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Previously on "Real Husbands
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of Hollywood"...
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Look, Kev, we've been dating.
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To Bridgette and Nelly.
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May he love you better
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than I ever did.
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My God, you're beautiful.
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Yeah, I know.
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It would be a sin to not use
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your beauty to spread the word.
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As we pass along the plate
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of generosity-- cash only.
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Ain't no ATM in heaven.
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Oh!
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Hey, babe.
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Did you just smack my ex-wife
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on her pumped ass?
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Mother--
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Oh!
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♪ This is the life
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♪ Look at the life
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♪ This is the city
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♪ Where we party every night
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♪ Party every night
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♪ We do it big
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♪ Diamonds and gold
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♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪
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♪ [hip-hop music]
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Yeah, watch this stuff.
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Ooh, kill 'em.
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Ooh.
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We're over here, Kevin.
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KJ! What's up, man?
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You look good, boy.
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♪
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What the hell is Nelly doing
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here?
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Why is my son dressed
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like a St. Looney Tune?
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Uh, the real question is why
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are you in those Philly colors?
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76ers haven't been good since
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'76.
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Good one.
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Hey, look, that's neither
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here nor there, he should be
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dressed in his dad's favorite
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team's colors.
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But, Daddy, that's
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basketball.
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And we're here to sign him
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up for baseball, fool.
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What?
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Baseball.
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Let me talk to you for a
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second.
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Come here, boy.
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Maybe I'm crazy, but I could
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have swore that you called me
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out here to sign him up for
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Little League B-ball.
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Everybody knows that B-ball
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stands for basketball.
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Actually, Kevin, B-ball can
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stand for baseball too.
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I'm not rapping to you.
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You know what, Kevin?
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You're just confused 'cause
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they both have "B"s.
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No, I'm confused at the two
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"B"s standing in front of me.
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Ah, come on.
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Come on, Kevin.
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KJ wants to play baseball.
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It's the national pastime.
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Man, what's wrong with that?
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Just like you?
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Past your time?
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That is so disrespectful.
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Don't worry about it.
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Daddy, Nelly said I can be
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the next Matt Holliday.
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Okay, son, come here.
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He's not even black, all right?
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Kevin, why don't you just
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shut your little ass up?
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What you're doing is you're
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embarrassing us in front of all
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of these white people out here.
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That's not how we do.
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No, what's embarrassing is
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you coming out here wearing
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Eddie Murphy's pants from
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"Delirious."
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Don't be mad.
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I know how to keep my man, and
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all these women who are
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listening in on this
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conversation can take a hint!
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Okay, here's the point.
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Everybody knows that my son
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wants to be in the NBA,
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want to be a little NBA point
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guard ever since I put him
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inside you.
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No, I thought you was an NBA
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point guard when I let you up
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inside of me, acting like "Stud"
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Webb, looking more like Nate
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Hobbit, son.
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That's the last time I let a
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little no-count Negro have my
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number at the all-star game.
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That was a snake move you did.
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Hey, hey, we both thought I
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was going to the league-- both.
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Wait, what are y'all looking at?
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What are y'all looking at?
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You're up in our business!
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We're talking over here!
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It's black people problems!
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You know what?
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Just let it go!
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I'm signing him up for
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baseball-- come on, KJ.
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You ain't signing my seed up
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for no baseball!
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That's my seed!
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Wow, this is-- this is
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awesome.
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Hey, hey, look, Kevin.
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I know KJ's your son and all
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that, man, but if he wants to
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play baseball, I can teach him
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how to play the right way.
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I got you.
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I'm about to teach you how to
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dodge a ball the right way.
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[groans]
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♪
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[laughing]
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♪ [upbeat music]
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When I saw Boris preaching at
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Pastor Blood's church, I thought
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he was good, but he wasn't ready
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for the big time...
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until he healed
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crazy-ass Regina.
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Oh, God!
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Ever since then, offers have
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been pouring in for him to
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speak at churches everywhere,
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from First AME
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to the Sistine Chapel.
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So you know me.
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I made Boris an offer that he
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couldn't refuse.
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I want you to imagine it's
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Sunday, and this place is packed
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with fools, okay?
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I mean, followers, right?
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And what are they following?
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They're following you, B.
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And when they're finished
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praising you, guess what
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they're gonna be buying?
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Our caps, T-shirts, onesies.
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This is a can't-miss business
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opportunity.
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I mean, blessed opportunity,
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Boris.
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What do you think?
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Nah, this is crazy.
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I'm checking out.
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But think about your flock.
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I'm thinking about my flock.
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You're thinking about your
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pockets.
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No, I'm thinking about the
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Word, Boris, okay?
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I was blind, and you opened
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my eyes.
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I didn't land on Jesus Christ.
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Jesus Christ landed on me,
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Boris.
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Yeah, my church is gonna be
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non-denominational.
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That's fine.
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And who's gonna pay for all
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of this anyway?
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He will provide, Boris,
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and you should know that.
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Now, let me show you something.
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This is a built-in tithing
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machine.
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[register beeping]
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See?
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John 3:16.
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♪
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"For God so loved the world,
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that He gave his only begotten
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son, that who so ever believeth
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in Him shall not perish,
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but have everlasting life."
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John 3:16, Duane.
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[exhales sharply]
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Wow.
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Boris.
