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1
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I like church. It's cozy.
2
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Of course you do.
3
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:50,425
Inside are candles, red wine
and cushions. It's basically our flat.
4
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:53,846
Erica looks well.
5
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,681
That woman's Beyoncé to me, Jason.
6
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,183
Comes out of a marriage breakup stronger
7
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,352
and without once dragging me
to a yoga retreat.
8
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,895
Do you know how hard that is?
9
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:03,480
Come on. Let's go.
10
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:09,069
-Why're you wearing canvas shoes?
-Oh, yeah.
11
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:12,239
Well, I tried to
not overthink it, all right?
12
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,867
-Then I've ended up underthinking it.
-It's not very godparenty, is it?
13
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:17,077
It's difficult to think about things
the exact right amount.
14
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,037
Anyway, don't worry. No one will notice.
15
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:20,956
See you in a bit.
16
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:23,542
-You all right?
-Yeah, yeah, fine.
17
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:26,587
-Why is Jason wearing those shoes?
-I do not know.
18
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,720
-Okay, should we--
-Should we just pop inside?
19
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:35,804
-Yes.
-Yeah.
20
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:38,599
No, no, it's fine, it's fine.
I don't care who he dates.
21
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,811
-She's very pretty.
-No.
22
00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:44,229
It's too early to tell.
23
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,231
Everyone's hot when they're 27.
24
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:48,400
We won't know for sure until she's 35.
25
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,987
Yeah, what do they talk about?
What has she done?
26
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,448
Women under 30
don't do anything except juice.
27
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:57,159
-And tell people they're bisexual.
-Very true.
28
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,203
We're just gonna keep it simple.
29
00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:03,999
People who obsess over the wedding day
are just trying to cover up the cracks.
30
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,878
Like, if the relationship's a six,
the day has to be a ten, you know.
31
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,339
-Exactly, don't overthink it. Yeah.
-Yeah.
32
00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:13,884
-How are you, mate? You all right?
-Writing more long form now.
33
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,469
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
34
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:18,222
Doctor told me to keep a food diary
last month,
35
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,141
and I just, I really leant into it,
you know. Found my voice.
36
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,685
And an allergy to soy.
37
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:27,564
Yeah, so that's me, trying to crack
the Great American Novel for my sins.
38
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,650
But you're English, mate.
39
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,568
I think it gives me a unique perspective.
40
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,987
-Glad you made it.
-Yeah.
41
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,405
Lovely to see you.
42
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,080
-When's he moving out?
-Tonight.
43
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,583
I lasted six weeks. Erica,
I have no idea how you did 12 years.
44
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,460
Humans are resilient. Mandela did 27.
45
00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,879
Yeah, not with Freddy he didn't.
46
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,736
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ,
47
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:18,866
the love of God and the fellowship
of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
48
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,909
And also with you.
49
00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:24,454
-Father, we ask you to bless this water--
-Hey.
50
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:28,000
Why don't we bring your girlfriend back?
Because he could do her while we're here.
51
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,418
-Can we not?
-Not what?
52
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:30,752
Be that cliché.
53
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,880
Says the midlife crisis
wearing a friendship bracelet.
54
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,798
-…Christ, our Lord, amen.
-Amen.
55
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,425
-Amen.
-Amen.
56
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:39,344
Freddy and Erica, do you receive
this child as a gift from God?
57
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:40,596
-Yes.
-Yes.
58
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,472
Do you wish to give thanks to God
and seek his blessing?
59
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,599
-Yes.
-Yes.
60
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,934
Do you acknowledge this day
that God's love is already at work?
61
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,352
Mate, we're not really religious,
62
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:50,647
so if you wanna just cycle forward
to the water bit, that'd be great.
63
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,693
What name have you chosen for this child?
64
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:55,861
-Samuel.
-Buster.
65
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,821
-What?
-Buster.
66
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,657
-His name is Samuel.
-Nope, it's not. I changed my mind.
67
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,243
You can't change your mind.
