Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:02,602
>> LaFonda: TONIGHT ON
2
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:03,703
"NEWSREADERS," A NEW
3
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:04,674
INVESTIGATION OF
4
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,472
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA REVEALS
5
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,314
THAT ONLY THE BLACK PART OF HIM
6
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:09,779
WENT TO HARVARD LAW SCHOOL.
7
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:12,207
AFFIRMATIVE ACTION GONE WRONG...
8
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:13,153
OR RIGHT?
9
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,347
WE'LL SPEAK TO THE PRESS
10
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,778
SECRETARY FOR THE WHITE PART OF
11
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:16,283
HIM.
12
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,494
AND SUNRISE OR SUNSET?
13
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,246
YOU'LL HAVE YOUR CHANCE TO VOTE
14
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,594
FOR YOUR FAVORITE TRANSITIONAL
15
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,159
PERIOD OF THE DAY.
16
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,757
ALL THAT AND MORE TONIGHT ON
17
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,629
"NOISEBRINGERS."
18
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,544
THE ONLY REASON TO BECOME A
19
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,869
JOURNALIST IS TO MAKE
20
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,883
MEANINGFUL, GROUNDBREAKING WORK
21
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,535
THAT WINS AWARDS.
22
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,414
SO I GUESS WE CAN JUST RETIRE
23
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:47,283
BECAUSE WE NAILED IT WITH OUR
24
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,221
ONGOING SERIES, "THE CHRONICLES
25
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,217
OF AN AVERAGE AMERICAN BOY NAMED
26
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,119
BEN HAYFLACK," A DOCUMENTARY
27
00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,191
SERIES WHICH CHRONICLES THE LIFE
28
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:57,259
OF AN AVERAGE AMERICAN BOY NAMED
29
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,658
BEN HAYFLACK.
30
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,359
30 YEARS AGO, WE ASSIGNED THEN
31
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:01,501
"NEWSREADERS" INTERN
32
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,595
SADEE DEENUS TO CHRONICLE THE
33
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,767
LIFE OF AN AVERAGE AMERICAN BOY
34
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,366
NAMED BEN HAYFLACK FROM
35
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,168
CRADLE TO WHAT WE HOPE WILL
36
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,840
SOMEDAY BE GRAVE.
37
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,468
AND HERE WITH THE CONCLUSION TO
38
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,743
OUR DECADES-LONG SERIES IS
39
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,482
SADEE DEENUS.
40
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,147
>> I WAS JUST A FRESHMAN IN
41
00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:19,576
COLLEGE WHEN "NEWSREADERS" GAVE
42
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,710
ME THE OPPORTUNITY OF A
43
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,524
LIFETIME -- TWO LIFETIMES,
44
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:23,746
ACTUALLY.
45
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:25,352
BUT IF LIVES ARE MEASURED IN
46
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:26,553
MOMENTS, THEN MYSELF AND THE
47
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:27,764
FAMILY MEMBERS BEHIND THESE
48
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:28,915
WALLS WHO ARE STARING AT ME
49
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,362
THROUGH THE CURTAINS -- I CAN
50
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:34,258
SEE YOU! -- HAVE LIVED FOR
51
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:35,462
GENERATIONS.
52
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,333
WHEN THE HAYFLACKS AND I FIRST
53
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,471
MET 25 YEARS AGO, I FOUND A
54
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,737
TYPICAL ALL-AMERICAN FAMILY --
55
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,635
A HARDWORKING DAD, WHO WAS THE
56
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,507
120th MEMBER OF CompuServe, A
57
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,506
LOVING MOTHER WHO BREAST-FED ONE
58
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,478
OF HER CHILDREN AND SOOTHED THE
59
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,377
OTHER WITH A FUR BLANKET, AND,
60
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,279
OF COURSE, BEN, PRECOCIOUS AND
61
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:53,881
DETERMINED.
62
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:54,921
OH, YOU'RE FLIRTY.
63
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:55,545
OH, MY!
