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>> Welcome back.
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Our couple, Denise and Swanson,
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have already seen two incredible
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homes.
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Their first option was a
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spacious two-bed with a short
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commute to the city followed by
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this Spanish Colonial home with
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curb appeal.
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Now their final option,
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a converted pre-war evil lair,
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just steps from historic
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Arkham Asylum.
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**
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>> Yeah, well, it's certainly
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more in our price range.
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>> I'm just a little worried
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about the destruction in the
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neighborhood.
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>> Okay, well, I tell you what.
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If you move here, the one thing
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that won't be destroyed
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is your bank account.
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>> Oh.
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>> Hello, savings.
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Also, there is a super
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on the property.
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>> Is that Robin?
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>> It sure is.
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>> Oh, I love him.
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>> Suck it.
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>> Little less friendly now.
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And this is the recently
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remodeled eat-in kitchen.
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>> Oh, yum.
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Oh. Whoa.
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>> Is that the bat signal?
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>> Yeah, no, it is.
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You know, not everybody gets a
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dream view of the bat signal.
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>> Mm-hmm.
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>> I see.
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>> Who needs monorail track
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lighting?
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(chuckling)
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Not this place.
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>> Whoo, uh, well, at least
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there's a lot of storage space.
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>> Whoa.
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Looks like there's some
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scarecrow booby traps here.
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(voice distorted) Plus side is
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you get to keep the mask.
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(screeching)
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I do recommend getting the
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Batman-level insurance.
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It really protects against
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explosions, lasers, time bombs,
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laughing gas, freezing guns,
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cars, planes or trains that come
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on through the living room,
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sentient plants, men made of
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clay...
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>> Get the insurance.
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>> We'll take it.
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>> All right!
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>> Ow.
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You'll have to get the clown.
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I got a... bad back.
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>> * 'Cause I'm saved
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* By the bell
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>> Zack, we have to go finish
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our science project.
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>> Relax, Screech.
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Right now I'm working on the
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science of this cheeseburger.
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(laughter)
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>> That's the only subject he'll
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be getting an A-plus in.
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(laughter)
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>> Hey, Screech, think fast.
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>> Aah!
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>> Nice catch.
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>> A.C. Slater needs to chill
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the (bleep) out.
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**
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>> Screech need to quit acting
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like he's not black, man.
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We got the same haircut.
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>> You both got naturals.
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>> Yeah.
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>> Oh, look at Lisa over there,
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right?
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I'm the star tailback on the
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football team and she still
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don't see me.
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Lisa! Lisa!
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>> She can't hear you, man.
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She can't hear you.
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>> You know she can't hear you.
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Once you start talking to white
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people, you can't hear black
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people no more.
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>> That's true, man, good point.
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>> It's like a vortex.
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>> Come on, man, that ain't
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true-- Lisa!
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Lisa Turtle!
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>> Go over there, Richie.
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Tell it like it is, Richie.
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>> Get 'em, Richie.
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>> Black Bayside is about to
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take this mother--
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**
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>> How'd you like dinner?
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(indistinct chatter)
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>> Oh, this is a really nice--
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This is a really nice place.
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>> Come on up here.
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>> Okey-dokey.
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This is incredible.
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Wow.
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>> Man, this dude has no
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technique.
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>> I...
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I don't know how to say this,
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but that...
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That was my virginity.
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>> Oh, uh, wow.
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Why didn't you say
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something or...
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>> Well, I'm 26, so I--
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I didn't wanna make it weird,
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you know, but...
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I'm glad it was you.
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Oh, man, I am...
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I'm just a little overwhelmed.
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Do you mind if I go to the
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bathroom, do people do that?
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>> Sure.
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>> Okay, well...
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See you in a second.
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>> (yawning)
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>> Actually, um... I just wanted
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to ask you... how was it?
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>> It was fine.
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>> Okay.
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I'll take that.
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(chuckling)
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I was worried I'd be the worst
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of all time.
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(chuckling) Anyway...
