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1
00:00:02,375 --> 00:00:06,875
Your name is Gracie,
which rhymes with dumb face-y.
2
00:00:08,166 --> 00:00:09,496
Stop teasing me.
3
00:00:09,583 --> 00:00:11,083
Stop teasing me.
4
00:00:11,166 --> 00:00:12,456
Stop copying me.
5
00:00:12,542 --> 00:00:13,922
Stop copying me.
6
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,210
I'm stupid.
7
00:00:15,291 --> 00:00:17,791
I'm stupid. Hey!
8
00:00:17,875 --> 00:00:23,075
Dada, Gracie made me
call me stupid.
9
00:00:23,166 --> 00:00:24,496
Enough already!
10
00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:26,583
You kids have been
at each other for days.
11
00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:28,287
Keep fighting
and you're gonna get it.
12
00:00:28,375 --> 00:00:29,575
What is "it"?
13
00:00:29,667 --> 00:00:31,457
Is "it" ice cream?
14
00:00:31,542 --> 00:00:33,252
That would be delicious!
15
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,463
Wait-- no!
16
00:00:37,125 --> 00:00:39,625
STAN: I just don't know
how to discipline my puppies.
17
00:00:39,709 --> 00:00:41,079
I'm out of my depth.
18
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:44,036
Robert, how do you get your
kids to be so well-behaved?
19
00:00:44,125 --> 00:00:46,875
No, Robert, I can't have
my children stuffed
20
00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:49,579
with premium polyester
toy filling.
21
00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:51,377
I'm not saying it's wrong,
22
00:00:51,458 --> 00:00:53,828
I'm just saying
it's wrong for us.
23
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,880
( alarm beeping )
24
00:01:16,125 --> 00:01:18,325
Yes! A new day!
25
00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:21,503
Wow, you're excited today.
26
00:01:21,583 --> 00:01:22,753
Usually you're like
27
00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:24,634
"Ugh, can't I just
sleep a little more?
28
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:26,749
Aah! The sun's too bright!"
29
00:01:26,834 --> 00:01:29,254
Aah, the sun's
too bright!
30
00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:31,417
No, wait. I'm the one
who says that.
31
00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:35,713
Today is a big day, Stan.
32
00:01:35,792 --> 00:01:38,382
I got my learner's permit
and I'm off to drive!
33
00:01:41,417 --> 00:01:43,207
Need pants to drive!
34
00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:48,670
Dad, come on!
We've got to get going.
35
00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:50,540
I've got my learner's permit
36
00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:52,915
and I'm ready
to dominate the road!
37
00:01:53,458 --> 00:01:55,538
By setting a good example
for other drivers.
38
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:59,043
I remember when I got
my learner's permit.
39
00:01:59,125 --> 00:02:00,785
It was a Wednesday.
40
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:04,003
I never said
it was an interesting story.
41
00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:09,040
Being "permitted" to learn...
42
00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:12,630
that gives me an idea for a book
about a dystopian future
43
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:14,629
where only the privileged
can study,
44
00:02:14,709 --> 00:02:18,749
until one courageous young girl
brings education to all,
45
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:21,754
including the ridiculously
handsome boy who says,
46
00:02:21,834 --> 00:02:25,464
"You taught me how to read--
and to love."
47
00:02:25,542 --> 00:02:28,082
She better only teach him
how to read.
48
00:02:28,166 --> 00:02:30,456
All right.
Now let's hit the road.
49
00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:32,668
Yes!
50
00:02:32,834 --> 00:02:34,254
I'm going to be
great at driving.
51
00:02:36,041 --> 00:02:37,961
I'm not great at driving.
52
00:02:38,834 --> 00:02:40,924
She ran over
a garden gnome.
53
00:02:41,166 --> 00:02:43,626
I'm gonna go scrape
gnome butt off the bumper.
54
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:49,830
Oh, my gosh, Avery,
you're a gnomicidal maniac.
55
00:02:49,917 --> 00:02:52,417
Better call gnomeland security!
56
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:55,380
We can rebuild him
if we go to Gnome Depot.
