Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:04,170
To me, the whole concept
of fear of success
2
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,207
is proof that
we are definitely
3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,875
scraping the bottom
of the fear barrel.
4
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,912
Are we going to have
to have AA-type meetings
5
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:12,146
for these people?
6
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,480
Going, "Hi. My name is Bill.
7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,149
"And the one thing
I'm worried about
8
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,719
is having a stereo
and a cream-colored couch."
9
00:00:19,354 --> 00:00:20,722
According to most studies,
10
00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:23,925
people's number one fear
is public speaking.
11
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:27,329
Number two is death.
12
00:00:27,362 --> 00:00:30,000
Death is number two.
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,299
Death is number two.
14
00:00:32,434 --> 00:00:35,237
Now, this means,
to the average person,
15
00:00:35,270 --> 00:00:36,739
if you have to
go to a funeral,
16
00:00:36,772 --> 00:00:39,742
you're better
off in the casket
than doing the eulogy.
17
00:00:45,114 --> 00:00:46,583
Why? Why can't I
play Kramer?
18
00:00:46,616 --> 00:00:48,084
Look, we've been
through this already.
19
00:00:48,117 --> 00:00:49,218
You're not an actor.
20
00:00:49,252 --> 00:00:50,720
Neither are you.
I know.
21
00:00:50,754 --> 00:00:53,122
Why do we need two people
in the show that can't act?
22
00:00:53,156 --> 00:00:55,092
Oh, come on, Jerry.
How hard is it to act?
23
00:00:55,125 --> 00:00:56,893
You say something,
I'll pretend it's funny.
24
00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:58,562
Come on.
25
00:00:58,595 --> 00:01:00,064
My grandmother's
in the hospital.
26
00:01:00,097 --> 00:01:03,267
[LAUGHING UPROARIOUSLY]
27
00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:04,635
Your grandmother's
in the hospital!
28
00:01:06,971 --> 00:01:08,239
Oh, this is real believable.
29
00:01:08,273 --> 00:01:09,607
What? You didn't think
I was really laughing?
30
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,941
It stinks.
31
00:01:10,975 --> 00:01:10,999
All right,
let's see you do it.
32
00:01:10,999 --> 00:01:12,443
All right,
let's see you do it.
33
00:01:12,477 --> 00:01:13,544
Say something funny.
34
00:01:13,578 --> 00:01:14,779
All right.
35
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,381
I've never been to Mars,
36
00:01:16,414 --> 00:01:18,950
but I imagine
it's quite lovely.
37
00:01:21,019 --> 00:01:23,021
Mine was better than that!
Come on, look.
38
00:01:29,595 --> 00:01:31,263
Why are you two
pretending to be laughing?
39
00:01:31,297 --> 00:01:32,498
We're acting.
40
00:01:32,531 --> 00:01:35,635
Oh. Yeah, real good.
41
00:01:35,668 --> 00:01:36,669
Any word from NBC?
42
00:01:36,703 --> 00:01:38,771
No.
I don't understand.
43
00:01:38,805 --> 00:01:40,473
They're supposed to be
casting this week.
44
00:01:40,507 --> 00:01:40,999
Something's wrong.
Maybe they're not doing it.
45
00:01:40,999 --> 00:01:42,142
Something's wrong.
Maybe they're not doing it.
46
00:01:42,175 --> 00:01:43,843
Well, at least
let me audition.
47
00:01:43,876 --> 00:01:45,478
He wants to play Kramer
in the pilot.
48
00:01:45,512 --> 00:01:46,579
Out of the question.
Yeah!
49
00:01:46,613 --> 00:01:47,815
Oh!
50
00:01:47,848 --> 00:01:49,316
How could we
not hear anything?
51
00:01:49,349 --> 00:01:50,951
What's with this Russell?
What's he doing?
52
00:01:54,688 --> 00:01:56,156
ELAINE:
Hi, Russell.
53
00:01:56,189 --> 00:01:58,992
Sit. Sit down.
It's okay.
54
00:01:59,026 --> 00:02:00,428
I really appreciate
you coming.
55
00:02:00,461 --> 00:02:04,032
Oh, that's okay. I don't
have much time, though, so...
56
00:02:04,065 --> 00:02:06,267
All right, well,
first of all...
57
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,537
I want to apologize
for all the phone calls.
58
00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:10,872
It's just-- It's just--
59
00:02:13,308 --> 00:02:16,111
I don't understand. I mean,
we went out, once, and--
60
00:02:16,145 --> 00:02:17,679
Yeah, that was
two months ago.
61
00:02:17,712 --> 00:02:18,881
Yes, I know.
62
00:02:18,914 --> 00:02:22,451
And I-- I just-- I can't
get you out of my mind.
63
00:02:22,484 --> 00:02:27,222
Ever since that... That day
in that
restaurant when we met.
64
00:02:27,256 --> 00:02:29,659
Do you, uh...have
a ketchup secret?
65
00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:31,061
No, I...
66
00:02:31,094 --> 00:02:36,700
Russell, you are
the president of NBC.
67
00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:39,402
Okay? You can have
any woman you want.
68
00:02:40,336 --> 00:02:40,999
But I want you.
69
00:02:40,999 --> 00:02:42,339
But I want you.
70
00:02:42,373 --> 00:02:44,207
God, I hate
these mixtures.
71
00:02:44,241 --> 00:02:45,742
I don't know why--
72
00:02:45,776 --> 00:02:47,544
Why don't they just put
pretzels out on the table?
73
00:02:47,578 --> 00:02:49,046
Or even peanuts
would be good.
74
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,483
But I don't know who
eats these cheesy things.
75
00:02:52,516 --> 00:02:54,852
Is it something I said?
76
00:02:54,886 --> 00:02:56,153
Or did?
77
00:02:56,187 --> 00:02:59,524
Um... Look, Russell.
78
00:03:00,758 --> 00:03:02,327
You're a very sweet guy.
79
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:06,932
But, um...I gotta
be honest with you.
80
00:03:06,965 --> 00:03:08,701
I don't like television.
81
00:03:08,734 --> 00:03:10,999
And that's your world.
That's your life.
82
00:03:10,999 --> 00:03:12,838
And that's your world.
That's your life.
83
00:03:12,871 --> 00:03:14,573
I mean, maybe
if you were in, um,
84
00:03:14,607 --> 00:03:16,074
I don't know,
Greenpeace or something,
85
00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:17,443
that would be different,
86
00:03:17,476 --> 00:03:19,011
but network television!
87
00:03:19,045 --> 00:03:23,049
I mean, come on, Russell.
You're part of the problem.
88
00:03:23,082 --> 00:03:24,383
Oh, Elaine, we're doing
89
00:03:24,417 --> 00:03:25,919
some really very, very
interesting things right now.
90
00:03:25,952 --> 00:03:28,287
We've got some very exciting
pilots for next season.
91
00:03:28,321 --> 00:03:30,256
We have one with
a bright young comedian,
92
00:03:30,289 --> 00:03:31,591
Jerry Seinfeld.
93
00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:33,893
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah,
I've heard of him.
94
00:03:33,927 --> 00:03:35,795
He's that, um,
95
00:03:35,829 --> 00:03:38,698
"Did you ever notice this?
Did you ever notice that?"
guy.
96
00:03:38,732 --> 00:03:40,768
He was in the restaurant
the day that we met.
97
00:03:40,801 --> 00:03:40,999
Uh-huh.
98
00:03:40,999 --> 00:03:42,102
Uh-huh.
99
00:03:42,136 --> 00:03:45,072
Um...well, anyway,
it's a groundbreaking show.
100
00:03:45,105 --> 00:03:46,541
Really?
What is it about?
101
00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:49,877
Well, it's-- It's really--
It's very unusual.
102
00:03:49,910 --> 00:03:51,646
It's about nothing.
103
00:03:53,081 --> 00:03:54,415
What do you mean
it's about nothing?
104
00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:57,719
Mmm. For example,
what did you do today?
105
00:03:57,753 --> 00:04:02,558
Um...I got up,
um, I went to work,
106
00:04:02,591 --> 00:04:04,059
then I came here.
107
00:04:04,092 --> 00:04:06,295
There's a show.
That's a show.
108
00:04:06,328 --> 00:04:08,897
Russell, see, I'm really
not interested in this stuff.
109
00:04:08,931 --> 00:04:10,999
And I do have to
go to work, so...
110
00:04:10,999 --> 00:04:12,434
And I do have to
go to work, so...
111
00:04:12,468 --> 00:04:14,236
Elaine, uh...
When-- When are we--
112
00:04:14,270 --> 00:04:16,072
When are we going
to see each other again?
113
00:04:16,105 --> 00:04:17,139
I'm sorry,
Russell.