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You just made me a believer,
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man.
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Now, you know, if you can make
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a believer out of me, that's
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gotta be a sign, man.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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Tell me you're in.
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If I can convert you...
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I can convert the world.
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♪
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Thank you, Jesus.
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Hallelujah!
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Whoo! [laughs]
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Good thing I remembered
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that scripture.
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Finally, that one day in Sunday
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School paid off.
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♪ [upbeat music]
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Yo, so listen.
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So I go to the park, right?
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Of course, in my mind, I'm
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thinking I'm going there for
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my little son and his little
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basketball tournament.
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Instead, who do I find?
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Nelly, a.k.a. Steroid Dude.
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He's there signing my son up
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for baseball.
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Well, you know, Nelly was
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drafted by the Cardinals,
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right?
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Yep.
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Mm, same way you were drafted
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by the Knicks?
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Look, Kev, don't hate.
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You're just mad because I did
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the Garden before you.
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Wow.
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The weird thing is I have proof
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about mine, what about you?
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Ticket sales! Burn!
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It doesn't even matter, man.
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He needs to draft himself a son.
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How about that?
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Leave my damn son alone, dude.
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I'm starting to get mad.
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Kevin, look, we're all
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children of the Almighty.
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We're part of the same family.
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No need to get angry.
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Boris, real quick, in the
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Bible, what does it say in
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chapter three,
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verse shut-the-[bleep]-up?
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Really?
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Please.
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God, he's just killing me, man,
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with all these Jesus quotes.
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Let me ask you a question,
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Boris-- if Jesus loved you,
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why didn't he tell you to get
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the rest of your mustache?
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Must--
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Yeah, your mustache.
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What did Jesus do with that?
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Look, Kev, this is not
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"Ransom," okay?
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This is not
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"Give me back my son!"
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[doorbell rings]
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It's funny to y'all because
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it's not your kid.
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Is somebody coming over to my
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house for y'all?
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He's worried he's getting his
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son taken.
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Now, see, would you react
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the same way if it was your son,
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Duane?
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That's what makes me laugh.
289
00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:37,548
Speaking of the damn devil.
290
00:06:37,551 --> 00:06:39,591
Yo, yo! What up, baby?
291
00:06:39,586 --> 00:06:40,376
Nells, what up?
292
00:06:40,379 --> 00:06:41,029
I'm good--
293
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:41,794
Sorry I'm late.
294
00:06:41,793 --> 00:06:42,693
Game went into extra innings.
295
00:06:42,689 --> 00:06:43,409
Oh, you went to the Dodger
296
00:06:43,413 --> 00:06:44,003
game?
297
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,070
Yeah, man, Cardinals got in
298
00:06:45,068 --> 00:06:46,408
that ass!
299
00:06:46,413 --> 00:06:48,723
And my man KJ had a great time.
300
00:06:48,724 --> 00:06:49,624
That's mighty nice of you.
301
00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:51,720
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
302
00:06:51,724 --> 00:06:52,724
You took my son to his first
303
00:06:52,724 --> 00:06:53,384
baseball game?
304
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:54,239
Well, not actually his first
305
00:06:54,241 --> 00:06:54,901
baseball game.
306
00:06:54,896 --> 00:06:55,966
We went to one last week.
307
00:06:55,965 --> 00:06:56,925
Yo, he enjoyed it.
308
00:06:56,931 --> 00:06:58,031
Boy caught a foul ball.
309
00:06:58,034 --> 00:06:59,974
Only taught him one time.
310
00:06:59,965 --> 00:07:00,755
He's dope.
311
00:07:00,758 --> 00:07:02,138
Whoa. Whoa!
312
00:07:02,137 --> 00:07:02,857
You got a good kid there.
313
00:07:02,862 --> 00:07:04,142
Stop it, stop it.
314
00:07:04,137 --> 00:07:05,927
You taught my son how to catch?
315
00:07:05,931 --> 00:07:07,341
Yeah, balls and girls.
316
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,414
[laughter]
317
00:07:08,413 --> 00:07:09,623
Teach him how to hit next week
318
00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:10,410
too.
319
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:12,033
Teach him how to hit.
320
00:07:12,034 --> 00:07:12,794
He's gonna teach him how to hit
321
00:07:12,793 --> 00:07:14,243
next week.
322
00:07:14,241 --> 00:07:15,411
Maybe-- maybe-- maybe you can
323
00:07:15,413 --> 00:07:16,693
teach him how to hit like this!
324
00:07:16,689 --> 00:07:18,099
Oh, strike one.
325
00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:19,623
Yeah, was it?
326
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:20,280
What are you doing?
327
00:07:20,275 --> 00:07:21,095
It's not worth it, man.
328
00:07:21,103 --> 00:07:22,663
Okay, okay, okay!
329
00:07:22,655 --> 00:07:24,445
Maybe I need to calm down.
330
00:07:24,448 --> 00:07:25,098
I will!
331
00:07:25,103 --> 00:07:25,793
You son--
332
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,283
Olé!
333
00:07:27,275 --> 00:07:27,965
Oh, oh!
334
00:07:27,965 --> 00:07:28,785
Oh, no.
335
00:07:28,793 --> 00:07:32,453
Oh, Kev!
336
00:07:32,448 --> 00:07:35,478
[groaning]
337
00:07:35,482 --> 00:07:36,482
I'm all right!
