All language subtitles for Bless the Harts s02e20 When You Lose.eng

(thunder rumbling)
I can't believe it's gonna rain

for our entire spring break.

Oh, don't worry, Vi, we're gonna
let it get real gushy,

then we are going mudding!

Yes! I mean, whatever.
Mudding's dumb.

Ah, I love the rain.

It washes painful memories
from the trees.

Plus, in my family,
when it rains,

my abuela pulls out
the board games.

Ugh! Ow.
Keep your voice down. Shh.

Dave, Dave, Dave.
What?

JENNY:
Did somebody say "board games"?

Oh, my God, that's a great idea.

Oh, what's this?
A Internet article

that states golf is actually
better in the rain.

Good enough for me.
Let's go rent some metal clubs.

Guys, sometimes the Internet
is just right.

Let's go now.
(thunder booms) Ooh.

Cozywozy.
Gamedayagogo.

I'll grab the Monopoly.
Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Please tell me I didn't hear
Jenny say the word Monopoly.

Why does everyone look like

they just got locked
in a murder house?

'Cause Betty raised a monster.

I did not raise a monster.

Jenny was a real testy child.

Eight, nine, ten,

11, 11, 11, 11,

11, 11, 12.

I win.
Jenny,

that's a lot of 11s, shuggy.

(growling)

Which makes you
the ultimate champion.

Who's the smartest, bestest
little girl?

Me!

What do you want from me?

Her father had just died,

and I was a single,
widowed mom.

Who gives a crap
if I bend the rules

to let my baby win Connect Four?

And now it's a fun tradition.

A dangerous
weboflies tradition.

And we love it,
'cause we have to.

And she never picked up on this,
even as a grownass woman?

Oh, it's a classic study
in selfdeception.

When the people around you are
constantly telling you

you're a genius,
eventually you're just gonna

start buying into it.

It's why Tom Cruise thinks

he can film a movie
on the moon.

Well, we don't have to worry,
because I hid that Monopoly game

so well, she'll never find it.
JENNY: Found it.

There was a big hole in the wall
behind the refrigerator.

(chuckles):
It was just sitting in there.

Weird.
Damn it.

Y'all, I know I created
this monster,

but even Dr. Frankenstein knew

when to hand it over
to the villagers.

Okay, have fun, Jenny.

May the smartest, happiest
little girl win.

You know I will, Mother.
(thunder cracks)

(groans)

♪ ♪

(thunder rumbles)

♪ Monopoly ♪

♪ MonoMonoMononopolylyly ♪

♪ What's the name of the game
that's sweeping the nation? ♪

♪ Monopoopoopoopoly. ♪

(thunder rumbles)
Okay, just remember this key piece of advice

when playing against my mom.

When you lose, you win.

Oh, Travis. Good.
You're here.

Yeah, I got your text.

We gonna get through this, bro.
I brought snacks.

You brought sweet and salty?

I'm not a dummy, Violet.

Yes, I got sweet
and salty. Damn.

Okay, good, 'cause if she's
in the mood

for a Hershey's Kiss, but
all we have is Doritos,

she's gonna freak.

Wow. So, what happens
if she loses?

One time I beat her
at that game Trouble.

The next day there was
a PopOMatic on my doorstep

with a dead dove in it.

That was a message.

Yeah, when we first
started dating,

our first board game together,
uh, caught me off guard.

(thunder cracks)
Oh, I got it.

Professor Plum, in the
conservatory, with the knife.

Yes, I won.

(door shuts)

Okay, well, congratulations.
(chuckles)

I mean, that's how games work.

You won this time,
maybe I'll win next time. Yeah.

So, uh, good game.

Was it, Wayne?!
Was it a good game?

Was it fun for you?

(gasps)

Jenny, no.

And that tiny little Clue knife,

that goes in deeper
than you think.

JENNY: What's going on
in there, losers?

(thunder cracks)

David, I don't know
if you know this,

but when it comes
to board games,

I am the quaine of the world.
David, have you seen the...