57
00:02:56,208 --> 00:02:58,498
Unless you're going to make
a Noam Chomsky joke,
58
00:02:58,583 --> 00:02:59,583
I don't want to hear any more.
59
00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:01,707
Avery, you just
ran over Noam Chomsky!
60
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,830
I don't know who that is,
but I'm pretty sure it works.
61
00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:12,165
Hey, can I have
some juice too, Mom?
62
00:03:12,709 --> 00:03:14,079
Sure.
63
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:15,786
It's funny, I could've sworn
you just called me "Mom"
64
00:03:15,875 --> 00:03:16,745
instead of "Mommy."
65
00:03:16,834 --> 00:03:17,674
I did, Mom.
66
00:03:19,375 --> 00:03:21,665
If I were drinking, that would
have been a spit take.
67
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:23,920
Like this.
68
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:26,713
( spits water )
69
00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:29,082
Are you sure? "Mom"?
70
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:31,626
I'm nine.
I'm a near pre-tween.
71
00:03:31,709 --> 00:03:33,129
That's what my age
group is called.
72
00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:35,288
You call you age group
called pre-super oldies.
73
00:03:35,375 --> 00:03:37,745
Then comes super-oldies,
then post-super-oldies.
74
00:03:37,834 --> 00:03:39,004
Also known as ghosts.
75
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:41,750
You know what?
76
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:44,537
If you're ready to call me
"Mom," then that's great.
77
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,082
You are getting older.
78
00:03:46,166 --> 00:03:48,286
Old enough to help your
mom clean up this juice.
79
00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:50,415
(laughing)
Oh, Mom!
80
00:03:52,417 --> 00:03:54,167
No, no more skipping.
81
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,830
You're a near pre-tween.
82
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,330
How do people do this?
It feels so slow!
83
00:04:00,792 --> 00:04:02,962
Hah! "Mom"?
84
00:04:03,041 --> 00:04:05,171
I mean I'm happy Chloe's
growing up, Stan,
85
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:06,880
but it also makes me
kind of sad.
86
00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:08,329
You know what makes me sad?
87
00:04:08,417 --> 00:04:09,997
My kids are always fighting.
88
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,793
Well, that and seasonal
beverages.
89
00:04:11,875 --> 00:04:13,825
I want eggnog now!
90
00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:16,915
Wait, why am I talking
to you about Chloe
91
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,750
when I've got a parenting
expert in the other room?
92
00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:22,998
No, I am not a pre-super-oldie.
93
00:04:23,291 --> 00:04:24,291
I'm gonna skip.
94
00:04:25,125 --> 00:04:26,205
Oh, my knee.
95
00:04:26,750 --> 00:04:27,830
Ow! My hip.
96
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,630
Whoa! Something
went soft.
97
00:04:31,625 --> 00:04:32,825
Parenting expert.
98
00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:34,963
Maybe Bennett can tell me
how to get my kids
99
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,541
to stop fighting.
100
00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:38,000
Excuse me, Ellen.
101
00:04:42,875 --> 00:04:44,375
So I need to talk
to you about Chloe.
102
00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:48,383
( phone ringing )
103
00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:50,668
Sorry, hon,
it's my office line.
104
00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:52,170
Wish I had a receptionist,
105
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,710
it's probably
a patient calling.
106
00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:55,382
Okay, okay, I'll be back.
107
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:01,540
(imitates female) Hello,
Dr. Bennett James's office.
108
00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:03,125
How may I help you?
109
00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:05,884
Bennett has a receptionist?
110
00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:07,711
And with the voice of an angel.
111
00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:11,921
I'm a huge fan
of Dr. James's books.
112
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:12,960
Can I speak with him?
113
00:05:13,041 --> 00:05:16,041
Dr. James, there's
a fan calling for you.
114
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:17,915
Thank you, Wanda.
115
00:05:17,959 --> 00:05:20,499
Though you'll never have
a bigger fan than me.
116
00:05:21,083 --> 00:05:22,503
Oh, Wanda.
117
00:05:24,166 --> 00:05:26,786
Hello, this is Dr. James.
Can I help you?
