All language subtitles for Dumb.and.Dumberer.When.Harry.Met.Lloyd.2003.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

Man:
COME OUT, COME OUT,
WHEREVER YOU ARE!

WHERE IS
THAT LITTLE JOKER?

BREATHE DEEP, MRS. DUNNE.

THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT.

PUSH.

PUSH, THAT'S IT.

KEEP PUSHING,
YOU'RE DOING GREAT, MRS. DUNNE.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
OKAY, THAT'S IT.

THERE'S THE HEAD,
I CAN SEE IT NOW.

OKAY, CONGRATULATIONS...

IT'S A...

- ( woman groans )
- Doctor: OKAY, IT WENT BACK IN.

I THINK HE'LL BE GOOD
AT HIDE AND SEEK, MRS. DUNNE.

( panting )

OKAY.
( chuckles )

- WELL, YOU GOT YOURSELF
A SHY ONE HERE.
- ( groaning )

OKAY, COME ON OUT,
YOU LITTLE BASTARD.

- ( crunches )
- OW!

HE BIT ME!

( siren approaching )

Police radio:
Attention all units,
man trapped in a well.

919 Hill Street.

CAPTAIN ROB!

CAPTAIN ROB, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
GRAB THE ROPE!

CAN YOU HELP HIM?

HARRY, NO. THIS IS--
THIS IS NOT A REAL WELL.

WE CAN'T KEEP COMING OUT HERE
TRYING TO GET YOUR IMAGINARY
FRIEND OUT OF TROUBLE.

WELL, THANKS FOR SAVING HIM.
COMING, CAPTAIN ROB!

WE DIDN'T REALLY
SAVE ANYBODY.

- I'M SORRY, DAVE.
- IT'S OKAY, HE JUST HAS
AN OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION.

DON'T WORRY,
HE'LL GROW OUT OF IT.
THEY ALL DO.

CAPTAIN ROB, COME ON OUT,
I GIVE UP!

WHERE IS HE?
WHERE ARE YOU, CAPTAIN ROB?

HONEY, HE'S GONE.

HE MUST'VE KNOWN
YOU WERE STARTING
SCHOOL TODAY.

MOM, DO I HAVE
TO GO TO REGULAR SCHOOL?

- YES, HONEY.
- BUT YOU'RE A GOOD TEACHER.

THANK YOU, SWEETIE.
I THINK IT'S TIME YOU
MADE SOME NEW FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW, FRIENDS
YOUR OWN AGE.

- I'M JUST NOT READY.
- OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.

CAPTAIN ROB
LEFT THIS FOR YOU.

HE SAID TO COUNT YOUR STEPS
VERY CAREFULLY.

WOW, A TREASURE MAP!

- WHAT'S THE TREASURE?
- IT COULD BE ANYTHING.

HONEY, YOU'RE GOING
TO DISCOVER A WHOLE NEW WORLD
WHEN YOU GET TO SCHOOL.

LIKE MARCO POLO.

THE GUY WHO INVENTED
THE SWIMMING POOL.

OF COURSE.

- I BETTER GET GOING.
- NOW REMEMBER, HARRY,

THERE'S A FRIEND OUT THERE
WAITING JUST FOR YOU.

Man:
YOU'RE A GOOD KID, LLOYD.

AND GOOD LOOKING, TOO.

YOU MAKE A FATHER PROUD.

- THANKS, POP.
- OKAY, NOW LET ME FINISH--

DAD, WATCH THE EARS.

AAH. OKAY,
THERE YOU GO, GIGOLO.

- YEAH?
- YEAH.

- LOOKS GOOD?
- LIKE FRESH-CUT GRASS.

OKAY, NOW COME ON.
LET'S GET READY, SCHOOL'S
GOING TO OPEN REAL SOON NOW.

- LET'S GO.
- OH, KEYS PLEASE.

HERE YOU GO.

IT'S GOOD TO BE
A JANITOR'S SON.

- LOVE YA!
- LOVE YOU.

- ( music plays )
- ( speaker pops )

* ICE, ICE, BABY *

* ICE, ICE, BABY *

* ALL RIGHT, STOP,
COLLABORATE AND LISTEN *

* ICE IS BACK
WITH MY BRAND NEW INVENTION *

* SOMETHING GRABS AHOLD
OF ME TIGHTLY *

* FLOW LIKE A HARPOON
DAILY AND NIGHTLY *

- * WILL IT EVER STOP? *
- * YO, I DON'T KNOW *

* TURN OFF THE LIGHTS
AND I'LL GLOW *

* TO THE EXTREME I ROCK
A MIC LIKE A VANDAL *

* LIGHT UP A STAGE
AND WAX A CHUMP LIKE A CANDLE *

* ICE, ICE, BABY *

- * VANILLA *
- * ICE, ICE, BABY *

- * VANILLA *
- * ICE, ICE, BABY *

- * VANILLA *
- * ICE, ICE, BABY *

- * VANILLA *
- * NOW THAT THE PARTY
IS JUMPIN'... *

- ( growls )
- * WITH THE BASS KICKED IN
AND THE VEGAS ARE PUMPIN' *

* QUICK TO THE POINT
TO THE POINT NO FAKIN' *

* COOKING MCs LIKE
A POUND OF BACON *

* BURNING THEM IF YOU AIN'T
QUICK AND NIMBLE *

* I GO CRAZY WHEN I HEAR
A CYMBAL *

* AND A HI-HAT
WITH A SOUPED UP TEMPO *

* I'M ON A ROLL,
IT'S TIME TO GO SOLO *

* ICE, ICE, BABY,
TOO COLD *

- * VANILLA *
- * ICE, ICE, BABY,
TOO COLD *

* TOO COLD *

* ICE, ICE, BABY. *

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
LOOK AT YOU!

YOU'RE LOOKING REAL SHARP THERE
IN YOUR NEW BACK-TO-SCHOOL
OUTFIT, HUH? HUH?

- OOH, OOH.
- HERE, DAD.

OKAY. WHOA, WHOA.
ONE SEC.

LET'S SEE IF ANYONE
LOST A CAMERA.

OH, LOOK AT THIS.

OKAY READY?
SMILE FOR PAPA. COME ON.

READY?
YEE-AAH!

OKAY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

OKAY, IF YOU'RE GONNA
GO TO SCHOOL YOU NEED A BOOK.

OKAY? OKAY, READY?
OKAY, OKAY.

LOOK PRETTY.
PRETTY, PRETTY.

PRETTY... BOY!

I GOT TO CATCH MY BUS.
SEE YOU, POP!

YEAH, BUT YOU'RE ALREADY
AT SCHOOL!

HOPE THEY LIKE
MY NEW JACKET!

WE GO THROUGH THIS
EVERY YEAR.

GOT TO GET
TO SCHOOL.

EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.

HI. HI.

- SORRY.
- Girl: YOU'RE GOING
THE WRONG WAY, LOSER!

CAN'T MISS
MY BUS.

OKAY, SO FOLLOW THE MAP
AND FIND A FRIEND.

SO WHAT'S THE APPLE FOR?
THIS IS TOO DISTRACTING.

ONE OF YOU
HAS TO GO.

I'M SORRY IT'S YOU.
NOW...

TAKE YOUR SEEDS
AND GROW INTO A BEAUTIFUL PIE.

31, 32, 33...

- ( horn honks )
- HEY, WHOA!

- SORRY ABOUT THAT, MATE.
- NICE CAR, FRENCHIE.

( giggling )

- HEY, CUTE PUPPY.
- ( barks )

- AWW.
- ( growling )

- RARR!
- ( barking )

WHOA, WHOA!

BAD DOG! DON'T GET ME,
DON'T GET ME!

AAAH!
BAD DOGGIE! BAD DOGGIE!

WHOA, WHOA!

NO, NO, NO!

OOOH!

( groaning )

( grunting, muttering )

SOMEBODY CHIPPED
MY TOOTH.

HOW DO YOU THINK
I FEEL?

SOMEONE BIT ME
IN THE FOREHEAD.

OH, NO!

YOU COULD'VE SAVED THAT
FOR THE TOOTH FAIRY.

THAT'S STUPID.
I HAPPEN TO KNOW MY MOM
IS THE TOOTH FAIRY.

- YOUR MOM IS
THE TOOTH FAIRY?
- YEAH.

- WOW, THAT IS SO COOL.
- SHE MUST DO ALL THE FLYING
AROUND WHEN I'M ASLEEP.

YEAH, YEAH.

- HARRY DUNNE.
- HARRY DUNNE?

WHY DOES THAT NOT
SOUND FAMILIAR?

- PROBABLY BECAUSE
WE'VE NEVER MET BEFORE?
- NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

ANYWAY, YEAH,
LLOYD CHRISTMAS.

( laughs )
HERE I AM BRAGGING
MY MOM'S THE TOOTH FAIRY

- AND YOU'RE SANTA'S KID?!
- NO, NO.

- YEAH!
- YEAH? NO, I'M NOT.

- I KNEW IT!
- NO, I'M NOT.

- I BET YOU ARE.
- NO, I BET I'M NOT.

- I KNOW YOU ARE.
- SERIOUSLY, WHY HAVE I
NEVER SEEN YOU HERE BEFORE?

HOME SCHOOL,
TILL TODAY.

HOME SCHOOL.
WHAT'S THAT?

I GO TO SCHOOL
WHERE I LIVE.

ME TOO!
SERIOUSLY!

- NO?
- YEAH!

Lloyd:
WHOA, THAT'S MY BUS!
HEY! HEY!

NO, WAIT!
NO, WAIT!

HI! HELLO!

I MISSED IT.
NOW I HAVE TO WALK.

IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

- IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?
- NOPE, IT'S A TREASURE MAP.

COOL.

MY MOM SAYS IT'S
SOMEWHERE IN THE SCHOOL.

I DON'T KNOW, I'M PRETTY
FAMILIAR WITH THE SCHOOL

AND I'VE NEVER SEEN
THAT X BEFORE. MM-MMM.

OOH, BUT I DO
KNOW SOMETHING.

- WHAT?
- YEAH.

( chuckling )
YOU'RE IT.

I'M IT?

WHAT'S IT?

I DON'T REALLY KNOW,
YOU KNOW, BUT WHATEVER
IT IS,

IT'S SOMETHING YOU
DON'T WANT TO BE,
AND RIGHT NOW...

YEAH, YOU ARE.

WAIT, SO IF I TOUCH YOU,
YOU'RE IT?

- YEAH, THAT'S HOW
IT WORKS, HARRY.
- YOU'RE IT!

- NO, HARRY!
- SEE YOU LATER!

- WAIT-- AHH!
- ( car alarm blares )

Lloyd:
HELLO, MY YELLOW FRIEND.
SORRY I MISSED YA.

SO HIGH SCHOOL'S ALL
ABOUT LOOKING COOL, HARRY,
SO STICK WITH ME.

Harry:
WHY ARE THOSE GIRLS
DRESSED IN MATCHING OUTFITS?

THEY'RE CHEERLEADERS, HARRY.
IT'S A DANGEROUS CULT.

- DON'T LET THEM TALK TO YOU.
- DON'T WE WANT THEM
TO TALK TO US?

NO. NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.

- WHY NOT?
- BESIDES COOTIES AND OTHER
MEDICAL REASONS,

THEY'RE NOT IN THE COOL CROWD,
WHICH I AM, WHICH YOU WANT
TO BE A PART OF.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- NO. HEY.

- WHAT ABOUT HER?
- ( scoffs ) SHE'S
A TOTAL DORK.

I MEAN, JUST LOOK
HOW SHE DRESSES.

CHECK OUT THAT SKIRT.
I MEAN, IT'S SO SHORT.
WHERE'S THE FLOOD?

( laughs )
AND THAT SWEATER--
IT'S SO TIGHT,

HER MILK-BUBBLES
ARE POPPING OUT.

- LOSER.
- OH MY GOSH, SHE'S NOT
WEARING UNDERWEAR.

YEAH, HOW DORKY IS THAT.
I'M WEARING TWO PAIR RIGHT NOW.

- ME TOO.
- ( laughs )

THIS IS
MY MOHAWK FRIEND,
TURK.

HE'S PART OF THE COOL CROWD.
HEY, KIMOSABE!

SHUT UP, ASS-FACE.

THAT'S THE IROQUOIS
NAME HE GAVE ME FOR HAVING
THE STRONG FACE OF AN ASS.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING
TO GO HAVE A POW-WOW!

OOH. HI.

