All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.Animated.S01E04_English

Hey, what was the name
of that actor

that played the dad
in the movie Nebraska?

Bob Hope.

No, Bob Hope was
in Bad Santa.

Darn it! I
see his face...

Well, he's predominantly known
as a character actor

who most recently...

Bruce Dern!

Bruce Dern!
That's it.

Man, what did people do
before smartphones?

I'll tell you what they did.

They asked me.

I've always been the
wellspring of knowledge

in Dog River,

as far back as
I can remember.

You know,
the game of tetherball

was invented in 1895,

but a similar activity existed
in the ninth century,

when barbarians would tie
an enemy's head to a pole and...

oof!

You okay?

Hard to say.

The symptoms of concussion vary
from individual to individual.

Recent reports show...

I didn't mind
the Internet

when it was cat videos
and graphic porn,

but now it's
cramping my style.

If you want to compete
with the Internet,

you have to sass it up
like the Internet.

What,

like those stupid lists
that suck people in?

"6 ways blueberries
improve your libido"?

Nobody falls for...

What?

Blueberries improve
your libido?

I'm...
asking for a friend...

Mr. Johnson...

if you know what I...

Ugh, we know!

Yeah, we get it.

♪ You think
there's not a lot going on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby

♪ You're so wrong

Hey, where's your live bait?

I don't sell
live bait.

Yeah, I don't take
down signs either.

You need a ladder,

and it becomes
a whole big thing.

What the hell do you mean,
you don't sell live bait?

It's gross.

Buying live bait
at the local gas station

is an age-old tradition.

A lot of age-old traditions
are gross.

Did you know barbarians

would tie the head of an enemy
to a pole

and play tetherball
with it?

Where the hell
did you get that?

Probably read it
on the Internet.

Okay, reach for it.

Go on. Do it.

No way, you'll shoot me.

I'm going to shoot him

if he makes us
explain this again.

Hank, you agreed
to help us

with this armed robbery
training exercise.

But how is it armed robbery
when I don't have a gun?

Secondly, shouldn't I
be wearing a mask?

We all know you're the thief.

If I was a thief,

why would I stand here
in plain sight?

Just take the stupid money.

Why would I
put my life on the line

robbing some crappy bar?

Hey!

Can I at least taze him?

Okay, who?

"Who" what?

You sent me a text
saying

"You'll never guess

who was banned
from the bar.

Only Wanda knows
for sure."

Oh, did I?

Well, it seems
last Thursday night,

after one or five
too many beers,

a certain...

I got a text saying,
"There's only one time

to talk to your kid
about sex."

Then it says...

"What Wanda knows
will shock you."

Well, "shock" may
be a bit strong,

but sexologists agree...

Can I talk to you
for a second?

Let me guess,
you're jacked up

about my "5 Hottest Bachelors
in Dog River" piece.

Okay, Number 5 is tricky
'cause he's married,

but there's trouble
in paradise.

I don't give a flying
click about bachelors.

I mean, tell me later,

but since your
blueberry comment,

I've sold out

of blueberry muffins
and pie.

So do one
about potatoes.

What? Why?

I screwed up the order,

and I have way
too many potatoes.

♪ You're my sweet potato
You're my hot tomato ♪

♪ Gonna be cooking tonight

Well, I don't know
that a few words from me

is going to generate
that much interest.

Okay, what are
the seven signs

your husband is cheating?

Bachelor Number 5.

Yeowch!

What are you doing?

I'm not giving someone
a heart attack.

What are you doing?

I'm watching
my dad put

what appears to be
a bucket of squid guts

in my dairy cooler.

If you're not selling
live bait,

you're leaving money
on the table.

I'm also not leaving
snail sludge

on the butter.

Snails go good with butter!

Even the French know that.

[Hank]:
I don't like this.

I'm no criminal.

Okay.

Pretend
you're a good guy

who was wrongly accused
of something bad.

Now you're on the lam

until you can prove
your innocence.

