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1
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:18,360
- Hi !
- Hi !
2
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,280
- Sorry !
- It's nothing, it's fine.
3
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,440
Hi. I'm so sorry, I thought it was
Pride Night tonight,
4
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:29,120
but apparently that's next Friday.
Tonight it's actually Country Night...
5
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,600
- Yeah.
- No, all good.
6
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,480
You look great.
I'm sure no one will notice.
7
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:38,960
I mean, I can change...
I have clothes in a locker.
8
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,560
I didn't know what magical, under
the stars things we were gonna...
9
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,520
- How late are we gonna be out ?
- So you already want it to be over.
10
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,160
- No, I just need to tell my Dad...
- That was a joke.
11
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,200
Oh that's so cute.
12
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:55,520
- Should we get the skates ?
- Yeah...
13
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:59,040
So how are you ? I wanna know
everything. Tell me all of it.
14
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,680
- "I'm Bo, I'm cute." Go !
- Okay, um...
15
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,320
I started mining for bitcoin today !
16
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,560
- Sorry, that's so boring.
- No, it's actually very Taurus of you.
17
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,520
Whoa. This is crazy.
Did I tell you I'm a Taurus ?
18
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,920
No, she's just very intuitive...
19
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:22,160
I actually, I stalked you a little bit
to find your work thing.
20
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,960
But, like, who doesn't wanna be stalked
a little bit, right ?
21
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:28,520
I'm, like, yes please !
Fantasize about me in pervy ways !
22
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:33,360
Well, actually my aunt had a stalker.
I mean, he wasn't really, but...
23
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,200
She thought he was because he kept
showing up at her apartment complex.
24
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,320
But he was just a delivery guy.
Only she ended up pepper spraying him.
25
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,240
And then he filed a restraining order
against her, and...
26
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,920
And she had a nervous breakdown.
27
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,000
PRIDE BEGAN WITH AN UPRISING
28
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,560
I'm size 10, please.
29
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,040
- Are you okay ?
- Yes. So... Bitcoin.
30
00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,120
Tell me about that.
How do you do that ?
31
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,600
It's mostly just figuring out
software and profitability
32
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,920
based on energy consumption
versus the current bitcoin price.
33
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,280
- Are you sure you're okay ?
- Yeah. Keep telling me about bitcoin.
34
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,360
The cool thing is mining actually
helps keep the network secure,
35
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,320
which is interesting, you know ?
36
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,200
Yes !
37
00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:19,840
- Is it ?
- Yes !
38
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,640
Hey.
I like Brokeback Mountain.
39
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,320
Yeah. I like Blake Shelton.
40
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,200
That's fucking hilarious. I bet
you actually don't like Blake Shelton.
41
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,240
- I love Blake Shelton.
- No, you don't !
42
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,800
- Are you sure you don't wanna stop ?
- I just haven't skated in a while.
43
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,240
There are other things that
I wanna do that might be fun.
44
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,920
- Rocky Horror...
- I always wanted to see that.
45
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,760
Oh you're virgin !
I can help you figure out what to wear
46
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:50,160
cuz if you wear the wrong thing you get
sacrificed with the other virgins
47
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:54,040
and you have to moan your mom's name
like she's being fucked.
48
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:57,040
- Oh.
- But that's like fun, no.
49
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,560
- Are you guys brothers ?
- No.
50
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,280
Do we look like we are brothers ?
What a day !
51
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,240
Oh so you didn't touch penises ?
52
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,400
Oh my God !
53
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:17,440
- Oh my God ! Are you okay ?
- Fuck !
54
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,000
Fuck !
55
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,920
12 hours earlier
56
00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,800
The assignment was to take an everyday
object and look at it in a new way.
57
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,920
So... That's what I did.
58
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,320
You've been cutting too many classes
for only ten days into the new term,
59
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,400
and you're failing photography.
60
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,320
Which feels a little like
Picasso failing art.
61
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,680
- Thank you.
- Why is Picasso failing art ?
62
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,880
Is there like a slip you sign or - ?
63
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,600
At my high school,
there was a track and field coach
64
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,120
who everybody hated because he called
kids
65
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:25,640
weaklings, like straight up.
66
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:29,480
One time he tripped a kid on purpose
using a pole vault pole -
67
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,480
like he was evil.
68
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:37,080
My point is, people will always try to
crush dreams, so what do you do ?
69
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,880
Take pictures of fruit.
70
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,400
I get you want to blow things up.
But like, how big ?
71
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:50,600
Just cuz you don't wanna end up
blowing yourself up in the process.
72
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,040
You had to choose the one fruit
that's hairy ?
73
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,920
- What ?