114
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,741
I'm sorry, okay?
115
00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:20,677
Bye-bye.
116
00:04:23,046 --> 00:04:24,614
So I'll see you later, huh?
117
00:04:24,647 --> 00:04:25,849
[PHONE RINGS]
Yeah.
118
00:04:25,883 --> 00:04:27,117
Hello?
119
00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:28,318
Yeah, he's here. Hey!
120
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,487
It's for you.
Oh, yeah?
121
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,255
He's getting phone
calls here now?
122
00:04:32,289 --> 00:04:33,791
Hello.
Yeah.
123
00:04:33,824 --> 00:04:35,092
Hey!
124
00:04:35,125 --> 00:04:36,694
Again with the sweatpants?
125
00:04:36,727 --> 00:04:38,296
What? I'm comfortable.
126
00:04:38,329 --> 00:04:39,930
You know the message you're
sending out to the world
127
00:04:39,964 --> 00:04:40,999
with these sweatpants?
128
00:04:40,999 --> 00:04:41,365
with these sweatpants?
129
00:04:41,399 --> 00:04:43,701
You're telling the world,
"I give up!"
130
00:04:43,735 --> 00:04:46,104
"I can't compete
in normal society.
131
00:04:46,137 --> 00:04:47,471
"I'm miserable,
132
00:04:47,506 --> 00:04:49,140
so I might as well
be comfortable."
133
00:04:49,173 --> 00:04:51,009
KRAMER:
Hold on a second.
134
00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:52,176
I got another call.
135
00:04:52,211 --> 00:04:54,313
Hello.
136
00:04:54,346 --> 00:04:55,880
Yeah, he'll call you back.
137
00:04:57,149 --> 00:04:58,350
Who is it?
138
00:04:58,383 --> 00:04:59,518
That's NBC.
139
00:04:59,551 --> 00:05:00,720
NBC?
140
00:05:00,753 --> 00:05:02,121
Kramer, give me the phone!
141
00:05:02,154 --> 00:05:03,623
I'm in the middle
of a conversation!
142
00:05:03,656 --> 00:05:04,824
Get off the phone!
143
00:05:04,857 --> 00:05:06,392
Look, I'll call you back.
144
00:05:06,426 --> 00:05:07,693
Yeah. All right.
145
00:05:07,727 --> 00:05:10,062
You know I'm waiting
to hear from them!
146
00:05:10,096 --> 00:05:10,999
Who was it?
147
00:05:10,999 --> 00:05:11,497
Who was it?
148
00:05:11,531 --> 00:05:12,999
It was Russell
Dalrymple's secretary.
149
00:05:13,033 --> 00:05:14,067
All right.
150
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,502
Now you're doing
something to help me.
151
00:05:16,536 --> 00:05:19,305
Hello? Yes. Jerry Seinfeld,
returning the call.
152
00:05:19,339 --> 00:05:20,807
Uh-huh.
153
00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:22,208
Okay, great.
154
00:05:22,242 --> 00:05:23,410
Thanks a lot.
155
00:05:23,444 --> 00:05:26,347
Casting tomorrow at NBC, 4:00!
156
00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:28,549
We're in business, baby!
The pilot's on!
157
00:05:28,582 --> 00:05:31,085
You're gonna be successful!
158
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,557
What if the pilot
gets picked up
159
00:05:35,590 --> 00:05:37,859
and it becomes a series?
160
00:05:37,892 --> 00:05:40,728
That would be wonderful,
George.
You'll be rich and successful.
161
00:05:40,762 --> 00:05:40,999
Yeah, that's exactly
what I'm worried about.
162
00:05:40,999 --> 00:05:42,230
Yeah, that's exactly
what I'm worried about.
163
00:05:42,264 --> 00:05:43,665
God would never let me
be successful.
164
00:05:43,698 --> 00:05:45,700
He'd kill me first.
He'll never let me be happy.
165
00:05:45,733 --> 00:05:47,569
I thought you didn't
believe in God.
166
00:05:47,602 --> 00:05:49,037
I do for the bad things.
167
00:05:49,071 --> 00:05:51,940
Do you hear
what you're saying?
168
00:05:51,974 --> 00:05:55,611
God isn't out
to get you, George.
169
00:05:56,545 --> 00:05:58,114
What--
170
00:05:58,147 --> 00:06:00,416
What is that on your lip?
171
00:06:01,250 --> 00:06:02,585
What?
172
00:06:02,618 --> 00:06:05,554
It's like a discoloration.
It's white.
173
00:06:08,958 --> 00:06:10,294
Yes.
174
00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:10,999
Yes, it's white.
175
00:06:10,999 --> 00:06:12,529
Yes, it's white.
176
00:06:12,562 --> 00:06:13,797
Why is that white?
177
00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:15,732
You'd better
get that checked out.
178
00:06:15,765 --> 00:06:17,367
"Better get that checked out?"
179
00:06:17,401 --> 00:06:18,602
I would.
180
00:06:18,635 --> 00:06:20,771
What kind of a therapist
are you?
181
00:06:20,805 --> 00:06:22,072
I'm paying you,
I'm scared that
182
00:06:22,106 --> 00:06:23,440
something terrible's
gonna happen to me,
183
00:06:23,474 --> 00:06:24,909
right away, you start
looking for tumors?
184
00:06:24,942 --> 00:06:26,444
I'm trying to help you!
185
00:06:26,477 --> 00:06:27,745
What are you, like a sadist?
186
00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:29,114
No matter how bad
somebody feels,
187
00:06:29,147 --> 00:06:30,281
you can make them feel worse.
188
00:06:30,315 --> 00:06:31,482
I bet you're rooting
for a tumor.
189
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:32,783
I think you'd better go.
190
00:06:32,817 --> 00:06:33,919
Oh, I'm going, baby.
191
00:06:33,952 --> 00:06:35,186
I'm going!
192
00:06:36,988 --> 00:06:38,123
Where?
Right here.
193
00:06:38,156 --> 00:06:40,999
Get outta here. It's nothing.
194
00:06:40,999 --> 00:06:41,560
Get outta here. It's nothing.
195
00:06:41,593 --> 00:06:45,131
Excuse me, do you see
anything on my lip here?
196
00:06:45,164 --> 00:06:47,266
Yeah. Like
a discoloration.
197
00:06:47,299 --> 00:06:48,634
Oh, my God.
198
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:50,102
Yeah, it's all white.
199
00:06:50,136 --> 00:06:52,604
It's all white, Jerry.
It's all white.
200
00:06:52,639 --> 00:06:53,906
Would you stop?
201
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:55,975
Oh, I'd get that checked out
if I were you.
202
00:06:56,008 --> 00:06:57,777
Again with the checked out!
203
00:06:57,810 --> 00:06:59,145
I'm not going to the doctor.
204
00:06:59,178 --> 00:07:01,148
If I don't go to the doctor,
nothing will happen.
205
00:07:01,181 --> 00:07:02,515
If I go, he might
find something.
206
00:07:02,549 --> 00:07:04,484
If you go, maybe they'll
catch it in time.
207
00:07:04,517 --> 00:07:05,819
Catch what in time?
208
00:07:05,853 --> 00:07:07,821
Whatever it is.
209
00:07:07,855 --> 00:07:09,156
You think it's something?
210
00:07:09,189 --> 00:07:10,991
Oh, I hate these bums
with their filthy rags.
211
00:07:11,024 --> 00:07:12,626
No, no, no, no!
I don't want it!
212
00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:14,695
Get away! Get away!
Get away from my car!
213
00:07:14,728 --> 00:07:16,129
You know, these squeegee--
214
00:07:16,164 --> 00:07:18,966
Oh, my God,
it's Crazy Joe Davola!
215
00:07:20,668 --> 00:07:23,337
Good luck on the pilot, Jerry.
216
00:07:28,009 --> 00:07:29,344
Yeah, I think I see it.
217
00:07:29,378 --> 00:07:32,547
It's like a...
white discoloration.
218
00:07:32,581 --> 00:07:34,316
What do you think it is?
219
00:07:34,349 --> 00:07:38,187
It's like a white
discoloration.
220
00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:40,322
Okay, guys. Are we
ready to start?
221
00:07:40,355 --> 00:07:40,999
Yeah. Where's Russell?
I thought he
was gonna be here.
222
00:07:40,999 --> 00:07:42,391
Yeah. Where's Russell?
I thought he
was gonna be here.
223
00:07:42,424 --> 00:07:43,859
Oh, you know, I don't know.
224
00:07:43,893 --> 00:07:45,728
I saw him in the hall
this morning,
225
00:07:45,761 --> 00:07:46,962
I said hello to him.
226
00:07:46,996 --> 00:07:48,331
He walked right past me.
