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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:05,073 - COME ON, STUART. 2 00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,808 COME ON, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW. 3 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,710 - MOVING IN WITH A BUNCH OF DIVORCED GUYS 4 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,312 WOULD MEAN THAT I'VE GIVEN UP HOPE. 5 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,346 THAT MY MARRIAGE TO LORNA IS OVER. 6 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:16,384 - STUART, AS YOUR ATTORNEY, LET ME ASSURE YOU, 7 00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,686 YOUR MARRIAGE TO LORNA IS OVER. 8 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:21,289 REMEMBER? SHE SIGNED THE PAPERS A WEEK AGO. 9 00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:22,190 - THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. 10 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:25,526 - IN THE DARKEST INK I HAVE EVER SEEN. 11 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:28,496 - WELL, MAYBE SHE WAS-- - SHE SAID, "YAY." 12 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,198 - HOLLY, I'M SORRY. 13 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,632 IT'S JUST-- I MISS BEING MARRIED. 14 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:32,700 I MISS MY WIFE. I MISS MY HOUSE. 15 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,568 - NO, STUART, NO MORE MISSING, OKAY? 16 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,170 REMEMBER WHAT WE'VE PRACTICED? 17 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:38,706 "I'M A DIVORCED MAN, AND I'M READY TO MOVE ON." 18 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:39,607 - I'M A DIVORCED MAN, 19 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:40,641 AND I'M READY TO MOVE ON. 20 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,210 - DID YOU MEAN IT? - NOT REALLY. 21 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:43,477 - THAT'S THE SPIRIT. 22 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:44,745 - YOU KNOW, WHAT IF THEY DON'T WANT A ROOMMATE? 23 00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:45,846 I MEAN, ARE YOU SURE? 24 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,215 I MEAN, WHAT IF THEY DON'T LIKE ME? 25 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:48,015 WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE THEM? 26 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,150 HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN DIVORCED? 27 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:53,721 - STUART, I ANSWERED LESS QUESTIONS TO PASS THE BAR. 28 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,689 NOW, STAY HERE. - WHY? 29 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,292 - BECAUSE I WANNA BE THE ONE TO GIVE THEM THE GOOD NEWS. 30 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,496 - COME INSKY. 31 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:03,631 - OH, HEY, HASKELL, IT'S-- 32 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,733 - HOLD ONSKY. 33 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,835 I AM SECONDS AWAY FROM SELLING 34 00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:12,673 300 OFFICIAL WORLD CUP VUVUZELAS. 35 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,508 - THESE LOUD, ANNOYING HORNS? - YEAH. 36 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,643 - HOW MUCH ARE YOU GONNA MAKE? 37 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,645 - WELL, AFTER PROCESSING, 38 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,647 TAXES, SHIPPING AND HANDLING, 39 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,315 I SHOULD CLEAR... 40 00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:24,252 NOTHING. 41 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,619 - HEY-HEY. 42 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:29,257 DID SOMEONE ORDER SIX FEET OF SEXY? 43 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:33,261 - PHIL, DOES A LINE LIKE THAT EVER WORK? 44 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,129 APPARENTLY, IT DOES. 45 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:40,534 - HOLLY, I WANT YOU TO MEET THE LOVELY... 46 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,770 - ALICIA. - ALICIA. 47 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,639 ALICIA IS A VERY ACCOMPLISHED... 48 00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:46,740 - WAITRESS. - WAITRESS! 49 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:47,841 RIGHT, WAITRESS! 50 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,210 RIGHT, YEAH. 51 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,644 YEAH, ACTUALLY, ALICIA WAS LEAVING. 52 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,780 SHE HAS TO GET BACK TO THE, UM... 53 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,182 - RESTAURANT? 54 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,817 - YES, YES. 55 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,653 - OKAY, GUYS, I HAVE GREAT NEWS. 56 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,656 I FOUND A ROOMMATE FOR THAT THIRD BEDROOM. 57 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:03,791 - I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE LOOKING. 58 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:04,792 - WELL, THAT IS HOW 59 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:08,729 ALL GREAT ROOMMATE STORIES BEGIN. 60 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,764 - SO THE MOTHER HEN'S TAKING IN ANOTHER STRAY. 61 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,666 - WELL, MAY I REMIND YOU, 62 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,202 YOU WERE ONE OF THOSE STRAYS. 63 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,603 SO WAS HASKELL. 64 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,670 - WHAT'S HE LIKE? 65 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,839 - OH, YOU KNOW, EASY-GOING. 66 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:19,707 REALLY RESPECTS BOUNDARIES. 67 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,275 SUPER-COOL, SUPER-COOL. 68 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,711 - YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU LIE, YOU SAY EVERYTHING TWICE. 69 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,946 - NO, I DON'T. NO, I DON-- 70 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,916 - PICKING A NEW ROOMMATE IS A DELICATE MATTER. 71 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,918 HE'S GOTTA FIT IN. TAKE HASKELL AND I. 72 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,620 WE'VE SAID, WHAT, 12 WORDS TO EACH OTHER 73 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:33,754 IN THE LAST MONTH? 