All language subtitles for An.Oversimplification.Of.Her.Beauty.2012.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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- Are you recording?

Official YIFY movies site:
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Are you recording?

- [Man] Maybe.

- Yeah you are.

(soft guitar music)

(singing)

- [Voiceover] Pardon
my interruption.

What you're about to see
is a short film entitled

"How Would You Feel?"
created by one Terence Nance

in 2006.

"How Would You Feel"
is an educational film

that examines theories about
how humans come to experience

a singular emotion.

In its original form it was
presented as a work of fiction.

We will interrupt the
film "How Would You Feel"

from time to time with
a new film entitled

"An Oversimplification
of Her Beauty".

We will do this in order to
provide the context necessary

to tell a complete story.

So, let's say that one day
you arrive at your home.

It has been a long day
during which you have worked

no less than 12
consecutive hours.

This is, in your
case, a typical day.

However, this particular day,
a young lady who you know

and a little more than like,
has told you that she is coming

to be in your
company this evening.

So as you empty your pockets
and begin to get settled

you see that she
has telephoned you.

Of course, you
telephone her back.

She answers, she tells you
that she has just arrived

at her own home and won't
be coming to yours tonight.

At that moment, given
the circumstances,
how would you feel?

Now let's say that this
particular day began at 8am

when you woke up too late
to arrive at your place

of employment on time.

Your daily commute is
no less than one hour,

although you arrive on time,
you are disappointed in your

inability to awake yourself
consistently in situations

when you are in a bed alone.

You are disappointed because
this disability speaks

to a lack of self control.

Self control that you feel
entitled to, but do not possess.

The evening before you
worked late and consequently

slept for only three hours.

And let's say that you
have no bed and no money

and a stubborn yet quixotic
do-it-yourself attitude.

So you built your bed in
a wood shop using Japanese

wood joinery techniques
that you learned from a book

you found in the garbage.

You possess no means of
personal transportation

so you elected to transport
this bed, piece by piece,

on the train ride home.

Rushing yourself because you
expected to be in the company

of this lady quite soon.

After all, she has told you
she would be in your company

this evening.

So you empty your pockets,
get settled and notice

you have missed her call.

You call her back.

She tells you, she has just
arrived at her own home

and won't be seeing you tonight.

At that moment, given
the circumstances,
how would you feel?

Now let's just say that over
the span of four to eight weeks

this young lady has become
a very good friend of yours.

This friendship is platonic.

- [Voiceover] Let's say that
you're attracted to her.

You do not know if she, in
the deep recesses of her soul,

harbors any amorous feelings
for you, as you do for her.

But when parting from
each other's presence

she lightly kisses
you, on your lips.

Seldom, but with intention.

And a hint of mischief and
doubt, opaque in her pupils.

- [Voiceover] Let's say
you and this lady friend

have slept together on
between 4 and 18 occasions.

And by "slept together"
I mean just that.

Sleeping.

Each occasion occurs in either
one of your full-sized beds.

Each time you share a bed
you grow closer, physically.

Until you cannot get any closer.

And let's say that this growth
seems mutually fulfilling.

It is gentle, supple, but
fortunately it is accelerating

in intensity.

Of course, each morning
after and for varying lengths

of time during the days
between these encounters--

- [Voiceover] You
daydream about this most

enigmatic of connections.

You allow the taste of your
time together to linger

in your mouth and
coat your hands.

You think of the food
you cooked together.

And the way her navel feels
against your fingertip.

A sweetness prevails.

Today, during your frustration
with your bed, your income

and your commute you found
respite in the fact that--

- [Voiceover] On that particular
evening you would have

the opportunity to
be in her company.

You would have been uplifted
by just the thought of spending

this time with this woman.

The night before you are
to meet this young lady,

you dream a dream
that you remember.

Seldom do you
remember your dreams.

In this dream, you ascend
above your existence

and shared, among other things,

a Western understanding of time.

You meet her in a sky.

She has taken the form of a
sun, but does not emit heat.

You ask for the time.

She refers you to a
moon who, unfortunately,

does not have the same
gravitational pull as she.

You fall from the sky and
are awakened by your alarm

too late to arrive at your
place of employment on time.

So let's say that
this frustrates you
because it evidences

a lack of self-control.

You also overslept because in
an exercise in self-discipline

you worked much later than
usual, attempting to meet

your daily income quota.

After work, you finished the
remaining pieces of your day.

Incidentally, the bed did
not fit together quite right,

because you are not a
very good carpenter.

Nor do you read Japanese.

When you brought it home, you
stood on the train platform

and watched--

- [Voiceover] Three
full trains pass.

Each more full than the next.

People push themselves
against each other.

You imagined a collective
amorous feeling

floating in the air.

Even though there was not enough
room for you and your bed,

still you rushed yourself home--

- [Voiceover] With this
woman in your head.

And as you get settled,

you see that you
have missed her call.

- Hello?

- [Voiceover] You call back.

She says that she's just
arrived at her own home.

And will not be
seeing you tonight.

- [Voiceover] Now at that
moment, given the circumstances,

how would you feel?

