320
Sir, sir,
you do realize it's
875
00:47:50,387 --> 00:47:53,457
a Federal offense to prank
call emergency services, right?
876
00:47:54,424 --> 00:47:56,393
Well,
877
00:47:56,460 --> 00:47:59,262
well yeah, thanks, bye.
878
00:48:00,664 --> 00:48:02,566
There, they should
be here in no time.
879
00:48:04,601 --> 00:48:06,303
Oh my god.
880
00:48:06,370 --> 00:48:07,671
What?
881
00:48:07,738 --> 00:48:09,406
- Oh my god.
- Hey, come on, take it easy.
882
00:48:09,473 --> 00:48:12,643
Hey, listen, we'll
get the power back on,
883
00:48:12,709 --> 00:48:16,279
get the AC blowing,
microwave us some taquitos.
884
00:48:16,346 --> 00:48:17,681
Maybe get some sexy
music going on.
885
00:48:17,748 --> 00:48:19,516
The AC.
886
00:48:19,583 --> 00:48:20,484
Marcus,
887
00:48:21,718 --> 00:48:23,687
the AC, it was
blowing in your car
888
00:48:23,755 --> 00:48:25,622
and it seemed to
hurt Washington.
889
00:48:25,689 --> 00:48:27,391
Maybe we'll be safe in your
car and we can make a getaway.
890
00:48:27,457 --> 00:48:29,292
Yeah, great,
let's get in my car.
891
00:48:29,359 --> 00:48:32,830
Wait, it died when I
was out there before.
892
00:48:32,897 --> 00:48:34,297
What about Nate's car?
893
00:48:34,364 --> 00:48:35,465
The tires are shredded.
894
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:37,701
What about Evan's?
895
00:48:37,769 --> 00:48:38,836
I think he took
the keys with him.
896
00:48:39,871 --> 00:48:41,738
Can you hot-wire it?
897
00:48:41,806 --> 00:48:43,440
What do I look
like, Hotty McWire?
898
00:48:43,507 --> 00:48:44,809
What?
899
00:48:44,876 --> 00:48:46,710
It's fine, we'll
pop open the hood
900
00:48:46,778 --> 00:48:49,346
of my car and get that
bad boy going in no time.
901
00:48:49,413 --> 00:48:50,782
I've seen a car two before.
902
00:48:51,816 --> 00:48:53,350
But what about Washington?
903
00:49:00,590 --> 00:49:02,827
I think I've got an idea.
904
00:49:05,429 --> 00:49:06,329
I want you
905
00:49:08,465 --> 00:49:11,468
to stay away from us
and to not eat us.
906
00:49:13,370 --> 00:49:15,873
Marcus, this is the dumbest
idea you've ever come up with.
907
00:49:15,940 --> 00:49:17,741
Join the Army.
908
00:49:17,809 --> 00:49:20,343
You can keep that stupid
costume, by the way.
909
00:49:22,780 --> 00:49:23,680
Okay.
910
00:49:24,614 --> 00:49:25,749
I think it should work.
911
00:49:25,817 --> 00:49:28,318
Here, start the car.
912
00:49:37,561 --> 00:49:38,462
Marcus?
913
00:49:39,797 --> 00:49:41,364
Save yourself.
914
00:49:45,535 --> 00:49:46,536
Remember me.
915
00:49:47,471 --> 00:49:48,705
Marcus, Marcus.
916
00:49:49,807 --> 00:49:51,909
As a hero, not a coward.
917
00:49:59,449 --> 00:49:59,984
Dammit.
918
00:50:02,486 --> 00:50:03,821
Bury me on Halloween.
919
00:50:05,455 --> 00:50:07,691
I want my funeral
to be extra spooky.
920
00:50:09,726 --> 00:50:10,795
Oh, Marcus.
921
00:50:12,997 --> 00:50:14,731
Oh shit.
922
00:50:16,868 --> 00:50:18,602
Chill out, asshole.
923
00:50:21,738 --> 00:50:22,874
Not so cool,
924
00:50:24,741 --> 00:50:25,642
is it?
925
00:50:31,715 --> 00:50:33,550
We'll have a great
Fourth of July, he said.
926
00:50:33,617 --> 00:50:35,352
It'll be fun, he said.
927
00:50:35,418 --> 00:50:36,486
What the fuck.
928
00:50:36,553 --> 00:50:37,889
This is what I get for
dating a white guy.
929
00:50:37,955 --> 00:50:39,623
Who's next, Andrew Jackson?
930
00:50:46,898 --> 00:50:48,900
What the... Angela, you
almost broke my phone.
931
00:50:48,966 --> 00:50:51,903
I told you it's very susceptible
to being broken by rocks.
