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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,173 --> 00:00:04,003 SO THERESA HAS BEEN 2 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,444 WATCHING THIS SHOW ABOUT CRIME IN THE SUBURBS. 3 00:00:06,437 --> 00:00:08,107 WHICH ONE? "SUBURBAN MURDER"? "DEATH COMES A'KNOCKIN"? 4 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:10,009 "HOME SWEET HOME-ICIDE"? "GOOD MORNING, YOU'RE DEAD"? 5 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,080 NO, NO. "MURDER STREET, U.S.A."? 6 00:00:12,083 --> 00:00:13,313 (whispers) I LOVE THAT ONE. 7 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,394 NOT ENOUGH MURDER FOR ME. 8 00:00:14,385 --> 00:00:16,185 IT'S SCARING THE CRAP OUT OF HER. 9 00:00:16,187 --> 00:00:18,387 SHE SHOULD BE SCARED. THE WORLD'S A DANGEROUS PLACE. 10 00:00:18,389 --> 00:00:19,719 ESPECIALLY FOR THE HUMAN HEART. 11 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,350 I AM WAY LESS AFRAID OF BEING KILLED BY AN INTRUDER 12 00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:22,722 THAN I AM OF DYING ALONE. 13 00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,233 IF YOU GET KILLED BY AN INTRUDER, YOU WON'T BE ALONE. 14 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,395 YOU'LL BE WITH AN INTRUDER. 15 00:00:25,396 --> 00:00:27,096 ANYWAY, NOW THERESA WANTS US 16 00:00:27,098 --> 00:00:29,198 TO GET SECURITY LIGHTS FOR THE BACKYARD. 17 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,400 I'VE INSTALLED SECURITY LIGHTS-- NOT WELL, BUT I'VE DONE IT. 18 00:00:32,403 --> 00:00:34,373 DON'T LET THEM SELL YOU THE GIBSON 120s. 19 00:00:34,365 --> 00:00:35,765 IT'S A RACKET. 20 00:00:35,766 --> 00:00:39,136 AND DO NOT GET THE JOHNSON-PROCTOR 162 21 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,210 WITH THE BORON-MAGNESIUM CORE AND LIQUID CENTER. 22 00:00:41,212 --> 00:00:43,312 GOD,THOSE THINGS PISS ME OFF. 23 00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:44,784 SEEMS A LITTLE EXTREME. 24 00:00:44,775 --> 00:00:47,175 WHAT, DO YOU GOTSTOCK IN 'EM?! 25 00:00:47,178 --> 00:00:48,678 (sighs) 26 00:00:48,679 --> 00:00:53,049 GET ME TWO MADELEINES AND THAT SHERYL CROW CD. 27 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,233 I'M GONNA GO WAIT IN THE CAR. 28 00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:55,525 (chair clatters) 29 00:00:55,526 --> 00:00:56,726 WILL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 30 00:00:56,727 --> 00:00:58,757 YOU KNOW HE HATES ANYTHING WITH A LIQUID CENTER. 31 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:04,439 I FORGOT. 32 00:01:04,435 --> 00:01:07,235 THE WINTHROP 760 IS A SOLID BULB. 33 00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:08,268 IT'S A SOFT LIGHT-- 34 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,269 MAKE YOUR INTRUDERS LOOK LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. 35 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:12,071 ELECTRONICS STORES ARE SO BORING. 36 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,182 THERE'S NEVER ANYTHING THAT I-- OH, DISCO BALLS! 37 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,546 I'M GONNA LOOK FOR A GPS. 38 00:01:16,547 --> 00:01:19,277 I THOUGHT YOU HATED MODERN TECHNOLOGY. 39 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,550 YOU SAID IT'S A GODLESS VICE 40 00:01:20,551 --> 00:01:23,381 THAT CRUSHES EVERYTHING TRUE AND HUMAN IN THE WORLD. 41 00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,194 YES, BUT RIGHT THEN I WAS MAINLY FRUSTRATED 42 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,716 BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET THE INK GOING IN MY BALLPOINT PEN. 43 00:01:27,718 --> 00:01:29,788 AND RECENTLY, I'VE BEEN PLAYING THIS GAME WITH BRENDA'S GPS 44 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,620 WHERE I JUST YELL NONSENSE INTO IT AND GO WHEREVER IT LEADS ME. 45 00:01:32,623 --> 00:01:35,203 LIKE, YESTERDAY, I SAID THIS TO THE GPS. 46 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:38,226 (shouts gibberish) 47 00:01:38,229 --> 00:01:39,599 (whispers gibberish) 48 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,600 WHOA. 49 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,371 DID I WANT TO GO TO BUILD-A-BEAR? NO. 50 00:01:42,373 --> 00:01:43,673 BUT DID I COME HOME 51 00:01:43,674 --> 00:01:45,784 WITH THE CUTEST LITTLE FIREMAN FRIEND? 52 00:01:45,776 --> 00:01:48,176 YES, I DID. 53 00:01:51,542 --> 00:01:52,712 IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE HE YELLS... 54 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,153 (speaks gibberish) 55 00:01:54,145 --> 00:01:55,185 AND HE ENDS UP IN SOME MIDDLE EASTERN VILLAGE 56 00:01:55,186 --> 00:01:56,616 HAVING A SPIT FIGHT WITH A CAMEL. 57 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,187 GENTLEMEN, MAY I HELP YOU? 58 00:01:58,189 --> 00:02:00,819 MY WIFE WOULD LIKE TO FEEL A LITTLE BIT SAFER IN OUR HOME. 59 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,421 WELL, THEN INVESTING IN A ROBUST SECURITY SYSTEM 60 00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:03,723 IS AN EXCELLENT CHOICE. 61 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:06,234 ALL I'M REALLY LOOKING FOR IS A COUPLE OF FLOODLIGHTS. 62 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,127 OH, I'M SORRY. I-I MISUNDERSTOOD. 63 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,858 I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE TRYING TO GET YOUR FAMILY MURDERED. 64 00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:12,561 (exhales deeply) EXCUSE ME? 65 00:02:12,563 --> 00:02:14,313 LIGHTS BY THEMSELVES JUST ANNOUNCE 66 00:02:14,305 --> 00:02:16,265 THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE HOUSE YOU'RE TRYING TO PROTECT. 67 00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:18,167 HE'S RIGHT. YOU HEARD ABOUT THE FLOODLIGHT BUTCHER? 