Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,725 --> 00:00:02,895
♪ Everything blam, blam, blam,
blam, blam, blam, blam... ♪
2
00:00:02,899 --> 00:00:07,319
Welcome to Joke City's
open mic night, y'all.
3
00:00:07,317 --> 00:00:08,697
We've got a surprise guest.
4
00:00:08,698 --> 00:00:10,388
The first
comic to be invited
5
00:00:10,389 --> 00:00:13,599
to the presidential
inauguration.
6
00:00:13,599 --> 00:00:16,119
Fresh off the "What Now?" tour,
7
00:00:16,119 --> 00:00:19,299
comedy royalty, Kevin Hart,
ladies and gentlemen!
8
00:00:19,295 --> 00:00:20,365
Kevin Hart!
9
00:00:20,365 --> 00:00:23,325
[cheers and applause]
10
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:25,963
♪
11
00:00:28,304 --> 00:00:30,384
-Yeah!
-Do it, Kev.
12
00:00:30,375 --> 00:00:32,335
Ah... man,
this is crazy, man.
13
00:00:32,342 --> 00:00:34,242
Always good to be back here
at Joke City.
14
00:00:34,241 --> 00:00:36,931
Faizon, if you're gonna say
something, say it right, okay?
15
00:00:36,933 --> 00:00:38,763
I did not get invited
16
00:00:38,762 --> 00:00:41,352
to perform at
the presidential inauguration.
17
00:00:41,351 --> 00:00:43,181
I was actually, uh,
nice enough to let
18
00:00:43,181 --> 00:00:46,051
the presidential inauguration
open up for me, so...
19
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,496
[audience laughing]
20
00:00:47,495 --> 00:00:49,005
That's where
I'm at in my career.
21
00:00:49,014 --> 00:00:50,334
Being the first is big.
22
00:00:50,326 --> 00:00:52,046
That means not Eddie Murphy,
not Chris Rock,
23
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,232
not Jerry Seinfeld.
24
00:00:53,225 --> 00:00:55,325
Damn sure ain't no J.B. Smoove,
I'll tell ya that.
25
00:00:55,331 --> 00:00:56,851
[audience laughing]
26
00:00:58,506 --> 00:01:00,336
He ain't performing nowhere.
27
00:01:00,336 --> 00:01:02,406
He's just...
home on the couch.
28
00:01:02,407 --> 00:01:03,817
[chuckling]
29
00:01:03,822 --> 00:01:04,822
That is it.
30
00:01:04,823 --> 00:01:06,723
So, you know,
we're gonna mess around.
31
00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:09,930
Uh...[feedback blaring]
32
00:01:09,931 --> 00:01:12,041
If I say something, y'all don't
think it ain't funny,
33
00:01:12,037 --> 00:01:12,867
then don't laugh at it.
34
00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:14,105
You think it is funny,
laugh.
35
00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:16,038
We just-- we just
basically gonna give and get--
36
00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:18,221
Well, that last joke wasn't
funny at all.
37
00:01:18,216 --> 00:01:21,806
When I see Jerry Seinfeld
at his next panini party--
38
00:01:21,805 --> 00:01:23,315
that's the little sandwiches--
you ever have that before?
39
00:01:23,324 --> 00:01:24,644
Huh?
Yeah.
40
00:01:24,636 --> 00:01:27,086
I'll let him know what
you said... punk.
41
00:01:28,536 --> 00:01:32,086
Look-- okay, ladies and
gentlemen, J.B. Smoove.
42
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,442
Now he wonder why the president
won't let him in his house.
43
00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:35,889
[audience laughing]
44
00:01:37,304 --> 00:01:39,384
Let's start, y'all ready,
y'all ready to hear some fire?
45
00:01:39,375 --> 00:01:41,135
[cheers and applause]
46
00:01:43,344 --> 00:01:44,354
Man, you know
what's crazy?
47
00:01:44,345 --> 00:01:46,375
You ever been on
your private jet,
48
00:01:46,382 --> 00:01:48,352
flying like 30,000 feet
in the air,
49
00:01:48,349 --> 00:01:49,629
getting a foot massage
50
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:51,006
and then you hit that
turbulence,
51
00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:53,347
but not that regular
commercial flight turbulence;
52
00:01:53,354 --> 00:01:55,054
that private jet turbulence?
53
00:01:55,045 --> 00:01:56,455
So that's
that shaky stuff
54
00:01:56,461 --> 00:01:58,151
and you drinking your oolong tea
55
00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,052
and when the turbulence hit you
like, "Oolong!"
56
00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:02,020
And then the tea fall
into the foot massage water
57
00:02:02,018 --> 00:02:04,158
and now you look down
and you got...
58
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,438
sweet feet tea!
59
00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:08,705
[cackling]
60
00:02:12,511 --> 00:02:14,441
[Kevin]
Yeah.
61
00:02:14,444 --> 00:02:15,624
[clearing throat]
62
00:02:15,618 --> 00:02:16,788
Faizon, did you
warm 'em up?
63
00:02:16,791 --> 00:02:18,591
They seem
a little cold.
64
00:02:18,586 --> 00:02:20,726
All right, joke number two.
65
00:02:20,726 --> 00:02:23,446
Uh... you ever been driving
in your Bugatti,
66
00:02:23,453 --> 00:02:24,873
whipping that bitch
67
00:02:24,868 --> 00:02:26,628
with your leopard
in the passenger seat
68
00:02:26,629 --> 00:02:27,659
and then you look over
and you go,
69
00:02:27,664 --> 00:02:29,294
"Mr. Leopard, I need gas,"
70
00:02:29,287 --> 00:02:30,497
and you get to
the gas station
71
00:02:30,495 --> 00:02:31,735
but it ain't
no full-service gas station
72
00:02:31,737 --> 00:02:33,707
and you got to get out
that Bugatti
73
00:02:33,705 --> 00:02:35,635
and pump your own gas
74
00:02:35,638 --> 00:02:37,948
while your leopard look at you
in the eye?
75
00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:41,580
[cackling]
76
00:02:41,575 --> 00:02:42,775
That's the one!
77
00:02:42,783 --> 00:02:44,823
Jackie, he ain't
paying you that much.