Now, let's say that in life
you are not chronically lonely

but--

- [Voiceover] The vast majority
of your days and nights

are spent alone.

All the same usually
because you are very busy.

Busy with finishing
your education so--

- [Voiceover] You can
finish knowing who you are

so that you can finish
with those years in life

during which you have no
clear answer to the question

"What do you do?"

Generally speaking, with
a few notable exceptions

those that desire your
company do not interest you

in a way that would provoke
you to set aside time

to engage them.

Those that do interest you,
those for whom you would

manufacture time, do not
live in your vicinity.

Or do not seem so interested
in you as you in them.

And let's say that a woman
who you are presently

in love with has decided to
enter an exclusive romantic

relationship with someone
who provides for her

the stability and
maturity that you cannot.

You marvel at the contradiction
between the intensity

of your love for her and
your inability to accurately

express this same love.

You wonder aloud when
you will grow different

and occasionally allow yourself
to wallow in this gingerly

debilitating self-doubt.

Now let's say that at this
very moment you were introduced

to this young lady
by a mutual friend.

You quickly crafted a reason
to work closely with her.

You collaborated on designs
for T-shirts, you became good

friends, real friends,
with inside jokes

and clear recollection of the
intricacies of each other's

body odor even when apart.

You were from the very moment
you laid your eyes inside

her eyes intensely
attracted to her.

You don't have much self
control and you acted clearly

on this attraction.

Let's say that for a good
while she entertained

your flirtatious advances
with a timbre and grace

of someone with mutual
romantic feelings.

Let's say that this went for
between four to eight weeks.

And during this time facilitated
a concrete attachment

grounded in a sincere
care for this young lady's

well-being and peace of mind.

This care and concern possibly
one-sided but if at least

entertained by her words
and actions went unchecked

and flourished in a direction
clearly departing the platonic

in pursuit of the romantic.

One evening, maybe not at the
height of the aforementioned

flourishing, but at some
point it was steadily growing,

let's say this young lady
friend reveals to you

that she is engaged in an
exclusive romantic relationship

with a young man who
she has described to you

as both charismatic and caring.

She directly tells you that
his charisma only keeps her

periodically content and he
is thus forced to compensate

for this in a variety of ways.

Also from both her complaints
and your observations of their

relationship, you note that
although you are completely

different from this young man
in both sensibility and style

you are likely to meet a
similar, if not identical, fate.

When she tells you this, you
perform some simple arithmetic

and conclude that she has been
withholding this information

from you for between
four and eight weeks.

Let's say that in one
of your moments of acute

self-awareness you admit
to yourself that you knew--

- [Voiceover] All along
about her exclusive romantic

relationship.

She was indeed not
adept at hiding it.

You of course chose to
ignore it, telling yourself

that her and her boyfriend
must have an agreement

or understanding that would
allow for relationships

just like the one
you have with her.

You told yourself this was
the case, no matter how

implausible that inference was.

Their relationship aside,
you focus on the fact that

you perceive her to
be attracted to you.

She has yet to say as much,
but let's say that after

the initial hardship the news
of her exclusive romantic

relationship brought about,
your rapport with this

lady friend eases back into
the way that it was before.

And your relationship is now
augmented with quotation marks.

- [Voiceover] To illustrate
fragility and moral destitution

of the situation.

And let's say that this is
the current state of affairs

when you experience this day.

Again, not the best of days,
you wake up slightly late,

you arrive to work late,
you stay later out of guilt

and subsequently you
are late for a course

you are enrolled in.

When you arrive the professor
looks at you coldly and says,

"You should've been here."

You do, however, manage to
finish building and transporting

the last few pieces of your bed.

Unfortunately the bed
does not function properly

because you made it out of
pine which is a soft wood.

For the proper strength
required for a sturdy bed

you would've needed a hard wood
like maple, oak, or mahogany

Of course you rush home, kids
on the train often tease you

because of the
length of your hair.

You are amused, you are
shamefully dirty because you

have not showered, shaved, or
applied deodorant in two days.

When you get home you
realize that you have

left your apartment in
disarray because you have not

had time to clean it.

You of course were planning
to clean for this occasion

with this lady.

You start to get settled.

You noticed that she
has telephoned you.

Of course you
telephone her back.

She tells you that she
has herself just arrived

at her own home.

And will not be able to
come and see you tonight.

Now, at that moment,

(piano music)

given the aforementioned
circumstances

how would you feel?

(atmospheric music builds)

(piano music)

- [Voiceover] During your
romance with (mumbles)

you were reading a book.

(mumbles)

I highly recommend it.

The book tells the story of
(beep) and (beep) is trying

to get (beep) to fall
in love with him.

This all takes place on (beep)
reservation in North (beep).

- [Woman] What page is it?

- [Man] 90-something.

- 'kay.
- [Man] Early 90s.

- It says, "I felt him looking
at me, it's what happens

"with boys like him,
less said, more felt.

"He was bad at that
look exchange game.

"You always know when
they are looking your way.

"When if you return the look,
they're looking directly

"the other way.