He's named after my grandfather.
68
00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,370
I never liked your grandfather, so…
69
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,128
Together,
the Christian community welcomes…
70
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,255
-Samuel Turner.
-Buster Turner.
71
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:16,339
Oh, my God.
72
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,843
Okay, guys, I'm not sure
this is the ideal place for this.
73
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,094
I'm not naming him Sam.
74
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,055
-I'm not naming him Buster.
-Why not?
75
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,599
Because he's not a talking bus
in a children's cartoon.
76
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,644
Yeah, this really does sound
more like a pre-font sort of chat.
77
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,812
What about a little compromise?
What about Stan?
78
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,314
-'Cause that's got letters from each.
-No.
79
00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:34,775
Marlon.
80
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,401
Stan and Marlon?
That's the first two on your list, Jason?
81
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,736
I don't know. I'm panicking.
82
00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:41,156
-Luke?
-It's just a sound really, isn't it?
83
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,451
John? Just-- Paul? George?
I'm just doing Beatles now.
84
00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:45,953
-Parker.
-No.
85
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,663
-Why not?
-Because he's not a wealthy murderer.
86
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,081
Joh-- I don't-- George.
87
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:51,500
I'm back on Beatles again, aren't I?
Christ. Sorry.
88
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:53,210
-What's your name?
-My name?
89
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,962
-Yeah, your name. Yeah.
-Thomas.
90
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,381
-Thomas.
-I like that actually.
91
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,966
-Yeah?
-Little Tommy.
92
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,592
Thomas Turner.
93
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,262
Yeah, okay. Yeah.
94
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:04,972
Great.
95
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:10,936
Thomas Turner, I baptize you
in the name of the Father,
96
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,021
and of the Son…
97
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,024
and of the Holy Spirit.
98
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,610
-Amen.
-Amen.
99
00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:20,779
-Amen.
-Namaste.
100
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,326
You can't rename a child out of spite.
101
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:29,413
Okay, you cheat on your wife,
she might rename a kid or two.
102
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,081
It is the risk that you take.
103
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,585
Actually, Nikki, from an evolutionary
perspective, monogamy is really--
104
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,838
Okay, stop. I'm not absolving you
of your sins, okay?
105
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,590
I'm not the women's pope.
106
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,508
Well, I actually have a…
107
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,343
a very interesting article on bonobos--
108
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,262
Freddy, we've got Penny here in five,
109
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,139
and I need this not to be happening, okay?
110
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,932
We're never going to find a kid.
111
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,058
-What?
-Ellie's gone.
112
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,019
-You're kidding.
-She only come on the site yesterday.
113
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,854
-What sort of a--
-They go so quickly!
114
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,398
It's like trying
to get Glastonbury tickets.
115
00:05:56,899 --> 00:05:57,900
-This is you.
-What?
116
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:58,984
You took too long again.
117
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:02,154
Yeah, but it's difficult choosing
a child from a photograph, isn't it?
118
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,572
You wanna get in there, kick the tires.
119
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:06,992
-Jase.
-This meeting. Is it gonna be quick?
120
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:10,120
What, the meeting that decides
all of our hopes and dreams
121
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,456
and defines the rest of our lives?
122
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,750
Yeah, it's just,
I need my stuff from Erica's,
123
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,668
and I cannot see her right now.
124
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,670
Sorry, you want us to get it?
125
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,507
I just know
she's not watering my staghorn fern.
126
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,717
-Seriously, Freddy--
-Okay. All right.
127
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,637
Fine, we'll do it.
Can you give us a minute, please?
128
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,473
-Thank you.
-Jase.
129
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,226
His middle name is Ivan.
130
00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:35,479
Thomas Ivan Turner.
131
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,523
His initials are "TIT."
132
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,484
Tit, Nikki, tit.
133
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,028
So she did name him after you then,
didn't she?
134
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,493
I wish you'd back me up a bit.
135
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,954
I don't like it
when you don't dislike things I dislike.