118
00:05:26,875 --> 00:05:29,825
Oh, yes.
My name is, um...
119
00:05:30,083 --> 00:05:31,883
hmm--Chair. Chairy. Jerry.
120
00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:35,329
That's right, Jerry.
Jerry Table.
121
00:05:35,417 --> 00:05:36,917
Sheesh.
122
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:39,290
I need parenting advice.
123
00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:41,745
Well, Mr. Table,
I'm always happy to help.
124
00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:43,754
Please, call me Chair.
Chairy. Jerry.
125
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:47,543
The thing is, my kids
fight all the time,
126
00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:49,125
and I just don't
know what to do.
127
00:05:49,208 --> 00:05:51,878
Well, Jerry, it's best
to let siblings
128
00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:54,209
develop their own tools
for conflict resolution
129
00:05:54,291 --> 00:05:55,631
without parental intervention.
130
00:05:55,709 --> 00:05:57,169
That sounds
really complicated.
131
00:05:57,250 --> 00:05:58,080
Just do nothing.
132
00:05:58,166 --> 00:05:59,916
You're approaching
my wheelhouse.
133
00:06:01,208 --> 00:06:03,578
Listen I gotta get going.
134
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:06,287
My wife is having a problem
with my nine-year-old daughter.
135
00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:08,165
Oh, because she stopped
calling her "Mommy"?
136
00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:09,630
What makes you think that?
137
00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:12,169
Ah, well, ya see--
138
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:14,710
(imitates female) Mr. Table,
your 11 o'clock is here.
139
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:15,752
Thanks, Wanda!
140
00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:19,211
Your receptionist
is named Wanda too?
141
00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:20,171
( hangs up )
142
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:21,630
Hello?
143
00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:27,631
Ellen, I just had
the oddest conversation.
144
00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:29,959
I don't know
what to do, Bennett.
145
00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:32,461
Chloe wants to call me "Mom,"
instead of "Mommy."
146
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:35,172
What? Are you kidding?
No. Of course not.
147
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:37,790
Did I say "Good one, Ellen"?
I make it very clear when I'm kidding.
148
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:42,206
Jerry, the guy I was
just talking to, was right.
149
00:06:42,291 --> 00:06:44,461
He said that Chloe stopped
calling you "Mommy."
150
00:06:44,542 --> 00:06:46,832
-How did he know?
-Maybe he's psychic.
151
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:50,328
Did he say I would someday
inherit Steincrotch Abbey?
152
00:06:50,417 --> 00:06:52,497
Because I'm not related
to those Steincrotches,
153
00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:54,463
but I've had my heart
set on a clerical error.
154
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,713
Yeah, listen.
155
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,500
Chloe is growing up, hon,
she's changing.
156
00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:03,834
That's a good thing.
157
00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:07,037
I know being sad about
Chloe growing up is silly.
158
00:07:07,125 --> 00:07:09,875
I mean, she couldn't be
our cute little one forever.
159
00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:10,999
I just didn't want her
to stop
160
00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:13,333
being our cute little one
so soon.
161
00:07:13,417 --> 00:07:14,877
I guess that time's over.
162
00:07:16,917 --> 00:07:19,827
So, you see that I have
ice packs all over me.
163
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,287
You're not going to say
anything about this?
164
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:24,075
Because it has been
a harrowing morning, Bennett.
165
00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,040
Apparently,
I am a pre-super-oldie.
166
00:07:26,417 --> 00:07:27,827
Then I skipped
and something went soft
167
00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:28,997
and now I have a hot spot
on my leg
168
00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:30,383
that I think is cooking
these peas!
169
00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:37,378
Now check
your rear-view mirror.
170
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,420
Okay, now let's turn up there
171
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:42,040
and we'll gnome
around the neighborhood.
172
00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:44,964
What?
Did you say "gnome"?
173
00:07:45,542 --> 00:07:49,382
Aaaaah!
Who are you?!
174
00:07:49,458 --> 00:07:51,828
I'm the gnome
you ran over and destroyed.
175
00:07:51,917 --> 00:07:53,747
One day from retirement.
176
00:07:54,792 --> 00:07:57,252
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!
