All language subtitles for Man Up s01e09_English

OKAY, WE'RE GONNA SNEAK UP
ON THIS CASTLE,

SO DON'T ATTACK THIS OGRE.

OH, MAN, I ACCIDENTALLY
SHRUNK MYSELF

WITH THE ORB OF SHRINKING.

UGH. I WISH WE COULD STOP
PLAYING THIS GAME. I'M SUCKING!

WELL, "BADASS 2" COMES OUT
IN 36 HOURS,

AND THAT IS GONNA BE...

(all) BADASS!

2!

I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT
WE WERE DOING THE WHOLE NAME.

YOU GUYS GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED
TO CAMP OUT

IN LINE TOMORROW NIGHT?

BEER, ME... YEP, I'M GOOD.

DIBS ON THE HEALTH PACK.

ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, GO!
ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, GO!

Paper. You?
PAPER. GO AGAIN.

YOU GUYS CAN'T SEE EACH OTHER.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LIE?

UH, BECAUSE THAT
WOULD BE WRONG, WILL.

(video game
playing indistinctly)

BUT ACTUALLY,

LOOKING AT MY HAND AGAIN,
I REALIZE THAT I HAVE SCISSORS.

OH, YEAH, AND I REALIZE
I HAVE ROCK.

AH, MY MISTAKE.
I HAVE PAPER.

HA. THAT'S SO WEIRD.
I HAVE SCISSORS.

AND I HAVE ROCK.
PAPER.

SCISSORS.
All right!

NOW I SEE WHY LYING
DOESN'T WORK.

ALL RIGHT, STOVE--CHECK,
SLEEPING BAG--CHECK,

WHITE NOISE MACHINE--CHECK.
WHAT AM I MISSING?

THE IRONY THAT YOU'RE AN ADULT
CAMPING OUT IN A PARKING LOT

TO BUY A CHILDREN'S GAME?

HMM. IT SEEMS I HAVE
TWO WHITE NOISE MACHINES.

HMM.
WHICH ONE
SHALL I LEAVE BEHIND?

I'LL BE BACK IN 20 MINUTES.
I'M JUST GONNA RUN TO PRICE BEST

TO GET THE APPLE JUICE
FOR THE SOCCER TEAM TOMORROW.

I TOLD YOU,
I'LL GET THE APPLE JUICE.

I'M GONNA BE AT PRICE BEST
FOR THE NEXT 12 HOURS.

I JUST WANNA MAKE SURE
IT'S THE RIGHT KIND.

THE SOCCER MOMS
ARE STILL MAD AT ME

ABOUT THE TRAIL MIX INCIDENT.

EACH KID WAS ALLERGIC
TO A DIFFERENT THING

IN THAT GIANT BAG OF DEATH
YOU BROUGHT HOME.

(horn honks)

OH.

NATHAN, SCOTT'S MOM IS HERE!

THERESA, I KNOW WHAT
APPLE JUICE TO GET.

6-OUNCE, GLASS BOTTLES,
NO SUGAR.

AND ORGANIC.

WELL, OF COURSE ORGANIC.
WHAT AM I, A MONSTER?

I'M NOT SURE I DESERVE
THIS SLEEPOVER

SINCE I ONLY GOT A "B"
ON THE HISTORY TEST.

SO YOU GOT YOUR FIRST "B."
IT'S OKAY.

DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.
GO HAVE FUN.

I HOPE NOBODY ASKS
ABOUT THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE,

OR I'LL JUST MAKE A JACKASS
OUT OF MYSELF AGAIN.

HEY, NATHAN, HOW'S IT GOING?
HEY, BUDDY.

I GOT A "B" ON MY HISTORY TEST.

OH, GOOD FOR YOU.
SHOWBOAT.

HE TAKES EVERYTHING
SO SERIOUSLY.

HE JUST WANTS
TO DO A GOOD JOB,

UNLIKE THESE TWO,

ONE OF WHOM FORGOT
TO WEAR SHOES.

WHEN?

OH. NOW.

RIGHT. WE GOTTA STOP
AND GET MY SHOES.

(slap)

GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU
FOR THIS INVITATION.

I CAN ALREADY FEEL
THE TRIVIALITIES OF MODERN LIFE

FADING QUIETLY AWAY.

(cell phone alert chimes)
SON OF A...!

