All language subtitles for Queer As Folk [1x12] - Episode 112

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,061 THAT. 2 00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:42,068 [ Ringing of cell phone ] 3 00:03:45,572 --> 00:03:46,072 TED SCHMIDT. 4 00:03:46,072 --> 00:03:47,073 BRIAN. 5 00:03:49,075 --> 00:03:50,577 BRIAN WHO? 6 00:03:50,577 --> 00:03:52,579 BRIAN WHO- DO-YOU-THINK? 7 00:03:52,579 --> 00:03:54,581 THAT'S WHO. OH. 8 00:03:54,581 --> 00:03:56,082 I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE. 9 00:03:56,082 --> 00:03:58,585 YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK YOU'VE EVER CALLED ME. 10 00:03:58,585 --> 00:03:59,586 WELL, TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY. 11 00:04:00,086 --> 00:04:01,588 I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, REMEMBER? 12 00:04:01,588 --> 00:04:04,090 YEAH, RIGHT. UH, SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? 13 00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:05,592 I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT. 14 00:04:05,592 --> 00:04:07,093 WELL, THINK ABOUT IT AND DECIDE 15 00:04:07,093 --> 00:04:08,595 IF YOU WANT TO HANG OUT. 16 00:04:10,096 --> 00:04:10,597 WITH YOU? 17 00:04:11,097 --> 00:04:12,599 YOU SOUND SURPRISED. 18 00:04:12,599 --> 00:04:15,602 Uh, no. Surprised would be if I won the lottery. 19 00:04:15,602 --> 00:04:17,103 OR IF AN ASTEROID HIT THE EARTH, 20 00:04:17,103 --> 00:04:19,606 OR IF RICHARD SIMMONS WAS STRAIGHT. 21 00:04:19,606 --> 00:04:21,107 NO, TRY DUMBSTRUCK. 22 00:04:21,608 --> 00:04:22,609 So you're not busy? 23 00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:25,111 DO YOU HAVE TO ASK? 24 00:04:25,111 --> 00:04:26,613 WOODY'S. AFTER WORK. 25 00:04:34,621 --> 00:04:36,122 Ted: HE WANTS ME TO MEET HIM AT WOODY'S... 26 00:04:37,624 --> 00:04:39,125 TO HANG OUT. 27 00:04:39,626 --> 00:04:41,127 Emmett: GOD, HE MUST REALLY BE DESPERATE. 28 00:04:43,630 --> 00:04:45,632 UH, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. AH. 29 00:04:45,632 --> 00:04:47,634 NOW THAT HE AND MICHAEL ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS, 30 00:04:47,634 --> 00:04:50,637 MY GUESS IS IS THAT HE NEEDS SOMEBODY NEW TO TAKE FOR GRANTED. 31 00:04:51,137 --> 00:04:53,139 SO, NATURALLY, HE THOUGHT OF ME. 32 00:04:53,139 --> 00:04:55,141 YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY CON- SIDERING GOING, ARE YOU? 33 00:04:55,141 --> 00:04:58,144 WELL, MAYBE I CAN RESOLVE THE GREAT MICHAEL CONFLICT, 34 00:04:58,645 --> 00:05:00,146 AND WIN THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE 35 00:05:00,146 --> 00:05:02,649 AND SCORE WITH ONE OF BRIAN'S REJECTS. 36 00:05:02,649 --> 00:05:04,150 [ Groaning ] 37 00:05:04,150 --> 00:05:05,652 49... 50. 38 00:05:07,153 --> 00:05:08,154 [ Sighing ] 39 00:05:08,154 --> 00:05:10,156 GOD, I HATE MY ABS. 40 00:05:11,157 --> 00:05:12,158 I LOVE YOUR ABS. 41 00:05:16,162 --> 00:05:17,163 I MEAN YOU. 42 00:05:17,163 --> 00:05:19,666 [ Whispering ] HE MEANS YOU. 43 00:05:19,666 --> 00:05:22,168 YOU'RE EMMETT, RIGHT? RIGHT. 44 00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:24,170 YOU WORK AT TORSO, RIGHT? RIGHT. 45 00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:26,673 AND YOUR DENTIST IS DR. FELDMAN, RIGHT? 46 00:05:26,673 --> 00:05:28,675 RIGHT, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO MY DENTIST IS? 47 00:05:28,675 --> 00:05:32,178 I WAS IN HIS OFFICE LAST WEEK. I HAD THE APPOINT- MENT RIGHT AFTER YOU. 48 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,181 AND BY THE WAY, I LOVE THE SPACE BETWEEN YOUR TEETH. 49 00:05:37,183 --> 00:05:38,184 I'M BEAU. 50 00:05:38,184 --> 00:05:40,687 THAT'S FRENCH FOR "BEAUTIFUL". I KNOW. 51 00:05:40,687 --> 00:05:42,689 AND I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE KIND OF, UH, CUTE. 52 00:05:43,690 --> 00:05:45,191 YOU HAVE? YEAH. 53 00:05:45,191 --> 00:05:47,694 AND I WAS WONDERING, MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO GO OUT SOMETIME. 54 00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:50,196 AS IF YOU NEED TO ASK. 55 00:05:50,196 --> 00:05:52,699 I'D LOVE TO. AS IF HE'D SAY NO. 56 00:05:52,699 --> 00:05:53,700 ONLY I CAN'T. 57 00:05:55,201 --> 00:05:56,703 WHAT? 58 00:05:56,703 --> 00:05:58,204 I-I CAN'T. 59 00:05:58,705 --> 00:06:00,206 BUT THANKS FOR ASKING. 60 00:06:00,206 --> 00:06:01,708 MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME, THEN. 61 00:06:07,213 --> 00:06:09,215 ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? 62 00:06:09,215 --> 00:06:11,718 GUYS LIKE US DO NOT TURN DOWN GUYS LIKE HIM. 63 00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:13,219 YOU HAVE ACTED IN FLAGRANT VIOLATION 64 00:06:13,219 --> 00:06:15,221 OF THE ENTIRE GAY SOCIAL STRUCTURE. 65 00:06:15,221 --> 00:06:16,723 THEY'RE GOING TO VOTE YOU OUT OF THE BROTHERHOOD. 66 00:06:16,723 --> 00:06:19,225 LET 'EM. I MADE A PROMISE TO GOD, REMEMBER? 67 00:06:19,225 --> 00:06:20,727 THAT IF I TESTED NEGATIVE... I KNOW, 68 00:06:20,727 --> 00:06:22,228 YOU'D NEVER HAVE SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN, I KNOW. 69 00:06:22,228 --> 00:06:23,229 BUT YOU'RE FINE! 70 00:06:23,229 --> 00:06:25,231 IT DOESN'T MATTER. 71 00:06:25,231 --> 00:06:26,733 I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THE HELL 72 00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:29,235 THAT I WENT THROUGH AGAIN, AND I WON'T. 73 00:06:29,235 --> 00:06:31,237 BECAUSE SOMEONE KEPT HIS PART OF THE BARGAIN. 74 00:06:33,239 --> 00:06:34,240 NOW IT'S MY TURN TO KEEP MINE. 75 00:06:37,744 --> 00:06:39,245 HEY. 76 00:06:39,245 --> 00:06:40,747 I DIDN'T HEAR YOU COME IN. 77 00:06:41,247 --> 00:06:42,248 MMMM. Gus: [ Crying ] 78 00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:46,252 OH-H, SHH, I JUST PUT GUS TO BED. 79 00:06:48,254 --> 00:06:49,756 IT'S TOO LATE TO SEE HIM THEN, HUH? 80 00:06:49,756 --> 00:06:51,758 OH, YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE MORNING. 81 00:06:51,758 --> 00:06:53,760 HE'S ASLEEP WHEN I LEAVE. 82 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,763 WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD LEAVE LATER, OR EVEN TAKE THE AFTERNOON OFF. 83 00:06:56,763 --> 00:06:58,264 THE POINT OF MY WORKING LONGER DAYS 84 00:06:58,264 --> 00:06:59,766 IS SO YOU CAN STAY HOME. 85 00:07:01,768 --> 00:07:03,770 I APPRECIATE HOW HARD YOU WORK. 86 00:07:03,770 --> 00:07:06,272 IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU SHOWED IT. 87 00:07:06,272 --> 00:07:08,274 I THOUGHT I DID. 88 00:07:08,274 --> 00:07:11,277 AND, UH, I'M WORKING TOO. 89 00:07:11,277 --> 00:07:13,279 TAKING CARE OF OUR SON. 90 00:07:13,279 --> 00:07:15,782 YOUR SON AND BRIAN'S. I JUST PAY THE BILLS. 91 00:07:15,782 --> 00:07:17,784 OH, ARE WE REALLY GOING TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN? 92 00:07:17,784 --> 00:07:19,786 NAW, LET'S PRETEND EVERY- THING'S FINE. 93 00:07:20,286 --> 00:07:22,288 I DIDN'T SAY EVERYTHING'S FINE. 94 00:07:22,288 --> 00:07:25,291 I JUST DON'T FEEL WE NEED TO CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT IT. 95 00:07:25,291 --> 00:07:27,293 WELL, I'M JEWISH AND AFTER NEO-NAZIS 96 00:07:27,293 --> 00:07:29,796 THERE'S NOTHING THE JEWS FEAR MORE THAN SILENCE. 97 00:07:29,796 --> 00:07:31,297 WELL I'M NOT LIKE THAT. 98 00:07:31,297 --> 00:07:33,299 I DON'T HAVE THE NEED TO CONSTANTLY EXPRESS 99 00:07:33,299 --> 00:07:34,300 EVERYTHING THAT I'M FEELING. 