64
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:56,319
[ LAUGHS ]
65
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:57,717
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPOSSIBLE TO
66
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:58,888
KNOW ON THAT DAY HOW THIS
67
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:00,416
ADORABLE AND EXTREMELY THIRSTY
68
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:01,721
LITTLE BOY WOULD TOUCH MY LIFE
69
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:02,922
IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS.
70
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:03,763
>> NO, NO, NO.
71
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:04,887
I CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT.
72
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:05,692
YOU KNOW WHAT?
73
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:06,893
WE CAN GO GET A SNACK NOW.
74
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:07,864
HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
75
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,361
WE'RE JUST GONNA TAKE A SNACK
76
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:09,703
BREAK.
77
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:10,757
>> ALL RIGHT, WHO'S BEEN
78
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:11,504
TOUCHING THIS?
79
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:11,899
[ BEEP ]
80
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:12,699
THIS IS NOT A TOY.
81
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,800
SOMEBODY'S BEEN TOUCHING THIS.
82
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:14,741
NOW IT'S TOTALLY [BLEEP]
83
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:15,935
I CAN'T --
84
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:16,596
[ BEEP ]
85
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:18,214
>> NOT ONLY DID THE HAYFLACKS
86
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:19,866
OPEN THEIR HOME TO US, THEY
87
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:20,613
OPENED THEIR HEARTS.
88
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:21,908
>> ORIGINALLY, I DIDN'T WANT BEN
89
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,839
TO BE A PART OF ANY OF THIS, BUT
90
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,714
THEN I THOUGHT $500 IS NOTHING
91
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,423
TO SHAKE A STICK AT, SO...
92
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:28,975
>> AT AGE 5, BEN ALREADY HAD
93
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,522
SOME PRETTY BIG DREAMS.
94
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:31,648
>> BEN, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE
95
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,692
WHEN YOU GROW UP?
96
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:33,816
>> A SEAGULL BUSTER.
97
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,221
>> A SEAGULL BUSTER?
98
00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:35,863
WHAT'S THAT?
99
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,556
>> YOU KNOW, FIND SEAGULLS AND
100
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,328
BUST THEM AND STUFF.
101
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:43,327
>> WOW, SOUNDS IMPRESSIVE.
102
00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:44,471
>> OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
103
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:44,865
MNH-MNH.
104
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,395
MOMMY WILL BE HERE IN A SECOND
105
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,000
WITH HER MILK.
106
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,970
NO, YOU CAN JUST SIT BACK --
107
00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:50,939
RIGHT BACK THERE.
108
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,638
IT WOULD BE SEVEN YEARS BEFORE I
109
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:53,470
NEXT SAW BEN.
110
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:54,284
[ DRUMMING ]
111
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,335
A LOT CAN HAPPEN IN SEVEN YEARS.
112
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:56,984
FATHERS SWITCH TO
113
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,747
AMERICA ONLINE, MOTHERS GET
114
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,676
FATTER AND FORGET ABOUT WEARING
115
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,551
MAKEUP, AND BROTHERS TURN FUR
116
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:03,850
BLANKETS INTO VESTS.
117
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,621
>> PAUL, I WILL SHOVE THAT
118
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,619
HI-HAT INSIDE OF YOU AND BEAT
119
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,491
YOU WITH A [BLEEP] STICK IF YOU
120
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:12,030
DO NOT SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP!
121
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,885
[ DRUMMING STOPS ]
122
00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:17,373
>> SO, IS ALLISON HERE YOUR
123
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:18,325
GIRLFRIEND?
124
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,272
>> NO, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.
125
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:20,327
>> REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE
126
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,304
YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO BE A
127
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:21,842
SEAGULL BUSTER?
128
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:22,495
[ CHUCKLES ]
129
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:23,703
>> I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO BE A
130
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:24,474
SEAGULL BUSTER.
131
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:25,772
>> GUESS YOU WON'T HAVE TIME FOR
132
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:26,743
GIRLFRIENDS THEN, HUH?