SOME BUTT-COZY JUST OUTBID ME
ON A 12-INCH C-3PO.

FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS,

THE SAME PERSON
HAS BEEN OUTBIDDING ME

ON EVERY ACTION FIGURE
I'VE TRIED TO GET.

(cell phone alert chimes)

OH, COME ON! THEY DID IT AGAIN!

JUST KEEPS GETTING HARDER
AND HARDER TO BE A NERD.

I THINK I KNOW THE PERSON
WHO'S DOING THIS,

AND I THINK YOU KNOW
WHO IT IS, TOO.

IT'S... YOO.

YOO CHANG.

THE WAITER
FROM THE CHINESE RESTAURANT,

WHO I WRONGLY ACCUSED

OF PICKING ALL THE CHICKEN
OUT OF MY CHOW MEIN.

(whispers)
IT'S GOTTA BE HIM.

I'LL BET YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S THE ONLY LOGICAL
EXPLANATION.

COME ON, KENNY. LET IT GO.
WE SHOULD HEAD OUT.

AND?

AND ORGANIC APPLE JUICE.
I WILL NOT FORGET.

(lowered voice) YOU GUYS,

ICANNOTFORGET
THAT APPLE JUICE.

THIS WILL BE A SPECIAL NIGHT,
MY FRIENDS.

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE BEING
OUT IN THE CLEAN FRESH AIR OF...

THE PRICE BEST PARKING LOT?

YOU SAID WE WERE GOING
AFTER BIG GAME.

NO, I SAID A BIG GAME
IS BEING RELEASED.

I BOUGHT A CROSSBOW.

LISTEN UP, NERDS.

YOU WILL HAVE YOUR HAND STAMPED.

YOU WILL NEED A HAND STAMP

TO GET THIS SAD, PATHETIC
VIDEO GAME.

ONCE YOUR HAND IS STAMPED,

YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED
IN THE STORE

UNTIL THIS
COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME

GOES ON SALE TOMORROW MORNING.

THIS IS TO PREVENT YOU FROM
HIDING IN THE STORE ALL NIGHT

AND CUTTING IN LINE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION.

(wheels scrape)

ON A PERSONAL NOTE,
YOU ALL SICKEN ME.

(whirring)

HE SEEMS STERN BUT FAIR.

I BET HE'S GOOD WITH HORSES.

OKAY, FIRST THINGS FIRST.

I'M GONNA RUN INSIDE
AND GET THE APPLE JUICE

BEFORE THEY START
STAMPING HANDS.

I'M GONNA FIND
A PRIMO SPOT IN LINE.

CRAIG, ADVENTURE CALLS.

I SHALL BID YOU FAREWELL
AND SPEND THE NIGHT

WALKING TOWARDS
THAT DISTANT STAR...

WHICH MIGHT BE A PLANE...

IN WHICH CASE
I'LL PICK A NEW THING.

(chuckles) BUT THIS IS
GONNA BE SO AWESOME.

I MEAN, LOOK HOW INTO THIS
EVERYBODY IS.

I JUST DON'T GET WHY SOMEONE
WOULD WANT TO LOSE THEMSELVES

IN A FANTASY WORLD WHEN
EVERY MOMENT OF REAL LIFE

IS SO WONDERFUL.

WELL, SOMETIMES IT'S FUN TO
JUST TRY ON BEING SOMEONE ELSE.

I TOLD YOU! IT'S BADASS.

HE WAS TOO SCARED
TO COME OVER HERE.

SOME THINGS IN LIFE ARE SCARY,
BUT REMEMBER,

COURAGE IS NOT THE LACK OF FEAR.

IT'S TAKING ACTION
DESPITE THAT FEAR.

(both) WHOA.

I READ THAT
ON A SNAPPLE CAP.

HELP ME MOVE THAT PLANT
INTO THIS CERAMIC POT.

WE'RE HAVING A PARTY
FOR LUCY'S SOCCER TEAM TOMORROW,

AND THERE'S GONNA BE
15 JUDGMENTAL BITCHES HERE

CRITICIZING EVERY INCH
OF MY HOME.

EASY. THEY'RE JUST CHILDREN.

OOH, WATCH THIS. SOMEWHERE,
KENNY IS ABOUT TO SCREAM. HA HA!

OH, COME ON, BRENDA.
GIVE MY BROTHER A BREAK.

