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1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,171
Not getting any likes
on your latest selfie, huh?
2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,506
No.
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,194
I'm checking my phone
'cause Grace and I did
4
00:00:09,196 --> 00:00:12,210
these DNA tests and the results
were supposed to be in today.
5
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,311
It's gonna be fun.
6
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:14,513
You know, we'll find out what traits
7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:18,049
we might pass onto our kids...
you know, dimples, eye color.
8
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:22,521
Baldness... obesity...
9
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,823
baldness.
10
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,858
That is fun.
11
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,428
Hey, how is knocked-up Grace?
Is she a mess?
12
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,897
I am so mad at my dead mother.
13
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:33,899
Asked and answered.
14
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,500
I just had a dream
15
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:37,002
that I told my mother I was pregnant,
16
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,905
and she says, "Oh, you can't
do that on your own."
17
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,940
And before I could say,
"It's not the '50s.
18
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,315
I don't need a man,"
19
00:00:43,317 --> 00:00:45,043
she turned into my high school
French teacher
20
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,697
and gave me a quiz.
21
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:50,115
I always dream I'm trapped
in a sleeping bag
22
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:53,518
with Jon Hamm, and we have
to have sex to survive.
23
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:01,026
What do y'all think that means?
24
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,862
It means your subconscious
and your search history
25
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,430
are the same.
26
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,201
Ugh, my food.
27
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,069
Eating all the takeout that I want
28
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,737
is the best part of my pregnancy.
29
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,273
Yeah, that's when that started.
30
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,745
Mrs. Timmer, you're not egg rolls.
31
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:24,883
I saw your delivery guy
in the lobby and sent him away.
32
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,488
Why would you do that terrible thing?
33
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:32,224
The Tenant Board has banned
upstairs delivery
34
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,925
for safety reasons.
35
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,260
Seriously?
36
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,128
Well, then I am taking this up
37
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,763
with the president of the Tenant Board.
38
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:42,667
You can call me Madam President.
39
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,236
I get food delivered all the time.
40
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,470
What am I supposed to do?
41
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:49,741
Pick it up in the lobby,
or learn to cook, like a woman.
42
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,410
Hi, there, Jack.
43
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,112
Hi, yourself, Sharon.
44
00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:56,848
Love her.
45
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,084
She is specifically targeting me,
46
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,418
and this is not the first time.
47
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,420
You don't know for sure that sign,
48
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:05,824
"No singing in the lobby,
Grace," was directed at you.
49
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,526
It's like her mission on Earth
50
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,693
is to get under my skin.
51
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:11,596
I'll talk to Mrs. Timmer.
You got enough on your plate.
52
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:13,532
Yeah, you're trying to cook a baby
53
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,801
in an old 1970s Easy-Bake, lady.
54
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,705
You should be relaxing.
55
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,274
You think I need you to fight my battles
56
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:23,775
because I'm pregnant?
57
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,511
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Hey, don't be stupid.
58
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,513
Because I don't have a man in my life?
59
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:31,883
- Not at all.
- You are literally so dumb.
60
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,818
Look, if I'm gonna raise a kid on my own,
61
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,487
this is exactly the kind of thing
62
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,489
that I need to be able to handle.
63
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,457
Speaking of kids, I still haven't gotten
64
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,126
the results from my DNA test.
65
00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:42,327
No, me neither.
66
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,163
I'm excited to find out what
my child might inherit from me.
67
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,498
Bald, fat, bald.
68
00:02:51,363 --> 00:02:54,072
You know, Jack,
I'm actually curious to see
69
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,807
if premature baldness shows up.
70
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:58,009
I could be a carrier,
even though I clearly have not
71
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,044
been affected by it.
72
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,345
I don't know about that.
73
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,680
Your hair's been receding for years.
74
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,316
What? Excuse me?
75
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,295
Oh, this is wonderful.
76
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,055
No, it's still great for a man your age.
77
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:12,857
I'm just saying, you know,
look at old pictures.
78
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,762
Your hair is disappearing
like the polar ice cap.
79
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:19,182
Yeah, you guys, global balding is real.
80
00:03:24,887 --> 00:03:32,889
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
81
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:40,518
Wait, those aren't the lyrics. Oh, right.
82
00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:45,857
There you are. I need your help.
83
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,726
I'm writing a petition
for the people in my building
84
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,461
to help oust our president.
