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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:45,009 --> 00:00:48,013 [woman screaming] 'Arnold!' 4 00:00:49,017 --> 00:00:52,019 [man commentating on radio] 5 00:00:57,021 --> 00:01:01,023 'Arnold!' 6 00:01:04,021 --> 00:01:07,009 [saxophone music] 7 00:01:11,009 --> 00:01:14,004 'Arnold!' 8 00:01:16,015 --> 00:01:18,008 'Arnold!' 9 00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:21,004 [violin music] 10 00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:25,018 Arnold! 11 00:01:29,004 --> 00:01:30,007 Arnold. 12 00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:37,005 Arnold, lunch is on the table! 13 00:01:38,008 --> 00:01:40,023 Arnold! 14 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:44,020 Where is that kid? 15 00:01:48,014 --> 00:01:49,013 Aah! 16 00:01:49,015 --> 00:01:51,004 [chuckling] 17 00:01:51,006 --> 00:01:55,003 Oh, Arnold, what are you doing in.. 18 00:02:08,018 --> 00:02:14,000 I think my biggest problem is being young and beautiful. 19 00:02:15,023 --> 00:02:18,021 It's because I've never been young and beautiful. 20 00:02:18,023 --> 00:02:21,015 Well, I've been beautiful. God knows I've been young. 21 00:02:21,017 --> 00:02:23,016 But never the twain have met. 22 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:25,021 Not so as anyone would notice anyway. 23 00:02:25,023 --> 00:02:29,013 You know, a shrink acquaintance of mine believes this 24 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:32,016 to be the root of my attraction to a class of men 25 00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:35,012 most subtly described as old and ugly. 26 00:02:35,014 --> 00:02:38,008 I think he's underestimating my wheedles. 27 00:02:38,010 --> 00:02:42,003 See, a ugly person 28 00:02:42,005 --> 00:02:44,023 who goes after a pretty person gets nothing, but trouble. 29 00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:48,022 But a pretty person who goes after a ugly person 30 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,000 gets at least cab fare. 31 00:02:51,002 --> 00:02:53,018 Now, I ain't sayin' I never fell for a pretty face. 32 00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:57,013 When les jeux sont faitsgive me a toad with a pot of gold 33 00:02:57,015 --> 00:02:59,014 I'll give you three meals a day 34 00:02:59,016 --> 00:03:02,005 Ain't no toad when the lights go down. 35 00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:04,003 It's either feast or famine. 36 00:03:04,005 --> 00:03:06,017 It's the daylight you got to watch out for. 37 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,000 Well, face it. 38 00:03:08,002 --> 00:03:11,015 A thing of beauty is a joy till sunrise. 39 00:03:13,011 --> 00:03:15,014 Mm, mm. 40 00:03:15,016 --> 00:03:18,022 There's another group you gotta watch your foot stamps around. 41 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,007 The hopeless. 42 00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:23,013 They break down into three major categories. 43 00:03:23,015 --> 00:03:25,014 Married. 44 00:03:25,016 --> 00:03:27,017 Just in for the weekend. 45 00:03:29,017 --> 00:03:32,004 Terminally straight. 46 00:03:32,006 --> 00:03:35,001 Those affairs are the worst. 47 00:03:35,003 --> 00:03:37,009 You go into them with your eyes open 48 00:03:37,011 --> 00:03:40,014 knowing all the limitations, accepting them maturely. 49 00:03:40,016 --> 00:03:43,000 Then wham bam, you're writing letters to dear Abby 50 00:03:43,002 --> 00:03:45,007 and you're burning black candles at midnight. 51 00:03:45,009 --> 00:03:48,021 And you ask yourself, "what happened?" 52 00:03:48,023 --> 00:03:50,023 I'm gonna tell you what happened. 53 00:03:51,001 --> 00:03:52,020 You got just what you wanted. 54 00:03:52,022 --> 00:03:54,019 The person who thinks they're mature enough 55 00:03:54,021 --> 00:03:57,014 to handle an affair that's hopeless from the beginning 56 00:03:57,016 --> 00:03:59,020 is the very same person that keeps the publishers 57 00:03:59,022 --> 00:04:03,019 of gothic romances up to their tragic endings in mink. 58 00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:09,003 What do you think? Gorgeous, huh? 59 00:04:09,005 --> 00:04:12,015 Give me a break. It's still under construction. 60 00:04:12,017 --> 00:04:16,002 For those of youse what ain't yet guessed. 61 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,007 I am an entertainer. 62 00:04:20,023 --> 00:04:22,020 Or what's left of one. 63 00:04:22,022 --> 00:04:25,012 I go by the name, Virginia Hamm. 64 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:27,013 Ain't that a kick in the rubber parts? 65 00:04:27,015 --> 00:04:30,017 You should hear some of my former handles. 66 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,022 Anita Mann. 67 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,000 Fonda Boys. 68 00:04:36,002 --> 00:04:39,000 Claire Voyant. 69 00:04:39,002 --> 00:04:41,013 Fay Ways. 70 00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:43,022 Bang-bang-la-desh. 71 00:04:45,014 --> 00:04:46,022 Yeah. 72 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,017 I'm among the last of a dying breed. 73 00:04:49,019 --> 00:04:53,004 Once the E.R.A. and gay civil rights bills have been passed 74 00:04:53,006 --> 00:04:56,021 me and mine will find ourselves swept under the carpets. 75 00:04:56,023 --> 00:05:00,002 Like the blacks done to Amos, Andy, and Aunt Jemima. 76 00:05:00,004 --> 00:05:02,017 But that's alright. 77 00:05:02,019 --> 00:05:06,004 With voice and face like this I got nothing to worry about. 78 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:09,022 I can always drive a cab. 79 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,020 There are easier things in this life than being a drag queen. 80 00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:19,005 Tsk. But I ain't got no choice. 81 00:05:19,007 --> 00:05:21,019 See, umm.. 82 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:24,021 Try as I may.. 83 00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:26,022 ...I just can't walk in flats. 84 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,019 Ha ha ha. 85 00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:33,001 You know, there was one guy once 86 00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:34,023 his name was Charlie. 87 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:38,015 He was everything you could want in an affair and more. 88 00:05:38,017 --> 00:05:41,003 Oh, he was tall. 89 00:05:41,005 --> 00:05:43,002 Handsome. 90 00:05:43,004 --> 00:05:44,022 Rich. 91 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,002 Deaf. 92 00:05:47,004 --> 00:05:49,013 The deafness was the more. 93 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,014 Well, he had never yelled at me. 94 00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:53,016 Never complained if I snored. 95 00:05:53,018 --> 00:05:56,009 All his friends was nice and quiet. 96 00:05:56,011 --> 00:05:59,006 I-I even learned some of that deaf sign language. 97 00:05:59,008 --> 00:06:01,009 Oh, I-I remember some. 98 00:06:05,002 --> 00:06:06,013 It's cockroach. 99 00:06:09,004 --> 00:06:11,018 Means fuck. 100 00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:14,003 Oh, this here's my favorite. 101 00:06:14,005 --> 00:06:16,008 Means I love you. 102 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,017 And I did too. 103 00:06:19,019 --> 00:06:22,000 But um.. 104 00:06:22,002 --> 00:06:23,008 Not 105 00:06:23,010 --> 00:06:24,015 enough. 106 00:06:29,008 --> 00:06:33,001 You know...in my life I've slept with more men 107 00:06:33,003 --> 00:06:35,012 than are named or numbered in the bible. 108 00:06:35,014 --> 00:06:38,003 Old and new testaments put together. 109 00:06:38,005 --> 00:06:43,010 But not once has someone said, "Arnold...I love you." 110 00:06:44,009 --> 00:06:46,019 That I could believe. 111 00:06:46,021 --> 00:06:51,015 And I ask myself, "do you really care?" 112 00:06:51,017 --> 00:06:54,021 You know, the only honest answer I can give myself is 113 00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:58,011 "yes...I care" 114 00:07:00,011 --> 00:07:03,001 I care a great deal. 115 00:07:04,013 --> 00:07:05,023 Tsk, but 116 00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:07,016 not 117 00:07:07,018 --> 00:07:09,004 enough. 118 00:07:11,006 --> 00:07:14,000 ♪ Who writes the words and music ♪ 119 00:07:14,002 --> 00:07:16,019 ♪ For all the girlie shows ♪ 120 00:07:16,021 --> 00:07:18,022 ♪ No one cares ♪ 121 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,004 ♪ And no one knows ♪ 122 00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:24,020 ♪ Who is the handsome hero ♪ 123 00:07:24,022 --> 00:07:27,000 ♪ Some villain always frames ♪ 124 00:07:27,002 --> 00:07:30,000 ♪ Hey who cares if there's a plot or not ♪ 125 00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:33,016 ♪ When they got a lot of dames ♪ 126 00:07:33,018 --> 00:07:36,018 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to our stage 127 00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:39,002 Bertha Venation! Yay! 128 00:07:39,004 --> 00:07:41,020 ♪ What do you go for ♪ 129 00:07:41,022 --> 00:07:43,020 ♪ Go see a show for ♪ 130 00:07:43,022 --> 00:07:46,004 ♪ Tell the truth you go to see ♪ 131 00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:49,009 ♪ The beautiful dames ♪ 132 00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:52,020 And now, the Queen of Delicatessen, Virginia Hamm! 133 00:07:52,022 --> 00:07:55,015 ♪ You spend your dough for ♪ 134 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,013 ♪ Bouquets that grow for ♪ 135 00:07:57,015 --> 00:07:59,009 ♪ All the cute and cunning ♪ 136 00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:01,009 ♪ Young and beautiful dames ♪ 137 00:08:01,011 --> 00:08:03,010 (female #1) And now, senores and senoritas 138 00:08:03,012 --> 00:08:06,005 please welcome, Marina del Rey! 139 00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:11,016 ♪ Dames are temporary flames to you ♪ 140 00:08:11,018 --> 00:08:15,016 ♪ Dames you don't recall their names ♪ 141 00:08:15,018 --> 00:08:17,005 ♪ Do you ♪ 142 00:08:17,007 --> 00:08:21,016 And now, bigger than Broadway, Marcia Dimes! 143 00:08:23,008 --> 00:08:25,022 ♪ But their caresses ♪ 144 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,019 ♪ And home addresses ♪ 145 00:08:27,021 --> 00:08:29,019 ♪ Linger in your memory ♪ 146 00:08:29,021 --> 00:08:31,005 ♪ Of those beautiful ♪ 147 00:08:31,007 --> 00:08:33,019 ♪ In your memory see those beautiful ♪ 148 00:08:33,021 --> 00:08:35,005 ♪ In your memory ♪ 149 00:08:35,007 --> 00:08:38,010 ♪ All those beautiful dames ♪ 150 00:08:40,010 --> 00:08:43,002 Ladies and gentlemen 151 00:08:43,004 --> 00:08:45,018 in order to be a real dame 152 00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:48,006 you've got to kneel before a queen. 153 00:08:48,008 --> 00:08:50,007 [audience laughing] 154 00:08:51,007 --> 00:08:54,001 ♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪ 155 00:08:54,003 --> 00:08:56,018 ♪ What do you go for ♪ 156 00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:59,014 ♪ Go see a show for tell the truth, honey ♪ 157 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:02,021 ♪ You know you go to see the beautiful dames, darling ♪ 158 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,011 ♪ What else honey ♪ 159 00:09:04,013 --> 00:09:06,020 Oh, Miss Dimes, you're flawless. 160 00:09:06,022 --> 00:09:10,003 But ladies and gentlemen, wait until you see my act 161 00:09:10,005 --> 00:09:15,002 Bertha Venation and her dance of the virgin. 162 00:09:15,004 --> 00:09:17,019 Which she does completely from memory. 163 00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:19,015 [audience laughing and cheering] 164 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,006 Bitch. 165 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,007 Brrr! 166 00:09:24,009 --> 00:09:26,023 ♪ You spend your dough for ♪ 167 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,023 ♪ Bouquets that grow for ♪ 168 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:32,012 ♪ All those cute and cunning young and beautiful dames ♪ 169 00:09:32,014 --> 00:09:34,020 Kiss her quick. She's Carmen. 170 00:09:34,022 --> 00:09:36,019 ♪ Dames, those gorgeous dames ♪ 171 00:09:36,021 --> 00:09:40,008 ♪ Are temporary flames to you ♪ 172 00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:44,010 ♪ Dames you don't recall their names ♪ 173 00:09:44,012 --> 00:09:46,000 ♪ Do you ♪ 174 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:49,020 ♪ But their caresses and home addresses ♪ 175 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,020 More! 176 00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:52,016 ♪ Linger in your memory ♪ 177 00:09:52,018 --> 00:09:54,005 ♪ Of those beautiful ♪ 178 00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:57,002 ♪ In your memory of those beautiful ♪ 179 00:09:57,004 --> 00:09:59,017 ♪ In your memories of those beautiful ♪ 180 00:09:59,019 --> 00:10:03,020 ♪ Dames, dames dames, dames ♪ 181 00:10:03,022 --> 00:10:06,016 ♪ Slender or curvy ♪ 182 00:10:06,018 --> 00:10:08,019 ♪ Sweet, shy or nervy ♪ 183 00:10:08,021 --> 00:10:12,020 ♪ There is nothing as divine and beautiful ♪ 184 00:10:12,022 --> 00:10:15,020 ♪ No sun can shine like beautiful ♪ 185 00:10:15,022 --> 00:10:20,008 ♪ Bring on that line of beautiful dames ♪ 186 00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:22,005 ♪ Dames ♪ 187 00:10:22,007 --> 00:10:24,020 ♪ Give me a line of beautiful ♪ 188 00:10:24,022 --> 00:10:28,008 ♪ D-a-m-e ♪ 189 00:10:28,010 --> 00:10:30,009 ♪ Dames ♪ 190 00:10:30,011 --> 00:10:31,013 [audience cheering and whistling] 191 00:10:31,015 --> 00:10:34,021 ♪ I love a line of beautiful ♪ 192 00:10:34,023 --> 00:10:39,004 ♪ Dames ♪ 193 00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:44,008 - Roz, honey, you need a lift? - Oh, that'd be great, thanks. 194 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:46,023 - Hey, you going straight home? - No. Let's get a beer. 195 00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:49,002 - So, what's the dish? - Men. 196 00:10:49,004 --> 00:10:51,013 My life's work. What's the gripe? 197 00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:54,003 - I ain't got one. - Who wants one? 198 00:10:54,005 --> 00:10:56,011 - I've got three. - 'Find me out.' 199 00:10:56,013 --> 00:10:57,021 Good night, ladies. 200 00:10:57,023 --> 00:11:00,010 - Goodnight. - Night, night dear. 201 00:11:00,012 --> 00:11:02,019 I swear that queen gives me gas. 202 00:11:02,021 --> 00:11:05,014 Oh. Ha ha ha. 203 00:11:05,016 --> 00:11:08,018 Come on, let's go to the Stud, I can use a nightcap. 204 00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:11,002 And a quickie with some stranger in the backroom. 205 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,002 - Count me out. - It's very relaxing. 206 00:11:13,004 --> 00:11:15,001 You'll find this hard to comprehend 207 00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:18,003 but I want more out of life than meeting a pretty face. 208 00:11:18,005 --> 00:11:20,003 - And sitting down on it. - Graphically put. 209 00:11:20,005 --> 00:11:23,009 Personally, I never enjoy sex with someone I know. 210 00:11:23,011 --> 00:11:26,018 - A lady of high standards. - Cab! Night, girls! 211 00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:28,018 - Night, Bertha! - Night, Bertha! 212 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:31,014 ♪ A-a-h, hot pants ♪ 213 00:11:31,016 --> 00:11:34,010 ♪ Hah ♪ 214 00:11:34,012 --> 00:11:36,018 ♪ Oh, that's where it's at ♪ 215 00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:39,014 ♪ That's where it's at ♪ 216 00:11:39,016 --> 00:11:41,006 ♪ Hot pants ♪ 217 00:11:41,008 --> 00:11:43,012 ♪ Smokin' ♪ 218 00:11:43,014 --> 00:11:45,017 ♪ Hot pants ♪ 219 00:11:45,019 --> 00:11:48,000 ♪ Smokin' ♪ 220 00:11:48,002 --> 00:11:50,011 ♪ Take your fine self home ♪ 221 00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:52,015 ♪ You look much better with time ♪ 222 00:11:52,017 --> 00:11:54,023 ♪ My fever keeps growin' ♪ 223 00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:57,015 ♪ Girl, you blowin' my mind ♪ 224 00:11:57,017 --> 00:12:01,023 ♪ If you're thinkin' of losin' that funky feeling, don't ♪ 225 00:12:02,001 --> 00:12:04,007 ♪ You got to use what you got ♪ 226 00:12:04,009 --> 00:12:06,009 ♪ To get just what you want ♪ 227 00:12:06,011 --> 00:12:08,010 ♪ Hot pants ♪ 228 00:12:08,012 --> 00:12:11,007 ♪ Smokin' ♪ 229 00:12:11,009 --> 00:12:14,014 [both laughing] 230 00:12:14,016 --> 00:12:17,008 Come with me. I know what to do. 231 00:12:17,010 --> 00:12:20,023 ♪ Make you sure of yourself.. ♪ 232 00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,013 [screaming] 233 00:12:23,015 --> 00:12:25,023 - Oh, my God! - Fucking faggots! 