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1
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Breathe from your pelvis,and meditate on the movement of water.
2
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Raise your Swadhisthana chakra.This is the sexual center of your being.
3
00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:41,702
- Wayne.
- What do you call a lawn without a pool?
4
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,638
Well, I call it a yawn.
5
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,835
Hi, I'm Wayne the Pool Guy...
6
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:49,504
... and I've been installing swimming poolsin the Greater Cleveland area...
7
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:51,741
... since 1976.
8
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:57,914
Our service is classy,and the pools are definitely splashy.
9
00:00:58,091 --> 00:01:04,155
So take the yawn out of your lawnand call me today for a free estimate.
10
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:08,793
Oh, Wayne. Come on in, the water's fine.
11
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,437
That water is fine.
12
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,005
"Dear Mr. Knudsen...
13
00:01:57,183 --> 00:02:00,778
...I was delighted to hear of your company's
interest in relocating to Cleveland.
14
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,422
Over the last decade,
our city has transformed itself...
15
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:07,754
...from a decaying industrial town
into a vibrant, world-class metropolis.
16
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,458
What was once
'the mistake by the lake'...
17
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,656
...is now 'the roar by the shore."'
18
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:16,796
Do you know how many times
I've typed this letter?
19
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:19,763
No, but you do.
20
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:22,100
One thousand four hundred
and eighty-two times.
21
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,703
How sad is that?
22
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:27,643
Oh, check this out.
23
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:31,944
It says here that 30 million American
women suffer from sexual dysfunction.
24
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:35,717
- Can you believe that?
- What do you mean by sexual dysfunction?
25
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:37,889
As in, no payoff.
26
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:42,622
Oh, I thought you meant something weird,
like a physical abnormality.
27
00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:45,320
You don't think 30 million women
is weird?
28
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:48,865
We're talking about a chronic failure
to achieve orgasm.
29
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,337
Think they could write
about something important.
30
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:55,133
You don't think orgasms are important?
31
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:56,969
I'd shoot myself if I couldn't come.
32
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:02,174
Thirty million women would
shoot themselves if they couldn't come.
33
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:43,111
Hey, teacher. You forgot your sandwich.
34
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,525
Nice performance, Jack.
35
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:57,002
- Good impression on the kids.
- Hey, blow me.
36
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,863
You know, I'm worried about you, Jack.
37
00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:03,873
You used to be the most popular teacher
in Carmen High.
38
00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:07,570
And now look at you. You're a shithead.
39
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:14,115
- You think it might be depression?
- Why would I be depressed?
40
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:19,247
I'm a biology teacher
in the Cleveland public school system.
41
00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:24,858
Well, beside being the football coach,
I'm also the school counselor this year.
42
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:29,195
So if you have any problems,
I'm here to hear.
43
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,337
- Who taught you that?
- I did. You like it?
44
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,028
It sucks.
45
00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:37,237
I know it's hard to reach out,
but you need help, Jack.
46
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:41,974
You wanna help me? Pass the steroids.
47
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:49,013
You know, I don't really believe
in all this depression stuff.
48
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:54,254
I mean, it's very simple.
There are men and there are babies.
49
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,156
And you, you're a baby.
50
00:04:56,462 --> 00:05:00,330
I mean, every night, you go to bed with
the most magnificent woman in Cleveland.
51
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:04,402
I mean, that'd be enough
to make any man happy.
52
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,798
Good talk, coach.
53
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:12,433
I mean, sure would make me happy.
54
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,376
I mean, it would.
55
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:19,544
- I'm sure you can guess why we're here.
- No way.
56
00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:23,485
That's right. Yamaguchi Industries
decided on Cleveland...
57
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:25,886
...and they're bringing 400 jobs.
58
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,755
Quite an achievement,
considering the recession.
59
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:31,794
Congratulations, Miss Vice President.
60
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:34,330
Oh, my God, I can't believe it.
61
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,034
You can't really be surprised.
62
00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:40,930
So how much is the raise?
63
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:47,441
I've got a lot of really
creative employees, Priscilla.
64
00:05:47,613 --> 00:05:51,174
And you know what?
They're a dime a dozen.
65
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,152
But you're a rare breed.
66
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,811
You're creative,
and you're predictable.
67
00:05:57,523 --> 00:06:00,822
So awesomely, unbelievably predictable.
68
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:04,258
And that's the quality I prize most.
69
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:40,425
Yo, why are we wasting time
with this textbook?
70
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,033
I could write this textbook.
71
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:45,967
- It's a college-level textbook.
- Yeah, junior college.
72
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:51,074
You wanna learn something now?
I thought you knew everything.
73
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,043
All right.
74
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:03,686
- Where'd you get it?
- The cafeteria.
75
00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:05,983
I need a volunteer.
76
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:12,962
You're all so eager. All right, who can
name the subspecies it belongs to?
77
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:14,864
Right.
78
00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:18,770
- G. pardalis babcocki.
- That's absolutely right.
79
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,304
- Well done...
- Kristen. Kristen Taylor.
80
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:24,671
Right, Kristen. Come on up here, Kristen.
81
00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:28,336
Hey, Garbin. Wake up.
Kill those lights for me, would you?
82
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:30,909
I want the rest of you
to take some notes.
83
00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:33,347
Garbin, kill the lights.
84
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:39,491
All right, can you properly identify
each portion of the shield?
85
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:42,423
Sure. Over here's the marginal...
86
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:45,120
...then the pygal, the costal...
- Right. Yeah.
87
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:49,496
...the vertebral and...
88
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:56,369
The nuchal. N-U-C-H-A-L.
89
00:07:56,609 --> 00:08:00,545
Some people say "nuchal,"
other people say "nuchal."
90
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:06,513
I say "nuchal," but that's because
my people are from Russia.
91
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:14,858
Nuchal.
92
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:24,297
I got a promotion.
93
00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:28,400
I'm a vice president.
94
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:31,635
Really? Way to hustle.
95
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:37,148
Come on, Jack. Be happy for me.
96
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:42,284
Yeah. We could do stuff.
We could maybe even get a pool.
97
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,049
- I don't want a pool anymore.
- Why not?
98
00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:48,391
I don't want my belly
offending the neighbors.
99
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:55,561
Here's to me. Congratulations, Priscilla.
100
00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,731
Here's to you.
101
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:03,871
Congratulations.
102
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:32,529
Do you have any idea
what your frigidity has done to me?
103
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:37,074
It's called sexual dysfunction.
104
00:09:37,476 --> 00:09:41,071
I'm sorry. Do you have any idea what
your sexual dysfunction has done to me?
105
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,080
No? Let me tell you.
106
00:09:45,284 --> 00:09:48,082
You marry the prettiest girl in Cleveland,
and you think:
107
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,280
"All right. Everything's going my way.
108
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:55,291
I mean, all right, we have this one
little thing, but we can deal with it."
109
00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:58,555
I mean, you know that joke, right?
How do you make a woman come?
110
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:00,828
Who cares?
111
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:07,665
Well, after 10 years of failed fucking...
112
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:13,506
God, 10... How many times
you suppose that is?
113
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:18,076
We've had sex 1482 times,
not including this morning.
114
00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:21,479
Well...
115
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:25,287
...all my failure begins to take a toll.
116
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:31,191
I mean, look at me. Am I really
the man you thought I'd become?
117
00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,891
What's wrong with you?
118
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,023
Nothing.
119
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:12,568
- What the hell are you doing?
- Jack left. He moved to the garage.
120
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,565
He says it's because
I have sexual dysfunction.
121
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:17,732
He said that?
122
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:20,970
- What an asshole.
- No, it's true.
123
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:25,948
I'm one of 30 million nonexistent
American women with sexual dysfunction.
124
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,932
When was the last time
you were functional?
125
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,167
Sexual dysfunction, as in never in my life.
126
00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:49,737
- You've never had an orgasm?
- No.
127
00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:54,441
Wow, that's just so weird.
128
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,510
What about masturbation?
129
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:03,513
- No, I don't do that.
- But you have.
130
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,117
No.
131
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,458
You've never masturbated?
132
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,053
Never.
133
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:15,090
Strike three!
134
00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:19,795
Caught looking. Looks like it's gonna bea long season for the Buckeyes.
135
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:28,274
What do you call a lawn without a pool?Well, I call it a yawn.
136
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:31,473
Hi, I'm Wayne the Pool Guy...
137
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:43,724
- and the pools are definitely splashy.
138
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:53,464
The water's fine.
139
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:04,111
That water is fine.
140
00:13:12,391 --> 00:13:14,120
Let me see if I understand this.
141
00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:17,561
You think that you're unhappy...
142
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:21,097
...because you feel that you can't
give your wife an orgasm.
143
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:25,599
It's not my inability to give her an orgasm,
it's her inability to have one.
144
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:29,030
If it's her fault, then why are you
letting it ruin your life?
145
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,972
I don't care about the orgasms.
146
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:35,113
I gave Mary Slotnick
six orgasms in one night.
147
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:39,109
Jenny Fitzgerald got the nickname
Opera Girl because one night...
148
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,446
Okay, okay. We get it. We get it.
149
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:46,319
I mean, I have staying power,
my penis is above average.
150
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:47,789
Well above average.
151
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,758
- Is that true?
- I don't know. What's average?
152
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:52,625
Smaller than mine.
153
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:54,026
It's smaller than mine.
154
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:59,160
Now, Priscilla, do you feel
that you fulfill Jack's needs?
155
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:02,532
- We have sex whenever he wants.
- Do you enjoy it?
156
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,940
I've never thought of it in those terms.
157
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,679
But I suppose I don't not enjoy it.
158
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,785
- So it's a duty?
- Yes.
159
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:18,014
- No, no. It's not a duty. It's...
- I'll be honest here.