78
00:02:44,819 --> 00:02:46,439
You ain't funny
no more.
79
00:02:46,442 --> 00:02:48,312
We tired of
helping your ass.
80
00:02:48,306 --> 00:02:50,336
[crowd murmuring]
81
00:02:50,342 --> 00:02:52,102
Uh-oh.
82
00:02:52,102 --> 00:02:54,422
I don't know what the hell
old "Waiting to Exhale" face
83
00:02:54,415 --> 00:02:55,585
is talking about.
84
00:02:55,589 --> 00:02:57,109
That joke destroyed
in Dubai.
85
00:02:57,107 --> 00:02:59,207
♪ This is the life,
this is the life ♪
86
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,253
♪ We've got the life,
we've got the life ♪
87
00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:03,800
♪ This is the city where we
party every night ♪
88
00:03:03,804 --> 00:03:05,014
♪ Party every night
89
00:03:05,012 --> 00:03:08,772
♪ We do indeed
now let's go ♪
90
00:03:08,774 --> 00:03:10,714
♪ Welcome to Hollywood,
welcome to Hollywood ♪
91
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:13,087
♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪
92
00:03:13,089 --> 00:03:14,879
Another thing that
be driving me crazy
93
00:03:14,884 --> 00:03:16,614
is when you go
to the bank...
94
00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:18,610
Maybe I should give him
the mother[bleep] light.
95
00:03:18,612 --> 00:03:20,342
Give him something
sharp to fall on.
96
00:03:20,338 --> 00:03:21,578
He lost his edge, man.
97
00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:24,410
I got a duffle bag
full of dubs.
98
00:03:24,411 --> 00:03:26,481
[man]
Mr. Haynes...
99
00:03:26,482 --> 00:03:27,932
can you come with us,
please?
100
00:03:27,931 --> 00:03:29,691
Oh man, you've got
the wrong damn table.
101
00:03:29,692 --> 00:03:30,832
Ain't no Haynes here.
102
00:03:30,831 --> 00:03:31,871
Who Haynes?
103
00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:32,896
-There he is.Right there.
-Huh, what?
104
00:03:32,902 --> 00:03:34,562
No!
Really?!
105
00:03:34,559 --> 00:03:36,599
Look, I ain't going
with nobody
106
00:03:36,595 --> 00:03:37,695
until y'all show me some ID.
107
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,120
Now, who the hell
is y'all?
108
00:03:39,115 --> 00:03:41,185
[Kevin]
How come you never
see fat mannequins?
109
00:03:41,186 --> 00:03:42,456
Your escort,
mother[bleep].
110
00:03:42,463 --> 00:03:43,533
Let's go.
111
00:03:43,533 --> 00:03:45,233
My escort?
Y'all Uber?
112
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,325
[Detective Smith]
Let's go![Nelly]
Hey, hey, hey, slow down!
113
00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:48,330
Hey, hey, y'all.
114
00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:49,441
Uh-oh!
115
00:03:49,436 --> 00:03:51,266
Looks like somebody
saw "Nellyville."
116
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,535
[chuckling]
117
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:53,612
Nothing?
118
00:03:53,612 --> 00:03:55,102
Come on, guys,
I'm giving you my best.
119
00:03:55,096 --> 00:03:57,746
Every now and then, a comic
has to work a joke out.
120
00:03:57,754 --> 00:03:59,104
I mean, look,
that's what comedy is.
121
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,030
It's a process.
122
00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:02,032
You take a joke,
then you massage it.
123
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,214
After massaging it,
eventu...
124
00:04:04,485 --> 00:04:05,725
What?
125
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,972
How y'all giving me the red
light during my confessional?
126
00:04:10,974 --> 00:04:12,744
You gonna tell me to wrap up
my confessional?
127
00:04:14,875 --> 00:04:16,115
Dirty mother[bleep], man.
128
00:04:17,429 --> 00:04:18,499
That's my time.
129
00:04:18,499 --> 00:04:19,739
♪
130
00:04:19,742 --> 00:04:21,302
Nelly, look at me.
131
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,465
This is serious.
132
00:04:22,469 --> 00:04:24,229
You're gonna have to
give them a name.
133
00:04:24,229 --> 00:04:25,269
Like who?
134
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,705
As your attorney,
it would be unethical
135
00:04:26,714 --> 00:04:28,274
for me to give you
that advice.
136
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,168
-Right, right.
-Duane.
137
00:04:30,477 --> 00:04:31,647
Who?
138
00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:33,070
-I could be disbarred.
-What?
139
00:04:34,515 --> 00:04:35,545
Who?
140
00:04:35,551 --> 00:04:36,691
Are you serious, Trina?
141
00:04:36,690 --> 00:04:38,040
You asking me to
give up my boy?
142
00:04:38,036 --> 00:04:39,446
I think you're
gonna have to.
143
00:04:39,451 --> 00:04:41,451
I'm not doing it.
144
00:04:41,453 --> 00:04:42,773
They're just gonna
have to lock me up.
145
00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:44,455
Besides, what do they
have on me?
146
00:04:44,456 --> 00:04:45,976
Contraband.
147
00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:46,865
What contraband?
148
00:04:52,188 --> 00:04:53,328
That contraband.
149
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,157
Yeah, that contraband.
150
00:04:55,156 --> 00:04:58,016
Now, obviously, Nelly,
you're a pretty smart guy.
151
00:04:58,021 --> 00:05:00,021
You had sense enough to pay
Marvin Gaye's family
152
00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:02,513
when you made
that last record.
153
00:05:02,509 --> 00:05:04,229
Not that they needed it,
you know,
154
00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:05,964
with Robin Thicke and all.
155
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,480
[chuckling]
156
00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:09,029
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
157
00:05:09,032 --> 00:05:09,902
Yeah.
158
00:05:09,895 --> 00:05:11,925
Look, I got
a deal for you.
159
00:05:11,932 --> 00:05:13,872
You give me someone
bigger than you
160
00:05:13,865 --> 00:05:16,585
and you can walk your ass
right outside that door.
161
00:05:16,592 --> 00:05:18,212
Well, there's Faizon.
162
00:05:18,214 --> 00:05:19,284
Hey!
