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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,323 --> 00:00:02,013 - [Announcer] The following is a counseling session 2 00:00:02,011 --> 00:00:03,831 with a certified therapist. 3 00:00:03,832 --> 00:00:06,232 The patients, however, are comedians. 4 00:00:06,232 --> 00:00:08,412 They are not in an actual relationship 5 00:00:08,411 --> 00:00:11,191 and their stories are fictional. 6 00:00:11,192 --> 00:00:12,752 (whispering) Pst, I love you. 7 00:00:12,752 --> 00:00:15,502 (elevator music) 8 00:00:26,342 --> 00:00:27,802 - [Therapist] So what's bringing you here today? 9 00:00:27,802 --> 00:00:31,032 - [Johnny] Well I was like we should definitely... 10 00:00:31,034 --> 00:00:33,644 - [Kate] I was, for years, 11 00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:35,402 encouraging us to seek help. 12 00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:36,452 (Johnny laughs) 13 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,583 It was my idea to be here. 14 00:00:37,576 --> 00:00:38,846 - It was my idea. 15 00:00:38,845 --> 00:00:40,935 - It was my idea, he never wanted to do it. 16 00:00:40,936 --> 00:00:43,366 - Well I'm pretty sure my, it wasn't just my idea, 17 00:00:43,365 --> 00:00:45,675 it was my doing, so, yeah, I did it. 18 00:00:45,684 --> 00:00:46,664 - I'm the reason that we're here 19 00:00:46,656 --> 00:00:49,136 - And it's so good that we're here. 20 00:00:49,144 --> 00:00:49,984 - Then you're welcome. 21 00:00:49,982 --> 00:00:51,142 - It's really great that you're here. 22 00:00:51,144 --> 00:00:52,744 - You're welcome for bringing you here. 23 00:00:52,736 --> 00:00:55,816 - And you're welcome for me, not just 24 00:00:56,714 --> 00:00:59,874 bringing you here doing the legwork. 25 00:00:59,874 --> 00:01:01,584 Yeah, I'm the reason we're here. 26 00:01:01,584 --> 00:01:03,734 - Well, It could've been both of your ideas and 27 00:01:03,734 --> 00:01:06,974 maybe it doesn't matter who's idea it is. 28 00:01:06,965 --> 00:01:09,125 Because here you are. 29 00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:09,955 - Okay. 30 00:01:09,958 --> 00:01:12,138 - Mmmhmm. Yeah, here we are. 31 00:01:12,136 --> 00:01:15,546 - But I just think like for the record, I brought us here. 32 00:01:15,554 --> 00:01:18,794 - Tell me a little bit about how you got together. 33 00:01:18,794 --> 00:01:20,384 - We met in a park. 34 00:01:22,261 --> 00:01:23,091 - [Kate] Beautiful park. 35 00:01:23,094 --> 00:01:25,304 - Beautiful, very pretty. I liked the park. 36 00:01:25,304 --> 00:01:28,534 - And I loved the park, and therein lies the difference. 37 00:01:28,533 --> 00:01:32,623 But I digress. I was jogging, as I used to be very active 38 00:01:32,622 --> 00:01:33,602 physically. 39 00:01:33,603 --> 00:01:37,693 - I was hiking, sorta jog-hike hybrid thing I do. 40 00:01:39,274 --> 00:01:43,694 This acorn I saw on the ground I picked it up to inspect it. 41 00:01:43,685 --> 00:01:47,355 Kate approached because she I guess was a big fan of 42 00:01:47,363 --> 00:01:48,373 that acorn as well. 43 00:01:48,373 --> 00:01:50,923 - [Kate] Guilty as charged, I loved that acorn. 44 00:01:50,924 --> 00:01:52,814 - [Johnny] There was definitely like a spark. 45 00:01:52,811 --> 00:01:54,371 - [Kate] Immediate spark. 46 00:01:54,373 --> 00:01:55,623 - [Johnny] There was immediate spark, 47 00:01:55,624 --> 00:01:58,754 and we started talking about the acorn 48 00:01:58,753 --> 00:02:01,693 cause she evidently had seen it 49 00:02:01,693 --> 00:02:04,873 many times before and chose actively not to touch it. 50 00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:08,984 And since I had touched it I disrupted that acorn's 51 00:02:08,984 --> 00:02:11,684 personal space time continuum story. 52 00:02:11,682 --> 00:02:14,142 - We made a schedule of how we could share the acorn 53 00:02:14,144 --> 00:02:18,374 and it worked very well. I would say those were probably 54 00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:20,001 some of the happiest times of our relationship. 55 00:02:20,002 --> 00:02:22,672 - I did, whenever I would always 56 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,530 kind of try to give off my pheromones 57 00:02:25,533 --> 00:02:27,233 on the acorn when I'd pass it off to him. 58 00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:30,124 That's when I knew I was started to develop feelings. 