74 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:34,755 - IF THAT. - YEAH. 75 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:37,258 WE GOT A GOOD THING GOING. 76 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,926 - WE DON'T GET INVOLVED IN EACH OTHER'S LIVES. 77 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,661 - YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST. 78 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,731 - I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR LAST NAME. 79 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,599 - FIST BUMP. - TOO INTIMATE. 80 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,635 - RIGHT. 81 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,774 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'LL TAKE 200 BUCKS OFF 82 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,809 NEXT MONTH'S RENT IF YOU GUYS TAKE HIM. 83 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,379 - YOU'RE MARKING THE GUY DOWN? 84 00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,713 IT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN. 85 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:01,315 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, THE OFFER EXPIRES IN 30 SECONDS. 86 00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:02,350 - HE'S HERE, ISN'T HE? 87 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:06,387 - NO, HE'S NOT. NO, HE'S NO-- 88 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:07,421 - OPEN THE DOOR. 89 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:09,557 - ALL RIGHT. 90 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,392 STUART--OH, HI. COME IN. 91 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:12,860 I WANT YOU TO MEET PHIL CHASE. 92 00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:13,794 - HEY, BUDDY, HOW'S IT GOING? 93 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,863 - GOOD TO MEET YOU. - THAT'S HASKELL LUTZ. 94 00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,498 - HI, WHAT'S UP. 95 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,866 - [clears throat] 96 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,901 UH, FIRST OF ALL, I WANT TO THANK YOU GUYS 97 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:24,838 FOR, UH, LETTING ME LIVE HERE IN THE MAN CAVE. 98 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,740 AND, UH, JUST SO WE GET OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT, 99 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,776 I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM GONNA DO MY SHARE. 100 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,811 WHERE'S, UH-- WHERE'S YOUR CHORE SCHEDULE? 101 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,653 - WE DON'T HAVE ONE. 102 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:42,790 - WELL, THEN, I GUESS WE'VE FOUND OUR FIRST CHORE. 103 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:43,857 - HOLLYYYYY. 104 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,726 - OH, THIS IS SO ADORABLE. 105 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,228 I SMELL BROMANCE IN THE AIR. 106 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,832 [upbeat music] 107 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,867 - * DO-DO DO DO 108 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,936 * DO-DO DEE DA 109 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,838 * DO DO DO DO 110 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,042 - [humming] 111 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,877 - AH, GOOD MORNING, HASKELL. 112 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,914 I MADE MY SPECIAL SCRAMBLE FOR BREAKFAST 113 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,017 TO CELEBRATE OUR FIRST MORNING OF LIVING TOGETHER. 114 00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:13,053 - SO YOU'RE GAY, HUH? 115 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:17,858 - NO, I'M NOT GAY. 116 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,293 - HEY, I COULD CARE LESS. 117 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:20,694 BUT IF YOU ARE, I'M NOT GONNA WALK AROUND 118 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,830 IN MY UNDERWEAR. 119 00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,865 I DON'T WANT TO BE A TEASE. 120 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:29,870 - AH, GOOD MORNING, PHIL. 121 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,905 I MADE EGGS. 122 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:32,973 - AWESOME. 123 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:36,009 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE HAD PANS. 124 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,995 - WHATCHA THINKING? 125 00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,997 - I'M THINKING I PAID SOMEONE HALF MY MONEY 126 00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,968 TO NEVER HEAR THAT QUESTION AGAIN. 127 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,069 - YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW, 128 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,472 MARRIAGE--MARRIAGE IS A TRICKY LITTLE DEVIL, ISN'T IT? 129 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,439 I KNOW WITH MINE-- - LOOK, LOOK. 130 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:09,343 STUART, THIS APARTMENT IS A SHARING-FREE ZONE. 131 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,845 JUST THINK OF ME AS THE GUY AT THE URINAL. 132 00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,547 NOD. SAY NOTHING. 133 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:16,584 KEEP IT MOVING. 134 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:19,920 - WHO IS IT? 135 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:23,090 - YOUR OVERWORKED AND UNDERPAID ASSISTANT. 136 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,359 HI-HI. 137 00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,060 - WOW. 138 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,929 LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S GOT A NIGHT OF PARTYING 139 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:29,830 AHEAD OF 'EM. 140 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,999 OH, BY 6:00 A.M., I HOPE TO BE LOOKING 141 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,100 AT THE CLUB STAMPS ON MY HAND, 142 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,936 TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE I LEFT MY PANTIES AT. 143 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:41,909 - IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO HAVE GOALS. 