932
00:50:53,470 --> 00:50:54,772
Oh man.
933
00:50:54,839 --> 00:50:56,673
Well if you would've given
me the GPS 10 minutes ago,
934
00:50:56,740 --> 00:50:58,708
then we wouldn't have
been in this situation.
935
00:50:59,643 --> 00:51:00,978
Now we're even more lost
936
00:51:01,045 --> 00:51:02,847
and we need to get
back to the cabin.
937
00:51:02,914 --> 00:51:06,583
Okay, yes, I agree but I
don't know where the cabin is.
938
00:51:06,650 --> 00:51:08,652
This is so fucking
typical, Nate.
939
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:12,389
You raise an army of the
living dead but your pride
940
00:51:12,455 --> 00:51:14,658
and stupidity are still the
biggest threats to our safety.
941
00:51:14,724 --> 00:51:18,461
I raised an army
of the living dead?
942
00:51:18,528 --> 00:51:19,997
How sure are we that
this isn't your fault?
943
00:51:20,064 --> 00:51:21,966
My fault?
944
00:51:22,033 --> 00:51:23,667
This all seems like America
trying to teach you a lesson.
945
00:51:23,733 --> 00:51:24,668
What lesson, don't
get killed by zombies?
946
00:51:24,734 --> 00:51:25,903
That's a great lesson.
947
00:51:28,538 --> 00:51:29,606
If you'd only shown this much
948
00:51:29,673 --> 00:51:31,541
initiative when dad got sick.
949
00:51:31,608 --> 00:51:33,610
Oh, come on.
950
00:51:33,677 --> 00:51:36,013
You didn't ask for my
help, so I didn't offer it.
951
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:38,748
Well, I shouldn't have had
to ask, he was our father.
952
00:51:38,816 --> 00:51:40,684
I honored him in my own way.
953
00:51:40,750 --> 00:51:42,719
You got drunk and broke
into a baseball stadium.
954
00:51:42,787 --> 00:51:44,688
It's what he
would have wanted.
955
00:51:52,495 --> 00:51:57,068
Okay, I'm not sure what
that is but I think we should,
956
00:51:58,535 --> 00:51:59,569
yeah.
957
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,781
Come on Nate, let's go.
958
00:52:10,848 --> 00:52:12,950
Wait a sec, I had a lot of
beers and chalupas tonight.
959
00:52:14,919 --> 00:52:18,555
No seriously, look, the
cabin's right there, come on.
960
00:52:25,029 --> 00:52:27,530
'Mander Chief.
961
00:52:29,100 --> 00:52:30,700
This is all my fault.
962
00:52:32,602 --> 00:52:35,039
Now's not the
best time, Nathan.
963
00:52:35,106 --> 00:52:38,776
Everyone else is dead
and it's all my fault.
964
00:52:38,843 --> 00:52:40,677
You don't know that, okay?
965
00:52:40,744 --> 00:52:43,080
The car's gone, maybe Mary and
Marcus went to go get help.
966
00:52:44,916 --> 00:52:47,617
They'll never make it outta
here and neither will we.
967
00:52:47,684 --> 00:52:48,953
I killed Mary,
968
00:52:49,020 --> 00:52:51,055
I killed Marcus,
969
00:52:51,122 --> 00:52:52,622
I killed us.
970
00:52:54,125 --> 00:52:58,062
If you feel so fucking
bad, come and help me.
971
00:53:00,730 --> 00:53:02,565
That can't be good.
972
00:53:02,632 --> 00:53:04,902
Nate, come on, we gotta
get out of here, come on.
973
00:53:04,969 --> 00:53:07,772
What's the use? I'm no good.
974
00:53:09,173 --> 00:53:11,741
I couldn't be there for
dad when he needed me.
975
00:53:13,044 --> 00:53:15,712
I couldn't protect Mary
from the killer zombies.
976
00:53:15,780 --> 00:53:16,981
I can't protect you.
977
00:53:18,615 --> 00:53:19,884
I don't need
you to protect me.
978
00:53:19,951 --> 00:53:21,618
Right now, you need
me to protect you.
979
00:53:24,021 --> 00:53:25,856
Whatever has happened between us
980
00:53:25,923 --> 00:53:27,892
in the past few years,
it's behind us now, okay?
981
00:53:27,959 --> 00:53:28,960
It doesn't matter.
982
00:53:30,828 --> 00:53:32,863
I need you to get off your
ass and come with me, okay?
983
00:53:32,930 --> 00:53:34,597
We should stick together.
984
00:53:38,803 --> 00:53:39,703
Okay.
985
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:44,842
A house divided-
986
00:53:44,909 --> 00:53:46,210
- Against itself cannot stand.
