Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,173 --> 00:00:04,003
SO THERESA HAS BEEN
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,444
WATCHING THIS SHOW
ABOUT CRIME IN THE SUBURBS.
3
00:00:06,437 --> 00:00:08,107
WHICH ONE? "SUBURBAN MURDER"?
"DEATH COMES A'KNOCKIN"?
4
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:10,009
"HOME SWEET HOME-ICIDE"?
"GOOD MORNING, YOU'RE DEAD"?
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,080
NO, NO.
"MURDER STREET, U.S.A."?
6
00:00:12,083 --> 00:00:13,313
(whispers)
I LOVE THAT ONE.
7
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,394
NOT ENOUGH MURDER FOR ME.
8
00:00:14,385 --> 00:00:16,185
IT'S SCARING
THE CRAP OUT OF HER.
9
00:00:16,187 --> 00:00:18,387
SHE SHOULD BE SCARED.
THE WORLD'S A DANGEROUS PLACE.
10
00:00:18,389 --> 00:00:19,719
ESPECIALLY
FOR THE HUMAN HEART.
11
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,350
I AM WAY LESS AFRAID
OF BEING KILLED BY AN INTRUDER
12
00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:22,722
THAN I AM OF DYING ALONE.
13
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,233
IF YOU GET KILLED BY
AN INTRUDER, YOU WON'T BE ALONE.
14
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,395
YOU'LL BE WITH AN INTRUDER.
15
00:00:25,396 --> 00:00:27,096
ANYWAY,
NOW THERESA WANTS US
16
00:00:27,098 --> 00:00:29,198
TO GET SECURITY LIGHTS
FOR THE BACKYARD.
17
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,400
I'VE INSTALLED SECURITY LIGHTS--
NOT WELL, BUT I'VE DONE IT.
18
00:00:32,403 --> 00:00:34,373
DON'T LET THEM SELL YOU
THE GIBSON 120s.
19
00:00:34,365 --> 00:00:35,765
IT'S A RACKET.
20
00:00:35,766 --> 00:00:39,136
AND DO NOT GET
THE JOHNSON-PROCTOR 162
21
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,210
WITH THE BORON-MAGNESIUM CORE
AND LIQUID CENTER.
22
00:00:41,212 --> 00:00:43,312
GOD,THOSE THINGS PISS ME OFF.
23
00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:44,784
SEEMS A LITTLE EXTREME.
24
00:00:44,775 --> 00:00:47,175
WHAT,
DO YOU GOTSTOCK IN 'EM?!
25
00:00:47,178 --> 00:00:48,678
(sighs)
26
00:00:48,679 --> 00:00:53,049
GET ME TWO MADELEINES
AND THAT SHERYL CROW CD.
27
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,233
I'M GONNA GO WAIT IN THE CAR.
28
00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:55,525
(chair clatters)
29
00:00:55,526 --> 00:00:56,726
WILL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
30
00:00:56,727 --> 00:00:58,757
YOU KNOW HE HATES
ANYTHING WITH A LIQUID CENTER.
31
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:04,439
I FORGOT.
32
00:01:04,435 --> 00:01:07,235
THE WINTHROP 760
IS A SOLID BULB.
33
00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:08,268
IT'S A SOFT LIGHT--
34
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,269
MAKE YOUR INTRUDERS
LOOK LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.
35
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:12,071
ELECTRONICS STORES
ARE SO BORING.
36
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,182
THERE'S NEVER ANYTHING THAT I--
OH, DISCO BALLS!
37
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,546
I'M GONNA LOOK FOR A GPS.
38
00:01:16,547 --> 00:01:19,277
I THOUGHT YOU HATED
MODERN TECHNOLOGY.
39
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,550
YOU SAID IT'S A GODLESS VICE
40
00:01:20,551 --> 00:01:23,381
THAT CRUSHES EVERYTHING
TRUE AND HUMAN IN THE WORLD.
41
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,194
YES, BUT RIGHT THEN
I WAS MAINLY FRUSTRATED
42
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,716
BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET THE INK
GOING IN MY BALLPOINT PEN.
43
00:01:27,718 --> 00:01:29,788
AND RECENTLY, I'VE BEEN PLAYING
THIS GAME WITH BRENDA'S GPS
44
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,620
WHERE I JUST YELL NONSENSE INTO
IT AND GO WHEREVER IT LEADS ME.
45
00:01:32,623 --> 00:01:35,203
LIKE, YESTERDAY,
I SAID THIS TO THE GPS.
46
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:38,226
(shouts gibberish)
47
00:01:38,229 --> 00:01:39,599
(whispers gibberish)
48
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,600
WHOA.
49
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,371
DID I WANT TO GO
TO BUILD-A-BEAR? NO.
50
00:01:42,373 --> 00:01:43,673
BUT DID I COME HOME
51
00:01:43,674 --> 00:01:45,784
WITH THE CUTEST
LITTLE FIREMAN FRIEND?
52
00:01:45,776 --> 00:01:48,176
YES, I DID.
53
00:01:51,542 --> 00:01:52,712
IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE HE YELLS...
54
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,153
(speaks gibberish)
55
00:01:54,145 --> 00:01:55,185
AND HE ENDS UP
IN SOME MIDDLE EASTERN VILLAGE
56
00:01:55,186 --> 00:01:56,616
HAVING A SPIT FIGHT
WITH A CAMEL.
57
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,187
GENTLEMEN, MAY I HELP YOU?
58
00:01:58,189 --> 00:02:00,819
MY WIFE WOULD LIKE TO FEEL
A LITTLE BIT SAFER IN OUR HOME.
59
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,421
WELL, THEN INVESTING
IN A ROBUST SECURITY SYSTEM
60
00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:03,723
IS AN EXCELLENT CHOICE.
61
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:06,234
ALL I'M REALLY LOOKING FOR
IS A COUPLE OF FLOODLIGHTS.
62
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,127
OH, I'M SORRY.
I-I MISUNDERSTOOD.
63
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,858
I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE TRYING
TO GET YOUR FAMILY MURDERED.
64
00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:12,561
(exhales deeply)
EXCUSE ME?
65
00:02:12,563 --> 00:02:14,313
LIGHTS BY THEMSELVES
JUST ANNOUNCE
66
00:02:14,305 --> 00:02:16,265
THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE HOUSE
YOU'RE TRYING TO PROTECT.
67
00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:18,167
HE'S RIGHT. YOU HEARD
ABOUT THE FLOODLIGHT BUTCHER?
68
00:02:18,169 --> 00:02:20,309
HE'S A SERIAL KILLER
IN ARIZONA.
