Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,233
All right,
be careful with the car.
2
00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:06,866
Yeah, yeah.
And don't move the seat.
3
00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:08,100
I've got it
where I like it.
4
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:11,066
Goodbye.
Two and 10, babe.
5
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:12,066
Okay.
6
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:13,100
Don't peel out.
7
00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:14,266
I won't.
8
00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:16,500
[TIRES SQUEAL]
9
00:00:18,533 --> 00:00:20,000
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
OVER RADIO]
10
00:00:20,033 --> 00:00:23,566
♪ Jesus is oneJesus is all ♪
11
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:28,200
♪ Jesus picks me upWhen I fall-- ♪
12
00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:30,000
MAN 1 [OVER RADIO]:
And he said unto Abraham--
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,866
MAN 1 [OVER RADIO]:
And he said unto Abraham--
14
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:34,533
CHOIR:
♪ Amen, amen ♪
15
00:00:34,566 --> 00:00:35,900
MAN 2:
So we pray--
16
00:00:35,933 --> 00:00:36,900
WOMAN:
Faith--
17
00:00:36,933 --> 00:00:38,900
MAN 3:
Jesus!
18
00:00:40,233 --> 00:00:42,000
Jesus?
19
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,166
[♪]
20
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,633
KRUGER:
According to our latest
quarterly...thing,
21
00:00:51,733 --> 00:00:53,266
Kruger Industrial Smoothing
22
00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:56,233
is heading into the red.
23
00:00:56,266 --> 00:00:58,033
Or the black, or--
24
00:00:58,066 --> 00:01:00,500
Whatever the bad one is.
25
00:01:00,533 --> 00:01:02,733
Any thoughts?
26
00:01:02,766 --> 00:01:04,266
[CLEARS THROAT]
27
00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:05,566
Well, I, um--
28
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,900
I know, uh, when I'm
a little strapped, heh,
29
00:01:08,933 --> 00:01:11,533
I sometimes drop off
my rent check
30
00:01:11,566 --> 00:01:13,794
having "forgotten"
to sign it.
31
00:01:13,794 --> 00:01:15,200
having "forgotten"
to sign it.
32
00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:17,166
That could-- That could
buy us some time.
33
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,466
Works for me.
34
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:20,900
Good thinking, George.
35
00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:21,900
Good idea.
36
00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:23,366
All right, George.
Way to go, man.
37
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,666
Heh. Or we, uh--
38
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:26,966
We don't even send
the check,
39
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,233
and then when they call,
40
00:01:28,266 --> 00:01:29,966
we pretend
we're the cleaning service.
41
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,166
[CHUCKLES]
42
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,466
[IN FOREIGN ACCENT]
Hello? I sorry.
43
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,866
No here Kruger.
44
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:37,433
Are you done?
45
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,266
Silly voices.
46
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,600
Come on, people,
47
00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:43,066
let's get real.
48
00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:43,794
Good one.
49
00:01:43,794 --> 00:01:44,066
Good one.
50
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:46,500
Whew.
That was bad.
51
00:01:46,533 --> 00:01:49,900
[♪]
52
00:01:49,933 --> 00:01:51,200
GEORGE:
I had 'em, Jerry.
53
00:01:51,233 --> 00:01:53,200
They loved me.
And then?
54
00:01:53,233 --> 00:01:55,200
I lost 'em.
55
00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:57,900
I can usually come up with one
good comment during a meeting,
56
00:01:57,933 --> 00:01:59,400
but by the end,
it's buried
57
00:01:59,433 --> 00:02:02,266
under a pile
of gaffes and bad puns.
58
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,766
Showmanship, George.
59
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:04,966
When you hit that high note,
60
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,166
you say good night
and walk off.
61
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,700
I can't just leave.
62
00:02:08,733 --> 00:02:10,733
That's the way
they do it in Vegas.
63
00:02:10,766 --> 00:02:12,366
You never played Vegas.
64
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:13,794
I hear things.
65
00:02:13,794 --> 00:02:14,100
I hear things.
66
00:02:17,133 --> 00:02:19,200
Here's one.
67
00:02:19,233 --> 00:02:20,700
I borrowed Puddy's car,
68
00:02:20,733 --> 00:02:23,000
and all the presets
on his radio
69
00:02:23,033 --> 00:02:26,766
were Christian
rock stations.
70
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,200
I like
Christian Rock.
71
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,066
It's very positive.
72
00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:33,666
It's not like
those real musicians
73
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:35,933
who think
they're so cool and hip.
74
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:41,066
So you think that Puddy
actually believes in something?
75
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:42,366
I mean, it's--
It's a used car.
76
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,794
He probably never changed
the presets.
77
00:02:43,794 --> 00:02:44,166
He probably never changed
the presets.
78
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,066
Yes, he is lazy.
79
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,233
Probably doesn't know how
to program the buttons.
80
00:02:48,266 --> 00:02:51,533
Yes. He is dumb.
81
00:02:51,566 --> 00:02:54,400
So you prefer dumb and lazy
to religious?
82
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:56,000
Dumb and lazy
I understand.
83
00:02:56,033 --> 00:02:57,800
Mmm.
84
00:02:57,833 --> 00:02:59,100
Tell you how
you could check.