85
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,029
Yeah, well, if you don't like it here,
86
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,665
why don't you go back
to where you came from?
87
00:03:56,762 --> 00:03:58,737
Of the Tenant Board.
88
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,572
Oh.
89
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,941
She's banned food delivery
for safety reasons,
90
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:05,543
and now, in the golden age of takeout.
91
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:08,546
Postmates, Uber Eats, Grubhub...
92
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:12,450
it's the lazy, hungry person's
renaissance.
93
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:15,720
Oh, Grace, you're a couch-toilet away
94
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:18,189
from all your dreams coming true.
95
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,927
Honey, why don't you have
Will take care of it?
96
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,230
He's a lawyer,
should be right up his alley.
97
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,400
Is that offensive to say about a gay man?
98
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:29,868
"Up his alley."
99
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:34,739
I sure hope so.
100
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:37,175
Just please read what I have so far.
101
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:40,412
Oh, honey, as much
as I don't want to, I can't.
102
00:04:41,306 --> 00:04:43,915
I'm on my way to an underground
illegal poker game.
103
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,785
Just stopped by to get my cash stash.
104
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,088
Wait, you keep cash here?
105
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,791
Is that you hiss at me every
time I get near your desk?
106
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,060
Sure, honey, that's a reason.
107
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,932
Really means a lot to me
to get an invite to this game.
108
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:10,208
It's a no-limit affair that
Stanley used to take me to,
109
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,310
played by a ruthless group
110
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,713
of billionaires, crooks, and gangsters.
111
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:15,747
When we got a divorce,
112
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,885
I thought I'd never see
those lovable kooks again.
113
00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,554
Stan's on vacation, so they invited me.
114
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,322
My God, how much money is that?
115
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,957
Not quite enough.
116
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,305
All right, that ought to do it.
117
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,306
Wish me luck.
118
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:42,841
Oh, and if you see the boss,
119
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,776
tell him I wasn't even here.
120
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,022
"I hate what you're wearing."
121
00:06:01,897 --> 00:06:03,777
Dr. DiLorenzo will be right in.
122
00:06:03,802 --> 00:06:06,626
Okay, thank you.
I don't even know if I wanna do a...
123
00:06:06,651 --> 00:06:07,676
A procedure.
124
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,668
I just... you know,
I obviously still have
125
00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:11,217
most of my hair.
126
00:06:11,242 --> 00:06:12,909
He'll be right in.
127
00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:20,621
Hi, sorry I'm late,
but not as late as you are.
128
00:06:20,623 --> 00:06:22,790
Really? It's that obvious?
129
00:06:22,792 --> 00:06:24,852
'Cause I just noticed that
it'd gotten a little worse.
130
00:06:24,854 --> 00:06:26,060
By the time it's noticeable,
131
00:06:26,062 --> 00:06:27,929
you've already lost over half your hair.
132
00:06:27,931 --> 00:06:30,790
Why do people write books
about anything other than that?
133
00:06:31,048 --> 00:06:32,514
The good news is,
134
00:06:32,516 --> 00:06:34,549
modern micrografting looks
completely natural.
135
00:06:34,551 --> 00:06:36,017
I mean, you'd be shocked if I told you
136
00:06:36,019 --> 00:06:37,085
some of the actors who've done it.
137
00:06:37,087 --> 00:06:38,186
Can you give me a hint?
138
00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:40,749
I can't, but I had my own trailer
139
00:06:40,751 --> 00:06:42,657
during the last Avengers movie.
140
00:06:44,361 --> 00:06:46,261
Trust me, there's nothing
about this procedure
141
00:06:46,263 --> 00:06:47,529
to be embarrassed about at all.
142
00:06:47,531 --> 00:06:49,197
- Okay.
- Let's take down some numbers.
143
00:06:49,199 --> 00:06:50,465
Janae, can you come in here?
144
00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:52,367
I'm on hold. Should I hang up?
145
00:06:52,369 --> 00:06:53,601
No, I'll just shout
146
00:06:53,603 --> 00:06:55,470
Will Truman's hair loss numbers to you.
147
00:06:55,472 --> 00:06:56,738
I'll call you back.
148
00:06:56,740 --> 00:06:57,739
I have to take down
149
00:06:57,741 --> 00:07:00,408
Will Truman's hair loss numbers.