987
00:53:47,211 --> 00:53:48,545
Yes.
988
00:53:48,611 --> 00:53:49,146
Come on.
989
00:53:50,214 --> 00:53:51,782
You quoted Lincoln.
990
00:53:52,850 --> 00:53:53,951
I win.
991
00:54:37,828 --> 00:54:39,030
Nate, run.
992
00:54:42,767 --> 00:54:46,871
My compatriot.
993
00:54:53,077 --> 00:54:54,711
Brother.
994
00:54:54,779 --> 00:54:55,279
Please
995
00:54:56,746 --> 00:54:58,149
save your strength.
996
00:55:00,017 --> 00:55:03,254
Enjoy the sweet warmth of
the land of the living.
997
00:55:06,157 --> 00:55:07,158
Washington
998
00:55:08,059 --> 00:55:08,959
looks
999
00:55:10,727 --> 00:55:11,262
human.
1000
00:55:12,196 --> 00:55:13,864
Hush, my friend.
1001
00:55:15,900 --> 00:55:17,700
Soon enough, you shall too.
1002
00:55:19,103 --> 00:55:20,004
Then
1003
00:55:20,971 --> 00:55:22,173
when we have our army,
1004
00:55:23,740 --> 00:55:25,810
nothing can stop us.
1005
00:55:28,045 --> 00:55:30,014
This land
1006
00:55:30,081 --> 00:55:31,182
belongs to us.
1007
00:55:35,853 --> 00:55:37,888
Are you ready to take it back?
1008
00:56:03,347 --> 00:56:05,216
Nate, your tapping your
foot is freaking me out, okay?
1009
00:56:05,282 --> 00:56:07,218
Help me board up a
window or something.
1010
00:56:08,886 --> 00:56:10,754
Angela, I want to talk
to you about something
1011
00:56:10,821 --> 00:56:12,123
and just a warning, it's
going to be controversial.
1012
00:56:12,189 --> 00:56:14,325
Everything you say
is controversial, Nate.
1013
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:17,161
I don't think I can
fight off these zombies.
1014
00:56:17,228 --> 00:56:18,762
Yeah, I know you can't.
1015
00:56:18,829 --> 00:56:20,898
You're not very coordinated.
1016
00:56:20,965 --> 00:56:23,968
I mean I don't think I
can bring myself to do it.
1017
00:56:26,337 --> 00:56:28,172
What's that supposed to mean?
1018
00:56:28,239 --> 00:56:30,174
Look, if this were
a legion of the undead
1019
00:56:30,241 --> 00:56:32,309
and they were a bunch of
anonymous Joe Schmoes,
1020
00:56:32,376 --> 00:56:34,945
I would have no
problem killing them.
1021
00:56:35,012 --> 00:56:39,250
But these, they're former
Presidents of the United States.
1022
00:56:44,321 --> 00:56:46,790
Nate, I'm running out
of rousing speeches here.
1023
00:56:46,857 --> 00:56:49,059
No Ange, you don't get it.
1024
00:56:49,126 --> 00:56:50,127
Washington, Lincoln.
1025
00:56:51,095 --> 00:56:53,230
They are America.
1026
00:56:53,297 --> 00:56:55,933
I mean shit, Andrew
Jackson is on the $20 bill.
1027
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:57,234
Is that literally
the only thing
1028
00:56:57,301 --> 00:56:59,136
you know about Andrew Jackson?
1029
00:56:59,203 --> 00:57:01,138
- I know he was a President.
- Yeah, which one?
1030
00:57:01,205 --> 00:57:02,106
What number?
1031
00:57:03,941 --> 00:57:08,745
I want to say higher than
three but less than 50.
1032
00:57:08,812 --> 00:57:13,284
He was the seventh and
he was a piece of shit.
1033
00:57:13,350 --> 00:57:15,219
You can't say that
about a President.
1034
00:57:15,286 --> 00:57:17,354
Have you heard of
the Trail of Tears?
1035
00:57:17,421 --> 00:57:19,023
That was Jackson.
1036
00:57:19,089 --> 00:57:20,958
No, I haven't
heard of that and it
1037
00:57:21,025 --> 00:57:23,160
doesn't matter what he did,
he was still the President.
1038
00:57:23,227 --> 00:57:24,828
Okay, enough Nate.
1039
00:57:24,895 --> 00:57:26,764
I'm clearly not gonna
change your mind
1040
00:57:26,830 --> 00:57:29,433
but we have to do something,
like get the power back on.
1041
00:57:31,835 --> 00:57:34,838
I'm sorry, Ange, but I
really want to stay here.
1042
00:57:35,973 --> 00:57:38,275
Please stay here with me.