85
00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:01,266
How?
Reprogram all the buttons,
86
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,733
see if he changes them back.
87
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,566
You know?
The old switcheroo.
88
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,500
No, no, the old switcheroo
is you poison your drink,
89
00:03:08,533 --> 00:03:11,233
and then you switch it
with the other person's.
90
00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:13,794
No, it's doing the same thing
to someone that they did to you.
91
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:14,366
No, it's doing the same thing
to someone that they did to you.
92
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,733
Yeah, Elaine's gonna do
the same thing to Puddy's radio
93
00:03:16,766 --> 00:03:18,533
that the radio did to her.
94
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,500
Well, that's
the gist of it.
95
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,033
Quiet! Ugh.
96
00:03:23,066 --> 00:03:25,666
So where is
this Sophie?
97
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,200
She's picking me up
in a few minutes.
98
00:03:27,233 --> 00:03:28,766
How long have
you two been together?
99
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,033
I don't know,
since the last one.
100
00:03:31,066 --> 00:03:33,300
Oh, here she is.
101
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:35,300
You want to meet her?
BOTH: Nah.
102
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:40,033
By the way, how did Puddy
get back in the picture?
103
00:03:40,066 --> 00:03:41,200
I, uh--
104
00:03:41,233 --> 00:03:43,794
I-- I needed
to move a bureau.
105
00:03:43,794 --> 00:03:43,800
I-- I needed
to move a bureau.
106
00:03:43,833 --> 00:03:45,600
[♪]
107
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:48,966
[DOOR OPENS]
108
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,366
Hey, Jerry,
you got any pepper?
109
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,700
Hey, Jerry.
Hey, Mickey.
110
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,533
Check the pepper shaker.
KRAMER: Yeah.
111
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,333
Hey, Mickey.
112
00:03:56,333 --> 00:03:57,500
[SNIFFS]
113
00:03:58,833 --> 00:04:02,000
[SNEEZES]
114
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:04,000
See? It should sound
like that.
115
00:04:04,033 --> 00:04:05,400
Something like that.
116
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:08,000
Ee-ah-choo!
117
00:04:08,033 --> 00:04:10,666
A little wetter.
See, I didn't believe it.
118
00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:12,300
Wh-what's
with the fake sneezing?
119
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:13,794
We're going down
to Mount Sinai Hospital.
120
00:04:13,794 --> 00:04:14,200
We're going down
to Mount Sinai Hospital.
121
00:04:14,233 --> 00:04:15,666
See, they hire actors
to help
122
00:04:15,700 --> 00:04:17,700
the students practice
diagnosing.
123
00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,200
They assign you
a specific disease
124
00:04:19,233 --> 00:04:20,500
and you act out the symptoms.
125
00:04:20,533 --> 00:04:21,533
It's an easy gig.
126
00:04:21,566 --> 00:04:24,233
Yeah. Wow!
127
00:04:24,266 --> 00:04:26,166
Do medical schools
actually do this?
128
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,500
Well, the better ones.
129
00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,300
All right,
let's practice retching, huh?
130
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:32,666
Ready?
131
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:35,166
[BOTH GAG]
[PHONE RINGING]
132
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,166
I think the phone
is ringing.
[BOTH GAG]
133
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,200
Would you hold it
a second?!
134
00:04:39,233 --> 00:04:41,200
[PHONE RINGING]
135
00:04:41,233 --> 00:04:43,500
Thank you. Will you get out
of here with that stuff?
136
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:43,794
Mickey, D.T.'s, huh?
137
00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:46,033
Mickey, D.T.'s, huh?
138
00:04:48,233 --> 00:04:49,266
Hello.
139
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:50,666
Hey, it's me.
140
00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:53,400
Elaine?
No, it's me.
141
00:04:53,433 --> 00:04:56,100
George?
142
00:04:56,133 --> 00:04:58,700
Jerry, it's Sophie.
143
00:04:58,733 --> 00:04:59,866
I can't believe
144
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,566
you don't recognize my voice.
Oh!
145
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,066
I knew it was you.
I was joking.
146
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,566
I'm a comedian.
147
00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:09,466
You got any ipecac?
148
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:10,800
Ipecac?
149
00:05:10,833 --> 00:05:13,300
Kramer, I really think you guys
are going too far with this.
150
00:05:13,333 --> 00:05:13,794
No. Mickey,
he swallowed 12 aspirin.
151
00:05:13,794 --> 00:05:16,233
No. Mickey,
he swallowed 12 aspirin.
152
00:05:16,266 --> 00:05:17,233
Did he overdose?
153
00:05:17,266 --> 00:05:19,200
No, it's just too much.
154
00:05:19,233 --> 00:05:21,233
[♪]
155
00:05:21,266 --> 00:05:23,033
KRUGER:
And it gets worse.
156
00:05:23,066 --> 00:05:25,066
The team working
on the statue
157
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:28,100
in Lafayette Square
kind of over-smoothed it.
158
00:05:28,133 --> 00:05:29,900
They ground the head down
159
00:05:29,933 --> 00:05:32,166
to about the size
of a softball.
160
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,600
And that spells trouble.
