All language subtitles for IL LUNGO, IL CORTO, IL GATTO 1967

The Long, The Short,
The Cat.

Stop the water.

Follow me.

Do you think we've
washed it properly?

I think I washed it.

You know it needs to be
cleaned in a special way.

I thought so...
The exhaust pipe is dirty.

Why did you have to look in there?

One looks in the exhaust,
the suspension, even the gears.

Why does it have
to be so thorough?

It's the only way.
Look, the car isn't clean.

Do it yourself.
- Impossible.

Why?
- I cannot lower myself.

Back problems?
- No, I'm the Comenda's personal assistant.

But you were happy to lower yourself
when you looked in the exhaust.

That's my function.
- No, I'm the one who functions round here.

I cook, I clean the floors and
I'm in charge of the kitchen.

Of course, you're facto-tum.
- Say that again.

Imbecile, I said facto-tum, from
the ancient Greek, meaning...

It means 'All to do'.
Follow me.

Clean the car and give it a shampoo.
- Yeah, right.

Ciccio... Franco.
- Who is it?

Imbecile.
Turn it off.

What is it, Gina?

It's time to bring
Comenda his breakfast.

Didn't you hear?
- But I've got to clean the car.

Are you forgetting
that you're facto-tum?

Bread, jam, butter, milk and coffee.
It's all there, you can go.

The bin, didn't you hear the noise?
- Then you take breakfast to Comenda.

Impossible, I'm personal
assistant to the lady.

Breakfast first.
Comenda cannot be kept waiting.

First the rubbish bin, or he'll leave.

Breakfast first.

The bin.

Breakfast.

The bin.
- Breakfast.

Unacceptable, unheard of...

Who brought this bin
into Comenda's room?

Who was it?
I'd like to know.

Who was it?
I should fire you all for this stunt.

This would never have
happened in Milan.

You'll never
understand what a Comenda is.

You have no respect, you
couldn't care less about him.

Yes, but...
- Silence.

You forgot it was the 6th today.
Do you know what the 6th is?

The befana
- What befana?

It's Comenda's birthday today and
none of you wished him happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

There we are...

Comenda is doing well
after all these years...

Know how many I'd give him?
- No, and we don't care to know...

We just put on how
many the lady asks for.

Hurry, they're calling.

Give me the cake...

I remind you I am the personal
assistant for all celebrations.

I'm next, I'm the lady's
personal assistant.

There's no one left.

1... 2... 3.

Happy birthday to you...

Happy birthday to Comenda...

Happy birthday to you.

Do we want to go for
a walk now, Mr Comenda?

What are you doing?
- Getting him out.

Hold him in your arms.
- No, the lady said he should move.

He'll escape if we do that,
you should know from experience.

He won't stay put, besides,
he scratches. Let's use a lead.

Fool.
Do you think he's a dog?

No, he's a cat.
- Quiet...

If the lady heard this she
would have a heart attack.

To me, he's a cat.
- And he is...

...but hidden inside that fur is the
Commendatore, Archibald Capelini.

How is that possible?
- Merenitokesis.

Stop talking like a doctor
because I don't understand.

Merenitokesis is Italian and it
means the transmigration of souls.

What's that?
- What is certain...

...is that a few days ago, this cat
was found behind the lady's door...

...just a short distance
from her dead husband.

This is why the lady is convinced her
dead husband's soul is in that cat.

Then he's a dead cat?

Quit with the horse routine.
It makes me nervous.

Be quiet and obey...
Get the Comendatore.

Ciccio.
- What is it?

The cat's not there.
- Damn. He's escaped again.

I don't know if he's the lady's husband
but I do know that he's a son of a...

Come here.

Are you looking for the cat?
- Yes! Have you seen it?

I think it went in there.
- Thank you.

Hello? Yes, of course.
It's for you.

Who is it?
- Ferdinando.

He's coming.

Ferdinando, what is it?
- They're coming.

Who?
- Those two idiots.

He's escaped again.
Great!

Take those sausages down.
Hurry.

I'm paying $8.20.

Good morning.
Have you seen our cat?

Sure.
Look at what he's done...

He stole $5 worth of sausages!
- $5?

I've even given you a discount.
- Okay. Did you see where he went?

No, I'm sorry.
- I saw him heading to the butchers.

Thanks.
Let's go.

Rita, call Sergio.

Yes, I get it. Like last time.
They've arrived.

Good morning.
- Looking for the cat?

If I catch him, I'll make
mincemeat out of him.

What has he done?

1kg of beef, 2 steaks and a
300gm filet. How much is it?

$6000
- What? You weighed it first?

No, I was weighing it for a customer
when he jumped on the scales.

Ciccio, pay him.
- Okay. What's fair is fair.