160
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,680
My wife is very good in bed.
161
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,383
- She is?
- I am?
162
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:22,652
Yeah.
163
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:26,059
- You've given me a lot of pleasure.
- Thank you.
164
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:29,224
But how can I feel like a man
if I can't make you come?
165
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:32,971
Your inability to give me an orgasm
is not the measure of a man.
166
00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:35,800
It's what you make of yourself
that determines your worth...
167
00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:38,068
...not your performance in the bedroom.
168
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,508
That's horseshit.
169
00:14:41,413 --> 00:14:43,973
So if you were in a car accident,
became a paraplegic...
170
00:14:44,149 --> 00:14:46,913
...and your penis didn't work,
you would just give up on life?
171
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:50,453
You got it. Yeah, pretty mu...
Hey, no dick, no life.
172
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,023
- Can you believe this guy?
- For many men...
173
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,456
...the center of the self is the penis.
174
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,321
Thank you.
175
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:02,694
Okay, well, let's say I'm willing
to accept that. What then?
176
00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:06,137
There's a simple solution
to your problem.
177
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:08,034
There is?
178
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:13,743
- I can't believe that guy.
- What an idiot.
179
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:16,809
"My name is Dr. Harry Lee."
180
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:19,382
"But you can call me Dr. Harry."
181
00:15:21,353 --> 00:15:23,321
Oh, God.
182
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:28,419
- You don't need a vibrator, do you?
- No.
183
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,062
I don't need a vibrator.
184
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:37,395
I mean, that's just silly, you know?
We need to be daring, without batteries.
185
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:06,089
God. I don't get it. You're so close,
and then it just stop...
186
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:10,361
- What did I do wrong?
- You didn't do anything wrong.
187
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:24,347
Fifty million women
in the United States...
188
00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:28,484
...suffer from orgasmic dysfunction.
189
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,382
Fifty million.
190
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:35,958
But tonight, we are going to
cut that number by 10.
191
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:40,094
Because tonight, we are going to learn...
192
00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:46,465
...about the healing power
of masturbation.
193
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:53,641
The greatest source of energy
known to womankind.
194
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:57,210
Yes, yes, yes!
195
00:16:58,984 --> 00:17:05,480
Now, I want you to write a name
for your vagina.
196
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,989
Anything you please.
197
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,891
Satin Doll. Happy Hole. Betty.
198
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,089
Christen her. Own her.
199
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:19,201
It could be anything you choose, you know.
All right, does everybody have a name?
200
00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:26,137
Let's see. What have you got there?
201
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:30,537
Oh, that is splendid.
But that could be a boy's name. Change it.
202
00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:35,913
Is everybody finished?
203
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:39,451
Everybody? Every beautiful little body?
204
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:45,420
All right. Now I want you each...
205
00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:50,125
...to draw a picture of your vaginas.
206
00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:56,434
I am looking for
a metaphorical representation.
207
00:17:56,608 --> 00:18:02,638
Yes? Yes? It could be anything you want,
but please, let's make it artistic, yes?
208
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,045
You know what I mean, don't you?
209
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:09,377
Think Picasso. Think van Gogh.
210
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:18,087
Now, each of you will notice...
211
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:23,530
...that you have a small hand mirror
on your easels.
212
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:30,139
I want you to discover your vaginas.
213
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:36,639
Every glorious fold.
214
00:18:37,549 --> 00:18:41,110
Every beautiful nook and cranny.
215
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:46,689
This is your power center.
216
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,327
Liberate your labia.
217
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:52,490
Value your vulva.
218
00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:55,997
Claim your clitoris.
219
00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:59,999
- Claim it! Christen it.
- I don't think I've ever looked at mine.
220
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:01,995
Start looking.
221
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,332
Come on.
222
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:06,777
Come on.
223
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,075
Down you go.
224
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,316
Hello, Fifi.
225
00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:25,555
- Hey, Mr. Chase.
- Get down. Someone might see you.
226
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:28,097
Okay, get up, get up.
Someone might see you.
227
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,167
- What do you want?
- A ride.
228
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:33,771
To the Case Western University
biophysics lab.
229
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:38,603
- I work there.
- Good for you.
230
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,643
I'm not in pain, you know.
231
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:18,946
Have you looked at yourself lately?
232
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:21,847
That's just the aging process
doing its dirty work.
233
00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:25,850
- Come on, 45's not that old.
- I'm 36.
234
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:32,355
Look, I don't want you, Mr. Chase, okay?
I respect you.
235
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:35,762
- Oh, respect.
- Yeah, respect.
236
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:38,528
Teachers are some of
the most important figures in society.
237
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,362
Nobody gives a shit about teachers.
238
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,803
Teachers don't even give a shit
about teachers.
239
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:45,966
Let me tell you a story, okay?
240
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,645
When I was 15, I was a dedicated stoner.
241
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:53,242
But then I took your Intro to Bio class,
and it turned my head upside down.
242
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,876
I mean, the Golgi complex,
cytoplasm, the double helix.
243
00:20:57,055 --> 00:21:00,286
I mean, you taught that stuff
with such passion.
244
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:05,254
So I dumped my stoner pals, hit the books,
and now I'm a National Merit Scholar.
245
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:06,795
And it's all thanks to you.
246
00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:10,833
No. Congratulations,
but it's got nothing to do with me.
247
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,630
Well, whatever.
248
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:15,272
I just want you to know
that I'm here for you.
249
00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:18,601
You're here. Okay. And what do
you know about real life?
250
00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:20,400
Nothing.
251
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:25,984
But I know what I see.
252
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:51,942
This is your top of the line, right?
253
00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:54,772
Yeah, that's our deluxe model.
254
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,716
Can you absolutely, positively guarantee
that it will give me an orgasm?
255
00:22:00,218 --> 00:22:03,210
Yeah. We stand behind our products
100 percent.
256
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:05,219
Good. I'll take one.
257
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:07,950
- Are you serious?
- Yeah. How much?
258
00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:10,890
I don't think I can sell that to you
in good conscience.
259
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:14,092
You're right.
260
00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:16,124
It's dusty.
261
00:22:16,768 --> 00:22:19,532
Look, you're not really here just for kicks,
are you?
262
00:22:20,972 --> 00:22:22,633
No.
263
00:22:24,409 --> 00:22:27,401
- You're here to solve a problem, right?
- Yes.
264
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:32,848
- Sometimes, rarely or never?
- Never.
265
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,243
Sweet Jesus.
266
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,154
So I came in here to get a thing
so I wouldn't actually have to touch myself.
267
00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:46,090
You know, you don't have to masturbate
to have an orgasm.
268
00:22:46,264 --> 00:22:47,322
You don't?
269
00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:49,930
No, you just have to
come in the backroom with me.
270
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,328
What?
271
00:22:51,503 --> 00:22:54,495
Oh, my God, you're propositioning me.
272
00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:57,264
But you're a girl.
273
00:22:57,442 --> 00:22:59,171
I mean, you're pretty and everything...
274
00:22:59,344 --> 00:23:01,904
...but I'm married,
and I'm not like that.
275
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,607
So I think I'll just stick with the
masturbation, if that's all right with you.
276
00:23:05,784 --> 00:23:07,809
Sorry. Thank you.
277
00:23:07,986 --> 00:23:10,614
Don't sweat it. I took a shot.
278
00:23:11,757 --> 00:23:13,918
Here's a starter kit.
279
00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:18,826
Just get yourself in the mood.
Candles, a furry rug.
280
00:23:19,431 --> 00:23:20,659
There you go.
281
00:23:20,832 --> 00:23:24,233
- I'll throw this banana lube in for free.
- Thank you.
282
00:23:35,847 --> 00:23:37,906
- Move the van, Wayne.
- Hold on a second.
283
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:39,550
All right. Okay.
284
00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:42,619
Just listen to me for one minute, okay?
Just a second.
285
00:23:42,788 --> 00:23:47,248
I've decided to build you a pool
at half my regular cost.
286
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,553
Whatever kind of pool you want.
Any kind of pool.
287
00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:53,664
Italian marble, Spanish tile, 24-karat gold,
I don't give a crap.
288
00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:57,324
Whatever you can dream up,
at half price.
289
00:23:57,502 --> 00:23:59,766
Why is this so important to you?
290
00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:02,236
Why is it important?
Well, okay, it's important...
291
00:24:02,407 --> 00:24:05,899
...because I built a pool for everybody
on your street.
292
00:24:06,077 --> 00:24:09,376
Everybody on the next street,
everybody on the street after that...
293
00:24:09,548 --> 00:24:11,607
...I built a pool for everybody except you.
294
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:16,721
So, what, are you trying to make
Cleveland look like California?
295
00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:20,785
Cleveland like California,
that's pretty good.
296
00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:23,951
- Are you in advertising?
- Yeah, something like that.
297
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:28,399
Good, because then maybe you can
relate to my problem. All right.
298
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,194
See, for my next commercial...
299
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:34,363
...I wanna do a helicopter shot
of your entire neighborhood...
300
00:24:34,539 --> 00:24:37,337
...pool after pool after pool,
each of them mine.
301
00:24:37,509 --> 00:24:41,309
But because of a certain
big patch of grass...
302
00:24:41,513 --> 00:24:44,004
...in a certain somebody's backyard...
303
00:24:44,516 --> 00:24:47,974
...I'm stuck with the same commercial
I've been running for the past 20 years.
304
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:51,611
You can't take that commercial off.
It's been on since I was a kid.
305
00:24:52,457 --> 00:24:54,425
Well, that... But that's the point.
306
00:24:54,593 --> 00:24:58,893
It's not an accurate representation
of the current me.
307
00:25:00,298 --> 00:25:03,461
Well, to be honest with you, Wayne,
I'm just not that big on water.