Yeah,

and you just need
a few bucks to get by,

so you're going
to rob this crappy old bar...

Hey!

You'll pay them back
after you clear your name.

Like Jason Steele
in "Renegade Patriot."

Yeah, sure, go with that.

Now reach for the till.

But if I'm
Jason Steele,

a highly trained
covert operative,

why would I reach for the money

when two cops
are looking right at me?

He's doing it again.

And why is there
a huge fruit bat on the ceiling?

Aah! My eyes!

My eggs!

[Karen]:
Oh, my God...

[grunting]

[till opening]

You said "Number
six would blow my mind."

It barely raised
my eyebrows.

It was the 10 Weirdest
Ice Cream Flavours.

They can't all be winners.

I'm pumping these out
hand over fist, Helen.

Okay, what's
the potato angle?

I don't have
a potato angle.

I'm not in this
to push product.

I'm about truth.

Please.

You're about trivia.

Really?

You think I can't do a story
that has substance and merit?

Can it be the merit
of potatoes?

No.

Come on, help me out here!

So is the competition
hurting your sales at all?

What competition?

I think that's a
spelling mistake.

The real mistake

was not putting him
in a home.

Here's a couple of menus,

but we do have
four lunch specials.

Number three will make
your mouth water.

So...
the other ones are dry?

No, I was just...

If three of the four are dry,
that doesn't sound very special.

I don't know

how it could have
gone so wrong.

Mistakes were made.
We got sloppy.

We need to find him fast,

or this will embarrass
the whole department.

No one can ever
know about this.

Oh, yes, they can.

Oh, hey, Dad.
What's new?

Open up
any hastily constructed kiosks

in a ditch lately?

Tough noogies,
buddy boy.

You had your chance

to corner the
live bait market,

and you blew it.

[laughing]

Now ring these up.

10 bags of chips
and a dozen cans of pop.

You on a health kick?

Or shall I assume

you'll be selling these
at your fishgut stand?

At a discount, too...

to draw customers
away from you.

I see.

So you're paying retail
to buy my stuff

to keep people
from buying my stuff.

And there's nothing
you can do about it.

Yep, I'm really taking it
in the teeth here.

Ah, well.
I live, I learn.

Hey.

Hi, Emma.

I overheard some people

saying that three
of your four lunch specials

are poison.

They're just dry.

They're not dry,
it was... ugh...

I was luring people
with leading statements.

Well, you shouldn't
need tricks.

Good cooking sells itself.

Good cooking?

You mean like my...

delicious potato latkes?

The mystery ingredient
will have you shaking your head.

I meant more
like my potato gratin.

No head-shaking,
just good cooking.

Mystery latkes,
or yummy gratin?

They both sound good.

You get one,
I'll get the other,

and we'll see
which is better.

Coming right up.

I have a
proposition for you.

He's not at the Ruby.

He's not at Corner Gas.

He's not at the Foo Mart.

We've checked everywhere.

We haven't checked
his house.

Put it on the list.

What list?
Whose house?

No list.
What house?

Come on.

What's going on?

Who are you looking for?

Why are you so nosy?

The citizens of Dog River
have a right to know

what their police
state is up to.

What do you mean, "up to"?

Why so defensive,
Karen?

And...
[sniffing]

why do you smell
like pickled eggs?

Get her off me.

Wanda,
you need to back off.

Why's that?

And why is there
a drink coaster

in your shirt pocket?

No reason.

You never know

when you're going to have
a cool drink on a hot day...

beside an antique table.

I think I have
all I need here.

You two have
a good day,

but don't leave town.

Hey, that's our thing.

[Wanda]:
Anything out of the ordinary

happen lately?

Hank saw a fruit bat...
so he says.

Anything else?

Not really...

although he did go nuts,
throw stuff around,

grab money from my till
and jump out the window.

Only took the fives,
though.

Idiot.

Hank stole from you?

So you called the cops.

Karen and Davis
were in on it.

This is unbelievable!

I know.