136
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,997
You know how betrayed I felt
when you started liking olives.
137
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,667
Yeah. And I stopped eating them, didn't I?
138
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,585
For you, you little weirdo.
139
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,422
Right. Okay.
140
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,384
Hello? Okay, all right, Penny.
Come up now. Yeah.
141
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,386
-Right.
-Do you think she's gonna tell us off
142
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:08,470
for not finding a child?
143
00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:11,014
No. It takes a long time
to find the right one, doesn't it.
144
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:14,393
Look at me. I had hundreds of girlfriends
before I met you, and…
145
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:16,395
Okay.
146
00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,188
That sounded better in your head,
didn't it?
147
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,690
-Yeah.
-Yeah, thought so.
148
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:21,942
Come on.
149
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,611
I just, I don't want this to slip by.
150
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:26,572
We need something in our lives
that's bigger than us,
151
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:29,116
something that will outlive us,
carry on after we've gone.
152
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,868
We will, all right?
153
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,662
We have loads of plastic bags
in our kitchen drawer.
154
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,581
-All right?
-Yeah.
155
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,291
Ready? Okay.
156
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,585
-Hi.
-Hello.
157
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,212
Is there CCTV on this street?
158
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,548
No. No, I don't think there is, no.
159
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,176
Oh, good, good. That's--
160
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,802
No, that's good. Good, it'll be fine.
161
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,220
-Okay.
-Okay.
162
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,680
Anyway, I only have half an hour,
163
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:56,351
because my sister and her husband are
having a naming party for her new puppy.
164
00:07:57,019 --> 00:08:00,606
Six months of marriage therapy,
and that's the best idea they've had.
165
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:03,150
I said cut to the chase,
call it "last throw of the dice"
166
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,526
'cause that's what it is.
167
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:06,653
Tea.
168
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,740
Anyway, it's gonna be an absolute slog
169
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,783
because she has gone hard vegan.
170
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,160
-Sugar?
-Oh, no, thank you.
171
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,662
I'm sorry,
but no amount of tofu stir-fries
172
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:18,373
is going to un-hit that swan
with your car last summer,
173
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:21,084
so maybe just deal with the guilt head-on,
can we,
174
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,712
and stop burying it under
a lot of spinach triangles.
175
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,633
Long story. He was fine.
176
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:30,469
It was mainly his fault. He was warned.
Right.
177
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:35,807
Gather, please.
178
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,102
-Okay.
-For I have news.
179
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,438
I was never here.
180
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,858
This is an illusion.
This is not happening. Okay?
181
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,109
-Okay.
-Yeah, okay.
182
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:50,030
Okay, so, there is a boy.
183
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:54,451
His name is James.
184
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:58,497
He is a nice boy.
185
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:00,415
Look.
186
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,254
I think he's your boy.
187
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,009
By means I do not wish to divulge,
188
00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:13,679
I have advanced knowledge
he will be on the system in 24 hours.
189
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:17,182
I want us to be ready to go for him.
190
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,725
James?
191
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,604
James. James Newman-Ross.
192
00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:24,147
James Newman-Ross.
193
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,149
"JNR." That's good. That's good.
194
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,359
Yeah.
195
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,237
Hi, hi. Sorry, sorry.
196
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:34,533
Just to say that
she'll be doing the kids' tea from six,
197
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:39,997
so absolutely no pressure, but anytime
in the next 45 minutes would be ideal.
198
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,457
Okay?
199
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,132
-Look at his little face.
-I know. Sweet.
200
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,383
So exciting.
201
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,307
How do we know
which of this stuff's Freddy's?
202
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,767
If you can imagine a character
in a Bret Easton Ellis novel owning it,
203
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:01,852
then it's his.
204
00:10:05,189 --> 00:10:08,025
-Are you okay?
-Yeah. Fine.
205
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,109
Yeah?
206
00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:12,946
-'Cause you really don't need to be.
-I'm fine.
207
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,158
I have a plan for the new me.
208
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:20,746
It's a combination of taking up running,
meditation and screwing other people.