308
00:25:04,769 --> 00:25:07,067
And besides,
I've had my heart set on a gazebo.
309
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:10,865
A gazebo? What are you, crazy?
310
00:25:11,042 --> 00:25:13,636
You're not a gazebo girl.
311
00:25:13,812 --> 00:25:15,370
- Yes, I am.
- No. No...
312
00:25:15,547 --> 00:25:19,506
- Bye-bye.
- You're not a gazebo girl.
313
00:25:21,253 --> 00:25:23,813
Takes a big man to come clean
with a story like that, man.
314
00:25:23,989 --> 00:25:25,251
My heart goes out to you.
315
00:25:25,423 --> 00:25:28,221
Well, it felt good to tell you, in a way.
316
00:25:28,994 --> 00:25:30,757
You know...
317
00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:33,228
...you can cry if you want to.
318
00:25:33,665 --> 00:25:34,757
I'm not much of a crier.
319
00:25:34,933 --> 00:25:37,925
- Oh, man, crying's not pussy.
- I know that.
320
00:25:38,103 --> 00:25:41,072
Moving into the garage is pussy.
Crying is evolved.
321
00:25:42,641 --> 00:25:44,404
Hey, baby.
322
00:25:46,845 --> 00:25:48,540
Hi.
323
00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:53,415
Sure do appreciate that.
324
00:25:54,653 --> 00:25:57,588
Now, you see,
I would never leave my wife.
325
00:25:57,756 --> 00:26:00,224
I'd do anything in the world
for that woman.
326
00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:03,258
- I'd do anything for Priscilla.
- Oh, not true.
327
00:26:03,428 --> 00:26:07,194
All right, well, except have her
replace my dick with a piece of plastic.
328
00:26:07,365 --> 00:26:11,131
A vibrator's not a dick replacement,
you fucking Neanderthal.
329
00:26:11,303 --> 00:26:12,930
It's a dick teammate.
330
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:17,667
- What do you know about vibrators?
- I know a lot about them.
331
00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:20,237
- How?
- Because I use one.
332
00:26:20,645 --> 00:26:24,206
- Oh, gross.
- Oh, come on, man.
333
00:26:24,382 --> 00:26:27,874
Me and wifey, we incorporate
a lot of technology in our marital relations.
334
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,085
And I ain't ashamed to say it.
335
00:26:30,822 --> 00:26:35,589
Matter of fact, it's a beautiful thing
when you use it together.
336
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,352
- You use one together?
- Oh, yeah.
337
00:26:37,529 --> 00:26:39,895
You don't think I let her use it alone?
338
00:26:40,298 --> 00:26:44,325
So I guess Priscilla and I could...
Hadn't really thought about that.
339
00:26:44,502 --> 00:26:46,902
And, you know, in a way,
it would be like...
340
00:26:47,072 --> 00:26:50,166
You know, we're doing it together.
I'm there... I'd be there.
341
00:26:50,342 --> 00:26:53,004
- You would be there.
- Maybe you're right.
342
00:26:53,178 --> 00:26:54,668
Only...
343
00:26:54,846 --> 00:26:58,680
...always use it together.
344
00:26:58,850 --> 00:27:01,717
Because a vibrator's a very
powerful thing, man.
345
00:27:01,886 --> 00:27:03,683
Very powerful.
346
00:27:08,226 --> 00:27:11,992
- All right.
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
347
00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:15,924
I'm uncomfortable now.
348
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:26,842
How am I gonna do this?
349
00:28:14,793 --> 00:28:16,988
Masturbation.
350
00:28:20,098 --> 00:28:22,123
Oh, it's cold.
351
00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:08,670
Priscilla?
352
00:29:10,982 --> 00:29:12,882
- Priscilla!
- Jack!
353
00:29:13,051 --> 00:29:15,781
- Are you okay?
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
354
00:29:16,554 --> 00:29:18,385
What are you doing?
355
00:29:18,556 --> 00:29:21,457
I did at first... I did a few...
Oh, God, I'm coming!
356
00:29:21,826 --> 00:29:23,987
I'm coming!
357
00:29:47,185 --> 00:29:49,983
That thing was off the scale.
It was at least a pH17.
358
00:29:50,155 --> 00:29:53,647
That's scientifically impossible.
If you're such a science guy...
359
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,053
Hey, Kristen, can I give you a ride?
360
00:29:58,229 --> 00:30:01,096
Oh, no, that's cool. My dad's here.
361
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:12,709
You were right.
362
00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:16,140
I'm gonna fix you. Promise.
363
00:30:20,718 --> 00:30:22,948
- Binky Taylor.
- Hey, Dad.
364
00:30:23,121 --> 00:30:26,989
Yeah. All right, so I'm sleeping
at Rachel's house tonight, okay?
365
00:30:27,158 --> 00:30:28,420
I'll do it in the morning.
366
00:30:28,593 --> 00:30:31,187
- Take care now.
- All right. Good night.
367
00:30:31,362 --> 00:30:32,989
One second.
368
00:30:34,732 --> 00:30:36,199
- Hey, Kristen.
- Hey, Rachel?
369
00:30:36,367 --> 00:30:38,426
- Hey.
- I'm at your house and fast asleep, okay?
370
00:30:38,603 --> 00:30:40,901
- You slut. See you.
- All right. Thanks.
371
00:30:41,072 --> 00:30:42,699
All set.
372
00:30:43,074 --> 00:30:44,405
Are you 18?
373
00:30:44,576 --> 00:30:47,067
You're thinking of the age of consent,
which is 16.
374
00:30:47,245 --> 00:30:48,507
- Really?
- Yep.
375
00:31:04,495 --> 00:31:06,019
Down it.
376
00:31:15,473 --> 00:31:18,271
How come you never dress like that
in school?
377
00:31:18,443 --> 00:31:20,411
Because it's school.
378
00:31:21,279 --> 00:31:23,804
How come you dress like that for work?
379
00:31:28,853 --> 00:31:30,980
Because it's science.
380
00:31:37,762 --> 00:31:39,491
You like that?
381
00:31:40,798 --> 00:31:43,665
- Yeah.
- Good.
382
00:31:43,835 --> 00:31:48,397
Now lie down. We're gonna figure out
how you lost your way.
383
00:32:54,272 --> 00:32:55,637
Jack?
384
00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:58,533
Yeah?
385
00:33:00,945 --> 00:33:03,175
Fuck the shit out of me.
386
00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:50,089
When can I see you again?
387
00:33:51,729 --> 00:33:54,664
- Two weeks.
- Two weeks? How come?
388
00:33:54,832 --> 00:33:58,097
It's spring break, Jack.
I'm going to the Gal�pagos Islands.
389
00:33:58,269 --> 00:33:59,930
The Gal�pagos Islands?
390
00:34:01,439 --> 00:34:04,931
Who picks up
and goes to the Gal�pagos Islands?
391
00:34:05,109 --> 00:34:09,512
See, Jack? You can't even imagine
life outside of your prison.
392
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,341
Escape.
393
00:34:12,150 --> 00:34:16,450
By the way,
you have a magnificent penis.
394
00:34:48,152 --> 00:34:50,416
There's no lifeguard on duty here,
you know.
395
00:34:50,588 --> 00:34:53,682
I don't need a lifeguard. I'm an animal.
396
00:34:53,858 --> 00:34:56,326
Barely Homo sapien.
397
00:34:56,494 --> 00:35:00,362
Yeah? Well, I've got a mistress.
398
00:35:00,531 --> 00:35:02,362
Liar.
399
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,467
Who?
400
00:35:05,636 --> 00:35:10,300
She has young, pillowy breasts,
and I give her giant orgasms.
401
00:35:10,475 --> 00:35:12,568
Young, pillowy breasts?
402
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:14,210
- You're screwing a student?
- Hey.
403
00:35:14,378 --> 00:35:16,403
- You screwing a student?
- She's 18.
404
00:35:16,581 --> 00:35:19,516
That doesn't matter.
If word gets out, you'll be ruined.
405
00:35:19,684 --> 00:35:22,084
- Do you know I have a magnificent penis?
- Oh, shut up!
406
00:35:22,253 --> 00:35:24,448
- No, no. I have a magnificent penis.
- Just...
407
00:35:24,622 --> 00:35:26,214
- Just shut up!
- It's true. It's true.
408
00:35:26,390 --> 00:35:29,359
- I'm not listening to you.
- What? You're here to hear, coach.
409
00:35:29,527 --> 00:35:31,188
Well, hear this:
410
00:35:31,362 --> 00:35:33,626
My cock's jamming.
411
00:35:34,699 --> 00:35:36,428
It's jamming.
412
00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:54,645
There you go.
413
00:36:21,879 --> 00:36:23,346
That's it. Let's go.
414
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,380
God, please make it stop.
415
00:36:49,407 --> 00:36:52,342
On the lighter side, the ClevelandPhilharmonic announced today...
416
00:36:52,510 --> 00:36:56,640
... that they're turning the Browns'fight song into a full-fledged symphony.
417
00:36:56,814 --> 00:37:02,184
Imagine yourself in a luxury penthouse,only minutes from downtown Cleveland.
418
00:37:02,353 --> 00:37:05,345
The Manly Arms apartmentsfeature hardwood floors...
419
00:37:05,523 --> 00:37:08,856
... a state-of-the-art gymand huge bedrooms.
420
00:37:09,427 --> 00:37:13,454
Why settle for the mundanewhen you can be king of your domain?
421
00:37:13,631 --> 00:37:15,360
The Manly Arms.
422
00:37:16,300 --> 00:37:18,393
Just can't do it anymore, baby.
423
00:37:18,569 --> 00:37:20,560
It's not the way I roll.
424
00:37:20,738 --> 00:37:24,265
I'm always moving. I'm a runner.
425
00:37:38,222 --> 00:37:40,588
And we're rolling.