163
00:05:19,284 --> 00:05:21,014
Whoa... relax.
164
00:05:21,010 --> 00:05:23,700
So I give somebody up
and all this goes away?
165
00:05:23,702 --> 00:05:26,952
If you don't, you're
looking at 25 years.
166
00:05:29,743 --> 00:05:30,953
What the hell
am I doing here?!
167
00:05:32,504 --> 00:05:34,304
♪
168
00:05:34,299 --> 00:05:36,199
[Kevin]
You might ask, "Who's that
dangerous, good-looking,
169
00:05:36,197 --> 00:05:38,407
throwback brother
that Jackie's with?"
170
00:05:38,407 --> 00:05:39,787
Well, that's me, people.
171
00:05:39,787 --> 00:05:41,617
AKA Lil 40.
172
00:05:41,617 --> 00:05:43,997
You see, I learned long ago
not to go south of Wilshire
173
00:05:43,998 --> 00:05:45,928
without a disguise
or security.
174
00:05:45,931 --> 00:05:47,801
Jackie is my security.
175
00:05:47,795 --> 00:05:49,175
Since Jackie
ain't shit,
176
00:05:49,176 --> 00:05:51,696
I had to really
go hard on my disguise.
177
00:05:51,696 --> 00:05:53,206
Okay, listen to me.
178
00:05:53,214 --> 00:05:55,394
When I call you,
-you get down here.
-Uh-huh.
179
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:56,629
-Okay.
-You know what I mean?
180
00:05:56,632 --> 00:05:57,982
Because if I call you, that
mean the shit just got real.
181
00:05:57,978 --> 00:05:59,668
[siren blaring]
Do you understand
that, Jackie?
182
00:05:59,669 --> 00:06:01,289
Look like shit already
done got real, Kevin.
183
00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:03,091
You're not about this life!
The boys was right!
184
00:06:03,086 --> 00:06:04,256
They said I need to get
my edge back, Jackie.
185
00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:05,500
That's what I'm
-trying to do.
-Okay.
186
00:06:05,503 --> 00:06:06,953
I'm trying to get
my edge back.
187
00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:09,852
See, that's what happens when
you view the world from a G7.
188
00:06:09,852 --> 00:06:11,372
To be honest with you,
people, I was never funnier
189
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,031
than when I was in the hood
with absolutely nothing.
190
00:06:14,028 --> 00:06:16,758
I'm talking about when only the
rats and roaches knew my name.
191
00:06:16,755 --> 00:06:18,165
That's why I'm back.
192
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:20,830
I'm back in the hood
to find my funny.
193
00:06:20,828 --> 00:06:22,868
I sure do hope they
got a Whole Foods around here
194
00:06:22,865 --> 00:06:25,065
'cause I've got a strong
taste for some quinoa.
195
00:06:25,074 --> 00:06:27,464
Man, what's the apartment
number, 187?
196
00:06:27,456 --> 00:06:29,316
What the hell you
-talking about, man?
-Man, look at that.
197
00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:30,669
Oh...[dog barking]
198
00:06:30,666 --> 00:06:31,906
Shit.[sighing]
199
00:06:31,908 --> 00:06:33,838
[siren blaring in the distance]
200
00:06:33,841 --> 00:06:35,841
Ain't nothing to be
scared of, man.
201
00:06:35,843 --> 00:06:38,023
We out here
and we gonna bang.
202
00:06:38,018 --> 00:06:39,678
They wanna bang, we gonna
bang with 'em.
203
00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:41,535
I'm with you,
Kev, come on.
204
00:06:41,539 --> 00:06:43,539
All the way, baby,
I'm with you.
205
00:06:43,541 --> 00:06:44,471
♪Whoa.
206
00:06:45,819 --> 00:06:48,409
Oh hell no, uh-uh.
207
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,408
Ain't no way
in hell, Jackie.
208
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,439
I'm not staying here
by myself.
209
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,244
You gonna have to
stay with me, Jack...
210
00:06:52,239 --> 00:06:53,309
Jackie?
211
00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:56,139
Jack...
212
00:06:56,139 --> 00:06:57,309
Jackie?[tires screeching]
213
00:06:58,866 --> 00:07:00,316
[bleep] Jackie.
214
00:07:00,316 --> 00:07:02,796
You know what, I knew you
wasn't about this life, Jackie.
215
00:07:02,801 --> 00:07:03,801
Here's the thing, man.
216
00:07:03,802 --> 00:07:06,182
You can't out-thug
a thug, homie.
217
00:07:06,184 --> 00:07:07,294
Huh?!
218
00:07:07,288 --> 00:07:08,388
I was born for this.
219
00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:09,393
West--[gunshots firing]
220
00:07:09,394 --> 00:07:10,404
[bleep]damn it!
221
00:07:10,395 --> 00:07:11,705
Oh, ahh!
222
00:07:11,707 --> 00:07:12,707
Oh![gunshots firing]
223
00:07:12,708 --> 00:07:13,778
They're shooting!
224
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,784
♪
225
00:07:15,780 --> 00:07:17,330
What is this vile?
226
00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:18,543
Motor oil?!
227
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:19,991
It looks like
Arnold Palmer to me.
228
00:07:19,991 --> 00:07:21,861
Yeah, and I'm
Will [bleep] Smith.
229
00:07:21,855 --> 00:07:23,995
You've been pedaling this
filthy Flint water
230
00:07:23,995 --> 00:07:25,335
to the Chinese!
231
00:07:25,341 --> 00:07:27,211
Come on, man, you don't
have no proof of that.
232
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:29,970
What does that
label say?
233
00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:31,726
"Duane's Shaky Water."
234
00:07:31,727 --> 00:07:33,177
That looks like
Ken Jeong.
235
00:07:33,176 --> 00:07:34,726
My wife is doing
a show with him
236
00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:36,010
over at
the other network.
237
00:07:36,007 --> 00:07:37,347
-Did you know that?
-Yeah.
238
00:07:37,353 --> 00:07:38,703
He's Korean.
239
00:07:38,699 --> 00:07:40,839
Korean, Chinese--
it's all the same.
240
00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:42,289
Oh, ahh!