BOTH (sadly):
Lid of Fame.

...Lid of Fame?
"Winner: Jenny Hart."

(mouthing)
"Winner: Jenny Hart.

Winner: Jenny Hart.
Winner: Jenny Hart."

It's an unbroken streak
that goes back 20 years.

So guess what, it ain't gonna
be broken today.

(laughing weakly):
No way, Mom.

Okay, so as is customary,
the last winner goes first.

And judging from the box...
Lid of Fame.

...that's Jenny Hart.
Yippee!

I thought the highest roll
Oh...

(clearing throats aggressively)

Okay, well, that's a four,
which is within

seven spaces of Chance, so I get
to pull a Chance card.

Absolutely.
I'll hand it to you, quaine.

What? Seven spaces of Chance?

TRAVIS:
Hey!

I got pizza bites.

Whoopsadaisical.
(stammers) Oh, no.

What a hilarious turn
of events.

Sometimes you just
got to laugh.

(laughs nervously)
So dumb and hilarious.

What an absolute klutz.
What in the hell?

David, we've added
some new rules.

Just go with it.

"Take a walk on the Boardwalk"?

What? How many times in a row

have I drawn
that Boardwalk card?

That's got to be a record.

(gasps):
Or maybe I'm just that good.

I am...
♪ Queen of the game

♪ Ain't no shame ♪

♪ Best in the world,
better than Violet and Wayne ♪

♪ David's gonna see ♪

♪ Who's the winner that's
sweeping the nananation? ♪

♪ It's me. ♪

GWEN (on radio):
Let's dig into your relationships.

Time for Gwen to drop
some truth bombs on you.

Shoot, I invented
the truth bomb, Gwen.

Our first email tonight
starts, "Gwen, help me.

Hubby and I are sleeping
in separate bedrooms."

Oh, I'm calling in.

Hey!
(truck honking) I'll tell you what you need.

Nothing rolls back the hands

of time in a relationship
like good oldfashioned sexting.

(horns honking)
Snap a tasteless nude, the tackier the better, hit send,

and he'll come running back
to you like Usain Bolt.

Truth bomb.

(horn blaring)
(cries out)

(tires screeching)

(engine revving)
(tires screeching)

Ruhroh. Work, wheels.

(thunder cracks)

Four, five, six.

Uhoh.

Well, well, well,
look who decided

to spend the night.

That'll be $600.

$600? Oh, no.
I am totally losing.

(chuckles)
But what do you expect?

Jenny is quaine of the games.

Stop saying "quaine."

It's like when straight people
discovered "yas"

all over again.

♪ Who's the redheaded
sensation ♪

♪ Pulling up to
Monopoly Station? ♪

♪ It's me, quaine of the... ♪

$600?
Where'd that number come from?

(sizzling)
Ow.

I turned that iron on for you.

David, David, there's
a female landlord bonus.

Which was long overdue.
Bye, patriarchy.

(laughs):
Get it, David?

(groans)

Okay, my turn.

Hola, muchachos y muchachas.

Who's ready for a nacho break?

I am.
I'm ready for a break.

Four. Yes. Park Place.
I'm buying it.

Excuse me?

(Wayne gulps)

So, Banker, where were we?

Oh, right.
Park Place, bitches.

Oopsie, it's the "Park Place
fell into a sinkhole" card.

What? That's not a card.

Now give me my townhome.

I'm meeting an interior
designer in an hour.

But I have Boardwalk.
I need Park Place.

How can I get Park Place now?

III need Park Place.

Oops, well the board's
a greasy mess.

Nothing to do but
throw it out, I guess.

I'll do it.
No, no, no, I got it.

Mmm, el crujido
de la victoria.

DISPATCHER:
All units, we have a 1046 on Rosewood Street.

All right, rookie,
how well do you know

your radio codes?

1046... Aw, shoot.

Uh, golf injury?
Nope.

Exotic pet attack?
Nope.