426
00:37:41,425 --> 00:37:45,885
Norwegian project, sports segment,
Jacobs Field.
427
00:37:46,197 --> 00:37:48,165
Cue the music.
428
00:37:49,634 --> 00:37:53,764
I am standing in Jacobs Field,
home of the Cleveland Indians...
429
00:37:53,938 --> 00:37:58,568
...and the crown jewel in the renaissance
of Cleveland's urban landscape.
430
00:37:58,743 --> 00:38:02,144
It is the perfect setting
to entertain clients.
431
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:05,941
If Frikaschis... Frikas... Frik...
432
00:38:09,253 --> 00:38:11,744
If Frikasa...
433
00:38:15,192 --> 00:38:17,057
If Frikascha...
434
00:38:18,763 --> 00:38:21,994
If Frikaschasa... If Frikasch... Shit.
435
00:38:22,166 --> 00:38:24,361
Keep rolling. We got plenty of tape.
436
00:38:24,535 --> 00:38:26,730
If Frikascis...
437
00:38:26,904 --> 00:38:29,964
Fuck! Just give me a minute.
438
00:38:31,742 --> 00:38:33,539
- They made this ditz a VP?
- You okay?
439
00:38:33,711 --> 00:38:35,702
I'm just having trouble
with these consonants.
440
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:40,078
All right, well, maybe if you heard it.
It's Frikasch...
441
00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:42,380
Wait.
442
00:38:42,553 --> 00:38:46,489
- It's Frika...
- Yeah, you say it.
443
00:38:46,657 --> 00:38:50,650
It's Frika... Fuck. What's wrong with you?
444
00:38:50,828 --> 00:38:53,194
I'm not frigid anymore.
445
00:38:53,364 --> 00:38:56,060
Jack left me, for real.
446
00:38:56,233 --> 00:38:58,326
What...? What do you mean, he left?
447
00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:03,166
He took a bunch of pots
and his graphic equalizer.
448
00:39:05,042 --> 00:39:08,375
I think he's gonna take all the crap.
449
00:39:18,389 --> 00:39:20,983
Hamburger
450
00:39:22,193 --> 00:39:25,560
Cheeseburger
451
00:39:27,264 --> 00:39:29,164
Day...
452
00:39:42,913 --> 00:39:46,212
Holy shit, you look amazing.
453
00:39:46,951 --> 00:39:50,284
- How was the Gal�pagos?
- No, I mean it.
454
00:39:50,454 --> 00:39:54,515
I'm impressed.
Such progress in two weeks.
455
00:39:59,163 --> 00:40:02,132
And this place looks amazing.
456
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,268
It has none of the desperation
you normally associate...
457
00:40:05,436 --> 00:40:08,132
...with a man whose marriage
has just fallen apart.
458
00:40:14,044 --> 00:40:15,739
Did I do this?
459
00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:18,882
- Do what?
- This apartment.
460
00:40:19,450 --> 00:40:21,315
You.
461
00:40:28,793 --> 00:40:30,351
I'm Wayne the Pool Guy...
462
00:40:30,528 --> 00:40:36,398
... and I've been installing swimming poolsin the Greater Cleveland area since 1976.
463
00:40:36,567 --> 00:40:41,937
Our service is classy,and the pools are definitely splashy.
464
00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:45,701
Oh, Wayne. Come on in, the water's fine.
465
00:40:45,876 --> 00:40:47,571
Now, why would you wanna
change that?
466
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,675
That water is fine.
467
00:40:51,849 --> 00:40:54,340
Yes, the water is fine.
468
00:41:03,994 --> 00:41:06,986
So how do you make me
feel so good down there?
469
00:41:08,466 --> 00:41:10,093
Okay.
470
00:41:11,368 --> 00:41:14,201
Where does the female orgasm occur?
471
00:41:15,906 --> 00:41:17,567
- The clitoris.
- No.
472
00:41:17,741 --> 00:41:19,675
You and the rest of the world are wrong.
473
00:41:19,844 --> 00:41:24,372
The female orgasm actually occurs
in the pubococcygeus muscle.
474
00:41:24,548 --> 00:41:27,346
- No way.
- Yeah. Way.
475
00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:34,015
P-U-B-O-C-O-C-C-Y-G-E-U-S?
476
00:41:34,191 --> 00:41:36,989
I don't know. Yeah, something like that.
477
00:41:37,161 --> 00:41:38,890
Where is it?
478
00:41:41,732 --> 00:41:44,292
I wish I had a blackboard. I would...
479
00:41:45,569 --> 00:41:49,130
It's the muscle
that surrounds the entire vagina.
480
00:41:49,306 --> 00:41:51,604
I thought there were no nerve endings
in the vagina.
481
00:41:51,775 --> 00:41:54,835
There aren't, but the pubococcygeus
has millions of nerve endings...
482
00:41:55,012 --> 00:41:57,037
...and they're just outside
the vaginal walls.
483
00:41:57,214 --> 00:42:00,741
- So it's easily stimulated.
- Exactly.
484
00:42:03,287 --> 00:42:05,255
That is so cool.
485
00:42:05,422 --> 00:42:09,119
Yeah. Now, I'm not saying that clitoral
stimulation can't produce an orgasm.
486
00:42:09,293 --> 00:42:10,282
Absolutely, it can.
487
00:42:10,461 --> 00:42:14,522
But until you've had an involuntary
contraction of the pubococcygeus...
488
00:42:14,698 --> 00:42:17,963
...then you've never really had an orgasm.
489
00:42:18,135 --> 00:42:21,627
- You swear this is true?
- Yes, absolutely true.
490
00:42:22,439 --> 00:42:24,771
- Do you know what this means?
- No, what does it mean?
491
00:42:24,942 --> 00:42:28,537
It means an end to the tyranny
of the clitoral orgasm.
492
00:42:28,712 --> 00:42:31,647
You have to teach this in class tomorrow.
493
00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:35,314
Okay, if it means that much to you.
494
00:42:40,124 --> 00:42:43,582
Charles Darwin went to the Gal�pagos
in what year?
495
00:42:43,761 --> 00:42:46,821
- 1835.
- That's right, 1835.
496
00:42:46,997 --> 00:42:49,591
And he went on a boat called?
497
00:42:52,002 --> 00:42:55,096
- Miss Overmyer.
- The HMS Beagle, like Snoopy.
498
00:42:55,272 --> 00:42:57,604
That's right, the HMS Beagle.
499
00:42:57,775 --> 00:42:59,970
Not to be confused with the HMS Bagel.
500
00:43:00,144 --> 00:43:04,774
That's a much lesser-known boat that sunk
because it had a hole in it. Yeah.
501
00:43:04,949 --> 00:43:08,282
All right, now get out of my classroom,
you jerks.
502
00:43:08,452 --> 00:43:11,979
- You made a promise and you broke it.
- What?
503
00:43:12,156 --> 00:43:13,214
You know what.
504
00:43:14,758 --> 00:43:17,886
I'm sorry, I didn't think the pubococcygeus
was a suitable topic for...
505
00:43:18,062 --> 00:43:19,120
Kids?
506
00:43:20,464 --> 00:43:24,264
- I don't... Why is this a big deal?
- Because it is.
507
00:43:25,002 --> 00:43:26,970
All right, I'll never mention it again.
508
00:43:27,371 --> 00:43:30,738
You know what? I don't think there's
any such thing as the pubococcygeus.
509
00:43:30,908 --> 00:43:33,968
I think you made it up to be fascinating
to your teenage girlfriend.
510
00:43:35,779 --> 00:43:37,940
How could I make up "pubococcygeus"?
511
00:43:38,115 --> 00:43:40,515
I want documented scientific proof.
512
00:43:40,684 --> 00:43:43,619
And no "Playboy Advisor" bullshit.
513
00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:50,782
All right.
514
00:44:15,819 --> 00:44:18,913
I heard about panties with
a miniature vibrator built right into them.
515
00:44:19,089 --> 00:44:20,886
- Do you carry those?
- Yeah.
516
00:44:21,058 --> 00:44:23,788
Oh, good. I want seven pairs,
one for each day of the week.
517
00:44:23,961 --> 00:44:26,896
And do they come in different colors,
for organizational purposes?
518
00:44:27,064 --> 00:44:28,691
- Can I ask you a question?
- Shoot.
519
00:44:28,866 --> 00:44:31,926
Roughly speaking, how many times
have you come in the past few weeks?
520
00:44:32,102 --> 00:44:35,594
One-hundred and eighty-nine times,
exactly speaking.
521
00:44:35,773 --> 00:44:37,968
That's 13 and a half per day.
522
00:44:39,043 --> 00:44:41,603
I've seen this before.
I know how this is gonna sound...
523
00:44:41,779 --> 00:44:45,237
...but I'm not making it up. I think
that you're addicted to your vibrator.
524
00:44:45,416 --> 00:44:48,112
- What?
- You're clinically addicted to your vibrator...
525
00:44:48,285 --> 00:44:50,810
...or pretty close.
- I can't believe you're saying this.
526
00:44:50,988 --> 00:44:54,151
It happens to a lot of women
with a long history of sexual dysfunction.
527
00:44:54,358 --> 00:44:55,655
One taste and they're gone.
528
00:44:55,859 --> 00:44:59,454
- But I've never felt so good in my life.
- I bet.
529
00:45:03,534 --> 00:45:07,402
They meet Mondays and Wednesdays
at St. Mary's on 33rd Street.
530
00:45:08,238 --> 00:45:10,103
In a church?
531
00:45:14,511 --> 00:45:17,139
Oh, I thought I turned this thing off.
532
00:45:21,185 --> 00:45:23,244
Wonder if this'll work.
533
00:45:28,258 --> 00:45:30,886
You have reached the voice mailof Priscilla Chase.