234 00:12:26,001 --> 00:12:27,012 [women screaming] 235 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:32,005 Piss off! 236 00:12:34,006 --> 00:12:37,016 I'm tired and I want to go home. 237 00:12:37,018 --> 00:12:40,019 - One drink, one look. - I'm not goin' to the backroom. 238 00:12:40,021 --> 00:12:42,018 Who asked you to? 239 00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:44,017 ♪ Wake up Maggie ♪ 240 00:12:44,019 --> 00:12:50,020 ♪ I think I got somethin' to say to you ♪ 241 00:12:50,022 --> 00:12:52,006 ♪ It's late September ♪ 242 00:12:52,008 --> 00:12:55,020 ♪ And I really should be back in school ♪ 243 00:12:55,022 --> 00:12:58,003 I think I feel the call of the wild. 244 00:12:58,005 --> 00:13:03,006 Oh, don't leave me out here. Oh, Murray, Murray, Murray! 245 00:13:05,002 --> 00:13:10,014 ♪ Oh, Maggie, I couldn't have tried anymore ♪ 246 00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:16,002 ♪ You ran me away from home ♪ 247 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:19,009 ♪ Just to save you from being alone.. ♪ 248 00:13:19,011 --> 00:13:21,000 Thank you. 249 00:13:21,002 --> 00:13:24,013 ♪ You stole my heart, and that's what really hurt ♪ 250 00:13:24,015 --> 00:13:27,000 Oh, God. I'm sorry. Are you okay? 251 00:13:27,002 --> 00:13:28,003 Fine. 252 00:13:28,005 --> 00:13:30,015 No permanent damage, I hope...to your foot. 253 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:33,005 No. It's fine. 254 00:13:33,007 --> 00:13:34,021 Good. 255 00:14:06,022 --> 00:14:09,015 Excuse me. Do you have a li.. Great. 256 00:14:12,004 --> 00:14:15,008 Look, um, my name is Ed Reese. 257 00:14:15,010 --> 00:14:17,018 My friends call me Ed. 258 00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:20,014 I'm a Sagittarius. 259 00:14:20,016 --> 00:14:21,021 What's so funny? 260 00:14:21,023 --> 00:14:23,022 Some people like to know that stuff. 261 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,014 I don't believe any of it myself. 262 00:14:32,006 --> 00:14:35,003 You have a great smile. What's your name? 263 00:14:35,005 --> 00:14:37,002 - Uh...Arnold. - Arnold? 264 00:14:37,004 --> 00:14:39,017 What do your friends call you? Arnie or Arn? 265 00:14:39,019 --> 00:14:40,022 Arnold. 266 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,012 Arnold. Yeah. 267 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:47,011 Well, nice to meet you, Arnold. 268 00:14:47,013 --> 00:14:48,019 [clears throat] 269 00:14:51,003 --> 00:14:53,005 - Can I buy you a drink? - I just.. 270 00:14:53,007 --> 00:14:54,012 Oh. 271 00:15:04,008 --> 00:15:06,020 - So what are you? Italian? - Uh, no. 272 00:15:06,022 --> 00:15:07,023 Spanish? 273 00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:09,022 Jewish. 274 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,017 Geez, uh, I mean I never would have guessed. 275 00:15:13,019 --> 00:15:17,011 No, I mean, not with those dark, romantic eyes. 276 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,023 - You wearing makeup? - No. 277 00:15:21,001 --> 00:15:23,015 No, I mean, uh, no, I didn't think so. 278 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:28,020 You, um, you here alone? 279 00:15:28,022 --> 00:15:32,007 No. I'm with a friend. He's in the back. 280 00:15:32,009 --> 00:15:33,016 Oh. 281 00:15:35,022 --> 00:15:37,005 Is he your-your.. 282 00:15:37,007 --> 00:15:40,001 Oh, no, no, no, just a friend. Just a friend. 283 00:15:40,003 --> 00:15:41,019 Oh. 284 00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:46,000 Well.. 285 00:15:46,002 --> 00:15:48,004 How lucky for me. 286 00:15:53,010 --> 00:15:56,011 Well, I've got a car. 287 00:15:56,013 --> 00:15:59,014 If you're going to laugh at everything I say 288 00:15:59,016 --> 00:16:02,008 we're never gonna get to bed. 289 00:16:05,013 --> 00:16:08,002 You really do have beautiful eyes. 290 00:16:08,004 --> 00:16:11,001 And you've got some routine. 291 00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:29,001 Anyone ever tell you you've got a very sexy voice? 292 00:16:29,003 --> 00:16:31,000 No, really. You do. 293 00:16:31,002 --> 00:16:33,013 Is that natural, or do you have a cold? 294 00:16:49,012 --> 00:16:53,022 ♪ Fate has the will of a wisp crazy as a loon ♪ 295 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,008 (Ed) 'I'd have asked you to my place, but my roommate is straight 296 00:16:57,010 --> 00:17:00,004 'and he's not all that comfortable with gays.' 297 00:17:00,006 --> 00:17:02,006 (Arnold) 'So where does that leave you?' 298 00:17:02,008 --> 00:17:05,003 (Ed) 'Oh, well, I date women too.' 299 00:17:05,005 --> 00:17:08,002 'I teach in Brooklyn, I keep an apartment in the city 300 00:17:08,004 --> 00:17:10,002 'but I-I really live upstate.' 301 00:17:10,004 --> 00:17:13,023 'I've got a farm where I spend weekends, summers.' 302 00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:16,017 'I grow all my own vegetables.' 303 00:17:16,019 --> 00:17:19,023 'You'd love the house, it's a classic American saltbox.' 304 00:17:20,001 --> 00:17:22,018 'Lots of wood detail, Franklin stove.' 305 00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:24,019 'I'm restoring it myself.' 306 00:17:24,021 --> 00:17:26,017 (Arnold) 'Sounds beautiful.' 307 00:17:34,005 --> 00:17:37,008 - So what do you do? - I'm a female impersonator. 308 00:17:37,010 --> 00:17:38,014 [laughs] 309 00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:41,012 No, you know, I meant for a living. 310 00:17:41,014 --> 00:17:44,004 I'm a female impersonator. 311 00:17:44,006 --> 00:17:47,013 Does that bother you? 312 00:17:47,015 --> 00:17:49,006 Not yet. 313 00:18:12,021 --> 00:18:15,021 - Oh, wait. I'll get a light. - No, just.. 314 00:18:18,011 --> 00:18:20,005 You're shaking. 315 00:18:20,007 --> 00:18:23,000 Am I? Sorry. 316 00:18:37,003 --> 00:18:38,011 Better? 317 00:18:39,001 --> 00:18:41,010 Mm-hmm. 318 00:18:41,012 --> 00:18:44,020 We're having an intimate dinner. He's bringing the wine. 319 00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:47,021 Why didn't you tell me you were going out? I'd have come. 320 00:18:47,023 --> 00:18:51,002 I better steal steaks from the kitchen. Who has time to shop? 321 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:54,002 Have you registered a pattern at Tiffany's? 322 00:18:54,004 --> 00:18:57,003 (female #1) 'Bertha Venetian!' 323 00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:59,001 I wonder which apartment we'll keep. 324 00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:02,014 We hardly need two with all the time we'd spend at the farm. 325 00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:03,021 The farm? 326 00:19:03,023 --> 00:19:06,002 Well, you can't bring up children in the city. 327 00:19:06,004 --> 00:19:09,011 (female #1) 'Queen of the Delicatessen, Virginia Hamm!' 328 00:19:20,009 --> 00:19:21,014 Mm! 329 00:20:03,014 --> 00:20:05,011 [alarm buzzing] 330 00:20:15,017 --> 00:20:18,007 Oh-h! 331 00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:33,009 Mm. 332 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,019 Happy two-week anniversary. 333 00:20:39,021 --> 00:20:43,004 Oh, Ed, you remembered! 334 00:20:44,011 --> 00:20:45,017 [both laughing] 335 00:20:45,019 --> 00:20:49,012 ♪ You must remember this ♪ 336 00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:52,000 ♪ A kiss is still a kiss ♪ 337 00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:57,014 ♪ A sight is just a sight ♪ 338 00:20:57,016 --> 00:21:00,008 ♪ The fundamental things.. ♪ 339 00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:02,012 Thanks, Roz. 340 00:21:02,014 --> 00:21:04,006 ♪ ...as time goes by ♪ 341 00:21:04,008 --> 00:21:07,012 You oughta slap that girl for stealing your material. 342 00:21:07,014 --> 00:21:10,007 - You're the torch singer. - Who cares? 343 00:21:10,009 --> 00:21:13,005 I ain't singing anything bluer than zip-a-dee-doo-dah. 344 00:21:13,007 --> 00:21:15,014 - When do I get to meet him? - Soon. 345 00:21:15,016 --> 00:21:18,020 Have you met any of his friends yet? Are they nice? 346 00:21:18,022 --> 00:21:22,002 We don't get it out much, if you know what I mean. 347 00:21:22,004 --> 00:21:23,005 Shut up! 348 00:21:23,007 --> 00:21:26,005 ♪ No matter what the future.. ♪ 349 00:21:38,013 --> 00:21:41,001 ♪ Wonderful ♪ 350 00:21:41,003 --> 00:21:43,009 ♪ Marvelous ♪ 351 00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:46,005 Come on. Oh, watch your head in there. 352 00:21:46,007 --> 00:21:49,013 And this first step is a little broken. 353 00:21:49,015 --> 00:21:53,010 ♪ It's awful nice, it's paradise ♪ 354 00:21:53,012 --> 00:21:54,009 [crash] 355 00:21:54,011 --> 00:21:56,009 Um, we got to work on that. 356 00:22:00,016 --> 00:22:04,018 ♪ You've made my life so glamorous ♪ 357 00:22:04,020 --> 00:22:06,019 Good morning. 358 00:22:06,021 --> 00:22:12,002 ♪ You can't blame me for feeling amorous ♪ 359 00:22:12,004 --> 00:22:14,022 ♪ Oh, it's wonderful ♪ 360 00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,023 ♪ It's marvelous ♪ 361 00:22:18,001 --> 00:22:19,007 Alright. Alright. 362 00:22:19,009 --> 00:22:22,017 ♪ That you should care for me ♪ 363 00:22:40,009 --> 00:22:41,020 Argh! 364 00:22:41,022 --> 00:22:43,022 Whoosh! 365 00:23:09,010 --> 00:23:11,009 ♪ It's wonderful ♪ 366 00:23:11,011 --> 00:23:12,009 [snoring] 367 00:23:12,011 --> 00:23:14,019 ♪ It's marvelous ♪ 368 00:23:14,021 --> 00:23:20,019 ♪ That you should care, that you should care for me ♪ 369 00:23:20,021 --> 00:23:24,004 ♪ It's awful nice.. ♪ 370 00:23:24,006 --> 00:23:26,003 I'll drop you off at your place. 371 00:23:26,005 --> 00:23:28,004 I'm seeing Tom and Janet for dinner. 372 00:23:28,006 --> 00:23:30,003 You didn't tell me they called. 373 00:23:30,005 --> 00:23:32,003 I forgot. Anyway, I got to see them. 374 00:23:32,005 --> 00:23:34,020 I've given them every excuse in the book. 375 00:23:34,022 --> 00:23:36,019 And you're seeing Lisa and Michael tomorrow night? 376 00:23:36,021 --> 00:23:41,001 They wanted to play bridge. Got a friend in from out of town. 377 00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:43,010 I'll go as your friend from out of town. 378 00:23:43,012 --> 00:23:46,011 - Arnold. - Only joking. 379 00:23:46,013 --> 00:23:49,013 So I guess I'm not gonna see you again until the weekend. 380 00:23:49,015 --> 00:23:52,003 My parents have the farm. I told you that. 381 00:23:52,005 --> 00:23:54,017 So hide out at my place. 382 00:23:54,019 --> 00:23:57,004 I've got to see my folks, Arnold. 383 00:24:01,021 --> 00:24:03,016 [doorbell rings] 384 00:24:06,018 --> 00:24:10,019 Ed, why didn't you call first? I was worried. 385 00:24:10,021 --> 00:24:12,021 'Oh! Hi, mom.' 386 00:24:12,023 --> 00:24:16,008 (ma) 'Happy Birthday, shayna tateleh. Happy Birthday, shayna punim' 387 00:24:16,010 --> 00:24:19,016 'I can only stay a minute. The girls are in the car.' 388 00:24:19,018 --> 00:24:22,001 Charlotte got tickets to some off-off Broadway theater. 389 00:24:22,003 --> 00:24:24,022 It's experimental. They keep their clothes on. 390 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,018 Your father will call after his mason's meeting. 391 00:24:27,020 --> 00:24:30,000 Your brother, he'll call when he calls. 392 00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:33,013 I ask him a question, he yells. So I don't ask. 393 00:24:33,015 --> 00:24:35,009 Are you redecorating? 394 00:24:35,011 --> 00:24:37,009 It's easier than cleaning. 395 00:24:37,011 --> 00:24:40,001 Don't be so funny. 396 00:24:40,003 --> 00:24:41,022 You don't get much light here. 397 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,002 I get what you call indirect semi shade. 398 00:24:45,004 --> 00:24:47,005 Yeah, it's good for the plants. 399 00:24:47,007 --> 00:24:49,014 So is manure. 400 00:24:49,016 --> 00:24:51,019 Don't shake. It's cookies. 401 00:24:51,021 --> 00:24:54,018 Ooh! Fancy, fancy. New tablecloth. 402 00:24:54,020 --> 00:24:57,006 I made it myself. Took a class. 403 00:24:57,008 --> 00:24:58,014 I'm tellin' you. 404 00:24:58,016 --> 00:25:01,007 I'm going to make napkins to match. You like it? 405 00:25:01,009 --> 00:25:03,023 - Nice. - It's a pretty pattern. 406 00:25:04,001 --> 00:25:06,016 Very nice. 407 00:25:06,018 --> 00:25:08,002 [horn honks] 408 00:25:08,004 --> 00:25:11,008 - Mama, the ladies! - Are you making potato soup? 409 00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:13,006 Ma, don't. You'll burn yourself! 410 00:25:13,008 --> 00:25:16,016 But not like the potato soup I make for your father. 411 00:25:16,018 --> 00:25:19,018 For him, I boil the potato, throw in salt and pepper. 412 00:25:19,020 --> 00:25:23,008 - That's potato soup. - Ma, what are you doing? 413 00:25:23,010 --> 00:25:24,022 [horn honking] 414 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,007 I'm coming already! Why don't you come with us? 415 00:25:28,009 --> 00:25:31,013 Leave a note for your friend. We'll come back here for cake. 416 00:25:31,015 --> 00:25:36,005 You just go, have a good time. And give my love to the ladies. 417 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,019 Many happy returns, tateleh. 418 00:25:41,021 --> 00:25:44,015 Thanks, Ma. 419 00:25:44,017 --> 00:25:47,021 While you're redecorating, how about this wallpaper? 420 00:26:28,004 --> 00:26:29,007 [door bell buzzing] 421 00:26:29,009 --> 00:26:30,020 Yeah, I'll be right there. 422 00:26:30,022 --> 00:26:32,008 ♪ Now it seems ♪ 423 00:26:32,010 --> 00:26:35,005 ♪ This is how the story ends ♪ 424 00:26:35,007 --> 00:26:36,012 [doorbell buzzing] 425 00:26:36,014 --> 00:26:42,007 Yeah, one minute. Just a second, um.. 426 00:26:42,009 --> 00:26:45,012 ♪ I thought for once, it couldn't go wrong ♪ 427 00:26:45,014 --> 00:26:47,000 Hi! 428 00:26:47,002 --> 00:26:48,023 Oh, hi. 429 00:26:49,001 --> 00:26:51,012 Was that you on the phone before? 430 00:26:51,014 --> 00:26:53,019 My phone was ringing and I picked it up 431 00:26:53,021 --> 00:26:56,010 just in time to hear whoever it was hang up. 432 00:26:56,012 --> 00:26:58,008 So I was gonna call you back. 433 00:26:58,010 --> 00:27:01,011 But I figured why call when I can come over? 434 00:27:01,013 --> 00:27:03,009 - It wasn't me. - Oh. 435 00:27:03,011 --> 00:27:06,004 Look Arnold, this isn't a great time to talk. 436 00:27:06,006 --> 00:27:09,006 I shouldn't count on that wine being my birthday surprise, huh? 437 00:27:09,008 --> 00:27:11,008 - Your birthday! - You remembered. 438 00:27:11,010 --> 00:27:13,005 Oh, God! Arnold, I'm sorry. 439 00:27:13,007 --> 00:27:15,016 What's the difference? We're together now, right? 440 00:27:17,020 --> 00:27:19,012 Well.. 441 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,022 I've got somebody coming over for dinner. 442 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,009 That's alright, I just want to see you for a minute. 443 00:27:28,011 --> 00:27:32,004 - I understand. - What do you understand? 444 00:27:32,006 --> 00:27:34,022 You never give me a chance to make the first move. 445 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,009 Every time I'm about to call you, there you are calling me. 446 00:27:38,011 --> 00:27:42,001 ESP maybe. 447 00:27:42,003 --> 00:27:45,012 So who you got coming over? Do I know him? 448 00:27:45,014 --> 00:27:46,021 No. 449 00:27:46,023 --> 00:27:50,014 How do you know? Maybe I do. I know lots of hims. 450 00:27:50,016 --> 00:27:52,022 Battle Hymn of the republic, Rock of Ages-- 451 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,000 You're impossible, you know that? 452 00:27:55,002 --> 00:27:56,022 What's wrong with us, Ed? 453 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,022 - Not now, Arnold. - Yes, now. 454 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,004 You can't expect me to wait until you call. 455 00:28:01,006 --> 00:28:04,009 I never asked you to, I told you to meet other people. 456 00:28:04,011 --> 00:28:06,007 I can't. I'm not built that way. 457 00:28:06,009 --> 00:28:08,006 I'm just not ready to make that commitment. 