150
00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:01,776
All right.
151
00:07:01,778 --> 00:07:05,880
He's got bilateral recession
of 4 centimeters.
152
00:07:05,882 --> 00:07:08,049
He's a Norwood three,
but he's heading toward a four
153
00:07:08,051 --> 00:07:09,621
like a runaway train.
154
00:07:10,454 --> 00:07:12,721
I can almost see
my reflection in his forehead,
155
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:15,090
and hair is literally
coming out in my hands.
156
00:07:17,627 --> 00:07:20,295
I am gonna take about 5,000 micrografts
157
00:07:20,297 --> 00:07:21,496
from the back of your head
158
00:07:21,498 --> 00:07:24,065
and reinforce your real hairline,
159
00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:26,601
giving you something like this.
160
00:07:27,938 --> 00:07:30,905
Oh, my God, it's me in 1995.
161
00:07:30,907 --> 00:07:34,075
I-I'm walking through Times
Square before the S&M world
162
00:07:34,077 --> 00:07:35,643
became the M&M's World.
163
00:07:35,645 --> 00:07:36,811
Hmm.
164
00:07:36,813 --> 00:07:38,947
Turning back the clock is what I do.
165
00:07:38,949 --> 00:07:40,915
Yeah, but can you really?
166
00:07:40,917 --> 00:07:43,818
I mean, I'm still gonna have
to accept that I'm getting old.
167
00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:46,588
Honestly, I'm only here
because I'm imagining
168
00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:49,657
a lifetime of being mocked
even more by my friend Jack.
169
00:07:49,659 --> 00:07:51,126
You'd think after all we go through,
170
00:07:51,128 --> 00:07:52,927
gay men would stop torturing each other
171
00:07:52,929 --> 00:07:55,430
about our appearance,
but we do it constantly.
172
00:07:55,432 --> 00:07:57,298
- Paid for my boat.
- What?
173
00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:59,087
Really makes you think.
174
00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:01,221
I don't know.
175
00:08:01,223 --> 00:08:02,369
Hey, why don't you take a look at some
176
00:08:02,371 --> 00:08:03,841
of my patient success stories?
177
00:08:03,843 --> 00:08:05,774
For privacy reasons, their identities
178
00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:07,509
have been obscured.
179
00:08:07,511 --> 00:08:10,111
Oh.
180
00:08:10,113 --> 00:08:11,546
Uh-huh, mm-hmm.
181
00:08:11,548 --> 00:08:13,281
Oh, that... that's impressive.
182
00:08:14,951 --> 00:08:17,619
Oh, my God.
183
00:08:17,621 --> 00:08:18,853
You see something you like?
184
00:08:18,855 --> 00:08:21,823
Oh, I like this very much.
185
00:08:28,324 --> 00:08:31,199
_
186
00:08:34,204 --> 00:08:36,704
Gentlemen. Good to see you, mafia guy.
187
00:08:36,706 --> 00:08:39,140
I don't think I know anyone else here.
188
00:08:39,142 --> 00:08:42,677
Oh, I think you do.
189
00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:44,579
Hello, Karen.
190
00:08:44,581 --> 00:08:46,181
Danley Walker?
191
00:08:46,183 --> 00:08:48,216
Who invited my brother-in-law?
192
00:08:48,218 --> 00:08:50,318
Ex-brother-in-law, or so I hear.
193
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,187
And I invited you.
194
00:08:52,189 --> 00:08:53,280
Why?
195
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:55,323
So you could try to win back
all of the money
196
00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:57,826
that I took from Stanley in the divorce?
197
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,360
I earned every penny.
198
00:08:59,362 --> 00:09:02,108
I worked my lips to the bone.
199
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:05,366
I was only vaguely aware
the you two split up
200
00:09:05,368 --> 00:09:07,405
188 days ago.
201
00:09:08,171 --> 00:09:09,704
Was it an ugly divorce?
202
00:09:09,706 --> 00:09:12,874
Well, not as ugly
as most French actors, but...
203
00:09:14,878 --> 00:09:19,347
It did get mildly unattractive,
like most British actors.
204
00:09:21,585 --> 00:09:23,918
Hello, ladies with absent fathers.
205
00:09:31,561 --> 00:09:33,228
You know, Stanley always thought
206
00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:34,429
you never came around
207
00:09:34,431 --> 00:09:37,365
because you were a little sweet on me.