241
00:07:42,289 --> 00:07:44,809
My wife is Korean,
mother[bleep].
242
00:07:44,809 --> 00:07:46,189
I so sorry.
243
00:07:46,189 --> 00:07:48,019
You know, the Chinese is
really trying to find out
244
00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:49,229
who's been pedaling
this shit
245
00:07:49,227 --> 00:07:50,677
and poisoning
their people.
246
00:07:50,677 --> 00:07:53,327
Well, why don't you tell 'em
the governor of Michigan?
247
00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:54,344
Oh!
248
00:07:54,335 --> 00:07:55,125
You've got jokes.
249
00:07:55,129 --> 00:07:56,509
We gonna see how
funny it is
250
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:59,100
or how you feel sitting in
one of them Chinese Gulags
251
00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:01,719
when I extradite
your ass!
252
00:08:01,722 --> 00:08:03,932
Stop it, Billy Dee.
253
00:08:03,931 --> 00:08:05,521
Sit down, brother.
254
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:06,419
Let's do a deal.
255
00:08:07,763 --> 00:08:08,973
-All right.
-Let's do a deal.
256
00:08:08,971 --> 00:08:10,521
You bring me somebody
that's bigger than you.
257
00:08:11,974 --> 00:08:13,324
You mean like Faizon.
258
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,290
Oh!
259
00:08:15,564 --> 00:08:17,534
All right, now look, tell me
what y'all think about
260
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:18,771
this joke right here.
261
00:08:18,774 --> 00:08:21,954
My hood is so crazy that the
cats used to chase the dogs.
262
00:08:21,949 --> 00:08:23,159
You're gonna
turn your back on me
263
00:08:23,157 --> 00:08:24,497
'cause I'm talking
about cats?
264
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,444
Joey, you--
are you digging it or no?
265
00:08:28,162 --> 00:08:29,512
So you think
which part?
266
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,339
[squeaking]
Well, the first part
or the second part?
267
00:08:31,338 --> 00:08:32,408
[squeaking]
268
00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:33,438
Well, I'm not gonna
lose the whole joke
269
00:08:33,443 --> 00:08:35,073
'cause you're not
giving me a reason why.
270
00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:36,686
[squeaking]
The whole--
271
00:08:36,688 --> 00:08:37,718
Fine, fine.
272
00:08:37,724 --> 00:08:38,734
X-ed out.[knocking]
273
00:08:38,725 --> 00:08:40,235
All right, all right,
I get it.
274
00:08:41,348 --> 00:08:43,068
Y'all need to--
y'all need to go...
275
00:08:43,074 --> 00:08:44,634
go hide or something
for a second.
276
00:08:44,627 --> 00:08:46,317
[knocking continues]
277
00:08:49,459 --> 00:08:50,459
Oh!
278
00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:51,630
♪
279
00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:54,500
You ain't Darnel.
Who is you?
280
00:08:54,499 --> 00:08:57,089
[Kevin]
I cannot believe that
she did not recognize me.
281
00:08:57,088 --> 00:08:59,018
That girl is so stupid.
282
00:08:59,021 --> 00:09:00,541
She's dumb!
283
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,510
Do you know how dumb you
gotta be to not recognize me?
284
00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:05,228
Like when I see me,
I know that's me.
285
00:09:06,753 --> 00:09:08,103
Must be my glasses.
286
00:09:08,099 --> 00:09:09,649
She's so stupid.
287
00:09:09,652 --> 00:09:11,722
It's Lil 40 Glock,
cuz.
288
00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:12,973
Darnel?
289
00:09:12,966 --> 00:09:13,966
Oh, you must be talking
about one of them
290
00:09:13,967 --> 00:09:16,627
marks over there. Who?
291
00:09:16,625 --> 00:09:18,415
[gasping]
292
00:09:18,419 --> 00:09:20,459
That is him!
293
00:09:20,456 --> 00:09:22,936
See, I told that fool
to stop tripping.
294
00:09:22,941 --> 00:09:24,221
Oh well.
295
00:09:24,218 --> 00:09:25,668
I need to get to the
swap meet before it closes.
296
00:09:25,668 --> 00:09:28,288
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
297
00:09:30,639 --> 00:09:31,849
What's your name?
298
00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:34,437
Charmagne.
299
00:09:34,435 --> 00:09:35,225
That's beautiful.
300
00:09:35,229 --> 00:09:36,269
Sound like champagne.
301
00:09:36,265 --> 00:09:38,605
-You like champagne?
-No.
302
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:39,722
I hate it.
303
00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:41,997
I only drink
Moscato.
304
00:09:41,995 --> 00:09:43,785
That was my whole
purpose for coming over here
305
00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:45,240
was to get a cup.
306
00:09:45,239 --> 00:09:47,309
Oh, I'm about to
fill her cup up.
307
00:09:47,310 --> 00:09:49,550
But it won't be with
no damn Moscato.
308
00:09:49,554 --> 00:09:52,834
[chuckling]
309
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:53,973
See?
310
00:09:53,972 --> 00:09:55,322
I've been in the hood
for a few minutes
311
00:09:55,318 --> 00:09:57,248
and the funny
already coming back.
312
00:09:57,251 --> 00:09:58,561
Well, maybe we can
fix that, cuz.
313
00:10:01,152 --> 00:10:02,812
Great minds
think alike.
314
00:10:02,809 --> 00:10:05,429
Mmm...
315
00:10:05,432 --> 00:10:06,432
Papi!
316
00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:08,373
♪
317
00:10:08,366 --> 00:10:09,466
Oh!
318
00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:11,540
Girl, I'm about to give you
this thug passion.
319
00:10:11,541 --> 00:10:12,511
Huh, cuz?
320
00:10:12,508 --> 00:10:14,608
Wait, hold on, cuz!
Why you in my legs?!
321
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,864
Wait, cuz!
322
00:10:15,856 --> 00:10:17,026
Hold on, cuz!
323
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,200
Stop-- stop tripping.
324
00:10:18,203 --> 00:10:19,963
All right, well,
trip then, cuz, do it.
325
00:10:19,964 --> 00:10:21,934
[cork popping]
That's it, I did it!