Did you see where he went?
- Yes, he ran into the billiard hall.

He went inside.
- Thanks.

What's number for the billiard hall?
-412153.

They've just arrived,
I'll take care of them.

Archibald?

Archibald?

Sorry.

$4600.
- What?

Sorry?
- $4600.

The cat you're looking
for left a bill of $4600.

5 cappucinos, 3 coffees
and a bottle of Marsala.

What cat drinks cappucino's?
-... and Marsala?

No, it was on a tray, the
cat knocked it all over...

I'm not paying for it.
- You're right, it was our fault.

How much?
- $4600

Round it down to $4000.
-... 600.

And don't be stingy.

$400 change.
- Eat it.

Let's go.

You owe for the billiards.
- Right, $20.

Does the cat play billiards now?
- No, but he scratched up the tables.

Then it's just you left to pay.
- I can't. I've only got $10 left.

Okay, I'm going to be nice to you.
I'll take this as a deposit...

Pay me at the end of the month.
- But it's the 30th today!

...and tomorrow is the 31st.

He's a friend, Ciccio.
- Let's get out of here.

You always lose. Bills must be paid.
- Even in Italy?

Sure...
Now, we're broke.

That cat has cleaned us out.
- We had to pawn our watches...

we are committed to the chains,
we just have to try with the cufflinks...

You have golden twins?
- No, I was talking about my brothers.

I don't think they'll accept them at the pawnshop.
- But at the seaside they will.

Don't do the horse thing.
- We're going to be homeless.

Then let's go home.
- What about the cat?

No, I'd prefer to go to Vietnam.

Look where he is.

I could kill him sometimes.

Did you get enough exercise?
- Sure, our feet still hurt.

I'm talking about Comenda.
- We ran behind him.

Why didn't he eat his dinner?
You gave him too much meat.

Archibald was almost vegetarian.
- Right, 3 kilos of tripe, 3 kilos of sausage...

...and 3 steaks.
- What?

When one becomes a cat
their tastes change.

No, Comenda is just like Archie.
Now, your aunt will let you hear a comedy...

He loved the theatre so much.
Turn on the television.

Turn it on!
- It's Saturday, there's no comedy shows...

If you'll remember,
they are on Thursday.

Saturday, only music shows.
- Music shows.

What a shame, it's the only
thing that cheered him up.

He loved them so much.
But if they aren't on, then so be it.

So be it.
- Like hell! You know what to do.

No, we don't know.
- You know very well, get moving.

It's almost dawn, Romeo.
Let me kiss you goodnight.

Till tomorrow...
I've finished.

Goodnight, Mercedes.
- Juliet.

I'm Juliet.
- How disgusting.

Goodnight, Romeo.
- Juliet.

Who is Romeo?
- You.

Goodnight, Juliet.
- Goodnight, Romeo.

Goodnight, Juliet.
- It's almost dawn, Romeo.

It's almost dawn.
- No, you don't say that part.

Sleep falls on your eyes, peace in your chest!

Sleep, sleep...

Sleep falls on your eyes, peace in your chest!
- Sleep falls....

Silence please!

Enough.
- Who is it?

Enough. The narration is all wrong.
You must study your parts more...

Archibald used to
hate poor narration.

Apart from the narration,
Archibald is asleep.

Then he's sick. He never
fell asleep during a show.

Perhaps he's diabetic?
- Poor thing, we must call a narrator.

What?
- A veterinarian.

He meant to say doctor.
- Call a doctor and give him his pills.

One every six hours.
Archibald...

Did you get that?
- Sure I did.

The pills.
- Every six hours.

What are you doing?
- Setting the alarm...

He took the first pill at nine,
the next one is at three.

Who's getting up at three?
- You.

Why do I have to do it?
- Because I set the alarm.

Couldn't I have set
it and you wake up?

I'll only wake up if I
have to strangle him.

I've caught a cold from
running about all day.

Someone's knocking.
- I heard.

Why don't you get up?
- I'm getting up at three.

Who is it?
- Gina.

Comenda has escaped.
- Wake me up at midday.

Are you sure?
- I was in his room...

It's all her fault, keeping
the window open at night.

Yes, the poor Comenda had the heats.
- He died from lung disease.

Close the door.
- Please!

I'll take care of it.

Wake up.
- Is it three?

Get up.
- What is it?

You know what to do.

But the window is open
and I've got a cold.

If she finds out, she'll send us both
to look for him and it's cold tonight.

How will she find out?
- She always says goodnight to him.

Goodnight, Archie.

Till tomorrow, my love.

What evil people...
They've closed the window.

Your aunt still remembers
your old habits. Happy, now?

Bless you, Archie.

There...
It's horrendous.

What happened?
- A monstrosity.

Where is Archibald?

Terrible night...