68 00:02:18,169 --> 00:02:20,309 HE'S A SERIAL KILLER IN ARIZONA. 69 00:02:20,311 --> 00:02:22,711 HE'D ONLY BREAK INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES WHO HAD SECURITY LIGHTS. 70 00:02:22,713 --> 00:02:24,583 OH, YEAH. YEAH, VERY FAMOUS. 71 00:02:24,575 --> 00:02:26,915 AND THEN THERE WAS THAT GANG OF METH HEADS IN FLORIDA. 72 00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:28,347 THEY'D INVADE PEOPLE'S HOMES, 73 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,849 MURDER THEM, AND THEN THEY'D FORGET TO STEAL STUFF 74 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,750 'CAUSE THEY WERE SO FREAKING HIGH. EVERYBODY LOST. 75 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,233 WHAT ABOUT THE DOG DOOR CANNIBAL? 76 00:02:34,225 --> 00:02:36,385 HE WOULD ACTUALLY BREAK IN THROUGH THE SKYLIGHTS, 77 00:02:36,387 --> 00:02:40,227 BUT HE'D ALWAYS TALK ABOUT DOG DOORS JUST BEFORE HE ATE PEOPLE. 78 00:02:40,231 --> 00:02:41,191 WHAT ABOUT THE PICKET FENCE MAULER? 79 00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:43,332 ORTHE HOPSCOTCH BUTCHER? 80 00:02:43,334 --> 00:02:44,374 OR THE FRONT PORCH URINATER? 81 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:47,165 OR THE FLAPJACK STRANGLER? 82 00:02:48,499 --> 00:02:50,499 THIS REALLY GIVES ME A HEADACHE. 83 00:02:52,243 --> 00:02:54,683 CRAIG? 84 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,505 LISA. 85 00:02:56,507 --> 00:02:57,847 HI. 86 00:02:57,848 --> 00:02:59,948 GOD, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE... 87 00:02:59,950 --> 00:03:02,410 AND AS THESE TWO HEARTS WANDER THROUGH THIS WORLD, 88 00:03:02,413 --> 00:03:04,183 MAY THEY EACH FIND THE COMFORT-- 89 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,364 (plays chord) 90 00:03:05,356 --> 00:03:06,656 (woman gasps, guests murmuring) 91 00:03:06,657 --> 00:03:09,187 I BROKE UP YOUR WEDDING. (chuckles) 92 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,219 BEAUTIFUL CHURCH, BY THE WAY-- 93 00:03:11,222 --> 00:03:12,962 HISTORIC, YET WITH AMPLE PARKING. 94 00:03:12,963 --> 00:03:14,373 THAT'S UNUSUAL, ISN'T IT? 95 00:03:14,365 --> 00:03:17,195 CRAIG, WHAT YOU DID THAT DAY WAS SO-- 96 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,367 I KNOW, I KNOW. 97 00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:19,369 ROMANTIC. 98 00:03:19,370 --> 00:03:20,670 I AM REALLY SORRY. 99 00:03:20,671 --> 00:03:22,331 WAIT, WHAT? 100 00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:23,533 IT WAS AN AMAZING GESTURE. 101 00:03:23,534 --> 00:03:26,384 IT MADE ME BITE MY LIP LIKE THIS. 102 00:03:27,378 --> 00:03:28,678 LIKETHAT? MM-HMM. 103 00:03:28,679 --> 00:03:30,479 IN FACT, TODD AND I DIDN'T GET MARRIED, 104 00:03:30,481 --> 00:03:34,491 AND WE BROKE UP A WEEK LATER, AND... I'M ALL ALONE. 105 00:03:34,485 --> 00:03:37,845 OH, MY GOD. THAT IS TERRIBLE. 106 00:03:37,848 --> 00:03:39,548 AND WHO COULD FORGET THE BUTCHER SHOP STRANGLER? 107 00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:40,790 OR THE POINT-BLANK SNIPER? 108 00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:42,721 AND THE TAP DANCE SLASHER? YOU KNOW WHAT? 109 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:43,993 I DEFINITELY WANT THE GOLD PACKAGE 110 00:03:43,994 --> 00:03:45,404 WITH THE PERIMETER ALARMS. 111 00:03:45,396 --> 00:03:46,626 GOOD DECISION. ALL RIGHT. 112 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:47,897 LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET AN INSTALLER OUT TO YOUR HOUSE 113 00:03:47,898 --> 00:03:48,958 BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. 114 00:03:52,263 --> 00:03:54,743 I HATE TO SEE YOU GUYS SO DRIVEN BY FEAR. 115 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,665 WHY DON'T YOU TRY MY GPS GAME WITH ME? 116 00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:58,367 LET RANDOM CHANCE GUIDE YOU INTO THE WORLD, 117 00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:00,369 AND YOU'LL SEE HOW BEAUTIFUL IT IS. 118 00:04:00,371 --> 00:04:03,271 FINE, I'LL PLAY YOUR STUPID GPS GAME, 119 00:04:03,274 --> 00:04:04,554 BECAUSE I'M GONNA PROVE TO YOU 120 00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:07,345 THAT THE WORLD ISN'T AS WONDERFUL AS YOU THINK. 121 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,878 AFTER ALL, IT DOES HAVE A LIQUID CENTER. 122 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,881 I'VE GOT A DATE TONIGHT WITH LISA. 123 00:04:13,884 --> 00:04:15,564 LISA? YEAH. 124 00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,486 WEDDING LISA? SHE'S HERE? 125 00:04:17,488 --> 00:04:20,258 YEAH. APPARENTLY, THE GUY THAT'S HELPING WILL IS HER DAD. 126 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,830 HE JUST BOUGHT THIS PLACE, AND LISA DOES THE ACCOUNTING. 127 00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:24,263 IT'S FATE. 128 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,774 AH, FATE. FATE LIKES ACCOUNTING BECAUSE IT'S SO TIDY. 129 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,898 YOU CAN'T GO OUT WITH LISA. SHE'S NUTS. 130 00:04:30,901 --> 00:04:32,401 SHE CALLED YOU OUT OF THE BLUE RIGHT BEFORE HER WEDDING. 131 00:04:32,403 --> 00:04:34,783 YEAH, BUT THE UNIVERSE HAS DROPPED HER BACK INTO MY LIFE. 132 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,275 IT'S A SIGN--A SIGN THAT SAYS 133 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,347 CRAIG NEEDN'T WORRY ABOUT DYING ALONE. 134 00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:41,980 YEAH, PAINTED OVER ANOTHER SIGN--A SIGN THAT SAYS, 135 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,822 "CRAIG SHOULDTOTALLYWORRY ABOUT DATING LISA." 136 00:04:44,815 --> 00:04:46,015 (high-pitched voice) ZING! 137 00:04:46,016 --> 00:04:47,386 (singsongy) I MATCHED YOUR RHYTHMS 138 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,288 AND I TWISTED YOUR WORDS. 