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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:02,272 >> Biscayne: TONIGHT ON 2 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:03,200 "NEWSREADERS"... 3 00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:04,514 LUCKY NUMBERS -- WHY 2 NEVER 4 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,235 MAKES THE LIST BUT WORKS TWICE 5 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,110 AS WELL AS 7. 6 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,638 AND AUTHOR EDWIN SALMON CATCHER 7 00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,412 DISCUSSES HIS LATEST BOOK, 8 00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,311 "THE EAGLE IN THE BREEZE," WHICH 9 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,123 DESCRIBES A WAR BETWEEN TWO 10 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,345 CLASSIC-ROCK STATIONS. 11 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,619 ALL THAT AND MORE ECHO 12 00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,118 [Echoing] TONIGHT ON 13 00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:24,191 "NEWSREADERS"! 14 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:35,342 HERE AT "NEWSREADERS," WE DO 15 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:36,466 EVERYTHING WE CAN TO HELP 16 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:37,640 CONSUMERS AVOID DECEPTIVE 17 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:38,408 PRACTICES. 18 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:40,436 AND, AS AMIR LARUSSA TELLS US, 19 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,511 YOU CAN BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF IN 20 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,580 THE MOST SURPRISING PLACES. 21 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,479 >> STRIP CLUBS LIKE THIS ONE IN 22 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,421 JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA, HAVE LONG 23 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,287 BEEN A RELIABLE WAY FOR MEN TO 24 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,085 GET OFF WITHOUT TECHNICALLY 25 00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,117 CHEATING ON THEIR WIVES. 26 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,293 BUT OUR HIDDEN-CAMERA 27 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,630 INVESTIGATION REVEALED THAT 28 00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,455 STRIPS CLUBS ARE TAKING OFF MUCH 29 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:00,490 MORE THAN CLOTHES. 30 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,364 THEY'RE TAKING OFF THE TRUTH. 31 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,504 AND THE LIES START EVEN BEFORE 32 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,239 YOU GET IN THE DOOR. 33 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,395 >> NO SWEATPANTS. 34 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,373 >> LIE NUMBER 1. 35 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,182 YOU C WEAR SWEATPANTS 36 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:17,245 INSIDE -- FOR A PRICE. 37 00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,145 AND YOU CAN TAKE RECORDING 38 00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:21,317 DEVICES INSIDE IF THEY'RE HIDDEN 39 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,445 IN YOUR GLASSES AND BELT BUCKLE. 40 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,360 >> [ GIGGLES ] 41 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,165 >> TO AN UNSUSPECTING CONSUMER, 42 00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:47,584 THIS SEEMS LIKE AN ORDINARY, 43 00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,535 NATURAL CONVERSATION. 44 00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:57,222 BUT JUST WATCH AS THIS SUDDENLY 45 00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:59,188 TURNS INTO A SALES PITCH. 46 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:04,589 THE ENTIRE CLUB WAS DRIPPING IN 47 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,592 LIES AND DECEPTION. 48 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:09,634 THEY ADVERTISED DOZENS OF GIRLS, 49 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,730 BUT WE ONLY SAW FOUR. 50 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,302 AND LOOK CLOSELY AT THE 51 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:14,641 CHAMPAGNE ROOM AND YOU'LL SEE 52 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,435 THAT WHILE THE SPARKLING WINE IS 53 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:17,437 ACTUALLY FROM THE 54 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:18,768 CHAMPAGNE PROVINCE OF FRANCE, 55 00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,442 THE SO-CALLED CHAMPAGNE ROOM IS 56 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,442 NOT A ROOM AT ALL AND NOTHING 57 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,454 MORE THAN A SERIES OF POORLY 58 00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,516 UPHOLSTERED BENCHES FILLED WITH 59 00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,175 QUESTIONABLE CLAIMS. 60 00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,523 >> I'VE ALWAYS BEEN KIND OF AN 61 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:31,718 EXHIBITIONIST, YOU KNOW? 62 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,519 I'M JUST DOING THIS TO PAY MY 63 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,691 WAY THROUGH COLLEGE. 64 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,518 >> THAT NIGHT I LEARNED A LOT 65 00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:37,534 ABOUT ASHLEY -- 66 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,255 OR THOUGHT I DID. 67 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,300 AFTER WE LEFT THE CLUB, I 68 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,325 REVIEWED SOME OF ASHLEY'S 69 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,631 CLAIMS, AND I HAD SOME FOLLOW-UP 70 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:46,633 QUESTIONS. 