I AM TEACHING HIM
RESPONSIBILITY.

A FULL-GROWN MAN
SHOULD NOT BE SPENDING $280

FOR A DOLL OF A ROBOT.

WHEN YOU CALL HIM
A "CAVE TROLL" TO HIS FACE

AND HE CALLS YOU
A "SWAMP DONKEY,"

IT SEEMS FAIR.

BUT ANONYMOUSLY ATTACKING HIM
THROUGH THE INTERNET

JUST SEEMS CRUEL.

OH, THERESA,
I'M NOT CRUEL.

(grunting)
(straining voice) MAN!

THIS THING'S HEAVIER
THAN KENNY.

THANK GOD IT'S NOT
ON TOP OF ME, SWEATING.

SEE? WHAT IS THAT?
HE'S NOT EVEN HERE.

WELL, THEN TELL HIM
I SAID IT.

YOU REALLY SHOULD EASE UP,
BRENDA.

AND YOU REALLY SHOULD STOP

TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO,
THERESA.

WELL, SOME PEOPLE NEED TO BE
TOLD WHAT TO DO.

OHH! JEEZ, IF I WANTED
TO BE TIPSY AND YELLED AT,

I'D GO TO MY PARENTS' HOUSE.

WELL, FINE. THEN GO.

(both grunt)

FINE. I WILL...

SOON AS I GET MY HANDS
OUT OF THIS POT.

TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT
SO I CAN GET MINE OUT.

I CAN'T. I'M STUCK, TOO.

HI. MY NAME IS KELLY.

(both) DIBS.

ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS. GO!

(whispers) DAMN.

(both, lowered voices)
ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, GO.

(normal voice) I HAVE SCISSORS.
(normal voice) I HAVE ROCK.

AND I HAVE PAPER.
I HAVE SCISSORS.

AND I HAVE ROCK.
DON'T I GET A SAY
IN WHO WINS ME?

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
YOU CHOOSE.

(exhales deeply)

(high-pitched voice) HMM?

THUMP EACH OTHER'S JUNK.

I'M SORRY. THUMP--
OHH!

HE WINS.
YES! HA! IN YOURFACE!

I WIN!

NO, TOTALLY UNFAIR. THAT WAS
A VERY CONFUSING REQUEST!

THE RULES WERE NOT MADE CLEAR.
IF SHE HAD SAID,

"WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A RACE,"
AND HERE'S THE GOAL,

I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN READY
TO THUMP YOUR JUNK.

I WOULD HAVE BEEN LASER-FOCUSED
ON YOUR JUNK.

(high-pitched voice)
HA HA!

(normal voice) WHATEVER, DUDE.
THE HOT GIRL IS MINE.

SO YOU THINK I'M SUPPOSED
TO GO WITH HER, OR...

WHO KNOWS? APPARENTLY WE'RE
JUST EMBRACING ANARCHY NOW.

FREAK SHOWS AND OUTCASTS,

YOU WILL NOW RECEIVE A STAMP.
DO NOT LICK IT.

IT IS PURPLE, BUT IT IS NOT
FLAVORED LIKE GRAPE.
(mouths words)

(bottles clink)

(ringtone plays on cell phone)
(gasps)

OH, THAT'S WILL! AAH!

WILL! WE ARE TRAPPED
IN A POT!

OH, YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT'S
DEFINITELY HOW PHONES WORK.

HEY, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU
KNOW THAT I GOT THE APPLE JUICE,

AND, YES, IT'S ORGANIC.

NO PESTICIDE HAS SOILED
THE PRECIOUS FRUIT

FROM WHICH THIS NECTAR
HAS BEEN EXTRACTED.

SO NEXT TIME, I HOPE YOU WON'T
QUESTION MY ABILITY TO--CRAP!

NO, HEY!
THAT'S MY APPLE JUICE.

OH, DUDE, THIS PLACE
IS LIKE WOODSTOCK.

EVERYONE SHARES. WOULD YOU
LIKE SOME COTTON CANDY?

VIRGINS
AND BASEMENT DWELLERS,

ONCE YOU HAVE RECEIVED
YOUR HAND STAMP,

YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED
INTO THE STORE

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

(whirring)

OH, CRAP.

SO AFTER THE WAR WAS OVER,

BADASS DEDICATED HIMSELF
TO RIDDING THE JUNGLES

OF DRUG CARTELS?

