All language subtitles for Overthinking with Kat s01e03_English

- [ horn honking ]
- [ gasps ]

- I've been so jumpy lately.
- Me, too. I don't know why.

Maybe it's because
something's in retrograde.

- Mercury?
- No.

- But maybe we're just
being paranoid.
- Or maybe it's just like

- how scary the news is.
- Yeah, I know.

I'm, like, freaked out,
like, all the time.

Yeah.

- Okay, well, bye.
- Okay, see ya.

Man: The fatal stab wound
was a four inch laceration
to her jugular.

Woman:
Previously on "Murder Time,"
all that was left

- was an intestine and a shoe.
- [ woman screaming ]

Ugh.

Someone brought in bagels.
I'm so hungry.

If I get up now,
Kev will want to talk.

I already said good morning.
I have nothing else to offer.

He'll ask me what I did
last night, which was nothing.

[ exhales ]
I can't disappoint him again.

Hmm.
I wonder how many are left.

Oh, they're probably all egg.

If my bathroom schedule
is accurate,

Kev should be going
any second now.

All right, I have two minutes
40 seconds to get my bagel

and back.
No time to toast.

I was like, "Yeah, I'll put that
in the suggestion box."

Little does she know,
we don't have a suggestion box.

- [ laughter ]
- Oh, Tiff.

Cream cheese
on a blueberry bagel?

- What an adventurer.
- Where are we gonna put
those suggestions?

- [ laughter ]
- Okay, just get the bagel
and go.

I don't need a suggestion box
to know that you guys are sad.

- I'm gonna uplift us.
- Oh, damn them all to hell.

I went to facebook.com,
where I get all my career
advice,

and I saw a video
about how to improve
productivity and efficiency.

And the way you can do that
is by adding a fun family
environment to the workplace.

[ chuckles ]
You said fun and family together
like that's a thing.

It's-- it is a thing.
I think that's a great idea.

And you know what?
We're going to get rid
of the cubicles.

Sweet God, no.
I need my cubicle.

Break down the walls.
Break down the barriers.

We're gonna have
an open office plan

where we get to actually
look at each other.

But I hate people
looking at me.

- From the moment you walk in--
- What fresh hell is this?

I love boundaries.
I hate broken down walls.

You will not be able to hide
in this office anymore.

- Oh, hey, June.
- [ nervous chuckles ]

- Yeah, everyone's gonna benefit
from this, I can tell.
- Yeah.

I have gathered you here
to watch me burn what is left

from my time
at the Lower Roscoe
Theater Company.

- May they rot in hell.
- Yes.

- Yes! Rot in hell.
- Amen! Amen!

All my sweat and tears,
all for naught.

- Ah.
- Oh!

And this?

From my standout performance
as "girl" in "The Crucible."

- Both: Oh.
- A reviewer called it... loud.

Twins, storefront theater
is a road to nowhere.

I am done
with black box theater.

It's time to do something
completely different.

- Accounting?
- Corporate theater.

- Oh.
- The three of us are gonna
start our own theater company,

and I don't want
any rinky-dink shit.
I want to make money, baby.

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, speaking our language.

But doing theater
doesn't make money.

Yes, but
teaching theater does.

I mean, these corporate theater
people don't care about the art.

- They're in it for the clams.
- Oh.

We'll be like Second City,

and we'll lure untalented people
and teach them improv while
sucking them dry.

- Yes.
- Then we'll help boring office
workers team build

and do trust fall
bullshit,

and then we'll have
bullying training.

- Yes!
- Oh, my dream.

No. Like anti-bullying,
not how to.

- Oh, right.
- Okay, so we gotta come up
with a great name.

- Like something catchy.
- How about Catchy?

- Uh, but we also
teach baseball.
- That's not bad.

- I didn't think of that.
- Hey, Kat.

- Huh?
- Do you know where
all the paper towels went?

- I just bought some.
- I'm using them for the base
of my fire.

Okay, well,
I need them for work.

- To stuff into
my sweaty armpits.
- Fine.

But just take two 'cause this
is a very important fire.

Mm, okay.
Okay, here's an article against
camaraderie in the workplace.

"Fear is the best way to lead."

See? At least
someone agrees with me.

Oh, this is a Hitler quote.
Never mind.

I don't understand
what the big deal is.

They're trying to take away
my cubicle.

Without my cubicle,
there's nowhere for me to hide,

and then I'm forced
to make small talk

and say things like,
"Any fun plans this weekend?"

and notice people's haircuts.
I can't do that.

Well, what's the deal
with this open space bullshit?

They're trying to make us
into a work family.

Like through forced bonding
exercises?

- I guess.
- That would be perfect.

- What?
- Nothing.

I mean, a work family
sounds great for you, June,

And it would bring you
closer to Tiff.