Time of the wolves.
-... and cats.

What?
- Cats are worse than wolves.

No one sends people out to
look for wolves at night.

You're looking for a cat.
On a night like this?

We agree, but the owner doesn't.
- I see you don't like cats.

We don't like cats?

Cats don't go out in this
weather, they stay at home.

Yes, but our cat is different.
- A siamese? A persian?

A soriano?
- An idiot.

Gina?

Gina, it's almost dawn.

What are you saying?
- Sorry, I was asleep.

I can see that but what
about my poor Archibald?

Aren't they back yet?
- Quiet.

No, I thought it was him.
It was the ears in my heart...

If you had a husband,
you'd understand.

A husband like Archibald;
smart, honest, good, intelligent...

...in love, faithful.
So faithful.

In 18 years of marriage
he never cheated on me...

If he had betrayed me just once
I would've died from the pain.

Did you hear?
- It came from the basement.

It's him.
Let's go.

Traitor.

Madam...

Madam...

Madam...

Are they deaf?
- Maybe they're asleep.

Finally, you're here. Whenever
something happens you disappear.

Disappear? We've spent all night
looking for that damned cat.

She's dead.
- Did you hear? He's dead.

Sure, with all the bad
luck we brought him.

This is the death certificate.
Sadly, I cannot do anymore.

Are you from the
animal welfare society?

No, he's the vet.
- I'm the doctor.

If they'd called a vet
they might have saved him.

Not a chance. When I arrived we
were already death's door.

What a terrible place to die.
- I almost feel sorry for the poor animal.

Servants today don't
have any respect.

You don't know what
we've been through...

We don't care.
In fact, we're happy.

What cynicism...

Did the lady suffer much?
- She had no idea.

When she finds out she'll
have a heart attack.

Ciccio...

Ciccio, it's Comenda's ghost.
- Ghost? It's Archibald.

Archibald?
Then who's dead?

The poor lady is dead.
- The lady is dead?

Ciccio, how does that proverb go?
- Which one?

Who dies
peace.

What do we have to do to
get some peace round here?

I understand.
- Excuse me doctor...

Are you sure she's dead?
- Sadly, yes.

Is it possible she appears
to be dead but she isn't?

You mean in trance?
No, definetely not.

Ciccio, if he rules it out,
then let's proceed.

Archibald.

I, Marchesa Annarosa Cappellini,
in my full faculties of body and mind

in abandoning this valley of tears forever,

which nevertheless was given to me
comfortable from my unforgettable and beloved consort,

remembering those who guarded me

I cannot forget who was fond and
faithful to me for years and years.

- Ciccio speaks of us, the good soul,
she has never forgotten us.

- For us she was not a master, she was a mother.
- A mother...

- And we were her two children to her...
- Two children... two children...

So, first of all I will remember
my devoted waitress Gina Bianchini

- Who is the maid Gina?
- I...

- She.
- To which I leave the villa I lived in until the last day.

Mamma Mia!

But as before you say that you can not forget
about us and then leave the villa to you?

- There must be a mistake, read well.
- You read...

Stop

So miss, do you accept the legacy or not?

- I... but I...
- Listen if you don't want to accept, don't compliment, let's accept...

- Us, so the notary is not offended right?
- No, no, but I accept, I accept.

You understand, as soon as one leaves a villa,
there is immediately someone who accepts.

- Shut up please, can I go on?
- Go where you want, go where you want...

Please go ahead.

All my other properties, as per the attached list,

I bequeathed to the International Body
for the Protection of Abandoned Cats.

- But then what is she leaving us?
- One moment, there is a burden for you.

A burden? A burden on the two of us?
Ciccio I feel honored, what is it?

- Don't you know what a burden is?
- No.

- It's a burden, he left us a burden.
- A weight here...

No, the burden falls
on the aforementioned body.

With the cost of an annuity of one million per month each

in favor of my faithful servants,
Ciccio Lacapra and Franco Pipitone.

- An annuity
- Ciccio...

- Millionaires, a million a month?

- Where are you going to spend your holidays, my boy?
- Well, I haven't decided yet!

He hasn't decided.

One moment please, there is a condition.

The conditional? Which one, which one?

Provided that they take care of my beloved cat Archibald

and cherish it with love until the last day of his life.

Do you accept the bequest?

- The legacy yes, the condition no.
- Impossible, it is a sine qua non.

Feel if the condition is yes or no,
I'll tell you right away that I'm for no.

No, condition sine qua non is a Swiss saying.

- Singular or plural?
- Accept by force.

We accept everything except the cat.

No, the cat is mandatory, where is he, where is he?
I have to see it right away.

But why does he want to ask the cat if he accepts?
Accept, accept, accept...

No, I have an obligation to check
his physical condition, his health conditions.