71 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,744 IT TURNS OUT THAT, LIKE THE 72 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,206 TRUTH, ASHLEY'S HOME ADDRESS 73 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,335 COULD BE BOUGHT FOR $50 AND A 74 00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:55,441 "NEWSREADERS" HAT. 75 00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,583 BUT SHE WAS A LITTLE HARD TO 76 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,708 FIND BECAUSE THE ONLY PERSON 77 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,223 LISTED AT HER ADDRESS WASN'T 78 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,246 NAMED ASHLEY. 79 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,491 SHE WAS NAMED... 80 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:07,755 JENNIFER? 81 00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,215 OH, HEY, JENNIFER. 82 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,493 IT'S AMIR LARUSSA FROM 83 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:11,491 "NEWSREADERS." 84 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:12,592 I DID SOME RESEARCH AND FOUND 85 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:13,733 OUT YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THE TRUTH 86 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:14,457 AT THE CLUB. 87 00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:15,632 YOU'RE NOT IN COLLEGE, YOUR NAME 88 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:16,759 ISN'T ASHLEY, AND IF YOU'RE SUCH 89 00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,234 AN EXHIBITIONIST, WHY ARE YOU 90 00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,372 ANSWERING THE DOOR IN CLOTHES? 91 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:20,497 WHY THE LIES, JENNIFER? 92 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,341 >> OKAY. SO, YOU WANT TO BE TOLD 93 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,566 THE TRUTH AT A STRIP CLUB? 94 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:24,271 >> YES. 95 00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,512 YOU ARE DECEIVING PEOPLE. 96 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:26,666 YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE BIG INTO 97 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:27,784 WORDS WITH FRIENDS, BUT WE 98 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:28,775 CHECKED YOUR PROFILE. 99 00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,236 YOU'VE ONLY PLAYED IT THREE 100 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:30,514 TIMES. 101 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,811 THAT'S NOT BEING BIG INTO 102 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,382 ANYTHING EXCEPT LYING. 103 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:35,281 >> OKAY, I-I GOT SICK OF PEOPLE 104 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,783 WHO WERE MEMORIZING TWO-LETTER 105 00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:37,654 "Q" WORDS. 106 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,521 >> WELL, YOU TOLD ME LAP DANCES 107 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,590 WERE $20 A SONG. 108 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,458 >> RIGHT. 109 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,416 THEY ARE. 110 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:44,564 >> BUT IT'S THE SHORTENED 111 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:45,258 VERSIONS. 112 00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:46,289 >> HOW IS THAT A LIE? 113 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:47,534 >> WELL, MAYBE IT'S MORE OF A 114 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,798 SIN OF OMISSION, BUT IT WAS LIKE 115 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:49,856 A 45-SECOND VERSION OF 116 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:50,763 "WALK THIS WAY." 117 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,334 THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO THE GUITAR 118 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,573 SOLO, AND I REALLY WANTED TO SEE 119 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,697 WHAT SHE WOULD DO WITH IT. 120 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:55,872 YOU ALSO TOLD ME YOU FAVORITE 121 00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:56,599 TV SHOW IS 122 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,714 "AMERICAN HORROR STORY." 123 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:58,765 NICE TRY, BUT THAT'S A 124 00:03:58,772 --> 00:03:59,542 MINISERIES. 125 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:00,770 >> I DID NOT KNOW THAT. 126 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,344 >> YOU SAID THERE'S ONE GOD, BUT 127 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:03,543 THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF RELIGIONS 128 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:04,754 ALL ACROSS THE WORLD, EACH WITH 129 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,545 THEIR OWN GOD. 130 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,746 >> WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE AN 131 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,277 OBJECTIVE CASE ON A SUBJECTIVE 132 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,382 PREMISE, I WOULD ARGUE THAT 133 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:10,553 WHILE EACH RELIGION HAS THEIR 134 00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,551 OWN NAME FOR IT, IT'S ALL THE 135 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,763 SAME GOD. 136 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,356 >> JENNIFER? 