326
00:10:21,931 --> 00:10:24,211
[Kevin snoring][Charmagne]
Lil 40, wake up!
327
00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:25,729
Hey, wait!
Hey, girl!
328
00:10:25,728 --> 00:10:26,798
-Wake up!
-Girl, what the--
329
00:10:26,798 --> 00:10:27,828
-Wake up!
-I-- cu--
330
00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:29,424
Wake--Stop!
What you doing?
331
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,491
Girl, stop it!
332
00:10:30,491 --> 00:10:31,701
Connect with me,
cuz!
333
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,220
I'm banging
out here, cuz!
334
00:10:33,218 --> 00:10:36,118
Listen, you are out
of Moscato, Papi.
335
00:10:36,118 --> 00:10:38,088
-I gotta go.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
336
00:10:38,085 --> 00:10:39,535
Did we do it?
337
00:10:39,535 --> 00:10:40,325
[sighing]
338
00:10:40,329 --> 00:10:41,469
You are so stupid,
I swear.
339
00:10:41,468 --> 00:10:42,678
-No.
-What you mean
I'm stupid?
340
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,226
You trying to say-- you
trying to say I was stupid
341
00:10:44,229 --> 00:10:45,679
when we was doing it, girl,
what you saying?
342
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,749
Girl, did we
do it or not?
343
00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:48,990
Do you see this?
344
00:10:48,993 --> 00:10:50,063
What the hell
you do to me?
345
00:10:50,063 --> 00:10:51,443
I branded you, okay?
346
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,273
You ain't getting
none of this
347
00:10:53,273 --> 00:10:55,623
until you get every single
letter that is in my name.
348
00:10:56,897 --> 00:10:57,967
Fool.
349
00:10:57,967 --> 00:10:59,727
I thought your name
started with an "S."
350
00:10:59,728 --> 00:11:00,938
Ay-yie-yie.
351
00:11:00,936 --> 00:11:02,136
You crazy,
I swear.
352
00:11:02,144 --> 00:11:03,494
It's...[baby crying]
353
00:11:03,490 --> 00:11:04,770
It's "Shar"...
354
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:05,797
"Shar"...
355
00:11:05,803 --> 00:11:06,843
"Sh," "sh"...
356
00:11:06,838 --> 00:11:08,388
It's S-H--
that's a "ch."
357
00:11:08,391 --> 00:11:09,601
Ah, it's like
"church."
358
00:11:09,599 --> 00:11:10,389
Ch-ch-ch-ch.
359
00:11:10,393 --> 00:11:11,643
"H" is silent,
I got it.
360
00:11:13,431 --> 00:11:14,951
[J.B.]
Why do you got it
so cold in here?
361
00:11:14,950 --> 00:11:17,190
J.B. Smoove.
362
00:11:17,193 --> 00:11:19,233
You know, you looking at
five to ten, right?
363
00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:20,680
For what?
364
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,720
You've been selling bootleg
copies of "Pootie Tang."
365
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,817
Come on, man.
366
00:11:25,823 --> 00:11:27,203
That's all
you got?
367
00:11:27,203 --> 00:11:29,213
[laughing]
That's all I need.
368
00:11:29,205 --> 00:11:30,515
Just one piece of
evidence?
369
00:11:30,517 --> 00:11:31,757
Bye-bye.
370
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,210
[laughing]
371
00:11:34,210 --> 00:11:35,560
I hope you hungry
372
00:11:35,556 --> 00:11:38,316
because we've got about
5,000 more just like that,
373
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:39,598
huh, in lockup.
374
00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:44,530
Let's talk about it.
375
00:11:44,531 --> 00:11:46,641
We ain't got a damn
thing to talk about.
376
00:11:46,636 --> 00:11:49,116
Unless you gonna give me
somebody bigger than you.
377
00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:50,502
And don't say Faizon.
378
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:51,712
Well, Faizon is
the biggest person I know.
379
00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:54,062
Oh, okay!
380
00:11:54,058 --> 00:11:55,508
Wait a minute,
wait a minute now!
381
00:11:56,992 --> 00:11:58,652
I know a guy.
382
00:11:58,648 --> 00:12:00,308
I mean, since you've
already got me in a pickle.
383
00:12:01,444 --> 00:12:02,654
[crunching]
Mmm!
384
00:12:02,652 --> 00:12:04,072
"Pootie Tang" is
a pretty good movie.
385
00:12:04,068 --> 00:12:06,138
[Kevin]
Well, the past few weeks
in the hood have actually
386
00:12:06,139 --> 00:12:07,449
been real good to me.
387
00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:09,690
Not only do I have three hours
of brand-new material,
388
00:12:09,694 --> 00:12:11,734
I've got an old
girlfriend who thinks I'm new,
389
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,911
and I've got two new
rat writers.
390
00:12:13,905 --> 00:12:16,805
Add it all up, I'm dealing
with three blind mice.
391
00:12:16,805 --> 00:12:18,565
Whoo!
392
00:12:18,565 --> 00:12:20,735
I'm gonna kill when
I get back to Joke City.
393
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,160
Thank you for taking me
skating, Papi.
394
00:12:23,156 --> 00:12:24,606
-Yeah.
-I had fun.
395
00:12:24,605 --> 00:12:27,015
Hey, I had fun 'til
them bad-ass kids
396
00:12:27,022 --> 00:12:29,202
took the wheels
off my skates, cuz.
397
00:12:29,196 --> 00:12:31,746
Got me out here sitting on
cinderblocks now.
398
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,961
-It's okay.
-Look--
399
00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:33,959
[gunshots firing]
400
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,620
[yelling]
401
00:12:35,616 --> 00:12:37,306
They're shooting, girl,
get down!
402
00:12:37,308 --> 00:12:39,478
[gunshots firing]
I'm so sick of
your act!
403
00:12:39,482 --> 00:12:40,902
Don't go near
the window, cuz!
404
00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:42,238
Uh-uh!
405
00:12:42,244 --> 00:12:44,734
You better stop it with all
that shooting tonight, Larry!
406
00:12:44,729 --> 00:12:46,729
I done told you
about that!
407
00:12:46,731 --> 00:12:49,251
[tires screeching]
Ooh, I'm sick of him.