133
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:27,610
>> I LIKE GIRLS.
134
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:28,838
>> WHAT KIND OF GIRLS DO YOU
135
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,312
LIKE?
136
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,552
>> NO, NO. MNH-MNH.
137
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:36,047
THE HAYFLACKS AND I HAD SO MUCH
138
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,019
TO CATCH UP ON.
139
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,787
WENDY, OUR LITTLE GUY IS REALLY
140
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:39,786
GROWING UP, HUH?
141
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:40,617
>> OUR GUY.
142
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,321
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WIN.
143
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,563
IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT BEN HAS
144
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:45,628
REJECTED ME.
145
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,696
IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT PAUL WEARS
146
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:49,956
A FUR VEST.
147
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,333
NO, WAIT. I TAKE THAT BACK.
148
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,473
THAT IS MY FAULT.
149
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:55,597
I REGRET EVER, EVER LETTING YOU
150
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,673
IN HERE WITH YOUR CAMERAS AND
151
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,571
YOUR BEAUTIFUL, UNDISTENDED,
152
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:04,484
LACTATIONLESS BREASTS INTO MY
153
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:05,008
HOUSE!
154
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:07,852
I REGRET IT ALL!!
155
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,248
I REGRET IT ALL!!
156
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:13,346
>> [ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
157
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,324
>> WHAT SHE -- WELL, WHAT SHE
158
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:16,622
AND I, UM...
159
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:18,434
YOU KNOW, JUST T-TO SUM IT UP,
160
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:21,026
YOU KNOW, IF THE WHOLE -- YOU
161
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,328
KNOW, THE F-FUR VEST A-AND THE
162
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,731
OBJECTIVITY THING...
163
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,402
IT'S JUST I...
164
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,340
PAUL?
165
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,995
PAUL, I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL
166
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,972
SNAP YOUR HANDS OFF YOUR FEMALE
167
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,841
ARMS AND I WILL DESTROY BOTH
168
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,510
YOUR KNEES WITH YOUR OWN
169
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,508
DISMEMBERED HANDS IF YOU DO NOT
170
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,410
STOP THAT INCESSANT DRUMMING!
171
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,012
YOU KNOW, I THINK I MADE MY
172
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:40,713
POINT!
173
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,584
I THINK I MADE MY POINT!
174
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:46,052
>> SIX YEARS PASSED BEFORE I SAW
175
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,463
THE HAYFLACKS AGAIN.
176
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,055
SIX YEARS OF UNANSWERED PHONE
177
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,856
CALLS AND REPEATED REFUSALS TO
178
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,428
HONOR A CONTRACT.
179
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,756
IN THAT TIME, WE LEARNED THAT
180
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,401
MARRIAGES DRY UP AND WITHER,
181
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,896
THAT DOTING MOTHERS MOVE OUT OF
182
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,527
THE HOUSE, AND THAT DIVORCED
183
00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,932
FATHERS EAT OUT A LOT AT THE
184
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,503
THAI TASTE NOODLE SHOP AND
185
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,872
EVENTUALLY MARRY ONE OF THE
186
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,070
28-YEAR-OLD WAITRESSES.
187
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,771
BUT THE HAYFLACK FAMILY LEARNED
188
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:06,943
SOMETHING, TOO -- THAT A
189
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,840
CONTRACT IS A CONTRACT.
190
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,382
>> BEN, THANK YOU FOR AGREEING
191
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,478
TO MEET WITH US AGAIN TODAY.
192
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,579
>> I DIDN'T WANT TO GET SUED.
193
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,750
>> [ LAUGHS ]
194
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:15,618
>> OH, WOW.
195
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:16,746
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU, UH,
196
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:17,720
PLAYED GUITAR, THERE.
197
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:18,748
[ CHORD PLAYS ]
198
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:19,922
ALL RIGHT.