Fruit bats only live
in tropical countries.

Idiot.

Okay, another set of orders
for our potato poll.

Don't forget to cast your vote
for which one you like better.

This is working great.

It's like
an Internet poll.

People can't resist.

It's kind of fun.

The Internet
just might catch on.

And who cares
whose dish even wins?

If it's 60-40 for you
or 60-40 for me, in the end,

I've moved a ton of potatoes,
right?

Emma?

What the hell
is that about?

What's the big idea,

sitting your father
out in the ditch like that?

It wasn't my idea.

It's a stupid idea,
so guess whose idea.

I don't care.

He can't be out there
in the sun and the wind,

with the exhaust and the fumes,

and you know it's only
a matter of time

until he gets run over
and killed.

He'll never let me
hear the end of that.

Well, what do you want
me to do about it?

Heh-heh-heh.

Fox is in the henhouse now,
hey, jackass?

Yeah, great.

You want
to hang a couple air fresheners

around your neck?

You smell
like a dashboard crab cake.

Smells like money to me.

You sure you got enough
chips over there?

Maybe not.

Ring me up
another half-dozen bags.

All righty,

and you know I'm going
to have to charge you

a small rental fee
for being in here.

I think
I can afford your dinky rent,

with me having
a town-wide monopoly on bait.

Yeah,
you better start dreaming up

names for your yacht.

Was Hank in here
a while ago

buying things with
a bunch of fives?

Yeah...
how'd you know that?

Hank came into some money
recently,

and since he never has any,

he'd probably be itching
to spend it.

There's only a handful of places
in town

to buy anything.

This one is near the bar,
and Hank's lazy.

Whoa, you're good.

Ah, it's basic
investigative journalism,

but yes, I'm very good.

Anyhoo, did Hank buy
anything unusual?

No, not really.

Some candy, comic books,
30 feet of chain...

Hang on.

Did he want the chain
all in one strip,

or did he have
you break it up?

Broken up.

Two 10-foot lengths

and a bunch
of shorter lengths.

How did you know that?

Oh, Won,

keep selling groceries

and leave the problem-solving
to me.

You have to pull.

I was...
checking the hinges for...

shut up.

Dents in the wall.

Furniture askew.

Must've been a struggle.

Nope.
This is how Hank lives.

His struggle is hygiene.

Why did we use Hank
in the first place?

We should've used Helen,
like last year.

So you want me
to steal this car?

Yeah,
just open the door.

Freeze!

[screaming]

Oh, my bladder...

She said she was
busy this year.

I've got a hunch

Hank's freak-out
may have been influenced

by his love
of action movies.

Hey, Renegade Patriot.

All right!

That's the one
Hank mentioned.

There's just
one thing to do...

[movie soundtrack
playing]

[man crying out]

Whoa!

I haven't heard a joint
snap like that

since Wing Night.

Shh.

Steele just found the office
of the corrupt police chief.

[grunting]

Knock knock.

Anybody home?

You know,
if Hank's acting out

what he saw
in this movie,

he might break
into our office

and steal something.

Don't be ridiculous.

[phone ringing]

Hang on, Karen, I'm getting
a call from the police.

Hello?

Knock knock.

Anybody home?

Uh-oh. It's Hank.

How'd he know
we were here?

Wait a minute.

You better not be
where my phone tells me you are.

You mean, in your office,
touching all your stuff?

Are you fiddling
with my pens?

I hear pen fiddling.

You better not mess
with my chair.

Up, down.

Up, down.

You sick bastard.

Hank, it's
not too late

to make this
all go away.

There's a key
in my drawer.

Go lock yourself
in the holding cell.

No one puts Yarbo in a cage.

I'm outta here,

but first I'm going to...

take a file!

[Karen]: Yes!
Called it!

Now you'll pay

for kidnapping
the senator's daughter.

The cops kidnapped
the daughter?

Spoiler alert!

You won't get
away with this.

Ho ho, that's what you think.

Argh!

