All language subtitles for Dog.With.A.Blog.S03E03_English-en

You know, I've never been to one of these

BMX bike competitions before,

but I figured your stunts would be

a little more complicated
than what you're doing

and that there'd be a bike.

No, Stan. This is just me
pacing beforehand.

I'm really nervous, man.

I mean, this competition is a big deal.

It's not some amateur hour.

It's a full two hours.

You've been training all year, Tyler.

I believe in you.

-You're going to nail it.
-You really think so?

I have no idea. I know nothing about this.

A minute ago, I thought the pacing

was your competition.

Thank you. And this is only
my fourth best thing

next to my hair, math,

and identifying types of clouds.

Snowman.

Hey, Tyler. Great riding, man!

You're really cleanin' up
at these amateur competitions.

Hey, Red. Thanks so much, man.

-It means a lot coming from a pro.
-How'd you like to be a pro?

Would we switch bodies or something,
like in the movies?

'Cause I've just learned
how to be comfortable in my own skin.

No, you'd join our pro BMX team.

We'd keep our bodies, dude.

The only catch is we start in spring

so you'd have to drop out of school.

Oh, man, I don't think

my parents are gonna go for that,

unless I think of a really clever way
to trick them into it.

Yeah, I'm not sure
you're that clever, son.

Oh, I'm clever. I'm just not good
at hearing people sneak up behind me.

Too bad. It's a skill I myself
find very useful.

-Tyler.
-Ah!

Tyler, why would you think
that we'd ever let you quit school?

Since when are you one of my parents?

We speak with one voice.

We do?

See?

( theme music playing )

Come on, guys. You're not even
making sense.

People go to school so they can get
their dream job.

You're making me go to school
so I can lose my dream job.

I thought your dream job
was to own your own food truck.

I can still do that someday.

BMX riders normally retire at 24

because they get so banged up, they--

I'm not helping my argument, am I?

No, Tyler,

there's no way
you're dropping out of school.

After you graduate,
then you can ride professionally.

But these spots don't open up that often.

It could be five years
before someone else drops out,

or gets so mangled, they--

I'm really not helping my argument, am I?

Tyler, you're finishing school.

Case closed.

I wanted to say "case closed."

I'm the one who watches the judge shows.

Go ahead.

Nope, too late. You ruined it.

You know how to make it up to me.

All rise.

You're lucky, Stan. You get to do
what you want.

Yep, I nap, I lie in the sun,

and I order meatball subs from Antonio's.

I'd also tell you about
the poodle twins I'm dating,

but that would be bragging.

Wow. There is no part
of your life that doesn't work.

Well, maybe that's
'cause I finished school.

Sure, it was obedience school,

but I can sit, stay,

and balance a snack on my nose.

I can only do two of those things.

Why am I too restless to stay?

I do have it pretty great.

I can't think of how my life
could get any better.

( doorbell rings )

Hey, Antonio.

Just leave the meatball sub
at the door like usual

and charge it to my account.

That's Bennett James.

Sometimes I like to buy small things

with Bennett's credit card.

Hey, Antonio,

is there a hang glider-shaped
package out there?

Hey, Chloe. What's up?

I want to get a new haircut.

I made a picture on the internet

of how I want to look.

Say the right thing, Ellen.

Don't screw this up.

You want to look like a carnie?

Dang it!

I think what your mother
was trying, but failing,

to say is that we support
whatever you choose.

No, I made that one for fun.

Oh, thank goodness,
because you look like a carnie.

This is the one I want.

All the other girls
are getting short haircuts

and it looked so cute.

So can I? Please?

-Nope.
-Yes.

Thanks, Mommy!

No, no, wait. I think your mother and I
need to discuss this.

Okay, you two talk about it.

Mommy, convince him.

Do that thing he calls
"emotional blackmail."

I don't know what it is,
but it always works.

Honey, I love her long, beautiful hair.

I don't want it to get cut.

Bennett, it's a lot of work
for me to take care of.

Short hair would be so much easier.

You know what, it's my job so that's it.

Well, you seem very determined about this

so I'm going to suggest

that we finish this argument later

when you're tired.

Good day.

He just left.

That's genius.

Tyler, you know,

your shoes are on the wrong feet.