161
00:05:34,766 --> 00:05:35,900
All right, well,
162
00:05:35,933 --> 00:05:37,800
why don't we smooth the head
down to nothing,
163
00:05:37,833 --> 00:05:39,166
stick a pumpkin
under its arm
164
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,966
and change the nameplate
to Ichabod Crane?
165
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,794
[ALL LAUGHING]
166
00:05:43,794 --> 00:05:43,933
[ALL LAUGHING]
167
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,566
All right.
168
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,600
That's it for me.
169
00:05:49,633 --> 00:05:51,400
Be good, everybody.
170
00:05:51,433 --> 00:05:53,766
[LAUGHING]
Ichabod Crane.
171
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,766
[♪]
172
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,900
In your packets
you will find the disease
173
00:05:57,933 --> 00:05:58,966
you have been assigned
174
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,733
and the symptoms
you will need to exhibit.
175
00:06:01,766 --> 00:06:04,166
"Bacterial meningitis."
176
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,833
Jackpot!
177
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,233
"Gonorrhea"?
178
00:06:12,033 --> 00:06:13,433
[EXHALES]
179
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,700
You wanna trade?
180
00:06:16,733 --> 00:06:18,033
Sorry, buddy.
181
00:06:18,066 --> 00:06:20,100
This is the Hamlet
of diseases.
182
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:23,033
Severe pain, nausea,
delusions.
183
00:06:23,066 --> 00:06:24,166
It's got everything.
184
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,700
How 'bout you?
You wanna trade?
185
00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:28,200
Sure.
Okay, what do you got?
186
00:06:28,233 --> 00:06:31,100
The surgeon left
a sponge inside me.
187
00:06:31,133 --> 00:06:33,066
[EXHALES]
188
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,033
Good luck with that. Heh.
189
00:06:35,066 --> 00:06:36,366
[♪]
190
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,000
GEORGE:
I knew I had hit
my high note,
191
00:06:38,033 --> 00:06:39,033
so I, uh...
192
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:42,100
I thanked the crowd,
and I was gone. Heh.
193
00:06:42,133 --> 00:06:43,566
What'd you do
the rest of the day?
194
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:43,794
Saw Titanic.
Mmm.
195
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:45,766
Saw Titanic.
Mmm.
196
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,200
So that old woman...
197
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:50,533
she's just a liar, right?
198
00:06:50,566 --> 00:06:53,700
And a bit of a tramp
if you ask me.
199
00:06:53,733 --> 00:06:55,366
Hello, boys.
Hey,
200
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,300
so did you give that radio
the old switcheroo?
201
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,300
I did.
202
00:06:58,333 --> 00:06:59,600
And the Christian rock?
203
00:06:59,633 --> 00:07:01,400
Resurrected.
204
00:07:03,033 --> 00:07:07,233
And look what I pried
off of his bumper,
205
00:07:07,266 --> 00:07:09,266
a Jesus fish.
206
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:12,600
Jerry,
you have any fish sticks?
207
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:13,794
No.
208
00:07:13,794 --> 00:07:14,500
No.
209
00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:17,766
So you're disappointed
he's a spiritual person?
210
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,500
Well, yeah. I got him because
he seemed so one-dimensional.
211
00:07:21,533 --> 00:07:23,566
I feel misled.
212
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,233
I think it's neat.
213
00:07:25,266 --> 00:07:27,933
You don't hear that much
about God anymore.
214
00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:31,400
I hear things.
215
00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:35,200
Hey, so Sophie gave me the
"it's me" on the phone today.
216
00:07:35,233 --> 00:07:36,466
It's me?
217
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,800
Isn't that
a little premature?
218
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,366
I thought so.
219
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,066
She's not a "me."
220
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,466
I'm a "me."
221
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:43,794
I'm against
all "it's me's."
222
00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:44,166
I'm against
all "it's me's."
223
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,266
So self-absorbed
and egotistical.
224
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,800
It's like those
hip musicians
225
00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:51,000
with their
complicated shoes.
226
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:56,100
Well...
227
00:07:56,133 --> 00:07:57,600
I got gonorrhea.
228
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:05,866
That seems about right.
229
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:07,700
That's what they gave me.
230
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:11,566
They?
231
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,033
The government?
232
00:08:13,066 --> 00:08:13,794
No. No.
233
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,033
No. No.
234
00:08:15,066 --> 00:08:17,233
He's pretending
he's got gonorrhea
235
00:08:17,266 --> 00:08:18,900
so med students
can diagnose it.
236
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:20,800
And it's a waste
of my talent.
237
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,300
It's just
a little burning.
238
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,100
Mickey,
he got bacterial meningitis.
239
00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:28,733
Well, I guess there are
no small diseases,
240
00:08:28,766 --> 00:08:30,733
only small actors.
241
00:08:30,766 --> 00:08:32,500
[ALL LAUGHING]
242
00:08:32,533 --> 00:08:35,733
All right,
that's it for me.
243
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,633
Have a good one, everybody.
244
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,566
What was that?
What was that?
245
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,300
Showmanship. George is trying
to get out on a high note.
246
00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:43,794
Showmanship.
247
00:08:43,794 --> 00:08:44,733
Showmanship.
248
00:08:44,766 --> 00:08:46,733
Maybe that's what
my gonorrhea's missing.
