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[ APPLAUSE ]
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>> WE ARE GATHERED HERE AT
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JASON MRAZ MEMORIAL PARK AND
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CHILL ZONE TO DEDICATE OUR NEW
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GREEN BUS, WHICH RUNS FULLY ON
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BODY SWEAT HARVESTED FROM OUR
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CITY'S MANY TURKISH BATHS.
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A MEMBER OF NTSF:SD:SUV WILL BE
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ON BOARD TO ENSURE PASSENGER
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SAFETY.
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[ APPLAUSE ]
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>> Trent: I HATE PUBLIC
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TRANSPORTATION.
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>> FIRST TIME IN SAN DIEGO?
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>> Trent: NO.
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I'M SAN DIEGO BORN AND BRED.
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I KNOW SAN DIEGO LIKE
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WES ANDERSON KNOWS WHIMSY.
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>> YOU MIND IF I SHARPEN MY
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BLADES HERE?
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>> IT'S FINE.
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JUST DON'T DISTURB ANY OF MY
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IMPORTANT BUSINESS DOCUMENTS.
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>> EXCUSE ME.
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IS THERE ANY ROOM FOR A
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PHYSICALLY IMPOSING STREET
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TOUGH?
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>> CERTAINLY NOT NEXT TO ME.
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I DOUBT IF YOU SECRETLY HAVE A
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NOBLE HEART.
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>> I AM A WOMAN.
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[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]
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>> Trent: DEPLOY WORDS INTO MY
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EAR NOW.
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>> TRENT HAUSER.
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ENJOYING THE BUS RIDE?
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IT'LL BE YOUR LAST.
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>> Trent: THANK GOD.
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I HATE THE BUS.
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>> NO, I MEAN IT'S BECAUSE
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YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE.
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POP QUIZ, HOT SHOT -- THERE'S A
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BOMB ON THE BUS THAT DETONATES
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IF THE BUS GOES FASTER THAN ZERO
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MILES PER HOUR, AND IF ANYONE
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TRIES TO GET OFF THE BUS, THEY
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DIE.
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WHAT DO YOU DO?
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>> Trent: NOT REALLY A POP QUIZ.
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MORE OF A QUESTION.
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>> NO. IT'S A POP QUIZ.
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YOU HAVE TO THINK FAST.
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>> Trent: NO, A POP QUIZ IS 5 OR
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10 QUESTIONS.
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>> A QUIZ CAN CONSIST OF ONE
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QUESTION!
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>> Trent: A QUESTION IS A
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QUESTION.
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THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
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WELL, WHATEVER.
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ZERO MILES AN HOUR -- SO I HAVE
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TO PREVENT THIS BUS FROM MOVING.
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>> YOU ALSO HAVE TO GET ME
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$10 MILLION IN UNMARKED BILLS,
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AND DON'T TRY ANYTHING FUNNY.
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I'M WATCHING YOU, AND THE HICK
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NEXT TO YOU, AND THE GUY NEXT TO
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HIM, AND EVERYBODY ON THAT BUS.
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>> Trent: LISTEN UP, YOU
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TERRORIST SCUMBAG.
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YOU WANT TO THREATEN ME ON A
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BUS?
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WELL, I'M GONNA BUS THIS BUS
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RIGHT THROUGH YOU.
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>> DIEGO!
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>> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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* OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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>> DIEGO!
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>> ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
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TIME TO GET ROLLING.
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>> Trent: STOP!
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DON'T MOVE THIS BUS!
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IT'LL KILL US ALL.
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>> WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?
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>> Trent: EVERYONE, I NEED YOU
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TO REMAIN CALM.
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THERE'S A BOMB ON THIS BUS, AND
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IT'S SET TO DETONATE IF WE GO
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OVER ZERO MILES AN HOUR.
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IF YOU ATTEMPT TO LEAVE THIS
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BUS, YOU'LL BE KILLED.
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>> SO, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO
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DO?
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>> Trent: DO NOTHING.
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>> DO NOTHING?
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THIS WHOLE COUNTRY IS IN THE
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WATER CLOSET BECAUSE WE KEEP ON
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DOING NOTHING.
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I'M GONNA GET OFF THIS BUS AND
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DO SOMETHING.
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>> Trent: SIR, PLEASE DO NOT GET
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OFF THIS BUS!
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>> YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,
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SONNY.
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>> Trent: LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA
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NEED A TRANSFER...TO HELL.
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>> THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR MY
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STRESS-BASED HEART CONDITION.
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JERRY, MOVE THE BUS OR YOU WON'T
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BE MOVING ANY BUSES.
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>> I DON'T FOLLOW YOU.
