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1
00:00:01,094 --> 00:00:02,445
Why don't you want
to kiss me?
2
00:00:02,530 --> 00:00:04,218
I'm kissable,
damn it!
3
00:00:05,176 --> 00:00:07,051
Are you even
listening to me?
4
00:00:07,621 --> 00:00:09,810
Yes, I just find
these tea bags
5
00:00:09,903 --> 00:00:12,825
need to be coaxed
in order to steep properly.
6
00:00:13,442 --> 00:00:14,678
Can we get back
to the fact
7
00:00:14,763 --> 00:00:17,067
that my husband never wants
to kiss me again?
8
00:00:17,246 --> 00:00:18,293
Is there a chance
9
00:00:18,378 --> 00:00:20,339
you're exaggerating
the situation?
10
00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:21,810
None.
11
00:00:21,894 --> 00:00:24,160
Shall I relive
the horror all over again
12
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,474
now that your orange pekoe's
squared away?
13
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:28,648
Yeah, sure,
relive.
14
00:00:31,224 --> 00:00:33,825
Ah, I can't wait to see
what you think of my sauce.
15
00:00:34,157 --> 00:00:35,247
I went for sweet
16
00:00:35,363 --> 00:00:37,270
with a little
bit of heat.
17
00:00:37,426 --> 00:00:38,880
And you're sure
the ribs are cooked enough?
18
00:00:38,964 --> 00:00:41,341
I know they were only
on there for 12 hours.
19
00:00:42,169 --> 00:00:43,364
It was six.
20
00:00:43,519 --> 00:00:45,013
You might need
to squeeze harder.
21
00:00:45,319 --> 00:00:46,356
Oh!
22
00:00:46,441 --> 00:00:48,623
[laughing]:
Not that hard.
23
00:00:48,708 --> 00:00:50,442
- So this is my fault?
- Well...
24
00:00:50,527 --> 00:00:52,256
the goal was
to squeeze some sauce
25
00:00:52,341 --> 00:00:54,520
out of the opening,
not a child.
26
00:00:57,646 --> 00:00:59,715
What does this have
to do with kissing,
27
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:00,926
you should be asking.
28
00:01:01,011 --> 00:01:02,559
[slurping]
29
00:01:03,786 --> 00:01:04,934
Mmm.
30
00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,325
Oh, I see what happened.
31
00:01:09,410 --> 00:01:11,707
A little chunk of onion
got stuck in the nozzle.
32
00:01:11,792 --> 00:01:13,872
Well, what the hell's
an onion doing in there?
33
00:01:13,957 --> 00:01:16,106
It's developing
the depth of flavor.
34
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,856
And ruining our breath.
It's date night.
35
00:01:18,941 --> 00:01:20,364
So much for kissing.
36
00:01:20,449 --> 00:01:21,449
[grunts]
37
00:01:22,009 --> 00:01:24,011
What's that supposed
to mean?
38
00:01:24,355 --> 00:01:26,360
Eh. Kissing.
It's overrated.
39
00:01:26,445 --> 00:01:28,232
Excuse me?
40
00:01:28,370 --> 00:01:29,592
It's like salad.
41
00:01:29,677 --> 00:01:31,248
I mean, you're happy
to eat it but you really
42
00:01:31,332 --> 00:01:32,607
just want to get
to the main course.
43
00:01:32,691 --> 00:01:34,778
Oh, so what are we doing
for foreplay now?
44
00:01:34,863 --> 00:01:37,083
"Grab the sink,
I'm coming in"?
45
00:01:39,206 --> 00:01:41,809
I did not promise
to love, honor, cherish
46
00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:43,161
and never kiss again.
47
00:01:43,253 --> 00:01:44,879
That's nice.
48
00:01:45,831 --> 00:01:48,645
I've also decided to go back
to being a hopeless drunk.
49
00:01:48,737 --> 00:01:50,536
Good for you.
50
00:01:50,809 --> 00:01:52,348
Maybe even take up heroin.
51
00:01:52,433 --> 00:01:54,434
Sounds like a plan.
52
00:01:55,902 --> 00:01:57,818
[♪]
53
00:02:06,983 --> 00:02:08,983
*MOM*
Season 08 Episode 16
54
00:02:09,223 --> 00:02:11,381
Episode Title: "Scooby-Doo Checks
and Salisbury Steak"
55
00:02:11,466 --> 00:02:12,880
Aired on:
April 29, 2021
56
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:15,735
Mm-hmm.
57
00:02:16,734 --> 00:02:17,841
All right,
what's up with you?
58
00:02:17,925 --> 00:02:19,512
You're totally distracted.
59
00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:21,058
You haven't taken
a single note.
60
00:02:21,143 --> 00:02:22,238
Yes, I have.