100 00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,802 I WISH YOU'D TRY. 101 00:07:35,802 --> 00:07:37,303 BECAUSE AFTER THAT FIASCO AT BRIAN'S 102 00:07:37,303 --> 00:07:39,305 YOU'VE TURNED OFF TO ME PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY... 103 00:07:39,305 --> 00:07:41,307 AS USUAL, YOU'RE CATASTROPHIZING, 104 00:07:41,307 --> 00:07:42,809 TURNING EVERY LITTLE SLIGHT INTO A REJECTION. 105 00:07:43,309 --> 00:07:44,310 YOU NEVER WANT TO MAKE LOVE, 106 00:07:44,310 --> 00:07:45,812 YOU BARELY WANT TO HAVE A DISCUSSION. 107 00:07:46,312 --> 00:07:48,314 HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I MIGHT BE TIRED? 108 00:07:48,314 --> 00:07:50,316 WELL, I'M TIRED, TOO. 109 00:07:50,316 --> 00:07:52,819 I'M TIRED OF TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO YOU, 110 00:07:52,819 --> 00:07:55,321 OF FIGURING OUT WHAT THE HELL I DID WRONG, 111 00:07:55,321 --> 00:07:57,824 OF WONDERING WHY INSTEAD OF FEELING CLOSER THAN WE'VE EVER BEEN, 112 00:07:57,824 --> 00:07:59,325 I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE ALONE. 113 00:07:59,325 --> 00:08:00,326 OH. 114 00:08:05,832 --> 00:08:07,333 AREN'T YOU GOING TO SAY ANYTHING? 115 00:08:09,836 --> 00:08:13,339 [ Clearing of throat ] WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR DINNER? 116 00:08:13,339 --> 00:08:14,340 I CAN HEAT UP SOME POT ROAST. 117 00:08:18,845 --> 00:08:35,361 [ ?????? ] 118 00:08:35,361 --> 00:08:38,364 SO, HOW WAS WORK? 119 00:08:39,365 --> 00:08:41,868 FAT MARLEY HAD THIS REALLY INCREDIBLE HICKEY. 120 00:08:41,868 --> 00:08:43,369 AND THERE WAS A SALE ON PROTEIN POWDER, 121 00:08:43,369 --> 00:08:44,871 SO EVERY QUEEN IN THE CITY WAS THERE, 122 00:08:44,871 --> 00:08:45,872 EXCEPT FOR YOU, OF COURSE. 123 00:08:47,373 --> 00:08:48,374 BORING. 124 00:08:48,374 --> 00:08:49,876 WORK WAS BORING. 125 00:08:51,377 --> 00:08:52,879 HOW ABOUT YOU? 126 00:08:52,879 --> 00:08:54,380 DON'T TELL ME. YOU TOOK THE CLIENT 127 00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:56,883 TO THIS REALLY FANCY RESTAURANT FOR LUNCH, 128 00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:59,385 AND THERE WAS THIS REALLY HOT WAITER AND HE... 129 00:08:59,385 --> 00:09:01,888 HE SIGNALLED FOR YOU TO MEET HIM IN THE LINEN CLOSET 130 00:09:01,888 --> 00:09:03,890 AND HE GAVE YOU THIS AMAZING BLOW JOB, 131 00:09:03,890 --> 00:09:04,891 AND THEN YOU WENT BACK TO THE TABLE 132 00:09:05,391 --> 00:09:06,893 AND THE CLIENT NEVER KNEW. 133 00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:07,894 HOW'D YOU GUESS? 134 00:09:10,897 --> 00:09:11,898 I ASKED YOU ABOUT WORK. 135 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:15,401 UH, I TOOK A CLIENT TO LUNCH 136 00:09:15,401 --> 00:09:17,904 AND THE WAITER BLEW ME IN THE LINEN CLOSET. 137 00:09:17,904 --> 00:09:18,905 REALLY? 138 00:09:18,905 --> 00:09:20,907 LIAR! YOU'RE SUCH A LIAR. 139 00:09:23,409 --> 00:09:24,410 [ Sighing ] 140 00:09:28,414 --> 00:09:29,916 SO, HAVE YOU TALKED TO HIM? 141 00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:31,417 WHO? 142 00:09:31,417 --> 00:09:32,919 MICHAEL. 143 00:09:32,919 --> 00:09:34,420 WHAT FOR? 144 00:09:34,921 --> 00:09:36,422 OH, FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND. 145 00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:37,924 WASMY BEST FRIEND. 146 00:09:42,428 --> 00:09:43,930 WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL HIM? 147 00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:45,431 I TOLD YOU. 148 00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:48,434 HE'S OUT OF MY LIFE AND I'M OUT OF HIS. 149 00:09:48,434 --> 00:09:50,937 SO WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT? 150 00:09:52,939 --> 00:09:54,440 HEY. 151 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:55,441 HOW'S IT GOING? 152 00:09:57,944 --> 00:09:58,945 I'M NOT INTERESTED. 153 00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:06,953 HOWEVER, UH, I AM AVAILABLE 154 00:10:06,953 --> 00:10:09,455 FOR SAFE SEX AND ESTATE PLANNING. 155 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,463 ACTUALLY, I DO HAVE SOME INVEST- MENT QUESTIONS. 156 00:10:26,472 --> 00:10:28,474 WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT. 157 00:10:28,975 --> 00:10:31,978 YOU HELP ME DIVERSIFY MY PORTFOLIO, 158 00:10:32,478 --> 00:10:33,479 I'LL HELP DIVERSIFY YOURS. 159 00:10:39,485 --> 00:10:40,987 THAT'S THE LAST ONE. 160 00:10:41,988 --> 00:10:42,989 YOU'RE SURE? 161 00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:45,491 WELL, YEAH, FOR THE MOST PART. 162 00:10:45,491 --> 00:10:46,993 I MEAN, I'M GONNA GO BACK 163 00:10:46,993 --> 00:10:48,494 AND GET THE REST TOMORROW. 164 00:10:48,494 --> 00:10:49,495 THE REST? 165 00:10:50,997 --> 00:10:52,498 YOU GOT A LOT OF STUFF. 166 00:10:52,498 --> 00:10:53,499 WELL, YOU KNOW, IF I... 167 00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:57,503 FIND SOMETHING I LIKE, I HOLD ON TO IT, 168 00:10:57,503 --> 00:10:59,505 YOU KNOW, FOR KEEPS. 169 00:10:59,505 --> 00:11:01,507 I HOPE THAT APPLIES TO ME, I HOPE THAT APPLIES TO ME. 170 00:11:01,507 --> 00:11:03,509 I HOPE THAT APPLIES TO ME. ESPECIALLY TO YOU. 171 00:11:03,509 --> 00:11:05,011 [ Chuckling ] 172 00:11:05,511 --> 00:11:07,013 SO WHERE SHOULD I PUT IT? 173 00:11:07,013 --> 00:11:09,015 WHEREVER YOU WANT, BABY. 174 00:11:09,015 --> 00:11:10,016 I MEANT MY STUFF. 175 00:11:12,018 --> 00:11:13,519 YOU DECIDE. IT'S OUR PLACE NOW. 176 00:11:16,022 --> 00:11:17,523 GREAT. 177 00:11:17,523 --> 00:11:18,524 UM... 178 00:11:20,026 --> 00:11:21,527 BUT WHY DON'T YOU WAIT TILL TOMORROW MORNING? 179 00:11:23,029 --> 00:11:24,530 'CAUSE I GOT PLANS FOR US TONIGHT. 180 00:11:24,530 --> 00:11:25,531 OH? 181 00:11:25,531 --> 00:11:26,532 OH. OH-H. 182 00:11:26,532 --> 00:11:49,555 [ ?????? ] 183 00:11:50,056 --> 00:11:52,058 SO, YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY GETTING HOME? 184 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:55,061 YEAH, I KNOW THE WAY. 185 00:11:55,061 --> 00:11:56,062 RIGHT. 186 00:11:56,062 --> 00:12:40,606 [ ?????? ] 187 00:12:40,606 --> 00:14:01,687 [ ?????? ] 188 00:14:01,687 --> 00:14:03,189 I'M SO LUCKY. 189 00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:04,190 WHY IS THAT? 190 00:14:05,691 --> 00:14:07,693 WELL, NORMALLY ABOUT THIS TIME 191 00:14:07,693 --> 00:14:09,195 I'D BE COMING OUT OF WOODY'S, 192 00:14:09,195 --> 00:14:10,696 WAITING IN THE JEEP FOR BRIAN 193 00:14:10,696 --> 00:14:12,198 TO FINISH GETTING A BLOW JOB 194 00:14:12,198 --> 00:14:13,199 SO I COULD DRIVE HIM HOME. 195 00:14:16,202 --> 00:14:17,703 AND INSTEAD? 196 00:14:19,205 --> 00:14:21,207 AND INSTEAD I'M HERE, WITH YOU. 197 00:14:25,711 --> 00:14:27,213 I'M LUCKY TOO. 198 00:14:29,715 --> 00:14:30,716 I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL. 199 00:14:33,219 --> 00:14:42,728 [ ?????? ] 200 00:14:42,728 --> 00:14:43,729 MIKEY? 201 00:14:59,245 --> 00:15:01,247 Michael: HEY, SLEEPYHEAD. 202 00:15:01,247 --> 00:15:03,749 WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP SO EARLY? 203 00:15:03,749 --> 00:15:06,752 WELL, I COULDN'T WAIT TO UNPACK MY STUFF. 204 00:15:06,752 --> 00:15:07,753 SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? 205 00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:15,261 IT... IT'S, UH... 206 00:15:16,762 --> 00:15:17,263 IT'S GREAT. 207 00:15:20,266 --> 00:15:22,768 I... I ESPECIALLY LIKE THE, UM... 208 00:15:22,768 --> 00:15:25,271 WHERE YOU'VE... THE, UH, THE PUTTING OF, 209 00:15:25,271 --> 00:15:26,772 WHAT'S HIS NAME? 210 00:15:27,273 --> 00:15:29,275 CAPTAIN ASTRO. 