139 00:04:50,761 --> 00:04:52,291 MM. 140 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,472 YEAH, YOU DID. 141 00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:56,665 SO THIS IS FOR THE INSIDE MOTION DETECTORS, 142 00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:59,927 THESE ARE THE WINDOW ALARMS FOR ZONES ONE, TWO, AND FOUR... 143 00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:01,670 WHY IS THERE NO ZONE THREE? 144 00:05:01,672 --> 00:05:04,382 I'VE... GOT NO IDEA. 145 00:05:04,375 --> 00:05:06,035 THIS THING IS VERY COMPLICATED. 146 00:05:06,036 --> 00:05:07,476 HONEY, ALL I WANTED WAS LIGHTS. 147 00:05:07,478 --> 00:05:08,738 I JUST WANT THE BEST SYSTEM 148 00:05:08,739 --> 00:05:11,009 SO THAT MY FAMILY CAN SLEEP PEACEFULLY. 149 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,481 (siren blaring) 150 00:05:12,483 --> 00:05:13,783 ALL RIGHT. NO, HEY, I'VE GOT IT! AH! 151 00:05:13,784 --> 00:05:15,494 I'VE GOT IT! (siren stops blaring) 152 00:05:15,486 --> 00:05:19,016 WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY DID WE GET AN ALARM SYSTEM? 153 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,389 I'LL LET YOUR DADDY EXPLAIN THAT TO YOU, 154 00:05:20,391 --> 00:05:21,691 AND IF IT MAKES ANY SENSE... 155 00:05:21,692 --> 00:05:23,852 (whispers) YOU CAN EXPLAIN IT TO ME. 156 00:05:23,854 --> 00:05:25,464 (slaps back) 157 00:05:25,456 --> 00:05:27,926 UH, IF I'M GONNA DEAL WITH THIS COLOSSAL WASTE OF MONEY 158 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,828 EVERY DAY, I'M GONNA NEED THE PASSWORD. 159 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,360 OH, IT'S "MAID," M-A-I-D. 160 00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:35,813 WAIT A MINUTE. IS THAT THE MAID'S CODE? 161 00:05:35,806 --> 00:05:37,466 DON'T YOU TRUST ME? 162 00:05:37,468 --> 00:05:39,438 OF COURSE I TRUST YOU. IT'S JUST THEY TOLD US 163 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,810 NOT TO GIVE THE MASTER CODE TO ANYBODY THAT WE CAN'T TRUST. 164 00:05:41,812 --> 00:05:44,342 WAIT, LET ME START AGAIN. 165 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,124 YOU THINK I'M GONNA ROB YOU. I'M YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND. 166 00:05:47,117 --> 00:05:49,077 BESIDES, ALL YOUR STUFF IS YUCKY. 167 00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:51,719 BRENDA, YOU'RE JUST NOT VERY GOOD AT KEEPING SECRETS. 168 00:05:51,722 --> 00:05:53,782 REMEMBER IN THE NINTH GRADE WHEN I TOLD YOU I HAD A SEX DREAM 169 00:05:53,784 --> 00:05:56,394 ABOUT BERT LAHR, THAT GUY WHO PLAYED THE COWARDLY LION? 170 00:05:56,387 --> 00:05:57,487 (imitating Cowardly Lion) AW, COME ON, THERESA. 171 00:05:57,488 --> 00:05:58,888 GET BACK IN BED. 172 00:05:58,889 --> 00:06:01,389 AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID OVER THE SCHOOL INTERCOM. 173 00:06:01,392 --> 00:06:04,502 (normal voice) THAT WAS YEARS AGO. COME ON. TEST ME. 174 00:06:04,495 --> 00:06:06,795 GIVE ME A SECRET RIGHT NOW-- SOMETHING REALLY TEMPTING, 175 00:06:06,797 --> 00:06:09,437 SOMETHING YOU THINK I WON'T BE ABLE TO-- 176 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,700 WILL ONLY HAS ONE TESTICLE. 177 00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:12,001 HE LOST THE OTHER ONE CLIMBING A FENCE 178 00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:14,582 GOING TO A DURAN DURAN CONCERT IN 1989. 179 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,446 DAMN IT, YOU PLAY TO WIN. 180 00:06:18,449 --> 00:06:20,849 SO YOU SEE, THE SECURITY SYSTEM IS JUST HERE 181 00:06:20,851 --> 00:06:23,051 TO KEEP US SAFE FROM PEOPLE WHO WANT TO HURT US. 182 00:06:23,053 --> 00:06:24,383 PEOPLE WANT TO HURT US? 183 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,564 NO, OF COURSE NOT. 184 00:06:25,556 --> 00:06:27,416 WHEN ARE THE PEOPLE COMING TO HURT US? 185 00:06:27,418 --> 00:06:29,158 THEY'RE--THEY'RENOT COMING TO HURT US. 186 00:06:29,159 --> 00:06:31,419 THEN WHY DO WE HAVE A SECURITY SYSTEM? 187 00:06:31,422 --> 00:06:32,692 TO KEEP THEM OUT. 188 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,093 OH, MY GOD. THEY'RE COMING. 189 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,534 TH-THEY'RE NOT COMING. 190 00:06:35,526 --> 00:06:37,466 THEN WHY DO WE HAVE A SECURITY SYSTEM?! 191 00:06:37,468 --> 00:06:39,728 BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, PEOPLE ARE COMING! 192 00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,430 I KNEW IT! THEY'RE COMING! 193 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,405 HELLO, I HAVE A DATE WITH A VERY SPECIAL GIRL, 194 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,607 AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD 195 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,009 ANY ADULT-ORIENTED DRILL BITS I MIGHT PURCHASE. 196 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,611 CRAIG. 197 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:53,983 YOU'VE MET MY FATHER. 198 00:06:55,546 --> 00:06:56,546 HELLO, SIR. 199 00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:57,887 I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE 200 00:06:57,888 --> 00:07:00,688 WHAT TURNED OUT NOT TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER'S WEDDING. 201 00:07:00,691 --> 00:07:02,451 (chuckles) 202 00:07:02,453 --> 00:07:04,503 YOU'RE LOOKING WELL. 203 00:07:04,495 --> 00:07:05,555 I'M GONNA GO GET MY PURSE. 204 00:07:05,556 --> 00:07:08,156 TAKE YOUR TIME, KITTEN. 205 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,060 SO... SUBWOOFERS... 206 00:07:11,061 --> 00:07:12,501 NECESSARY? OR-- 207 00:07:12,503 --> 00:07:13,963 SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH. 208 00:07:13,964 --> 00:07:16,944 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOUR LITTLE STUNT AT THAT WEDDING COST ME? 209 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,537 WELL, DO I HAVE TO COME AS CLOSE TO THE NUMBER AS I CAN 210 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,509 WITHOUT GOING OVER? 211 00:07:19,510 --> 00:07:22,040 BECAUSE IF SO, I'M GONNA SAY $1. (chuckles) 212 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,652 $42,000. 