( gulps )
I HOPE THE CARPET
MATCHES THE DRAPES.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU KNOW,
IN THE LIBRARY.

OH. YEAH.

I DON'T THINK IT DOES.

- YOU'RE NEW HERE, RIGHT?
- DEPENDS ON HOW YOU DEFINE NEW.

YOU'RE THE KID
WHO WAS HOME SCHOOLED.

YEAH.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?

I WAS ASSIGNED TO WRITE
AN ARTICLE FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER.

IT WAS EITHER
A FEATURE ON YOU

OR THE NEW FOUR-COLOR INK PENS
AT THE STUDENT STORE.

FOUR COLORS IN ONE PEN?

NO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

YEAH, WELL,

I'D RATHER BE
WRITING A HARD-HITTING
INVESTIGATIVE PIECE

BUT NOTHING EVER
HAPPENS AROUND HERE.
I'M JESSICA MATTHEWS.

HI.

- HARRY DUNNE.
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

HEY, FREAKSHOW,

DID JESSICA GIVE YOU
THAT BANANA IN YOUR PANTS?

NO, MY MOM DID.

- GROSS.
- YOU WANT A BITE?

Lloyd:
HEY, SMELLS LIKE CHEESE.
WHOO!

- TURK, LEAVE HIM ALONE.
- "TURK, LEAVE HIM ALONE."

- SHUT UP!
- "SHUT UP!"

- Lloyd: OH BOY.
- HARRY, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

PRETTY COLORS.

RIDE'S NOT
OVER YET, PAL.

HEY, CAN MY FRIEND
HARRY COME TOO?

- YES, HE CAN.
- HI, HARRY.

SO WERE YOU HELD BACK
TWO YEARS LIKE LLOYD?

NO, I WAS
HELD BACK THREE.

Lloyd: BY YOUR MOM?

* ALL YOU GOT
TO FEEL IT, ALL RIGHT. *

Woman:
AND PRINCIPAL COLLINS,

YOU'LL BE PLEASED TO KNOW
THAT THIS YEAR

WEDNESDAY'S ARE
"SOUTH OF THE BORDER" DAYS.

WE'LL BE SERVING
A SPICY TUNA TAMALE

ALONG WITH A THREE-CHEESE
QUESADILLA.

SOUNDS LIKE IT'S GOING
TO BE ANOTHER...

HOT YEAR IN THE KITCHEN.

- HELLO?
- Collins: YES?
WHAT IS IT?

SIR, IT'S TIME
FOR MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS.

YES, I--
I'M AWARE OF THAT.

YES. UM...

WHY DON'T YOU
MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENTS
THIS MORNING, DEAR?

- BUT WHAT SHOULD I ANNOUNCE?
- Woman: TELL HER ABOUT
THE QUESADILLAS.

- MAKE SOMETHING UP!
- OKAY.

WELL, THAT WAS
A MOOD BREAKER.

YOU KNOW, HONEY...

I THINK I'VE FINALLY
FIGURED OUT A WAY

TO BILK THIS SCHOOL
OUT OF ENOUGH MONEY

TO GET US THAT CONDO
IN WAIKIKI.

HOW, SWEET BABY?
YOU'VE DONE IT ALL.

SMALL POTATOES.

THIS IS THE BIG ONE.
THIS IS VISIONARY.

THIS IDEA IS GENIUS.

- ( giggles )
- LOOK AT THIS.

THE RICHARD MOFFITT
SPECIAL NEEDS GRANT.

- MM-HMM.
- THIS MOFFITT GUY USED TO BE
IN A SPECIAL NEEDS PROGRAM,

AND THEN HE LEARNS
TO STRING A COUPLE
OF SENTENCES TOGETHER

AND NOW HE'S SOME
BIG HOTSHOT.

ANYWAY, THE STATE IS GIVING
100 GRAND IN HIS NAME

TO EVERY SCHOOL THAT HAS
A SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS.

- THIS IS FANTASTIC!
- MM-HMM.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS KILL THIS MOFFITT GUY

AND WE GET ALL THE MONEY.

NO, NO.

WHAT WE NEED IS TO SET UP
A FAKE SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS.

WE START OUR OWN CLASS.

PROBLEM IS,
WHERE DO WE FIND KIDS...

WE CAN PASS OFF
AS SPECIAL?

Lloyd:
OKAY, THAT'S HIGH ENOUGH!

- THANKS, TURK.
- I'M FLYING! WOO-HOO!

Harry:
SO THIS IS WHAT A FLAG
SEES ALL DAY.

- YEAH.
- AND YOUR FRIEND TURK
IS TOTALLY GREAT.

YEAH, HE'S ACES, HUH?

HEY, THANKS, TURK!
WE'RE SO HIGH!

( laughing )

BINGO.

WELCOME TO SPECIAL NEEDS
ORIENTATION.

I'M MS. HELLER,
THE LUNCH LADY.

AND IT--
DAMN.

I MEAN,
YOUR NEW TEACHER.

YEAH.

NOW THE REASON YOU TWO
ARE HERE BEFORE CLASS
OFFICIALLY STARTS

IS BECAUSE YOU'RE...

EXTRA SPECIAL.

THANK YOU.

AND WERE PERSONALLY SELECTED
BY PRINCIPAL COLLINS.

WHO'S PRINCIPAL COLLINS?

- HE'S THE PRINCIPAL.
- WOW.

YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT

IS TO PICK
THE REST OF THE CLASS.

HEY!

FIND STUDENTS THAT ARE
JUST AS SPECIAL AS YOU TWO.

SPECIAL.

WHAT?

IS-- IS THIS GONNA BE
ON THE MIDTERM?

NO.

( eraser squeaking )

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
THE FIRST PERSON I EVER
BROUGHT HERE, HARRY.

- IS THIS YOUR SPECIAL PLACE?
- NO, I JUST USUALLY EAT
IN THE CRAPPER.

YEAH, SAVES TIME.
OUT WITH THE OLD,
IN WITH THE NEW.

- COULD WE EAT THERE TOMORROW?
- YEAH, BUT FIRST WE NEED
TO FIND KIDS

THAT ARE SPECIAL, NEEDY,
AND CLASSY ENOUGH TO BE IN
OUR SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS.

IT'LL BE LIKE TAKING
CANDY FROM A STRANGER.

- Lloyd: "HAR-ERY"?
- THE SECOND "R" IS SILENT.

OH, THAT MAKES
MUCH MORE SENSE.

OH, LITTLE CRIPPLED BOY.
LOOK.

OUR FIRST RECRUIT.

- HIS CURSE IS OUR BLESSING.
- CAREFUL, HARRY, DON'T
SCARE HIM.

HEY, LITTLE GUY.
HEY LITTLE ORPHAN BUDDY.

- WHAT HAPPENED?
- SKATEBOARD.

- ONE DAY,
THEY'LL FIND A CURE.
- YOU BRAVE LITTLE SOLDIER.

WHAT?

NO, MAN, IT'S NOTHING.
THE CAST COMES OFF
IN A FEW WEEKS.

HE'S OBVIOUSLY IN DENIAL.
MAYBE WE CAN HELP.

WE'RE PART OF A SPECIAL CLASS
TAUGHT BY THE LUNCH LADY.

I MEAN, MS. HELLER.
YOU SHOULD JOIN UP.

IT DOESN'T
REQUIRE ANY WALKING.

NO ONE WILL MAKE FUN
OF YOUR HORRIBLE DEFORMITY.

- HOW MUCH HOMEWORK IS THERE?
- THAT'S THE DOWNSIDE.

- THERE'S NONE.
- DUDE, DUDE.

WAIT A MINUTE, I CAN SPEND
THE WHOLE YEAR

IN A CLASS TAUGHT
BY THE LUNCH LADY?

- YEAH.
- ( laughs )

- CAN I BRING MY GIRLFRIEND?
- YOU CAN BRING WHATEVER YOU
WANT, MY LITTLE FRIEND.

ALL RIGHT.

* YEAH *

* HERE WE GO *

* IT'S A NEW DAY,
BUT IT ALL FEELS OLD *

- ( screams )
- * IT'S A GOOD LIFE
THAT'S WHAT I'M TOLD *

* BUT EVERYDAY,
IT ALL JUST FEELS THE SAME *

* AT MY HIGH SCHOOL,
IT FELT MORE TO ME *

* LIKE A JAIL CELL,
A PENITENTIARY... *

- HARRY DUNNE, SPECIAL NEEDS.
- Lloyd: HE'S WITH US.

Security:
YOU DESERVE HIM.

- I GUESS I OWE YOU THIS ONE.
- * I DON'T EVER WANT TO BE
LIKE YOU *

* I DON'T WANT TO DO
THE THINGS YOU DO *

* I'M NEVER GONNA HEAR
THE WORDS YOU SAY *

* AND I DON'T EVER WANNA,
I DON'T EVER WANNA *

* BE YOU *

* DON'T WANNA
BE JUST LIKE YOU... *

GO, GO, GO!

* THIS IS THE ANTHEM,
THROW ALL YOUR HANDS UP *

- * YOU... *
- ( whistle blows )

HE'S OUT.
PUT HIM ON THE DISABLED LIST.

Harry:
THAT MEANS YOU'RE
ONE OF US NOW.

* YOU... *

WE ALREADY HAVE
A SPECIAL SLOGAN.

HARRY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHE'S A FOREIGN
EXCHANGE STUDENT.

SHE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T
SPEAK THE ENGLISH.

CHING CHONG CHING
CHINGY CHONG CHING
CHONG CHING.

* YOU *

- ( Carl thuds )
- * DON'T WANT TO BE
JUST LIKE YOU *

* WHAT I'M SAYING IS
THIS IS THE ANTHEM *

- * THROW ALL YOUR HANDS UP *
- CHING CHONGEN AY.

* Y'ALL GOT TO FEEL ME,
SING IF YOU'RE WITH ME... *

Girl on PA:
Get your car washed
and support the Stallions.

- AAH.
- WHOA!

THE HALF BOY/HALF HORSE.

OH! THAT'S MORE
OF WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

- Harry: HE'S SUPER SPECIAL.
- WELL...

I MEAN, I GOT TO GET
A JOB ANYWAY.

SO IF I--
IF I SIGN YOUR THING,

I CAN JUST COME AND GO
WHENEVER I WANT TO?

YOU WERE BORN FREE,

AND FREE
YOU SHALL REMAIN.

WELL, OKAY.

AH!

EASY, EASY.

EASY, BOY,
EASY, BOY.

EASY, BOY.
IT'S OKAY.
YOU'RE IN!

( "A-Team" theme playing )

- WE DID IT!
- YES, WE DID, HARRY.

SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS,
1986.

WE ARE THE CHOSEN ONES,
ALL PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR.

- ( thuds )
- Harry: ...FOOTBALL PLAYER,
THE CRIPPLED KID...

Lloyd:
WHAT ABOUT LEWIS,
THE HALF HORSE BOY?

- Harry: HE REALLY
HAD ME FOOLED.
- HERE WE GO.

HEY, THANKS
FOR THE GRUB, MRS. D.

- YOU'RE WELCOME, LLOYD.
- HEY, WHERE'S MR. D?

OH, HE PASSED AWAY
A FEW YEARS AGO.

HE MISSED
ONE GREAT POT OF STEW.
( laughs )

ACTUALLY, IT'S MEATLOAF,
BUT YOU JUST PUT EVERYTHING
IN YOUR SOUP.

I LIKE IT A LOT.

IS IT OKAY
IF HE SPENDS THE NIGHT?

- LLOYD, HAVE YOU
ASKED YOUR PARENTS?
- I LEFT MY DAD A NOTE.

Dad's voice:
"POP, I'M SLEEPING
AT HARRY'S TONIGHT.

LOVE, LLOYD.
P.S., YOU'RE OUT OF KETCHUP."

GOOD KID,
BUT YOU COULD'VE JUST CALLED.

GOT ANY CRAZY EIGHTS?

GO FISH.

NOTHING.

FOUR.

HA! NOW YOU HAVE
TO MOVE YOUR PEG
SEVEN SPACES

AND PUT YOUR SHIRT
ON BACKWARDS.

WOW, YOU REALLY SUCK
AT THIS GAME.

YEAH, WELL, I ALMOST ALWAYS
BEAT CAPTAIN ROB.

- WHO'S CAPTAIN ROB?
- JUST A GUY I HANG OUT WITH.

I KNOW THE TYPE.
LIVES IN THE BASEMENT,
SMELLS LIKE A SPONGE.

