All language subtitles for Seinfeld.S06E22.The.Diplomats.Club.720p.HULU.WEBRip.AAC2.0.H.264-NTb

How about the little scam

the airlines have going now
with these special clubs.

Hundred and fifty dollar a year
to sit in a room, eat peanuts,

drink coffee and soda
and read magazines.

Excuse me,
isn't this the flight?

I already got four hours
of this coming to me.

What am I paying for?

How about an
I-got-all-my-luggage club?

Can I get into that?
Where is that club?

I would like to join that club.

Airlines love to divide
us up into classes.

You know, like when you're
sitting in coach,

You know, like when you're
sitting in coach,

they always have the stewardess

close that stupid curtain,
you know?

They always give you
that little look like,

"Maybe if you had worked
a little harder."

JERRY:
What time does
your flight get in?

Six? All right.
That gives us 6 hours.

Then I'll meet you
at the Diplomat's Club.

I'll be the one
without the big red sash.

Okay.

See you tonight.

Is that the supermodel?

Yep.

She not gonna be back
for a month,

but I have 6 hours.

I thought you had
a show in Ithaca?

I do.
But it's 3:00.

I'm flying right back.

Then I'm gonna
meet Bridgette

at the Diplomat's club
in the airport.

Well, guess what
I'm doing?

I'm going to Mr. Pitt's,

and I am telling him
that I am quitting.

and I am telling him
that I am quitting.

So, that's it?

You know I never even
met the guy.

I had enough.
I am marching in.

You're marching in.

I'm marching.

Hey, hey.
Hey.

Elaine's quitting.
Really?

I'm marching in.

I've done the march-in.
Best feeling in the world.

How about
the march-out?

Not as good.

That's when you realize
all the money you're losing.

Uh-huh.

Oh, boy.
Okay, that's it.

Wish me luck.
Yeah.

Get a march
going.

Get a march
going.

March it.

Jerry, I need
to borrow your camera.

Why?

Well, I wanna put a picture

of me and my boss, Mr. Morgan,

up in the office.

What for?

Well, he's reorganizing
the whole staff,

and I'm on thin ice
with this guy as it is.

Isn't putting his picture
on your desk

a little transparent?

It better be.

Mr. Pitt, I have
something to tell you.

One second, Elaine.

Mr. Pitt--

Elaine, do you know
what I just did?

Elaine, do you know
what I just did?

I've just amended my will

to include you as a beneficiary.

What?

Well, I think of you
as part of my family.

You've come to be
like a daughter to me,

and I want to make sure
that you're taken care of

after I'm gone.

Oh.

Oh, Mr. Pitt.

[COUGHS]

I feel a cold coming on.

Could you get me a cold pill
from the medicine cabinet?

No, Mr. Pitt.
You mustn't.

You have to check
with the pharmacy

before you mix any
of your medicine.

Yes, yes, I'll check
with the pharmacist.

Yes, yes, I'll check
with the pharmacist.

We don't want anything
to happen to you, Mr. Pitt.

We want you to live
a long, long time.

GEORGE:
Look at that.
I only got one picture left.

Uh...
You know what?

How about a shot
of me and Mr. Morgan?

Why?

Why?

Because we're a team.
Come on.

Would you take this
for us, dear?

Thank you very much.
Here we go.

Anyone ever tell you

you look a lot like
Sugar Ray Leonard?

Excuse me?

Yeah, you must hear
that all the time.

I suppose we all
look alike to you.

I suppose we all
look alike to you.

Right, Costanza?
What?

What?
No, no, no, no.

Not a racial thing.

There really is
a resemblance.

Don't you think
he looks like Sugar Ray?

Come on,
somebody.

Back me up.

Come on.

A little--
Little help.

Maybe he looks a little
like Sugar Ray Leonard.

A little?
Come on.

No, you still
shouldn't have said it.

You really think that Morgan
thinks I have a racial bias?

Maybe.

Maybe.

That is so unfair.

I would have marched on Selma
if it was in Long Island.