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(water running)
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>> (shrieking)
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>> Shh, hey, oh, you--
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Calm down!
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Come here, I ain't gonna hurt
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you.
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(crashing) Oh, oh!
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Oh, she...
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(scream fading, distant thud)
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>> Hello, Mr. Not a Virgin
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Anymore.
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>> (muttering)
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>> (breathes and sniffs)
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Howdy!
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(siren approaching)
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(siren blaring)
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>> Okay, so after you lost your
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virginity, what's the last
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thing you said to her?
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>> I asked how the sex was.
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>> Okay, and what'd she say?
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>> Uh, she said it was fine.
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>> Sir, can you shed some light
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on this letter we discovered?
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>> Uh, sure, wh-what letter?
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>> "Dear World, good-bye.
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I'm gonna jump out this window
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because I had such horrible sex
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tonight, I can never love
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anything ever again."
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"I lost my faith in humanity
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when I looked in his virgin
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eyes.
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Sincerely, me."
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(siren blaring)
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>> Mmm, uh, nothing to add to
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that currently, but, you know, I
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just-- I-I just feel like
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something's not right, you know?
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It's like-- 'cause she said--
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she said it was fine.
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>> Okay, you know, either she
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killed herself because the sex
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was so bad or you killed her and
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made it look like a suicide.
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>> Coming up, how this man's bad
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sex made a woman want to die.
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That and our Eye in the Sky,
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Pete Greg, in the traffic copter
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after the break.
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** (news theme playing)
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>> I murdered her.
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>> I got a witness.
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>> Oh, how you doing?
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Look, I saw everything.
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I looked up, right?
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And the lady was in the window.
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And she just started
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yelling out.
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"Oh, man, I don't wanna live no
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more because this is the worst--
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this is the worst sex I've ever
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had in my life!"
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And then she jumped.
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>> Again, she said it was fine.
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>> What?
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What's straight ahead?
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>> So I can't do this?
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>> Mm-mmm.
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>> But that's the move
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I wanna make.
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I don't wanna do this no more.
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>> * Two business guys
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* Too little time
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* On their way to lunch
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* Trying to eat
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* Some good old food, yeah
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>> Hi.
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>> All right, quiet on the set.
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Quiet on the set.
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Action.
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Hands.
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There we go.
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The cocoa butter is your friend.
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So let those hands flow freely.
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Let me see that.
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All right, cut, perfect.
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We're gonna do it again.
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>> Um, hey, Mr. Jackson?
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>> My man, what's up?
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>> I'm good, I just wanted to
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tell you that I am so happy to
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be working on this commercial
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for Soul King Cocoa Butter, man.
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And thanks for taking a chance
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on me.
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>> And were here at Soul King
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take special pride in how we
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treat our brothers and sisters.
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>> I just-- it's so refreshing
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to work for a pro-black company,
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you know?
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>> Okay, well, look, check
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this out, speaking of black,
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why don't you go get me some
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coffee and stop yapping so damn
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much.
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We're about to go.
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Quiet on the set.
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Quiet on the set.
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(bell ringing)
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Action!
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Now caress that cocoa butter.
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Caress it like it's a woman.
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Cut, cut, Rick, come on out
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here, come on out here.
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Come on.
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Makeup, come on, what are you
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doing?
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Look at his hands.
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They're too shiny.
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>> What the hell is this?
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>> What's the matter?
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>> The matter is he-- he--
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He's white, he's a white--
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This is like blackface!
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>> It's black hands, stupid.
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>> Yeah, it's totally different.
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Who-- who-- who is this guy?
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>> It's wrong and it's rude
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and it's insensitive.
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I'm getting to the bottom
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of this.
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** (news theme)
287
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:02,979
>> It's been quite the scene
288
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:03,736
here today.
289
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:04,784
Now, ma'am, tell me, how are you
290
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:05,978
feeling about all this?
291
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:06,879
>> You know what, this country
292
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,850
was built on the backs of black
293
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,249
hands.