We've got
to go after him.

Or... we finish
the rest of the movie

so we'll know
what he's going to do next.

Hank's not going

to do everything
Jason Steele does.

[Jason Steele]:
Now you'll pay

for kidnapping
the senator's daughter.

Go make popcorn.

[Emma]:
Wow.

I didn't think
our little competition

would sell
so many specials.

Well...

it did, so...

Let me help
count the votes.

I'm done.

This pile is yours...

and these two are mine.

This giant, huge stack
is all my potato gratins?

Okay, yes,
you got 98% of the vote,

but the real goal
was to move some potatoes,

and we did it...
together.

This handwriting
looks familiar.

Did you vote
for yourself?

No.

Maybe once.

Hey, everyone!

Guess whose potato dish
won by a landslide?

The results will make
your jaw explode!

He said he took a file.

Hard to say which one.

We have to find him.

Jason Steele had a hideout.

If Hank was a spy,
where would he go?

I don't know,

but until he found
someplace to hide,

he'd hide out in the treehouse
that him and Brent built.

So what you're saying is,

he'd hide out
at their hideout

until he found a hideout.

Don't make things
complicated, Karen.

[chuckling]

A golden helicopter?

That is one rich duck.

[police siren wailing]

Dammit.
They're onto me.

Come with me
if you want to leave.

Karen and Davis
are going to kill me?

Not "live,"
"leave," you knob.

[Hank scarfing food]

How long's it been
since you've eaten?

Almost an hour.

Right.

I forgot you eat

like a hammered Hasselhoff
in a hallway.

Cut the chit-chat.
How'd you find me?

I heard
you bought some chain,

and it reminded me
of a little something

you said
to Brent last week...

I think I'm going
to buy some chain,

make a chain-link
ladder...

you know...
for our tree house.

From that vague nugget,

I was able
to deduce your whereabouts.

Oh, you're like Batman.

All right,
now you have me,

what do you want?

Your side of the story.

How do I know
you won't betray me?

I'd never
reveal my source.

I'm your Woodward
and Bernstein.

Oh, I love those bear books!

Which one's Woodward?

Just give me something juicy.

Fine,

but all I got
is whatever this is.

I haven't read it yet.

I'm not done
with my comic.

Oh-oh, this is huge.

You want
to see huge?

Check out this
duck's swimming pool.

Live bait?

God, no.

Well, buy something
or scram, Browsy-Pants!

You're blocking my stand.

Dad, why don't you take
the rest of the day off?

I've earned it.

I've got a bait
business to run.

I'll watch your stink shack
for you.

You couldn't handle it.

Sure I can,

and I'll even sell your snacks
from the main counter,

and I'll only charge you
a 10% service fee.

10%?

While I'm sitting at
home with my feet up?

Well, if you think
that's a good deal,

who am I to argue?

[laughing]

Refill your coffee?

I'm drinking tea.

Oh, whoops.
Sorry!

I have been
a little distracted

over this
potato competition thing.

Well...
I voted for Emma's,

but just so you know,

I liked your latkes better.

You did?

Then why did you vote
for Emma's?

How's my potato gratin?

Mm,
it's a little too, uh...

A little too what?

Perfect...
not to vote for.

But swear on your mother's life
you won't tell Emma.

Ah, your secret's
safe with me.

How's the pie?

Uh, it's a little too, uh...

A little too what?

It's good!

Geez, that is effective.

As a legitimate journalist,

I'm reaching out to you
for comment

on the massive exposé
I'm about to write.

How can I comment
about a story

that hasn't even
been written?

That's how
it's going to be, is it?

How can I know
how it's going to be

when it hasn't
even been yet?

You wouldn't be so smug
and/or stupid

if you knew
my story was about

a certain
top-secret file...

a top-secret green file.

[choking]

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I choked on a noodle.

A coffee
noodle?

Hank took
the green file?

Uh-uh-uh,

I would never divulge
my source,

but yes.

Forget that file.