144 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,444 - HEY, SO HOW'S IT GOING WITH STUART? 145 00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,546 - OH, YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A COUPLE DAYS, 146 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:48,015 AND I HAVE NOT HEARD A PEEP FROM THE BOYS ACROSS THE HALL. 147 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,883 I THINK IT'S GOING REALLY NICELY. 148 00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:52,786 - HOLLY, WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THESE GUYS? 149 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:56,924 - HUH. I-I THINK IT'S BECAUSE AS THEIR DIVORCE ATTORNEY, 150 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,126 I SEE THEM AT THEIR LOWEST, YOU KNOW. 151 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,595 THEY'RE LIKE BROKEN BIRDS, AND THEY JUST NEED SOMEBODY 152 00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:02,896 TO FIX THEIR WINGS. 153 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,131 - MM-HMM. I KNEW IT. - MM. 154 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,967 - MY MOTHER SAYS YOU IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THESE GUYS' LIVES 155 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,136 TO DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM DEALING WITH YOUR INABILITY 156 00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:12,005 TO SUSTAIN A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR OWN. 157 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:17,745 BUT WHAT DOES SHE KNOW? SHE'S JUST A THERAPIST. 158 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:18,746 [doorbell rings] 159 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,781 I'LL GET IT. 160 00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:23,884 - HEYYY. 161 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:24,885 - [giggling] HI. 162 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:28,989 - PHIL, OFF. 163 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,659 - SHE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE THREW A HOT CHICK 164 00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,827 IN THE DRYER. 165 00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:37,731 - PHIL, WHAT DO YOU WANT? 166 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:40,133 - OH, HOLLY, HE'S KILLING ME. 167 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,635 STUART IS KILLING ME. 168 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:42,936 YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIM BACK. 169 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,938 - NO, YOU'RE KIDDING ME. HOW BAD COULD IT BE? 170 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,073 - HOW BAD COULD IT BE? 171 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,675 I'LL SHOW YOU HOW BAD IT COULD BE. 172 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,677 I CALL THIS, "HI, PHIL, IT'S ME." 173 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,979 SIT DOWN. 174 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,814 - HI, PHIL, IT'S ME. 175 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,784 JUST WONDERING WHAT TIME YOU'LL BE HOME FOR DINNER. 176 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,218 HI, PHIL, IT'S ME. DO ME A FAVOR. 177 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,789 PICK UP SOME ASPARAGUS TO GO WITH MY ROAST. 178 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,090 HI, PHIL, IT'S ME. 179 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:06,126 MAKE IT WHITE ASPARAGUS. IT'S JUST MORE FUN. 180 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,630 HI, PHIL, IT'S ME. 181 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,964 I WANNA HAVE A GUYS' NIGHT OUT, 182 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:11,965 YOU, ME, AND HASKELL. 183 00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:15,469 HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN JERSEY BOYS? 184 00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:17,204 HI, PHIL, IT'S ME. 185 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:20,140 HI, PHIL, IT'S ME. 186 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,510 - HI, PHIL, IT'S SANDY. 187 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:24,011 I MISS YOU. 188 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,879 THAT ADDRESS YOU GAVE ME MUST'VE BEEN WRONG, 189 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,114 BECAUSE IT'S A VACANT LOT. 190 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,583 [laughs breathlessly] 191 00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,719 - CRAZY SANDY'S A WHOLE 'NOTHER NIGHTMARE. 192 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,220 - ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I-- 193 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,489 I KNOW STUART'S A LITTLE OVEREAGER, 194 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,057 BUT HE'S JUST TRYING TO FIT IN. 195 00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,527 - WELL, TELL HIM TO FIT IN BACK WITH HIS WIFE. 196 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,728 THAT'S ALL HE TALKS ABOUT, 197 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:41,795 GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH HER. 198 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,997 - THERE IS NO GETTING BACK. 199 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,132 STUART DOESN'T KNOW THIS, 200 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,568 BUT SHE'S ALREADY SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. 201 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,002 I THINK THEY'RE LIVING TOGETHER. 202 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,971 IT JUST WOULD KILL HIM IF HE FOUND OUT. 203 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,205 - OH. 204 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,674 - [sighs] 205 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:54,742 - THAT'S NOT GOOD. 206 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:55,776 - YEAH. 207 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,177 - OH, I ALMOST FORGOT. 208 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,879 I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR WORK TOMORROW. 209 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,982 - HONEY, TOMORROW'S SATURDAY. 210 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,051 - I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR WORK MONDAY. 211 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,623 - SANDY. 212 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:11,191 - [laughs breathlessly] 213 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,293 - HEY, H-HOW'D YOU FIND OUT WHERE I LIVED? 