213 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,775 (chuckles) IT WAS... 214 00:07:25,776 --> 00:07:27,146 IT'S VERY STEEP. 215 00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:31,720 I WONDER WHERE LISA IS. 216 00:07:31,722 --> 00:07:33,522 HERE'S THE DEAL. YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER, 217 00:07:33,524 --> 00:07:35,994 YOU'RE GONNA REIMBURSE ME FOR EVERY PENNY. 218 00:07:35,986 --> 00:07:37,056 EVERY PENNY? 219 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,527 THAT'S CRAZY. 220 00:07:38,529 --> 00:07:39,589 I WAS THERE FOR FIVE SECONDS. 221 00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:41,230 I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT. 222 00:07:41,231 --> 00:07:42,491 AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE MONEY, 223 00:07:42,493 --> 00:07:43,963 I'LL DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH LISA. 224 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,074 I HAVE A LOT OF SWAY OVER MY DAUGHTER. 225 00:07:47,538 --> 00:07:48,968 YOU READY TO GO? 226 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,169 YEAH. WHERE YOU GOING FOR DINNER, HON? 227 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,671 I THOUGHT WE'D GET SOME SEAFOOD. 228 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,683 EH, YOU DON'T WANT SEAFOOD. 229 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,245 YEAH, I DON'T WANT SEAFOOD. 230 00:07:56,246 --> 00:07:58,906 ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU DO LOVE A GOOD PIECE OF TROUT. 231 00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:01,609 YEAH. LET'S GET SEAFOOD. 232 00:08:01,612 --> 00:08:04,622 (chuckles) SEAFOOD. SEAFOOD IT IS. 233 00:08:04,615 --> 00:08:05,755 (Lisa giggles) 234 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,659 (clatter) 235 00:08:10,661 --> 00:08:12,161 AND WHEN THE GPS ASKS FOR A DESTINATION, 236 00:08:12,162 --> 00:08:13,662 WE JUST SCREAM NONSENSE. 237 00:08:13,664 --> 00:08:15,504 BRENDA AND I CAME UP WITH THIS LAST MONTH 238 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,925 WHEN A BEE GOT IN THE CAR AND WE BOTH DID SOME SCREAMING. 239 00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:20,198 WE ENDED UP AT THE MUSEUM OF DEHYDRATED MEAT, 240 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,770 WHERE WE SAW A DRIED COW YOU CAN FIT INTO A BACKPACK. 241 00:08:22,773 --> 00:08:25,213 YEAH, I'VE BEEN TO THAT PLACE. PARKING SUCKS. 242 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,975 COME ON. LET'S GET THIS TRAIN WRECK STARTED. 243 00:08:27,978 --> 00:08:29,808 YES, LET'S SEE WHAT WONDERFUL ADVENTURE 244 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,580 THE UNIVERSE HAS IN STORE FOR US. 245 00:08:31,582 --> 00:08:32,882 (beeps) 246 00:08:32,883 --> 00:08:34,593 (automated male voice) DESTINATION? 247 00:08:34,585 --> 00:08:36,785 (shouts gibberish) 248 00:08:36,787 --> 00:08:40,647 DIRECTIONS TO SASH MILL CINEMA. 249 00:08:42,653 --> 00:08:43,993 (cell phone beeps) 250 00:08:43,994 --> 00:08:47,164 HUH. "NOW PLAYING-- 'THE DARKEST FJORD.' 251 00:08:47,157 --> 00:08:50,257 "6-HOUR DIRECTOR'S CUT WITH SUBTITLES. 252 00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:52,860 "A SAD, OLD MAN LIVES ALONE IN A LIGHTHOUSE 253 00:08:52,863 --> 00:08:56,073 ON THE COAST OF NORWAY WHERE THERE ARE NO SHIPS." 254 00:08:56,066 --> 00:08:57,836 YEAH,THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. 255 00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,568 YEAH. 256 00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:03,571 (inhales) 257 00:09:04,575 --> 00:09:07,075 (sighs) 258 00:09:07,077 --> 00:09:09,047 (sighs) 259 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,620 (alarm blaring) OH! 260 00:09:11,622 --> 00:09:13,882 I GOT IT! ALL GOOD! KEEP SLEEPING! 261 00:09:13,884 --> 00:09:16,264 (automated female voice) ZONE THREE--BREACH. 262 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,756 ZONE THREE--BREACH. 263 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:21,189 ZONE THREE--BREACH. THERE IS NO ZONE THREE! 264 00:09:21,191 --> 00:09:22,561 (beeps) THE BAD PEOPLE ARE HERE! 265 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,232 I KNEW THEY WERE COMING! (blaring stops) 266 00:09:24,234 --> 00:09:27,144 NO ONE'S COMING, OKAY? THAT WOMAN IS A LIAR. (dog barking in distance) 267 00:09:27,137 --> 00:09:28,137 EVERYBODY BACK TO BED. 268 00:09:28,138 --> 00:09:29,138 I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU GUYS. 269 00:09:29,139 --> 00:09:30,139 ME, TOO. 270 00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:31,300 OF COURSE, 271 00:09:31,301 --> 00:09:32,771 AND MAYBE THE LYING WOMAN IN THE WALL 272 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,883 WOULD LIKE TO SQUEEZE INTO BED WITH US, TOO. 273 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:36,245 THERE'S A WOMAN IN THE WALL?! 274 00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:40,176 NO, THERE'S NO WOMAN IN THE WALL. 275 00:09:46,717 --> 00:09:48,857 (sighs) 276 00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:04,782 VAMPIRE! 277 00:10:04,775 --> 00:10:06,275 (sighs) 278 00:10:12,943 --> 00:10:13,943 (lowered voice) OH, WILL'S ASLEEP. 279 00:10:13,944 --> 00:10:16,024 GET THE SHARPIE. I'M AWAKE. 280 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,286 HEY, MAN. HOW YOU DOING? HEY. MORNING TO YOU. 281 00:10:17,287 --> 00:10:19,247 OHH. I DIDN'T GET A LOT OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT. 282 00:10:19,249 --> 00:10:21,389 I TRIPPED THE ALARM, AND THE KIDS-- 283 00:10:21,391 --> 00:10:23,891 LISTEN UP. GOT SOMETHING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT. 284 00:10:23,894 --> 00:10:25,964 OH, I'M SORRY, CRAIG. I DIDN'T MEAN TO CUT YOU OFF. 285 00:10:25,956 --> 00:10:28,296 NO PROBLEM. SO LISA AND I ARE BACK TOGETHER. 