Trampoline fire?
Nope.

Beauty school bomb threat?

Or is it that thing where
somebody claims something

accidentally went up their butt,

but probably they put it there?

1046 is a stranded motorist.

But we do have a code for
all those other things, right?

Yeah.
Yeah!

Well, here she is.

(siren wails, stops)

Hey there, ma'am.
Car trouble?

Well, hello there. Name's...

BOTH:
Betty Hart.

Now, how did you know my name?

(chuckles):
Oh, we tussled before.

I caught you shoplifting
at Contempo Casuals.

That was you?

Yep. I always wanted to ask
what you needed with five

jeweltone velvet bolero
jackets?

Oh, that's when I was trying
to start my girl group.

I would have bought
that album.

I got to admit I always had
a little crush on you.

And what about now?

Well, let's just say I'm not
a rookie anymore.

TUG (gasps):
Ooh...

Tug.
What happened here, Betty?

Yep, you're up on there
pretty good.

That's not the first time
I've heard that. Wink.

(gasps)
Ooh...

Tug. All right, let me see
what's going on here.

BETTY (à la
Six Million Dollar Man): Nananananananananana.

Nanananana
nanananana.

Nananananananananana.

Nananananananananana.

Ma'am, you're talking gibberish.
Did you hit your head?

(thunder cracks)

♪ Nine, ten, 11, 12 ♪

♪ Double sixes,
I got you, bitches. ♪

What? This used to be
the poor neighborhood.

Used to be.

Welcome to Davidwood
at Elegance Heights.

Amenities include
a fascinator design studio

and tiger rides.

But all the glamour
comes at a cost,

and that cost is $1,200.

$1,200?
But I'm cash poor.

I spent all my money
on hotels.

You call those puny huts hotels?

This...
(cash register ringing)

...is a hotel.

II didn't know you could
do that stack hotels?

Is stacking hotels even a thing?

I didn't know you could
stack hotels.

Oh, it's a thing, all right.

You know what else is a thing?

You mortgaging a property
to pay me.

Or sheshe doesn't have
to do anything.

David, she rolled a 12,
whichwhich means...

nobody owns anything they didn't
own 12 minutes ago.

Oh, right.
I forgot about that rule.

Show me that rule.

Um, uh, gladly.

Here it is. Right here.

Confirmed and memorized.

Now we don't need these anymore.

Boop. Oh, and, that's the
official game over sound.

Boop.

"Game over boop"?

Yep, yep. The game over boop.

And because Mom has the most...

um, property, she wins.

Congratulations, Mom.

Boom! Mama Mia, Papa Pia!

♪ Who's the winner
that's causing a fascination? ♪

♪ Sweeping the nation,
quaine of the game ♪

♪ Jenny Hart, she's so smart. ♪

That's me!
Okay, I can't do this anymore.

David, please, no.
No. No. No, no, no, David.

They are letting you win.

What?
(thunder crashes)

Wait, you guys are losing
to me on purpose?

BOTH:
Um...

(whooping)

Look who made a flan, y'all.

So let's all stop the freakin'
and have some soothing flan.

Jenny, flan?
Flan, Jenny? Jenny? Flan?

Come on.

Fun to say, more fun to eat.

VIOLET:
Travis?

(sighs)
Honey, from day one we swore

we would never lie to each other
and that we would always

maintain a clear and honest line
of communication.

I believe you said that anything
less would be a violation

of our love.

That's excellent, Wayne.
Tell her the truth.

(exhales)
Jenny...

you have won fair and square.

What?
Thank you, baby.

Okay, so if you aren't
letting her win,

why is there a secret stack

of "Win a thousand dollars"
cards in this Dorito bag?

Bro, yeah, um,

what those are, uh, bro...

It's a contest.
Yes. Contest.

I kept wanting to say "rodeo,"
but then I remembered

the word I was looking for,
and it's "contest."

Contest.
Oh, Doritos has been offering

loose Monopoly cards
in their bags forever.