338
00:07:36,482 --> 00:07:37,142
You sure?
339
00:07:37,137 --> 00:07:38,787
Yeah, a pigeon broke my fall!
340
00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:39,623
All right, good.
341
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:40,450
Mother[bleep] fell over
342
00:07:40,448 --> 00:07:42,998
another ledge?
343
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:49,000
Hurry up, man.
344
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,000
Come on.
345
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,210
Watch yourself, watch yourself.
346
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:53,616
All right, son.
347
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:55,100
Daddy is about to show you how
348
00:07:55,103 --> 00:07:56,723
to hit a pitch.
349
00:07:56,724 --> 00:07:58,144
But what happened to Uncle
350
00:07:58,137 --> 00:07:58,827
Nelly?
351
00:07:58,827 --> 00:08:00,207
Hey, I said hit a pitch,
352
00:08:00,206 --> 00:08:01,516
not a mitch.
353
00:08:01,517 --> 00:08:02,377
That's your problem, son.
354
00:08:02,379 --> 00:08:03,659
You don't listen.
355
00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:04,995
Pay attention.
356
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,550
Little secret.
357
00:08:06,551 --> 00:08:07,861
The bigger the bat, that's how
358
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,552
you hit your home runs...
359
00:08:09,551 --> 00:08:11,721
in baseball and in love.
360
00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:12,384
That's what I did to your
361
00:08:12,379 --> 00:08:13,519
mother.
362
00:08:13,517 --> 00:08:14,897
You were a double.
363
00:08:14,896 --> 00:08:15,586
If you had been a little bit
364
00:08:15,586 --> 00:08:16,306
taller, you'd have been a home
365
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:17,720
run.
366
00:08:17,724 --> 00:08:20,554
I got a Charley horse.
367
00:08:20,551 --> 00:08:26,311
♪ [upbeat music]
368
00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:27,930
All right, son.
369
00:08:27,931 --> 00:08:29,101
I'm a little loose now.
370
00:08:29,103 --> 00:08:30,243
That's how you warm up.
371
00:08:30,241 --> 00:08:31,341
That's how all the pros actually
372
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,034
warm up.
373
00:08:32,034 --> 00:08:33,664
But Daddy, you missed every
374
00:08:33,655 --> 00:08:34,305
ball.
375
00:08:34,310 --> 00:08:35,380
I missed every ball on
376
00:08:35,379 --> 00:08:37,169
purpose because I'm warming up.
377
00:08:37,172 --> 00:08:38,932
I gotta get my shoulders loose.
378
00:08:38,931 --> 00:08:40,031
Now, I'm about to speed this
379
00:08:40,034 --> 00:08:41,074
thing up.
380
00:08:41,068 --> 00:08:42,548
Turn it up to about 95.
381
00:08:42,551 --> 00:08:43,551
Watch what happens now.
382
00:08:43,551 --> 00:08:44,281
But Daddy!
383
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:45,785
Uncle Nelly said you have to
384
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,003
wear a batting helmet.
385
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:47,720
Hey, let me tell you
386
00:08:47,724 --> 00:08:48,524
something.
387
00:08:48,517 --> 00:08:49,997
Batting helmets are for batters
388
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,310
who swing both ways...
389
00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:53,170
like your aunt Nelly.
390
00:08:53,172 --> 00:08:55,002
Pay attention, boy.
391
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,520
♪
392
00:08:58,517 --> 00:09:00,827
[groaning]
393
00:09:00,827 --> 00:09:03,237
These things are going-- oh.
394
00:09:03,241 --> 00:09:04,621
Hold on! Hey!
395
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:05,280
Son!
396
00:09:05,275 --> 00:09:08,375
I told you.
397
00:09:08,379 --> 00:09:10,279
Oh! Ahh!
398
00:09:10,275 --> 00:09:11,995
Oh! God! God!
399
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,310
♪
400
00:09:14,310 --> 00:09:16,340
And can I get a witness?
401
00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:18,794
Remember-- through love and
402
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:21,173
kindness, we learn that there
403
00:09:21,172 --> 00:09:23,722
are no plateaus, only higher
404
00:09:23,724 --> 00:09:26,414
peaks, and that we must embrace
405
00:09:26,413 --> 00:09:28,003
that power.
406
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:28,970
Don't leave before the miracle,
407
00:09:28,965 --> 00:09:29,615
brother.
408
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:30,830
[chuckles]
409
00:09:30,827 --> 00:09:32,097
Bad hair day.
410
00:09:32,103 --> 00:09:33,763
That energy and opportunity
411
00:09:33,758 --> 00:09:37,618
to achieve grace on Earth...
412
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:40,070
because life is beautiful.
413
00:09:40,068 --> 00:09:41,338
Now, go in peace,
414
00:09:41,344 --> 00:09:42,694
my brothers and sisters.
415
00:09:42,689 --> 00:09:43,589
Amen.
416
00:09:43,586 --> 00:09:44,996
[laughs]
417
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,860
All right, see you next week.
418
00:09:47,862 --> 00:09:49,002
All right, Bruce.
419
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:49,660
All right, everybody.
420
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:50,995
We got these T-shirts and
421
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,140
souvenir mugs!
422
00:09:52,137 --> 00:09:53,067
[chuckles]
423
00:09:53,068 --> 00:09:55,208
We got-- we got sweatsuits.