286 00:10:28,298 --> 00:10:29,798 ONE LITTLE GLITCH. 287 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,330 CHICK'S CRAZY? JURY'S STILL OUT. 288 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:32,931 HER FATHER WANTS ME TO PAY BACK 289 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,273 THE 42 GRAND HE SPENT ON THE WEDDING. 290 00:10:35,265 --> 00:10:37,035 (scoffs) THAT'S INSANE. 291 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,337 (snaps fingers) (gasps) YOU SHOULD HIT HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN 292 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,738 WITH A PILLOWCASE FULL OF SODA CANS. 293 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,040 KENNY, NOT EVERYTHING YOU SEE IN A SEAN PENN MOVIE 294 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,242 IS A GOOD IDEA IN REAL LIFE. 295 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,824 FINE. THEN AT LEAST NEGOTIATE THE PRICE DOWN. 296 00:10:46,817 --> 00:10:48,977 YOU'VE SEEN LISA'S DAD'S TV COMMERCIALS. 297 00:10:48,979 --> 00:10:51,319 ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS MAKE A DEAL. NO CREDIT, BAD CREDIT. 298 00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:52,421 HE DOESN'T CARE! 299 00:10:52,422 --> 00:10:54,222 YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING ANY OF THIS, CRAIG. 300 00:10:54,224 --> 00:10:56,394 YOU'RE ONLY WITH LISA BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF DYING ALONE, 301 00:10:56,386 --> 00:10:59,186 AND WHEN YOU DO THINGS OUT OF FEAR, YOU MAKE BAD DECISIONS. 302 00:10:59,189 --> 00:11:00,759 OH, LIKE PUTTING IN AN EXPENSIVE SECURITY SYSTEM 303 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,131 THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN OPERATE? 304 00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:04,902 THAT'S DIFFERENT. THE WORLD IS MOSTLY MURDERERS. 305 00:11:04,895 --> 00:11:06,035 MY FRIENDS, YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT. 306 00:11:06,036 --> 00:11:08,096 YOU MUST NEVER BE AFRAID TO ACT OUT OF FEAR. 307 00:11:08,098 --> 00:11:11,068 THE WORLD'S NOT THE WONDERFUL PLACE GRANT THINKS IT IS. 308 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,671 OH, SO YOUR ADVENTURE LAST NIGHT DIDN'T GO SO WELL. 309 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,453 UGH, IT WAS A DISASTER. 310 00:11:15,445 --> 00:11:17,675 (sentimental music playing) (crying) 311 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,047 YOUR DUTY AS LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER IS DONE, SVEN. 312 00:11:21,051 --> 00:11:25,391 TURN OFF YOUR BEACON AND BE AT PEACE. 313 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,185 (sobs) 314 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,187 (voice breaking) IT WAS SO BORING AND DUMB. 315 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,219 (sniffles) 316 00:11:32,222 --> 00:11:35,332 FINE! IT WAS BREATHTAKING CINEMA. 317 00:11:35,325 --> 00:11:36,865 CLAUSSEN DUMSFELDT 318 00:11:36,867 --> 00:11:40,097 MAKES YON HANSEN LOOK LIKE URN SCHVETLOCK. 319 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,700 MMM. SO GRANT WAS RIGHT. 320 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,901 YOU TRUSTED THE UNIVERSE, AND IT WORKED OUT. 321 00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,244 IT WAS A FLUKE. WE'RE GOING OUT AGAIN TONIGHT. 322 00:11:46,236 --> 00:11:49,406 AND SINCE IT WENT WELL YESTERDAY, I'M QUITE CERTAIN 323 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,409 WE'LL BE MIGHTILY CRAPPED UPON THIS EVENING. 324 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,441 MAYBE IT'LL RAIN, AND YOUR CAR WILL SPIN OUT OF CONTROL. 325 00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:54,443 YOU'LL HIT A TREE. 326 00:11:54,444 --> 00:11:55,494 THANKS, MAN. 327 00:11:55,485 --> 00:11:56,915 (loud slap) OHH. 328 00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,447 HIT MYSELF. 329 00:11:58,448 --> 00:12:00,248 (snaps fingers) 330 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,450 ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ME THE REAL ALARM CODE? 331 00:12:02,452 --> 00:12:03,352 BECAUSE I HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE 332 00:12:03,353 --> 00:12:05,303 ABOUT WILL'S HALF-EMPTY MARBLE BAG. 333 00:12:05,295 --> 00:12:06,425 IT'S ONLY BEEN A DAY, 334 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:09,396 AND I LIKE TO THINK OF HIS MARBLE BAG AS HALF FULL. 335 00:12:09,399 --> 00:12:12,429 OKAY. I FIGURED IT OUT. 336 00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:15,412 THE ALARM IS SET AND EVERYTHING IS GOOD TO GO. 337 00:12:15,405 --> 00:12:17,305 (automated male voice) ZONE "Q" ACTIVATED. 338 00:12:17,307 --> 00:12:20,467 ZONE "Q"? WHAT THE HELL IS ZONE "Q"? 339 00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:21,740 AND I SWEAR THAT'S A DIFFERENT VOICE. 340 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,371 INSIDE MOTION DETECTORS ON. 341 00:12:24,374 --> 00:12:25,484 NOBODY MOVE. 342 00:12:25,475 --> 00:12:26,315 IF THE ALARM GOES OFF AGAIN, 343 00:12:26,316 --> 00:12:27,816 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET NEW KIDS. 344 00:12:27,818 --> 00:12:28,818 WE CAN MOVE. 345 00:12:28,819 --> 00:12:30,219 WE JUST HAVE TO DO IT REALLY SLOWLY 346 00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,420 SO WE DON'T TRIGGER THE SENSOR. 347 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,194 I'LL GO TO THE LIVING ROOM AND TURN IT OFF. 348 00:12:36,186 --> 00:12:37,356 BE BACK IN A COUPLE HOURS. 349 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,327 THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 350 00:12:38,328 --> 00:12:40,758 I CAN MAKE IT TO THE BEDROOM IN 45 MINUTES. 