1043
00:57:39,910 --> 00:57:42,146
We can sit and talk, reconnect.
1044
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:45,916
Look, I was wrong.
1045
00:57:46,850 --> 00:57:47,885
Okay?
1046
00:57:47,952 --> 00:57:51,789
We don't need each
other and at this point,
1047
00:57:51,855 --> 00:57:54,925
I either have to leave you
1048
00:57:54,992 --> 00:57:56,060
or die with you.
1049
00:58:01,165 --> 00:58:06,036
You know why the Fourth of
July is so important to me?
1050
00:58:06,103 --> 00:58:09,073
'Cause that's the last time
I saw dad before he died.
1051
00:58:12,476 --> 00:58:15,179
It was the last time the
three of us were all together.
1052
00:58:19,149 --> 00:58:21,952
That's why I wanted
tonight to be so perfect.
1053
00:58:26,957 --> 00:58:28,492
You're all I have left, Ange.
1054
00:58:30,361 --> 00:58:31,295
You're my sister.
1055
00:58:33,497 --> 00:58:35,099
Half-sister.
1056
01:00:02,353 --> 01:00:03,253
What?
1057
01:00:05,989 --> 01:00:07,257
"From the
desk of Professor
1058
01:00:07,324 --> 01:00:10,260
J. Walter Harmon
to my colleagues.
1059
01:00:10,327 --> 01:00:12,329
Please know that if
you're reading this,
1060
01:00:12,396 --> 01:00:14,264
it is too late for me.
1061
01:00:14,331 --> 01:00:17,101
Each day, I grow weaker
and increasingly paranoid
1062
01:00:17,167 --> 01:00:20,404
of the possibility of my
research into the supernatural
1063
01:00:20,471 --> 01:00:23,140
falling into the wrong hands.
1064
01:00:23,207 --> 01:00:25,042
Dad.
1065
01:00:25,109 --> 01:00:26,977
I believe that
these documents which I have
1066
01:00:27,044 --> 01:00:30,013
gathered were created by
ancient evil spirits made
1067
01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:33,183
to look like significant
historical documents.
1068
01:00:33,250 --> 01:00:35,419
These papers
function as a gateway
1069
01:00:35,486 --> 01:00:38,155
for the evil spirits
to enter our world,
1070
01:00:38,222 --> 01:00:41,959
possess the dead and wreak
havoc among the living.
1071
01:00:42,025 --> 01:00:44,128
If any of them are recited-"
1072
01:00:45,095 --> 01:00:46,363
The Declaration.
1073
01:00:46,430 --> 01:00:49,166
"Under the right
ritualistic circumstances,
1074
01:00:49,233 --> 01:00:52,035
they theoretically
hold the power to raise
1075
01:00:52,102 --> 01:00:55,506
with soulless purpose
an army of the undead."
1076
01:00:56,573 --> 01:00:58,375
None of this makes any sense.
1077
01:00:58,442 --> 01:01:00,577
"None of this
seems to make any sense to me
1078
01:01:00,644 --> 01:01:05,048
as an academic, but it
all has a logic to it
1079
01:01:05,115 --> 01:01:07,050
if you just understand."
1080
01:01:07,117 --> 01:01:08,185
Well, shit.
1081
01:01:08,252 --> 01:01:10,521
"If anything
is to happen to me,
1082
01:01:10,587 --> 01:01:13,190
these documents
must be destroyed.
1083
01:01:13,257 --> 01:01:17,294
The evil within them is too
powerful to go unchecked.
1084
01:01:17,361 --> 01:01:21,265
As I feel myself succumbing
to my illness more and more,
1085
01:01:21,331 --> 01:01:23,066
I leave these instructions.
1086
01:01:23,133 --> 01:01:25,102
In the unfortunate
event that these
1087
01:01:25,169 --> 01:01:27,438
evil spirits should
somehow be awoken,
1088
01:01:27,504 --> 01:01:29,606
one must recreate
the conditions under
1089
01:01:29,673 --> 01:01:32,609
which they were summoned in
order to banish them forever."
1090
01:01:32,676 --> 01:01:36,480
Well, that was extremely
helpful and incredibly specific.
1091
01:01:36,547 --> 01:01:38,382
"This may be the last
1092
01:01:38,449 --> 01:01:41,552
correspondence I make with
the world of the living.
1093
01:01:41,618 --> 01:01:44,388
I just pray that the
world knows growth,
1094
01:01:44,455 --> 01:01:48,592
strength and tolerance and I
hope my children find peace."
1095
01:01:49,593 --> 01:01:51,595
Damn, thanks dad.
1096
01:02:07,177 --> 01:02:08,445
Okay, okay, okay.