59 00:02:30,122 --> 00:02:33,202 - I think it was a month in, maybe a month and a half 60 00:02:33,202 --> 00:02:36,382 and I picked up the acorn and I got in my car 61 00:02:36,384 --> 00:02:40,134 and it was, oof, I was just overcome 62 00:02:40,133 --> 00:02:42,763 there was just like a musk in the air. 63 00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:45,112 I was like "uh, there's a little somethin'..." 64 00:02:45,114 --> 00:02:46,404 I think I said "there's a little somethin' funky 65 00:02:46,402 --> 00:02:47,422 going on here." 66 00:02:47,424 --> 00:02:48,264 (Kate laughs) 67 00:02:48,257 --> 00:02:51,917 And then she sent me a picture of her armpit 68 00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:58,462 and with the caption "you could grow a tree in this thing." 69 00:02:59,424 --> 00:03:02,444 And I grew a tree and ever since... 70 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:03,990 And we... I think it's the, that's the 71 00:03:03,988 --> 00:03:05,248 we had sex a few weeks later. 72 00:03:05,245 --> 00:03:06,075 - Yeah. 73 00:03:06,078 --> 00:03:09,008 - If you're a couple, I hope that's what's going on. 74 00:03:09,010 --> 00:03:10,520 - But some people would, you might assume 75 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,220 that we're saving it for something, I don't know. 76 00:03:13,221 --> 00:03:14,441 - Well some couples never have sex. 77 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,090 - Yeah. 78 00:03:16,090 --> 00:03:18,070 - A lot of people don't talk about... 79 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:20,692 It's not talked about in popular culture. 80 00:03:20,688 --> 00:03:22,858 - Well I hope that those people might come in 81 00:03:22,858 --> 00:03:26,028 and visit me also because that would be a normal thing 82 00:03:26,032 --> 00:03:27,502 to have sex if you're a couple 83 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:30,809 and you're enjoying each other. 84 00:03:30,809 --> 00:03:34,139 - But what if you're...you know, busy or 85 00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:40,220 I mean, this is all just God if that's something 86 00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,671 that factors into your world view. 87 00:03:42,672 --> 00:03:45,262 - I don't know, is there anything that Kate can do for you 88 00:03:45,261 --> 00:03:46,921 or do differently that would help you 89 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,590 not feel those ways? 90 00:03:49,421 --> 00:03:54,421 - We've talked about a mask. Uh, we've talked about candles. 91 00:03:56,032 --> 00:03:57,782 We've talked about... 92 00:03:58,901 --> 00:04:00,351 - Masks, you already said that. 93 00:04:00,352 --> 00:04:01,192 - Yep. 94 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,190 - [Therapist] Can you tell me a little more about the mask. 95 00:04:05,192 --> 00:04:07,692 - [Kate] What the mask is is it's a 3D rendering 96 00:04:07,693 --> 00:04:09,073 of Johnny's face. 97 00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:09,900 - [Johnny] Mmm hmm. 98 00:04:09,903 --> 00:04:12,253 - [Kate] Hyper-realistic rendering of his face that I wear. 99 00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,143 So it's a mask that I wear of his face. 100 00:04:14,141 --> 00:04:17,621 - [Johnny] And so that way when she looks at me, 101 00:04:17,621 --> 00:04:22,531 shes' seeing me but she's seeing me seeing myself. 102 00:04:22,532 --> 00:04:25,442 And so for works for her on that level 103 00:04:25,442 --> 00:04:28,172 I, we've talked about it and I also assume, 104 00:04:28,173 --> 00:04:30,533 and then I see just myself. So I feel like 105 00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:33,031 it's essentially masturbating. 106 00:04:34,501 --> 00:04:37,251 - He's constructed a loophole. 107 00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:39,031 - It works though. 108 00:04:39,032 --> 00:04:39,872 - You're making a face. 109 00:04:39,865 --> 00:04:40,695 - Did I make a face? 110 00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:44,498 - Yeah, you definitely have some other thoughts 111 00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:45,551 than Johnny's having. 112 00:04:45,549 --> 00:04:46,469 - I'm glad you said that because 113 00:04:46,472 --> 00:04:48,892 I can't see her making the face. 114 00:04:48,893 --> 00:04:51,573 You know how a cat when you see, when you look at a cat 115 00:04:51,571 --> 00:04:52,871 it won't approach but when you look away 116 00:04:52,869 --> 00:04:54,859 the cat's closer? 