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YTS.MX
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[upbeat music playing]
4
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♪ Long ago ♪
5
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:41,707
♪ We were young ♪
6
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:46,003
♪ We played games ♪
7
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:49,423
♪ it was fun ♪
8
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:53,552
["Ahead of the Game" playing]
9
00:00:59,475 --> 00:01:02,478
♪ Wise men say all things go too fast ♪
10
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:06,691
♪ And they best don't last ♪
11
00:01:06,774 --> 00:01:09,943
♪ They grow up as soon
As they get the chance ♪
12
00:01:10,027 --> 00:01:12,946
♪ Let's face it ♪
13
00:01:14,198 --> 00:01:17,242
♪ A whole new way of behaving ♪
14
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♪ With brand-new rules to break ♪
15
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,707
♪ Wahoo, how time flies ♪
16
00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:28,212
♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
17
00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:36,007
♪ Can you remember
When getting up was easy? ♪
18
00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:38,889
♪ No sweat ♪
19
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:43,473
♪ And we could exist
On wax and gum completely ♪
20
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,442
♪ The things we used to think were crazy ♪
21
00:01:50,234 --> 00:01:52,402
♪ Now they seem so very sane ♪
22
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♪ Wahoo, how time flies ♪
23
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♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
24
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,330
♪ Wahoo, how times files ♪
25
00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:07,793
♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
26
00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:11,505
♪ Love hit us right between the eyes ♪
27
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:14,800
♪ It wasn't there
We never had a chance ♪
28
00:02:15,551 --> 00:02:20,051
♪ Sometimes you have
To sit right back and laugh ♪
29
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:24,769
♪ it goes so fast ♪
30
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:47,041
♪ Sure as there's a Sunday morning
Baby ♪
31
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♪ We're going to get a piece of the cake ♪
32
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♪ Wahoo, how time flies ♪
33
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:57,092
♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
34
00:02:57,176 --> 00:03:00,345
♪ Wahoo, how time flies ♪
35
00:03:00,429 --> 00:03:04,724
♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
36
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:07,937
♪ Wahoo, how time flies ♪
37
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:12,399
♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
38
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,208
-Morning, Mr. Harper.
-Morning, Jeff.
39
00:03:30,292 --> 00:03:32,294
-Hi, Ralph.
-Morning, sir.
40
00:03:33,754 --> 00:03:35,172
[phone ringing]
41
00:03:36,298 --> 00:03:38,675
Hello? Security.
42
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:43,013
-[man] Dick.
-Charlie.
43
00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:44,973
I've been waiting for you.
44
00:03:45,307 --> 00:03:47,058
-How've you been?
-Sit down.
45
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:50,020
-Pour yourself a drink.
-Thanks, Charlie.
46
00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:56,985
This business stinks, you know that?
47
00:03:57,069 --> 00:03:59,154
-Well--
-It stinks!
48
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:01,823
It used to be the most exciting
business in the world.
49
00:04:01,907 --> 00:04:04,743
Now it stinks on ice.
50
00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:07,246
-It's been a rough year.
-It stinks.
51
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:13,498
-I guess it does stink.
-It stinks on ice!
52
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,838
All right, on ice.
53
00:04:17,673 --> 00:04:22,173
It was a great feeling to be part
of the team that tied the lace on the shoe
54
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:26,181
that took that giant step for mankind.
55
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:27,891
[classical music playing over speakers]
56
00:04:28,392 --> 00:04:31,645
You don't get that feeling
from building a goddamn missile.
57
00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:38,318
-Now, what's all this crap?
-My plan to reorganize my department.
58
00:04:38,402 --> 00:04:40,487
One small step.
59
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,866
One giant step for mankind.
60
00:04:43,949 --> 00:04:46,284
I wouldn't say that,
but it's not a bad plan.
61
00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:49,287
You know who made
that step possible? We did.
62
00:04:49,371 --> 00:04:51,289
You and me.
63
00:04:51,373 --> 00:04:54,667
And Bob Kane, Frank Chapman.
64
00:04:55,586 --> 00:05:00,086
We put Neil and what's-his-name
on the bloody moon.
65
00:05:02,092 --> 00:05:04,803
And then they gave us the shaft.
66
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,054
It stinks.
67
00:05:07,014 --> 00:05:09,307
On ice.
68
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:12,811
What do you say we talk turkey?
69
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:14,980
Right, Charlie.
70
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:18,025
I was thinking more in terms
of cutting costs than personnel.
71
00:05:18,108 --> 00:05:19,776
Gobble, gobble, gobble.
72
00:05:22,154 --> 00:05:23,905
I was just talking turkey.
73
00:05:30,454 --> 00:05:31,705
Dick...
74
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:37,127
I always thought you were the kind
of guy I didn't have to bullshit.
75
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:38,378
I'm glad to hear that.
76
00:05:39,421 --> 00:05:41,589
-Can I level with you?
-Sure.
77
00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:46,883
-I mean, really level?
-Charlie, you can tell me anything.
78
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:48,597
You're fired.
79
00:05:56,438 --> 00:05:58,731
I must have fired 50 people today,
80
00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:00,526
but that's the first time
I did it like that.
81
00:06:00,609 --> 00:06:03,236
The first time I ever said, just like,
"You're fired."
82
00:06:04,613 --> 00:06:06,072
Practice makes perfect.
83
00:06:09,743 --> 00:06:10,577
No.
84
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:14,039
I shouldn't have done that.
85
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:17,668
It's just that I'm sick
of all the bullshit.
86
00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:19,086
Wait a minute.
87
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:23,716
-You're serious?
-Would I kid a pal?
88
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,551
No jokes, Charlie.
You're really firing me?
89
00:06:28,929 --> 00:06:31,514
I don't have to tell you
what a lousy year we've had.
90
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,434
I haven't done a bad job.
91
00:06:33,517 --> 00:06:37,145
You've done a hell of a job.
And don't let anybody tell you different.
92
00:06:37,229 --> 00:06:38,688
Then why me?
93
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,734
My division's outperformed
everybody's.
94
00:06:42,818 --> 00:06:43,985
Seniority.
95
00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:46,404
I think that's what it was.
96
00:06:48,198 --> 00:06:52,076
I'm sure that's what it was.
Seniority. Yeah.
97
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:56,123
Do you mean to tell me that
when you compare the productivity--
98
00:06:56,206 --> 00:06:57,207
Dick!
99
00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,919
Do you mind if we don't go
into all that crap right now?
100
00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:04,381
Frankly, I'm a little bit looped.
101
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,842
And I got blood on my hands.
102
00:07:08,218 --> 00:07:09,510
A lot of blood.
103
00:07:14,808 --> 00:07:16,100
[upbeat music playing]
104
00:07:33,535 --> 00:07:34,452
[door slams]
105
00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:36,371
Mr. Harper?
106
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,665
I'll have to get back to you.
107
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,670
I just want to say,
I'm very sorry you're leaving us.
108
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:46,507
Well, thank you.
109
00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:49,384
Did Mr. Blanchard tell you about the car?
110
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:52,971
-What car?
-The company car you've been using.
111
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,849
You may retain the use of it
for two weeks.
112
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,142
Isn't that thoughtful?
113
00:07:57,518 --> 00:08:00,938
But we must have your company
credit cards now, please.
114
00:08:06,902 --> 00:08:09,070
Goodbye, Mr. Harper.
115
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,494
[jackhammer hammering]
116
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:28,757
Jane!
117
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,347
Hey, what is this?
118
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,307
This is distressing.
119
00:08:47,484 --> 00:08:48,943
Jane.
120
00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:50,362
Jane!
121
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:55,200
-Hey, Jane!
-Hey, sweetie, you're home early.
122
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:58,996
-[Dick] I gotta talk to you.
-I gotta talk to you, Mr. Harper.
123
00:08:59,538 --> 00:09:01,998
The second payment's
due on the pool.
124
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:04,418
Billy!
125
00:09:06,628 --> 00:09:09,464
Billy, will you get your friend
out of the cement!
126
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,510
-I've been fired.
—Huh?
127
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,762
[yelling] I've been fired.
128
00:09:21,101 --> 00:09:21,976
[blowing whistle]
129
00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:33,155
Oh, baby.
130
00:09:33,238 --> 00:09:34,948
What did you say?
131
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,576
He said he's tired.
132
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:43,373
-Hey, Mr. Harper, you were canned today.
-Yeah.
133
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,794
-What sign are you?
—Huh?
134
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:50,380
-Uh...
-He's an Aquarius.
135
00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:53,800
You poor bastard. I knew it.
136
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,635
What a bummer.
137
00:09:56,386 --> 00:10:00,306
Mars is in direct conjunction
with Saturn.
138
00:10:01,141 --> 00:10:02,267
[groans]
139
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:05,479
It's a tough time for us Aquarians.
140
00:10:05,562 --> 00:10:09,440
You know that bill I gave you,
for the pool, the second payment?
141
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,443
I'll give you until next Wednesday.
142
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:12,945
Hmm.
143
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:15,822
[blowing whistle]
144
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,755
[Dick] Ah. Esperanza.
145
00:10:32,005 --> 00:10:33,256
La Gena is ready.
146
00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,175
-Thank you.
-Gracias.
147
00:10:36,176 --> 00:10:39,679
-Mm.
-I can't believe that Charlie fired you.
148
00:10:39,763 --> 00:10:42,932
-Charlie fired me.
-Dirty rat.
149
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:46,561
After all the years of bottom-pinching
I took from him.
150
00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:49,647
Does that mean we're gonna
be poor, like the Waltons?
151
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:52,943
No, Billy, it doesn't.
152
00:10:54,194 --> 00:10:56,446
What are we gonna do about the pool?
153
00:10:58,282 --> 00:10:59,741
We'll get it finished first.
154
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:03,453
We won't heat it.
155
00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:06,080
Not until you get another job.
156
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:08,417
How will we swim in the pool
if it's cold?
157
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:11,044
Billy is right.
What will the neighbors say
158
00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:14,256
if they don't see steam
coming off our pool on a chilly night?
159
00:11:14,339 --> 00:11:16,382
I'm making some economies
around here.
160
00:11:16,466 --> 00:11:19,719
-Billy, we'll give up our ski lessons.
-God!
161
00:11:19,803 --> 00:11:23,264
-No more French wines at home, sir.
-Oh, God!
162
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,351
And I will drop
the Book of the Month Club.
163
00:11:27,102 --> 00:11:28,561
What about my drum set?
164
00:11:29,104 --> 00:11:31,189
Family, everything's gonna be all right.
165
00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:33,775
There's absolutely nothing
to worry about.
166
00:11:37,779 --> 00:11:41,407
Take that stuff up there.
You, in the truck, watch those plants!
167
00:11:41,491 --> 00:11:43,951
That stuff goes too.
Take it easy over there.
168
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,620
Watch those roots on that thing.
169
00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:48,748
Hey, those plants go up next too, okay?
170
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,378
-Stop it!
-Hello, Mrs. Harper.
171
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:54,796
That goes next.
172
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,382
What in God's name
do you think you're doing?
173
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,426
You got our notice, Mrs. Harper?
174
00:11:59,509 --> 00:12:03,596
-Yes. I sent you a check.
-Bouncy, bouncy. That's naughty.
175
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:06,599
Hey, watch those plants!
Watch that stuff.
176
00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:09,477
-Get it up over there.
-I'll give you another check.
177
00:12:09,561 --> 00:12:11,646
Two checks bounced already,
Mrs. Harper.
178
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:16,484
Your mother carried you nine months,
but we'll only carry you for two.
179
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,111
Clear that bank off.
180
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:22,240
Just because the bank made a mistake
is no reason to come dig up my tree!
181
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,326
-Excuse me.
-Not yours. Ours.
182
00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:26,661
We put this stuff in,
now we'll tear it out.
183
00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:27,829
Watch it.
184
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:31,082
If you don't wanna lose your shirt,
don't put it on the cuff.
185
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,834
You're using Gestapo tactics.
186
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,920
That's impossible. I'm Jewish.
187
00:12:37,297 --> 00:12:40,717
Hey, watch those plants over there.
Come on, watch them roots.
188
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:43,970
Right. Take all of these bushes out,
all of these trees,
189
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:48,183
everything up there,
every rotten weed in this whole garden.
190
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:52,562
Come here. Would you remove this
tracheotomy or whatever it's called.
191
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:56,024
This is not what we ordered,
and I told you so a month ago.
192
00:12:56,650 --> 00:13:00,528
Can you believe this? I told them,
plant what we want or take it all back.
193
00:13:00,612 --> 00:13:03,615
-What a rip-off.
-That's right. Roll up the lawn.
194
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:07,369
I don't like the lawn either.
AstroTurf has more life than this stuff.
195
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:11,832
You will never work
in this neighborhood again!
196
00:13:18,046 --> 00:13:21,382
-Hey, Mom, you were terrific.
-You think so, kid?
197
00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:22,341
Mm-hm.
198
00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:26,346
-What do you want?
-I want the plants inside.
199
00:13:26,513 --> 00:13:28,806
Step one foot in this house,
I'll call the police.
200
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,976
I still want the plants.
201
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:37,983
Pretty grim, huh?
202
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,069
What are we going to tell Dad
when he comes home?
203
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:04,634
Well...
204
00:14:05,969 --> 00:14:08,262
are you gonna tell me how bad things are
205
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,891
or are you gonna wait
for the roof to fall in?
206
00:14:10,974 --> 00:14:13,267
It really isn't as bad as it looks.
207
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,812
Nothing is as bad as this looks.
208
00:14:16,271 --> 00:14:18,523
We don't have any income
or any assets.
209
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,650
What do you mean,
we don't have any assets?
210
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:22,944
Other than the sun in the morning
and the moon at night.
211
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,821
We got this house.
212
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:27,073
We owe $77,000
on this house, Dick.
213
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:29,284
If you died right now,
how would I pay it off?
214
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:30,619
Out of the insurance.
215
00:14:30,702 --> 00:14:33,121
We don't have any.
You borrowed against it.
216
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,457
Right, right, right. I forgot.
217
00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:37,875
This is ridiculous.
I'm not gonna die tonight.