NO, CAPTAIN ROB'S
SEVEN FEET TALL,
WEARS AN EYE-PATCH,

- GOT A HOOK FOR A HAND.
- WOW, SOUNDS LIKE A PIRATE.

WHAT? NO. HE'S GOT
A PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER,
BURIES TREASURE.

- YEAH, THAT'S A PIRATE.
- I DON'T THINK SO.

THIS GUY DRINKS RUM FROM
A BARREL, SAYS, "YO, HO, HO,"
HAS A PEG LEG.

- A PEG LEG?
- YEAH, GO-CART ACCIDENT.

HERE... WE... GO!

BE CAREFUL, CAPTAIN ROB.

- OOH.
- THREE, TWO, ONE.

AAH, YOU LANDED ON CANDY LAND.
NOW YOU HAVE TO SWALLOW IT.

READY?

SWALLOW!

( gulps )
THAT'S GOOD TOP HAT.

- ( laughs )
- HEY, FELLAS,

IT'S GETTING KIND OF LATE.
COME ON.

- CAN I BE ON TOP?
- ONLY IF I CAN BE ON BOTTOM.

- ALL RIGHT!
- YEAH!

AIRPLANE
INTO THE HANGAR.
ZZZ-- OW!

ALL RIGHT, PUMPKIN,
NIGHT NIGHT.

- 'NIGHT, MOM.
- ( kisses )

- 'NIGHT MRS. D.
- GOOD NIGHT, LLOYD.

THANKS FOR BEING
A FRIEND TO MY HARRY.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS,
SLEEP TIGHT.

DON'T LET
THE BEDBUGS BITE.

- * HEY, HEY... *
- OHH. HUH!

- WHAT WAS THAT?
- WHAT?

YOUR MOM JUST TOTALLY
MADE A MOVE ON ME.

- SHE DID NOT.
- YEAH, SHE DID, HARRY.

MAYBE SOON
I'LL BE YOUR NEW DADDY.

- LLOYD, SHE'S MY MOM.
- LISTEN, I CAN'T HELP MY HEART.

THAT'S RIGHT, WHEN I'M
YOUR NEW DAD, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY.

- WILL NOT.
- DON'T YOU TAKE THAT TONE
WITH ME, YOUNG MAN.

- SHUT UP.
- I WILL STOP THIS CAR
RIGHT NOW.

- YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD.
- YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

- BE QUIET, BUTTLICK!
- OHH!

- WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD?
- I LEARNED IT FROM...

LISTENING TO YOU!

- I HATE YOU!
- KIDS.

FOR OUR
SPECIALLY NEEDY CLASS!

- THEY'RE PERFECT.
- MM-HMM.

WELL, YOU SHOULD ALL
BE VERY PROUD OF YOURSELVES.

YOU ARE THE PIONEERS HERE
AT PROVIDENCE HILL HIGH,

THE VERY FIRST
SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS.

AND TO COMMEMORATE
THIS OCCASION,

WE'RE GOING TO TAKE
A CLASS PHOTO.

SO LET'S COVER THIS UP
JUST FOR THE PICTURE.

HOLD THIS VERY HIGH.
THAT'S IT.

AND LET'S ALL FORM A GROUP
UNDER THE SIGN. QUICKLY.

NOW, NOW,
NOW, NOW, NOW.

BEAUTIFUL.
BIG SMILE.

HERE WE GO.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHY
WE'RE HERE?

I'M SUPPOSED
TO TAKE A PICTURE FOR
SUPERINTENDENT ZIMMER?

AND?

- YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT?
- YES, YES!

- OH.
- OKAY.

OKAY, HERE WE GO.
READY?

CHEESE!

- CHEESE.
- All: CHEESE!

- WHAT STINKS?
- THAT'D BE ME, SIR.

- WIFE MADE THE STEW LAST NIGHT.
- SHUT UP, LLOYD.

- YOU'RE NOT MARRIED YET.
- WILL BE.

I HOPE YOU'LL ALL ENJOY
YOUR NEW CLASSROOM.

THIS IS NOT IT.
IT'S A SPECIAL WING
IN BACK OF THE SCHOOL

WE'VE BUILT FOR YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK
AND TAKE A LOOK AT IT NOW?

QUICKLY, NOW.
JUST HEAD BACK THERE.
THAT'S IT, NOW.

PRINCIPAL COLLINS,
WHAT ABOUT THE CRIPPLED BOY?

- YES, TAKE HIM WITH YOU.
- "CONFIRMITIVE."

EASY.
LLOYD, LLOYD, LLOYD.
NO, NO, NO.

I CAN-- I'LL JUST WALK,
ALL RIGHT? IS THAT ALL RIGHT?

- COLLINS IS A GREAT MAN.
- YEAH, THAT'S WHY HE WAS
ELECTED PRINCIPAL.

- THAT'S IT.
ON YOUR WAY.
- YOUR HIGHNESS.

THAT'S GOOD.
WELL, SO FAR SO GOOD.

I DO THINK WE NEED
SOME MORE PICTURES, THOUGH.

WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE THE KIDS ON
A FIELD TRIP TOMORROW?

AND...?

- AND TAKE SOME
MORE PICTURES.
- OKAY.

YEAH, OKAY.

WELL, DON'T YOU HAVE
A PHONY CLASS TO TEACH?

I PUT IN FOR A SUB.

( gasps )
WAS THAT NAUGHTY?

I THINK I NEED
A "PANKING."

PANK, PANK, PANK.

YOU GONNA GIVE ME
A PANKING?

* CLAP YOUR HANDS... *

Lloyd:
HELLO, CLASS.
MY NAME IS MR. CHRISTMAS.

MRS. HELLER HAD TO ATTEND
SOME SERIOUS AND URGENT
BUSINESS,

SO I WILL BE
YOUR SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.

IT'S GONNA TAKE ME A WHILE
TO LEARN EVERYONE'S NAMES,
SO PLEASE BE PATIENT.

- ME, ME. PICK ME!
- UH... YOU.

- HARRY.
- HARRY. OOOH.

YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.
OH, DID I HAVE YOUR BROTHER?

- NO.
- NO, OKAY.
ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?

- WAS THERE ONE...?
- YO!

WHAT'S WITH HORSE BOY?
NOW HE'S A BRIGHT SHINY SUN.

YEAH, DON'T LOOK
DIRECTLY AT HIM.

Lewis:
I'M JUST HANDING OUT FLIERS
AT THE TANNING SALON, GUYS.

- IT'S A PART-TIME JOB.
- NO, THAT'S-- CONGRATULATIONS.

DID YOU HAVE A QUESTION THERE,
BRIGHT EYES?

YEAH, MY QUESTION'S
WHEN THE OLD TEACHER LADY
COMING BACK?

I AM YOUR TEACHER LADY
FOR TODAY.

( door opens )

LLOYD, CAN I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU FOR A MINUTE?

OH, TAKE THIS TIME
TO STUDY AMONGST YOURSELVES.

OBVIOUSLY THERE MUST BE SOME
SORT OF FAMILY EMERGENCY,

OTHERWISE THERE'S NO REASON
MY FATHER WOULD BE

INTERRUPTING ME
WHILE I'M WORKING.

- COMING. WHAT THE...?
- THAT'S YOUR DAD?

YEAH.
WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?

- HARRY.
- HARRY.
COME WITH ME, HARRY.

- WHAT'S UP, POP?
- WE NEED TO TALK.

SO YOU MUST BE IN THE AIR FORCE.
I LIKE YOUR FLIGHT SUIT.

- I'M A CUSTODIAN.
- WELL, THEN...

AYE AYE, SIR!

OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU
CRAZY BOYS DOING
IN MY TOOL SHED?

WE'RE NOT CRAZY, DAD,
WE'RE SPECIAL.

AND PRINCIPAL COLLINS
WANTS US TO HAVE OUR OWN
SPECIAL CLASSROOM.

MY BOY'S SPECIAL,
HOW 'BOUT THAT?!

I KNEW YOU
WERE DIFFERENT!
OHHH!

I'M TAKING THE DAY OFF.

COME ON, COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
NOW THAT TEACHER LADY'S GONE,

UM... I HAVE A QUESTION.

DO YOU GUYS
KNOW WHY OUR CLASS
IS IN THE TOOL SHED?

WHO CARES, LEWIS?
IT'S BETTER THAN REAL SCHOOL.

IF WE DON'T MESS THIS UP,
WE CAN GO A WHOLE YEAR WITHOUT
DOING ANY REAL WORK AT ALL.

YEAH, MAN, WE CAN DO
ANYTHING WE WANT.

ANYTHING.

ANYTHING?

SO IF I HAD A GIRLFRIEND
LIKE TERRI, I COULD BRING
HER HERE AND...

DO STUFF WITH HER?

YOU GOT IT, JERKOFF.

THEN I'M IN.
YEAH.

BUT I CAME HERE TO LEARN
ABOUT AMERICA.

LISTEN, BABY,

THERE IS NOTHING MORE AMERICAN
THAN NOT DOING ANYTHING
AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT.

OHH.
THEN I'M IN.

- JUST LIKE JERKOFF.
- LEWIS.

CARL?

- HE'S SNAPPING OUT OF IT.
- WE NEED HIM.

I KNOW.
COME ON, KID!

- COME ON, COME ON!
- GO GET SOME!

( all yelling )

- CARL?
- ( yelling )

OH, WOW.

WHO IS
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
AGAIN?

HE'S THE PILGRIM WHO USED
PENICILLIN TO KILL GODZILLA.

RIGHT.
HOW'D YOU GET
SO SMART?

PUBLIC SCHOOL.
YEAH.

WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE BASEMENT,
YOU BREATHE IN A LOT
OF CHALK DUST.

IT WRITES ALL THE ANSWERS
ALL OVER YOUR BRAIN.

- YOU'RE SO LUCKY.
- OOH, NOW...

- HOW 'BOUT A SLUSHEE?
- A. SLUSHEE.

DON'T TELL ME.
ABRAHAM SLUSHEE--

I KNOW THIS--
THIRD PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES!

Lloyd:
THAT'S RIGHT, HARRY.

AND THIS IS THE FROZEN
DELICIOUS TREAT HE WAS
NAMED AFTER.

- NICE JUGS.
- YEAH.

HEY, YOUR MOM'S
GOT JUGS LIKE THESE.

Harry:
YEAH, BUT THEY
NEVER BEEN IN A MAGAZINE.

Lloyd:
THEY OUGHT TO BE.
THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

OOH, HARRY,
I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING.

- WHAT?
- YOU'RE IT!

- OH NO, YOU'RE NOT
GETTING ME AGAIN.
- "VICTORIA'S SECRET," HUH?

- THOSE CLOTHES
ARE FOR CHICKS.
- $2.50.

- YOU'RE IT.
- OH, YOU WANNA GO?

YOU WANNA GO,
HUH, HARRY?

JOUSTING,
14th CENTURY!

- YOU'RE IT!
- YOU'RE IT.

INVISIBILITY SHIELD.
BOOO!

I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!

- I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!
- PLEASE PAY ME THE $2.50.

I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!

- I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!
- YOU'RE IT.
( laughs )

Lloyd:
SERIOUSLY,
STOP FOR A SECOND.

COME HERE, HARRY,
SERIOUSLY, FOR A SECOND.
YOU'RE IT!

OH!
NO, YOU'RE IT!

HARRY, BUNS!
YOU'RE IT!

YOU'RE IT!
( laughs )

- YOU'RE IT!
- NO, I'M NOT.

YEAH, YOU ARE.

HE TOUCHED YOU.

YOU'RE IT UNTIL
YOU TOUCH SOMEONE ELSE.

I KNOW THE RULES, I'M JUST NOT
PLAYING YOUR STUPID GAME.

NOW PAY ME $2.50.

YOU'RE IT.

YOU'RE IT.

- YOU'RE IT.
- NO, YOU'RE IT.

- NO, YOU ARE.
- YOU'RE IT.

( both repeating )
YOU'RE IT.

ENOUGH!
YOU'RE IT!

AND NO TOUCH-BACKS,
NO DO-OVERS,

NO ERASIES,
AND IN THIS WHOLE STORE

IS HOME FREE!

LLOYD, CAN HE DO THAT?

OH YEAH, HARRY.

HE CAN...
AND HE DID.

AND NOW...

IT'S ON
LIKE DONKEY KONG.

PAY THE MAN.

PAY THE MAN.

- Harry: GOOD.
- YEAH.

I THOUGHT WE
HANDLED THAT
PRETTY WELL.