227
00:07:48,364 --> 00:07:50,500
He must be worried
about the fall schedule.
228
00:07:50,533 --> 00:07:52,368
Yeah.
Oh, it's a real bear.
229
00:07:52,402 --> 00:07:54,037
So what's going on?
230
00:07:54,070 --> 00:07:55,405
We're gonna shoot the pilot
231
00:07:55,438 --> 00:07:57,140
and then it's gonna be on TV
the following week?
232
00:07:57,173 --> 00:07:58,408
Yeah, right.
233
00:07:58,441 --> 00:07:59,576
[DOOR OPENS]
234
00:07:59,610 --> 00:08:00,911
This is Mark Matts.
235
00:08:00,944 --> 00:08:02,313
He'll be auditioning
for the role of George.
236
00:08:02,346 --> 00:08:03,680
How you doing?
237
00:08:03,714 --> 00:08:05,882
Hey, Mark.
How are you?
238
00:08:05,916 --> 00:08:07,484
JERRY: They've gottabe kidding.
239
00:08:07,518 --> 00:08:09,854
GEORGE: This guy's perfect!
240
00:08:09,887 --> 00:08:10,999
Okay, let's read this.
241
00:08:10,999 --> 00:08:12,089
Okay, let's read this.
242
00:08:12,123 --> 00:08:13,424
I'll be reading Jerry's part.
243
00:08:14,959 --> 00:08:17,094
Anyone call
for Vandelay Industries?
244
00:08:17,128 --> 00:08:18,563
CASTING DIRECTOR:
No, why?
245
00:08:18,596 --> 00:08:19,897
Listen to me.
246
00:08:19,931 --> 00:08:20,998
I told the unemployment office
247
00:08:21,032 --> 00:08:22,867
I was close to a job
with Vandelay Industries
248
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:24,236
and I gave them
your phone number.
249
00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:25,603
So when you answer
the phone now,
250
00:08:25,637 --> 00:08:28,173
you've got to say,
"Vandelay Industries."
251
00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:29,241
[LAUGHS]
252
00:08:29,274 --> 00:08:30,909
MARK: Right!
I'm Vandelay Industries?
253
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:32,878
You're in latex.
What is that?
254
00:08:32,911 --> 00:08:34,413
What do I do with latex?
255
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:37,783
I don't know...
You manufacture it!
256
00:08:37,816 --> 00:08:40,586
This is Michael Barth,
another George.
257
00:08:40,619 --> 00:08:40,999
ALL: Hi, Michael.
How you doing?
258
00:08:40,999 --> 00:08:42,121
ALL: Hi, Michael.
How you doing?
259
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,257
Everything all right?
260
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,358
I just came from
the podiatrist.
261
00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:46,860
I got something wrong
with my foot.
262
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:48,094
I got a little gangrene.
They're
263
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:49,128
probably gonna
have to amputate.
264
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,764
[LAUGHS]
265
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,032
Uh, yeah.
Any questions?
266
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,735
What are we looking at here?
Is this guy like a real loser?
267
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,737
No, not a loser!
268
00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,107
Uh,
let's start with the second
scene. You have it there?
269
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,141
Yeah.
Okay.
270
00:09:01,175 --> 00:09:04,445
A man gave me a...massage.
271
00:09:04,479 --> 00:09:06,414
[LAUGHS]
272
00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:07,448
CASTING DIRECTOR:
So?
273
00:09:07,482 --> 00:09:09,817
Uh, well, he, uh...
274
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:10,999
He had his hands, you know,
and, uh, he was, uh...
275
00:09:10,999 --> 00:09:13,621
He had his hands, you know,
and, uh, he was, uh...
276
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,123
He was what?
277
00:09:15,156 --> 00:09:18,594
Well, he was, you know...
touching and rubbing.
278
00:09:18,627 --> 00:09:20,295
That's a massage.
279
00:09:20,328 --> 00:09:22,531
I think it moved.
280
00:09:23,632 --> 00:09:24,900
Melissa Shannon.
281
00:09:24,933 --> 00:09:26,268
Hi!
282
00:09:26,302 --> 00:09:27,803
ALL: Hi, Melissa!
283
00:09:27,836 --> 00:09:30,773
Melissa is reading for Elaine.
284
00:09:30,807 --> 00:09:33,009
It's like a bald convention
out there!
285
00:09:34,844 --> 00:09:36,946
Sorry. I made a faux pas.
286
00:09:36,979 --> 00:09:40,150
No, you didn't.
He knows he's bald.
287
00:09:40,183 --> 00:09:40,999
So how about that guy
wearing sweatpants?
288
00:09:40,999 --> 00:09:42,252
So how about that guy
wearing sweatpants?
289
00:09:42,285 --> 00:09:44,021
I mean, did he do that
for the part
290
00:09:44,054 --> 00:09:45,455
or does he walk around
like that?
291
00:09:45,488 --> 00:09:47,124
CASTING DIRECTOR:
Okay.
292
00:09:47,157 --> 00:09:48,959
Shall we start?
293
00:09:48,992 --> 00:09:51,629
Uh, you know what?
I'll read with her.
294
00:09:51,662 --> 00:09:53,531
Oh, great!
Oh!
295
00:09:57,868 --> 00:09:59,503
Yeah.
All right. Want to start?
296
00:09:59,537 --> 00:10:00,604
Okay.
297
00:10:00,638 --> 00:10:02,841
[CLEARS THROAT]
298
00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:05,009
What was that look?
299
00:10:05,043 --> 00:10:06,344
What look?
300
00:10:06,377 --> 00:10:07,979
That look you just gave me.
301
00:10:08,012 --> 00:10:09,848
I gave a look?
Yes.
302
00:10:09,881 --> 00:10:10,882
Thank you!
303
00:10:10,915 --> 00:10:10,999
Thank you very much.
304
00:10:10,999 --> 00:10:12,284
Thank you very much.
305
00:10:12,317 --> 00:10:14,319
CASTING DIRECTOR:
Let's see some more Kramers.
306
00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:31,871
ALL:
Hi! How you doing?
307
00:10:31,905 --> 00:10:33,673
How you doing?
308
00:10:33,706 --> 00:10:35,075
Good.
309
00:10:35,108 --> 00:10:38,078
Levels.
What is this about?
310
00:10:38,111 --> 00:10:39,746
Levels?
311
00:10:39,780 --> 00:10:40,999
Yeah. I'm getting rid
of all my furniture.
312
00:10:40,999 --> 00:10:41,882
Yeah. I'm getting rid
of all my furniture.
313
00:10:41,915 --> 00:10:43,217
All of it.
314
00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:45,886
I'm building levels...
315
00:10:45,919 --> 00:10:47,521
with steps.
316
00:10:47,554 --> 00:10:50,591
Completely carpeted...
317
00:10:51,793 --> 00:10:53,060
with pillows.
318
00:10:53,094 --> 00:10:55,096
[ALL LAUGH]
319
00:10:56,431 --> 00:10:58,266
Like ancient Egypt.
320
00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,335
I don't know how
you're gonna be
comfortable like that.
321
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,438
Oh...I'll be comfortable.
322
00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:06,041
Very good!
Very nice!
323
00:11:06,074 --> 00:11:09,578
GEORGE: Very nice.
Tom, that was terrific!
324
00:11:09,612 --> 00:11:10,713
Thank you for coming in.
325
00:11:10,746 --> 00:11:10,999
It was a wonderful reading.
326
00:11:10,999 --> 00:11:12,415
It was a wonderful reading.
327
00:11:12,448 --> 00:11:13,782
Yeah, really.
328
00:11:13,816 --> 00:11:15,251
Well, bye!
329
00:11:15,284 --> 00:11:17,586
Thank you. Take it easy!
330
00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:19,255
Now, I thought
he was really good.
331
00:11:19,288 --> 00:11:21,590
Yeah, I liked him.
Very funny.
332
00:11:21,624 --> 00:11:23,760
What happened
to the raisins?
333
00:11:23,793 --> 00:11:25,494
Yeah, there was a box
of raisins there.
334
00:11:27,464 --> 00:11:29,599
Did he just steal
the raisins?
335
00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:31,801
Do you think
he stole them?
336
00:11:33,503 --> 00:11:36,073
This is Martin Van Nostrand.
337
00:11:36,106 --> 00:11:37,374
What are you
doing here?
338
00:11:37,407 --> 00:11:39,476
You two know
each other?
339
00:11:39,509 --> 00:11:40,999
Wait a minute. I know you!
340
00:11:40,999 --> 00:11:41,111
Wait a minute. I know you!
341
00:11:41,145 --> 00:11:43,614
You're the guy from
the Calvin
Klein underwear ads.
342
00:11:43,648 --> 00:11:45,816
That's true.