408
00:12:49,251 --> 00:12:50,491
Who the hell
was that?
409
00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:52,943
My pastor,
with his crazy ass.
410
00:12:52,944 --> 00:12:53,984
[Kevin]
Pastor?
411
00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:55,460
I guess if you don't tithe
to his church
412
00:12:55,464 --> 00:12:57,164
then you gonna get holy smoked.
413
00:12:57,155 --> 00:12:59,185
[laughing]
414
00:12:59,192 --> 00:13:00,232
Shit!
415
00:13:00,227 --> 00:13:01,777
I gotta write
that down.
416
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,991
I mean, what's a beautiful
girl like you doing
417
00:13:04,991 --> 00:13:07,441
living in
a shithole like this?
418
00:13:07,441 --> 00:13:09,101
I mean, you gotta have
a guy out there
419
00:13:09,098 --> 00:13:10,818
somewhere that love you...
420
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:14,414
with a-- with a cold case
of Moscato for you.
421
00:13:14,414 --> 00:13:16,114
Papi, listen.
422
00:13:16,105 --> 00:13:18,655
That sucker gives me
$10,000 a month
423
00:13:18,659 --> 00:13:21,149
just to live in
a Beverly Hills apartment.
424
00:13:21,145 --> 00:13:23,795
But I only pay $400
to live here.
425
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,703
So what I'm doing is
426
00:13:25,701 --> 00:13:28,811
I'm saving my money,
and in one year,
427
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,358
I'm gonna have enough
money to buy a house
428
00:13:30,361 --> 00:13:31,741
right next to his.
429
00:13:31,741 --> 00:13:33,851
[laughing]
430
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,677
Ay, he's so stupid.
431
00:13:35,676 --> 00:13:36,776
[chuckling]
432
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:38,231
He sure is.
433
00:13:38,231 --> 00:13:40,411
I hope he don't
find out, cuz.
434
00:13:40,405 --> 00:13:42,235
You know, I knew Charmagne
was dirty.
435
00:13:42,235 --> 00:13:45,335
The problem is
I like my women dirty.
436
00:13:45,341 --> 00:13:46,381
Damn it!
437
00:13:46,377 --> 00:13:47,377
Eats me up.
438
00:13:47,378 --> 00:13:50,588
[moaning]
439
00:13:50,588 --> 00:13:52,108
Wait, wait,
wait, wait.
440
00:13:52,107 --> 00:13:53,557
[classical music playing]
441
00:13:53,556 --> 00:13:54,626
What the hell
is that?
442
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:57,246
Ooh, Papi, I don't know
but uh-uh.
443
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:58,420
Killed my mood.
444
00:13:58,423 --> 00:13:59,803
I can't
smash to this.
445
00:13:59,804 --> 00:14:01,434
I'm dry.
446
00:14:01,426 --> 00:14:04,186
I'm about to go
whoop me some "Amade-ass."
447
00:14:04,188 --> 00:14:05,908
Ooh, Papi, I love it,
thug!
448
00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:09,473
Come on, cuz.
449
00:14:09,469 --> 00:14:10,949
[man]
Who the [bleep] is it?!
450
00:14:10,953 --> 00:14:13,273
[Kevin]
Hey, what the--
hey, man!
451
00:14:13,266 --> 00:14:14,366
Hey, cuz!
452
00:14:14,370 --> 00:14:16,510
Oh, Papi,
I missed you so much!
453
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:18,310
You better
put on some...
454
00:14:18,305 --> 00:14:20,925
Hey, man, trying to
say something...
455
00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:23,585
Now let me tell you.
456
00:14:23,586 --> 00:14:26,376
Punk-ass Lil 40, I was
just using him, all right?
457
00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:27,832
I needed to make Butta jealous
458
00:14:27,832 --> 00:14:30,492
and, plus, he had
the full Moscato.
459
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:31,800
What else was
I supposed to do?
460
00:14:33,976 --> 00:14:34,836
Mmm!
461
00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:36,429
Now, this was
a bomb year.
462
00:14:36,427 --> 00:14:37,697
Don't you see
my elbows up?!
463
00:14:37,704 --> 00:14:38,744
That mean I'm ready
to come from
464
00:14:38,739 --> 00:14:40,219
the shoulders with it, cuz!
465
00:14:40,224 --> 00:14:42,304
Hey! ♪ I'm smashing
466
00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:44,535
♪ Hey 'cause that's
what I do ♪
467
00:14:44,538 --> 00:14:46,128
♪ I'm smashing
468
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:48,676
Hey, you gonna play
a song, that's the one.
469
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,890
♪ I be smashing in
the suburbs ♪Hey.
470
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,170
♪ I be smashing
in the hood ♪Hey.
471
00:14:53,168 --> 00:14:54,648
♪ I be smashing...
472
00:14:54,652 --> 00:14:56,522
Hey, yo, cuz, don't try
to throw me off
473
00:14:56,516 --> 00:14:58,206
by playing my
damn favorite song!
474
00:15:00,071 --> 00:15:01,311
[mumbling]
475
00:15:01,314 --> 00:15:02,634
♪ Hey, hey I'm smashing
476
00:15:03,972 --> 00:15:05,152
Oh, it was open.
477
00:15:05,145 --> 00:15:06,415
Yeah, cuz!
478
00:15:06,422 --> 00:15:07,842
Hey, hey, hey!
479
00:15:07,837 --> 00:15:09,177
Hey, cuz!
480
00:15:09,184 --> 00:15:10,634
Who is this
little [bleep]?
481
00:15:10,633 --> 00:15:12,293
Who the hell are you?
That's the question.
482
00:15:12,290 --> 00:15:13,670
I'm Thug Butta, homie.
483
00:15:13,671 --> 00:15:15,741
When you say my name,
put some respect on it.
484
00:15:15,742 --> 00:15:17,812
Here's a little truth time,
people.
485
00:15:17,813 --> 00:15:20,443
I can't fight no man
if his ding-ding is loose.
486
00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:21,636
I don't know, man.
487
00:15:21,644 --> 00:15:23,164
I need to get it together
around here.
488
00:15:23,163 --> 00:15:24,303
[Charmagne]
Hit him, Papi.