424
00:09:55,206 --> 00:09:56,926
They're breakaway.
425
00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:58,971
So that went well.
426
00:09:58,965 --> 00:09:59,855
[laughs mockingly]
427
00:09:59,862 --> 00:10:01,972
We got a few converts.
428
00:10:01,965 --> 00:10:02,895
What do you think?
429
00:10:02,896 --> 00:10:03,756
I think if Jesus had a
430
00:10:03,758 --> 00:10:04,828
turnout like this, our money
431
00:10:04,827 --> 00:10:07,377
would say, "In Satan We Trust."
432
00:10:07,379 --> 00:10:08,449
Look, I told you we're
433
00:10:08,448 --> 00:10:09,408
non-denominational.
434
00:10:09,413 --> 00:10:10,173
Well, apparently, we're
435
00:10:10,172 --> 00:10:12,072
non-donation-al too, Boris.
436
00:10:12,068 --> 00:10:13,208
Look.
437
00:10:13,206 --> 00:10:14,926
That's all we got, okay?
438
00:10:14,931 --> 00:10:16,281
You were talking for 90 minutes,
439
00:10:16,275 --> 00:10:17,305
and not once did you push the
440
00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:19,280
T-shirts, the wristbands, or the
441
00:10:19,275 --> 00:10:20,995
mugs, or the bobbleheads.
442
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:21,970
This is what this is all about,
443
00:10:21,965 --> 00:10:22,965
Boris, and you know what?
444
00:10:22,965 --> 00:10:23,995
Not once did you mention the
445
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,140
finger.
446
00:10:25,137 --> 00:10:26,027
And what's with this free
447
00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:27,034
communion, Boris?
448
00:10:27,034 --> 00:10:28,414
We agreed that no communion
449
00:10:28,413 --> 00:10:30,763
ticket, no communion.
450
00:10:30,758 --> 00:10:32,278
This is not happy hour, Boris.
451
00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:34,305
Okay, look, look, look.
452
00:10:34,310 --> 00:10:36,550
You gotta have some faith in me.
453
00:10:36,551 --> 00:10:38,031
Boris, I have a lot of faith.
454
00:10:38,034 --> 00:10:39,004
I have a lot of faith that this
455
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:39,930
is not gonna work out for us,
456
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,591
man.
457
00:10:40,586 --> 00:10:42,206
I'm working hard here.
458
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:43,096
Don't throw in the towel just
459
00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:43,793
yet.
460
00:10:43,793 --> 00:10:45,283
Oh, now you want to mention
461
00:10:45,275 --> 00:10:46,785
the towels, huh?
462
00:10:46,793 --> 00:10:47,623
Here they are.
463
00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:48,720
You want the towels?
464
00:10:48,724 --> 00:10:49,524
There's the towels, Boris.
465
00:10:49,517 --> 00:10:50,927
Duane, this is not about the
466
00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:51,901
money.
467
00:10:51,896 --> 00:10:53,446
Oh, well, you know, I already
468
00:10:53,448 --> 00:10:54,338
know that, Boris.
469
00:10:54,344 --> 00:10:55,004
I know you're not about
470
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:55,690
the money.
471
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:56,829
Everybody knows that about you
472
00:10:56,827 --> 00:10:57,967
because there's no way you did
473
00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,405
the gospel for the money.
474
00:10:59,413 --> 00:11:00,173
[laughs]
475
00:11:00,172 --> 00:11:02,552
Look, it's our mission to awake
476
00:11:02,551 --> 00:11:05,241
the-- the sleeping inner giant,
477
00:11:05,241 --> 00:11:06,521
to help people realize their--
478
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:07,477
their spiritual potential, all
479
00:11:07,482 --> 00:11:08,142
right?
480
00:11:08,137 --> 00:11:09,307
It's not about the towel.
481
00:11:09,310 --> 00:11:10,280
It's not about the bobblehead.
482
00:11:10,275 --> 00:11:10,995
It's not-- it's not about--
483
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:11,970
it's not about the T-shirts.
484
00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:13,305
What is this? Feminine wash?
485
00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:14,280
Are you kidding me?
486
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:15,375
It's not about material
487
00:11:15,379 --> 00:11:16,209
possessions.
488
00:11:16,206 --> 00:11:17,236
I don't need any of it.
489
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,521
I don't need any of this.
490
00:11:18,517 --> 00:11:20,857
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
491
00:11:20,862 --> 00:11:21,862
Hey, man, you ain't gotta
492
00:11:21,862 --> 00:11:23,172
throw the jersey.
493
00:11:23,172 --> 00:11:27,862
[screaming]
494
00:11:27,862 --> 00:11:31,592
In Boris we trust.
495
00:11:31,586 --> 00:11:34,786
Ha!
496
00:11:34,793 --> 00:11:36,523
♪ [upbeat music]
497
00:11:36,517 --> 00:11:37,857
Son, spread your hands apart.
498
00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:39,662
That's too close.
499
00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:40,715
Yeah, a little further.
500
00:11:40,724 --> 00:11:41,384
Can you put them a little
501
00:11:41,379 --> 00:11:42,029
further than that?
502
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,004
There you go.
503
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,340
Uncle Nelly said I have to
504
00:11:44,344 --> 00:11:45,454
put my hands together.