199
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,820
>> * I'M WATCHING "NEWSREADERS"
200
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,663
AND I'M IN LOVE *
201
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,058
* WITH THEIR REPORTING, IT'S A
202
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,830
CUT ABOVE *
203
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,599
* BUT THERE'S ONE PERSON THERE
204
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,599
WHO'S CAUGHT MY EYE *
205
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,541
* HER NAME IS SADEE *
206
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:41,736
* SADEE-E-E DEENUS, PUT SHAMPOO
207
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:46,152
ON MY-Y-Y... *
208
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,016
THAT'S ALL I HAVE.
209
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:51,948
>> OH, MY GOD.
210
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:57,064
SO, UM...
211
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,787
SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN
212
00:05:58,792 --> 00:05:59,632
YOU GROW UP?
213
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:00,587
AND DON'T SAY --
214
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,134
>> SEAGULL BUSTER.
215
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:05,099
I LEAVE FOR COLLEGE IN AN HOUR.
216
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,168
>> OKAY.
217
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,696
THAT'S COOL.
218
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,571
GOOD FOR YOU.
219
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:16,444
>> LaFonda: [ CHUCKLES ]
220
00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:18,084
LITTLE BABY BEN SURE DID GROW UP
221
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:18,778
FAST.
222
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,979
TWO YEARS PASSED BEFORE WE NEXT
223
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,121
SAW THE HAYFLACK FAMILY -- TWO
224
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,746
LONG, CONFUSING, AND LITIGIOUS
225
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:26,793
YEARS.
226
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,717
YEARS THAT SAW CHANGES FOR THE
227
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,762
HAYFLACKS AND A REASSIGNMENT
228
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,058
FOR SADEE DEENUS.
229
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,659
>> WENDY, YOU'RE ONLY HERE
230
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,501
TODAY, AFTER TWO YEARS, BECAUSE
231
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,126
ANY MINUTE NOW YOUR SON BEN WILL
232
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,830
WALK IN THROUGH THAT DOOR ON
233
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,102
BREAK FROM COLLEGE.
234
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,070
WHAT ARE YOU FEELING RIGHT NOW?
235
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,239
>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]
236
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:47,036
UH, I FEEL -- I FEEL REGRET FOR
237
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,710
SIGNING A CONTRACT IN 1987, WHEN
238
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:52,110
I THOUGHT [Laughing] $500 WAS
239
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,612
A LOT OF MONEY.
240
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:54,624
[ LAUGHS ]
241
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,145
AND I FEEL -- I FEEL LATE.
242
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,220
I FEEL LATE FOR A THING THAT
243
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,689
RODGER AND I HAVE TO DRIVE TO IN
244
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,189
HIS PORSCHE.
245
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,590
>> OH!
246
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:07,462
SO, HEY, UH...
247
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:08,631
WHEN DID YOU, UH, START
248
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:09,629
SMOKING, HUH?
249
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:10,630
>> GO [BLEEP] YOURSELF.
250
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:11,771
>> WHY DON'T YOU GO [BLEEP]
251
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:12,595
YOURSELF INSTEAD?
252
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,770
>> OH, I WOULD, BUT RODGER'S
253
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,637
[BLEEP] ME FOR ME.
254
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:15,065
>> REALLY?
255
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,168
'CAUSE RODGER LOOKS LIKE HE
256
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,239
MIGHT RATHER [BLEEP] ME.
257
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,207
[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
258
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,635
>> HEY, EVERYONE.
259
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,780
>> OH, OOH, OOH! BENNY BOY!
260
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,535
>> HI, GUYS!
261
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,713
WHERE DO I PUT MY STUFF?
262
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:24,981
WHERE DO I PUT MY SUITCASE?
263
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:25,808
>> WHAT THE...
264
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,113
>> RIGHT HERE -- I'LL PUT IT
265
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:27,854
RIGHT HERE.
266
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:28,248
>> WOW.
267
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,848
>> WHAT?
268
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:30,950
>> I'M GONNA VOMIT.
269
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:31,951
I'M GONNA VOMIT.
270
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,122
BEN, GO TO YOUR ROOM.
271
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:33,750
>> BEN?