343
00:11:53,925 --> 00:11:57,162
I saw Joe DiMaggio
in Dinky Donuts again.
344
00:11:57,195 --> 00:11:58,830
But this time...
345
00:11:58,864 --> 00:12:00,932
I went in.
346
00:12:05,671 --> 00:12:06,672
[GROANS]
347
00:12:06,705 --> 00:12:08,740
Where's the bathroom?
348
00:12:08,774 --> 00:12:10,999
I think if you
go down the hall,
349
00:12:10,999 --> 00:12:11,643
I think if you
go down the hall,
350
00:12:11,678 --> 00:12:13,646
it's on the right
at the very end.
351
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:14,814
Be right back.
352
00:12:21,188 --> 00:12:23,623
MAN: Sorry, buddy.
Full house.
353
00:12:37,037 --> 00:12:38,872
MAN: Sorry. Customers only.
354
00:12:43,812 --> 00:12:45,046
MAN: Hey, you need a ticket!
355
00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:49,183
[GROANS]
356
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,021
So who's playing
Elaine?
357
00:12:53,055 --> 00:12:54,689
Oh, don't worry about it.
358
00:12:54,723 --> 00:12:56,025
Very talented, very talented
young actress.
359
00:12:56,058 --> 00:12:57,226
Really?
360
00:12:57,259 --> 00:12:58,493
Yes.
Who is it?
361
00:12:58,527 --> 00:12:59,995
She's an Eskimo,
actually.
362
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,064
Oh, God.
She came down
from Juneau by sled.
363
00:13:02,097 --> 00:13:03,566
Uh-huh.
She was in the Iditarod.
364
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:05,200
Got to the finish line,
just kept going.
365
00:13:05,234 --> 00:13:07,237
She's got the dogs
with her in the hotel room.
366
00:13:07,270 --> 00:13:10,206
Listen, was Russell
at the casting?
367
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:10,999
No, he didn't show up.
368
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,208
No, he didn't show up.
369
00:13:12,242 --> 00:13:15,679
You know, I'm a little bit
worried about him.
370
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:19,716
I don't understand. We had
one date two months ago.
371
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:22,386
Am I that charming
and beautiful?
372
00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:24,488
No. No, you're not.
373
00:13:24,521 --> 00:13:26,090
Why do I keep
setting you up?
374
00:13:26,123 --> 00:13:27,191
I don't know.
375
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:29,426
Could we get
a little more?
376
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,033
You know, ever since
this new owner took over,
377
00:13:36,067 --> 00:13:38,236
the service here
is really slow.
378
00:13:38,270 --> 00:13:39,504
Yeah.
379
00:13:39,537 --> 00:13:40,999
Have you noticed anything else
that's...different
380
00:13:40,999 --> 00:13:42,440
Have you noticed anything else
that's...different
381
00:13:42,474 --> 00:13:43,575
since the new management?
382
00:13:43,608 --> 00:13:44,742
Mmm.
383
00:13:44,776 --> 00:13:47,112
They're putting a little lemon
in the tuna.
384
00:13:47,145 --> 00:13:48,714
I love that.
385
00:13:48,747 --> 00:13:50,048
Mmm. Besides that.
386
00:13:50,082 --> 00:13:51,417
Look at the waitresses.
387
00:13:51,450 --> 00:13:52,651
Yeah?
388
00:13:54,787 --> 00:13:59,258
What physical
characteristic
389
00:13:59,292 --> 00:14:01,527
would you say is common
to all of them?
390
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:04,631
Uh-- Uh-- Aah.
Ha-ha.
391
00:14:04,664 --> 00:14:06,132
I mean, look at this.
392
00:14:06,165 --> 00:14:08,935
Every waitress working here
has the same proportions,
393
00:14:08,968 --> 00:14:10,437
wouldn't you say?
394
00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:10,999
Yes, I would say.
395
00:14:10,999 --> 00:14:13,273
Yes, I would say.
396
00:14:13,307 --> 00:14:15,442
What's going on here?
How is this possible?
397
00:14:15,475 --> 00:14:17,411
Do you think
it's a coincidence?
398
00:14:17,444 --> 00:14:18,879
No.
399
00:14:18,913 --> 00:14:20,480
I haven't seen four women
like this together
400
00:14:20,514 --> 00:14:21,782
outside of a Russ Meyer film.
401
00:14:23,484 --> 00:14:25,219
[CLEARS THROAT]
402
00:14:25,252 --> 00:14:28,723
Hi.
Excuse me. Who does all the
hiring of waitresses here?
403
00:14:28,756 --> 00:14:30,391
Um, he does.
404
00:14:30,425 --> 00:14:31,893
We're looking
for another girl,
if you know anyone.
405
00:14:31,927 --> 00:14:33,929
Oh.
406
00:14:33,962 --> 00:14:35,296
You know what?
407
00:14:35,330 --> 00:14:36,798
That's discriminatory.
408
00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:37,966
That is unfair.
409
00:14:37,999 --> 00:14:39,735
Why should these women
have all the advantages?
410
00:14:39,768 --> 00:14:40,999
It's not enough they get
all the attention from men?
411
00:14:40,999 --> 00:14:41,770
It's not enough they get
all the attention from men?
412
00:14:41,803 --> 00:14:43,639
They have to get
all the waitress jobs too?
413
00:14:43,672 --> 00:14:46,608
Hey, that's life. Good-looking
men have the same advantage.
414
00:14:46,642 --> 00:14:48,277
You don't see
any handsome homeless.
415
00:14:51,547 --> 00:14:55,151
Do you see it?
It's right here.
It's-- It's a little white...
416
00:14:55,184 --> 00:14:58,321
Oh, yeah, yeah.
417
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:01,158
I've never
seen this before.
418
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,660
Never seen this before?
419
00:15:03,693 --> 00:15:06,629
I'm gonna have to take
a biopsy on this.
420
00:15:06,663 --> 00:15:08,298
A what?
421
00:15:08,331 --> 00:15:10,033
A biopsy.
422
00:15:10,067 --> 00:15:10,999
A biopsy?
423
00:15:10,999 --> 00:15:11,334
A biopsy?
424
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:12,803
Yeah.
425
00:15:12,836 --> 00:15:16,006
Cancer? Is it cancer?
Do I have cancer?
426
00:15:16,039 --> 00:15:18,642
Well, I don't know
what it is.
427
00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,852
He took a biopsy, Jerry,
a biopsy.
428
00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,187
What did he say?
429
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,822
He said he didn't know
what it was.
430
00:15:30,855 --> 00:15:32,124
All right, so?
431
00:15:32,157 --> 00:15:33,392
When I asked him
if it was cancer,
432
00:15:33,425 --> 00:15:35,027
he didn't give me
a "Get outta here."
433
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:37,662
That's what I wanted to hear.
"Cancer? Hey, get outta here."
434
00:15:37,696 --> 00:15:39,364
Well, maybe he doesn't have
435
00:15:39,398 --> 00:15:41,133
a "Get outta here"
kind of personality.
436
00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,536
How could you be a doctor
and not say, "Get outta here"?
437
00:15:43,569 --> 00:15:45,705
It should be part of
the training at
medical school.
438
00:15:45,738 --> 00:15:47,072
"Cancer? Get outta here!
439
00:15:47,106 --> 00:15:49,509
"Go home! What are you, crazy?
440
00:15:49,542 --> 00:15:50,911
"It's a little test.
It's nothing.
441
00:15:50,944 --> 00:15:51,170
You're a real nut,
do you know that?"
442
00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:53,747
You're a real nut,
do you know that?"
443
00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:56,349
I told you God would never
let me be successful.
444
00:15:56,382 --> 00:15:57,751
I never should have
written that pilot.
445
00:15:57,784 --> 00:16:00,387
Now the show will be a big hit
and make millions of dollars
446
00:16:00,421 --> 00:16:01,688
and I'll be dead,
447
00:16:01,722 --> 00:16:03,824
dead, Jerry,
because of this.
448
00:16:03,857 --> 00:16:06,060
Can't you at least die
with a little dignity?
449
00:16:06,093 --> 00:16:07,594
No, I can't.
450
00:16:07,628 --> 00:16:10,765
I can't die with dignity.
I have no dignity.
451
00:16:10,798 --> 00:16:13,835
I want to be the one person
who doesn't die with dignity.
452
00:16:13,868 --> 00:16:16,771
I lived my
whole life in shame!
Why should I die with dignity?
453
00:16:16,804 --> 00:16:18,206
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
454
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:21,170
Hey.
455
00:16:21,170 --> 00:16:21,243
Hey.
456
00:16:21,276 --> 00:16:23,011
What happened
to you yesterday?
457
00:16:23,045 --> 00:16:25,380
I got mugged.