So you would have marched
on Great Neck?

Absolutely.

I still might.

I always hated those girls.
They would never date me.

Hey.

Hey,
there you are.

So, you ready?
For what?

He's taking me
to the airport.

No, we got
a few minutes.

Oh, okay.

What, you got
no luggage?

This is it.

I'm only going
for the day.

I just gotta stop
by the drugstore

and pick up
a toothbrush.

Okay.

Hey, Kramer, who does
that look like?

Hey, Kramer, who does
that look like?

I don't know.

Come on, come on.

Not salt, but...

What, Pepper Johnson?

No.

Sugar Ray Leonard.

Oh, no way.

All right.
I'll tell you what.

I'll bet you the next
three people I ask,

two of them will say that
it looks like Sugar Ray.

How much?

Hundred dollars,
$200, $1000--

Hey, wait a second.
What are you doing?

You're not betting.

You know he's not
supposed to bet.

Come on, Jerry,
it's a lock.

Kramer, you've had
this thing under control

Kramer, you've had
this thing under control

for almost
three years now.

Don't start again.

But it's a lock,
Jerry.

No.

What are you gonna
do about Morgan?

You know what would be great?

If he could just see me
with some of my black friends.

Yeah, except you don't really
have any black friends.

And outside of us,
you don't really have

any white
friends either.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

JOE:
Yes?

Hello, Joe?

Who is this?
It's me.

George Costanza.

Who?

Who?

You remember?
I-I was here a while back.

We watched Breakfast
at Tiffany's together?

What do you want?

Well, I've rented
another video, Joe,

and there's some popcorn.

I thought we could
do it again.

Go away.

Remy.

Hi.

You.

What are you doing here?

Well, I've got another
Audrey Hepburn movie.

Remy, is that you?

Daddy, that man's
here again.

Remy, I want you
up here instantly.

You know, Remy,
I was just thinking,

the last time
we were together, you--

the last time
we were together, you--

Oh,
that's great.

You know what?
Leave it alone.

Pull the car around.
We'll meet outside.

You sure?

Yeah, I'll
take care of it.

Throw that in there,
too, would you?

Excuse me.

I take
heart medication.

What would you recommended
for a runny nose?

Take a antihistamine.

They're over there.

It's all right
to take?

Oh, yeah,
they're great.

Oh, yeah,
they're great.

What about appetite
suppressants?

Uh, I just saw them.

Oh, here.
Here you go.

Thank you,
young man.

Have a good day, sir.

So, this your swanky
Diplomats' Club.

I don't see Katie
anywhere.

Oh, what's this?
A fellow club member?

No, she's this woman

who's booking me
on these college tours.

She thinks I'm some kind
of big celebrity

that has to be pampered

and explained
every little thing.

Yeah, I'm gonna get
some snacks...

before my flight.

Jerry.

Oh, hi, Katie.

You found the airport all right?

Yes, I followed the planes.

I see you're
having coffee.

Just so you know,
they also have decaf, as well,

and I talked to the hostess.

They'll also be
serving coffee on the plane,

along with a selection
of cocktails and soft drinks.

Thanks.

Thanks for telling me.

What's going on?

I'm Lenore Walker,
Mr. Pitt's estate lawyer.

I arrived to discuss
his will

and found Justin
had collapsed on the floor.

and found Justin
had collapsed on the floor.

Oh, my God.

Who are you?

This is the girl
I want to

put in my will.
Elaine, I--

Please rest, Mr. Pitt.

You're the assistant.

Why weren't you here
taking care of him?

Well, he gave me
the morning off.

I was doing
a little...shopping.

Uh-huh.

How did this happen?

He Took a very
dangerous combination

of prescription heart medicine
and these other pills.

Mr. Pitt, you were supposed
to talk to the pharmacist.

I spoke to somebody
who worked there.

I spoke to somebody
who worked there.

Oh, I'm gonna go
and call that pharmacy.

How well
do you know her?

KATIE:
Jerry, listen,
just so you know,

before we take off
they're gonna tell us

what to do
in a crash.

