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1
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,809
All right, turn, turn,
turn, turn, turn!
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,580
COOPER:
Whoa!
3
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:11,413
You might want to j...
4
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,005
(engine revving,
all screaming)
5
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,523
(screaming)
6
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,551
Let me start by saying,
that at some point in your life,
7
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,087
you're going
to make this mistake.
8
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,992
(screaming continues)
9
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,333
Well, maybe not
this exact mistake,
10
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,929
but especially in relationships,
11
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,430
everyone has decisions
they wish they could take back.
12
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:32,533
Cooper, to celebrate
our one month anniversary,
13
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,736
I just sent you
a little picture.
14
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:35,768
Did you get it?
15
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,343
(text alert blips)
16
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,571
Will you marry me?
17
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,766
(giggling):
I'll take that as a yes.
18
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,608
Now you have
to send me something.
19
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,753
Uh, Lena, I don't know
if that's a good idea.
20
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:45,748
FYI...
21
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,119
the next pic I want to send you
22
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,718
incorporates
my gymnastics background.
23
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,452
What's the worst
that could happen?
24
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,117
I think we know
the answer to that.
25
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:58,056
My name is Cooper Barrett.
26
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:00,092
My friends and I are here
to mess up our lives
27
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,598
so you don't have to.
28
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:12,912
Incoming.
29
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:13,910
Oh...!
30
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,081
Oh! What is this yellow,
Yes.
31
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,150
sudsy beverage you've thrown me?
32
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:19,549
"B-eer"?
33
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,250
Am I saying that right?
(Barry laughs)
34
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,722
Neal, what's up, man?
35
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,080
You love it when Josh
ironically pretends
36
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,448
like he's never
tried alcohol.
37
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:26,446
Sorry.
38
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:27,717
I just found a picture of Karina
39
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:28,715
and her new boyfriend.
40
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,716
He's basically my twin.
41
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,428
Oh no....
Yeah, I thought
that was you.
42
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:33,430
COOPER:
Got nothing on you.
Hi.
43
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:34,431
I'm going to work out.
44
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:35,132
Who wants to come?
45
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:36,603
(all laugh)
46
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,330
Why does that question
always get a laugh?
47
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,766
Because it helps us to not
feel bad about ourselves.
48
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:41,771
(laughs)
He's so fat.
49
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,242
(laughs)
50
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,341
She's obviously
just trying
51
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:45,442
to make me
jealous, right?
52
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:47,343
I mean, with this guy...
53
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,275
and this engagement
ring thing...
54
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,410
and she's clearly depressed;
55
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,414
look how much weight
she's gained.
56
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:52,675
I think she's pregnant.
57
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,753
Yeah, like eight months.
58
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:54,851
Come on, man,
the only reason
59
00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:55,952
you're obsessing
about your ex
60
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:56,953
is 'cause you
haven't hooked up
61
00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:57,954
with anyone in a while,
62
00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,185
which is what
I am here for.
63
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,690
Cooper, you know if
I swung that way
64
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:01,991
you'd be my first choice,
65
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,762
but it would just
ruin our friendship.
66
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,161
I appreciate that, man.
67
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:06,163
I'm gonna help you find someone,
starting tonight.
68
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:07,764
You guys could,
uh, tag along
69
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,595
to this art charity thing
70
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,960
that Leslie's dragging me to.
71
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:13,198
Should be some really
fine ladies.
72
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,474
No, I'm good, man,
thank you.
(others mutter disapproval)
73
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:15,942
There'll be free booze and food.
74
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,309
Oh, hell yeah!
I'm ready to go, you ready?
75
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,308
Let's do it.
76
00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:19,369
Not for, like, five hours.
77
00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:20,667
Well, what the hell
78
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,038
you saying something
right now for?
79
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,275
Who's gonna finish
with the highest score?
80
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:25,712
No matter what
you're dealing with:
81
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,146
your work issues,
82
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,721
your husband,
who you thought
83
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:29,819
was in the Navy,
but really has
84
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,650
a second family
in Pomona...
85
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,885
You leave it on the bike!
86
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,061
Three! Two! One!
87
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:38,129
Time!
(buzzer sounds)
88
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,988
(yells)
89
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,197
Long live the queen.
90
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,968
(crying)
91
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,500
MAN:
I really enjoyed
92
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,866
watching you ride
in there.