211 00:15:29,275 --> 00:15:32,278 YEAH, I WASN'T SURE HOW YOU WERE GOING TO FEEL ABOUT THAT. 212 00:15:32,278 --> 00:15:33,779 OH, IT ADDS A REAL... 213 00:15:33,779 --> 00:15:36,782 UH, WHIMSICAL TOUCH. 214 00:15:38,284 --> 00:15:40,286 I'M STILL NOT SURE WHERE TO PUT MY TOY ROBOTS. 215 00:15:42,288 --> 00:15:44,290 WELL, I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND THE PERFECT PLACE. 216 00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:47,793 NOW COME ON, LET'S GO BACK TO BED. BED? 217 00:15:47,793 --> 00:15:49,795 SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK. 218 00:15:49,795 --> 00:15:51,297 IT'S SATURDAY. 219 00:15:51,797 --> 00:15:54,800 THE BIG Q NEVER CLOSES. 220 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,802 I WAS KIND OF HOPING WE'D JUST KICK BACK AND WATCH THE GAME. 221 00:15:59,305 --> 00:16:01,807 WELL, I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN INTO WATCHING THE GAME. 222 00:16:02,308 --> 00:16:03,809 [ Whirring of robot ] 223 00:16:03,809 --> 00:16:05,811 OR SATURDAYS. 224 00:16:05,811 --> 00:16:07,313 YOU HAVE SOME- THING AGAINST SATURDAYS? 225 00:16:07,313 --> 00:16:08,814 [ Chuckling ] 226 00:16:08,814 --> 00:16:11,317 WELL, THAT WAS THE DAY THAT ALL THE KIDS 227 00:16:11,317 --> 00:16:12,818 DID STUFF WITH THEIR DADS. 228 00:16:13,319 --> 00:16:15,821 AND... I DIDN'T HAVE ONE, SO... 229 00:16:17,323 --> 00:16:19,325 I KINDA DREADED SATURDAYS. 230 00:16:19,325 --> 00:16:20,326 [ Whirring of robot ] 231 00:16:23,829 --> 00:16:25,331 WELL, I CAN PROMISE YOU... 232 00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:28,834 ONLY HAPPY SATURDAYS FROM NOW ON. 233 00:16:37,343 --> 00:16:39,345 Lindsay: ANOTHER THERAPIST? 234 00:16:39,345 --> 00:16:41,847 WITH THAT ATTITUDE WE'LL GET A LOT ACCOMPLISHED. 235 00:16:41,847 --> 00:16:43,349 BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S GOT A PROBLEM. 236 00:16:43,349 --> 00:16:44,350 AND YOU DON'T? 237 00:16:44,350 --> 00:16:45,851 ONLY THE ONE YOU'RE CREATING. 238 00:16:45,851 --> 00:16:49,355 OH, CHRIST! AM I LIVING IN THIS HOUSE ALONE? 239 00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:50,856 MAYBE YOU'D BE HAPPIER IF YOU WERE. 240 00:16:50,856 --> 00:16:52,358 [ Ringing of doorbell ] 241 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,361 I'LL GET IT. 242 00:16:57,863 --> 00:16:58,864 MEET MY LATEST TRICK. 243 00:17:00,866 --> 00:17:02,368 HA. 244 00:17:02,368 --> 00:17:03,869 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE INTO BEARS. 245 00:17:03,869 --> 00:17:05,371 I THOUGHT YOU PREFERRED THE YOUNG, HAIRLESS, 246 00:17:05,871 --> 00:17:07,873 "NOT ADMITTED WITHOUT A PARENT OR GUARDIAN" TYPE. 247 00:17:07,873 --> 00:17:08,874 WHERE'S MY SON? 248 00:17:08,874 --> 00:17:11,377 OUR SON IS TAKING A NAP. 249 00:17:11,377 --> 00:17:13,879 WELL, I THOUGHT I'D DROP BY FOR DINNER. 250 00:17:13,879 --> 00:17:16,882 Melanie: IT'S 2:00 O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON. 251 00:17:16,882 --> 00:17:18,884 THEN I'LL JUST HANG OUT. HANG OUT? 252 00:17:18,884 --> 00:17:20,386 SINCE WHEN DID YOU "HANG OUT" WITH THE LIKES OF US? 253 00:17:20,886 --> 00:17:22,388 SINCE MICHAEL'S NO LONGER IN THE PICTURE. 254 00:17:22,888 --> 00:17:24,390 IT'S JUST AS WELL. 255 00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:27,393 MIKEY AND I WERE HOLDING ON TO EACH OTHER FOR TOO LONG. 256 00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:29,395 I MEAN, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, WHAT DO WE EVEN HAVE IN COMMON? 257 00:17:29,395 --> 00:17:30,396 YOUR LIVES. 258 00:17:31,897 --> 00:17:32,898 ASIDE FROM THAT. 259 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,902 ANYWAYS, IT WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST. 260 00:17:36,902 --> 00:17:39,905 THANKS TO MY DIVINE INTERVENTION, HE'S WITH THE GOOD DOCTOR NOW. 261 00:17:40,406 --> 00:17:40,906 WHERE HE BELONGS. 262 00:17:42,408 --> 00:17:44,910 LOOK, I GUESS IT'S NOT TOO LATE. 263 00:17:44,910 --> 00:17:46,412 FOR WHAT? 264 00:17:46,412 --> 00:17:47,913 TO FIX THINGS. 265 00:17:47,913 --> 00:17:49,415 SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT BROKEN. 266 00:17:52,918 --> 00:17:55,921 SO. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE PLAY A LITTLE SCRABBLE? 267 00:17:58,924 --> 00:18:00,926 Marley: I GOT THIS OFF THE INTERNET, 268 00:18:00,926 --> 00:18:02,428 WAIT'LL YOU HEAR IT. 269 00:18:02,428 --> 00:18:04,930 TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOUR HUSBAND'S GAY. 270 00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:06,432 Marley: [ Chuckling ] 271 00:18:06,432 --> 00:18:08,434 NUMBER ONE: AT YOUR WEDDING, 272 00:18:08,934 --> 00:18:11,437 HE KISSES THE BEST MAN IN- STEAD OF YOU. 273 00:18:11,437 --> 00:18:12,438 Others: [ Laughing ] 274 00:18:12,938 --> 00:18:14,440 NUMBER TWO: FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY, 275 00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:16,442 HE BRINGS YOU FLOWERS, 276 00:18:16,442 --> 00:18:17,943 AND ARRANGES THEM. 277 00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:19,445 [ Laughter ] 278 00:18:19,445 --> 00:18:20,446 NUMBER THREE... 279 00:18:22,448 --> 00:18:23,449 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 280 00:18:23,449 --> 00:18:24,950 YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING. 281 00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:26,452 I DON'T THINK IT'S VERY FUNNY, THAT'S ALL. 282 00:18:27,953 --> 00:18:29,955 WELL, I THINK IT'S A SCREAM. 283 00:18:29,955 --> 00:18:30,956 DON'T YOU, MIKE? 284 00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:33,959 UH, I WASN'T REALLY LISTENING. 285 00:18:39,465 --> 00:18:41,967 YOU'RE ENTITLED TO THINK WHATEVER YOU WANT, 286 00:18:41,967 --> 00:18:43,469 AND SO AM I. 287 00:18:43,469 --> 00:18:44,970 AND WHAT I THINK IS THAT... 288 00:18:46,472 --> 00:18:47,973 PEOPLE WHO LAUGH AT JOKES 289 00:18:47,973 --> 00:18:49,475 THAT MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE, 290 00:18:49,475 --> 00:18:51,477 WHOEVER THEY ARE, 291 00:18:51,977 --> 00:18:52,978 ARE IGNORANT AND CRUEL. 292 00:18:57,483 --> 00:18:58,484 WHAT'S HER PROBLEM? 293 00:19:08,494 --> 00:19:09,995 MR. NOVOTNY? 294 00:19:11,497 --> 00:19:12,998 YES, TRACY? 295 00:19:12,998 --> 00:19:15,501 I WANTED TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING. 296 00:19:15,501 --> 00:19:17,002 WHAT? 297 00:19:17,002 --> 00:19:18,003 TWO WEEKS NOTICE. 298 00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:22,007 I GOT A JOB AT THE BIG DOLLAR MART. 299 00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:26,512 I SHOULD REALLY GET BACK, MY BREAK'S OVER. 300 00:19:43,028 --> 00:19:44,029 I'M NOT INTERESTED. 301 00:19:46,532 --> 00:19:48,033 BRIAN, HEY. 302 00:19:48,033 --> 00:19:49,535 HOW'S IT GOING? 303 00:19:49,535 --> 00:19:51,537 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 304 00:19:51,537 --> 00:19:53,539 TO TELL YOU WHAT A GREAT TIME WE HAD LAST NIGHT. 305 00:19:53,539 --> 00:19:56,041 I WAS BORED OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND. 306 00:19:58,043 --> 00:19:59,545 YEAH, WELL, UH, YOU KNOW 307 00:19:59,545 --> 00:20:01,046 THAT'S THE SIGN OF TRUE FRIENDSHIP. 308 00:20:01,046 --> 00:20:02,548 YOU KNOW, THAT IT CAN, UH, ACCOMMODATE 309 00:20:02,548 --> 00:20:04,049 VASTLY DIVERGENT POINTS OF VIEW. 310 00:20:04,049 --> 00:20:05,050 [ Chuckling ] 311 00:20:09,054 --> 00:20:10,055 I'M NOT INTERESTED. 312 00:20:15,561 --> 00:20:17,062 YOU KNOW, UH, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, 313 00:20:17,062 --> 00:20:18,564 HOW MANY GUYS HIT ON YOU A NIGHT? 