218
00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:39,543
I don't know. The night is young.
219
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:42,047
It's comforting to know
when things get tough,
220
00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:44,549
I'll have you standing behind me
with an ice pick.
221
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,469
You've been leading a secret life
for these last years.
222
00:14:47,552 --> 00:14:51,472
For example, what are
"insecured municipal debentures"?
223
00:14:51,556 --> 00:14:55,101
I don't know. I gambled on a few things
for us, and I lost. I'm sorry.
224
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:57,145
You gambled. You lost. What about me?
225
00:14:57,229 --> 00:15:00,482
I gambled and lost, and I didn't
even get a chance to play.
226
00:15:00,565 --> 00:15:02,441
I didn't even watch.
227
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:05,654
Your interest in economics
was limited to the spending part.
228
00:15:05,737 --> 00:15:08,740
I always thought of you as
a responsible aerospace executive.
229
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:12,077
Who would have known you were
the Typhoid Mary of high finance.
230
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,454
If I'd have consulted you,
I wouldn't have lost my job.
231
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,707
If you think you can do better,
take over.
232
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,667
It would be hard to do it any worse.
233
00:15:19,751 --> 00:15:22,754
Go ahead, be my guest. It's all yours.
234
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,673
My very thought.
235
00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:28,009
And my first act as director
of family economics
236
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:30,637
-is to put you on an allowance.
-On a what?
237
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,765
What lunatic spends $1000 on lunch
when he's out of a job and in debt?
238
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,894
The kind that knows you can't
get a job if you look like a loser.
239
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:41,523
If I was Diners Club, I'd bronze your
stomach and put it in the hall of fame.
240
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:42,690
Point number two.
241
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:46,444
Your job is to get on the food stamp
program, look for work in your field--
242
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:51,028
Excuse me, why don't I get a "job" job?
Like a busboy or a waiter?
243
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,618
If we're not too proud
to go on welfare--
244
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:56,037
-We can't afford it.
-Can't afford it?
245
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:59,749
You can earn more money on
unemployment than in those jobs.
246
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:02,293
My job is to get a "job" job.
247
00:16:03,211 --> 00:16:06,631
-You're gonna get a job?
-Mm-hm. Yes. Incredible as it may seem.
248
00:16:08,091 --> 00:16:10,301
May I ask-- No offense, mind you.
249
00:16:10,385 --> 00:16:12,136
What do you think you're qualified to do?
250
00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:14,305
Secretary of the treasury
seems to be filled.
251
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:18,101
-There must be lots of things I can do.
-You never worked a day in your life.
252
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,604
You can't type,
and you can't take shorthand.
253
00:16:21,062 --> 00:16:22,563
I'm a college graduate.
254
00:16:23,398 --> 00:16:25,733
Reasonably intelligent.
Not altogether unattractive.
255
00:16:25,817 --> 00:16:28,152
Yes, but will you be happy
being a hooker?
256
00:16:28,236 --> 00:16:30,446
[jazz music playing over jukebox]
257
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:34,200
The only jobs you consider me
qualified for are secretary and hooker.
258
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:36,661
You're not qualified to be a secretary.
259
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:44,586
What an interview.
260
00:16:45,086 --> 00:16:48,589
Don't take it too hard, honey.
It's only the first time.
261
00:16:48,673 --> 00:16:52,134
Take it too hard? I start on Monday.
262
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,803
That's wonderful.
263
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:56,222
[upbeat music playing]
264
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:23,082
[bell ringing]
265
00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:30,214
-The line ends after me, mister.
-Sorry.
266
00:17:35,595 --> 00:17:37,930
-That's a pretty nice suit, mister.
-Thank you.
267
00:17:38,014 --> 00:17:40,683
You've got some nerve
coming here dressed like that.
268
00:17:40,767 --> 00:17:44,187
People in here need this money.
This ain't no damn joy ride.
269
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:49,651
Hey, you're Mr. Harper, aren't you?
Taft Aerospace.
270
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:52,486
-Yeah.
-I'm Raoul Esteban. Remember?
271
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:55,490
I was in the Taft Maintenance Division.
I used to do your office.
272
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,243
-Sure, Raoul. Nice to see you.
-How you doing, man?
273
00:17:58,326 --> 00:18:00,703
Hey, they canned you too, huh?
274
00:18:00,787 --> 00:18:02,830
It's more complicated than that.
275
00:18:02,914 --> 00:18:04,790
-First time in here?
-Damn right.
276
00:18:04,874 --> 00:18:08,127
Man, are you in luck.
I'm gonna take care of you.
277
00:18:08,211 --> 00:18:10,922
-Mi casa, su casa. You know?
-Sure.
278
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:13,133
First thing, you're in the wrong line.
279
00:18:13,216 --> 00:18:15,384
-Wrong line.
-I'm gonna lose my place here.
280
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,762
Information, they make you wait
in line two hours.
281
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:20,515
All they do is tell you
to fill out one of these.
282
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,851
I'm gonna take care of you,
no problem.
283
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,899
I'm going to have an operation
in a month.
284
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:32,110
You know, the operation.
285
00:18:32,193 --> 00:18:35,863
And my analyst said I should
start making the adjustment.
286
00:18:35,947 --> 00:18:38,699
And, well, that's why they fired me.
287
00:18:38,783 --> 00:18:43,283
For wearing a most demure gray maxi
with a matching cashmere twin set.
288
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:46,958
-It's here in the letter from my analyst.
-Let me check this out.
289
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,502
Maybe we should pick another line,
what do you say?
290
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:52,505
Listen, man, it's no sweat.
They ain't gonna hassle you.
291
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:55,216
Look what your card says.
Aerospace executive.
292
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,343
Yeah, but I'm not that anymore.
293
00:18:57,427 --> 00:19:00,054
In here, man, you are what you were.
294
00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:03,015
You're gonna get 104 bucks a week.
All I get is 50.
295
00:19:03,099 --> 00:19:04,558
You're top guy around here.
296
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,895
They ain't gonna mess
with a guy like you. No problem.
297
00:19:08,688 --> 00:19:12,024
Why do I have to see the supervisor?
It's all so simple.
298
00:19:12,108 --> 00:19:13,567
I'm sorry.
299
00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:17,238
All right. Shoot.
300
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:26,330
I've seen some fruits in my day,
but he really takes the cake, huh?
301
00:19:26,414 --> 00:19:28,207
Not really.
302
00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:31,460
Come on. That's the flamingest
faggot I've ever seen.
303
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:35,214
In the first place, he's a transsexual.
304
00:19:35,298 --> 00:19:37,800
Not a fruit, not a fag,
not even a homosexual.
305
00:19:37,884 --> 00:19:42,384
He has the mind, soul and desires of
a woman imprisoned in a man's body.
306
00:19:44,265 --> 00:19:46,475
Now, what can I do for you, sir?
307
00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:50,771
Uh...
308
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:54,525
-Thank you.
-Oh, God.
309
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,654
Good night.
310
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,198
[Jane] Do you resent it that I got a job?
311
00:20:00,281 --> 00:20:02,366
[Dick] Don't be silly.
312
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,036
[dog panting]
313
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,746
[Jane] You shouldn't feel threatened--
314
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,998
[Dick] Look, I don't resent you
getting a job.
315
00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:12,627
-I'm thrilled you got a job.
-[Jane] I can tell by your shouting.
316
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:15,922
[Dick] I'm shouting because I've got
an interview at 9:00 in the morning
317
00:20:16,005 --> 00:20:19,049
about food stamps,
and I'd like to get some sleep.
318
00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:23,471
Or maybe, since you've conquered
the business world, we don't need them.
319
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,890
I thought you were going today
to get food stamps.
320
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:28,935
Jane, you just don't
get food stamps.
321
00:20:29,018 --> 00:20:32,396
You don't come in off the street
and say, "I'd like food stamps"
322
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,898
and they give you some.
323
00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:37,610
It happens to be a very difficult
and complicated process.
324
00:20:37,694 --> 00:20:40,655
-I'm sure you can handle it, sweetie.
-I don't know.
325
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:44,242
You getting this job
may have screwed up our eligibility.
326
00:20:48,496 --> 00:20:50,456
Spot, will you shut up.
327
00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:58,335
It's all politics, man. You don't
have to worry about it. Come on.
328
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:00,174
[rock music playing over speakers]
329
00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:03,427
[indistinct chatter]
330
00:21:09,058 --> 00:21:09,933
Ah.
331
00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:12,770
Yeah. So?
332
00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:14,355
A guy comes to your house--
333
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:17,150
Wait a second.
A guy comes to my house?
334
00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:18,901
He wants to see
where you got to cook
335
00:21:18,985 --> 00:21:22,363
and if you're telling the truth about
how many people are living there.
336
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,323
All right.
A guy comes to my house.
337
00:21:24,407 --> 00:21:26,951
First, you fill out the forms.
Tell him about the forms.
338
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:28,244
What about the forms?
339
00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:31,998
Then, you get to buy vouchers,
which you take to a place that sells, uh--
340
00:21:32,081 --> 00:21:33,874
[both speaking in Spanish]
341
00:21:33,958 --> 00:21:35,209
Are they putting me on?
342
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:37,753
Hey, you wanna know
how to get food stamps, right?
343
00:21:37,837 --> 00:21:39,463
-Yeah.
-We're trying to explain.
344
00:21:39,547 --> 00:21:42,550
What do you think,
it's dinner for two at Trader Vic's?
345
00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:47,346
All right. So after the visits
and after the forms, how much do I get?
346
00:21:47,430 --> 00:21:50,057
Excuse me. I'm going to explain.
347
00:21:56,523 --> 00:21:59,067
Now, you gonna put down
you got just one wife and one kid?
348
00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:01,819
Yeah. Any of you guys
got more than one wife?
349
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:03,529
Give him the one wife and kid.
350
00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:07,325
One wife and one kid.
351
00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:10,203
And you're getting
your unemployment now, right?
352
00:22:10,578 --> 00:22:12,997
-[Dick] How much do I get?
-You get 108 bucks worth a month.
353
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:14,457
Imigracón!
354
00:22:15,708 --> 00:22:16,917
Come on! Let's go!
355
00:22:17,001 --> 00:22:18,335
[men shouting]
356
00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:21,255
Something I said?
357
00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:24,550
No, just immigration police
coming in to check things out.
358
00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:25,676
Ah.
359
00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:31,641
Hey, Francisco,
dos cervezas, por favor.
360
00:22:33,852 --> 00:22:36,104
Okay, Poncho,
let's see your immigration card.
361
00:22:36,187 --> 00:22:38,647
—Huh?
-Don't play games. Your card.
362
00:22:38,731 --> 00:22:42,067
Hey, he's an aerospace executive.
He sends people to the moon.
363
00:22:42,151 --> 00:22:46,029
Yeah, and I'm Flash Gordon.
Tarjeta de imigración.
364
00:22:46,114 --> 00:22:48,741
Tarjeta de imigración?
What are you, crazy?
365
00:22:48,825 --> 00:22:51,285
-You got those beers?
-Buddy, you're going downtown.
366
00:22:51,369 --> 00:22:53,537
I'm not your buddy,
and I don't speak Spanish.
367
00:22:53,621 --> 00:22:56,999
-That's what they all say.
Because I said cerveza and por favor?
368
00:22:57,083 --> 00:23:00,211
Everybody says por favor.
How about "vaya con Dios"?
369
00:23:03,631 --> 00:23:05,507
Paula, I don't have the same shoes.
370
00:23:05,592 --> 00:23:08,595
Honey, they're always
sending mismatches.
371
00:23:08,678 --> 00:23:11,931
-Where are the falsies?
-In the box over there on the chair.
372
00:23:13,224 --> 00:23:16,185
Just stick this in your heel.
That ought to do it.
373
00:23:16,269 --> 00:23:20,769
And don't worry. After all, modeling
is nothing more but organized walking.
374
00:23:21,232 --> 00:23:23,734
-Hey, you're on. Come on.
-Oh!
375
00:23:23,818 --> 00:23:25,361
[classical music playing]
376
00:23:34,704 --> 00:23:35,955
—[rips]
—Oh.
377
00:23:52,347 --> 00:23:53,681
I'm terribly sorry.
378
00:23:55,391 --> 00:23:56,934
How much is this, please?
379
00:23:57,018 --> 00:24:00,563
-$185.
—185.
380
00:24:01,522 --> 00:24:03,357
Miss. Miss.
381
00:24:03,441 --> 00:24:05,651
How much is this dress?
382
00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:08,946
It's a nightgown. I don't know
anyway, though. I'm sorry.
383
00:24:09,030 --> 00:24:11,115
You don't know? What a klutz.
384
00:24:24,963 --> 00:24:26,381
Who is she?
385
00:24:26,464 --> 00:24:29,550
Some friend
of the fashion coordinator's.
386
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,184
[screams]
387
00:24:40,895 --> 00:24:42,396
[all shouting]
388
00:25:10,341 --> 00:25:12,009
Hello, Jane.
389
00:25:12,427 --> 00:25:14,595
Oh, my God, Dick!
What have you done?
390
00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:16,931
A guy named Jim Weeks
is coming to lunch.
391
00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:19,350
He wants to talk to me about a job.
392
00:25:19,934 --> 00:25:22,770
-Where did you get the money?
-I've got friends.
393
00:25:22,854 --> 00:25:24,772
We'll tell him you're on a diet.
394
00:25:25,356 --> 00:25:27,358
Why don't we tell him you're on a diet?
395
00:25:27,442 --> 00:25:29,986
This is not fun, Jane. This is serious.
396
00:25:31,404 --> 00:25:33,489
Do you really think
he'll offer you a job?
397
00:25:33,573 --> 00:25:36,492
As long as he thinks I don't need one.
I know those bastards.
398
00:25:37,410 --> 00:25:39,161
Oh. [grunts]
399
00:25:39,245 --> 00:25:42,957
-[Dick laughing]
-That's funny. That's funny.
400
00:25:43,041 --> 00:25:44,834
What are you gonna do?
401
00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:48,087
-Okay, what is it?
-An Eskimo peeing.