Why should my feet get to be happy

when the rest of me is so sad?

Oh, does that mean you're gonna cancel

your 5:00 p.m. foot licking?

'Cause I'm still gonna have to charge you.

I've never had such a great opportunity

to do something I love.

-BMX is my dream.
-What about the food truck?

Why does everyone keep mentioning

the stupid food truck?

The food truck will always be there.

I just wish I didn't
have to finish high school.

Too bad you're not a better student,

or you could just test
into the accelerated program

and graduate early enough
to join the BMX tour.

Yeah. Wait, those words
are making their way

deeper into my brain.

I can test into an accelerated program
that lets me graduate early.

Well, you can, in the sense
that nobody is stopping you,

but you can't in the sense that...

you?

Laugh all you want.

-We did.
-We're pretty much done now.

I know I've never been a good student

but that's 'cause
I never had a reason to care.

You guys are gonna see
what I'm capable of.

I'm gonna graduate early
and follow my dream.

You won't regret it, Tyler.

I graduated from obedience school

and now I have a giant house in Pasadena

with five servants.

There's my apple-cheeked angel.

Interesting.

Let me cut my hair, and you can pinch my
apple cheeks.

You know you want to.

Chloe, I'm gonna talk to
your mother about this later

and we will get back to you.

I'll sweeten the pot.

Honey, I just don't think
you should cut your hair short

because all the other girls are doing it.

If all the other girls jumped off a cliff,
would you do that?

Maybe, if it was over a chocolate river

and all the rocks were fluffy cupcakes.

I wasn't expecting that answer.

Well, you should have been.

What if the rocks were not fluffy cupcakes

but were just regular rocks?

Then I'd be like, "Hey, you guys,
there's rocks down there.

Let's go to my house and play."

And they'd be like, "Yay, Chloe!"

Okay. How about this?

Who is your favorite princess?

Rapunzel and she has long hair.

You sly taco.

I took advantage of that website

you found to see what you would look like
with Rapunzel hair,

and I was gonna show this to your mother

but since you're here...

Oh, no. Not that one.

That's a project Daddy's working on.

I look like a real princess.

Okay, I'm not cutting my hair.

Come here, let me give those
apple cheeks a pinch.

Sorry, that was
part of the short-hair package.

I can't study with you
breathing down my neck.

I'm sorry, I just can't
take my eyes off this.

Seeing you try to do schoolwork,

it's like watching a silverback gorilla

trying to figure out luggage.

Well, that's not fair, Avery.

Animals can do anything people can do.

Provided they rubbed a lamp like I did

when that genie granted me
the ability to talk.

BOTH: What?

Nah, I'm kidding.

I'm a regular talking dog.

And if I had a genie,
I'd wish for something good,

like a hang glider.

So when it comes, that's how I got it.

Not your dad's credit card.

I got it right? No, you just got it wrong
in an unfunny way.

Mom and Dad already said that

if I get into the accelerated program

and graduate early,
I can go on the BMX tour.

But if I don't pass the test,
I have no shot at my dream.

So instead of making fun of me, Avery,

maybe you could help me.

I'm sorry, Tyler.

I feel really bad.
What do you want me to do?

Well, you know how these books are filled

with all kinds of information?

Yes.

Can you take it from there
and put it in here?

You mean, tutor you
so that you pass the tests?

I'd really like to help you, Tyler,

but I've got a lot of work myself.

You're right. You're right.

You could probably never get me
to be a good student anyway.

I'm too big a challenge for you.

I see what you're doing.

You're trying to tempt me into helping you

by making it sound like a challenge.

And it's starting to work.

Making you a good student

could be my greatest achievement.

This could be my legacy,

my chance to win the Anne Sullivan Award

for Difficult Tutoring.

I don't know who that is.

She tutored Helen Keller.

I don't know who that is.

All right, I'm ready to start learning.

Ellen, got the mail!

Nothing but catalogs and the--

Who keeps chewing up the credit card bill?

I can't even read this.

Seems like something Chloe would do.

What do you mean
you talked to Chloe about it?

You and I were supposed
to talk about it first.

But Chloe was in my office
and it just came up.

We'll finish this argument later.
Good day.

I did not do that properly, did I?