THESE ARE
REALLY COLD, HUH?

THAT'S WHY YOU GOT
TO DRINK 'EM FAST,
HARRY, TRUST ME.

Lloyd:
DRINK IT, HARRY.
COME ON, BUDDY!

DRINK, DRINK, DRINK!
GO, HARRY, GO!

WHOO-HOO!

OWW.

REFRESHING.

OHH! SO WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO DO TODAY,
HARRY?

I DON'T KNOW.
( whimpers )

OWW!
IT HURTS SO GOOD.

- AHH!
- ( slurping )

NO, HARRY, YOU'RE NOT
DRINKING IT FAST ENOUGH.

YOU GOT TO DRINK FASTER.
YOU GOT TO GO FAST.
GO FAST!

GO FAST, GO FAST, GO FAST!
YOU GOT TO DRINK IT FAST,
HARRY,

BEFORE IT MELTS!
( slurping )

TASTES SO GOOD.

I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE.

DIDN'T HURT.

DIDN'T HURT.

- I FELT THAT.
- ( both laughing )

MMMM...

HARRY,
MY MOUTH IS FROZEN.

I CAN'T--
I CAN'T FEEL MY LIPS.

- HARRY, THEY'RE FROZEN.
- I DON'T FEEL GOOD.

OH, HARRY,
HERE COMES TROUBLE.

OH, HEY GUYS.

YOUR MILK BUBBLES
LOOK NICE, JESSICA.

- ( both chuckle )
- Lloyd: GOOD ONE, HARRY.

( weak laugh )
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS TOMORROW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S
WEARING THAT OUTFIT.

YEAH, LAST TIME
I WORE THOSE SHORTS,
I GOT BEAT UP.

( both laugh )

BEAT UP?

( Hawaiian music playing )

GUESS WHAT'S
UNDER THESE COCONUTS?

( chuckles )

WHAT?

IT'S A SURPRISE.

WELL, I'VE GOT
A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU.

YOU GOT THE EXTENDER?

( gulps )

NO.

NO, I TALKED
TO SUPERINTENDENT ZIMMER
THIS MORNING.

- OH.
- HE'S SENDING
RICHARD MOFFITT HIMSELF

TO OUR THANKSGIVING DAY
PARADE,

CHECK IN HAND.

OH, MONKEY,
THIS IS TOO EXCITING.

OUR DREAM IS COMING TRUE.

SMILE, SWEETHEART.

( chuckling )

MORE PICTURES
FOR THE CHEST.

WHAT DO YOU KEEP
IN THERE?

OH, THINGS.

PHOTOS, TAPES.

I TAPE EVERYTHING
THAT GOES ON IN THIS OFFICE.

JUST LIKE THE PRESIDENT.

JUST LIKE
THE PRESIDENT.

COME HERE, MONKEY.

- WHOO.
- Harry: HEY, IT'S UPSIDE DOWN.

HERE, HOLD MY SACK.

ALL RIGHT, ACCORDING
TO THE MAP,

WE'RE ALMOST AT SCHOOL.

YEAH, BUT WE STILL
HAVEN'T FOUND ANY TREASURE.

( gasps )
HARRY...

* HALLELUJAH,
HALLELUJAH... *

WE MAY HAVE FOUND
SOMETHING EVEN BETTER.

COME ON.

IT'S OUR OWN
SPECIAL BUS, HARRY!

HOW DO YOU KNOW
IT'S FOR US?

BECAUSE COOL KIDS
ALWAYS SIT IN THE BACK
OF THE BUS, HARRY,

AND HERE, EVERY ROW
IS THE BACK.

WE'RE ALL COOL.
COME ON!

CAREFUL, HARRY,
IT'S SHORT!

HEY, HARRY,
I'M IN THE FRONT
OF THE BUS!

- Harry: I'M IN THE BACK!
- Lloyd: I'M IN THE FRONT!

TURK, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

- SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS.
- BEING A JERK DOESN'T
MAKE YOU SPECIAL.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.
THIS IS THE BEST CLASS EVER.

SO DON'T RUIN IT!

Heller:
SORRY, SPECIAL NEEDS ONLY.

LOOK, MS. HELLER,
THERE'S SOMETHING
FISHY HERE.

AND I DON'T THINK
IT'S FRIDAY'S SPECIAL.

HMM. WELL,
I WOULDN'T KNOW,

SINCE I'M JUST
THE TEACHER AND ALL.

NOW LESS TALKING
AND MORE SITTING, HUH, GANG?

LET'S GO, MARGIE,
THE MUSEUM AIN'T GONNA
TEACH ITSELF.

THIS IS A MUCH BIGGER STORY
THAN FOUR-COLOR PENS.

- ( tires squeal )
- * EVERY DAY I GET
IN THE QUEUE *

- * Too much, magic bus *
- * TO GET ON THE BUS
THAT TAKES ME TO YOU *

- * Too much, magic bus... *
- YOU WANT A SCOOP?

- I'LL GIVE YOU A SCOOP.
- YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA
STOP FOR ICE CREAM?

- NO. MAYBE.
- ( laughing )

- * YOUR HOUSE IS ONLY
ANOTHER MILE... *
- LOSE HER.

* Too much,
magic bus... *

- SLUG BUG. SLUG BUG.
- OW! OW!

CAN IT BE THE SAME ONE?
SLUG BUG!

- OW!
- SLUG--
I CAN STILL SEE IT.

- THAT'S NOT HOW YOU PLAY!
- PLAYING AUSTRALIAN RULES.

DON'T LET HER PASS!

* I DON'T CARE
HOW MUCH I PAY *

* Too much,
magic bus... *

- SCISSORS, SCISSORS.
- THIS IS TOO.

- WHAT'S THAT?
- IT'S AN EAGLE.

- THIS IS A BARRACUDA.
- FISH CAN'T EAT A BIRD.

HA, HA, TOO BIG
TO MAKE THE TURN!

- YOU CAN'T SQUISH
A BIRD WITH A PAPER CUT.
- YEAH, YOU CAN.

- YEAH, YOU CAN.
- YOU CAN'T SQUISH--
NO, YOU CAN'T.

( horn honking )

- PUNCH BUGGY.
- OW!

MARGIE, LOOK OUT!

( slow motion )
HELP ME!

( students cheering )

* I SAID, NOW I'VE GOT
MY MAGIC BUS... *

( horn honking )

* NOW I'VE GOT
MY MAGIC BUS *

* Too much, magic bus. *

EVERYONE FIND A PARTNER.
YOU'RE NO GOOD TO ME DEAD.

- Lloyd: HARRY, GET BACK HERE!
- I'M BACK, I'M BACK.

- I'M GOING.
- HARRY? HARRY!

Harry:
SPIN FASTER,
WE'LL GO BACK IN TIME!

I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

NO, NO, NO!
AAAH!

WE GOT TO PARTNER UP.

- WHAT DO YOU SAY, YOU AND ME?
- DREAM ON, DESPERADO.

RIGHT, FIELD TRIP PARTNER
IS KIND OF A BIG COMMITMENT.

I'M JOKING.
OF COURSE I'LL
BE YOUR PARTNER.

WOW, YOU GOT SOME SERIOUS
SELF-WORTH ISSUES, MY PUDGY,
UGLY LITTLE FRIEND.

- ( laughs )
- STOP IT, YOU'RE
EMBARRASSING ME.

OKAY, SAY "FAJITAS."

- All: FAJITAS!
- GOOD, GOT IT.

- YEAH?
- YEAH.

NOW-- EXCUSE ME.
HOW LONG DOES THE AVERAGE
FIELD TRIP TAKE HERE?

WELL, TO FULLY EXPERIENCE
ALL WE HAVE TO OFFER,
IT TAKES TWO HOURS.

TWO. OKAY.
YOU KNOW, I'LL BE
BACK IN FOUR.

SO WHY DON'T YOU
GIVE THE TOUR TWICE,
AND SPEAK SLOWLY?

- OH, WE DON'T
TAKE TIPS HERE.
- OH, SURE YOU DO.

I KNOW YOU DON'T MAKE MUCH.
DON'T BE PROUD.

DON'T BE PROUD.
IT'S GOING AWAY.
IT'S GOING AWAY.

IT'S GOING AWAY.
IT'S OKAY. THAT'S
WHAT I THOUGHT.

- THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
- OKAY.

Harry's voice:
I LIKE YOUR OUTFIT,
MR. POLAR BEAR.

HMM. OKAY, I'M JUST
GOING TO TURN AND WALK AWAY.

HA!

OKAY...

I'M WATCHING YOU.

Jessica: HARRY?

Harry's voice:
WHO TOLD YOU MY NAME?

Jessica: HARRY?

- HARRY?
- ( gasps )

MS. HELLER SAID
NOT TO TALK TO YOU.

THAT'S BECAUSE MS. HELLER
DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW

THIS WHOLE THING
IS A SCAM.

I KNEW IT WAS A FAKE.

- YOU DID?
- YEAH. THOSE ESKIMOS?

I'M SURE AT LEAST
ONE OF THEM IS A MANNEQUIN.

HARRY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

BUT LISTEN, I HAVE
TO ASK YOU A QUESTION
THAT MIGHT...

PUT YOU IN
A DELICATE POSITION.

YOU WANT TO TALK
ABOUT YOUR DELICATES?

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY,
OR YOU ACTUALLY RE--

SPECIAL?

WE'RE ALL SPECIAL.
EVERYONE LLOYD AND I CHOSE
FOR THE CLASS IS SPECIAL.

YOU AND LLOYD CHOSE
THE CLASS?

MM-HMM.

THIS IS ALL STARTING
TO MAKE SENSE.

COULD YOU COME
TO MY HOUSE TONIGHT?

- EXCUSE ME?
- WE NEED TO TALK.

- COME OVER AROUND 7:00?
- O'CLOCK?

YEAH.

OKAY.

A DATE.

SHE SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT SOMETHING.

Lloyd:
THAT'S PERFECT, HARRY.
THEN WHAT?

THEN SHE SAID "7:00"
AND I SAID, "O'CLOCK!"

( laughs )

SORRY ABOUT THAT, BUDDY.
IT'S MY FIRST TIME BRINGING
A FRIEND UP THERE.

- YOU OKAY?
- YEAH!

SO YOU GOTTA
HELP ME OUT, LLOYD.

A REAL LIVE DATE
WITH A REAL LIVE GIRL.

WHO CARES?
CHICKS ARE FOR FAGS.

I THINK SHE WANTS ME
TO COME OVER TO PUT ME
IN THE RIGHT POSITION

TO CHECK OUT
HER DELICATES.

- WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
- OH YEAH, BUDDY, YOU'RE
GONNA GET SOME.

- SOME WHAT?
- YOU KNOW.

SHE'LL BE ALL OVER YOU
LIKE A BARRELFUL OF MONKEYS

WITH THAT SHORT SKIRT
AND THAT TIGHT SHIRT.

OOH, IT'S SO FAGGY I CAN'T
EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

- COME ON, LLOYD.
- OKAY, IF YOU'RE
GONNA DO THIS,

BRING HER
SOMETHING SPECIAL.
BUY HER SOME CHOCOLATE--

THE BEST YOU CAN FIND.

Harry:
SEEMS SIMPLE ENOUGH.

( coins jingling )

( imitates knocking )
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

( laughs )
HELLO, JESSICA.

IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU,
JESSICA.

THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

HI, JESSICA.
DO YOU REMEMBER ME
FROM BEFORE?

I'M HARRY.
( laughs )

THAT'S STUPID!
OKAY.

HELLO, JESSICA.
HARRY-- MRS. HARRY JESSICA.

MR. HARRY JESSICA.

- J-E-S-S-I-S-S-I--
- HARRY?

HARRY, HI.

DO YOU WANT
TO COME INSIDE?

OKAY. WIPE YOUR FEET.
MY PARENTS ARE TOTALLY ANAL.

OH, THAT'S GROSS.

- WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
- YEAH, BUT I'M BUYING.

HARRY, I HAVE A LOT
OF QUESTIONS TO GO
OVER WITH YOU,

SO LET'S JUST
GO UPSTAIRS.

GOOD PLAN.
I'M NOT REALLY READY
FOR DOWNSTAIRS.

HARRY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

REALLY?
I'M NOT EVEN TRYING.

- ARE YOU COMING?
- ( scoffs ) YEAH.

I'LL RACE YA!

- HARRY, STOP
HORSING AROUND.
- OH, BOY.

OKAY, THERE'S A LOT
TO GO OVER, HARRY,

SO IT MAY GET
HARD FOR YOU.