61
00:02:22,339 --> 00:02:23,801
Hey, no...
62
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,986
You have two squiggles
and a blob.
63
00:02:26,071 --> 00:02:27,661
The two squiggles are
you and Adam.
64
00:02:27,746 --> 00:02:28,887
And the blob is...
65
00:02:29,666 --> 00:02:31,148
your inner child.
66
00:02:31,768 --> 00:02:32,832
Okay.
67
00:02:32,917 --> 00:02:35,387
I apologize, you have
my undivided attention.
68
00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:37,149
Sure, when we're almost done
and I have to leave early
69
00:02:37,233 --> 00:02:38,629
for Tammy's sober
birthday.
70
00:02:38,713 --> 00:02:40,223
Okay, off you go.
See you next week.
71
00:02:40,673 --> 00:02:41,806
That's it?
72
00:02:41,890 --> 00:02:43,416
No tools to help me
deal with the fact
73
00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:45,223
that Adam thinks
kissing is overrated?
74
00:02:45,308 --> 00:02:46,269
He does?
75
00:02:46,354 --> 00:02:47,191
Aah!
76
00:02:47,276 --> 00:02:48,840
You're not getting paid today.
77
00:02:50,043 --> 00:02:51,254
Hold everything.
78
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:53,363
What's that ceramic wizard
doing here?
79
00:02:53,743 --> 00:02:56,876
Casting a positive spell
on your mental health.
80
00:02:58,043 --> 00:03:00,872
Sandra took that during
the divorce, and I remember
81
00:03:00,957 --> 00:03:02,610
because I was relieved.
82
00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:04,808
I didn't like the way
it used to stare at me
83
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,480
during our sessions.
84
00:03:07,904 --> 00:03:10,066
You know, wizards can see
through clothes.
85
00:03:10,854 --> 00:03:12,402
How about that?
86
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,402
All right,
tell Tammy congratulations
87
00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:16,629
on her sobriety
and drive safely.
88
00:03:16,714 --> 00:03:18,778
You know, if my kiss-less
marriage crumbles into the sea
89
00:03:18,862 --> 00:03:20,356
between now and next
week, it's on you.
90
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,442
Okay.
91
00:03:24,727 --> 00:03:26,301
Don't listen to her.
92
00:03:28,494 --> 00:03:30,816
I just need to get
into my safe deposit box.
93
00:03:30,942 --> 00:03:32,363
It's my friend's sober birthday.
94
00:03:32,448 --> 00:03:33,889
So I'm gonna give her
my little diamond pin.
95
00:03:33,973 --> 00:03:35,769
Oh, lucky friend.
96
00:03:35,854 --> 00:03:37,714
Yeah, well,
her dad killed her mom
97
00:03:37,799 --> 00:03:40,285
and she robbed a steakhouse
and spent seven years in prison,
98
00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:42,764
so, you know,
good days, bad days.
99
00:03:43,867 --> 00:03:46,535
Okay, I'll go get the key.
100
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:48,277
Be right back.
101
00:03:51,034 --> 00:03:52,386
Hey, you.
102
00:03:52,504 --> 00:03:54,446
Hey! Hey, Jill.
103
00:03:54,590 --> 00:03:56,293
Didn't expect
to run into you here.
104
00:03:56,378 --> 00:03:58,755
Hmm, looks like you didn't
expect to run into anybody.
105
00:03:58,839 --> 00:03:59,941
Oh!
106
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:01,621
Yeah, these mighty calves
107
00:04:01,706 --> 00:04:03,626
are trapped in the prison
of long pants all week.
108
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,598
I like to turn 'em loose
on my day off.
109
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:06,800
I see.
110
00:04:07,064 --> 00:04:08,372
And your feet?
111
00:04:08,527 --> 00:04:11,144
Hey, it's everyone's day off.
112
00:04:11,229 --> 00:04:13,504
[laughs] I'm just
teasing, you look good.
113
00:04:13,602 --> 00:04:14,857
Now go
get on that tram
114
00:04:14,948 --> 00:04:16,245
and enjoy
the Magic Kingdom.
115
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:18,332
[laughing]
116
00:04:20,245 --> 00:04:21,386
You done?
117
00:04:21,596 --> 00:04:22,910
For now.
118
00:04:22,994 --> 00:04:24,300
So what are you doing here?
119
00:04:24,385 --> 00:04:26,738
I was just picking out
a new check design.
120
00:04:26,823 --> 00:04:29,042
Looks like the Raiders
are staying in Vegas.
121
00:04:29,261 --> 00:04:31,005
Looks like you're going
to Vegas.
122
00:04:31,089 --> 00:04:32,534
- [both laughing]
- I'm done now.