505
00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:46,168
Nelly don't know what he's
506
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:46,792
talking about--
507
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,723
Put your hands together, KJ.
508
00:11:48,724 --> 00:11:49,524
You're doing it right.
509
00:11:49,517 --> 00:11:50,237
First of all, what are you
510
00:11:50,241 --> 00:11:51,001
doing here, man?
511
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:51,720
KJ texted me.
512
00:11:51,724 --> 00:11:53,074
He said he needed some help.
513
00:11:53,068 --> 00:11:53,968
That's a lie.
514
00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:55,165
KJ can't text you 'cause KJ's
515
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:56,002
not allowed to have a phone.
516
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,380
Uncle Nelly gave me one,
517
00:11:57,379 --> 00:11:58,409
Daddy.
518
00:11:58,413 --> 00:11:59,073
Nelly what?
519
00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:00,688
He gave me one.
520
00:12:00,689 --> 00:12:02,099
You gave my son a phone, man?
521
00:12:02,103 --> 00:12:03,523
I mean, technically,
522
00:12:03,517 --> 00:12:04,787
I didn't-- it was father-son
523
00:12:04,793 --> 00:12:06,003
day at Dodger Stadium.
524
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:06,760
They were giving out free
525
00:12:06,758 --> 00:12:07,828
phones, so if you wanna be mad,
526
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:08,517
be mad at Magic.
527
00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:09,207
You got the phone on you,
528
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:09,856
son?
529
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,862
Yes, sir.
530
00:12:11,862 --> 00:12:13,792
Let Daddy see it.
531
00:12:13,793 --> 00:12:14,523
It's just a phone, Kevin.
532
00:12:14,517 --> 00:12:15,657
This is it right here?
533
00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:17,855
Step over there.
534
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,142
No, no, no, no, no--
535
00:12:19,137 --> 00:12:21,207
Son, you better sit down.
536
00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:22,616
Kevin, don't hit his phone,
537
00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:24,100
Kevin.
538
00:12:24,103 --> 00:12:25,523
Wait, Kev, what are you--
539
00:12:25,517 --> 00:12:26,927
Strike two.
540
00:12:26,931 --> 00:12:27,901
First of all, strike one,
541
00:12:27,896 --> 00:12:28,716
so learn your strikes.
542
00:12:28,724 --> 00:12:29,904
No, no, that shirt was strike
543
00:12:29,896 --> 00:12:30,546
one.
544
00:12:30,551 --> 00:12:31,211
You don't-- you don't
545
00:12:31,206 --> 00:12:32,756
understand respect.
546
00:12:32,758 --> 00:12:33,618
I'm just trying to help.
547
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:34,310
No, you're not trying to
548
00:12:34,310 --> 00:12:35,000
help.
549
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:35,690
I'm gonna show you what your
550
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:36,379
help gets you.
551
00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:37,549
Yo-- yo, Kev.
552
00:12:37,551 --> 00:12:38,621
Dude, can you please hush?
553
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:39,310
No, but what I'm about to
554
00:12:39,310 --> 00:12:39,970
tell you--
555
00:12:39,965 --> 00:12:41,335
Let me discipline my son,
556
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:45,384
please.
557
00:12:45,379 --> 00:12:48,239
Fine, stand back, KJ.
558
00:12:48,241 --> 00:12:50,591
[laughs]
559
00:12:50,586 --> 00:12:51,306
Hey, son, was that a fair or
560
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:52,790
a foul ball, hm?
561
00:12:52,793 --> 00:12:54,213
Go ahead, make the call.
562
00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:55,336
That's right, you can't 'cause
563
00:12:55,344 --> 00:12:57,384
you don't have a phone, do you?
564
00:12:57,379 --> 00:12:58,789
[laughs]
565
00:12:58,793 --> 00:12:59,453
Daddy?
566
00:12:59,448 --> 00:13:00,448
Yes, son.
567
00:13:00,448 --> 00:13:02,858
That was your phone.
568
00:13:02,862 --> 00:13:04,412
[laughs]
569
00:13:04,413 --> 00:13:07,483
What you-- oh.
570
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:08,692
I knew that was my phone.
571
00:13:08,689 --> 00:13:09,619
I was just trying to teach the
572
00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:11,210
boy a lesson--
573
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:13,966
always have two phones.
574
00:13:13,965 --> 00:13:16,405
Anybody got some D batteries?
575
00:13:16,413 --> 00:13:19,723
♪
576
00:13:19,724 --> 00:13:20,794
Okay, Boris, just come on.
577
00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:21,933
Slow down, slow down, Duane.
578
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:23,621
Nah, this is gonna be great.
579
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:24,380
I got you covered, man.
580
00:13:24,379 --> 00:13:28,379
You gotta trust me on this, B.
581
00:13:28,379 --> 00:13:31,409
Okay, you can take it off now.
582
00:13:31,413 --> 00:13:35,973
What?
583
00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:37,965
♪
584
00:13:37,965 --> 00:13:39,335
Holy [bleep].
585
00:13:39,344 --> 00:13:40,724
[laughs]
586
00:13:40,724 --> 00:13:42,454
I knew you would love it, Boris!
587
00:13:42,448 --> 00:13:44,968
No, that's not what I meant.
588
00:13:44,965 --> 00:13:46,655
I made a deal with God, not with
589
00:13:46,655 --> 00:13:47,545
"Playgirl."