HARD FOR ME?
HARD FOR ME?

HARD FOR ME?

HARRY, DO YOU WANT
TO SIT DOWN?

- NO, NO, I'M OKAY.
- OKAY.

I THINK COLLINS AND HELLER
ARE EMBEZZLING MONEY
FROM THE SCHOOL,

AND I THINK IT'S
BEEN GOING ON FOR YEARS.

I JUST HAVE TO FIGURE OUT
SOME WAY TO PROVE IT.

I MEAN, IT DOESN'T MAKE
ANY SENSE TO ME.

BUT I GUESS THERE'S GOT
TO BE A GOOD EXPLANATION.

HELLER WORE
A COCONUT BRA...

Harry's voice:
WOW, SHE'S REALLY MAKING ME
FEEL HOT.

WHAT'S WORSE
IS I THINK THE ENTIRE
SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS IS A SCAM.

BUT... I NEED PROOF.

Harry's voice:
I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH
LONGER I CAN STAND IT.

I DIDN'T THINK THE FIRST TIME
WOULD HURT SO MUCH.

- ESPECIALLY IN THE ASS!
- WHAT?!

HARRY, I'M IN A POSITION
WHERE I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.

P-POSITION?

GREAT.
HAVE YOU A BATHROOM?

YEAH, DOWN THE HALL.

I'LL BE BACK
IN A JIFF.

( whimpering )

( screams )

OKAY, OKAY.
WATER!

( screams )

OH, I COULDN'T.
I DIDN'T.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
OH, WHAT'S IN THERE?

( sniffs )
MMM.

NO, IT CAN'T BE.

OHH.

OH! NO.

( groaning )
OH, I DIDN'T--

OH, NO, NO, NO!

( repeating )
OH NO, NO, NO...

( grunting )

HARRY?
YOU'VE BEEN
IN THERE A WHILE.

- ARE YOU OKAY?
- ARE YOU KIDDIN'?

I COULDN'T BE MORE OKAY.

MY MOM WANTS TO KNOW
IF YOU CAN STAY FOR DINNER.

ARE YOU KIDDIN'?
COMING.

OKAY.

* I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET
ON A SUNNY DAY *

* HUBBA, HUBBA,
HUBBA, HUBBA *

* A FEELING IN MY BONES
SAYS I'LL HAVE MY WAY *

- * HUBBA, HUBBA... *
- LOOK OUT, WAXER
COMING THROUGH.

* I'M A HAPPY BOY,
HAPPY BOY *

* I'M A HAPPY BOY,
HAPPY BOY *

* OH AIN'T IT GOOD WHEN THINGS
ARE GOING YOUR WAY? *

* HEY, HEY... *

( vocalizing )

Jessica: HARRY,
ARE YOU COMING DOWN?

JUST CLEANING UP!

HARRY!
HARRY!

LLOYD, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?

I CAME TO CHECK
ON YOU, BUDDY.

I KINDA SCREWED
THINGS UP.

I'M SURE YOU'RE
OVERREACTING.

I DON'T THINK SO.

HARRY, WHY ARE YOU
COVERED IN POO?

I-- I DON'T KNOW!

- OKAY.
- SHE ASKED ME
TO STAY FOR DINNER.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY TO HER.

OH, OKAY, I GOT AN IDEA!
I SAW THIS IN A MOVIE ONCE.

IT WAS A GOOD ONE.
GO DOWN TO THIS WINDOW
RIGHT HERE,

OPEN IT UP, AND THEN
SAY WHATEVER I SAY.

OKAY, THANKS.
I GOT TO FIND SOME CLOTHES.

ALL RIGHT.

PERFECT,
A BUSINESSMAN'S SUIT.

HARRY, WHAT ARE
YOU WEARING?

I CHANGED FOR DINNER.

I GET DRESSED FOR ALL MY MEALS,
EXCEPT FOR BREAKFAST AND...

SPAZZ MEAL.

BOY, IT'S HOT IN HERE.
DO YOU MIND IF I OPEN
A WINDOW?

BE MY GUEST.

- HARRY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
- YES.

- YES WHAT?
- NO, DON'T ANSWER ME,
SAY WHAT I SAY.

OKAY.

- OKAY WHAT?
- YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES.

- YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES.
- THANK YOU.

- ( dog barks )
- OH, HEY.

- WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?
- HEY, WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?

I WAS BORN
IN ST. LOUIS.

Lloyd:
DO YOU WANT ME
TO PET YOUR HEAD?

DO YOU WANT ME
TO PET YOUR HEAD?

- I BET YOU WANT
YOUR HEAD SCRATCHED!
- I BET YOU WANT

- YOUR HEAD SCRATCHED.
- NO, WHY?

WE STILL HAVE A LOT
TO TALK ABOUT.

I BET YOU WANT--
DON'T YOU SNAP AT ME!

YOU'RE LUCKY
I DON'T PUNCH YOU
RIGHT IN THE FACE!

DON'T SNAP AT ME LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T
PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.

Lloyd: I REMEMBER YOU.
HOW COULD I FORGET THOSE
BIG, HAIRY NIPPLES?

I REMEMBER YOU.
HOW COULD I FORGET
THOSE BIG, HAIRY NIPPLES?

I CAN ALMOST SMELL
YOUR STINKY "FENUTER"
FROM HERE!

- I CAN ALMOST SMELL YOUR
STINKY "FENUTER" FROM HERE!
- HARRY!

NOW WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT,
YOU UGLY MONKEY?

NOW WHAT ARE
YOU STARING AT,
YOU UGLY MONKEY?

- JESSICA, WHO'S THIS?
- IT'S HARRY, DAD.

- WHY IS HE TALKING
TO YOU LIKE THAT?
- HE'S... SPECIAL.

OH.

HI, HARRY.

- HI.
- ( howls )

( Harry howls )
BARK, BARK!

- DINNER'S READY.
- WHAT ARE WE DOING
SITTING AROUND YAPPING?

- LET'S EAT!
- RIGHT.

HEY, HARRY, BE CONFIDENT!
YOU LOOK LOVELY!

OH! YAA!

LLOYD?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU LIVE HERE?
I DIDN'T-- I THOUGHT
HARRY WAS JUST...

VISITING HIS ACCOUNTANT.

SO YOU LIKE
YOUR BUTTER, DO YOU?

WE GOT SOME MARGARINE,
IF YOU WANT. YOU COULD JUST
SCOOP IT OUT OF THE TUB.

NO, I'M FINE,
THANK YOU.

- OH!
- THIS IS... HARRY.

- HELLO.
- HI.

YOU KNOW, THEY MAKE THAT
IN A WOMAN'S SUIT, TOO.

JESSICA, WE'RE EATING!

MEET ME AT THE FRONT DOOR.

YEAH, I WAS JUST
GONNA GO THERE ANYWAY.

WELL, I SEE YOU LIKE
MY ROLLS.

SURE, I LIKE A WOMAN
WITH SOME MEAT ON HER BONES.

WELL...

SO CHARLIE,
WHAT BUSINESS ARE YOU IN?

THE NAME'S WALTER.

- LLOYD, HI.
- JESSICA, YEAH.

SO, DID YOU
GIVE HIM SOME YET?

- SOME WHAT?
- YOU KNOW, SOME.

LLOYD, HARRY AND I
HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL.

IN FACT, I WANT TO ASK
YOU SOMETHING.

YEAH, I KNOW.
YOU WANT TO GO
FOR A RIDE.

PRETTY SWEET WAXER, HUH?

- WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
- I LIVE WITH THE JANITOR.

YUP, I GOT A KEY
TO EVERY ROOM IN THE SCHOOL.

SO CAN YOU GET US
INTO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE?

PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE?
YEAH, I COULD PROBABLY
SWING THAT.

LLOYD, THAT'S IT!
MAYBE NOW I'LL GET MY STORY!

- WHAT?!
- AAH!

TWO-TIMING SLUT!
AND YOU, I THOUGHT YOU WERE
FROM ST. LOUIS?

I DON'T EVER WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

OH MY GOD.

AND I'M LEAVING!

HE SHIT EVERYWHERE.

THERE'S SHIT EVERYWHERE!

DAMN IT!

THERE'S SHIT
ON THE WINDOWS!

OH MY GOD,
MY HOUSE IS FULL OF SHIT!

HE SHIT EVERYWHERE!

LOOK WHAT HE DID.
HE SHIT ALL OVER THE WALL!

- WHEN CAN WE DO IT?
- GET UP HERE!

- UH...
- ( Mother screaming )

- HOW ABOUT
TONIGHT AT 8:00?
- OKAY.

- GREAT, THANKS.
- MY HOUSE IF FULL OF BILE!

THANK YOU, LLOYD.
I GOT TO GO UPSTAIRS.
YOU GOT TO LEAVE.

- ( parents screaming )
- SEE YOU AT 8:00.

- Walter: CALM DOWN,
JUST CALM DOWN!
- Lloyd: WHOO-HOO!

DATE WITH JESSICA!
YEAH!

THERE'S SHIT
ALL OVER THE WALL!

I'M RIGHT ON TIME.

WON'T BE LONG NOW.

THIS IS GONNA
BE GREAT.

I CAN PICTURE IT NOW.

* LLOYD, LLOYD *

* SUPER COOL LLOYD... *

OH, LADIES,
AND THAT'S WHY GOD CREATED
WOMEN WITH TWO BREASTS

INSTEAD OF THREE.
ALTHOUGH YOU'RE CUTE, TOO.

YES, YOU ARE.
YOU SHOULD SEE HER ASSES.

LLOYD, I FINISHED
ALL YOUR HOMEWORK.

OH, THANKS, JESSICA.

GET LOST, SISTER,
HE'S MINE.

IN YOUR DREAMS.
I SAW HIM FIRST!

OH! YOU JUST WANT HIM
FOR HIS HOT RACK!

YOU JUST WANT HIM
BECAUSE HE'S A GENIUS,
LIKE ALBERT FRANKENSTEIN.

( shouting )

GIRLS, GIRLS,
GIRLS, GIRLS!

ALL RIGHT, THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO SOLVE THIS.

MAKE OUT CONTEST.

( whistle blows )

( whistle blowing )

- HOW WAS THAT, LLOYD?
- ( loud hissing )

LLOYD,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THAT'S JESSICA.

- AND MY MOM?
- HI, SWEETIE.

- HEY, MOM.
- HARRY, THIS IS MY FANTASY,

AND I SUGGEST YOU LEAVE
RIGHT NOW, BEFORE I IMAGINE
SOMETHING HORRIBLE.

- BUT, I--
- HARRY!

- EH, EH.
- YOUR FANTASIES ARE
SO MUCH COOLER THAN MINE.

HEY, THANKS FOR THE JET PACK!

( flatulence )

- OOPSIE-DAISY.
- LLOYD, DID YOU
JUST FART?

MAYBE.

WELL, SOMETHING STINKS.

MAYBE IT'S THIS...
MIX TAPE I MADE YOU.

OR MAYBE THESE FLOWERS.

- UH... THANKS LLOYD.
- YEAH.

SO ARE YOU READY TO TAKE ME
TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE?

YEAH.
SO NO SMALL TALK, HUH?
YEAH. GOOD,

BECAUSE I'M NOT
A BIG FAN OF THE SMALL TALK.

SO HOW ABOUT
THIS WEATHER?

HEY, JESSICA,
I'M COMING!

SO I SEE
YOU'VE STARTED WITHOUT ME.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LET'S JUST DO IT
AND GET OUT OF HERE.

WOW, STRAIGHT
TO THE BUSINESS.
OKAY.

LET ME JUST GET READY.

AAH, I CAN'T
GET IT OFF.

I'M SO CLOSE
I CAN FEEL IT.

- ( thuds )
- I NEVER SHOULD'VE
SWITCHED FROM VELCRO!

OH, WAIT,
I GOT IT!

- I GOT IT.
- THAT'S IT.
I'M DONE.

THIS JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT
LIKE I THOUGHT IT WOULD.

DID YOU AT LEAST
ENJOY YOURSELF?

NO, IT WAS
A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.

( stuttering )

THIS IS--
THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED
TO ME BEFORE.

( horn honks )

- THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND.
- BOYFRIEND?

WHAT WAS ALL THAT TALK
ABOUT YOU RIDING ON MY WAXER?

THANKS, LLOYD,
BUT I DIDN'T FIND
WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR.

AND CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR
AND CLEAN THIS PLACE UP?