123
00:04:32,831 --> 00:04:34,581
Do those shoes taste
like circus peanuts?
124
00:04:34,666 --> 00:04:35,680
[laughs]
125
00:04:35,765 --> 00:04:36,995
I'm sorry.
126
00:04:37,534 --> 00:04:38,940
Done now.
127
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,792
Did you see the wizard?
128
00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:47,542
You know, you have never
actually spoken to me before,
129
00:04:47,627 --> 00:04:50,127
and I would not have predicted
those would be your first words.
130
00:04:50,478 --> 00:04:51,923
But while you're
in a chatty mood,
131
00:04:52,008 --> 00:04:53,748
why does the wizard
bother you, too?
132
00:04:57,288 --> 00:04:58,858
Are you gonna
put a curse on me
133
00:04:58,943 --> 00:05:00,728
and you need to touch me
to do it?
134
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,552
The ex-wife.
135
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,744
[gasps] She's back?
136
00:05:07,522 --> 00:05:09,259
[clucking tongue]
137
00:05:11,780 --> 00:05:13,431
Hey, while I have you here,
138
00:05:13,516 --> 00:05:15,758
what do you think about me
and Scooby-Doo checks?
139
00:05:15,872 --> 00:05:17,289
Cool that I like
to solve mysteries
140
00:05:17,374 --> 00:05:19,211
or creepy older guy
with a van?
141
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,430
I think you just answered
your own question.
142
00:05:22,515 --> 00:05:24,085
Okay, what-what about
Snoopy,
143
00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:25,763
but as the Red Baron,
144
00:05:25,848 --> 00:05:27,676
not just laying on a house.
145
00:05:27,812 --> 00:05:29,468
Uh, we're ready
for you, Ms. Kendall.
146
00:05:29,553 --> 00:05:30,896
Okay.
147
00:05:31,692 --> 00:05:33,640
Well, it was fun
running into you.
148
00:05:33,725 --> 00:05:35,425
Enjoy the rest
of your day off.
149
00:05:35,510 --> 00:05:37,341
MAN:
Everyone, get on the floor!
150
00:05:37,426 --> 00:05:38,692
MAN 2:
Get down and stay down!
151
00:05:38,777 --> 00:05:39,931
Hit the dirt!
152
00:05:40,016 --> 00:05:41,281
What?
153
00:05:41,366 --> 00:05:43,939
- Get down.
- Oh!
154
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:45,447
Is this really
happening?
155
00:05:45,532 --> 00:05:47,668
Yes, it's really happening,
just-just stay down.
156
00:05:47,753 --> 00:05:49,105
Did you bring your gun?
157
00:05:49,190 --> 00:05:51,697
No, I'm off duty.
Did you bring yours?
158
00:05:51,789 --> 00:05:53,814
Yeah, Andy, I always
bring my gun to the bank.
159
00:05:53,899 --> 00:05:56,384
Okay... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm-I'm nervous.
160
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:57,840
You know, I haven't
seen you in a while.
161
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:00,619
I'm wearing shorts
and now this.
162
00:06:02,970 --> 00:06:05,040
MAN: Hello and welcome to
the Tuesday speaker meeting...
163
00:06:05,124 --> 00:06:06,219
Where are they?
164
00:06:06,423 --> 00:06:08,198
Honey, they'll be here.
They're not gonna miss
165
00:06:08,282 --> 00:06:10,166
giving you a cake
for your sober birthday.
166
00:06:10,251 --> 00:06:11,806
But the meeting's
starting... Wendy,
167
00:06:11,891 --> 00:06:13,346
stall 'em...
you know what a heart attack
168
00:06:13,430 --> 00:06:14,908
looks like.
Fake one.
169
00:06:15,193 --> 00:06:17,720
If I did it realistically,
no one would notice.
170
00:06:17,804 --> 00:06:19,213
They're silent killers.
171
00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:21,620
You know, I didn't even
want to take a cake.
172
00:06:21,728 --> 00:06:23,423
Oh, come on,
it's nice to acknowledge
173
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,600
how much time you've got
for the newcomers.
174
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,081
Three years is a big deal.
175
00:06:27,247 --> 00:06:28,916
Nobody takes a
cake in prison.
176
00:06:29,001 --> 00:06:30,869
They're considered
weak, like books
177
00:06:30,954 --> 00:06:32,872
or conjugal visits.
178
00:06:33,298 --> 00:06:34,478
Bonnie pushed
me into this.
179
00:06:34,563 --> 00:06:36,086
Now I have to do
it without her?
180
00:06:36,233 --> 00:06:37,977
Well, Marjorie
and I are still here.
181
00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:39,719
What about a stroke?
Those are messy.
182
00:06:39,904 --> 00:06:41,197
Not always.