1097
01:02:10,147 --> 01:02:10,681
Okay.
1098
01:02:12,316 --> 01:02:14,184
"We therefore, the
Representatives of the
1099
01:02:14,251 --> 01:02:16,687
United States of America in
General Congress assembled."
1100
01:02:17,588 --> 01:02:18,455
Fuck.
1101
01:02:20,123 --> 01:02:21,258
Shit.
1102
01:02:21,325 --> 01:02:23,260
Oh fuck, beer, oh shit.
1103
01:02:25,162 --> 01:02:28,599
Americana, I mean it's more
of an idea than a tangible,
1104
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:31,201
oh fuck, oh fuck.
1105
01:02:46,216 --> 01:02:49,152
Get off, get off, let go.
1106
01:02:55,225 --> 01:02:56,460
What do you want from me?
1107
01:02:57,394 --> 01:02:58,629
The documents.
1108
01:03:05,302 --> 01:03:10,307
♪ Oh beautiful America ♪
1109
01:03:11,375 --> 01:03:14,711
♪ From sea to shiny sea ♪
1110
01:03:17,748 --> 01:03:20,417
Get your
fucking hands off me.
1111
01:03:20,484 --> 01:03:21,385
Oh fuck.
1112
01:03:24,756 --> 01:03:25,656
Shit.
1113
01:03:27,792 --> 01:03:31,128
What the fuck, somebody help me!
1114
01:03:31,194 --> 01:03:34,565
Somebody help me,
somebody fucking help me!
1115
01:03:40,737 --> 01:03:42,606
Nate, help me.
1116
01:03:42,673 --> 01:03:43,674
Oh my god.
1117
01:03:45,576 --> 01:03:47,411
All right, all right.
1118
01:03:51,281 --> 01:03:52,215
Breathe. Breathe.
1119
01:03:54,284 --> 01:03:55,319
Breathe.
1120
01:03:55,385 --> 01:03:56,520
Okay.
1121
01:03:56,587 --> 01:03:57,487
They've got Angela,
1122
01:03:58,555 --> 01:04:01,258
that is a bummer.
1123
01:04:02,326 --> 01:04:03,226
It really is.
1124
01:04:04,628 --> 01:04:07,698
But it shows that I was right.
1125
01:04:07,765 --> 01:04:10,567
I was right for staying in here.
1126
01:04:11,836 --> 01:04:13,503
That counts for
something, right?
1127
01:04:19,443 --> 01:04:21,278
They're in the house.
1128
01:04:23,614 --> 01:04:24,514
Shit.
1129
01:05:03,587 --> 01:05:05,522
I have to do something.
1130
01:05:07,624 --> 01:05:08,525
After all,
1131
01:05:10,394 --> 01:05:11,662
she's my sister.
1132
01:05:15,800 --> 01:05:16,901
I'm coming, Ange.
1133
01:05:23,908 --> 01:05:25,442
It's hero time.
1134
01:05:46,463 --> 01:05:47,664
Let impeachment proceedings
1135
01:05:49,533 --> 01:05:50,400
proceed.
1136
01:05:58,508 --> 01:05:59,676
It's not here.
1137
01:06:04,548 --> 01:06:06,616
Where is it?
1138
01:06:06,683 --> 01:06:08,452
I told you,
1139
01:06:08,518 --> 01:06:09,653
those are the only
documents that I know about.
1140
01:06:09,720 --> 01:06:11,421
The Declaration,
1141
01:06:12,456 --> 01:06:14,491
where did you put it?
1142
01:06:14,558 --> 01:06:16,828
I don't know anything
about any Declaration.
1143
01:06:16,894 --> 01:06:19,663
- She lies.
- Why are you doing this?
1144
01:06:19,730 --> 01:06:21,364
This goes against
everything that
1145
01:06:21,431 --> 01:06:23,567
the Founding Fathers are
supposed to stand for.
1146
01:06:23,633 --> 01:06:26,570
We must destroy
the Declaration.
1147
01:06:27,772 --> 01:06:29,639
Then we will be unstoppable.
1148
01:06:30,975 --> 01:06:32,642
America is sick,
1149
01:06:32,709 --> 01:06:34,544
you disrespect the flag,
1150
01:06:34,611 --> 01:06:37,347
you disrespect each other,
you disrespect your leaders.
1151
01:06:37,414 --> 01:06:40,852
This land needs resurrection.
1152
01:06:42,486 --> 01:06:45,923
The dead shall rule
the living in a new era
1153
01:06:45,990 --> 01:06:47,892
of American history.
1154
01:06:50,460 --> 01:06:51,763
Why don't you just kill me?