PRINCIPAL COLLINS
CAN'T KNOW THAT WE WERE HERE.

YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
I DON'T KISS AND TELL!

HUH!

OOH.

DIRTY GIRL.

( whistling )

OH MY GOD,
A TREASURE CHEST.

I FOUND
HARRY'S TREASURE.

OHH!

( groaning )

OH, IT'S HEAVY.
IT MUST BE FULLY LOADED.

HARRY!

( pebbles rattle )

( rattles )

Lloyd:
HARRY!

HEY, I FOUND
THE TREASURE.

- GO AWAY, ASS-FACE!
- DID YOU HEAR WHAT
I SAID, HARRY?

THE TREASURE,
LIKE ON YOUR MAP.

YEAH, RIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU GO SHOW IT
TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

JESSICA AND I
ARE THROUGH, HARRY.
YEAH.

I COULDN'T STAND
BEING WITH HER KNOWING
THAT YOU LIKED HER.

IT JUST WASN'T WORTH
OUR FRIENDSHIP.

OH, YOU KNOW, AND ALSO
SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND.

DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING,
CAPTAIN ROB?

- CAPTAIN ROB CAME BACK?
- YEAH, HE DOES SOUND
LIKE A RAT-FINK.

HEY TH-- THERE'S NO REASON
TO USE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE.

GOOD ONE, CAPTAIN ROB.
HE DOES LOOK LIKE
A YOU-KNOW-WHAT.

WE'RE TELLING
INSIDE JOKES, ARE WE NOW?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S IT.

WE'RE THROUGH!
YOU'RE OUT OF THE COOL CLUB!

YEAH, THE NEXT TIME
TURK'S PASSING OUT WEDGIES,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET ONE!

NUH-UH.
( sobs )

WE'RE DONE, PAL!
FINITO! THE END!

"AUF WIENER SCHNITZEL!"

MAZEL TOV.

Y--

* I KNOW JUST HOW
TO WHISPER *

* AND I KNOW
JUST HOW TO CRY *

* I KNOW JUST WHERE
TO FIND THE ANSWERS *

* AND I KNOW
JUST HOW TO LIE *

* I KNOW JUST HOW
TO FAKE IT *

* AND I KNOW
JUST HOW TO SCHEME *

* I KNOW JUST WHEN
TO FACE THE TRUTH *

* AND THEN I KNOW
JUST WHEN TO DREAM *

* AND I KNOW
JUST WHERE TO TOUCH YOU *

* AND I KNOW JUST WHAT
TO PROVE *

* I KNOW WHEN
TO PULL YOU CLOSER *

* AND I KNOW
WHEN TO LET YOU LOOSE *

* BUT I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO LEAVE YOU *

* AND I'LL NEVER
LET YOU FALL *

* AND I DON'T KNOW
HOW YOU DO IT *

* MAKING LOVE
OUT OF NOTHIN' AT ALL *

- * Making love *
- * OUTTA NOTHIN' AT ALL *

* Making love *

- * OUTTA NOTHIN' AT ALL *
- * Making love *

* OUTTA NOTHIN' AT ALL *

* Making love *

* Love *

* Lo-ove *

* OUTTA NOTHIN' AT ALL... *

* Making love. *

COME TO PETE'S
SEAFOOD SHANTY--

LLOYD!

( laughs )

- DO I KNOW YOU?
- DO YOU KNOW ME?
YEAH, YOU KNOW ME.

I'M IN YOUR CLASS,
STUPID.

OH MY GOD,
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

IT'S-- IT'S REALLY YOU.
YOU'RE HARRY'S FRIEND,
AREN'T YOU?

WELL, I WOULDN'T
CALL US FRIENDS,

BUT WE'RE ALL RIGHT.

YOU-- YOU REALLY
ARE A PIRATE.

WELL, YEAH.
YOU LIKE IT?

SO I'M AN ARSEHOLE,
EH, CAPTAIN ROB? HUH?

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

WHATEVER.

- COME TO PETE'S--
- I WANT MY FRIEND BACK!

- ( bangs )
- Lloyd: HEY, BUDDY!
HEY, HARRY!

HEY, BUDDY,
YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!

HARRY, ARE YOU IN THERE?

HARRY! HEY!

- BUDDY! WOO!
- ( rocks rattle )

HARRY, I GOT
A SURPRISE FOR YOU!

( laughs )

YOU TOOK THE POLAR BEAR
OUT OF ITS NATURAL HABITAT.

YEAH.

MOMMY, WHERE'S
THE DADDY POLAR BEAR?

HE WAS SHOT
BY A HUNTER,
JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER.

LLOYD,
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
I COULDN'T GET ANY
MADDER AT YOU,

YOU DO SOMETHING
LIKE THIS.

( laughs )
GET THAT POLAR BEAR
OUT OF MY YARD

- AND UP TO MY ROOM!
- OKAY, BUDDY!

- I GOT IT!
- * WHAT I WANT,
YOU'VE GOT *

* AND IT MIGHT
BE HARD TO HANDLE *

* LIKE THE FLAME
THAT BURNS THE CANDLE *

* AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN *

* OH YEAH,
WELL, WELL, YOU *

* O-oh, ooh, ooh, ooh *

* YOU MAKE MY DREAMS
COME TRUE *

* Yo-ou, you, you *

* Ooh, ooh *

* WELL, WELL,
WELL, YOU *

* O-oh, ooh, ooh, ooh *

* OH YEAH, YOU MAKE
MY DREAMS COME TRUE... *

HEY, BUDDY,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

I DON'T WANT
ANY PROBLEMS, OKAY?

- * LISTEN TO THIS... *
- MOVE! MOVE!

EXCUSE ME!
GET OUT OF MY WAY!

HE MUST BE JEALOUS
OF OUR POLAR WEAR.

( growling )

WHERE IS IT?

BABY, I'M GOING
TO SPEND THE MORNING
AT THE MALL.

YOU KNOW,
SHOP FOR WAIKIKI.

- WHERE THE HELL IS IT?
- A LOT OF STUFF WE COULD
USE FOR THE TRIP.

- WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
- MY CHEST.

- THE CHEST I KEEP
MY PAPERS IN?
- WHAT PAPERS?

THE DOCUMENTS, THE PHOTOS,
THE TAPES.

- THE EVIDENCE.
- EVIDENCE OF WHAT?

SWEETHEART, KEEP UP
WITH ME FOR HALF A MINUTE.

THE EVIDENCE OF EVERY SCAM
WE'VE EVER PULLED,

THE EVIDENCE THAT'S GOING
TO PUT US AWAY FOR 20 YEARS.

- WHERE IS IT?!
- I DON'T KNOW,
IT'S NOT HERE.

SOMEBODY STOLE IT.

JESSICA.

- WHAT JESSICA?
- THAT GIRL...

WHO TRIED TO FOLLOW ME
ON THE FIELD TRIP?

- SHE TOOK IT.
- ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH. OH, SHE'S
BEEN SNOOPING AROUND,
ASKING QUESTIONS.

HMM.

WELL...

- I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.
- YEAH?

YOU GONNA KILL HER?

NO. NO, I'M NOT--
I'M NOT GONNA KILL HER.

HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU
SEE TO IT THE KIDS ARE
READY FOR THE PARADE, OKAY?

- OKAY.
- YEAH.

AND I THINK I'LL
PAY JESSICA...

A LITTLE VISIT.

Heller:
THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE
IS ALMOST HERE.

SO, ANY IDEAS
FOR A FLOAT?

- Lloyd: OOH, A RAFT!
- A BLIMP!

- A TURD.
- TITANIC.

- A PLATYPUS.
- CORN DOG.

- MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE.
- NO, NOT THINGS THAT FLOAT,

IDEAS FOR A FLOAT.
YOU KNOW, LIKE IF
YOU SEE A PARADE

AND PEOPLE ARE...?

CAN I HEAR
FROM ANYONE ELSE?

- HELLO.
- HI, CHING CHONG.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

UH...

( speaking Chinese )

...LICKA LICKA POW!

SHE'S SAYING
"BEAUTIFUL SWAN..."

( Ching Chong
speaking Chinese )

"...FLYING GRACEFULLY
OVER THE RICE FIELDS..."

( speaking Chinese )
...ROY ORBISON.

...TO THE TUNE
OF "ONLY THE LONELY"
BY ROY ORBISON.

NO, NOW COME ON,
YOU GUYS.

FOCUS, THINK.
PUT YOUR THINKING CAPS ON.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
WHEN YOU THINK OF THANKSGIVING?

- LIKE CRANBERRIES
AND INDIANS.
- FOOTBALL!

FOOTBALL, YEAH!
GET SOME!

GOOD FOR YOU.
NO.

OH HEY, LEWIS
HAS GOT A GOOD IDEA.
GEORGE WASHINGTON.

- WOW!
- Harry: WHO?

- HE ONLY INVENTED MONEY.
- VERY GOOD, LLOYD.

HOW ABOUT A FLOAT
OF GEORGE WASHINGTON
CROSSING THE DELAWARE?

- OOH, OR MAYBE A RIVER.
- LIKE THE ATLANTIC.

OKAY, SO IT'S SETTLED.

THIS IS GONNA BE
THE GREATEST THANKSGIVING EVER.

YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO--
WE HAVE TO PARADE AROUND
IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?

ON A FLOAT
OF GEORGE WASHINGTON?

- WE'RE GONNA
LOOK LIKE IDIOTS.
- EXACTLY.

NO CHANCE.
WE ARE NOT DOING IT.
NO EFFING WAY.

( all grumbling )

HEY!
HEY, DID I MENTION

THAT IF YOU DON'T MAKE A FLOAT,
IT'S BACK TO HOMEWORK?

AND... REAL GRADES.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?

OH-- AND ACTUALLY HAVING
TO ATTEND CLASS.

NO.

WHICH MEANS,
YOU WON'T BE
SO SPECIAL ANYMORE.

* CRACK THAT WHIP *

* GIVE THE PAST
THE SLIP... *

THAT'S WHAT I WAS
TALKING ABOUT.

* BREAK YOUR
MOMMA'S BACK *

* NOW WHIP IT *

* INTO SHAPE *

* SHAPE IT UP *

* GET STRAIGHT *

* GO FORWARD *

* MOVE AHEAD *

* TRY TO DETECT IT,
IT'S NOT TOO LATE *

* TO WHIP IT *

* WHIP IT GOOD. *

HEY, GUYS,
CHECK IT OUT.

Jessica:
THANKS, PRINCIPAL COLLINS,
FOR GIVING ME THIS INTERVIEW.

ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP.
SO, YOU HAD SOME QUESTIONS?

YES, ACTUALLY.

LAST YEAR, TOBY WAS
IN AP ENGLISH,

AND LEWIS WON
THE SCIENCE FAIR.

WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THIS
NEW SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS?

WELL, THAT'S
A POOR QUESTION.

IT'S WORDY, PEDANTIC--
A GOOD QUESTION GETS
RIGHT TO THE POINT.

EXAMPLE--
WHERE'S MY CHEST?

CHEST?
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

OH, I THINK
YOU DO.

YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS
ARE GONNA WONDER WHERE I AM.

ONE PHONE CALL
FROM THE PRINCIPAL WILL
TAKE CARE OF THAT, MY DEAR.

( high voice )
HELLO, IT'S ME, BRENDA.

JESSICA'S FRIEND?

YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO BE
PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER

IN THE LIBRARY TONIGHT,

'CAUSE WE HAVE
A BIG EXAM TOMORROW.
MACRO... ECONOMICS,

AND IT'S REALLY HARD.
( clears throat )

Lloyd:
OOH, THEY STILL HAVE
MY TWO FAVORITE FLAVORS,

CHERRY AND GREEN.

- YEAH.
- OH, HEY, FELLAS.

YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
YEAH.

OH, IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA GO CRAZY.

I'M GONNA HAVE TWO FLAVORS.
SUICIDE OF DELICIOUSNESS.

- THAT LOOKS SO TASTY, HARRY.
- OH GOD, I WANT THAT.

- HE'S MIXING THEM.
- OH, IT'S GONNA TASTE
SO GOOD.

I WAS RIGHT.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.

HE'S SO LUCKY.

MMM, MMM.
( laughing )

SUCK IT.

I WANT ONE.

WE CAN'T GO IN THERE.
WE'LL BE IT.

YOU'RE RIGHT...
WE CAN'T.

COME HERE.

HEY, HEY, LITTLE BUDDY.
HI, HOW YA DOIN'?