177
00:07:57,333 --> 00:07:59,633
Then why are you mowing
down the rest of my family?
178
00:07:59,709 --> 00:08:03,169
Daffodil! Rosemary!
Cranky! Sloppy! Doofus!
179
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,130
Didn't know that guy.
180
00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:09,498
Twinkles! Itchy!
Lefty! Bugsy! Two Toes!
181
00:08:09,583 --> 00:08:11,713
Will you please hit the brakes?!
182
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:12,712
( tires screeching )
183
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,632
( screaming )
184
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,165
Tyler, that is not funny!
185
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:24,790
Which just goes to show you,
comedy is subjective.
186
00:08:33,875 --> 00:08:35,165
Aah! Don't run over me!
187
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:40,290
Don't worry, Tyler.
I'm not driving.
188
00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:41,205
I know.
189
00:08:41,291 --> 00:08:43,381
If you were driving,
you'd be on the front lawn.
190
00:08:44,166 --> 00:08:45,786
If you were driving,
there'd be mangled
191
00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:47,495
gnome bodies in your path.
192
00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:49,497
If you were driving--
Tyler!
193
00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:51,503
No, no, I have got one more.
If you were driving-- dang it!
194
00:08:51,625 --> 00:08:53,625
You made me forget!
I hope you're happy!
195
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,130
I'm never driving again.
196
00:08:57,208 --> 00:08:59,918
My book is now about
a courageous young girl
197
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,750
who takes public transportation
198
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,254
with the ridiculously
handsome boy who says,
199
00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:07,879
"You taught me how to ride
the bus-- and to love."
200
00:09:09,250 --> 00:09:11,380
This isn't all
because of the gnome, is it?
201
00:09:11,458 --> 00:09:12,998
And me putting
the gnome in your bed?
202
00:09:13,166 --> 00:09:14,076
And me changing the wallpaper
203
00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:15,456
on your phone
to pictures of gnomes?
204
00:09:15,542 --> 00:09:16,582
What?
205
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:18,288
Tyler!
206
00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:21,785
Look, I'm sorry if I took
the teasing too far.
207
00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:24,415
But if you're freaked out
about driving, let me help you.
208
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:28,330
You helped me when I wanted to
graduate early, and it meant so much,
209
00:09:28,458 --> 00:09:29,958
and then you taught me
how to play the spoons.
210
00:09:30,041 --> 00:09:32,001
I didn't teach you
how to play the spoons.
211
00:09:32,083 --> 00:09:33,673
Then how did I learn this?
212
00:09:34,959 --> 00:09:37,749
( rhythmic clacking )
213
00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:43,826
Look I mean it, Avery.
214
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,249
I'm your big brother.
215
00:09:46,375 --> 00:09:49,325
I may not always act like it,
but I do care about you.
216
00:09:49,417 --> 00:09:51,747
So what do you say?
217
00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:53,207
Let me help you
with your driving.
218
00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:56,081
Well, that's very sweet, Tyler.
219
00:09:56,208 --> 00:09:57,998
Okay. Let's give it a try.
220
00:09:58,083 --> 00:09:59,253
Awesome.
221
00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:02,461
Seriously,
who taught me this?
222
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:09,920
Ehhhh...
223
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:11,753
Freddy, stop!
224
00:10:11,834 --> 00:10:13,044
Stop what?
225
00:10:13,125 --> 00:10:16,625
This? Ehhh...
226
00:10:16,792 --> 00:10:18,252
Dada, make him stop!
227
00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:22,213
Freddy, would you
please-- No, no.
228
00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:25,035
It's up to you guys
to develop your own tools
229
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,955
for conflict resolution,
like Bennett said.
230
00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:31,001
-So work it out.
-Okay, Dada.
231
00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:33,173
Let's see how you
like it.
232
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:37,710
Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-
yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi...
233
00:10:37,792 --> 00:10:40,172
I think they're
working it out.
234
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:44,460
Ehhh...
Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi...
235
00:10:44,542 --> 00:10:47,382
Stop it! Just stop it!
236
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,130
What's wrong with him?