458 00:28:08,008 --> 00:28:12,001 I'm not asking you to, but if I've to accept you going out 459 00:28:12,003 --> 00:28:14,011 then you have to accept that I'm not. 460 00:28:16,002 --> 00:28:18,006 You really are crazy. 461 00:28:20,022 --> 00:28:23,018 I miss you. 462 00:28:23,020 --> 00:28:28,015 I think about you all the time. I'm so damn horny. 463 00:28:28,017 --> 00:28:30,015 You've no right to make me feel guilty. 464 00:28:30,017 --> 00:28:33,013 I'm in love with you, that must give me some rights. 465 00:28:33,015 --> 00:28:36,007 If I can't see you, I can bitch about it 466 00:28:36,009 --> 00:28:38,015 [doorbell buzzing] 467 00:28:44,021 --> 00:28:46,012 Arnold. 468 00:28:48,005 --> 00:28:50,009 Please. 469 00:28:53,001 --> 00:28:54,004 Hello. 470 00:28:54,006 --> 00:28:56,011 Hi, Laurel. 471 00:28:56,013 --> 00:28:58,006 This is Arnold. 472 00:28:58,008 --> 00:29:02,004 Of course! Ed's talked about you. Glad to finally meet you. 473 00:29:02,006 --> 00:29:05,019 He's told me all about you too. I'm sorry, I've got to run now. 474 00:29:05,021 --> 00:29:09,007 Allergies. I-I ought to have my head examined. 475 00:29:09,009 --> 00:29:10,020 Um, just.. 476 00:29:10,022 --> 00:29:13,021 Arnold, Arnold, Arnold. 477 00:29:13,023 --> 00:29:16,015 Don't pretend I never told about my relationships with women. 478 00:29:16,017 --> 00:29:19,004 I thought you meant like sisters and aunts and nieces. 479 00:29:19,006 --> 00:29:22,022 - That's not funny. - I think it's hysterical. 480 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,007 (Ed) 'You're really dragging me over the coals.' 481 00:29:25,009 --> 00:29:29,003 Why should I be the only one here with a barbecued ass? 482 00:29:29,005 --> 00:29:30,004 Arnold. 483 00:29:30,006 --> 00:29:33,001 Arnold, look, I'm not like you. 484 00:29:33,003 --> 00:29:35,015 Being gay is what you are, it's what you like. 485 00:29:35,017 --> 00:29:37,013 It's what you're comfortable with. 486 00:29:37,015 --> 00:29:41,004 I want more, I can't be happy living in a ghetto of gay bars. 487 00:29:41,006 --> 00:29:44,008 - We've never done that. - I need to be proud of who I'm. 488 00:29:44,010 --> 00:29:46,016 How can sleeping with a woman make you proud 489 00:29:46,018 --> 00:29:48,021 if you know you'd rather be with a man? 490 00:29:48,023 --> 00:29:51,019 How will you get any respect if you're not yourself? 491 00:29:51,021 --> 00:29:53,020 'There's no you to respect!' 492 00:29:53,022 --> 00:29:56,011 Where is your self-respect? I don't see any here. 493 00:29:56,013 --> 00:30:01,000 You want to see my self-respect? Here, here's my self-respect. 494 00:30:03,004 --> 00:30:06,004 ♪ But not for me ♪ 495 00:30:06,006 --> 00:30:09,020 ♪ The lucky stars above ♪ 496 00:30:09,022 --> 00:30:13,002 ♪ But not for me ♪ 497 00:30:13,004 --> 00:30:14,018 ♪ With love to lead.. ♪ 498 00:30:14,020 --> 00:30:16,001 Hi. 499 00:30:18,007 --> 00:30:20,013 Can I buy you a drink? 500 00:30:20,015 --> 00:30:22,010 Oh, fuck off! 501 00:30:27,011 --> 00:30:30,021 ♪ I was a fool to fall ♪ 502 00:30:30,023 --> 00:30:33,018 ♪ And get that way.. ♪ 503 00:30:43,015 --> 00:30:45,002 Oh, I'm sorry. 504 00:30:50,007 --> 00:30:52,011 Excuse Me. Pardon Me. 505 00:30:52,013 --> 00:30:54,004 Sorry. 506 00:30:58,013 --> 00:31:01,020 Hi, my name's Arnold. 507 00:31:01,022 --> 00:31:04,005 It's my fault, I'm sure. 508 00:31:14,012 --> 00:31:16,006 Oh, my God. 509 00:31:16,008 --> 00:31:17,019 [unzips zipper] 510 00:31:17,021 --> 00:31:21,022 What am I gonna do with the beer can? 511 00:31:25,002 --> 00:31:28,003 [rock music] 512 00:31:37,002 --> 00:31:41,013 Well, at least I don't have to cook him breakfast. 513 00:31:41,015 --> 00:31:44,009 (male #1) 'With all the promotions, mine can't be far.' 514 00:31:44,011 --> 00:31:47,005 (ma) 'Promotions are fine, but how about a nice girl?' 515 00:31:47,007 --> 00:31:50,006 Leave the boy alone. He'll find one when he's ready. 516 00:31:50,008 --> 00:31:52,020 - They don't come every day. - You tell 'em. 517 00:31:52,022 --> 00:31:56,015 You boys gotta admit, I picked a beautiful girl as your mother. 518 00:31:56,017 --> 00:31:58,001 You tell 'em. 519 00:31:58,003 --> 00:31:59,015 - You want some rice pudding? - No. 520 00:31:59,017 --> 00:32:02,000 I made Jell-O, but if you want nice pudding.. 521 00:32:02,002 --> 00:32:03,013 - No, Ma. - Nothing for me, Ma. 522 00:32:03,015 --> 00:32:05,014 - Piece of cake? - I'm full. 523 00:32:05,016 --> 00:32:08,004 So what's with you, Arnold? 524 00:32:08,006 --> 00:32:12,019 Not much. I'm not seeing Ed anymore. 525 00:32:12,021 --> 00:32:15,016 - I meant work. - You call that work? 526 00:32:15,018 --> 00:32:17,016 Betty, the boy has to find himself. 527 00:32:17,018 --> 00:32:20,009 So let him find himself, I'm not saying anything. 528 00:32:20,011 --> 00:32:23,021 - I'd love some cheesecake. - Go to Junior's. 529 00:32:23,023 --> 00:32:26,020 So you can use a couple of bucks, Arnold? 530 00:32:26,022 --> 00:32:28,005 'I'm fine, Dad.' 531 00:32:28,007 --> 00:32:30,016 Take it, a loan. Until you're on your feet. 532 00:32:30,018 --> 00:32:33,020 - I'm on my feet, Daddy. - Yeah, in six-inch heels. 533 00:32:33,022 --> 00:32:37,004 - Some big shot. - Excuse me. 534 00:32:43,004 --> 00:32:45,005 [door opens] 535 00:32:47,011 --> 00:32:50,013 [soft piano music] 536 00:32:54,007 --> 00:32:57,009 They don't mean anything, you know? 537 00:32:57,011 --> 00:33:00,010 Then, why embarrass me like that? 538 00:33:00,012 --> 00:33:03,001 I make more than daddy does. 539 00:33:05,006 --> 00:33:07,019 They have trouble understanding, that's all. 540 00:33:10,003 --> 00:33:12,023 There isn't anything they wouldn't do for you. 541 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,002 Don't be mad at them. 542 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,002 I'm not mad. I'm jealous. 543 00:33:23,014 --> 00:33:26,002 You realize in all the years that they've been married 544 00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:28,010 the only time they were ever separated 545 00:33:28,012 --> 00:33:32,006 was when ma went into the hospital for that operation. 546 00:33:33,007 --> 00:33:35,010 And what did daddy do? 547 00:33:35,012 --> 00:33:38,000 He slept on a chair in the living room. 548 00:33:38,002 --> 00:33:40,022 He wouldn't even get into bed without her. 549 00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:46,005 And the way they always made us feel 550 00:33:46,007 --> 00:33:49,005 like we were the two most important 551 00:33:49,007 --> 00:33:54,002 smartest, most talented, handsomest.. 552 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,013 And it kills me to think.. 553 00:34:01,022 --> 00:34:06,013 ...that they look at me and wonder what they did wrong. 554 00:34:09,002 --> 00:34:12,004 [music continues] 555 00:34:14,002 --> 00:34:15,004 [exhales] 556 00:34:16,022 --> 00:34:21,004 All I know is in all my born days and there've been plenty 557 00:34:21,006 --> 00:34:23,004 I never met a real bisexual. 558 00:34:23,006 --> 00:34:26,013 - Not in front of you-know-who? - It's alright. Not listening. 559 00:34:26,015 --> 00:34:29,011 Just once I'd like to see a bisexual that lived 560 00:34:29,013 --> 00:34:32,019 with his boyfriend and then snuck out to see his girlfriend 561 00:34:32,021 --> 00:34:34,019 on the sly. 562 00:34:34,021 --> 00:34:37,003 [knock on the door] 563 00:34:37,005 --> 00:34:39,010 Is Arnold Beckoff.. 564 00:34:44,021 --> 00:34:46,020 You wanna give 'em room? 565 00:34:46,022 --> 00:34:48,001 [speaking in foreign language] 566 00:34:48,003 --> 00:34:51,001 Alright. Come on. 567 00:34:56,022 --> 00:35:00,006 Bet you never thought you'd see me again, huh? 568 00:35:00,008 --> 00:35:01,020 Hi. 569 00:35:04,014 --> 00:35:07,003 You look terrific. 570 00:35:07,005 --> 00:35:09,014 Really. 571 00:35:09,016 --> 00:35:13,006 You've lost a little weight I see. I'm sorry. 572 00:35:19,005 --> 00:35:22,019 I guess you're still pretty angry, huh? 573 00:35:22,021 --> 00:35:26,011 No, I'm not still angry. This here's brand new. 574 00:35:26,013 --> 00:35:30,000 - What are you doin' here? - I just wanted to talk. 575 00:35:30,002 --> 00:35:33,005 Five months ago you checked out on me and the one thing 576 00:35:33,007 --> 00:35:35,017 I can say is that when you left, you left. 577 00:35:35,019 --> 00:35:37,018 'No matter what I thought of your reasons--' 578 00:35:37,020 --> 00:35:40,019 I told you that I wanted us to be friends. 579 00:35:40,021 --> 00:35:42,023 'You mean a lot to me.' 580 00:35:46,006 --> 00:35:48,013 Don't get cute with me, huh? 581 00:35:54,023 --> 00:35:58,001 Maybe I shouldn't have come, but as long as the harm's done 582 00:35:58,003 --> 00:36:00,012 can't I just talk to you for a while? 583 00:36:00,014 --> 00:36:03,018 I mean just, no, just until you're finished. 584 00:36:05,017 --> 00:36:08,000 'It's important to me.' 585 00:36:12,014 --> 00:36:14,015 Just sit down. 586 00:36:31,017 --> 00:36:34,009 So how's your sex life? 587 00:36:34,011 --> 00:36:37,001 It's great. 588 00:36:37,003 --> 00:36:39,016 As good as with me? 589 00:36:39,018 --> 00:36:44,001 Arnold, I'm, I'm not so sure that the sex we had was always 590 00:36:44,003 --> 00:36:46,006 as good for me as it was for you. 591 00:36:46,008 --> 00:36:49,023 Sometimes you got a little wild, little too out of control. 592 00:36:53,020 --> 00:36:55,010 And that's bad? 593 00:36:55,012 --> 00:36:58,013 Well, it's not what I want. 594 00:36:58,015 --> 00:37:00,013 It's funny. 595 00:37:00,015 --> 00:37:03,005 That's what I pray for. 596 00:37:05,005 --> 00:37:08,007 I thought about you a lot this summer. 597 00:37:08,009 --> 00:37:10,014 A couple of times, I almost called you. 598 00:37:10,016 --> 00:37:13,008 I even picked up the phone once. 599 00:37:13,010 --> 00:37:15,019 Yeah, so what happened? 600 00:37:16,023 --> 00:37:19,017 Well, I couldn't. 601 00:37:21,004 --> 00:37:23,010 I love her, Arnold. 602 00:37:28,023 --> 00:37:31,003 Oh, um, I had a dream last night 603 00:37:31,005 --> 00:37:33,018 that I want to tell you about. 604 00:37:33,020 --> 00:37:37,016 I mean, you like that sort of stuff. 605 00:37:37,018 --> 00:37:39,010 Anyway, um, I was.. 606 00:37:39,012 --> 00:37:41,012 I dreamt I was at my parent's house 607 00:37:41,014 --> 00:37:46,016 and I got a rag and I soaked it in turpentine 608 00:37:46,018 --> 00:37:49,000 put it inside a plastic bag 609 00:37:49,002 --> 00:37:51,011 and put the bag over my head. 610 00:37:53,011 --> 00:37:54,015 And um.. 611 00:37:54,017 --> 00:37:57,005 Anyway, the phone woke me in the morning. 612 00:37:57,007 --> 00:38:00,003 It was Laurel and I couldn't understand what she was saying. 613 00:38:00,005 --> 00:38:02,016 You know, half of me's trying to listen to her. 614 00:38:02,018 --> 00:38:05,019 The other half's trying to figure out this dream. 615 00:38:05,021 --> 00:38:08,013 I felt dizzy, so I-I went back to bed 616 00:38:08,015 --> 00:38:11,012 and there on the pillow is.. 617 00:38:13,007 --> 00:38:18,001 You know, the-the plastic bag with the turpentine-soaked rag. 618 00:38:18,003 --> 00:38:19,004 Um.. 619 00:38:20,023 --> 00:38:22,020 I couldn't tell any.. 620 00:38:22,022 --> 00:38:25,015 You know, anybody about it. 621 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,015 I'm.. 622 00:38:30,009 --> 00:38:32,010 ...a little scared. 623 00:38:42,010 --> 00:38:46,010 So what, do you got your car with you? 624 00:38:46,012 --> 00:38:49,008 Yeah, um, do you want me to drive you home? 625 00:38:49,010 --> 00:38:53,021 Um, why don't you get the car and I'll meet you out front? 626 00:38:53,023 --> 00:38:54,023 Oh. 627 00:38:59,010 --> 00:39:00,021 [door closes] 628 00:39:13,010 --> 00:39:16,013 So what now, huh? 629 00:39:16,015 --> 00:39:19,015 Look, if I take him back now, knowing all I do 630 00:39:19,017 --> 00:39:21,014 maybe I can make it work 631 00:39:21,016 --> 00:39:24,011 With a little understanding. 632 00:39:24,013 --> 00:39:28,005 Maybe a shrink. 633 00:39:28,007 --> 00:39:30,012 I could just let him drive me home 634 00:39:30,014 --> 00:39:33,000 And then I could say something like, uh 635 00:39:33,002 --> 00:39:36,018 "the next time you feel you have to say I love you to someone" 636 00:39:36,020 --> 00:39:40,016 "say it to yourself and see if you believe it." 637 00:39:40,018 --> 00:39:43,003 That would go over his head. 638 00:39:43,005 --> 00:39:46,003 I think it went over mine. 639 00:39:47,021 --> 00:39:51,009 I could just sneak out the back, leave him waitin' in the cold. 640 00:39:51,011 --> 00:39:53,005 'Cause if I start in again 641 00:39:53,007 --> 00:39:57,004 who's to say he's not gonna keep this shit up, right? 642 00:39:58,012 --> 00:40:00,019 I don't know. 643 00:40:02,015 --> 00:40:06,000 Maybe it's what I want. 644 00:40:06,002 --> 00:40:09,003 Maybe he's treating me just the way I want him to. 645 00:40:09,005 --> 00:40:13,023 I mean what if it's me using him to give me that 646 00:40:14,001 --> 00:40:18,009 tragic torch singer status I admire so in others? 647 00:40:18,011 --> 00:40:21,006 Wouldn't that be a kick in the rubber parts? 648 00:40:27,019 --> 00:40:29,020 I love him. 649 00:40:31,014 --> 00:40:33,023 What are you gonna do? 650 00:40:35,019 --> 00:40:38,010 But do I love him enough? 651 00:40:43,022 --> 00:40:45,023 What is enough? 652 00:40:51,003 --> 00:40:53,004 This is enough. 653 00:41:00,017 --> 00:41:02,018 Enough. 654 00:41:13,023 --> 00:41:15,006 [indistinct chattering] 655 00:41:22,007 --> 00:41:25,013 ♪ D-A-M-E ♪ 656 00:41:25,015 --> 00:41:27,011 ♪ DAME ♪ 657 00:41:27,013 --> 00:41:28,017 [audience cheering] 658 00:41:28,019 --> 00:41:32,001 ♪ I love a line of beautiful ♪ 659 00:41:32,003 --> 00:41:36,021 ♪ Dames ♪ 660 00:41:50,001 --> 00:41:52,019 Oh, weren't they wonderful, boys and girls? 661 00:41:52,021 --> 00:41:54,003 (all) Yeah! 662 00:41:54,005 --> 00:41:58,014 Especially, the boys. Ow-w-w! 663 00:41:58,016 --> 00:42:03,002 Ow ow ow, the last time I saw a basket like that 664 00:42:03,004 --> 00:42:05,014 it was around Red Riding Hood's arm. 665 00:42:05,016 --> 00:42:07,013 [audience laughing] 666 00:42:07,015 --> 00:42:09,008 One more time. 667 00:42:09,010 --> 00:42:10,016 Oh. 668 00:42:10,018 --> 00:42:14,006 I'll see you around and I'll see you around. 669 00:42:14,008 --> 00:42:16,020 - And I'll see you around-- - Hey, where's Bette? 670 00:42:16,022 --> 00:42:18,009 - Bette? - 'Yeah.' 671 00:42:18,011 --> 00:42:20,020 Darling, I don't do Bette without a c-cigarette. 672 00:42:20,022 --> 00:42:22,009 - 'Over here.' - Oh. 673 00:42:22,011 --> 00:42:26,006 You mean Bette as Baby Jane Hudson? 674 00:42:26,008 --> 00:42:28,007 (all) Yay! 675 00:42:32,004 --> 00:42:34,018 [mimicking Bette Davis] Blanche. 676 00:42:34,020 --> 00:42:37,015 You didn't eat your din-din. 677 00:42:37,017 --> 00:42:42,016 So someone else is gonna eat your Christmas puddin'. 678 00:42:42,018 --> 00:42:45,004 Who's gonna eat my Christmas balls? 679 00:42:45,006 --> 00:42:46,015 How rude? 680 00:42:46,017 --> 00:42:49,013 You have a high voice for a lesbian. 681 00:42:49,015 --> 00:42:52,003 'And now ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure' 682 00:42:52,005 --> 00:42:55,006 to bring you the favorite of all of us as I present 683 00:42:55,008 --> 00:42:57,015 the supreme artiste of the song-- 684 00:42:57,017 --> 00:43:00,014 Fuck the artiste! Bring on the freaks! 685 00:43:00,016 --> 00:43:04,008 Did your mother have any children that lived? 686 00:43:04,010 --> 00:43:05,020 Thank you, darling. 687 00:43:05,022 --> 00:43:11,005 And now ladies and gentlemen and nasty little boys 688 00:43:11,007 --> 00:43:14,010 I want to present the queen of the torch song 689 00:43:14,012 --> 00:43:17,015 our very own Virginia Hamm. 690 00:43:17,017 --> 00:43:20,016 [audience cheering and applauding] 691 00:43:26,014 --> 00:43:30,013 ♪ When the only sound on the empty street ♪ 692 00:43:30,015 --> 00:43:32,011 ♪ Is the heavy tread ♪ 693 00:43:32,013 --> 00:43:34,016 ♪ Of the heavy feet ♪ 694 00:43:34,018 --> 00:43:38,015 ♪ That belong to a lonesome cop ♪ 695 00:43:38,017 --> 00:43:41,016 ♪ I ♪ 696 00:43:42,020 --> 00:43:47,019 ♪ Open shop ♪ 697 00:43:47,021 --> 00:43:50,001 ♪ When the moon ♪ 698 00:43:50,003 --> 00:43:51,017 ♪ So long ♪ 699 00:43:51,019 --> 00:43:54,001 ♪ Has been gazing down ♪ 700 00:43:54,003 --> 00:43:58,016 ♪ On the wayward ways of this wayward town ♪ 701 00:43:58,018 --> 00:44:02,022 ♪ That a smile becomes a smirk ♪ 702 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,018 ♪ I ♪ 703 00:44:05,020 --> 00:44:07,011 [audience applauding] 704 00:44:07,013 --> 00:44:09,015 [speaking indistinctly] 705 00:44:10,011 --> 00:44:13,002 ♪ Go to work ♪ 706 00:44:14,008 --> 00:44:16,021 ♪ Love ♪ 707 00:44:16,023 --> 00:44:19,001 ♪ For sale ♪ 708 00:44:20,009 --> 00:44:26,003 ♪ Appetizin' young love for sale ♪ 709 00:44:26,005 --> 00:44:29,005 ♪ Love that's fresh and still unspoiled ♪ 710 00:44:29,007 --> 00:44:32,014 ♪ Love that's only slightly soiled ♪ 711 00:44:32,016 --> 00:44:38,004 ♪ Love for sale tell me who ♪ 712 00:44:38,006 --> 00:44:40,023 These for real, huh? Huh, baby? 713 00:44:41,001 --> 00:44:43,018 ♪ Will buy ♪ 714 00:44:43,020 --> 00:44:49,011 ♪ Who would like to sample my supply ♪ 715 00:44:49,013 --> 00:44:52,012 ♪ Who's prepared to pay the price ♪ 716 00:44:52,014 --> 00:44:56,001 ♪ For a trip to paradise ♪ 717 00:44:56,003 --> 00:44:59,001 ♪ Love for sale ♪ 718 00:44:59,003 --> 00:45:00,018 Looks like a boiled ham to me. 719 00:45:00,020 --> 00:45:02,021 ♪ Let the poet's pipe of love.. ♪ 720 00:45:02,023 --> 00:45:04,022 Baby, show us your dick. 721 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:07,011 'Come on. Pull it out.' 722 00:45:07,013 --> 00:45:09,018 'Come on. Pull it out. What's the matter?' 