351 00:12:47,297 --> 00:12:50,297 I HAD A NIGHTMARE THAT THE ALARM WENT OFF. 352 00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,500 (alarm blaring) 353 00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:54,071 AAH! I CAN'T WAKE UP! 354 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,154 (blaring continues) 355 00:12:55,145 --> 00:12:56,505 (sighs) 356 00:12:57,447 --> 00:12:59,107 SCOOBY-DOO-BOW-BA-BO. 357 00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:01,149 (male electronic voice) DIRECTIONS TO 358 00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:02,911 INTERSECTION OF SIXTH AND MAIN. 359 00:13:02,913 --> 00:13:04,483 DUDE, THAT'S SKID ROW. 360 00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:08,094 WE ARE SO DYING TONIGHT. 361 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,058 (Kenny and man) ♪HOMBRE ARRIBA♪ 362 00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:12,390 ♪CON MI CORAZON♪ 363 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,392 EVERYBODY! 364 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,533 ♪HOMBRE ARRIBA♪ 365 00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:17,465 ♪CON MI CORAZON♪ 366 00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:18,467 (high-pitched voice) AY, AY, AY! 367 00:13:18,468 --> 00:13:19,568 THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC. 368 00:13:19,569 --> 00:13:21,869 OHH, IT WAS A CROSS-CULTURAL DELIGHT, 369 00:13:21,872 --> 00:13:24,002 BUT I FIGURED OUT WHY EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WELL. 370 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,584 TILL NOW, GRANT'S BEEN THE ONE YELLING AT THE GPS, 371 00:13:26,576 --> 00:13:28,506 AND THE UNIVERSE HAS A CRUSH ON GRANT, 372 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:31,538 SO NEXT TIME, I'M GONNA BE DOING THE SCREAMING. (cackles) 373 00:13:31,541 --> 00:13:34,811 IT'S WEIRD THAT YOU'RE WORKING SO HARD TO MAKE THINGS GO BADLY. 374 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,554 IT'S NOT WEIRD. WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH LISA IS WEIRD. 375 00:13:37,547 --> 00:13:39,417 (sighs) NO. 376 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,419 NO, IT'S NOT. 377 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:44,291 WILL, WAKE UP. CRAIG'S BEING WEIRD. 378 00:13:44,294 --> 00:13:47,104 UH, YEAH. NO, I WOULDN'T WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH THAT. 379 00:13:47,097 --> 00:13:48,397 I'M NOT BEING WEIRD. 380 00:13:48,398 --> 00:13:50,528 I COULDN'T TALK WALTER DOWN ON THE BASE PRICE, 381 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,130 SO I WORKED OUT AN ARRANGEMENT. 382 00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:55,472 EVERY TIME I SEE LISA, I GIVE HER OLD MAN 200 BUCKS. 383 00:13:55,465 --> 00:13:57,835 LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING. 384 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:01,107 THERE'S $200 ON THE DRESSER FOR YOUR DAD. 385 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,012 OH, YEAH. THAT'S WEIRD. 386 00:14:04,014 --> 00:14:05,554 IT'S JUST A PAYMENT PLAN. 387 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,845 OHH, THAT'S SO ROMANTIC. 388 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,446 IT'S JUST LIKE THAT FAMOUS SHAKESPEARE PLAY, 389 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,078 "ROMEO AND THE HOOKER." 390 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,580 YOU GUYS ARE JUST JEALOUS 391 00:14:11,581 --> 00:14:13,581 BECAUSE I GOT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AT A FAIR PRICE, 392 00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:15,563 AND YOU TWO ARE FLOUNDERING AROUND 393 00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,585 LIKE A COUPLE OF FLOUNDERING FLOUNDERS. 394 00:14:17,587 --> 00:14:20,027 I'M NOT FLOUNDERING. I SOLVED MY PROBLEM. 395 00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:21,430 I DIDN'T TELL THERESA AND THE KIDS, 396 00:14:21,431 --> 00:14:22,861 BUT I DISCONNECTED THE ALARM 397 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,562 SO EVERYONE CAN START SLEEPING AGAIN. 398 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:25,874 WHAT? 399 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,595 DIDN'T THE INSTALLER TELL YOU THAT THERE'S, LIKE, 400 00:14:27,597 --> 00:14:30,267 32 WAYS FOR A MADMAN TO GET INTO YOUR HOUSE? 401 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,970 YES, 402 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,502 AND NOW THAT I'M NOT USING MY ALARM, I'D APPRECIATE IT 403 00:14:34,504 --> 00:14:36,614 IF YOU DIDN'T KEEP PUTTING THAT STUFF IN MY HEAD. 404 00:14:36,606 --> 00:14:37,876 WE JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE SOME MANIAC 405 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,277 COME OUT OF THE HILLS BEHIND YOUR HOUSE, 406 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,509 CRAWL THROUGH THAT COMICALLY VULNERABLE BASEMENT WINDOW, 407 00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:43,511 KICK DOWN THAT PARTICLEBOARD DOOR, SLIT YOUR THROAT, 408 00:14:43,513 --> 00:14:46,393 AND DRAG YOUR FAMILY OFF TO SOME CULT IN THE WOODS, WILL. 409 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,586 THERE'S NO WAY THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN. OH, GREAT. 410 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,258 NOW I CAN'T SLEEP WITH THE ALARM AND I CAN'T SLEEP WITHOUT IT. 411 00:14:51,261 --> 00:14:52,491 WELL, YOU'D BETTER PRAY 412 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,892 THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS THE IRONIC STRANGLER, 413 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:58,133 BECAUSE HE WOULD KILL YOU... BY TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE. 414 00:14:59,469 --> 00:15:01,469 YEAH. 415 00:15:05,275 --> 00:15:06,535 (automated male voice) DESTINATION. 416 00:15:08,678 --> 00:15:11,678 (shouting gibberish) 417 00:15:13,443 --> 00:15:15,453 DIRECTIONS TO 418 00:15:15,445 --> 00:15:18,445 ALOO'S INDONESIAN CAFE AND SMOG CHECK. 