214 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,695 - STUART TOLD ME. 215 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,597 - GUILTY. 216 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,099 YEAH, I WAS IN YOUR ROOM, FOLDING YOUR SOCKS-- 217 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,100 WELL, UH, ROLLING THEM. 218 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:21,201 WELL, UH, FOLDING. 219 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,269 UH, FOLD-ROLLING THEM. YOU'LL SEE. 220 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:25,639 AND, UM, PHONE RANG. IT WAS SANDY. 221 00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,174 - IF STUART HADN'T PICKED UP THAT PHONE, 222 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,142 I WAS NEVER GONNA CALL AGAIN. 223 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,143 BUT HE DID! 224 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,144 [laughs breathlessly] 225 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,213 - HUH? 226 00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,648 - STUART? KITCHEN. 227 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,216 - DON'T BE LONG, PHILLY-WILLY. 228 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:39,186 [laughs breathlessly] 229 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:46,760 - SO I LIKE SANDY. SHE'S NICE. 230 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,929 - SHE'S NUTS. 231 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,330 I'VE BEEN AVOIDING HER FOR A MONTH. 232 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,632 - W-WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING HER? 233 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:52,900 SHE SEEMS TO REALLY LIKE YOU. 234 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,234 SHE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT THAT GREAT ALASKAN CRUISE 235 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,669 SHE'S PLANNING FOR YOU AND HER PARENTS. 236 00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:56,670 WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? 237 00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:59,239 - WE WENT ON A COFFEE DATE... 238 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,609 ONCE. 239 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:04,244 AND HER PARENTS DIED IN 1986. 240 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:09,917 - OH, THAT'S JUST CRAZY. 241 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,685 - LISTEN, STUART. 242 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,320 YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS GOING IN MY ROOM, 243 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,222 MESSING WITH MY SOCKS, 244 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,323 OR ANSWERING MY PHONE. 245 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:17,958 - OLD REFLEX, YOU KNOW. 246 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,259 WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED, YOU ANSWER EACH OTHER'S PHONES. 247 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,328 - WE'RE NOT MARRIED. 248 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,764 DUDE, I'M NOT YOUR WIFE. 249 00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,365 BUT I'M STARTING TO SEE WHY SHE LEFT YOU. 250 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,200 - WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? 251 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,736 - NOTHING. 252 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:29,536 - NO, COME ON. COME ON, PHIL. 253 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,138 YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY? SAY IT. 254 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,139 - OKAY. 255 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,941 FINE. 256 00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:37,177 YOU'RE NEEDY. 257 00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,278 YOU'RE CLINGY. 258 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,347 YOU'RE STIFLING ME, STUART. 259 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,182 YOU'RE LIKE MY EX-WIFE, 260 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:45,285 BUT WITHOUT THE EXPENSIVE BREASTS. 261 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,153 - ALL RIGHT, I MIGHT BE CLINGY 262 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,220 AND A LITTLE NEEDY, 263 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,288 BUT AT LEAST I'M CAPABLE OF MAKING 264 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,723 A REAL HUMAN CONNECTION. 265 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:50,523 YOU KNOW WHAT, PHIL? 266 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,192 I HOPE THAT ONE DAY YOU REALIZE 267 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:53,861 YOU NEED PEOPLE, TOO. 268 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:55,162 - IT'S NOT JUST ME. HE LIVES HERE, TOO. 269 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,196 HASKELL, PLEASE. 270 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:58,766 TELL HIM HOW HE'S DRIVING YOU OUTTA YOUR MIND. 271 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,233 - I'M IN MY ROOM LAST NIGHT. 272 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,670 HE COMES IN, DEMANDS I PUT DOWN MY COMPUTER 273 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,372 AND HAVE A CONVERSATION. 274 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:09,209 THANK YOU FOR A BEAUTIFUL EVENING. 275 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,744 - ARE YOU HAPPY? 276 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,245 YOU'VE RUINED HASKELL! 277 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,280 YOU RUIN EVERYTHING. 278 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,381 - THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT! 279 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,083 I DON'T STAY WHERE I'M NOT WANTED. 280 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,150 I'M GONNA PACK MY BAGS AND GO. 281 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,151 - EXCELLENT! 282 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:18,986 - BUT BEFORE I GO, 283 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,253 I GOT SOMETHING I WANNA SAY TO YOU. 284 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,722 - BRING IT ON! 285 00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,090 - I WANNA THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A PLACE TO LIVE 286 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:26,126 AND TAKING ME IN THESE LAST FEW DAYS ITMEANTALOTTOME! 