458
00:16:26,448 --> 00:16:28,216
You got mugged?
Mugged?
459
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:30,185
Well, I wouldn't have
minded it so much,
460
00:16:30,218 --> 00:16:32,888
but I was running home
to go to the bathroom.
461
00:16:35,123 --> 00:16:36,925
Well, why didn't you use
the bathroom in the building?
462
00:16:36,959 --> 00:16:38,194
It was full.
463
00:16:38,227 --> 00:16:40,196
I tried a few other
places, you know,
464
00:16:40,229 --> 00:16:41,430
but that didn't work.
465
00:16:41,464 --> 00:16:43,600
I mean, it was
an emergency, Jerry.
466
00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:47,871
I was really
percolating.
467
00:16:47,904 --> 00:16:50,106
So I decided to run home,
you know, through the park.
468
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:51,170
And then these two guys,
they stopped me.
469
00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:51,775
And then these two guys,
they stopped me.
470
00:16:51,808 --> 00:16:53,043
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
471
00:16:53,077 --> 00:16:54,378
Yeah?
472
00:16:54,411 --> 00:16:55,445
ELAINE:
It's me.
473
00:16:55,479 --> 00:16:56,680
Come on up.
474
00:16:57,815 --> 00:16:59,449
But now I got
a big problem, buddy.
475
00:16:59,483 --> 00:17:01,118
What is it?
476
00:17:01,151 --> 00:17:04,855
Well, I waited so long,
I-- I missed my chance.
477
00:17:06,090 --> 00:17:07,158
You didn't go?
478
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,527
No. And now
I can't get it back.
479
00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:20,306
The best thing to do
is just not think about it.
480
00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:21,170
How could you
not think about it?
481
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:21,973
How could you
not think about it?
482
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,344
Hey.
Hey--
483
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,179
[MUMBLES]
484
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,482
What's the matter
with him?
485
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,151
He's a little backed up.
486
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:35,455
Oh.
487
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:36,823
Elaine.
488
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:39,826
So, I spoke
to some of my sisters
489
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,261
about that coffee shop.
490
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:42,996
Oh, the sisters.
491
00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:45,165
Have you seen the waitresses
in there lately?
492
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:48,001
I never had so much coffee
in my life.
493
00:17:48,035 --> 00:17:50,504
ELAINE: So we decided
I should go over there
494
00:17:50,538 --> 00:17:51,170
and apply
for a job myself.
495
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,040
and apply
for a job myself.
496
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,042
Apply for a job?
What for?
497
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:57,011
Because it's
discriminatory.
498
00:17:57,045 --> 00:17:58,512
It's a coincidence.
499
00:17:58,546 --> 00:18:00,448
Yeah.
This is what
you're gonna wear?
500
00:18:00,481 --> 00:18:02,016
You're not gonna get the job.
501
00:18:02,917 --> 00:18:04,452
Exactly.
502
00:18:04,485 --> 00:18:05,887
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
503
00:18:08,156 --> 00:18:09,624
Hello.
504
00:18:09,658 --> 00:18:11,726
Oh, hi.
505
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,795
Yeah,
I guess we could do that.
506
00:18:13,828 --> 00:18:15,130
At what time?
507
00:18:15,164 --> 00:18:17,566
All right.
Uh, I'll see you there.
508
00:18:17,599 --> 00:18:19,068
Okay. Bye.
509
00:18:19,101 --> 00:18:20,169
Who was that?
510
00:18:20,202 --> 00:18:21,170
TV Elaine.
511
00:18:21,170 --> 00:18:21,704
TV Elaine.
512
00:18:21,737 --> 00:18:23,539
She wants to get together
and talk about the part.
513
00:18:23,573 --> 00:18:25,375
Oh. What about the dogs?
514
00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,677
They're having sex
in the hotel room.
515
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,316
So the Elaine character
is based on someone you know.
516
00:18:33,349 --> 00:18:34,718
Yes.
517
00:18:34,751 --> 00:18:36,352
And she's really
your ex-girlfriend.
518
00:18:36,386 --> 00:18:37,754
Uh-huh, yeah.
519
00:18:37,788 --> 00:18:39,556
I want to get to know her
from the inside.
520
00:18:39,590 --> 00:18:41,358
What is she like?
Tell me about her.
521
00:18:41,392 --> 00:18:43,427
Well, she's fascinated
with Greenland.
522
00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:45,396
She enjoys
teasing animals, Banlon,
523
00:18:45,429 --> 00:18:47,531
and seeing people
running for their lives.
524
00:18:47,564 --> 00:18:49,834
She loves throwing garbage
out the window,
525
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:51,170
yet she's
extremely dainty.
526
00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:52,236
yet she's
extremely dainty.
527
00:18:52,269 --> 00:18:53,738
How would she
eat a hamburger?
528
00:18:53,771 --> 00:18:55,072
With her hands.
529
00:18:55,106 --> 00:18:56,408
What about pasta?
530
00:18:56,441 --> 00:18:57,609
Also with her hands.
531
00:18:57,642 --> 00:18:58,910
Seriously...
532
00:18:58,943 --> 00:19:03,448
I want to experience
everything she's experienced.
533
00:19:03,481 --> 00:19:04,749
Everything?
534
00:19:05,650 --> 00:19:07,085
Everything.
535
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:08,621
All right, she cuts pasta
with a knife.
536
00:19:08,654 --> 00:19:10,589
That's good.
What's her favorite movie?
537
00:19:10,623 --> 00:19:12,057
Shaft.
538
00:19:12,090 --> 00:19:13,459
You got to
get me a picture.
539
00:19:13,492 --> 00:19:15,060
What about sex?
540
00:19:15,093 --> 00:19:16,729
She likes talking
during sex.
541
00:19:16,762 --> 00:19:17,763
Oh.
542
00:19:17,796 --> 00:19:19,365
Dirty talking?
543
00:19:19,398 --> 00:19:21,170
No, just chitchat. Movies,
current events, regular stuff.
544
00:19:21,170 --> 00:19:23,269
No, just chitchat. Movies,
current events, regular stuff.
545
00:19:23,302 --> 00:19:24,538
You know, Sandi--
546
00:19:24,571 --> 00:19:25,639
Elaine.
547
00:19:25,672 --> 00:19:26,973
What?
548
00:19:27,006 --> 00:19:31,077
Call me...Elaine.
549
00:19:31,111 --> 00:19:33,147
All right...
550
00:19:33,847 --> 00:19:35,049
Elaine.
551
00:19:35,082 --> 00:19:37,117
How does Elaine kiss?
552
00:19:37,151 --> 00:19:38,753
Well--
553
00:19:38,786 --> 00:19:42,757
Does she kiss...
like this?
554
00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:47,061
Actually,
she has a thing
555
00:19:47,094 --> 00:19:48,929
where she spirals
her tongue around--
556
00:19:48,963 --> 00:19:50,431
It's like--
Like this?
557
00:19:54,135 --> 00:19:56,204
I think you got it.
558
00:19:58,707 --> 00:20:00,809
Now, I like to eat spaghetti
559
00:20:00,842 --> 00:20:02,278
with just a fork,
560
00:20:02,311 --> 00:20:04,146
because I can keep
the strands long
561
00:20:04,180 --> 00:20:06,448
and I can slurp it up
to my mouth like this.
562
00:20:06,482 --> 00:20:07,616
Look.
563
00:20:07,649 --> 00:20:10,286
[SLURPING]
564
00:20:11,487 --> 00:20:13,490
Now, sex,
I like the bottom.
565
00:20:13,523 --> 00:20:16,459
Let them do
all the work, you know?
566
00:20:16,493 --> 00:20:19,362
You should be writing
this stuff down.
567
00:20:19,396 --> 00:20:21,170
Yeah, bran flakes...
100 percent.
568
00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:23,000
Yeah, bran flakes...
100 percent.
569
00:20:23,033 --> 00:20:25,502
I got a big problem.
570
00:20:25,535 --> 00:20:27,004
I'll have a hamburger.
That's it.
571
00:20:27,037 --> 00:20:28,338
Thanks a lot.
That's good.
572
00:20:28,371 --> 00:20:31,008
Oh, now,
I like to play golf.
573
00:20:31,041 --> 00:20:32,843
This stuff
doesn't matter to me.
574
00:20:32,876 --> 00:20:36,147
See,
I'm gonna do the character
like me, not like you.
575
00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:39,517
You got to play him
like me. I'm Kramer.
576
00:20:39,550 --> 00:20:40,985
I'm Kramer.
577
00:20:41,019 --> 00:20:43,021
Whoa.
I'm Kramer.
578
00:20:43,054 --> 00:20:45,189
What can I do for you?
Would you like table?