249
00:08:46,766 --> 00:08:48,566
Yes,
step into that spotlight
250
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,900
and belt that gonorrhea
out to the back row.
251
00:08:50,933 --> 00:08:53,100
Yes. Yes, I will.
252
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,866
I'm gonna make people
feel my gonorrhea.
253
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:58,766
And feel the gonorrhea
in themselves.
254
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,766
[♪]
255
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,900
And are you experiencing
any discomfort?
256
00:09:05,933 --> 00:09:08,766
Just a little burning
during urination.
257
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,300
Okay.
258
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:11,366
Any other pain?
259
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,266
The haunting memories
260
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:13,794
of lost love.
261
00:09:13,794 --> 00:09:15,533
of lost love.
262
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,800
May I? Lights.
263
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:31,366
Our eyes met across
the crowded hat store.
264
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,366
I, a customer...
265
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:37,366
and she a coquettish
haberdasher.
266
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,233
Ooh, I pursued and...
267
00:09:39,266 --> 00:09:40,900
she withdrew...
268
00:09:40,933 --> 00:09:43,794
and she pursued,
and I withdrew.
269
00:09:43,794 --> 00:09:44,100
and she pursued,
and I withdrew.
270
00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:46,766
And so we danced.
271
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,466
And I burned for her.
272
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,033
Much like the burning
during urination
273
00:09:52,066 --> 00:09:54,800
that I would experience
soon afterwards.
274
00:09:54,833 --> 00:09:57,700
Gonorrhea.
Gonorrhea.
275
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:02,766
MICKEY:
Yes!
276
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,166
[♪]
277
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,533
JERRY:
One message.
I hope it's not from you.
278
00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:09,966
SOPHIE [OVER MACHINE]:
Hey, Jerry, it's me.Call me back.
279
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,066
Sophie.
280
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,466
She's still doing that?
Yep.
281
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:13,794
All right,
I tell you what you do.
282
00:10:13,794 --> 00:10:15,000
All right,
I tell you what you do.
283
00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:17,500
You call her back
and give her the "it's me," huh?
284
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:19,300
Pull the old switcheroo.
285
00:10:19,333 --> 00:10:21,300
I think that's
a "what's good for the goose
286
00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:22,666
is good for the gander."
287
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,766
What the hell
is a gander anyway?
288
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:29,000
It's a goose that's had
the old switcheroo pulled on it.
289
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:32,866
Hi, Sophie, it's me.
290
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,500
Hey, Rafe.
291
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,500
She thinks
it's someone named Rafe.
292
00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:38,900
Good, good. Let her think it.
293
00:10:38,933 --> 00:10:41,766
[DEEP VOICE]
So what's going on?
294
00:10:44,133 --> 00:10:45,866
Not a lot.
295
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,666
Ask about you.
Ask about you.
296
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:51,866
So, uh,
how are things with Jerry?
297
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:54,100
Oh, I really like him,
298
00:10:54,133 --> 00:10:55,733
but, well...
299
00:10:55,766 --> 00:10:58,100
I still haven't told him
the tractor story.
300
00:10:58,133 --> 00:11:01,566
Right, right,
the tractor story.
301
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,466
Are you sick, Rafe?
302
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:05,066
You sound kind of funny.
303
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,166
I sound funny?
304
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,000
Abort. Abort.
305
00:11:08,033 --> 00:11:10,333
Yeah, I better get
to a doctor, bye.
306
00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:16,533
[NORMAL VOICE]
That was close.
307
00:11:16,566 --> 00:11:19,800
What drives me
to take chances like that?
308
00:11:19,833 --> 00:11:21,066
That was very real.
309
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:22,900
She said there's
some tractor story
310
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,233
that she hasn't
told me about.
311
00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:26,033
Whoa. Back it up,
back it up.
312
00:11:26,066 --> 00:11:28,900
Beep, beep, beep.
313
00:11:28,933 --> 00:11:30,500
Tractor story?
314
00:11:30,533 --> 00:11:33,500
Beep, beep, beep?
315
00:11:33,533 --> 00:11:34,800
What are you doing?
316
00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:38,500
[♪]
317
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,266
ELAINE:
So where do you wanna eat?
318
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:43,794
Feels like
an Arby's night.
319
00:11:43,794 --> 00:11:44,400
Feels like
an Arby's night.
320
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,166
Arby's.
321
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,366
Beef and cheese and...
322
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,100
do you believe in God?
323
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:53,200
Yes.
Oh.
324
00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:55,066
So you're pretty religious?
325
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,966
That's right.
326
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,033
So is it a problem
that I'm not really religious?
327
00:12:01,066 --> 00:12:03,466
Not for me.
Why not?
328
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,133
I'm not the one going
to hell.
329
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,800
[♪]
330
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,163
GEORGE:
You know what I think?
331
00:12:20,196 --> 00:12:22,329
I bet she stole
a tractor.
332
00:12:22,363 --> 00:12:24,329
No one's stealing
a tractor.
333
00:12:24,363 --> 00:12:26,363
It's a 5-mile-an-hour
getaway.
334
00:12:27,729 --> 00:12:29,229
We're dancing
around the obvious.
335
00:12:29,263 --> 00:12:30,963
It's gotta be disfigurement.