287 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:37,204 - PHIL? 288 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,673 - WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE WORLD'S SEXIEST SPORTSCASTER. 289 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:40,908 - HEY, YOU. 290 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,242 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN TOWN, BREE? 291 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:45,045 - I FLEW IN TO DO THE KNICKS PRE-GAME. 292 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:48,882 AND THAT NEW GUARD YOU REPRESENT IS CRUSHING IT, WHAT! 293 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:50,150 - [both laughing] 294 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,284 - YOU LOOK AMAZING. 295 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,152 - THANK YOU. 296 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,354 - WHAT DO YOU SAY WE BLOW THIS PLACE 297 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:55,956 AND GO SOMEWHERE QUIETER? 298 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,725 - I'D LOVE TO...BUT. 299 00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,727 - HELLO. 300 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,294 - YOU MUST BE THE BUT. 301 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,996 - PHIL, MEET JILL. 302 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,097 SHE FLEW IN WITH ME. 303 00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,365 WE'RE MAKING IT A GIRLS' NIGHT. 304 00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:06,934 - WHERE SHE GOES, I GO. 305 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:07,935 - [laughs] 306 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,970 WELL, UH, TELL YOU WHAT. 307 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,271 WHY DON'T WE MAKE IT A DOUBLE DATE? 308 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:12,239 I'LL GO GET MY ROOMMATE HASKELL. 309 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,206 - THAT GUY FROM THE COUCH 310 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,776 WHO TRIED TO SELL ME THE REVERSIBLE SHOES? 311 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,010 I DON'T THINK SO. 312 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,478 LET'S MAKE IT ANOTHER NIGHT. 313 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,048 - NO, NO, WAIT. LOOK. 314 00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,282 I HAVE ANOTHER ROOMMATE. 315 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,450 A NEW ONE. I'LL GO GET HIM. 316 00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,752 - WELL, WHAT'S HE LIKE? 317 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,386 I WANNA HAVE A GOOD TIME. IS HE FUN? 318 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:30,023 - IS HE FUN? IS HE FUN? 319 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,025 HE'S SO FUN, HE KNOCKS MY SOCKS OFF! 320 00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:34,261 AND THEN HE FOLDS THEM AND PUTS THEM IN MY DRAWER. 321 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,029 I'LL BE BACK! 322 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:42,269 - HEY, STUART. HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY? 323 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,237 - DON'T WORRY, PHIL--I'LL BE OUT OF YOUR LIFE IN JUST A MINUTE. 324 00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,472 - WHAT'S THE RUSH? 325 00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,007 [chuckles awkwardly] 326 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,241 LOOK. 327 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,276 I KNOW SOME THINGS WERE SAID BEFORE. 328 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,378 - SOME VERY HURTFUL THINGS. 329 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,747 - LET'S JUST SAY SOME THINGS WERE SAID. 330 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:56,249 BUT I'M WILLING TO PUT THAT BEHIND US 331 00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:57,250 AND START OVER. 332 00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,286 - I DON'T GET IT. WHY THE SUDDEN TURNAROUND? 333 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,520 - THE TRUTH? 334 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:04,291 WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS DOWNSTAIRS AT THE BAR, 335 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:07,861 AND I JUST COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU. 336 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,297 MY HEART WAS HURTING. 337 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:13,333 HURTIN' REAL BAD. 338 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,402 DEEP IN MY SOUL. 339 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,337 - WHY DO I THINK THIS IS ABOUT YOUR SOUL 340 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,306 GETTING INTO ANOTHER SOUL'S PANTS? 341 00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:20,507 - OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT. 342 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,076 BUT THIS GIRL'S SPECIAL. HER NAME'S BREE. 343 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,178 AND WE'VE HAD A THING FOR EACH OTHER FOR YEARS. 344 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,380 BUT I NEED YOU TO TAKE HER FRIEND OFF MY HANDS. 345 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,182 - UH, UH, SORRY, DID-- 346 00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,884 DID YOU JUST SAY YOU NEED ME? 347 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,285 - WELL, YEAH. - UH-HUH. 348 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,321 SO--[clears throat] WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS 349 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,823 SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T DO EVERYTHING ALONE, 350 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,125 HENCE YOU NEED MEEEEE. 351 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,427 - FINE, I NEED YOU. 352 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:44,164 - [sing-song] SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT. 353 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:47,134 - I...NEED...YOU. 354 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,135 ARE YOU HAPPY? 355 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,970 - GETTING THERE. 356 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,339 - GREAT. SO YOU'LL DO IT. 357 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,540 - ON ONE CONDITION. 358 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,208 ASK ME TO STAY. 359 00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:58,378 - WILL YOU STAY? 360 00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,512 STUART! 