I have a deeper,
darker story for you.

Wanda?
You here?

Make it quick.

What have you got?

Okay, but you promised...

I give you this,
and the green file is mine,

and you forget
you ever saw it.

Sweet Maggie Gyllenhaal,
this really happened?

Okay, flatfoot,
you got yourself a deal.

Clack, clack, clack!

I chose egg salad

because it's the quietest
of all the sandwiches,

and here you are,

hammering away
on your clackulator.

Let me see
if I've got this straight.

You bought chips and pop
at retail

and sold them wholesale.

You're paying rent

to have your bait shack
inside the gas station,

and you're paying Brent
10% of your sales

so you can sit at home
and eat a sandwich.

And to top it all off,

he thinks
he's doing me a favour!

Ha!

That's your
bottom line.

Looks about right.

Why's it in red?

It's an intriguing story,

but I have
a lot of unanswered questions.

Everyone will,

and they won't find
the answers

on their stupid phones.

Hey, Wanda.

Who's this mysterious Mr. Y?

Are we safe
in a town with cops

who can't catch
a fake criminal?

Is improv a crime?

Glad you came
to see me, fellas.

Well, it seems on the
night in question...

What kind of a stunt
are you trying to pull,

letting your own father

sell live bait
in your store

for zero profit?

Sorry, Dad,
but you ripped yourself off.

I just happened to be there

to soak up the cash
you were hemorrhaging

out of every gaping
bad decision.

You crook!

Your own father!

Oscar, we got
a bunch of complaints

about your bait shack...

mostly
that the live bait is dead...

plus a few reports of real worms
being mistaken for gummy ones.

You see?
This is exactly...

yech.

You'll have to pay
a hefty fine,

and I'm revoking your
fish-bait license.

Well, the joke's on you,
Fitzy-Boy,

because I don't have
a fish-bait license.

Brent's the one

who's been selling
the bait for me,

right here in Corner Gas.

Is that true, Brent?

I guess, technically,

in a superficial sort of...

reality-based,
autobiographical...

yeah, it's true.

Your business,
your fine.

[whistling]

Well, there goes
all my scamming profits.

Your own father!

Yeah, so you said.

[Karen]:
Admit it.

You're the "anonymous
police informant,"

aren't you?

Of course not.

Who else
would know that...

"Local police wasted
valuable time

trying to figure out
the suspect's microwave

while attempting
to make popcorn"?

Can't believe
you didn't know

how to work
a microwave.

There's a popcorn
button right on it.

This undermines
everyone's confidence in us.

Not as much
as if they read this.

"The Intergalactic Adventures

of Detectives Davis Quinton
and Jar-Jar Binks."

Ew. This is bad.

Best not let that fall
into the wrong hands.

The least you could do
is tell us where Hank is

so we could bring him in

and get
our dignity back.

Stuff it, piggy!

He's under my protection.

Piggy?

I said, uh...

picky.

Like, you're picky about
what slang terms I can use

for the police.

Fine,

but if we can't find Hank,

we can't pay him
for the training exercise.

Wait!

I get paid?

[screaming]

Look, everybody!

We caught Hank.

The town
is safe again.

[half-hearted]
Yay...

Feel safe already.

Woo hoo!

How much...
do I get?

Aw, buck up, champ.

At least you didn't
lose a bunch of money

trying to innocently
screw over your dad.

Well, at least
you didn't lose your dignity

in a humiliating
potato contest.

One vote?

I was only allowed
to vote once.

It's called democracy, comrade.

That was you?

You voted for me
over your mom?

Mm-hm.

Oh, that's so sweet,
and very brave.

Brave?

I'm not scared of my mom.

So I can tell her?

You can never
tell her.

Geez.

No, no, you can
never tell her.

All right.

[♪♪♪]

♪ I don't know

♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know

♪ I just... don't know

♪ Ooh

♪ It's a great big place

♪ Ooh

♪ Full of nothing but space

♪ Ooh

♪ It's my happy place