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>> BECAUSE YOU'LL BE FIRED.
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>> OH. YOU COULD'VE JUST SAID
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THAT.
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>> Trent: STOP!
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OR IT'LL KILL US ALL!
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>> BUT THE BOSS SAID THAT WE --
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[ GUNSHOT ]
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>> JERRY? DID YOU JUST GET SHOT?
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>> Trent: LISTEN UP, DEPUTY.
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>> WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
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>> Trent: I'M NTSF:SD:SUV.
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>> WELL, I'M DOT:SD:MTA:
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MOTHERF'ING B-U-S!
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>> Trent: WELL, I GUESS WE'RE
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GONNA HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH
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EACH OTHER THEN.
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>> IN THAT CASE -- DO YOU NEED
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ANYTHING, LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE
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OR SOMETHING?
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>> Trent: OH, NO, NO. I'M FINE.
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THANK YOU.
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>> ARE YOU SURE?
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>> Trent: YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO
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BATHROOM ON THE BUS, SO...
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>> Piper: DAMN IT, TRENT!
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BUS TRANSIT IS FOR POOR PEOPLE,
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NOT FOR NTSF:SD:SUV AGENTS.
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[ RINGING ]
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>> Alphonse: PIPER.
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>> Piper: ALPHONSE, GET TO THE
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JASON MRAZ MEMORIAL PARK AND
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CHILL ZONE.
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>> Alphonse: WE'RE NOT GOING TO
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BRUNCH NOW?
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>> Piper: NO. BRUNCH CAN WAIT.
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>> Alphonse: BRUN--
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>> Trent: I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED.
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YOU SHOULD BE.
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ALL WE NEED TO DO IS STAY STILL,
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WHICH WILL BE EASY.
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BECAUSE THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO
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DEVICE ON THIS EARTH THAT IS
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CAPABLE OF MOVING A SAN DIEGO
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BUS.
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>> TOW TRUCK!
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>> TIME TO GET MY TOW ON.
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>> Trent: NO.
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STREET CLEANING DAY.
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>> WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
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>> Trent: NTSF:SD:SUV!
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[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]
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HOLD IT!
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DAMN IT! DIDN'T WORK.
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>> [ LAUGHS ]
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>> Trent: THINK, HAUSER. THINK!
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[ GUNSHOT ]
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>> Alphonse: YOU CAN PICK UP
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YOUR LIFE AT THE IMPOUND LOT.
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BUT MAKE SURE YOU BRING CASH
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'CAUSE THEY DON'T TAKE CREDIT.
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THEY ONLY TAKE CASH -- LIFE
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CASH, AT THE IMPOUND LOT, SO...
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>> Trent: NO.
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HE JUST WRECKED IT.
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[ CELLPHONE RINGS, BEEPS ]
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>> Sam: THIS BETTER BE
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IMPORTANT, ALPHONSE.
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I'M HEADED TO A GIG FOR
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FRESH GENERATION, MY
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INSPIRATIONAL HIP-HOP GROUP.
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>> Alphonse: WE GOT A BOMB UNDER
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A BUS, AND IF IT GOES OVER ZERO
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MILES PER HOUR, IT'LL EXPLODE.
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>> Sam: ALL RIGHT.
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WHERE ARE YOU?
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>> Alphonse: JASON MRAZ MEMORIAL
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PARK AND CHILL ZONE.
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>> Sam: LOOKS LIKE THOSE AT-RISK
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KIDS WILL HAVE TO LEARN HOW RAP
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MUSIC CAN SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS
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ANOTHER DAY.
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LET'S ROCK AND ROLL.
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[ TIRES SCREECH ]
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AH, CRAP.
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A LITTLE BIT OF TRAFFIC.
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I'LL MAKE UP SOME TIME HERE
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AFTER THIS -- NO BIGGIE.
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>> Piper: ACCORDING TO SATELLITE
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DATA, THE SIGNAL FROM THE BUS
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BOMB ORIGINATED HERE, WHICH
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MEANS OUR MAN MUST BE IN THERE.
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>> WELL, IF WE'RE DEALING WITH A
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MAD BOMBER, IT'LL CERTAINLY BE
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BOOBY-TRAPPED.
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WE'LL HAVE TO BE CAREFUL BECAUSE
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LITERALLY ANYTHING COULD BE A
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TRIGGER.
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SPEAKING OF ANYTHING, LOOK AT
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THIS ODDLY OUT-OF-PLACE STUFFED
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ANIMAL.
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>> Piper: KEVIN! NO!
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WAIT. HIS NAME WASN'T KEVIN.
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NATE?
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I AM THE WORST.
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WHAT WAS IT?
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>> MY BABY CARRIAGE!