237
00:10:51,291 --> 00:10:53,541
I think he has
a bad case of
238
00:10:53,625 --> 00:10:57,205
ehhhh...
Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi...
239
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:01,788
Hey, Chloe.
Never have puppies.
240
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:04,503
So what are you doing?
241
00:11:04,959 --> 00:11:07,579
I heard my mom say I wasn't
the little cute one anymore.
242
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,712
So I'm watching
home movies to figure out
243
00:11:09,792 --> 00:11:10,752
how to get my cute back.
244
00:11:10,834 --> 00:11:13,004
I don't know what Ellen's
talking about.
245
00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:16,383
I'm no expert on people cute,
but your hair is poodle-y
246
00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:18,878
and you always have
food on your fingers.
247
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:21,459
I mean, you got a lot
going for you, Chloe.
248
00:11:24,208 --> 00:11:25,788
Look at that technique.
249
00:11:25,917 --> 00:11:28,497
Notice my hopeful,
innocent expression.
250
00:11:28,792 --> 00:11:31,292
That's all natural.
You can't teach that.
251
00:11:32,041 --> 00:11:34,081
So what do you think, Stan?
252
00:11:34,166 --> 00:11:36,786
If I put on those PJs
and find a baby pig
253
00:11:36,875 --> 00:11:40,285
and get in that little car,
that will be really, really...
254
00:11:40,792 --> 00:11:41,922
sad.
255
00:11:43,166 --> 00:11:44,996
Or it could be adorable.
256
00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:47,003
It's hard to know
until we see it.
257
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,294
Yeah, that's pretty sad.
258
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,167
Should have trusted
your gut, Chloe.
259
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:54,960
If I'm not the cute one anymore,
260
00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:56,631
I'm gonna have to find
something else.
261
00:11:56,709 --> 00:11:58,709
Wait a minute.
That's not even a pig.
262
00:11:58,792 --> 00:12:00,082
It's a hairless guinea pig.
263
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:01,416
I couldn't find a real pig.
264
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,327
Well, can you put a coat
on it or something?
265
00:12:03,417 --> 00:12:05,457
I'm feeling kind of
uncomfortable.
266
00:12:08,917 --> 00:12:12,247
Okay, I've driven you to this empty lot.
There's no one around.
267
00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:14,673
You can't hit anyone
or do any damage.
268
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:16,790
You need a licensed driver
twenty-five years or older
269
00:12:16,875 --> 00:12:18,285
in the car, and we got
Mr. Trummer here,
270
00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:19,575
so we're all set to go.
271
00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:21,827
I believe
I was promised soup.
272
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,130
Oh! This tastes weak.
273
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,330
Like your entire generation.
274
00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:34,579
All right, let's get going.
275
00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:35,627
Start the car.
276
00:12:35,709 --> 00:12:36,919
Okay.
277
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,790
I can do this. Easy day.
278
00:12:41,709 --> 00:12:44,539
I can't. I'm sorry.
I can't learn this way.
279
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:47,455
I'm used to learning things
by myself, in my room.
280
00:12:47,542 --> 00:12:49,082
So just close your eyes,
281
00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:50,746
pretend you're in your
room, and drive.
282
00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:54,004
This is why we have someone
over twenty-five in the car.
283
00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:56,286
Don't drive
with your eyes closed.
284
00:12:57,375 --> 00:12:59,665
Come on, Avery,
why can't you just do this?
285
00:13:00,291 --> 00:13:02,211
(mumbles) I'm afraid to fail
in front of other people.
286
00:13:02,291 --> 00:13:03,331
What?
287
00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:05,207
I'm afraid to fail
in front of other people.
288
00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:06,131
What?
289
00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:07,878
She's afraid to fail
in front of other people!
290
00:13:07,959 --> 00:13:09,539
Here, you want to borrow this?
291
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:13,535
I was afraid to fail
in front of Mom and Dad
292
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:14,995
because their opinions matter,
293
00:13:15,083 --> 00:13:17,043
so I thought it'd be
easier with you two.
294
00:13:18,291 --> 00:13:19,881
None taken.