Yeah, just like we get
Uno cards in Funyuns

or loose dominoes in Chex Mix.

I can't count the number
of times I've cracked

a molar on a Scrabble tile

in my Entenmann's
Lemon Streusel. (laughs)

That's happened to all of us,
right? Vi, help me.

We've been letting you win!
(gulps)

But I am good at this game.

I would have beaten you
with or without your help.

Of course you would have.

We barely did anything.

You know what?

(inhales)

(exhales)
Okay.

Oh, wow. Great.

So let's burn all the board
games in the house

and never speak of this day
again, like a normal family.

Cool. Great idea, Vi.
Yep, yes. Sounds great.

I'm on it.
Yes, that is it.

No, no, no, no, no,
you misunderstood.

We're done with this game,
and now we're gonna play

every game for realsos, and
I'm gonna scramble your butts.

(cackles)
(thunder cracks)

DISPATCHER:
Report of a loud disturbance

at 309 Oakwood Terrace.

Ooh. This is so exciting.

Put the hammer down, Smokies.

You two distract them,
I'll plant the drugs.

And if the bag feels
any lighter,

it's because
some spilt out naturally.

Just stay in the car, Betty.

You weren't out with your mama.

You were at Dave & Buster's
with Crishell and Alizé.

Oh, now you're just
being a bitch.

You know Crishell's
in the hospital

from getting hit
on the head by a drone.

And Alizé's got that thing
where her brain

won't let her leave the house.

(both grunting)

Same thing every week.

Okay, you two.
Let's deescalate this.

And I'm gonna ask y'all
respectfully to keep your bodies

contained in your tank tops
this time.

I am trying to avoid the tornado
of butts and boobies.

Don't you see
what's going on here?

They're the kind of couple
that needs a dustup

to get horned up.

Let me get in there.
Betty.

Shelby, you know there's more
to it than Dave & Buster's.

There is. What had happened was,

I was about to order
a birthstones necklace off QVC,

and Zeke grabbed my phone
and told Lisa Rinna

that my credit card
was maxed out.

Truth bomb?

Zeke, you need to mind
your own business.

Let Shelby make
her own mistakes.

Athank ayou.

I'm so pissed, there's a rumble
in my Umbros as per now.

Oh, Zeke.

Sometimes all you need
is some truth bombs.

What's next, boys?

Hey, Jeremy, hon,

let yourself be loved.

Calvin, baby, stop mistaking
your sadness for anger.

(siren wailing)

Dennis, shug,

you know stealing cars
won't bring your dad back.

(clock ticking)

(exhales):
Okay.

(gasping)

Well, I've lost every game we
played for the last six hours.

Risk, Candy Land.
Even a freakin' coin flip.

And guess what I realized.

So sorry, Mom.
You see, Jenny? It's gonna be okay.

I've realized that y'all
are a bunch of lying cheaters.

You want me to think
I'm no good at games.

Yeah, so you must have
rigged everything.

Probably stuck a magnet
in the PopOMatic,

you loosened that Mouse Trap
so it would crap out on me.

Not only did you mess
with the Scrabble tiles,

filling them up with bunkass
letters like "R" and "I,"

but you went so far

as to mess with every dictionary
in this house!

What?
Mmhmm. I know there are pages

in these dictionaries
that y'all tore out.

'Cause I am damn sure I had
a tripleword score here,

but then when I go look it up
in the dictionary,

the pages containing
the very common words

"squamp," "doornishaand"
and "iriri" are somehow missing.

Shame on you.
(gasps)

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to squamp

this conversation because all
of your iriris need to be what?

Doornishaanded?
Doornishaanded? Doornishaanded?

Doornishaanded.

Those guys are cheating butts.

There's no way I suck
at every game.

(laughs):
I'm a winner.

There's, like,
a million songs about me.

♪ Who's the... revelation ♪

♪ That... something sensation? ♪

(groans)

Okay, here we go.

Pure, untainted competition.

Time to prove
my theory is right.