137 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,489 JENNIFER, WHEN ARE YOU WORKING 138 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,733 AGAIN? 139 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:24,369 >> Biscayne: NEXT UP -- TWINS. 140 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,725 THEY'RE THE HIGH YOU CAN GET 141 00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,403 FROM FERTILITY DRUGS, AND 142 00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:28,771 THEY'RE ALSO THE SUBJECTS OF 143 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,569 FANTASIES, OLD GUM COMMERCIALS 144 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,411 ON YouTube, AND THIS STORY FROM 145 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:32,866 CLAVIS KIM. 146 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,643 >> TIM NAST OF BRANDENTON, 147 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,442 FLORIDA, THOUGHT HE HAD IT 148 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:37,854 ALL -- A PERFECT FAMILY, A 149 00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,575 NON-SPLOTCHY BEARD, AND A 150 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,380 SUCCESSFUL TICKET-BROKERING 151 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,352 BUSINESS WITH HIS CHILDHOOD BEST 152 00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,591 FRIEND. 153 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,585 BUT RECENTLY TIM FOUND OUT HE 154 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,617 HAD EVEN MORE. 155 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,822 I HAVE A TWIN BROTHER, AND I'M 156 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:53,463 GONNA MEET HIM TODAY. 157 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:55,431 >> AND "NEWSREADERS" WAS THERE 158 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,469 TO WITNESS THE REUNION, WHICH WE 159 00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:58,895 ORCHESTRATED AND PAID FOR. 160 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,869 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 161 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:01,798 >> OH, MY GOD. 162 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,602 I SHOULD PROBABLY ANSWER THAT, 163 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:03,874 HUH? 164 00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:04,811 [ ALL CHUCKLE ] 165 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,705 YES, YOU SHOULD. 166 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,437 >> OKAY. 167 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:11,612 ALL RIGHT. 168 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:16,352 [ SIGHS ] 169 00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:21,564 FALSE ALARM, GUYS. 170 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:22,885 IT'S MY BUSINESS PARTNER, TOM. 171 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,430 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 172 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,755 OUR MEETING'S NOT FOR ANOTHER 173 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:26,359 HOUR. 174 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,630 I'VE GOT A THING RIGHT NOW. 175 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:28,858 >> NO. I HAD A THING HERE. 176 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:29,802 SOMEONE CALLED ME -- 177 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:30,957 A PRODUCER -- AND SAID, "KNOCK 178 00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:31,734 ON THE DOOR. 179 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:32,832 YOU'RE GONNA MEET YOUR TWIN 180 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:33,733 BROTHER," NOT YOU. 181 00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,544 >> IN A SURPRISING TURN OF 182 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:36,966 EVENTS, IT TURNS OUT THAT 183 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,910 TIMMY'S LONG-LOST TWIN BROTHER 184 00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:40,736 WAS HIS LONGTIME CHILDHOOD 185 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,581 FRIEND AND CURRENT BUSINESS 186 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,606 PARTNER, TOM NERNY. 187 00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,512 SO, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO SPEND YOUR 188 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:47,854 LIVES THINKING THAT YOU'RE 189 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,648 BROTHERS FROM ANOTHER MOTHER 190 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,390 ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT YOU'RE 191 00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:53,815 BROTHERS FROM THE SAME MOTHER? 192 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,394 >> IT WAS GOOD, I GUESS, 193 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:55,789 YOU KNOW? 194 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:56,719 >> IT WAS WEIRD. 195 00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:57,664 >> IT WAS WEIRD. 196 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,428 >> IT'S A LITTLE DISAPPOINTING. 197 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,460 >> YEAH, I WAS DISAPPOINTED. 198 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:01,531 I WAS LIKE -- I THOUGHT I WAS 199 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,599 GONNA SHOW UP, MAYBE BEN AFFLECK 200 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:03,656 WOULD BE THERE, AND THEN, ALL OF 201 00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:04,734 A SUDDEN, I START LOOKING LIKE 202 00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:05,672 BEN AFFLECK OR SOMETHING 203 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:05,966 LIKE THAT. 204 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:06,666 >> WHOA. 205 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:07,937 THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, STUPID. 