"The smooth ones either
keep looking at you

"or subtly divert their eyes.

"Boys like him turn away because
they can imagine you being

"wherever they are looking.

"I was dancing and in so
doing, paying close attention

"to the exciting
realities of my flesh.

"Probably more
attention than (beep).

"Like where on me was
exposed to the air."

That's right.

- [Man] Yeah, that's the part.

- Okay.

"Here on the rez, it was
pretty easy for them to set up

"a lot for the picture show.

"Going to the picture
show, along with the bingo,

"was maybe the only
indulgence we were afforded

"in western entertainment.

"That and the fire water.

Have we ever been to
the movies together?

- [Man] I don't remember.

- [Woman] So...

"The pleasant movies always
gave soft edges to things.

"And had colors placed in
locales unfamiliar to me.

"Yellow roses, bright brown
eyes, stark white pigeons.

"Being around him may have
been like stepping into

"one of those display wards.

"With fantastical
displaced colors.

"And no knowledge of what
might or should happen.

"Nevertheless, there
in the pictures,

"he was entirely in control.

"And another thing, our
interaction amounted to glances.

"Portions of fractions of
seconds that inspired those

"unfortunately girly vivid
day dreams that we tend to get

"when someone of consequence
invades our sight-lines.

"Meeting, to growing,
to marriage, to family.

"Only a moment in real life,
but a lifetime in my mind.

"It occurred to me that at some
point, he's going to get me.

"My social status as the
beautiful and educated

"but not intensely
Christian one affords me

"certain permissions
and behavior.

"I can stand closer to
people, breastfeed my son,

"or anyone else's child in the
open air and stare at people

"without seeming rude or
malintentioned in anyway.

"So after I had danced, I
was left to people watch.

"It was then that I caught
myself consuming him.

"Strictly visual
feasts, indulgence in
his details, details.

"Instantaneous swells of guilt
rose around me and I blink

"slow so maybe when I open
my eyes he would be gone.

"I did, he wasn't.

"But now I had control and kept
my thoughts still practical

"where they should be,
because obsessions are futile.

"The dreams they procreate
never come to fruition.

"Why do they stay fiction?

"Why don't they come
to fruition you ask?

"Well, realism, pessimism and
cynicism are so much safer

"than the alternatives.

"You avoid disappointment
by not indulging in your

"yet-to-be experienced desires.

"But you do disable
your dreams in so doing.

"Their nature is a
cause and effect thing.

"You must free them to
work on you and only then

"will they oblige
you and come true.

"However, had I been able to
stand it, consumed him longer

"I would've come to the
opposite conclusion.

"But they were just glances.

- No, well this is not the end,
I thought you's looking for

Lucille, but someone (mumbles),

but no maybe you have
the wrong number.

But feel free to call back,
whoever you looking for

might be coming
here, I don't know.

But I can't understand who
you saying you looking for.

Bye-bye.

- "Pessimism, practicality,
cynicism, realism,

"comfort zones, I'm actually
against all these things.

"But at least with him,
I still act on them."

None of this is like me.

- [Voiceover] Would you
feel vexed, slightly irked,

confused or confounded,
exasperated,
displeased, remorseful

- [Voiceover] Worn or withered,
heartbroken, defeated,

piled upon, suckered, cheated,
discarded, unloved, envious,

enraged, ignored, small,
tiny, microscopic, quantum,

eternal, embarrassed,
indecisive, ashamed,

amused, indifferent, enamored?

Take a moment to ascertain how
you'd feel if these things--

- [Voiceover] Happened to you.

Why would you feel these ways?

Close your eyes and track
the source of the feelings.

Go on.

Pain you say?

A subtle pain, interesting.

Maybe you are feeling
pain that lies in the void

between expectations
and reality.

(birds chirping)

Maybe the unnameable emotion
you are feeling that evening

is, as emotions tend to
be, entirely irrational.

An organism without reason.

Insecurity, for
instance, that parasite

has got the best of you.

This series of events
is not the cause

of your momentary feeling,
it cannot be that.

Consider the emotions,
what actually happened

is not important.

What you must take note
of, is the self doubt.

And the void between
who you actually are

and who you think you are.

The void between how
you actually feel

and how she thinks you feel.

The void between your perception
of your capacity to love

and your actual
skillset in this regard.

Maybe it's your
self-assuredness.

You have an extraordinary
amount of faith

in the fidelity of
your expectations.

Emotions should be expressed.

If the cause of your
momentary feelings are simply

irrational emotions, you need
to release them, let them go.

Write out the events of
the evening in detail,

review the details,
consider their absurdity,

connect your emotional
state to a series of actions

performed by people
whom you can blame.

Blame yourself, blame her,
debunk the rationality

of these connections.

Sleep, wake up, draw a
few images that illustrate

how you feel.

Do not finish, draw
until you feel lighter.

Write more, sleep, wake up.

Decide to be honest, entertain
the idea of calling her

and telling her you are
madly in love with her.

Let the impulse pass.

Cower from it.

Most likely the heartache
from the previous night,

a physiological symptom of
your feelings has yet to fade.