AND FINDING OUT
WHO KILLED HIS DOG.

OH, RIGHT. HOMER.

HE LOVED THAT TRUSTY MUTT.

ATTENTION,
UNLOVED BOG CREATURES,

YOU WILL NOW RECEIVE
A STAMP.

HEY! I DON'T LIKE THE WAY
YOU TALK TO THESE PEOPLE.

EACH ONE OF THESE FAT,
LITTLE NERDS IS A HUMAN BEING.

WELL,
YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME.

(gasps) WOW.

Y-YOU DEFENDED US,
JUST LIKE BADASS WOULD HAVE.

HERE.

YES.

THIS FEELS RIGHT.

(men) WHOA.

HEY, WILL.

IF YOU AND KENNY WERE
INTERVIEWING FOR THE SAME JOB,

AND OUT OF THE BLUE,
THE INTERVIEWER SAID,

"THUMP HIS JUNK," WOULD YOU
THINK THAT WAS A RACE?

NO, I'D THINK I DON'T
WANT TO WORK FOR A COMPANY

THAT INTERVIEWS PEOPLE
LIKE THAT.

(scoffs)
HEY, DID YOU GET
YOUR HAND STAMPED YET?

YES, I DID.
DAMN IT!

I TOLD THERESA I WAS
GONNA GET THAT JUICE,

AND NOW THAT JACKASS WON'T
LET ME BACK IN THE STORE.

IT'S 11:00.
NOTHING ELSE IS OPEN,

AND SHE'S GONNA KILL ME.

WELL, AT LEAST YOU KNEW
THE RULES

WITH WHATYOUWERE DOING.

MY NIGHT HAS BEEN
ABSOLUTE CHAOS.

I'VE HAD MY GENITALS THUMPED,

I DID NOT CARE
FOR THAT ORGANIC APPLE JUICE,

AND SOME GUY IN A GARBAGE BAG
THREW A HOT DOG AT ME.

THAT'S NATHAN.
NO, THIS GUY WAS IN HIS 70s.

NO, OVER THERE.
THAT'S NATHAN.

(gasps)
HE SAID HE WAS SPENDING
THE NIGHT AT A FRIEND'S.

HE'S NEVER LIED TO ME
BEFORE.

HEY, REMEMBER THAT TIME
MY DAD SAW US AT THE QUARRY,

AND HE HAD HIS BUDDIES
DRESSED UP AS COPS

AND SCARED THE HELL
OUT OF US?

WE SHOULD DO THAT.

WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THE PART
WHERE THEY MADE US

DIG OUR OWN GRAVES.

GOOD IDEA.

SCARE 'EM STRAIGHT.

BY THE WAY, I STILL FEEL BAD
THAT I BEGGED THEM

TO KILL YOU FIRST.

WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE,
BUDDY.

HERE.

HELLO.

(metal rattles)
I'M THE GENTLEMAN

WHO THUMPED
ANOTHER GENTLEMAN'S JUNK

WITH LIGHTNING SPEED,
I MIGHT ADD. (pops lips)

AND I'D LIKE TO CLAIM
MY PRIZE.

THEREISNO PRIZE.

BUT I WENT KNUCKLES-DEEP
IN MY FRIEND'S SQUISHY BITS.

OH. I'M SORRY.
DID THAT FEEL DEGRADING?

LIKE WHEN TWO PEOPLE PLAY
ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS

FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

OHH.

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

I'VE GOTTA GET ENOUGH
OF YOUR GEEK BRETHREN

TO BUY THIS ENERGY DRINK
SO I CAN MAKE RENT.

WAIT. WAIT. I'M SORRY.
LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

I'M A SALESMAN.
I CAN HELP YOU SELL THIS STUFF.

OH, I DOUBT IT.

IT TASTES LIKE SOMETHING THAT
LEAKED OUT OF AN ELEPHANT.

DOESN'T MATTER.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE PRODUCT.

IT'S ABOUT MAKING THE CUSTOMER
THINK THEY NEED THE PRODUCT.

LIKE RIGHT NOW I'M MAKING YOU
THINK YOU NEED ME.

IT'S A BAD EXAMPLE,
BECAUSE YOUDONEED ME.

OR DO YOU?

THE ANSWER IS...
YOU DO.

OR DO YOU?