206 00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:08,665 >> STUPID? 207 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:09,769 IF BEN AFFLECK IS YOUR LONG-LOST 208 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:10,800 TWIN BROTHER, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU 209 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:11,874 SHOW UP AND YOU SUDDENLY START 210 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:12,672 LOOKING LIKE HIM. 211 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:13,673 >> WELL, I SUDDENLY STARTED 212 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:14,744 LOOKING LIKE YOU, SO HOW DO YOU 213 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:15,682 EXPLAIN THAT, SMART GUY? 214 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:16,776 >> OH, I EXPLAIN IT WITH MY FIST 215 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:17,447 RIGHT HERE. 216 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:17,845 >> OW! HEY! OW! 217 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,475 >> STOP, PLEASE. 218 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,821 THE BOTH OF YOU GREW UP ON THE 219 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:22,615 SAME BLOCK. 220 00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:23,716 YOU WERE BEST FRIENDS. 221 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,017 YOU PLAYED ON THE SAME TEAMS, 222 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,548 WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOLS. 223 00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:27,824 YOU EVEN STARTED A BUSINESS 224 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:28,561 TOGETHER. 225 00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:30,486 AND YOU NEVER SAW ANY 226 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,661 RESEMBLANCE? 227 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:32,829 >> Both: NO. 228 00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:33,526 >> NO?! 229 00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:34,527 >> Both: NO. 230 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,028 >> LEARNING THEY ARE IDENTICAL 231 00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,829 TWINS HAS BEEN DIFFICULT FOR 232 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:39,571 TIMMY AND TOM TO WRAP THEIR 233 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:40,827 IDENTICAL HEADS AROUND. 234 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,474 >> ...MAKE A STUPID JOKE. 235 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,540 >> HEY. 236 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:45,738 >> ALL RIGHT, GUYS, SERIOUSLY. 237 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:46,969 >> YOU KNOW WHAT? HERE. COME ON. 238 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,014 >> HAVE YOU GUYS EVER HAD ANY, 239 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,009 LIKE, WEIRD TWIN STUFF HAPPEN, 240 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,451 LIKE, UH, TIM, YOU GET HURT AND 241 00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:54,447 TOM FEELS IT? 242 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,918 >> NO. DEFINITELY NOT. 243 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,846 >> YEAH, NO. NO, NO, NO. 244 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,591 WELL, THERE WAS THE ONE -- 245 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:00,547 SEE, HE HAD -- 246 00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:00,994 >> YEAH. 247 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:01,918 >> TOM HAD... 248 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:02,922 >> Both: APPENDICITIS. 249 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:03,993 >> AND THEN I JUST STARTED 250 00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:05,461 BLEEDING INTERNALLY FOR NO 251 00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,589 REASON, BUT I FEEL LIKE THAT 252 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:07,734 KIND OF THING HAPPENS ALL THE 253 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:08,458 TIME, RIGHT? 254 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:09,502 >> IT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE 255 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:10,527 EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME. 256 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:11,831 >> THAT KIND OF THING HAS NEVER 257 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:12,902 HAPPENED ALL THE TIME. 258 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:15,470 SO, HOW DID THESE BROTHERS GROW 259 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:17,569 UP TOGETHER NOT KNOWING THEY 260 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:18,741 WERE BROTHERS? 261 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,509 ACCORDING TO TIM AND TOM'S 262 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:22,478 MOTHER, NEENA NERNY, THE ANSWER 263 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,906 IS SIMPLE -- GROUP SEX. 264 00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:26,011 >> WELL, WE WERE ALL SWINGERS. 265 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,013 OUR POCKETS WERE FULL OF 266 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:27,654 COCAINE. 267 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:28,878 THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS AIDS. 268 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,882 WE HAD SWAP PARTIES, KEY 269 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,054 PARTIES, SUCK-A-THONS, MONDAY 270 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,623 GANGBANGS, TUESDAY GANGBANGS, 271 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,863 UH, JACK AND JILL CIRCLES -- 272 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,058 >> OKAY, UH, BUT WHAT DOES THIS 273 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,589 HAVE TO DO WITH HOW TIMMY AND 274 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:41,704 TOM WERE TWINS SEPARATED AT 275 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:41,955 BIRTH? 