579
00:20:45,223 --> 00:20:47,492
No, I'd like to apply
for a waitress job.
580
00:20:47,526 --> 00:20:51,170
Oh. Have you ever
waited on tables before?
581
00:20:51,170 --> 00:20:51,863
Oh. Have you ever
waited on tables before?
582
00:20:51,896 --> 00:20:53,232
Oh, yeah.
583
00:20:53,265 --> 00:20:54,499
I've been
a professional waitress
584
00:20:54,533 --> 00:20:55,801
for the last 10 years.
585
00:20:55,835 --> 00:20:57,036
And I've worked
all over the city.
586
00:20:57,069 --> 00:20:58,871
These, uh,
are my references.
587
00:20:58,904 --> 00:21:02,408
I'm sure you'll find
that I'm more than qualified.
588
00:21:03,709 --> 00:21:07,046
I don't think I need
anyone else right now.
589
00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:12,685
You're in big trouble,
mister,
590
00:21:12,718 --> 00:21:14,921
and I mean trouble
with a capital T.
591
00:21:15,889 --> 00:21:18,291
What? What did I do?
592
00:21:19,192 --> 00:21:20,694
ELAINE:
Anyway, there's at least
593
00:21:20,727 --> 00:21:21,170
four of them,
594
00:21:21,170 --> 00:21:22,729
four of them,
595
00:21:22,763 --> 00:21:24,865
and they're all huge.
596
00:21:24,898 --> 00:21:26,700
I mean, one is bigger
than the next.
597
00:21:26,733 --> 00:21:29,003
It's like
a Russ Meyer movie.
598
00:21:29,036 --> 00:21:30,905
Who's Russ Meyer?
599
00:21:30,938 --> 00:21:32,774
Oh, um, he's this guy
600
00:21:32,807 --> 00:21:35,677
who made these terrible movies
in the '70s
601
00:21:35,710 --> 00:21:37,212
with these kinds
of women.
602
00:21:37,245 --> 00:21:38,446
He's obsessed.
603
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,283
He's obsessed
with breasts.
604
00:21:41,316 --> 00:21:43,418
That's hard to say.
605
00:21:43,451 --> 00:21:45,253
Anyway, go on.
606
00:21:45,287 --> 00:21:46,722
Um...
607
00:21:46,755 --> 00:21:48,557
Well, there's not
really much more to tell.
608
00:21:48,591 --> 00:21:50,192
He was looking
for waitresses,
609
00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:51,170
and I went in to apply
for the job,
610
00:21:51,170 --> 00:21:52,194
and I went in to apply
for the job,
611
00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:55,030
and he looked me up and down
and he rejected me.
612
00:21:55,063 --> 00:21:56,732
Paul, come here
for a second.
613
00:21:56,765 --> 00:21:58,301
I want you
to listen to this.
614
00:21:58,334 --> 00:22:00,603
Hi.
Hi.
615
00:22:00,636 --> 00:22:02,238
Paul, the woman here claims
616
00:22:02,271 --> 00:22:03,773
there's a restaurant
on the West Side
617
00:22:03,807 --> 00:22:07,411
that's only hiring
large-breasted women.
618
00:22:07,444 --> 00:22:09,913
Really?
619
00:22:12,282 --> 00:22:13,617
What do you mean
"made up"?
620
00:22:13,650 --> 00:22:15,319
It's made up.
Ha11agen-Dazs is made up.
621
00:22:15,352 --> 00:22:16,586
It's not Danish.
622
00:22:16,620 --> 00:22:17,621
TV KRAMER:
You're crazy.
623
00:22:17,654 --> 00:22:18,956
JERRY:
No, I'm not.
624
00:22:18,989 --> 00:22:20,591
George,
is Ha11agen-Dazs Danish?
625
00:22:20,625 --> 00:22:21,170
What do you mean,
"Danish"?
626
00:22:21,170 --> 00:22:21,626
What do you mean,
"Danish"?
627
00:22:21,659 --> 00:22:22,960
This guy stinks.
628
00:22:22,993 --> 00:22:25,230
Danish.
Is it from Denmark?
629
00:22:25,263 --> 00:22:26,631
No, they make it
in New Jersey.
630
00:22:26,664 --> 00:22:27,965
It's just
a Danish-sounding name.
631
00:22:27,998 --> 00:22:31,169
I can't believe that.
They fooled me, Jerry.
632
00:22:31,202 --> 00:22:34,139
[WHISPERING] Boy, talk about
a show about nothing.
633
00:22:34,172 --> 00:22:35,641
Uh, excuse me.
634
00:22:35,674 --> 00:22:37,408
Excuse me.
635
00:22:37,443 --> 00:22:40,279
This-- This is not right.
636
00:22:40,312 --> 00:22:41,547
May I?
637
00:22:47,653 --> 00:22:49,689
You see, you're going,
638
00:22:49,722 --> 00:22:51,170
"They fooled me, Jerry."
639
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:52,525
"They fooled me, Jerry."
640
00:22:52,559 --> 00:22:56,162
You want to hit "fooled" more.
"They fooled me, Jerry."
641
00:22:56,195 --> 00:22:58,331
You see the difference?
642
00:22:58,365 --> 00:23:00,300
I'm not gonna
say it like that.
643
00:23:00,333 --> 00:23:02,169
Just a suggestion.
644
00:23:02,202 --> 00:23:03,971
[CHUCKLES]
645
00:23:06,506 --> 00:23:08,609
All right, everybody,
take a five!
646
00:23:08,642 --> 00:23:09,710
Yep, that's five!
647
00:23:09,743 --> 00:23:10,844
[ALARM BUZZES]
648
00:23:10,878 --> 00:23:11,979
George?
649
00:23:16,050 --> 00:23:18,019
Um...
650
00:23:18,052 --> 00:23:20,221
I don't have
a lot of experience
with this acting stuff,
651
00:23:20,254 --> 00:23:21,170
but, from
what I can gather,
652
00:23:21,170 --> 00:23:22,523
but, from
what I can gather,
653
00:23:22,556 --> 00:23:26,060
they're a little touchy about
being told how
to say the lines.
654
00:23:26,094 --> 00:23:27,529
Why is that?
655
00:23:27,562 --> 00:23:30,732
I don't know,
but they don't
seem to like it.
656
00:23:30,765 --> 00:23:34,169
Oh, you're fine. You're fine.
By the way, how am I doing?
657
00:23:37,206 --> 00:23:40,576
So you think this guy playing
Kramer took the raisins?
658
00:23:42,745 --> 00:23:44,847
Why would he steal
a box of raisins?
659
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,183
Yeah.
660
00:23:47,217 --> 00:23:48,284
It's bizarre.
661
00:23:50,753 --> 00:23:51,170
That little bald guy's
driving me nuts.
662
00:23:51,170 --> 00:23:52,923
That little bald guy's
driving me nuts.
663
00:23:52,956 --> 00:23:55,258
I'm gonna rip him a new one
if he doesn't leave.
664
00:23:55,291 --> 00:23:58,395
I wish that was
our real problem.
665
00:23:58,429 --> 00:24:00,431
What do you think
the real problem is?
666
00:24:00,464 --> 00:24:03,734
It's Seinfeld.
He can't act.
667
00:24:03,767 --> 00:24:04,935
It's pathetic.
668
00:24:04,969 --> 00:24:08,539
I told you, these
stand-ups can't act.
669
00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:10,608
I'm cringing watching him.
670
00:24:14,446 --> 00:24:15,480
What's with him?
671
00:24:16,948 --> 00:24:18,416
Russell?
672
00:24:19,817 --> 00:24:21,170
RITA:
Russell?
673
00:24:21,170 --> 00:24:21,753
RITA:
Russell?
674
00:24:21,786 --> 00:24:23,088
What?
675
00:24:23,121 --> 00:24:24,256
You okay?
Yeah.
676
00:24:24,289 --> 00:24:29,562
No, I-I was just...
thinking of something.
677
00:24:29,595 --> 00:24:30,829
I'll be back in a second.
678
00:24:37,603 --> 00:24:39,873
What's the matter?
679
00:24:39,906 --> 00:24:41,107
Nothing.
680
00:24:41,140 --> 00:24:42,976
You're acting weird.
Is anything wrong?
681
00:24:43,009 --> 00:24:44,277
No.
682
00:24:44,310 --> 00:24:46,646
Are you breaking up
with me?
683
00:24:47,614 --> 00:24:49,783
Are we going out?
684
00:24:49,816 --> 00:24:51,170
You're breaking up with me,
aren't you?
685
00:24:51,170 --> 00:24:51,785
You're breaking up with me,
aren't you?
686
00:24:51,818 --> 00:24:53,888
Do you want me
to break up with you?
687
00:24:53,921 --> 00:24:55,722
If that's what
you want.