69
00:02:20,311 --> 00:02:22,711
HE'D ONLY BREAK INTO PEOPLE'S
HOUSES WHO HAD SECURITY LIGHTS.
70
00:02:22,713 --> 00:02:24,583
OH, YEAH. YEAH, VERY FAMOUS.
71
00:02:24,575 --> 00:02:26,915
AND THEN THERE WAS THAT GANG
OF METH HEADS IN FLORIDA.
72
00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:28,347
THEY'D INVADE PEOPLE'S HOMES,
73
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,849
MURDER THEM, AND THEN
THEY'D FORGET TO STEAL STUFF
74
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,750
'CAUSE THEY WERE SO
FREAKING HIGH. EVERYBODY LOST.
75
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,233
WHAT ABOUT
THE DOG DOOR CANNIBAL?
76
00:02:34,225 --> 00:02:36,385
HE WOULD ACTUALLY BREAK IN
THROUGH THE SKYLIGHTS,
77
00:02:36,387 --> 00:02:40,227
BUT HE'D ALWAYS TALK ABOUT DOG
DOORS JUST BEFORE HE ATE PEOPLE.
78
00:02:40,231 --> 00:02:41,191
WHAT ABOUT
THE PICKET FENCE MAULER?
79
00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:43,332
ORTHE HOPSCOTCH BUTCHER?
80
00:02:43,334 --> 00:02:44,374
OR THE FRONT PORCH URINATER?
81
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:47,165
OR THE FLAPJACK STRANGLER?
82
00:02:48,499 --> 00:02:50,499
THIS REALLY GIVES ME A HEADACHE.
83
00:02:52,243 --> 00:02:54,683
CRAIG?
84
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,505
LISA.
85
00:02:56,507 --> 00:02:57,847
HI.
86
00:02:57,848 --> 00:02:59,948
GOD, I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU SINCE...
87
00:02:59,950 --> 00:03:02,410
AND AS THESE TWO HEARTS
WANDER THROUGH THIS WORLD,
88
00:03:02,413 --> 00:03:04,183
MAY THEY EACH
FIND THE COMFORT--
89
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,364
(plays chord)
90
00:03:05,356 --> 00:03:06,656
(woman gasps, guests murmuring)
91
00:03:06,657 --> 00:03:09,187
I BROKE UP YOUR WEDDING.
(chuckles)
92
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,219
BEAUTIFUL CHURCH,
BY THE WAY--
93
00:03:11,222 --> 00:03:12,962
HISTORIC,
YET WITH AMPLE PARKING.
94
00:03:12,963 --> 00:03:14,373
THAT'S UNUSUAL, ISN'T IT?
95
00:03:14,365 --> 00:03:17,195
CRAIG, WHAT YOU DID
THAT DAY WAS SO--
96
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,367
I KNOW, I KNOW.
97
00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:19,369
ROMANTIC.
98
00:03:19,370 --> 00:03:20,670
I AM REALLY SORRY.
99
00:03:20,671 --> 00:03:22,331
WAIT, WHAT?
100
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:23,533
IT WAS AN AMAZING GESTURE.
101
00:03:23,534 --> 00:03:26,384
IT MADE ME BITE MY LIP
LIKE THIS.
102
00:03:27,378 --> 00:03:28,678
LIKETHAT?
MM-HMM.
103
00:03:28,679 --> 00:03:30,479
IN FACT,
TODD AND I DIDN'T GET MARRIED,
104
00:03:30,481 --> 00:03:34,491
AND WE BROKE UP A WEEK LATER,
AND... I'M ALL ALONE.
105
00:03:34,485 --> 00:03:37,845
OH, MY GOD.
THAT IS TERRIBLE.
106
00:03:37,848 --> 00:03:39,548
AND WHO COULD FORGET
THE BUTCHER SHOP STRANGLER?
107
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:40,790
OR THE POINT-BLANK SNIPER?
108
00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:42,721
AND THE TAP DANCE SLASHER?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
109
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:43,993
I DEFINITELY WANT
THE GOLD PACKAGE
110
00:03:43,994 --> 00:03:45,404
WITH THE PERIMETER ALARMS.
111
00:03:45,396 --> 00:03:46,626
GOOD DECISION. ALL RIGHT.
112
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:47,897
LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET
AN INSTALLER OUT TO YOUR HOUSE
113
00:03:47,898 --> 00:03:48,958
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
114
00:03:52,263 --> 00:03:54,743
I HATE TO SEE YOU GUYS
SO DRIVEN BY FEAR.
115
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,665
WHY DON'T YOU TRY
MY GPS GAME WITH ME?
116
00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:58,367
LET RANDOM CHANCE
GUIDE YOU INTO THE WORLD,
117
00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:00,369
AND YOU'LL SEE
HOW BEAUTIFUL IT IS.
118
00:04:00,371 --> 00:04:03,271
FINE, I'LL PLAY
YOUR STUPID GPS GAME,
119
00:04:03,274 --> 00:04:04,554
BECAUSE I'M GONNA
PROVE TO YOU
120
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:07,345
THAT THE WORLD ISN'T
AS WONDERFUL AS YOU THINK.
121
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,878
AFTER ALL,
IT DOES HAVE A LIQUID CENTER.
122
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,881
I'VE GOT A DATE TONIGHT
WITH LISA.
123
00:04:13,884 --> 00:04:15,564
LISA?
YEAH.
124
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,486
WEDDING LISA? SHE'S HERE?
125
00:04:17,488 --> 00:04:20,258
YEAH. APPARENTLY, THE GUY
THAT'S HELPING WILL IS HER DAD.
126
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,830
HE JUST BOUGHT THIS PLACE,
AND LISA DOES THE ACCOUNTING.
127
00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:24,263
IT'S FATE.
128
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,774
AH, FATE. FATE LIKES ACCOUNTING
BECAUSE IT'S SO TIDY.
129
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,898
YOU CAN'T GO OUT WITH LISA.
SHE'S NUTS.
130
00:04:30,901 --> 00:04:32,401
SHE CALLED YOU OUT OF THE BLUE
RIGHT BEFORE HER WEDDING.
131
00:04:32,403 --> 00:04:34,783
YEAH, BUT THE UNIVERSE HAS
DROPPED HER BACK INTO MY LIFE.
132
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,275
IT'S A SIGN--A SIGN THAT SAYS
133
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,347
CRAIG NEEDN'T WORRY
ABOUT DYING ALONE.