- Nothing. I like you.
74
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,320
You're my sister from another mister.
75
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,680
- Why ?
- You just are.
76
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,640
J: x files start time ?
77
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,000
- Are you going ?
- I don't know. Are you ?
78
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,960
No, I'm going on a date
with Cutie McCutie !
79
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,840
Oh, cute !
80
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:27,960
And if you dial back his nerdcon a bit,
like how many stories are there of
81
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,600
straight people marrying
their high school sweethearts ?
82
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,600
It's the queers' turn now, baby.
Give it to us !
83
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,760
Oh, my God.
Can I just say
84
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,000
it's so great that you're not putting
any pressure on this ?
85
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,920
- Thank you.
- So proud.
86
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,960
Whatever.
But you are going to X-Files, right ?
87
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,080
No, no, stop. Stop. You're going.
88
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:54,240
- Does Greta even want me there ?
- Yes !
89
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,960
- What was the motel drama ?
- She just freaked out a little bit.
90
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,280
Something else. I know you, sis.
91
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,960
I don't really know where we stand or
92
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,280
what she wants. Or...
93
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,280
I don't know what I want.
94
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,720
Whatever. What do you think ?
95
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,680
I think lesbians are exhausting.
96
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,360
I'm not a lesbian.
97
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,280
You have that over-talk-y smother-y
lesbian thing down.
98
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:28,880
If that's your definition,
you're the biggest lesbian in Anaheim.
99
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,880
You cunt !
100
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,360
I can't with my parents right now.
101
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,240
Could you come in ?
102
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:57,080
Oh, my God.
Who is that ?
103
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,000
My dad's child bride.
104
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,920
I literally thought
she went to school with us.
105
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,880
No, that is his girlfriend.
106
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,160
Wait, so your mom moved out ?
107
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,680
No, she's not.
Come. Come see this.
108
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,480
What ?!
109
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,080
What is this ?
110
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,720
My mom has an "inner child"
named "Ginnie."
111
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:27,240
And she decided that that "inner child"
needs a place to play. So.
112
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:29,280
Wait, so she's crazy ?
113
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,040
More just really narcissistic.
114
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:35,120
Actually I don't have...
Yeah. Maybe she's crazy.
115
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,600
"We don't have a black friend."
116
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:42,440
OK. This is, like, kind of fun.
In a weird, creepy kind of way.
117
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,880
Divorce makes you do weird things.
118
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,720
One of my aunts went
full-on born again
119
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:51,760
and then became a quadruple black belt,
but, like, not in an empowering way...
120
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,080
I have to leave for me
but I don't want to leave for you.
121
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,440
- Okay. Go.
- You sure?
122
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,000
Yes, don't be, like...
Do not worry about me, seriously.
123
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,640
She has fucked me up so much already,
I am beyond fuckupable.
124
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,840
She once told me Santa Claus wasn't
real just so I be mad at my Dad.
125
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,000
Yes. And then I have to watch her be
this 5-year-old,
126
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:14,360
like, obsessively making this finger
paintings of rainbow hearts...
127
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,760
'cause she can't find love...
And I...
128
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,840
But then I'm like, what would I do
if I heard my husband
129
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,720
banging some barely legal girl
in my own home ?
130
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,720
Hi !
131
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:43,600
I'm Chester. It's really...
It's so nice to meet you.
132
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,640
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry !
I'm canceling my date !
133
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,280
- No, don't do that.
- Yes !
134
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,480
She's probably happy
that she overheard.
135
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:09,160
Now she's gonna ignore me
and feel it's justified. It's fine.
136
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:13,280
Please go and be happy with your
perfect boyfriend on your perfect date.
137
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,280
Please. I just...
138
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,800
I need you to go, actually.
So I know that love exists.
139
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,560
- I love you. So that love exists.
- Thank you.
140
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,960
Go to X-Files !
141
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,120
I miss you.
142
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,960
So glad that you came.
143
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,080
- She's just coming over.
- Oh yeah...
144
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,320
I just...
The apartment looks so nice.
145
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,320
My sister will be back any day.
146
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,960
I thought I'd rather gouge my eyes out
than live two doors down from her...
147
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:19,840
But, well - family, right ?
148
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,160
- Hi.
- Oh hey.
149
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,680
- ... such a fucking power move.
- But I mean it was just like-
150
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,120
No you were a ho in the best sense
of the word -
151
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,800
I learned from you.
That was, like, a life lesson moment.
152
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,040
Like, Parents of the World,
153
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,400
if you try to control us,
this is what we will do to you.
154
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:44,840
Hi. I'm Ana,
welcome to the X-Files experience.