361 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,014 - SORRY, JUST ENJOYING THE MOMENT. 362 00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:02,015 YEAH, I'LL STAY. 363 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,884 - GREAT! - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 364 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,352 I'LL SEE YOU DOWN THERE IN A FEW MINUTES. 365 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,454 - YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO PULL THIS OFF, THOUGH, RIGHT? 366 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,422 I MEAN, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF THE GAME FOR A WHILE. 367 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,390 - COME ON, HEY. TRUST ME. 368 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,825 I'M A PLAYER. 369 00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,060 UH, A PLAYAH. 370 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:16,897 WOULD--IS-- IS IT "PLAY-ER" OR "PLAY-AH"? 371 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:20,133 - IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, NEITHER. 372 00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,501 - STUART, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE EVEN READY 373 00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:22,970 TO GO ON A DATE? 374 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,071 - NO. 375 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,072 BUT I WANT TO DO IT FOR PHIL. 376 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,306 AND WE ONLY HAVE A FEW MINUTES. 377 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,607 - ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 378 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,442 WELL, I'LL GET YOU THROUGH THIS. 379 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,011 UH, LET'S DO A LITTLE ROLE-PLAYING. 380 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,345 - ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD. - HI, I'M HOLLY. 381 00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,413 YOU MUST BE STUART. 382 00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,415 - UH, HI, HOLLY. NICE TO MEET YOU. 383 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,217 UH, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? 384 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,218 - I'M AN ATTORNEY. 385 00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,519 - OH, THAT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE. 386 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,921 - THANK YOU. - YOU KNOW, MY WIFE, LORNA-- 387 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:43,523 - [makes buzzer sound] 388 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:44,524 - WHAT'S WRONG? 389 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:45,525 - YOU'RE ON A DATE, 390 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,860 AND YOU SAID THE WORD WIFE? 391 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,228 WHY DON'T YOU JUST WEAR A SIGN 392 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,030 THAT SAYS, "PLEASE RUN FROM ME"? 393 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,131 - [clears throat] 394 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,233 UH, SO, UM, LET ME TELL YOU 395 00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:54,334 A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MYSELF. 396 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,303 UH, RECENTLY DIVORCED. BUMMER, RIGHT? 397 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,537 - [laughs] 398 00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,908 - BUT, UM, MY NEW MOTTO IS READY, SET, LIFE! 399 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,913 - YEAH, LOSE THE MOTTO. - YEAH. 400 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,347 OKAY, UM, UH, 401 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,448 HOW ABOUT YOU, HOLLY? 402 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:09,482 EVER BEEN MARRIED? 403 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,184 - NOPE. I WAS ENGAGED ONCE. 404 00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:12,019 - REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED? 405 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,453 - OH, I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. 406 00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,422 - HOLLY, COME ON. 407 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:16,456 REALLY. 408 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:17,490 YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE. 409 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,491 I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT YOURS. 410 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,293 - THAT'S TRUE. 411 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,494 ALL RIGHT. 412 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,931 UM, WELL... 413 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,598 WHEN I GOT ENGAGED, I BOUGHT THE APARTMENT 414 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,267 YOU GUYS ARE LIVING IN. 415 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,203 AND A FEW DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING, 416 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,906 I WENT TO CHECK AND SEE IF THE BASEBOARDS 417 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:35,508 WERE BEING INSTALLED PROPERLY, 418 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:39,012 AND THE ONLY THING BEING NAILED WAS MY FIANCE. 419 00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,452 - WOW, THAT... 420 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,154 THAT, UM... 421 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:48,588 THAT MUST'VE BEEN TRAUMATIC. 422 00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:49,656 NO WONDER YOU BURY YOURSELF IN YOUR WORK. 423 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,058 - I DO NOT. 424 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,626 I HAVE A DATE. I HAVE A DATE. 425 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,130 IN FACT, YOU SHOULD GO. 426 00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:58,265 HE'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE. 427 00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:00,300 [faint ding] 428 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:06,139 - THAT MUST BE HIM. 429 00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:08,508 - OKAY, WE BOTH KNOW THAT WAS THE MICROWAVE. 430 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:09,576 - ALL RIGHT. 