402
00:25:48,171 --> 00:25:50,464
An Eskimo peeing.
403
00:25:52,091 --> 00:25:54,051
Jane, it's absolutely lovely.
404
00:25:54,135 --> 00:25:56,929
I just wish you could have
joined us, that's all.
405
00:25:58,514 --> 00:26:00,641
Is that funny.
406
00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:03,185
Could we have some coffee
in the living room?
407
00:26:03,269 --> 00:26:04,561
Certainly.
408
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:09,066
-Shall we repair, Jim?
-I think that's a hell of an idea.
409
00:26:11,277 --> 00:26:13,696
-That's very funny.
-Make yourself comfortable.
410
00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:15,740
Thank you. I love your house.
411
00:26:15,823 --> 00:26:18,659
It's solid. It's a real home.
Not too much.
412
00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:20,161
Thank you, Jim.
413
00:26:20,244 --> 00:26:21,954
-We like it.
-Thank you.
414
00:26:22,038 --> 00:26:25,124
It does tend to grow
a little confining. You know?
415
00:26:25,208 --> 00:26:26,792
Oh, I do. I do. I do.
416
00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:31,714
Look, Dick, I'm not gonna
beat around the bush with you.
417
00:26:31,798 --> 00:26:33,424
We like you.
418
00:26:33,508 --> 00:26:36,135
-We like your style.
-Thank you, Jim.
419
00:26:36,803 --> 00:26:39,472
-We like your mind.
-Thank you.
420
00:26:39,555 --> 00:26:42,516
But we can't pay you the money
you've been getting at Taft.
421
00:26:44,310 --> 00:26:46,145
Not in straight salary, that is.
422
00:26:48,481 --> 00:26:49,482
Thirty thou.
423
00:26:50,858 --> 00:26:52,109
That's our top.
424
00:26:53,528 --> 00:26:54,820
Thirty, eh?
425
00:26:58,032 --> 00:27:00,075
Gee, I don't know, Jim.
426
00:27:00,493 --> 00:27:04,121
Well, if you play ball with us,
the sky is the limit.
427
00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:06,540
It's attractive, Jim.
It's damn attractive.
428
00:27:06,624 --> 00:27:10,169
I got several irons in the fire now,
and I'd like to think about it.
429
00:27:10,253 --> 00:27:12,630
-I can think about it?
-Sure. Think about it.
430
00:27:12,713 --> 00:27:15,298
I'm not trying to rush you.
I wouldn't dream of it.
431
00:27:15,383 --> 00:27:17,510
[Dick] I'd like to consider
the complete picture.
432
00:27:17,593 --> 00:27:22,093
[Jim] Sure, consider the complete picture,
but printed circuits, not rocket ships.
433
00:27:23,724 --> 00:27:28,224
Collecting and storing information here
on mother Earth. That's the future.
434
00:27:28,771 --> 00:27:31,774
And any man with a thought
435
00:27:31,858 --> 00:27:34,193
about industry in ten years' time...
436
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:38,280
Any man thinking about tomorrow
will say goodbye to aerospace today.
437
00:27:40,741 --> 00:27:43,243
-What are you doing?
-I'm closing the shutters.
438
00:27:43,327 --> 00:27:45,787
Why don't you take Mr. Weeks
to see the backyard.
439
00:27:45,872 --> 00:27:48,249
-Backyard?
-[man over megaphone] Open up the door.
440
00:27:48,332 --> 00:27:52,627
Or we're gonna huff and puff
and we're gonna blow your house down.
441
00:27:54,213 --> 00:27:56,423
We want the indoor plants, deadbeat.
442
00:27:56,507 --> 00:28:00,427
Plants ain't free just because
they grow on trees, deadbeat.
443
00:28:00,511 --> 00:28:04,097
-I know you're in there, deadbeat.
-Excuse me, Jim.
444
00:28:05,308 --> 00:28:08,352
[man] You can't buy a rubber plant
with a rubber check, Harper.
445
00:28:08,895 --> 00:28:10,938
I know you're in there, deadbeat.
446
00:28:11,105 --> 00:28:14,108
-What the hell's going on here?
-We've come for our plants.
447
00:28:14,192 --> 00:28:16,444
I'm having a meeting.
You can't come in now.
448
00:28:16,527 --> 00:28:19,446
I can't? Okay, Tippy.
449
00:28:19,614 --> 00:28:20,948
Excuse me.
450
00:28:24,035 --> 00:28:26,746
"Jane," she asked,
"would you care for a cognac?"
451
00:28:26,829 --> 00:28:29,540
"Yes, thank you very much.
I'd like one desperately."
452
00:28:31,375 --> 00:28:33,126
[Tippy] Watch it, lady.
453
00:28:38,841 --> 00:28:42,094
Hey, Igo, could you do something
about that tree?
454
00:28:42,178 --> 00:28:43,637
Yes, sir.
455
00:28:52,897 --> 00:28:54,690
Afternoon, Harper.
456
00:28:55,316 --> 00:28:56,442
Hello, Nesbitt.
457
00:28:57,985 --> 00:29:02,485
The Wind's been kicking up your yard
and blowing it into our windows.
458
00:29:03,699 --> 00:29:05,534
I'm going to seed it.
459
00:29:09,038 --> 00:29:10,789
You're having a garage sale?
460
00:29:11,832 --> 00:29:13,708
Uh, yeah. Odds and ends.
461
00:29:13,793 --> 00:29:17,087
Déclassé, Harper. Très déclassé.
462
00:29:17,171 --> 00:29:20,716
It brings all the riffraff
in the neighborhood. You know what I mean.
463
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,176
[horn honks]
464
00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:24,095
[mariachi music playing over stereo]
465
00:29:25,846 --> 00:29:28,932
Hey, man, the Opera's
coming to town next Tuesday.
466
00:29:29,642 --> 00:29:32,728
-So what?
-So 40 bucks a night, man.
467
00:29:32,812 --> 00:29:34,647
-Cash.
-Can you sing?
468
00:29:34,730 --> 00:29:37,691
Hell, no! All you do is stand around
while they sing.
469
00:29:37,775 --> 00:29:40,569
Sometimes, you carry a spear,
or hold the elephant.
470
00:29:40,653 --> 00:29:42,112
It's real easy, man.
471
00:29:43,447 --> 00:29:46,741
Excuse me, Nesbitt.
Private matter to discuss.
472
00:29:49,412 --> 00:29:52,540
-What about unemployment?
-We don't tell them, man.
473
00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:55,542
-Suppose they find out?
-How are they gonna find out?
474
00:29:55,668 --> 00:29:59,338
They pay us cash. There's no papers.
No way they're gonna find out.
475
00:29:59,422 --> 00:30:02,049
You mean I'm gonna be
a welfare chiseler?
476
00:30:02,133 --> 00:30:06,220
Hey, hey! A welfare chiseler is just
some bum who doesn't wanna work.
477
00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:07,305
We wanna work.
478
00:30:07,388 --> 00:30:10,849
Yeah, but the rules say you can't
work and collect unemployment.
479
00:30:10,933 --> 00:30:14,937
You can't always go by the rules.
There are times to run heavy numbers.
480
00:30:15,021 --> 00:30:17,648
"When in the course of
human events..." You know?
481
00:30:18,149 --> 00:30:20,109
How about guys
like Rockefeller and Du Pont'?
482
00:30:20,192 --> 00:30:22,944
Think they let a few crummy rules
stand in the way?
483
00:30:23,029 --> 00:30:26,032
That's the whole enchilada
that made this country great, man.
484
00:30:27,283 --> 00:30:30,286
-I never thought of it like that.
-You'd better start.
485
00:30:30,369 --> 00:30:33,872
I ain't no deadbeat welfare chiseler,
and neither are you.
486
00:30:33,956 --> 00:30:36,375
-I'm sorry.
-That's okay, man.
487
00:30:37,918 --> 00:30:39,711
[vocalizing]
488
00:31:03,611 --> 00:31:06,071
Cool it. Cool it. Cool it.
489
00:31:08,032 --> 00:31:10,951
[singing in French]
490
00:31:25,341 --> 00:31:26,759
[men shouting]
491
00:31:33,432 --> 00:31:35,559
Cool it. That's enough.
Wait a minute.
492
00:32:06,465 --> 00:32:08,675
So you didn't work last week,
Mr. Harper?
493
00:32:08,759 --> 00:32:11,094
-That's right.
-That's funny.
494
00:32:11,178 --> 00:32:14,514
I caught your gypsy act
the other night. Divine.
495
00:32:15,057 --> 00:32:17,309
Too bad I won't see you
for three years.
496
00:32:18,727 --> 00:32:21,646
No unemployment for three years.
I can't believe it.
497
00:32:21,730 --> 00:32:24,691
Look on the positive side.
They could have sent you to jail.
498
00:32:24,775 --> 00:32:28,069
Unemployment's all we had.
What am I gonna tell Jane?
499
00:32:28,154 --> 00:32:29,446
I wouldn't tell her.
500
00:32:32,658 --> 00:32:34,076
[doorbell rings]
501
00:32:36,328 --> 00:32:38,955
-[woman] Hello, dear.
-[Jane] Hi, Mom, how are you?
502
00:32:39,039 --> 00:32:42,792
[woman] We're just fine, dear.
It's so nice to see you.
503
00:32:42,877 --> 00:32:47,377
How thoughtful of you.
Well, your father's waiting to see you.
504
00:32:49,383 --> 00:32:51,885
-Hi, Dad.
-Jane brought us some flowers, dear.
505
00:32:51,969 --> 00:32:53,470
Hello, Jane.
506
00:32:58,684 --> 00:33:01,561
-Would you like a cup of tea, dear?
-No, thanks, Mom.
507
00:33:03,230 --> 00:33:04,439
Over here.
508
00:33:09,528 --> 00:33:14,028
I discussed your phone call with
your mother yesterday, after I hung up.
509
00:33:14,783 --> 00:33:17,160
"What does she want to see us about?"
510
00:33:17,244 --> 00:33:19,329
-Didn't I say that, Mother?
-Yes.
511
00:33:19,413 --> 00:33:22,165
Something you couldn't discuss
over the phone, you said.
512
00:33:22,249 --> 00:33:24,918
-Yes. That's right, Dad. i--
-Well...
513
00:33:25,669 --> 00:33:29,297
I narrowed it down to three possibilities:
514
00:33:29,381 --> 00:33:33,134
Health, emotion or money.
515
00:33:34,303 --> 00:33:37,723
Let's take health. Is there someone ill?
516
00:33:38,390 --> 00:33:42,102
No, I ruled that out myself.
I distinctly remember asking
517
00:33:42,186 --> 00:33:45,189
about everyone's health,
and your answer was positive.
518
00:33:45,272 --> 00:33:47,274
Without hesitation.
519
00:33:47,858 --> 00:33:50,110
Which brings us to...
520
00:33:50,444 --> 00:33:51,945
emotion.
521
00:33:52,571 --> 00:33:54,948
At your age, a euphemism for divorce.
522
00:33:57,076 --> 00:34:00,454
Well, you never came to see us
to talk about marrying him,
523
00:34:00,538 --> 00:34:03,207
so why should you come
to talk about divorcing him?
524
00:34:03,749 --> 00:34:06,918
No, a divorce can be handled
in a phone call.
525
00:34:07,962 --> 00:34:09,004
So...
526
00:34:09,755 --> 00:34:10,797
it's money.
527
00:34:11,799 --> 00:34:14,593
You're broke. That's it, isn't it?
528
00:34:14,677 --> 00:34:17,096
Who ever said Sherlock Holmes
was dead, eh, Mom?
529
00:34:17,179 --> 00:34:19,890
I was right, Mother, they're broke.
530
00:34:21,809 --> 00:34:24,520
Dick hasn't had a job
in over three months, Dad.
531
00:34:24,603 --> 00:34:26,730
Why didn't you tell us before, dear?
532
00:34:26,814 --> 00:34:30,108
We were sure he could get a job
and didn't want to worry you.
533
00:34:30,818 --> 00:34:34,363
I unloaded all of my aerospace stock
the day they landed on the moon.
534
00:34:34,446 --> 00:34:37,240
I knew that was the peak. I was right.
535
00:34:37,866 --> 00:34:39,951
It's a depressed industry.
536
00:34:40,035 --> 00:34:41,494
Depressed and depressing.
537
00:34:42,246 --> 00:34:46,583
-I was right about the stocks.
-You certainly were.
538
00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:48,752
Jane...
539
00:34:49,712 --> 00:34:51,505
I'll make it easier for you.
540
00:34:51,589 --> 00:34:54,383
You've come here to borrow money,
haven't you?
541
00:34:55,342 --> 00:34:57,344
-Yes, Dad.
-Oh.
542
00:34:57,720 --> 00:35:00,848
Well, I'd love to help you.
I really would.
543
00:35:01,599 --> 00:35:06,099
But I can't. I'm just opposed
to borrowing or lending on principle.
544
00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:10,315
Self-reliance. It's like a...
545
00:35:11,108 --> 00:35:13,110
religious thing to me.
546
00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:16,029
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
547
00:35:16,572 --> 00:35:18,657
He's like my God.
548
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:22,327
"Need breaks iron." That's what he said.
549
00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:24,872
Well, it certainly broke us, Dad.
550
00:35:25,372 --> 00:35:29,042
I told Mother that both of you have
been living far beyond your means.
551
00:35:29,126 --> 00:35:32,295
Nothing, just nothing at all
set aside for a rainy day.
552
00:35:33,213 --> 00:35:34,297
All right.
553
00:35:35,382 --> 00:35:37,384
It's the monsoon season
554
00:35:37,468 --> 00:35:41,138
and you're standing outside
in torn raincoats.
555
00:35:42,598 --> 00:35:44,308
Come through this by yourselves
556
00:35:44,391 --> 00:35:47,143
and you'll be dry
for the rest of your lives.
557
00:35:47,227 --> 00:35:49,646
Take money from me and you'll be wet.
558
00:35:50,230 --> 00:35:53,233
Soaking wet from now on. Jane...
559
00:35:53,525 --> 00:35:55,652
it's the best thing that could happen.