- Well, he won the last match...
- Bring him here.

- The cat?
- Yes, the cat, what are you waiting for.

- What are we waiting for?
- Well...

Well if we wait for the cat to come here,
let's wait a long time.

- Speaking of waiting, couldn't our due be anticipated?
- Which?

The two million, one by one...

When I see the cat I will make you pour them.
Good morning gentlemen.

And goodnight.

See you later notary, of course with the cat,
I respect...

If he prefers a real free range...

- The cat the cat.
- The cat, the cat...

Ciccio you understand, to get the money
you have to bring him Archibald.

- And we will bring it to him.
- And how, where do we get it?

Ciccio, I really want to see how you will find him.

Because the notary knows him,
does he know what the cat is like?

We go to the Trajan forum
we find thousands of cats.

Be careful, pay attention to the hair...

Here, Mr. Notary, this is Archibald.

I don't think he looks like an animal
grown up in comfort.

Well, actually he is very down after the misfortune.

If you had seen him before, he was just another cat.

- That's already what I suspect.
- How?

Whether it's another cat.

Do you say this is another cat? So who is sorry?

I am not interested in the identity of this cat,
I care to determine if it is the one mentioned in the legacy.

We do not know this if he is retired, he has not
completed 65 years, it does not seem to me to be...

But how do you know that this isn't Archibald?

- It's easy, one moment
- What are you doing?

- With the identicat!
- The screen, what is Carosello doing?

The bazooka?

That's Archibald.

Right profile.

Left profile.

Front.

Whole body.

This is an impostor.
- Doesn't he look like him?

I don't think so.

I bet I could show you a photograph
of myself you didn't think was me.

That isn't him.

Perhaps the notary is right, we
must have picked up his cousin.

I thought we had the right one.

I warn you...

If you try this trick again, I have
enough proof here to identify him...

This card has all his precise
physical measurements.

Exact measurements of his
whiskers and his ears...

The distance between his ears...

...and that's not all.

Please observe...

All four of his paw prints.

You won't be able to fool me.

Sorry.

- Do the soles of your feet hurt?
- No soles, my feet hurt ...

- Unfortunately we cannot rest on our laurels.
- But which laurels...

I rest on the bench.

Put your shoes back on and let's go.
We must find him before it's too late...

His feet might change.
- If that cat wanted to upset us...

...he'd emigrate to Australia.

Let's go.
- Wait, let me put my shoe on.

Archibald...

Are you still looking for that cat?
- I'm afraid so.

Have you seen it?
- How do I know which one it is?

He's called Archibald.

I saw one recently with
a sausage in it's mouth.

That's him.
- Where did you see him?

He jumped into's villa.
It's the old building down there.

Good afternoon.

What a beautiful cat.

Poor cat.
What's wrong?

Are you upset?

Count, is this your beautiful cat?
- If you'll excuse me.

Cat? What cat?
- Didn't he escape?

It wasn't a black cat, was it?
- No, there it is.

It's a siamese cat, thank God.

Superstitious?
- Me? No, but my wife is.

It's terrible.
- Shouldn't we dine, uncle?

It's a bit early.
- It's almost 11.

Already?
Excuse me.

Another dry Martini, professor?
- It's my fourth.

Cheers.

Excuse me, Count.
- What is it now?

Archibald...

Are you looking at her
instead of looking for the cat?

The cat is important
but she's a real beauty.

You're always the fool.
- Are you so sure?

Archibald...

Those two?
- Yes, sir.

Excuse me a moment gentlemen.

Come here.
- Is it our suits?

I know everything.

He knows everything.

Antonietta, please... Antonietta.

Antonietta accompany this gentleman.
If you want to look for your cat...

...you can go where you want. Upstairs,
downstairs, the basement, the attic.

Us two in the attic?
- Of course.

Let's go.

And me?
- You'll come with me.

You'll come with me.

Come, don't worry.

Come on...
Please.

Please, sit down.
- Where?

At the table.

Tell them we're ready.
Where's the Countess?

On the phone.
- Go.

There are so many
wonderful guests...

The Duchess with her husband,
Professor Cagnetti, the...

What did you say?
Le Blanche?

They had to go to Zurich.
- Let me speak.

I get it, they cancelled and
now there are 13 of you...

...so you thought of us.
No, Angela, forget it!

Witch.
I feel ill.

Let's have dinner.
- Over my dead body.

I have a collapse, invent an excuse,
indeed I have a really collapse ...

We'll be 13 at the table because of you.

- What?
- Really...

I found an extra guest.
- You're so great, Alphonso.

I feel better.
- Finally.

My dear, my dear all...

Good evening!

Please allow me to introduce you
to a classmate of mine.

- Yes, of Corso Garibaldi.
- But what does he say? Officers student course.