590
00:13:47,551 --> 00:13:48,831
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
591
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:50,407
You have a deal with Google.
592
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,763
Listen, every time the letter
593
00:13:51,758 --> 00:13:53,278
"B" is searched, these babies
594
00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:53,995
pop up.
595
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,720
I don't want them to pop up!
596
00:13:55,724 --> 00:13:57,524
I want them to disappear!
597
00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:58,547
This is not good.
598
00:13:58,551 --> 00:13:59,861
Don't you get it?
599
00:13:59,862 --> 00:14:01,722
The symbolism of it all?
600
00:14:01,724 --> 00:14:04,344
Your body is a temple, Boris.
601
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,004
[snorts]
602
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,480
The only symbol I care about
603
00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:09,902
is...
604
00:14:09,896 --> 00:14:11,856
Dollar sign!
605
00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:12,902
B, B, B.
606
00:14:12,896 --> 00:14:13,826
Come on, man, listen.
607
00:14:13,827 --> 00:14:14,687
I believed in you, right?
608
00:14:14,689 --> 00:14:16,379
So now, I need you to believe
609
00:14:16,379 --> 00:14:17,029
in me at this point.
610
00:14:17,034 --> 00:14:17,864
I want to believe in you, but
611
00:14:17,862 --> 00:14:18,522
I can't.
612
00:14:18,517 --> 00:14:19,857
Look at the pictures.
613
00:14:19,862 --> 00:14:21,482
I can't be naked in a church.
614
00:14:21,482 --> 00:14:22,282
It's wrong.
615
00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:23,095
Yes, you can.
616
00:14:23,103 --> 00:14:24,073
Thank you so much.
617
00:14:24,068 --> 00:14:25,028
Great.
618
00:14:25,034 --> 00:14:26,524
Hey, everybody!
619
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:27,997
It's time to open for business!
620
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:28,860
No, wait a minute.
621
00:14:28,862 --> 00:14:31,242
Wait a-- wait a minute.
622
00:14:31,241 --> 00:14:32,211
What is--
623
00:14:32,206 --> 00:14:32,836
What do you think?
624
00:14:32,844 --> 00:14:33,744
[screaming]
625
00:14:33,741 --> 00:14:38,721
And it's only Tuesday!
626
00:14:38,724 --> 00:14:40,484
I'm in.
627
00:14:40,482 --> 00:14:41,452
Ha, ha!
628
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,858
And I'm in too.
629
00:14:43,862 --> 00:14:44,722
Whoo!
630
00:14:44,724 --> 00:14:47,664
♪ I make it rain on myself
631
00:14:47,655 --> 00:14:50,655
♪ I make it, I make it
632
00:14:50,655 --> 00:14:56,095
♪ I make it rain on myself ♪
633
00:14:56,103 --> 00:15:01,483
♪ [upbeat music]
634
00:15:01,482 --> 00:15:03,002
Nice catch, third base.
635
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:03,760
You ain't gonna make it to the
636
00:15:03,758 --> 00:15:05,208
league like that, though.
637
00:15:05,206 --> 00:15:06,206
Hey.
638
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:07,856
What, you killing raccoons now?
639
00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:08,692
I'm about to kill a rat right
640
00:15:08,689 --> 00:15:09,339
now.
641
00:15:09,344 --> 00:15:10,384
Attitude.
642
00:15:10,379 --> 00:15:11,659
That's your problem. Hey!
643
00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:12,335
Hey, Daddy!
644
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:13,314
What's up, man?
645
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:14,660
Aw, blow it up.
646
00:15:14,655 --> 00:15:16,205
Mm, put a chain on it.
647
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:16,926
Pad the--
648
00:15:16,931 --> 00:15:18,211
I'll teach you the rest later.
649
00:15:18,206 --> 00:15:19,136
I got something for you.
650
00:15:19,137 --> 00:15:20,377
Really? What is it, Dad?
651
00:15:20,379 --> 00:15:21,619
Aw, it's a special glove.
652
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:22,590
This belonged to your daddy when
653
00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:23,236
he played Little League
654
00:15:23,241 --> 00:15:24,031
baseball.
655
00:15:24,034 --> 00:15:25,104
I thought you hated baseball.
656
00:15:25,103 --> 00:15:26,453
Only at nighttime.
657
00:15:26,448 --> 00:15:28,068
During the daytime, I love it.
658
00:15:28,068 --> 00:15:28,788
I went and got it signed by
659
00:15:28,793 --> 00:15:29,663
Eric Davis.
660
00:15:29,655 --> 00:15:30,715
That's a legendary pitcher.
661
00:15:30,724 --> 00:15:31,484
Where did you get that glove
662
00:15:31,482 --> 00:15:32,172
from, Kevin, the secondhand
663
00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:32,762
store?
664
00:15:32,758 --> 00:15:33,478
Same place you got that wig
665
00:15:33,482 --> 00:15:34,072
from.
666
00:15:34,068 --> 00:15:34,828
You know what? I will ball
667
00:15:34,827 --> 00:15:35,407
your face up.
668
00:15:35,413 --> 00:15:36,313
Oh, my God, don't talk to me
669
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,170
without gum.
670
00:15:37,172 --> 00:15:38,172
Take your bad breath,
671
00:15:38,172 --> 00:15:38,972
and throw it away.