560
00:35:55,736 --> 00:35:57,279
Especially for Dick.
561
00:35:58,113 --> 00:36:02,325
I'm so happy for both of you.
Especially for Dick.
562
00:36:02,409 --> 00:36:04,035
What about Billy?
563
00:36:04,119 --> 00:36:08,619
When I was his age, Mr. Nostic
gave me my first paper route.
564
00:36:10,250 --> 00:36:12,377
I've heard that story already.
565
00:36:13,253 --> 00:36:15,588
Dad, Billy is doing homework
by candlelight.
566
00:36:15,673 --> 00:36:18,634
Splendid. So did Abraham Lincoln.
567
00:36:25,974 --> 00:36:27,642
-How are you both doing?
-Mm.
568
00:36:29,478 --> 00:36:31,229
Never better. Jane...
569
00:36:32,147 --> 00:36:35,483
we have sowed all of our lives,
and we're now...
570
00:36:36,151 --> 00:36:38,945
reaping the harvest. Reap!
571
00:36:39,446 --> 00:36:41,656
Reap! Reap!
572
00:36:42,282 --> 00:36:44,742
I seem to feel a monsoon dripping in.
573
00:36:46,412 --> 00:36:48,163
It was nice to see you again, Dad.
574
00:36:51,375 --> 00:36:53,460
-Bye, Mom.
-Goodbye, dear.
575
00:36:54,878 --> 00:36:58,131
You tell Dick he's a lucky man.
576
00:36:58,757 --> 00:37:01,801
Not everybody gets
a real chance to be tested.
577
00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:04,555
You tell him that I'm jealous.
578
00:37:05,431 --> 00:37:09,931
-I'm sure he'll be really thrilled, Dad.
-Don't forget to tell him I'm jealous too.
579
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:15,983
So long.
580
00:37:19,111 --> 00:37:20,320
Bye-bye.
581
00:37:22,322 --> 00:37:23,156
[door closes]
582
00:37:28,203 --> 00:37:29,162
[man grunting]
583
00:37:45,888 --> 00:37:49,474
-Mister, you got problems.
-Why do you think we're here?
584
00:37:49,558 --> 00:37:53,687
I know why you're here.
You got guts. I'll give you that.
585
00:37:53,854 --> 00:37:56,356
Your ad says, "If you've been
turned down elsewhere--"
586
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,024
It didn't say "everywhere."
587
00:37:58,108 --> 00:38:00,401
-It's the first place we've been!
-Lucky us.
588
00:38:00,486 --> 00:38:04,031
Hey, there are lots of places
we can go for abuse. Come on, Dick.
589
00:38:04,114 --> 00:38:06,699
Sit down. Did I say I wasn't
giving you money? Did I?
590
00:38:06,784 --> 00:38:08,660
-No. It's just that--
-Sit down.
591
00:38:11,163 --> 00:38:13,081
Let's look at the pluses and minuses.
592
00:38:13,165 --> 00:38:15,917
-There are a couple--
-We'll start with the minuses.
593
00:38:19,213 --> 00:38:22,090
You two are in hook up to your eyes.
594
00:38:22,174 --> 00:38:24,759
You have nothing serious for collateral.
595
00:38:24,843 --> 00:38:28,680
You're behind in both mortgages,
so we're third in line behind the bank?
596
00:38:30,182 --> 00:38:32,475
And your car is paid for.
597
00:38:32,559 --> 00:38:35,019
But that car and a dime
would get you a cup of coffee.
598
00:38:35,103 --> 00:38:39,232
That's a perfectly good late-model car
worth at least $1000.
599
00:38:40,859 --> 00:38:43,528
You have some jewelry.
Might be worth a few bucks.
600
00:38:43,612 --> 00:38:46,364
-The car's at least $900.
-I haven't come to the pluses.
601
00:38:46,448 --> 00:38:48,450
Will you wait for me
to come to the pluses?
602
00:38:48,909 --> 00:38:49,910
Okay.
603
00:38:51,995 --> 00:38:55,915
On the plus side, you, Mrs. Harper,
604
00:38:55,999 --> 00:38:57,834
-are actually working!
-Yes.
605
00:38:57,918 --> 00:39:01,588
Getting paid bupkes, but you're working.
It's regular. And you...
606
00:39:03,423 --> 00:39:05,925
You could get another job.
Who knows?
607
00:39:06,009 --> 00:39:08,219
They might find a cure for cancer, right?
608
00:39:08,303 --> 00:39:10,138
Will you get to the bottom line?
609
00:39:10,514 --> 00:39:15,014
The bottom line is that I love people.
So I'm going to let you have...
610
00:39:18,814 --> 00:39:21,650
$1000 for one year
at 18 and a half compounded.
611
00:39:22,442 --> 00:39:25,653
-A thousand dollars?
-18 and a half? That's against the law.
612
00:39:25,737 --> 00:39:26,946
Take it or leave it.
613
00:39:27,030 --> 00:39:28,489
-We'll take it!
-We'll leave it!
614
00:39:28,574 --> 00:39:29,950
-We'll leave it!
-We'll take it!
615
00:39:31,577 --> 00:39:34,663
[cashier] Seven, eight, nine, 1000.
Thank you.
616
00:39:40,627 --> 00:39:43,838
This is a holdup! If nobody moves,
nobody gets hurt! Lie down!
617
00:39:43,922 --> 00:39:45,757
-Hands up!
-You said nobody move!
618
00:39:45,841 --> 00:39:47,717
-Shut up!
-I wouldn't offend you.
619
00:39:47,885 --> 00:39:50,387
-I told you to lie down and shut up!
-[man] Count on it!
620
00:39:57,895 --> 00:39:59,354
Come on, man!
621
00:40:04,318 --> 00:40:06,737
-I just borrowed this.
-Now you're loaning it.
622
00:40:06,820 --> 00:40:09,280
-Borrow it from him.
-This is legally yours.
623
00:40:09,364 --> 00:40:11,324
I'm paying it back. What's the interest?
624
00:40:11,491 --> 00:40:13,242
You already signed the papers.
625
00:40:13,327 --> 00:40:14,953
-Shut up!
-Can we clear this up?
626
00:40:15,037 --> 00:40:17,956
-Who are you stealing this from?
-Shut up!
627
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:19,541
-[alarm ringing]
-[screams]
628
00:40:19,625 --> 00:40:22,377
-What was that?
-It was me. My gun went off.
629
00:40:22,461 --> 00:40:24,254
That'll bring all the heat.
630
00:40:24,338 --> 00:40:26,214
-Did you get the money?
-Yeah.
631
00:40:26,298 --> 00:40:29,259
-Get the broad.
-Hey, man, let's go!
632
00:40:29,343 --> 00:40:33,180
-On your feet, you're coming with us.
-Hey, hold it!
633
00:40:33,263 --> 00:40:34,639
[police siren wailing]
634
00:40:43,357 --> 00:40:45,484
-Where the hell are they?
-Out the back.
635
00:40:45,567 --> 00:40:47,026
They got a woman with them!
636
00:40:47,110 --> 00:40:48,736
Come on, lady, get up!
637
00:40:49,863 --> 00:40:50,905
Hold it, police!
638
00:40:51,531 --> 00:40:52,657
Wait, man!
639
00:41:02,376 --> 00:41:06,546
-You want to go to the hospital?
-I'm all right. Jane, are you?
640
00:41:06,630 --> 00:41:09,549
-I'd just like to go home.
-Well, you're free to go.
641
00:41:09,633 --> 00:41:14,133
-You sure were cool under fire, ma'am.
-I'll faint at home. Thanks.
642
00:41:15,389 --> 00:41:17,057
Oh! Sorry.
643
00:41:17,140 --> 00:41:21,227
Mr. Harper? How much did you
tell them that you lost?
644
00:41:21,311 --> 00:41:23,021
A thousand dollars.
What do you mean?
645
00:41:23,105 --> 00:41:24,481
You couldn't tell them $2000?
646
00:41:24,564 --> 00:41:27,817
Insurance would have paid. I would
have split the extra grand with you.
647
00:41:27,901 --> 00:41:28,985
Schmuck.
648
00:41:35,575 --> 00:41:38,035
-Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
-Billy, are you going outside?
649
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:39,246
[Billy] Yeah.
650
00:41:39,329 --> 00:41:41,289
—Hi, Bill.
-[Billy] Hi.
651
00:41:46,253 --> 00:41:47,837
Are you feeling all right?
652
00:41:49,423 --> 00:41:51,591
Come in and close the door.
653
00:41:53,635 --> 00:41:54,594
Lock it.
654
00:41:58,098 --> 00:42:02,598
They dropped it, I fell on it, and while
the police were chasing them I took it.
655
00:42:02,978 --> 00:42:04,562
Oh, my God!
656
00:42:04,855 --> 00:42:07,399
I don't know what happened to me.
I just did it.
657
00:42:07,482 --> 00:42:11,068
-There's $2000 here.
-I can't believe I did it.
658
00:42:11,236 --> 00:42:14,614
-Neither can I.
-It's not funny. I've committed a crime.
659
00:42:14,698 --> 00:42:16,616
And done a hell of a job at it.
660
00:42:18,869 --> 00:42:20,704
I don't know why I didn't give it back.
661
00:42:20,787 --> 00:42:22,997
It never even occurred to me
to give it back.
662
00:42:23,081 --> 00:42:26,375
-You are sensational.
-I can't believe it. Stop it, Dick.
663
00:42:26,460 --> 00:42:28,170
Would you turn on the faucet?
664
00:42:29,588 --> 00:42:32,007
-I'm going to give it back.
-To who, the robbers?
665
00:42:32,090 --> 00:42:33,299
[water flowing]
666
00:42:33,383 --> 00:42:35,760
The money belongs to the loan...
667
00:42:36,803 --> 00:42:38,930
-They have insurance, don't they?
-Exactly.
668
00:42:39,556 --> 00:42:41,683
Suppose they catch those guys.
They saw me.
669
00:42:41,767 --> 00:42:45,979
They'll never catch them. Even if they
finger you, who's gonna believe them?
670
00:42:46,063 --> 00:42:49,483
The cops won't believe them.
They'll think they spent it all.
671
00:42:49,566 --> 00:42:51,568
I can't believe we're talking like this.
672
00:42:52,235 --> 00:42:55,112
Dick. We've always done
things the straight way.
673
00:42:55,197 --> 00:42:58,283
Yeah, well, I'm tired of
belonging to a minority group.
674
00:43:00,994 --> 00:43:01,953
Okay.
675
00:43:03,038 --> 00:43:05,957
-Okay, I'm going to keep it.
-Good.
676
00:43:06,416 --> 00:43:09,710
-I'm going to keep it.
-That's still good.
677
00:43:11,546 --> 00:43:15,299
Hey. Do you think it would be awful
if we had a little celebration?
678
00:43:15,383 --> 00:43:17,218
You mean eat something besides
Hamburger Helper?
679
00:43:17,302 --> 00:43:19,178
Mm-hm. A little red wine.
680
00:43:19,262 --> 00:43:23,140
-How about a little champagne?
-Oh, oui.
681
00:43:24,810 --> 00:43:27,646
-Love you.
-I love you.
682
00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:36,321
Got the lights. We got our lights back.
Woo-hoo!
683
00:43:36,822 --> 00:43:38,573
I propose a toast.
684
00:43:38,657 --> 00:43:41,201
-Down with candles.
-Down with imitation mayonnaise.
685
00:43:41,284 --> 00:43:44,120
-Down with Hamburger Helper.
-Up the Harpers.
686
00:43:44,412 --> 00:43:46,622
-Mm.
-Here's looking at you, Spot.
687
00:43:47,082 --> 00:43:48,333
-Wow.
-[doorbell rings]
688
00:43:48,416 --> 00:43:50,626
-You can have some.
-Will you get that, honey?
689
00:43:50,710 --> 00:43:51,794
-Sure.
-Spotty, old boy.
690
00:43:53,797 --> 00:43:54,631
Yes?
691
00:43:54,714 --> 00:43:57,341
[man] Is this the residence of Mr. Harper?
692
00:44:02,806 --> 00:44:04,307
Yes, I'm Mrs. Harper.
693
00:44:04,891 --> 00:44:07,560
You've applied for the food stamp program?
694
00:44:08,562 --> 00:44:09,563
That's right.
695
00:44:09,646 --> 00:44:13,483
My name is Johnson.
I'm the income maintenance technician.
696
00:44:14,067 --> 00:44:17,653
-The what?
-I've come for the inspection.
697
00:44:20,115 --> 00:44:22,492
-Tonight?
-Want to see my credentials, lady?
698
00:44:23,493 --> 00:44:25,411
No. No.
699
00:44:27,622 --> 00:44:29,081
Please come in.
700
00:44:35,213 --> 00:44:36,672
[humming]
701
00:44:38,175 --> 00:44:39,092
Ta-da!
702
00:44:39,176 --> 00:44:43,430
Darling, this is Mr. Johnson.
The income maintenance mechanic.
703
00:44:43,597 --> 00:44:44,931
Technician.
704
00:44:45,265 --> 00:44:47,058
The food stamps fellow.
705
00:44:47,142 --> 00:44:48,143
Ah.
706
00:44:58,612 --> 00:45:02,657
-Have you eaten, Mr. Johnson?
-I had a Big Mac and a small fries.
707
00:45:04,618 --> 00:45:06,786
-You don't understand--
-Don't I?
708
00:45:09,039 --> 00:45:11,750
-Would you like some champagne?
-And I also had a Coke.
709
00:45:15,337 --> 00:45:19,837
Truth is, we ripped off a loan company,
and this is the last of our proceeds.
710
00:45:19,966 --> 00:45:21,926
I see, yes.
711
00:45:23,178 --> 00:45:25,680
You want to see if we have
any cooking facilities, right?
712
00:45:27,349 --> 00:45:29,267
Yes. Yes, that's the first thing.
713
00:45:30,435 --> 00:45:31,561
This way.
714
00:45:37,692 --> 00:45:40,236
You don't have any assets
other than what's here?
715
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:41,404
That's it.
716
00:45:42,822 --> 00:45:45,324
You sure messed up real good.