688
00:24:55,756 --> 00:24:57,557
I don't even know
what you're talking about.
689
00:24:57,591 --> 00:24:58,959
Okay, fine.
Break up with me.
690
00:24:58,993 --> 00:25:01,295
All right,
we're broken up.
691
00:25:04,665 --> 00:25:07,935
Can we
still be friends?
692
00:25:07,968 --> 00:25:09,637
Do you remember when you
came to audition?
693
00:25:09,670 --> 00:25:11,139
Yeah.
694
00:25:11,172 --> 00:25:15,010
There was a box of raisins
on the coffee table.
695
00:25:15,043 --> 00:25:19,180
Did you, by any chance, take
them with you when you left?
696
00:25:21,016 --> 00:25:21,170
What are you
talking about?
697
00:25:21,170 --> 00:25:22,284
What are you
talking about?
698
00:25:22,318 --> 00:25:24,286
Well, we were all
eating the raisins.
699
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,356
And I remember you...you were
eating some of the raisins.
700
00:25:27,389 --> 00:25:30,960
And then you left,
and the raisins were gone.
701
00:25:30,993 --> 00:25:33,630
And I was just wondering
if, you know,
702
00:25:33,663 --> 00:25:35,598
maybe you took them with you.
703
00:25:35,632 --> 00:25:38,868
Are you accusing me
of stealing the raisins?
704
00:25:38,901 --> 00:25:40,203
Oh, no, no--
705
00:25:40,237 --> 00:25:41,471
Why would I steal
a box of raisins?
706
00:25:41,504 --> 00:25:42,772
No, you wouldn't.
707
00:25:42,806 --> 00:25:44,441
Nobody would, you know.
708
00:25:44,474 --> 00:25:48,145
It's just that
they were missing,
709
00:25:48,178 --> 00:25:51,170
and, uh, well,
I'm just inquiring.
710
00:25:51,170 --> 00:25:52,550
and, uh, well,
I'm just inquiring.
711
00:25:52,583 --> 00:25:54,485
Let me give you
a word of advice, okay?
712
00:25:54,518 --> 00:25:56,220
I want you
to stay away from me.
713
00:25:56,254 --> 00:25:57,721
I don't want
to talk to you,
714
00:25:57,755 --> 00:25:59,357
and I don't want
to hear any more
715
00:25:59,390 --> 00:26:00,859
of your stupid little notes
and suggestions.
716
00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:02,193
I don't like you.
717
00:26:02,226 --> 00:26:04,996
So if you got
any other problems,
718
00:26:05,029 --> 00:26:10,702
whether it's raisins, prunes,
figs or any other dried fruit,
719
00:26:10,735 --> 00:26:13,405
just keep it to yourself,
and stay out of my way, okay?
720
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,009
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
721
00:26:17,042 --> 00:26:18,644
All right, um...
722
00:26:18,678 --> 00:26:21,170
I don't think we're gonna
have any problem with that.
723
00:26:21,170 --> 00:26:21,246
I don't think we're gonna
have any problem with that.
724
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:25,485
Good talking to you, Tom.
Really.
725
00:26:25,518 --> 00:26:27,988
Elaine, Elaine,
what do you want?
726
00:26:28,021 --> 00:26:29,189
What can I do?
727
00:26:29,222 --> 00:26:32,893
Um-- Is--
Is it, uh--?
728
00:26:32,926 --> 00:26:35,361
Is it my job?
Is that what it is?
729
00:26:35,395 --> 00:26:38,432
Elaine,
I can't go on like this.
730
00:26:38,465 --> 00:26:41,402
W-w-will you call me?
731
00:26:41,435 --> 00:26:42,869
Would you call me? Uh--
732
00:26:42,903 --> 00:26:45,239
Well, why?
All right, you want--
733
00:26:45,272 --> 00:26:46,740
May I call you?
734
00:26:46,773 --> 00:26:48,810
Elaine? Elaine?
735
00:26:50,812 --> 00:26:51,170
Excuse me, Mr. Dalrymple.
I am so sorry.
736
00:26:51,170 --> 00:26:53,047
Excuse me, Mr. Dalrymple.
I am so sorry.
737
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,249
David Richardson.
All right, what's your name?
738
00:26:55,283 --> 00:26:56,384
Get out! You're fired!
739
00:26:57,319 --> 00:26:58,886
But, Mr. Dalrymple--
740
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:00,222
Don't talk back to me!
741
00:27:00,255 --> 00:27:01,857
Didn't you hear what I said?
Get out.
742
00:27:01,890 --> 00:27:03,291
You want me
to call the cops?
743
00:27:03,325 --> 00:27:05,694
I make and break little worms
like you every day.
744
00:27:05,728 --> 00:27:07,295
Do you know
how much money I make?
745
00:27:07,329 --> 00:27:08,531
Do you have any idea?
746
00:27:08,564 --> 00:27:10,065
Do you know where I live?
747
00:27:10,098 --> 00:27:11,600
I could have any woman
in this city that I want.
748
00:27:11,634 --> 00:27:12,935
Any one.
749
00:27:12,968 --> 00:27:14,670
Now, get out!
750
00:27:17,006 --> 00:27:19,743
RUSSELL:
What are you
all looking at?!
751
00:27:20,677 --> 00:27:21,170
Go back to work!
752
00:27:21,170 --> 00:27:22,579
Go back to work!
753
00:27:23,513 --> 00:27:24,948
[SHOUTING] Back!
754
00:27:24,981 --> 00:27:26,149
Now!
755
00:27:35,325 --> 00:27:37,127
The doctor called
and said the lab's backed up.
756
00:27:37,161 --> 00:27:39,630
So now I'm not gonna get the
results for another two days.
757
00:27:39,664 --> 00:27:41,632
Oh, you're fine.
There's nothing
wrong with you.
758
00:27:41,666 --> 00:27:43,000
I'm the one who's dying.
759
00:27:43,033 --> 00:27:44,469
Because I can't act!
What do you mean?
760
00:27:44,502 --> 00:27:47,004
I stink!
I don't know what I'm doing!
761
00:27:47,038 --> 00:27:48,907
I'm gonna make a fool
out of myself
762
00:27:48,940 --> 00:27:50,275
in front of
the entire country.
763
00:27:50,308 --> 00:27:56,147
Oh, come on.
You're, uh-- You're fine.
764
00:27:56,181 --> 00:27:57,315
This show's gonna
ruin my career.
765
00:27:57,348 --> 00:27:58,850
I don't know how
I got involved in this.
766
00:27:58,884 --> 00:28:00,151
What about me?
767
00:28:00,185 --> 00:28:00,649
I was a total failure.
768
00:28:00,649 --> 00:28:01,353
I was a total failure.
769
00:28:01,387 --> 00:28:02,588
Everything was fine.
770
00:28:02,621 --> 00:28:03,822
Now this thing's
gonna be a success,
771
00:28:03,855 --> 00:28:06,525
and God's gonna give me
a terminal disease.
772
00:28:06,558 --> 00:28:08,828
This actress playing Elaine,
she's out of her mind.
773
00:28:08,861 --> 00:28:10,429
Yeah. The guy playing Kramer
threatened me.
774
00:28:10,462 --> 00:28:11,798
Why?
775
00:28:11,831 --> 00:28:14,000
Because I asked him
about the raisins.
776
00:28:15,535 --> 00:28:17,437
You mentioned
the raisins.
777
00:28:17,470 --> 00:28:18,505
Oh, yeah.
778
00:28:18,538 --> 00:28:19,872
Did he take them?
779
00:28:21,474 --> 00:28:23,610
I don't know.
780
00:28:23,643 --> 00:28:26,914
Well, if he didn't take them,
what happened to them?
781
00:28:28,048 --> 00:28:30,649
That's what I'm trying
to find out.
782
00:28:30,649 --> 00:28:30,851
That's what I'm trying
to find out.
783
00:28:35,423 --> 00:28:37,525
Hey.
Oh.
784
00:28:37,558 --> 00:28:38,659
Any luck?
785
00:28:38,692 --> 00:28:40,695
No. No, nothing.
786
00:28:40,729 --> 00:28:43,698
I got no peristalsis.
787
00:28:43,732 --> 00:28:45,166
What about bran?
788
00:28:45,199 --> 00:28:46,568
I tried bran.
789
00:28:46,601 --> 00:28:48,737
40 percent, 50 percent,
100 percent.
790
00:28:48,770 --> 00:28:51,306
The bran
isn't working for me.
791
00:28:51,340 --> 00:28:52,975
Did it.
Well, what about Meta--?
792
00:28:53,008 --> 00:28:54,676
Yeah, had it.
How about Ex--?
793
00:28:54,709 --> 00:28:57,012
Milk of magne--?