272
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:34,824
>> HOW ABOUT THAT?
273
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:36,222
>> THINGS EVENTUALLY SETTLE
274
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,293
DOWN, AND WE HAD SO MUCH TO
275
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,531
CATCH UP ON WITH BEN HAYFLACK.
276
00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:41,798
WELL, I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO
277
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,625
ASK YOU IF YOU HAVE A
278
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,730
GIRLFRIEND.
279
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,571
>> I'LL FIELD THIS ONE, SWEETIE.
280
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:48,136
WE LIVE TOGETHER, AND, UH, YOU
281
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,195
KNOW, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LOT OF
282
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,142
BABIES TOGETHER.
283
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,767
>> ARE YOU GUYS TRYING ALREADY
284
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:52,542
FOR BABIES?
285
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,070
>> UH, COULD WE JUST TALK ABOUT
286
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,044
SOMETHING ELSE?
287
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:55,942
>> YEAH, SURE.
288
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,653
DID YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY TO
289
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:58,245
THE, UH, LADY?
290
00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:58,945
>> OH, NO.
291
00:07:58,946 --> 00:07:59,306
>> NO.
292
00:07:59,312 --> 00:07:59,852
>> NO.
293
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:00,207
>> NO.
294
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:01,723
>> ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO OTHER
295
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:03,745
GIRLS MORE YOUR AGE AT SCHOOL?
296
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:04,651
>> Both: NO.
297
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,122
>> YOU DON'T LIKE THE YOUNGER
298
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,189
BODIES WITH THE MORE SORT OF
299
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:08,958
"TRADITIONAL" BEAUTY?
300
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:09,656
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
301
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:10,217
THIS IS -- YOU'RE --
302
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,893
YOU'RE CROSSING A LINE HERE,
303
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:12,932
JOURNALISTICALLY.
304
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:13,856
>> RIGHT, YEAH.
305
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,261
I'M REALLY CROSSING THE LINE
306
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:15,832
HERE.
307
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,599
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION THAT I
308
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,998
WOULD ASK ANY GROWN-UP.
309
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,729
HAVE YOU DECIDED ON A MAJOR YET?
310
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,344
>> SEAGULL BUSTING.
311
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,795
UH, IT'S WHY I WENT TO WESLEYAN.
312
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,014
I MEAN, YOU CAN BUILD YOUR OWN
313
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:25,705
MAJOR.
314
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,136
>> AMIR, LET ME ASK YOU THE NEXT
315
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:27,780
QUESTION.
316
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,135
HOW MUCH DOES A SEAGULL BUSTER
317
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:29,812
GET PAID?
318
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:30,710
>> I TOLD YOU, MOM.
319
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:31,911
IF YOU DO WHAT YOU LOVE, THEN
320
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:35,352
THE MONEY WILL COME.
321
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,818
>> WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?
322
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,289
>> NOT...MOM?
323
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:40,847
>> "MOM."
324
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:41,964
>> I DON'T THINK I SAID "MOM."
325
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:42,615
>> OH, MY GOD.
326
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:43,093
YES, YOU DID.
327
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:43,920
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
328
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:44,694
>> YES, YOU DID.
329
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:45,732
YOU SAID -- YOU CLEARLY SAID
330
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:46,326
"MOM."
331
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,726
JUST ASK THE NEXT QUESTION.
332
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:48,828
JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
333
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:51,159
JUST ASK A QUESTION, PLEASE.
334
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,304
>> WHAT DID YOU SAY IF YOU
335
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:54,129
DIDN'T SAY "MOM"?
336
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,974
>> THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW
337
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,339
BEN HAYFLACK, BUT I THINK HE'D
338
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,937
BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT I LANDED
339
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,039
ON MY FEET AFTER SUING
340
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,210
"NEWSREADERS" FOR SEXUAL
341
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,808
HARASSMENT AND GETTING MY OLD
342
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:03,380
JOB BACK.