183
00:06:41,282 --> 00:06:43,207
You know, you brag all the
time about being a nurse,
184
00:06:43,291 --> 00:06:45,509
but when the chips are
down, where are you?
185
00:06:47,298 --> 00:06:48,547
[door opens]
186
00:06:48,677 --> 00:06:49,677
Aha!
187
00:06:49,968 --> 00:06:51,486
Lean Cuisine!
188
00:06:52,267 --> 00:06:54,098
Oh, my God, we're not done?
189
00:06:54,183 --> 00:06:55,330
A voice in my head said
190
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,812
something wasn't right
about you.
191
00:06:56,897 --> 00:06:58,900
The wizard's back,
you're counting calories,
192
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:01,744
and Marta explicitly said
Sandra was sniffing around.
193
00:07:01,829 --> 00:07:05,150
You add those clues up,
I think Sandra's sniffing around.
194
00:07:05,712 --> 00:07:07,291
That was one of the clues.
195
00:07:07,376 --> 00:07:08,634
So you're saying I'm right.
196
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,587
No, I'm saying
it's none of your business.
197
00:07:10,672 --> 00:07:12,088
Okay, switch seats,
we need to talk.
198
00:07:12,173 --> 00:07:13,697
- I'm not...
- Sit!
199
00:07:19,643 --> 00:07:21,423
Look, Bonnie,
I am your therapist.
200
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,174
I'm not gonna talk to you
about my personal life.
201
00:07:23,258 --> 00:07:25,783
I'm the therapist.
I'm in the therapist chair.
202
00:07:25,868 --> 00:07:27,548
The chair really has
nothing to do with it.
203
00:07:27,633 --> 00:07:29,464
Yes, it does...
It's about who's in the chair
204
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,079
and who's acting crazy,
and I'm in the chair
205
00:07:31,163 --> 00:07:32,502
and you're acting crazy.
206
00:07:32,587 --> 00:07:33,983
What am I doing
that's so crazy?
207
00:07:34,068 --> 00:07:36,291
You're letting the woman who
ruined your life back into it.
208
00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:38,127
We're just having
dinner tonight.
209
00:07:38,212 --> 00:07:40,741
And six months from now, you'll
be back in that corner crying,
210
00:07:40,826 --> 00:07:42,526
and I'll be the one
helping you blow your nose.
211
00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:44,369
Now, you may want
to go through that again,
212
00:07:44,454 --> 00:07:46,845
but I do not.
213
00:07:50,119 --> 00:07:51,634
What are they
doing over there?
214
00:07:51,719 --> 00:07:53,593
They're clearing out
the cash drawers.
215
00:07:53,678 --> 00:07:56,369
Hopefully one of the tellers
triggered the silent alarm.
216
00:07:56,469 --> 00:07:58,705
Well, how much longer do
you think they'll take?
217
00:07:59,523 --> 00:08:01,705
You want me to ask them
to move it along?
218
00:08:02,213 --> 00:08:04,877
It's just, you see this in
the movies all the time,
219
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,837
but in real life it
goes a lot slower.
220
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,689
Yeah, well,
we're in Napa.
221
00:08:08,774 --> 00:08:09,867
Everything's slower.
222
00:08:09,969 --> 00:08:11,744
You know, if they decide
to go out the back exit,
223
00:08:11,828 --> 00:08:12,852
they're gonna come
right through here.
224
00:08:12,936 --> 00:08:14,672
I don't want you to end up
being a hostage.
225
00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:16,979
Well, thanks for putting
that idea in my head.
226
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:18,304
Shh!
227
00:08:18,389 --> 00:08:20,808
See? I won't make a good
hostage, I'm mouthy.
228
00:08:20,893 --> 00:08:22,649
- Jill.
- I'm serious.
229
00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:24,704
I'll complain about
the food too much.
230
00:08:24,789 --> 00:08:26,336
No, I got this.
231
00:08:26,804 --> 00:08:28,797
Oh, God, what are you doing?
232
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,593
I'm shielding you
with my body.
233
00:08:30,701 --> 00:08:32,133
[long exhale]
234
00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:34,382
That's very sweet, but...
235
00:08:35,212 --> 00:08:36,608
you're squishing me.
236
00:08:36,692 --> 00:08:38,297
Oh, sorry, sorry.
237
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:40,089
[heavy breathing]
238
00:08:40,173 --> 00:08:42,175
[shushing]
239
00:08:47,854 --> 00:08:50,182
MAN:
Hey! I said stay down!
240
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,940
Was he just
yelling at you?
241
00:08:52,025 --> 00:08:54,009
He's right, I peeked.