336
00:12:30,996 --> 00:12:32,963
Does she walk around
holding a pen
337
00:12:32,996 --> 00:12:34,463
she never seems to need?
338
00:12:34,496 --> 00:12:36,529
No, she looks
completely normal.
339
00:12:36,563 --> 00:12:38,463
Oh, okay.
340
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:40,496
Here it is.
I got it.
341
00:12:40,529 --> 00:12:43,629
She lost her thumbs
in a tractor accident,
342
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:45,985
and they grafted
her big toes on.
343
00:12:45,985 --> 00:12:46,763
and they grafted
her big toes on.
344
00:12:48,763 --> 00:12:50,763
They do it every day.
345
00:12:50,796 --> 00:12:53,763
You think she's got toes
for thumbs?
346
00:12:53,796 --> 00:12:56,496
How's her handshake?
347
00:12:56,529 --> 00:12:58,429
Little firm, isn't it?
348
00:12:58,463 --> 00:13:00,229
Maybe a little too firm?
349
00:13:00,263 --> 00:13:01,463
I don't know.
350
00:13:01,496 --> 00:13:03,763
Hands a little smelly?
351
00:13:05,163 --> 00:13:07,296
Why do I seek
your counsel?
352
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:12,263
Well, I'm going to hell.
That seems about right.
353
00:13:12,296 --> 00:13:13,996
According to Puddy.
354
00:13:14,029 --> 00:13:15,763
Have you heard the one
about the guy in hell
355
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:15,985
with the coffee and doughnuts--
I'm not in the mood.
356
00:13:15,985 --> 00:13:18,463
with the coffee and doughnuts--
I'm not in the mood.
357
00:13:18,496 --> 00:13:20,729
I'll have some coffee
and a doughnut.
358
00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:23,429
What do you care?
You don't believe in hell.
359
00:13:23,463 --> 00:13:25,263
I know, but he does.
360
00:13:25,296 --> 00:13:27,129
So it's more
of a relationship problem
361
00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:29,029
than the final destination
of your soul?
362
00:13:29,063 --> 00:13:31,729
Well, relationships
are very important to me.
363
00:13:31,763 --> 00:13:33,829
Maybe you can have one
with the prince of darkness
364
00:13:33,863 --> 00:13:36,696
as you burn
for all eternity.
365
00:13:38,163 --> 00:13:39,763
And a slice
of devil's food cake.
366
00:13:41,463 --> 00:13:42,729
[♪]
367
00:13:44,463 --> 00:13:45,985
GEORGE [LAUGHING]:
Hey, hey.
368
00:13:45,985 --> 00:13:47,063
GEORGE [LAUGHING]:
Hey, hey.
369
00:13:48,229 --> 00:13:49,763
Where is, uh, everyone?
370
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:51,863
They're all
off the project.
371
00:13:51,896 --> 00:13:53,529
They were boring.
372
00:13:53,563 --> 00:13:56,696
George,
you are my main man.
373
00:13:56,729 --> 00:13:58,063
I am?
374
00:13:58,096 --> 00:13:59,529
I don't know what it is.
375
00:13:59,563 --> 00:14:01,029
I can't put my finger on it,
376
00:14:01,063 --> 00:14:04,696
but lately,
you have just seemed on.
377
00:14:04,729 --> 00:14:08,663
And you always leave me
wanting more.
378
00:14:10,063 --> 00:14:14,129
This is a huge project
involving...
379
00:14:14,163 --> 00:14:15,985
lots of numbers
and papers and folders.
380
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:17,263
lots of numbers
and papers and folders.
381
00:14:17,296 --> 00:14:18,963
I'm not too worried
about it.
382
00:14:18,996 --> 00:14:20,829
Let's get started.
383
00:14:20,863 --> 00:14:22,629
Okay.
384
00:14:22,663 --> 00:14:24,563
George, check it out.
Yeah?
385
00:14:25,796 --> 00:14:28,696
Three times around
with no feet. Hm?
386
00:14:28,729 --> 00:14:30,996
All me.
387
00:14:31,029 --> 00:14:33,529
All me. Heh.
388
00:14:33,563 --> 00:14:35,963
[♪]
389
00:14:35,996 --> 00:14:38,663
All right, and here are
your ailments for this week.
390
00:14:38,696 --> 00:14:39,829
By the way, Mr. Kramer,
391
00:14:39,863 --> 00:14:41,263
you were excellent.
Oh,
392
00:14:41,296 --> 00:14:42,629
thank you.
393
00:14:42,663 --> 00:14:45,163
Cirrhosis of the liver
with jaundice.
394
00:14:45,196 --> 00:14:45,985
All right.
I get to wear makeup.
395
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:47,496
All right.
I get to wear makeup.
396
00:14:47,529 --> 00:14:50,996
What did you get?
Gonorrhea.
397
00:14:51,029 --> 00:14:53,196
Uh, excuse me.
I think there's been a mistake.
398
00:14:53,229 --> 00:14:54,663
See, I had gonorrhea
last week.
399
00:14:54,696 --> 00:14:55,729
Oh, it's no mistake.
400
00:14:55,763 --> 00:14:57,696
We loved what you did with it.