672
00:15:38,965 --> 00:15:39,615
Thanks, Daddy.
673
00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:40,310
You talk to your son.
674
00:15:40,310 --> 00:15:41,380
Thanks, Daddy, it's awesome.
675
00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:42,169
I knew you would love it.
676
00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:43,552
Speaking of awesome-- hey,
677
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:44,211
baby.
678
00:15:44,206 --> 00:15:45,756
Hey, hey, how you doing?
679
00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:46,408
Uncle Nelly.
680
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,143
I didn't think you were gonna
681
00:15:47,137 --> 00:15:47,827
come.
682
00:15:47,827 --> 00:15:48,857
Yeah, neither did I 'cause I
683
00:15:48,862 --> 00:15:49,662
told you not to.
684
00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:50,545
Well, I did, okay?
685
00:15:50,551 --> 00:15:51,411
Well, you shouldn't have.
686
00:15:51,413 --> 00:15:52,453
I would never miss your day,
687
00:15:52,448 --> 00:15:53,448
man, and I brought my good
688
00:15:53,448 --> 00:15:54,048
friend Mr. Eric Davis.
689
00:15:54,051 --> 00:15:56,241
How you doing, KJ?
690
00:15:56,241 --> 00:15:56,741
Eric Davis?
691
00:15:56,741 --> 00:15:58,341
My dad just gave me your
692
00:15:58,344 --> 00:15:59,484
autographed glove,
693
00:15:59,482 --> 00:16:00,862
and now you're here!
694
00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:02,072
He said you were one of the
695
00:16:02,068 --> 00:16:03,788
best pitchers ever.
696
00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:05,003
Pitcher?
697
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:05,760
I was no pitcher, I was an
698
00:16:05,758 --> 00:16:06,408
outfielder.
699
00:16:06,413 --> 00:16:07,283
Son, I said the picture--
700
00:16:07,275 --> 00:16:08,515
I said I got a picture of--
701
00:16:08,517 --> 00:16:09,857
No, you said he was a
702
00:16:09,862 --> 00:16:10,902
pitcher, like throw.
703
00:16:10,896 --> 00:16:11,546
I'm talking to my son.
704
00:16:11,551 --> 00:16:12,211
Talk to him.
705
00:16:12,206 --> 00:16:13,096
I'm talking to my seed.
706
00:16:13,103 --> 00:16:13,793
Don't lie, though.
707
00:16:13,793 --> 00:16:14,863
Let me see this glove.
708
00:16:14,862 --> 00:16:15,622
No, no, no, you don't need
709
00:16:15,620 --> 00:16:16,520
to-- look at this one.
710
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:17,167
Look at this glove.
711
00:16:17,172 --> 00:16:18,862
Come on, come on, back up.
712
00:16:18,862 --> 00:16:20,342
Kev, that's not my signature.
713
00:16:20,344 --> 00:16:21,004
What?
714
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,380
There's no "O" in Eric.
715
00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:23,279
What's wrong with your boy,
716
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:24,205
Nelly?
717
00:16:24,206 --> 00:16:24,896
Now wait a minute.
718
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:25,716
I'm not crazy.
719
00:16:25,724 --> 00:16:26,864
That wasn't you at Starbucks?
720
00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:27,932
No.
721
00:16:27,931 --> 00:16:28,861
Iced whipped frappe.
722
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,382
No.
723
00:16:30,379 --> 00:16:33,789
♪ [upbeat music]
724
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:34,793
Hey, I want you guys to be on
725
00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:36,003
the lookout for our BUTIFUL
726
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:36,690
Vodka.
727
00:16:36,689 --> 00:16:38,519
We're dropping it this Easter.
728
00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:39,337
Boris?
729
00:16:39,344 --> 00:16:40,524
Yes.
730
00:16:40,517 --> 00:16:42,997
Sign my temple.
731
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,030
Your... temple!
732
00:16:45,034 --> 00:16:46,244
Yes, of course I will sign
733
00:16:46,241 --> 00:16:47,591
your temple.
734
00:16:47,586 --> 00:16:48,206
What are you doing?
735
00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:50,826
I'm just communing with my
736
00:16:50,827 --> 00:16:51,477
flock.
737
00:16:51,482 --> 00:16:52,622
That's a flock of [bleep],
738
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:53,380
Boris, you're killing
739
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,379
our bottom line.
740
00:16:54,379 --> 00:16:55,209
Are you suggesting I charge
741
00:16:55,206 --> 00:16:55,996
for my signature?
742
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:56,720
Of course, man.
743
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:57,454
You know, it costs to get into
744
00:16:57,448 --> 00:16:58,028
the kingdom.
745
00:16:58,034 --> 00:16:59,034
Are you out of your mind?
746
00:16:59,034 --> 00:17:00,034
Yes, I'm out of my mind.
747
00:17:00,034 --> 00:17:01,214
That'll be $50 for the
748
00:17:01,206 --> 00:17:02,516
signature, ma'am.
749
00:17:02,517 --> 00:17:04,997
Okay.
750
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,900
What?
751
00:17:06,896 --> 00:17:07,856
It doesn't seem right, Duane.
752
00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:08,722
I can't do that.
753
00:17:08,724 --> 00:17:10,034
You know what, Boris?
