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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,068 --> 00:00:03,070 [music] 2 00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:09,076 [MUFFLED BUZZING] 3 00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:18,085 [BUZZING] 4 00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,591 [MAN MOANING] 5 00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:27,094 [BUZZING CONTINUES] 6 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:32,600 [BUZZING STOPS] 7 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,605 I thought you were gonna wake me at 6:30. 8 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,106 I also said women like men 9 00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,608 who are shaped like potatoes. 10 00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,109 Can you find the pattern here? 11 00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:43,611 I had the egg dream again. 12 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:46,113 "I, I, I." 13 00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:48,616 What do you think an egg dream means? 14 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:49,617 Mmm, probably an omen. 15 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,619 A good omen? How many good omens 16 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:54,121 involve things that come out of a chicken's butt? 17 00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,123 There only has to be one. 18 00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,126 [SCREAMING] 19 00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:02,129 Hey, that's my bathroom. 20 00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,635 I didn't know you had your own toothbrush, Ratbert. 21 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:10,137 Why would I need my own toothbrush? 22 00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:13,641 [GARGLES AND SPITS] 23 00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:16,644 Good morning, shower. 24 00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,646 Good morning, Dilbert. 25 00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,648 Don't you do enough engineering at work? 26 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:21,649 Work is just meetings. 27 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,651 This is engineering. 28 00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:26,654 If this works, someday all showers will be voice-activated. 29 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:29,156 Is it that hard to turn the knobs? 30 00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:32,159 It's not that it's hard. It's unnecessary. 31 00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,161 99, please. 32 00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,663 99. 33 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:41,168 [WHISPERS] 400. 34 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,670 Heh-heh. Nice try. 35 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,673 But the shower is calibrated to respond to my voice only. 36 00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,174 You think of everything. 37 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,175 I'm cautious. 38 00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:50,177 That's why you had training wheels on your bike 39 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,178 until your were 17. 40 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:52,680 I was 14! 41 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,681 14. 42 00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,182 [DILBERT SCREAMS] 43 00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:59,687 99! 99! 99! 44 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,188 Don't do that! 45 00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:02,690 Where'd you get the voice for that? 46 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,192 It sounds like the computer from that stupid movie... 47 00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,694 What was it? 48 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,696 Something, something, A Space Odyssey? 49 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:11,198 It wasn't something, something, A Space Odyssey. 50 00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:12,700 It was 2001: A Space... 51 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,702 [DILBERT SCREAMING] 52 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:20,207 On the plus side, you look very clean. 53 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:22,209 [EXPLOSION] 54 00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:24,712 [music] 55 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,721 [CHANTING] Ooh, ah, oh, chee! 56 00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:35,222 Ooh, ah, oh, chee! 57 00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,724 Ooh, ah, oh, chee! 58 00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,225 Ooh, ah, oh, chee! 59 00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:39,727 Ooh, ah, oh, chee! 60 00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:42,229 Ooh, ah, oh, chee! 61 00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,263 [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] 62 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:38,285 Are we sticking with our ban on useless greetings? 63 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:39,286 Yes. Yes. 64 00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:40,287 Just checking. 65 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:45,292 [ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING] 66 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,798 Wally. 67 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,800 Yes? Push the button. 68 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,802 Why? Just because I'm standing near them?! 69 00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:55,803 Yes. 70 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,805 I pushed the button yesterday. 71 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,306 Wally, do what Alice says. 72 00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:02,309 Now why should I do-- Ow! 73 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:03,811 [GROANING] 74 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,815 I had the egg dream again last night. 75 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:10,317 I've often said there's nothing more interesting 76 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,319 than hearing about someone's dream. 77 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:15,322 Eggs-- you're not the first engineer to have that dream. 78 00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:16,323 You, too? 79 00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,324 No, I'm sane. 80 00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,326 Old Jack Cooper had that dream. 81 00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:21,328 Right before he turned into... 82 00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:23,330 The Chicken Man. 83 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,332 It's impossible to turn into a chicken. 84 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:26,333 A chicken, yes. 85 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:27,835 But chicken man-- that can happen. 86 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,336 What happened to Jack Cooper? 87 00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:30,838 He was an engineer. 88 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,339 Much like you. 89 00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:33,841 Until they put him in charge of a project. 90 00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,843 The frustration started building up. 91 00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:37,845 He started having the egg dream. 