401
00:15:00,763 --> 00:15:02,063
Boy, I don't believe this.
402
00:15:02,096 --> 00:15:05,029
I'm being typecast.
403
00:15:05,063 --> 00:15:07,529
[♪]
404
00:15:07,563 --> 00:15:10,729
I move my knight here.
405
00:15:10,763 --> 00:15:11,829
Check.
406
00:15:11,863 --> 00:15:13,463
They should update
these pieces.
407
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,985
Nobody rides horses anymore.
408
00:15:15,985 --> 00:15:16,429
Nobody rides horses anymore.
409
00:15:16,463 --> 00:15:19,729
Maybe they should
change it to a tractor.
410
00:15:19,763 --> 00:15:22,263
Jerry, are you embarrassed
that you're losing?
411
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:23,729
Losing?
412
00:15:23,763 --> 00:15:25,863
You know, yesterday I lost
control of my car,
413
00:15:25,896 --> 00:15:28,163
almost bought the farm.
414
00:15:28,196 --> 00:15:30,629
Bought the farm?
415
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,329
Tractor.
416
00:15:32,363 --> 00:15:35,963
This is an odd side
of you, Jerry.
417
00:15:35,996 --> 00:15:38,229
I feel uncomfortable.
418
00:15:38,263 --> 00:15:39,763
Wait, don't go.
419
00:15:39,796 --> 00:15:41,729
Let's thumb wrestle.
420
00:15:45,296 --> 00:15:45,985
[♪]
421
00:15:45,985 --> 00:15:47,563
[♪]
422
00:15:47,596 --> 00:15:49,129
GEORGE:
A scar?
423
00:15:49,163 --> 00:15:50,663
A big, long scar,
424
00:15:50,696 --> 00:15:53,329
where her leg would dangle
when she's riding a...
425
00:15:53,363 --> 00:15:54,629
A tractor.
426
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,429
I'm sure she's
a little self-conscious
427
00:15:56,463 --> 00:15:58,029
and doesn't like to talk
about it.
428
00:15:58,063 --> 00:15:59,763
Don't see why she's
more self-conscious
429
00:15:59,796 --> 00:16:01,196
about that
than her toe-thumbs.
430
00:16:01,229 --> 00:16:03,463
She doesn't have
toe-thumbs.
431
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,329
Well, if she keeps horsing
around with those trac--
432
00:16:06,363 --> 00:16:08,563
All right.
433
00:16:08,596 --> 00:16:10,263
How's the two-man operation
at Kruger?
434
00:16:10,296 --> 00:16:13,229
Heh. Two-man. It's all me.
435
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:14,696
Kruger doesn't do anything.
436
00:16:14,729 --> 00:16:15,985
He disappears
for hours at a time,
437
00:16:15,985 --> 00:16:16,563
He disappears
for hours at a time,
438
00:16:16,596 --> 00:16:18,363
gives me fake excuses.
439
00:16:18,396 --> 00:16:21,496
This afternoon, I found him
with sleep creases on his face.
440
00:16:21,529 --> 00:16:24,029
The only reason I got out
to get a bite today
441
00:16:24,063 --> 00:16:25,929
was that he finally promised
to buckle down
442
00:16:25,963 --> 00:16:27,463
and do some actual work.
443
00:16:28,763 --> 00:16:32,029
GEORGE:
Oh, I don't believe this.
444
00:16:34,296 --> 00:16:37,096
This is what I have
to put up with, Jerry.
445
00:16:38,896 --> 00:16:40,496
Mr. Kruger.
Mm?
446
00:16:40,529 --> 00:16:44,229
Who said he was going to do
some actual work today? Who?
447
00:16:44,263 --> 00:16:45,985
I'm not too worried
about it.
448
00:16:45,985 --> 00:16:46,163
I'm not too worried
about it.
449
00:16:46,196 --> 00:16:48,496
Well, I am.
450
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:50,863
Couldn't you try to go
through some of that stuff
451
00:16:50,896 --> 00:16:52,063
I put in your shoebox?
452
00:16:52,096 --> 00:16:54,929
All right, all right,
I'm going.
453
00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:56,729
Ho-ho!
454
00:16:56,763 --> 00:16:59,463
Have you ever seen anything
like this?
455
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:01,629
Never.
456
00:17:01,663 --> 00:17:03,596
[♪]
457
00:17:06,463 --> 00:17:10,196
Elaine, they forgot
to deliver your paper today.
458
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:12,029
Why don't you, uh,
just grab that one?
459
00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:14,863
That belongs to Mr. Potato guy.
That's his.
460
00:17:14,896 --> 00:17:15,796
Come on, get it.
461
00:17:17,896 --> 00:17:19,863
Well, if you want it,
you get it.
462
00:17:19,896 --> 00:17:22,229
Sorry.
Thou shalt not steal.
463
00:17:24,963 --> 00:17:27,329
Oh, but it's okay for me?
464
00:17:27,363 --> 00:17:30,829
What do you care?
You know where you're going.
465
00:17:30,863 --> 00:17:33,496
All right, that is it.
I can't live like this.
466
00:17:33,529 --> 00:17:34,996
Oh, no.
Come on!
467
00:17:35,029 --> 00:17:36,929
All right, what did I do?