Allow this to amuse you, it's
funny if you think about it.

The unyielding grip
your emotions have

on your physical well-being.

(piano music)

What follows is a brief
exegesis in which we explain

the nature of your relationships
with those with whom

you are in love as of the
completion of this film.

You met Najja when she was born.

This was shortly
after your own birth.

Currently, you do not see
her because of the distance.

(ticking timer)

The aforementioned ambivalence
ruined your relationship.

You were at a time in your
life where you were incapable

of being direct.

She was at the time a far
more evolved being than you.

And was repelled by
both your inability

to reciprocate affection

and speak clearly
about your feelings

no matter the implications.

(unique violin music)

You and Joy, although fully
in love, have not attempted

a committed relationship
because of the fact that

you do not reside in
the same municipality.

However, you hypothesis that
the cause of your separation

may be more so because
you are too sure

of the connection's viability.

A commitment to a woman with
whom you are so intensely

compatible would leave you with
nothing else to search for.

Rendering your distance
from her, a product of your

addiction to the
unpredictability of
your feast and famine

romantic existence.

On a more pragmatic level, Joy
may just not be that into you

(birds chirping)

(atmospheric music)

At first, you think
you do not see Prescent

because she is no longer
interested in you romantically.

Your ego pushes that
thought from your head

and you convince
yourself that the nature

of her relationship with her
girlfriend does not allow

for you to all maintain
a romantic relationship.

You infer, with no evidence,
that she is in a blissful place

where some combination
of disinterest in you

and enchantment with
her new relationship

inspires her to maintain
an untraversable distance

between her and you.

Unfortunately you have not
mastered the art of sustaining

platonic arrangements
in the midst

of extreme romantic attraction.

All of the rationale you
formulate to explain her current

disinterest in you, is
simply a way of ignoring

your many faults.

The armor of stoicism you
wear when you are in love.

Your inability to
commit in simple ways.

Commit to visiting or calling.

Commit to being honest.

Most of these faults played
a large part in the current

state of affairs.

Her new relationship
and its blinding beauty

is an easy scapegoat on
which to pin the blame

of your current separation.

You will concede to
any rationale in order
to avoid the fact

that somewhere inside you,
you know that she may simply

not love you anymore.

- [Woman] Hey, you leaving?

- [Man] Me? I would never
leave, but I am shrinking.

- [Voiceover] Kamo lives
on another hemisphere.

You long for the idea
that she longs for you.

She was your first.

You wonder what number
you are for her.

(crickets)

Kudzai lives in
another hemisphere.

And most likely has
forgotten that you exist.

In your nonexistence,
your dreams take hold.

They are very powerful.

So powerful, in fact,
that you often miss

things you never had.

You intensely miss your
year-long courtship with her.

Even though it may
have never existed.

- [Voiceover] Let's
talk about reality.

There are elements of this
hypothetical situation

that are tangible, they can
touch you and can be touched.

Unlike your emotions,
they are inescapable.

These elements are as follows:

Number one, you are
emotionally unavailable.

A symptom of the
post-traumatic stress

of a previous relationship.

How you feel is not a
result of any series events

or an irrational emotion
fabricated in order to distract

yourself from the necessity--

- [Voiceover] Of
addressing your immaturity.

This circumstance is the cause.

It is unavoidable.

So the night greets you with
sleep you do not deserve

but need.

And loneliness you have
imposed upon yourself

but do not deserve.

The reality is that she is gone.

You were not
available, so she left.

Number two, the time
spent releasing, writing,

making films with her,
painting her with light,

shall we say, was an
insufficient substitute--

- [Voiceover] For spending time
with her in a social setting

You cannot replace those
circumstances with these.

There is little joy
in this new space.

Mostly quiet smiles and
internal musings about

what you you should
have said or done

during the moments
you are reenacting.

Number three, in
reality you cannot write

about the situation without
recalling the emotions

it provoked.

Unfortunately, the painful
ones reconstitute themselves

the most firmly.

Brutally beating all the
endless conversations

and comfortable silences.

- [Voiceover] I would
kiss you on your lips,

seldom but with intention.

- [Voiceover] The shame and
pain do not erase the beauty

entirely, but the beauty
stays clear of whatever

emotions find their
way onto the page.

What remains is what
bludgeoned you, confused you,

shamed you, and emasculated you.

- [Voiceover] I'm in an
exclusive romantic relationship.

- [Voiceover] Number four, in
reality chance does not often

fall on your side.

You do not believe in luck,
per say, but inevitably

as you begin to
write this story,

your pen will run out of
ink, your bed will break,

you will kiss her with
certainty and not doubt.

She will turn you away.

You will never
disclose your feelings.

She will find someone new.

You imagine her in
your bed at night.

She occupies someone else's.

She will find someone
else, in reality.

She will hurt you with her
silence, her quiet enigmatic

beauty, her impenetrable
stare, its politeness,

its indecipherability,
its taste.

You will become distracted
again, walk into her magic.

Kiss her with love and
she will turn you away.

She will find someone new.

