All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S03E22_English

The new couch looks great, hon,

but I have to say,
I'm gonna miss this old fella.

We had a lot of good times,
didn't we, friend?

All the naps, the TV we watched.

I feel like the kids
grew up on this couch.

This one has a recliner.

Get this outta here.

Thank you so much
for donating your old couch

to Guardian Angels charity.

I had a dog like this when I was a kid.

I used to call him Quat.

Oh, so you could say, "Come, Quat."

No, we used to say "Hey, Quat."
What a wasted opportunity.

Right. You're all set.

So you have your receipt.

You didn't give me a receipt.

Oh, really?

Well, then, what's this over here?

How did you do that?

When I'm not working for the charity,

I'm an amateur magician.

[feigns retching]

For me? How sweet.

Really, you want this?
It's been in my mouth.

It's a free scarf.

Kids, who's ready for a surprise?

- A surprise?
- [Chloe] I love surprises.

Is it a new couch?

How did you guess that?

I guess it's kinda hard
to make a new couch a surprise.

Not if you do it just right.

Get ready for a surprise!

One, two, three.

Take your blindfolds off.

[all] A new couch?

You're right, Avery. That would've been
so much better.

I knew it was coming, but the showmanship.

And here's the best part.

This couch has a recliner,

a massage feature, and a secret pocket

where Chloe can hide her rats.

- What?
- What?

I'm gonna nap on you.

I'm gonna nap on you so hard.

( theme music playing )

The best thing about the new couch

is that the family set aside
a special spot for me and the puppies.

Having our own spot on the couch

is just one of the ways I've been feeling

more a part of the family lately.

My artwork's even on the fridge.

That's Tyler's.

That's mine.

But we gotta hide it
when Princess comes over.

It's an ex-girlfriend.

Hey, Tyler, Mom and Dad are at a movie,

and Chloe and I are going to the aquarium

to see the manatees and the woman-atees.

They're not called that,
but they should be.

You guys have fun with that.

I'm designing an app to sell

that lets people use my face as an emoji.

That's a cool app, Tyler.

Wouldn't it sell better
if people could use their own faces

instead of yours?

I don't think so, Avery.

Have you seen other people's faces?

All right, we're going.

Have a nice time with your face.

Wait. You know what?
I'll come with you guys to the aquarium.

I like looking at the sea anemones,

mostly because I just learned
how to pronounce sea "amenomes."

Dang it.

Stan, do you wanna come, too?

I'd say yes, but I have
a lot of work to do

trimming my banzai tree.
It's a new hobby I'm trying.

- All right, see ya.
- Bye, Stan.

[Stan sighs]

I see why people say that's so calming.

But it went quicker than
I thought it would.

I guess I have time.

Gracie, Freddy.

[Gracie] What is it, Da-da?

Let's catch up to the kids.

We're going to the aquarium.

Yay. I speak dolphin.

[squeaks]

I speak whale.

Hi. I'm a whale.

So did you guys have fun at the aquarium?

I'm a shark.

I'm a better shark.

Oh, you always win at this game.

[Avery gasps] Raccoons!

[barking]

Oh, no, the new couch.

They must've gotten in because
someone left the door open.

I think I was the last one out.

I opened the door, and I didn't close it.

But it could've been worse.

They didn't take the TV, guys, huh? Huh?

[Bennett] Kids, we're home.

[screams]

What happened here?

The door was accidentally left open,

and raccoons got in.

You guys left the door open?

I cannot believe you
could be so irresponsible.

This is why we can't have nice things,

because doors get left open
and raccoons get in.

Why not just invite a hawk in here

to go after my eyes?

Which one of you left the door open?

It had to be one of you.
Who else could it have been?

If no one is gonna take the blame,

you're all responsible.

Clearly, you all went to the aquarium

and didn't bring me back
a shark grabber on a stick.

Would've been nice to sit on my new couch

and grab the remote with
my new shark grabber.

But that dream died today.

Yeah, you're all getting punished.

And why didn't I get a seal plushy

so I could give things
my "seal" of approval?

And I'd say "Good one, Ellen,"
but you all don't deserve it.

That's right, that's how mad I am.

You kids are grounded for a month.

But the school dance.

And Darcy's sleepover.

And I'm an adult.

You live in this house.

You're grounded.

Guys, I am so sorry

you're taking the heat for this.

Darcy and I have been planning
this sleepover for weeks.

We invited all the cool girls from school.

And Abigail, so we wouldn't
look so obvious about it.

My friends and I were gonna
go camping at the beach.

Now I have to text them
and tell them I'm not coming.

And Dax was gonna take me to the dance.

Now he's gonna ask someone else.

I gotta text him.

I can't believe Dax downloaded your app.

I feel horrible about this.

You guys have been
getting blamed for things

I've done for three years now.

You'd be better off if
I couldn't open doors

and didn't even care about
going places with you.

You'd be better off if... if I were a cat.

A cat wouldn't have gotten the kids into
trouble like this.

I wish I were a cat.

What? I'm a cat!

I'm a cat. My wish came true.