208
00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:40,201
Me? Sweet on my brother's wife?
209
00:09:40,203 --> 00:09:43,538
I was always the bigger man.
210
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:45,907
That's not physically possible.
211
00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:49,611
And I think he was right.
212
00:09:51,248 --> 00:09:53,882
You do look stunning. I'll give you that.
213
00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:55,717
Like a statue by Bernini
214
00:09:55,719 --> 00:09:58,248
that some kids have drawn
huge gazongas on.
215
00:09:59,956 --> 00:10:01,022
So which is it?
216
00:10:01,024 --> 00:10:05,296
You either asked me here
to ruin me or to ruin me.
217
00:10:06,396 --> 00:10:07,929
Let's see where the night takes us.
218
00:10:07,931 --> 00:10:09,964
Seven-card stud, no limit,
219
00:10:09,966 --> 00:10:15,470
unless that action's
a little too hot for you?
220
00:10:15,472 --> 00:10:18,406
I'm going to eat you alive.
221
00:10:18,408 --> 00:10:20,241
However I end up in your mouth is fine...
222
00:10:20,243 --> 00:10:22,410
Oh, just play cards!
223
00:10:25,315 --> 00:10:27,115
- Oh, hi, are you...
- Shh.
224
00:10:27,117 --> 00:10:28,516
- Were you followed?
- What?
225
00:10:28,518 --> 00:10:32,086
In the lobby, were you followed?
226
00:10:32,088 --> 00:10:33,488
I don't think so?
227
00:10:33,490 --> 00:10:35,857
- Do you have the stuff?
- Your pizza?
228
00:10:35,859 --> 00:10:37,292
Yeah, it's right here.
229
00:10:37,294 --> 00:10:39,460
Okay, okay. All right.
230
00:10:39,462 --> 00:10:40,929
I'm gonna need you to go down the stairs
231
00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:44,132
and take the door
out into the back alley, okay?
232
00:10:44,134 --> 00:10:45,600
Here's a little extra.
233
00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:47,669
This is a 20. Your pizza's $19.
234
00:10:47,671 --> 00:10:49,549
Yeah, a little extra.
235
00:10:50,173 --> 00:10:52,273
- Violation.
- No, it's not.
236
00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:54,342
- Are you holding a pizza?
- Yes.
237
00:10:54,344 --> 00:10:56,945
- Are you a pizza delivery guy?
- Yes.
238
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,813
Then it's a violation.
239
00:10:58,815 --> 00:11:02,283
Only tenants and their guests
are allowed past the lobby.
240
00:11:02,285 --> 00:11:03,685
Well, the joke's on you,
241
00:11:03,687 --> 00:11:07,021
because this isn't
just any pizza delivery guy.
242
00:11:07,023 --> 00:11:09,857
This is also my boyfriend.
243
00:11:09,859 --> 00:11:11,859
Uh...
244
00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:14,896
- He's your boyfriend?
- Yes.
245
00:11:14,898 --> 00:11:16,464
He is my boyfriend,
246
00:11:16,466 --> 00:11:18,533
and he brings me pizza sometimes,
247
00:11:18,535 --> 00:11:23,037
which is why me and Mike M.
are so happy together.
248
00:11:24,674 --> 00:11:28,109
If he's your boyfriend,
kiss him on the mouth.
249
00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:34,682
You want... I would.
250
00:11:34,684 --> 00:11:36,818
I would... I would actually
really love to do that,
251
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:38,152
but he's not really into public...
252
00:11:38,154 --> 00:11:39,554
You can kiss me.
253
00:11:46,062 --> 00:11:49,731
Okay, you want me to kiss
my boyfriend on the mouth?
254
00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:50,865
No problem.
255
00:11:52,335 --> 00:11:53,935
Tongue or no tongue?
256
00:11:53,937 --> 00:11:55,370
Oh, my God!
257
00:11:57,173 --> 00:11:58,840
He's not my boyfriend. I lied.
258
00:11:58,842 --> 00:12:00,208
I'm a liar. Are you happy now?
259
00:12:00,210 --> 00:12:01,709
Not yet.
260
00:12:03,913 --> 00:12:06,347
- You're a monster.
- What did you say?