489
00:15:24,302 --> 00:15:25,612
Baby, I'm trying to
handle mines.
490
00:15:25,614 --> 00:15:26,794
No, I'm not
talking to you.
491
00:15:26,787 --> 00:15:27,997
I'm talking to
my man.
492
00:15:27,996 --> 00:15:29,166
Papi, kick his ass.
493
00:15:29,169 --> 00:15:30,379
So now you call him
Papi too?
494
00:15:30,377 --> 00:15:31,757
You gonna act like
you don't call me Papi?
495
00:15:31,758 --> 00:15:33,208
-You better roll.
-I ain't gonna roll--[gun cocking]
496
00:15:35,486 --> 00:15:37,936
So y'all-- so--
so y'all are together,
497
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,837
like for-- is it--
-is it a thing?
-Mm-hmm.
498
00:15:39,835 --> 00:15:41,655
Okay, oh,
so this is real love.
499
00:15:41,664 --> 00:15:43,434
Where the hell you pull
that shotgun from?
500
00:15:43,425 --> 00:15:44,525
'Cause you
ain't got no pocket.
501
00:15:44,529 --> 00:15:46,699
Don't worry about it,
little man.
502
00:15:46,704 --> 00:15:48,194
I hear you,
Truffle Butter.
503
00:15:48,188 --> 00:15:50,328
You ain't gonna make a thug
cry today, cuz!
504
00:15:50,328 --> 00:15:52,498
I die for mines!
505
00:15:52,503 --> 00:15:53,613
Just not today!
506
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,584
If this was the weekend,
I would die for mines!
507
00:15:57,577 --> 00:15:59,957
Let me tell you
something, man, you--
508
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,059
What the...
509
00:16:01,063 --> 00:16:02,483
[bleep]damn it,
man!
510
00:16:02,478 --> 00:16:04,718
Is that
a rocket launcher, cuz?!
511
00:16:04,722 --> 00:16:05,902
Shit!
512
00:16:05,895 --> 00:16:07,405
[Kevin]
Where in the hell does
this fool shop?
513
00:16:07,414 --> 00:16:09,354
At the corner of
Crenshaw and ISIS?
514
00:16:09,347 --> 00:16:10,587
I'll be back, cuz!
515
00:16:13,351 --> 00:16:14,531
[Kevin]
I got something for you!
516
00:16:14,525 --> 00:16:15,655
I got something
for you!
517
00:16:15,664 --> 00:16:17,914
[siren blaring in the distance]
518
00:16:17,907 --> 00:16:18,807
No.
519
00:16:20,393 --> 00:16:21,843
[cell phone ringing]
520
00:16:21,842 --> 00:16:23,222
Hello? [Kevin]
Jackie?
521
00:16:23,223 --> 00:16:24,813
Jackie,
listen to me.
522
00:16:24,811 --> 00:16:26,741
Shit just got real.
523
00:16:26,744 --> 00:16:28,824
What?
You want some grits and veal?
524
00:16:28,815 --> 00:16:30,845
I said, "Shit
just got real!"
525
00:16:30,851 --> 00:16:32,511
Oh, you watching
"Let's Make A Deal."
526
00:16:32,508 --> 00:16:35,508
Hell, I'm not watching no [bleep]damn "Let's Make A Deal."
527
00:16:35,511 --> 00:16:37,551
Jackie, the reception--
the reception bad.
528
00:16:37,548 --> 00:16:38,688
Hold on, Jackie.
529
00:16:38,687 --> 00:16:40,137
I'm about to make
a makeshift antenna.
530
00:16:40,137 --> 00:16:41,067
Hold on.
531
00:16:41,069 --> 00:16:42,209
Jackie, I said,
"Shit just got real."
532
00:16:43,692 --> 00:16:45,732
All right, man,
I'm on my way.
533
00:16:45,728 --> 00:16:47,248
Where are
-you going?
-I gotta go.
534
00:16:49,456 --> 00:16:50,526
Is there a problem?
535
00:16:50,526 --> 00:16:52,146
Yeah, I gotta go
get my man.
536
00:16:52,149 --> 00:16:53,319
You can't leave now.
537
00:16:53,322 --> 00:16:54,982
The party's just
getting started.
538
00:16:54,979 --> 00:16:57,019
Oh... oh...
539
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,046
[moaning]
540
00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:00,021
Y'all done did that--
oh, a trio, y'all.
541
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,259
♪
542
00:17:01,261 --> 00:17:02,471
Ahh!
543
00:17:02,469 --> 00:17:04,849
Oh my God, Kevin, you scared
the hell out of me, man.
544
00:17:04,851 --> 00:17:05,891
What do you mean,
I scared you?
545
00:17:05,886 --> 00:17:07,506
What took you
so damn long, Jackie?
546
00:17:07,509 --> 00:17:08,859
People upstairs trying
to kill me,
547
00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:10,785
you're taking your ti...
548
00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:13,378
Who the hell is that in
the passenger seat of my car?
549
00:17:13,377 --> 00:17:14,477
Oh... yeah.
550
00:17:14,481 --> 00:17:17,311
You know I do that Uber thing
as my side gig.
551
00:17:17,312 --> 00:17:18,662
In my G wagon?
552
00:17:18,658 --> 00:17:20,348
They wouldn't accept
my car.
553
00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:22,109
You don't have
a car, Jackie!
554
00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:23,940
Boy, I'm about to
whoop your Uber ass.
555
00:17:23,939 --> 00:17:25,149
I'll deal with
you later.
556
00:17:25,147 --> 00:17:26,977
Get me out of here.
557
00:17:26,976 --> 00:17:28,146
Who's trying to
kill you anyway?
558
00:17:28,150 --> 00:17:29,770
I don't know, some guy
named Thug Butta.
559
00:17:29,772 --> 00:17:31,432
He had his junk out--
it was a mess upstairs.
560
00:17:31,429 --> 00:17:33,779
Thug Butta with his
-junk out?
-Just go, Jackie.
561
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,570
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
562
00:17:38,574 --> 00:17:40,094
What the hell you
stopping for, Jackie?
563
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,753
Man, I got another
pickup.
