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[Narrator] I love you.
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Previously on Please Understand Me.
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- I was on a date with my then-girlfriend.
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- He was on a field trip with a child.
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Anyway, I put two scoops
on the (beep) cone.
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I licked it, and I gave
it to him, and he took it.
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So then I dumped that bitch for him.
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- There was a point where it turned from,
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her energy became intense,
and then it became mean.
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There was a transition, like
she refuses to acknowledge
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that I even have a penis.
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I have told her why I am unable to orgasm.
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I have been taking anti-depressants--
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- It's an excuse.
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You go out, you make the
money, and you come home,
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and you bust a nut.
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What woman you gonna ever date
got two pinky rings on, huh?
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I handles business.
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- You see where this hurts.
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- I do.
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- Wow, look at you guys, whoa.
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Oh my goodness, look at you
both, how amazing is this?
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How far along are you?
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- About seven months, yeah.
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- That's amazing.
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How are you feeling?
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- I'm feeling great, as
long as he lets me do
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whatever I wanna do,
everything goes smooth.
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- Yup, that's a good rule
for being pregnant, yes.
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- Yes it is.
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- It's a good rule.
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- What did you want to add, Ahamed?
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- He better tread lightly.
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- It's not that I don't want
her to do what she wants.
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Some things I think are
health risks for the child.
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- And you feel in protective
mode for both mom and baby.
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Of course, that makes perfect sense.
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- Just basic, you know,
you shouldn't drink so much
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when you're pregnant.
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- And you shouldn't judge
so much when I'm pregnant.
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I don't understand, okay?
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He do what he do, I do what I do.
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I have my ritual, every
morning, I get up, I yawn,
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I meditate, I talk to the universe,
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I take the positive
energy, I suck it all in,
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I take the negative energy,
and I push it on out.
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And then I have me a nice big
glass of red wine and a steak.
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- Not too much wrong with that, Ahamed.
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I'm sure you've checked with your doctor,
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a glass of wine won't harm the baby.
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- See?
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- It's more than a glass.
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It's actually a full bottle.
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She bought a very large glass
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so that she could bypass that rule.
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- If it can fit in the
glass, get off my ass.
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Okay, so first of all, we
always getting in an argument
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because he's a vegetarian veterinarian,
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and all I do is take his
money and buy meat with it.
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But I don't care, because I love meat.
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I love animals, too,
that's why I eat them.
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I do love to drink my
wine, don't get it twisted,
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but I love my hot dog juice.
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And he don't like to say
it, but he low-key love
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when I drink the hot dog
juice out the weenie package,
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because I like to take it,
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I like to get a eight pack of wieners,
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I take all the wieners out,
and I love that little liquid
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down at the bottom of it.
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And sometimes you gotta
add a little vinegar to it,
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then you suck it out that bag,
like a bag of potato chips.
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Them little crumbs?
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They're so good.
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It makes me wild, he likes it.
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- It's terrifying.
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Anyway, I wanna raise
the child vegetarian--
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- No.
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While that baby's in my
ass, he eat what I eat.
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- Mmm.
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- He in my ass!
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- She is, you know, I want to have a say
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in how the child is raised.
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I want the child to be Jewish.
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- No.
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- I am willing to do Christmas.
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I want to put the child
through Montessori school--
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- Mont...
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We're not sending our child to Missouri.
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What's in Missouri?
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- Montessori.
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It's a type of school,
it's more hands-on--
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- Oh, now you trying to tell
me I don't know my states.
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- Let's talk for about two
minutes, I saw you guys glowing,
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come on, tell me what's working.
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Do I see rings on your fingers?
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- Yes.
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- Oh my goodness.
- We did get married.
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- We got married.
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- Tell me about the wedding,
I wanna hear all about it.
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- I thought it was a success.
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- Every wedding is.
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- Right, right?
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- What were you about to say, Ahamed?
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- It was a nightmare.
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My family is Jewish,
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and we had a traditional
Jewish wedding, and--
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- [Punkie] They had these
stupid hats on their heads.
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It didn't even cover their whole head.
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- [Ahamed] It's called a kippah.
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- Well whatever, I don't
like when a piece of fabric
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sit in the middle your head like that.
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That (beep) weird.
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And then they had curls
hanging from their ears.
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What man takes a curling
iron and curl his sideburn?
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Who do that?
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- [Crowd] L'Chaim!
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- Once she realized there
was no bacon or pork there,
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she got upset, and she went
out and bought some bacon,
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and then she--
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- I dipped it in the
gravy and I pulled it out.
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I dipped it dipped it
dipped it in the gravy,
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and then I pulled it out.
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Nobody saw the bacon.
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Nobody even knew that
they was swallowing bacon.
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- I don't know what she was on,
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it seemed like a cocktail of drugs,
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and I think she was stealing
things from my office.
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- I took a flea pill.
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- She was hallucinating on
the dance floor with a knife.
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- Mmm hmm.
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- Dancing around in this stabbing motion.
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My parents were scared.
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The whole family was.
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- I needed an adventure.
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I needed something to happen.
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I needed to get the party started.
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- [Ahamed] She kept saying,
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"I need some pork, I need some pork."
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- I was imagining a ham.
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Come here, piggy.
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The piggy's (beep) with me.
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- Punkie, Punkie it's me, let's go home.
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- I love being Jewish!
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- It was a nightmare, and we
were scared for the child, too.
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For Moishe.
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- Oh (beep) no.
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If it's a boy, his name
not gonna be no Moesha.
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He puts me in bad situations.
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- Like what?
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- He puts me in situations
I don't wanna be in.
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Like he took me to this
little stupid class.
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- It was a Lamaze class, you
know, breathing exercises--
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- Lamaze, Lamont, it
don't matter what it was,
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it was just the wrong environment for me.
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And then there was another
incident, so they say.
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Because ain't nobody about
to try to out-breathe me.
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(panting)
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- [Teacher] Breathe out
the negative feelings.
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Okay, if we could...
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- She was very intimidating
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for the rest of the
participants in the class.
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- Oh, everybody get crazy
when an African American woman
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is standing up breathing with Lamont.
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- [Ahamed] She thought
it was a competition.
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- [Punkie] Everything a competition, okay?
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I smack the piss out their bellies.
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I don't care.
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They sitting down like a bunch bitches.
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I was standing up.
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- And she was staring at them, and--
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- Face to face, nose to nose.
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I walk straight up to one of them.
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- [Ahamed] Started pushing
her stomach against theirs.
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- [Punkie] That's right, and dancing.
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- [Ahamed] The instructor eventually
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had to ask her to leave.
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And that's when she got violent.
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- [Punkie] Oh well.
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- What do you mean violent?
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- She tackled her.
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- [Punkie] That's my signature move.
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- [Ahamed] It took four
of those pregnant women
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to pull her off.
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- It sure did.
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And I don't have no shame in my game.
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As a matter of fact, I'm tired.
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- What do you mean, honey?
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- I'm just sleepy, and I took
some pills out of your car.
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- What pills?
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- Whatever was in the console.
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I just wanna take a nap.
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- [Therapist] What did she take?
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- Come here, come here.
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How many did you take?
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- I just wanna, yeah, this is much better.
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- Those were heartworm pills, Punkie.
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It's not for you.
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- You guys have done great work today.
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- Shh.
- A lot of work.
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Mmm.
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- Oh, you gotta get some
more of those, baby,
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I took all of them.
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They were so good, and chewy.
14934
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