754
00:17:10,034 --> 00:17:12,004
I like the way you think!
755
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,000
[laughs]
756
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,280
That'll be $100 for the
757
00:17:14,275 --> 00:17:15,375
signature, ma'am.
758
00:17:15,379 --> 00:17:17,209
Okay.
759
00:17:17,206 --> 00:17:18,306
Do you take EBT cards?
760
00:17:18,310 --> 00:17:19,930
Of course we take EBT.
761
00:17:19,931 --> 00:17:22,141
We take American Express, Visa.
762
00:17:22,137 --> 00:17:24,067
We even take the RushCard.
763
00:17:24,068 --> 00:17:25,068
Uncle Russell.
764
00:17:25,068 --> 00:17:25,998
[chuckles]
765
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,340
He will love this.
766
00:17:27,344 --> 00:17:28,284
[chuckles]
767
00:17:28,275 --> 00:17:28,995
Here you go.
768
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,410
Boris, do you understand what's
769
00:17:30,413 --> 00:17:31,243
going on here?
770
00:17:31,241 --> 00:17:32,901
You stick with me, and I will
771
00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:34,206
make you the first prophet to
772
00:17:34,206 --> 00:17:35,926
make a profit, hm?
773
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:37,761
Now sign her.
774
00:17:37,758 --> 00:17:41,308
♪ [upbeat music]
775
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,590
Boo, boo, boo!
776
00:17:42,586 --> 00:17:43,546
He's on your team.
777
00:17:43,551 --> 00:17:46,791
Give me a K! Give me a J!
778
00:17:46,793 --> 00:17:48,213
That's my baby, he gonna hit it
779
00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:49,306
anyway!
780
00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:50,310
You got it, KJ!
781
00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:52,280
Show that boy how it's done!
782
00:17:52,275 --> 00:17:53,965
Come on, KJ, take your time!
783
00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:55,585
Put your elbow up!
784
00:17:55,586 --> 00:17:57,096
No, KJ, put your elbow down
785
00:17:57,103 --> 00:17:57,793
like I told you.
786
00:17:57,793 --> 00:17:59,413
Come on now, bend your knees!
787
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:03,173
No, KJ, stand straight up.
788
00:18:03,172 --> 00:18:04,662
Baby, tuck your shirt in!
789
00:18:04,655 --> 00:18:05,655
[both] Don't tuck that shirt
790
00:18:05,655 --> 00:18:06,305
in!
791
00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:07,620
Yeah, he looks sloppy!
792
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:08,410
Wait for your pitch!
793
00:18:08,413 --> 00:18:10,663
No, you don't wait for the
794
00:18:10,655 --> 00:18:13,235
pitch, you anticipate it.
795
00:18:13,241 --> 00:18:14,031
Whoa!
796
00:18:14,034 --> 00:18:15,214
Oh, hell no!
797
00:18:15,206 --> 00:18:16,026
That's my son!
798
00:18:16,034 --> 00:18:17,244
Get the hell out of the way!
799
00:18:17,241 --> 00:18:18,791
Move it! Move it!
800
00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,103
Mama's coming, baby!
801
00:18:20,103 --> 00:18:21,453
Move it!
802
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:22,858
Hey, you little steroid baby!
803
00:18:22,862 --> 00:18:23,862
That's my boy you're throwing.
804
00:18:23,862 --> 00:18:24,862
That's my boy.
805
00:18:24,862 --> 00:18:25,522
That's my kid.
806
00:18:25,517 --> 00:18:26,207
That is my kid.
807
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,206
Did he hurt you?
808
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:29,336
Mom! Stop! I'm okay.
809
00:18:29,344 --> 00:18:30,214
That's my kid!
810
00:18:30,206 --> 00:18:31,446
Hey!
811
00:18:31,448 --> 00:18:32,378
[both] Damn!
812
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:33,829
Well, that's my kid, and I'm
813
00:18:33,827 --> 00:18:34,657
gonna beat the [bleep] out of
814
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,685
whichever one of you is the
815
00:18:35,689 --> 00:18:36,339
father.
816
00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:37,004
Who's the father?
817
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:37,690
[both] It's his kid.
818
00:18:37,689 --> 00:18:38,339
Look at him.
819
00:18:38,344 --> 00:18:39,384
You just said it was your
820
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:39,709
kid.
821
00:18:39,706 --> 00:18:40,466
Kevin!
822
00:18:40,465 --> 00:18:43,995
Look at him.
823
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,480
Damn!
824
00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:46,312
You better stop.
825
00:18:46,310 --> 00:18:48,380
That ain't my kid, man.
826
00:18:48,379 --> 00:18:49,239
Please, look at her,
827
00:18:49,241 --> 00:18:50,281
and look at me.
828
00:18:50,275 --> 00:18:51,025
Does it look like I would sleep
829
00:18:51,034 --> 00:18:51,624
with her?
830
00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:52,620
Come on, man.
831
00:18:52,620 --> 00:18:54,100
I can do better than that.
832
00:18:54,103 --> 00:18:54,863
Would you sleep with somebody
833
00:18:54,862 --> 00:18:56,072
with that wig?
834
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,828
Ooh!
835
00:18:57,827 --> 00:19:01,207
Yes.
836
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:02,616
Right... Juice Lee?
837
00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:10,280
Pretty much what you were
gonna do, right?
50244
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