419 00:15:18,448 --> 00:15:20,288 MMM. (chuckles) 420 00:15:20,290 --> 00:15:21,450 SOUNDS LIKE WE'RE IN FOR A JOURNEY 421 00:15:21,451 --> 00:15:23,521 THROUGH THE CULINARY WONDERS OF SOUTHEAST ASIA. 422 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,163 EW. 423 00:15:25,155 --> 00:15:26,395 AWESOME. 424 00:15:26,396 --> 00:15:27,996 (laughs) 425 00:15:27,998 --> 00:15:30,998 (drill whirring) 426 00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:33,431 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE EATING, MAN. 427 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,173 I THINK WE'RE IN SOMEONE'S HOUSE. 428 00:15:35,165 --> 00:15:37,635 LOOK, THERE'S SHAG CARPETING IN THE KITCHEN. 429 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:40,507 EMBRACE, KENNY. DON'T RESIST. 430 00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:42,070 THIS IS A MAGICAL WINDOW INTO A SIDE OF CENTRAL OHIO 431 00:15:42,072 --> 00:15:44,172 WE WOULD NEVER ORDINARILY GET TO SEE. 432 00:15:44,174 --> 00:15:46,624 NO, IT ISN'T. THIS PLACE SUCKS. 433 00:15:46,616 --> 00:15:49,646 LOOK. THERE'S A CAT IN THAT BATHTUB. 434 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,949 THERE'S A BATHTUB. 435 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,281 OKAY, LOOK, YOU GOT TO STOP PRETENDING. 436 00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:55,534 (clatters) 437 00:15:55,525 --> 00:15:56,525 ARE YOU OKAY? 438 00:15:56,526 --> 00:15:58,956 I'M IN TROUBLE. 439 00:15:58,958 --> 00:15:59,988 (clatter) 440 00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:01,260 (thud) 441 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:04,331 HA! YES! I WIN! 442 00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:06,974 WHERE'S YOUR UNIVERSE NOW? 443 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,266 OH, I SHOULD CALL 9-1-1. 444 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,400 APPARENTLY, I HAD A VIOLENT ALLERGIC REACTION 445 00:16:12,402 --> 00:16:14,642 TO SOMETHING CALLED GROUND-UP SALAMANDERS. 446 00:16:14,644 --> 00:16:16,584 GEE, I WONDER WHAT'S IN THAT. 447 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,446 I DIDN'T ASK. 448 00:16:17,447 --> 00:16:19,177 THE IMPORTANT THING IS 449 00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:21,409 YOU AND I ARE STILL HAVING A GREAT ADVENTURE. 450 00:16:21,411 --> 00:16:23,581 WHAT?NO, WE'RE NOT. 451 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,523 I WON. YOU ALMOST DIED. THE UNIVERSE SUCKS. 452 00:16:26,516 --> 00:16:29,386 WE'RE STILL WAITING FOR ONE OF THE ANTIVENOM SHOTS. 453 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,359 YOU HAD A LOT OF DIFFERENT SALAMANDERS IN YOU. 454 00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:33,091 (woman over P.A.) NURSE SCULLY, PLEASE REPORT TO... 455 00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:36,203 OH, MY GOD. IS THAT BILLY DEE WILLIAMS? 456 00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,426 NO. 457 00:16:38,428 --> 00:16:40,398 YES! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? 458 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,070 THE MAN WHO PLAYED LANDO CALRISSIAN IN "STAR WARS" 459 00:16:42,072 --> 00:16:44,502 IS INTHISHOSPITAL. WHAT ISHEIN FOR? 460 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,714 (pen clicks) SIR, HE'S A PATIENT. I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT. 461 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,677 OHH. OF COURSE. CLASSIC LANDO. 462 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,380 I KNOW, RIGHT? (laughs) 463 00:16:53,383 --> 00:16:54,683 THIS IS INCREDIBLE. 464 00:16:54,684 --> 00:16:56,454 I GOTTA GO TO WILL'S HOUSE AND GET MY LANDO ACTION FIGURE 465 00:16:56,446 --> 00:16:57,646 SO BILLY DEE WILLIAMS CAN SIGN IT. 466 00:16:57,647 --> 00:17:00,117 NOW WHY DO YOU KEEP YOUR DOLLS-- I'M SORRY, 467 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,490 ACTION DOLLS-- AT WILL'S HOUSE? 468 00:17:02,492 --> 00:17:05,402 WILL HAS A SECURITY SYSTEM. I WANT TO KEEP IT SAFE. 469 00:17:05,395 --> 00:17:07,225 I'M SO SORRY, KENNY. 470 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,227 LOOKS LIKE THIS IS GONNA BE 471 00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,528 ANOTHER GREAT EXPERIENCE FOR YOU. 472 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,299 OH,SHUTUP. 473 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,343 (clattering) 474 00:17:25,175 --> 00:17:28,175 (rustling) 475 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,540 (cans clatter) 476 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,675 HELLO THERE, YOU-- 477 00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,748 OHH! (thud) 478 00:17:59,749 --> 00:18:02,309 (both grunting) 479 00:18:02,312 --> 00:18:03,652 WILL? WHAT'S GOING ON? 480 00:18:03,653 --> 00:18:05,363 STAY BACK! I GOT THIS! 481 00:18:05,355 --> 00:18:08,255 (grunting) 482 00:18:08,258 --> 00:18:10,758 (pants) (fizzing) 483 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,520 UH-OH. 484 00:18:12,522 --> 00:18:15,632 (splattering) 485 00:18:15,625 --> 00:18:17,665 I AMREALLYSORRY. 486 00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:19,197 (woman speaking indistinctly over P.A.) 487 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,169 (clenches teeth) YOU HIT ME SO MANY TIMES. 488 00:18:21,171 --> 00:18:23,671 MR. HAYDEN, WE HAVE A ROOM FOR YOU NOW. 489 00:18:23,673 --> 00:18:25,783 YOU KNOW, I-I-I JUST LOST MY MIND. 490 00:18:25,775 --> 00:18:27,735 I WAS SO HOPPED-UP ON FEAR 491 00:18:27,737 --> 00:18:29,837 BECAUSE YOU KEPT TALKING ABOUT ALL THOSE MURDERERS. 492 00:18:29,839 --> 00:18:34,379 OH, I'M SORRY, WILL. PLEASE LET ME REPLACE YOUR SODA. 493 00:18:34,384 --> 00:18:37,624 LOOK, IF NOTHING ELSE, YOU HELPED ME PROVE TO GRANT 494 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:41,617 THAT THE WORLD AND THE UNIVERSE DOES SUCK. 495 00:18:48,698 --> 00:18:52,698 WHY, YOU SLIMY, DOUBLE-CROSSING, NO-GOOD SWINDLER. 