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>> Alphonse: OH, GOD.
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A RUNAWAY BABY CARRIAGE!
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>> IT'S GONNA RUN INTO THE BUS
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AND THERE'S LITERALLY NOTHING WE
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CAN DO!
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>> Alphonse: ALL WE CAN DO IS
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PRAY THAT THAT THING IS FULL OF
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CANS AND NOT A BABY.
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>> WHAT?
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WHY WOULD THERE BE A BABY
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CARRIAGE FULL OF CANS?
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>> Alphonse: I DON'T KNOW.
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MAYBE IT'S A HOMELESS DUDE WHO'S
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COLLECTING CANS WITH A BABY
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CARRIAGE.
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>> MISS IT!
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>> Alphonse: LEFT, BABY!
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>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?
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>> Alphonse: S-STUPID BABY!
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THANK GOD. IT WAS JUST CANS!
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[ BABY CRYING ]
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OH, WAIT.
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NO. AND A BABY.
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>> Sam: STILL IN TRAFFIC, HUH?
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[ HORN HONKING ]
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I'LL JUST GET A LITTLE CAR WASH.
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MAYBE BY THE TIME I GET BACK
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IT'LL ALL BE DONE.
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THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
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I GOT TO GET TO THE BATHROOM
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HERE SOON.
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IT'S REALLY ON IT'S WAY OUT.
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[ FARTS ]
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UGH.
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>> Piper: ALL RIGHT.
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ALL RIGHT, PIPER.
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YOU CAN DO THIS!
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JUST MAKE A DECISION AND CUT A
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WIRE.
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DON'T PULL ANY OF YOUR PIPER
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STUFF WHERE YOU CAN'T DECIDE.
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RED WIRE OR GREEN WIRE, ITALIAN
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FOOD OR CHINESE FOOD?
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NOBODY LOVES THAT.
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WAIT, WHAT'S THIS?
263
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:49,609
OH, MY GOD.
264
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:52,050
IT'S AN INSIDE JOB.
265
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,275
I GOT TO CALL TRENT.
266
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,210
WHAT?
267
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,684
WHO ARE YOU?
268
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:57,184
[ BUNNY SQUEAKS ]
269
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,124
AND WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
270
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,949
[ SQUEAKS ]
271
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:01,764
OH, BOY.
272
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:07,900
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]
273
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:08,655
>> Sam: HELLO?
274
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:09,562
>> Alphonse: SAM!
275
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:10,133
WHERE ARE YOU?
276
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:10,860
>> Sam: I'M HERE.
277
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:11,804
I'M AT NTSF HEADQUARTERS.
278
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,299
RIGHT OUTSIDE.
279
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,029
>> Alphonse: GREAT.
280
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,743
EXCEPT FOR YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
281
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,235
AT THE JASON MRAZ MEMORIAL PARK
282
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,136
AND CHILL ZONE!
283
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,037
>> Sam: DAMN!
284
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,708
ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE THERE IN A
285
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:20,167
SECOND.
286
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,213
>> Piper: HOW'S IT LOOKING,
287
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:21,808
ALPHONSE?
288
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:22,309
>> Alphonse: WOW!
289
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,039
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
290
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:23,843
>> Piper: GOT BLOWN UP.
291
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:24,914
>> Alphonse: LOOK, EVERYBODY'S
292
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:25,882
STILL TRAPPED ON THAT BUS.
293
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:26,909
TRENT'S GONNA HAVE TO PULL A
294
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:27,824
RABBIT OUT OF HIS HAT.
295
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:28,815
>> Piper: NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
296
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,216
TRENT HATES HATS.
297
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,017
>> Alphonse: DAMN.
298
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,748
>> Trent: ALPHONSE, IF I CAN
299
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,663
FIND A VIDEO OF PEOPLE ON A BUS,
300
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,255
MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I CAN USE IT
301
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,686
TO INTERCEPT THE TERRORIST'S
302
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:38,931
CAMERA FEED, TRICK HIM INTO
303
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,156
BELIEVING THAT WE'RE ON THE BUS,
304
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,160
AND USE IT TO EVACUATE.
305
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,161
>> Alphonse: TRENT, REMEMBER
306
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,202
THAT VIDEO THAT I MADE IN HIGH
307
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,156
SCHOOL THAT I SHOWED YOU IN
308
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,004
COMPLETE CONFIDENCE?
309
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:45,998
>> Trent: RIGHT!
310
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:51,341
LISTEN UP!
311
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,068
WHEN I PRESS PLAY ON THIS
312
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,083
COMPUTER, WE HAVE 90 SECONDS TO
313
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,235
GET OFF THIS BUS.