209
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,666
-Are you dating?
-Yeah. Maybe.
210
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,713
I don't know. It's a lot of vagina admin,
isn't it? But I could.
211
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,048
That's it. The car's full.
212
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,425
He can come and
get his bloody staghorn fern later.
213
00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:36,887
-Does that need watering?
-It does, yeah.
214
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:52,027
I can't believe we're doing this.
Have you got it?
215
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,320
Yeah. Yeah.
216
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,827
Why're you wearing all that?
217
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,287
Ran out of bags.
218
00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:03,580
Thanks, Nikki.
219
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,501
Thought I'd lost that.
220
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:18,428
Oh, my God.
No woman would ever have two blowtorches,
221
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,557
three different sets of things
for cracking lobsters,
222
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,350
but no colander.
223
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:28,397
-What do you think of the flat?
-I think it's like one big panic room.
224
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,731
-Horrible, innit?
-Yeah.
225
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:31,692
So, what do you think?
226
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,193
-Gorgeous, mate.
-So lovely.
227
00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:34,611
-Beautiful, yeah, very--
-Yeah.
228
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:38,198
'Cause sometimes things
can be too colorful, can't they?
229
00:11:38,282 --> 00:11:39,283
It's distracting.
230
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,993
What are you gonna do
when the kids come over, mate?
231
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,661
'Cause it is quite-- Sort of--
232
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,496
I've ordered some beanbags
off the Internet
233
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:46,456
and… maybe some cushions.
234
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,375
We can sort you out
with cushions, can't we?
235
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,752
We've got 30 or 40 spare ones
in our flat you can have, mate.
236
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,087
Jase.
237
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:54,882
Lobster crackers.
238
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,385
Four sets.
239
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,227
He likes football,
Nerf guns and Minecraft.
240
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,356
And his favorite food is
a chicken fajita wrap.
241
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,484
That makes me feel old.
242
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,904
My favorite food when I was a kid
was fish fingers and beans.
243
00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:17,988
Yeah.
244
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,576
What's the matter?
245
00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:25,037
-Nothing.
-Okay.
246
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,164
Why you being weird then?
247
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,708
I'm not. I'm acting completely normally.
248
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,001
Yeah, but that's what's weird.
249
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,754
Because normally with this sort of stuff,
you'd be all hyper.
250
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:36,548
-I'm fine.
-What's going on?
251
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,094
I don't wanna say,
252
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:44,681
because if I tell you,
then that makes me a terrible person,
253
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:47,768
and not being a terrible person is
the thing that I like most about myself,
254
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:48,852
so…
255
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,780
Okay, I sort of assumed
that we'd be getting a girl.
256
00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:02,574
-Oh. Okay.
-Yeah.
257
00:13:02,658 --> 00:13:04,868
I sort of thought that we decided that.
258
00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:08,205
No, I didn't realize we'd decided that.
259
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,457
No, I thought that you said
that you wanted a girl
260
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:12,584
because
you wanted to learn how to do the--
261
00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:14,336
What's it? The French plait thing.
262
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,171
Because the guy on the bus looked cool
when he did it.
263
00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:17,965
The guy on the bus did look cool, but--
264
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:19,800
How have we not discussed this?
265
00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:22,970
Are you set on a girl, yeah?
266
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,764
Well, are you set on a boy?
267
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,808
I'm, no-- Look, am I?
268
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:31,478
If I had to choose,
then, maybe selfishly, yeah.
269
00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:33,146
Because, you know, because there's that,
270
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:36,024
there's that special bond
between father and sons.
271
00:13:36,108 --> 00:13:39,278
Oh, really? How many conversations
do you have with your dad
272
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:42,072
that aren't about
how to get the TV back to HDMI1?
273
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,242
Actually, loads recently,
because he's just hurt his shoulder.
274
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,202
So now I can ask him about that too.
275
00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:49,204
Jase, I just, I don't understand them.
276
00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:50,289
-Who? Who?