1155
01:06:52,729 --> 01:06:54,464
We wouldn't kill you.
1156
01:06:55,732 --> 01:06:57,935
You and your brother
instituted the ritual.
1157
01:06:58,002 --> 01:07:00,938
We wouldn't be here without you.
1158
01:07:04,441 --> 01:07:08,745
So what, are you gonna use
us to bring back slavery?
1159
01:07:10,714 --> 01:07:11,816
Slavery went away?
1160
01:07:16,954 --> 01:07:18,488
Enough of this.
1161
01:07:24,896 --> 01:07:27,865
"We the people of the United-"
1162
01:07:27,932 --> 01:07:29,432
That's not gonna work.
1163
01:07:30,034 --> 01:07:31,668
Why?
1164
01:07:31,735 --> 01:07:35,907
Oh, because we don't
have Americana.
1165
01:07:38,508 --> 01:07:39,043
We
1166
01:07:39,944 --> 01:07:40,845
are
1167
01:07:42,046 --> 01:07:42,947
Americana.
1168
01:07:52,790 --> 01:07:55,893
"We the people of
the United States,
1169
01:07:57,527 --> 01:07:59,931
in order to form a
more perfect Union."
1170
01:07:59,997 --> 01:08:02,465
There's nothing
perfect about this Union,
1171
01:08:04,467 --> 01:08:05,937
mother fuckers.
1172
01:08:10,908 --> 01:08:12,642
I forgot to put gas in that.
1173
01:08:18,015 --> 01:08:18,950
No shells in that.
1174
01:08:23,054 --> 01:08:25,857
Nobody move, I'm
gonna be right back.
1175
01:08:30,660 --> 01:08:33,965
"In order to form a
more perfect Union."
1176
01:08:35,565 --> 01:08:37,634
Happy Independence
Day, mother...
1177
01:08:37,701 --> 01:08:38,568
FUCK
1178
01:08:41,705 --> 01:08:42,606
Go get it.
1179
01:08:47,044 --> 01:08:49,679
Nate, don't let him
get the Declaration.
1180
01:08:55,619 --> 01:08:56,954
Get fucked, Abe.
1181
01:09:22,780 --> 01:09:23,680
That smarts.
1182
01:09:31,155 --> 01:09:34,058
Stay back, stay
back, Mr. Presidents.
1183
01:10:31,916 --> 01:10:33,750
Bet you didn't
think you'd be able
1184
01:10:33,818 --> 01:10:37,121
to hear fireworks all the
way out here, mother fuckers.
1185
01:10:37,188 --> 01:10:39,056
Ah, hell fucking yeah, babe.
1186
01:10:40,091 --> 01:10:41,624
That one's for Harriet.
1187
01:11:07,918 --> 01:11:12,189
I believe you have
something that belongs to me.
1188
01:11:12,256 --> 01:11:14,792
And I believe
you have something
1189
01:11:14,859 --> 01:11:18,628
that belongs to the
American people.
1190
01:11:30,274 --> 01:11:31,942
Goddammit.
1191
01:11:32,009 --> 01:11:33,944
Show's over.
1192
01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:40,717
Ange, oh my god, you're
okay, oh my god, oh my god.
1193
01:11:40,785 --> 01:11:42,652
Come on, we gotta read
the Declaration again.
1194
01:11:42,719 --> 01:11:44,188
It's the only way to send
those zombies back to hell.
1195
01:11:44,255 --> 01:11:45,655
What?
1196
01:11:45,722 --> 01:11:46,757
None of this makes any sense.
1197
01:11:46,824 --> 01:11:48,292
Oh, it all has a logic to it,
1198
01:11:49,894 --> 01:11:51,929
if you just understand.
1199
01:11:54,265 --> 01:11:55,166
What?
1200
01:12:09,712 --> 01:12:11,949
Did somebody order a
Declaration of Independence?
1201
01:12:13,117 --> 01:12:14,852
Nate, you got it.
1202
01:12:22,793 --> 01:12:23,761
Thank me later.
1203
01:12:25,963 --> 01:12:27,131
- Hey babe.
- What?
1204
01:12:27,198 --> 01:12:29,200
Thanks for coming back for me.
1205
01:12:29,266 --> 01:12:30,167
Oh Nate,
1206
01:12:31,836 --> 01:12:33,736
I think we should
see other people.
1207
01:12:33,804 --> 01:12:34,338
What?
1208
01:12:52,890 --> 01:12:53,791
Thank you.
1209
01:12:54,358 --> 01:12:56,327
I was looking for this.
1210
01:13:03,834 --> 01:13:05,169
I cannot tell a lie.
1211
01:13:06,971 --> 01:13:08,339
This is gonna hurt.