723 00:45:09,020 --> 00:45:13,001 Ain't you got one, Huh? Huh? Pull it out. 724 00:45:13,003 --> 00:45:15,002 'Come on, whip it out.' 725 00:45:15,004 --> 00:45:17,015 Hey, sit on this. 726 00:45:18,021 --> 00:45:20,004 [audience clamoring] 727 00:45:20,006 --> 00:45:22,017 Won't you boys, show some respect, huh? 728 00:45:22,019 --> 00:45:25,023 Maybe you'd like me to carve a reminder on your pretty face. 729 00:45:26,001 --> 00:45:28,007 (Arnold) 'Gregory.' 730 00:45:28,009 --> 00:45:29,014 Please. 731 00:45:37,001 --> 00:45:39,007 I wasn't gonna hurt him anyway. 732 00:45:39,009 --> 00:45:42,015 Just wanted to teach him a manner or two. 733 00:45:42,017 --> 00:45:45,000 You alright, kid? 734 00:45:47,010 --> 00:45:48,023 Roz. 735 00:45:49,001 --> 00:45:51,003 Put it in my dressing room. 736 00:45:51,005 --> 00:45:53,020 Peter, 1, 2.. 737 00:45:53,022 --> 00:45:57,013 ♪ Love for sale.. ♪ 738 00:45:57,015 --> 00:45:59,004 [audience applauding] 739 00:45:59,006 --> 00:46:01,015 - I see you're alright. - I'm alright. 740 00:46:01,017 --> 00:46:03,016 - Reach the door. - Okay, careful with him. 741 00:46:03,018 --> 00:46:07,007 - He's a person. - I used to be a person. 742 00:46:07,009 --> 00:46:10,009 - Alright, straight in the back. - It figures. 743 00:46:11,020 --> 00:46:13,005 [mumbling] 744 00:46:13,007 --> 00:46:14,018 Come on. 745 00:46:14,020 --> 00:46:16,008 Come on. 746 00:46:16,010 --> 00:46:18,005 God. 747 00:46:19,013 --> 00:46:20,020 - Alright? - Yeah. 748 00:46:20,022 --> 00:46:23,022 - Okay, you can dump him here. - Alright. 749 00:46:31,018 --> 00:46:34,011 Here, thanks and close the door on your way out. 750 00:46:34,013 --> 00:46:35,020 Sure. 751 00:46:43,007 --> 00:46:44,019 [sighs] 752 00:47:06,003 --> 00:47:10,006 If you have an IQ over 30, then there is no God. 753 00:47:23,008 --> 00:47:25,014 - Hi. - Hi. 754 00:47:28,015 --> 00:47:31,003 - Who are you? - I've got a better one for you. 755 00:47:31,005 --> 00:47:33,019 - Who are you? - My name's Alan. 756 00:47:33,021 --> 00:47:35,011 Arnold. 757 00:47:35,013 --> 00:47:38,002 Do you remember anything at all about last night? 758 00:47:38,004 --> 00:47:39,016 Not too much. 759 00:47:39,018 --> 00:47:43,013 I don't usually drink, but you know how it is in the holidays. 760 00:47:43,015 --> 00:47:47,007 So you and I met where? 761 00:47:47,009 --> 00:47:50,006 Why don't you go sit down? I'll give you breakfast. 762 00:47:50,008 --> 00:47:54,011 We met at the club East 4th. You seemed to be having trouble. 763 00:47:56,014 --> 00:47:58,011 You were the waiter. 764 00:47:58,013 --> 00:48:01,005 I were the entertainment. 765 00:48:01,007 --> 00:48:03,003 Virginia Hamm. 766 00:48:03,005 --> 00:48:05,014 [gasps] Oh, you're kidding? 767 00:48:05,016 --> 00:48:08,013 Anyway, you're in Brooklyn. 768 00:48:08,015 --> 00:48:12,018 The subway's up the block. Turn right, three blocks. 769 00:48:12,020 --> 00:48:15,019 And you don't have to worry about anything. 770 00:48:15,021 --> 00:48:18,018 I was a perfect gentleman. 771 00:48:19,017 --> 00:48:21,014 Thanks. 772 00:48:29,017 --> 00:48:33,023 Shit, um, I have a photo shoot today and I'm late. 773 00:48:34,001 --> 00:48:36,010 Um, hello? 774 00:48:36,012 --> 00:48:40,008 Listen, I've gotta run, but I'll call you later, okay? 775 00:48:42,001 --> 00:48:44,001 Hello? 776 00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:00,001 [door closes] 777 00:49:01,023 --> 00:49:03,010 [door opens] 778 00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,012 [piano music] 779 00:49:19,014 --> 00:49:21,016 [audience applauding] 780 00:49:24,007 --> 00:49:26,010 ♪ Once upon a time ♪ 781 00:49:26,012 --> 00:49:28,009 ♪ In olden days ♪ 782 00:49:28,011 --> 00:49:33,018 ♪ I spent my afternoons at Dejeuner ♪ 783 00:49:33,020 --> 00:49:36,016 ♪ Eating all day ♪ 784 00:49:36,018 --> 00:49:38,019 ♪ Jeuner ♪ 785 00:49:41,005 --> 00:49:43,008 ♪ I got so large ♪ 786 00:49:43,010 --> 00:49:45,014 ♪ As large as a truck ♪ 787 00:49:45,016 --> 00:49:48,009 ♪ That my husband the buck ♪ 788 00:49:48,011 --> 00:49:50,007 ♪ Took off like a fuck-a-duck ♪ 789 00:49:50,009 --> 00:49:52,002 [audience laughing] 790 00:49:52,004 --> 00:49:54,003 ♪ And left me all alone ♪ 791 00:49:54,005 --> 00:49:56,002 ♪ What bad luck ♪ 792 00:49:56,004 --> 00:49:59,015 ♪ My life suck-sunk ♪ 793 00:49:59,017 --> 00:50:01,021 ♪ In a funk ♪ 794 00:50:01,023 --> 00:50:03,019 ♪ Boys ♪ 795 00:50:07,017 --> 00:50:11,017 ♪ I tried diets and drills ♪ 796 00:50:11,019 --> 00:50:13,014 ♪ And I swallowed some pills ♪ 797 00:50:13,016 --> 00:50:17,000 ♪ That made me a maniac ♪ 798 00:50:17,002 --> 00:50:19,010 ♪ I had grapefruit and brown rice ♪ 799 00:50:19,012 --> 00:50:21,010 ♪ And soybeans to boil ♪ 800 00:50:21,012 --> 00:50:26,003 ♪ I ate seaweed and parsley and peanuts no oil ♪ 801 00:50:26,005 --> 00:50:31,012 ♪ I exercised my flabby thighs and wrapped them in foil ♪ 802 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:34,022 ♪ I lost some weight ♪ 803 00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:36,015 ♪ But every single bloody time ♪ 804 00:50:36,017 --> 00:50:40,018 ♪ The poundage returned to the scene of the crime ♪ 805 00:50:40,020 --> 00:50:45,008 ♪ And then I took it all off as easily as when you have a cold ♪ 806 00:50:45,010 --> 00:50:46,011 ♪ You cough ♪ 807 00:50:46,013 --> 00:50:48,001 [mimicking coughing] 808 00:50:52,001 --> 00:50:53,013 ♪ Where did I begin ♪ 809 00:50:53,015 --> 00:50:56,023 ♪ How did I attain the gorgeous shape ♪ 810 00:50:57,001 --> 00:51:00,002 ♪ That I'm in ♪ 811 00:51:07,013 --> 00:51:09,016 ♪ I puke ♪ 812 00:51:09,018 --> 00:51:14,010 ♪ So discreetly I don't make a sound ♪ 813 00:51:14,012 --> 00:51:16,017 ♪ I puke ♪ 814 00:51:16,019 --> 00:51:20,023 ♪ After dinner I'm never around ♪ 815 00:51:21,001 --> 00:51:25,001 ♪ It doesn't reek of politesse ♪ 816 00:51:26,018 --> 00:51:30,002 ♪ It's not the nicest thing I guess ♪ 817 00:51:30,004 --> 00:51:33,015 ♪ But it tightens my belt ♪ 818 00:51:33,017 --> 00:51:37,008 ♪ And it makes me feel svelte ♪ 819 00:51:38,002 --> 00:51:39,021 Exactly what I needed.. 820 00:51:39,023 --> 00:51:42,012 Hi, you-you saw me in the audience, right? 821 00:51:42,014 --> 00:51:44,018 Every queen in Harlem saw you in the audience 822 00:51:44,020 --> 00:51:48,015 You were terrific. A little weird, but different. 823 00:51:48,017 --> 00:51:49,023 Thanks. 824 00:51:50,001 --> 00:51:52,010 Hello? I'm another person in the world. 825 00:51:52,012 --> 00:51:55,018 Hi. You know, I hope you don't mind me saying so 826 00:51:55,020 --> 00:51:58,008 but I think that I prefer you in men's clothes. 827 00:51:58,010 --> 00:52:00,022 - Ooh, child. - Well, thanks for dropping by. 828 00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:04,001 Oh, um, I-I brought you something. 829 00:52:04,003 --> 00:52:06,014 I couldn't help but notice that you liked them. 830 00:52:06,016 --> 00:52:08,016 That was really sweet. Thanks. 831 00:52:08,018 --> 00:52:10,013 Look, can I take you to dinner? 832 00:52:10,015 --> 00:52:14,003 - To make up for last night? - Free chow. You got my vote. 833 00:52:14,005 --> 00:52:17,014 Oh, thanks. Maybe another time, huh? 834 00:52:17,016 --> 00:52:20,005 We've really gotta run. You know, it's Christmas 835 00:52:20,007 --> 00:52:23,001 and I never did finish my Christmas shopping. 836 00:52:23,003 --> 00:52:25,019 There's an all-night sale at the market. Thanks though. 837 00:52:25,021 --> 00:52:28,023 - What is the matter with you? - What is wrong with you.. 838 00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,006 (Murray) '...you're full of chicken shit.' 839 00:52:33,008 --> 00:52:39,020 ♪ This time the dream's on me ♪ 840 00:52:39,022 --> 00:52:42,019 (Alan) 'I came to New York to be gay.' 841 00:52:44,019 --> 00:52:47,006 'I don't have to tell you the kind of reception' 842 00:52:47,008 --> 00:52:49,022 'a 15-year-old barefoot boy with cheek of tan' 843 00:52:50,001 --> 00:52:52,014 'gets in the big apple.' 844 00:52:52,016 --> 00:52:55,012 All any guy I met cared about was my price tag 845 00:52:55,014 --> 00:52:57,006 for the evening. 846 00:52:57,008 --> 00:53:01,005 I figured I needed affection more than they needed the money 847 00:53:01,007 --> 00:53:03,008 so I took it. 848 00:53:06,009 --> 00:53:09,003 'I'm 21, successful..' 849 00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,012 ...and still every guy I meet 850 00:53:14,014 --> 00:53:18,008 takes one look at me and all he wants is sex. 851 00:53:19,017 --> 00:53:21,023 Every guy I meet takes one look at me 852 00:53:22,001 --> 00:53:24,007 and all he wants is conversation. 853 00:53:25,021 --> 00:53:27,023 I wouldn't say all. 854 00:53:36,008 --> 00:53:38,012 - Morning. - Morning. 855 00:53:40,013 --> 00:53:42,011 Wh-what do you think? Kate Smith, right? 856 00:53:42,013 --> 00:53:44,023 - Yeah, Judy Canova. - I don't do her. 857 00:53:45,001 --> 00:53:47,010 - Then, put the dress back. - Gentlemen, please.. 858 00:53:47,012 --> 00:53:49,015 Don't lose your beans, honey. We got cash. 859 00:53:49,017 --> 00:53:51,016 Yes. 860 00:53:51,018 --> 00:53:54,019 - What do you think? - Fabulous for Canasta. 861 00:53:54,021 --> 00:53:57,017 Wouldn't you gentlemen feel more comfortable in another store? 862 00:53:57,019 --> 00:54:00,010 Worry not, my dear. We're simply slumming until Halston opens. 863 00:54:00,012 --> 00:54:04,008 - I'm gonna try this one out. - No, no, no, Sir. 864 00:54:07,009 --> 00:54:10,014 Don't look now, but pretty boy has tracked you down again. 865 00:54:11,010 --> 00:54:14,000 Oh, my God. 866 00:54:14,002 --> 00:54:15,022 - Would you stop? - 'Tis love. 'Tis love. 867 00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:19,020 Him looking at you like a 3 year old at his first ice cream cake. 868 00:54:19,022 --> 00:54:21,020 And you're running from him for your life. 869 00:54:21,022 --> 00:54:24,009 Now, honey, my calculus may not be up to snuff 870 00:54:24,011 --> 00:54:26,020 but I still can put two and two together. 871 00:54:26,022 --> 00:54:29,018 And what I get is love. 872 00:54:29,020 --> 00:54:31,020 - May I help you, Sir? - No, thanks. 873 00:54:31,022 --> 00:54:35,012 - Sir. Sir. - Do you have these in a 16? 874 00:54:37,014 --> 00:54:39,001 Arnold? 875 00:54:39,003 --> 00:54:41,002 Yes? 876 00:54:41,004 --> 00:54:43,012 Sorry. 877 00:54:43,014 --> 00:54:45,019 - Arnold? - 'Oh, my God.' 878 00:54:45,021 --> 00:54:49,002 I love the way this drapes on you. 879 00:54:49,004 --> 00:54:53,018 Arnold, I can't think about anybody else but you. 880 00:54:53,020 --> 00:54:56,017 I don't want to see anybody else but you. 881 00:54:56,019 --> 00:55:00,014 I don't even want to talk to anybody else but you. 882 00:55:01,019 --> 00:55:05,016 So...you gonna come out of there? 883 00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,013 - Want me to break the door? - I'm calling the police. 884 00:55:11,015 --> 00:55:15,010 Oh, nonsense. Let me see that in his size. 885 00:55:18,022 --> 00:55:22,009 There are a couple of things we better get straight first. 886 00:55:22,011 --> 00:55:25,013 A, I want children. 887 00:55:25,015 --> 00:55:30,022 B, if anyone asks, I'm the pretty one. 888 00:55:34,004 --> 00:55:36,003 'Alan, where the hell are you?' 889 00:55:36,005 --> 00:55:38,008 I had to make a call. 890 00:55:39,015 --> 00:55:41,023 Okay, I'm listening. 891 00:55:42,001 --> 00:55:45,001 - Alright, number three here-- - Oh, wait. Wait. 892 00:55:46,002 --> 00:55:48,005 [music on radio] 893 00:55:48,007 --> 00:55:51,008 Alright. Let's go. Come on. 894 00:55:53,008 --> 00:55:55,002 Employment, husband. Employment, wife. 895 00:55:55,004 --> 00:55:57,007 I knew one day we'll have to decide. 896 00:55:57,009 --> 00:56:00,014 If we could figure that, we could have our own kids. 897 00:56:00,016 --> 00:56:04,012 - What should I put for age? - Write 54. Let them break it. 898 00:56:04,014 --> 00:56:06,008 - What aged child? - Oh. 899 00:56:06,010 --> 00:56:08,014 Old enough to dust. That's all I care. 900 00:56:08,016 --> 00:56:12,012 (man on radio) 'You're listening to the station dedicated to the one you love.' 901 00:56:12,014 --> 00:56:16,008 'So listen up friends, here is the stuff you really like.' 902 00:56:16,010 --> 00:56:17,021 'A 3-year anniversary.' 903 00:56:17,023 --> 00:56:20,012 'A special song for a special couple.' 904 00:56:20,014 --> 00:56:25,014 'For Arnold, with all the love in my soul, from Ellen.' 905 00:56:25,016 --> 00:56:29,001 - Alan, asshole, Alan. - Was that you? 906 00:56:32,016 --> 00:56:35,007 For God's sake, don't cry. 907 00:56:35,009 --> 00:56:36,022 [phone ringing] 908 00:56:39,007 --> 00:56:41,011 Hello, home wrecker. 909 00:56:41,013 --> 00:56:43,013 Oh, hi, Ma. 910 00:56:44,009 --> 00:56:45,023 Mama, what's wrong? 911 00:56:46,001 --> 00:56:50,010 Arnold, tateleh,I'm sorry. It's your father. 912 00:56:50,012 --> 00:56:53,023 ♪ This time the dreams.. ♪ 913 00:56:54,001 --> 00:56:56,000 I'll be right there, Mama. 914 00:56:56,002 --> 00:56:58,022 [man speaking in Hebrew] 915 00:57:00,020 --> 00:57:02,008 (all) Amen. 916 00:57:08,002 --> 00:57:10,003 (all) Amen. 917 00:57:19,004 --> 00:57:21,009 (ma) Thank you so much, rabbi. It was beautiful. 918 00:57:21,011 --> 00:57:24,019 Thank you all for coming. We'll see you back at the house. 919 00:57:24,021 --> 00:57:27,017 Thank you so much for coming so far. 920 00:57:27,019 --> 00:57:31,000 Thank you. You got off from school today, didn't you? 921 00:57:31,002 --> 00:57:34,008 Thank you for coming on such an awful day. 922 00:57:34,010 --> 00:57:37,005 This is where I'll be, between your father and grandfather. 923 00:57:37,007 --> 00:57:40,007 And Phil, over here's for you and your wife and your children. 924 00:57:40,009 --> 00:57:43,005 Tateleh,over here's for you and your wife and your children. 925 00:57:43,007 --> 00:57:46,005 - Oh, Ma. - You'll meet a girl someday. 926 00:57:46,007 --> 00:57:49,023 Believe me, Ma. I know. 927 00:57:50,001 --> 00:57:53,000 God doesn't know. My son knows. 928 00:58:00,014 --> 00:58:02,019 Why are the mirrors covered? 929 00:58:02,021 --> 00:58:06,019 So we don't see the pain in our faces. 930 00:58:06,021 --> 00:58:09,009 And why are you sitting on boxes? 931 00:58:09,011 --> 00:58:12,014 To make sure there's pain in our faces. 932 00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,023 You told me he was Jewish. 933 00:58:29,020 --> 00:58:32,010 Out-of-town Jewish. 934 00:58:37,002 --> 00:58:39,022 So, Mama, what're you gonna do? 935 00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:43,004 Are you gonna keep the house? 936 00:58:43,006 --> 00:58:47,000 I'll teach out the term, put the house up for sale.. 937 00:58:47,002 --> 00:58:48,013 ...and go live in Florida. 938 00:58:48,015 --> 00:58:51,007 What are you talking? Florida? Phil and I are here. 939 00:58:51,009 --> 00:58:53,021 That's what we do. We go to Florida. 940 00:58:53,023 --> 00:58:56,006 When my father died my mother went to Florida. 941 00:58:56,008 --> 00:58:58,016 And her mother before that. That's what we do. 942 00:58:58,018 --> 00:59:00,021 We go to Florida. 943 00:59:00,023 --> 00:59:04,006 I don't care what we do. What do you want to do? 944 00:59:07,005 --> 00:59:09,009 I want to die. 945 00:59:09,011 --> 00:59:12,012 Until then I'll go to Florida. 946 00:59:20,023 --> 00:59:24,000 [phone ringing] 947 00:59:35,006 --> 00:59:36,023 Hello. 948 00:59:37,001 --> 00:59:39,003 (female #2) 'Oh, I woke you?' 949 00:59:39,005 --> 00:59:42,009 Good guess. 