564
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:43,130
Man, what took you
so long, man?
565
00:17:43,131 --> 00:17:44,621
Man, somebody
was actually there--
566
00:17:44,615 --> 00:17:45,745
I am working!
567
00:17:45,754 --> 00:17:47,104
Some little crazy little
gangster [bleep]
568
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,140
-tried to kill me.
-Wait, somebody
tried to kill you?!
569
00:17:49,137 --> 00:17:50,207
Tyga?
570
00:17:50,207 --> 00:17:51,687
What the hell you
doing here, man?!
571
00:17:51,691 --> 00:17:53,111
Kevin Hart?
572
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,626
What the [bleep]
you doing here?!
573
00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:55,825
What do you mean,
why am I here?
574
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:57,703
I'm here
pumping out jokes, man.
575
00:17:57,697 --> 00:17:59,557
That's how I keep
my comedy mojo.
576
00:17:59,561 --> 00:18:00,841
Now the question is,
why are you here?
577
00:18:00,838 --> 00:18:01,978
Explain yourself.
578
00:18:01,977 --> 00:18:03,357
What, you trying to
get paid for cash money?
579
00:18:03,358 --> 00:18:04,528
Stop, man.
580
00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:06,361
I'm out here trying to get
inspiration for my music.
581
00:18:06,361 --> 00:18:07,781
You know what I'm saying,
I come to the hood,
582
00:18:07,776 --> 00:18:09,046
have sex with
all ratchets.
583
00:18:09,053 --> 00:18:11,643
-Ask Charmagne, she know.
-Brother, that's my lady.
584
00:18:11,642 --> 00:18:12,992
Don't talk about
Charmagne like that.
585
00:18:12,988 --> 00:18:14,608
-That is my girl!
-Your girl?
586
00:18:14,610 --> 00:18:15,990
That's my girl.
587
00:18:15,991 --> 00:18:17,861
You better not say nothing
to Kylie either.
588
00:18:17,855 --> 00:18:19,405
I'm not gonna
tell Kylie.
589
00:18:19,408 --> 00:18:21,168
I'm going
straight to Caitlyn.
590
00:18:21,169 --> 00:18:22,619
[chuckling]
591
00:18:22,618 --> 00:18:23,928
Laugh now, Kevin Hart,
592
00:18:23,930 --> 00:18:25,760
but I've got something
for you in nine months.
593
00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:27,419
Charmagne is pregnant.
594
00:18:27,416 --> 00:18:29,036
[siren blaring]
What the...
595
00:18:29,038 --> 00:18:32,008
Oh, I'm going to jail,
I'm going to jail.
596
00:18:32,007 --> 00:18:34,177
We heard
from reliable sources
597
00:18:34,182 --> 00:18:35,842
that you've got a whole
lot of cash
598
00:18:35,838 --> 00:18:37,698
from the prince of Dubai
599
00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:40,022
and you forgot
to pay your taxes.
600
00:18:40,015 --> 00:18:42,045
-That's a damn lie.
-Uh-huh.
601
00:18:42,051 --> 00:18:45,921
First of all, I stole that
cash from that prince.
602
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:48,507
Second of all, I've never
paid taxes in my damn life.
603
00:18:48,506 --> 00:18:49,606
[chuckling]
Okay?
604
00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:50,781
I've been duping
the government for years.
605
00:18:50,784 --> 00:18:51,894
That's the big secret
I got.
606
00:18:51,889 --> 00:18:53,509
You know you're being
recorded, right?
607
00:18:53,511 --> 00:18:55,381
Which is why
I am joking.
608
00:18:55,375 --> 00:18:56,445
These are jokes, man.
609
00:18:56,445 --> 00:18:58,615
I'm a comedian
loosening you up.
610
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:00,730
Let's just cut
the shit, man.
611
00:19:00,725 --> 00:19:02,065
Who you been
talking to?
612
00:19:02,071 --> 00:19:03,141
Where you getting
this stuff from?
613
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,832
Somebody in a pickle
just like you.
614
00:19:07,387 --> 00:19:08,557
[whispering]
J.B.
615
00:19:08,561 --> 00:19:10,631
You know what's funny, man,
I thought we had a deal.
616
00:19:10,632 --> 00:19:12,082
You and I talked,
you look me in the eye,
617
00:19:12,081 --> 00:19:13,121
I looked you back
in your eye,
618
00:19:13,117 --> 00:19:14,667
you blinked,
I blinked back.
619
00:19:14,670 --> 00:19:15,710
We agreed on something.
620
00:19:15,706 --> 00:19:17,226
That's why I gave you
Nelly, did I not?
621
00:19:17,225 --> 00:19:18,985
That was for that
double-parking violation
622
00:19:18,985 --> 00:19:20,535
that we had on you,
623
00:19:20,538 --> 00:19:23,198
but unfortunately, you're
gonna have to give us
624
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:25,156
someone a whole
lot bigger than that.
625
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,894
[whispering]
Oh, you son of a bitch.
626
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,240
You want me to give you
Barack Obama?
627
00:19:32,826 --> 00:19:34,726
Is that what
this is about?
628
00:19:34,725 --> 00:19:36,035
All right.
629
00:19:36,036 --> 00:19:37,376
I got somebody
for you.
630
00:19:38,729 --> 00:19:41,039
[bleep], what's wrong
with you, man?!
631
00:19:41,041 --> 00:19:43,251
I told you, I don't know
nobody bigger than Faizon.
632
00:19:43,251 --> 00:19:46,251
Hey, let's just say he was
from Rat City.
633
00:19:46,254 --> 00:19:48,294
[laughing]
634
00:19:48,290 --> 00:19:50,570
Hey, I made him earn his
stripes that night.
635
00:19:50,568 --> 00:19:51,878
I'll tell you that.
636
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,880
[cheers and applause]
637
00:19:54,883 --> 00:19:57,583
[squeaking]
638
00:19:57,575 --> 00:20:00,125
♪
639
00:20:02,339 --> 00:20:03,549
♪
640
00:20:23,325 --> 00:20:24,735
[heart beating]
641
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:26,050
♪
642
00:20:28,606 --> 00:20:29,946
♪
44356
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