295
00:13:21,291 --> 00:13:24,631
I just can't do it.
I give up.
296
00:13:25,291 --> 00:13:27,541
If you woulda had that
kind of attitude, Tyler,
297
00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:29,455
you never would have learned
how to play the spoons.
298
00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:31,332
You're the one!
299
00:13:33,709 --> 00:13:36,129
( rhythmic clacking )
300
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,500
CHLOE: So I've been
working out a little.
301
00:13:45,709 --> 00:13:46,829
Aah!
302
00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:49,915
What are you wearing?
303
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,580
M'muscles.
304
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,538
I'm the strong one
in the family.
305
00:13:56,625 --> 00:13:57,535
Check it out.
306
00:14:00,458 --> 00:14:03,038
Aarrgh!
307
00:14:05,208 --> 00:14:06,288
Huh!
308
00:14:06,458 --> 00:14:08,248
Chloe honey, I have
to make dinner.
309
00:14:08,458 --> 00:14:10,998
Why don't you go play dress-up
in the other room, okay?
310
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,923
Take this fake rock
with you.
311
00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,626
Whoa! It still has heft!
My back went out.
312
00:14:17,375 --> 00:14:19,325
Do you even lift, brah?
313
00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:26,579
Chloe, that's a fun costume.
314
00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:29,667
It's not a costume.
It's who I want to be.
315
00:14:29,834 --> 00:14:32,634
Why won't anyone
take me seriously?!
316
00:14:33,792 --> 00:14:37,792
Oh, man, I really shredded
my quads this morning.
317
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:42,000
Ohhh! Ah! Ohh!
318
00:14:42,083 --> 00:14:43,583
Ahaha!
319
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:46,207
Ohh! Oww!
320
00:14:46,291 --> 00:14:48,581
Ow! Ow!!!
321
00:14:48,917 --> 00:14:50,497
Ow ow ow!
322
00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:52,423
That was weird.
323
00:14:54,291 --> 00:14:56,791
I wonder what Mr. Table
would have to say about that.
324
00:14:56,875 --> 00:15:00,375
So do I, Bennett.
So do I.
325
00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:02,498
( phone ringing )
326
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:05,583
(imitating female)
Dr. Bennett James's office.
327
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:06,917
How may I help you?
328
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,330
(imitating female)
Oh hi, this is Wanda
329
00:15:09,417 --> 00:15:11,627
in Jerry Table's office
330
00:15:11,709 --> 00:15:12,959
calling for Dr. James.
331
00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:16,831
Oh, Wanda, hi!
This is Wanda!
332
00:15:18,166 --> 00:15:19,876
I've heard so much about you.
333
00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:21,499
Me too, doll.
334
00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:23,503
We'll have to do
lunch sometime.
335
00:15:23,583 --> 00:15:26,003
Yes, that would be
delightful!
336
00:15:29,583 --> 00:15:31,003
Dr. James? This is Jerry.
337
00:15:31,083 --> 00:15:32,633
Hi, Jerry.
338
00:15:32,709 --> 00:15:34,789
I'm--I'm so glad you called.
339
00:15:34,875 --> 00:15:37,285
Listen, How did you know
that my daughter
340
00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,455
was going to stop
calling my wife "Mommy"?
341
00:15:39,542 --> 00:15:41,962
There's only one possible
explanation.
342
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:43,831
-I'm your dog.
-What?
343
00:15:43,917 --> 00:15:45,577
No, I'm just kidding.
344
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:47,207
I'm a regular insightful
stranger.
345
00:15:47,959 --> 00:15:51,209
Don't tell me. Now your daughter's
dressing up as a strongwoman
346
00:15:51,291 --> 00:15:53,461
and complaining that no one
is taking her seriously.
347
00:15:53,542 --> 00:15:55,132
How did you know that?
348
00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:57,248
Is my wife going to
inherit Steincrotch Abbey
349
00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:58,253
through a clerical error?
350
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:01,793
Well, I can't really
say, Lord Steincrotch.
351
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:04,957
Look, your daughter
may be upset
352
00:16:05,041 --> 00:16:07,671
because people think she isn't
the little cute one anymore
353
00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:10,210
and she doesn't know what makes
her special in the family.