155
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,120
So is this everyone who's coming ?
I'm gonna start the show now.
156
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:51,000
- So Chester's not coming ?
- Oh. I think he's hanging out with Bo.
157
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,040
Cool. Great.
158
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:56,960
- So have they been hanging out a lot ?
- No, I think this is the first time...
159
00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,000
- But yeah. You okay ?
- Yeah totally.
160
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,120
It's weird cuz he's never even
mentioned the voicemail, but...
161
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,320
For real ? A cumshot on a kiwi ?
162
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:09,120
No, it was a middle schooler
fucking a kiwi, right ?
163
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,240
- No, it was not.
- Let me see.
164
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,800
This photo is really amazing.
165
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,440
- Look. It's starting now.
- I'm so excited.
166
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,280
This show taught the world to pay
attention to how the government lies.
167
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:21,880
You are invited back.
168
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,160
Based on today,
Naomi is the best liar in the world
169
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,240
and I say that with full respect.
170
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:29,520
Watch this.
Two truths and a lie, bitch. Go.
171
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,440
Okay. Everyone in my family has
a middle name that starts with N,
172
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,920
once I fractured my nose from sneezing
too hard,
173
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,600
and I absorbed a triplet in the womb.
174
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,760
- Definitely three.
- You can't fracture your nose.
175
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,520
It was two.
176
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,920
- Hey.
- What's up ?
177
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,480
Are you okay ?
178
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,080
Yeah. It's just, like, my mom was...
179
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,280
And keep it down !
180
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,200
I will when your wife stops stealing
my Amazon packages !
181
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,320
I should've absorbed Nathan.
182
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,120
I'm telling you, if you talk during it,
you will miss crucial plot points !
183
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,040
Not into this show ?
184
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:15,800
I'll get into it when the aliens start
torturing the people.
185
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,720
And - um, how was your break ?
186
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:24,560
Great ! I mean, I don't know.
I guess a little weird ?
187
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:29,240
My parents don't um, know.
188
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,120
Yeah. I don't know.
189
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,000
We live in this world where
it's all like,
190
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:39,040
oh you need to tell everything
to everyone all the time.
191
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,560
And maybe that's just -
192
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,200
I don't know.
Not actually always the best thing ?
193
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,680
- Are you okay ?
- Yeah.
194
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,160
I told you it's good !
195
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,000
Everybody come buy
your SENSE tickets !
196
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,080
- Riley ! Do you want get tickets ?
- I guess.
197
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:44,000
Both of you close your eyes
and hold out your hands.
198
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,880
- What ?
- Now ! Do it !
199
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,080
Open up !
200
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,480
- Oh my God !
- It's a little helix !
201
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,840
Because D-N-A !
202
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,040
Oh, my God !
203
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,040
I seriously love you guys so much,
204
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,040
you are my bitches, you are my hoes,
you are my sluts.
205
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,920
I fucking love you for life.
206
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,920
I love this more than life itself.
207
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,160
- Is someone sitting here ?
- Hi ! No !
208
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,720
Okay. Cool.
I wanted -
209
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,280
- I wanted to -
- Hi !
210
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,120
Hi ! Ça va ?
211
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,840
Bonjour ! Hello everybody !
212
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,400
Did you know it's because he has bad
sinuses that he breathes so loudly ?
213
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,720
He told me one time during French
cuz I was staring,
214
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,120
and he thought I was staring
cuz he was breathing so loud.
215
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,640
Are you sure you're okay with this ?
216
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,480
- 'Cuz I know you wanted to fuck him.
- No ! It's seriously fine.
217
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,240
Okay.
218
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,640
But the other thing I was thinking
while I was staring
219
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:03,360
is how do you tell a guy their cologne
smells bad,
220
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:04,880
which you have to do,
because otherwise -
221
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:08,040
I'm, like, open to, like,
working it out because...
222
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,320
That's just what you have to do
in a relationship.
223
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,760
We literally need them in an hour.
224
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,640
- What for ?
- For a viewing party. Dad knows.
225
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,040
Oh. Okay.
226
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,800
Apparently he has his method of
parenting and I have mine.
227
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,640
So from now on
you must both ask my permission also.
228
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:30,480
Because he was not on that FaceTime
call when you viciously attacked me.
229
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:42,520
Kids, Pastor Jeb stopped by to pick up
an extra paper shredder I have !
230
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,720
Hi Nathan, hi Naomi.
Hi, kids.
231
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,400
- Stay for a glass of iced tea !
- Great.
232
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,320
- Nathan why don't you join us ?
- I really...
233
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,800
Maravillosa ! Look, Gloria has already
set it up. She's a genius.