Wait a minute. You're the guy
from the charity.

What are you doing here?

I'm your guardian angel, Stan.

Though my name may sound
a bit peculiar to mortal ears.

-It's...
-[sound of celestial choir]

But my friends call me Ralph.

I granted your wish to be a cat.

- So can I...
- Talk?

No. I can hear your thoughts,
but you can't talk.

I was gonna say still lick myself.

Oh. Well, then, yes.

In fact, you can probably lick even
more of yourself than before.

I'll get into that later.

I'm glad I'm a cat.

Now I won't have to worry
about causing problems

for the kids ever again.

I feel horrible about what happened.

I'm sorry you feel down.

Aw, maybe I can cheer you up
with a magic trick.

Hey, that does cheer me up.

Now I'm sad again.

[laughs] Hey, that's cheating.

It's not magic if you have powers.

No, this is real sleight-of-hand.

I only use my powers to change lives,

make the world a better place,

and keep caterpillars
from killing everyone.

They really want to.

Wait a minute. If I'm a cat,

what about my puppies and my wife?

Oh, you mean Princess.

The cat that lives next door.

And your kittens.

Oh, this is great. My kids are cute,

I'm still married to Princess.

With me as a cat, everyone is better off.

[Avery] Anyone know what's for dinner?

Oh, I'm gonna go say hi to Avery.

You better hide here
so she doesn't see you

and freak out.

Oh, she can't see me.

In fact, no one can
see or hear me but you.

So it's exactly like I've gone crazy.

Precisely.

Does no one in this stupid house
know what's for dinner?

What's going on with Avery?

When the kids didn't get along
three years ago,

Bennett brought home
a cat instead of a dog.

So a lot of things are different.

Like Tyler.

Metalwolf!

Tyler, I can't believe you're listening to
that lame band.

They're changing lives, Avery.

Before I heard Metalwolf,
I didn't even know their music.

Now I do. Think about that.

And now you're painting
your face like them.

I'm part of a pack.

Yeah, I saw you guys
biting each other's necks

in the parking lot.

It's how we say hello.

Ugh! It's as lame as your hair.

I don't care what
anybody thinks about my hair.

Where am I?

I'm gonna wipe that hideous
makeup off your face.

I don't get it.
Why are they fighting like that?

Because of your wish,
dog Stan never came into the family

to bring them together,
so they never learned to get along.

Get outta my face!

It's not your face.

Wait a minute.

This is all because
I wasn't part of the family?

Without Avery's positive
influence on Tyler,

he never achieved anything.

And without Tyler's influence
to help Avery to relax,

she cracked under all the pressure,

and became a bad girl.

[laughs] Come on, it's Avery.

How bad can she be?

[screaming] I'm gonna wear your skin!

[hissing]

Yeah, that's pretty bad.

Bennett's a child psychologist.

How does he let them get away with this?

With his kids such a mess,

he lost all respect of
the psychological community.

So now, he's a member of
the Washington Generals.

Get down here. Get down here!

The Washington Generals?

That basketball team that plays
the Harlem Globetrotters

and always loses?

What qualifies him for that?

Very low self-esteem,

and a halfway-decent jump shot.

Come on, Cheese, gimme the ball.

I don't have the ball. Have you seen it?

No, man, I haven't seen it.

- How about you, Handles?
- I don't have it.

Kids, stop that fighting.

Why should we listen to you?
You're a loser.

Hey, don't talk to your father like...

Actually, that is my job.

Kids, stop that fighting.

[both] Yes, Mr. Moose.

Guys, isn't it enough
that you taunt me on the court?

Do you have to do it
in my own home, too, huh?

Hey, man, ya gotta practice.

You know what? We're sorry.

- Do you want it?
- Yes. Give it to me right now.

Okay, Cheese, give it to him.

[Chloe vocalizing]

Is that Chloe? Ah, sweet Chloe.

I hope she hasn't changed.

♪ Cinderella had a talking mouse ♪

♪ To help her
When she cleaned the house ♪

♪ If I had one, he'd be so cute ♪

♪ 'Cause I'd dress him in a tiny suit ♪

Ah, look at Chloe.

As full of joy and whimsy as ever.

At least my being a cat
hasn't affected her.

Oh, sorry. You caught me
in the middle of lunch.

Anyway, she is affected.

Without her talking dog as a friend,

she's retreated further
and further into a fantasy life

that she just can't pull herself out of.

Come, birds, help me clean the house.

Tweet-tweet, tweet-tweet.

This is terrible.

She's relying on imaginary friends.

Oh, if only my stuffed
orange monkey Robert were here

he'd know what to do.

Order in the kitchen.

The Honorable Ellen Jennings presiding.

Wow! Ellen's a judge.

At least she's doing better.

No, she's aspiring to be a TV judge.

With her family such a mess,
she's desperate to get out of the house.

Chloe, help me figure out a wacky gimmick
for my TV judge show.

Maybe I'll be the rhyming judge.

You're guilty of perjury.

I sentence you to surgery.

Can I sentence someone to surgery?