No, no, no way, no way.

If we were a family,
I'd probably be the weird uncle

who always got caught
in a pyramid scheme.

That's who she reminds me of,
Uncle Gerald.

Plus, the more forced
interactions we have,

- the more Tiff will notice
my idiosyncrasies.
- Multitude of flaws.

What?

Okay, I have a very carefully
crafted five-year plan

to befriend Tiff,
and in order for this to work,

I need my cubicle.

- Wait, it's gonna take you
five years?
- I know. Fast.

- Wha--?
- It starts with a look.

And then a few weeks later,
we share a laugh
by the microwave.

She'll say, "Hey,
want to grab a glass of vino
after work?"

This becomes a bimonthly
tradition that everyone
wants to join, but it's just us.

Then one night she'll feel
a little sad and not want
to go out,

so we'll binge watch
all four seasons of "The Crown,"

even though I've already
seen it.

Well, there's only
two seasons.

By then, there'll be four.

The years of work culminate
when I finally watch her
walk down the aisle.

- Wait, you're marrying her?
- No, I-- I'm her maid of honor.

[ chuckles ]
Oh.

And even though burnt sienna
is not my color,

I wore it... for Tiff.

Ugh. Now all I can see
when I look at her
is Uncle Gerald.

- How can someone not like
white water rafting?
- Oh, please, it's racist.

Hey, June,
we're gonna eat outside
if you want to join.

- It's a beautiful day.
- Uh, yeah, maybe I will.

Great.

Nope. My meatballs may be
too pungent.

Not a risk I can take.
Bathroom is better.

- [ screams ]
- Sorry. Whoa.

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, I just had an audition
down the street.

Wanted to see where you worked,
where the magic happens.

- What?
- It's pretty boring, but...

All right, well,
I gotta go.

I'll see you at home.
[ chuckles ]

Ow!

Oh.

What was that?

- [ screams ]
- Dude, great idea.

- You are.
- Uh, I don't think
you were listening to me.

- I'm sorry.
- I'm talking about your flyer.

"Office bonding.
Thought this would be good
for us, hugs and kisses, June."

I've never hugged and kisses
in my life.

They have an opening tomorrow.
Yeah!

Yes!

I'm going to kill Kat.

[ music playing ]

- What do you think
you're doing?
- Uh, I'm a feminist, okay?

- We can wear whatever we want.
- No. Are you insane?

Insanely innovative?
Yeah.

Look, you said you wanted
bonding time in your workplace.

This is exactly what
my company does.

No, I said
the exact opposite of that.

This will be great
for both of us.

I can condense
your five-year plan

into a long day
with a paid lunch break.

Improv games?
Trust exercises?

This is my worst nightmare.

Okay, I thought you said
your worst nightmare was
being eaten by a dolphin.

It's the same thing.
It's getting lulled
into a false sense of security

and then being eaten alive.

Oh, there is something unnerving
about the clicking.

- [ imitates dolphin ]
- Stop it.

[ imitates dolphin loudly ]

- Stop it!
- Okay. It won't be that bad.

You don't understand.
It is exhausting

trying to keep up
this normal facade.

Bad things happen
when the focus is on me, okay?

If I reach critical mass,
my-- my head gets really hot,

I start sweating
an exorbitant amount,

I lose control,
and I say things
that I wouldn't normally say.

Trust me, okay?
You do not want to see
that happen.

You have to call and cancel.

Okay, look, June,
it's gonna be fine.

I'm going to shine a light
on the few regular parts
of your personality

and keep all the rest
hidden.

That's impossible
and you know that.

Okay, June, if at any point
you feel like it's not working

- or you're gonna lose it,
I'll shut it down.
- Yes.

- Okay.
- Just say the word.

- What's the word?
- Peacock.

No. I might say that
conversationally.

- What?
- Oh, here, uh, I have an idea.

How about
you just don't do it, okay?

- I'm not gonna do it.
- [ phone chiming ]

Okay, okay.

"Looking forward to tomorrow."

Oh, my sweet God,
could it possibly be?

It's Tiff.
She just texted me.

She looked me up
in the company directory,
found my name and number,

transcribed those ten numbers
into her phone.

Do you know how much time
that takes?

Not long at all.

Okay, I'll do it.

For real?

[ indistinct chatter ]

Okay, clap those hands!
Whoo!

Let's clap those hands.
We're about to learn
some improv.

- Oh, this is gonna be so fun.
- All right, let's get the party
started!

- [ music playing ]
- Yes! Yes! Yes!

[ clamoring ]

Whoo! Okay, twins.

Places.
Okay.

Whoo!
Yeah!

Oh, hey there, fellow stranger,
that I do not know.

Why don't you come on
and join us?

I guess this wasn't
a great hiding spot.