134
00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:41,980
YEAH, PAINTED OVER
ANOTHER SIGN--A SIGN THAT SAYS,
135
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,822
"CRAIG SHOULDTOTALLYWORRY
ABOUT DATING LISA."
136
00:04:44,815 --> 00:04:46,015
(high-pitched voice)
ZING!
137
00:04:46,016 --> 00:04:47,386
(singsongy)
I MATCHED YOUR RHYTHMS
138
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,288
AND I TWISTED YOUR WORDS.
139
00:04:50,761 --> 00:04:52,291
MM.
140
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,472
YEAH, YOU DID.
141
00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:56,665
SO THIS IS FOR
THE INSIDE MOTION DETECTORS,
142
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:59,927
THESE ARE THE WINDOW ALARMS
FOR ZONES ONE, TWO, AND FOUR...
143
00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:01,670
WHY IS THERE NO ZONE THREE?
144
00:05:01,672 --> 00:05:04,382
I'VE... GOT NO IDEA.
145
00:05:04,375 --> 00:05:06,035
THIS THING
IS VERY COMPLICATED.
146
00:05:06,036 --> 00:05:07,476
HONEY, ALL I WANTED
WAS LIGHTS.
147
00:05:07,478 --> 00:05:08,738
I JUST WANT THE BEST SYSTEM
148
00:05:08,739 --> 00:05:11,009
SO THAT MY FAMILY
CAN SLEEP PEACEFULLY.
149
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,481
(siren blaring)
150
00:05:12,483 --> 00:05:13,783
ALL RIGHT.
NO, HEY, I'VE GOT IT!
AH!
151
00:05:13,784 --> 00:05:15,494
I'VE GOT IT!
(siren stops blaring)
152
00:05:15,486 --> 00:05:19,016
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHY DID WE GET AN ALARM SYSTEM?
153
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,389
I'LL LET YOUR DADDY
EXPLAIN THAT TO YOU,
154
00:05:20,391 --> 00:05:21,691
AND IF IT MAKES ANY SENSE...
155
00:05:21,692 --> 00:05:23,852
(whispers)
YOU CAN EXPLAIN IT TO ME.
156
00:05:23,854 --> 00:05:25,464
(slaps back)
157
00:05:25,456 --> 00:05:27,926
UH, IF I'M GONNA DEAL WITH
THIS COLOSSAL WASTE OF MONEY
158
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,828
EVERY DAY,
I'M GONNA NEED THE PASSWORD.
159
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,360
OH, IT'S "MAID," M-A-I-D.
160
00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:35,813
WAIT A MINUTE.
IS THAT THE MAID'S CODE?
161
00:05:35,806 --> 00:05:37,466
DON'T YOU TRUST ME?
162
00:05:37,468 --> 00:05:39,438
OF COURSE I TRUST YOU.
IT'S JUST THEY TOLD US
163
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,810
NOT TO GIVE THE MASTER CODE
TO ANYBODY THAT WE CAN'T TRUST.
164
00:05:41,812 --> 00:05:44,342
WAIT, LET ME START AGAIN.
165
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,124
YOU THINK I'M GONNA ROB YOU.
I'M YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND.
166
00:05:47,117 --> 00:05:49,077
BESIDES,
ALL YOUR STUFF IS YUCKY.
167
00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:51,719
BRENDA, YOU'RE JUST NOT
VERY GOOD AT KEEPING SECRETS.
168
00:05:51,722 --> 00:05:53,782
REMEMBER IN THE NINTH GRADE WHEN
I TOLD YOU I HAD A SEX DREAM
169
00:05:53,784 --> 00:05:56,394
ABOUT BERT LAHR, THAT GUY
WHO PLAYED THE COWARDLY LION?
170
00:05:56,387 --> 00:05:57,487
(imitating Cowardly Lion)
AW, COME ON, THERESA.
171
00:05:57,488 --> 00:05:58,888
GET BACK IN BED.
172
00:05:58,889 --> 00:06:01,389
AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID
OVER THE SCHOOL INTERCOM.
173
00:06:01,392 --> 00:06:04,502
(normal voice) THAT WAS
YEARS AGO. COME ON. TEST ME.
174
00:06:04,495 --> 00:06:06,795
GIVE ME A SECRET RIGHT NOW--
SOMETHING REALLY TEMPTING,
175
00:06:06,797 --> 00:06:09,437
SOMETHING YOU THINK
I WON'T BE ABLE TO--
176
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,700
WILL ONLY HAS ONE TESTICLE.
177
00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:12,001
HE LOST THE OTHER ONE
CLIMBING A FENCE
178
00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:14,582
GOING TO A DURAN DURAN CONCERT
IN 1989.
179
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,446
DAMN IT, YOU PLAY TO WIN.
180
00:06:18,449 --> 00:06:20,849
SO YOU SEE,
THE SECURITY SYSTEM IS JUST HERE
181
00:06:20,851 --> 00:06:23,051
TO KEEP US SAFE
FROM PEOPLE WHO WANT TO HURT US.
182
00:06:23,053 --> 00:06:24,383
PEOPLE WANT TO HURT US?
183
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,564
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
184
00:06:25,556 --> 00:06:27,416
WHEN ARE THE PEOPLE
COMING TO HURT US?
185
00:06:27,418 --> 00:06:29,158
THEY'RE--THEY'RENOT
COMING TO HURT US.
186
00:06:29,159 --> 00:06:31,419
THEN WHY DO WE HAVE
A SECURITY SYSTEM?
187
00:06:31,422 --> 00:06:32,692
TO KEEP THEM OUT.
188
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,093
OH, MY GOD.
THEY'RE COMING.
189
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,534
TH-THEY'RE NOT COMING.
190
00:06:35,526 --> 00:06:37,466
THEN WHY DO WE HAVE
A SECURITY SYSTEM?!
191
00:06:37,468 --> 00:06:39,728
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY,
PEOPLE ARE COMING!
192
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,430
I KNEW IT! THEY'RE COMING!
193
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,405
HELLO, I HAVE A DATE
WITH A VERY SPECIAL GIRL,
194
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,607
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD
195
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,009
ANY ADULT-ORIENTED DRILL BITS
I MIGHT PURCHASE.
196
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,611
CRAIG.
197
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:53,983
YOU'VE MET MY FATHER.
198
00:06:55,546 --> 00:06:56,546
HELLO, SIR.
199
00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:57,887
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE
200
00:06:57,888 --> 00:07:00,688
WHAT TURNED OUT NOT TO BE
YOUR DAUGHTER'S WEDDING.
201
00:07:00,691 --> 00:07:02,451
(chuckles)
202
00:07:02,453 --> 00:07:04,503
YOU'RE LOOKING WELL.