-Their choices.
277
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,456
Men!
278
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,166
All men? Yeah?
279
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,960
I don't know, you--
280
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:59,548
You all react weirdly to things, and
you have emotions in all the wrong places.
281
00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:04,136
And you watch films that are basically
an hour and a half of fast driving.
282
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,888
You always like your hair
loads shorter than you should.
283
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,014
What are you talking about?
284
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,516
What am I supposed to do with a boy, Jase?
285
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,895
Seriously. What?
Do I fill him full of confidence,
286
00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:16,565
or do I take some of it away because
society already fills him with confidence,
287
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:19,276
so if I do it too, I'm just--
I'm gonna turn him into--
288
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,903
-Into what?
-Freddy!
289
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,616
That is seriously the worst-case scenario?
290
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:26,992
Do you know, Jase, it's--
291
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,661
It really scares me
that you don't hate him
292
00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:31,246
and what he's done as much as I do.
293
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:33,415
He's my mate though, Nikki.
What am I gonna do?
294
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,127
-And anyway, women can be dicks.
-Yeah, okay.
295
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:39,213
-Myra Hindley!
-Yeah.
296
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:41,215
That rude woman at the post office.
297
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:45,344
Queen Mary I.
298
00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:48,180
Okay, three women in,
and you're back to the 16th century.
299
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:50,474
I could name you
five men off tonight's news.
300
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,351
But none of them are four-year-old boys,
are they?
301
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:55,145
Yeah, no, Jase,
but they were once and then society,
302
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,272
society just came in
and messed them all up.
303
00:14:57,356 --> 00:15:01,360
How can I compete with society, Jase?
It's bloody everywhere.
304
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:04,071
I mean, we're the only people
that get to pick a gender.
305
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,323
Why would we not pick the best one?
306
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,408
Have this week's rankings
come out already?
307
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:11,078
Sorry, I must've missed that.
This is a ridiculous conversation!
308
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,584
-Will you get the plates?
-I'm doing it.
309
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,962
Margaret Thatcher.
310
00:15:57,875 --> 00:15:59,168
Can I ask your advice?
311
00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:00,919
-Are you serious?
-Yeah.
312
00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:04,298
Oh, my God, that is wild.
No one has ever said that to me before.
313
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,425
It's always like,
"Jen, no one asked your opinion.
314
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,218
This is my wedding. Go back to your seat."
315
00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:09,303
Okay…
316
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:12,139
But I will be honest with you, 'kay?
I won't sugarcoat it.
317
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,016
You wouldn't want me to sugarcoat it,
would ya?
318
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,518
Yes, I would.
When have I ever said that?
319
00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:19,146
-Always sugarcoat it.
-Okay, fine. Go.
320
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,523
Well, it's about boys.
321
00:16:21,607 --> 00:16:25,110
Okay, they look like their worst bio photo
is a good rule of thumb,
322
00:16:25,194 --> 00:16:28,530
and always reply to a below-the-waist nude
within… ten minutes.
323
00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:29,698
Hello. What can I get you?
324
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,826
Hi. Two falafel wraps,
one with extra pickle. Thank you.
325
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:36,496
Yeah, no, raising them, not dating them.
326
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,708
Do you think I could raise a good one?
327
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,882
-Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
-Yeah?
328
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,509
-100%.
-Okay.
329
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,552
Just don't let them be fussy eaters.
330
00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:53,096
My friend, Clayton,
only ate toast until he was 12,
331
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:55,057
and now he's really into S and M.
332
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,350
It's not a coincidence.
333
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,810
Okay, yeah. No, that's a handy tip.
334
00:16:58,894 --> 00:17:02,481
And anyway, you know,
bad parents make interesting people.
335
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,273
Joel's parents divorced when he was nine,
336
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:06,859
and he's the most interesting person
I know.
337
00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:10,071
I mean, we can talk for hours, like,
even when we're not high.
338
00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:12,782
He does get quite angry at stuff.