Okay.
[ clicking ]

All right, come on.
Right, let's go.

Okay, panties.

All right.
Today is the first day

of the rest of your life.

When you leave here today,

you will be bonded
for life.

Okay, let's get to know
each other.

I want everyone to state
a fun fact about themselves,
okay?

I'll go first.
My name is Kat,

and I got a perfect score
on my SATs.

Wow.
That's very impressive.

That's blatantly false.

Hi, I'm Molly,
and I remember my birth.

What am I gonna say?
I don't have an interesting
fact.

Oh, this is horrible.

- Uh, how about you?
- Oh, uh, I'm Tiff,
as you all know.

And my fun fact
is that I love pasta.

See now,
that is really unexpected.

Oh, Tiff,
you're always full
of surprises.

Why can't I find anything
that interesting?

Okay, um,
how about you?

Hi, I'm Claire,
and I guess this is
sort of interesting,

but when I was a kid,
my appendix exploded.

Ugh, Claire must have played
this game before.

- You are so brave.
- All right, and... you,
in the middle.

Oh, hello, um,

I am June,
and my interesting fact

is that I, um...

um...

uh...

Okay, it's all right.

It's okay.
You'll be fine.

Come on, quiet girl.
Loosen up.

Like loosen it right here.
Loosen it right here.

Just think Shakira, okay?
And then here.

- Oh!
- Are those paper towels?

Um, y-- yeah.

My interesting fact
is that, uh,

I store paper towels in my shirt
so if someone has a spill,

I can clean it up.

You idiot!
Who is possibly gonna buy that?

That's actually really smart.

- Zip.
- Zap.

- Zot.
- Zip.

These corporate zombies
are eating this up,

and I'm the one
who's feeding them.

- Zip.
- Zap.

- Zop.
- That's it.

I'll just look down
the rest of the day.

They can't zip or zap
or zop me

if they can't see my eyes.

- Zop. Oh!
- Zorp.

- Oh! I said zorp.
- You said zorp.

- What's zorp?
- Zorp.

I win.
I am the champion.

Oh, wouldn't it be funny
if I got a trophy?

Like if someone brought one
to work tomorrow that just said
"number one."

Like that you could buy
at the drug store.

You know, just like
if they did it as a joke.

Okay, uh, great job,
everyone.

Now it's time to start
a little game called
"Story Conductor,"

where we'll work as a team
to tell a story.

And I will be your god.

I will point at you
whenever it's your turn

to make a sentence
in the story.

I'll start.
Mary went to the market.

Mary went to the market
to get some special ingredients

for her special dinner
with her special man.

And it was a special night
because Mary knew

that her boyfriend, Teddy,
was going to propose.

- [ squeals ]
- That's my three-year
hand clasp.

But first, Mary and Teddy
had to take a quick trip
to Bone town.

[ laughter ]

I have to shut this down.

Unfortunately,
as they were disrobing,

Mary's appendix exploded
and she died.

Only to be revived by Teddy,
who happened to be a doctor.

What are the chances
that Teddy's a doctor?

Months later,
there was a wedding
on a beautiful spring day,

and she was surrounded
by all her family and friends.

And with her maid of honor,
Tiff, by her side.

And it was the best day
of her entire life.

- And everyone boned, the end.
- Yeah!

But not the end
because then they got a divorce.

- They would never!
- June, no!

They lived happily ever after
until they were 97 and 99
years old,

- and then they died.
- In a murder-suicide.

June, you're ruining it!

[ quietly ]
As the story conductor,
I'm conducting the story.

All right, Kat,
you told me to tell you
if it's not working,

- it's not working.
- It's actually working
really well.

No, it's not working
for me.

All right,
I'm just gonna say it.

Peacock.

- Word!
- I'm sorry, June,
I can't stop.

When I told you that before,

I was a mere mortal.

And now, I'm a god.

What?
Th-- this isn't you.

Kat, you-- you like plays
that make no sense

and offending audiences
with your honesty.

Okay, that was before.

The old Kat is dead.

The new Kat?

Well, she's corporate,
baby.

Corporate Kat must die.

There's only one thing
to do.

Okay.
Let's see what we have here.

[ indistinct chatter ]

This is going way better
than expected.

- Mm-hmm.
- I think they're ready
for more extreme bonding.

- Seven Minutes In Heaven.
- No, I think that's illegal.

- One Minute In Heaven.
- No.

It's time to play...
First Thoughts.

- Twins: Ooh.
- Are they ready?

Do you defy your leader?

- No. Mm-mm.
- No.

- Okay, Hannah?
- Yes?

I want you to look at Econ
and say the first thing
that comes to mind.

- Like the first thing?
- Yeah.

Okay, close your eyes.

Okay.
Now...

open.

Econ, you look anywhere
from 27 to 61 years old.