343
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,246
NOW I COULD FINALLY FINISH THE
344
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,945
PROJECT I STARTED 25 YEARS AGO
345
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,178
AND GET SOME CLOSURE WITH THE
346
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,252
HAYFLACKS.
347
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:11,221
[ DRUMMING ]
348
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,648
BOYS GROW UP, AND THEY GET
349
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,093
MARRIED TO THE RATHER-PLAIN GIRL
350
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,317
ACROSS THE STREET THAT YOU
351
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,292
TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT, AND
352
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,260
DADS -- DADS, THEY SELL FAMILY
353
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,259
HOMES TO AFFORD MORE COMPUTER
354
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:21,901
EQUIPMENT.
355
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,195
PAUL, WILL YOU STOP DRUMMING?!
356
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,327
SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP!
357
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,373
[ DRUMMING STOPS ]
358
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,068
>> [ SIGHS ]
359
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:29,939
AND MOMS DO THINGS, TOO.
360
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:30,897
I DON'T KNOW WHAT MOMS DO.
361
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,174
SCREW HER.
362
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,312
BUT I STILL HAVE ONE MORE
363
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,736
QUESTION FOR THE RESIDENTS OF
364
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:37,082
THIS HOUSE.
365
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:41,077
>> HELLO, PAUL. WHERE'S BEN?
366
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,921
IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION --
367
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,116
WHERE'S BEN?
368
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,987
AND THERE'S ONLY ONE ANSWER.
369
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:47,686
AT THE BEACH WITH HIS FAMILY
370
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:48,958
DOING WHAT HE LOVES.
371
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,156
[ SEAGULLS CRYING ]
372
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,927
SEAGULL BUSTING.
373
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,785
>> [ GRUNTING ]
374
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:56,963
>> LaFonda: AND FINALLY TONIGHT,
375
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,204
AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM
376
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,768
SKIP REMING.
377
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:00,367
>> HI.
378
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,067
SKIP REMING HERE WITH A PLEA FOR
379
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,769
A CAUSE THAT'S NEAR AND DEAR TO
380
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:04,741
MY HEART.
381
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:05,938
I KNOW A LOT OF YOU OUT THERE
382
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,009
HAVE PETS, SO YOU LOVE THEM VERY
383
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:07,837
MUCH.
384
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,341
BUT A LOT OF PET OWNERS FAIL TO
385
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,012
DO SOMETHING THAT'S SO SIMPLE
386
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,681
AND SO ESSENTIAL FOR THE LIVES
387
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,180
OF OUR FOUR-LEGGED FRIENDS.
388
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,981
SO, PLEASE -- PLEASE, I BEG OF
389
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:16,453
YOU.
390
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,319
HAVE YOUR CATS AND DOGS
391
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,088
CIRCUMCISED.
392
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:20,917
NOT JUST BECAUSE IT'S
393
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,061
AESTHETICALLY PLEASING, ALTHOUGH
394
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,155
GOD KNOWS THERE'S NOTHING LESS
395
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,256
APPEALING THAN TO LOOK AT THAN A
396
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,457
FLOPPY ST. BERNARD'S FORESKIN.
397
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,929
DO IT BECAUSE IT'S SIMPLY
398
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,858
CLEANER.
399
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,233
>> LaFonda: NEXT WEEK ON
400
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,131
"NEWSREADERS," DEFYING ALL ODDS,
401
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,843
THE UMBRELLA IS BACK.
402
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,795
AND FINALLY TONIGHT, A FEW
403
00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:37,844
CORRECTIONS.
404
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,308
DESPITE WHAT WE CLAIMED LAST
405
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,906
WEEK, MALAYSIAN PEOPLE ARE
406
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,838
TECHNICALLY MAMMALS.
407
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,083
ALSO LAST WEEK, WE REFERRED TO
408
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,047
MARGARET THATCHER AS
409
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,145
[BLEEP] FACE.
410
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,146
HER PROPER TITLE IS
411
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,217
"PRIME MINISTER."
412
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:49,375
WE REGRET THE ERROR.
413
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,252
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.
25673
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