950 00:59:42,011 --> 00:59:44,005 [coughing] 951 00:59:44,007 --> 00:59:47,016 - 'Is this Arnold?' - That's what they tell me. 952 00:59:47,018 --> 00:59:49,019 - Who is that? - I don't know. 953 00:59:49,021 --> 00:59:53,011 'Oh, come on. Speak up. I'm a drag queen, not a mind reader.' 954 00:59:53,013 --> 00:59:56,022 Well...I don't know if you'd remember me. 955 00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:59,015 Uh, we have a mutual friend, Ed Reese. 956 00:59:59,017 --> 01:00:03,008 'We met at his place once. My name's Laurel.' 957 01:00:03,010 --> 01:00:05,020 'Uh, Ed and I live together. We're lovers.' 958 01:00:05,022 --> 01:00:08,010 Anyway, we got to talking and thought it'd be nice 959 01:00:08,012 --> 01:00:11,004 to have you up to visit for a few days. 960 01:00:11,006 --> 01:00:13,004 'Hello? Are you with me?' 961 01:00:13,006 --> 01:00:14,016 I'm way ahead of you. 962 01:00:14,018 --> 01:00:17,006 Sorry, I ain't into none of that kinky stuff. 963 01:00:17,008 --> 01:00:19,009 [laughing nervously] 'Ed said you were funny.' 964 01:00:19,011 --> 01:00:21,012 Yeah, right. Tell me, whose idea was this? 965 01:00:21,014 --> 01:00:23,012 'We'd both like you to come.' 966 01:00:23,014 --> 01:00:25,013 Yeah, yeah. Whose idea was it? 967 01:00:25,015 --> 01:00:27,004 What's the difference? 968 01:00:27,006 --> 01:00:29,005 I know how much Ed values your friendship 969 01:00:29,007 --> 01:00:31,021 and the two of you don't get to meet anymore.. 970 01:00:31,023 --> 01:00:34,012 Look, I don't think this is such a good idea. 971 01:00:34,014 --> 01:00:36,001 But thanks for the invite. 972 01:00:36,003 --> 01:00:38,010 - I wanna go. - Are you out of your mind? 973 01:00:38,012 --> 01:00:40,001 - We are going. - We are not. 974 01:00:40,003 --> 01:00:42,011 Shut up. We're going. 975 01:00:42,013 --> 01:00:43,022 [engine starts] 976 01:00:45,003 --> 01:00:46,016 Isn't this civilized? 977 01:00:46,018 --> 01:00:49,001 Guests up to our country home for the weekend. 978 01:00:49,003 --> 01:00:50,021 We've had guests before. 979 01:00:50,023 --> 01:00:53,007 We can hardly compare this to having your sister 980 01:00:53,009 --> 01:00:55,005 and her kids or your parents up. 981 01:00:55,007 --> 01:01:00,000 Imagine. Hostess to your lover's ex and his new boyfriend. 982 01:01:00,002 --> 01:01:02,007 Now, that isn't civilized, I don't know what is. 983 01:01:02,009 --> 01:01:04,013 - It's down right.. - Would you stop? 984 01:01:07,015 --> 01:01:09,009 [honking] 985 01:01:14,004 --> 01:01:15,022 - This is it. - Hi. 986 01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:20,023 Alright, you finally made it. How you doing? Look at this. 987 01:01:21,001 --> 01:01:23,000 - Hi. - Hi. 988 01:01:23,002 --> 01:01:25,003 You look great. 989 01:01:25,005 --> 01:01:27,002 This is Laurel. 990 01:01:27,004 --> 01:01:29,010 - Arnold, Hi. - You're Alan. 991 01:01:29,012 --> 01:01:30,019 Yeah. 992 01:01:30,021 --> 01:01:33,010 - You need help? - Oh, Thanks. 993 01:01:33,012 --> 01:01:35,014 You got it? Good. 994 01:01:35,016 --> 01:01:39,021 This is Laurel, and, uh, come on, let's go on inside. 995 01:01:39,023 --> 01:01:42,004 - Hi, Laurel. - How are you? 996 01:01:42,006 --> 01:01:43,018 Come on in. 997 01:01:43,020 --> 01:01:45,013 Ha ha ha. 998 01:01:45,015 --> 01:01:47,016 Yeah. Ha ha ha. 999 01:01:58,008 --> 01:02:00,009 [thundering] 1000 01:02:08,015 --> 01:02:12,023 So, Arnold, Ed tells me you're a transsexual. 1001 01:02:13,001 --> 01:02:15,000 - Transvestite. - I'm sorry. 1002 01:02:15,002 --> 01:02:18,008 That's alright. Look, actually, I'm just a drag queen. 1003 01:02:18,010 --> 01:02:21,001 Did I tell you I'm teaching my classes computers? 1004 01:02:21,003 --> 01:02:22,023 - It's an experimental program. - Really? 1005 01:02:23,001 --> 01:02:26,005 He's even tried teaching me a thing or two, but I'm baffled. 1006 01:02:26,007 --> 01:02:28,003 You know, hardware, software 1007 01:02:28,005 --> 01:02:30,013 I can never remember which is which. 1008 01:02:30,015 --> 01:02:34,012 Easy. Just remember computers are the opposite of people. 1009 01:02:34,014 --> 01:02:37,004 With computers, the software goes into the hardware. 1010 01:02:37,006 --> 01:02:38,016 And with people-- 1011 01:02:38,018 --> 01:02:41,023 My, my! All this good food has just done me in. 1012 01:02:42,001 --> 01:02:45,012 What say we hit the hay? Eh? 1013 01:02:48,016 --> 01:02:51,004 Did you see how he fawned over Alan at dinner? 1014 01:02:51,006 --> 01:02:53,006 He practically cut his steak for him. 1015 01:02:53,008 --> 01:02:55,008 No more than I fawned over you. 1016 01:02:55,010 --> 01:02:57,005 I did cut your steak. 1017 01:02:57,007 --> 01:02:59,002 I could have killed you for that. 1018 01:02:59,004 --> 01:03:00,020 The two of you were lovers. 1019 01:03:00,022 --> 01:03:03,022 Little games and jealousies are going to pop up. 1020 01:03:06,017 --> 01:03:08,007 [thundering] 1021 01:03:10,017 --> 01:03:12,021 Did you see how he made such a point 1022 01:03:12,023 --> 01:03:16,009 of running off to bed early? Oh, I'm so tired. 1023 01:03:16,011 --> 01:03:19,013 All that good food has just done me in. 1024 01:03:19,015 --> 01:03:23,005 Hm. If I had someone as pretty as that to go to bed with 1025 01:03:23,007 --> 01:03:25,006 I wouldn't have stayed late up either. 1026 01:03:25,008 --> 01:03:27,019 - You think he's pretty? - Uh-huh. 1027 01:03:27,021 --> 01:03:29,017 Don't you think he's a little young? 1028 01:03:29,019 --> 01:03:35,017 Uh-uh. You hear the way their bed springs were squeaking? 1029 01:03:35,019 --> 01:03:41,012 I think that I do pretty well in the squeaking departments. 1030 01:03:41,014 --> 01:03:43,001 Oh, you do. 1031 01:03:43,003 --> 01:03:46,013 Yeah, making certain allowances for wear and tear. 1032 01:03:46,015 --> 01:03:50,000 Oh, no. Too early in the race to make a plea for sympathy. 1033 01:03:50,002 --> 01:03:53,003 Oh, you want to race? Ok. We'll race. 1034 01:03:53,005 --> 01:03:55,006 May the best man win. 1035 01:03:58,013 --> 01:04:02,009 [thudding] 1036 01:04:04,003 --> 01:04:08,001 Jesus! Do you hear that? 1037 01:04:08,003 --> 01:04:10,003 [thudding continues] 1038 01:04:10,005 --> 01:04:12,004 [giggles] 1039 01:04:12,006 --> 01:04:15,000 Oh, baby, talk dirty to me. 1040 01:04:15,002 --> 01:04:17,019 Well, go outside and listen at their door. 1041 01:04:17,021 --> 01:04:20,010 Give my best to the bisexuals. 1042 01:04:20,012 --> 01:04:22,017 Only he's bisexual. She's straight. 1043 01:04:22,019 --> 01:04:28,004 Too bad mixed marriages never work. 1044 01:04:28,006 --> 01:04:33,010 - So what do you think? - About what? 1045 01:04:33,012 --> 01:04:37,002 Seeing Ed again with me to compare him to. 1046 01:04:37,004 --> 01:04:40,010 Is that what we're doin' here? 1047 01:04:40,012 --> 01:04:43,013 He ain't so hot. 1048 01:04:43,015 --> 01:04:46,017 Not hot enough to be the great love of your life anyway. 1049 01:04:46,019 --> 01:04:49,016 I never said he was the great love of my life. 1050 01:04:49,018 --> 01:04:51,015 He's got his good points though. 1051 01:04:51,017 --> 01:04:54,011 He's good-natured, good-looking, good in bed. 1052 01:04:54,013 --> 01:04:55,023 Good and boring. 1053 01:04:56,001 --> 01:04:58,011 He's not good and boring. 1054 01:04:58,013 --> 01:05:01,001 He's just plain boring. 1055 01:05:01,003 --> 01:05:06,015 - But you loved him, right? - I guess so. 1056 01:05:06,017 --> 01:05:09,003 He loved you. 1057 01:05:09,005 --> 01:05:12,011 I see the way he looks at you. 1058 01:05:12,013 --> 01:05:17,013 - Why did you two break up? - We wanted different things. 1059 01:05:17,015 --> 01:05:18,022 Like what? 1060 01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:23,011 I wanted a husband. He wanted a wife. 1061 01:05:39,015 --> 01:05:41,011 That was delicious, Laurel. 1062 01:05:41,013 --> 01:05:44,000 Isn't she a great cook, besides being beautiful? 1063 01:05:44,002 --> 01:05:47,010 - Just delicious. - I bet I gained five pounds. 1064 01:05:47,012 --> 01:05:50,015 Ed, why don't you take Arnold and Alan out to the barn 1065 01:05:50,017 --> 01:05:52,014 and show them our new canning machine? 1066 01:05:52,016 --> 01:05:54,017 We can all of our vegetables, you know. 1067 01:05:54,019 --> 01:05:56,016 Thanks. I've seen the barn. 1068 01:05:56,018 --> 01:05:59,018 Ed, why don't you take Alan out and show it to him? 1069 01:05:59,020 --> 01:06:02,018 He's the real can connoisseur in the family. 1070 01:06:02,020 --> 01:06:04,019 I'll stay and help Laurel with the dishes. 1071 01:06:04,021 --> 01:06:07,021 We're yet to have a moment alone to compare notes on you. 1072 01:06:07,023 --> 01:06:09,017 Oh, just what she's been waiting for. 1073 01:06:09,019 --> 01:06:13,012 - Ed! - Mind if I steal the brandy? 1074 01:06:13,014 --> 01:06:14,020 Come on. 1075 01:06:18,016 --> 01:06:20,020 Stuck with the dishes. 1076 01:06:23,019 --> 01:06:25,021 It's right up there. 1077 01:06:27,019 --> 01:06:30,021 Tell me about you. That's the reason we're here. 1078 01:06:30,023 --> 01:06:33,013 - Is it? - Sure is. 1079 01:06:34,022 --> 01:06:36,021 Wasn't going to let this opportunity 1080 01:06:36,023 --> 01:06:38,020 to meet my competition go by. 1081 01:06:38,022 --> 01:06:42,017 - I'm no competition. - I am. 1082 01:06:44,011 --> 01:06:47,012 - So talk. - Why don't you ask Arnold? 1083 01:06:47,014 --> 01:06:50,002 I'm sure he has lots to say on the subject. 1084 01:06:50,004 --> 01:06:52,008 He says you're a boring, self-centered 1085 01:06:52,010 --> 01:06:54,012 insensitive old fool who wouldn't know love 1086 01:06:54,014 --> 01:06:57,022 if it wore wings, diaper and shot heart shaped arrows 1087 01:06:58,000 --> 01:06:59,010 at your butt. 1088 01:06:59,012 --> 01:07:02,010 - Anything you'd care to add? - No. That'll do. 1089 01:07:02,012 --> 01:07:04,008 What do you think? 1090 01:07:04,010 --> 01:07:05,021 I think I'll reserve my judgment 1091 01:07:05,023 --> 01:07:08,010 until I can make a closer inspection. 1092 01:07:23,013 --> 01:07:25,016 Close enough? 1093 01:07:25,018 --> 01:07:29,007 You asked me to sit in the hay, not roll in it. 1094 01:07:34,018 --> 01:07:37,003 I think you're very beautiful. 1095 01:07:37,005 --> 01:07:40,013 I thought you were reformed. 1096 01:07:40,015 --> 01:07:42,018 You want me to stop.. 1097 01:07:46,007 --> 01:07:48,008 ...just say so. 1098 01:07:51,006 --> 01:07:52,018 Do you? 1099 01:07:56,017 --> 01:07:59,012 I didn't think so. 1100 01:08:07,020 --> 01:08:09,017 (Alan) Let's go. 1101 01:08:09,019 --> 01:08:11,016 I'm sorry you couldn't stay for supper. 1102 01:08:11,018 --> 01:08:14,004 - Yeah, so are we, Arnold. - Yes. It's a shame. 1103 01:08:14,006 --> 01:08:16,003 Laurel, Listen, I'll call you. 1104 01:08:16,005 --> 01:08:18,006 - And thanks. - Drive safe, okay? 1105 01:08:18,008 --> 01:08:20,007 What the hell's wrong with you? 1106 01:08:20,009 --> 01:08:22,008 - I'm driving. - Okay, bye. 1107 01:08:22,010 --> 01:08:24,004 Hey, give us a call anytime. 1108 01:08:24,006 --> 01:08:26,000 Maybe we'll do it again sometime. 1109 01:08:26,002 --> 01:08:27,023 (Ed) 'Yeah. Sounds good to me.' 1110 01:08:28,001 --> 01:08:30,008 - 'What's wrong with you?' - 'Take it easy.' 1111 01:08:30,010 --> 01:08:32,014 (Alan) 'Let's just get out of here.' 1112 01:08:49,017 --> 01:08:51,020 [doorbell rings] 1113 01:09:00,019 --> 01:09:01,019 Oh, I'm sorry. 1114 01:09:01,021 --> 01:09:03,009 I thought you weren't at home 1115 01:09:03,011 --> 01:09:05,012 and I was working out some frustration. 1116 01:09:05,014 --> 01:09:08,007 And I thank you for it. Come on in. 1117 01:09:08,009 --> 01:09:10,006 - Is Alan here? - No. 1118 01:09:10,008 --> 01:09:12,016 He had some early appointments. 1119 01:09:16,021 --> 01:09:18,001 Are you alright? 1120 01:09:18,003 --> 01:09:20,006 I could use some caffeine. 1121 01:09:23,003 --> 01:09:27,013 I can't believe how I misjudged your relationship with Alan. 1122 01:09:27,015 --> 01:09:30,014 Actually, you're so perfect together. 1123 01:09:30,016 --> 01:09:32,014 I'm certain you'll work everything out. 1124 01:09:32,016 --> 01:09:35,002 I wasn't aware of anything that needed working out. 1125 01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:37,017 - You two didn't have words? - None we haven't used before. 1126 01:09:37,019 --> 01:09:39,022 You mean what happened between Ed and Alan 1127 01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:42,021 'doesn't bother you at all?' 1128 01:09:42,023 --> 01:09:44,006 What? 1129 01:09:44,008 --> 01:09:46,001 You blurted it out just like that? 1130 01:09:46,003 --> 01:09:48,002 Thought he knew. It was a friendly remark. 1131 01:09:48,004 --> 01:09:50,005 With friends like her who needs divorce court! 1132 01:09:50,007 --> 01:09:53,004 - Why'd you think I left him? - 'Cause of something I said. 1133 01:09:53,006 --> 01:09:55,023 - You gonna tell Laurel? - What I do is my own business. 1134 01:09:56,001 --> 01:09:58,018 Ed told me about it after you left. He was crying. 1135 01:09:58,020 --> 01:10:01,021 I was dumbfounded. I didn't know which one of us to comfort. 1136 01:10:01,023 --> 01:10:04,004 - All you had to do is ask. - Ask what? 1137 01:10:04,006 --> 01:10:06,006 Not to fool around. And I wouldn't. 1138 01:10:06,008 --> 01:10:07,014 You never asked me? 1139 01:10:07,016 --> 01:10:09,009 I wanted you to feel you could. 1140 01:10:09,011 --> 01:10:11,022 You mean you wanted me to feel that you could. 1141 01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:13,023 For once I'd love to have an affair 1142 01:10:14,001 --> 01:10:16,007 go on the rocks after the passion wears off? 1143 01:10:16,009 --> 01:10:18,019 Your the one who that wanted this weekend and wanted.. 1144 01:10:18,021 --> 01:10:21,022 Just 'cause I said that's what I wanted doesn't mean I wanted. 1145 01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:24,021 May be, what I wanted. Doesn't mean I'm ready for it. 1146 01:10:24,023 --> 01:10:26,023 - You want me see other men? - No. 1147 01:10:27,001 --> 01:10:31,004 - I want you to feel you can. - I do and I did! 1148 01:10:31,006 --> 01:10:34,007 Just once, I'd like to be standing on sure ground 1149 01:10:34,009 --> 01:10:36,012 when the blow hits, instead of crawling around 1150 01:10:36,014 --> 01:10:38,012 on my hands and knees like a baby. 1151 01:10:38,014 --> 01:10:41,005 There's something I want to ask you. 1152 01:10:41,007 --> 01:10:42,011 The answer's yes. 1153 01:10:42,013 --> 01:10:44,009 You don't even know the question. 1154 01:10:44,011 --> 01:10:47,002 I'm too tired to argue anymore, so whatever it is 1155 01:10:47,004 --> 01:10:48,019 my answer's yes. 1156 01:10:48,021 --> 01:10:50,011 Good. 1157 01:10:50,013 --> 01:10:53,002 'Cause I love you too. 1158 01:10:59,002 --> 01:11:01,000 'That's it, Alan. Come on, yes.' 1159 01:11:01,002 --> 01:11:03,000 'Now, pour the man some champagne.' 1160 01:11:03,002 --> 01:11:05,000 'That's it. Don't give him a bath.' 1161 01:11:05,002 --> 01:11:06,014 Oh, yes, your looking beautiful. Beautiful. 1162 01:11:06,016 --> 01:11:11,000 Alan, give me a smile. Wonderful. Yes. 1163 01:11:11,002 --> 01:11:14,008 Hi, Arnold. Alan, take five. 1164 01:11:14,010 --> 01:11:17,019 Shelley, stay there. 1165 01:11:17,021 --> 01:11:19,017 Can somebody focus this light here? 1166 01:11:19,019 --> 01:11:22,008 (male #2) Shelley, come over here. I wanna do something.. 1167 01:11:22,010 --> 01:11:26,012 Yeah. Fix that little spot over there. 1168 01:11:26,014 --> 01:11:28,015 [indistinct chattering] 1169 01:11:35,010 --> 01:11:37,013 - Bad news? - What? 1170 01:11:37,015 --> 01:11:39,022 - Who's the letter from? - Ah, Laurel. 1171 01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:41,021 They're getting married. 1172 01:11:41,023 --> 01:11:43,018 - You're kidding? - No. 1173 01:11:43,020 --> 01:11:46,014 "And so we figured, two years after that wonderful weekend 1174 01:11:46,016 --> 01:11:49,005 "ha ha ha, well, if we could survive that together 1175 01:11:49,007 --> 01:11:51,005 "then we could make it through anything 1176 01:11:51,007 --> 01:11:52,022 "and so we'll be tying the knot." 1177 01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:55,016 I think we should take their example and get married. 1178 01:11:55,018 --> 01:11:56,023 Yeah. Sure. 1179 01:11:57,001 --> 01:11:59,006 Any day now a giant stork is gonna come 1180 01:11:59,008 --> 01:12:01,018 rapping on our door with a bundle of joy. 1181 01:12:01,020 --> 01:12:04,020 I think the kid deserves legitimate parents. 1182 01:12:04,022 --> 01:12:08,022 - What are you talking about? - The institute called. 