92 00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,346 He'd stand up during meetings all agitated 93 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,849 And he'd wave his arms around like a chicken. 94 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,350 What project was he working on? 95 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:44,351 That's the thing. 96 00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,353 No one could agree on the project name. 97 00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,855 That's what got him. 98 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,356 What happened? 99 00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,358 I think he's with the circus. 100 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,359 Poor clucker. 101 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,363 [CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING] 102 00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,867 VOICEMAIL: Thank you for calling. 103 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:04,371 Please dial your password and press "pound." 104 00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:08,876 You have... 937 messages 105 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,878 All of which are marked "Urgent." 106 00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,880 First urgent message: 107 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,381 MAN: This is Ted. 108 00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:17,885 I'm just calling to tell you I sent you some e-mail. 109 00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,386 Well, that's all. 110 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,888 Ugh. 111 00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:23,891 VOICEMAIL: All messages deleted. 112 00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:32,399 Jeez, the network is slow today. 113 00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:33,901 Too slow. 114 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,903 Oh, no. 115 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,405 Is it...? 116 00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,407 Yes. 117 00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,409 Nothing but resumes. People are bailing out. 118 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,912 There must be a problem with our new flagship product. 119 00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,914 Ah, the herbal throat lozenges? 120 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,415 I told them at the rollout meeting 121 00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,417 that anthrax was a bacteria, not an herb. 122 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:51,418 No, you didn't. 123 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,920 I was thinking it pretty hard. 124 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,422 Ooh, some poor marketing executive 125 00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,925 will have to take the fall for this one. 126 00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,426 Bob, you made quite a mess 127 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:01,428 with the herbal lozenges product line. 128 00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,430 Don't believe everything you read 129 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,932 in all the major news outlets. 130 00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,433 Try one. 131 00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,435 Mmm, worth a shot. 132 00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:09,937 Bob, you're like a son to me. 133 00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:10,938 You don't have a son. 134 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,439 That's where I'm headed here. 135 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:13,440 Ooh. 136 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,943 Now, this isn't easy for either of us. 137 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,444 But I have to ask you 138 00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:19,947 to take your huge executive severance package 139 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:22,950 and go find a higher-paying job at another company. 140 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,451 This is barbaric! 141 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:25,953 I've given my soul to this company. 142 00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,460 I've heard a rumor! 143 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:34,461 Shh! Shh! Ow, ow, ow! 144 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,463 I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. 145 00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:39,967 [LOUDLY] I've heard a rumor our lozenges product wiped out a town! 146 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,468 I can't believe it! 147 00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,971 Those lozenges were made of natural ingredients! 148 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,473 We can see the devastation. 149 00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,976 But how does this make you feel? 150 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,477 My throat is moist. 151 00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:52,479 And the raspiness is gone. 152 00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:53,480 [GAGGING] 153 00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:55,983 Back to you. 154 00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,988 He's always late. 155 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,990 What's he doing that's more important than us? 156 00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,494 [HUMMING] 157 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,996 Wuh-oh. 158 00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:10,497 Drawer's almost full. 159 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,499 I'll need a new desk. 160 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,001 Hey, Alice. 161 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,502 Looky! 162 00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:16,503 [GROANS] 163 00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:17,504 So what's life like 164 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,006 in your village, Tong Nee? 165 00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:21,508 And tell me everything. I'm not paying for the call. 166 00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,010 Well, troops, I assume you've all 167 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:26,013 been informed about the problems with our flagship product. 168 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,514 What? Not me. 169 00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:29,516 There's no point in killing a dead horse. 170 00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,518 You mean there's no point in beating a dead horse. 171 00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:35,522 Why would anyone beat a dead horse? 172 00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,024 Why would anyone kill a dead horse? 173 00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,025 Maybe it'd kick you. 174 00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:39,026 It's dead! 175 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,527 And so is every customer 176 00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,529 who used our flagship product. 177 00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:43,530 Now... 178 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:46,033 We have a warehouse filled with lethal lozenges 179 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:49,036 we are currently converting for usage in ancillary markets. 