294
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,250
And white men don't even get
295
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,251
ashy, so that's bull(bleep).
296
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,793
>> This is an abomination.
297
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:15,858
At the end of the day, black
298
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,286
hands are more than cool
299
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,730
handshakes.
300
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:19,986
Something must be done.
301
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,493
>> Okay, now Reverend Sharpe,
302
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,064
do you foresee a boycott?
303
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,833
>> Well, not exactly, uh, uh,
304
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:25,672
well, you know, our beautiful
305
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:26,596
black skin does need cocoa
306
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,600
butter, uh, but there will be
307
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:29,672
a lawsuit.
308
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:30,540
Best believe that.
309
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:31,167
(TV clicking off)
310
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,211
>> I'm just trying to feed
311
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,335
my family.
312
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:34,470
>> You just don't understand
313
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:37,584
the struggle, man.
314
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,377
>> Oh, I understand
315
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:39,608
the struggle, my brother.
316
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:40,753
>> That's right.
317
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:43,148
I saw one picture and I knew
318
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,520
those were the hands
319
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,017
of a Soul King.
320
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,619
>> Look, I can't help it that my
321
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,461
white hands have black features.
322
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:51,457
>> Son, do you know what it's
323
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,358
called when a man qualifies for
324
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,860
a job but still doesn't get it
325
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,033
because of the color of his
326
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,200
skin?
327
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,498
That's racism.
328
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:02,269
Now, Rick here has the hands of
329
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,569
a ballplayer and the face
330
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,411
of an owner.
331
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:06,405
(chuckling)
332
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,106
How long have you had that afro?
333
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,438
>> All my life, I guess.
334
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,052
>> Does the fist on that afro
335
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:16,245
pick look familiar?
336
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,749
>> (laughing)
337
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:19,722
Get over here, dude.
338
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,390
(chuckling)
339
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,619
(both laughing)
340
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,963
I'm gonna (bleep) you up.
341
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,934
>> I'm excited today because the
342
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,399
church is taking a step toward
343
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,468
the future, um, and we're
344
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,766
getting rid of all those paper
345
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:37,468
Bibles and then we're upgrading
346
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,770
to 200 tablets.
347
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,313
Can I get an amen?
348
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,408
>> (all) Amen!
349
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,109
>> Yes, yes, amen.
350
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,681
Open your Bible app to the book
351
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,620
of "Leviticus."
352
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:51,275
Say amen once you got it.
353
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,094
Um, I guess just be a little
354
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,686
patient...
355
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:55,418
Looks like we're having a
356
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,722
problem with the "wee-fee."
357
00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:57,994
>> Oh, pastor,
358
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,191
it's pronounced "Wi-Fi."
359
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,532
>> Excuse me?
360
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:01,727
>> It's pronounced "Wi-Fi."
361
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:03,559
>> Are you sure about that?
362
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:04,463
>> Yeah.
363
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:05,534
>> Now shut up!
364
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,172
Unfortunately, your answer is
365
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,337
incorrect.
366
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,195
It's pronounced whatever God
367
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:10,342
wants me to say it is.
368
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,937
** (dramatic organ notes)
369
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,269
Look here, okay?
370
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,713
Everything is gonna be okay.
371
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:15,678
We're just having a little bit
372
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:20,275
of a... "wifey" problem.
373
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,520
Uh, now maybe I can find God's
374
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,575
signal over here.
375
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:24,893
>> Go from the heart, pastor.
376
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,285
>> Yeah, from the heart.
377
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:26,946
>> You want me to do it from
378
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:27,624
the heart?
379
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:28,520
>> Yeah!
380
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,191
>> Is that what y'all want?
381
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,689
>> You! You need it!
382
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,260
>> Okay, well, um...
383
00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:36,429
Moses went to the Red Sea
384
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,429
with some animals, right?
385
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,031
And then God said, "Let me tell
386
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,333
you some commandments."
387
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,244
>> Pastor, that's not in the
388
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:42,995
Bible.