(high-pitched, singsong voice)
HELLO!

(normal voice)
TALK ABOUT A BRAIN BLAST.

(high-pitched voice) WHAT?
(imitates explosion)

(imitates splat)

UGH!

OHH.

WILL YOU STOP SIGHING
EVERY 15 SECONDS,PLEASE?

(mocking voice) PLEASE STOP
SIGHING EVERY 15 SECONDS.

YOU ARE A THIRD GRADER.

I AM NOT A THIRD GRADER.

WELL, YOU TEASE MY BROTHER
LIKE ONE.

YOU ALSO SOMETIMES SAY
"LIBERRY"

AND "GLOVE DEPARTMENT."

IT IS THE DEPARTMENT WHERE
YOUR GLOVES WOULD BE FOUND.

OH, MY GOD! I HAVE GOTTA
GET AWAY FROM YOU.

WAIT. WHAT ABOUT LUCY?

SHE'S AT A SLEEPOVER.
(sighs)

OKAY, TRY AND GET MY CELL PHONE
OUT OF MY POCKET.

UHH!
OW! EASY WITH THE TEETH!

WOW, YOU AND KENNY
REALLYARERELATED.

UGH.

SO I WANT ALL OF YOU
TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES,

EVEN IF YOUR PARENTS HAVE
PRETTY MUCH GIVEN UP ON YOU.

HERE, SIR. I MADE THIS SHOTGUN
OUT OF A MOP.

(click)

(cheering)

HEY, GRANT.

NATHAN'S HERE,
AND I WANNA TEACH HIM A LESSON.

WE NEED DISGUISES.

MUCH LIKE
MY VIDEO GAME PERSONA,

I BELIEVE IN TEACHING
MORAL LESSONS

TO THE YOUTH OF AMERICA.

YOU TWO...
GIVE THEM YOUR CLOTHES.

SO WE DRAW NATHAN
INTO A CONVERSATION.

WE GET HIM TO ADMIT
THAT HE LIED TO HIS PARENTS,

AND THEN WE SCARE
THE PANTS OFF HIM

TO MAKE SURE
HE NEVER DOES IT AGAIN.

YEAH, AND THEN WE TELL 'EM
TO DIG THEIR OWN GRAVES.

WE'RE NOT DOING THAT,

ALL RIGHT, BUT THATIS
THE PART WE STILL TALK ABOUT.

(speaking inaudibly)

(Irish brogue)
AH, WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

COUPLE OF LADDIES
UP TO NO GOOD, EH?

(under breath)
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

(normal voice, under breath)
I'M SORRY.

(deep voice) SO, BOYS,

YOUR PARENTS
KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?

NO! NO, THEY DON'T.
IT WAS SCOTT'S IDEA.

WELL, LOOK HOW QUICKLY
THE KEENS GIVE UP THEIR FRIENDS.

I'M A LIAR.
I-I-I LIED TO MY PARENTS.

I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON. I...
I DON'T KNOW. (hyperventilating)

EASY KID. CALM DOWN.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CRASHED
THE REAL ESTATE MARKET.

I'M CALLING MY DAD.
I GOTTA COME CLEAN.

UH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T CALL YOUR DAD.

UH, I-I THINK YOU LEARNED
YOUR LESSON.

(cell phone ringing)
UH... OH, WELL,

I'M GETTING
A COINCIDENTAL CALL,

SO, UH, I GOTTA...

DAD?

UH...

(bang)
ALL OF YOU!

GET ON YOUR KNEES! YOU'RE GONNA
DIG YOUR OWN GRAVES.

CRAIG!
I'M JUST TRYING
TO MAKE IT MEMORABLE.

FIRST I GET A "B" ON MY TEST,
THEN I SNEAK OUT AT NIGHT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME?

NATHAN, WHAT YOU DID
WAS WRONG,

BUT YOU'RE A GOOD KID,
AND YOUR MOM'S RIGHT.

YOU'VE GOTTA LIGHTEN UP
A LITTLE,

NOT TAKE EVERYTHING
SO SERIOUSLY.

YOU TAKE THINGS SERIOUSLY.

OH. (scoffs) ME? ME?

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. I DO.

I TAKE THINGS
VERY SERIOUSLY.