117 00:04:54,864 --> 00:04:57,014 It only moves when you're not looking at it. 118 00:04:57,013 --> 00:04:57,853 That's how Kate is. 119 00:04:57,846 --> 00:05:00,816 - That's not how cats operate. I worked with cats for years. 120 00:05:00,824 --> 00:05:04,774 - One problem we have is that Kate insists upon 121 00:05:04,773 --> 00:05:06,723 taking a lot of baths. 122 00:05:06,722 --> 00:05:07,562 - Here we go. 123 00:05:07,555 --> 00:05:11,715 - Baths. Yeah, she'll take these really long baths 124 00:05:13,264 --> 00:05:17,684 that last sometimes 13 hours is usually about average 125 00:05:18,704 --> 00:05:20,614 but nine minimum. 126 00:05:20,613 --> 00:05:23,923 If she knows we have something scheduled 127 00:05:23,922 --> 00:05:28,922 she will start the bath at the time we're supposed to leave. 128 00:05:29,552 --> 00:05:31,852 And it's this power thing where she's like 129 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:34,103 "the water's running, I can't, what, am I supposed 130 00:05:34,103 --> 00:05:35,733 to waste this water?" 131 00:05:35,733 --> 00:05:39,933 - Why does when I take a bath affect you? 132 00:05:39,933 --> 00:05:41,113 - [Johnny] It doesn't necessarily... 133 00:05:41,110 --> 00:05:43,310 - It sounded like what I thought Johnny was saying 134 00:05:43,312 --> 00:05:46,092 that you have a plan and his experience is that 135 00:05:46,093 --> 00:05:48,893 sometimes you start the bath when you have a plan. 136 00:05:48,892 --> 00:05:50,642 - Anyone that takes baths knows that 137 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:53,122 you can't control when you take the bath. 138 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,800 - Have you ever been to Two Bunch Palms? 139 00:05:54,802 --> 00:05:55,772 - No. 140 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,893 - It's this silent resort. 141 00:05:57,893 --> 00:06:01,023 - He's never been. He talks about it constantly. 142 00:06:01,024 --> 00:06:02,054 And he's never been. 143 00:06:02,053 --> 00:06:05,893 I've heard him tell someone at the market that he went. 144 00:06:05,893 --> 00:06:07,173 And that was really scary. 145 00:06:07,173 --> 00:06:10,243 - I have done their virtual tour many times. 146 00:06:10,241 --> 00:06:11,741 I know the layout. 147 00:06:12,802 --> 00:06:14,022 You know the virtual tour, that you can click 148 00:06:14,022 --> 00:06:14,912 and you can walk? 149 00:06:14,910 --> 00:06:16,750 - Everyone knows what virtual tours are. 150 00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:17,580 - I don't know. 151 00:06:17,583 --> 00:06:18,733 - He does virtual tours constantly 152 00:06:18,731 --> 00:06:21,741 and it's gotten to a point where I come home 153 00:06:21,742 --> 00:06:26,742 and he's in the corner with the virtual reality mask on. 154 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:27,950 - VR, yep. 155 00:06:28,870 --> 00:06:29,700 - Did you pick up my dry cleaning? 156 00:06:29,703 --> 00:06:32,703 (French cafe music) 157 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:35,992 - Oh hey! 158 00:06:35,986 --> 00:06:38,166 - Did you pick up my dry cleaning? 159 00:06:38,167 --> 00:06:41,747 - Let me just check. I have a list in here. 160 00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:47,777 I'm inside of my list. 161 00:06:47,784 --> 00:06:50,204 - Well, do you understand what it is 162 00:06:50,197 --> 00:06:52,447 that Kate hates about that? 163 00:06:53,706 --> 00:06:55,366 - I guess so, but... 164 00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:00,134 - I'm choosing not to speak. 165 00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:02,287 - [Johnny] You just spoke. 166 00:07:06,213 --> 00:07:08,263 She's processing. 167 00:07:08,255 --> 00:07:10,965 - We really need to wind down for today. 168 00:07:10,967 --> 00:07:13,757 Who's paying for your session today? 169 00:07:13,756 --> 00:07:16,666 - Whoo, I am beat. Beat as a horse. 170 00:07:17,746 --> 00:07:18,716 - So somebody really needs to. 171 00:07:18,724 --> 00:07:20,314 - Thank you so much, this was really wonderful 172 00:07:20,311 --> 00:07:21,631 Thank you, it was great. Yep. 173 00:07:21,634 --> 00:07:24,094 - This was really wonderful. Thank you so much. 174 00:07:24,087 --> 00:07:25,907 - Yup, okay well, we'll be in touch with everybody. 175 00:07:25,907 --> 00:07:28,487 (French music) 13252

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