242
00:08:54,276 --> 00:08:55,803
I'm sorry, I've
just never been
243
00:08:55,888 --> 00:08:57,932
in this situation before.
You're the professional.
244
00:08:58,017 --> 00:09:00,361
It's okay, the important
thing is to just stay calm.
245
00:09:00,471 --> 00:09:02,507
Okay, you know
I don't do that well.
246
00:09:02,592 --> 00:09:04,061
Well, just, you know what?
247
00:09:04,146 --> 00:09:06,609
Focus on your breathing, okay?
Look-look into my eyes.
248
00:09:06,694 --> 00:09:08,858
[breathing in unison]
249
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,410
I'm sorry, I'm sweaty.
250
00:09:12,495 --> 00:09:13,921
Did you work out?
251
00:09:14,022 --> 00:09:16,444
No, we're being robbed
by men with guns.
252
00:09:16,529 --> 00:09:18,447
Damn it, there goes
my breathing!
253
00:09:18,532 --> 00:09:20,773
Okay, you got to do something
to help me keep my mind off
254
00:09:20,858 --> 00:09:21,616
what's really going on.
255
00:09:21,701 --> 00:09:24,265
O-Okay, okay, uh, let's see,
what's been going on with me?
256
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:27,069
Oh, I had my fantasy baseball
draft about a week ago.
257
00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:29,101
I waited too long
on a catcher so I ended up
258
00:09:29,186 --> 00:09:30,452
with the White Sox backup.
259
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,147
That's not gonna go well.
260
00:09:33,363 --> 00:09:34,780
Also, um...
261
00:09:35,460 --> 00:09:38,071
I've been thinking
about you a lot lately.
262
00:09:40,473 --> 00:09:41,606
Really?
263
00:09:41,691 --> 00:09:42,782
Yeah.
264
00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:44,866
What exactly were you thinking?
265
00:09:45,659 --> 00:09:48,311
That-that maybe
I made a mistake.
266
00:09:48,861 --> 00:09:51,736
That maybe I was crazy
to let you go.
267
00:09:51,821 --> 00:09:53,538
Well, I thought so.
268
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,413
Yeah, I definitely
made a mistake.
269
00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:02,858
You're making another
one now by talking.
270
00:10:02,943 --> 00:10:04,600
[laughs softly]
271
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,155
MAN:
Let's get moving!
272
00:10:06,827 --> 00:10:07,999
Okay, they're gone.
273
00:10:08,099 --> 00:10:09,304
We can get up now.
274
00:10:14,262 --> 00:10:16,146
Why would you let
a woman who called you
275
00:10:16,231 --> 00:10:18,508
a toxic narcissist
back into your life?
276
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,387
I don't think you get
her sense of humor.
277
00:10:21,987 --> 00:10:24,801
She's called me many things,
but she's changed.
278
00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:26,238
Has she,
or did she find life
279
00:10:26,323 --> 00:10:28,546
without a doormat husband
more challenging?
280
00:10:29,020 --> 00:10:30,738
Wow, you really don't like her.
281
00:10:30,822 --> 00:10:33,278
That's because
I'm Team Doormat.
282
00:10:33,477 --> 00:10:35,960
Okay, you know,
that's hurtful stuff, too.
283
00:10:36,044 --> 00:10:39,326
Was it as hurtful as when she
cleaned you out in the divorce
284
00:10:39,411 --> 00:10:41,716
and moved to Oregon
to start her soy milk empire?
285
00:10:41,801 --> 00:10:43,882
How could she have known
there was a cold wind blowing
286
00:10:43,966 --> 00:10:46,286
and its name was oat milk?
287
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,733
It's so good.
288
00:10:48,872 --> 00:10:50,540
It really... it-it's so foamy.
289
00:10:50,624 --> 00:10:53,403
Soy, oat, it's...
It doesn't make a woman change.
290
00:10:53,488 --> 00:10:55,066
But she has changed.
How?
291
00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:56,325
So many ways.
292
00:10:57,207 --> 00:11:00,009
I also realized I was doing
something wrong, too.
293
00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,653
Stick to her.
294
00:11:02,981 --> 00:11:04,551
Well, she's taken up cycling.
295
00:11:04,982 --> 00:11:07,841
Oh, my God, and here I am
standing in the way of love.
296
00:11:07,926 --> 00:11:08,958
Go to her, Trevor.
297
00:11:09,156 --> 00:11:10,509
Buy matching spandex shorts
298
00:11:10,688 --> 00:11:12,867
and cycle off into the sunset.
299
00:11:13,161 --> 00:11:15,528
You know,
that sarcasm isn't exactly
300
00:11:15,613 --> 00:11:17,146
right out
of the therapy handbook.
301
00:11:17,231 --> 00:11:20,585
Oh, you want the handbook?