93
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,173
Okay, kind of creepy.
94
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,976
I mean, thank you so much.
95
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,808
I'm Shane, AKA Tunes.
96
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,014
Tunes? I feel like
I've seen your name
97
00:02:58,045 --> 00:02:59,375
at the top of
the male leaderboard.
98
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,683
Ah, it's possible,
99
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:01,884
male and female, actually,
100
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,015
but it's not
about winning for me.
101
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,080
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't worry.
102
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,747
I'm also super competitive.
103
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:06,986
I have nightmares about losing
to my niece at checkers,
104
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,090
so you're safe here.
105
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:09,591
Pfft! That is adorable.
106
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:10,923
You see, when I'm winning
is the only time
107
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,428
I'm not thinking
about winning,
108
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:14,030
and I'm never not not
thinking about winning
109
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,761
because I am always winning.
110
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,326
Okay, first of all,
I love how many times
111
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:18,325
you just said
the word "winning."
112
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:19,326
Second of all,
113
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:20,327
I feel the same way.
114
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:21,338
Life is a giant...
115
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,899
competition.
Competition.
116
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,114
You want to get
a pressed juice?
117
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:30,611
Uh, do you want to lose
at pressed juice?
118
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,184
You're on.
No, you're on.
119
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,712
Oh, I'm gonna beat you there.
I'll beat you there.
120
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:34,847
I'll beat you.
Forgot your bag.
121
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,252
Damn it.
Oh!
122
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:37,924
COOPER:
All right, Neal.
123
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,191
Get your game
face on, okay?
124
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,020
There's a lot of hot
women here tonight.
125
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,615
Come on, dude, you know
I can't just go talk to them.
126
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,127
I get way too nervous
127
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,258
and my body literally
starts breaking down.
128
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:48,555
Just got to block that
out, okay? Come on.
129
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:49,556
Hey, ladies.
130
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:50,927
I'm Cooper.
This is
131
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,204
my very good
friend Neal.
132
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,902
Hey, how's it going?
133
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:54,904
Where are you
ladies from?
134
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:55,895
Dallas.
135
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,866
Nice. Love Dallas.
136
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,865
Your nose is bleeding.
137
00:03:58,906 --> 00:03:59,866
What's your poison?
138
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:00,867
What are you drinking there?
139
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,408
Can I buy you one
sometime, ever?
140
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,413
NEAL: I don't feel
very good, all of a sudden...
141
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,954
Tilt your head back.
Watch it.
142
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:05,948
(whispering):
I don't know if I can do this.
I'm sorry.
143
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,209
I got to be
honest with you,
144
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,747
I've never been
to a art exhibit before,
145
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,722
but this is nice.
I don't even know how to act.
146
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,591
Look, just hold
your glass like this.
147
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,090
Okay.
And say something like:
148
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,291
What an impressive
exhibition.
149
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:17,764
What an impressive
exhibition.
150
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:18,791
(laughs)
That's good.
151
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,156
You're officially a grown-up.
152
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,633
Thank you.
Mmm...
153
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,062
Oh, I don't think...
154
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,596
Oh, my God! Oh!
155
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:25,602
Chicken fingers.
156
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:26,903
No, those aren't
chicken fingers.
157
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,444
(muffled):
They should hand these out.
158
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:31,809
The guys and, uh, Leslie
are really hitting it off.
159
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:32,809
Is that surprising?
160
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:33,810
Well, a little.
161
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,081
Why?
162
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,138
Well, she's a
sophisticated intellectual
163
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,847
and you guys
are complete idiots.
164
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,809
Asked and answered.
Uh-huh.
165
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,248
COOPER: Oh, look,
there's Kelly...
166
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,692
and her boyfriend of no
more than three hours.
Mm.
167
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,488
Oh, I'll beat you there.
No, I'll beat you.
168
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,620
What's up, guys?
Hi, guys.
169
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,115
Sorry we're late.
This is Shane.
170
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,117
What's up, bro?
171
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,588
We just took a
killer route here
172
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,986
from Burbank.
173
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,527
Destroyed Waze's
estimation by 11 minutes.
174
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:56,863
(laughing):
Hell, yeah!
175
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,027
Okay.
176
00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,025
What are you
guys drinking?