Ellen, look how beautiful
she is with long hair.

Bennett, what are you--

No, not-- not that one.

That's a project I'm working on.

Look, if you want her hair to stay long,

you can take care of it from now on.

-Fine, I will.
-No, you will-- Wait, what?

That was surprisingly easy.

I like her hair long,
so it's worth it to me.

I mean, I'm fine with that.

Now can we please talk about

who's been using my razor in the shower?

We'll finish this argument later.
Good day.

That's my razor.

You're using my razor.

Oh. Good day.

Well, Tyler, I scored your practice test

and bad news, you got a 50.

Bad news?

That's the difference between us.

You see the test as half wrong.

I see the test as half full.

One other difference between us.

I'm going to graduate high school.

Tyler, how did you get a 50?

-I got a 70.
-How did you get a 70?

I filled in the circles
in the shape of a bone

and got lucky.

These tests have a well-known canine bias.

If you want to pass the test

to get into the accelerated program,

you're going to have to learn
everything in these packets.

No, no. I don't like school.

I've never been good at school.
I can't do this.

It'll be okay. We just need to find
the way that you learn.

Or your lucky shape.

I am going to rise to the challenge

and get through to you

using all of the diligence and ingenuity

that have made me
the successful student I am.

I will not back down, I will not give in,

and you will not fail.

Maybe yours is a hamburger.

And then, I saw a shawl
on the floor and said,

"Look, someone lost their shawl,"

and then Mason was all like,
"No, I think a witch melted."

What a mind.

Uh, sorry, sweets.

Looks like we lost another brush.

Well, your hair will
just have to grow around them.

But I don't like my hair knotted.

Well, we all have to deal
with things we don't like.

I don't like that extra scene

after the end credits in movies.

I have to pee.

Chloe,

why is there a turtle in your hair?

Because it's safe and warm,

and Snappy likes to eat
the lettuce I keep in there.

-What?
-What?

And why did you name him Snappy?

Because-- Aah!

Oh, this is a nightmare, honey.

How does your mommy even do this?

She doesn't mess with Snappy,
that's for sure.

You are gonna look so pretty
when I'm done.

I'm going out on a limb here,

but is it possible you miss
doing this with Chloe?

I miss doing this with Chloe.

It was our mommy-daughter time.

Ah, and that 70% was just luck, huh?

I know what you're thinking, Stan.

"Well, now, Ellen,

you're the one who told Bennett
to do her hair."

That's how you think I talk?

First of all, I have a Chicago accent

with a little surfer dude mixed in.

"Why don't y'all just go
tell him how you feel, eh?"

Okay, now what was that?

I heard Alabama, I heard Canada,

you're all over the map!

"Sorry this is so rough on you.

Get it?

Ruff.

Good one, Stan."

I have never been
this close to talking to you

or felt this pretty.

Okay, you're great at BMX.

So I'm going to recreate

the conditions of learning bike tricks,

only instead of bike tricks,

you'll be learning landmark
Supreme Court cases.

Instead of bike pads,
should I be wearing legal pads?

Class clown.

Okay, feel the wind in your face.

Pedal. Pedal.

What decision established
the right to an attorney?

I don't know.

Well, do you know if you're riding

your bike through the woods?

Oh, there's a crow.

Caw!

Caw!

I don't ride my bike through the woods,

so stop throwing dirt at me.

Fine.

What decision established
the right to an attorney?

Ribbit. Ribbit.

You saw my BMX competition.

There were no frogs there.

I was mostly texting my friends.

Moo.

Moo.

-Moo.
-Stop making animal noises.

Come on, what decision established
the right to an attorney?

Gideon versus...

Stop throwing things at me

and get my bike off this thing.

You're not making learning fun,

you're making riding bikes
in the house awful.

Whoa!

Really?

It's common knowledge that hang gliders

have the right of way in the backyard!

Gideon v. Wainwright!

I know you may be beginning
to question my methods.

And your sanity.

But I've given this a lot more thought,

and I realized what you love about BMX
is that it's fun.

You can forget it.
You lost my trust, Avery.

-I'm not doing it.
-It involves you...

-Nope.
-...learning about Supreme Court cases...

No way.