314 00:20:20,566 --> 00:20:22,067 GIVE OR TAKE, 112. 315 00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:23,569 I DON'T KNOW. 316 00:20:23,569 --> 00:20:25,571 AMAZING. 317 00:20:25,571 --> 00:20:26,572 AND I ONLY NEED ONE. 318 00:20:30,075 --> 00:20:32,077 I'M NOT... INTERESTED. 319 00:20:34,079 --> 00:20:36,081 [ Clearing of throat ] UH, EXCUSE ME. UM... 320 00:20:38,083 --> 00:20:39,084 YOU KNOW, UH... 321 00:20:40,085 --> 00:20:42,588 TAX SEASON IS COMING UP, AND, UH... 322 00:20:42,588 --> 00:20:45,090 YOU DON'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN. 323 00:20:56,602 --> 00:20:57,603 I'M MATT. 324 00:20:58,604 --> 00:21:00,606 OF COURSE YOU ARE. 325 00:21:01,106 --> 00:21:04,610 YOU'RE ALWAYS MATT, OR SCOTT, 326 00:21:04,610 --> 00:21:06,111 OR... OR TODD... 327 00:21:07,112 --> 00:21:08,614 OR SOME OTHER WONDERFUL, 328 00:21:08,614 --> 00:21:10,115 ONE SYLLABLE NAME. 329 00:21:11,617 --> 00:21:12,618 I'D OFFER TO BUY YOU A DRINK, 330 00:21:12,618 --> 00:21:14,620 BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU DON'T NEED ANOTHER. 331 00:21:14,620 --> 00:21:16,121 SOMETHING TELLS ME... 332 00:21:17,623 --> 00:21:18,624 YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT. 333 00:21:21,627 --> 00:21:23,128 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 334 00:21:23,629 --> 00:21:25,631 I'M GOING TO GO HOME. 335 00:21:25,631 --> 00:21:27,132 IT'S ALWAYS NICER TO VOMIT 336 00:21:27,132 --> 00:21:28,133 IN YOUR OWN TOILET. 337 00:21:31,637 --> 00:21:33,138 MAYBE I'D BETTER GIVE YOU A HAND. 338 00:21:35,140 --> 00:21:36,642 THANK YOU. 339 00:21:36,642 --> 00:21:38,644 Matt: MAYBE YOU'RE JUST RE- EVALUATING YOUR LIFE, 340 00:21:39,144 --> 00:21:40,145 QUESTIONING YOUR CHOICES, 341 00:21:40,145 --> 00:21:43,148 WONDERING IF THERE'S SOME- THING BETTER. 342 00:21:43,148 --> 00:21:44,650 YEAH. 343 00:21:44,650 --> 00:21:47,152 YEAH, THAT'S IT EXACTLY. 344 00:21:47,152 --> 00:21:49,154 HOW'D YOU KNOW? 345 00:21:49,154 --> 00:21:51,657 'CAUSE I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT. 346 00:21:51,657 --> 00:21:53,158 AND SEEING HOW MISERABLE YOU LOOKED AT THE BAR 347 00:21:53,659 --> 00:21:55,661 MADE ME THINK MAYBE YOU NEEDED TO SEE IT TOO. 348 00:21:58,163 --> 00:21:59,665 WHAT'S THIS? 349 00:21:59,665 --> 00:22:00,666 A GROUP I BELONG TO. 350 00:22:02,167 --> 00:22:05,170 HMM, I DON'T DO VERY WELL IN GROUPS. 351 00:22:05,170 --> 00:22:07,172 I GOT THROWN OUT OF THE CUB SCOUTS FIRST WEEK. 352 00:22:07,172 --> 00:22:10,175 I MADE A FABULOUS NECKLACE OUT OF SLIP KNOTS. 353 00:22:10,175 --> 00:22:11,677 EVERYONE'S WELCOME IN THIS GROUP. 354 00:22:11,677 --> 00:22:13,679 AND IT'S ALL PEOPLE LIKE US. 355 00:22:13,679 --> 00:22:15,180 LIKE US? 356 00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:17,182 PEOPLE WHO ARE QUESTIONING AND EVALUATING. 357 00:22:18,684 --> 00:22:21,186 WHY DON'T YOU COME TO ONE OF OUR MEETINGS? 358 00:22:21,186 --> 00:22:22,688 ALL YOU'VE GOT TO LOSE IS YOUR PAIN. 359 00:22:22,688 --> 00:22:35,701 [ ?????? ] 360 00:22:35,701 --> 00:22:37,703 YOU MAKE A LOT OF TIPS. 361 00:22:37,703 --> 00:22:39,204 THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M CUTE. 362 00:22:39,204 --> 00:22:41,206 YEAH, AND CONCEITED. 363 00:22:41,206 --> 00:22:43,709 I COULD FUCK PRACTICALLY ANYONE I WANTED. 364 00:22:43,709 --> 00:22:44,710 SO WHY DON'T YOU? 365 00:22:49,214 --> 00:22:50,716 [ Sighing ] 366 00:22:50,716 --> 00:22:51,717 NEVER MIND. 367 00:22:51,717 --> 00:22:53,218 THE ANSWER JUST WALKED IN THE DOOR. 368 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,722 HEY. 369 00:22:56,722 --> 00:22:57,723 HOW'S IT GOING? 370 00:22:58,223 --> 00:22:59,725 [ Snorting ] WHAT, YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW? 371 00:23:00,225 --> 00:23:01,226 WELL, I ASKED, DIDN'T I? 372 00:23:04,229 --> 00:23:05,731 EVERYTHING'S FINE. 373 00:23:06,231 --> 00:23:07,232 GOOD. 374 00:23:08,734 --> 00:23:09,735 WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? 375 00:23:12,237 --> 00:23:13,238 HUH? 376 00:23:13,739 --> 00:23:16,742 ARE THESE PARTICULARLY HARD QUESTIONS? 377 00:23:17,743 --> 00:23:19,244 DO YOU WANT TO COME OVER AFTER WORK? 378 00:23:21,747 --> 00:23:23,248 REALLY? 379 00:23:25,250 --> 00:23:26,251 SURE. 380 00:23:26,251 --> 00:23:27,753 I'LL HAVE A TURKEY SANDWICH, 381 00:23:27,753 --> 00:23:30,255 ON WHOLE GRAIN, NO MAYO. TO GO. 382 00:23:34,259 --> 00:23:35,761 DO YOU REALIZE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME 383 00:23:35,761 --> 00:23:37,262 HE'S EVER ASKED ME TO COME OVER? 384 00:23:37,262 --> 00:23:38,764 SO WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS? 385 00:23:47,272 --> 00:23:48,774 IT MEANS HE MISSES MICHAEL. 386 00:23:49,775 --> 00:23:51,276 [ Sighing ] ARE THOSE GUYS REALLY 387 00:23:51,276 --> 00:23:52,778 NEVER GOING TO TALK TO EACH OTHER AGAIN? 388 00:23:54,279 --> 00:23:55,781 LOOKS THAT WAY. 389 00:23:56,281 --> 00:23:57,282 SO WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO HIM? 390 00:23:59,785 --> 00:24:00,285 ME? 391 00:24:00,786 --> 00:24:01,787 WELL, I THOUGHT YOU LOVED BRIAN. 392 00:24:02,287 --> 00:24:04,289 AND YOU'RE STAYING IN MICHAEL'S BEDROOM, 393 00:24:04,289 --> 00:24:05,791 WHICH MAKES YOU, LIKE, THE MISSING LINK. 394 00:24:07,793 --> 00:24:08,794 WELL, GO ON. 395 00:24:15,801 --> 00:24:17,302 HEY, BOY WONDER, UH... 396 00:24:17,302 --> 00:24:19,805 A COUPLE OF LEMON SQUARES. TO GO. 397 00:24:19,805 --> 00:24:20,806 SURE. 398 00:24:31,316 --> 00:24:32,818 AREN'T YOU GOING TO TALK TO HIM? 399 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:36,321 WHAT FOR? 400 00:24:36,321 --> 00:24:37,823 HE'S RIGHT THERE. 401 00:24:37,823 --> 00:24:38,824 STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT. 402 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:55,340 YOU GUYS SHOULD TALK. 403 00:24:55,841 --> 00:24:56,842 YOU SHOULD MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. 404 00:24:57,342 --> 00:24:58,844 BUT HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND. 405 00:24:58,844 --> 00:25:00,846 JUST GIVE ME THE LEMON SQUARES. 406 00:25:00,846 --> 00:25:02,347 HEY, WHERE'S MY ORDER? 407 00:25:06,351 --> 00:25:07,853 THIS IS A TURKEY SANDWICH. 408 00:25:09,354 --> 00:25:10,856 THESE ARE LEMON SQUARES. 409 00:25:30,876 --> 00:25:32,878 HONEY, I'M HOME! 410 00:25:32,878 --> 00:25:34,379 GOD, I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT. 411 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,381 HEY, I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU COMING IN. 412 00:25:37,883 --> 00:25:39,885 AND HONEY, YOU REALLY ARE HOME. 413 00:25:39,885 --> 00:25:42,387 YEAH, I PICKED THESE UP FOR DESERT. 414 00:25:42,387 --> 00:25:43,388 HOW WAS THE... 415 00:25:44,389 --> 00:25:45,390 GAME? 416 00:25:48,393 --> 00:25:50,395 PENGUINS LOST IN OVERTIME. 417 00:25:50,395 --> 00:25:51,897 THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL. 418 00:25:53,398 --> 00:25:54,900 THE PLACE LOOKS DIFFERENT. 419 00:25:55,901 --> 00:25:57,402 YEAH, WELL I... 420 00:25:58,904 --> 00:26:00,906 I PUT A FEW THINGS AWAY. 421 00:26:01,406 --> 00:26:02,908 YEAH, LIKE... ALL MY STUFF. 422 00:26:04,910 --> 00:26:08,413 OH, WELL IT WAS A BIT, UH, CLUTTERED. 423 00:26:11,416 --> 00:26:13,418 HOW WAS YOUR DAY? MY DAY? MY... 424 00:26:13,418 --> 00:26:14,920 MY DAY WAS COMPELLING. 425 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,923 CHOCK FULL OF EVENT. WE GOT A NEW HANDICAP RAMP, AND... 426 00:26:17,923 --> 00:26:21,426 FAT MARLEY REGALED US WITH HER WITTY REPER- TOIRE OF FAG JOKES. 