534
00:45:31,061 --> 00:45:33,291
To page me, pr...
535
00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:38,099
Yes, it really works.
536
00:46:07,164 --> 00:46:08,859
Fuck.
537
00:46:09,166 --> 00:46:10,963
You've been distracted lately.
538
00:46:11,135 --> 00:46:13,000
Well, I'm not now.
539
00:46:13,170 --> 00:46:15,161
I hope not.
540
00:46:15,639 --> 00:46:17,334
- Sherri?
- Yeah?
541
00:46:17,508 --> 00:46:19,635
Frikaskjasalde.
542
00:46:27,518 --> 00:46:28,985
Come on.
543
00:46:30,687 --> 00:46:33,019
Unbelievable.
544
00:46:35,592 --> 00:46:38,083
Real cool, Priscilla.
545
00:46:41,131 --> 00:46:44,032
You have reached the voice mailof Priscilla Chase.
546
00:46:44,201 --> 00:46:46,101
To page me, press five.
547
00:46:46,270 --> 00:46:49,239
To leave a message,simply do so after the beep.
548
00:46:49,406 --> 00:46:51,203
Have a nice day.
549
00:46:52,176 --> 00:46:53,575
Nice.
550
00:46:55,312 --> 00:46:56,802
God.
551
00:47:03,353 --> 00:47:04,752
Hey, hon. Yeah, it's me.
552
00:47:04,922 --> 00:47:07,254
Look, I'm gonna have
to break into the house...
553
00:47:07,424 --> 00:47:09,289
...because you changed
the fucking locks.
554
00:47:09,459 --> 00:47:14,658
So, I don't know,
I might just burn it down.
555
00:47:15,966 --> 00:47:18,366
Okay, hugs.
556
00:47:53,470 --> 00:47:54,903
Here she is.
557
00:47:55,072 --> 00:47:57,700
- Fridtjof Knudsen, this is Priscilla.
- Sure. Sir, yes.
558
00:47:58,141 --> 00:48:01,406
- It's so great to finally meet you.
- The pleasure is entirely mine.
559
00:48:04,581 --> 00:48:07,550
Good. So now we get down to business.
560
00:48:08,118 --> 00:48:12,282
Persuade us to move
from one frigid city to another one.
561
00:48:12,823 --> 00:48:15,815
If Frikaskjasalde should
decide to relocate to Cleveland...
562
00:48:15,993 --> 00:48:19,087
...Trasker will provide
the expertise necessary...
563
00:48:19,263 --> 00:48:21,595
...to cut your current costs by one-third.
564
00:48:22,633 --> 00:48:25,397
What about infrastructure grants?
565
00:48:25,569 --> 00:48:28,367
You've reached the voice mailof Priscilla Chase.
566
00:48:28,538 --> 00:48:30,301
State and local government...
567
00:48:30,474 --> 00:48:33,637
...would go so far
as to build you new roads.
568
00:48:44,121 --> 00:48:46,316
Trasker will provide the...
569
00:49:04,708 --> 00:49:09,077
I'm gonna tell that bitch
I have a magnificent penis.
570
00:49:09,246 --> 00:49:11,510
You have reached the voice mailof Priscilla Chase.
571
00:49:11,682 --> 00:49:13,809
Calling till you call me back.
572
00:49:14,117 --> 00:49:15,675
And...
573
00:49:18,789 --> 00:49:20,518
- Pipes.
- What's wrong?
574
00:49:20,691 --> 00:49:23,125
She doesn't look well. Are you well?
575
00:49:24,361 --> 00:49:25,988
I'm fine.
576
00:49:26,463 --> 00:49:28,795
Oh, God. I'm fine.
577
00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:30,433
Oh, my God.
578
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,431
Oh, my God.
579
00:49:36,340 --> 00:49:38,900
And, of course, the roads and...
580
00:49:39,910 --> 00:49:41,537
The land.
581
00:49:46,616 --> 00:49:47,981
The land. Yeah.
582
00:49:51,488 --> 00:49:53,922
Yeah. God.
583
00:49:55,892 --> 00:49:57,883
Priscilla, what's wrong?
584
00:50:00,931 --> 00:50:03,832
I'm fine. I'm fine.
585
00:50:04,001 --> 00:50:06,333
She's been under a hell of a lot
of stress lately.
586
00:50:06,503 --> 00:50:08,232
Don't talk to me about stress.
587
00:50:08,438 --> 00:50:11,407
Oh, no, it's not stress. It's just...
588
00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:14,603
Some bad Chinese food.
589
00:50:14,778 --> 00:50:16,211
Sizzling garlic beef.
590
00:50:21,051 --> 00:50:22,746
Anyway...
591
00:50:23,353 --> 00:50:25,378
...let's get started.
592
00:50:28,325 --> 00:50:30,156
- Douglas...
- They signed.
593
00:50:30,327 --> 00:50:32,056
Oh, good. I'm so sorry.
594
00:50:32,229 --> 00:50:33,457
I don't know what happened.
595
00:50:33,630 --> 00:50:36,929
It wasn't sizzling garlic beef.
596
00:50:37,100 --> 00:50:40,160
I don't know what it was.
But it won't happen again, I swear.
597
00:50:40,337 --> 00:50:45,536
Well, just remember, you can only
get away with this kind of bullshit once.
598
00:50:59,923 --> 00:51:03,415
You can only get away
with that kind of bullshit once.
599
00:51:27,617 --> 00:51:29,175
Jack.
600
00:51:34,291 --> 00:51:35,815
Jack.
601
00:51:40,864 --> 00:51:42,456
Jack.
602
00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:48,802
He finally did it.
603
00:51:50,941 --> 00:51:53,034
Finally fucking did it.
604
00:52:30,580 --> 00:52:31,808
Breaking and entering.
605
00:52:31,982 --> 00:52:34,712
- We are so cool.
- Oh, I know.
606
00:52:36,987 --> 00:52:40,684
- Wow, eerie.
- Totally.
607
00:52:44,261 --> 00:52:46,889
I feel like I could tell you anything.
608
00:52:47,063 --> 00:52:48,758
You can tell me anything.
609
00:52:48,932 --> 00:52:51,025
That's what's great about us.
610
00:53:05,081 --> 00:53:07,481
You know this means
we're a couple now.
611
00:53:07,651 --> 00:53:09,380
Awesome.
612
00:53:25,101 --> 00:53:27,160
Okay, new rules.
613
00:53:28,004 --> 00:53:30,837
One, keep your options open
till the last second.
614
00:53:31,007 --> 00:53:34,636
Two, get his number.
But that's flexible if he's a fox.
615
00:53:34,811 --> 00:53:37,473
Three, look at your left hand.
616
00:53:38,648 --> 00:53:39,876
What about it?
617
00:53:40,050 --> 00:53:43,508
Check the ring finger. You know, the one
with the wedding ring on it?
618
00:53:44,621 --> 00:53:47,590
- It comes off.
- All the way.
619
00:53:56,466 --> 00:53:58,161
Feel lighter?
620
00:53:58,335 --> 00:54:01,270
- A little.
- Good.
621
00:54:09,746 --> 00:54:12,442
Tonight I'm your designated dancer.
622
00:54:12,616 --> 00:54:14,914
I will protect you, I will advise you...
623
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:18,577
...and I will never leave your side.
624
00:54:58,561 --> 00:55:00,085
Did you have your orgasm?
625
00:55:00,263 --> 00:55:02,788
So, baby, how many times?
626
00:55:02,966 --> 00:55:06,527
- You okay with that or?
- Were my techniques sufficient enough...
627
00:55:06,703 --> 00:55:09,263
...to provide you
with the orgasm you were seeking?
628
00:55:09,439 --> 00:55:13,000
Orgasm? Of course I fucking did.
629
00:55:18,148 --> 00:55:19,672
I don't know what happened.
630
00:55:19,849 --> 00:55:22,682
I try too hard. I just freeze up.
631
00:55:26,156 --> 00:55:29,216
Look, I know it's not the girl thing.
You were close like five times.
632
00:55:29,392 --> 00:55:31,383
- You were this close.
- Six.
633
00:55:31,561 --> 00:55:33,995
- Really?
- It's a joke.
634
00:55:36,633 --> 00:55:39,227
You know I pride myself
on my orgasm-inducing abilities?
635
00:55:39,402 --> 00:55:41,393
I've practiced. I dedicated myself.
636
00:55:41,571 --> 00:55:44,062
I can make an ice sculpture
of Kathie Lee Gifford come.
637
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:47,437
I don't know how your husband
plugged away as long as he did.
638
00:55:48,345 --> 00:55:50,210
Exhausted.
639
00:55:55,118 --> 00:55:57,780
No way. Impossible.
640
00:55:57,954 --> 00:55:59,216
I don't believe it.
641
00:55:59,389 --> 00:56:01,220
You're lying. You have to be lying...
642
00:56:01,391 --> 00:56:04,485
...because there's no way
you would ever do that, right?
643
00:56:05,462 --> 00:56:06,724
Right?
644
00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:10,230
- Which part?
- That last part.
645
00:56:11,101 --> 00:56:13,331
That last part just happened.
646
00:56:13,837 --> 00:56:16,704
So you just kind of slipped
and fell into her vagina.
647
00:56:16,973 --> 00:56:19,339
- Sherri.
- Did you think she was a man or something?
648
00:56:19,509 --> 00:56:21,704
No. She's a fox.
649
00:56:22,112 --> 00:56:24,979
Oh, my God, I can't believe
I just said that.
650
00:56:25,648 --> 00:56:29,584
So you actively and knowingly
pursued your lesbian moment?
651
00:56:32,255 --> 00:56:33,552
Think you'll do it again?
652
00:56:35,291 --> 00:56:36,588
I'm sorry...