389
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:43,743
>> Not at all.
390
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:44,367
>> It's not in the Bible?
391
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,811
Guess what, God was testing us!
392
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:46,766
(laughing)
393
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:47,784
You got it, you was getting
394
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:48,535
tested.
395
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,041
You know your Bible, don't you?
396
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,313
Don't you know your Bible.
397
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,211
You are-- you are smart.
398
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,083
So I got another story for you.
399
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,282
Here we go, it was a story
400
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,553
of, um, David.
401
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,251
He had to fight a giant
402
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,964
by the name of, um...
403
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,087
Shrek!
404
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,292
And Shrek was fixin' to get
405
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,064
married!
406
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,661
>> I'm sorry, uh, David fought
407
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,002
Goliath, Shrek is...
408
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:11,968
>> Because at the end of the
409
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,995
day, I'm just trying to get
410
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,942
a signal from Him!
411
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,068
And this is, uh...
412
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,473
Oh, this is getting frustrating.
413
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:22,344
>> Pastor, you can total--
414
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,482
you can just reset the router
415
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,236
right there.
416
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,114
>> Yeah, you can do it.
417
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,312
>> What?
418
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:27,413
>> Push the button.
419
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,254
>> What button?
420
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:28,978
>> On the router.
421
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,082
>> Oh, oh, so, wait a minute,
422
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:30,983
let me ask y'all something.
423
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:31,854
You think the power
424
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,652
of electricity...
425
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,023
is bigger than the power of
426
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:35,862
Jesus?
427
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:36,956
Did I hear that right?
428
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:37,757
>> No.
429
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:38,457
>> You know what God just
430
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,688
told me?
431
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:40,862
He said we need to bow our head
432
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,461
in prayer.
433
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,002
Oh, yeah, bow your heads.
434
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,027
You... everybody.
435
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:50,443
As we sit here in church...
436
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,307
Oh, God is good.
437
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,065
Pull those iPads out now.
438
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,344
Give me an amen if it look like
439
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,642
you got a little signal.
440
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:57,413
>> Ahh...
441
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,110
>> Can I get an amen?
442
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:58,951
You got a signal?
443
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,246
Y'all got a signal?
444
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,377
Oh, God is good!
445
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:02,281
(piano playing)
446
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,722
(all cheering)
447
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:07,117
**
448
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,220
>> Oh, yeah!
449
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,121
>> Stop!
450
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:09,822
(music stops)
451
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:10,923
(video game music playing)
452
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:11,794
>> Now, who in here playing
453
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:12,731
Candy Crush?
454
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:13,425
>> Hey, how's it going?
455
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:14,126
I'm Josh.
456
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,257
>> Hi, Josh, I'm Anna.
457
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:15,932
>> Anna?
458
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:16,559
>> I'm Jermaine.
459
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:17,363
Nice meeting you.
460
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,674
Now, would you be willing to
461
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:21,865
paint your hands black to model
462
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,169
this here Soul King Cocoa
463
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:24,570
Butter?
464
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:25,611
>> Okay, okay.
465
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,835
Um... I'm gonna say yes.
466
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:28,711
>> Okay, cool.
467
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:29,378
>> Oh, that's so nice.
468
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,036
All right.
469
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:30,713
>> Let's do it.
470
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:31,510
>> Now, the only complexion we
471
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:32,611
have is Michael Jordan brown.
472
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:33,282
>> Well, actually, I mean,
473
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,550
if you're... I was thinking,
474
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:35,447
like, if you were gonna do the
475
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,418
hands, maybe would you be...
476
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,187
>> Would you be cool doing the
477
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:39,145
entire face?
478
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:39,822
>> Yeah, if you could do the
479
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:40,449
whole face?
480
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,253
>> The rest of your face?
481
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,464
>> Uh...
482
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,658
>> (panicked panting)
483
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:50,599
(distant shouts and explosions)
484
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:51,627
Incoming!