You will watch her watch
you tell her how you feel.

You will watch her not care.

In defense, you will
forget what happened.

You will forget her
mind, her mother's name,

her favorite color, her
(mumbles), her laugh, her smell.

You will continue to
write, ignorant, forgetful.

You will oversimplify
her beauty.

You will revise her
without her edges.

In reality, you love this
simple version of her.

She is familiar, benign.

You will speak to
the real her again.

Before doing so you
will prepare yourself.

Pray the new her seems
the same as the old her.

She tells you she is in an
exclusive romantic relationship

with a young man whom
she likes quite a bit.

You retreat, keep your distance.

She catches your eyes.

You pray to a western god
for a closeness with her.

A shared secret, a kiss, a hug,
a child, a family, a fight.

One where you make up
and make another child.

- [Voiceover] You are
floating involuntarily toward

her magic.

You will tire of this dance.

But never so much as
to disengage with it,

turn off the music,

even though you know
that you should.

- [Voiceover] Even though
it may have never existed.

- What are you doing?

- [Voiceover] One's
identity is most often bound

in the objectifying
eye of the beholder.

Even if one finds themselves
beholding themselves.

Thus disposition and
identity are entirely defined

by individual interpretation.

We will call this
phenomenon the lens.

For this exercise you must
imagine an entirely unfiltered

and unapologetic
view of yourself.

This self-awareness is
necessary in order for us

to formulate
accurate conclusions.

We need accurate facts
about who you are

and the idiosyncrasies that
define an independent you.

These facts are as follows,

a note like a list of
ingredients, the component

that dominants the very simple
formula is listed first.

So first, them.

A sight of a certain type of
woman causes you to stumble.

She is most often
brown, maternal,
well-read, well-travelled

and capable of holding a note
or playing an instrument.

By the grace of the goddess,
this archetype usually

takes notice of you
in a way that would

divert their attention
from your clumsiness.

Often their attention is
diverted long enough for you

to come across composed.

And even intention-less.

These moments are
few and far between,

so capitalization is a must.

Rule number two, never ever

let a beautiful
person pass you by.

You are meditative and
masochistic in a way that

facilitates your
creative functionality.

You like the poetics
of sad songs more.

You are, shall we say, more
enamored with the bad news.

(guitar music)

(singing blues)

Third, your hope and idealism
stem from a forgone reality.

A childhood that took
place in a community

that provided a wealth of
love, knowledge and support.

You are supremely privileged
in the sense that you were

throughout your childhood
provided with a pristinely

healthy emotional environment.

Your childhood was conspicuously
void of angst, conflict

and repression, thus the trace
amounts that are present now

have a profound effect on
your emotional disposition.

Number four, you
assume a persona of
ambivalence, aloofness

and at times, stoicism
in matters of love.

You assume this persona as
a means of attracting women.

It seems to work out better
if they believe you to be calm

under the pressure
of heated attraction.

This behavioral mask has been
the direct cause of three

discrete and meaningful
happenings and/or experiences

in this hypothetical situation.

The first of these
happenings is something

that did not happen.

You have not been able
to tell her how you feel

about the relationship directly.

Until of course, the short
film "How Would You Feel?"

was finished and subsequently
screened for the public.

- I feel pretty strange.

No, I mean, you
know, it's weird,

how many people
you sayin' that to?

It's not really a
normal situation.

I have a beer burp.

I generally avoid the
fact in conversation

and direct interaction.

Well if you don't know what
to do with it you might

misuse it or abuse
it or enjoy it

and they're all
dangerous things.

Because enjoying it you let
go and give yourself into it.

Which is completely an
uncontrollable thing, so...

- So...

- To not be in control
for people that like
to be in control

is risky, dangerous.

(mumbles) It was definitely
weird to see on a big screen

in front of other people.

Maybe if they didn't know me
that was cool, but I happened

to see it for the first
time this screening with

a whole bunch of my friends who
happen to know all about you

Terrance and some
of our situation.

They've heard stories,
I've told them stories.

- [Audience Member] I take it
that the movie seems to be a

(mumbles) or an invitation to
revisit the notion of having

exclusive special love.

So the notion of
being able to love

or be romantically involved
with more than one person,

but nevertheless every single
one of them is special.

- I completely
agree, but I think...

(laughter)

As explained in the film,

especially that
conversation at the end,

it's just really a rumination
on how each relationship

is so intricately defined by
the circumstances around it.

- At times.

Nothing.

- So...

- No, I felt uncomfortable
because certain

private interactions
were publicized

and mainly from
one point of view.

Like if we both got to
have our little commentary,

a little dual screen action,

it would have been
a different story.

And it's your film, that's
fine, but it was my life

put on screen to your music.

It's apparent to me, that you
make films about your life.

Not everyone does it.

That's true, the only
problem is if your truth

will never make you
feel bad hopefully,

but it's definitely that
everyone has their own truths.

And that's the eternal
cause of conflict

and it's not really negotiable.

Everyone sees the world
through their own eyes.