HEY, YOU WANT
TO MAKE $2?

- SURE.
- YEAH?

OKAY, ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS GO IN THERE AND GET US
TWO SLUSHEES.

- OKAY.
- OKAY, AS IN
WE GOT A DEAL?

YEAH, DEAL.

BUT FIRST,
GIVE ME THE $2.

( laughs )
I SAID "DOLL HAIRS."

PSYCH.
BUT A DEAL'S A DEAL.
IN YOU GO, LITTLE BUDDY.

- COME ON.
- FINE, GIVE ME
THE DOLL HAIRS.

- HARRY?
- A DEAL'S A DEAL.

WOULD YOU TAKE
FIVE BUCKS INSTEAD?

GOOD THINKING, HARRY.
GOOD THINKING.

ALL RIGHT, BE COOL.
BE COOL.

- BE COOL.
- ( whistling )

( high voice )
YEAH, AND SHE'S LIKE,
"YOU BETTER CALL MY MOM."

AND I'M LIKE, "WHOA,"
AND SHE'S LIKE, "OH."

AND I'M LIKE, "WHOA,"
AND SHE'S LIKE, "OH."

AND I'M LIKE...

IT'S BRENDA.
I'M NEW.

Lloyd: OH!
ICE, ICE, BABY.

( mocking grunts )

YEAH, I PEED IN THOSE.
ENJOY.

( grunting continues )

GROW UP.

- YOU'RE IT.
- ARE NOT.

- ARE TOO.
- D2.

- CHEWBACCA.
- OOH, GOOD ONE, HARRY.

HEY, IT'S JESSICA.

HARRY, I THOUGHT
WE WORKED THROUGH THIS.

NO, IT'S JESSICA.

Lloyd:
OH, MUST BE
HER BOYFRIEND'S CAR.

- IT'S PRINCIPAL COLLINS!
- PRINCIPAL COLLINS IS
JESSICA'S BOYFRIEND?

OH, THAT TOTALLY
MAKES SENSE.

THAT'S WHY SHE DIDN'T
WANT HIM TO KNOW

WE WERE IN HIS OFFICE
THE OTHER NIGHT.

HE CAN'T SEE US HERE.
QUICK, BE CONSPICUOUS!

CONSPICUOUS?

( whistling )

NO WONDER WE BOTH
STRUCK OUT WITH HER.

HOW CAN WE COMPETE WITH
THE SEXUAL POWER OF THE MAN

WHO OCCUPIES
THE HIGHEST OFFICE
IN THE LAND.

YEAH, HE'S LIKE
THE POPE, HARRY.

LIKE WE'RE GONNA
SNAKE A CHICK FROM THE POPE.

- ( engine starts )
- HERE HE COMES.

HARRY, SWITCH.

HARRY.
JEEZ, MOSES AND MARY.

( whistling )

HEY, LET'S GO
SPY ON THEM.

GOOD THINKING, HARRY.

- HARRY, BOBSLED!
- LEVER!

HANG TWO!
HARRY, GO LEFT!

GO LEFT.
CEASE AND DESIST!

- CEASE AND DESIST!
- ( horn honks )

COME ON, HARRY!
MUSH, MUSH, MUSH.

HARRY, GO STRAIGHT.
WARP SPEED, HARRY.
WARP SPEED!

( screaming )

IS THAT THE BEST
YOU'VE GOT?

HEY, THAT'S MY CART.

( cheering )

* IT'S THE EYE OF THE TIGER,
IT'S THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT *

* RISIN' UP TO THE CHALLENGE
OF OUR RIVALS *

* AND THE LAST KNOWN
SURVIVOR STALKS HIS PREY
IN THE NIGHT... *

- ( music jingling )
- ICE CREAM?

ARE YOU THINKING
WHAT I'M THINKING, HARRY?

- OH YEAH.
- SNACK BREAK!

Harry: YUMMY!

- AAAH! ALL RIGHT--
- HARRY!

- THERE THEY ARE!
- BREAK'S OVER!

SO WHAT DID YOU TELL
MY PARENTS ON THE PHONE?

NOT TO EXPECT YOU
TONIGHT.

WELL, SOMEONE'S GOING
TO COME LOOKING FOR ME.

OH, I DON'T THINK SO,
MY DEAR.

* THE EYE OF THE TIGER. *

I'M GOING TO ASK YOU
ONE MORE TIME.

JESSICA,

WHERE'S MY CHEST?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT, HMM?

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?!

WELL, WELL, WELL.

WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
IT APPEARS TO BE A TAPE.

- THAT'S NOT YOUR TAPE.
- DON'T PLAY WITH ME, DEAR.

YOU'RE WAY
OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.

- ( tapping on window )
- Harry: JESSICA!

HARRY, LLOYD.

YOU GUYS ARE A MESS.

Harry:
WE WERE STILL HUNGRY, SO WE
DECIDED TO GET SOME DESSERT.

- IT WAS FUN.
- Lloyd: YEAH.

IT WAS FUN UNTIL HARRY
DECIDED TO PUT HIS WIENER
IN MY EAR.

- SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

SO IT LOOKS LIKE
THE BEST MAN WON.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US
YOUR BOYFRIEND WAS
PRINCIPAL COLLINS?

WHAT?

Lloyd on tape: Jessica!

- * You light up my life... *
- IS THAT MY MIX TAPE?

IT'S BEING USED
FOR YOUR SEDUCTION?

I'M FLATTERED.

LLOYD, WHEN WE WERE
IN PRINCIPAL COLLINS OFFICE,

DID YOU SEE ANY KIND
OF CHEST?

YOU MEAN LIKE HARRY'S
TREASURE CHEST? SURE,
I KNOW WHERE THAT IS.

YOU FOUND MY TREASURE?
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

THREE WORDS-- I DID.
YOU WERE JUST ALL MAD AT ME.
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LISTEN.

- YEAH, WELL,
I'M LISTENING NOW.
- ME TOO.

- THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART.
- HARRY, LLOYD,

LISTEN TO ME, I ONLY HAVE
TIME TO SAY THIS ONCE.

Lloyd's voice:
GOD, SHE'S SO CUTE.

LOOK AT HER TEETH.

I BET SHE CAN
BITE THROUGH ANYTHING.

YEAH, SHE COULD.

YOU GOTTA GET
WHAT'S IN THE CHEST,
AND MAKE SURE EVERYBODY...

Harry's voice:
I WONDER WHAT LLOYD'S
THINKING ABOUT.

LOOK AT ALL THAT HAIR.
SHE MUST HAVE MILLIONS
OF TINY HOLES IN HER HEAD.

OTHERWISE, IT WOULD JUST
BUNCH UP ALL IN HER BRAIN.

SO GUYS,
ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

- YEAH, SURE!
- YEAH, YEAH.

- I WAS, YOU KNOW--
- YEAH, SURE.

- ( singing continuing )
- ( tape forwards )

Lloyd on tape:
I'm a Pisces.

And that's
the sign of the badger.
I love picnics...

YOU GUYS GOTTA GO
GET THAT CHEST,

AND SHOW THE WORLD
WHAT COLLINS HAS BEEN DOING.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
I CAN GET OUT OF THIS
ANYTIME I WANT.

AND I'M GETTING THE STORY
EVERY HIGH SCHOOL REPORTER
DREAMS OF.

Lloyd on tape:
Come on, Jessica.

Don't push me,
'cause I'm...

GO, GET OUT OF HERE.

( banging )

- GOTCHA, YOU--
- STOP!

- WHAT?
- I DON'T THINK THIS IS
THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

HARRY, WE DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE.
YOU'RE OVERREACTING.

I DON'T KNOW
WHO WE ARE ANYMORE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

BUT I FEEL LIKE I DESERVE
MUCH MORE OF THIS TREASURE

- 'CAUSE I WAS
THE ONE THAT FOUND IT.
- MY MOM GAVE ME THE MAP.

- BUT I LUGGED IT ALL OVER TOWN.
- I MADE THE POLAR BEAR PANTS.

- I ATE YOUR MOM'S PIE!
- I FOUND THAT ROCK!

IT WAS A DIAMOND,
AND YOU SWALLOWED IT.

WE WERE ALL OUT
OF TOP HATS.

ENOUGH! WHAT HAS
THIS CURSED CHEST DONE TO US?

YOU KNOW, LLOYD,

THE REAL TREASURE
IS OUR FRIENDSHIP.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
ON THE OTHER HAND...

OH.

- WHAT'S ALL THIS?
- ( sniffing )

OH...
IT'S FULL OF FILES.

THERE'S PICTURES

AND DOCUMENTS.

IT'S AMAZING!
( sniffs )

OHHH.

HEY, LLOYD, THIS LOOKS
LIKE ONE OF YOUR MIX TAPES.

MAYBE IT'S FROM THE PIRATE
WHO BURIED THIS TREASURE.

YOU SHOULD GO
PUT IT ON.

Collins on tape:
Principal's log,
September 23rd.

Check, check, check.
Sound check.

HEY, IT'S
PRINCIPAL COLLINS.

THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE.
I FOUND THE TREASURE CHEST
IN HIS OFFICE.

- grant money...
- THIS MIX TAPE ISN'T
AS GOOD AS YOURS, LLOYD.

- NO.
- Sound, check,
check, check.

- HE SPEAKS PRETTY GOOD CHINESE.
- THAT'S NOT CHINESE.

- ( tape squeaking )
- THAT'S CHINESE.

- YEAH.
- OH YEAH.

And that is how I,
Principal Collins,

became the mastermind
behind this glorious plan.

It's the crime
of the century.

HE'S RIGHT.
WE HAVE COMMITTED THE CRIME
OF THE CENTURY.

WE NEVER
THANKED HIM FOR GIVING US
THE SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS!

BUT WHAT DO WE DO?

- ( snaps )
- Lloyd: I HAVE AN IDEA.

( parade music playing )

P.A.: Welcome to
the Providence Hills
High School

Thanksgiving parade!

Aren't you glad
you're not watching football?

This year's theme,
white meat or dark?

Floats and exhibits from
all classes and organizations.

So enjoy.

WHAT THE HELL
IS THAT?

WHAT DID
YOU MORONS DO?

WHERE'S GEORGE WASHINGTON?
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS?

- LOOKS GREAT, DOESN'T HE?
- NO.

- WHAT WERE YOU GUYS THINKING?
- Terri: WHY'D YOU GIVE HIM
A MAKEOVER?

( panting )

SORRY I'M LATE.
WOKE UP TIED TO THE BED.

SOMEBODY CUT MY HAIR
WHILE I WAS SLEEPING.

HEY, THAT'S MY HAIR!

It's the marching band's
musical tribute to stuffing.

Please do not throw cigarettes
at the floats.

I'VE SEARCHED EVERYWHERE
AND NO LUCK.

THE CHEST IS
STILL OUT THERE.

THAT'S WHY WE GET THE CHECK
AS SOON AS ZIMMER SHOWS UP

AND BLOW THIS POP STAND BEFORE
ANYBODY FINDS OUT ANYTHING.

THE BAND
SOUNDS TERRIBLE.

I KNOW, I SOLD ALL
THE WIND INSTRUMENTS.

HAWAIIAN AIR,
BUSINESS CLASS.

( laughing )

- YOU LIKE YOUR NEW COAT?
- I LOVE IT.

THAT'S WHY OUR MASCOT
ISN'T A STALLION ANYMORE.

- THIS IS HORSE?
- NO, NO, NO,
I SOLD THE HORSE,

- TO PAY FOR THE--
- I DIDN'T KNOW HORSE
COULD FEEL THIS SOFT.

THAT'S NOT HORSE, HONEY.
YES, YES, IT IS SOFT.

( whistles )

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE FLOAT?

- GUYS, THIS IS MUCH BETTER.
- YEAH.

PRINCIPAL COLLINS IS
A WAY GREATER AMERICAN

THAN GEORGE WASHINGTON
WILL EVER BE.

I DON'T GET IT.
WHY'D YOU MAKE HIM
A PIRATE?

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE
THESE DOCUMENTS.

THEY PROVIDE EVIDENCE
OF A LONG HISTORY OF FRAUD
AND EMBEZZLEMENT

FROM THE SCHOOL
BY PRINCIPAL COLLINS
AND MS. HELLER,

A.K.A. THE LUNCH LADY.

- HUH?
- MY GOD, CAN YOU
BELIEVE YOUR EARS?

YEAH, NO CLICKS
AND WHISTLES.

SHE SPEAKS THE ENGLISH
PERFECTLY.