653
00:56:38,128 --> 00:56:40,995
...but I feel like I really need
to speak my mind on this one.
654
00:56:41,164 --> 00:56:42,688
Not now, Sherri.
655
00:56:42,866 --> 00:56:44,561
You are...
656
00:56:45,368 --> 00:56:47,598
...awesome.
- What?
657
00:56:47,771 --> 00:56:49,966
You are fucking awesome.
658
00:56:50,140 --> 00:56:54,076
I mean, a month ago,
you were this uptight, frigid, married chick.
659
00:56:54,544 --> 00:56:56,705
And then, from clear out of the blue...
660
00:56:56,880 --> 00:57:00,077
...you dumped your loser husband
because he wasn't plowing the fields.
661
00:57:00,250 --> 00:57:02,377
You're not listening.
That's not how it happened.
662
00:57:02,552 --> 00:57:05,783
And then you practically invent
a whole new category of addiction.
663
00:57:06,456 --> 00:57:08,947
They should name
a warning sticker after you.
664
00:57:09,392 --> 00:57:12,327
And then you go on to bag
all of these hot guys...
665
00:57:12,495 --> 00:57:15,225
...one after the other after the other...
666
00:57:15,398 --> 00:57:17,457
...after the other.
- Sherri.
667
00:57:17,634 --> 00:57:20,068
And then, when most of us
would be taking a breather...
668
00:57:20,236 --> 00:57:22,898
...you run off and join the lesbian circus.
669
00:57:23,072 --> 00:57:26,564
- Sherri.
- No, it's so incredibly rich.
670
00:57:27,076 --> 00:57:31,410
Priscilla, you are a goddess.
671
00:57:32,248 --> 00:57:36,184
You are a raging slut goddess.
672
00:57:36,352 --> 00:57:37,910
Sherri.
673
00:57:38,087 --> 00:57:40,954
You didn't listen
to a word I said, did you?
674
00:57:43,126 --> 00:57:44,821
You know all those guys I slept with?
675
00:57:46,963 --> 00:57:49,625
I wasn't even there when it happened.
676
00:57:50,166 --> 00:57:52,828
I just disappeared into this ball of fear.
677
00:57:53,002 --> 00:57:55,903
I just shut down.
678
00:57:57,073 --> 00:57:59,598
None of them wanna see me again.
679
00:58:00,877 --> 00:58:03,402
And you know Justine, my girlfriend?
680
00:58:03,580 --> 00:58:06,071
She says that I'm an ice queen.
681
00:58:06,316 --> 00:58:08,944
An unmeltable ice queen.
682
00:58:09,686 --> 00:58:13,554
Just once in my life,
just for one minute...
683
00:58:14,357 --> 00:58:16,587
...I would like to let go...
684
00:58:17,393 --> 00:58:19,657
...just to feel different...
685
00:58:20,563 --> 00:58:22,690
...if only for a minute.
686
00:58:48,925 --> 00:58:52,759
Hello, Priscilla. You were supposedto have those numbers on my desk by 5.
687
00:58:52,929 --> 00:58:54,453
- Oh, Christ.
- It's now 6:30...
688
00:58:54,631 --> 00:58:56,758
... and I'm still waiting here at my desk.
689
00:58:56,933 --> 00:59:00,562
I want them first thing in the morning.Good night, Priscilla.
690
00:59:00,737 --> 00:59:03,331
Hey, Priscilla, it's me,Wayne the Pool Guy.
691
00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:47,550
- Hi. How you doing? Good.
- Hi. Good.
692
00:59:47,717 --> 00:59:50,743
I would like a piece of your chocolate cake
and a glass of red wine.
693
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:54,447
- Okay. Okay.
- Oh, and some milk as well. Thank you.
694
01:00:00,363 --> 01:00:01,762
I finally caught you.
695
01:00:02,665 --> 01:00:05,828
You're not gonna believe this.
I think I'm finally ready for that pool.
696
01:00:06,002 --> 01:00:09,335
- Would you like to sit down and join me?
- You're kidding me.
697
01:00:10,540 --> 01:00:13,407
- Dinner's on me. Scotch, rocks.
- Okay.
698
01:00:13,710 --> 01:00:17,646
So, Priscilla...
699
01:00:17,814 --> 01:00:20,908
...why do you want a pool?
- Now you wanna talk me out of it?
700
01:00:21,084 --> 01:00:25,646
No, no, it's just that, you know,
even at half price, it's:
701
01:00:25,822 --> 01:00:27,289
I'm paying full price.
702
01:00:27,457 --> 01:00:29,891
Even at my special
summer-discount rate...
703
01:00:30,059 --> 01:00:32,584
...it's gonna put a deep dent
in your pocketbook.
704
01:00:32,962 --> 01:00:36,591
So I want you to be sure.
If you don't want a pool, don't get a pool.
705
01:00:37,934 --> 01:00:40,596
- But what about your commercial?
- We already shot it.
706
01:00:41,704 --> 01:00:45,367
Yeah. They put a pool in your backyard
with a computer.
707
01:00:45,541 --> 01:00:47,873
Looks real.
It's gonna premiere next week.
708
01:00:48,044 --> 01:00:49,477
What about the old one?
709
01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:54,106
Well... Yeah, well, I think it aired
for the last time about an hour ago.
710
01:00:54,283 --> 01:00:56,012
I missed it.
711
01:00:56,185 --> 01:01:00,713
- I'll send you a tape.
- Thanks, but it won't be the same.
712
01:01:03,593 --> 01:01:05,788
Yeah. Thank you.
713
01:01:05,962 --> 01:01:08,294
Well, salud.
714
01:01:12,735 --> 01:01:15,135
There are three reasons
why people get a pool.
715
01:01:15,304 --> 01:01:17,738
One, to keep up with the Joneses.
716
01:01:18,508 --> 01:01:20,305
Two, if you can believe this...
717
01:01:20,843 --> 01:01:22,640
...to get people to come to their house.
718
01:01:23,813 --> 01:01:26,077
And the third reason...
719
01:01:27,083 --> 01:01:28,209
...I want you to tell me.
720
01:01:29,252 --> 01:01:31,220
Come on, come on.
721
01:01:31,387 --> 01:01:33,082
- Swimming?
- Bingo.
722
01:01:33,256 --> 01:01:34,985
That's it. Swimming.
723
01:01:35,158 --> 01:01:37,558
Nobody ever gets that.
It's the most obvious.
724
01:01:37,727 --> 01:01:39,695
And it's the most meaningful.
725
01:01:40,063 --> 01:01:41,758
What do you mean by that?
726
01:01:43,433 --> 01:01:46,596
Well, all right, forget I'm a salesman
for a second.
727
01:01:46,769 --> 01:01:48,964
Just a second. All right.
728
01:01:50,173 --> 01:01:51,936
Emotionally and spiritually speaking...
729
01:01:52,108 --> 01:01:54,576
...swimming is the best thing
you can do for yourself.
730
01:01:54,744 --> 01:01:56,177
You wanna know why?
731
01:01:56,446 --> 01:01:57,708
Metamorphosis.
732
01:01:58,448 --> 01:01:59,676
Even in Cleveland, Ohio...
733
01:01:59,849 --> 01:02:03,410
...you have a chance at rebirth
every time you dive in the water.
734
01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:09,950
But what if you wanna stay
who you are?
735
01:02:10,526 --> 01:02:12,619
What kind of question is that?
736
01:02:12,795 --> 01:02:14,228
Everybody wants to change.
737
01:02:14,630 --> 01:02:17,224
- Oh, really?
- Of course.
738
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:21,133
- Don't they?
- I'm just giving you a hard time.
739
01:02:21,304 --> 01:02:23,772
You see that? You try to be sincere...
740
01:02:23,940 --> 01:02:26,465
...and all you get is grief.
- I was kidding.
741
01:02:26,642 --> 01:02:29,611
I was kidding.
I'm very pro-metamorphosis.
742
01:02:29,912 --> 01:02:31,174
Sucker.
743
01:02:32,315 --> 01:02:34,545
No, you meant every word.
744
01:02:38,621 --> 01:02:41,351
- Here you go.
- Good.
745
01:02:41,691 --> 01:02:43,022
There you are.
746
01:02:43,259 --> 01:02:45,090
Nice combo.
747
01:02:45,261 --> 01:02:46,888
Anyway...
748
01:02:47,764 --> 01:02:51,564
...to be honest, I think I should
try someone else's pool first.
749
01:02:54,170 --> 01:02:55,694
I have a pool.
750
01:02:56,305 --> 01:02:58,102
Is that an invitation?
751
01:02:59,475 --> 01:03:04,310
Yeah. Yeah, I guess
it's an invitation, yeah.
752
01:03:05,882 --> 01:03:07,645
When?
753
01:03:12,155 --> 01:03:14,623
Watch your step here. Yes.
754
01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:17,453
- All this for building pools.
- Yeah.
755
01:03:18,161 --> 01:03:20,061
Yeah. You ready?
756
01:03:20,229 --> 01:03:21,662
Check it.
757
01:03:27,236 --> 01:03:30,763
Oh, my God.
758
01:03:32,575 --> 01:03:34,304
Yeah.
759
01:03:36,345 --> 01:03:37,903
I built it for my wife.
760
01:03:38,881 --> 01:03:40,542
She died 16 years ago.
761
01:03:42,385 --> 01:03:43,784
She must have loved it.
762
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:47,883
She had her moods.
She would be crying at the top...
763
01:03:48,057 --> 01:03:53,324
...and laughing by the time
she hit the pool. Yeah. Yeah.
764
01:03:53,496 --> 01:03:56,556
- So you like it? Really?
- Oh, yeah. I think it's a...
765
01:03:56,732 --> 01:03:59,667
- I think it's amazing.
- You wanna try it?