339
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,661
Which is wild, 'cause I'm the lowest
maintenance person in the world.
340
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:19,164
I'm so low-maintenance, I might
still be going out with some people.
341
00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:21,916
Jen, does he sound like
he's the right person for you?
342
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,752
Yeah, no. We're on a break at the moment.
343
00:17:24,837 --> 00:17:28,382
We couldn't agree what race Ariana Grande
was, and it all just sort of spiraled.
344
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,342
-There you go, ladies. Enjoy.
-Thank you.
345
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:31,635
Thank you.
346
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:37,224
Basically, just fill them with love,
and it'll be fine.
347
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,977
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
348
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:41,979
But not too much.
349
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:44,231
'Cause then they get too close
and resent all other women
350
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,524
for not being as good.
351
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:47,943
It actually happens a lot
with serial killers.
352
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:50,696
Did you see that one in South Korea?
He was really handsome,
353
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,781
which you don't really expect
in a murderer, do you?
354
00:17:52,865 --> 00:17:53,907
No.
355
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,203
Has this helped?
356
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,582
Yeah. Massively.
357
00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:02,499
Cool.
358
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,309
Are we gonna talk about this or just
keep pretending you wanna buy sunglasses?
359
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,519
I do maybe wanna buy some sunglasses.
360
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:24,062
There you go.
361
00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,939
I like to have a choice.
362
00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:29,193
Look, who says that our boy is gonna
be boyish anyway?
363
00:18:29,902 --> 00:18:31,111
He might not be.
364
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:34,239
Gender norms are ingrained, Jase.
365
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:35,949
Erica bought Lauren a monster truck.
366
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,619
She put it in a dress
and pushes it around in a buggy.
367
00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,746
I'm not sure how scientific
some of your arguments are.
368
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:42,623
So what if a monster truck
wants to wear a dress?
369
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:44,917
Good luck to him. Her. They.
370
00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:49,129
I wanna be a guide to our child.
371
00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:52,674
I wanna be wise, and offer help
and smooth their path.
372
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:55,636
How can I do that if I don't know
what it's like to be a boy?
373
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:57,262
You'd expect me to do that for a girl.
374
00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:59,181
Yeah, because girls
tell you what they're feeling.
375
00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:00,849
-They know how to ask for help.
-Do you? Bollocks.
376
00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:02,559
You just sit on the sofa
hugging a cushion,
377
00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:04,978
sighing louder and louder
until someone asks you what's wrong.
378
00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:07,439
Boys are uncomplicated, okay?
379
00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:10,442
They're just, you know, bosh,
straight lines.
380
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:11,902
It's like maintaining a bit of machinery.
381
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,363
Bit of a wipe down with a damp cloth
now and then, they're golden.
382
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:18,158
-Oh, wow, another worrying opinion.
-Hello, mate.
383
00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:19,952
-Hello.
-How are you?
384
00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:22,371
Haven't seen you in ages.
What you been up to?
385
00:19:22,454 --> 00:19:24,206
-No staghorn fern?
-Sorry, come again?
386
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:27,084
-You didn't bring my staghorn fern.
-No, we couldn't fit it in.
387
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,002
Yeah, well, could you pop back and get it?
388
00:19:32,548 --> 00:19:35,217
-Are you actually being serious?
-Yeah, I've had it since uni.
389
00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,679
We spent yesterday afternoon
moving all of your stuff.
390
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,348
Not all my stuff,
'cause I am light one staghorn fern.
391
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:42,432
Wow.
392
00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:45,227
Go and get it yourself then.
We're not your interns, Freddy.
393
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:47,312
I can't. Me and Erica aren't talking.
394
00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:49,648
We've got lots of stuff on ourselves,
okay?
395
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,444
And to be honest, mate, you're acting
like a bit of a selfish dick.
396
00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:55,821
You think I'm selfish?
397
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,156
I once saw you
unplug a café's Christmas lights
398
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,826
-so you could charge your phone.
-Oh, come on! For a quick bump.