431 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:13,480 YEAH, AND I RESCUED THEM FROM THE BURNING FLAMES. 432 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,315 PSH, LESSON LEARNED. 433 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,551 NEVER BARBECUE A THIN PIECE OF FISH. 434 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,154 - HEY, UH, BREE. 435 00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:22,522 YOU WANT A TOUR OF THE APARTMENT? 436 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:25,092 - HMM. I'D LOVE ONE. 437 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,359 - [quietly] YEAHHH. 438 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,328 I'M PROUD OF YOU, MAN. 439 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,730 [chuckles] KEEP IT UP! 440 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,333 - SORRY. - OH, THAT'S OKAY. 441 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:34,634 - SO, UH, TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOU. 442 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,636 I, UH, I WANT TO GET TO KNOW JILL. 443 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,605 - UH, WELL, I'M A REALTOR, 444 00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,673 ALTHOUGH I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS. 445 00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,575 - OH. - BUT MY HUSBAND, LARRY, SAYS-- 446 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:46,179 - [makes buzzer sound] 447 00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:47,347 I FIND WHEN DATING, 448 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:50,017 IT'S BEST NOT TO BRING UP THE EXES. 449 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,284 - OH, I'M SORRY. 450 00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:52,619 I'M JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS. 451 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,454 I'M--I'M KIND OF NEW TO THIS DATING THING. 452 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,389 - OH, THAT'S COOL. THAT'S COOL. 453 00:15:56,423 --> 00:16:00,293 I WAS, UH, I WAS ONCE A ROOKIE, TOO. 454 00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:03,530 - WELL, UM, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN BACK ON THE SCENE? 455 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:06,733 - ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF. 456 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,435 - WELL, YOU-- YOU DON'T SHOW IT. 457 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,103 I MEAN, YOU SEEM SO SELF-ASSURED, 458 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,271 SO CONFIDENT. 459 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,506 - WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST SURVIVAL. 460 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:14,507 - HMM. 461 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:15,575 - I MEAN, LIFE GOES ON. 462 00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:18,511 AND BEING WITH YOU TONIGHT 463 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,548 AND LOOKING INTO THOSE BIG, BEAUTIFUL EYES 464 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,551 MAKES ME REALIZE HOW MUCH... 465 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,354 [sobbing] I MISS MY WIFE. 466 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:36,729 - YOU REMIND ME OF MY HUSBAND. 467 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:39,132 [sobbing] HE WAS A CRIER, TOO. 468 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,803 HE WAS SO SENSITIVE. 469 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,573 HE WAS SO SWEET. 470 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:49,576 - HE SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT GUY. 471 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:52,179 - HE WAS. 472 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,447 I SHOULD NEVER HAVE GIVEN UP SO SOON. 473 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,616 - YEAH, AND THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. 474 00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,318 IT'S--I'M SORRY. 475 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,752 I'M SORRY, JILL. I'M-- 476 00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,121 I'M NOT READY TO MOVE ON. 477 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,522 I'M--I'M GOING HOME. 478 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,624 I'M GONNA CONVINCE MY WIFE TO TAKE ME BACK. 479 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,460 - WELL, GOOD LUCK. 480 00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:08,761 IT WAS REALLY NICE MEETING YOU. 481 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:11,631 - NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO. 482 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,771 * DO DO DO BEE DO 483 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,807 * DO DO DO 484 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,675 * DO 485 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:23,810 [chuckles awkwardly] 486 00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,812 HEY, HASKELL. WHERE'S, UH-- 487 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,214 WHERE'D STUART AND JILL GO? 488 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,749 - YOU WANT THE LONG OR THE SHORT VERSION? 489 00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:30,650 - SHORT. 490 00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,585 - WELL, 491 00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:36,756 I WAS ONLINE BUYING STYROFOAM PEANUTS. 492 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:39,559 FYI, THE BEAUTY IS THAT WHEN YOU SHIP THEM, 493 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,594 THEY REQUIRE NO PACKING MATERIALS. 494 00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,865 SUDDENLY, I HEAR THIS WOMAN CRYING HER EYES OUT. 495 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,834 TURNS OUT IT WAS STUART. 496 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,102 - UH, HASKELL. 497 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,103 SHORTER. 498 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,338 - AH. 499 00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:52,605 STUART RAN HOME TO TRY AND CONVINCE HIS WIFE 500 00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:53,673 TO TAKE HIM BACK, 501 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:57,677 LEAVING JILL ON THE COUCH, ALONE AND VULNERABLE. 502 00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,812 BUT APPARENTLY NOT THAT VULNERABLE. 