So to see through someone
else's eyes but still have it be

an experience that you
remember is a jarring

experience sometimes
if it doesn't coalesce.

And my truth is coming
to theaters this week.

- [Voiceover] Your silence
in regards to your feelings

was not absolute.

On two or three occasions
you did write her short form

poetry, mostly sent
via text message.

Saying things like, "I want
to speak to you in a language

"that only you understand."

And, "Where on Earth
can you tell the truth

"without negative consequences?

"Esoteric and ultimately
meaningless, I know."

Before making the
film, you did write her

one rather loaded letter.

In it you revealed that
when you leave her presence

you stare at your
feet while you walk.

She said she liked it quite
a bit, but has not replied.

Obviously with
things such as mail,

the gesture is more
loaded than the content.

B, the second effect
of this behavioral mask

and the assumed ambivalence
is also something

that has not happened.

It is that you almost never
inquire as to the nature

of her relationships
with other men.

This leaves you to infer
that she is as flirtatious

and intimate with you as she
is with her other male friends.

So you may or may
not be special.

Maybe she saw you stumble.

A third happening is that one
evening she sent you a message

It read, "I think I love you."

Question mark.

- [Voiceover] "I know I
love you" was the response

that immediately
jumped inside my mouth.

But instead, because you
wanted to maintain your façade

of even-keeled ambivalence,
you did not immediately reply.

You waited.

She called you.

You missed the call.

- [Voiceover] Of course,
you telephone her back.

She said she had to get on
the subway and couldn't talk.

Nothing more was said about
it, so you did your best

to believe that it
was a lighthearted
humorous transmission.

- [Terrence] What am
I doing acting-wise?

- [Woman] You're just
enjoying my company.

- [Terrence] Oh, I'm
enjoying your company?

- [Woman] Like when I tell
you bedtime stories and stuff.

- You tell me bedtime stories?

- (mumbles)

- Oh okay, tell me.

- Does this feel
like we're at home?

- This does feel
like we're at home.

You gotta to tell me
something about you.

No that doesn't feel like home.

Gotta tell me a story
about something that...

- Stars?

- That's not a
star it's a plane.

- That's a star.

How do you go about
kissing someone?

- You don't head butt 'em.

You make your lips available.

So you go 80% of the
way, and let them go 20.

Right?

I go 80, you go 20.

- [Voiceover] Note one,
as of the completion

of the short film "How Would
You Feel?" (mumble) had yet

to create the film
illustrating her perspective.

You assume she had not
because of her full-time job

and active social life.

After a few years of waiting
for her film you took matters

into your own hands.

The following is a trailer
for the resulting film.

(soft music)

- [Woman] What kind of stuff?

- [Terrence] A
whole lot of stuff.

Stuff like this, see that?

- [Woman] No, speak softly.

I'm learning how
to speak softly.

- [Passenger] What are
you guys trying to...

- Thank you.

This is the your first film.

- I think, yeah,
it's your first film.

And you're gonna make
more after I think.

What's the name of
this film gonna be?

- [Voiceover] The following
is an account of the events

that transpired in
chronological order.

(explosion)

First, there was the
void, a temporary void

that lasted between
two and three weeks.

The void was preceded
by an explosion.

The story begins
either after the void

or in the middle
of the explosion.

You cannot remember which.

You fell in love
with her in 2001.

The last time you saw
her, you said, "Goodbye"

and left her in a
third floor dorm room.

You broke into tears when you
arrived at the second floor.

By the time you
left the building

your eyes were swollen shut

and your sinuses
filled with mucus.

While making the 15 hour
trip home, you saw an exit

off the highway with her first
last and middle name on it.

Then there was the explosion.

After or during the explosion
you fell in love with her

during the summer of 2003.

You expressed this by
giving her a flower made

of a gum wrapper.

You never chew gum.

Sometime after then and before
now, she became very close

to you in a romantic way.

The two of you felt a mutual
urge to build a life together.

During the fallout
of the explosion

you reunited with her in 2004.

You had kept a picture of
her as a child in your wallet

for several years as a teenager,

when you later fell in love you
noticed the picture was gone

The universe decided
that you did not need

the picture anymore.

You moved to South Africa
in 2005, fell in love twice.

- [Voiceover] Hey
don't make fun of me.

- [Voiceover] Of course, given
the fallout of the explosion

she fell out of love.

Maybe not so much
because of the explosion

but because of,
well you don't know.

She fell out of love
and in love with her.

The young lady enter stage left.

Na-na-na.

And she was with him and
she was with him and she was

with him and she was
with her and she lived

on the other side of
the world and she lived

on the other side of the world
and you were with this movie.

So in March of 2006
you made the movie.

A shorter version of it that
did not allude to the fact--

- [Voiceover] That it was true.

You showed Volumes
1-3 to be exact.

You did not tell her that the
film was about you and her

when you all were making it,

but you thought she
may have already known.

When you screened the
film for about 100 people,

they did not know that
the film was a re-telling

of the story of you and her.

You hoped only she would notice,

that the film would talk to her.

- [Voiceover] And only her.

The following letter was
written to (mumbles) by Terence

in the summer of 2006.