177
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,426
Uh, white wine.
178
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,438
I'm gonna get us something
better than that.
179
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,269
Yeah, you will.
180
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,343
Oh, twice.
181
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,872
Oh, my gosh, isn't he great?
182
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,206
We're both so competitive.
183
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,540
I really feel that, together,
184
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,276
we can beat everyone else
at relationships.
185
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,180
And they lived
happily ever after.
(Kelly chuckles)
186
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,982
(Neal grunting)
Guys, I don't feel good,
I'm gonna go home.
187
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,615
Aw, come on, man,
you can turn this around.
188
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,950
No, I can't turn this
around, all right?
189
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,485
You could 'cause
you're Cooper Barrett
190
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,120
and your platelets
clot, all right?
191
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,464
You never make mistakes
with the ladies.
192
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:23,860
BARRY:
Hey, Cooper!
193
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:25,831
Your penis is on display
in the other room.
194
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,230
NEAL: That's definitely
Cooper's penis.
195
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:30,902
Whoo! Yeah, that's Cooper.
196
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,971
Guys, just 'cause you think
it looks like mine,
197
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,000
which is weird, by the way,
it doesn't mean it is.
198
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,295
Oh, look, it's called, "Cooper."
199
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,406
Wait, really?
200
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:39,839
Why would my penis
201
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,413
be on display in an art gallery?
202
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,842
Folks, if you have
any questions
203
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,036
about this piece
in particular,
204
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,747
the artist is right over there.
205
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,349
BARRY: Coop, isn't that
your ex-girlfriend?
206
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,781
Oh... that'd be why.
207
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:55,722
C-Cooper, that's...
(snorts) very impressive.
208
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:56,716
COOPER:
It's not funny.
209
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:57,887
There's a giant,
framed photo
210
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,255
of my junk on display.
211
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:00,392
I can't believe
she would do this.
212
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,098
Are you kidding?
The day after you broke up,
213
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,699
she moved all her stuff
into our apartment
214
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,531
while you were at work.
And you guys helped her.
215
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,026
She might have been cray-cray,
216
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,067
but that love seat
217
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:09,771
was to die for.
Leslie?
218
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,203
Very good.
219
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,508
Josh...
Same size! What?
220
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,770
Can she legally do this?
221
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,577
Eh, I-I don't know, probs.
222
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,279
"Probs?"
223
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,680
You're an attorney and the best
you can do is "probs?"
224
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:19,752
I do real estate law.
225
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:20,910
Is this Photoshopped?
226
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,248
Probs.
227
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,452
I'm gonna get her
to take it down.
228
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,388
(laughing):
Hey, Lena.
229
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,390
Cooper!
230
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:28,921
Hi, what are you doing here?
231
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,016
Oh, you know, just...
232
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,357
looking at your piece.
233
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,791
Oh.
Or should I say my piece?
234
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,526
Isn't it fantastic?
235
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,132
Yeah, thanks, I've always
kind of been a big fan.
236
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:38,403
Look, I'm just curious
as to why you didn't
237
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,032
ask me for permission.
238
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,137
Uh, it's a feminist perspective
239
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,239
on the acceleration
of modern relationships
240
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,711
due to technological
advancement.
241
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:46,569
It's not about you.
242
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:47,777
It's called, "Cooper."
243
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,578
Is that your
girlfriend over there?
244
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,110
She's pretty.
245
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,584
Look, Lena, the point is
246
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:53,953
I'm kind of uncomfortable
about it.
247
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,721
I just... I just want you
to take it down.
248
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,379
This is my art, Cooper.
249
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,047
If you want it off
the wall... buy it.
250
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,417
(laughs)
251
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:04,625
I'm not gonna buy
a photo of my own...
252
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:05,788
(whispering):
penis.
253
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,756
Do I hear $200 for "Cooper?"
254
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,125
I've got two,
do I hear three?
255
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,133
I've got three,
do I hear four?
256
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,065
Do you really want
a photo of my junk?
257
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,601
Your junk?
258
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,636
Five.
AUCTIONEER:
Five from the gentleman with
259
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:18,771
the excellent taste in eyewear.
260
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,006
Aw, that's it, I'm out.
261
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,810
Josh.
Yeah?
262
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,742
For your brother. Bid.
263
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,407
Six.
264
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,305
Do I hear seven?