485
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:53,231
(panting)
486
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,638
>> As I held my friend's
487
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,140
entrails, I realized there was
488
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,054
no hope.
489
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:10,146
Hope for him or for any of us.
490
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,920
(sniffling)
491
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:13,249
I'm sitting here before you
492
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:14,923
alive, but it feels like my soul
493
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:17,392
died all those years ago.
494
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:20,030
(sniffling)
495
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,927
>> Powerful stuff.
496
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:24,660
Does anybody else have something
497
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,004
they'd like to share?
498
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,269
**
499
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,398
>> I've seen countless battles.
500
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:34,344
Things no man should see.
501
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:38,211
In 1961, I was assigned to
502
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,711
assassinate Fidel Castro.
503
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,053
And after that, I joined a black
504
00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,819
ops team where we were deployed
505
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:45,916
to destroy the Soyuz spacecraft.
506
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:48,019
>> Wait, isn't that from
507
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,391
"Call of Duty: Black Ops"?
508
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,489
>> After we were flanked and
509
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,791
pinned down for hours,
510
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:59,234
it was wave after wave
511
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,872
of Nazi zombies.
512
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,097
>> Okay, see he's referencing
513
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:02,842
gamertags.
514
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:03,935
He's talking about a video game.
515
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:04,667
Just a second ago, he was saying
516
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:05,711
Nazi zombies and that's 100%--
517
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,365
>> Jeremy, the man's been
518
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,544
through hell.
519
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:09,611
Stop interrupting.
520
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:10,639
>> I had to sit there and watch
521
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,453
my friends die.
522
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,676
And respond.
523
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,722
Just to watch 'em die again.
524
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,347
(crying) The absolute worst part
525
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,493
is they'll call you after
526
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,458
they die.
527
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,655
They'll say stuff like,
528
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:26,626
"Dude, quit camping."
529
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:30,856
Or, "BRB, got to take a dump."
530
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,803
>> Gotta take a dump?
531
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,069
Son, did you come here to talk
532
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,637
about video games?
533
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:36,495
>> Video games?!
534
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:37,743
(chair clanking to floor)
535
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,167
You judge me?
536
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,672
I knew every time I go in the
537
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,343
battlefield, I could die at any
538
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,482
moment.
539
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:44,736
Or worse, my Wi-Fi would
540
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,054
go down.
541
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,406
And I'd be gone forever.
542
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,284
Or until it came back on.
543
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,852
But it would still suck.
544
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,120
'Cause all my experience points
545
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,349
would be gone.
546
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:56,593
Yes, you've lost soldiers.
547
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,089
You have, and I won't discredit
548
00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:00,531
that, not for a second.
549
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,397
But have you ever,
550
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:03,995
ever lost points?
551
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,067
>> Okay, get the (bleep)
552
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:05,895
out of here.
553
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:06,828
>> Can you believe this dude?
554
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,073
I really-- honestly, I lost an
555
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:08,798
eye-- hey!
556
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:09,701
I'm a hero!
557
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,342
I'm a decorated hero!
558
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:14,568
>> PS3, TSD is real.
559
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,684
You are not alone.
560
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,446
>> They don't know my struggle.
561
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:19,675
They ain't seen the things I--
562
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,009
(giggling)
563
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,954
Oh, my Go...
564
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:24,119
(screaming)
565
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:27,547
(bird screeches)
566
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,724
>> Yo,ou ever hear any songs
567
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,891
from the death metal band
568
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:30,789
Cannibal Corpse?
569
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:31,660
>> No, what songs?
570
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,158
>> Uh... we got "Scattered
571
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,760
Remains, Splattered Brains"?
572
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:35,561
>> No.
573
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,132
>> "Blowtorch Slaughter"?
574
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:37,960
>> No.
575
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,034
>> "Frantic Disembowelment"?
576
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:39,732
>> No.
577
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:40,602
>> "Devoured by Vermin"?
578
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,270
>> Negative.
579
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:41,898
>> "Gutted."
580
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,441
>> Sounds a little familiar, no.