Why are you lying to yourself?
302
00:11:21,005 --> 00:11:23,396
Bonnie, this is somebody
I once loved.
303
00:11:23,481 --> 00:11:24,877
I'm giving her the benefit
of the doubt
304
00:11:24,961 --> 00:11:26,705
that it's gonna be different
this time.
305
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,686
I think you're going back
to what's familiar
306
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,342
because you're scared
of being alone and you think
307
00:11:30,426 --> 00:11:32,869
you're never gonna meet
anyone else ever again.
308
00:11:35,749 --> 00:11:38,638
May I please eat
my Salisbury steak in peace?
309
00:11:41,053 --> 00:11:44,685
♪ Happy birthday, dear Tammy
310
00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:48,998
♪ Happy birthday to you
311
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:52,129
♪ Keep coming back.
312
00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:53,871
[applause]
313
00:11:55,396 --> 00:11:58,512
Oh, thanks. Uh, hi.
Tammy, alcoholic.
314
00:11:58,604 --> 00:11:59,535
ALL:
Hi, Tammy.
315
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:01,388
Uh, you know, thanks to
everyone who actually did
316
00:12:01,472 --> 00:12:02,566
show up for my birthday.
317
00:12:02,651 --> 00:12:04,395
It's my first time
taking a cake.
318
00:12:04,493 --> 00:12:07,363
It's not even real,
and I prefer pie, but thank you.
319
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,254
The only reason I'm doing it
today is because it's important
320
00:12:10,661 --> 00:12:12,397
to someone who couldn't
even be bothered to be here.
321
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:13,988
[laughs]
I mean, you feel me, Jim.
322
00:12:14,073 --> 00:12:16,675
You're always saving a seat
for someone who doesn't show.
323
00:12:18,059 --> 00:12:19,597
You know,
one of the things that AA
324
00:12:19,783 --> 00:12:21,093
has taught me is,
you show up for people.
325
00:12:21,177 --> 00:12:23,241
If you say you're gonna be
somewhere, you're there.
326
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:24,722
[phone chimes]
327
00:12:24,807 --> 00:12:26,714
Oh, look who's texting me.
328
00:12:26,799 --> 00:12:28,205
We're supposed
to turn our phones off.
329
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,512
I just want to sit.
330
00:12:31,113 --> 00:12:32,860
So, Bonnie said
she's gonna be late,
331
00:12:32,944 --> 00:12:34,383
and we all know what that means.
332
00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:35,769
[laughs]
333
00:12:36,948 --> 00:12:38,819
Hang on, I'm texting her back.
334
00:12:40,397 --> 00:12:42,751
Well, I'm not even getting the
three dots. That's real nice.
335
00:12:42,835 --> 00:12:46,277
[chuckles] Anyway, you know,
I'm not here to complain.
336
00:12:46,494 --> 00:12:49,604
I'm here to celebrate the fact
that I have three years
337
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,966
of sobriety, which is
pretty freakin' awesome.
338
00:12:52,050 --> 00:12:54,185
[chuckles]
Oh, hang on, three dots.
339
00:12:54,269 --> 00:12:56,057
Nope.
340
00:12:56,141 --> 00:12:58,787
Bottom line is, I'm
really grateful to be sober.
341
00:12:58,872 --> 00:12:59,930
Thanks a lot.
342
00:13:00,014 --> 00:13:01,396
[applause]
343
00:13:05,162 --> 00:13:07,779
Uh... I don't know anything about
the road that led you to Sandra.
344
00:13:07,864 --> 00:13:09,310
Tell me about that.
345
00:13:10,149 --> 00:13:11,693
Not much of a road.
346
00:13:11,778 --> 00:13:13,639
More of a driveway, really.
347
00:13:13,724 --> 00:13:16,029
Uphill, had a basketball hoop,
need to shovel the snow?
348
00:13:16,114 --> 00:13:18,122
W-What-what does that mean?
349
00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:21,209
It means Sandra was the first
relationship I ever had.
350
00:13:22,082 --> 00:13:23,260
Ever?
351
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,219
Well, there was somebody
in high school,
352
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,391
but that was more
of a friendship with a girl
353
00:13:27,476 --> 00:13:29,217
that I liked
who didn't notice me.
354
00:13:30,022 --> 00:13:33,159
So you had one unrequited crush,
then a wife,
355
00:13:33,259 --> 00:13:35,568
and yet you're guiding me
through life.
356
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,959
Yes, and I meant to tell you,
I'm raising my rate.
357
00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:40,465
So, this crush,
you ever ask her out?
358
00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:41,903
Oh, God, no.