1183 01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:10,021 - We're going to have a baby. - You.. 1184 01:12:10,023 --> 01:12:14,001 Yeah. We gotta find an apartment fast. 1185 01:12:14,003 --> 01:12:18,002 They won't give him to us until he can have a room of his own. 1186 01:12:18,004 --> 01:12:20,006 - Him? - His name is David. 1187 01:12:20,008 --> 01:12:23,009 He's 15, troubled, abused. 1188 01:12:23,011 --> 01:12:25,020 - He's also gay. - Oye. 1189 01:12:25,022 --> 01:12:27,019 So will you? 1190 01:12:27,021 --> 01:12:31,000 - What? - Marry me. 1191 01:12:33,014 --> 01:12:35,015 [barking] 1192 01:12:46,015 --> 01:12:48,004 [car honking] 1193 01:12:55,012 --> 01:12:58,009 Excuse me. Sorry. 1194 01:12:58,011 --> 01:13:00,014 Welcome to the neighborhood. 1195 01:13:06,008 --> 01:13:08,011 Fabulous. 1196 01:13:08,013 --> 01:13:10,021 Really terrific neighborhood you picked here. 1197 01:13:10,023 --> 01:13:13,002 It's barely dark, and they're out in numbers. 1198 01:13:13,004 --> 01:13:16,011 Maybe we should get an infrared telescope for the living room. 1199 01:13:16,013 --> 01:13:19,015 - Great way to bring up a child. - 'Lift, lift.' 1200 01:13:23,019 --> 01:13:26,023 - Are we going to have a dog? - Why? What for? 1201 01:13:27,001 --> 01:13:30,007 - For the kid. - That's a great idea. 1202 01:13:30,009 --> 01:13:32,007 What kind should we get? 1203 01:13:32,009 --> 01:13:34,011 The kind that can walk in the park. 1204 01:13:34,013 --> 01:13:37,019 You're a funny guy. Real funny. 1205 01:13:37,021 --> 01:13:40,021 Wait. Okay. Push. Okay. 1206 01:13:40,023 --> 01:13:43,002 God, I feel so butch. 1207 01:13:45,007 --> 01:13:47,012 Hey, should you be carrying this in your condition? 1208 01:13:47,014 --> 01:13:50,009 Shouldn't you be lying down with your feet up or something? 1209 01:13:50,011 --> 01:13:52,018 You're even starting to look like a mother. 1210 01:13:52,020 --> 01:13:55,010 - Gray hair and all. - I do not have gray hair. 1211 01:13:55,012 --> 01:13:57,008 I can see it from here. 1212 01:13:57,010 --> 01:13:59,018 Yeah, well you gave me every one of 'em. 1213 01:13:59,020 --> 01:14:01,007 My old man. 1214 01:14:03,021 --> 01:14:06,006 What if he hates us? 1215 01:14:06,008 --> 01:14:10,000 - I'm hungry. Let's go eat. - I'm tired. Let's go to bed. 1216 01:14:13,016 --> 01:14:15,002 Where? 1217 01:14:15,004 --> 01:14:16,020 Oops. 1218 01:14:16,022 --> 01:14:18,021 Well, why don't you go get some take-out? 1219 01:14:18,023 --> 01:14:22,003 And I'll see what I can do with the bedroom. 1220 01:14:22,005 --> 01:14:24,021 - Dinner in bed. - By candlelight? 1221 01:14:24,023 --> 01:14:27,010 Buy candles. 1222 01:14:43,001 --> 01:14:44,009 Sorry. 1223 01:14:44,011 --> 01:14:48,004 You fuckin' watch where you're goin'. 1224 01:14:48,006 --> 01:14:52,000 - Fuckin' faggot. - Hey, not out here, man. 1225 01:14:58,000 --> 01:15:00,010 Alan! 1226 01:15:00,012 --> 01:15:02,002 Bring champagne. 1227 01:15:06,018 --> 01:15:09,007 (female #4) I can't believe he said that you. 1228 01:15:13,020 --> 01:15:15,009 [muttering] 1229 01:15:22,007 --> 01:15:24,012 [people shouting] 1230 01:15:24,014 --> 01:15:25,019 What's going on? 1231 01:15:25,021 --> 01:15:27,019 Some punks are swinging bats at everyone. 1232 01:15:27,021 --> 01:15:30,000 - They got some guy cornered. - Call the cops. 1233 01:15:30,002 --> 01:15:33,000 They're beatin' on fags! You think the cops give a shit? 1234 01:15:33,002 --> 01:15:35,004 Call the cops! Now! 1235 01:15:36,021 --> 01:15:38,012 [tires screech] 1236 01:15:41,006 --> 01:15:43,003 Over there. 1237 01:15:47,008 --> 01:15:48,015 Hey! 1238 01:15:49,023 --> 01:15:51,002 Hey! 1239 01:15:51,004 --> 01:15:53,005 Give me the bat. 1240 01:15:57,002 --> 01:15:59,005 (Alan) 'Let him go.' 1241 01:16:02,005 --> 01:16:04,007 Come on. I said, "let him go." 1242 01:16:05,011 --> 01:16:08,003 Oh, geez. 1243 01:16:18,012 --> 01:16:20,013 [siren blaring] 1244 01:16:35,018 --> 01:16:37,012 [siren blaring continues] 1245 01:17:00,022 --> 01:17:03,002 (male #3) 'Come on. Give it back.' 1246 01:17:13,019 --> 01:17:16,008 Move it back. 1247 01:17:16,010 --> 01:17:19,004 'Hey, you back there, get back in the car.' 1248 01:17:22,010 --> 01:17:24,007 I don't know what happened. 1249 01:17:24,009 --> 01:17:27,012 You'll read about it in the morning. Come on. 1250 01:17:53,004 --> 01:17:55,009 Alright, break it up. 1251 01:17:56,000 --> 01:17:58,001 [siren blaring] 1252 01:18:46,013 --> 01:18:47,015 [kids screaming] 1253 01:18:47,017 --> 01:18:49,017 (female #3) 'Stop it!' 1254 01:18:49,019 --> 01:18:51,020 Stop it! 1255 01:18:51,022 --> 01:18:53,021 Please, stop it! 1256 01:18:57,021 --> 01:18:59,004 Stop! 1257 01:19:00,023 --> 01:19:02,005 Stop! 1258 01:19:05,018 --> 01:19:08,006 I've called your mothers and I don't want a sound 1259 01:19:08,008 --> 01:19:11,022 out of either one of you until they get here. 1260 01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:13,006 Your mother? 1261 01:19:15,022 --> 01:19:18,004 Hey, I didn't say nothing, lady. 1262 01:19:41,006 --> 01:19:43,010 You are going to pay for this, young man. 1263 01:19:43,012 --> 01:19:47,005 How could you get into a fight today of all days. 1264 01:19:47,007 --> 01:19:50,003 Believe me young man. I won't soon forget about this. 1265 01:19:50,005 --> 01:19:53,006 Yeah, you think I'll ever forget you showin' up in that outfit? 1266 01:19:53,008 --> 01:19:56,002 They called and told me you were hurt in a fight. 1267 01:19:56,004 --> 01:19:59,004 What did you want me to do, put on a tux? 1268 01:20:01,007 --> 01:20:02,014 [door closing] 1269 01:20:03,023 --> 01:20:05,018 Looks like he survived. 1270 01:20:05,020 --> 01:20:07,019 What are you doing home from work? 1271 01:20:07,021 --> 01:20:09,021 Brooklyn Day. My school's closed. 1272 01:20:09,023 --> 01:20:11,017 What died in here? 1273 01:20:11,019 --> 01:20:13,006 It's breakfast, I cooked it myself. 1274 01:20:13,008 --> 01:20:15,017 - Toast for me I'm on a diet. - Since when? 1275 01:20:15,019 --> 01:20:16,022 1961. 1276 01:20:18,022 --> 01:20:21,005 Got a steak I could put on my eye? 1277 01:20:21,007 --> 01:20:22,009 Use ice cubes. 1278 01:20:22,011 --> 01:20:24,013 When I think of that kid hittin' you.. 1279 01:20:24,015 --> 01:20:26,013 And for that he gets two days suspension. 1280 01:20:26,015 --> 01:20:28,002 I gotta go see his principal. 1281 01:20:28,004 --> 01:20:29,023 What did you fight about anyway? 1282 01:20:30,001 --> 01:20:32,005 He called me a douchebag. So, I slugged him. 1283 01:20:32,007 --> 01:20:35,008 - How '50s. - Have a seat. Soup's on. 1284 01:20:37,008 --> 01:20:40,014 Here we go. Hm. 1285 01:20:43,020 --> 01:20:45,018 Okay, dig in. 1286 01:20:45,020 --> 01:20:50,006 - This is a joke, right? - I cooked. You'll eat. 1287 01:20:56,012 --> 01:20:59,020 I'm going apartment hunting this afternoon. Care to join me? 1288 01:20:59,022 --> 01:21:04,010 Hey, what's the rush? I like having you here. 1289 01:21:04,012 --> 01:21:07,005 Can I have the ketchup? 1290 01:21:07,007 --> 01:21:09,020 The couch and I are not speaking. 1291 01:21:09,022 --> 01:21:12,012 It's only your 4th night. You'll get used to it. 1292 01:21:12,014 --> 01:21:14,011 Can I have the mustard? 1293 01:21:14,013 --> 01:21:16,011 Is something wrong with the food? 1294 01:21:16,013 --> 01:21:18,023 Not at all. Very tasty. 1295 01:21:19,001 --> 01:21:21,001 How about the mayo? 1296 01:21:21,003 --> 01:21:22,011 Hold the mayo. 1297 01:21:24,022 --> 01:21:27,016 Oh, yeah, your wife called in the middle of the night. 1298 01:21:27,018 --> 01:21:30,014 I tried to wake you, but you were out of it. 1299 01:21:30,016 --> 01:21:32,011 Oh, I guess I better call her. 1300 01:21:32,013 --> 01:21:35,007 'Help yourself to seconds. There's plenty.' 1301 01:21:35,009 --> 01:21:37,010 And I was worried. 1302 01:21:38,017 --> 01:21:40,015 David, you finish cleaning up your room? 1303 01:21:40,017 --> 01:21:42,016 'Oh, what do I gotta clean for?' 1304 01:21:42,018 --> 01:21:44,009 My mother, tomorrow, coming here. 1305 01:21:44,011 --> 01:21:46,015 Lock the door and tell her it's a closet. 1306 01:21:46,017 --> 01:21:49,013 She doesn't know about me, why let her into my room. 1307 01:21:49,015 --> 01:21:51,015 - Who's on the phone? - Ed. 1308 01:21:51,017 --> 01:21:54,003 (Ed) Alright. Alright. 1309 01:21:54,005 --> 01:21:57,013 Yeah, um, yeah. 1:30 at Greenfields. Yep. 1310 01:21:57,015 --> 01:21:59,010 Okay. Bye-bye. 1311 01:21:59,012 --> 01:22:01,020 She give you a bad time, huh? 1312 01:22:01,022 --> 01:22:03,018 Four days of those calls 1313 01:22:03,020 --> 01:22:05,020 you'd think I'd start getting used to them. 1314 01:22:05,022 --> 01:22:08,005 I don't know why she always has to cry. 1315 01:22:08,007 --> 01:22:10,018 I mean, this separation wasn't all my idea. 1316 01:22:10,020 --> 01:22:13,012 Ed! I don't want to hear what you have to say. 1317 01:22:13,014 --> 01:22:16,020 'Cause believe me, you don't want to hear what I have to say. 1318 01:22:16,022 --> 01:22:19,003 Well, I'd love to sit around chewin' the fat 1319 01:22:19,005 --> 01:22:22,000 with you grown-up types, but I got a life to live. 1320 01:22:22,002 --> 01:22:24,012 - Take a glass of milk. - I had milk. 1321 01:22:24,014 --> 01:22:27,019 - Then go brush your teeth. - Oh, ma! 1322 01:22:27,021 --> 01:22:31,002 Don't you "oh, ma" me. March. 1323 01:22:32,012 --> 01:22:35,022 And don't call me, ma in front of my mother. 1324 01:22:39,022 --> 01:22:43,000 Having a good time, Leonora? 1325 01:22:43,002 --> 01:22:44,021 Oh, Ed, two favors. 1326 01:22:44,023 --> 01:22:47,002 My mother wants to go to the cemetery tomorrow. 1327 01:22:47,004 --> 01:22:50,014 So have you got the number of that car service that you use? 1328 01:22:50,016 --> 01:22:52,006 - Yeah, sure. - And uh.. 1329 01:22:52,008 --> 01:22:54,018 David's social worker will be coming on Thursday 1330 01:22:54,020 --> 01:22:57,005 so could you stay somewhere else? 1331 01:22:57,007 --> 01:23:00,009 Oh, I'm good enough for your mother, but I'm not good enough 1332 01:23:00,011 --> 01:23:02,008 for David's social worker? 1333 01:23:02,010 --> 01:23:04,014 It has nothing to do with being good enough. 1334 01:23:04,016 --> 01:23:06,023 It's just that Ms. Schnabel frowns on casual cohabitation. 1335 01:23:07,001 --> 01:23:09,013 I've got enough to explain without you on the couch. 1336 01:23:09,015 --> 01:23:11,020 Casual? We've known each other for nine years. 1337 01:23:11,022 --> 01:23:13,023 Seven of which you spent with another woman. 1338 01:23:14,001 --> 01:23:16,006 - But I'm sleeping on the couch. - Ed! 1339 01:23:16,008 --> 01:23:18,013 Okay, maybe I should just find a hotel room. 1340 01:23:18,015 --> 01:23:20,020 And leave me unprotected at a time like this? 1341 01:23:20,022 --> 01:23:23,004 You know my mother isn't exactly going to feature 1342 01:23:23,006 --> 01:23:25,000 the idea of my becoming a father. 1343 01:23:25,002 --> 01:23:27,012 Your opinion as an American educator will prove invaluable. 1344 01:23:27,014 --> 01:23:29,007 She'll say I'm prejudiced. 1345 01:23:29,009 --> 01:23:32,008 She'll say a lot a things, you'll learn not to listen. 1346 01:23:32,010 --> 01:23:34,019 - David, I'm leaving. - I'll miss you. 1347 01:23:34,021 --> 01:23:37,008 Make sure he calls somebody for his homework. 1348 01:23:37,010 --> 01:23:41,007 No TV till it's done. And bedtime 11:00 p.m. sharp. 1349 01:23:41,009 --> 01:23:44,007 - But I got no school tomorrow. - It's still a school night. 1350 01:23:44,009 --> 01:23:45,016 We'll be fine. 1351 01:23:47,012 --> 01:23:48,021 David! 1352 01:23:49,023 --> 01:23:51,008 Get over here! 1353 01:23:53,020 --> 01:23:56,002 What the hell is wrong with you? 1354 01:23:56,004 --> 01:24:01,023 I don't get no kiss goodbye? 1355 01:24:02,001 --> 01:24:06,007 - I love you. - I love you too...ma! 1356 01:24:12,021 --> 01:24:14,022 So the new career is a reality. 1357 01:24:15,000 --> 01:24:16,023 Just don't forget who your friends are. 1358 01:24:17,001 --> 01:24:19,001 You know, when I started, in this business 1359 01:24:19,003 --> 01:24:21,007 I looked like a young Joan Crawford. 1360 01:24:21,009 --> 01:24:24,009 Ten years later, Marjorie Main. 1361 01:24:24,011 --> 01:24:27,011 I swear I'm aging about as well as a beach party movie. 1362 01:24:27,013 --> 01:24:29,019 Mmm, I'm happy for you. You've got it all. 1363 01:24:29,021 --> 01:24:32,000 Now, if that idiot Ed would just settle down.. 1364 01:24:32,002 --> 01:24:35,008 You must be dying for a slap. That's the last thing I need. 1365 01:24:35,010 --> 01:24:38,012 That's precisely my point. Ed is the very last thing you need. 1366 01:24:38,014 --> 01:24:40,011 You've got the rest. Nice apartment, good job 1367 01:24:40,013 --> 01:24:43,016 money enough to keep your figure and someone who depends on you. 1368 01:24:43,018 --> 01:24:46,017 Now what you need is someone on whom you can depend. 1369 01:24:46,019 --> 01:24:49,020 - Ed? Get real. - People change. 1370 01:24:49,022 --> 01:24:52,023 Alan died, honey, not you. 1371 01:24:55,016 --> 01:24:57,000 [Billie Holiday singing "What's New?"] 1372 01:24:57,002 --> 01:25:01,016 ♪ But seeing you is grand ♪ 1373 01:25:03,009 --> 01:25:09,006 ♪ And you were sweet to offer your hand ♪ 1374 01:25:10,014 --> 01:25:13,018 ♪ I understand ♪ 1375 01:25:13,020 --> 01:25:18,008 ♪ I do ♪ 1376 01:25:18,010 --> 01:25:23,010 ♪ Pardon my asking what's new ♪ 1377 01:25:25,021 --> 01:25:31,003 ♪ Of course, you couldn't know ♪ 1378 01:25:33,006 --> 01:25:36,012 ♪ I haven't changed ♪ 1379 01:25:36,014 --> 01:25:39,020 ♪ I still love you so ♪ 1380 01:26:03,019 --> 01:26:06,006 How Alice Faye can I get? 1381 01:26:11,016 --> 01:26:14,011 (male on radio) 'It's 7:18 in the Big Apple.' 1382 01:26:14,013 --> 01:26:16,010 'This is High Tide with a dedication' 1383 01:26:16,012 --> 01:26:19,001 'from Butchie to Judy.' 1384 01:26:22,005 --> 01:26:24,012 Think we should wake him? What if he oversleeps? 1385 01:26:24,014 --> 01:26:27,008 - I'm not gonna survive! - He's up. 1386 01:26:27,010 --> 01:26:29,010 David, What are you doing in that kitchen? 1387 01:26:29,012 --> 01:26:31,009 I cleaned until 5:00 in the morning! 1388 01:26:31,011 --> 01:26:34,011 - Where am I supposed to eat? - You ever hear of a restaurant. 1389 01:26:34,013 --> 01:26:37,015 They cook and clean for you and my mother don't go there. 1390 01:26:37,017 --> 01:26:39,017 Well, lemme break the good news to her. 1391 01:26:39,019 --> 01:26:41,015 The suit should help soften the blow. 1392 01:26:41,017 --> 01:26:43,021 - It's for David's Principal. - What, no bunny slippers? 1393 01:26:43,023 --> 01:26:46,014 Ed, the phone number of that car service you promised? 1394 01:26:46,016 --> 01:26:49,002 - Here. When do you expect her? - I don't know. 1395 01:26:49,004 --> 01:26:51,015 She said early flight. I figure around noon. 1396 01:26:51,017 --> 01:26:54,009 David! Get over here. 1397 01:26:54,011 --> 01:26:57,006 Now, listen to me. I want you to cleanup that kitchen. 1398 01:26:57,008 --> 01:26:58,019 Get your butt over to Murray's. 1399 01:26:58,021 --> 01:27:01,005 And don't come home until I call you, huh? 1400 01:27:01,007 --> 01:27:03,011 Yeah, ma. 1401 01:27:06,008 --> 01:27:07,019 What? 1402 01:27:07,021 --> 01:27:10,023 After all this time, why have you not told her about David? 1403 01:27:11,001 --> 01:27:13,020 I told my mother, but she assumed he was my roommate. 1404 01:27:13,022 --> 01:27:15,011 I didn't bother to correct her. 1405 01:27:15,013 --> 01:27:18,011 I was crazy then. Alan had just died. 1406 01:27:18,013 --> 01:27:20,012 I never told her how he was killed. 1407 01:27:20,014 --> 01:27:22,007 She assumed it was a car accident. 1408 01:27:22,009 --> 01:27:23,015 - I didn't correct her. - Unbelievable. 1409 01:27:23,017 --> 01:27:25,003 What's unbelievable? 1410 01:27:25,005 --> 01:27:27,007 You still haven't told your parents you're gay. 1411 01:27:27,009 --> 01:27:29,009 Bisexual. Thank you. 1412 01:27:29,011 --> 01:27:31,017 I told my mother when I was 13. 1413 01:27:31,019 --> 01:27:35,007 - You knew when you were 13? - At 13, I knew everything. 1414 01:27:35,009 --> 01:27:38,001 Senility set in sometime after. 1415 01:27:38,003 --> 01:27:39,023 'Hello, Murray? Hi.' 1416 01:27:40,001 --> 01:27:43,014 Listen, I won't be coming over today, man. 1417 01:27:43,016 --> 01:27:46,008 I got a temperature. And, um.. 1418 01:27:46,010 --> 01:27:48,015 ...Arnold told me to stay here in bed. 1419 01:27:48,017 --> 01:27:52,000 Yeah. Oh, it's terrible. At least 102. 1420 01:27:52,002 --> 01:27:53,019 [coughs] 1421 01:27:53,021 --> 01:27:57,001 I got to go, Murray. I'm very weak. Bye. 1422 01:28:13,003 --> 01:28:14,012 - Is this a playground? - Yeah. 1423 01:28:14,014 --> 01:28:16,000 Thank you. 1424 01:28:16,002 --> 01:28:19,009 Was a pleasure meeting you all. Not one who gave me a seat. 1425 01:28:19,011 --> 01:28:23,007 Thanks to you, gentlemen, I now have varicose veins. 