203
00:07:04,495 --> 00:07:05,555
I'M GONNA GO GET MY PURSE.
204
00:07:05,556 --> 00:07:08,156
TAKE YOUR TIME, KITTEN.
205
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,060
SO... SUBWOOFERS...
206
00:07:11,061 --> 00:07:12,501
NECESSARY? OR--
207
00:07:12,503 --> 00:07:13,963
SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH.
208
00:07:13,964 --> 00:07:16,944
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOUR LITTLE
STUNT AT THAT WEDDING COST ME?
209
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,537
WELL, DO I HAVE TO COME AS CLOSE
TO THE NUMBER AS I CAN
210
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,509
WITHOUT GOING OVER?
211
00:07:19,510 --> 00:07:22,040
BECAUSE IF SO,
I'M GONNA SAY $1. (chuckles)
212
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,652
$42,000.
213
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,775
(chuckles) IT WAS...
214
00:07:25,776 --> 00:07:27,146
IT'S VERY STEEP.
215
00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:31,720
I WONDER WHERE LISA IS.
216
00:07:31,722 --> 00:07:33,522
HERE'S THE DEAL.
YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER,
217
00:07:33,524 --> 00:07:35,994
YOU'RE GONNA REIMBURSE ME
FOR EVERY PENNY.
218
00:07:35,986 --> 00:07:37,056
EVERY PENNY?
219
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,527
THAT'S CRAZY.
220
00:07:38,529 --> 00:07:39,589
I WAS THERE FOR FIVE SECONDS.
221
00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:41,230
I DIDN'T EVEN
HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT.
222
00:07:41,231 --> 00:07:42,491
AND IF YOU DON'T
GIVE ME THE MONEY,
223
00:07:42,493 --> 00:07:43,963
I'LL DESTROY
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH LISA.
224
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,074
I HAVE A LOT OF SWAY
OVER MY DAUGHTER.
225
00:07:47,538 --> 00:07:48,968
YOU READY TO GO?
226
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,169
YEAH.
WHERE YOU GOING
FOR DINNER, HON?
227
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,671
I THOUGHT
WE'D GET SOME SEAFOOD.
228
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,683
EH, YOU DON'T WANT SEAFOOD.
229
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,245
YEAH,
I DON'T WANT SEAFOOD.
230
00:07:56,246 --> 00:07:58,906
ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU DO LOVE
A GOOD PIECE OF TROUT.
231
00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:01,609
YEAH. LET'S GET SEAFOOD.
232
00:08:01,612 --> 00:08:04,622
(chuckles) SEAFOOD.
SEAFOOD IT IS.
233
00:08:04,615 --> 00:08:05,755
(Lisa giggles)
234
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,659
(clatter)
235
00:08:10,661 --> 00:08:12,161
AND WHEN THE GPS ASKS
FOR A DESTINATION,
236
00:08:12,162 --> 00:08:13,662
WE JUST SCREAM NONSENSE.
237
00:08:13,664 --> 00:08:15,504
BRENDA AND I CAME UP
WITH THIS LAST MONTH
238
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,925
WHEN A BEE GOT IN THE CAR
AND WE BOTH DID SOME SCREAMING.
239
00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:20,198
WE ENDED UP AT THE MUSEUM
OF DEHYDRATED MEAT,
240
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,770
WHERE WE SAW A DRIED COW
YOU CAN FIT INTO A BACKPACK.
241
00:08:22,773 --> 00:08:25,213
YEAH, I'VE BEEN TO THAT PLACE.
PARKING SUCKS.
242
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,975
COME ON. LET'S GET
THIS TRAIN WRECK STARTED.
243
00:08:27,978 --> 00:08:29,808
YES, LET'S SEE
WHAT WONDERFUL ADVENTURE
244
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,580
THE UNIVERSE HAS
IN STORE FOR US.
245
00:08:31,582 --> 00:08:32,882
(beeps)
246
00:08:32,883 --> 00:08:34,593
(automated male voice)
DESTINATION?
247
00:08:34,585 --> 00:08:36,785
(shouts gibberish)
248
00:08:36,787 --> 00:08:40,647
DIRECTIONS TO SASH MILL CINEMA.
249
00:08:42,653 --> 00:08:43,993
(cell phone beeps)
250
00:08:43,994 --> 00:08:47,164
HUH. "NOW PLAYING--
'THE DARKEST FJORD.'
251
00:08:47,157 --> 00:08:50,257
"6-HOUR DIRECTOR'S CUT
WITH SUBTITLES.
252
00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:52,860
"A SAD, OLD MAN LIVES ALONE
IN A LIGHTHOUSE
253
00:08:52,863 --> 00:08:56,073
ON THE COAST OF NORWAY
WHERE THERE ARE NO SHIPS."
254
00:08:56,066 --> 00:08:57,836
YEAH,THAT SOUNDS
ABOUT RIGHT.
255
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,568
YEAH.
256
00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:03,571
(inhales)
257
00:09:04,575 --> 00:09:07,075
(sighs)
258
00:09:07,077 --> 00:09:09,047
(sighs)
259
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,620
(alarm blaring)
OH!
260
00:09:11,622 --> 00:09:13,882
I GOT IT! ALL GOOD!
KEEP SLEEPING!
261
00:09:13,884 --> 00:09:16,264
(automated female voice)
ZONE THREE--BREACH.
262
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,756
ZONE THREE--BREACH.
263
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:21,189
ZONE THREE--BREACH.
THERE IS NO ZONE THREE!
264
00:09:21,191 --> 00:09:22,561
(beeps)
THE BAD PEOPLE ARE HERE!
265
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,232
I KNEW THEY WERE COMING!
(blaring stops)
266
00:09:24,234 --> 00:09:27,144
NO ONE'S COMING, OKAY?
THAT WOMAN IS A LIAR.
(dog barking in distance)
267
00:09:27,137 --> 00:09:28,137
EVERYBODY BACK TO BED.
268
00:09:28,138 --> 00:09:29,138
I WANT TO STAY
WITH YOU GUYS.
269
00:09:29,139 --> 00:09:30,139
ME, TOO.
270
00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:31,300
OF COURSE,
271
00:09:31,301 --> 00:09:32,771
AND MAYBE
THE LYING WOMAN IN THE WALL
272
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,883
WOULD LIKE TO SQUEEZE
INTO BED WITH US, TOO.
273
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:36,245
THERE'S A WOMAN
IN THE WALL?!
274
00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:40,176
NO, THERE'S NO WOMAN
IN THE WALL.