180 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,538 Buttons... 181 00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:54,041 Coinage... 182 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:56,543 Teddy bear eyes. 183 00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:58,545 The point is, we all must embrace change. 184 00:07:58,545 --> 00:07:59,546 No, that is very bad. 185 00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:01,048 We don't like that. 186 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:03,550 Well, we have to make up for the revenue shortfall 187 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,552 and there are only two ways to do that: 188 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:06,553 Create a new product 189 00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,555 or make massive, painful budget cuts. 190 00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:11,058 Let's make a new product! 191 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:13,560 That is exactly my plan. 192 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:14,561 Ooh, I love a plan. 193 00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:16,063 Excellent plan. 194 00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,065 Phase one: 195 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,067 We need a name for the product. 196 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:22,069 Uh... that's actually the last step. 197 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:24,571 You've got the transparencies out of order. 198 00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,573 He doesn't like being corrected. 199 00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:29,076 Now he must do something terrible to you. 200 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,578 Something to teach us all a lesson. 201 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:34,081 Dilbert... 202 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,583 I'd like you to take the lead on this project. 203 00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:39,586 [CLUCKING] 204 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:42,589 Step one: the name. 205 00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:45,092 The name is the last thing you do. 206 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:46,593 Oh, use some common sense, son. 207 00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:47,594 If you don't know something's name 208 00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,096 how do you know what to build? 209 00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:51,098 Focus groups. Market research. 210 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,599 Detailed user specifications. 211 00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:55,602 And the na-a-a-me. 212 00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:58,105 Do you think the guy who invented the mousepad 213 00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:00,107 started with the name? 214 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,108 What's a mousepad? 215 00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:02,109 [CHUCKLES] 216 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,111 Feminine protection for mice. 217 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,113 Oop! 218 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,614 If we don't know what the product is 219 00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,116 we'll never agree on its name. 220 00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,118 we'll have meeting after meeting after meeting. 221 00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:12,619 Everyone will want to have input 222 00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:15,122 Because input is much easier than doing real work. 223 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,623 The only way we'll ever get 224 00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,625 that many people to agree is... luck! 225 00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,127 [CLUCKING] Luck, luck, luck. 226 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:23,130 Oh, that's not a good sign. 227 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:25,632 I am not the Chicken Man. 228 00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:27,134 I'll get you a name. 229 00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:29,636 Anyway, it's better than massive, painful budget cuts. 230 00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,138 Actually, we're doing that too. 231 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:34,141 It's being announced... right now. 232 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:37,144 I got your budget cuts right here. 233 00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:41,148 We expect some looting. 234 00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:43,650 Maybe you people can just sit here while this happens! 235 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:46,153 But not me! 236 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,154 [GRUNTING] 237 00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,166 [GUN SHOTS] 238 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,168 How hard can it be to name a product? 239 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,170 That Jack Cooper just didn't have what it takes. 240 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:06,673 [CLUCKING] 241 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,677 That happens to be the best way to stomp out a fire. 242 00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,179 Dilbert...help. 243 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:13,680 I've been shot. 244 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:14,681 I've been shot. I've been shot. 245 00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,683 I have a few problems of my own, you know. 246 00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:18,185 Yeah, I heard about the name thing. 247 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:19,686 [GASPING] That's a drag. 248 00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,693 I'm okay. 249 00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:27,694 Everything's okay. 250 00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:31,698 Things could be worse. 251 00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:32,699 Oh, my... 252 00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:34,201 [CLUCKING] God! 253 00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:44,211 DILMOM: Why don't you call your product the Vectralux 9000? 254 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,212 DILBERT: Why would I call it that? 255 00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,713 I'm just trying to help. 256 00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:49,216 I know it's hard for you to come up with a name 257 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,218 what with your poor verbal skills. 258 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:53,220 There's nothing wrong with my verbal skills. 259 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,721 It only seems that way 260 00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,223 because my math skills are so high. 261 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:58,725 There's no reason to get all nuswartic about this. 262 00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,727 He's more pultaceous than nuswartic. 263 00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:03,230 Whatever that means-- I am not. 264 00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:04,731 There, there. 265 00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,233 I know what you're doing. 