261
00:12:06,349 --> 00:12:07,582
Muenster.
262
00:12:07,584 --> 00:12:10,051
The pizza's made with muenster cheese.
263
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,254
Hey, would you ever wanna...
264
00:12:13,256 --> 00:12:15,056
No, Mike M., I wouldn't!
265
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,908
Hey. I got your text.
266
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:27,078
What's up, Hairless Potter
and the Half-Bald Prince?
267
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,382
How is "Hairmione"?
268
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,822
How's "Baldemort"?
269
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,191
You know, Jack, being confronted
270
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:42,226
with my hair loss really shook me.
271
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:45,063
This isn't easy for me to admit.
272
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:48,666
Went to a hair clinic,
the DiLorenzo Hair Clinic.
273
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,204
Yeah, the doctor said the new techniques
274
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,539
are getting really good,
275
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,274
especially compared to five years ago.
276
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,276
Apparently, the guys who did it back then
277
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,912
are now going totally bald, yeah,
278
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,213
except for, like, two spots
279
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,981
where the new hair's growing in.
280
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,384
So it looks like they have hair horns.
281
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,891
I don't want hair horns.
282
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,426
What?
283
00:13:19,434 --> 00:13:20,967
Looks like it's just you and me, Karen.
284
00:13:20,969 --> 00:13:25,338
Mano y... man, is your rack spectacular.
285
00:13:26,775 --> 00:13:27,941
Last card.
286
00:13:33,114 --> 00:13:34,347
Make your bet, Walker.
287
00:13:34,349 --> 00:13:36,215
All right, Walker.
288
00:13:36,217 --> 00:13:39,852
I am all in with this.
289
00:13:39,854 --> 00:13:41,821
Whoa. That's... wrong pocket.
290
00:13:41,823 --> 00:13:43,957
Wow. That was almost a disaster.
291
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:46,492
Uh...
292
00:13:46,494 --> 00:13:48,494
I am all in with this.
293
00:13:49,464 --> 00:13:51,230
The deed to my house.
294
00:13:51,232 --> 00:13:55,468
And all you have to wager
to bet is one date with me.
295
00:13:55,470 --> 00:13:56,636
Well, if that's what you're after,
296
00:13:56,638 --> 00:13:59,639
then I'm going to have to ask
you to sweeten the pot.
297
00:13:59,641 --> 00:14:01,975
I want what's in the other pocket.
298
00:14:01,977 --> 00:14:03,042
I can't do that.
299
00:14:03,044 --> 00:14:04,844
This is a controlling interest
300
00:14:04,846 --> 00:14:06,646
in a professional baseball franchise.
301
00:14:06,648 --> 00:14:08,514
I can't just gamble this away.
302
00:14:08,516 --> 00:14:10,416
Well, then I guess
you don't really want a chance
303
00:14:10,418 --> 00:14:12,051
to win a date with me.
304
00:14:14,088 --> 00:14:15,721
Fine.
305
00:14:17,025 --> 00:14:20,885
Jacks and aces.
306
00:14:21,529 --> 00:14:24,330
Well, Danley, it's like
I said to your brother
307
00:14:24,332 --> 00:14:26,199
on our first date:
308
00:14:26,201 --> 00:14:27,867
"There's a whole lot more to me
309
00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:30,637
than just the great pair I'm showing."
310
00:14:32,173 --> 00:14:34,340
Full house, queens over tens.
311
00:14:34,342 --> 00:14:35,541
Damn!
312
00:14:37,445 --> 00:14:40,079
Jack, we have got to stop
beating ourselves up
313
00:14:40,081 --> 00:14:41,381
about our looks.
314
00:14:41,383 --> 00:14:42,682
We should support each other.
315
00:14:42,684 --> 00:14:44,701
In fact, we should both...
316
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,754
mm, no, forget it.
317
00:14:48,223 --> 00:14:49,155
What?
318
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,857
What were you gonna say?
We should both what?
319
00:14:53,094 --> 00:14:56,462
No, I just... I don't wanna
worry about losing
320
00:14:56,464 --> 00:14:58,131
the rest of my hair anymore.
321
00:14:58,133 --> 00:15:01,434
So I have decided to shave my head,
322
00:15:01,436 --> 00:15:03,803
make a clean break.
323
00:15:03,805 --> 00:15:05,538
You know, I just don't have the face
324
00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:07,607
of a menopausal lesbian.