275
00:09:46,717 --> 00:09:48,857
(sighs)
276
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:04,782
VAMPIRE!
277
00:10:04,775 --> 00:10:06,275
(sighs)
278
00:10:12,943 --> 00:10:13,943
(lowered voice)
OH, WILL'S ASLEEP.
279
00:10:13,944 --> 00:10:16,024
GET THE SHARPIE.
I'M AWAKE.
280
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,286
HEY, MAN. HOW YOU DOING?
HEY. MORNING TO YOU.
281
00:10:17,287 --> 00:10:19,247
OHH. I DIDN'T GET
A LOT OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
282
00:10:19,249 --> 00:10:21,389
I TRIPPED THE ALARM,
AND THE KIDS--
283
00:10:21,391 --> 00:10:23,891
LISTEN UP. GOT SOMETHING
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT.
284
00:10:23,894 --> 00:10:25,964
OH, I'M SORRY, CRAIG.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO CUT YOU OFF.
285
00:10:25,956 --> 00:10:28,296
NO PROBLEM.
SO LISA AND I ARE BACK TOGETHER.
286
00:10:28,298 --> 00:10:29,798
ONE LITTLE GLITCH.
287
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,330
CHICK'S CRAZY?
JURY'S STILL OUT.
288
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:32,931
HER FATHER
WANTS ME TO PAY BACK
289
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,273
THE 42 GRAND
HE SPENT ON THE WEDDING.
290
00:10:35,265 --> 00:10:37,035
(scoffs) THAT'S INSANE.
291
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,337
(snaps fingers)
(gasps) YOU SHOULD HIT HIM
OVER AND OVER AGAIN
292
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,738
WITH A PILLOWCASE
FULL OF SODA CANS.
293
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,040
KENNY, NOT EVERYTHING
YOU SEE IN A SEAN PENN MOVIE
294
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,242
IS A GOOD IDEA IN REAL LIFE.
295
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,824
FINE. THEN AT LEAST
NEGOTIATE THE PRICE DOWN.
296
00:10:46,817 --> 00:10:48,977
YOU'VE SEEN LISA'S DAD'S
TV COMMERCIALS.
297
00:10:48,979 --> 00:10:51,319
ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS MAKE
A DEAL. NO CREDIT, BAD CREDIT.
298
00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:52,421
HE DOESN'T CARE!
299
00:10:52,422 --> 00:10:54,222
YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING
ANY OF THIS, CRAIG.
300
00:10:54,224 --> 00:10:56,394
YOU'RE ONLY WITH LISA BECAUSE
YOU'RE AFRAID OF DYING ALONE,
301
00:10:56,386 --> 00:10:59,186
AND WHEN YOU DO THINGS OUT OF
FEAR, YOU MAKE BAD DECISIONS.
302
00:10:59,189 --> 00:11:00,759
OH, LIKE PUTTING IN
AN EXPENSIVE SECURITY SYSTEM
303
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,131
THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN OPERATE?
304
00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:04,902
THAT'S DIFFERENT.
THE WORLD IS MOSTLY MURDERERS.
305
00:11:04,895 --> 00:11:06,035
MY FRIENDS, YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT.
306
00:11:06,036 --> 00:11:08,096
YOU MUST NEVER BE AFRAID
TO ACT OUT OF FEAR.
307
00:11:08,098 --> 00:11:11,068
THE WORLD'S NOT THE WONDERFUL
PLACE GRANT THINKS IT IS.
308
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,671
OH, SO YOUR ADVENTURE LAST NIGHT
DIDN'T GO SO WELL.
309
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,453
UGH, IT WAS A DISASTER.
310
00:11:15,445 --> 00:11:17,675
(sentimental music playing)
(crying)
311
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,047
YOUR DUTY AS LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER
IS DONE, SVEN.
312
00:11:21,051 --> 00:11:25,391
TURN OFF YOUR BEACON
AND BE AT PEACE.
313
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,185
(sobs)
314
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,187
(voice breaking)
IT WAS SO BORING AND DUMB.
315
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,219
(sniffles)
316
00:11:32,222 --> 00:11:35,332
FINE!
IT WAS BREATHTAKING CINEMA.
317
00:11:35,325 --> 00:11:36,865
CLAUSSEN DUMSFELDT
318
00:11:36,867 --> 00:11:40,097
MAKES YON HANSEN
LOOK LIKE URN SCHVETLOCK.
319
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,700
MMM. SO GRANT WAS RIGHT.
320
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,901
YOU TRUSTED THE UNIVERSE,
AND IT WORKED OUT.
321
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,244
IT WAS A FLUKE.
WE'RE GOING OUT AGAIN TONIGHT.
322
00:11:46,236 --> 00:11:49,406
AND SINCE IT WENT WELL
YESTERDAY, I'M QUITE CERTAIN
323
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,409
WE'LL BE MIGHTILY CRAPPED UPON
THIS EVENING.
324
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,441
MAYBE IT'LL RAIN, AND YOUR CAR
WILL SPIN OUT OF CONTROL.
325
00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:54,443
YOU'LL HIT A TREE.
326
00:11:54,444 --> 00:11:55,494
THANKS, MAN.
327
00:11:55,485 --> 00:11:56,915
(loud slap)
OHH.
328
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,447
HIT MYSELF.
329
00:11:58,448 --> 00:12:00,248
(snaps fingers)
330
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,450
ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ME
THE REAL ALARM CODE?
331
00:12:02,452 --> 00:12:03,352
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T
TOLD ANYONE
332
00:12:03,353 --> 00:12:05,303
ABOUT WILL'S
HALF-EMPTY MARBLE BAG.
333
00:12:05,295 --> 00:12:06,425
IT'S ONLY BEEN A DAY,
334
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:09,396
AND I LIKE TO THINK
OF HIS MARBLE BAG AS HALF FULL.
335
00:12:09,399 --> 00:12:12,429
OKAY. I FIGURED IT OUT.
336
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:15,412
THE ALARM IS SET
AND EVERYTHING IS GOOD TO GO.
337
00:12:15,405 --> 00:12:17,305
(automated male voice)
ZONE "Q" ACTIVATED.
338
00:12:17,307 --> 00:12:20,467
ZONE "Q"?
WHAT THE HELL IS ZONE "Q"?
339
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:21,740
AND I SWEAR
THAT'S A DIFFERENT VOICE.
340
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,371
INSIDE MOTION DETECTORS ON.
341
00:12:24,374 --> 00:12:25,484
NOBODY MOVE.