But then you are also an
Officer of the Reserve?

Of the Reformation, I was reformed.

Dear there are guests standing, please.

It's true.
I'm so sorry.

Please be seated.

Here on the ground floor there is none,

shall we check the attic or the
basement? Where do you prefer?

I'd start in your room.
- I'm getting annoyed...

I'll slap you.
- What was that, then?

Antonietta!

Haven't we met before in Cannes?
- I've never been.

Monte Carlo, St Tropez
or Paris, perhaps?

No, perhaps at Upim or
Standa?

Please excuse us. My wife and I
have another urgent appointment.

One moment.

Did you do something to her?
- No.

Alphonso, I'm starting to feel ill.

What happened?
- Tell him.

Nothing.
- Speak up.

The individual seated next
to my wife is a waiter.

I recognised him.

We can make him change place.
- I won't sit at the same table as him.

Yes, dear.

If you want us to stay, get rid of him.
- It's him or us.

Right...
Excuse me.

If we send them away we'll
lose our social status.

But we'll be left with 12 guests.
If he goes we're left with 13.

Giusseppe, accompany our guests.
- Very well, let's eat.

Where are you going?
You've betrayed us.

Tomorrow you will receive my godparents.

Wait a moment...

Have you started yet?
- Laudomia!

I'm not as bad as they say.
I've come to save your evening.

Good evening, everyone.
When I heard, I came straight here.

My God... My God.
- Please, Alphonso.

Excuse me, come with me.
Please, come with me.

Excuse me.

Come this way.
Sit down.

Why?
- What do you care...

If you eat here or
there it's the same.

Can I ask...
- Eat, eat. It's getting cold.

Everything okay?

Gentlemen...

Mr. Marquis Le Blanch...

Hello, everyone. I'm sorry I'm
late, I've come from the airport.

Don't worry.
There are two of them.

Here I am... Dear!

Simonetta?
- She's at home with the children...

The servants are on holiday.
- My God.

I understand.
Excuse me.

Are you okay?
- A collapse.

Don't make a scene.
Please, come with me.

Sit down.

Sit down.

No, no... and no!
- A kiss?

Stop it.
I'll have the Count kick you out.

Don't kick me out.
It will be my ruin.

Then stop.
- I won't touch you again.

This cat is important to me.
- Is he a pedigree?

Yes, really...
If Ciccio and I find that cat...

...we'll earn $2500 a month.

$2500 a month?
- A bit for me and a bit for him.

What are you waiting for?
My love!

What did you just say?
- I liked you from the start.

Then you'll give me a kiss?
- Of course.

I'll give you the rest
when we find that cat.

Of course. Get ready.
I'll be there in five minutes.

I must leave immediately.

Thank you.
Goodbye.

Goodbye, everyone.

I understand.

What's happening?

Gentlemen...

The Marquess Le Blanche.

Dearest Nora, I found a
babysitter at the last minute...

Here I am for your meal.
- Alphonso?

I'm here, dear.
I understand.

Giuseppe...

Where is he?
- Who?

The gentleman
with the moustache.

Perhaps he's looking for the cat?
- We must find him...

You look in the basement,
I'll check upstairs.

Archibald!

We'll never find the cat like this.

Stop it.

He didn't even touch me.
- No, no. Come with me.

It was her.

He's messed up my hair.

I swear, we were look for the cat.
- 'looking' for the cat.

You as well?

Archibald?

I'm sorry, I thought
I heard the cat.

I heard it as well,
but it's not here.

Ciccio?
- Yes?

Franco's friend?
- Yes.

No...
Let's think about the cat first.

And after?
- You can do what you want with me.

If I tell Franco
he won't believe me.

More... More.

Waiter... Waiter!
Come here.

You haven't understood a thing.
There... Let's do it like this.

He's even marked my trousers.

Something wrong?
I get it.

Get this down you.

Madam?
- We're on dessert.

Go away.
- Get him.

The Germans!

Get him... Get him!

Over there.

Let's grab the cat
and get out of here.

Get out of the way.

Stop.

Thief.

Stand still.

Where is he?
- Excuse me.

Get him.

I think I've found him.
- The door!

Get out of the way.
- Don't let him get away.

What are you doing?
Do you want to play?

Do you want some dessert?

I'm sorry...

I thought you were the cat.

He's got to be here.

I'm sorry,

Throw them out!

Archibald!

Who is it?
How dare you?

No, Alphonso.
You can't...

The Admiral hasn't left, he's
just gone to the bathroom.

Take them back inside.
- Take us inside.

Throw them out.
- Throw us out.

You can't, we'll be left with 13.
Take them inside.

I want us to remain as 13.
Throw them out.

Alphonso, don't be al'fonzo
- What is it?