234
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,000
I'll pray for you.
235
00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:00,760
I just think New Year's is a great time
236
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:05,280
to have a conversation about resetting,
about building new foundations -
237
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,840
Is this about the kissing video
or me being bi ?
238
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,600
So it's like - skiing.
239
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,720
Sometimes you put on your skis and
240
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,000
you push yourself down a mountain,
and suddenly
241
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:22,440
you're thinking - this mountain is
a lot steeper than I thought,
242
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,720
and it's going too fast, and
243
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:30,000
it seemed like it was going to be fun,
but I'm not enjoying this anymore.
244
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:34,120
And I want to stop,
but it feels like I can't.
245
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,040
Do you ever get that feeling,
Nathan ?
246
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,160
Not really no.
247
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,880
- Southern California !
- Yeah !
248
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:50,000
But I think your parents feel
you're experiencing pressures,
249
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,480
and that's resulting in some choices -
250
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,440
- So we are talking about me being bi.
- No.
251
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,480
I hate how parents lie,
like they think we can't tell.
252
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,800
...and we're really coming at this
from a place of love, you know ?
253
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,520
Cool. Well I love love.
254
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,920
Actually
I think I might be falling in love.
255
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,880
That's fricking great news !
256
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:13,200
Awesome ! I was really worried that
you might be upset I had a boyfriend.
257
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:14,480
You do not.
258
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,000
Who's he dating ?
259
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:21,240
I think he's lying just to fuck
with them. Which is a ballsy move.
260
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,000
Though she'll never believe him
261
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:26,880
and she'll pick him apart
and he'll start crying and-
262
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,720
- Oh shit.
- What ?
263
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:32,840
Fuck. He better buy me a really
expensive gift card for this.
264
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,920
I'm not saying you don't have
a b-friend.
265
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:41,400
I'm just saying sometimes you do
exaggerate for dramatic effect.
266
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:45,400
I'm so glad you finally told them.
Do they know who he is ?
267
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,480
This bitch !
268
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:47,680
It was a fucking power move.
269
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,440
And you know she was just dying to know
who he was,
270
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,640
but wouldn't ask
in front of Pastor Jeb.
271
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,800
You were a ho
in the best sense of the word.
272
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,840
I learned from you.
That was like, a life lesson moment.
273
00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,280
Like, Parents of the World,
274
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:02,920
if you try to control us,
this is what we will do to you.
275
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,280
Hi everyone ! I'm Ana,
welcome to the X-Files experience.
276
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,040
Thank you so much for having us.
277
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:10,280
Oh, my God.
278
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,800
Is this everyone who's coming ?
I'm gonna start the show now.
279
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,520
And how was your break ?
280
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,360
Great !
281
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:21,280
Yeah, I mean...
282
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,600
I don't know,
I guess a little weird.
283
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:29,560
My parents don't, um, know.
284
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,520
I don't know, we live in
this world where it's all like
285
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:40,000
you need to tell everything to everyone
all the time and maybe that's just -
286
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,440
I don't know.
Not actually always the best thing ?
287
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:47,880
Cooper
hey do you want to hang out some time ?
288
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,960
I just love it when it goes boom !
289
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,080
I told you it's good, right ?
290
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,480
- Are you okay ?
- Yeah.
291
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,920
Isn't he on a date ?
292
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,800
- Riley, do you wanna get...
- Yes.
293
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,840
Will you just pin her down
and wrap your legs around her face ?
294
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:13,760
What ?
295
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,720
It's just like -
why is everything always so sexual ?
296
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,440
- Where are you going with Bo ?
- Roller skating.
297
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,680
Which I'm trash at,
but I always believe...
298
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,800
Wait, you think it's a bad choice ?
299
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,400
Hold up. Are you nervous ?
300
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,760
Fuck you, yes ! Yes, I'm nervous !
301
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:38,760
He's not some older guy
who's never gonna be into me
302
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,600
or some suckmyfistingdick Grindr guy -
sorry -
303
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:46,480
he's actual boyfriend material.
304
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,480
Also over the break I was like,
305
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,440
if I turn on the TV and Love Actually
is on it means I'm marrying Bo.
306
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,920
- It's always on.
- What can I say ? It was on.
307
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,400
I asked the universe,
the universe answered.
308
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:02,400
And she was like, no more unrequited
love for you, God bless.
309
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,240
Fuck !
310
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:06,880
Fuck !
311
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,520
Finish up your nachos
312
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,000
because it's almost time for cake !
313
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,400
He's not talking.
You have a very annoying voice.
314
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,040
- Hi !
- Hi !
315
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,080
- Are you okay ?