496 00:18:52,702 --> 00:18:56,312 YOU GOT A LOTTA GUTS COMING HERE AFTER WHAT YOU PULLED. 497 00:18:56,306 --> 00:18:57,606 ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? 498 00:18:57,607 --> 00:18:59,137 OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, I-- 499 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,738 I WAS JUST RUNNING LINES FROM "THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK." 500 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,252 IT SOOTHES ME WHEN I'M-- I'M FEELING STRESSED. 501 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,375 ME, TOO. 502 00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:09,146 WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR? 503 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,648 ANYTHING, MR. DEE WILLIAMS. 504 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:15,230 WOULD YOU PLAY THE PART OF HAN SOLO? 505 00:19:15,225 --> 00:19:17,685 (orchestral music playing) 506 00:19:17,687 --> 00:19:20,227 THANK YOU, UNIVERSE. 507 00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:22,790 I'M SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU. 508 00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,332 OKAY, LISTEN. 509 00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:28,274 WE'LL START IN THE COCKPIT OF THE "MILLENIUM FALCON." 510 00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,768 (imitates Chewbacca) 511 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,770 IS KENNY OKAY? 512 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,902 HE'S DOING PRETTY WELL FOR SOMEONE 513 00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:37,454 WHO WAS SAVAGELY BEATEN WITH A 12-PACK OF GINGER ALE. 514 00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:39,777 I TOLD YOU WE SHOULDN'T KEEP SODA IN THE HOUSE. 515 00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,909 DON'T WORRY. I'VE WORKED IN THIS HOSPITAL. THEY'RE GREAT. 516 00:19:42,912 --> 00:19:45,892 THEY'LL HAVE HIM BACK TO HIS NORMAL MONSTER FACE IN NO TIME. 517 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,485 I'M SORRY I ALMOST KILLED YOUR BROTHER. 518 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,518 YOU WENT BABOON ON HIM. 519 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:51,760 SO I WAS THINKING... 520 00:19:51,761 --> 00:19:54,821 MAYBE THE WHOLE SECURITY SYSTEM WAS A MISTAKE. 521 00:19:54,824 --> 00:19:56,504 YEAH, I REALLY DON'T THINK WE NEED IT. 522 00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,326 EVEN THE KIDS FEEL SAFER NOW THAT THEY'VE SEEN 523 00:19:58,328 --> 00:20:00,928 YOUR BLIND RAGE AND YOUR CRAZY MONKEY-STRENGTH. 524 00:20:00,930 --> 00:20:02,600 OOH. (laughs) 525 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,382 HELLO, BRENDA. WELL, I'VE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU FOLKS. 526 00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:06,675 (sighs) 527 00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:09,776 BILLY DEE WILLIAMS IS RIGHT HERE IN THIS HOSPITAL. I'M SERIOUS. 528 00:20:09,779 --> 00:20:12,439 HUH. AND GRANT AND KENNY? 529 00:20:12,442 --> 00:20:13,812 YES, THEY BOTH SAW HIM. 530 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:14,843 UH, DR. SAMDI, 531 00:20:14,844 --> 00:20:16,924 THESE ARE MY FRIENDS, THERESA AND WILL KEEN. 532 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,486 WILL KEEN? 533 00:20:18,488 --> 00:20:22,388 THE MAN WHO LOST A TESTICLE AT A DURAN DURAN CONCERT? 534 00:20:22,392 --> 00:20:23,652 WHAT? 535 00:20:23,653 --> 00:20:26,863 I MADE THAT UP. I WAS TESTING BRENDA. 536 00:20:26,856 --> 00:20:29,456 YEAH, I CAN'T KEEP SECRETS. 537 00:20:29,459 --> 00:20:31,759 I ALREADY GAVE THE MAID'S CODE TO, LIKE, SIX PEOPLE. 538 00:20:31,761 --> 00:20:33,831 THERE'S SOMETHING BROKEN IN MY HEAD. 539 00:20:42,472 --> 00:20:44,272 HELLO, SIR. 540 00:20:44,274 --> 00:20:46,754 WE GOT A PROBLEM, YOU AND ME. 541 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,476 WHERE'S MY MONEY? 542 00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:50,948 UH, I GAVE IT TO THE GIRL. I MEAN, YOUR DAUGHTER. 543 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,920 M--LI--MY GIRLFR-- I GAVE IT TO LISA. 544 00:20:52,922 --> 00:20:54,452 SURE YOU DID. 545 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,464 HEY! I JUST FOLDED THAT! 546 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,556 DO YOU THINK I'M SCREWING AROUND? 547 00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,887 NO! MY SOCKS! OKAY, OKAY! 548 00:20:59,889 --> 00:21:01,929 I SAW HER LAST NIGHT AND I DIDN'T GIVE HER ANY MONEY, 549 00:21:01,931 --> 00:21:02,961 BUT WE ONLY HAD COFFEE. 550 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:07,472 HEY. IF YOU SEE HER, YOU PAY. HER TIME IS MY DIME. 551 00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:08,867 YOU KNOW WHAT? 552 00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,798 I ONLY STARTED SEEING LISA AGAIN OUT OF FEAR OF DYING ALONE, 553 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,370 BUT THIS HAS ALL GOTTEN TOO WEIRD, 554 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,542 SO I'M GONNA HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH HER. 555 00:21:14,544 --> 00:21:17,584 REALLY? OHH. YOU GUYS ARE SO GOOD TOGETHER. 556 00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:18,907 I KNOW, AREN'T WE? 557 00:21:18,908 --> 00:21:20,908 YEAH. WELL, AT LEAST, MY WIFE AND I BOTH THINK SO. 558 00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,882 YOU KNOW WHAT? (snaps fingers) 559 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,523 I'M GONNA WRITE YOU A CHECK. 560 00:21:26,516 --> 00:21:28,916 YOU ARE ONE HELL OF A SALESMAN, WALT. 41073

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