1426 01:28:32,003 --> 01:28:33,021 Wait, I got it. 1427 01:28:33,023 --> 01:28:35,007 - Hey! - What? 1428 01:28:35,009 --> 01:28:37,013 - Help! Mugger! - What? I'm not a mugger. 1429 01:28:37,015 --> 01:28:38,022 You're a rapist.. 1430 01:28:39,000 --> 01:28:41,009 Would a rapist wear a three-piece suit? Ouch. 1431 01:28:41,011 --> 01:28:43,022 How do I know? Maybe you got a wedding after. 1432 01:28:44,000 --> 01:28:45,019 No, listen, Arnold had to go somewhere. 1433 01:28:45,021 --> 01:28:48,017 So I waited for you, incase you got here before him. 1434 01:28:48,019 --> 01:28:51,000 Oh. I'm sorry I kicked you. 1435 01:28:51,002 --> 01:28:54,014 This is very, very nice of you to meet me. 1436 01:28:54,016 --> 01:28:56,001 No sweat. 1437 01:28:56,003 --> 01:28:58,005 I see Arnold left you his keys. 1438 01:28:58,007 --> 01:29:01,008 - I got my own set. - Oh, really? 1439 01:29:02,012 --> 01:29:04,010 This is probably none of my business 1440 01:29:04,012 --> 01:29:06,010 and I hope you don't mind my asking. 1441 01:29:06,012 --> 01:29:08,018 - Just who the hell are you? - I'm David. 1442 01:29:08,020 --> 01:29:13,021 - David. The neighbor's kid? - I live with Arnold. 1443 01:29:16,004 --> 01:29:18,019 - Would you like a drink? - Maybe later. 1444 01:29:18,021 --> 01:29:21,015 Come on in. 1445 01:29:21,017 --> 01:29:23,021 We've got everything all worked out for you 1446 01:29:23,023 --> 01:29:25,020 even with Ed staying here. 1447 01:29:25,022 --> 01:29:29,005 - Ed? - Arnold's friend. 1448 01:29:29,007 --> 01:29:31,017 Friend friend or euphemism friend? 1449 01:29:31,019 --> 01:29:34,014 He used to be a euphemism. Now he's just a friend. 1450 01:29:34,016 --> 01:29:36,013 But with you stayin' here 1451 01:29:36,015 --> 01:29:38,020 they'll both be sleeping on the couch. 1452 01:29:38,022 --> 01:29:40,010 Who knows? 1453 01:29:43,019 --> 01:29:47,014 - Have they got water here? - Sure. 1454 01:29:47,016 --> 01:29:50,005 We cleaned all week for you. What do you think? 1455 01:29:50,007 --> 01:29:53,007 I think we should sit down. 1456 01:29:53,009 --> 01:29:56,010 Eh, David, tell me, you go to school? 1457 01:29:56,012 --> 01:29:57,015 Yeah. 1458 01:29:57,017 --> 01:29:59,014 Hey, are these oranges from Florida? 1459 01:29:59,016 --> 01:30:02,016 Cuba. We were hijacked. But I'm not one to complain. 1460 01:30:02,018 --> 01:30:04,020 - Funny. - Ha ha. Thanks. 1461 01:30:08,007 --> 01:30:09,021 So.. 1462 01:30:09,023 --> 01:30:12,009 - You go to college? - High school. 1463 01:30:12,011 --> 01:30:15,003 High school, how nice. 1464 01:30:15,005 --> 01:30:18,003 - Senior? - Freshman. 1465 01:30:18,005 --> 01:30:19,015 [whispers] Freshman. 1466 01:30:19,017 --> 01:30:21,018 That's very sweet. 1467 01:30:21,020 --> 01:30:25,009 Tell me, David, just how old are you? 1468 01:30:25,011 --> 01:30:28,004 Sixteen! 1469 01:30:28,006 --> 01:30:29,022 In two months. 1470 01:30:33,002 --> 01:30:35,017 Something wrong? 1471 01:30:35,019 --> 01:30:37,001 Not at all. 1472 01:30:37,003 --> 01:30:39,011 Sixteen in two months. That's wonderful. 1473 01:30:39,013 --> 01:30:41,021 You've got your life ahead of you. 1474 01:30:41,023 --> 01:30:44,000 While mine is flashing before my eyes. 1475 01:30:44,002 --> 01:30:47,015 - More water? - More water. 1476 01:30:47,017 --> 01:30:49,012 David, darling.. 1477 01:30:49,014 --> 01:30:52,009 Your parents, don't they think you're a little young 1478 01:30:52,011 --> 01:30:54,020 to be out in the world all alone? 1479 01:30:54,022 --> 01:30:56,016 No. 1480 01:30:56,018 --> 01:30:59,018 But juvenile court did. So, here I am. 1481 01:31:02,010 --> 01:31:04,022 I need to talk to Arnold. 1482 01:31:05,000 --> 01:31:08,011 You could call the school, he had to meet with my principal. 1483 01:31:08,013 --> 01:31:10,017 You mean real people know you live here? 1484 01:31:10,019 --> 01:31:14,021 Why not? Lots of people live with their fathers. 1485 01:31:14,023 --> 01:31:19,005 - Live with their what? - Their fathers. 1486 01:31:19,007 --> 01:31:20,013 Hi, pop! 1487 01:31:25,003 --> 01:31:27,005 'So, mama tell me all about Florida.' 1488 01:31:27,007 --> 01:31:29,010 Anyone special in your life? 1489 01:31:29,012 --> 01:31:31,018 Not particularly. 1490 01:31:31,020 --> 01:31:33,013 This Ed, he got married, didn't he? 1491 01:31:33,015 --> 01:31:36,002 Right. So, how come you're not seeing anyone? 1492 01:31:36,004 --> 01:31:38,019 Because the last thing I need is to become nursemaid 1493 01:31:38,021 --> 01:31:40,017 to some alter kocker. 1494 01:31:40,019 --> 01:31:42,018 So how come he's staying with you? 1495 01:31:42,020 --> 01:31:44,023 He and his wife are separated. 1496 01:31:45,001 --> 01:31:47,014 - Separated. How come? - I don't know. 1497 01:31:47,016 --> 01:31:49,014 Arnold, the man is living with you. 1498 01:31:49,016 --> 01:31:51,019 - He stayed on the couch. - So are you. 1499 01:31:51,021 --> 01:31:54,018 - 'Cause your in my room.' - 'You're involved.' 1500 01:31:54,020 --> 01:31:55,022 Ma! 1501 01:31:56,000 --> 01:31:58,001 You must admit it sounds a little queer. 1502 01:31:58,003 --> 01:32:01,013 A man leaves his wife and moves in with his old friend. 1503 01:32:01,015 --> 01:32:04,013 I don't think the people who gave you David would approve. 1504 01:32:04,015 --> 01:32:06,008 You wanna just drive. 1505 01:32:06,010 --> 01:32:08,017 You've taken on a tremendous responsibility with this boy. 1506 01:32:08,019 --> 01:32:10,018 You have to set him a good example. 1507 01:32:10,020 --> 01:32:14,002 Giving a friend a place to stay is a bad example? 1508 01:32:14,004 --> 01:32:16,015 I knew I should have kept my mouth to myself. 1509 01:32:16,017 --> 01:32:18,018 Anyway, it's only for a few more weeks. 1510 01:32:18,020 --> 01:32:20,017 What's for a few more weeks? 1511 01:32:20,019 --> 01:32:23,013 You said he was with you on a one year basis. 1512 01:32:23,015 --> 01:32:25,013 So, it's already more than 10 months. 1513 01:32:25,015 --> 01:32:27,012 So, what do you think happens then? 1514 01:32:27,014 --> 01:32:29,013 - He leaves. - No, ma. You misunderstood. 1515 01:32:29,015 --> 01:32:32,000 Yes, David's with me on a one year trial basis 1516 01:32:32,002 --> 01:32:35,005 but after that if we agree and Bureau Of Child Welfare allows 1517 01:32:35,007 --> 01:32:37,003 I'm going to legally adopt him. 1518 01:32:37,005 --> 01:32:39,023 Believe me, ma, if I have anything to say about it. 1519 01:32:40,001 --> 01:32:42,000 - David's not leaving. - Stop the car. 1520 01:32:42,002 --> 01:32:44,005 Frankly, you've done crazy things-- 1521 01:32:44,007 --> 01:32:45,022 Adopting David is not a crazy thing. 1522 01:32:46,000 --> 01:32:48,023 It is a wonderful thing. I happen to be very proud of. 1523 01:32:49,001 --> 01:32:51,023 If your so proud, how come you're ashamed to tell me. 1524 01:32:52,001 --> 01:32:53,010 Everything else you tell me. 1525 01:32:53,012 --> 01:32:55,012 You shove your sex life down my throat. 1526 01:32:55,014 --> 01:32:56,018 Every hour on the hour. 1527 01:32:56,020 --> 01:33:00,000 But all this time, not a word. Why? 1528 01:33:00,002 --> 01:33:02,004 Your not an easy person to talk to. 1529 01:33:02,006 --> 01:33:04,017 Why? Do I tell you how to run your life? 1530 01:33:04,019 --> 01:33:07,012 Listen to me, my son, I realized a long time ago 1531 01:33:07,014 --> 01:33:10,001 that no matter what I thought or how I felt 1532 01:33:10,003 --> 01:33:12,022 you and your brother were gonna do exactly as you felt. 1533 01:33:13,000 --> 01:33:15,004 You want to know why you didn't tell me? 1534 01:33:15,006 --> 01:33:18,006 - Because you knew it was wrong. - That is not true. 1535 01:33:18,008 --> 01:33:21,005 No? Why? 1536 01:33:21,007 --> 01:33:24,003 I don't know. 1537 01:33:24,005 --> 01:33:25,018 So what else is new? 1538 01:33:49,018 --> 01:33:52,011 [speaking in foreign language] 1539 01:33:56,006 --> 01:33:59,017 That's it. Honestly, I've had it up to here with you. 1540 01:33:59,019 --> 01:34:03,009 Your father left these plots to you, this is what you want to do 1541 01:34:03,011 --> 01:34:05,006 with them, fine. That's your business. 1542 01:34:05,008 --> 01:34:08,017 I will not stand here and watch you spit on your father's grave! 1543 01:34:08,019 --> 01:34:11,012 - What? - What you think you're doing? 1544 01:34:11,014 --> 01:34:13,017 - What do you-- - What are you doing? 1545 01:34:13,019 --> 01:34:15,017 I'm doing the same thing you're doing. 1546 01:34:15,019 --> 01:34:17,019 No! I'm reciting Kaddish for my husband. 1547 01:34:17,021 --> 01:34:19,017 You're blaspheming your religion. 1548 01:34:19,019 --> 01:34:22,010 You know who this is? This is my lover. 1549 01:34:22,012 --> 01:34:25,022 Wait. Wait. Wait. 1550 01:34:26,000 --> 01:34:28,013 You're gonna compare my marriage to you and Alan? 1551 01:34:28,015 --> 01:34:30,019 Your father and I were married for 35 years 1552 01:34:30,021 --> 01:34:33,012 we'd two children together, you dare compare yourself to that? 1553 01:34:33,014 --> 01:34:36,008 - I'm talking about the loss. - What loss did you have? 1554 01:34:36,010 --> 01:34:38,014 You fooled around with some boy. 1555 01:34:38,016 --> 01:34:41,021 Where do you come to compare with a marriage of 35 years? 1556 01:34:41,023 --> 01:34:45,019 Come on, Arnold. This isn't one of your pals you're talking to. 1557 01:34:45,021 --> 01:34:47,018 I lost someone I loved very much. 1558 01:34:47,020 --> 01:34:50,013 So you felt bad. Maybe you even cried a little. 1559 01:34:50,015 --> 01:34:54,005 What would you know what I felt? 35 years I lived with this man. 1560 01:34:54,007 --> 01:34:56,011 He got sick, I took him to the hospital. 1561 01:34:56,013 --> 01:34:59,014 You know what they gave me back? I gave them a man. 1562 01:34:59,016 --> 01:35:02,002 They gave me a place to visit on holy days. 1563 01:35:02,004 --> 01:35:04,002 How could you possibly know how I felt? 1564 01:35:04,004 --> 01:35:07,007 It took two months before I could sleep in our bed alone. 1565 01:35:07,009 --> 01:35:09,007 And a year, it took me a year 1566 01:35:09,009 --> 01:35:11,011 before I could say, I instead of we. 1567 01:35:11,013 --> 01:35:13,016 And you're gonna tell me you are mourning. 1568 01:35:13,018 --> 01:35:15,011 How dare you! 1569 01:35:15,013 --> 01:35:18,014 You're right, ma. How dare I? 1570 01:35:18,016 --> 01:35:21,010 I couldn't possibly know how it feels to take somebody's things 1571 01:35:21,012 --> 01:35:25,015 put it in plastic bags and watch garbage men take 'em away. 1572 01:35:25,017 --> 01:35:27,011 Or how it feels when you forget 1573 01:35:27,013 --> 01:35:29,018 and you set him his place at the table. 1574 01:35:29,020 --> 01:35:32,002 How about the food that rots in the refrigerator 1575 01:35:32,004 --> 01:35:34,005 'cause you forgot how to shop for one. 1576 01:35:34,007 --> 01:35:36,003 How dare I, right, ma? How dare I? 1577 01:35:36,005 --> 01:35:39,016 Believe me, ma, you had it easy. You had 35 years together, ma. 1578 01:35:39,018 --> 01:35:41,017 You have friends, you have relatives. 1579 01:35:41,019 --> 01:35:43,019 You know who I had? I had me. 1580 01:35:43,021 --> 01:35:45,007 You know what my friend said? 1581 01:35:45,009 --> 01:35:47,010 What the fuck are you carrying on about? 1582 01:35:47,012 --> 01:35:50,013 At least you had a lover. That's right. You had it easy. 1583 01:35:50,015 --> 01:35:52,020 You lost your husband in a nice, clean hospital. 1584 01:35:52,022 --> 01:35:55,007 You know where I lost mine? On the street. 1585 01:35:55,009 --> 01:35:57,008 That's right. They killed him on the street. 1586 01:35:57,010 --> 01:35:59,020 Twenty seven years old, laying dead on the street. 1587 01:35:59,022 --> 01:36:02,008 Killed by a bunch of kids with baseball bats. 1588 01:36:02,010 --> 01:36:04,008 That's right, ma. Killed by children. 1589 01:36:04,010 --> 01:36:06,007 Children taught by people like you 1590 01:36:06,009 --> 01:36:08,021 'cause everybody knows that queers don't matter. 1591 01:36:08,023 --> 01:36:10,008 Queers don't love! 1592 01:36:10,010 --> 01:36:13,013 And those that do, deserve what they get. 1593 01:36:50,022 --> 01:36:52,010 Taxi! 1594 01:36:54,004 --> 01:36:56,005 [dramatic music] 1595 01:37:02,023 --> 01:37:04,006 'Action!' 1596 01:37:04,008 --> 01:37:06,010 [knocking on door] 1597 01:37:08,007 --> 01:37:10,008 [knocking continues] 1598 01:37:12,013 --> 01:37:14,005 I'll get it. 1599 01:37:14,007 --> 01:37:16,008 [knocking continues] 1600 01:37:21,016 --> 01:37:23,011 You must be Ed. 1601 01:37:23,013 --> 01:37:26,007 How do you do? I'm the mother. 1602 01:37:32,005 --> 01:37:34,007 Nice to have met you. 1603 01:37:35,008 --> 01:37:36,014 Whoops. 1604 01:37:38,003 --> 01:37:39,014 Whoops? 1605 01:37:39,016 --> 01:37:43,003 Ed, did you say "whoops?" 1606 01:37:43,005 --> 01:37:45,000 No, Ed. 1607 01:37:45,002 --> 01:37:49,002 Whoops is when you fall down an elevator shaft. 1608 01:37:49,004 --> 01:37:54,002 Whoops is when you skinny dip in a school of piranha. 1609 01:37:54,004 --> 01:38:00,001 Whoops is when you accidentally douche with Drano. 1610 01:38:01,015 --> 01:38:02,015 'No, Ed.' 1611 01:38:02,017 --> 01:38:05,015 This was no whoops. 1612 01:38:05,017 --> 01:38:08,019 This was an argh. 1613 01:38:08,021 --> 01:38:11,001 Come on, David. We're dining out. 1614 01:38:11,003 --> 01:38:12,011 Good idea. 1615 01:38:14,014 --> 01:38:15,021 Good Luck. 1616 01:38:27,001 --> 01:38:29,010 Round Two. 1617 01:38:38,008 --> 01:38:40,002 Mama. 1618 01:38:40,004 --> 01:38:43,016 You can come out now. We got the whole joint to fight in. 1619 01:38:43,018 --> 01:38:47,013 'Enjoy yourself. I'm going to bed.' 1620 01:38:47,015 --> 01:38:50,012 Ma, I'm sorry I lost my temper. 1621 01:38:50,014 --> 01:38:53,016 'I'm glad you're sorry.' 1622 01:38:53,018 --> 01:38:57,005 Mama, we've gotta talk about this. 1623 01:38:57,007 --> 01:38:59,007 You don't wanna talk, you want to fight. 1624 01:38:59,009 --> 01:39:01,006 I don't fight with my children. 1625 01:39:01,008 --> 01:39:03,015 Did you ever hear your father and me fight? 1626 01:39:03,017 --> 01:39:05,013 No. And you wanna know why? 1627 01:39:05,015 --> 01:39:07,015 Because all my childhood I listened to fights. 1628 01:39:07,017 --> 01:39:09,002 My father fought with my mother. 1629 01:39:09,004 --> 01:39:11,008 Mother fought with my brother. Brother fought with me. 1630 01:39:11,010 --> 01:39:15,004 When I married I said, "Jack, I will talk, but won't fight." 1631 01:39:15,006 --> 01:39:18,021 Did you ever hear us fight? No! And now you know why. 1632 01:39:30,010 --> 01:39:31,018 And don't holler. 1633 01:39:31,020 --> 01:39:34,003 People say things they don't mean when they holler 1634 01:39:34,005 --> 01:39:36,001 and you've said quite enough. 1635 01:39:36,003 --> 01:39:38,015 I won't holler. You just hit a wrong nerve before. 1636 01:39:38,017 --> 01:39:41,013 We will not discuss Alan or daddy. 1637 01:39:41,015 --> 01:39:42,022 Only David. 1638 01:39:43,000 --> 01:39:46,023 Arnold, darling, what do you know from raising a child? 1639 01:39:47,001 --> 01:39:49,009 What's to know? Whenever there's a problem 1640 01:39:49,011 --> 01:39:52,011 I simply imagine how you would solve it. 1641 01:39:52,013 --> 01:39:55,009 And then I do the opposite. 1642 01:39:55,011 --> 01:39:57,023 That's what you invited me here for to insult me 1643 01:39:58,001 --> 01:40:00,001 and spit on your father's grave? 1644 01:40:00,003 --> 01:40:01,006 Oh, ma. God. 1645 01:40:01,008 --> 01:40:03,013 Arnold, you live your life the way you want. 1646 01:40:03,015 --> 01:40:06,014 I put my fist in my mouth, I don't say a word. 1647 01:40:06,016 --> 01:40:09,010 But think about the boy. He sees you living like this. 1648 01:40:09,012 --> 01:40:12,003 'Don't you think it's bound to affect him?' 1649 01:40:12,005 --> 01:40:15,023 Ma, David is gay. 1650 01:40:17,005 --> 01:40:19,022 He's been here less than a year. 1651 01:40:20,000 --> 01:40:22,013 He came that way. 1652 01:40:22,015 --> 01:40:25,006 Nobody comes that way. 1653 01:40:25,008 --> 01:40:27,022 What an opening. 1654 01:40:28,000 --> 01:40:29,021 Everything by you is a joke. 1655 01:40:29,023 --> 01:40:31,022 The world has gone completely insane 1656 01:40:32,000 --> 01:40:33,018 and I'm heading south for summer. 1657 01:40:33,020 --> 01:40:36,003 You make it difficult to have an intelligent conversation. 1658 01:40:36,005 --> 01:40:38,012 You want an intelligent conversation? Do what I do. 1659 01:40:38,014 --> 01:40:40,009 Talk to yourself. It's the only way. 1660 01:40:40,011 --> 01:40:42,022 Don't you understand the whole reason David was placed here 1661 01:40:43,000 --> 01:40:46,014 so that he grows with a positive attitude of his homosexuality. 