LIKE TONIGHT,

INSTEAD OF HAVING FUN,
I'VE BEEN DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY

TRYING TO GET APPLE JUICE
FOR YOUR MOM'S SOCCER PARTY.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
NOT ANYMORE.

TONIGHT YOU'RE NOT GONNA
WORRY ABOUT GRADES OR LYING,

AND I'M NOT GONNA WORRY
ABOUT THAT APPLE JUICE.

ACTUALLY, NO. I HAVE GOT
TO GET THAT APPLE JUICE.

IS--IS YOUR HAND STAMPED?

YEAH, BUT THERE'S A WAY
THAT YOU CAN SNEAK IN

THROUGH THE GARDEN CENTER.

I DID THAT TO USE
THE BATHROOMS.

THOSE PORTA-POTTIES
ARE EGREGIOUS.
SHOW ME.

THE GARDEN CENTER,
NOT THE PORTA-POTTIES.

(coughs)

WHAT IS THIS STUFF?

IT'S GAMER FUEL, SPECIFICALLY
FORMULATED TO HELP GAMERS

SHARPEN THEIR SENSES
AND HEIGHTEN THEIR MOTOR SKILLS.

IT TASTES LIKE
A FISH BARFED.

NO, IT DOESN'T.

(exhales deeply)
WHAT IS THAT FRESHNESS?

WONDERFUL JUICE!

YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND.
YOU CLEARLY CAN'T HANDLE THIS.

LET'S GO FIND SOME GAMERS
WHO ARE SERIOUS

ABOUT TAKING THIS
TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

SEE YA, POSEURS.

WAIT!

WE'RE SERIOUS GAMERS.

DON'T YOU WASTE MY TIME.

SO WHEN WE GET
TO THE BASEMENT DOOR,

WE'LL JUST HANG IT
OVER THE TOP OF THE STAIRS

AND LET IT SLIP OFF.

OH.
OH, LET ME GUESS.

YOU HAVE A LIST OF REASONS
WHY MY IDEA IS BAD.

NOPE. NOT ALLOWED
TO MAKE ANY SUGGESTIONS

THAT COULD POSSIBLY
HELP IMPROVE YOUR LIFE.

SO LET'S JUST TRY YOUR STUPID,
DANGEROUS, ILL-CONCEIVED IDEA.

HEY, THERESA, GUESS WHICH FINGER
I'M HOLDING UP IN THIS POT.

AHH!

(both grunting)

OH, YEAH,
THIS IS GONNA WORK.

TRUST ME. I'M A NURSE.

YOU NEED TO LEARN THAT

THAT'S NOT RELEVANT
TO EVERY SITUATION, BRENDA.

READY?

ONE, TWO...

(both scream)

(thud, crashing)

(panting) OKAY. NOW IT'S
RELEVANT THAT YOU'RE A NURSE.

UHH!

WE GOTTA STAY LOW HERE AND MAKE
A LEFT AT THE SUCCULENTS.

GO.

AAH!

(spits)

(lowered voice)
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THINK I'D LET YOU
DO THIS ALONE?

YOU'RE IN MY WORLD NOW.

NO.
I WAS HERE LAST SATURDAY.

I NEEDED A FERN
FOR MY BATHROOM.

(whirring)

(thud)
OHH!

(grunts)
JEEZ!

OH! THE EYE PATCH
KILLS YOUR DEPTH PERCEPTION.

(whirring)

THERE'S THAT SECURITY GUARD.

(whirring continues)

I THINK HE SAW US!
WE SHOULD GO,

WE SHOULD GO, WE SHOULD GO,
WE SHOULD GO, WE SHOULD GO.

DAD, IF YOU GUYS CREATE
A DIVERSION,

I THINK I CAN SNEAK
THROUGH THERE

AND GET TO THE APPLE JUICE.
NATHAN, THAT'S SUICIDE,

OR AT LEAST VERY DIFFICULT.

I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE.
YOU ARE SURROUNDED

BY SECURITY CAMERAS
WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE ON

DUE TO COST-CUTTING MEASURES.

DAD, IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

TELL MOM I LOVE HER.

(inhales deeply)
JUST GET THAT APPLE JUICE.

WAIT.

(click)

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO SLIP.

MAKE SURE IT'S ORGANIC,

IN 6-OUNCE BOTTLES.

THE FUTURE OF OUR FAMILY
DEPENDS ON IT!