766
01:03:59,836 --> 01:04:02,134
- Now?
- Yeah.
767
01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:05,265
- Will you come with me?
- No.
768
01:04:05,441 --> 01:04:06,499
- No?
- No.
769
01:04:06,676 --> 01:04:10,874
No. No, I don't ever. I never do. Never do.
770
01:04:15,051 --> 01:04:17,986
Wayne, when was the last time
you went swimming in this pool?
771
01:04:21,057 --> 01:04:22,046
It's been a while.
772
01:04:25,228 --> 01:04:28,994
So all that talk about metamorphosis
and renewal...
773
01:04:29,165 --> 01:04:30,427
...it was just talk?
774
01:04:35,471 --> 01:04:37,166
I have suits inside.
775
01:04:37,340 --> 01:04:38,898
- Okay.
- Let's go.
776
01:04:39,075 --> 01:04:42,101
Come on. I think I have one that fits you.
777
01:04:42,278 --> 01:04:45,076
It's my favorite. I wear it...
When I'm all alone, I wear it.
778
01:04:45,248 --> 01:04:47,239
No, I'm only kidding.
779
01:04:50,186 --> 01:04:55,089
It's wood. Nice. Sturdy.
It's like a tree house.
780
01:04:56,192 --> 01:04:58,023
How high is it?
781
01:04:58,527 --> 01:05:01,360
The slide is 300 feet, so...
782
01:05:01,530 --> 01:05:04,522
And then this is, you know...
783
01:05:07,803 --> 01:05:11,034
- You go first and I'll spot you.
- Okay.
784
01:05:28,257 --> 01:05:30,623
Wow, this...
785
01:05:37,366 --> 01:05:40,563
Yeah, I forgot all about this.
786
01:05:41,170 --> 01:05:44,367
Wow, the Terminal Tower.
That's where I work.
787
01:05:46,042 --> 01:05:48,135
What do you actually do in advertising?
788
01:05:48,311 --> 01:05:51,280
I bring business to Cleveland.
789
01:05:51,747 --> 01:05:54,341
- That's a cool job.
- Yeah, it is.
790
01:05:54,517 --> 01:05:55,609
I like it.
791
01:06:00,089 --> 01:06:03,684
- I'm really glad I came.
- Me too.
792
01:06:11,534 --> 01:06:14,128
We can't stay up here all night.
793
01:06:16,639 --> 01:06:18,504
Anyway, let me get...
794
01:06:19,675 --> 01:06:20,664
All right.
795
01:06:20,943 --> 01:06:22,774
- Okay?
- Okay.
796
01:06:22,945 --> 01:06:25,038
All right, so you go on it.
797
01:06:25,915 --> 01:06:27,883
Okay, get down...
798
01:06:28,050 --> 01:06:29,574
...and then, let's see...
799
01:06:29,752 --> 01:06:34,052
I'm gonna get over here like this. Yeah.
800
01:06:34,223 --> 01:06:35,850
Ready? Put your legs around me.
801
01:06:36,025 --> 01:06:38,550
Okay, all right.
802
01:06:38,728 --> 01:06:40,628
And hold on to my waist, right?
803
01:06:40,796 --> 01:06:42,491
Okay, yeah.
804
01:06:43,032 --> 01:06:45,592
- You can hold on. I won't break.
- Okay.
805
01:06:45,768 --> 01:06:47,497
Okay.
806
01:06:49,638 --> 01:06:51,970
- Ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.
807
01:06:52,141 --> 01:06:55,941
One, two...
808
01:06:58,114 --> 01:06:59,809
...three!
809
01:07:33,949 --> 01:07:35,041
I'm sorry.
810
01:07:35,217 --> 01:07:38,482
No. More.
811
01:08:06,449 --> 01:08:08,883
Don't worry, I'm gonna be okay.
812
01:08:11,454 --> 01:08:13,354
What's so funny?
813
01:08:14,623 --> 01:08:17,285
Well, you're not gonna believe this...
814
01:08:17,993 --> 01:08:20,587
...but you're the first man who's ever...
815
01:08:21,330 --> 01:08:22,763
...you know, made me come.
816
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:26,864
You mean, you?
817
01:08:28,904 --> 01:08:31,065
Not until Wayne.
818
01:08:31,240 --> 01:08:33,401
Wayne the Pool Guy.
819
01:08:34,310 --> 01:08:36,676
Yeah, that is funny.
820
01:08:37,880 --> 01:08:39,848
Hysterical.
821
01:08:40,015 --> 01:08:43,109
Well, you just took 15 years off my life.
822
01:08:46,122 --> 01:08:47,885
Now, come here.
823
01:08:51,794 --> 01:08:53,853
Oh, Wayne.
824
01:08:54,497 --> 01:08:56,488
Oh, Wayne. Wayne.
825
01:08:56,665 --> 01:08:58,496
What a name.
826
01:09:00,035 --> 01:09:02,367
You should keep your slide on
all the time.
827
01:09:02,538 --> 01:09:04,130
How come?
828
01:09:04,640 --> 01:09:06,540
Because then I'd come over.
829
01:09:12,047 --> 01:09:14,242
Get your own pool.
830
01:09:50,819 --> 01:09:53,549
- Good morning.
- Priscilla.
831
01:09:59,128 --> 01:10:02,393
No sizzling garlic beef
this weekend, I see.
832
01:10:10,105 --> 01:10:11,436
I guess you already know.
833
01:10:11,607 --> 01:10:12,631
Know what?
834
01:10:12,808 --> 01:10:17,370
We're taking a group of Chinese brewers
on a tour this morning.
835
01:10:17,746 --> 01:10:20,738
- Can you handle it?
- I don't think so.
836
01:10:20,916 --> 01:10:22,508
Guess what they wanna see.
837
01:10:22,685 --> 01:10:24,516
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?
838
01:10:24,687 --> 01:10:25,915
You wish.
839
01:10:26,088 --> 01:10:29,580
They wanna see the crown jewel
of Cleveland's public school system:
840
01:10:29,758 --> 01:10:31,555
Carmen High.
841
01:10:31,794 --> 01:10:33,955
Jack's back.
842
01:10:36,865 --> 01:10:38,526
Morning.
843
01:10:39,602 --> 01:10:41,069
You motherfuckers ready to learn?
844
01:10:41,237 --> 01:10:43,228
Because I'm gonna
teach the shit out of you.
845
01:10:43,405 --> 01:10:44,895
- Yeah!
- All right.
846
01:10:45,074 --> 01:10:48,601
You guys are gonna be cool, right?
You're not gonna tell the principal I swore?
847
01:10:49,245 --> 01:10:51,236
Miss Taylor's not here, I see.
All right.
848
01:10:51,413 --> 01:10:54,314
We had very high SAT scores last year...
849
01:10:54,483 --> 01:10:57,043
Come on. I know there's
something you wanna tell me.
850
01:10:57,219 --> 01:10:58,447
No, there isn't.
851
01:10:58,621 --> 01:11:00,418
You have a big, juicy secret.
852
01:11:00,589 --> 01:11:02,250
I can smell it.
853
01:11:02,524 --> 01:11:05,755
- Me and Wayne the Pool Guy.
- Liar.
854
01:11:05,928 --> 01:11:09,386
And another archaebacteria that can
survive in inhospitable environments...
855
01:11:09,565 --> 01:11:11,226
...is the halobacteria...
856
01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:13,095
...which is unique...
857
01:11:13,269 --> 01:11:15,396
...because of its pigment.
- They're educating.
858
01:11:15,571 --> 01:11:17,903
And who could tell me what that is?
859
01:11:18,474 --> 01:11:20,066
It's the color?
860
01:11:20,242 --> 01:11:22,107
Holy shit. Look at him.
861
01:11:24,880 --> 01:11:29,874
That's right, but maybe one of our
esteemed guests here would know.
862
01:11:37,860 --> 01:11:40,829
- The color is orange?
- That's right.
863
01:11:43,799 --> 01:11:45,926
Goes the little bear.
864
01:11:46,101 --> 01:11:49,696
One chop, two chop, tickle under...
865
01:11:51,540 --> 01:11:53,565
That felt so good.
866
01:11:53,742 --> 01:11:56,438
Yeah, that's what I always
try to tell myself.
867
01:11:56,745 --> 01:12:01,011
Feel good. Don't feel bad, feel good.
868
01:12:12,061 --> 01:12:13,289
Pizza and a six-pack.
869
01:12:15,798 --> 01:12:17,129
Oh, it's so late though.
870
01:12:17,299 --> 01:12:19,028
So?
871
01:12:19,902 --> 01:12:21,733
Okay. I'll have a plain.
872
01:12:22,137 --> 01:12:24,128
Cool. Plain?
873
01:12:24,306 --> 01:12:27,969
No, I'll have sausage and onions.
874
01:12:29,111 --> 01:12:30,339
Very brave.
875
01:12:38,821 --> 01:12:40,914
You worried that I'm
falling in love with you?
876
01:12:42,424 --> 01:12:45,120
If I were, I wouldn't be here.
877
01:12:45,761 --> 01:12:48,286
- Bertino's Pizzeria.
- Gonna be open late?
878
01:12:48,464 --> 01:12:51,490
- Yeah, we're open late.
- I'll be there in two hours.
879
01:12:59,341 --> 01:13:01,309
Hey, Jack.
880
01:13:02,144 --> 01:13:05,204
Hey. I bet you can't catch me.
881
01:13:12,187 --> 01:13:13,415
- Hey.
- Excuse me. Sorry.
882
01:13:13,589 --> 01:13:17,855
Hey, I know you. Wait.
883
01:13:18,327 --> 01:13:21,125
You're Jack Chase.
You're my daughter's teacher.
884
01:13:21,296 --> 01:13:24,561
I'm Binky Taylor,
Kristen Taylor's father.