342
00:12:25,475 --> 00:12:26,315
IF THE ALARM
GOES OFF AGAIN,
343
00:12:26,316 --> 00:12:27,816
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
GET NEW KIDS.
344
00:12:27,818 --> 00:12:28,818
WE CAN MOVE.
345
00:12:28,819 --> 00:12:30,219
WE JUST HAVE TO DO IT
REALLY SLOWLY
346
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,420
SO WE DON'T
TRIGGER THE SENSOR.
347
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,194
I'LL GO TO THE LIVING ROOM
AND TURN IT OFF.
348
00:12:36,186 --> 00:12:37,356
BE BACK IN A COUPLE HOURS.
349
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,327
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
350
00:12:38,328 --> 00:12:40,758
I CAN MAKE IT TO THE BEDROOM
IN 45 MINUTES.
351
00:12:47,297 --> 00:12:50,297
I HAD A NIGHTMARE
THAT THE ALARM WENT OFF.
352
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,500
(alarm blaring)
353
00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:54,071
AAH! I CAN'T WAKE UP!
354
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,154
(blaring continues)
355
00:12:55,145 --> 00:12:56,505
(sighs)
356
00:12:57,447 --> 00:12:59,107
SCOOBY-DOO-BOW-BA-BO.
357
00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:01,149
(male electronic voice)
DIRECTIONS TO
358
00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:02,911
INTERSECTION OF SIXTH AND MAIN.
359
00:13:02,913 --> 00:13:04,483
DUDE, THAT'S SKID ROW.
360
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:08,094
WE ARE SO DYING TONIGHT.
361
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,058
(Kenny and man)
♪HOMBRE ARRIBA♪
362
00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:12,390
♪CON MI CORAZON♪
363
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,392
EVERYBODY!
364
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,533
♪HOMBRE ARRIBA♪
365
00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:17,465
♪CON MI CORAZON♪
366
00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:18,467
(high-pitched voice)
AY, AY, AY!
367
00:13:18,468 --> 00:13:19,568
THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC.
368
00:13:19,569 --> 00:13:21,869
OHH, IT WAS
A CROSS-CULTURAL DELIGHT,
369
00:13:21,872 --> 00:13:24,002
BUT I FIGURED OUT WHY
EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WELL.
370
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,584
TILL NOW, GRANT'S BEEN THE ONE
YELLING AT THE GPS,
371
00:13:26,576 --> 00:13:28,506
AND THE UNIVERSE
HAS A CRUSH ON GRANT,
372
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,538
SO NEXT TIME, I'M GONNA BE
DOING THE SCREAMING. (cackles)
373
00:13:31,541 --> 00:13:34,811
IT'S WEIRD THAT YOU'RE WORKING
SO HARD TO MAKE THINGS GO BADLY.
374
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,554
IT'S NOT WEIRD. WHAT YOU'RE
DOING WITH LISA IS WEIRD.
375
00:13:37,547 --> 00:13:39,417
(sighs) NO.
376
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,419
NO, IT'S NOT.
377
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:44,291
WILL, WAKE UP.
CRAIG'S BEING WEIRD.
378
00:13:44,294 --> 00:13:47,104
UH, YEAH. NO, I WOULDN'T
WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH THAT.
379
00:13:47,097 --> 00:13:48,397
I'M NOT BEING WEIRD.
380
00:13:48,398 --> 00:13:50,528
I COULDN'T TALK WALTER DOWN
ON THE BASE PRICE,
381
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,130
SO I WORKED OUT
AN ARRANGEMENT.
382
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:55,472
EVERY TIME I SEE LISA,
I GIVE HER OLD MAN 200 BUCKS.
383
00:13:55,465 --> 00:13:57,835
LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING.
384
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:01,107
THERE'S $200 ON THE DRESSER
FOR YOUR DAD.
385
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,012
OH, YEAH. THAT'S WEIRD.
386
00:14:04,014 --> 00:14:05,554
IT'S JUST A PAYMENT PLAN.
387
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,845
OHH, THAT'S SO ROMANTIC.
388
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,446
IT'S JUST LIKE
THAT FAMOUS SHAKESPEARE PLAY,
389
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,078
"ROMEO AND THE HOOKER."
390
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,580
YOU GUYS ARE JUST JEALOUS
391
00:14:11,581 --> 00:14:13,581
BECAUSE I GOT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
AT A FAIR PRICE,
392
00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:15,563
AND YOU TWO
ARE FLOUNDERING AROUND
393
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,585
LIKE A COUPLE
OF FLOUNDERING FLOUNDERS.
394
00:14:17,587 --> 00:14:20,027
I'M NOT FLOUNDERING.
I SOLVED MY PROBLEM.
395
00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:21,430
I DIDN'T TELL
THERESA AND THE KIDS,
396
00:14:21,431 --> 00:14:22,861
BUT I DISCONNECTED THE ALARM
397
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,562
SO EVERYONE
CAN START SLEEPING AGAIN.
398
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:25,874
WHAT?
399
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,595
DIDN'T THE INSTALLER
TELL YOU THAT THERE'S, LIKE,
400
00:14:27,597 --> 00:14:30,267
32 WAYS FOR A MADMAN
TO GET INTO YOUR HOUSE?
401
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,970
YES,
402
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,502
AND NOW THAT I'M NOT USING
MY ALARM, I'D APPRECIATE IT
403
00:14:34,504 --> 00:14:36,614
IF YOU DIDN'T KEEP
PUTTING THAT STUFF IN MY HEAD.
404
00:14:36,606 --> 00:14:37,876
WE JUST DON'T WANT
TO SEE SOME MANIAC
405
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,277
COME OUT OF THE HILLS
BEHIND YOUR HOUSE,
406
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,509
CRAWL THROUGH THAT COMICALLY
VULNERABLE BASEMENT WINDOW,
407
00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:43,511
KICK DOWN THAT PARTICLEBOARD
DOOR, SLIT YOUR THROAT,
408
00:14:43,513 --> 00:14:46,393
AND DRAG YOUR FAMILY OFF
TO SOME CULT IN THE WOODS, WILL.
409
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,586
THERE'S NO WAY
THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
OH, GREAT.
410
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,258
NOW I CAN'T SLEEP WITH THE ALARM
AND I CAN'T SLEEP WITHOUT IT.
411
00:14:51,261 --> 00:14:52,491
WELL, YOU'D BETTER PRAY
412
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,892
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS THE IRONIC STRANGLER,
413
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:58,133
BECAUSE HE WOULD KILL YOU...
BY TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.
414
00:14:59,469 --> 00:15:01,469
YEAH.