503 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:03,716 - STUART WENT HOME? 504 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,452 HE CAN'T GO HOME. 505 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,520 IF HE SEES HIS EX-WIFE WITH HER NEW BOYFRIEND, 506 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,721 IT'S GONNA DESTROY HIM. 507 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:09,722 - WELL, IF YOU LEAVE NOW, 508 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,724 YOU MIGHT JUST CATCH HIM. 509 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,793 - BABY! 510 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,829 WHAT'S KEEPING THAT WINE? 511 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,172 - I WOULD KILL FOR THIS DILEMMA. 512 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:29,709 - OKAY, HERE IT IS. 513 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,644 OH, THANK GOD. STUART ISN'T HERE YET. 514 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:32,879 - HOW'D WE BEAT HIM TO HIS OWN HOUSE? 515 00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,381 - WELL, IF HE DRIVES LIKE HE PACKS, 516 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,683 HE SHOULD GET HERE SOMETIME TOMORROW. 517 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,218 - WOW, THERE'S STUART. 518 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,319 WITH HIS WIFE. 519 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,787 HE MUST'VE DONE SOME CONVINCING. 520 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,155 - YEAH. - WAY TO GO, STU. 521 00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,256 - [laughing] 522 00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,324 - HI, GUYS. 523 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,492 - OH, STUART. - STUART. 524 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:46,759 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 525 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,262 - WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? - UM... 526 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,164 - WE, UH, CAME TO SEE YOUR WORLD-FAMOUS LAWN. 527 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,334 - [all agreeing and complimenting] 528 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,403 - OH, NO, BUT WE DON'T LIKE IT 529 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,404 AS MUCH AS THAT. 530 00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:58,771 LOOK AT THAT. - OH, YEAH. 531 00:18:58,805 --> 00:18:59,872 THAT'S KENTUCKY BLUE SEED. 532 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:00,907 PRICEY. 533 00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,875 - [all stammering] 534 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,544 [stammering] 535 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,646 - WHAT'S GOING ON? 536 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,291 - I'M SORRY, MAN. 537 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:21,828 - ARE YOU OKAY, STUART? 538 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,696 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 539 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,398 - I AM LOOKING FOR A ROCK 540 00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:26,733 TO THROW THROUGH THAT WINDOW. 541 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,701 - YOU WERE RIGHT, PHIL. YOU SAID I NEVER GET MAD. 542 00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:29,802 I DON'T EXPRESS MY ANGER. 543 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,304 HUH-HUH, WELL, WATCH THIS. 544 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,372 - STUART, AS YOUR ATTORNEY, 545 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:34,641 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ADVISE YOU-- 546 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,843 IS THAT THE BIGGEST ROCK YOU CAN FIND? 547 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:37,977 - THERE'S GOTTA BE A BIGGER ONE. 548 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,312 - BIGGER ROCK. - COME ON. 549 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,781 - OOH, LOOK AT THAT. 550 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,883 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THREW THAT ROCK. 551 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:44,884 - YEAH, YEAH. 552 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:47,654 AND IT WAS THE ONE WITH THE HIDE-A-KEY IN IT. 553 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,322 [chuckles evilly] 554 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,824 SO NEXT TIME MY EX-WIFE GETS LOCKED OUT, 555 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:54,861 IT'S GONNA BE SUPER-INCONVENIENT. 556 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,396 - YOU SAID IT. 557 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:57,664 - WHAT? SAID WHAT? 558 00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,233 - THAT'S THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE SAID EX-WIFE. 559 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:03,703 - I DID, DIDN'T I? 560 00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:04,937 - YOU DID. 561 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,639 - IT DIDN'T FEEL SO BAD. 562 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:07,640 WOW. 563 00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:08,608 IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS. 564 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,311 - OH, I JUST KNEW THIS WAS GONNA WORK OUT. 565 00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:12,779 - I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE 566 00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,247 YOU GAVE UP A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN FOR ME. 567 00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:15,282 WHY? 568 00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,417 - WELL, YOU HAD MY BACK TONIGHT. 569 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,786 AND I KNOW HOW IT FEELS. 570 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,521 YOU KNOW, I COULD'VE, UH, USED SOME HELP 571 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,590 WHEN I FOUND OUT MY WIFE WAS CHEATING ON ME. 572 00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,461 I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST TOLD YOU THAT. 573 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:32,432 - WELL, I AM GONNA MAKE FRITTATAS, 574 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:35,468 AND WE ARE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT. 575 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:38,971 - YES. 576 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:42,008 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 36830

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