Six...
265
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,917
Damn, you gonna let him
do you like that?
266
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,150
We've got seven.
What is wrong with you?
267
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,585
Hey, remember me?
I'm Neal.
268
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,461
From-- your friend was
from Dallas and...
269
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:36,459
Do I hear a bid of $700?
270
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,090
God, I've never seen
271
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,155
Cooper so defeated.
272
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,162
$1,500!
273
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:41,703
(crowd gasps)
274
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:44,329
AUCTIONEER: $1,500!
Going once, going twice...
275
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,834
Sold!
Sold! Thank you.
276
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,666
...to the very fit man
in the fitted gray sweater.
277
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,302
NEAL:
Nice!
278
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,367
Nice.
279
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:58,946
Hey, thank you so much
for winning that photo.
280
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,279
I mean, winning is what I do.
281
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,124
Mm... mm,
speaking of which,
282
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,451
I need to hang up my trophy.
283
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,445
One second.
284
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,516
Wha-- you're--
285
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:10,286
Hang up your what?
What are you hanging up?
286
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,563
You saw it.
287
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,332
I totally dominated
that auction.
288
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,567
Shane wins,
289
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,739
because Shane always wins.
290
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:23,999
Where were we?
291
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,967
(Shane groans)
292
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,976
Uh...
Oh, this is so good...
293
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,478
for me and you.
294
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,749
(kisses)
But mostly me.
295
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,379
GUYS:
Hey!
296
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:36,483
Hi. I broke up with Shane
'cause he's a crazy person.
297
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,386
Oh, no, 'cause I'm sorry,
'cause I mean
298
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:39,648
if you two can't make it,
299
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,417
who can?
That's so nice.
300
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:42,524
Did you at least get
my photo back first?
301
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,316
No, he wants to keep it
on his wall as a trophy,
302
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,327
which is both weird,
303
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,488
and a disastrous design choice.
304
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,826
It appears your junk's
15 minutes are up.
305
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,532
Yeah, but you know, she can make
copies with the original.
306
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,504
So, Neal,
I'm gonna need you
307
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,602
to convince her to delete it.
308
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,274
Why me?
Well, because
309
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,442
you're very, very, very smart,
310
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,669
she always liked you,
311
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,205
and, um, I just called her
312
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,409
from your phone, so...
313
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,040
(Barry laughing)
Dude!
314
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,205
Come on, please, I-I can't have
her selling more photos.
All right.
315
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,084
BARRY: Hurry up, man,
she about to answer,
she about to answer!
316
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,923
Josh, dude, I been meaning
to tell you, man,
317
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,718
I had a blast hanging
with the missus last night.
318
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:10,880
She is the bomb.
319
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,518
I know. No offense,
320
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,292
but Leslie always struck me
as the kind of girl
321
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,361
whose idea of fun
was a throw pillow
322
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,359
with the word "diva"
323
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,260
on it, but she's
actually awesome.
324
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,932
What a relief. I am so happy
you guys like her.
325
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,262
Too bad you'll
never see her again.
326
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,966
What?
Last night was a big mistake.
327
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,368
I couldn't, uh, you know,
328
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,969
relax and be myself.
329
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:29,201
From now on, I'm gonna
330
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,936
keep both worlds separate.
331
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:31,971
Hey, guys!
332
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,365
KELLY: Hello.
BARRY: Hey.
333
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,136
I'm here.
334
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:36,375
Hi.
Yay!
335
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,749
Hi, babe.
336
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,048
Thanks for the invite, B.
337
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,079
Got you, L-Boogie.
338
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,083
He's so sweet.
339
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,654
(laughing):
Yeah.
340
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,283
Can I sit right here?
Sure.
341
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,817
Ah, we're on a date.
342
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:46,893
(uncomfortable laughter)
343
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,890
Morning, man.
Hello.
344
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,062
Hey, did you get a chance
to talk to Lena?
345
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,791
Uh, yes, actually, I did.
346
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,627
Uh, I met her out
for a couple of drinks.
347
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,603
In fact, she deleted
all of the pictures
348
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,271
off her hard drive
right in front of me.
349
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,799
I could kiss you, and
that's a real offer this time.