415
00:15:05,275 --> 00:15:06,535
(automated male voice)
DESTINATION.
416
00:15:08,678 --> 00:15:11,678
(shouting gibberish)
417
00:15:13,443 --> 00:15:15,453
DIRECTIONS TO
418
00:15:15,445 --> 00:15:18,445
ALOO'S INDONESIAN CAFE
AND SMOG CHECK.
419
00:15:18,448 --> 00:15:20,288
MMM.
(chuckles)
420
00:15:20,290 --> 00:15:21,450
SOUNDS LIKE
WE'RE IN FOR A JOURNEY
421
00:15:21,451 --> 00:15:23,521
THROUGH THE CULINARY WONDERS
OF SOUTHEAST ASIA.
422
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,163
EW.
423
00:15:25,155 --> 00:15:26,395
AWESOME.
424
00:15:26,396 --> 00:15:27,996
(laughs)
425
00:15:27,998 --> 00:15:30,998
(drill whirring)
426
00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:33,431
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE EATING, MAN.
427
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,173
I THINK
WE'RE IN SOMEONE'S HOUSE.
428
00:15:35,165 --> 00:15:37,635
LOOK, THERE'S SHAG CARPETING
IN THE KITCHEN.
429
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:40,507
EMBRACE, KENNY.
DON'T RESIST.
430
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:42,070
THIS IS A MAGICAL WINDOW
INTO A SIDE OF CENTRAL OHIO
431
00:15:42,072 --> 00:15:44,172
WE WOULD NEVER
ORDINARILY GET TO SEE.
432
00:15:44,174 --> 00:15:46,624
NO, IT ISN'T.
THIS PLACE SUCKS.
433
00:15:46,616 --> 00:15:49,646
LOOK. THERE'S A CAT
IN THAT BATHTUB.
434
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,949
THERE'S A BATHTUB.
435
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,281
OKAY, LOOK,
YOU GOT TO STOP PRETENDING.
436
00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:55,534
(clatters)
437
00:15:55,525 --> 00:15:56,525
ARE YOU OKAY?
438
00:15:56,526 --> 00:15:58,956
I'M IN TROUBLE.
439
00:15:58,958 --> 00:15:59,988
(clatter)
440
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:01,260
(thud)
441
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:04,331
HA! YES! I WIN!
442
00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:06,974
WHERE'S YOUR UNIVERSE NOW?
443
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,266
OH, I SHOULD CALL 9-1-1.
444
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,400
APPARENTLY, I HAD
A VIOLENT ALLERGIC REACTION
445
00:16:12,402 --> 00:16:14,642
TO SOMETHING CALLED
GROUND-UP SALAMANDERS.
446
00:16:14,644 --> 00:16:16,584
GEE,
I WONDER WHAT'S IN THAT.
447
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,446
I DIDN'T ASK.
448
00:16:17,447 --> 00:16:19,177
THE IMPORTANT THING IS
449
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:21,409
YOU AND I ARE STILL HAVING
A GREAT ADVENTURE.
450
00:16:21,411 --> 00:16:23,581
WHAT?NO, WE'RE NOT.
451
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,523
I WON. YOU ALMOST DIED.
THE UNIVERSE SUCKS.
452
00:16:26,516 --> 00:16:29,386
WE'RE STILL WAITING
FOR ONE OF THE ANTIVENOM SHOTS.
453
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,359
YOU HAD A LOT OF DIFFERENT
SALAMANDERS IN YOU.
454
00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:33,091
(woman over P.A.) NURSE SCULLY,
PLEASE REPORT TO...
455
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:36,203
OH, MY GOD.
IS THAT BILLY DEE WILLIAMS?
456
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,426
NO.
457
00:16:38,428 --> 00:16:40,398
YES! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
458
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,070
THE MAN WHO PLAYED
LANDO CALRISSIAN IN "STAR WARS"
459
00:16:42,072 --> 00:16:44,502
IS INTHISHOSPITAL.
WHAT ISHEIN FOR?
460
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,714
(pen clicks)
SIR, HE'S A PATIENT.
I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT.
461
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,677
OHH. OF COURSE.
CLASSIC LANDO.
462
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,380
I KNOW, RIGHT? (laughs)
463
00:16:53,383 --> 00:16:54,683
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
464
00:16:54,684 --> 00:16:56,454
I GOTTA GO TO WILL'S HOUSE
AND GET MY LANDO ACTION FIGURE
465
00:16:56,446 --> 00:16:57,646
SO BILLY DEE WILLIAMS
CAN SIGN IT.
466
00:16:57,647 --> 00:17:00,117
NOW WHY DO YOU KEEP YOUR DOLLS--
I'M SORRY,
467
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,490
ACTION DOLLS--
AT WILL'S HOUSE?
468
00:17:02,492 --> 00:17:05,402
WILL HAS A SECURITY SYSTEM.
I WANT TO KEEP IT SAFE.
469
00:17:05,395 --> 00:17:07,225
I'M SO SORRY, KENNY.
470
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,227
LOOKS LIKE
THIS IS GONNA BE
471
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,528
ANOTHER GREAT EXPERIENCE
FOR YOU.
472
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,299
OH,SHUTUP.
473
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,343
(clattering)
474
00:17:25,175 --> 00:17:28,175
(rustling)
475
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,540
(cans clatter)
476
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,675
HELLO THERE, YOU--
477
00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,748
OHH!
(thud)
478
00:17:59,749 --> 00:18:02,309
(both grunting)
479
00:18:02,312 --> 00:18:03,652
WILL? WHAT'S GOING ON?
480
00:18:03,653 --> 00:18:05,363
STAY BACK! I GOT THIS!
481
00:18:05,355 --> 00:18:08,255
(grunting)
482
00:18:08,258 --> 00:18:10,758
(pants)
(fizzing)
483
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,520
UH-OH.
484
00:18:12,522 --> 00:18:15,632
(splattering)
485
00:18:15,625 --> 00:18:17,665
I AMREALLYSORRY.
486
00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:19,197
(woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A.)
487
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,169
(clenches teeth)
YOU HIT ME SO MANY TIMES.
488
00:18:21,171 --> 00:18:23,671
MR. HAYDEN,
WE HAVE A ROOM FOR YOU NOW.
489
00:18:23,673 --> 00:18:25,783
YOU KNOW,
I-I-I JUST LOST MY MIND.
490
00:18:25,775 --> 00:18:27,735
I WAS SO HOPPED-UP
ON FEAR
491
00:18:27,737 --> 00:18:29,837
BECAUSE YOU KEPT TALKING
ABOUT ALL THOSE MURDERERS.