- Yes.
316
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,360
- I got us some food.
- That is so sweet !
317
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,600
So while I was in the bathroom
cleaning up vomit,
318
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,520
I was thinking that you being a Taurus
is actually gods being like,
319
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,040
hey, bitch, pay attention to this
and make it work.
320
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,720
I'm a Scorpio and...
321
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,840
We do not take our clothes off
in public !
322
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,080
Ms. Google was saying like,
Scorpio and Taurus share
323
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:46,200
a personal belief system that goes
deeper than the bottom of the ocean.
324
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:50,080
She also said, for physical pleasure
expect crackling chemistry, but
325
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,840
maybe I won't bring it up just yet.
326
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,800
Yeah, I don't know. The whole thought
of us meeting on a roof, like.
327
00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,120
I feel like the universe is telling me
to take this seriously and pursue it.
328
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,800
End-all, be-all,
till it all falls apart.
329
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,360
Oh, my God.
330
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,800
I'm so sorry.
331
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:13,160
Please don't pull !
332
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,640
My friend wants to know,
are you Jewish ?
333
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,480
Your teeth are very yellow !
334
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,040
What did I have in this hat ?
335
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,360
- Are you okay ?
- Sorry.
336
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,320
No, no. That's...
337
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,120
- My mom's calling.
- Yeah, yeah.
338
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,720
Hi, Mom.
339
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:42,720
Do I have to ?
340
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:45,640
Okay.
341
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,840
I'm so sorry, but...
342
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:54,440
My mom needs me to come home early
cuz she has this emergency work
343
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,040
Powerpoint presentation.
344
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,440
And she needs my help with it cuz
she can't... do...
345
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,960
Techonology.
So... Yeah.
346
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,440
Okay.
347
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,040
- Hello.
- It was shit and I hate life.
348
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,440
I'm sorry.
349
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:48,320
Come up here, eat some cupcakes.
350
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,200
Watch people get abducted by aliens.
351
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:56,200
And know that everyboyd up here
really loves you.
352
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,040
Okay.
353
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,640
It sucked, don't ask.
354
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,440
I forgive you for being so late.
355
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,520
- Oh my gosh.
- There !
356
00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:12,720
- Do you want me to...
- No, that's okay.
357
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,560
There you go !
358
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,320
This is your Federal Bureau
of Impressive burger.
359
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,240
Thank you !
360
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,080
This is... ginger alien drink.
361
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,000
I don't know.
But I'm going to find out.
362
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,360
Sorry.
363
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,880
Are you ?
364
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,720
I really wanted not to have left
that voicemail.
365
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,200
As soon as I left it I was like, fuck.
366
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:58,920
Yeah, it's all good.
367
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:06,200
You know it's never gonna be
like that for us, right ?
368
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:10,360
Yeah no, I know.
I was just on drugs that day.
369
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,480
- No you weren't.
- No I wasn't.
370
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:19,880
But more than anything
I really just want it to, like,
371
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,880
not be weird.
372
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,800
I don't want it to be weird either.
373
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,880
You're sweet and funny and I like you.
374
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:33,800
Like seriously who wouldn't wanna fuck
their clone if their clone was you ?
375
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,640
I think the whole premise is
that there is a truth that exists,
376
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,640
but I don't know - does it ?
377
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,480
Okay this might be a weird question.
378
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,440
But hopefully not 'cause we just talked
about everything
379
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:51,320
and I'm, like, super clear about us
and there not being an us.
380
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,520
But basically...
381
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,600
I had this whole thing with my mom
and she was freaking out
382
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,120
so I decided to mess with her
and told her I have a boyfriend.
383
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,280
Wait, who's your boyfriend ?
384
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,400
I don't have one.
I just told her that to fuck with her.
385
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:04,880
- Impressive.
- Thanks.
386
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,080
So basically the question is...
387
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,320
Would you ever, like - I don't know -
388
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:18,560
hug me or something in front of my
mom ? So she doesn't think I'm lying ?
389
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:24,400
You want me as your friend
to pretend to be your boyfriend ?
390
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:25,960
Sort of ?
391
00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:29,160
Won't that be confusing for you ?
392
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,680
No, definitely not.
393
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,720
So I would be helping out a friend
394
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:41,440
but also messing with a homophobic
Evangelical white woman ?
395
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,360
- Bye !
- Bye !
396
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,760
- Does she see me ?
- Yep.
397
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,200
- Is her head exploding ?
- Yep.
398
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,280
Thank you.
You're seriously such a good friend.
399
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,600
How bad do you wanna mess with her ?
400
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,920
- Really bad.
- Are you sure ?
32183
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