427 00:26:21,426 --> 00:26:23,929 [ Chuckling ] WHAT DID YOU DO? 428 00:26:24,429 --> 00:26:26,431 I TOLD HER I'M AN OUT-AND- PROUD HOMOSEXUAL, 429 00:26:26,431 --> 00:26:28,433 AND IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT SHE CAN SUCK MY DICK. 430 00:26:28,433 --> 00:26:29,434 [ Laughing ] 431 00:26:30,936 --> 00:26:31,937 I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. 432 00:26:33,438 --> 00:26:34,940 TRACY DID. 433 00:26:34,940 --> 00:26:35,941 SHE STOOD RIGHT UP TO HER. 434 00:26:37,943 --> 00:26:39,444 GOOD. SO SHE'S STILL YOUR FRIEND. 435 00:26:41,446 --> 00:26:42,447 I WOULDN'T SAY THAT. 436 00:26:44,449 --> 00:26:46,451 HEY, WELL ONE GOOD THING CAME OUT OF WHAT BRIAN DID. 437 00:26:48,954 --> 00:26:50,956 IT MADE YOU REALIZE THAT YOU BELONG HERE WITH ME. 438 00:26:52,958 --> 00:26:54,960 TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET, GET READY FOR DINNER. 439 00:27:07,973 --> 00:27:09,975 Justin: ONE SPOONFUL LEFT. 440 00:27:09,975 --> 00:27:10,976 YOU WANT IT? 441 00:27:11,977 --> 00:27:12,978 NO, IT'LL MEAN 10 MORE MINUTES 442 00:27:12,978 --> 00:27:14,980 ON THE STAIRMASTER. 443 00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:15,981 COME ON. 444 00:27:16,481 --> 00:27:18,483 I WANT TO SEE YOU LICK IT OFF THE SPOON. 445 00:27:33,999 --> 00:27:36,501 MMM, ICE CREAM KISS. 446 00:27:39,004 --> 00:27:41,506 YOU SHOULD EAT MORE, YOU KNOW. 447 00:27:41,506 --> 00:27:43,008 MY MOM SAYS YOU'RE TOO SKINNY. 448 00:27:44,509 --> 00:27:46,511 YOUR MOM? MM-HMM. 449 00:27:46,511 --> 00:27:48,513 SHE DOESN'T COMPLETELY HATE YOU, YOU KNOW. 450 00:27:50,515 --> 00:27:52,517 I TOLD HER YOU WERE ALWAYS SKINNY, 451 00:27:52,517 --> 00:27:55,020 EVEN WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL. 452 00:27:55,020 --> 00:27:57,522 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I LOOKED LIKE IN HIGH SCHOOL. 453 00:27:57,522 --> 00:27:59,024 I LIVE IN MICHAEL'S OLD ROOM, REMEMBER? 454 00:28:00,525 --> 00:28:02,527 WITH ALL HIS OLD HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOKS. 455 00:28:02,527 --> 00:28:04,029 PICTURES OF YOU. 456 00:28:04,029 --> 00:28:05,530 [ Chuckling ] 457 00:28:05,530 --> 00:28:07,032 YOU WERE A GEEK. 458 00:28:07,032 --> 00:28:08,533 I WAS NEVER A GEEK. 459 00:28:08,533 --> 00:28:10,535 THEN EXPLAIN CHEMISTRY CLUB. 460 00:28:11,036 --> 00:28:13,538 THAT'S WHERE I LEARNED TO BUILD THE BOMB TO BLOW UP THE SCHOOL. 461 00:28:13,538 --> 00:28:15,540 [ Laughing ] 462 00:28:15,540 --> 00:28:18,043 BUT MIKEY TALKED ME OUT OF IT. 463 00:28:18,043 --> 00:28:19,544 GOOD THING HE WAS AROUND. 464 00:28:23,048 --> 00:28:24,549 I BET YOU WISH HE WAS HERE RIGHT NOW. 465 00:28:24,549 --> 00:28:26,551 WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HIM? 466 00:28:28,053 --> 00:28:30,055 I BET YOU'RE SECRETLY WISHING 467 00:28:30,055 --> 00:28:32,057 THAT THE PHONE WOULD RING AND IT WOULD BE HIM... 468 00:28:32,057 --> 00:28:33,558 I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP. 469 00:28:38,563 --> 00:28:39,564 HIS LIFE... 470 00:28:41,066 --> 00:28:42,567 WAS JUST GOING TO HANG THERE LIKE SOME SHIRT 471 00:28:42,567 --> 00:28:45,070 IN THE CLOSET YOU NEVER WEAR. 472 00:28:45,070 --> 00:28:46,571 SO YOU PUSHED HIM AWAY. 473 00:28:46,571 --> 00:28:49,074 IT WAS THE ONLY COURSE OF ACTION. 474 00:28:49,074 --> 00:28:51,576 YEAH, BUT NOW HE HATES YOU. 475 00:28:51,576 --> 00:28:53,078 THAT'S OKAY. AS LONG AS MIKEY'S HAPPY. 476 00:28:55,580 --> 00:28:58,083 GOD, YOU MUST REALLY LOVE HIM. 477 00:29:01,586 --> 00:29:03,588 I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO. [ Chuckling ] 478 00:29:05,090 --> 00:29:06,591 IT ALWAYS IS. 479 00:29:08,593 --> 00:29:11,096 LUCKILY, YOU CAN'T PUSH ME AWAY. 480 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:16,601 I'M ON TO YOU. 481 00:29:32,117 --> 00:29:51,636 [ ?????? ] 482 00:29:51,636 --> 00:29:53,638 EMMETT, YOU CAME. 483 00:29:53,638 --> 00:29:54,639 IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. 484 00:29:55,140 --> 00:29:57,142 Man: HI, I'M TY AND I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT. 485 00:29:57,142 --> 00:29:58,643 COME ON, LET'S GO. 486 00:29:58,643 --> 00:30:00,145 Group: HI, TY. 487 00:30:00,145 --> 00:30:02,647 OUR FIRST SPEAKER TONIGHT IS GINGER. 488 00:30:02,647 --> 00:30:04,649 AND SHE WAS FORMERLY IN THE DARK, 489 00:30:05,150 --> 00:30:06,651 BUT NOW SHE'S... 490 00:30:06,651 --> 00:30:07,652 Group: SEEN THE LIGHT. 491 00:30:11,156 --> 00:30:14,159 BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I, UH, USED TO BE A LESBIAN. 492 00:30:14,159 --> 00:30:15,660 USED TO BE? 493 00:30:15,660 --> 00:30:17,662 BUT THANKS TO TY AND 494 00:30:17,662 --> 00:30:19,164 EVERY BEAUTIFUL PERSON HERE, 495 00:30:19,164 --> 00:30:21,666 I'VE SHED MY FORMER CORRUPT SELF 496 00:30:21,666 --> 00:30:26,671 AND BECOME THE NEW, PURIFIED HETEROSEXUAL ME. 497 00:30:26,671 --> 00:30:27,672 [ Clapping ] 498 00:30:31,676 --> 00:30:32,677 AS YOU CAN SEE, 499 00:30:32,677 --> 00:30:35,180 THE ONLY THING THAT COMES OUT HERE IS THE TRUTH. 500 00:30:35,180 --> 00:30:37,682 YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THIS WAS A COMEDY CLUB. EMMETT. 501 00:30:37,682 --> 00:30:40,685 I CAN TELL YOU, AND GINGER CAN TELL YOU, 502 00:30:40,685 --> 00:30:44,189 THAT WHAT YOU'RE ALL HOPING AND PRAYING FOR 503 00:30:44,689 --> 00:30:46,691 IS NOT AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM. 504 00:30:46,691 --> 00:30:48,693 IT CAN COME TRUE FOR YOU, 505 00:30:48,693 --> 00:30:51,696 THE SAME WAY IT'S COME TRUE FOR US. 506 00:30:52,197 --> 00:30:54,699 YOU CAN CHANGE, YOU CAN CHANGE, 507 00:30:54,699 --> 00:30:56,701 Group: YOU CAN CHANGE. 508 00:30:56,701 --> 00:30:58,703 I'D START WITH THOSE SHOES. 509 00:31:02,707 --> 00:31:03,708 YOU. 510 00:31:05,210 --> 00:31:06,711 UH, M-ME? 511 00:31:06,711 --> 00:31:07,712 YOU'VE GOT YOUR DOUBTS, DON'T YOU? 512 00:31:09,714 --> 00:31:12,217 WELL, LET ME ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS. 513 00:31:12,217 --> 00:31:14,719 DO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS OBSESS ABOUT YOUR BODIES 514 00:31:14,719 --> 00:31:16,221 AND THE BODIES OF OTHER MEN? 515 00:31:17,222 --> 00:31:18,223 CHECK OUT HIS PECS. 516 00:31:18,223 --> 00:31:19,724 THEY'RE, LIKE, PERFECT. 517 00:31:19,724 --> 00:31:21,726 THEY'RE, LIKE, IMPLANTS. 518 00:31:21,726 --> 00:31:24,729 DO YOUR CONVER- SATIONS CENTRE AROUND TRIVIALITIES? 519 00:31:24,729 --> 00:31:27,732 SUCH AS, MOVIE STARS? 520 00:31:27,732 --> 00:31:30,235 DID YOU HEAR THAT CHER HAD HER PUSSY TIGHTENED? 521 00:31:30,235 --> 00:31:31,736 WHERE'D YOU READ THAT? "THE ENQUIRER" 522 00:31:32,237 --> 00:31:33,238 OR "POPULAR MECHANICS"? 523 00:31:33,738 --> 00:31:35,740 ARE YOUR DAYS AND NIGHTS SPENT AT THE GYM 524 00:31:35,740 --> 00:31:37,242 AND IN BARS? 525 00:31:37,242 --> 00:31:40,245 GOING HOME WITH MEN WHOSE NAMES YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW? 526 00:31:40,245 --> 00:31:44,749 SO HE'S COMING AND HE'S GOING, "FRED, FRED!" 527 00:31:44,749 --> 00:31:46,751 [ Laughing ] FRED, WHO'S FRED? 528 00:31:46,751 --> 00:31:49,754 IF SO, MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF, 529 00:31:49,754 --> 00:31:52,257 "IS THIS THE LIFE I WANT FOR ME?" 530 00:31:52,257 --> 00:31:54,759 "IS THIS THE LIFE GOD WANTS FOR ME?" 531 00:31:57,262 --> 00:31:58,763 "IS THERE A BETTER LIFE?" 532 00:32:02,767 --> 00:32:04,269 David: YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING? 533 00:32:04,769 --> 00:32:06,771 YEAH, MY BEACH BALL ALARM CLOCK. 