492
00:18:29,839 --> 00:18:34,379
OH, I'M SORRY, WILL.
PLEASE LET ME REPLACE YOUR SODA.
493
00:18:34,384 --> 00:18:37,624
LOOK, IF NOTHING ELSE,
YOU HELPED ME PROVE TO GRANT
494
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:41,617
THAT THE WORLD
AND THE UNIVERSE DOES SUCK.
495
00:18:48,698 --> 00:18:52,698
WHY, YOU SLIMY, DOUBLE-CROSSING,
NO-GOOD SWINDLER.
496
00:18:52,702 --> 00:18:56,312
YOU GOT A LOTTA GUTS COMING HERE
AFTER WHAT YOU PULLED.
497
00:18:56,306 --> 00:18:57,606
ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
498
00:18:57,607 --> 00:18:59,137
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, I--
499
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,738
I WAS JUST RUNNING LINES
FROM "THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK."
500
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,252
IT SOOTHES ME WHEN I'M--
I'M FEELING STRESSED.
501
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,375
ME, TOO.
502
00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:09,146
WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
503
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,648
ANYTHING, MR. DEE WILLIAMS.
504
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:15,230
WOULD YOU PLAY
THE PART OF HAN SOLO?
505
00:19:15,225 --> 00:19:17,685
(orchestral music playing)
506
00:19:17,687 --> 00:19:20,227
THANK YOU, UNIVERSE.
507
00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:22,790
I'M SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU.
508
00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,332
OKAY, LISTEN.
509
00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:28,274
WE'LL START IN THE COCKPIT
OF THE "MILLENIUM FALCON."
510
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,768
(imitates Chewbacca)
511
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,770
IS KENNY OKAY?
512
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,902
HE'S DOING PRETTY WELL
FOR SOMEONE
513
00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:37,454
WHO WAS SAVAGELY BEATEN
WITH A 12-PACK OF GINGER ALE.
514
00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:39,777
I TOLD YOU WE SHOULDN'T
KEEP SODA IN THE HOUSE.
515
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,909
DON'T WORRY. I'VE WORKED
IN THIS HOSPITAL. THEY'RE GREAT.
516
00:19:42,912 --> 00:19:45,892
THEY'LL HAVE HIM BACK TO HIS
NORMAL MONSTER FACE IN NO TIME.
517
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,485
I'M SORRY I ALMOST
KILLED YOUR BROTHER.
518
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,518
YOU WENT BABOON ON HIM.
519
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:51,760
SO I WAS THINKING...
520
00:19:51,761 --> 00:19:54,821
MAYBE THE WHOLE SECURITY SYSTEM
WAS A MISTAKE.
521
00:19:54,824 --> 00:19:56,504
YEAH, I REALLY DON'T
THINK WE NEED IT.
522
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,326
EVEN THE KIDS FEEL SAFER
NOW THAT THEY'VE SEEN
523
00:19:58,328 --> 00:20:00,928
YOUR BLIND RAGE
AND YOUR CRAZY MONKEY-STRENGTH.
524
00:20:00,930 --> 00:20:02,600
OOH. (laughs)
525
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,382
HELLO, BRENDA. WELL, I'VE GOT
SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU FOLKS.
526
00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:06,675
(sighs)
527
00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:09,776
BILLY DEE WILLIAMS IS RIGHT HERE
IN THIS HOSPITAL. I'M SERIOUS.
528
00:20:09,779 --> 00:20:12,439
HUH. AND GRANT AND KENNY?
529
00:20:12,442 --> 00:20:13,812
YES, THEY BOTH SAW HIM.
530
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:14,843
UH, DR. SAMDI,
531
00:20:14,844 --> 00:20:16,924
THESE ARE MY FRIENDS,
THERESA AND WILL KEEN.
532
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,486
WILL KEEN?
533
00:20:18,488 --> 00:20:22,388
THE MAN WHO LOST A TESTICLE
AT A DURAN DURAN CONCERT?
534
00:20:22,392 --> 00:20:23,652
WHAT?
535
00:20:23,653 --> 00:20:26,863
I MADE THAT UP.
I WAS TESTING BRENDA.
536
00:20:26,856 --> 00:20:29,456
YEAH, I CAN'T KEEP SECRETS.
537
00:20:29,459 --> 00:20:31,759
I ALREADY GAVE THE MAID'S CODE
TO, LIKE, SIX PEOPLE.
538
00:20:31,761 --> 00:20:33,831
THERE'S SOMETHING BROKEN
IN MY HEAD.
539
00:20:42,472 --> 00:20:44,272
HELLO, SIR.
540
00:20:44,274 --> 00:20:46,754
WE GOT A PROBLEM,
YOU AND ME.
541
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,476
WHERE'S MY MONEY?
542
00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:50,948
UH, I GAVE IT TO THE GIRL.
I MEAN, YOUR DAUGHTER.
543
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,920
M--LI--MY GIRLFR--
I GAVE IT TO LISA.
544
00:20:52,922 --> 00:20:54,452
SURE YOU DID.
545
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,464
HEY! I JUST FOLDED THAT!
546
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,556
DO YOU THINK
I'M SCREWING AROUND?
547
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,887
NO! MY SOCKS! OKAY, OKAY!
548
00:20:59,889 --> 00:21:01,929
I SAW HER LAST NIGHT
AND I DIDN'T GIVE HER ANY MONEY,
549
00:21:01,931 --> 00:21:02,961
BUT WE ONLY HAD COFFEE.
550
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:07,472
HEY. IF YOU SEE HER, YOU PAY.
HER TIME IS MY DIME.
551
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:08,867
YOU KNOW WHAT?
552
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,798
I ONLY STARTED SEEING LISA AGAIN
OUT OF FEAR OF DYING ALONE,
553
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,370
BUT THIS HAS ALL
GOTTEN TOO WEIRD,
554
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,542
SO I'M GONNA
HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH HER.
555
00:21:14,544 --> 00:21:17,584
REALLY? OHH.
YOU GUYS ARE SO GOOD TOGETHER.
556
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:18,907
I KNOW, AREN'T WE?
557
00:21:18,908 --> 00:21:20,908
YEAH. WELL, AT LEAST,
MY WIFE AND I BOTH THINK SO.
558
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,882
YOU KNOW WHAT?
(snaps fingers)
559
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,523
I'M GONNA WRITE YOU A CHECK.
560
00:21:26,516 --> 00:21:28,916
YOU ARE ONE HELL
OF A SALESMAN, WALT.
41073
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.