It was written and sent a
few weeks after the screening

of "How Would You Feel?".

The day after (mumbles) told
Terence she was ending her

exclusive romantic relationship.

- [Voiceover] June
14, 2006 5.27pm.

Remember how you told me
that you met this new guy

that you were dating
in Union Square?

Well he must be
very luck 'cause,

I'm in Union Square right
now and I'm here pretty often

and I never see
anybody like you.

I guess I spoke too soon,
'cause she looks amazing.

But, alas there are too many
in the wolf pack, as they say.

Anyhow, I went to the chase.

I'm writing this
letter to tell you

I have come to be
in love with you.

And before you know

you were in a relationship
and everything

and me being in love with you
was as much a source of angst

as it was pleasure.

But now I feel, I
feel fortunate, the
word is fortunate,

that I love you.

And it's a relief because
I don't have to worry about

things that I used
to worry about.

Things like sucking
on your lip too long

or being at your house
certain times at night.

I have a new freedom, I guess.

It's a new and
welcoming freedom.

And freedom even at its
least intense is still

powerfully sensual and exciting.

Do you remember that day
we were at the lounge

by your old apartment and we
were talking about high school

and high school
intimacy and what not?

And how there are these
little things that our age

has rendered no longer
exciting, remember that?

Anyway, I was thinking today
about the rare occasion

how I was lucky enough to
kiss a girl in high school

and how back then you knew
that kissing was as intimate

as it was gonna get that night.

So, kissing was more
epic, it was narrative.

Like at the beginning you're
all scared so you peck around

each other's lips
and breath all heavy

and it was always
really funny to me

that people have a taste.

It's actually a kind of
scary thought, because if you

taste a certain way, then that
means there has to be some

predator out there craving you.

(kissing sounds)

I digress, but the tasting is
like the story ending 'cause

the taste lingers on
your tongue, anyway.

All that to say, I'm going
to kiss you like that.

You know how at the end of
letters people always write

"love, comma" then their name.

I don't like that, 'cause,
when you use the phrase

"love, comma, Terence'
who will really know

what kind of love
I be talking about?

I'm going to replace the
standard love salutation

with my well-thought-out
definition of love.

Just to make my
message more exact.

An art-form slightly removed
from its intending context.

Terence.

- [Voiceover] Terence, how is
it that you have come to like

so much this girl that
sits atop your bed at night

just sipping beer, fighting
the fatigue of really hot

summer nights, as her complaints
trail away into soft sighs?

As an astute observer of
life, I always find it

a slightly odd yet intriguing
idea that a man's heart

can be warmed by my presence.

Self-hate or pure inquisition,
I may never be sure

of the source of my disbelief.

Actually, I find I hold
my disbelief so strong

that sometimes I subconsciously
reject the love beams

that are cast at me.

It's like an invisible shield.

If I can't imagine why

then just maybe it
doesn't really exist.

And if it doesn't exist then

well, I don't really have
to do anything about it.

(piano music)

(laser sounds)

(rain)

If friendship were measured in
how much a person understands

and accepts another, then would
that make you my best friend

I know I know it's the
word that every guy hates

and runs from, friend.

What is the state of a world
that runs from friends?

But I think I might have
lost you in my world.

Follow the bright
lights, down the tunnel,

up to the 7th floor, now there.

Terence, I know you eagerly
await my response so here it is.

Because I love the electrodes
that dance around your brain

and your relentless friendship
and understanding hands

I will tell you, as I come
to know and love myself

so will I you.

I am that I am and one
day I may love you too.

- [Voiceover] Emotional
memory is your memory

of how you felt as
opposed to what happened.

You have been making this movie
on and off for three years.

You no longer live in the same
city or know the same people.

You value different
things in life now.

- [Voiceover] You know that
she's forgotten how she

felt about you.

The memory of the touch of your
lips is faded from her mind.

You are to her a regrettable
sin, seldom enjoyed,

pushed away on account of
the guilt or more than likely

your relationship with
her is a memory so faint

in the first place, it was
not valuable enough to keep.

To love as you have done.

You hope it is the latter,
if anything at all.

You have been making this
movie for so long now

that you struggle to
remember what happened.

You are also starting
to forget how you felt.

Luckily you are reminded
by the editing process,

which forces you to look at
her movie in front of you,

living, often.

You think that she has
not forgotten how she felt

but in her maturity
has dismissed her
feelings towards you

as juvenile.

The memory of the touch of
your lips may have faded

from her mind.

You are to her a
past attraction.

Once enjoyed, pushed
away on account of a new

more necessary engagement.

You have been making the
movie for so long now

that you struggle to
remember what happened.

You are also starting
to forget how you felt.

Luckily, you are reminded
by the editing process

which forces you to
look at her, moving

in front of you, living, often.

You don't speak to
her so you don't know

what she has forgotten.

The memory of the touch of
your lips was probably not

her fondest memory of
you in the first place.

She believes you are a slave
to the wheels and whims

of the mysterious and beautiful.

And maybe you are.