399
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:01,952
There were four people--
400
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:05,163
Freddy, you're being a dick. Okay?
401
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:08,041
I thought you were a dick
when I first met you, but I thought,
402
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,043
"No, it's all right.
Everyone's a dick in their 20s."
403
00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:11,628
But then when you were
still a dick in your 30s,
404
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:14,840
I thought, "He's under a lot of pressure.
He's got a new baby."
405
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:17,676
And let's face it, you know,
Erica's not warm as toast, is she?
406
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:18,927
But you are still being a dick,
407
00:20:19,011 --> 00:20:22,139
and there comes a point where you're not
acting like a dick anymore,
408
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,599
you're just a dick.
409
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,268
I'm not the sort of dick
who walks away from someone
410
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,395
because he's being a dick,
but you do need to be careful, Freddy,
411
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:29,980
because there are not that many of us left
412
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,274
and you've already thrown one of us away.
413
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,358
Okay?
414
00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:37,029
-Nikki, can you call Erica, please?
-Yeah.
415
00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:39,489
You, follow me.
416
00:20:51,877 --> 00:20:54,004
-Are you two all right?
-Yeah, why?
417
00:20:54,505 --> 00:20:57,341
-You don't need to talk?
-About what?
418
00:20:57,883 --> 00:20:59,510
You just had an argument.
419
00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:00,594
When?
420
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:03,555
-What? What?
-Look at this.
421
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,267
That looks very sore.
422
00:21:07,351 --> 00:21:08,560
I know, right?
423
00:21:10,062 --> 00:21:11,939
-Hello.
-Hello, hello.
424
00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:13,857
One staghorn fern.
425
00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:16,944
Thanking you.
426
00:21:18,654 --> 00:21:20,322
-Okay, then.
-Hang on. Wait, please.
427
00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,406
-What?
-Please.
428
00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:22,991
The kids think
they can get us back together.
429
00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:25,494
No, not back together,
just able to talk, all right?
430
00:21:25,577 --> 00:21:27,871
I'm having enough trouble
getting my own family
431
00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:29,831
without keeping your one functioning too.
432
00:21:29,915 --> 00:21:32,918
Okay, so this is neutral ground.
It's halfway between where you both live.
433
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:35,963
Well, no, technically the canal
would be exactly halfway between.
434
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,340
I'm assuming no one
wants to go in there, all right?
435
00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:40,259
So in that case,
let's do this on dry land.
436
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,052
-Do what exactly?
-Just sort it out!
437
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:45,556
Please! Sort it out for Lauren and…
438
00:21:45,639 --> 00:21:46,640
-Thomas.
-Thomas!
439
00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:50,227
Okay, fine.
440
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:54,815
We need to talk about childcare.
You have got to take more responsibility.
441
00:21:54,898 --> 00:21:57,234
-I've been babysitting.
-You have babysat twice,
442
00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:59,862
and anyway, it's not even called that
when they're yours.
443
00:22:00,988 --> 00:22:02,114
-Have you been watering this?
-My God.
444
00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:03,740
I've had this since uni.
I don't want it neglected.
445
00:22:03,824 --> 00:22:05,993
You've had her since uni too
and you've neglected her, so…
446
00:22:06,076 --> 00:22:07,369
That's a fair point, mate, yeah.
447
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,329
It's weird, the love affair
you've got with that plant.
448
00:22:09,413 --> 00:22:10,998
It's not weird. It's special.
449
00:22:13,417 --> 00:22:15,252
It's been there through everything.
450
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:21,175
All right. Fine.
451
00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:24,803
-Freddy! What are you playing at?
-What are you doing?
452
00:22:24,887 --> 00:22:26,388
-What are you doing?
-Freddy!
453
00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:29,808
-No, you are right. It is just a plant.
-You can't just chuck it away!
454
00:22:29,892 --> 00:22:31,435
-Why?
-Because it's part of our family.
455
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:32,436
But you hate it!
456
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:35,314
I can hate something
and I can still be sad when I lose it!