468
00:17:36,963 --> 00:17:40,163
David,
I'm going to hell.
469
00:17:40,196 --> 00:17:42,229
The worst place
in the world.
470
00:17:42,263 --> 00:17:45,129
With devils and those--
Those caves and--
471
00:17:45,163 --> 00:17:45,985
And the ragged clothing.
472
00:17:45,985 --> 00:17:47,329
And the ragged clothing.
473
00:17:47,363 --> 00:17:50,629
And the heat.
My God, the heat!
474
00:17:50,663 --> 00:17:53,063
I mean, what do you think
about all that?
475
00:17:53,096 --> 00:17:54,329
It's gonna be rough.
476
00:17:54,363 --> 00:17:56,829
Ugh. You should be
trying to save me.
477
00:17:56,863 --> 00:17:59,329
Don't boss me. This is why
you're going to hell.
478
00:17:59,363 --> 00:18:00,963
I am not going to hell.
479
00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:02,996
And if you think
I'm going to hell,
480
00:18:03,029 --> 00:18:04,629
you should care
that I'm going to hell.
481
00:18:04,663 --> 00:18:06,096
Even though I am not.
482
00:18:07,529 --> 00:18:09,429
You stole my Jesus fish,
didn't ya?
483
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,129
Yeah, that's right.
484
00:18:11,163 --> 00:18:12,529
[GROWLING]
485
00:18:12,563 --> 00:18:15,096
[♪]
486
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:17,963
MICKEY:
Oh, my liver.
487
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:20,263
Why did I drink
for all those years?
488
00:18:20,296 --> 00:18:24,663
Why did I look for love
in a bottle?
489
00:18:24,696 --> 00:18:26,796
Mr. Kramer, you're up.
490
00:18:28,363 --> 00:18:29,863
I'm here.
491
00:18:29,896 --> 00:18:31,129
Wait a minute.
What?
492
00:18:31,163 --> 00:18:32,863
You are doing gonorrhea,
aren't you?
493
00:18:32,896 --> 00:18:34,529
Yeah, well, we'll see.
494
00:18:36,696 --> 00:18:40,163
So, uh, what seems to be
bothering you today, Mr. Kramer?
495
00:18:40,196 --> 00:18:43,729
Well, I... I guess it started
about 20 years ago
496
00:18:43,763 --> 00:18:45,985
when I got back
from Vietnam.
497
00:18:45,985 --> 00:18:46,129
when I got back
from Vietnam.
498
00:18:46,163 --> 00:18:49,329
And this was the only friend
I had left.
499
00:18:49,363 --> 00:18:51,229
MICKEY:
Hey! That's my cirrhosis.
500
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:53,496
He's stealing
my cirrhosis.
501
00:18:53,529 --> 00:18:54,963
You want to be sick?
502
00:18:54,996 --> 00:18:56,496
I'll make you sick.
503
00:18:57,963 --> 00:18:59,763
Cirrhosis of the liver
and, uh...
504
00:18:59,796 --> 00:19:01,129
PCP addiction?
505
00:19:01,163 --> 00:19:03,696
[YELLING]
506
00:19:03,729 --> 00:19:05,263
[♪]
507
00:19:05,296 --> 00:19:07,163
MAN:
Let me see
if I understand this.
508
00:19:07,196 --> 00:19:09,696
You're concerned
that he isn't concerned
509
00:19:09,729 --> 00:19:11,063
that you're going
to hell.
510
00:19:11,096 --> 00:19:13,196
And you feel
that she's too bossy.
511
00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:15,985
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, that's right.
512
00:19:15,985 --> 00:19:16,029
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, that's right.
513
00:19:16,063 --> 00:19:19,696
Well, oftentimes, in cases
of interfaith marriages,
514
00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:21,129
couples have difficulty--
515
00:19:21,163 --> 00:19:24,029
ELAINE:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No one's getting married here.
516
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:26,029
You aren't?
No.
517
00:19:26,063 --> 00:19:27,196
Oh.
518
00:19:27,229 --> 00:19:28,763
We're just, you know,
519
00:19:28,796 --> 00:19:30,396
having a good time.
520
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,863
Oh.
521
00:19:34,896 --> 00:19:36,463
Well, then it's simple.
522
00:19:36,496 --> 00:19:38,363
You're both going to hell.
523
00:19:38,396 --> 00:19:41,963
No way.
This is bogus, man.
524
00:19:43,396 --> 00:19:44,996
Well, thank you, Father.
525
00:19:45,029 --> 00:19:45,985
Oh, oh, did you hear the one
about the new guy in hell
526
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:47,496
Oh, oh, did you hear the one
about the new guy in hell
527
00:19:47,529 --> 00:19:49,996
who's talking to the devil
by the coffee machine?
528
00:19:50,029 --> 00:19:53,329
I'm really not in the mood.
I'm going to hell.
529
00:19:53,363 --> 00:19:55,263
Ah, lighten up.
530
00:19:55,296 --> 00:19:58,196
It'll only feel
like an eternity.