350
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,465
That's okay, um, but it's funny
that you mentioned that,
351
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,344
because we actually talked
for a little bit,
352
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,683
Lena and I, and,
353
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:08,838
for what it's worth,
354
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,106
she's not as crazy as you think.
355
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,343
Yeah, okay.
356
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:14,148
Morning, baby.
Hey.
357
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,747
Hey, Cooper.
358
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:21,986
(moaning and kissing)
359
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,656
You have such strong,
powerful lips.
360
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:31,998
(Lena giggling)
361
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,802
Unlike some people.
362
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,474
Your lips are like pillows
363
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:36,872
made of skin.
364
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,374
Mmm... Skin-pillows.
365
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:39,805
Still here, guys,
366
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,680
in what used to be
my personal space.
367
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,439
Where do you keep
the herbal teas?
368
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,506
Above the stove,
next to the antipsychotics.
369
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:48,975
(whispering):
Dude...
370
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,216
you were totally right.
371
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,850
The minute I started
making out with her,
372
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,045
I completely forgot
about my ex.
373
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,986
Oh, you mean Karina?
374
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,292
You know, right now, I feel
like that giant bag of muscles
375
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,894
was the best thing
that ever happened to you.
376
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,456
Look, man, I know
377
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,463
dating a buddy's ex
without checking first
378
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,495
is kind of against bro-tocol,
so just let me know,
Uh.
379
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,901
and I'll call
the whole thing off.
Uh...
380
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,204
NEAL (whispering):
Please don't call it off.
381
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,195
Please don't call it off.
Please don't call it off.
382
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,296
No, you don't have
to do that, man.
383
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,297
Oh, thank God, okay.
384
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,708
Hope this won't
be weird for you.
385
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,470
(forced laughter): Weird?
Why would it be weird?
386
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,707
Uh, Lena...
387
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,343
I think you're
wearing my shirt.
388
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:20,177
Oh, yeah,
it does smell like you.
389
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,183
(Lena moaning)
Now me... and Neal.
390
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:24,676
And our lust.
391
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,218
Cool.
392
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,893
It's very, very cool.
393
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,221
It's a cool situation.
394
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,056
(whispering):
Cooper, Cooper...
395
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,260
You're never gonna believe what
just happened at spin class.
396
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,495
(kissing)
397
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,599
Why is your crazy ex-girlfriend
398
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,001
giving Neal a tongue bath
in the kitchen?
399
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,873
Because she's crazy.
400
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,502
She went out with Neal
last night in some kind of
401
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,336
weird, desperate attempt
to get closer to me,
402
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,182
and now she's in my kitchen with
easy access to all the knives.
403
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,408
Okay, you think your ex
is crazy?
404
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:50,782
I just ran into Shane.
405
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,381
That guy's crazy.
406
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:55,082
Yes, I'm gonna dominate today.
407
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,615
Spinqueen ain't here.
408
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,289
She ain't here.
409
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:02,188
And she isn't gonna be here
for a long, long time.
410
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,762
What does that mean?
411
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:06,531
Sorry, that sounded way more
ominous than I intended.
412
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,689
Don't worry, babe.
413
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,657
It's not what you think.
414
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,474
Hyah!
(groans)
415
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:19,713
(crying)
416
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,269
Why?
417
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,408
Oh, my gosh, what...?
Are you okay?
Help me.
418
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,983
Are you okay? Oh, my God!
Help me, help me.
419
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:25,982
Someone help! Medic!
420
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:27,413
Wow, that is crazy.
421
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,877
I can't believe
he Kerrigan-ed her.
422
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:30,276
Uh, technically,
he Gilool-ied her.
423
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:31,987
I used to figure skate...
competitively.
424
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,949
Yeah, the competitively
kind of goes without saying.
425
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:36,557
Okay, and now he won't stop
texting me.
426
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,129
Oh, terrible news.
427
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,958
Just awful...
428
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,463
What, is something wrong
with Gracie?
Oh, God, what?
429
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,134
Much worse: Leslie wants
to invite you guys
430
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,903
over for a dinner party.
431
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:46,402
BOTH:
Dinner party? Ooh...
432
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,433
(panting):
Hey.
433
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,497
BARRY:
Yeah, I know.
434
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:49,795
Got the text
435
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,337
(sing-song):
about 45 minutes ago.
436
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:52,811
You know, I'm just stoked...
437
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,510
to live like an adult.
438
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,281
I think I'm gonna
bring some fondue.
439
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,909
(ringtone plays)
440
00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:58,905
Aah!
441
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,276
Hi, it's Kelly.
442
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,953
Leave a message.
443
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:02,982
(phone beeps)
444
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,424
(exhales)
445
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:10,093
Hey, there you are.
So fun, so much fun.
446
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,493
So much fun.
Come on in.
447
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,464
I'm so glad you guys are here.
448
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:14,593
You're right on time.
449
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,197
Everybody's grabbing a drink,
450
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,369
and watching your
ex-girlfriend feed Neal grapes,
451
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,598
like he's the
Sultan of Brunei.
452
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,602
(Neal chews loudly)
453
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,473
Excuse me.
454
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,972
Hi.
Hey, hi.
455
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,514
We're gonna have so much fun.
Oh, my gosh...
456
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,038
You ready to turn it up?
I am.
457
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,084
COOPER: Hey.
Okay. Hey, bro.
458
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,046
What are you doing?
459
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,521
Just making Lena jealous.
460
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,978
By making me uncomfortable?
461
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:39,447
Look, if I tell Neal
that she's using him,
462
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,516
he may never talk to me
again, but if he sees
463
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,624
that she's using him,
464
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,815
then he'll just end
things with her,
465
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,187
so you and I need to
flirt outrageously
466
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:47,625
until she flies into
some kind of jealous rage,
467
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,960
or hits you or something.
468
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,626
Okay, or you could
just talk to her.
469
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,504
Yeah, the direct approach
is always best.
470
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,873
By the way, I need you guys to
act like your true moron selves
471
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,643
so Leslie never wants to
hang out with you guys again.
472
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,510
I will not act like
a complete moron tonight.
473
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:01,640
No, no, no.
474
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,644
Grown-up Barry's in the house.
475
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,535
Hey, Leslie,
let me tell you,
476
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:05,677
these crab cakes
are a vision,
477
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,082
and also,
the economy is doing
478
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,684
strange things, let's discuss.
479
00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:09,675
But first...
480
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:10,676
these guys taught me
481
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:11,987
a little game
482
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:13,919
that we like to call,
"Whiskey Slap."
483
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,864
"Whiskey Slap?"
Wh-what's that?
484
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,259
"Whiskey Slap"
Yeah.
485
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:18,430
is where you do
a shot of whiskey,
Okay.
486
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:19,528
and you get
smacked in the face.
487
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,429
These guys play
it all the time.
488
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:22,661
It is awful.
489
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:23,725
Josh...
490
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,603
I'm the Queen
of "Whiskey Slap."
491
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,832
No, literally--
my sorority crowned me
492
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,567
after I slapped
Maggie Christopher so hard
493
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,272
the police brought in her
boyfriend for questioning.
494
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:32,844
What a delightful anecdote.
495
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,412
I think I still have
my rush week shot glasses.
496
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:35,411
Stay right there.
497
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:36,582
She's a good-time gal,
498
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:37,739
ladies and gentleman.
499
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:40,107
BARRY:
Good-time gal.
500
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,984
Shane always wins.
501
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,092
(screams)
Shh!
502
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,897
You shh! You scared
the crap out of me.
503
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,459
You have to start acting
like you're more into me.
504
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,867
I'm not Meryl Streep.
505
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,028
Not with that attitude
you're not.
506
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,227
Look, as we go back
to the table,
507
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:02,538
just put your hand
in my back pocket.
508
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,569
Sure, just set your
time machine to 1980.
509
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,769
Front pocket?
510
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,082
(whispering):
Kelly.
511
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:14,552
Would you at least
just move closer?
512
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,581
I mean, we look like
two strangers waiting for a bus.
513
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:17,816
(whispering):
Okay, okay.
514
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,222
(whispering):
Thank you. Okay.
515
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,494
Just-just give
me your hand.
516
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:23,492
Give me your hand, okay.
517
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,623
How awful is this?
518
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:25,757
It's the worst.
519
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,832
(clearing throat):
Lena.
520
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:31,973
She's still not looking.
521
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,069
I think we're gonna
have to kiss.
522
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,130
Are you insane?
523
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,137
What?
That's not happening.
524
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,338
Just one nice smooch.
525
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,469
Mm...
Oh, my God...
526
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:39,635
I'm sorry, no, no.
527
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:40,672
Try...
No.
528
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,342
Direct approach it is.
529
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:46,952
I want you to hit me as hard
as you can.
530
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:47,980
Hurt her and I'll kill you.
531
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:51,116
Boop.
532
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,591
That was a wrong move,
my friend.
533
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,519
I'm-a take this shot, though.
Okay, you should.
534
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:55,364
Leslie, give it to him.
535
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,989
(Kelly guffawing)
536
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,256
I think we need to talk
about Lena.
537
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,763
You feeling weird?
538
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,304
Yeah, but to be fair,
539
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,300
there's a lot of weirdness
going on here tonight, so...
540
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:06,772
Oh, yeah.
541
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:07,869
There's a strong chance
542
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,370
that Lena's only dating you
543
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,342
to get closer to me.
544
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,700
I mean, she's been obsessed
545
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,538
with me since day one,
and I just want...
Cooper...
546
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,183
look, man, I-I know that
this is hard for you to hear,
547
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,449
but Lena and I
have a real connection.
548
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:19,678
Yeah?
Yeah.
549
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:20,682
JOSH:
Such expensive whiskey...
550
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,523
(Kelly laughs)
551
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,479
How come she tried to kiss me
in the hallway just now, then?
552
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:25,487
Are you serious?
553
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,218
Aha! No, but the fact
you believed me
554
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:28,564
means deep down
you know I'm right.
555
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,118
NEAL: Oh, my God,
why would you even...
556
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:31,357
I think it's time to
move on to a new game.
557
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:32,831
(Leslie shouts)
558
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:33,829
LESLIE:
Oh, no!
559
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,130
(Barry gasping)
Barry?
560
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,563
That about wraps up
tonight's dinner.
561
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,667
What a perfect end
to a perfect evening.
562
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:42,199
Driver, let's cap off
this beautiful evening
563
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:43,795
with a little NPR.
564
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,536
Can I get some Terry Gross?
DRIVER: Okay.
565
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:46,842
Let's just go home.
566
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,243
Did you guys see how Lena
was behaving in there?
567
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:50,335
She's back in the running
for craziest ex.
568
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:01,690
She won't text me back.
She's obviously a sociopath.
569
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:02,761
Driver,
570
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:03,859
back in my day,
571
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,160
chauffeurs wore gloves.
572
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,162
Do you have on gloves?
573
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,263
We should go to Lena's apartment
574
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,534
so I can confront her
face to crazy face.
575
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:09,531
Driver, make a right
at the light.
576
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,532
You just text
your ex-girlfriend 15 times.
577
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:13,404
Now you want to show up
at her place, unannounced,
578
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:14,433
in the middle of the night.
579
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,197
(text chimes)
Ah, ah, ah, ah, heh, heh.
580
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,266
Listen to this: "Cooper,
581
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,074
"you're scaring me.
Please stop.
582
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:22,006
I'm sorry if this hurts you,
but I really like Neal."
583
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,341
Damn.
What a whack job.
584
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:24,406
Cooper,
when Neal was obsessing
585
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:25,514
about his ex-girlfriend,
586
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,505
you thought he was
crazy, right?
587
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,606
A hundred percent.
588
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,017
Well, say Lena
actually likes Neal.
589
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,278
Now you're the guy
590
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:31,747
texting and
harassing an ex
591
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,054
who's in a
happy relationship,
592
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,116
thus, making you...
593
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,024
The crazy ex.
594
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,255
BARRY:
Mm-mm.
595
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,260
Oh, my God, I'm the crazy ex.
Yeah.
596
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,431
(all yelling)
597
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:40,889
I own your penis!
598
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,097
ALL:
Go, go, go!
599
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,129
BARRY:
Lay on the gas!
600
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,263
(engine revving)
Not again!
601
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:48,904
Hey.
602
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,365
Nice bike.
603
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,113
Guys, guys, I don't believe it!
604
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,909
Sir, I'm not joking, step on it.
605
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:01,045
Man, that guy can
really ride a bike.
606
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,450
It's the most attractive
thing about him.
607
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,582
No, no, believe me,
I totally get it.
608
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,146
I'm about to start
a spin class.
609
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:07,646
Sir, could you
please go faster?
610
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:08,687
He's gaining on us.
611
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,289
BARRY:
All right,
612
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,024
turn, turn, turn, turn!
613
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,395
Whoa! You might want to j...
614
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:22,141
(all screaming)
615
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,569
I guess she was right.
616
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,073
Shane's way crazier.
617
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:28,714
(all screaming)
618
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,612
(Barry shrieks)
619
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,147
Oh, ho-ho!
620
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,624
Good show, Rashid.
621
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:43,492
We're gonna have
to tip you 12%.
622
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,363
Whoo!
623
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:47,092
Man...
624
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,426
you really whacked Barry good.
625
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,662
Nothing good ever comes
when I play "Whiskey Slap."
626
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,098
Tables get broken.
627
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,272
Innocent boyfriends
end up serving time.
628
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,602
Then why do you like it so much?
629
00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:00,006
Because that's
how this girl rolls.
630
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,439
No, it's not. I hate it.
631
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,944
I hate it so much.
I hate it.
632
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,545
Honey, I wanted to
fit in with your friends,
633
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,608
but they are exhausting.
634
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,617
No, but I love having both
of my worlds come together.
635
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,990
Look, I love your brother
and his friends to death,
636
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,359
but I just don't know how
you can hang out with them
637
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,518
all the time,
what with the "Whiskey Slap"
638
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,487
and the texting
naked pictures,
(laughing): Yeah.
639
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:20,526
and dating
the horrible nut jobs.
640
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,130
(laughing):
I love it.
641
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,801
Why are they all doing
that to themselves?
642
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,160
What do you mean why?
643
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,928
They want what we have.
644
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,368
Come here.
645
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,169
Mm...!
646
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:32,714
For the record...
Yeah?
647
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:35,379
I like your penis
just the way it is.
648
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,138
Oh, you mean slightly
above average?
649
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,376
And to the left.
650
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:39,751
(passionate moaning)
651
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,319
Man, that chauffeur
was incredible.
652
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,079
Make sure you give
him five stars.
653
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,716
I know stalking's a crime,
654
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,092
but did you see the way Shane
took that mound of dirt?
655
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:48,359
It was pretty hot.
656
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,988
Is everyone
in your spin class nuts?
657
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,662
Cooper, we ride bikes
that don't go anywhere.
658
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,461
I think you just answered
your own question.
659
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,057
So, what have we learned?
660
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:59,165
Never underestimate the power
of the "Whiskey Slap."
661
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,498
Today's mid-size sedan's
are pretty aerodynamic,
662
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,704
and never send a photo
of your genitals to anyone.
663
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:05,737
Ever.
664
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:08,913
What's up?
665
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:09,941
Dude, I'm tired as hell.
666
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,076
Me and James Franco
667
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,450
about to go take a milk bath.
668
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:13,449
(chuckles)
669
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,450
Hey, guys,
670
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,021
I just want
to apologize
671
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,418
if I've been acting
weird, I, uh,
672
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:18,550
really hope you two
are happy together.
673
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,585
Thanks.
674
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,987
Go hug it out.
675
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,429
So, how's it going?
676
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:28,760
Good, good, uh, although
677
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,895
she's a lot tinier than Karina,
678
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,600
so I don't think she'll
be picking me up anytime soon.
679
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,303
Look, man, if, um,
680
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,395
I ever try to give you
girl advice again,
681
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:39,066
just tell me
to shut the hell up.
682
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:40,305
I mean, I obviously
683
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,710
have no idea
what I'm talking about.
684
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,311
Nice.
That...
685
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:45,754
What else? Cool. And then this.
Do that?
686
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:46,908
All right.
And then this?
687
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:48,176
Hug? Yeah.
688
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,218
If she suggests role-play
689
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,549
just-just say no.
690
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,294
That's still technically
girl advice,
691
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:55,921
but I may take you up on that.
692
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,656
So, yeah, one final thing:
693
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:03,162
think twice before you label
somebody a crazy ex,
694
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:06,465
'cause if you're not careful,
that could easily be you.
695
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:07,999
One, two, three.
696
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:10,244
(Neal shouts)
I don't know what I'm doing!
697
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,599
Use your knees!
698
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,808
(Lena laughs, Neal yells,
then groans)
699
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:14,810
(cries)
700
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,782
Yeah.
701
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:18,810
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