325
00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,942
And you think I do?
326
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,720
No, no, if you shaved your head,
327
00:15:20,722 --> 00:15:24,590
you'd look more like...
like a big toe dipped in oil.
328
00:15:26,561 --> 00:15:28,461
I would look fantastic bald.
329
00:15:28,463 --> 00:15:31,764
Jack, I will not let you shave your head,
330
00:15:31,766 --> 00:15:34,100
and I will certainly not agree
to a competition
331
00:15:34,102 --> 00:15:35,735
to see which one of us looks better bald.
332
00:15:40,408 --> 00:15:42,608
Well, since I brought it up, I insist!
333
00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:45,344
A competition it is! Ha-ha!
334
00:15:45,346 --> 00:15:46,946
And you can't stop me!
335
00:15:48,416 --> 00:15:50,249
It's been a pleasure,
336
00:15:50,251 --> 00:15:53,986
and I'd love to welcome you
someday into the owner's box,
337
00:15:53,988 --> 00:15:56,856
when I take over...
338
00:15:56,858 --> 00:16:00,626
the Blattsville Millstones?
339
00:16:00,628 --> 00:16:03,262
Uh, was I not clear that when I said,
340
00:16:03,264 --> 00:16:05,865
"professional baseball
franchise," I meant,
341
00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:08,367
"bumbling independent minor league team
342
00:16:08,369 --> 00:16:11,270
from a backwater town that
loses millions every year"?
343
00:16:11,272 --> 00:16:13,706
I'm so sorry.
344
00:16:13,708 --> 00:16:15,208
You threw the game
345
00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:19,011
just so you could stick me
with this loser team?
346
00:16:19,013 --> 00:16:20,880
Why?
347
00:16:20,882 --> 00:16:24,617
The night you and Stan met,
I saw you first,
348
00:16:24,619 --> 00:16:26,452
and I wanted you more than anything.
349
00:16:26,454 --> 00:16:27,820
But the minute you two met,
350
00:16:27,822 --> 00:16:29,522
it was like you couldn't even see me.
351
00:16:29,524 --> 00:16:31,190
If you were standing behind him,
352
00:16:31,192 --> 00:16:33,025
no one could see you!
353
00:16:35,964 --> 00:16:39,499
My love for you has been
an albatross around my neck,
354
00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:41,167
and now you've got the Millstones,
355
00:16:41,169 --> 00:16:43,903
and they are going to humiliate you.
356
00:16:43,905 --> 00:16:45,738
No one humiliates Karen Walker
357
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:47,974
without my permission and a safe word!
358
00:16:55,919 --> 00:16:57,873
Thanks to Mrs. Timmer,
359
00:16:57,898 --> 00:16:59,464
I had to walk all the way to the deli
360
00:16:59,466 --> 00:17:00,899
to pick up my sandwich.
361
00:17:00,901 --> 00:17:03,131
- Where is it?
- I ate it.
362
00:17:03,737 --> 00:17:05,236
Where's mine?
363
00:17:05,238 --> 00:17:07,635
You should order things I don't like.
364
00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:10,708
Why don't you just stand up to her?
365
00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:13,211
I can't. I don't know what it is.
366
00:17:13,213 --> 00:17:15,213
There's just something about her.
367
00:17:15,215 --> 00:17:18,030
She just brings up all this stuff,
368
00:17:18,055 --> 00:17:20,051
just anger and judgment.
369
00:17:20,053 --> 00:17:22,587
I mean, isn't it enough
that I live with a gay guy
370
00:17:22,589 --> 00:17:24,856
and my mother insults me in my dreams?
371
00:17:26,026 --> 00:17:28,560
Oh. Check your phone.
372
00:17:28,562 --> 00:17:31,262
- Our DNA results are ready.
- Oh.
373
00:17:31,264 --> 00:17:34,666
And... ha-ha, ha-ha!
374
00:17:34,668 --> 00:17:39,904
I do not have
the premature baldness gene.
375
00:17:39,906 --> 00:17:43,007
Here we go. Okay, looks good.
376
00:17:43,009 --> 00:17:46,578
Looks good. Allergy to cheese?
377
00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:48,342
- That's not a thing.
- No.
378
00:17:49,849 --> 00:17:51,783
Dementia? You know what?