717
00:45:46,660 --> 00:45:47,786
We sure did.
718
00:45:47,869 --> 00:45:50,997
Never mind the editorials,
are we eligible or not?
719
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:55,877
-According to the rules, you're eligible.
-Thank you.
720
00:45:56,544 --> 00:46:00,214
Don't thank me. It's people like you
who give this program a bad name.
721
00:46:00,298 --> 00:46:02,591
Screw it up for others
who really need it.
722
00:46:02,676 --> 00:46:04,094
I don't think that's fair.
723
00:46:04,177 --> 00:46:08,014
Jane, the old rich are
always sticking it to the new rich.
724
00:46:08,098 --> 00:46:10,725
The old poor have to stick it
to the nouveau poor.
725
00:46:10,809 --> 00:46:13,978
-In this case, we are the nouveau poor.
-Besides, we really need it.
726
00:46:14,062 --> 00:46:16,898
No one in this house
or this neighborhood needs it.
727
00:46:16,982 --> 00:46:21,319
Really? You think we should sell
this house and move to a slum.
728
00:46:21,403 --> 00:46:23,363
We should sell before the bank does.
729
00:46:23,446 --> 00:46:25,865
-Which is next week.
-You can just forget it.
730
00:46:25,949 --> 00:46:28,034
-We're keeping this house.
-How?
731
00:46:28,118 --> 00:46:30,495
-We'll make the payments!
-With what?
732
00:46:30,578 --> 00:46:33,998
You have accepted our current
problems as permanent. They are not.
733
00:46:34,082 --> 00:46:35,625
This is only temporary.
734
00:46:35,709 --> 00:46:37,711
You haven't told me how
we'll make payments!
735
00:46:37,794 --> 00:46:41,047
The middle class is
the backbone of this country.
736
00:46:41,131 --> 00:46:44,592
We've got to survive.
If we go under, the whole country can.
737
00:46:44,676 --> 00:46:48,137
And in these, our bicentennial years,
my contribution
738
00:46:48,221 --> 00:46:51,557
is not gonna be the destruction
of the American middle class!
739
00:46:51,641 --> 00:46:55,311
I don't know what you're--
Billy, entertain our guest, please.
740
00:46:55,395 --> 00:46:59,148
-We have nothing to worry about?
-[Dick] Right. Nothing to worry about.
741
00:46:59,232 --> 00:47:01,859
-I'll speak to the bank tomorrow.
-[Jane] I spoke to them today.
742
00:47:01,943 --> 00:47:04,487
He said, "You are no
longer banking with us.
743
00:47:04,571 --> 00:47:07,740
-We're banking with you."
-[Dick] Very funny. Leave it to me.
744
00:47:07,824 --> 00:47:09,784
-We'll make the payment.
-[Jane] With what?
745
00:47:09,868 --> 00:47:11,369
[Dick] We'll make the payment.
746
00:47:11,828 --> 00:47:13,204
[ominous music playing]
747
00:47:19,544 --> 00:47:21,212
[upbeat music playing]
748
00:47:23,590 --> 00:47:25,174
[Dick] This is a stickup.
749
00:47:26,134 --> 00:47:27,510
Stick them up.
750
00:47:28,762 --> 00:47:30,096
Stick them up.
751
00:47:30,180 --> 00:47:32,432
Stick them up. Stick them up.
752
00:47:38,438 --> 00:47:42,483
This is a stickup!
Stick them up! Stick them up!
753
00:47:44,444 --> 00:47:45,653
Stick them up.
754
00:47:45,987 --> 00:47:47,488
Stick them up. Oh!
755
00:47:47,572 --> 00:47:48,698
Are you kidding?
756
00:47:49,282 --> 00:47:50,366
[screams]
757
00:47:50,992 --> 00:47:52,326
God, are you crazy?
758
00:47:52,410 --> 00:47:54,912
[muffled] Don't come in
when I have a gun in my hand!
759
00:47:54,996 --> 00:47:56,747
You'll get your head blown off!
760
00:47:56,831 --> 00:48:01,043
Take that ridiculous thing off your face.
I can't hear a word you're saying.
761
00:48:01,294 --> 00:48:04,046
Never sneak up on a man
holding a gun. You can get killed.
762
00:48:04,130 --> 00:48:05,923
-What are you doing with a gun?
-I'm--
763
00:48:06,007 --> 00:48:08,092
Never mind.
I know what you're gonna do.
764
00:48:08,176 --> 00:48:10,386
Yeah, well, you're right about that.
765
00:48:11,513 --> 00:48:13,556
And give me the keys to the car.
766
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:16,893
-Hasn't this gone far enough?
-You're not gonna stop me.
767
00:48:16,976 --> 00:48:19,103
I'm gonna get that money.
768
00:48:20,438 --> 00:48:23,107
Is getting arrested gonna help us
get the money?
769
00:48:23,191 --> 00:48:25,276
You don't think I can do it, do you?
770
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,653
I'm a washout. I'm a loser.
771
00:48:27,737 --> 00:48:31,782
Not even capable of holding up
a goddamn grocery store.
772
00:48:31,866 --> 00:48:34,577
Any idiot can hold up a grocery store.
773
00:48:34,661 --> 00:48:35,912
Thank you.
774
00:48:43,336 --> 00:48:46,505
-You're really determined to do this.
-That's right, Jane.
775
00:48:46,589 --> 00:48:48,591
-That what you're gonna wear?
-Yeah.
776
00:48:48,675 --> 00:48:50,760
-What do you think?
-I think you look like
777
00:48:50,844 --> 00:48:53,137
-the Easter Bunny bandit.
-I had to ask.
778
00:48:53,221 --> 00:48:55,848
You might as well wear a sign
that says, "Arrest me."
779
00:48:55,932 --> 00:48:58,225
Okay, what do you think I should wear?
780
00:48:58,726 --> 00:49:01,770
Why don't you wear something
a little more inconspicuous, like, uh,
781
00:49:01,855 --> 00:49:03,314
the Batman costume?
782
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,539
-How's this?
-It's fine.
783
00:49:19,622 --> 00:49:22,166
Okay, baby. I'm off.
784
00:49:22,250 --> 00:49:23,542
-Uh, Dick?
-Yeah?
785
00:49:23,626 --> 00:49:25,711
Don't you think we've forgotten something?
786
00:49:26,754 --> 00:49:28,922
Oh! The iron. Right.
787
00:49:38,933 --> 00:49:42,061
Dick, don't you think that gun
is gonna attract attention
788
00:49:42,145 --> 00:49:45,773
-sticking out of your belt like that?
-I'll wear a jacket. Don't worry.
789
00:49:45,857 --> 00:49:48,484
I have to worry. I was a psych major.
790
00:49:48,568 --> 00:49:51,070
You know what Freud said.
Criminals leave clues.
791
00:49:51,154 --> 00:49:53,239
They have a compulsion to confess.
792
00:49:53,323 --> 00:49:55,241
I have a compulsion to pay the mortgage.
793
00:49:55,325 --> 00:49:57,327
Did Freud ever write about that? No.
794
00:49:57,410 --> 00:50:00,121
So there. That takes care of Freud.
795
00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:05,751
-Hello, Mr. Harper.
-Hello, Carol.
796
00:50:05,835 --> 00:50:07,711
Jane, what is Carol doing here?
797
00:50:08,379 --> 00:50:10,589
I'm going with you
to your meeting tonight.
798
00:50:10,673 --> 00:50:13,008
You are not. You're staying here.
I'm going alone.
799
00:50:13,092 --> 00:50:17,592
Oh, on the contrary. I wouldn't want to
miss one of your business meetings.
800
00:50:17,764 --> 00:50:20,975
Never know what might happen.
Don't forget to go to bed at 9:30.
801
00:50:21,059 --> 00:50:23,811
-Don't worry, Mrs. Harper.
-Carol, I'm taking you home.
802
00:50:23,895 --> 00:50:25,813
-Sit down, Carol.
-On your feet, Carol.
803
00:50:25,897 --> 00:50:27,315
-Sit down.
-Carol.
804
00:50:27,398 --> 00:50:30,234
-Stay.
-Okay, stay. Both of you, all of you.
805
00:50:30,318 --> 00:50:32,069
Good night, have a good time.
806
00:50:32,153 --> 00:50:33,320
[gunshots on TV]
807
00:50:33,988 --> 00:50:35,531
[Dick] Billy!
808
00:50:35,615 --> 00:50:39,994
Billy, you know what the vet said about
Spot sitting so close to the television.
809
00:50:45,667 --> 00:50:46,626
[handle rattles]
810
00:50:48,670 --> 00:50:49,796
[sighs]
811
00:50:50,964 --> 00:50:52,423
[jingling]
812
00:50:57,762 --> 00:51:00,139
All right, Jane, you can come.
813
00:51:01,558 --> 00:51:04,435
As long as you promise to do
exactly what I tell you.
814
00:51:04,519 --> 00:51:07,230
-I promise.
-You drive.
815
00:51:20,660 --> 00:51:21,535
[yells]
816
00:51:21,619 --> 00:51:24,163
-What happened?
-I think I ruptured myself.
817
00:51:25,498 --> 00:51:28,876
You realize if that thing goes off, you'll
be going on this robbery half-cocked.
818
00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:32,505
Ho-ho-ho. Very funny. Just drive, damn it!
819
00:51:39,679 --> 00:51:41,555
[Jane] How did you happen
to pick Monrovia?
820
00:51:41,639 --> 00:51:44,642
I wanted an area far enough
away from us. Any objections?
821
00:51:44,726 --> 00:51:46,936
-Oh, no.
-I can't believe it.
822
00:51:47,687 --> 00:51:51,023
-I am curious about one thing, though.
-I knew it.
823
00:51:51,107 --> 00:51:55,444
How were you going to get to the crime
scene if I hadn't come home? Cab?
824
00:51:55,528 --> 00:51:58,155
I was going to steal a car.
825
00:51:59,574 --> 00:52:01,158
[laughing]
826
00:52:01,242 --> 00:52:03,452
Dick, that I would like to see.
827
00:52:03,953 --> 00:52:06,789
[Dick] We'll be using what is known
as the "two-car method."
828
00:52:06,873 --> 00:52:09,041
-[Jane] Really?
-You park your regular car,
829
00:52:09,125 --> 00:52:13,087
steal a car for the actual robbery,
return later to pick up your regular car.
830
00:52:13,171 --> 00:52:14,547
[Jane] Dick.
831
00:52:15,256 --> 00:52:17,216
Richard, you can't steal a car.
832
00:52:17,300 --> 00:52:20,386
Put a man on the moon.
I think I can steal a car.
833
00:52:20,470 --> 00:52:22,054
[Jane whistling and Dick grunting]
834
00:52:27,352 --> 00:52:28,978
Will you stop that whistling?
835
00:52:39,989 --> 00:52:42,408
There's something wrong
with this car. It won't start.
836
00:52:42,700 --> 00:52:44,368
Why don't you kick it.
837
00:52:45,119 --> 00:52:48,497
That's right, Jane, just keep riding me.
That's a big help.
838
00:52:50,124 --> 00:52:52,626
If I could just find 3 Hudson,
wouldn't be any problem.
839
00:52:52,710 --> 00:52:54,795
-Why don't you try this car?
-What?
840
00:52:54,879 --> 00:52:58,215
-Why don't you give this one a shot?
-I don't know foreign cars.
841
00:52:58,758 --> 00:53:02,052
I think you can handle this one, Dick.
The keys are in it.
842
00:53:05,932 --> 00:53:07,224
You.
843
00:53:12,397 --> 00:53:13,523
[engine starts]
844
00:53:19,487 --> 00:53:21,530
D is for "drive," dear.
845
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:35,544
[Dick] What do you think?
846
00:53:36,379 --> 00:53:39,882
[Jane] It's too big, it's too bright,
it's crowded. It's ridiculous.
847
00:53:40,466 --> 00:53:43,177
[Dick] Why are these people shopping
in the middle of the night?
848
00:53:43,261 --> 00:53:45,179
They ought to be home in bed.
849
00:54:08,870 --> 00:54:12,164
-This is it, as they say.
-Let's go home before it's too late.
850
00:54:12,248 --> 00:54:14,291
-Goddamn it, Jane.
-We're not cut out for this.
851
00:54:14,375 --> 00:54:18,253
-I told you I'd do this, and I mean it.
-Sweetie, we'll get the money.
852
00:54:18,337 --> 00:54:21,089
It's not the money,
it's the principle of the thing.
853
00:54:21,174 --> 00:54:24,093
-What principle, robbing a drugstore?
-That's right.
854
00:54:24,177 --> 00:54:27,638
It's the money, that's the principle.
That's the principle of the thing.
855
00:54:27,722 --> 00:54:28,764
[stammers]
856
00:54:28,848 --> 00:54:31,100
You wouldn't understand.
Now don't interfere.
857
00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:34,562
You stay right there.
858
00:54:35,021 --> 00:54:38,733
I'm going in alone,
and I don't want any crap about it.
859
00:54:48,201 --> 00:54:49,452
[grunts]
860
00:54:52,955 --> 00:54:54,873
Kind of a light door.
861
00:55:12,391 --> 00:55:13,850
Yes?
862
00:55:14,894 --> 00:55:16,729
Yes, uh.
863
00:55:20,024 --> 00:55:20,858
Uh...
864
00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:25,984
-May I help you, sir?
-May you help me? Uh, yeah. Uh...
865
00:55:32,995 --> 00:55:36,331
Don't you worry, son.
I think I've got what you're looking for.
866
00:55:36,415 --> 00:55:39,584
Now, here they are, right here.
867
00:55:39,669 --> 00:55:42,546
Some of these are lubricated.
868
00:55:42,630 --> 00:55:46,467
Now, this isn't lubricated,
but it's a good one. [chuckles]
869
00:55:46,551 --> 00:55:50,513
And some of these
are contoured for better fit.
870
00:55:50,596 --> 00:55:51,888
[laughs]
871
00:55:51,973 --> 00:55:55,142
We've got them in different colors.
We've got cherry red
872
00:55:55,309 --> 00:55:59,809
and we've got midnight blue,
and we've got the rainbow.