581
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:44,596
>> "From Skin to Liquid"?
582
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:45,244
>> No.
583
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,008
>> "Vomit the Soul"?
584
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:46,835
>> Never.
585
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:47,609
>> How about "Rotted Body
586
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:48,477
Landslide"?
587
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:49,305
>> Nah.
588
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:49,939
>> "Pounded into Dust"?
589
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:50,642
>> Mm-mmm.
590
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:51,383
>> "The Spine Splitter"?
591
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:52,048
>> Nah.
592
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,145
>> How about
593
00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,146
"Encased in Concrete"?
594
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,177
>> I've never heard that song.
595
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,752
>> "I Will Kill You"?
596
00:16:58,818 --> 00:16:59,448
>> No.
597
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,152
>> No?
598
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,553
Uh, "Hammer Smashed Face"?
599
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,364
>> Oh, that's the one
600
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,015
from "Ace Ventura."
601
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:03,662
>> That is the one from
602
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:04,286
"Ace Ventura."
603
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:04,891
>> Never heard it.
604
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:05,561
>> Never heard it?
605
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:06,188
>> No.
606
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:06,893
>> Let's just give it
607
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:07,793
a listen then.
608
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:10,704
Let's just listen to it.
609
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:14,667
** (death metal music playing)
610
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:15,837
>> This is really helping me tap
611
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,195
into my murderous rage.
612
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,974
>> Me, too.
613
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,812
>> Did you just ride the subway?
614
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:22,838
I've never been on it before.
615
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:23,682
I was just wondering is it
616
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,776
like-- is it scary or is it--
617
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:26,578
No.
618
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,549
'Cause it sounds like hell down
619
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,477
there, it sounds so loud,
620
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,581
I was just--
621
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,222
>> Are there any, like,
622
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,290
loop-the-loops or anything like
623
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:37,087
that, would you-- no?
624
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,290
It sounds like a coaster,
625
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,061
though.
626
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,728
How often do people just barf
627
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,887
in it?
628
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:45,974
Yeah, if I barfed, would
629
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,125
people-- would I get-- do they
630
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:49,644
throw me off the ride or...
631
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:51,836
Would you ride with me or no?
632
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:52,808
Oh, you have to go.
633
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:53,835
You just got off, right.
634
00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:58,847
>> I just wanna know if you've
635
00:17:58,845 --> 00:17:59,875
heard any of these Cannibal
636
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:00,809
Corpse songs.
637
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,283
"Covered with Sores"?
638
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,222
>> No.
639
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,316
>> How about, uh...
640
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:05,717
"A Skull Full of Maggots"?
641
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:06,818
>> Sounds charming.
642
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:07,719
(all chuckling)
643
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,990
"Hatchet to the Head"?
644
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,819
>> I never heard of this music.
645
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,064
>> Never played it, like, before
646
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:13,929
a date or anything like that?
647
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:14,586
>> No.
648
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:15,304
>> That's a good song to play
649
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,025
before a date.
650
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,568
>> How about "Vomit the Soul"?
651
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:19,325
>> Yeah, I heard of that one
652
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:20,372
before.
653
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,467
>> That's a popular one.
654
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:22,268
That was a popular one.
655
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,469
It was all over Twitter.
656
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,370
>> * 'Cause I'm saved
657
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:26,271
* By the bell
658
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,513
(laughing)
659
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,737
>> Look, this test will be
660
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,981
a breeze 'cause I already have
661
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,077
the answers.
662
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:36,619
>> Gee, Zack, that's cheating.
663
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,746
>> Screech, it's only cheating
664
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:40,591
if you get caught.
665
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:41,817
>> That's absolutely right,
666
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:42,821
Zack.
667
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,592
>> Uh-oh, that's our principal,
668
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,791
Mr. Belding.
669
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,133
>> You know, Zack, those answers
670
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,657
won't help you very much
671
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,832
if you're in detention.
672
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,871
>> Uh-oh.
673
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,536
Time-out.