885
01:13:26,735 --> 01:13:31,434
Kristen Tay... Oh, Kristen.
886
01:13:31,607 --> 01:13:33,939
Yeah. Oh, she's very bright.
887
01:13:34,309 --> 01:13:36,368
The Taylor family...
888
01:13:36,578 --> 01:13:38,603
...will be eternally grateful to you.
889
01:13:38,781 --> 01:13:41,215
It was your class that got
Kristen off the cannabis...
890
01:13:41,383 --> 01:13:43,317
...and onto the right track.
891
01:13:45,954 --> 01:13:47,251
Here she is.
892
01:13:47,423 --> 01:13:49,653
Hi, Dad. Hello, Mr. Chase.
893
01:13:51,093 --> 01:13:52,720
Kristen.
894
01:13:53,295 --> 01:13:54,887
Shouldn't you be
doing your homework?
895
01:13:56,165 --> 01:13:59,100
I don't know about that.
Kristen's going to Harvard.
896
01:13:59,835 --> 01:14:01,496
Harvard, the school?
897
01:14:02,471 --> 01:14:06,100
She hasn't taken that Harvard T-shirt off
for three weeks since she got the news.
898
01:14:08,143 --> 01:14:10,577
Congratulations, Kristen.
899
01:14:10,746 --> 01:14:13,510
It takes a very special person
to get into Harvard.
900
01:14:13,982 --> 01:14:16,610
No, Mr. Chase.
Congratulations to you.
901
01:14:16,785 --> 01:14:19,345
If this country
had more teachers like you...
902
01:14:19,521 --> 01:14:23,651
...dedicated, decent men,
our kids would be in a lot better shape.
903
01:14:24,092 --> 01:14:26,925
You, sir, are an everyday hero.
904
01:14:28,197 --> 01:14:30,927
- Thank you.
- No. Thank you.
905
01:14:33,368 --> 01:14:34,835
Say thank you.
906
01:14:35,003 --> 01:14:37,198
Thank you, Mr. Chase.
907
01:14:37,606 --> 01:14:38,834
You're a great teacher.
908
01:14:42,110 --> 01:14:43,941
Alrighty. Well, take care.
909
01:14:44,112 --> 01:14:45,602
Okay, now.
910
01:14:58,260 --> 01:14:59,818
Hey, it's me.
911
01:14:59,995 --> 01:15:01,656
It was great seeing youthe other day.
912
01:15:01,830 --> 01:15:05,129
I was thinking that maybe we couldhook up sometime and grab some dinner.
913
01:15:05,300 --> 01:15:09,464
Nothing serious or anything.Just, you know, to catch up.
914
01:15:09,638 --> 01:15:12,129
Whenever you want.Just let me know.
915
01:15:41,503 --> 01:15:43,971
That suit is ridiculous.
916
01:15:45,474 --> 01:15:47,408
Oh, yeah.
917
01:15:54,816 --> 01:15:56,784
Damn, he looks good.
918
01:16:01,356 --> 01:16:02,755
Hi.
919
01:16:05,727 --> 01:16:07,285
Hi.
920
01:16:08,063 --> 01:16:09,587
I'm starving.
921
01:16:11,667 --> 01:16:13,931
So, what have you been up to?
922
01:16:14,102 --> 01:16:15,660
Oh, I don't know.
923
01:16:15,837 --> 01:16:17,429
Not much.
924
01:16:17,606 --> 01:16:19,005
No?
925
01:16:21,076 --> 01:16:24,477
You can tell me, you know. It's me.
926
01:16:26,114 --> 01:16:27,581
Well...
927
01:16:30,652 --> 01:16:32,643
...I've been broadening my horizons...
928
01:16:35,991 --> 01:16:38,391
...taking some seminars...
929
01:16:41,430 --> 01:16:44,331
...and discovering parts of Cleveland
I never knew existed.
930
01:16:47,235 --> 01:16:48,634
Neat.
931
01:16:52,674 --> 01:16:54,505
Well, here's to you.
932
01:17:04,353 --> 01:17:06,344
The hell is that?
933
01:17:13,395 --> 01:17:14,623
Shit.
934
01:17:14,796 --> 01:17:18,630
I'm involved in a love triangle
with a younger, fitter rival.
935
01:17:21,837 --> 01:17:24,567
This is bullshit.
936
01:17:26,575 --> 01:17:29,100
What about you?
What have you been doing?
937
01:17:29,277 --> 01:17:31,040
What have I been doing?
938
01:17:31,380 --> 01:17:33,905
Probably sounds pretentious...
939
01:17:34,716 --> 01:17:38,777
...but I've been trying to make myself
a better man.
940
01:17:38,954 --> 01:17:40,319
Oh, good for you.
941
01:17:43,058 --> 01:17:44,457
Yeah.
942
01:17:45,794 --> 01:17:47,955
I've been really focused
on teaching...
943
01:17:48,764 --> 01:17:52,894
...and, I don't know, I'm thinking about
maybe going back to school.
944
01:17:54,803 --> 01:17:56,668
I'm so proud of you.
That's wonderful.
945
01:17:56,972 --> 01:17:58,633
Here's to you.
946
01:18:00,676 --> 01:18:01,904
Thank you.
947
01:18:02,077 --> 01:18:04,170
- It's great to see you.
- You too.
948
01:18:06,381 --> 01:18:07,905
Oh, and also, every morning...
949
01:18:08,216 --> 01:18:12,983
...I've been getting up and exercising.
950
01:18:23,198 --> 01:18:25,291
A lot of jogging
and that kind of thing.
951
01:18:25,467 --> 01:18:27,867
I've lost six pounds already.
952
01:18:28,036 --> 01:18:29,526
You look like you lost more.
953
01:18:31,006 --> 01:18:33,634
I haven't weighed myself today, so...
954
01:18:35,544 --> 01:18:37,068
Thank you.
955
01:18:39,114 --> 01:18:44,051
It must be driving you crazy
wondering why I brought you here, huh?
956
01:18:49,491 --> 01:18:51,550
I've been thinking that maybe...
957
01:18:52,694 --> 01:18:54,958
Are you listening to me?
Because this is important.
958
01:18:55,130 --> 01:18:57,257
- I mean, this...
- Yeah, I'm listening.
959
01:18:57,432 --> 01:18:58,694
This is...
960
01:19:13,281 --> 01:19:14,612
What's so funny?
961
01:19:18,854 --> 01:19:20,116
Nothing.
962
01:19:26,895 --> 01:19:28,920
I've been thinking that maybe...
963
01:19:31,133 --> 01:19:33,158
...we should get back together.
964
01:19:36,271 --> 01:19:37,966
Oh, Jack.
965
01:19:49,584 --> 01:19:52,883
Well, here's to you.
966
01:19:55,323 --> 01:19:57,655
- Good to see you.
- You too.
967
01:20:12,641 --> 01:20:15,303
A gazebo? What are you, crazy?
968
01:20:15,477 --> 01:20:17,502
You're not a gazebo girl.
969
01:20:43,839 --> 01:20:45,500
A touch of the bubbly.
970
01:20:50,378 --> 01:20:52,437
I wanna go again.
971
01:20:53,582 --> 01:20:55,812
Here, hold on just a second.
972
01:20:55,984 --> 01:20:58,509
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
973
01:20:58,687 --> 01:21:00,712
Listen, I was thinking.
974
01:21:01,556 --> 01:21:04,719
Even though there's this big
age difference between us...
975
01:21:04,893 --> 01:21:06,224
How old are you, anyway?
976
01:21:06,761 --> 01:21:07,989
Old.
977
01:21:08,163 --> 01:21:11,428
Somehow, while I was worried about
drains and chlorine...
978
01:21:11,600 --> 01:21:13,500
...I turned into the old guy, but...
979
01:21:13,668 --> 01:21:17,729
Here. The thing is, I don't have anybody
to leave my business to.
980
01:21:18,206 --> 01:21:21,232
I mean, when I kick,
when the ticker goes, that's it.
981
01:21:21,409 --> 01:21:23,673
I can find you a buyer
within a week, Wayne.
982
01:21:23,845 --> 01:21:25,813
- A reputable buyer.
- Yeah, well...
983
01:21:25,981 --> 01:21:29,382
But I was thinking that,
even with all our differences...
984
01:21:29,551 --> 01:21:32,145
...we make a good team.
- Yeah.
985
01:21:32,520 --> 01:21:33,782
You like to stay up late.
986
01:21:33,955 --> 01:21:35,252
Nope. Early bird.
987
01:21:36,224 --> 01:21:37,486
Okay.
988
01:21:37,659 --> 01:21:40,287
All right,
maybe it's not the sleep thing.
989
01:21:40,462 --> 01:21:41,895
Well, there's the sex.
990
01:21:42,297 --> 01:21:46,495
The sex. Yes, the sex. Jesus Christ.
991
01:21:47,636 --> 01:21:50,537
Really wonderful.
992
01:21:50,705 --> 01:21:52,036
And you gotta know...
993
01:21:52,207 --> 01:21:54,402
...I haven't been in this pool
since my wife died.
994
01:21:55,176 --> 01:21:58,441
Anyway, considering
all these ingredients...
995
01:21:58,613 --> 01:22:00,877
...and that you've got
a great head for business...
996
01:22:01,049 --> 01:22:04,314
...and the fact that I might be
falling in love with you...
997
01:22:04,486 --> 01:22:07,614
...I was wondering...
- Are you gonna ask me to marry you?
998
01:22:09,224 --> 01:22:10,486
Actually...
999
01:22:10,659 --> 01:22:14,561
...I was gonna ask you
if you would be my girlfriend.
1000
01:22:19,067 --> 01:22:21,934
- I'll think about it.
- Okay.
76372
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