379
00:17:51,785 --> 00:17:53,384
I'm looking forward to forgetting stuff.
380
00:17:56,690 --> 00:17:59,390
Will, look.
381
00:17:59,392 --> 00:18:01,426
That doesn't even make sense.
382
00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:05,029
That makes perfect sense.
383
00:18:05,031 --> 00:18:07,031
Listen up, Millstones.
384
00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:09,467
I know you're the biggest joke
in all of baseball,
385
00:18:09,469 --> 00:18:11,035
but that's going to change.
386
00:18:11,037 --> 00:18:13,104
Because unless we're talking brain cells
387
00:18:13,106 --> 00:18:15,073
or all three kinds of virginity,
388
00:18:15,075 --> 00:18:17,121
I don't like to lose.
389
00:18:17,877 --> 00:18:20,245
So, by the end of this season,
390
00:18:20,247 --> 00:18:24,716
you are going to hit and run
and shoot and serve
391
00:18:24,718 --> 00:18:27,318
and dunk and skate...
392
00:18:29,489 --> 00:18:32,511
Better than any
of the other baseball people,
393
00:18:32,892 --> 00:18:36,327
or my name isn't Karen Walker.
394
00:18:41,901 --> 00:18:44,435
Can we get dressed now, Mrs. Walker?
395
00:18:44,437 --> 00:18:45,436
Oh.
396
00:18:47,807 --> 00:18:49,741
Absolutely not, no.
397
00:19:04,758 --> 00:19:07,025
Okay.
398
00:19:07,027 --> 00:19:08,960
- The big reveal.
- Hmm.
399
00:19:08,962 --> 00:19:11,429
Do you promise not
to completely fall apart
400
00:19:11,431 --> 00:19:14,365
when you see how much worse
you look than me?
401
00:19:16,036 --> 00:19:17,869
I will do my best.
402
00:19:18,503 --> 00:19:19,604
Count of three.
403
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,940
Count of three.
404
00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:27,011
One, two, three.
405
00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:39,891
You look terrible!
406
00:19:41,461 --> 00:19:44,667
Oh, no. I do?
407
00:19:45,424 --> 00:19:47,491
Oh, wait. Is this better?
408
00:19:52,872 --> 00:19:55,740
This is for 20 years of bald jokes.
409
00:19:55,742 --> 00:19:58,209
- You tricked me.
- Yes, I did.
410
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:02,213
- Hair horns aren't real.
- No, they're not.
411
00:20:06,386 --> 00:20:08,482
If you're here to complain about the...
412
00:20:09,656 --> 00:20:11,389
We're cousins!
413
00:20:13,326 --> 00:20:17,328
You are my mother's
second cousin, once removed.
414
00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:19,897
That's why I'm so scared
to stand up to you.
415
00:20:19,899 --> 00:20:21,666
That's why we can't stand each other.
416
00:20:21,668 --> 00:20:23,334
We're family.
417
00:20:24,904 --> 00:20:27,171
In my dream, my mom wasn't telling me
418
00:20:27,173 --> 00:20:29,907
that I needed a man
to help me have this baby.
419
00:20:29,909 --> 00:20:35,092
She was saying I needed a mom,
and I found you.
420
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:37,928
Are you Bobbi Adler's girl?
421
00:20:38,284 --> 00:20:40,084
She used to give me cigarettes
422
00:20:40,086 --> 00:20:44,088
at the public pool
in Schenectady when I was 14.
423
00:20:45,091 --> 00:20:47,458
She smoked throughout her pregnancies.
424
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:49,315
Yeah, that's my mom.
425
00:20:50,130 --> 00:20:52,697
She was a good woman.
426
00:20:52,699 --> 00:20:54,198
I know.
427
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,468
So, we're family.
428
00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:59,737
I guess I have to look out for you.
429
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:01,572
I'd like that.
430
00:21:01,574 --> 00:21:03,541
You want some pizza?
431
00:21:05,044 --> 00:21:07,745
I recently came into some.
432
00:21:07,747 --> 00:21:09,547
That would be nice.
433
00:21:09,549 --> 00:21:11,215
I mean, I am eating for two.
434
00:21:11,217 --> 00:21:14,340
Aren't you too old to have a baby?
435
00:21:14,888 --> 00:21:17,755
That's exactly what my mom
would have said.
30989
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