266 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:09,236 Your Scrabble mind games will not work on me. 267 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:11,738 It's all very muldipulous if you ask me. 268 00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,745 Mm-hmm. 269 00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:21,748 Uh-oh... 270 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:25,252 [GROWLS] 271 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,254 Why don't you call your product 272 00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,755 The Gruntmaster 6000? 273 00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:30,757 What kind of product do you see 274 00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:32,759 when you imagine a Gruntmaster 6000? 275 00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:34,261 Well, it's a stripped-down version 276 00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:36,263 of the Gruntmaster 9000, of course. 277 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:38,765 But it's software-upgradeable. 278 00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:39,766 Can we just play? 279 00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:42,269 All right then, standard Scrabble rules apply. 280 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,770 No kicking, biting or slapping. 281 00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,272 No projectiles of any kind. 282 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,273 Name-calling? 283 00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,774 Only on your own turn. 284 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,278 "It." 285 00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:54,281 Give me four big ones, you wrinkled toad. 286 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,782 Yes! Yes! 287 00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,784 It? that's not a word. 288 00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:58,785 I challenge. 289 00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,787 You challenge "it?" 290 00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:05,292 Give me the dictionary. 291 00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:08,295 What kind of stupid dictionary is this? 292 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,796 Wibster's? 293 00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,299 I think it's the one your company makes. 294 00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:13,300 That would explain it. 295 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:14,301 Explain "it"? 296 00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:15,802 What's an "it"? 297 00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:18,305 "Quixotic." 298 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:19,806 That's triple word score 299 00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,309 Plus 50 for using all seven letters...Q and the X. 300 00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:23,310 That's... 301 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,313 152 stinking, totally lucky points. 302 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:27,314 Whoa! 303 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:28,815 Whoo! Whoo! 304 00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:31,818 Yes! In your face, math boy. 305 00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:35,322 [music] 306 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:37,824 I am so tired of seeing that dance. 307 00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:41,828 "Quizzing." 308 00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:44,831 That's 188. 309 00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:47,334 I'm pretty sure Scrabble only has one Z. 310 00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:48,835 [HISSING] 311 00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:51,338 That's the kind of thinking that allowed you to lose 312 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,340 400 games in a row. 313 00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,341 [HISSING] 314 00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:58,845 Thank you all for coming. 315 00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,847 Especially those of you who weren't invited 316 00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,349 and have no reason to be here. 317 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,351 Sure, no big deal. No problem. Whatever. 318 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:06,853 To save time, I've hired a consultant 319 00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:09,856 to help us find a name for our next product. 320 00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:13,360 He doesn't look like any consultant I've ever seen! 321 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,861 Recommendation... 322 00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,863 Downsize the loud guy. 323 00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,365 I take it back! 324 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:21,368 Anyone else want a piece of me? 325 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:22,369 [MURMURING] 326 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:23,870 As you probably know, 327 00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,373 all the good product names have been trademarked 328 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,375 by companies who are competent. 329 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,376 Competent? 330 00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,877 How are we going to compete with that? 331 00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:32,879 There's still plenty of names left 332 00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:35,882 in the area of Greek mythology, bodily secretions, 333 00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:38,885 diseases and everything involving intestines. 334 00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:40,387 I like all of those things. 335 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,889 Remember, the first rule of brainstorming 336 00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:45,392 is to openly mock the opinions of others. 337 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:46,893 I thought it was the other way around. 338 00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:48,395 Swift. 339 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:49,896 Let's start with you accounting guys. 340 00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:51,898 Walter's good at this creative stuff. 341 00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:52,899 He just named his baby. 342 00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:54,901 How is Walter Jr.? 343 00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,403 She's fine. Thanks for asking. 344 00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,405 Well, that was a dry hole. 345 00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:00,907 Do we have anyone here from Marketing? 346 00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:04,411 [SMOOCHING LOUDLY] 347 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:05,912 Lie to me! 348 00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:07,914 Our next upgrade will solve the problem. 349 00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:09,916 [MOANING] Uh-huh-hoo! 350 00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,418 I like the sound of it 351 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,420 but how do you spell "uh-huh-hoo"? 352 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,422 Walter has a name for the product. 353 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,425 How about...Ford? 354 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:21,428 Hmm, that seems to be taken 355 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,930 by the Ford Motor Company! 