359
00:13:42,158 --> 00:13:44,800
But once,
I gave a report on Alaska
360
00:13:44,885 --> 00:13:48,739
and I said that I'd like
to someday kayak the fjords,
361
00:13:48,824 --> 00:13:53,512
and she said,
"Wow, pretty cool."
362
00:13:53,850 --> 00:13:55,574
What ever happened to her?
I don't know.
363
00:13:55,659 --> 00:13:57,360
Oh, come on, you got divorced.
You never looked her up?
364
00:13:57,444 --> 00:13:59,145
She sells real estate
in Mendocino.
365
00:13:59,237 --> 00:14:00,630
Has a pet turtle.
366
00:14:02,332 --> 00:14:05,266
You've been lonely for a whole
year and you didn't call her?
367
00:14:05,351 --> 00:14:07,598
You can't just pick up the phone
and call somebody
368
00:14:07,734 --> 00:14:09,021
you haven't talked to
in that many years.
369
00:14:09,105 --> 00:14:10,979
Yes, you can.
You pick up the phone,
370
00:14:11,064 --> 00:14:13,047
you dial the sequence
of numbers, they say, "Hello,"
371
00:14:13,131 --> 00:14:14,513
you say, "Hi, it's Trevor,
the guy you caught
372
00:14:14,597 --> 00:14:16,124
staring at you
all through high school."
373
00:14:16,208 --> 00:14:17,324
And then she hangs up.
374
00:14:17,409 --> 00:14:18,520
Or...
375
00:14:18,605 --> 00:14:20,809
she's been waiting
for your call for 30 years.
376
00:14:22,018 --> 00:14:23,066
You think?
377
00:14:23,158 --> 00:14:24,809
No, probably not.
378
00:14:25,474 --> 00:14:26,653
But there is a good chance
379
00:14:26,738 --> 00:14:28,660
she won't call you
a toxic narcissist.
380
00:14:29,317 --> 00:14:30,996
And I'm not leaving
till you do it.
381
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,184
And you know I'm stubborn,
382
00:14:32,269 --> 00:14:34,329
'cause you gave me a book
about it, which I never read.
383
00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:35,936
And you can't make me.
384
00:14:38,098 --> 00:14:39,135
[exhales]
385
00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:40,739
Thanks for giving me a ride.
386
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:42,527
My hands are still shaking.
387
00:14:42,612 --> 00:14:44,535
Oh, yeah, that was
a pretty good kiss.
388
00:14:46,294 --> 00:14:47,734
So...
389
00:14:48,285 --> 00:14:50,954
was what you said in there
just adrenaline talking
390
00:14:51,038 --> 00:14:52,431
or did you really mean it?
391
00:14:54,486 --> 00:14:57,678
Because... I don't want to go down
that road again
392
00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:00,265
if-if it's not real.
393
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:03,412
Look, I've b... I've
been thinking a lot
394
00:15:03,551 --> 00:15:05,770
about our relationship,
and, um...
395
00:15:06,617 --> 00:15:08,412
...I was just scared.
396
00:15:09,110 --> 00:15:10,943
Not "bank robbery with guns"
scared.
397
00:15:11,028 --> 00:15:12,294
"Getting married
and having kids" scared,
398
00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:14,818
which is way worse.
399
00:15:16,847 --> 00:15:19,660
But you're not scared anymore?
400
00:15:19,763 --> 00:15:21,852
Oh, are you kidding?
I'm terrified.
401
00:15:22,794 --> 00:15:25,429
But I-I realized in
that bank that...
402
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,905
...I'd die for you.
403
00:15:29,891 --> 00:15:32,725
So, yeah, let's do this.
404
00:15:33,298 --> 00:15:35,300
- [Both laugh softly]
- I'm in.
405
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,601
So, where are you
taking me, anyway?
406
00:15:39,686 --> 00:15:40,952
I actually have no idea.
407
00:15:41,037 --> 00:15:43,374
I can't drive and be emotionally
honest at the same time.
408
00:15:43,459 --> 00:15:45,405
[laughs]
409
00:15:45,632 --> 00:15:48,508
Well, how about we just
pull over and kiss some more?
410
00:15:48,593 --> 00:15:51,101
That's a solid idea.
411
00:15:51,398 --> 00:15:53,499
I do like kissing.
[laughs]
412
00:15:53,584 --> 00:15:54,827
Me, too.
413
00:15:58,547 --> 00:16:00,710
- Well, pull over.
- Oh, right, right.
414
00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:04,346
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
415
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:06,045
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
416
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:07,720
[quietly]:
She's divorced and miserable.
417
00:16:07,877 --> 00:16:09,046
Yes.
418
00:16:09,237 --> 00:16:11,445
Well, if you ever need
someone to talk to...
419
00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:12,515
No.
420
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,171
You want a new girlfriend,
not a new patient.