We'll find out.

♪ You could be the judge
who sings with glee ♪

♪ Take a tip and do it just like me ♪

♪ If you do... ♪

I'm not doing that.

I could be the punning judge.

You're entitled to a jury of your pears.

Whoa. Isn't she gonna say
"Good one, Ellen"?

No. In this alternate reality,

the puns themselves are the joke.

[gasps] That's horrible!

[Avery] Okay, I'll bring
my paints and meet you there at 7:00.

At least Avery is still into her painting.

Whoa. I did not mean to wander
into this part of town.

I can't wait to paint giant butts
all over the school.

I'll even paint some upside down.

People will think they're birds,

but we'll know they're butts.

I'm a catcher in my softball team.

Oh.

Avery's about to set off a chain of events

that's gonna ruin her life.

She's gonna get caught,

get sent to a strict boarding school,

fall in with the wrong crowd,
and end up in jail.

And that's all because she does
this graffiti tonight?

One bad decision can ruin everything.

You ever eat sushi on a cruise?

This is terrible. I have to stop her.

What am I supposed to do?

I'm just a dumb cat.

And afterwards, we'll get boyfriends,
and try to change them.

She's making the worst decisions!

I don't have much time to stop Avery

from making the biggest
mistake of her life.

I'll do the one trick cats do.

I'll get under her feet and trip her.

[loud meow]

There goes one life.

[bangs gavel]

What are you in my courtroom for?

Oh, I see. Assault and battery.

This is gonna work.

Now I just need to find
a production company,

a TV network, and a sassy bailiff.

If only I could get Ellen

to come see what Avery is doing.

You want me to come with you?

Oh, thank goodness.

I'll never say a bad thing
about you ever again.

To Sombrero City.

[groans]

Maybe Bennett can help.

Don't you have families to get home to?

Maybe Chloe can help.

Maybe if I concentrate really hard,

I can speak and warn Chloe about Avery.

[meows]

Meow.

[meows]

Meow.

I can't tell if I'm
getting through to her.

All she's saying is "meow."

What does that mean?

♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

♪ Meow ♪

Wait a minute.

When dog Stan first joined this family,

and ran away, the kids came together.

If I run away now,

maybe that will fix everything again.

Where's Stan going?

Who cares? He's just a cat.

She doesn't care.

I know what you're thinking right now.

How does this giant crayon
fit inside this little bag?

This is not the time!

Is this your card?

Yes, it is!

Maybe it's not too late to stop her.

Hey, guys.

I've got enough stuff in here

to mess up the school real good.

Really. It's an adverb, Avery.

You know that.

- Let's trash this place!
- [all] Yeah!

I've gotta stop her.

Stan. You're here to help.

Guess you're part of our crew now.

On the one hand, I wanna stop her.

On the other hand, I've always
wanted to be part of a crew.

[siren blaring]

I'm not with them.

Hold it right there.

I'll handle this.

Practically a TV judge.

Avery.

You used to be such a good kid.

I thought you were going to Penn State,

not the state pen.

The pun can't be the joke.

The pun can't be the joke!

You and your friends
are gonna have to clean up this mess.

You're lucky we were tipped off

before things went any further.

Sorry, Avery. I told
Mommy and Daddy on you.

♪ I did this so it all would stop ♪

♪ It's also why I called the cop ♪

When I wrote the song,

I thought there would only be one cop.

[Globetrotters' theme plays]

Oh, no.

[Cheese] School's in session, Bennett.

You want the ball? You want the ball?

Wait a minute.

I don't want the ball.

I'm proud of you, Bennett.

You finally figured it out.

It's what we've been trying to teach you
this whole time.

Learning that you don't want the ball

is the first step to enlightenment.

- You want your keys? You want your keys?
- Gimme!

Avery, this is the last straw.

You're going to
an extra-strict boarding school.

Good. Send me away.

I don't wanna be
a part of this family anyway.

Avery.

I get it now.

Please give me my old life back.

I wish I were a dog again.

I wish I were a dog again.

I wish I were a dog again.

Stan? Are you okay?

Avery, you look like you,
but I wanna be real sure.

Really, Stan. It's an adverb.

I'm home!

Must have all been a terrible dream.

What are you talking about?

I was so upset about leaving the door open

and getting you guys in trouble,

I dreamt that I was a cat.

The whole family was a mess,

and caterpillars wanted to kill everyone.

What a horrible dream, Stan.

Don't worry.

We'll always care about each other.

Ah! Tyler, no!

What's happening to you?

My buddy Danny bet me I couldn't wear
Metalwolf makeup for a day.

Loser has to wear
Metalwolf makeup for a day.

Wait a minute.

Seeing what life could've been like,

I'm so happy things are back to normal.

We even got the old couch back.

Here's your old couch back.

And here's your donation
for the charity instead.

And are these your dentures?

No.

You're the fifth person who said that.

Whose dentures are these?

Free dentures.

I'm just glad we got the old couch back.

I actually kinda missed it.

Sometimes you don't
appreciate what you have

till you don't have it anymore.