356 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:26,933 [SOBBING] 357 00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:28,935 Maybe Ford will sell the name. 358 00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,437 Everyone has a price. 359 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,439 You're not allowed to talk anymore. 360 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,941 How about something from the disease category? 361 00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,443 They can't all be that bad. 362 00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,445 How about seborrhea? 363 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,946 I like the sound of it. 364 00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:41,948 [LATIN ACCENT] Seborrhea... 365 00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,950 Seborrrrrrhea. 366 00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:44,951 That's not a disease. 367 00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:45,952 It's a condition. 368 00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:47,454 It doesn't have to be a disease. 369 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,456 Let's stay focused. 370 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,958 Diseases, secretions, Greeks. 371 00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:52,959 How about Sisyphus? 372 00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:55,462 The guy who pushed a rock up a hill for eternity? 373 00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:56,963 That fits this project. 374 00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:57,964 Hmm, I like it. 375 00:14:57,964 --> 00:15:00,467 It conveys a sense of playfulness. 376 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,969 It's supposed to convey a sense of futility. 377 00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:05,472 You have to look at it from the rock's point of view. 378 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,974 How about toe fungus? 379 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,476 That's a disease. 380 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:14,481 Cellulite... cellula... cellulex. 381 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:15,482 And when you take your sock off 382 00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,484 and you can still see the indent on your ankle 383 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:18,485 Is that called anything? 384 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:21,488 That's it! I can't take it anymore! 385 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:24,491 I will not turn into the Chicken Man. 386 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,492 Pick a name, any name. 387 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:26,493 Here... 388 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:27,494 Acorn. 389 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,496 Acorn, okay? That's the name. 390 00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:30,997 I know it's taken 391 00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:32,999 but it's just a little mom-and-pop dry cleaners. 392 00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:34,000 We can buy their name. 393 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,502 Okay then, buy it. 394 00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:37,504 We'll present it to my boss next week. 395 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:41,007 I feel the curse of the Chicken Man lifting already. 396 00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:43,009 Now all you need is a second name 397 00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:45,011 to present at the same time-- 398 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,012 A really bad name. 399 00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:47,013 Why do we need a second? 400 00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:48,014 It's a decoy. 401 00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:50,016 Always give your boss two choices. 402 00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:51,518 One to reject, one to approve. 403 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,020 It creates the illusion of leadership. 404 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:57,524 You always bring me two choices. 405 00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:00,527 For you, both choices are always real. 406 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,529 Oh... 407 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,030 All right, we need a decoy name 408 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,533 that's plausible, yet frighteningly bad. 409 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:09,035 Hmm, how about salmonella 410 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:12,539 in honor of rooster boy here? 411 00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,545 Can I speak with the owner? 412 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,046 [FRENCH ACCENT] Why? 413 00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,548 So you can make false accusations 414 00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:24,551 about us wearing customers' clothing to sporting events? 415 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,052 I defy you to prove it. No, I-- 416 00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:29,055 You don't scare me, you potato-shaped bully. 417 00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:32,058 You four-eyed, tall-foreheaded, short-pants man. 418 00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:33,560 I'm not here to complain. 419 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,562 [NO ACCENT] Oh, well, we're not French. 420 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,564 Why do you talk-- Because we're rude. 421 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,566 It just sounds better with a French accent. 422 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,067 So, what do you want? 423 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,570 My company would like to buy the name Acorn. We'll pay... 424 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:46,573 [FRENCH ACCENT] Never! Acorn was our only son's nickname. 425 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:50,577 It is not for sale as long as this store still stands. 426 00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:51,578 I need that name. 427 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,079 Leave the premises now 428 00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:56,583 or I will be forced to call the strip mall security guard 429 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,084 who, although old and feeble 430 00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:00,086 will whip you and beat you without mercy 431 00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:03,590 until you sing campfire songs in the voice of a little girl. 432 00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:07,594 Thanks for all your help. 433 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,596 The Acorn Dry Cleaners won't last forever. 434 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:11,097 Just let nature take its course. 435 00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,099 Nature? How long will that take? 436 00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,101 Hmm, not long. 437 00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:16,603 I'm part of nature. 438 00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,609 [VOICE VIBRATING] Would you like to try a vibrating chair? 439 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:23,610 Get out of my way, you pervert. 440 00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,619 Will you be sitting down in any of these? 