674
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,066
Man, this is what I get
675
00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,370
for not studying.
676
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,513
>> What the (bleep)?
677
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,938
**
678
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,078
>> What's happening right now,
679
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:06,708
Richie?
680
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:07,483
>> Hey, Richie, why is Zack
681
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,320
talking to the camera?
682
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:09,315
>> Everybody frozen, man.
683
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:10,116
I don't know what the hell is
684
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:10,776
going on, man.
685
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:11,953
>> Now, don't be late for class.
686
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,451
>> Oh, no.
687
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,823
Oh, no, they got my baby.
688
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,062
Lisa!
689
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:17,786
Lisa!
690
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:18,760
>> Uh, boys, we're supposed to
691
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:19,688
be frozen.
692
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:20,492
>> Let me tell you something.
693
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,063
Richie freezes for nobody.
694
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,101
(laughing)
695
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:23,825
>> Guys, you're breaking the
696
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,270
cardinal rule of all sitcoms.
697
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,295
If the coolest kid in school
698
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,469
calls for a time-out,
699
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:28,297
we all freeze.
700
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,571
And Zack is the coolest kid
701
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,599
in school.
702
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:31,503
Though I kind of like
703
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:32,474
Screech too.
704
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:33,372
Look at him.
705
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:34,073
>> I get it.
706
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:34,943
You don't think I'm cool because
707
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,911
I'm black, that's why, huh?
708
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,009
I'm African American.
709
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,680
>> You know I don't see color.
710
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,909
Or can't, rather.
711
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:41,683
Seriously, my eyeballs
712
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,451
don't work.
713
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:43,519
>> Say what?
714
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,376
>> (sighs) I'm sorry,
715
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,324
I can't let this go.
716
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:46,218
I have to write you up for
717
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:46,819
not freezing.
718
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,759
>> Aww... come on, Belding.
719
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:49,615
You're tripping, man.
720
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:50,362
Look, what you writing us
721
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,057
up for?
722
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,757
>> Summer's coming my way.
723
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,329
Time in.
724
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:55,627
>> Who is he talking to?
725
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:56,458
>> What are you talking about?
726
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,133
Summer's coming my way?
727
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:58,800
Where y'all going?
728
00:19:58,798 --> 00:19:59,568
Lisa!
729
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:00,666
Come on, y'all, that's it.
730
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,437
And summer's coming my way.
731
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:03,965
Time-out!
732
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:04,800
Time-out!
733
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,174
>> You're still not frozen.
734
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,072
>> Hey, what's up?
735
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,613
Um, so this is the shoe removal
736
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,178
challenge where, uh, the
737
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,776
champion, Josh Rabinowitz,
738
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:12,848
claims to be the best at
739
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,475
taking off his shoes with just
740
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:15,981
his feet, which is the stupidest
741
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:16,782
thing to claim you're
742
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:17,483
the best at.
743
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:19,754
And he's gonna be facing Evan,
744
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,592
who is the challenger.
745
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,118
>> (chanting "Evan, Evan...")
746
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,322
>> All right, on three.
747
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,694
I got a dollar on Evan!
748
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,162
I got a dollar on Evan!
749
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:29,829
All right, one, two, three!
750
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,129
>> (chanting "Evan...")
751
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:34,970
(cheering)
752
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,497
Give Evan his dollar!
753
00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:37,943
Evan!
754
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:38,937
Evan got a dollar!
755
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:39,668
>> Thank you.
756
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,572
>> Josh, you're fired.
757
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,914
>> Oh, man, we got a new Josh.
758
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,139
>> We got a new Josh.
759
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:44,983
>> A new Josh.
760
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,477
>> All right, this is FOTP
761
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,479
with a new cast member, Evan!
762
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:49,451
>> Evan!
763
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,119
(cheering)
764
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,847
>> Go back to your Keebler tree,
765
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:53,592
Josh!
766
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,816
(all laughing)
767
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:55,961
>> Look at Josh's sock.
46696
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