534 00:32:10,775 --> 00:32:14,779 THIS CLOCK IS FROM THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART DESIGN COLLECTION. 535 00:32:17,282 --> 00:32:18,783 I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS IS MY PLACE TOO. 536 00:32:19,284 --> 00:32:20,785 IT IS. 537 00:32:20,785 --> 00:32:22,287 WELL, HOW COME I DON'T SEE ANY OF MY THINGS? 538 00:32:28,793 --> 00:32:30,795 MICHAEL, UH, YOU KNOW, YOUR THINGS, 539 00:32:31,796 --> 00:32:33,298 YOUR TOYS? THEY'RE, THEY'RE... 540 00:32:33,298 --> 00:32:35,800 THEY'RE CUTE, THEY'RE CUTE LIKE YOU. 541 00:32:36,301 --> 00:32:38,303 BUT YOU KNOW, THEY S... 542 00:32:38,303 --> 00:32:39,304 THEY SORT OF DON'T BELONG. 543 00:32:43,808 --> 00:32:46,311 LET ME EXPLAIN IT BY SAYING THAT... 544 00:32:46,311 --> 00:32:48,813 THIS IS AN ARCHITECTURAL HOUSE. 545 00:32:49,314 --> 00:32:51,316 EVERYTHING HAS ITS PLACE. 546 00:32:51,316 --> 00:32:53,318 SO, IF YOU CLUTTER IT UP, 547 00:32:53,318 --> 00:32:54,819 IT RUINS THE AESTHETIC. 548 00:32:54,819 --> 00:32:57,322 OH, SO I'M "CLUTTERING IT UP". 549 00:32:57,322 --> 00:32:58,323 NO! OH... 550 00:32:59,324 --> 00:33:00,825 I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY. 551 00:33:01,326 --> 00:33:03,828 THEY'RE NOT JUST TOYS. 552 00:33:03,828 --> 00:33:05,330 OKAY, SOME OF THEM ARE COLLECTOR'S ITEMS, 553 00:33:05,330 --> 00:33:07,332 LIKE MY JAPANESE ROBOTS. 554 00:33:07,332 --> 00:33:09,834 OR... OR MY BAKELITE BATMOBILE. 555 00:33:09,834 --> 00:33:11,336 THAT WAS MADE DURING WORLD WAR TWO, 556 00:33:11,336 --> 00:33:13,338 WHEN METAL WAS SCARCE. 557 00:33:14,839 --> 00:33:18,843 AND... EVEN IF THEY WERE WORTHLESS, 558 00:33:20,845 --> 00:33:24,349 THEY WOULD STILL BE WORTH SOMETHING TO ME. 559 00:33:24,349 --> 00:33:25,850 BECAUSE I LOVE THEM. 560 00:33:28,853 --> 00:33:29,854 I KIND OF THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT. 561 00:33:44,369 --> 00:33:45,870 [ Panting ] LOOK, I JUST, 562 00:33:45,870 --> 00:33:48,373 I JUST GOT YOUR PHONE CALL. 563 00:33:48,373 --> 00:33:50,375 I LIT-LITERALLY RAN OVER HERE. 564 00:33:50,375 --> 00:33:52,377 SO, WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY? 565 00:33:52,377 --> 00:33:53,878 HIM. 566 00:33:53,878 --> 00:33:55,880 HE'S HERE EVERY DAY NOW, SHOWING UP FOR MEALS. 567 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:57,882 WE'RE SUDDENLY ONE BIG HAPPY FUCKING FAMILY. 568 00:33:58,883 --> 00:33:59,884 I DON'T KNOW, 569 00:34:00,385 --> 00:34:02,387 I SENSE SOME TENSION BETWEEN YOU AND MEL. 570 00:34:02,887 --> 00:34:03,888 [ Chuckling ] 571 00:34:04,389 --> 00:34:07,392 WELL, SHE BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING. 572 00:34:07,392 --> 00:34:08,393 INCLUDING YOU. 573 00:34:10,395 --> 00:34:13,398 YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT YOUR PROMISE TO GIVE HER GUS. 574 00:34:13,398 --> 00:34:15,400 IF SHE WANTS A KID, SHE CAN HAVE ONE OF HER OWN. 575 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:16,401 NO, SHE CAN'T. 576 00:34:17,902 --> 00:34:19,904 GUS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERS AND MINE. 577 00:34:19,904 --> 00:34:21,406 NOT YOURS AND MINE. 578 00:34:23,408 --> 00:34:24,909 Ted: WELL, LINDSAY'S ALWAYS COMPLAINING 579 00:34:24,909 --> 00:34:26,411 HE NEVER SPENDS ENOUGH TIME WITH GUS. 580 00:34:26,911 --> 00:34:27,912 OH, YOU'RE A BIG HELP. 581 00:34:28,413 --> 00:34:29,414 CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING? 582 00:34:29,414 --> 00:34:30,415 LIKE WHAT? 583 00:34:30,915 --> 00:34:31,916 LIKE GET HIM AND MICHAEL BACK TOGETHER 584 00:34:31,916 --> 00:34:33,918 SO HE WILL LEAVE US ALONE. 585 00:34:33,918 --> 00:34:35,920 ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU EVEN MENTION MICHAEL'S NAME, 586 00:34:36,421 --> 00:34:37,422 HE'LL TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF. 587 00:34:37,922 --> 00:34:39,424 YEAH? WELL THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DO TO HIM. 588 00:34:39,424 --> 00:34:40,925 SHE ALSO THINKS I'VE TURNED INTO 589 00:34:40,925 --> 00:34:43,928 THIS COLD, UNRESPONSIVE BITCH. 590 00:34:44,429 --> 00:34:44,929 HAVE YOU? 591 00:34:47,432 --> 00:34:48,433 MAYBE A LITTLE. 592 00:34:49,934 --> 00:34:51,936 WELL THEN YOU SHOULD FIND YOURSELF SOME NICE, 593 00:34:51,936 --> 00:34:54,939 FUZZY LEZZIE WITH A THERAPIST'S LICENSE AND WORK IT OUT. 594 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:56,441 THAT'S WHAT MEL WANTS. 595 00:34:57,942 --> 00:34:58,943 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 596 00:35:01,446 --> 00:35:02,447 I WANT... 597 00:35:03,448 --> 00:35:05,450 I... [ Sighing ] 598 00:35:09,454 --> 00:35:10,455 [ Clearing of throat ] 599 00:35:10,455 --> 00:35:11,956 I WANT A BAGEL. 600 00:35:11,956 --> 00:35:13,958 AND AFTER THAT, I DON'T KNOW. 601 00:35:13,958 --> 00:35:14,959 ALL I KNOW IS THAT... 602 00:35:17,962 --> 00:35:19,964 IF I TALK, I MIGHT SAY SOMETHING I REGRET. 603 00:35:21,466 --> 00:35:23,468 IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR YOU. 604 00:35:23,968 --> 00:35:25,470 LET OUT SOME OF THOSE NASTY DEMONS. 605 00:35:25,470 --> 00:35:26,971 BUT I'M NOT LIKE THAT. 606 00:35:26,971 --> 00:35:28,473 SEE, I'M A WASP. 607 00:35:28,473 --> 00:35:29,974 FROM A FAMILY OF WASPS. 608 00:35:31,976 --> 00:35:34,479 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I-I'LL TAKE HIM TO THE TEA-DANCE AT WOODY'S. 609 00:35:34,479 --> 00:35:35,480 GREAT IDEA. 610 00:35:35,980 --> 00:35:37,482 THANKS, TEDDY. YEAH. 611 00:35:37,482 --> 00:35:39,984 I'M NOT REALLY DOING IT FOR YOU, YOU KNOW. 612 00:35:39,984 --> 00:35:40,985 HANGING WITH BRIAN... 613 00:35:42,487 --> 00:35:44,489 BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO MY SEX LIFE. 614 00:35:45,990 --> 00:35:48,493 Man: [ On P.A. ] VIDEO TAPE SPECIAL TODAY, 10 PACK... 615 00:35:48,493 --> 00:35:49,494 SEE YA, MARLEY. 616 00:35:49,994 --> 00:35:50,495 BYE, TRACE. 617 00:35:55,500 --> 00:35:56,000 BYE, MR. NOVOTNY. 618 00:36:00,505 --> 00:36:01,005 TRACY! 619 00:36:03,508 --> 00:36:05,510 YES, MR. NOVOTNY? 620 00:36:05,510 --> 00:36:08,012 WOULD YOU STOP CALLING ME THAT, PLEASE? 621 00:36:08,012 --> 00:36:10,014 WHAT SHOULD I CALL YOU? 622 00:36:10,014 --> 00:36:12,517 WELL, I'M SURE YOU COULD THINK OF A FEW THINGS. 623 00:36:13,518 --> 00:36:14,519 I HAVE TO GO. 624 00:36:16,020 --> 00:36:18,022 YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR JOB. 625 00:36:18,022 --> 00:36:21,025 IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE BIG DOLLAR MART? 626 00:36:21,025 --> 00:36:24,028 WELL, IT'S NOT EXACTLY THE BIG Q. 627 00:36:24,028 --> 00:36:26,030 NO, BUT AT LEAST PEOPLE SEEM HONEST THERE. 628 00:36:29,534 --> 00:36:32,036 YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU BEING GAY, DON'T YOU? 629 00:36:34,038 --> 00:36:37,041 WELL, I ADMIT, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN AT FIRST. 630 00:36:38,543 --> 00:36:40,545 BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT ANY MORE. 631 00:36:40,545 --> 00:36:43,047 WHETHER YOU'RE GAY OR YOU'RE STRAIGHT, 632 00:36:43,047 --> 00:36:44,549 I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. 633 00:36:44,549 --> 00:36:46,551 WE ARE. WELL, FRIENDS TRUST EACH OTHER. 634 00:36:48,553 --> 00:36:50,054 WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU TOLD ME? 635 00:36:50,555 --> 00:36:52,056 THAT I'D TELL EVERYONE AT THE STORE? 636 00:36:54,058 --> 00:36:55,560 I WOULDN'T HAVE, MIKE. 637 00:36:57,061 --> 00:36:58,062 DON'T YOU KNOW THAT? 638 00:37:00,064 --> 00:37:00,565 I SHOULD'VE. 639 00:37:02,567 --> 00:37:05,069 BUT WHEN YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE LIFE KEEPING IT A SECRET... 