Hear anything?
- He walked away.

What?
A month?

$2000.

How's the research going?

Gentlemen, you can both relax.
The doors and windows are closed...

The cat can't escape.
- Good.

Where is he?

Hurry, find this cat.
I can't take any more...

I'm about to collapse, hurry up!

See who it is.

I've seen them.

It's the telephone.

Hello? Who's talking?
- I've seen Archibald, hurry.

Yes?
No!

Yes?

Wait.

I'll tell him the news.

You'll give me a heart attack.
- What is it?

They've found Archibald.
- Where?

Give us the address.
- Via Dei Gelsi, 32.

Are you sure?
- I'm certain it was him...

...walking underneath that window.
- But I don't see him?

No, he's inside now.
- Why didn't you get him?

I tried to get him but
they wouldn't let me inside...

It's an embassy.

Did you understand?
The cat has applied for political asylum.

Why don't you try to get in?
Just don't use that door.

How can we?
- I've got an idea...

I'll pretend to be the American
president and you can be my lawyer.

Who'll believe us?
- Right, you don't look like a lawyer.

I have another idea...
- Yes?

We can't use the door,
so we'll use a window.

They'll let us in
through the window?

No, but we'll still get in.
- How?

We'll sneak in.

The embassy, your excellency, is
fitted with the highest security...

There are two policemen for every window,
and another twenty in the corridors...

...and offices. If this assassin
makes an attempt on your life...

...you'll have the security you deserve.
- I have no doubt, ambassador...

I can count on your trust
and I feel no danger here...

As you can see, I'm perfectly calm.

It's the intercom.

What is it?
- The police chief is here to see you.

Let him in.

Why is the window closed?
- Do you think it's dangerous?

We might die of heat exhaustion
if we don't get some air in here.

I've got a cold, you know.

Let me introduce.
He's the prime minister.

It's a pleasure.

His excellencies secretary, doctor Martinez.

It's a pleasure.

Mr. Smith from the C.I.A,
American secret service.

Proietti Commissioner
of the Rome Police Headquarters.

Whenever I'm sent on an important
mission I always catch a cold.

The ministry of the
exterior, communicates...

That your excellencies opponents,
benefitting from your short stay in Italy...

...want to assassinate you.

I want to know the precautions the
Italian government has taken to protect me?

I don't know.

But...

His excellency is already under
the protection of the United States.

Listen to my proposal and
let's get one thing clear...

I am in charge here and
you will do exactly as I say.

Excellent...

We are on the same side right?
- Yes.

Tell me everything you
know about this case.

I don't know much...

All I know is he has
hired someone for this job.

A killer?
- It might be a kilo...

...a kilo and a half.
I know they call him Cat.

The Cat.
Do you know anything about him?

No.

The Cat is a very smart assassin.
I meant to say very evil...

...and very dangerous, because
no one knows what he looks like.

No one alive has ever
seen the Cat's face.

Keep walking.

Wait a moment.

We caught them trying to
get in through a window.

The first person to move will
get a bullet between the eyes.

What were you looking for?
- The cat.

The Cat?
Here?

In the embassy?

He escaped while these
men were aprehending us.

You let him get away?
- We didn't see anything, Mr Smith.

How did he escape?
- He jumped from one window to another.

We didn't see anyone
jumping from a window.

Who is this guy?
- Silence.

Are you sure of what you say?
- I'm sure. You tell him...

You say it better.
- We're very sure.

Gentlemen, please leave the room.
- Thanks.

Stay where you are. Us three
are going to have a little talk.

Us three need to have a little talk.

Need a hand?

I prefer to do this alone.

Your excellency, let him deal with this.

Where's the toilet?

Now to us...

Either you talk or I'll
have them torture you.

He wants to torture us.
- Excuse me, but let's be practical...

Instead of torturing us, can you tell
us what we should be talking about?

You know very well.
- I don't.

The Cat.
- Why didn't you say so?

What do you want to know?
- Everything.

Tell me the truth...
Do you know him?

You know him?

Of course we know Archibald.
- Archibald?

Who is he?
- The cat.

He's called Archibald.
And?

That's all we know.

Could you find him again?
- We must find that murderer.

Are you connected to him or not?

No, we're not married but we are friends.
- He didn't say conjugal...

He asked us if we were
with the cat or not?

With the cat.

We are against toothpaste...
Against the cat.

But we need to be together.
- We must.

One million each immediately, the others ...

The others then!

Later, later, monthly payment later ...

If I let you go, what will you do?
- We'll look for the cat.

Really?

He'll say it because he
pronounce the S better.

Very sure.

What are you waiting for?

You can't go.
- Can we or can't we?

You can't go in such conditions.

Get undressed and have a bath.
- No, not the bath.