Yes, I know.
I've flown before.

Oh, good I just didn't
want you to freak out.

The chance of a crash
is very slim.

Do you have to go
to the bathroom?

No.

Because even if you
have to go a little,

you better go now,
because you won't get

you better go now,
because you won't get

another chance until
well after take off.

Hey, how you doing?

Pretty good.

Name's Kramer.

Earl Haffler.
Nice to meet you.

I'm headed to Houston.
Where are you headed?

Oh, I'm happy right here.

Isn't this place amazing?

Planes flying in from all
corners of the world,

and they know the minute
when they're arriving.

Oh, they don't know
a darn thing.

That's why my flight
to Houston has been delayed.

That's why my flight
to Houston has been delayed.

They're all morons.

As a matter of fact,
I'll bet you

that that flight
to Pittsburg takes off

before my flight
to Houston.

Bet? Um, no,
I'd better not.

Friendly wager.

I haven't made a bet
in three years.

I don't--
Oh, come on.

Keep things interesting,
pass the time.

Okay.
How much?

How about 200.

You're on, cowboy.

How you doing?

Okay.

Nice day today.

What?

I'm George.
George Costanza.

You live around here?

MAN [ON PA]:
Now arriving at gate 12.

This could be
Mexico City.

Come on, Seattle.
Let's go.

Come on, Mexico City.

Seattle, Seattle.

Flight number 42
from Mexico City.

Yeah.

All right.

All right.

All right, come on.
Let's go again.

Let's go again.

Mr. Pitt,
do you need anything?

No.

You need to sit up.

Why don't
I get you a pillow.

Okay.

It's a pretty
full house.

It's a pretty
full house.

The lighting guy's
name is Lou.

He's got a birthday
next week.

I don't care.

By the way, Jerry,

I don't want you
to freak out,

but the pilot is going
to be in the audience.

Who?

Remember the plane
we took here?

The pilot is going
to be sitting out there,

watching the show.

I don't care.

Why are you
telling me this?

I just didn't
want you to freak out

when you saw him.

Why would I freak out?

Pilot.

ANNOUNCER:
All right, ladies and gentlemen,

a big hand
for Mr. Jerry Seinfeld.

a big hand
for Mr. Jerry Seinfeld.

Hey, all right.

Good afternoon, Ithaca.

Welcome.

Good to see you here.

Boy, I tell you,
I noticed

there's a lot of those
orange cones

you have out on the thruway
on the way--

Up here, uh...

Um, I was-- I-- I-- Uh...

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

It didn't go
very well, did it?

No, it didn't.

And you know why?

Seeing that plot
in the audience

really freaked
me out.

I knew it.

If you hadn't
mentioned anything,

I would have been fine.

I became obsessed
with him.

Why did I invite him?
Stupid, stupid.

When he asked for tickets,
I should have said no.

I'm gonna go
chew him out.

Oh, it doesn't
matter now.

Don't worry, Jerry.
I am on top of this.

Yeah, yeah,
you're on top of it.

Yeah, yeah,
you're on top of it.

And I'm on the bottom!

Well, Mr. Kramer,

looks like you're
in the hole $3200.

Will that be
cash or check?

Come on,
one more bet.

Double or nothing, huh?

All right.

But I wanna see
some cash on the table.

All right.
Let me call my bank.

All right,
you stay here.

[RINGS]

[RINGS]

Hello.

Uh, yeah, it's, uh, me.

Hey, what's up?

Uh... All right, listen,
I need some cash.

What for?

I just need it,
that's all.

Oh, no.

Don't tell me.

You're gambling again,
aren't you?

Oh, you weak, weak man.

Where are you?

I'm at the airport.

The airport?
We've been betting

on arrivals and departures.
God.

But I'm down
3200 bucks,

so you gotta
get me some cash.

I don't have that kind of dough.

Sure you do.

Sure you do.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Not the bag.

Help me, man.
I'm desperate.

All right, all right.