421
00:16:15,296 --> 00:16:17,874
I mean, not as a therapist,
I mean as a friend.
422
00:16:17,998 --> 00:16:20,729
M-More than a friend.
I mean, start as friends
423
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:21,796
and see what happens.
424
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,162
If it happens, it happens.
You know, boy-girl stuff. Uh...
425
00:16:24,653 --> 00:16:27,834
Hey, pull it together
or the wizard dies.
426
00:16:28,044 --> 00:16:29,747
How about dinner?
427
00:16:29,832 --> 00:16:32,008
With wine?
Like a date.
428
00:16:32,896 --> 00:16:36,598
Uh, lunch with wine
could work. Sure.
429
00:16:36,784 --> 00:16:38,395
Sometimes
I have eggs for lunch.
430
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:39,919
Uh, like a frittata.
431
00:16:41,389 --> 00:16:43,544
I don't know why
I'm telling you this. Uh...
432
00:16:43,945 --> 00:16:45,794
Let's do Saturday.
433
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:48,130
Sounds great.
I'll call you.
434
00:16:48,222 --> 00:16:50,662
[laughs, whoops]
435
00:16:50,747 --> 00:16:53,161
Yeah!
That's how it's done.
436
00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:54,942
No, it's not,
but it worked.
437
00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:56,116
Wait.
438
00:16:57,431 --> 00:16:58,736
Hand me that wizard.
439
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:04,199
[shouts]
440
00:17:04,306 --> 00:17:05,692
[shatters]
441
00:17:05,777 --> 00:17:08,305
Now you are free.
442
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:10,860
[wind whooshing]
443
00:17:18,152 --> 00:17:20,067
I mean, it was eerie.
444
00:17:20,152 --> 00:17:22,497
Like a Stephen King
level of eerie.
445
00:17:23,202 --> 00:17:26,778
Trevor smashed the wizard,
it got ten degrees colder,
446
00:17:26,863 --> 00:17:30,957
and then Marta turned
into a crow and flew away.
447
00:17:31,382 --> 00:17:33,039
Seriously?
448
00:17:33,124 --> 00:17:35,684
I didn't see it, but I
went inside to get my keys
449
00:17:35,768 --> 00:17:38,945
and when I came back out,
there was just a bird.
450
00:17:40,391 --> 00:17:42,500
I'm sorry, who's Marta?
451
00:17:43,208 --> 00:17:44,896
Exactly.
452
00:17:45,452 --> 00:17:48,320
All right, look, since it
seems you saved Trevor's life,
453
00:17:48,405 --> 00:17:50,758
you're forgiven for
missing my birthday.
454
00:17:51,391 --> 00:17:53,226
You're not gonna believe
what happened to me.
455
00:17:53,311 --> 00:17:55,141
Just know you're gonna
have to top a human
456
00:17:55,226 --> 00:17:57,109
who turned into a crow.
457
00:17:58,641 --> 00:18:00,203
Andy and I were in
a bank robbery.
458
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,273
He saved my life and
we're in love again.
459
00:18:05,508 --> 00:18:07,641
They're really
different stories,
460
00:18:08,363 --> 00:18:10,191
but I think Jill wins.
461
00:18:13,983 --> 00:18:18,436
Uh, so... Trevor's taking
a three-month leave of absence?
462
00:18:18,521 --> 00:18:20,194
Yeah. He went to lunch
with his high school crush,
463
00:18:20,278 --> 00:18:22,459
and now they're going
to kayak the fjords.
464
00:18:23,215 --> 00:18:25,133
So...
465
00:18:25,553 --> 00:18:28,889
the guy who grounds you
e-emotionally
466
00:18:28,959 --> 00:18:33,924
twice a week is gone
for th-three months?
467
00:18:34,921 --> 00:18:37,901
He said I'd be okay without him.
What do you think about that?
468
00:18:38,012 --> 00:18:42,112
I'm thinking
you could still Zoom with him
469
00:18:42,197 --> 00:18:43,934
if there's an emergency, right?
470
00:18:44,018 --> 00:18:45,414
Oh, yeah, definitely.
471
00:18:45,498 --> 00:18:47,822
And I apologize in advance
for the bad choices
472
00:18:47,907 --> 00:18:49,912
I might make during this period.
473
00:18:50,454 --> 00:18:51,955
- Apology accepted.
- [both chuckle]
474
00:18:53,712 --> 00:18:55,666
Ha. You don't mean that.
475
00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,377
Still not buying it.
476
00:19:12,622 --> 00:19:15,668
- Okay, that one counted.
- [clears throat]
477
00:19:21,053 --> 00:19:23,237
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
478
00:19:23,322 --> 00:19:25,435
Synchronized by srjanapala
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