640 00:37:06,571 --> 00:37:09,073 WHO YOU REALLY ARE, 641 00:37:09,574 --> 00:37:11,075 YOU LEARN TO STOP TRUSTING PEOPLE 642 00:37:11,075 --> 00:37:13,077 AND IT BECOMES SECOND NATURE. 643 00:37:16,581 --> 00:37:18,082 IT KILLS ME THAT I HURT YOU, TRACE, 644 00:37:18,082 --> 00:37:20,084 AND I'D DO ANYTHING TO TAKE THAT BACK. 645 00:37:22,086 --> 00:37:24,088 I KNOW I DON'T DESERVE TO ASK THIS... 646 00:37:26,090 --> 00:37:28,092 BUT DO YOU THINK WE COULD STILL BE FRIENDS? 647 00:37:30,094 --> 00:37:32,096 DO YOU THINK WE COULD BE FRIENDS? 648 00:37:36,601 --> 00:37:40,104 WELL, WHY DON'T WE GO HAVE A CUP OF BIG Q COFFEE AND FIND OUT? 649 00:37:41,606 --> 00:37:42,607 I'D LIKE THAT. 650 00:37:42,607 --> 00:37:43,608 BUT I-I REALLY DO HAVE TO GO. 651 00:37:45,109 --> 00:37:46,110 I HAVE A DATE. 652 00:37:48,112 --> 00:37:49,113 IS HE STRAIGHT? 653 00:37:50,114 --> 00:37:51,616 [ Snorting ] [ Chuckling ] 654 00:37:51,616 --> 00:37:53,618 [ Cooing ] 655 00:37:54,118 --> 00:37:54,619 [ Giggling ] 656 00:38:00,625 --> 00:38:03,127 AT LAST, NOW WE HAVE THE HOUSE TO OURSELF, 657 00:38:03,127 --> 00:38:04,128 ALONE. 658 00:38:08,132 --> 00:38:12,136 OH, BY THE WAY, JANET AND THAT DICKHEAD HUSBAND OF HERS, 659 00:38:12,136 --> 00:38:13,638 THEY FINALLY SENT US A CARD 660 00:38:13,638 --> 00:38:15,640 CONGRATULATING US ON GUS. 661 00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,141 ONLY TOOK THREE MONTHS. 662 00:38:22,146 --> 00:38:24,148 YOU EXPECT TOO MUCH, MEL. 663 00:38:24,148 --> 00:38:25,149 WHAT? 664 00:38:26,651 --> 00:38:28,653 I SAID YOU EXPECT TOO MUCH. 665 00:38:28,653 --> 00:38:32,156 THAT MY SISTER COULD AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THE BIRTH OF OUR SON? 666 00:38:32,156 --> 00:38:34,158 OF ME. 667 00:38:34,158 --> 00:38:36,160 YOU WANT ALL MY TIME, MY DEVOTION 668 00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,162 AND IF YOU DON'T GET IT, YOU THINK WE HAVE A PROBLEM. 669 00:38:39,664 --> 00:38:41,666 YOU GET ANGRY THAT I SEE THE BABY MORE THAN YOU. 670 00:38:41,666 --> 00:38:44,168 YOU BLAME ME BECAUSE BRIAN WOULDN'T GIVE YOU PARENTAL RIGHTS, 671 00:38:44,168 --> 00:38:46,671 I SUPPOSE IT'S EVEN MY FAULT THAT I CAN HAVE A CHILD AND YOU CAN'T. 672 00:38:47,171 --> 00:38:49,173 HEY, THAT'S NOT FAIR. 673 00:38:49,173 --> 00:38:51,676 I FEEL LIKE I SPEND HALF MY LIFE APOLO- GIZING TO YOU, 674 00:38:52,176 --> 00:38:54,178 TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT I LOVE YOU. 675 00:38:56,180 --> 00:38:57,682 ONLY NOTHING'S EVER ENOUGH. 676 00:39:00,184 --> 00:39:02,687 I'M STARTING TO WONDER IF ANYTHING EVER COULD BE. 677 00:39:10,695 --> 00:39:11,195 [ Sighing ] 678 00:39:19,704 --> 00:39:21,706 WELL, I ASKED YOU TO TALK, AND YOU DID. 679 00:39:30,715 --> 00:39:42,727 [ ?????? ] 680 00:39:42,727 --> 00:39:43,728 [ Groaning ] 681 00:39:46,230 --> 00:39:48,733 I TELL YOU, HANGING WITH BRIAN IS EXHAUSTING. 682 00:39:50,234 --> 00:39:53,237 BUT IT'S WORTH IT FOR THE SEX. 683 00:39:53,237 --> 00:39:55,239 YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH BRIAN? 684 00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,241 OF COURSE NOT. 685 00:39:57,241 --> 00:39:58,743 WE HAVE SYMBIOSIS. 686 00:39:58,743 --> 00:40:00,244 OH MY GOD. 687 00:40:00,244 --> 00:40:01,746 IS THERE ANYTHING THEY CAN DO? 688 00:40:01,746 --> 00:40:03,247 YOU MUSTN'T GIVE UP HOPE. 689 00:40:03,247 --> 00:40:04,749 IT'S NOT A DISEASE, 690 00:40:05,249 --> 00:40:06,751 IT'S A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. 691 00:40:06,751 --> 00:40:08,252 YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH, 692 00:40:08,753 --> 00:40:09,754 THE YELLOW TICK BIRD AND THE RHINOCEROS. 693 00:40:11,756 --> 00:40:14,258 THE YELLOW TICK BIRD FEEDS ON PARASITES 694 00:40:14,258 --> 00:40:16,761 ON THE RHINO'S SKIN, AND IN TURN, 695 00:40:16,761 --> 00:40:19,263 THE RHINO IS WARNED OF IMPENDING DANGER 696 00:40:19,263 --> 00:40:21,766 WHEN THE TICK BIRD FLIES AWAY. 697 00:40:21,766 --> 00:40:25,770 SIMILARLY, I SUPPLY BRIAN 698 00:40:25,770 --> 00:40:27,772 WITH AN OBJECT OF SCORN AND RIDICULE, 699 00:40:27,772 --> 00:40:29,774 NAMELY MYSELF, 700 00:40:29,774 --> 00:40:31,776 AND HE SUPPLIES ME 701 00:40:32,276 --> 00:40:33,778 WITH UNWANTED TICKS, 702 00:40:33,778 --> 00:40:35,279 UH, TRICKS. 703 00:40:35,780 --> 00:40:37,281 YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR CASTOFFS? 704 00:40:37,281 --> 00:40:41,285 WELL, IN BED YOU CAN'T TELL. 705 00:40:41,285 --> 00:40:42,286 THEY'RE AS GOOD AS NEW. 706 00:40:44,288 --> 00:40:48,292 TED, HAVE YOU EVER ASKED YOURSELF... 707 00:40:49,794 --> 00:40:52,797 "IS... IS GOING TO TEA-DANCES WITH BRIAN AND... 708 00:40:52,797 --> 00:40:55,299 HAVING INDIS- CRIMINATE SEX WITH COUNTLESS STRANGERS 709 00:40:55,299 --> 00:40:57,802 REALLY THE LIFE I WANT?" 710 00:40:57,802 --> 00:41:00,805 I HAVE. AND THE ANSWER IS, 711 00:41:00,805 --> 00:41:02,306 "YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS." 712 00:41:04,308 --> 00:41:05,810 HAVE YOU... HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED, 713 00:41:05,810 --> 00:41:07,812 "IS THIS THE LIFE GOD WANTS FOR ME?" 714 00:41:07,812 --> 00:41:11,816 WELL, I SUPPOSE IN HIS INFINITE WISDOM, 715 00:41:11,816 --> 00:41:13,818 HE DECIDED SOME- BODY HAD TO LIVE IN PITTSBURGH. 716 00:41:15,820 --> 00:41:17,822 HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED "IS... 717 00:41:17,822 --> 00:41:19,824 IS THERE A BETTER LIFE?" 718 00:41:20,324 --> 00:41:20,825 YEAH. 719 00:41:22,326 --> 00:41:24,328 I COULD HAVE A 10-INCH DICK AND LOOK LIKE HIM. 720 00:41:26,330 --> 00:41:27,832 WELL, WHO WOULDN'T WANT THAT? 721 00:41:33,337 --> 00:41:49,353 [ ?????? ] 722 00:41:49,353 --> 00:41:50,855 HI. 723 00:41:51,856 --> 00:41:53,357 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 724 00:41:53,357 --> 00:41:55,359 LOOKING FOR YOU. 725 00:41:55,359 --> 00:41:56,861 WELL, HOW'D YOU FIND ME? 726 00:41:56,861 --> 00:41:59,363 WELL, FIRST I ASKED YOUR MOM, THEN I CALLED DAVID. 727 00:41:59,363 --> 00:42:00,865 IS THERE ANYONE YOU DIDN'T ASK? 728 00:42:00,865 --> 00:42:02,867 THEN I ASKED BRIAN. 729 00:42:02,867 --> 00:42:03,868 WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR? 730 00:42:03,868 --> 00:42:06,370 LOOK, JUST BUTT OUT. 731 00:42:06,370 --> 00:42:07,872 I TOLD YOU BEFORE, THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 732 00:42:08,372 --> 00:42:11,876 YEAH, HE SAID THAT WHENEVER YOU FEEL SAD OR UPSET, 733 00:42:11,876 --> 00:42:13,377 THIS IS WHERE YOU COME. 734 00:42:13,878 --> 00:42:15,880 THAT JUST BEING AROUND ALL THESE COMICS 735 00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,882 BRINGS THE LIGHT INTO YOUR EYES. 736 00:42:20,384 --> 00:42:22,386 HE SAID THAT? 737 00:42:22,386 --> 00:42:24,388 I GUESS HE KNOWS YOU PRETTY WELL. 738 00:42:24,388 --> 00:42:25,389 WELL, HE DOESN'T KNOW ME ANY MORE. 739 00:42:28,893 --> 00:42:30,394 YEAH. 740 00:42:30,394 --> 00:42:32,897 THAT IS WHY HE GOT YOU THIS. 741 00:42:34,899 --> 00:42:37,902 I TOLD HIM ALREADY, I DON'T WANT HIS CRUMMY PRESENT. 742 00:42:37,902 --> 00:42:38,903 WAIT! 743 00:42:41,405 --> 00:42:42,406 HE MISSES YOU. 744 00:42:42,406 --> 00:42:43,908 HE'S MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU. 745 00:42:43,908 --> 00:42:46,410 WELL GOOD, HE DESERVES TO BE. 746 00:42:46,410 --> 00:42:48,412 HE LOVES YOU. 747 00:42:48,412 --> 00:42:49,413 HE'LL NEVER ADMIT IT, BUT HE DOES. 748 00:42:49,413 --> 00:42:50,414 BRIAN... YOU KNOW THAT. 749 00:42:50,414 --> 00:42:52,917 BRIAN DOESN'T LOVE ANYONE. 