276 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,032 >> I'M GONNA GET TO THAT. 277 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,800 WE'D HAVE INDOOR MUD RACES, 278 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,668 TURTLE CONTESTS, SLAP RALLIES, 279 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,567 "BUTTON, BUTTON, WHO'S GOT THE 280 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,999 BUTTON INSIDE YOUR BUTTON?" 281 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,713 MARATHONS, RUSTY TROMBONE 282 00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,005 CONCERTOS. 283 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,806 NOBODY EVER TOLD US WE COULD GET 284 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:55,608 PREGNANT. 285 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:56,039 >> SERIOUSLY? 286 00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:57,653 NOBODY EVER TOLD YOU THAT SEX 287 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:58,645 CAN MAKE YOU PREGNANT? 288 00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,876 >> WELL...NO. 289 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,881 I MEAN, MY PARENTS' GENERATION 290 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,853 DIDN'T CARE MUCH FOR OFFERING 291 00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:06,622 LIFE ADVICE OR TALKING. 292 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,760 >> AND SO YOU FOUND YOURSELF 293 00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:08,585 DOUBLE PREGNANT. 294 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,819 >> WELL, COCAINE'LL DO THAT TO A 295 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,793 BODY. 296 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,632 >> NO, IT WILL NOT. 297 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,727 SO, HOW DID THE BABIES GET 298 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:16,729 SPLIT UP? 299 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,800 WELL, WE WERE INTO BABY-SWAPPING 300 00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:19,769 AT THE TIME. 301 00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:20,927 >> BABY-SWAPPING? 302 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,574 >> YOU KNOW, IT WAS THE '70s. 303 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,570 WE'D SWAP ANYTHING. 304 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:24,941 >> I'M PRETTY SURE BABY-SWAPPING 305 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,568 WASN'T A THING IN ANY DECADE. 306 00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:27,814 >> NO, WE'D SWAP ONE OF THE 307 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,078 BABIES WITH REENA NAST DOWN AT 308 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,776 THE END OF THE STREET FOR A LID 309 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:31,548 OF COCAINE. 310 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:33,575 >> LIKE THEIR MOTHER, BROTHERS 311 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,721 TIM AND TOM HAVE THEMSELVES MADE 312 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,546 AN UNCONVENTIONAL CHOICE. 313 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:38,651 >> WE HAVE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO 314 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:39,092 BEING BEST FRIENDS 315 00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:39,986 AND BUSINESS PARTNERS. 316 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,047 >> YEAH, WE'RE DONE BEING, UH, 317 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:41,794 TWIN BROTHERS. 318 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:42,719 THAT'S DONE. THAT'S OVER. 319 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:43,693 >> YEAH, WE'VE JUST BEEN 320 00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:44,691 BICKERING SO MUCH SINCE WE'VE 321 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:45,032 BEEN TWINS. 322 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,055 >> WE DIDN'T BICKER LIKE THAT 323 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:46,829 WHEN WE WERE JUST 324 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:47,657 BUSINESS PARTNERS. 325 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,831 >> I MEAN, YOU'RE TWINS. 326 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:50,960 >> FINE. WE'LL GET A DIVORCE. 327 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,034 >> WELL, YOU CAN'T GET A 328 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:52,832 "TWIN-VORCE." 329 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:53,873 >> YES, YOU CAN GET A -- 330 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:54,767 >> NO, YOU CAN'T. 331 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:55,568 >> TWIN-VORCE? 332 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:56,099 >> A TWIN DIVORCE. 333 00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,573 YOU CANNOT GET A TWIN DIVORCE. 334 00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:58,711 >> FINE. WE'LL GET IT ANNULLED. 335 00:08:58,706 --> 00:08:59,866 >> THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. 336 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:00,943 YOU CAN'T DO THAT, DUMMY. 337 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:01,941 YOU CAN'T DO IT, DUMMY! 338 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:02,812 >> I'M NOT DUMMY. 339 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:03,680 >> YOU ARE DUMB. 340 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:04,107 >> GUYS. GUYS! 341 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:04,951 >> REALLY? 342 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:05,645 >> OW! 343 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:06,106 >> REALLY? 