This is Evelyn, my assistant.
- A pleasure, Proietti.

These two buttons are
actually two microphones...

...with a minaturised antenna.

Attached to their jackets,
we'll be able to hear everything...

...and follow them safely,
without being seen.

They will lead us to the Cat.
Understood?

Who knows where he is?
While we risked our lives...

...in that bathroom.
What if we fell in?

Did you see the water in it?
- Don't exaggerate.

You're tall, I'm not.
- Don't be so desperate...

Not all evils come to harm

And what is this evil that does not come to cook?
- To harm!

What is it?

After the bath we've just had the cat won't
recognise our scent so he'll be easier to catch.

Silence, officer.
You made me miss the last word.

I've got a cold.
Don't the FBI ever catch a cold?

They've gone in a shop.
- Silence, please.

Have you seen our cat?

I haven't seen him.
It's been a few days now.

He's not sick is he?
- No, no.

420 lire at the cash desk, thanks.

But didn't he say that
no one knows the Cat?

Here is Pinino who knows him.

And you have Pinino arrested.
- But why?

But how why? He knows the Cat, you lock
him up and I interrogate him afterwards.

But people like that in Italy
cannot be arrested.

Come on Commissioner,
I will direct the inquiries here.

Then I get through the troubles.
Hello, this is the Commissioner...

What do you want?

Let's go.

I haven't done anything.

Are you sure you haven't seen him?
- I'm positive.

"I can recognise him straight away..."

He knows him as well.
- He might just know him in passing.

Perhaps he only knows him superficially.

Whoever knows the Cat must be
arrested, then I'll interrogate them.

Then I'll get it from head office.

Hello?
It's me again.

Let's go let's go...
- One moment ma'am.

Looking for the cat?
I haven't seen him today.

Will you serve me or not?
- Just half ounce to go.

Leave it.
I don't need it today.

The billiard hall.

The butcher.
- What? The butcher as well?

I won't arrest the butcher.
- What kind of policeman are you?

Are you scared of arresting people?
- There are rules, we need authorisation.

You can send it tomorrow by post.
- And they'll send me to Sardinia.

Hello? It's still me.

I bet he's in here.
- Let's try.

Open your ears.

I haven't seen him.
- He always plays here.

I know him well.
The one who plays billiards.

That's him.
- I've seen him.

In here?
- No, near my home.

He can't have gone so far.
- He must have taken the bus.

Are you sure it was him?
- Sure, my brother saw him as well.

Didn't we see him?
- Yes, yes.

It's him.
- His brother saw him as well.

Everyone knows the Cat.
- Then arrest them all.

Call the station.

Hello?
Yes, it's still Proietti

Arrest them all.

Arrest them all.
Everyone you see.

I'll tell you why we're here;
it's that damned cat's fault.

It was a joke.
- Tell the judge it was a joke.

Those guys are so dumb
it should be legal.

We were only making fun
of them, what's so bad?

Didn't you steal their money?
- I only had enough for one meal.

Of course, the prosecutor
and the president of the court!

But no, Franco and Ciccio!

Maybe, but a friend of mine
gave him 3 years for a similar joke.

Besides, if it was for the Cat, the owner
of the pool room had to be here too.

If they arrested him too, we were 4.
- So?

More than 3, conspiracy.

There he is.
- Here I am.

Let's go.

What have I got to do with it?

This isn't a prison cell, it's a bus.

...and these are the two
guys who know the Cat.

My friend works miracles.

We'll let them have it.
He'll take care of them.

You could at least say bless you.

This was our great result.
cold.

I caught this cold chasing those
two who were looking for a cat.

I couldn't...
- Silence.

It was a real cat, the
witnesses have confirmed it.

A cat with four legs and a tail.

What am I going to do with this?
This is what I'll do.

Want to see what I'm doing with this?
Here it is!

Yes, it's me.

Be careful Joe, the Cat has
got a photo of those two.

The Cat has committed
the same mistake as us.

Which is?

He thinks those two can identify
him so he wants to kill them...

Isn't it fantastic?
- Not for them two.

Rubbish, we'll follow them, we'll
save them and we'll capture the Cat.

Where could they be now?

They've got microphones on their
jackets, we just have to listen.

Damn you, commissioner.
You broke it.

Who are you calling?
- Gina.

What if he's gone back
home while we were out?

Don't forget, he's got
a wife and children.

Cats are close to their families.
- I thought they only loved mice.

Hello?
Tell me.

The cat?
Yes, he's here.

See?
He's gone back home.

Gina, don't let him escape.
Tie him up.

Don't worry he's not going anywhere.
- Okay, we're on our way.

They're coming here.
- Very good.

What do you want from
Franco and Ciccio?

Nothing.

We just need to talk about...

...the Cat.

Where is he?