(high-pitched voice) CAW-CAW!
CAW-CAW! CAW-CAW! CAW-CAW!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
A DIVERSION.

(roars in slow-motion voice)

(thud)

(Muzak playing)

(coughing)

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

WHY WOULD YOU TACKLE US?

NO, NO, I AGREE.
I GOT CARRIED AWAY.

I RIPPED MY PANTS.

THESE WERE
MY MOTHER'S PANTS.

OH, THEY WERE A GIFT
FROM MY MOTHER,

BUT STILL,
IT'S UPSETTING.

YEAH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WAS THINKING.

YOU DO KNOW THIS IS A COSTUME,
RIGHT?

I'M REALLY DISAPPOINTED
IN MYSELF.

I THINK I GOTTA LIE DOWN
SOMEWHERE.

I THINK--I DON'T--

I THINK
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG.

OOH! OOH, OOH!

I THINK ENOUGH FEELING
HAS COME BACK TO MY HANDS

THAT I CAN PICK UP
MY GLASS OF WINE!

LOOK AT THAT. OH!

MAYBE I SHOULD JUST KNOCK
MINE ONTO THE TABLE

AND LAP IT UP.

IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T
DONE THAT BEFORE.

(laughs) OKAY, I ADMIT,

MAYBE I AM GUILTY SOMETIMES
OF TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO.

THAT PAUSE WAS SO THAT
YOU COULD COP TO SOMETHING

YOU'RE GUILTY OF.

OKAY.

I'M JUST WORRIED THAT
IF THINGS WITH YOU AND KENNY

GOT REALLY BAD, HE'S FAMILY,

SO IF I EVER HAD
TO CHOOSE SIDES...

I GET IT.

IT'S JUST
HE'S SO DARN TORTUREABLE.

(sighs)

I MEAN, HE IS A 36-YEAR-OLD MAN
AFRAID OF GHOSTS.

BUT I'LL LAY OFF HIM...

A LITTLE.

THANK YOU.

AND I'LL STOP TELLING YOU
WHAT TO DO.
(chuckles)

IF YOU STOP PRETENDING
TO SEE GHOSTS AROUND KENNY.

(clink)

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LET HIM
GO ALONE.

(sighs)

HEY!
COME ON!

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH!
YES!

HEY!

(all)
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

YOU FORGOT YOUR CHANGE,
SWEETIE.

THANKS.

(laughs)

(laughs)

THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

OH, I'M PROUD OF YOU, NATE.

I NEED MORE BRAIN BLAST.

ACTUALLY, THAT'S IT.
YOU SOLD IT ALL.

OH. UH...

SO I GUESS I'LL JUST...
TAKE OFF THEN?

I... REALLY APPRECIATE
YOUR HELP. THANKS.

BYE.

OKAY.

HI! I'M KIM.

ARE TO TRY A SAMPLE
OF THE HOT, NEW ENERGY DRINK?

HEY, KIM.

I GOT DIBS ON THAT GUY.

OKAY.

YOU CAN CALL ME.

REALLY?
OH, MY HEART IS RACING.

BUT IT MIGHT JUST BE
FROM THAT POISON-IN-A-CAN

WE'VE BEEN SELLING.

NO, IT'S YOU.

(beep)

ATTENTION,
MORONS AND HUMAN COMPOST.

THESE THREE GENTLEMEN
ARE GUILTY

OF SNEAKING
INTO THE GARDEN CENTER.

THEY WILL NOW COME WITH ME
AND BE RETAINED

FOR THE REMAINDER
OF THE EVENING.

WHAT IF WE DON'T WANNA
COME WITH YOU?

THEN I SHALL INSIST AGAIN
IN A HARSHER TONE.

YOU HAVE NO POWER, DO YOU?

NO, NO, NO.
BUP, BUP, BUP, BUP, BUP.

(under breath) DON'T DO THAT.
SERIOUSLY. PLEASE?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
NOT A GOOD IDEA.

WE'RE COOL, RIGHT?

NO, WE'RE NOT COOL! ALL NIGHT,
YOU HAVE BEEN A COMPLETE--

(loudly) IT IS SETTLED, THEN!
WE HAVE REACHED AN AGREEMENT.

I WILL BESTOW MERCY
UPON THEM

AND LET THEM OFF
WITH A WRITTEN WARNING.

THIS IS
A BLANK "MAD LIBS" SHEET.