873
00:56:00,731 --> 00:56:03,358
-I'll take them all.
-All?
874
00:56:03,442 --> 00:56:06,111
Yeah, yeah. And wrap them up.
875
00:56:06,779 --> 00:56:11,279
That'll be, uh, $8.50.
I wish I were as young as you are.
876
00:56:11,909 --> 00:56:14,578
-You don't understand.
-What do you mean, I don't?
877
00:56:14,662 --> 00:56:18,207
I'm not that old. There you are.
878
00:56:36,934 --> 00:56:38,644
Now can we go home?
879
00:56:38,728 --> 00:56:42,690
I came out here to do something,
and I'm gonna do it.
880
00:56:48,237 --> 00:56:51,406
This evening could turn out to be
quite expensive, what with gas
881
00:56:51,490 --> 00:56:53,158
and, uh, sundry items.
882
00:57:01,834 --> 00:57:03,544
[inaudible dialogue]
883
00:57:28,319 --> 00:57:31,488
Ever hear of a delicatessen
that wouldn't take cash after 10:00?
884
00:57:31,572 --> 00:57:33,282
Not a nickel in the register.
885
00:57:33,366 --> 00:57:36,494
-You got someone to open the register?
-That's right, Jane.
886
00:57:36,577 --> 00:57:39,204
Was she very old
or just crippled and blind?
887
00:57:39,288 --> 00:57:41,999
For your information, she was quite able--
888
00:57:42,667 --> 00:57:43,709
Ah. [chuckles]
889
00:58:03,938 --> 00:58:08,108
Nobody move, this is a stickup.
Nobody move.
890
00:58:10,569 --> 00:58:12,362
[funk music playing]
891
00:58:15,116 --> 00:58:17,576
Just hold it right there.
Nobody move.
892
00:58:38,973 --> 00:58:42,476
When did they start busing white robbers
into black neighborhoods?
893
00:58:46,564 --> 00:58:49,733
-What happened?
-No bullets. Thanks a lot.
894
00:58:50,901 --> 00:58:54,321
You had to talk me into carrying
an empty gun. I could have gotten killed.
895
00:58:54,405 --> 00:58:57,074
-Please, tell me what happened.
-Nothing happened.
896
00:58:57,158 --> 00:58:59,660
Except I almost got killed, thanks to you.
897
00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:02,204
I knew I shouldn't have brought you.
898
00:59:02,288 --> 00:59:05,249
You would have been busted in the parking
lot if you hadn't brought me.
899
00:59:05,332 --> 00:59:08,335
How can anybody do anything
with this kind of defeatist talk?
900
00:59:08,836 --> 00:59:13,336
Okay. Maybe there's an orphanage
around. They usually deal in cash--
901
00:59:13,424 --> 00:59:15,551
Just shut up, Jane.
902
00:59:39,325 --> 00:59:40,743
What do you think you're doing?
903
00:59:40,826 --> 00:59:44,496
Sitting in a stolen car makes me nervous.
I'm going with you where it's safe.
904
00:59:44,580 --> 00:59:45,747
-Get back in the car.
-No.
905
00:59:45,831 --> 00:59:47,833
I said, get back in the car.
906
00:59:47,917 --> 00:59:50,961
That's right. You said, "Get back
in the car," and then I said no.
907
00:59:51,045 --> 00:59:54,798
I'm going in there,
and you better stay right here.
908
01:00:00,638 --> 01:00:05,017
Do you have to louse everything up?
First the pantyhose, then you insisted--
909
01:00:05,101 --> 01:00:07,269
You still want pantyhose?
You want pantyhose?
910
01:00:07,436 --> 01:00:09,604
Will you put your pants on,
for God's sake?
911
01:00:09,772 --> 01:00:12,691
Right. This is a respectable
X-rated motel.
912
01:00:12,858 --> 01:00:14,526
I'm warning you.
913
01:00:14,610 --> 01:00:16,194
That bitch, I could kill her.
914
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:17,696
Whatever turns you on, man.
915
01:00:17,780 --> 01:00:20,741
I don't want any shit out of you,
or I'll blow your head off.
916
01:00:20,825 --> 01:00:23,369
Turn around, put your hands
against the wall. The sill.
917
01:00:23,536 --> 01:00:25,287
Just cool it with that gun, okay?
918
01:00:27,873 --> 01:00:29,165
-Oh, Jesus!
-Oh, my God!
919
01:00:29,250 --> 01:00:31,919
I forgot to go to the bank today.
Harley's gonna kill me.
920
01:00:32,002 --> 01:00:34,963
-He's gonna skin my ass.
-You got something to put this in?
921
01:00:35,047 --> 01:00:37,549
-There's a box on the top shelf.
-Who's Harley?
922
01:00:37,633 --> 01:00:40,469
-The owner. A mean mother.
-Is he really gonna hurt you?
923
01:00:40,553 --> 01:00:41,762
[laughs weakly]
924
01:00:41,846 --> 01:00:44,306
Dick, he's gonna hurt him.
Maybe we shouldn't.
925
01:00:44,390 --> 01:00:46,141
What are you, crazy?
926
01:00:46,642 --> 01:00:48,810
You stand right there.
Don't move. Nothing.
927
01:00:48,894 --> 01:00:50,812
-I'm sorry.
-Come on, will you?
928
01:00:57,486 --> 01:00:58,737
Good bye.
929
01:01:12,334 --> 01:01:13,877
[laughing]
930
01:01:18,799 --> 01:01:21,176
They're gonna call us
the "Bickering Bandits."
931
01:01:21,260 --> 01:01:23,136
-That'll be our M.O.
-Right.
932
01:01:23,220 --> 01:01:25,430
-Sure.
-Right. What?
933
01:01:25,514 --> 01:01:28,934
M.O. That's modus operandi.
That's method of operation, you know.
934
01:01:29,018 --> 01:01:31,437
Wait a minute.
We're not having any modus operandi.
935
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:33,813
-No modus operandi?
-No, tonight was it.
936
01:01:33,898 --> 01:01:36,525
-Halloween comes but once a year.
-Oh, sure.
937
01:01:36,609 --> 01:01:37,818
[laughs]
938
01:01:39,528 --> 01:01:42,447
-Take that one.
-What? I liked it.
939
01:01:42,531 --> 01:01:44,699
-That was too casual.
-What was too casual?
940
01:01:44,783 --> 01:01:46,242
You gotta promise me.
941
01:01:47,119 --> 01:01:48,954
-You promise me?
-Promise you?
942
01:01:49,038 --> 01:01:51,165
-You promise me?
-Boy, do I promise you.
943
01:01:51,248 --> 01:01:52,332
You promise?
944
01:01:52,416 --> 01:01:53,583
-Completely.
-Okay.
945
01:03:03,279 --> 01:03:05,072
[mellow rock music playing]
946
01:03:09,034 --> 01:03:10,660
-Hi. Can I help you, sir?
-Hi.
947
01:03:10,744 --> 01:03:12,829
There's something the matter
with this record.
948
01:03:12,913 --> 01:03:15,332
-What's that?
-There's a gun in it. This is a holdup.
949
01:03:15,416 --> 01:03:19,044
-Do exactly as I say, no one gets hurt.
-Sounds fair to me.
950
01:03:20,045 --> 01:03:24,049
Just keep looking at me and smiling.
Have any Bessie Smith records?
951
01:03:24,133 --> 01:03:26,635
-Uh, Bessie Smith?
-She's an old blues singer.
952
01:03:26,719 --> 01:03:30,347
-Yes, sir. Yes, I believe we do, sir.
-Do you like that old jazz?
953
01:03:30,431 --> 01:03:34,726
Well, I like the more, uh, modern
kind of stuff. You know, progressive...
954
01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:39,148
Miles and, you know, a few people,
like Sedaka. He's good.
955
01:03:39,231 --> 01:03:43,276
The lady will be leaving, and you'll say,
"Thank you very much, Mrs. Jones."
956
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:45,779
Thank you very much,
Mrs. Jones. Okay.
957
01:03:46,405 --> 01:03:49,741
-Nice smile. Go, go.
-Thank you very much, Mrs. Jones.
958
01:03:49,825 --> 01:03:52,577
-Think nothing of it.
-Very nice. I liked the smile.
959
01:03:53,871 --> 01:03:58,371
I'm leaving now. Say to me, "I'll get that
record for you next week, Mr. Jones."
960
01:03:59,918 --> 01:04:00,919
Now.
961
01:04:01,587 --> 01:04:04,881
I'll get that Bessie Jones
record for you next week, Mr. Smith.
962
01:04:04,965 --> 01:04:06,216
Thank you.
963
01:04:08,927 --> 01:04:11,971
Oh, yeah. 4.98, tax and license.
964
01:04:19,563 --> 01:04:23,733
How was the food, folks?
That bad, huh?
965
01:04:26,195 --> 01:04:29,072
Oh, baby. Baby.
966
01:04:33,869 --> 01:04:35,495
[yelling]
967
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,834
Oh, God.
968
01:04:41,835 --> 01:04:45,964
-Oh, God, Dick, I'm ruined for life.
-Oh, honey.
969
01:04:46,715 --> 01:04:49,718
I wanna know the name of the
pervert who shut off my phone.
970
01:04:49,802 --> 01:04:53,639
In spite of what you think, we do not
get our kicks cutting off telephones.
971
01:04:53,722 --> 01:04:55,890
-I never got the bill.
-Excuse me, I'm sorry.
972
01:04:55,974 --> 01:04:59,227
-Excuse my ass.
-You'll have to wait in line like--
973
01:04:59,311 --> 01:05:02,897
I'm sorry, excuse me, but I'm afraid
this is what they call a stickup.
974
01:05:02,981 --> 01:05:05,149
They're holding up
the telephone company!
975
01:05:05,234 --> 01:05:07,611
Shoot out the computers
while you're at it.
976
01:05:07,694 --> 01:05:08,528
[all laugh]
977
01:05:08,612 --> 01:05:12,365
-All right. Right on!
-God bless you. Give them a hand!
978
01:05:13,325 --> 01:05:16,828
-Beautiful. Beautiful.
-All right!
979
01:05:19,331 --> 01:05:20,665
[mariachi music playing]
980
01:05:24,586 --> 01:05:26,212
[singing in Spanish]
981
01:05:28,048 --> 01:05:29,924
[Jane] He's had several offers
982
01:05:30,008 --> 01:05:33,302
but, uh, because of his investments
he doesn't have to rush into anything.
983
01:05:33,387 --> 01:05:35,389
He's looking for
a very dynamic situation
984
01:05:35,472 --> 01:05:37,599
in a company like yours, Jason.
985
01:05:37,683 --> 01:05:40,268
-You familiar with the film business?
-[woman] Somewhat.
986
01:05:40,352 --> 01:05:42,771
Hey, how about a drink? Come on.
987
01:05:43,897 --> 01:05:46,190
Gracias, amigo.
988
01:05:46,275 --> 01:05:47,526
You're welcome.
989
01:05:48,694 --> 01:05:49,528
[children shout]
990
01:05:49,611 --> 01:05:51,321
[inaudible dialogue]
991
01:05:53,866 --> 01:05:54,908
Adiós.
992
01:05:55,742 --> 01:05:58,453
You've got to go down there.
You owe it to yourself--
993
01:05:58,537 --> 01:06:01,373
-May I borrow my husband?
-Be my guest, Jane.
994
01:06:01,457 --> 01:06:04,543
-Dick.
-Jane, I was making some progress.
995
01:06:04,626 --> 01:06:07,045
That's the condominium king.
996
01:06:07,129 --> 01:06:09,506
You're an aerospace executive,
not a real estate--
997
01:06:09,590 --> 01:06:11,883
Right now I'm feeling pretty flexible.
998
01:06:21,768 --> 01:06:23,895
-Raoul.
-Oh, no, that's okay.
999
01:06:23,979 --> 01:06:26,231
Go and enjoy yourself.
Let me do it, okay?
1000
01:06:26,315 --> 01:06:28,233
Mum's the word, eh, Raoul?
1001
01:06:34,990 --> 01:06:37,993
This is something else.
Did you find buried treasure?
1002
01:06:38,076 --> 01:06:40,453
Living off my investments, Nesbitt.
1003
01:06:46,668 --> 01:06:49,087
Ah! Dick. Put her there, pal.
1004
01:06:49,171 --> 01:06:51,381
Glad you could make it.
Hello, Mildred.
1005
01:06:51,465 --> 01:06:55,427
Olé, Ricardo. We wouldn't
have missed this for the world.
1006
01:06:55,511 --> 01:06:59,139
-I love your small pool. It's so cozy.
-Thank you, Mildred.
1007
01:06:59,223 --> 01:07:03,723
-I see you landed on your feet.
-Actually, Charlie, I landed on my ass.
1008
01:07:03,936 --> 01:07:07,105
Then, when I fell off my ass,
I had no place to go but my feet.
1009
01:07:07,189 --> 01:07:09,774
-What line are you in?
-Robber.
1010
01:07:09,858 --> 01:07:13,945
-As in tires and erasers.
-Oh! That's a good field.
1011
01:07:14,780 --> 01:07:17,657
-Do you make it or sell it?
-Steal it.
1012
01:07:18,534 --> 01:07:21,870
Like stealing candy from a baby.
He is so modest.
1013
01:07:21,954 --> 01:07:25,666
-Steel. Hey, there's a solid industry.
-I thought he said rubber.
1014
01:07:25,749 --> 01:07:28,585
Actually, Jane's working now too,
aren't you, Jane?
1015
01:07:28,669 --> 01:07:30,629
-What are you doing?
-Adiós.
1016
01:07:30,712 --> 01:07:34,632
Investments. Investments.
She's in charge of salting it away.
1017
01:07:34,716 --> 01:07:37,468
-Got the guts of a bandit.
-[Charlie] Maybe you could help me.
1018
01:07:37,553 --> 01:07:40,847
I have to go to Washington next week.
But I'll give you a...
1019
01:07:40,931 --> 01:07:42,766
A little call when I get back.
1020
01:07:42,849 --> 01:07:45,434
That could be 15 years to life.