354
00:16:10,291 --> 00:16:12,211
That's really helpful.
355
00:16:12,291 --> 00:16:15,541
If you are ever looking
to be a gentleman's valet,
356
00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:19,665
there will always be a position
for you at Steincrotch Abbey.
357
00:16:20,417 --> 00:16:22,037
Anyway,
why were you calling?
358
00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:26,288
Well, letting my kids work out
their conflicts themselves
359
00:16:26,375 --> 00:16:27,915
made the fighting even worse.
360
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,420
Your advice was terrible.
361
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:32,420
-Would you like some more?
-Oh, sure!
362
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:34,877
Well, what finally brought
my kids together
363
00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:36,539
was when we got them a dog.
364
00:16:36,625 --> 00:16:39,995
If your kids are responsible
enough, I recommend it.
365
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,213
I gotta tell you,
Stan is the best thing
366
00:16:42,291 --> 00:16:43,541
that ever happened
to this family.
367
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:46,205
Hearing you say
that means so much to me.
368
00:16:46,291 --> 00:16:49,831
Tonight I am gonna curl up
and sleep at your feet...
369
00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:54,076
is what I would say if I were
your gentleman's valet.
370
00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:56,036
-What?
-Gotta go.
371
00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:04,287
What is all this?
372
00:17:04,375 --> 00:17:05,955
You don't want to drive
because you don't want to fail
373
00:17:06,041 --> 00:17:07,211
in front of other people.
374
00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:08,921
So I've built you...
375
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,380
(dramatic)
the Gauntlet of Failure!
376
00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,628
The gauntlet of failure?
377
00:17:12,709 --> 00:17:15,539
No,
the Gauntlet of Failure!
378
00:17:16,208 --> 00:17:17,788
I'm going to make you
comfortable with failing
379
00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:20,035
in front of other people.
Come on in, everybody.
380
00:17:20,125 --> 00:17:22,075
That's right, get your
soup and take a seat.
381
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:26,670
Ooh, it's hot.
Smells like celery.
382
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,420
Like Dorothy.
383
00:17:32,458 --> 00:17:34,958
Okay, Avery, let's start
with this basketball hoop.
384
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:37,133
Dunk the ball.
385
00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:40,248
You think I'm going to fail,
but I don't fail.
386
00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:41,583
I'm gonna do this, Tyler.
387
00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:45,083
I am gonna dunk
this basketball.
388
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:11,125
Oh, man, I just blew it in
front of all these people.
389
00:18:11,208 --> 00:18:12,918
This is so embarrassing.
390
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,170
Okay, it's not
the end of the world.
391
00:18:15,250 --> 00:18:16,580
You failed in front of people.
392
00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:17,915
Big deal.
393
00:18:18,083 --> 00:18:19,793
We are all focused on our soup.
394
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:24,039
Now fail at the rest
of these things.
395
00:18:25,125 --> 00:18:28,035
Okay.
I guess I can give it a try.
396
00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:55,831
( cheering )
397
00:18:58,083 --> 00:19:00,423
Yes! I did it!
398
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:02,880
Failing in front
of people isn't so bad.
399
00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:05,289
Congratulations!
You're a failure!
400
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:07,665
Now you're ready to drive in
the Greater Los Angeles area.
401
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,330
And you also helped out
Jimbo here.
402
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,417
He was afraid of success.
403
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,501
Chloe, what are you doing?
404
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,833
I'm the cook
in the family.
405
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,327
But I'm the cook
in the family.
406
00:19:30,417 --> 00:19:31,997
Hear her out, hon.
407
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:37,000
I just made my special chicken
stuffed with Chinese food.
408
00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:39,923
The secret ingredient
is Chinese food.
409
00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:43,498
I think Chloe
is acting like this
410
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:44,883
because she overheard you say
411
00:19:44,959 --> 00:19:47,419
that she's not your
little cute one anymore.
412
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,920
She's trying to figure out what
makes her special in the family.
413
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,250
No, I didn't mean that.
I've got to talk to her.