1212
01:13:09,840 --> 01:13:12,109
Hey Washington,
1213
01:13:12,176 --> 01:13:15,012
Washington, look behind you.
1214
01:13:15,079 --> 01:13:16,147
The British are coming.
1215
01:13:17,381 --> 01:13:20,284
I'm not turning around.
1216
01:13:20,351 --> 01:13:22,319
No seriously,
there's like 50 of 'em.
1217
01:13:22,386 --> 01:13:25,256
Yeah, and it looks like one
of 'em's kissing your wife.
1218
01:13:26,357 --> 01:13:27,258
Martha?
1219
01:13:40,037 --> 01:13:41,105
Nate, Nate.
1220
01:13:44,141 --> 01:13:45,075
Sorry babe,
1221
01:13:45,142 --> 01:13:45,976
ex-babe,
1222
01:13:46,043 --> 01:13:46,877
Mary.
1223
01:13:46,944 --> 01:13:47,845
Yep.
1224
01:13:52,850 --> 01:13:54,885
Holy shit, you saw that, right?
1225
01:13:55,819 --> 01:13:56,887
Ew, ew, ew.
1226
01:14:03,127 --> 01:14:04,995
"We therefore, the
Representatives of the
1227
01:14:05,062 --> 01:14:08,866
United States of America in
General Congress assembled,"
1228
01:14:08,933 --> 01:14:11,168
- fuck.
- Nothing is happening.
1229
01:14:12,136 --> 01:14:13,137
Americana.
1230
01:14:14,071 --> 01:14:15,339
What?
1231
01:14:15,406 --> 01:14:17,041
This is gonna sound
so fucking stupid
1232
01:14:17,107 --> 01:14:18,943
but the key to all
of this is the beer.
1233
01:14:19,009 --> 01:14:21,845
Shit, I drank the last
two before I came out here.
1234
01:14:21,912 --> 01:14:23,280
Damn you, past Nate.
1235
01:14:23,347 --> 01:14:26,050
We just need more Americana.
1236
01:14:33,290 --> 01:14:34,959
"We therefore,
1237
01:14:35,025 --> 01:14:36,293
the Representatives
of the United States
1238
01:14:36,360 --> 01:14:38,996
of America in General
Congress assembled,
1239
01:14:39,063 --> 01:14:40,931
appealing to the Supreme Judge
1240
01:14:40,998 --> 01:14:43,834
of the world for the rectitude
of our intentions do in the
1241
01:14:43,901 --> 01:14:47,238
name and by authority of the
good people of these colonies
1242
01:14:47,304 --> 01:14:50,341
solemnly publish and declare
that for the support of this
1243
01:14:50,407 --> 01:14:54,011
Declaration with a firm
reliance on the protection
1244
01:14:54,078 --> 01:14:56,914
of divine Providence,
we mutually pledge-"
1245
01:14:56,981 --> 01:14:59,883
God damn America.
1246
01:14:59,950 --> 01:15:01,885
"We
mutually pledge to each other
1247
01:15:01,952 --> 01:15:05,823
our lives, our fortunes
and our sacred honor."
1248
01:15:09,960 --> 01:15:14,098
You can't kill
me, I am America.
1249
01:15:15,933 --> 01:15:20,170
No Mr. President, you're
not America anymore.
1250
01:15:20,237 --> 01:15:21,138
No, no!
1251
01:15:36,220 --> 01:15:38,522
Looks like we're the
ones getting re-elected,
1252
01:15:40,391 --> 01:15:41,492
mother fuckers.
1253
01:15:46,997 --> 01:15:50,401
Not gonna lie, that was
pretty fuckin' cool.
1254
01:15:51,535 --> 01:15:52,436
Yeah.
1255
01:15:53,504 --> 01:15:54,538
Yeah, it was.
1256
01:16:03,514 --> 01:16:04,982
I mean, you...
1257
01:16:07,117 --> 01:16:08,018
Oh my.
1258
01:16:19,196 --> 01:16:20,964
Did my leg come off?
1259
01:16:34,044 --> 01:16:35,279
Am I gonna die?
1260
01:16:35,346 --> 01:16:36,947
No, you're not
gonna die, it's okay.
1261
01:16:37,014 --> 01:16:39,516
I've never met someone
with just one leg.
1262
01:16:39,583 --> 01:16:41,985
Do you need two legs to live?
1263
01:16:42,052 --> 01:16:44,121
No, hey bud, it's
okay, don't worry.
1264
01:16:44,188 --> 01:16:46,357
Don't worry, I'm here for you.
1265
01:16:46,423 --> 01:16:48,258
- Don't worry, okay?
- Yeah?