LLOYD, YOU'RE
A GREAT TEACHER.

CHING CHONG,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR
BEAUTIFUL ASIAN ACCENT?

OH, ACTUALLY MY NAME
IS CINDY.

THE ACCENT JUST
HELPS ME MEET BOYS.

YOU WANT IT BACK?

( with accent )
YOU GOT IT, JOE.

LOOK AT THIS.
COLLINS TOOK $2000

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO
TO A NEW STATE-OF-THE-ART
STALLION MASCOT UNIFORM.

WAIT, WHAT?
LET ME SEE.

WHY HAVE I BEEN
WEARING THIS ONE
WITH PUKE IN THE HEAD?

- YOU SERIOUS?
- AM I-- SMELL.

WE GOT TO TELL PEOPLE
ABOUT COLLINS.

- HEY, SUPERINTENDENT.
- I'M NOT SURE I CAN DO THIS.

WE GOT TO NAIL THIS GUY.
YOU'LL BE FINE.

JUST MAKE SURE
HE TAKES THAT CHECK.

DETECTIVE, YOU KNOW,

HE'S GONNA BE EXPECTING
MOFFITT TO BE... SPECIAL.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I STUDIED ACTING AT
THE POLICE ACADEMY.

- POLICE ACADEMY?
- YOU'LL BE FINE.

JUST REMEMBER YOUR LINES.
IT'S SHOW TIME.

- PRINCIPAL COLLINS.
- SUPERINTENDENT ZIMMER.

- HELLO.
- HELLO, HELLO.

I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO RICHARD MOFFITT,

FORMER SPECIAL NEEDS STUDENT,
NOW AMERICAN SUCCESS STORY.

- WELL...
- GO AHEAD.

IT'S A VERY GREAT
PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, SIR.

VERY...

VERY GREAT PLEASURE.

WELL, IS THAT
WHAT I THINK IT IS?

YOUR LITTLE GIFT
FOR THE SCHOOL?

YES.

I DREW THIS.

SPECIAL NEEDS.

- TIME FOR FRENCH FRIES NOW.
- OH, YES.

BUT THE CHECK WILL BE
PRESENTED THIS MORNING?

I'M VERY STRONG.

YES, YOU ARE.
I HAVE YOUR CHECK RIGHT HERE.

BUT I THINK MR. MOFFITT
IS INTERESTED IN SEEING

THE SPECIAL NEEDS FLOAT
FIRST.

I CAN TURN ON
ALL THE FAUCETS IN MY HOUSE.

EVEN THE HOSE.

- BUT WE DON'T DRINK
FROM THE HOSE, DO WE?
- NO.

P.A.: There's
the special needs float.

OH, HERE THEY COME!
WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT
THE CHILDREN HAVE DONE.

YES.

Collins's voice:
This is visionary.

I think I've finally figured
out a way to bilk this school
out of enough money

to get us that condo
in Waikiki.

- Heller's voice:
Baby, you've done it all.
- Collins: Small potatoes.

The Richard Moffitt
Special Needs Grant.

The State is giving
100 grand in his name

- to every school that has...
- THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU!

OH MY GOD,
THEY GOT THE CHEST.

- Heller: You got the extender?
- Collins: No.

NOTHING THEY DO MAKES
ANY SENSE, WHICH IS--
WHICH IS--

- WHICH IS WHY WE CREATED
THE SPECIAL NEEDS CLASS...
- ( siren blares )

Man:
YOU'RE GOING DOWN, COLLINS!

AND WHY WE NEED THAT CHECK.

Girl:
HE STOLE THE SCHOOL'S MONEY!

PONY.

HEY, THERE'S
PRINCIPAL COLLINS!

P.A.:
Please remain seated.

Girl:
SOMEBODY STOP HIM!

HUH, HE'S COMING BACK.

- ( fabric tears )
- HEY, HEY!

WOW! GO!

HEY, HEY!

- HEY!
- ( laughing )

Collins's voice:
Check in hand.

ALL I WANTED
WAS A CONDO IN WAIKIKI.

- WATCH YOUR HANDS, PIGGY!
- GET IN THE CAR.

WOW, THEY GET
THEIR OWN POLICE ESCORT.

- ( siren blares )
- WHOA.

ALL OUR HARD WORK
PAYS OFF.

- YEAH?
- HE'S GOING TO JAIL
FOR A LONG TIME.

PRINCIPAL OF JAIL?
WOW, THAT'S A PROMOTION.

- YEAH, THOSE INMATES
ARE LUCKY.
- YEAH.

- HEY, JESSICA!
- HI!

I-- I GUESS
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

OH MY GOD.
SHE'S TWO-TIMING
PRINCIPAL COLLINS.

Lloyd:
YEAH, WITH THAT
COMPLETE LOSER.

- Harry: HE'S PROBABLY A JOCK.
- JESSICA, WHAT ARE YOU
THINKING?

CHECK OUT THOSE STUPID
BUTT-UGLY JEANS.

HAS SOURED ME ON WOMEN
FOREVER.

YEAH, WE SHOULD
NEVER LET A WOMAN COME
BETWEEN US AGAIN.

THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
WE LEARNED A VERY VALUABLE
LESSON HERE, HARRY.

- WE'RE NOT EVER
GONNA FORGET THAT.
- YEAH.

( horn honks )

EXCUSE US.
YOU'RE HARRY AND LLOYD, RIGHT?

- ACTUALLY, I'M HARRY
AND HE'S LLOYD.
- LLOYD.

Both:
WELL, WE'RE THE FELCHERS.

MY NAME'S FREIDA,
AND THIS IS RITA.

- HI, BOYS.
- Both: HI.

WE'RE GONNA GO CHECK OUT
THE ALL-GIRLS COLLEGE.

Both:
DO YOU GUYS WANNA COME?

- SURE!
- NO, WAIT, HARRY, HARRY!

JUST A SECOND.
WE'RE JUST GONNA...

LISTEN, WE GOT TO FIGURE OUT
WHO GETS WHO, ALL RIGHT?
NO MORE COMPETITION.

- RIGHT.
- OKAY, SO... AHEM.
PICK ONE.

- THE ONE ON THE LEFT.
- ( sighs )

- WHAT'S WRONG?
- THAT'S THE ONE
THAT I WANTED.

- NO.
- YEAH.

- SHE'S ONE OF A KIND.
- ( giggling )

TRY ONE IN A MILLION.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

- YOU TAKE HER.
- NO, LLOYD, I'M NOT
GOING TO DO THAT TO YOU.

IT'S OKAY, HARRY,
I'LL FIND SOMEBODY.

I'M NOT DOING IT.
REMEMBER,

CHICKS ARE FOR FAGS.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE, HARRY.

( pats )

I'LL HANDLE THIS.

YEAH.
WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD
AND GO ON WITHOUT US?

WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SOMEDAY YOU MIGHT MEET
SOMEBODY AS SPECIAL AS
MY FRIEND HARRY UP THERE,

BUT I DOUBT IT.

OH AND UH...
YOUR LITTLE FRIEND OVER THERE,

SHE'S-- SHE'S NICE TOO.

- WHAT?!
- ( engine starts )

LOOK OUT, HARRY!

Lloyd:
OH, HARRY! OH GOD, HARRY!

- OH GOD, HARRY!
- ( tires squeal )

Rita: LOSERS!

OH! OH, THAT WAS
CLOSE, HUH, HARRY?

OH! I GOT DIRT
ON MY SHIRT.

HOW GROSS IS THIS?
HARRY?

- ( groans )
- OHH!

HARRY?
YOU GOT TO LOOK
BOTH WAYS, BUDDY.

( groaning )

CHARLIE!

- OH MY GOD.
- HEY.

IT'S YOU.

YOU'RE THE GUY
THAT CRAPPED UP MY HOUSE!

WHAT ARE YOU--
YOU'RE COVERED IN SHIT!

WHAT ARE YOU--
MY CAR'S COVERED
IN SHIT!

- NO, NO, IT'S NOT THAT.
- OH MY GOD! NO, STOP!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

- NOT HELPING.
- HARRY? HARRY?

- THERE'S SHIT ALL OVER MY CAR!
- HARRY, HARRY, LET'S GO.

WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU?!

- YOU OKAY, BUDDY?
- YEAH.

- THERE'S POO ALL OVER MY HOOD!
- WHAT'S UP WITH THAT GUY?

BEAT'S ME.
HE'S JESSICA'S DAD.

- SHE SAYS HE'S REALLY ANAL.
- OHH, OOH!

- THAT'S GROSS.
- I KNOW.

THERE'S SHIT EVERYWHERE!
HEY, COME BACK HERE!

I'M NOT CLEANING THIS UP!
I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE
THIS TOWED.

COME BACK HERE!
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS?!

WHAT IS IT WITH YOU
AND FECAL MATTER?!

LOOK AT THIS!

- FOUR, TRéS, TWO, UNO.
- ( music plays )

THAT'S ENOUGH!

THAT--

- THAT'S ENOUGH!
- AAAH!

- CLASS DISMISSED!
- COME ON, HARRY.

- LEWIS!
- SLOW, EASY BOY!

OH, SNAPS!

- ( laughing )
- HI.

MRS. D., YOU SURE HAVE
A GREAT LOOKING PIE.

YOU PUT YOUR MEAT
IN MY MOM'S PIE.

YOU'RE IT!
AND NO TAP--

- ( laughing )
- IT WAS HIM.

ENOU-- OH SHIT,
I'M SORRY.

GET BACK,
GET BACK.

( muttering )

- WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?
- 'CAUSE YOU SAID!

- NO, HARRY, I SAID,
"DON'T DRESS LIKE A QUEEN!"
- OH.

GET UP, GET UP,
GET UP, GET UP!

( panting )

UH... SO...

YOU'RE NOT
IN THE STORE, HUH?

( chuckling )
YEAH, WE'RE CLOSED.
GET OUTTA HERE.

ACTUALLY, WE HAVE
SOMETHING FOR YOU.

- YOU'RE IT.
- ( laughing )

ARE WE EVEN FILMING?

- DON'T YOU--
- ( barking )

DON'T YOU SNAP
AT ME LIKE THAT.

DON'T YOU SNAP
AT ME LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE LUCKY--

DON'T YOU SNAP
AT ME LIKE--

THAT IS SHIT!

OH, GOD, AAAH!

HARRY--
( laughs )
STOP!

- HARRY, LLOYD--
( laughs )
- CUT!

WHY'VE I BEEN...
( mutters )

OKAY, BACK TO ONE.

YOU WANT ME TO SAY
SHIT OR POO?

OH MY GOD!
OHH!

( laughing )

( bubbles )

OOPSIE-DAISY.

LLOYD?
DID YOU JUST FART?

- ( laughing )
- CUT IT.

( music playing )

* HOW MANY WORDS CAN YOU
FIT INSIDE A SUITCASE? *

* PACKED IT SO TIGHT
THAT YOU COULDN'T SING A TUNE *

* YOU FELL DOWN THE STAIRS
'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T TIE
YOUR BOOTLACE *

* GIVEN A CHOICE
COULD YOU CHOOSE? *

* YOU WENT FOR A WALK AND YOU
CAME ACROSS A COOL PLACE *

* RESTED YOUR HEAD
WITH A VODKA BY THE POOL *

* YOU WENT FOR A SWIM AND YOU
FOUND THAT YOU WERE SINKING *

* DON'T YOU KNOW POOLS
ARE FOR FOOLS? *

* GIVEN THE CHOICE
COULD YOU CHOOSE? *

* GROOVIN' ALONG
ALL ALONE IN THE PARK *

* SINGING A SONG 'CAUSE YOU'RE
AFRAID OF THE DARK *

* RUNNING AWAY FROM A WORLD
THAT CAN'T WALK *

* SWINGING YOUR HIPS
SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK... *

* SHOWING YOUR GIRL
'BOUT A NATURAL WAY OF LIVING *

* GOT BIT IN THE ASS
BY A TIGER AT THE ZOO *

* AND WHEN YOU GOT HOME
YOU JUST PASSED OUT
IN THE KITCHEN *

* NOW YOU GOT NO ONE
TO LOSE *

* RAN TO THE STORE AND THEY
SOLD YOU ON THE FUTURE *

* BIT IN YOUR LIP AND YOU
START TO CRACK A SMILE *

* COME UP WITH A PLAN,
BUT THAT DOESN'T
REALLY MATTER *

* WHEN YOU GOT
NO REASON WHY *

* GIVEN A CHOICE
COULD YOU TRY? *

( instrumental
music playing )