PILOT [ON INTERCOM]:
Sorry for the delay, folks.

There is a slight complication,
but we're taking care of it,

and we'll be on our way
to LaGuardia.

What is
the complication?

Mr. Seinfeld.
Yes?

I'm sorry,
but the pilot has asked

that you leave this plane.

What?

Apparently he has some
sort of problem with you.

I'm not surprised.

I'm not surprised.

I really let him
have it, Jerry.

He had no business
being in your audience

if you didn't
want him there.

I didn't care.

Well, now the pilot
doesn't want you

on his plane.

He can't just
throw me off the plane.

Yes, he can.

If he has cause to believe
that a passenger

will be a disturbance.

But I'm not
a disturbance!

Well, apparently
you are disturbing him.

But someone
is waiting for me.

I don't want
you to freak out.

I'm freaking out!

I am freaking out!

There's a flight
leaving at 8

and another one
leaving at 8:30.

Which one do you want?

Which one do you
think I want?

The 8 will get you in
a little earlier.

Then we'll make it
the 8.

Okay.
I'll book a hotel.

Do you want a standard room
or a mini suite?

Hotel?

It's 8 in the morning.

No, no, no, no.

I have to get
home tonight.

Bridgette's gonna
be waiting for me

at the Diplomat's Club.
Rent a car.

Midsize, luxury,
or sports model?

Midsize, luxury,
or sports model?

What's your preference?

I don't have a preference,
okay?

Just make a decision
yourself. All right?

Stop bothering me
with every minor detail.

Please?

Okay.

You're
the big celebrity.

[RINGS]

Hello.
George.

Hey, Jerry,
how was Ithaca?

I'm still here.

I'm still here.

Listen, you gotta go down
to the Diplomat's Club--

Jerry?

Jerry, what was the name
of that exterminator

who fumigated your apartment
when you had fleas?

Karl, I think.

Karl, yeah, yeah.

He was a nice guy.

Yeah, he was a nice.

What company was it?

Defend.

Yeah, you know, we spoke
for a little bit.

You need an exterminator?

No, not really.

Oh, don't tell me.

Because he's black?

Gotta go.

George, George!

[ON PHONE]
Hello, this is Jerry Seinfeld.
Is Elaine there?

[ON PHONE]
Hello, this is Jerry Seinfeld.
Is Elaine there?

Hold on.

Elaine, there's a Jerry Seinfeld
on the phone for you.

Hello.

Elaine, I need you
to do me a big favor.

I need you to go down
to the Diplomat's Club

and meet Bridgette for me.
I'm going to be late.

That's at the airport, right?

Right. I don't want Bridgette
to think I stood her up.

I'll never get another date
with her. She'll freak out.

All right,
all right.

You sound
freaked out, yourself.

I am a little freaked out.

Calm down.
I'll take care of it.

Calm down.
I'll take care of it.

All right.
You have to leave now.

I said
I'll take care of it!

Kramer.
Hey.

Okay, here it is.
All right, good.

Here's my collateral.

So it's a mailbag.

So what?

NEWMAN:
So what?

Do you know whose
mail bag that is?

David Berkowitz.

Son of Sam.

The worst mass murderer
the post office ever produced.

The worst mass murderer
the post office ever produced.

Where'd you get this?

I took over his route,
and, boy, were there

a lot of dogs
on that route.

Any of 'em talking to you?

Yeah, just to tell me
to keep off the snacks.

Your buddy
is a hell of a guy.

Yeah, don't
I know it.

Okay, Cosmo,
we're back in business.

Yeah.

Let's check out
the board.

Now, uh, who do you like?

All right. How about
Ithaca versus Boston?

All right. How about
Ithaca versus Boston?

All right.

I'm gonna give you
a sporting chance.

I'll take Ithaca.

Double or nothing.

Double or nothing.

I hope you know
what you're doing.

Where are we?

I'm not sure.

Is this even a road?

Oh, we lost the road
half-hour ago.

What? Why didn't you
wake me up?