- What?
- Such raw honesty.
Okay, Claire?

- Yes.
- Let's do the same.
Close your eyes.

Rich, I wish I never
slept with you.

- [ all gasping ]
- Claire, what the hell?

- Um, maybe we should
go back to Story.
- No, it's okay. We'll move on.

Tiff, what's the first thing
that comes to mind when
you look at Claire?

That she slept with Rich.
That's disgusting.

Okay, get over yourself.
You slept with Kev.

I was in a dark place.

Yeah, I was too.

Uh-oh.
Maybe they weren't ready.

Whatever.

Okay.
All right, this is great
team-building right now.

Maybe we should
take a break.

- [ gasps ]
- Hello, Kat.

It's me, the old Kat.

The real Kat.

The old, real Kat.

who would have scoffed
at teaching improv

to boring office workers.

Okay, get out of here, June.
These people are eating out
of the palm of my hands.

This is my calling, man.

You know that's not true.

Your-- your passion
isn't making people bond
and have fun.

You like being booed
off stage.

You thrive off the jeers.

Do not listen
to this siren's song.
She's going to crack.

You don't like making
work families.

You like tearing
families apart.

Ah, damn her.
I do.

Look at this.
Look.

This is hundreds and hundreds
of dollars.

This is what I'm about now.

That's dirty money.

Uh!

That was so cool.

I bet she thought
that was cool.

- Good-bye, June.
- No, wait, Kat.

- Please, I-- I-- I--
I can't do this.
- Okay, yeah.

Pull!

[ all clamoring ]

June, what are you wearing?

Wow, June, you are weirder
than I ever knew.

- What happened in there?
- I don't know.

[ murmuring indistinctly ]

[ dolphin squeaking ]

[ slow-motion muttering ]

- June?
- June?

June?

June is cray.

Oh, June is cray,
all right.

Want to know some fun facts
about June?

Okay, um, sometimes I take
tiny little bites

of other people's lunches
because it makes me feel alive.

I knew someone was tampering
with my couscous.

I was just one cous.

Oh, I'm sorry.
That wasn't a fun fact.

Let's do a fun fact.
Um, when I was a baby,

I was a formula-fed baby
because my mother had
reconstructive surgery

on her giant areolas.

Oh, no.
She's reached critical mass.
Good-bye, Wall Street.

But formula is delicious,
so ha-freaking-ha.

I have to stop this.
Create a diversion.

Claire had an affair with Rich.
Claire's a whore!

All: Yeah!

No, it was not an affair.
It was just terrible sex, okay?

Well, maybe if you had paid
attention

to my sexual harassment
PowerPoint,

none of this
would have happened.

It was all words, Hannah,

for 54 minutes.
Coulda thrown in some clip art.

Guys, stop.
This is tearing us apart.

- I've loved you, Tiff.
- Hey, we're supposed
to be a family.

Yeah, let's just all
take a breath here, okay?

Yeah, let's just all--
let's just all take a breath.

Let's just all take a breath.
Um...

Shut up, Claire.

Okay, I was supposed
to talk Tiff down
the aisle. Me.

Okay, we're putting
the cubicles back up.

I win.

By God, that was art.

[ music playing ]

- What are you doing?
- Just trying not
to remember today.

[ chuckles ]
I'm sorry about today, June.

I tried to keep you hidden,
but nobody puts baby
in a corner.

I actually really like
corners.

That's weird.
So I know that I kinda
screwed things up

with the five-year
Tiff plan and--

Surprisingly,
I actually, um, thought
this might happen,

- so, um...
- Okay.

I have, like,
a little backup plan...

- Of course you do.
- ...which, um, ends up being
seven years instead,

where I'm not actually
in her wedding,

but I do throw her
a pretty great baby shower.

Yeah, of course you do.
Cool.

Well, that sounds like
a great plan.

- Yeah.
- You know what, June?

I have to tell you.

You were right.

I'm ripping it up.

No, Kat, that's hundreds
and hundreds of dollars.

- I'm ripping it.
- Wha--

Oh, boy.

It's dirty money.
And you know what else?

You inspired me today.

Your crazy ass inspired me
to start a new theater company.

We're called Fuck Fear.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

That is a lot.

- Yeah.
- Very strong.

- I know. Sturdy.
- Bold. For no reason.

The words have
a lot of girth,
which I like.

- Mm, I wouldn't use that word.
- Okay.

For now,
here I am to remind you...

about who you are.

But also, I'm, like,
really curious

to know
what they taste like.

Oh, what?

Here's to what made you
who you are.

- Cheers.
- You're welcome.

Oh, God,
that's horrible.

It's so... not good.
Yucky!

Oh, you got some
on your mouth.
I'll get it.

Don't worry.

Wow, she really did believe that.

- Are those from your armpit?
- Sure is.