1662 01:40:46,016 --> 01:40:48,021 Arnold, gay gives into hate. I don't care anymore. 1663 01:40:48,023 --> 01:40:51,016 You're not gonna put me in my grave like your father. 1664 01:40:51,018 --> 01:40:54,000 - Now I killed my father. - No, of course not. 1665 01:40:54,002 --> 01:40:56,012 He was thrilled to have a fairy for a son. 1666 01:40:56,014 --> 01:40:59,006 You walk into a room and say "Hi, dad. I'm queer." 1667 01:40:59,008 --> 01:41:02,015 And that's that? Is that why we brought you into the world for? 1668 01:41:02,017 --> 01:41:05,011 Believe me, if I had known I wouldn't have bothered. 1669 01:41:11,003 --> 01:41:13,004 [sobbing] 1670 01:41:26,008 --> 01:41:28,005 God should tear out my tongue 1671 01:41:28,007 --> 01:41:30,013 I should talk to my child like that. 1672 01:41:31,023 --> 01:41:34,021 Arnold, you're a good person. 1673 01:41:34,023 --> 01:41:37,012 A sensitive person with a heart kinda like your father. 1674 01:41:37,014 --> 01:41:41,012 I try to love you and forget this, but you won't let me. 1675 01:41:41,014 --> 01:41:44,023 You haven't spoken one sentence without the word gay in it. 1676 01:41:45,001 --> 01:41:46,012 'Cause it's what I am. 1677 01:41:46,014 --> 01:41:49,004 If that's all, leave it in there where it belongs. 1678 01:41:49,006 --> 01:41:50,021 But you're obsessed with it. 1679 01:41:50,023 --> 01:41:54,008 You're not happy unless everybody's talking about it. 1680 01:41:54,010 --> 01:41:56,014 Try and imagine the world the other way around. 1681 01:41:56,016 --> 01:41:59,021 Imagine that every book, every magazine, every TV show 1682 01:41:59,023 --> 01:42:04,007 every movie, was telling you, you should be homosexual. 1683 01:42:04,009 --> 01:42:06,020 You know you're not. You know to you this is-- 1684 01:42:06,022 --> 01:42:08,021 Stop already. You're talking crazy. 1685 01:42:08,023 --> 01:42:10,020 You wanna know what's crazy? 1686 01:42:10,022 --> 01:42:12,022 After all these years, I'm still sitting here 1687 01:42:13,000 --> 01:42:14,022 trying to justify my life. This is crazy. 1688 01:42:15,000 --> 01:42:17,006 You call this a life? This is a sickness. 1689 01:42:17,008 --> 01:42:19,007 But it's what you've chosen for yourself. 1690 01:42:19,009 --> 01:42:21,007 Ma, look, I'm gay. I don't know why. 1691 01:42:21,009 --> 01:42:23,017 I don't think anyone does. That's what I am. 1692 01:42:23,019 --> 01:42:25,012 Far as I can remember 1693 01:42:25,014 --> 01:42:27,019 before I knew it was different or even wrong-- 1694 01:42:27,021 --> 01:42:29,020 You have not heard one word I've said. 1695 01:42:29,022 --> 01:42:32,003 I know you'd rather I was straight. I'm not. 1696 01:42:32,005 --> 01:42:34,013 'Would you also rather I'd lied to you?' 1697 01:42:34,015 --> 01:42:37,004 My friend, Ed would never dream of telling his parents. 1698 01:42:37,006 --> 01:42:39,010 Instead he cut his parents out of his life. 1699 01:42:39,012 --> 01:42:42,006 And his parents wonder why. Why is my child so distant? 1700 01:42:42,008 --> 01:42:44,000 - Is that what you rather? - No. 1701 01:42:44,002 --> 01:42:46,019 But it doesn't have to be our every conversation either. 1702 01:42:46,021 --> 01:42:48,019 You wanna be a part of my life 1703 01:42:48,021 --> 01:42:51,001 I'm not editing out the things you don't like. 1704 01:42:51,003 --> 01:42:52,019 - Can we end this conversation? - No! 1705 01:42:52,021 --> 01:42:55,004 God.. 1706 01:42:55,006 --> 01:42:58,010 There's one more thing you better understand. 1707 01:42:58,012 --> 01:43:01,000 I've taught myself to sew, cook, fix plumbing, build furniture 1708 01:43:01,002 --> 01:43:03,014 I can even pat myself on the back when necessary. 1709 01:43:03,016 --> 01:43:06,004 All so I don't have to ask anyone for anything. 1710 01:43:06,006 --> 01:43:08,003 There's nothing I need from anyone 1711 01:43:08,005 --> 01:43:10,003 except for love and respect. 1712 01:43:10,005 --> 01:43:12,012 And anyone who can't give me those two things 1713 01:43:12,014 --> 01:43:15,013 has no place in my life. 1714 01:43:20,010 --> 01:43:23,007 You're my mother. 1715 01:43:23,009 --> 01:43:25,013 'I love you.' 1716 01:43:25,015 --> 01:43:30,013 I do, but.. 1717 01:43:30,015 --> 01:43:34,015 If you can't respect me, you've got no business being here. 1718 01:43:40,005 --> 01:43:42,022 - You're throwing me out? - Ma, I'm trying to-- 1719 01:43:43,000 --> 01:43:45,013 Throwing me out. Isn't that nice? 1720 01:43:45,015 --> 01:43:46,021 Listen, mister. 1721 01:43:46,023 --> 01:43:49,022 You get one mother in this world. Only one. 1722 01:43:50,000 --> 01:43:52,014 Wait. You just wait. 1723 01:44:02,001 --> 01:44:04,014 - 'Yeah, hello.' - Ed, it's Murray. 1724 01:44:04,016 --> 01:44:06,018 - Is Arnold there? - Well, isn't he at work? 1725 01:44:06,020 --> 01:44:08,020 'He ran outta here after the first show' 1726 01:44:08,022 --> 01:44:11,015 'and he never came back. Where would he go?' 1727 01:44:15,013 --> 01:44:18,015 Where you going, boys? I just got here. 1728 01:44:28,011 --> 01:44:30,009 Hello, boys. Line forms to the left. 1729 01:44:30,011 --> 01:44:32,009 - Arnold, come on. - What? 1730 01:44:32,011 --> 01:44:34,008 Say goodnight to your friends. 1731 01:44:34,010 --> 01:44:36,023 - Come on, we're going home. - I had you. 1732 01:44:37,001 --> 01:44:39,018 I don't want to go home. She's there. 1733 01:44:41,006 --> 01:44:43,001 Spring and Thomson. 1734 01:44:47,000 --> 01:44:48,008 Your mother said she's leaving. 1735 01:44:48,010 --> 01:44:49,020 [blowing raspberry] 1736 01:44:49,022 --> 01:44:51,014 She didn't want to stay the night 1737 01:44:51,016 --> 01:44:53,022 but she couldn't get a flight out till morning. 1738 01:44:54,000 --> 01:44:56,007 She was gonna spend the night at the airport 1739 01:44:56,009 --> 01:44:58,007 but I got her calmed down. 1740 01:44:58,009 --> 01:45:00,012 She'd stay, if you asked her. 1741 01:45:02,023 --> 01:45:05,001 Why did you get drunk? 1742 01:45:06,021 --> 01:45:09,008 Hello? Anybody home? 1743 01:45:09,010 --> 01:45:11,014 Sometimes you really frighten me, Ed. 1744 01:45:14,021 --> 01:45:18,001 You care to talk about it, huh? 1745 01:45:18,003 --> 01:45:20,007 I am upset. I am uptight. 1746 01:45:20,009 --> 01:45:23,005 I am up to my nipples in southern comfort. 1747 01:45:23,007 --> 01:45:27,005 And you're trying to take advantage of me. 1748 01:45:27,007 --> 01:45:29,009 Fine. 1749 01:45:36,009 --> 01:45:39,005 I want another chance with you. Arnold, please listen to me. 1750 01:45:39,007 --> 01:45:41,006 Look, Arnold. I'm 40 years old. 1751 01:45:41,008 --> 01:45:42,022 You know what that means, Arnold? 1752 01:45:43,000 --> 01:45:46,002 It means it's time for me to stop jerking around. 1753 01:45:46,004 --> 01:45:48,001 The time I've spent with you and David 1754 01:45:48,003 --> 01:45:54,003 it's been...the closest thing to whatever it is I want. 1755 01:45:56,022 --> 01:45:59,000 Are you listening to me? 1756 01:46:04,008 --> 01:46:06,010 (taxi driver) $2.25 1757 01:46:08,007 --> 01:46:09,011 Thanks. 1758 01:46:09,013 --> 01:46:11,015 Look, I know you're upset about your mother. 1759 01:46:11,017 --> 01:46:12,022 That's not it. 1760 01:46:13,000 --> 01:46:14,021 Then maybe it's too soon after Alan. 1761 01:46:14,023 --> 01:46:17,005 - Ed, leave me alone. - But then what? 1762 01:46:21,004 --> 01:46:24,022 Ed, are you forgetting why we broke up in the first place? 1763 01:46:25,000 --> 01:46:28,015 You really think that you could bring your friends here? 1764 01:46:28,017 --> 01:46:31,023 You think that you could introduce me to your parents 1765 01:46:32,001 --> 01:46:37,016 as your lover, and David as our son? 1766 01:46:39,003 --> 01:46:40,021 Ed. 1767 01:46:40,023 --> 01:46:46,017 Angel, I just threw my mother, my mother, out of the house. 1768 01:46:46,019 --> 01:46:50,003 All she wanted was not talk about it. 1769 01:46:50,005 --> 01:46:54,002 'You really think I'm going to ask less from you?' 1770 01:47:10,011 --> 01:47:12,020 (male announcer on radio) 'We've got a dedication now' 1771 01:47:12,022 --> 01:47:15,001 'from Beulah to Michael.' 1772 01:47:15,003 --> 01:47:18,013 'Thinking of you.' 1773 01:47:21,023 --> 01:47:23,020 I ever tell you about the time 1774 01:47:23,022 --> 01:47:26,013 that Alan called in one of these shows? 1775 01:47:26,015 --> 01:47:28,010 You told me. 1776 01:47:28,012 --> 01:47:31,012 And how they read the dedication wrong? 1777 01:47:31,014 --> 01:47:33,000 You told me. 1778 01:47:33,002 --> 01:47:35,019 Oh, it was so romantic. 1779 01:47:35,021 --> 01:47:38,011 You told me. 1780 01:47:38,013 --> 01:47:40,011 Come on, champ. Breakfast's on me. 1781 01:47:40,013 --> 01:47:43,004 Do we ever get to have a real meal again? 1782 01:47:43,006 --> 01:47:45,004 Oh, let's go. 1783 01:47:45,006 --> 01:47:47,018 Wait up, then. I've got to do something first. 1784 01:47:54,003 --> 01:47:55,005 Listen, um.. 1785 01:47:55,007 --> 01:47:58,003 What we talked about last night. 1786 01:47:58,005 --> 01:48:01,011 I think it's time to find out. 1787 01:48:01,013 --> 01:48:03,014 I love you, Arnold. 1788 01:48:11,000 --> 01:48:13,018 Ahem, Um.. David are you coming? 1789 01:48:13,020 --> 01:48:15,022 In a minute! 1790 01:48:16,000 --> 01:48:18,017 It was a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Beckoff. 1791 01:48:18,019 --> 01:48:20,015 Pleasure was mine, Ed. 1792 01:48:20,017 --> 01:48:23,003 I hope you and your wife come to your senses. 1793 01:48:23,005 --> 01:48:25,003 Couples have to learn to live with conflict. 1794 01:48:25,005 --> 01:48:29,005 After all, a problem is never as permanent as a solution. 1795 01:48:31,023 --> 01:48:33,009 Thank You. 1796 01:48:33,011 --> 01:48:35,010 David. 1797 01:48:35,012 --> 01:48:39,018 Well, young man, it's been an experience. 1798 01:48:39,020 --> 01:48:40,022 Same here. 1799 01:48:41,000 --> 01:48:42,023 Sorry, I scared you yesterday. 1800 01:48:43,001 --> 01:48:46,004 Maybe someday I can do the same for you. 1801 01:48:53,017 --> 01:48:55,014 I'll be leaving myself now. 1802 01:48:55,016 --> 01:48:57,020 Ma, you don't have to go. You can stay. 1803 01:48:57,022 --> 01:49:00,008 What? With your brother? No. It's better he doesn't know. 1804 01:49:00,010 --> 01:49:03,014 I'll call him from Miami, tell him I couldn't come this week. 1805 01:49:03,016 --> 01:49:07,005 No, I'll call him and I'm gonna tell him what happened. 1806 01:49:07,007 --> 01:49:09,004 You want to turn him against me too? 1807 01:49:09,006 --> 01:49:12,015 What else do you wanna do? You want me to leave? I'm leaving. 1808 01:49:12,017 --> 01:49:14,015 You want me to fight? I'm too tired. 1809 01:49:14,017 --> 01:49:17,002 You want me to change? I'm too old. I can't. 1810 01:49:17,004 --> 01:49:21,017 So, you do what you have to do. And I'll do what I have to do. 1811 01:49:21,019 --> 01:49:25,006 - And I hope you're satisfied. - Oh, God. 1812 01:49:25,008 --> 01:49:29,003 If I had opened a mouth to my mother the way you did to me 1813 01:49:29,005 --> 01:49:31,023 you'd be talking to a woman with a size six wedgie 1814 01:49:32,001 --> 01:49:33,020 sticking out of her forehead. 1815 01:49:33,022 --> 01:49:35,020 'I didn't raise my children like that.' 1816 01:49:35,022 --> 01:49:38,019 I wanted my children to respect me because they wanted to. 1817 01:49:38,021 --> 01:49:40,015 Not because I beat it into them. 1818 01:49:40,017 --> 01:49:42,017 We're going to start this all over again? 1819 01:49:42,019 --> 01:49:45,018 Yes! Because it's not fair to put all the blame on me. 1820 01:49:45,020 --> 01:49:49,016 You think I didn't know about you? Believe me, I knew, I knew. 1821 01:49:49,018 --> 01:49:52,007 But I said, no. I hoped. 1822 01:49:52,009 --> 01:49:54,020 What's the difference? I knew when I turned my back. 1823 01:49:54,022 --> 01:49:58,004 But I wasn't the only one, you turned your back on me too. 1824 01:49:58,006 --> 01:50:00,020 You opened a mouth to me about your friend, Alan. 1825 01:50:00,022 --> 01:50:02,016 How was I supposed to know? 1826 01:50:02,018 --> 01:50:04,016 All of a sudden, you would have understood? 1827 01:50:04,018 --> 01:50:07,018 Maybe, you don't know. You never trusted me enough to tell me. 1828 01:50:07,020 --> 01:50:10,016 - You never said a word. - So you could have said what? 1829 01:50:10,018 --> 01:50:12,015 "Ah, he's better off dead," right? 1830 01:50:12,017 --> 01:50:16,012 Maybe I could have comforted you, told you what to expect. 1831 01:50:16,014 --> 01:50:18,012 You cheated me out of your life 1832 01:50:18,014 --> 01:50:20,022 and then blamed me for not being there. 1833 01:50:38,020 --> 01:50:40,023 About this Ed.. 1834 01:50:46,018 --> 01:50:48,016 ...you love him? 1835 01:50:48,018 --> 01:50:50,007 I don't know. 1836 01:50:57,003 --> 01:51:00,015 Yeah, I think so. 1837 01:51:00,017 --> 01:51:02,019 Like you loved Alan? 1838 01:51:06,007 --> 01:51:08,017 No. 1839 01:51:08,019 --> 01:51:12,009 They're very different. 1840 01:51:12,011 --> 01:51:15,022 Anyway, it's easier to love someone who's dead. 1841 01:51:16,000 --> 01:51:20,012 'They make so few mistakes.' 1842 01:51:20,014 --> 01:51:23,020 You've got an unusual way of looking at things, Arnold. 1843 01:51:23,022 --> 01:51:27,000 I think it runs in the family. 1844 01:51:32,003 --> 01:51:33,009 Ma.. 1845 01:51:37,020 --> 01:51:39,009 I miss him. 1846 01:51:48,012 --> 01:51:53,007 Give yourself time, Arnold. It gets better. 1847 01:51:53,009 --> 01:51:56,005 But, Arnold, it never goes away. 1848 01:51:56,007 --> 01:51:57,020 You can work longer hours 1849 01:51:57,022 --> 01:52:02,018 adopt a son, fight with me, whatever. It'll still be there. 1850 01:52:02,020 --> 01:52:05,000 But that's alright, it becomes a part of you 1851 01:52:05,002 --> 01:52:08,010 like learning to wear a ring or a pair of eye glasses. 1852 01:52:11,021 --> 01:52:15,018 You get used to it and it's good. 1853 01:52:15,020 --> 01:52:20,010 It's good because it makes sure you don't forget. 1854 01:52:20,012 --> 01:52:24,018 You don't want to forget him, do you? 1855 01:52:24,020 --> 01:52:27,011 No. 1856 01:52:27,013 --> 01:52:31,002 So it's good. 1857 01:52:31,004 --> 01:52:33,013 [telephone rings] 1858 01:52:33,015 --> 01:52:35,010 You'd better get that. 1859 01:52:35,012 --> 01:52:41,007 It might be something about that son of yours. 1860 01:52:41,009 --> 01:52:43,010 [ringing continues] 1861 01:52:45,013 --> 01:52:46,021 Hello. 1862 01:52:46,023 --> 01:52:48,020 Oh, hi, Dav...what? 1863 01:52:48,022 --> 01:52:52,012 Alright. Yes, I'm turning. Alright. I'm turning. 1864 01:52:52,014 --> 01:52:53,017 It's David. 1865 01:52:53,019 --> 01:52:55,016 Something about the radio. 1866 01:52:55,018 --> 01:52:57,022 'Turn it on. Turn it on.' 1867 01:52:58,000 --> 01:53:01,016 (announcer on radio) 'No, I just checked with my producer who took the call' 1868 01:53:01,018 --> 01:53:04,017 'he has confirmed. For whatever it's worth, here it is.' 1869 01:53:04,019 --> 01:53:07,020 'A dedication from David to Arnold. With all his love.' 1870 01:53:07,022 --> 01:53:10,007 [Ella Fitzgerald singing "This Time the Dream's on Me"] 1871 01:53:10,009 --> 01:53:11,016 ♪ Somewhere someday ♪ 1872 01:53:11,018 --> 01:53:13,012 You hear that, ma? 1873 01:53:13,014 --> 01:53:15,008 Stupid kid. 1874 01:53:15,010 --> 01:53:17,006 Oh, God, mama, He's such a special.. 1875 01:53:17,008 --> 01:53:20,022 ♪ We'll be close together, wait and see ♪ 1876 01:53:21,000 --> 01:53:24,000 Ma, You're not even listening. 1877 01:53:24,002 --> 01:53:29,010 ♪ Oh, by the way ♪ 1878 01:53:29,012 --> 01:53:33,022 ♪ This time the dream's are on me ♪ 1879 01:53:37,017 --> 01:53:41,008 ♪ You take my hand ♪ 1880 01:53:41,010 --> 01:53:44,020 Mama. 1881 01:53:44,022 --> 01:53:51,001 ♪ And you look at me adoringly ♪ 1882 01:53:51,023 --> 01:53:57,022 ♪ But as things stand ♪ 1883 01:53:58,000 --> 01:54:03,014 ♪ This time the dream's on me ♪ 1884 01:54:05,023 --> 01:54:11,001 ♪ It would be fun ♪ 1885 01:54:12,022 --> 01:54:18,014 ♪ To be certain that I'm the one ♪ 1886 01:54:20,003 --> 01:54:25,007 ♪ To know that I at least ♪ 1887 01:54:25,009 --> 01:54:31,015 ♪ Supply the shoulder you cry upon ♪ 1888 01:54:34,013 --> 01:54:38,012 ♪ To see you through ♪ 1889 01:54:41,019 --> 01:54:45,002 ♪ Till you're everything ♪ 1890 01:54:45,004 --> 01:54:49,007 ♪ You want to be ♪ 1891 01:54:49,009 --> 01:54:53,018 ♪ It can't be true ♪ 1892 01:54:53,020 --> 01:54:57,009 ♪ But this time ♪ 1893 01:54:57,011 --> 01:55:02,019 ♪ The dreams on me ♪ 1894 01:55:02,021 --> 01:55:05,005 [music continues] 132046

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