457
00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:42,362
-Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God!
458
00:22:42,446 --> 00:22:44,531
What are you doing, Erica? Shit!
459
00:22:45,616 --> 00:22:46,909
-Freddy!
-No!
460
00:22:49,244 --> 00:22:50,787
Okay, come back! Just come back!
461
00:22:50,871 --> 00:22:52,289
I can't. She needs me!
462
00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:54,583
-Don't die, Erica. I'm coming.
-Freddy, I've got it.
463
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,920
-What are you doing?
-Backstroke is my best stroke!
464
00:22:58,003 --> 00:22:59,087
I can't see you.
465
00:22:59,171 --> 00:23:00,464
Help him!
466
00:23:01,215 --> 00:23:03,008
I'm gonna stay here and watch their stuff.
467
00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:04,635
Mate, I'm gonna stay up here
and watch your stuff.
468
00:23:04,718 --> 00:23:06,470
-Okay! Thank you!
-Jason!
469
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:09,556
What? That's a very expensive jacket.
Very expensive jacket.
470
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,726
Where are you? Where are you?
I'm coming. I'm coming. I've got you.
471
00:23:14,937 --> 00:23:17,064
Oh, my God! I swallowed a lot of water.
472
00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:18,357
Come on.
473
00:23:19,149 --> 00:23:21,193
Oh, my God, there's a boat! Guys!
474
00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:22,277
-There's a boat!
-Oh, my God!
475
00:23:22,361 --> 00:23:23,820
-There's a boat, guys!
-Oh, my God!
476
00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:27,282
Okay, all right! Okay, okay, okay!
Stand up! Stand up, both of you!
477
00:23:27,366 --> 00:23:28,867
Just stand up!
478
00:23:35,374 --> 00:23:36,708
-How do?
-Hiya!
479
00:23:39,378 --> 00:23:41,588
-Hello, mate.
-You all right? Hi!
480
00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:52,933
Okay. Yeah, that would be really helpful.
481
00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:55,060
Look at him. He's like a new man.
482
00:23:55,143 --> 00:23:57,896
-Yeah, thanks to you.
-I dunno.
483
00:23:57,980 --> 00:24:01,525
I just sort of always assumed
that I'd be good in a crisis.
484
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:03,110
When I was young,
I used to wanna be a fireman.
485
00:24:03,193 --> 00:24:04,278
Yeah?
486
00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:07,698
-I think you'd make a good fireman.
-Do you think so?
487
00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:11,660
Waiting outside, watching all their stuff
while they're inside fighting fires.
488
00:24:16,748 --> 00:24:18,417
Yeah. Saturday would be great.
489
00:24:19,001 --> 00:24:20,794
Maybe a boy would be good.
490
00:24:21,587 --> 00:24:22,588
Yeah?
491
00:24:24,214 --> 00:24:25,799
I thought the world
turned us all into monsters.
492
00:24:25,883 --> 00:24:27,134
Yeah, it has.
493
00:24:28,177 --> 00:24:30,762
So maybe the world needs one raised by us.
494
00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:33,307
Yeah?
495
00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:35,559
Yeah.
496
00:24:37,728 --> 00:24:42,232
-James Newman-Ross. That is good.
-It is.
497
00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:47,321
Come on.
498
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:54,161
"Excuse me, Doctor. My son, James,
has got blocked sinuses."
499
00:24:55,037 --> 00:24:56,455
"Hi, I'm James's mum.
500
00:24:56,538 --> 00:25:00,125
I think we might have met
at the school fair." Yeah, I like that.
501
00:25:00,209 --> 00:25:02,753
"James is bloody shoplifting again.
I just can't get through to him."
502
00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:05,005
Okay, well, don't ruin it.
503
00:25:05,088 --> 00:25:06,924
Still sounds good though.
504
00:25:09,009 --> 00:25:10,219
-Cheers. Bye.
-Thanks.
505
00:26:07,109 --> 00:26:08,735
Go, go, go.
37407
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