You told me not to bother you
with minor details.

You told me not to bother you
with minor details.

No road is a major detail.

Okay.
Now I know.

Should I keep going
or turn around?

Do you have
a preference?

Look out!

May I help you?

I'm the exterminator.

Oh, yes, of course,
come in.

Why didn't you want me
to bring my equipment

or wear my uniform?

Yes, well, if the other
people in the office

saw that I called
an exterminator,

they would just panic.

they would just panic.

Jittery.

Besides, this is a sort of
a friendly visit.

Karl, right?

Do I know you?

Yeah, sure. We met
at Jerry Seinfeld's apartment

when you fumigated
for fleas over there.

Seinfeld?

Oh, yeah.
Funny white guy, right?

Jerry?

Yeah, I suppose
he is white.

You know, I never
really thought about it.

I don't really see people
in terms of color.

You know, there's someone
I'd like you to meet.

Hang on a second.

Hang on a second.

Is Mr. Morgan in?

SECRETARY:
Mr. Morgan left for dinner.

He left?

Huh.

Karl, you hungry?

MAN: Here is a new
twist on carpooling.

Early this morning
a lost Manhattanite

drove through
a residential backyard

and wound up
in a swimming pool

near Ithaca, New York.

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld,
a passenger,

seemed a little
freaked out.

That's it.
No more questions.

I don't care.
No, no!

I don't care.
No, no!

That's him.

That's the man
who gave me the pills

in the drugstore.

He's no pharmacist.

Seinfeld?

I know that name.

He called here earlier
for Elaine.

Oh, by the way,
order anything you want.

It's all on me.

Just do me, uh,
a tiny favor.

Pretend we're
old friends.

Pretend we're
old friends.

Oh, my God.

Mr. Morgan,
what a coincidence.

It's Mr. Morgan.
Come here.

Mr. Morgan,
I want you to meet

a dear old friend
of mine,

Karl.

I'm the exterminator.

That's what we used to
call him in high school,

"The Exterminator."
He was a linebacker.

Oh, boy.

Oh, did we have
some wild times.

Well, that Newman was
your good-luck charm.

He sure was.

He sure was.

I should've quit
at double or nothing.

Travelers check?

Oh, I accept.

Yeah, he worked in
the cubicle right next to me.

We once double-dated.

Yeah.

You know, it's a pleasure
doing business

with a gentleman
like yourself.

Kramer?

Oh, Elaine, what are
you doing here?

Jerry asked me asked me
to meet his girlfriend here.

You hear about his
plane in Ithaca?

No.
What about
the plane in Ithaca?

Oh, our stupid friend
freaked out the pilot.

Single-handedly delayed
the plane a whole hour.

Single-handedly delayed
the plane a whole hour.

Can you believe that?

Boy.

Your friend
caused the delay?

Uh-huh.

You're a cheat.

What? No, no. Wait--

Nobody hustles
Earl Haffler.

Oh, come on.

See you around,
Cosmo.

What?!

Howdy, ma'am.

Poison you?

Jerry Seinfeld tried
to poison you. What?

What? Mr. Pitt,
what are you, delirious?

He's never
even met you.

He's never
even met you.

You're fired, Elaine.

Good bye.

Good bye?

[INSTRUMENTAL RENDITION OF
"THE WAY WE WERE" PLAYING]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Bridgette!

Jerry, what happened?

I'm so sorry.

I got stuck
out of town.

I missed our whole
time together.

Well, my plane doesn't leave
for another half-hour.

Really?

Oh, my God.
It's him.

It's the pilot!

[♪]

I love this place.

You know Karl and I
come here all the time.

Is that right?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I come
here all the time.

You wouldn't believe the rat
droppings in the kitchen.

So you really are
an exterminator?

This time, George,
you sunk to a new low.

[BABBLING]

Check, please.

Hey, Sugar Ray Leonard
can eat here on the house.

Hey, Sugar Ray Leonard
can eat here on the house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mr. Morgan!
Did you hear that? Mr. Morgan?!