314
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,283
LET'S DO THIS.
315
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,677
>> Alphonse: YO!
316
00:07:58,679 --> 00:07:59,849
WHAT'S UP, KIDS?
317
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,917
I'M HERE TO RAP TO YOU ABOUT BUS
318
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:02,675
SAFETY!
319
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,023
* BUS SAFETY IS WHAT'S IN TOWN
320
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,348
* BUS SAFETY IS HOW WE'RE
321
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:07,293
GETTING DOWN *
322
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,217
* BUS SAFETY
323
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:08,961
>> Piper: LET'S GO.
324
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,116
WATCH YOUR STEP.
325
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,893
>> I-I CAN'T -- I CAN'T DO IT.
326
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:12,692
I'M TOO --
327
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:15,903
>> Piper: YES...YOU...CAN.
328
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,226
>> NO, I-I'M TOO AFRAID.
329
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:17,970
>> Piper: ALL RIGHT.
330
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:18,865
I GUESS YOU CANT HELP SOMEBODY
331
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,726
IF THEY DON'T WANT TO BE HELPED.
332
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:21,774
>> Alphonse: * HIPPITY HIP AND A
333
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:22,769
HOPPITY HOP *
334
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,270
* BUS SAFETY, IT JUST DON'T
335
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:25,141
STOP *
336
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,208
>> WHAT THE...
337
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,806
>> Trent: YOU CAN DO IT.
338
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,108
WE'LL DO IT TOGETHER.
339
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,909
JUST ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE
340
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:32,711
OTHER.
341
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,115
WE MADE IT.
342
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:39,216
>> UGH! NTSF:SD:SUV.
343
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,888
>> Piper: NOW IT'S TIME TO FIND
344
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:46,793
THE REAL TERRORIST --
345
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:47,964
HOWARD BARTKOWIAK.
346
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,331
>> Alphonse: BARTKOWIAK?
347
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,229
>> Piper: CHIEF OFFICER OF THE
348
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:51,771
MTA.
349
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,765
>> Trent: OH. INTERESTING TWIST.
350
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,783
>> Piper: FREEZE, BARTKOWIAK!
351
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:06,075
>> NTSF:SD:SUV.
352
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:06,949
HOW'D YOU FIND ME?
353
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,247
>> Piper: YOU TWEETED A PHOTO OF
354
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,648
YOURSELF IN HERE LIKE 20 MINUTES
355
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:09,920
AGO.
356
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:10,977
>> Alphonse: WHY'D YOU DO IT,
357
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:11,284
CHIEF.
358
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,254
>> SAN DIEGO CITY COUNCIL VOTED
359
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:16,693
TO FORCE DOT:SD:MTA:BUS TO USE
360
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,190
GREEN BUSES.
361
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,661
GREEN!
362
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,130
I HAD TO SHOW THE CITY THAT
363
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,928
MOVING AWAY FROM OIL WAS DEADLY
364
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:23,860
DANGEROUS.
365
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:26,704
>> Piper: I MEAN, I GET IT, BUT
366
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,700
I DON'T REALLY GET IT, YOU KNOW?
367
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,342
>> SOCIETY WITHOUT OIL IS
368
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,437
LIKE -- I-IS LIKE A GUN WITHOUT
369
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,269
BULLETS.
370
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:34,113
YOU SEE?
371
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,107
THIS GUN HAS NO BULLETS IN IT
372
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:36,779
NOW.
373
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,277
NONE. I AM INEFFECTUAL.
374
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,748
JUST LIKE --
375
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:44,954
>> Trent: YOU KNOW, IF ANYTHING
376
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:45,952
POSITIVE CAME OUT OF THIS
377
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,123
DEBACLE IS THAT SAN DIEGANS NOW
378
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,790
KNOW FIRSTHAND THE DANGERS OF
379
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:49,959
PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.
380
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,357
>> Piper: STILL JUST SUCH A
381
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,128
SHAME THAT SO MANY NAIVE PEOPLE
382
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,896
STILL THINK THAT RIDING ON A BUS
383
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:55,355
IS SAFE.
384
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,002
>> Trent: IF EVEN ONE PERSON
385
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,797
DOESN'T RIDE A BUS BECAUSE OF
386
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,699
THIS DEMENTED MTA CHIEF'S PLAN.
387
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,001
THEN THIS MAN'S A HERO, NOT A
388
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,343
TERRORIST.
389
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,968
>> Alphonse: LET'S GO GET SOME
390
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,384
FAJITAS.
391
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,035
NOW, WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP BLOWING
392
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:10,343
UP?
393
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,483
>> Piper: IT IS THE SIMPLEST
394
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,278
EXPLANATION.
24281
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