You have been making
your movie so long now

that you struggle to
remember what happened.

You are also starting
to forget how you felt.

Luckily you are reminded
by the editing process

which forces you to look at
her movie in front of you

living, often.

You know that she has not
forgotten how she felt,

she has long ago forced the
memory of the touch of your lips

from her mind.

You are to her a healed cancer.

Rightfully excised,
before he metastasized.

(dramatic music)

- [Voiceover] Turn off the
music even though you know

that you should.

- [Voiceover] Let's recap
what you learned in volume 3

Reality Part One.

First, that you are
emotionally unavailable.

Second, you are lonely and
making the film with her

did not repair that.

Third, you cannot write about
the situation without focusing

on the worst of it.

Fourth, you are quite
an unlucky chap.

The following adds to this
list and further explores

the nature of reality.

Is it an organism that
grows independent of you?

Is it ever present?

Is it possible that something
that transpires in your

real life can have less of
an effect on your emotions

than something you imagined?

What is the code of realities
inescapable and adaptable

influence on this
momentary feeling?

(piano music)

We left off at number
four, so, number five.

In reality you have never
been punctual in your life.

You come from a long line of
ancestors who operate time

based on celestial
happenings still undiscovered

by the western world.

You are thus out-of-sync
as opposed to late.

It is both unfair, and
culturally insensitive for you

to expect yourself to
transform into a model

of punctuality within any
finite period of time.

Number six, your ineptitude
with bed fabrication

and construction has more
to do with your lack of time

than lack of ability.

- [Voiceover] Like cooking,
with carpentry patience

is the all important
coefficient in the equation.

Seventh and very important,
again dealing with reality,

somehow along the way
you became gravely deeply

and intensely in
love with (mumbles).

Thus no film, nor explanation,
nor poem, nor kiss,

nor absence, nor presence,
nor reciprocation

could erase how you
felt that moment.

It was a symptom of your love.

It is a symptom of your love.

It will be a symptom
of your love.

Today, the days before,
or the next day.

Speaking of the next day when
you arrive home and start

to get settled, you again see
that she has telephoned you.

Of course you
telephone her back.

You arrange to meet to
talk about the film.

You want to interview her,
get her perspective included.

You arrive at her home
and sit close to her

in a bean bag chair.

You ask her questions,
she answers.

In the answers she tells you
that she was significantly

enamored with you for a good
while after meeting you.

But, as your relationship
subtly intensified

she chose the practicality
and constraint of her and him.

Over the irrationality and
freedom of her and you.

She also tells you that she has
one day previous to this day

chosen to dissolve her
exclusive romantic relationship.

You smile inside.

She continues.

She tells you that she
is dating someone new.

After a few moments, the
possibility of this information

taking the form of a joke fades.

Your inner smile fades with it.

Of course, after you talk,
rewrite some of the script,

laugh, hope, the time comes
for you to sleep somewhere.

As you would expect for a woman
who is taken, she will not

be able to house
you that evening.

You walk to the door, she
lightly kisses you on your lips

with a look of doubt and
mischief opaque in her pupils.

Now, at that moment, given the
aforementioned circumstances,

- [Voiceover] How
would you feel?

- Hurt, disappointed, confused.

All the bad adjectives
that you can attach to

a romantic relationship.

And how do you salvage
that, how do you...

I'm dating someone that might
be watching this right now

and I don't want to
say anything about it.

I got into a--

At the end of the day, you
listen to your heart, right?

My heart is

excited at the thought of
him and also very tenuous.

Because when you walk into
a situation knowing that

you're about to be
hurt at some point,

it's a weird thing.

Why would you logically do that?

It doesn't make any sense.

But I'm learning that some
things just can't and don't

make sense ever.

I do think I could get hurt
with you, because I think

you're...

I think you're an artist.

You have a wondering heart.

You don't get into a
relationship or not based on

the probability of a good
or bad thing happening.

This emotional impulse that
I can't explain or understand

or control.

I hate it for that reason
but I have to also follow it

because how often
does that happen?

At times.

Because I was normally in a
position that I would be a

bad person if I obeyed it.

I get it sometimes, but I
think I've kind of conditioned

myself after so long of
being in a situation where

there wasn't a
viable possibility.

I just started to see
him in a different way.

- In layman's terms,
I got friend-zoned.

- [Crew] We're rolling.

(phone rings)

- Hello?

- Hey.

- Hey, what's up?

- Where you at?

- I'm at home.

Am I supposed to
be somewhere else?

Oh my God.

I'm so sorry, I was
supposed to come over today.

- Actually maybe
it was tomorrow.

- No, it was today, sorry.

I just got home from work.

- Anyway, how was your day?

- It was okay, it was
frustrating (mumbles).

I'm gonna quit though.

- You're gonna quit?

- I know, I can't quit tomorrow.

I'm gonna quit but I just
need some time to work it out.

- That's cool.

So, I'll see you another time?

- Yeah, sorry, we can definitely
reschedule for really soon.

I'll just check my schedule
and let you know (mumbles).

Is that okay?

- Yeah.

- Okay, bye.