Good morning.
Who is he?

He wants to talk to you about the Cat.
- Everyone has a story about this cat.

Two million a month is a lot of cash.
- So, if you capture him...

...they'll give you two million a month?
- The cheques already signed.

And you two are hunting him.
- Hunting him?

There's no holding us back!
- He won't get away this time.

Good...

Good.
- Thank you.

Who told you the
Cat was running away?

We just know.
- Yes, we know him.

You mean the Cat is scared of you?
- Of course he is, we always kicked him...

But from now on, things
are changing around here...

Including our tactics;
when I get him in my hands...

I'll tear out his whiskers, one by one,
and replace his eye with his knee...

I'll put his tail in his ear and his
nose... Where will I put his nose?

I understand, calm down...

That's only what he'll do,
but if I find him...

Enough.
- I say that. I'm in charge round here.

We're going to deal with
the cat now, you can go.

He's right.

The Cat is going to deal with you.

Let's go upstairs.

Go up.

Come on.

Go up.

This is unbelievable, what
have we got to do with the S.S?

The queen of spades,
it means death.

We've brought a new
one, your excellency.

We made it.
- You took your time.

We're in Rome, there's traffic.
We stand a risk of paralysis.

Synchronise the microphones.
- Yes, Mr Smith.

We've made contact.

I've already checked it.

I'm sorry...

It was all a missunderstanding,
but there's nothing I can do...

You didn't know me before.
- Perhaps that was better?

But now you know me...
- That's the problem.

So you must die.
- I don't want to die.

No one can ever know
what the Cat looks like.

He's got to them before us.

I know so much that those have a bad end.

Do you know what this is?
- An easter egg.

No...
It's a bomb.

Then be careful, if you drop it...
-... it will break.

Fool. It will explode.
- No, it won't. It's a timebomb.

It's watchmakers bomb so it
won't go off unless he says so.

It will explode...

When I want it to.
- I've got an appointment at three.

Yes, with death.
There...

In ten minutes it will explode.
- It will explode!

Ten minutes...

We've got exactly ten
minutes to save them.

We don't know where they are?
- We need to trace the signal...

Trace the line.

Ten minutes? I'll be lucky
to get to the ground floor.

Listen, Cat. Can't you make it
half an hour? What's it to you?

Ten minutes isn't enough
time to say goodbye to life.

We've got so many relatives to
wish goodbye, we must send cards...

Another half-day.
What does it cost you?

Ten minutes...

It's more than enough time
for me to reach my car.

Goodnight.

Goodnight?
- He wants us to die here?

What if the bomb goes off?
I'm scared of the bomb.

It's behind you.
- Ciccio, do something.

Don't you see?
He left the window open.

Close the window, there's a draught.
- Quiet, fool. We'll never get past the bars.

Idiots, we've got to
get the bomb downstairs.

Move towards the bomb.

Hurry.
Make it fall down.

Ciccio, I'm worried it will explode.

From what the Cat said,
it shouldn't explode.

But the Cat is a feline,
and you shouldn't trust them.

I'm worried it will explode.
- It will if you don't hurry.

You idiot, the bomb didn't explode.
- But it fell right on my foot.

Did you hurt yourself?
- Kick it.

Kick what?
- The bomb.

Are you mad?
- If you don't, we'll be pulverised.

Okay.
- Hurry.

My foot's in the right place.

Why are you rolling it towards me?
Roll it towards the window.

I'll blow at it.

I hit the post.

Keep moving.
Don't just lie there.

We've still got two
or three minutes left.

Be quiet.
We won't make it.

Three, now she's arrived.
Did you hurt yourself?

It's the end.
- No... No.

What are you doing?
Laughing?

What are you doing?
- I'm crying.

Look... Look.

The cat.

I see him, he's coming here to...

What is he doing?
No, the other side.

Towards the bars.
- He's going there.

The other way.

Come on.

Yes, come on.
Knock it down.

There's three kilo's of
sausages waiting for you.

More...
You're almost there.

Knock the bomb down.

I'm sorry if I ever kicked you.

Push it... Push it.

What is this smoke?

The hands... The hands.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for saving my life.

You really were very lucky.

Bless you.

You were very lucky...
You had to die and instead...

Bless you.
- Thanks.

The Cat is dead.
- Archibald.

Where is he?
- Where was he?

What's happened?

Archibald...

Are you crying over poor Archibald?
- No, I'm crying over the money we lost.

I understand you.

Ciccio!

It's him.
- It's him.

It really is him.
- Follow him.

Are you ready? How long does
it take to clean this car?

Ready miss, always at your orders.

I consign to you Comenda, ensure
he goes on a splendid walk.

Pleasant walk, Comenda.

Nice walk, Comenda.

Excuse me while I close your door.