1021
01:07:45,936 --> 01:07:48,813
I'm just going to talk to
a congressional committee.
1022
01:07:48,897 --> 01:07:51,983
They think Charlie's been paying off
people besides them.
1023
01:07:52,067 --> 01:07:53,693
Larry Maguire!
1024
01:07:54,570 --> 01:07:56,905
-That's not Larry. Ooh.
-Taquito?
1025
01:07:57,072 --> 01:07:58,323
Thank you.
1026
01:07:58,407 --> 01:07:59,950
[siren in distance]
1027
01:08:04,580 --> 01:08:09,080
Is it burning you, Mildred? That's
too bad. Would you like some water?
1028
01:08:09,251 --> 01:08:11,836
-I'll get some water.
-Tequila, please.
1029
01:08:12,838 --> 01:08:17,338
And now, once again,
bringing you salvation and success,
1030
01:08:18,510 --> 01:08:23,010
righteousness and riches,
the Reverend Dr. Thomas Will.
1031
01:08:30,188 --> 01:08:34,525
We've all heard the expression
"The meek shall inherit the earth."
1032
01:08:35,110 --> 01:08:38,321
Well, that is exactly what
they're gonna get. Dirt.
1033
01:08:39,281 --> 01:08:43,781
We have to learn how to be positive.
See, I don't want you to say "Amen."
1034
01:08:44,494 --> 01:08:48,247
-I want you to say "I am."
-I am.
1035
01:08:48,790 --> 01:08:51,626
You have to remember
that God is in you.
1036
01:08:51,710 --> 01:08:54,587
And in you and in you
and in you and in me.
1037
01:08:54,671 --> 01:08:58,174
Now, if you open up your heart
and you let God inside,
1038
01:08:58,258 --> 01:09:01,719
-he will make you rich.
-I am.
1039
01:09:01,803 --> 01:09:06,303
Let me remind you
that the cross is a plus sign.
1040
01:09:07,643 --> 01:09:11,355
Now, I want you all to repeat after me:
Money loves me.
1041
01:09:11,438 --> 01:09:14,816
-Money loves me.
-Money loves to be in my pocket.
1042
01:09:14,900 --> 01:09:17,652
Money loves to be in my pocket.
1043
01:09:17,736 --> 01:09:20,363
I see a whole mountain
of money coming towards me.
1044
01:09:20,447 --> 01:09:23,491
I see a mountain of money
coming towards me.
1045
01:09:23,575 --> 01:09:27,537
I want you all to donate generously
to the ministry today. And remember,
1046
01:09:27,621 --> 01:09:30,707
that every dollar you give,
God will pay back tenfold
1047
01:09:30,791 --> 01:09:34,085
in some wondrous
and mysterious and exciting way.
1048
01:09:34,169 --> 01:09:36,713
A car, a boat, a plane, a home.
1049
01:09:37,214 --> 01:09:39,216
[man] Just one other couple, Dr. Will.
1050
01:09:39,299 --> 01:09:42,719
Yea, I say unto you: Bring them in,
they're here to win. Have a seat.
1051
01:09:42,803 --> 01:09:45,138
-Inspirational sermon, doctor.
-Thank you, thank you.
1052
01:09:45,222 --> 01:09:48,516
Yes, particularly the part about
not feeling guilty about prospering.
1053
01:09:48,600 --> 01:09:52,312
Aha. Well, you see,
that is called "Say 'I am.'"
1054
01:09:52,479 --> 01:09:56,858
If you want more money, you must get
an expanded idea of yourself.
1055
01:09:56,942 --> 01:09:59,778
You must think of yourself
as one who has more money.
1056
01:09:59,861 --> 01:10:02,363
We're trying, doctor.
1057
01:10:02,948 --> 01:10:07,118
Well, go ahead. Touch it, son.
Don't be afraid. Go on.
1058
01:10:07,828 --> 01:10:10,288
Go ahead, dear, touch it.
1059
01:10:12,207 --> 01:10:16,707
Go on. That's it, touch it some more.
1060
01:10:17,796 --> 01:10:21,049
You see, you must take the limit
off your financial thinking
1061
01:10:21,133 --> 01:10:24,177
and you will get more money.
Don't worry about how.
1062
01:10:24,261 --> 01:10:26,930
-Inspirational.
-Say "I am."
1063
01:10:27,013 --> 01:10:28,931
Stick them up.
1064
01:10:29,933 --> 01:10:32,602
Did I hear you right, sinner?
You holding me up?
1065
01:10:32,686 --> 01:10:36,231
I am. Hands on your head,
both of you.
1066
01:10:39,109 --> 01:10:40,860
-Move!
-Will you get out of the way?
1067
01:10:41,027 --> 01:10:45,527
-God wants you out of the way!
-[Will] Guards!
1068
01:11:00,672 --> 01:11:03,549
Stop them, for they have sinned!
1069
01:11:04,050 --> 01:11:06,802
Would you mind
getting the hell off the car?
1070
01:11:07,846 --> 01:11:09,806
Testing. Testing.
1071
01:11:13,852 --> 01:11:15,603
Oh, Jesus!
1072
01:11:18,690 --> 01:11:20,608
-You all right?
-Yeah, I think so.
1073
01:11:28,074 --> 01:11:31,911
Pull over, you sinners!
They are thieves, stop them!
1074
01:11:31,995 --> 01:11:34,831
They have stolen all my—-
The Lord's money.
1075
01:11:34,998 --> 01:11:37,959
-Oh, no!
-God!
1076
01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:41,087
If you pull over at the next light,
God will forgive you.
1077
01:11:41,171 --> 01:11:43,089
-He is no stool pigeon.
-Oh, my God!
1078
01:11:43,173 --> 01:11:46,634
God does not hold a grudge.
Remember, thou shalt not steal.
1079
01:11:46,718 --> 01:11:48,636
They're coming closer to us, Dick.
1080
01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:52,932
That is the fourth——
That's one of them commandments.
1081
01:11:54,559 --> 01:11:56,769
Give me back my
goddamn money, will you?
1082
01:11:56,937 --> 01:12:00,106
Step on it. Can't you get more
juice out of this goddamn thing?
1083
01:12:00,273 --> 01:12:04,735
Watch out! Jesus Christ!
You almost broke my ass, you fool.
1084
01:12:06,196 --> 01:12:07,739
Oh, a cop!
1085
01:12:42,774 --> 01:12:43,983
[baby cries]
1086
01:12:55,287 --> 01:12:57,163
That is my money!
1087
01:13:22,314 --> 01:13:23,815
How much we get?
1088
01:13:23,899 --> 01:13:27,444
Not very much. It's mostly ones.
1089
01:13:27,527 --> 01:13:31,822
Mostly ones?
Hey, where's the other money?
1090
01:13:32,449 --> 01:13:34,075
What other money?
1091
01:13:34,576 --> 01:13:36,995
All the other money,
that's what other money.
1092
01:13:37,579 --> 01:13:40,582
-In the shrubbery.
-In the shrubbery?
1093
01:13:40,665 --> 01:13:42,208
In the pool.
1094
01:13:43,793 --> 01:13:45,336
In the swimming pool?
1095
01:13:45,420 --> 01:13:48,548
It's in the utilities,
it's in the car, in the furniture.
1096
01:13:48,632 --> 01:13:50,550
It's in the mortgage,
in the insurance.
1097
01:13:51,259 --> 01:13:53,010
It's at the Diners Club.
1098
01:14:04,689 --> 01:14:09,026
Well, it's not worth it.
I'm not cut out for blue-collar crime.
1099
01:14:09,110 --> 01:14:12,530
I have a white-collar mentality.
I panic in the face of death.
1100
01:14:18,828 --> 01:14:20,830
Maybe we should retire.
1101
01:14:26,836 --> 01:14:29,672
-Are all our debts paid?
-Yes.
1102
01:14:30,966 --> 01:14:35,095
At least we won't starve. We've been
accepted by the food stamp program.
1103
01:14:36,179 --> 01:14:37,597
Hooray.
1104
01:14:40,225 --> 01:14:41,976
-Charlie!
-Where?
1105
01:14:42,769 --> 01:14:45,438
[man] Mr. Blanchard, I would like you
to tell this committee
1106
01:14:45,522 --> 01:14:50,022
if you have ever, in your position
as president of Taft, bribed anyone,
1107
01:14:50,402 --> 01:14:52,320
either here or abroad,
1108
01:14:52,404 --> 01:14:54,948
for the purpose of
consummating a business deal.
1109
01:14:55,490 --> 01:14:59,990
Senator, no one at Taft Aerospace,
to the best of my knowledge,
1110
01:15:01,454 --> 01:15:03,289
ever bribed anybody.
1111
01:15:03,790 --> 01:15:04,916
[laughs]
1112
01:15:05,250 --> 01:15:07,710
Maybe that's why business is so bad.
1113
01:15:07,794 --> 01:15:08,961
[men on TV chuckle]
1114
01:15:09,045 --> 01:15:12,673
Look at him. Listen to him shovel it.
1115
01:15:12,757 --> 01:15:17,257
There's never been a deal at Taft
where somebody didn't get paid off.
1116
01:15:17,846 --> 01:15:20,807
We have already elicited testimony
from other companies
1117
01:15:20,890 --> 01:15:23,350
involved in the same
business as yours,
1118
01:15:23,435 --> 01:15:27,856
and they claim that payoffs are
an integral part of carrying on business.
1119
01:15:28,356 --> 01:15:31,400
Do you mean to tell me
that you are the exception?
1120
01:15:31,484 --> 01:15:34,361
You know, guys walk into his office
and walk out again
1121
01:15:34,446 --> 01:15:38,366
with $200,000 cash in a briefcase.
1122
01:15:38,450 --> 01:15:41,703
-Two hundred thousand dollars?
-Watch. Watch him bob and weave.
1123
01:15:43,997 --> 01:15:48,497
Senator. Now, we at Taft Aerospace
have always prided ourselves
1124
01:15:48,626 --> 01:15:51,045
in truth on what we produce.
1125
01:15:51,129 --> 01:15:55,550
-Charlie does his laundry.
-Any idea where he keeps it?
1126
01:15:55,633 --> 01:15:57,593
Yeah, in the safe in his office.
1127
01:16:04,142 --> 01:16:06,352
Fortunately, there are guards everywhere
1128
01:16:06,436 --> 01:16:09,897
and I don't even have a key
to the executive washroom anymore.
1129
01:16:09,981 --> 01:16:14,318
Unfortunately, we've been invited
to a party at Taft next week.
1130
01:16:17,989 --> 01:16:21,742
Fortunately, we don't know
the first thing about safecracking.
1131
01:16:21,826 --> 01:16:25,204
Unfortunately, we are fast learners.
1132
01:16:27,373 --> 01:16:30,167
-Short retirement.
-Very.
1133
01:16:38,510 --> 01:16:40,303
-I felt it.
Positive?
1134
01:16:40,386 --> 01:16:43,639
Of course I'm positive, honey.
It's gotta be perfect.
1135
01:16:43,723 --> 01:16:47,143
-I've been practicing for days.
-And you've almost got it. Come on.
1136
01:16:47,227 --> 01:16:49,062
You ready? Okay.
1137
01:16:49,145 --> 01:16:53,607
Deft. Deft. And deft.
1138
01:16:53,691 --> 01:16:56,568
Okay. Okay, you should tell me
when you want me to do it.
1139
01:16:56,653 --> 01:16:57,779
Whenever you're ready.
1140
01:16:57,862 --> 01:16:59,363
[humming]
1141
01:17:04,119 --> 01:17:06,037
[playing classical music]
1142
01:17:30,270 --> 01:17:33,106
-Well, it's just like old times.
-Mm!
1143
01:17:33,189 --> 01:17:36,483
-I hope you brought the old equalizer.
-Will you cut it out?
1144
01:17:37,193 --> 01:17:39,570
-Hi, Pete, how are you?
-Who is it?
1145
01:17:39,654 --> 01:17:42,740
Pete Winston. Wife, Betty.
Super Bowl, back operation.
1146
01:17:42,824 --> 01:17:45,827
-Really good to see you. How are you?
-Great. Just great.
1147
01:17:45,910 --> 01:17:47,661
You know my wife, Jane, don't you?
1148
01:17:47,745 --> 01:17:51,415
-I don't know if she'll remember me.
-Winston, how can you say that?
1149
01:17:51,499 --> 01:17:55,044
We met you and Betty at the Super
Bowl last winter. How's your back?
1150
01:17:55,128 --> 01:17:57,213
-How nice of you to remember.
-[Jane] Is Betty here?
1151
01:17:57,297 --> 01:17:59,924
-[Winston] She's in the back.
-I'll be glad to see her.
1152
01:18:00,008 --> 01:18:02,260
-She'd love to see you too.
-There you are.
1153
01:18:02,343 --> 01:18:04,053
-Charlie.
-What I want to know is
1154
01:18:04,137 --> 01:18:06,889
do I get to kiss your wife,
or do I have to make a scene?
1155
01:18:06,973 --> 01:18:09,725
-Do we know this man?
-Some guy who still works at the plant.
1156
01:18:09,809 --> 01:18:10,893
You betcha!
1157
01:18:15,607 --> 01:18:16,649
Hi, Charlie.
1158
01:18:16,733 --> 01:18:19,193
I don't know what a good-looking guy
like Dick sees in you.
1159
01:18:19,277 --> 01:18:21,696
-I do yard work.
-You can do work in my yard anytime.
1160
01:18:21,779 --> 01:18:23,447
-[laughs] Charlie.
-[Jane] You wanna dance?
1161
01:18:23,531 --> 01:18:25,074
[Charlie] I'd love to.
1162
01:18:28,870 --> 01:18:30,830
-Very nice.
-What?
1163
01:18:30,914 --> 01:18:33,917
-I said, very nice.
-Perfect.
1164
01:19:49,867 --> 01:19:51,410
[inaudible dialogue]
1165
01:20:01,004 --> 01:20:02,046
Charlie, no!
1166
01:20:02,130 --> 01:20:05,925
No? I won't take "no" for an answer.
I'll be waiting.
1167
01:20:25,737 --> 01:20:27,238
Showoff.