441 00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,120 No, I'm going to run for it 442 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,623 and you might want to do the same. 443 00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:45,131 Sweet mother of God! 444 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,136 [YELLING] 445 00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:57,644 Remind me to never negotiate with you. 446 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:00,647 Ah, am I late? 447 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,649 Right on time, sir. 448 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:07,654 Oh, in that case, I've got time to make some phone calls. 449 00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:11,658 That is so rude. 450 00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,161 Am I late now? 451 00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:18,665 Yes, but it's not because you're an inconsiderate dolt. 452 00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:21,167 It's because you're more important than us. 453 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,169 All right, so, what do you have for me? 454 00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:24,671 We need your approval 455 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:25,672 for the name... 456 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:26,673 Wait. 457 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:27,674 [SNIFFS] 458 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,175 The smell of fresh ficus-- 459 00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:32,178 It transports me back to my youth. 460 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,180 Summers in the Catskill Mountains. 461 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:38,184 Settle in. This could be a long one. 462 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:41,688 VICE PRESIDENT: Ah...we'd all go to Turtle Pond 463 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,189 to swim and laugh 464 00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:46,192 and play games amongst the wild ficus. 465 00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,196 One day 466 00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:55,201 tragedy struck. 467 00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:57,704 A turtle made off with my trunks. 468 00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:02,709 I stayed in the water as long as I could 469 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,210 but the water was cold. 470 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,211 Soon... 471 00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:07,714 A crowd formed. 472 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:10,717 They gave me a nickname on the spot-- 473 00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:12,719 One that still haunts me. 474 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:13,720 Acorn. 475 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,722 [music] 476 00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:19,225 My awful, non-French parents 477 00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:22,228 even named their dry cleaning store Acorn. 478 00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:24,230 [CLUCKS] 479 00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:31,738 But that's all in the past. What do you have for me? 480 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:35,742 We just need your approval on our next product name. 481 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:36,743 Salmonella. 482 00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:39,746 Salmonella? 483 00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:41,748 I like it. 484 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:42,749 [GROWLS AND CLUCKS] 485 00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:46,753 What? 486 00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:47,754 Nothing. No. 487 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:48,755 What's my other choice? 488 00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,757 People usually give me two choices. 489 00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:53,760 Ah... Seborrhea. 490 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,261 Isn't that a disease? 491 00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:56,763 It's a condition. 492 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:57,764 I like the first one. 493 00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:58,765 By this time next year 494 00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,767 I want every person in the country 495 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:01,768 to be driving a Salmonella. 496 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,770 It's not necessarily a car. 497 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,271 It's not? 498 00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:07,273 Then why are we giving it a car name? 499 00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:08,274 What else do you have? 500 00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:10,777 How about The Gruntmaster? 501 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:11,778 The Gruntmaster. 502 00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:14,781 I don't know. It's missing something. 503 00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:18,785 Gruntmaster...6000. 504 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:19,786 That's it. 505 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,288 Less features than the Gruntmaster 9000 506 00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:23,790 but just as fun. 507 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,291 [ALL SIGHING] 508 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:26,292 Good work, Dilbert. 509 00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:27,794 Wait. 510 00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:28,795 [SNIFFS] 511 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:32,799 Do I detect the faint odor of chicken? 512 00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,810 DILMOM: Did you come up with a name for your product? 513 00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,812 It's a long story. 514 00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:47,313 Gruntmaster 6000. 515 00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:48,815 Really? 516 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,817 That doesn't sound like a long story. 517 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:51,818 It is a long story. 518 00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:53,319 I made a suggestion, you took it. 519 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:54,821 Not so long. 520 00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,322 There was a lot more. We had meetings 521 00:20:56,322 --> 00:20:58,324 and pre-meetings and... 522 00:20:58,324 --> 00:20:59,826 a dancing acorn-- 523 00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:00,827 Burned a strip mall 524 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:02,829 and I almost turned into a chicken. 525 00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,832 And then you used my suggestion... 526 00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:07,333 Gruntmaster 6000. 527 00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:08,334 Whose turn is it? 528 00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:10,837 You know what I must do now, don't you? 529 00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:13,339 Oh, no. Please, don't. 530 00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:19,345 [TRILLING AND CLUCKING] 531 00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:31,357 [music] 35468

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