1266
01:16:55,199 --> 01:16:57,434
We're kinda like
a team now, huh?
1267
01:16:57,501 --> 01:16:59,603
Yeah, we work
pretty well together.
1268
01:17:01,271 --> 01:17:03,374
I couldn't have worked
together without you.
1269
01:17:05,075 --> 01:17:07,044
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
1270
01:17:08,612 --> 01:17:11,482
Hey, I'm sorry to
interrupt this family moment,
1271
01:17:11,548 --> 01:17:13,016
it seems really nice.
1272
01:17:13,083 --> 01:17:14,351
Our ambulance is stuck
1273
01:17:14,418 --> 01:17:17,121
on the gravelly,
winding nightmare road.
1274
01:17:17,187 --> 01:17:21,125
Do you think you could walk...?
1275
01:17:21,191 --> 01:17:22,993
Uh... yeah, we'll
get you in there.
1276
01:17:23,060 --> 01:17:24,495
We'll get you in
there in just a sec.
1277
01:17:26,363 --> 01:17:29,366
We wanted to tell you that
this ride is gonna cost
1278
01:17:30,601 --> 01:17:34,004
$9,283.
1279
01:17:34,071 --> 01:17:37,641
No, he has insurance,
so it should be covered.
1280
01:17:39,076 --> 01:17:42,146
According to this, it's not.
1281
01:17:42,212 --> 01:17:43,380
Are you fucking serious?
1282
01:17:45,249 --> 01:17:46,583
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I
don't do well with bad news.
1283
01:17:46,650 --> 01:17:48,552
I don't like delivering it
1284
01:17:48,619 --> 01:17:50,287
but there is more bad news.
1285
01:17:51,355 --> 01:17:53,190
It looks like your insurance
1286
01:17:53,257 --> 01:17:56,293
isn't gonna cover the
reattachment of your leg.
1287
01:17:57,261 --> 01:17:58,462
What?
1288
01:17:58,529 --> 01:18:00,130
Yeah, it only covers limbs
1289
01:18:00,197 --> 01:18:03,066
that become missing
in the hospital.
1290
01:18:03,133 --> 01:18:05,402
Is that supposed to
be some kind of joke?
1291
01:18:05,469 --> 01:18:08,338
What kind of a fucked
up policy is that?
1292
01:18:08,405 --> 01:18:09,506
I mean, that's insane.
1293
01:18:11,275 --> 01:18:13,110
We got some good news.
1294
01:18:13,177 --> 01:18:14,211
We got some good news for you.
1295
01:18:14,278 --> 01:18:16,113
Anything, man, please.
1296
01:18:16,180 --> 01:18:17,080
Yeah.
1297
01:18:19,450 --> 01:18:21,618
They're putting on another
fireworks show tonight
1298
01:18:21,685 --> 01:18:24,655
and I think you're gonna
be just in time to see it.
1299
01:18:32,563 --> 01:18:33,530
Are you f-
1300
01:19:51,375 --> 01:19:55,479
♪ I'm feeling kinda sick ♪
here like a dog in a pit ♪
1301
01:19:55,546 --> 01:19:59,583
♪ My head is feeling heavier ♪
than I'd like to admit ♪
1302
01:19:59,650 --> 01:20:04,254
♪ So when you come around, ♪
don't be calling my name ♪
1303
01:20:04,321 --> 01:20:08,725
♪ I've got another bullet ♪
that has got your name on it ♪
1304
01:20:28,478 --> 01:20:32,716
♪ Now we're on the run ♪
taking it to the streets ♪
1305
01:20:32,784 --> 01:20:37,254
♪ What's it even matter ♪
if I can't even see ♪
1306
01:20:37,321 --> 01:20:41,592
♪ Bleeding out my eyes ♪
because you took them away ♪
1307
01:20:41,658 --> 01:20:46,663
♪ Don't say nothing 'cause you ♪
can't even speak, okay, go ♪
1308
01:21:03,513 --> 01:21:07,684
♪ walk away, walk away ♪
1309
01:21:07,751 --> 01:21:12,222
♪ walk away, walk away ♪
1310
01:21:12,289 --> 01:21:16,593
♪ It's on at dawn ♪
1311
01:21:16,660 --> 01:21:20,664
♪ It's on at dawn ♪
1312
01:21:20,731 --> 01:21:24,769
♪ We don't wanna hurt nobody, ♪
we don't wanna hurt nobody ♪
1313
01:21:24,836 --> 01:21:29,373
♪ We don't wanna hurt nobody, ♪
we don't wanna hurt nobody ♪
1314
01:21:29,439 --> 01:21:34,444
♪ We don't wanna hurt nobody, ♪
we don't wanna hurt nobody ♪
88002
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