Ow.
Hey, what's your name?

Melody.
Aw, that's so cute.

Okay, me and Melody
are about to crush some spirits.

Are you someone's mom?

Oh, I'm about to be
all your moms.

Let's play!

Melody, move your stick.

What the hell are you doing?

Oh, that's great,
kick the ball backwards.

But you hit that.

'Cause you distracted me,
Melody.

(ball clicking)
Melody, focus.

We are only as good
as our weakest link,

and right now our weakest link
is named Melody!

(whimpering)

(crying)

Goal!

(growls)

(kids scream)

(whoops)
What do we got next?

A 503? A 1080 in progress?

Oh, I know what those are.

An aboveground pool collapse,

and that thing where
a Vietnam vet's wheelchair

is stuck in a train track
and the train's coming.

Tug, congratulations,
you nailed it.

Betty, you taught me
something today.

I've never seen someone stop
an armed robbery in progress

by calling the perp's mom.

You have so many perps'
moms' phone numbers.

I'm a mom guru. People need
a truth bomb, they call me up.

That's why my family
is happy and stable as hell.

(grunting)

VINCENT:
Oh, Lord, look at this bouquet of crazy daisies.

(thunder crashes)

Mom?
(car doors closing)

Girl, what on God's
green Earth is going on?

I was playing I was winning,
and then these little turd sacks

started cheating
and they won't admit it,

but I was winning.
No, you weren't.

Well, now, little girl,
I know you must be mistaken

because my Jenny doesn't lose.

She is the bestest,
smartest ever.

Betty, could I drop
a little truth bomb on you now?

Last time I saw a woman talking
to her grown daughter that way,

it was one of those
Munchausen situations.

Some documentary on Netflix.

It is nothing like that.

Historically, it's just easier

if I let Jenny win, that's all.

Wait, so you have been
letting me win?

Yes, shuggy. I have.

Why? Why would you
do that to me?

Why wouldn't you just
let me lose?

Because you had lost enough.

You were just eight years old
when your daddy died.

Playing games was your favorite
thing to do with your daddy.

(cheers)
Look at that.

Who's the bestest,
smartest little girl?

Jenny!

BETTY:
And then, when he passed,

I decided you had lost enough
for one lifetime.

So you thought
you were protecting me.

Hate to say it,
but guilty as charged.

(sniffling)

Well, damn it,
I want to hate you for it,

but it's just too sweet.

(Tug sniffles)

JENNY:
Ooh, yippee.

I landed on Go To Jail.

Everyone has to give me $500.

OTHERS:
Uh...

Now, I want to tell you
something,

but I also don't want you
to shove a thimble in my eye.

Let me guess, the first person
in jail doesn't get $500?

No, Mother. Much like
real jail, it's punitive.

And I'm assuming you also
don't get one free reroll

if you were born in 1990?

(sighs)
Mmmm. (knocking on door)

Hey, Miss Jenny.

Oh, you again.

Did you preemptively
call the cops on me?

Well, actually, I'm here
to, uh, pick up your mother.

Sorry, I'm gonna have to abandon
my real estate empire.

Maybe I'll even end up
doing a little undercover work.

The wheels of justice
may turn slow,

but Betty Hart moves fast.

Yes. Boardwalk.

♪ I'm gonna win,
I'm gonna win... ♪

On second thought,
we might need that cop.

♪ I'm gonna win. ♪

Tweezers.
Tweezers.

(Wayne shuddering)

Wayne. What the hell?

Sorry. It's the zap, Jenny.

Itit sends me over the edge.

Wayne, I need you to chill.
This funny bone has to come out.

Mom, you're being
way too intense.

Jenny, I got this.
He's got it.

Stop yelling!

(Wayne shuddering)

(alarm buzzes)

Well, you killed me.

But the good news is, you lose.

(cackles)

And I win!

(laughs)

(babbling musically)

I think I liked you better
when you were my landlord.

(meows)
(horn honks musically)

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