...by playing
your favorite TV game show, Whoopsy!

You can forget-- Whoopsy!

So I've set up the family room

to replicate all of the obstacles

that you find on Whoopsy.

This is just a bunch of junk
from the garage.

But it can magically transform
using the power...

Don't say imagination.

...of imagin-- make-believe.

Well, that's totally different,
let's do this!

All right, at each obstacle,

you're not allowed to move on

until you answer the question correctly.

Begin with
the Pit of Sensitive Skin Shaving Cream.

I know saying "sensitive skin"
makes it less scary

but I didn't want you to worry
about your sensitive skin.

And begin!

The Supreme Court case that established

the right of Congress to pass laws

that are necessary and proper.

Gibbons v. Ogden.

Wrong.

Blondes versus Brunettes?

That's wrong on several counts.

Lochner v. New York.

States can't interfere with an employee's

right to contract with an employer.

Correct. Next challenge.

Hey, I didn't get to bash him.

You said I'd get to bash him.

Okay, okay, stop that.

This isn't Whoopsy!

This is like one of those
cheap knock-offs of Whoopsy,

like Whoopso or Oopsy or Whaaat?

Hold your horses, you don't like Whaaat?

Next, you'll tell me you don't like

Hold Your Horses.

Whoa.

Whoopsy.

I need to talk to you.

Oh, good. I need to talk to you, too.

I miss doing Chloe's hair.

I miss touching it,
and I miss talking to her.

I spent a half an hour grooming Stan

but he's just
not a very good conversationalist.

"I'm just a big, dumb dog from Delaware."

Delaware? Where are you even
getting that from?

That's it, tonight,
I'm sleeping on your face.

Honey, I am so relieved to hear that.

Her hair's gonna haunt my dreams.

There are things in there, Ellen.

Angry, bite-y things.

Well, it's for the best 'cause you were
really not very good at it.

My teacher said to tell you
to expect a home visit.

Sweetie, how would you like

Mommy to go back to doing your hair?

More than anything.

I mean, nothing personal, Daddy,

but I look like a cherry tumbleweed.

I look like a frightened clown.

I look like an Irish setter
in a wind storm.

I look like a troll doll
that went through the dryer.

I get it, Chloe.

You look like a red cat's hairball.

Dad, that's offensive.

And this wasn't working for Snappy either.

He moved out of my hair
and I can't find him anywhere.

Don't worry, sweetie.
I'm sure he'll turn up.

Avery, I'm in so much pain

from everything you did today, ow,

to help me study for, ow, my tests.

But it didn't work. I give up.

Oh, pork and beans, this hurts.

I'm so sorry. I don't know
where I went wrong.

Don't blame--
sweet potato fries-- yourself.

Look, I have to go
practice some bike stunts.

Even if I don't go on the tour,

maybe someday I'll get another shot.

How are you gonna practice bike stunts?
You're in so much pain.

We have to work through the...

...pain.

BMX isn't always fun, Avery.

It's a lot of hard work but it's worth it.

Of course.

I was trying to find a substitute

for the hard work you need
to be a great student.

But there isn't one.

You just have to do the work.

Whoa, so was causing me all this pain

all part of your trick
to teach me this lesson?

Yeah.

Of course. What else could it be?

The act of a 14-year-old

trying to invent an educational model

that never occurred to
educational professionals

over thousands of years?

Look, if you want to learn,
it won't be easy or fun,

but your reward is that
you'll get to pursue your dream.

I'm gonna do it, Avery.

I'm gonna work my butt off
and make this happen.

I'm proud of you, Tyler.

Oh, chicken chow mein!

Everyone learned a lot this week.

Bennett learned
that no one wants a calendar

of the twelve hairstyles
of Bennett James.

...about what happens
when you inaccurately

imitate a talking dog.

And as for Tyler...

Avery, I didn't pass.

-What?
-Just kidding.

I passed. Class clown.

-So you passed?
-Yes.

-I did it.
-I did it.

But, you know, this is just the beginning

now that you're in
the accelerated program.

Wait, I thought the test
was the accelerated program.

-I thought I graduated.
-No, you're gonna have to work hard

for the rest of the semester
to get through it.

No!

Hang glide, check.

( music playing )

( boing )