1168
01:20:38,207 --> 01:20:42,127
Come on. Dick, Charlie's gonna
come to his office at 11:00.
1169
01:20:42,211 --> 01:20:43,629
-All right.
-We gotta hurry.
1170
01:20:43,713 --> 01:20:46,799
All right. Will you get out of the way?
1171
01:20:50,678 --> 01:20:52,971
[man] Hey, you! Don't move.
1172
01:20:54,098 --> 01:20:55,432
Ta-ta-tow!
1173
01:20:55,516 --> 01:20:57,976
Take that, you honky putz.
1174
01:21:04,734 --> 01:21:06,861
-Oh, my God!
-What?
1175
01:21:18,664 --> 01:21:20,832
Come on, will you?
1176
01:21:23,669 --> 01:21:25,170
Come on.
1177
01:21:42,897 --> 01:21:44,523
-These are all make-believe.
-Dick.
1178
01:21:44,607 --> 01:21:45,733
What?
1179
01:21:46,776 --> 01:21:48,360
Does he have a closet?
1180
01:21:48,444 --> 01:21:51,280
I read in the book the most
popular place for safes are--
1181
01:21:51,364 --> 01:21:53,657
-He does indeed have a closet.
-Okay.
1182
01:22:01,290 --> 01:22:03,250
-I love you, Jane.
—Huh?
1183
01:22:04,001 --> 01:22:05,669
-Ta-da!
-Thanks.
1184
01:22:05,753 --> 01:22:09,423
Mosler, model number 1874.
1185
01:22:11,467 --> 01:22:15,053
Mosler. Okay.
1186
01:22:17,723 --> 01:22:21,309
There. Right there is where
you have to drill.
1187
01:22:36,325 --> 01:22:40,825
Dick, it's okay. You can hardly hear
the drilling out here.
1188
01:22:46,836 --> 01:22:48,587
[footsteps approaching]
1189
01:22:51,507 --> 01:22:53,634
Dick, somebody's coming.
1190
01:23:01,267 --> 01:23:02,726
In the closet.
1191
01:23:13,362 --> 01:23:16,615
-Is it the guard?
-I don't know. I couldn't see.
1192
01:23:24,081 --> 01:23:26,041
[faucet running]
1193
01:23:26,125 --> 01:23:29,211
It can't be Charlie. It's only 10:15.
1194
01:23:30,004 --> 01:23:31,380
Let me look.
1195
01:23:33,591 --> 01:23:34,842
Shh!
1196
01:23:37,178 --> 01:23:40,973
I can't see anything.
Maybe he won't look in here.
1197
01:23:41,057 --> 01:23:43,350
-Suppose he does?
-Screw him.
1198
01:23:43,434 --> 01:23:45,185
I most certainly will not.
1199
01:23:45,853 --> 01:23:47,187
[water stops]
1200
01:23:59,659 --> 01:24:02,495
-That wasn't Charlie.
-Really.
1201
01:24:22,223 --> 01:24:23,682
[man] Come on in.
1202
01:24:25,810 --> 01:24:27,436
[dance music playing]
1203
01:24:34,986 --> 01:24:37,947
Hey, everybody, come on in.
1204
01:24:41,075 --> 01:24:44,328
Hey, my man, what's happening?
1205
01:25:02,138 --> 01:25:06,350
Jane! They're never going to hear the
drill over this. I'm going back to work.
1206
01:25:06,434 --> 01:25:08,769
If somebody's coming,
just let me know.
1207
01:25:17,194 --> 01:25:18,945
[all chattering]
1208
01:25:32,752 --> 01:25:34,462
[inaudible dialogue]
1209
01:25:42,720 --> 01:25:44,888
[Dick] Jane, it's your turn.
1210
01:25:47,099 --> 01:25:48,934
[rock music playing]
1211
01:26:15,503 --> 01:26:16,629
[lock clicks]
1212
01:26:32,812 --> 01:26:36,482
-It's all the money in the world.
-It gives me gooseflesh.
1213
01:26:37,316 --> 01:26:39,735
[Dick] Oh, my God.
1214
01:27:01,799 --> 01:27:05,803
-[man] Floor show. Floor show.
-Go on.
1215
01:27:05,886 --> 01:27:08,263
Get y'all gone. We talking business.
1216
01:27:09,807 --> 01:27:13,852
-I need more.
-Okay, just a second. Okay, okay.
1217
01:27:13,936 --> 01:27:15,979
It feels so good.
1218
01:27:16,939 --> 01:27:19,775
That's what I've been looking for.
Thank you very much.
1219
01:27:19,859 --> 01:27:23,654
Guys, have a good time,
enjoy yourselves. This is a party.
1220
01:27:31,829 --> 01:27:34,039
Okay. Get the elevator.
1221
01:27:34,123 --> 01:27:36,917
Around through the boardroom
and to the left.
1222
01:27:45,301 --> 01:27:47,344
-[yells]
-Gotcha!
1223
01:27:49,805 --> 01:27:54,305
-Dick followed me up here.
-Hey, Charlie.
1224
01:27:54,518 --> 01:27:56,853
Dick, boy. [chuckles] Hi.
1225
01:28:00,065 --> 01:28:04,565
-Going down?
-Down, yes. Lobby, please.
1226
01:28:05,362 --> 01:28:07,530
Funny, we're going to the lobby too.
1227
01:28:12,870 --> 01:28:16,039
Well, I guess we can
all ride together.
1228
01:28:23,047 --> 01:28:25,382
I don't feel very well.
I think we should go.
1229
01:28:25,466 --> 01:28:27,968
Not until you have one
little drink with Charlie.
1230
01:28:28,052 --> 01:28:31,722
-No, Charlie, I really think--
-Here, let me take your purse.
1231
01:28:33,057 --> 01:28:34,725
One little nightcap.
1232
01:28:40,231 --> 01:28:42,024
[funk music playing]
1233
01:28:52,660 --> 01:28:55,496
Nobility. Pride.
1234
01:28:55,579 --> 01:28:59,332
A sense of feeling that
your life amounts to something.
1235
01:28:59,416 --> 01:29:02,585
That's what we lost when
we lost the space program.
1236
01:29:02,670 --> 01:29:04,880
-Sir?
-Nobil-- Nobil--
1237
01:29:04,964 --> 01:29:06,799
-What?
-May I have a word with you?
1238
01:29:06,882 --> 01:29:08,508
-Right now?
-Yes, sir.
1239
01:29:08,592 --> 01:29:11,803
Hey, listen. Don't go away.
I'll be right back.
1240
01:29:13,097 --> 01:29:14,598
Let's go.
1241
01:29:14,682 --> 01:29:16,475
Where? Where are we going?
1242
01:29:24,942 --> 01:29:28,570
-We were just gonna walk right out.
-We were. We were.
1243
01:29:30,823 --> 01:29:33,992
There's nothing to worry about.
Charlie wouldn't call the cops.
1244
01:29:34,076 --> 01:29:36,870
This money doesn't exist.
Don't you understand?
1245
01:29:36,954 --> 01:29:40,374
What about all these security guards?
Do they exist or don't they?
1246
01:29:45,170 --> 01:29:49,670
Wait a minute.
Dick, we gotta call the cops.
1247
01:29:50,217 --> 01:29:52,719
-Are you crazy?
-No, no, I'm not kidding.
1248
01:29:52,803 --> 01:29:55,347
Charlie's never gonna admit
there's a slush fund.
1249
01:29:55,431 --> 01:29:59,393
If he sees cops all around, he's gonna
make sure we get out of here safely.
1250
01:29:59,476 --> 01:30:01,186
With the money.
1251
01:30:02,980 --> 01:30:06,024
-You're very smart, Jane.
-[laughs]
1252
01:30:08,319 --> 01:30:10,988
-Have you got a dime?
-A dime?
1253
01:30:11,071 --> 01:30:13,239
-Yeah.
-No. You?
1254
01:30:17,328 --> 01:30:21,623
Find someone with change
of $1000, for chrissake.
1255
01:30:22,291 --> 01:30:23,750
[whistling]
1256
01:30:32,843 --> 01:30:36,179
-Jane, uh, feeling better?
-Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
1257
01:30:36,263 --> 01:30:39,307
Dick, there's something
I've been meaning to ask you all night.
1258
01:30:39,391 --> 01:30:40,642
Shoot.
1259
01:30:41,185 --> 01:30:44,438
What's in the bag? Your, uh, makeup?
1260
01:30:44,521 --> 01:30:46,231
[laughs]
1261
01:30:46,315 --> 01:30:48,525
Charlie, Charlie.
1262
01:30:52,780 --> 01:30:54,740
-Charlie, can I level with you?
-Sure.
1263
01:30:54,823 --> 01:30:58,701
-Well, I mean really level with you.
-You can tell me anything.
1264
01:30:58,786 --> 01:31:02,498
We just cleaned out your safe.
Every last buck.
1265
01:31:05,876 --> 01:31:08,336
-Oh, did you now?
-Yeah.
1266
01:31:08,420 --> 01:31:12,757
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it
straight-out like that.
1267
01:31:12,841 --> 01:31:16,886
But I'm just sick of all the bullshit,
you know what I mean?
1268
01:31:16,971 --> 01:31:18,973
How do you propose to get out of here?
1269
01:31:19,056 --> 01:31:21,349
-With your help, Charlie.
-My help?
1270
01:31:22,267 --> 01:31:24,936
Do you see that big dude over there?
1271
01:31:25,020 --> 01:31:28,982
He can shoot the eye out
of a hummingbird at 50 paces.
1272
01:31:29,066 --> 01:31:30,358
[whoops]
1273
01:31:31,235 --> 01:31:33,654
Charlie, we just called the cops.
1274
01:31:36,031 --> 01:31:37,115
Huh?
1275
01:31:38,158 --> 01:31:39,242
[clears throat]
1276
01:31:47,042 --> 01:31:50,336
-We're gonna give ourselves up.
-This is no joke, friends.
1277
01:31:50,421 --> 01:31:54,425
-We're gonna make a clean breast of it.
-Don't be stupid.
1278
01:31:54,508 --> 01:31:58,178
You keep your mouth shut,
and I'll see that you get out of here.
1279
01:31:58,929 --> 01:31:59,971
With the money?
1280
01:32:04,685 --> 01:32:06,978
You son of a bitch.
1281
01:32:11,025 --> 01:32:15,525
Officers, I'm Charles Blanchard.
I'm the president of Taft Aerospace.
1282
01:32:16,864 --> 01:32:18,240
Maybe I can be of help.
1283
01:32:19,575 --> 01:32:23,287
You have just seen a demonstration
of what we in the corporate world
1284
01:32:23,370 --> 01:32:26,915
refer to as
"hardballing it with the big guys."
1285
01:32:26,999 --> 01:32:29,334
I enjoyed it thoroughly.
1286
01:32:29,960 --> 01:32:33,129
Would you be embarrassed
if I kissed you in a public place?
1287
01:32:33,213 --> 01:32:35,465
I'd be embarrassed if you kissed me
in a private place
1288
01:32:35,549 --> 01:32:37,133
with all these people around.
1289
01:32:39,219 --> 01:32:43,056
I'm afraid, officer, that you've been
a victim of a drunken prankster
1290
01:32:43,140 --> 01:32:47,640
but if you'd excuse me for a minute,
this young lady isn't feeling very well.
1291
01:32:48,687 --> 01:32:49,771
I'm sorry.
1292
01:32:49,855 --> 01:32:53,400
If I could get these two out of here,
I'd feel a lot better. Run along.
1293
01:32:53,484 --> 01:32:57,070
Now we can talk about that
ridiculous story about my safe.
1294
01:32:58,072 --> 01:33:01,700
-Jane.
-Come along, Jane. Come along.
1295
01:33:32,064 --> 01:33:35,525
♪ Wise men say all things go too fast ♪
1296
01:33:35,609 --> 01:33:39,779
♪ And they best don't last ♪
1297
01:33:39,863 --> 01:33:42,907
♪ They grow up as soon
As they get the chance ♪
1298
01:33:42,991 --> 01:33:45,910
♪ Lets face it ♪
1299
01:33:47,204 --> 01:33:50,665
♪ A whole new way of behaving ♪
1300
01:33:50,749 --> 01:33:54,252
♪ With brand-new rules to break
Wahoo ♪
1301
01:33:54,336 --> 01:33:56,504
♪ How time flies ♪
1302
01:33:56,588 --> 01:34:00,925
♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
1303
01:34:04,429 --> 01:34:08,929
♪ Can you remember
When getting up was easy? ♪
1304
01:34:10,435 --> 01:34:11,853
♪ No sweat ♪
1305
01:34:11,937 --> 01:34:16,437
♪ And we could exist
On wax and gum completely ♪
1306
01:34:19,361 --> 01:34:22,322
♪ The things we used to think
Were crazy ♪
1307
01:34:23,073 --> 01:34:26,451
♪ Now they seem so very sane
Wahoo ♪
1308
01:34:26,535 --> 01:34:28,703
♪ How time flies ♪
1309
01:34:28,787 --> 01:34:33,082
♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
1310
01:34:33,167 --> 01:34:34,334
♪ Wahoo ♪
1311
01:34:34,418 --> 01:34:36,503
♪ How time flies ♪
1312
01:34:36,587 --> 01:34:40,799
♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
1313
01:34:40,883 --> 01:34:44,678
♪ Love hit us right between the eyes ♪
1314
01:34:44,761 --> 01:34:48,347
♪ it wasn't fair
We never had a chance ♪
1315
01:34:48,432 --> 01:34:51,977
♪ Sometimes you have to sit right back ♪
1316
01:34:52,060 --> 01:34:56,560
♪ And laugh
It goes so fast ♪
1317
01:35:16,293 --> 01:35:20,005
♪ Sure as there's a Sunday morning, baby ♪
1318
01:35:20,088 --> 01:35:23,466
♪ We're going to get a piece of the cake
Wahoo ♪
1319
01:35:23,550 --> 01:35:25,802
♪ How time flies ♪
1320
01:35:25,886 --> 01:35:30,098
♪ We were once ahead of the game ♪
99298
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