531
00:19:58,229 --> 00:19:59,363
[LAUGHING]
532
00:19:59,396 --> 00:20:02,196
[GROWLING]
533
00:20:02,229 --> 00:20:04,229
[GROWLING]
534
00:20:04,263 --> 00:20:06,029
[♪]
535
00:20:06,063 --> 00:20:08,529
You know, Jerry,
there's this thing
536
00:20:08,563 --> 00:20:09,996
that I haven't
told you about.
537
00:20:10,029 --> 00:20:11,163
See...
538
00:20:11,196 --> 00:20:14,963
there was this tractor
and...
539
00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:15,985
[SIGHS]
540
00:20:15,985 --> 00:20:16,129
[SIGHS]
541
00:20:16,163 --> 00:20:17,429
Oh, boy, this is...
542
00:20:17,463 --> 00:20:18,763
This is really difficult.
543
00:20:18,796 --> 00:20:22,029
Sophie, it's me.
544
00:20:23,563 --> 00:20:25,829
I know about
the tractor story.
545
00:20:25,863 --> 00:20:27,763
And I'm fine with it.
546
00:20:27,796 --> 00:20:28,763
How could you know?
547
00:20:28,796 --> 00:20:31,896
Shh. Shh. Shh.
548
00:20:33,363 --> 00:20:34,829
It's not important.
549
00:20:34,863 --> 00:20:36,129
What's important
550
00:20:36,163 --> 00:20:38,229
is I'm not gonna let
a little thing like that
551
00:20:38,263 --> 00:20:40,263
ruin what could be
552
00:20:40,296 --> 00:20:43,629
a very long-term
and meaningful relationship.
553
00:20:43,663 --> 00:20:44,996
KRAMER:
I didn't say that. No.
554
00:20:45,029 --> 00:20:45,985
You gave me gonorrhea.
You didn't even tell me.
555
00:20:45,985 --> 00:20:47,963
You gave me gonorrhea.
You didn't even tell me.
556
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,229
Well, I'm sorry.
557
00:20:49,263 --> 00:20:50,629
I gave you gonorrhea
558
00:20:50,663 --> 00:20:53,129
because I thought
you'd have fun with it.
559
00:20:53,163 --> 00:20:55,329
Hey, hey,
I'm with someone.
560
00:20:55,363 --> 00:20:58,496
Oh. Hello.
561
00:20:58,529 --> 00:21:00,229
No, I understand.
562
00:21:00,263 --> 00:21:02,363
This could be
a tough thing to deal with.
563
00:21:02,396 --> 00:21:04,863
The important thing
is that you have a partner
564
00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:06,263
who's supportive.
565
00:21:06,296 --> 00:21:07,829
You know...
566
00:21:07,863 --> 00:21:10,629
she's right.
567
00:21:10,663 --> 00:21:12,629
Unfortunately,
I didn't have a partner.
568
00:21:12,663 --> 00:21:14,896
I got gonorrhea
from a tractor.
569
00:21:16,263 --> 00:21:18,863
You got gonorrhea
from a tractor?
570
00:21:18,896 --> 00:21:21,963
And you call that
the tractor story?
571
00:21:21,996 --> 00:21:24,129
You can't get it
from that.
572
00:21:24,163 --> 00:21:26,429
But I did. My boyfriend
said I got gonorrhea
573
00:21:26,463 --> 00:21:28,263
from riding the tractor
in my bathing suit.
574
00:21:28,296 --> 00:21:30,963
All right,
that's it for me.
575
00:21:30,996 --> 00:21:32,429
You've been great.
576
00:21:32,463 --> 00:21:34,563
Good night, everybody.
577
00:21:34,596 --> 00:21:36,529
[♪]
578
00:21:46,363 --> 00:21:48,263
[♪]
579
00:21:57,096 --> 00:22:00,529
Would you mind helping me out
with some of this stuff?!
580
00:22:00,563 --> 00:22:03,429
You seem like you got
a pretty good handle on it.
581
00:22:03,463 --> 00:22:05,129
No, I don't!
582
00:22:05,163 --> 00:22:08,363
Don't you even care?
This is your company.
583
00:22:08,396 --> 00:22:11,229
It's your name on the outside
of the building.
584
00:22:11,263 --> 00:22:13,229
Speaking of which,
the R fell off,
585
00:22:13,263 --> 00:22:14,261
and all it says now
is K-uger.
586
00:22:14,261 --> 00:22:15,963
and all it says now
is K-uger.
587
00:22:15,996 --> 00:22:18,963
K-uger? That sounds like one of
those old-time car horns, huh?
588
00:22:18,996 --> 00:22:21,529
[IMITATING CAR HORN]
K-uger. K-uger.
589
00:22:21,563 --> 00:22:24,196
Oh-ho. Ho!
590
00:22:24,229 --> 00:22:27,629
You are too much,
Mr. Kruger. Too much.
591
00:22:27,663 --> 00:22:28,929
Thank you, George.
592
00:22:28,963 --> 00:22:30,729
You've been great.
That's it for me.
593
00:22:30,763 --> 00:22:33,729
No, no. You're not going out on
a high note with me, Mr. Kruger.
594
00:22:33,763 --> 00:22:35,663
[IMITATING CAR HORN]
It's K-uger.
595
00:22:35,696 --> 00:22:37,996
No. No!
596
00:22:38,029 --> 00:22:39,696
Good night, everybody.
40003
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese