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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,545 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:11,390 I love you. I've known for a while now. 3 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:12,676 I love you, too. 4 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,219 I'm just gonna say it. I want my job back. 5 00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,734 Fuck! 6 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:17,885 Annie begged for her job back. 7 00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:20,733 I said yes, she's here, and all is well. 8 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:23,269 For the millionth time, Fran is a lesbian. 9 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,653 So? You can be a lesbian and marry a man. 10 00:00:25,651 --> 00:00:27,191 FRAN: I don't need to figure things out. 11 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,654 I like what I'm doing with my life. 12 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:30,204 I did not raise you this way. 13 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,407 Are you okay? No. 14 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:32,736 RYAN: Annie! Ryan? 15 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,081 I got a job here, too. 16 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,076 ANNIE: I feel like this might have to be 17 00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:38,288 a onetimeonly fuckingatwork experience. 18 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,788 What? Are you serious? 19 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,830 GABE: I'm having this dinner thing I do once a month. 20 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,423 It's like an intellectual salon. 21 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,088 Oh, my God, yes. I know about them. 22 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:46,087 You're in? 23 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:47,798 AMADI: Annie, this is Nick. 24 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:48,798 Nick's probably the best illustrator 25 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,129 who's ever lived in Portland. 26 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,433 Sheila, I want to introduce you 27 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,256 to one of your star employees, Annie Easton. 28 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,762 Hello, I'm Fat. That piece blew my mind. 29 00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,064 CODY: I'm not that cool. 30 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,427 I'm not the one that's having sex in the office. 31 00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:59,853 What? 32 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,311 Did you tell everyone that we fucked in the office? 33 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,362 I'm sorry. 34 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:04,395 Let's get right to it. 35 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,398 Gabe is the best, but at what cost? 36 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,570 No boys allowed? 37 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,688 I thought it would be a nice gesture 38 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,114 to take your protégé out for lunch. 39 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:13,453 FRAN: Guys, I've gathered you here, 40 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,948 best friends and most importantly 41 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,660 no one I've ever fucked. [laughter] 42 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,700 Let's get fuckin' wasted and blow up some fucking fireworks. 43 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,294 [cheering] 44 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:22,330 EMILY: I'm trying to tell you I like you. 45 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,332 I like you a lot. 46 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,843 I don't want to be your mom. 47 00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:28,796 I want an adult. Like, I want a real partner. 48 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,877 Are you breaking up with me? Actually, yes, I am. 49 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:32,973 What are you gonna do now? 50 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,298 Are you gonna go date other guys? 51 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,894 Yeah, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. 52 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,890 [cheers and explosions] 53 00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:47,613 [Empress Of's "Love Is a Drug" playing] 54 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:52,357 ♪ ♪ 55 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,912 You're so fuckin' sexy. [chuckles] 56 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,776 I'm gonna fuck you all night. Then do it. 57 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,704 EMPRESS OF: ♪ I know love is a drug ♪ 58 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,963 ♪ I know money is a drug ♪ 59 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,825 ♪ I know sex can be a drug ♪ 60 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,712 ♪ But I just want to be touched ♪ 61 00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:08,129 ♪ I know love is a drug ♪ 62 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,008 ♪ I know money is a drug ♪ 63 00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:11,715 ♪ I know sex can be a drug ♪ 64 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:14,715 ♪ But I just want to be touched ♪ 65 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,848 ♪ I start to♪ [moans] 66 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,556 [groaning softly] Um... 67 00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,941 I 68 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:28,816 did youdid you just 69 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,685 where'd it go? 70 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:35,740 It's right there. 71 00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:37,569 Oh. 72 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,834 Okay, I didn't realize 'cause it wasit's 73 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,366 JOE: Yeah. Just a drop. 74 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,620 You can say it. 75 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:46,082 I cum small loads. 76 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,503 [sighs] I'm sorry. 77 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,171 No, it's okay. JOE: Goddamn it. 78 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,749 It'sit's totally fine. 79 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,344 I'm sure I got a old napkin 80 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:55,049 or something I can wipe it with. 81 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,546 Here. Use this. 82 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:01,563 Oh, well this is my skirt. 83 00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,476 EMPRESS OF: ♪ I know love is a drug ♪ 84 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,515 ♪ I know money is a drug ♪ 85 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,189 ♪ I know sex can be a drug ♪ 86 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,557 ♪ But I just want to be touched ♪ 87 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,609 I cum small 'cause I take Propecia 88 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,573 'cause I'm afraid of going bald. 89 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,953 I used to cum huge ropes before, just 90 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:26,372 Oh, yeah. It'sit's totally fine. 91 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:29,543 And I believe you about... 92 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:34,550 your ropes. [chuckles] 93 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,968 Thanks. ANNIE: Yeah. 94 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:39,216 And I actually think it's better in a lot of ways 95 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:42,389 because cum is disgusting. 96 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,929 It's very gross, so. 97 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,233 You think it's gross? 98 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:50,397 Well, um, no. 99 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:54,027 No, I don't think it's I'veII love it. 100 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:57,025 I love it and I... 101 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,658 I always want more of it. 102 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,986 Um. 103 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,371 Joe, are you okay? 104 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,792 Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. ANNIE: Okay. 105 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,131 I'm sorry. No. 106 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,956 I just got a complex, you know? 107 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:17,131 My mom says I gotta find a wife before all my hair falls out. 108 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,592 I'm scared of missing my window 109 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:22,052 and ending up this alone, 110 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:26,733 bald, unfuckable guy. 111 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:31,605 Well, I'm here because I think you're fuckable. 112 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:35,145 And I think your hair looks good. 113 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,530 Thanks. 114 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,486 [chuckles] 115 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:40,527 You know... 116 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,950 you got a lot of hair. [chuckles] 117 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,328 JOE: You got, like, too much of this stuff. 118 00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:44,865 I know. 119 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,908 I feel like maybe you'd only need a little bit of Propecia. 120 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,042 Where do you think? There? Here? 121 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,658 Maybe just yeah, a little spot. 122 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,874 Okay. Right up here. 123 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,214 And it's a pill that I put on my head? 124 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,089 Yeah, just rub a pill on top of your head. 125 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,205 [chuckling] Okay. 126 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,762 That sounds good. [chuckles] Yeah. 127 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:01,217 Did I say something wrong? Is this 128 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:05,928 No, no, I, um I justno. 129 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:08,231 I'm not that naked with that many people. 130 00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:11,185 And I felt like we were maybe moving out of hookup world 131 00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,766 into, like, joke world, 132 00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:15,071 so I thought I might put my shirt back on. 133 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:18,025 Oh, yeah. Totally. 134 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:25,526 Shirts on, butts out. [chuckles] 135 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,624 Yeah, it's just 136 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:30,829 I just broke up with my boyfriend, like, two months ago 137 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,751 and, you know, dating other people is fun, 138 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,460 but, like, sex can be kind of wonky. 139 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,591 I don't know. We're doing good, though. 140 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:42,088 You're here, I'm here, we're here for each other, so. 141 00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:45,262 It's so hot when you talk to me like a marriage counselor. 142 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,762 [chuckles] 143 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:53,734 Do you want to maybe keep this going? 144 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:56,978 I don't know. Have another drink, reset? 145 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,232 [soft dramatic music] 146 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,744 Yeah. 147 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,735 [Banzai Florist's "Love Me Back, Clairo"] 148 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:06,117 Mm, mmhmm. 149 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,696 Oh, my God. So good. Mmhmm. 150 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,252 Really. Like heavenly, honestly. 151 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,706 Maybe the rib of an angel? JOE: Yeah. 152 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:17,377 Once the angel turns three, you take it out, 153 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:21,967 shoot it in the head and that's how you get a rib. 154 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,505 Mmhmm. JOE: Mmhmm. 155 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:26,848 I like it when you do that. What? 156 00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:29,755 Just a little look. 157 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:34,314 ♪ ♪ 158 00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,811 Where are you taking me? Just going to the couch. 159 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,483 [chuckles] 160 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,321 ♪ ♪ 161 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:44,737 BANZAI FLORIST: ♪ And get them moving 'round ♪ 162 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:48,698 ♪ Spend all day staring at screens ♪ 163 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:53,160 ♪ I think I've had enough ♪ 164 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,333 [music stops] Whoa. 165 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,671 What? Fuck. 166 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:56,995 What did I do? 167 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,840 I mean, you just went fully for my butthole 168 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,955 and I just met you, like, five hours ago. 169 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:04,382 I was going for the vagina. But from behind? 170 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,842 What do you think, my clit's in my ass? 171 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,142 No. [stutters] 172 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,256 They're close to each other, right? 173 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,103 I don't think they're that close. 174 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,268 I would say they're, like, miles apart. 175 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,267 Well, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 176 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,729 I was just confidently trying to go down there and 177 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:22,896 I'm sorry, 178 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:26,281 do you have barbecue sauce on your fingers still? 179 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,117 It's just a little. 180 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:34,367 Okay, I don't want barbecue sauce in my asshole. 181 00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,121 Okay. It's not hot sauce, though. 182 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,462 This is not gonna burn you. 183 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,037 This is just brown sugar and ketchup. 184 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,753 What the fuck is wrong with you? 185 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,053 Do you even know what a girl wants? 186 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,836 Yes, yes, I know what a girl wants, okay? 187 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,220 I know what a girl wants. 188 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,177 I know clitoris stuff, I know 189 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,887 I even know about the nipple stuff. 190 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,717 [chuckling] Okay, God. I know about that stuff. 191 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,599 [sobbing softly] 192 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,653 [door shuts] 193 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,068 Uh... 194 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,568 Joe? 195 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,910 JOE: [sobbing softly] 196 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:13,196 Uh, Joe? I'm sorry. 197 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:16,411 I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. 198 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:20,383 It's, like, 4:00 a. m., okay? So I think I'm gonna go. 199 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:24,585 JOE: No, don't go! Please! 200 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,547 You said you're here for me! 201 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:31,888 Uh, yes, and II get that. 202 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,466 I justyou know, 203 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,641 I understand it's hard to put yourself out there 204 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:39,061 and I've been there, too. 205 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:42,480 JOE: Okay, good. So you'll stay. 206 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:50,284 Yes. II will. I'm 207 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,450 I'm here, okay? 208 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:59,161 [peaceful music] 209 00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:03,254 ♪ ♪ 210 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,751 Um, I want you to have these, though. 211 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,924 Oh, thank you. 212 00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,592 Um... 213 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:10,881 well, I'm gonna go 214 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,224 'cause I'm probably gonna be late for work, so. 215 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,849 Yeah. 216 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:18,676 Um... 217 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,313 is it always this bad? 218 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,771 Dating? 219 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,271 No. 220 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,942 This was unusually awful. 221 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,990 [upbeat music] 222 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:33,655 ♪ ♪ 223 00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,116 I can't believe you're firing me. 224 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,526 No, no, no, buddy. We're not firing you, okay? 225 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:37,834 We're just reducing your hours. 226 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,447 Think about it like this. 227 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,374 Who doesn't love a long weekend, huh? 228 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,752 Well, I guess this will give me more time 229 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:44,920 to work on my novel. 230 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,588 It's like Watership Down but with snakes. 231 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,707 If I lose my job, I'm screwed. 232 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:52,384 Hey, listen. It's going to be okay, Maureen. 233 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:55,683 Your life is already so bad, so depressing, mediocre. 234 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,308 Maybe to the untrained eye, 235 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,555 but I actually have it going on. 236 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:00,727 Uh, listen. 237 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,185 It might be a blessing in disguise. 238 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,095 Everyone has told me personally they hate you here. 239 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,484 Who? 240 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,690 AMADI: But remember, it's not personal, okay? 241 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,149 Everybody's taking some cuts. 242 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,399 Thanks. 243 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,570 Hey, Annie. Can I talk to you for a second? 244 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,488 Mmhmm, yeah. Great. 245 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,737 Uh... 246 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:15,869 your job's safe. 247 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,945 Oh, my God. You fucking scared me. 248 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,122 Are you kidding me? You're Sheila's golden girl. 249 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,501 She said that your articles are bringing in all the clicks. 250 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,168 But, um, keep this quiet 251 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,456 because you and I are the only two people 252 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,629 whose hours aren't getting cut. 253 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,877 Oh, no. 254 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,838 They had a big meeting with the board last night 255 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,469 and they decided that the only way to keep the paper going 256 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,716 were brutal cutbacks. 257 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:37,347 I had to fire, like, four people this morning. 258 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,595 What? Are you okay? 259 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:39,716 Yeah. 260 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,102 Well, I'm annoyed 261 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,979 because Gabe, he's not touching any of this stuff. 262 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,346 Wow. 263 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,062 He gets to be fun dad still and I gotta be mean mom. 264 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:50,612 No, don't say that. You're a really nice mom. 265 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,358 Thank you for believing in me. 266 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,490 Okay, well, we're gonna 267 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,896 reshuffle the office a little bit. 268 00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:58,204 Sure. Could you take Angus's desk? 269 00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,489 What am I supposed to use? 270 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,122 Oh, set up by the printer table. 271 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,369 Right in the middle of all the action, bud. 272 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,620 Cool. 273 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,872 You're creepy good at this. 274 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:09,094 I'm just creepy. Yeah. 275 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:12,085 [upbeat pop music] 276 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:19,008 ♪ ♪ 277 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,440 That was incredible. [chuckles] 278 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,481 Really. Thank you for your service. 279 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,994 It's my honor. 280 00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:37,276 I feel like I know all your little spots now 281 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,120 so I can get that done in, like, three minutes. 282 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,325 It's my gift. [chuckles] 283 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,044 Oh, Jesus. It's 1:00. 284 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:49,209 I have a new client coming at 1:30. 285 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,169 I have to get out of bed. 286 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:57,511 Or maybe she could lie in between us 287 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,798 and you could cut her hair here. 288 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:02,432 Mm, no. That's not gonna work. 289 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,770 'Cause I need your full weight on me. 290 00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:06,176 Okay. 291 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,061 Get ready for it. 292 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,074 [chuckling] 293 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,856 MAUREEN: Well, there goes our health insurance. 294 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,819 Just when I was gonna get a new neck. 295 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,569 This sucks. 296 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,661 ANDY: What am I supposed to do with all this free time? 297 00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,407 Have sex with my nympho wife? 298 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,868 Hey, guys. 299 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:27,328 Uh, I just want to say I know these cuts are so hard 300 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,290 and I truly, truly hate it. 301 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,830 Yeah, we know you're fine, Annie, 302 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,793 so don't lie to our face. 303 00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:36,594 [bell ringing] Attention! 304 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,509 Attention, everyone. Please. 305 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,258 Please gather round. 306 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,680 This kind of thing layoffs, cutbacks... 307 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,100 Ugh. 308 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,728 They're always disheartening. Mmhmm. 309 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:50,305 Makes you want to give up, doesn't it? 310 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:53,361 But believe me when I tell you 311 00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:55,066 that good things can still happen. 312 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,106 Yeah. 313 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,359 Many of you have been aware 314 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,360 that I've been working on my tellall memoir. 315 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:03,242 Smalltown boy becomes underground glam rock demigod 316 00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,451 and eventually, cultural policymaker, 317 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,661 power broker, and sage. RUTHIE: [gasps] 318 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,752 GABE: After a prolonged bidding war, 319 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,457 my book has been sold to a major publishing house. 320 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,208 [chuckles] Whoo! 321 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:17,300 And they said gay men can't write books. 322 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,297 Gabe, this is not a good time for this. 323 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,009 Amani, we're a team. 324 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,799 My financial success is everyone's financial success. 325 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,313 So do we get some of the money? 326 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,175 I like that. I like levity. RUTHIE: Me, too. 327 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,892 I'm like a salmon, you guys. 328 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:33,652 I've been moving upstream for a long time against haters, 329 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,186 against saboteurs, against... 330 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,650 curvy, young writers with anger issues. 331 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,111 But nevertheless, I have prevailed 332 00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:43,162 and I will continue to spawn. 333 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,406 Spawn. So let's just 334 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,408 huh? 335 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,080 [rings bell once] 336 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,666 What the hell was that? I thought you two were good. 337 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,169 Yeah. So did I. 338 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,508 [laidback music] 339 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,050 Angus. 340 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:08,974 Angus, do I look okay? It's Nick. 341 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,023 Who cares? 342 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,597 Annie, Annie, Annie, you remember Nick, right? 343 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,353 From Gabe's party? 344 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,694 No, I don't I don't remember you at all. 345 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,571 Oh, hurtful. Very hurtful. 346 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,568 'Cause I remember you. 347 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:22,819 You do? 348 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:27,370 Good, III I do remember you, too. 349 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:28,906 [chuckles] 350 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,910 Well, Nick's dropping off the illustration for this week. 351 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,082 And thanks for handdelivering that. 352 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,580 Yeah. Hey, I miss my friend. 353 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,461 [chuckles] That's very sweet. 354 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,878 Yes. This fucking rules. 355 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,126 AMADI: Love it. Wow, look at that. 356 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,298 This is you, actually. Me? 357 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:44,047 NICK: Yeah, did you catch that? You were my muse on this one. 358 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,970 Yeah, that looks that's exactly me 359 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,888 and then that's the, um, 360 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,257 the skeleton that I puke every day of my life. 361 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,854 I mean, I notice the little things. 362 00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,179 [chuckles] AMADI: Cool. 363 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,444 You wanna grab that coffee? Oh, I can't. 364 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,646 I gotta do that weekly phone call with Sheila. 365 00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:01,567 Okay, Mr. Big Boss Working Guy That's Gonna Blow Me Off. 366 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:05,737 Yeah, what the heck? Are you Mr. Working Guy? 367 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,368 Yes, sir. ANNIE: Day and night? 368 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:10,025 [chuckles] Annie, you wanna grab a coffee? 369 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,954 I thinkI think that I can. 370 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:15,254 Yes, I would I would get a coffee. 371 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,578 Oh. Do you need to check, or? 372 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,542 I don't know. Who am I gonna ask, my daddy? 373 00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,383 [chuckling] No, I'm okay. 374 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:21,628 NICK: No? I'm sorry. 375 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,799 I should've asked you. You're truly my boss. 376 00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,798 I didn't see anything. NICK: Mr. Boss, baby? 377 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,260 Mr. Big Boss Man? ANNIE: [chuckles] 378 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,300 You wanna do it? Yeah. 379 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,642 NICK: Let's do it. Okay. 380 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,637 Oh, shit. I forgot my purse. 381 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,770 Ugh. [chuckles] 382 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,097 No. 383 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,102 Howhow would you possibly know 384 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,114 that banana's gonna be better than s'mores? 385 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,226 I'm just very good at picking stuff. 386 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:46,113 Uh, like your boyfriend? Mm, wow. 387 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,162 Sorry. No, like, bearded shorts. 388 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,277 The good thing is we broke up. 389 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,164 [chuckles] So. 390 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,201 He's gone. [chuckles] 391 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,333 Yeah, I'm sorry. No, it's okay. 392 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:59,130 It's actually fine. [chuckles] 393 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:02,835 Actually, me and my girlfriend of six years 394 00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,507 just broke up, so. 395 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,335 Wow. 396 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:07,680 I'm sorry. 397 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:09,465 It's okay. 398 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:12,308 Are you seeing anyone else? 399 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,305 No. 400 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,056 I mean yeah, but not really. 401 00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,018 Like, kinda dating but also 402 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,599 I think I just want to be single. 403 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,774 Dating is ait's a lot. 404 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:26,112 I went on a date last night and the man did sort of ejaculate 405 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:29,110 a tiny, tiny dew drop onto my 406 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,573 NICK: Oh, myoh. Onto my arm. 407 00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:33,164 No. ANNIE: Justonly this, though. 408 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,199 Just a tiny... 409 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,582 Is that normal? NICK: No. 410 00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:38,078 I mean, this is normal. 411 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,670 That seems like a lot, no? 412 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,665 And if you're me, you're like, 413 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,706 even whipped cream on top. 414 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,000 ANNIE: [laughs] 415 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,213 Shake out a cherry. [laughing] 416 00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:49,014 Wow, I think you need to go to the doctor. 417 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,718 So that he can give you a big prize. 418 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:55,469 both: [chuckling] 419 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:59,056 I gotta go. I gotta get to this meeting. 420 00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,850 Oh, yeah, yeah. 421 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,614 Do I look okay? 422 00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:06,976 Do I look like I'm, like, fucked up on milkshake? 423 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,114 No, no, you look you look good. 424 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,741 Um, do I look okay? 425 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:14,618 I don't have a meeting. I more just want to know. 426 00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,287 One, um, thing. 427 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:19,956 [fabric snips softly] 428 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,116 [chuckles] 429 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,709 You had a string on your skirt. 430 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,841 Now, you're perfect. 431 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:30,628 [chuckling] Okay. 432 00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,013 Well, um, do you have your phone? 433 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,890 We kind of know each other now. 434 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,057 Like, we don't have to go through Amadi, you know? 435 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:41,306 Like, I'll put my number in here 436 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:44,440 and now, you can text me. 437 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:47,688 Okay. I will. [chuckles] 438 00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:50,992 All right, bye. Bye, Annie. 439 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,277 Bye. 440 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,120 SINGER: ♪ Never meant for all of this ♪ 441 00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:55,615 ♪ Never meant for you to love ♪ 442 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:58,736 ♪ Never meant for you to try ♪ 443 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,164 So yeah, with firsttime clients, 444 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,622 I like to talk through the kind of thing you're thinking, 445 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,963 where you want to go with your hair. 446 00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,629 Yeah. I brought some inspiration. 447 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,877 This is what I'm thinking. 448 00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:11,169 Okay, well, I mean, this is Bob Marley. 449 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,973 Didn't know who he was. Okay. 450 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,927 But you wanted dreadlocks like Bob Marley? 451 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,347 Yeah, I think I could, like, really pull that off. 452 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,846 Don't you think I can pull it off? 453 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:21,268 I don't, um, but it's not really about that. 454 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,057 Don't know if you ever heard of the term 455 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,810 cultural appropriation before? 456 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,442 Oh, I love culture. 457 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,569 I went to Berlin once 458 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,395 and all my friends there had dreadlocks. 459 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,530 Yeah, mmhmm, I'm sure they did. 460 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:34,407 Um, okay. 461 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,695 If I were to wear my hair in dreadlocks 462 00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:40,039 and I went in to work, say, in an office, 463 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,196 I would get told to wear my hair straight 464 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,294 to look more professional. 465 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,999 That would be really cute. 466 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,129 Mmhmm. 467 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,785 Okay, yeah. 468 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,253 Um, you're not getting it. 469 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,343 Um, let's just not do this. I'm gonna ask you to leave. 470 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:52,839 Wait, what? Why? 471 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,010 Um, I tried to explain, but you weren't listening, 472 00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:56,679 so let's just end this now. 473 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:57,677 What is happening? 474 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:58,848 Oh, it's nothing personal. 475 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,806 It's just that we hate you here. 476 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,056 Bye, Sienna. Come on. 477 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,269 FRAN: Thanks so much for coming in. 478 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:05,388 SIENNA: Are you serious? FRAN: Absolutely. 479 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:06,854 Please hurry up. 480 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,524 I just made food and you're keeping me from eating it. 481 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,072 Let's go. Boom, boom, boom. 482 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,566 ANNIE: Hi! 483 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:16,067 Oh, you should just leave. She's not gonna do your hair. 484 00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,662 Oh... 485 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,237 kay. 486 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,576 Fran, are you okay? 487 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,210 I will be. 488 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,877 The rib is healing me. 489 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,495 But I honestly can't talk about it anymore. 490 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,212 I want to talk about the crying rib man. 491 00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:33,962 Oh, well honestly, the barbecue butthole 492 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,054 was, like, the most boring part of my day 493 00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:40,720 because Nick came to my office and then we hung out. 494 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,011 [gasps] Illustrator Nick? 495 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,434 Yes. FRAN: What happened? 496 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,232 See, I knew you had the horniest vibe. 497 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,556 [chuckles] 498 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,520 I mean, it just happened, like, we hung out. 499 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,232 And then at the end, 500 00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:55,072 he bit a string off of my skirt. 501 00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:57,359 I could, like, feel his breath on my thigh. 502 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,703 Okay, that's some feral dog shit. 503 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,619 That's horny as hell. [chuckles] 504 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,657 These are brilliant ribs, and that is excellent gossip. 505 00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:05,411 I know, I think I've creamed my jeans, 506 00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:06,833 like, a medical amount today 507 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,251 and now I have to throw away my car. 508 00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,579 So what are you gonna do? 509 00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,003 Are you gonna laserfocus on Nick? 510 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,171 Um, I don't know. 511 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:16,840 I like him a lot, but maybe it's too soon. 512 00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:20,221 Like, I feel like I've only been single for five minutes. 513 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,719 You've been single for two months. 514 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,511 That's forever. Here's what you're gonna do. 515 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:24,974 Oh, okay. 516 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,024 We've got a plan. 517 00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:29,056 Okay, so you have your main guy 518 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,151 that you're kind of cooking on low right now. 519 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,647 This is the guy you really like, 520 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,858 and you're not gonna fuck him until the time is right. 521 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:37,489 Of course. EMILY: That's Nick. 522 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,906 And meanwhile, you've got all these other, 523 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,735 little tasting pots, okay? 524 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,081 Like butt finger guy. Mmhmm. 525 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,366 And the little tasting pots? Those ones you can fuck. 526 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,000 EMILY: And that's what I did with Fran. 527 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,287 I lowcooked Fran until the time was right. 528 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,291 Well, I was your butt finger guy. 529 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:53,673 You're my butt finger everything. 530 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:54,959 [chuckles] 531 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:56,922 No, this is this is too beautiful. 532 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:59,302 I can't be here for this. This is too romantic. 533 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:02,010 [sighs] Okay, I'm gonna go upstairs and lay down 534 00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:04,101 and I have to go to the gynecologist 535 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,386 at 7:30 in the morning, so. 536 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:08,140 Smart to schedule it first thing in the morning 537 00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,392 while the pussy's fresh. 538 00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:10,983 I think so. 539 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,898 Although what obligation do you think I have to tell the doctor 540 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,767 that I have barbecue sauce on my anus? 541 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,034 She will know. 542 00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:18,985 Oh, she'll taste it. Excuse me? 543 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,356 Oh, is that not how pap smears work in America? 544 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:22,953 Oh. 545 00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,913 CARLA: Always good to see you, sweetie. 546 00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:30,712 Sit tight and the doctor will be in in a minute. 547 00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:32,286 Okay. Thanks, Carla. 548 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:35,841 Oh, Dr. LaiShen got called away for an emergency Csection 549 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,666 so you'll be seeing Dr. Montevista today. 550 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,091 She's very nice. 551 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,969 Oh, wow, okay. Nobody told me that. 552 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,797 We only have to tell you if it's a man. 553 00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,393 [chuckles] 554 00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:48,055 DR. MONTEVISTA: Okay. 555 00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,927 Everything looks good. 556 00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:52,524 We'll call you with your pap results when they come in. 557 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,360 Okay, thank you. 558 00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:58,896 And I'm sure Dr. LaiShen's mentioned this to you before, 559 00:21:58,901 --> 00:22:01,781 but you should think about gastric bypass. 560 00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:02,819 You're at a good age for it. 561 00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,322 I'm sorry. Think about what? 562 00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:07,204 DR. MONTEVISTA: Getting bariatric surgery. 563 00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:08,791 For your weight. 564 00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,286 It's not healthy and that might be 565 00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:13,827 the most realistic solution. 566 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:16,793 Okay, um, but we didn't do, like, 567 00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:19,924 any bloodwork or anything today. 568 00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:22,472 Isn't that something that maybe you should look at 569 00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:25,086 before you recommend a major surgery? 570 00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:27,394 DR. MONTEVISTA: I don't need to do bloodwork to know 571 00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:30,018 that your overall health will be improved by losing weight. 572 00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,055 It's just a fact. 573 00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:33,729 ANNIE: Okay. 574 00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:36,647 Well, I'm not interested in the surgery. 575 00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:39,568 DR. MONTEVISTA: Okay. 576 00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:42,027 Have a good day. 577 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:43,527 [door opens] 578 00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:47,831 [door closes] 579 00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:58,463 Oh, shit. 580 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,090 Hey. 581 00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:02,667 Hey, that was fuckin' fucked up! 582 00:23:02,673 --> 00:23:04,593 You're gonna look at me for ten minutes 583 00:23:04,592 --> 00:23:06,722 and tell me to cut my stomach out? 584 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,389 How is that medically ethical? 585 00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:12,637 You're a bad person. You're a bad fuckin' person. 586 00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:15,141 Fuck you. Fuck you! 587 00:23:24,278 --> 00:23:25,818 Fuck! 588 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:30,411 SINGER: ♪ I walked until my face got red ♪ 589 00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:34,119 ♪ I walked on ♪ 590 00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:35,751 ♪ ♪ 591 00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:41,088 ♪ The light inside my head went dead ♪ 592 00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:44,796 ♪ I turned off ♪ 593 00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:51,808 ♪ ♪ 594 00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:13,535 ♪ I wish myself the best ♪ 595 00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:15,695 ♪ But I'm broken ♪ 596 00:24:15,704 --> 00:24:18,714 ♪ ♪ 41749

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