750 00:42:52,917 --> 00:42:55,920 HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN LOVE, REMEMBER? 751 00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:57,922 YOU'RE THE EXCEPTION. 752 00:42:57,922 --> 00:43:00,424 THAT'S WHY HE HURT YOU, SO YOU'D GO BACK WITH DAVID. 753 00:43:01,926 --> 00:43:03,928 HE KNEW IF HE DIDN'T, YOU'D BE WAITING FOR HIM FOREVER. 754 00:43:04,428 --> 00:43:05,429 THAT'S BULLSHIT. 755 00:43:06,931 --> 00:43:08,933 THIS WAS HIS WAY OF SAYING GOODBYE. 756 00:43:11,435 --> 00:43:13,437 Ty: WE'VE GOT SOME NEW FRIENDS TO MEET TONIGHT, 757 00:43:13,938 --> 00:43:16,440 WHOSE DARK WORLD IS ABOUT TO BE ILLUMINATED. 758 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,443 AND AFTERWARDS, I INVITE YOU ALL TO GATHER IN THE FOYER 759 00:43:19,443 --> 00:43:21,445 AND HAVE SOME INCREDIBLE BROWNIES 760 00:43:21,445 --> 00:43:23,447 BAKED BY MY INCREDIBLE WIFE. 761 00:43:24,949 --> 00:43:26,450 SO, LET'S GET STARTED. 762 00:43:30,454 --> 00:43:31,956 HI. I-I'M DON. 763 00:43:32,957 --> 00:43:34,959 Group: HI, DON. 764 00:43:34,959 --> 00:43:37,962 UM, HOW I GOT HERE IS A... A LONG STORY, 765 00:43:37,962 --> 00:43:40,464 BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE I'M HERE, 766 00:43:42,466 --> 00:43:43,467 I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT. 767 00:43:43,968 --> 00:43:44,969 Ty: GREAT! 768 00:43:44,969 --> 00:43:45,970 [ Applause ] 769 00:43:50,474 --> 00:43:52,476 HI, I'M EMMETT. 770 00:43:52,476 --> 00:43:54,478 Group: HI, EMMETT. 771 00:43:54,478 --> 00:43:56,480 AND I, UH, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT... 772 00:43:58,983 --> 00:44:00,985 I WANT TO SEE THE LIGHT, TOO. 773 00:44:00,985 --> 00:44:02,486 [ Applause ] 774 00:44:05,990 --> 00:44:37,021 [ ?????? ] 775 00:44:37,021 --> 00:44:40,024 WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE? YOU'RE MARRIED NOW. 776 00:44:40,024 --> 00:44:42,026 I CAN STILL LOOK. 777 00:44:42,026 --> 00:44:44,528 YEAH, WELL WHAT'S THE GOOD OF LOOKING IF YOU CAN'T TOUCH? 778 00:44:49,033 --> 00:44:51,035 WANT A BEER? HOW MANY HAVE YOU HAD? 779 00:44:51,035 --> 00:44:53,537 A FEW. TOO MANY. 780 00:44:53,537 --> 00:44:55,539 KEEP TRACK OF THE DOCTOR, NOT ME. 781 00:44:58,042 --> 00:45:00,044 I NEVER THANKED YOU FOR MY GIFT. 782 00:45:00,544 --> 00:45:01,545 YOUR GIFT? 783 00:45:01,545 --> 00:45:04,548 YOUR WARD TRACKED ME DOWN, INSISTED THAT I TAKE IT. 784 00:45:04,548 --> 00:45:06,550 YEAH, WELL I'LL HAVE TO PUNISH HIM SEVERELY. 785 00:45:07,551 --> 00:45:09,553 IT'S THE NEATEST THING I EVER GOT. 786 00:45:09,553 --> 00:45:10,554 I THOUGHT SO. 787 00:45:15,559 --> 00:45:16,560 YOU WANT TO DANCE? 788 00:45:24,568 --> 00:45:26,570 IT FELT WEIRD, NOT TALKING TO YOU. 789 00:45:26,570 --> 00:45:27,571 WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT. 790 00:45:27,571 --> 00:45:29,073 [ Chuckling ] 791 00:45:29,073 --> 00:45:30,574 I HEARD YOU WERE FREAKING OUT. 792 00:45:31,075 --> 00:45:32,076 YEAH, WHO TOLD YOU THAT? 793 00:45:32,576 --> 00:45:34,078 EVERYBODY, TED, LINDSAY... 794 00:45:34,078 --> 00:45:35,579 WELL, THEY'RE PATHOLOGICAL LIARS. 795 00:45:35,579 --> 00:45:36,580 I WOULDN'T TRUST THEM. 796 00:45:36,580 --> 00:45:38,082 YOU ARE SO BUSTED. 797 00:45:38,082 --> 00:45:39,083 SO, HOW'S THE HAPPY COUPLE? 798 00:45:41,085 --> 00:45:42,086 ARE YOU REALLY INTERESTED? 799 00:45:42,086 --> 00:45:43,087 NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST. 800 00:45:46,090 --> 00:45:47,091 IT'S GOING TO BE FINE. 801 00:45:47,091 --> 00:45:48,592 EXCEPT HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT SUPERMAN DIES 802 00:45:49,093 --> 00:45:50,094 IN "THE CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTH" 803 00:45:50,594 --> 00:45:52,096 OR THAT BATGIRL IS NOW CRIPPLED IN A WHEELCHAIR 804 00:45:52,596 --> 00:45:54,098 AFTER BEING RAPED BY THE JOKER, 805 00:45:54,098 --> 00:45:57,601 OR... OR THAT FOR THAT ONE SPECIAL DAY IN 1970, 806 00:45:57,601 --> 00:46:00,104 CAPTAIN ASTRO BECAME ASTRO WOMAN. 807 00:46:00,604 --> 00:46:02,606 EXACTLY. YOU ARE SO PATHETIC. 808 00:46:02,606 --> 00:46:03,607 Dancer: HEY! 809 00:46:13,117 --> 00:46:14,118 GIVE HIM TIME. 810 00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:17,121 HE'LL LEARN. 811 00:46:18,622 --> 00:46:32,136 [ ?????? ] 812 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:37,641 [ Opening of door ] 813 00:46:40,144 --> 00:46:42,646 HEY. HEY. 814 00:46:42,646 --> 00:46:45,149 I FEEL LIKE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL WEEKEND. 815 00:46:45,149 --> 00:46:46,150 YOU HAVEN'T. 816 00:46:46,650 --> 00:46:48,152 IN FACT, I THINK I PROBABLY SAW YOU MORE 817 00:46:48,152 --> 00:46:49,653 WHEN YOU DIDN'T LIVE HERE. 818 00:46:52,156 --> 00:46:54,658 I NOTICE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A LITTLE REDECORATING. 819 00:46:54,658 --> 00:46:57,661 AH, I FELT THE PLACE NEEDED A LITTLE WARMTH. 820 00:46:57,661 --> 00:47:00,164 A LITTLE CHARM, A LITTLE WHIMSY. 821 00:47:02,166 --> 00:47:03,167 A LITTLE YOU. 822 00:47:09,673 --> 00:47:12,176 WELL, I SUPPOSE WE COULD PUT SOME OF THIS STUFF AWAY. 823 00:47:17,181 --> 00:47:20,184 YOU KNOW, YOUR MOVING IN WAS A BIG CHANGE FOR ME, TOO. 824 00:47:20,184 --> 00:47:22,686 I SAW YOUR STUFF AND I SUDDENLY REALIZED... 825 00:47:23,687 --> 00:47:27,191 THAT I WAS "WE" AGAIN. 826 00:47:28,692 --> 00:47:32,196 THAT MY LIFE WAS NOW OUR LIFE. 827 00:47:34,698 --> 00:47:36,200 IT KIND OF FREAKED ME OUT. 828 00:47:39,203 --> 00:47:42,706 WELL, I'M GLAD TO KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S SCARED SHITLESS. 829 00:47:44,708 --> 00:47:45,709 YOU KNOW, I'VE, UH... 830 00:47:47,211 --> 00:47:49,213 BEEN READING YOUR COMICS. 831 00:47:49,213 --> 00:47:51,215 OH, YEAH? I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. 832 00:47:51,215 --> 00:47:53,717 I-I NEVER REALLY GOT A CHANCE TO DO THAT WHEN I WAS A KID. 833 00:47:53,717 --> 00:47:56,220 MY PARENTS WERE PRETTY STRICT. 834 00:47:56,720 --> 00:47:59,223 YOU PROBABLY HAD TO READ TOLSTOY AND STUFF LIKE THAT. 835 00:47:59,223 --> 00:48:01,225 [ Chuckling ] ACTUALLY, THEY'RE KIND OF FUN. 836 00:48:03,227 --> 00:48:04,228 DID YOU KNOW... 837 00:48:06,230 --> 00:48:09,233 THAT FOR ONE SPECIAL DAY IN 1970, 838 00:48:09,233 --> 00:48:13,237 CAPTAIN ASTRO BECAME ASTRO WOMAN? 839 00:48:13,737 --> 00:48:15,739 ?? THEY'RE GOING BANG TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM ?? 840 00:48:16,240 --> 00:48:17,741 ?? THEY'RE GOING BANG TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM ?? 841 00:48:17,741 --> 00:48:19,743 ?? THEY'RE GOING BANG TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM ?? 842 00:48:19,743 --> 00:48:21,245 ?? BANG, BANG, BANG TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM ?? 843 00:48:21,745 --> 00:48:22,246 ?? THEY'RE GOING BANG TO... ?? 844 00:48:22,746 --> 00:48:23,747 [ Crashing of cymbals ] 845 00:48:23,747 --> 00:48:31,255 [ ?????? ] 846 00:48:31,255 --> 00:48:32,256 ?? BANG TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM ?? 847 00:48:32,756 --> 00:48:34,758 ?? THEY'RE GOING BANG TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM ?? 848 00:48:34,758 --> 00:48:36,260 ?? BANG, BANG, BANG TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM ?? 849 00:48:36,260 --> 00:48:39,263 ?? THEY'RE GOING BANG TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM ?? 850 00:48:39,263 --> 00:48:42,766 [ ?????? ] 851 00:48:42,766 --> 00:48:47,771 CLOSED CAPTIONED BYCOMPREHENSIVE DISTRIBUTORS 852 00:49:42,826 --> 00:49:45,329 MOO! 59237

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