344 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,983 >> NO. HERE. HERE. HERE. HERE. 345 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:08,651 AAAH! 346 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,119 >> REALLY? 347 00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,616 >> Biscayne: SKIP REMING IS 348 00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:11,718 HERE, AND TONIGHT HE'S GOT 349 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:12,749 SOMETHING ON HIS MIND -- 350 00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,593 HIS MIND. 351 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:15,958 >> YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE I WORK 352 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,586 WITH THINK I NEED TO SEE A 353 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:18,131 HEAD-SHRINKER. 354 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:20,185 THEY SAY MY ERRATIC BEHAVIOR, 355 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:22,663 MENACING WORDS, AND SCREAMS IN 356 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,603 THE VENTILATION DUCTS ARE 357 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,128 GETTING TO BE A PROBLEM. 358 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,643 WELL, GET USED TO BEING 359 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:28,935 DISTURBED, BECAUSE NO WAY IS 360 00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:29,966 ANYONE MESSING WITH 361 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,200 SKIP REMING'S SKULL SALAD. 362 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,874 SO FAR AS THE PSYCHIATRIST IS 363 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,173 CONCERNED, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR 364 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,984 FUNNY LITTLE COUCH AND ALL THOSE 365 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,746 INK BLOTS THAT LOOK LIKE MY DEAD 366 00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,045 MOTHER AND YOU CAN SHOVE EM' 367 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,806 RIGHT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE, 368 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:41,984 BROTHER... 369 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,822 WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH EVERYWHERE 370 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:44,947 SINCE MILKLADY DIED. 371 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,752 NO, THANK YOU, SIEGFRIED AND 372 00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:47,124 FREUD. 373 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,620 WHEN I WANT TO TINKER WITH THE 374 00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:49,762 LITTLE MAN AT THE WHEEL, I USE 375 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:50,957 THE OLDEST CURES KNOWN TO MAN -- 376 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:55,158 REPRESSION, DENIAL, AND JUDO. 377 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,662 >> Biscayne: THANKS, SKIP. 378 00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:57,904 AND NOW FOR SOME OF THE E-MAIL 379 00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,168 THAT YOU'VE SENT OVER THE LAST 380 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:03,896 WEEK. 381 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,644 "DEAR REAGAN, YOUR FATHER AND I 382 00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:06,909 WANT TO KNOW IF YOU'RE STILL 383 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,037 COMING HOME NEXT MONTH. 384 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,781 YOU CAN TAKE THE SPARE ROOM, BUT 385 00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:10,777 LET US KNOW SOON. 386 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,048 YOUR FATHER CAN MOVE ALL OF 387 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,745 JULIE'S THINGS THAT SHE STORED. 388 00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,077 WHAT A MESS." 389 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,893 DAVE T., MY AGENT -- HE E-MAILED 390 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:19,185 TO SAY, "WOULD YOU HAVE ANY 391 00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,916 INTEREST IN HOSTING A CLIP SHOW 392 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,761 THAT INVOLVES CAR CRASHES CAUSED 393 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:23,216 BY ANIMALS?" 394 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,033 [ Laughing ] YES. 395 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,925 UH, I RECEIVED AN E-MAIL FROM 396 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,857 DARYL H., WHO WROTE, "'SUP?" 397 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:29,732 UH, NOT MUCH, D. 398 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:30,860 ARE YOU BACK IN TOWN FOR A 399 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:31,874 WHILE? 400 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,695 WE'LL SEE YOU ALL NEXT WEEK. 401 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:34,971 AND DON'T FORGET TO TUNE IN 402 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,668 WEDNESDAY TO THE PREMIERE OF 403 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,270 "CONCRETE MEETS JUNGLE." 404 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,871 [ TIRES SCREECH ] 405 00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:43,284 [ CRASH ] 406 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:44,946 NOW THAT WHAT I CALL A 407 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,745 HEADLIGHT CAUGHT IN THE DEER! 408 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:47,277 [ CHUCKLES ] 409 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,980 I'M REAGAN BISCAYNE. 410 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,682 GOOD NIGHT. 25818

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