414
00:19:53,417 --> 00:19:55,077
Although, she could
be the strong one.
415
00:19:55,166 --> 00:19:56,826
That rock was
not light, Bennett.
416
00:19:56,917 --> 00:19:57,747
Jacked me up.
417
00:19:58,458 --> 00:19:59,578
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
418
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:02,210
Why is that colander moving?
419
00:20:02,291 --> 00:20:04,711
That's my line cook,
Francois.
420
00:20:05,959 --> 00:20:08,459
Aaah!
Put a coat on it!
421
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,125
I'm gonna let you two talk.
422
00:20:12,208 --> 00:20:15,458
Chloe, why don't I take
care of that for you?
423
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:19,083
It's like a skin potato!
424
00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:22,457
Sweetie, come here.
425
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:25,920
Did you overhear me say
426
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,790
you weren't the little
cute one anymore?
427
00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:29,920
I guess so.
428
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,130
Oh, honey, it's okay
that you're growing up.
429
00:20:33,208 --> 00:20:35,378
I don't want you
to feel badly about that.
430
00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:37,458
But it made you sad
when I called you "Mom."
431
00:20:38,917 --> 00:20:41,627
I'm sorry. I didn't
handle that very well.
432
00:20:42,166 --> 00:20:43,786
But I think I know why.
433
00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:47,919
When your dad and I first got
together and I first met you,
434
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,460
I'd already missed out on
years of being your mommy,
435
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:52,882
and I didn't want
that to go away yet.
436
00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:55,579
But I'm really glad I get
to be your Mom now.
437
00:20:55,667 --> 00:20:57,707
-You are?
-Oh, yeah, honey.
438
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:02,331
You're such a wonderful girl. That'll
always make you special in this family.
439
00:21:02,417 --> 00:21:04,207
I love you so much.
440
00:21:04,291 --> 00:21:06,501
Love you, too, Mom.
441
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:11,750
Here, try my special
gummy worm lasagna.
442
00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:15,004
Oh. What made you think
to combine those ingredients?
443
00:21:15,083 --> 00:21:16,923
Oh, they're just things I found
around the kitchen.
444
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,630
Lasagna, gum, and worms.
445
00:21:20,709 --> 00:21:22,709
If I had taken a bite, that
would have been a spit take.
446
00:21:22,792 --> 00:21:23,752
Like this.
447
00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:25,004
( spits out food )
448
00:21:26,125 --> 00:21:27,535
Why did I do that?
449
00:21:29,583 --> 00:21:32,003
I'll get Francois
to help me clean this up.
450
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:36,500
Francois, you got time to lean,
you got time to clean!
451
00:21:38,834 --> 00:21:40,504
Yes, I did it!
452
00:21:40,583 --> 00:21:43,083
I went driving
with Tyler and Mr. Trummer
453
00:21:43,166 --> 00:21:45,326
and I didn't mind failing
in front of people.
454
00:21:45,417 --> 00:21:47,327
Not when I went up
on that curb,
455
00:21:47,417 --> 00:21:49,287
not when I drove
through that flower bed.
456
00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:51,375
Not even when
I hit that mailbox.
457
00:21:51,458 --> 00:21:53,248
Our mailbox.
We need a new mailbox.
458
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:55,670
Proud of you, sweetie.
459
00:21:55,750 --> 00:21:58,380
I am totally putting
this in her bed tonight.
460
00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:01,330
Proud of you, sweetie.
461
00:22:02,959 --> 00:22:06,329
STAN: So I took Bennett's advice
and got my pups a pet
462
00:22:06,417 --> 00:22:07,577
to bring them together.
463
00:22:07,750 --> 00:22:09,330
I couldn't trust
them to take care
464
00:22:09,417 --> 00:22:10,787
of a real hairless guinea pig,
465
00:22:10,875 --> 00:22:13,035
so I got them
the next best thing.
466
00:22:19,208 --> 00:22:21,958
Aghh! It's weird-looking!
467
00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:24,421
Ohh! Put a coat on it!
468
00:22:26,333 --> 00:22:27,923
Why did I agree to do this?
34037
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