Yeah, yeah.
794
00:28:58,247 --> 00:29:00,649
Well,
my friend,
795
00:29:00,649 --> 00:29:00,683
Well,
my friend,
796
00:29:00,716 --> 00:29:05,188
it may be time to consider
the dreaded apparatus.
797
00:29:06,089 --> 00:29:07,257
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
798
00:29:07,290 --> 00:29:08,724
Hold it right there.
799
00:29:08,758 --> 00:29:10,060
If you're suggesting
800
00:29:10,093 --> 00:29:11,394
what I think
you're suggesting,
801
00:29:11,427 --> 00:29:12,428
you're wasting your time.
802
00:29:12,462 --> 00:29:14,565
I am not, Jerry,
under any circumstances,
803
00:29:14,598 --> 00:29:18,369
doing any inserting
in that area.
804
00:29:18,402 --> 00:29:20,070
Oh, it's not that bad.
805
00:29:20,103 --> 00:29:22,439
KRAMER: Yeah!
Yes, it is.
806
00:29:22,473 --> 00:29:25,276
Well, it's all taken care of.
807
00:29:25,309 --> 00:29:28,079
I filed a report.
An investigation is under way.
808
00:29:28,112 --> 00:29:29,113
You going to
the taping?
809
00:29:29,146 --> 00:29:30,649
No. I don't think I should go.
810
00:29:30,649 --> 00:29:31,015
No. I don't think I should go.
811
00:29:31,048 --> 00:29:32,550
I really don't want
to bump into Russell.
812
00:29:32,584 --> 00:29:34,386
He called me the other day.
He won't quit.
813
00:29:34,419 --> 00:29:35,887
Oh, come on,
you gotta go.
814
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,922
He's harmless.
He's got
a little crush on you.
815
00:29:37,955 --> 00:29:40,058
Jerry,
this is not a crush.
816
00:29:40,092 --> 00:29:44,029
This is a complete fixation.
He makes me
very uncomfortable.
817
00:29:44,062 --> 00:29:45,864
We need you there.
818
00:29:45,898 --> 00:29:47,099
Hey, are you gonna go?
819
00:29:47,132 --> 00:29:48,767
Uh, no, no.
I'm gonna stay home.
820
00:29:48,801 --> 00:29:50,102
I--
821
00:29:50,135 --> 00:29:51,737
I want to be close
to my home base
822
00:29:51,770 --> 00:29:55,241
in case there's any news
from the front.
823
00:29:58,477 --> 00:30:00,649
♪ [] ♪
824
00:30:00,649 --> 00:30:01,580
♪ [] ♪
825
00:30:10,790 --> 00:30:12,559
Blblblbl!
826
00:30:12,592 --> 00:30:13,861
Bugada,
bugada, bugada, bugada!
827
00:31:03,714 --> 00:31:05,849
No! Pick it up more
in the front.
828
00:31:05,883 --> 00:31:07,217
It's gotta be higher!
Higher!
829
00:31:07,250 --> 00:31:09,853
Make a wall! A wall!
830
00:31:09,887 --> 00:31:11,489
Sandi, are you
in wardrobe?
831
00:31:11,522 --> 00:31:12,823
Sandi?
832
00:31:12,856 --> 00:31:14,192
Try Elaine.
833
00:31:14,225 --> 00:31:15,393
Elaine?
834
00:31:15,426 --> 00:31:17,495
Yes?
835
00:31:22,033 --> 00:31:23,568
Elaine?
836
00:31:24,436 --> 00:31:27,239
It's me,
Wilton Marshall.
837
00:31:27,272 --> 00:31:30,649
Remember?
Camp Tioga, 1978?
838
00:31:30,649 --> 00:31:30,975
Remember?
Camp Tioga, 1978?
839
00:31:31,010 --> 00:31:32,711
Oh.
Remember?
840
00:31:32,744 --> 00:31:34,046
[CHUCKLING]
Right.
841
00:31:34,079 --> 00:31:35,380
Wow.
842
00:31:35,414 --> 00:31:37,583
You know,
you haven't changed a bit.
843
00:31:40,853 --> 00:31:42,087
I can't remember
my lines!
844
00:31:42,121 --> 00:31:44,056
I can't relax!
Just relax. You'll be fine.
845
00:31:44,089 --> 00:31:46,326
I don't know what line.
I don't know any of them!
846
00:31:46,359 --> 00:31:48,528
You're just like George.
George does the same thing.
847
00:31:48,561 --> 00:31:49,863
You're just like him.
It's amazing.
848
00:31:49,896 --> 00:31:50,997
Help me, Jerry! Help me.
849
00:31:51,031 --> 00:31:52,565
George is always
saying that.
850
00:31:52,598 --> 00:31:54,334
I can't believe it.
851
00:31:54,367 --> 00:31:55,736
You don't have
to worry, anyway.
It's not live.
852
00:31:55,769 --> 00:31:57,538
It's not on until next week.
Have a good show.
853
00:31:57,571 --> 00:32:00,274
Well, what's my first line?
Just tell me my first line.
854
00:32:00,307 --> 00:32:00,649
"New sneakers?" Right.
"New sneakers?"
855
00:32:00,649 --> 00:32:02,008
"New sneakers?" Right.
"New sneakers?"
856
00:32:02,043 --> 00:32:03,310
That's it.
"New sneakers?" Okay.
857
00:32:05,712 --> 00:32:07,181
Where's Russell?
858
00:32:07,214 --> 00:32:08,615
You know,
I don't know.
859
00:32:08,650 --> 00:32:10,852
I thought he was coming.
I assumed he wouldn't miss it.
860
00:32:10,885 --> 00:32:12,887
He hasn't
been well.
861
00:32:13,821 --> 00:32:17,092
Can I tell you something
in confidence?
862
00:32:17,125 --> 00:32:19,061
I think
it's a woman.
863
00:32:19,094 --> 00:32:20,795
How pathetic.
864
00:32:20,828 --> 00:32:24,800
Yeah. This is George Costanza.
I'm calling for
my test results.
865
00:32:26,669 --> 00:32:28,437
Negative?
866
00:32:29,638 --> 00:32:30,649
Oh, my God!
867
00:32:30,649 --> 00:32:31,607
Oh, my God!
868
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:36,112
Oh, why? Why? Why?
869
00:32:36,145 --> 00:32:37,480
What?
870
00:32:37,513 --> 00:32:39,783
Negative's good?
871
00:32:39,816 --> 00:32:42,952
Oh! Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
872
00:32:42,986 --> 00:32:44,654
How stupid of me.
873
00:32:44,688 --> 00:32:47,424
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
874
00:32:49,359 --> 00:32:50,927
What was I worried about?
875
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:52,029
[CHUCKLES]
876
00:33:06,277 --> 00:33:09,347
[HUMMING]
877
00:33:16,855 --> 00:33:20,259
Listen, I know we've had
our problems in the past,
878
00:33:20,292 --> 00:33:23,362
but we got a show
to do tonight, hmm?
879
00:33:23,395 --> 00:33:26,999
Time to pull
together as a team.
Life's too short.
880
00:33:27,033 --> 00:33:30,649
I say, let's let bygones
be bygones.
881
00:33:30,649 --> 00:33:31,003
I say, let's let bygones
be bygones.
882
00:33:31,037 --> 00:33:32,271
If you took the raisins,
883
00:33:32,304 --> 00:33:34,307
if you didn't take
the raisins...
884
00:33:34,341 --> 00:33:36,509
They weren't even
my raisins.
885
00:33:36,543 --> 00:33:38,311
I was just curious,
886
00:33:38,345 --> 00:33:41,214
because it seemed like
a strange thing to do,
887
00:33:41,248 --> 00:33:44,351
to walk into a room,
audition,
888
00:33:44,384 --> 00:33:47,955
and walk out with
a box of raisins.
889
00:33:47,988 --> 00:33:49,857
Anyway, whatever.
890
00:33:49,890 --> 00:33:51,692
If you ever want to tell me
about it,
891
00:33:51,725 --> 00:33:53,694
the door to my office
is always open...
892
00:33:53,727 --> 00:33:56,030
in the event
that I get an office.
893
00:33:56,064 --> 00:33:58,800
You'll come in,
we'll talk about the raisins,
894
00:33:58,833 --> 00:34:00,134
we'll have a nice laugh.
895
00:34:00,168 --> 00:34:00,649
How would you like it
896
00:34:00,649 --> 00:34:02,003
How would you like it
897
00:34:02,036 --> 00:34:04,473
if I just pulled your heart
out of your chest right now
898
00:34:04,506 --> 00:34:06,240
and shoved it
down your throat?
899
00:34:07,376 --> 00:34:08,710
ANNOUNCER: Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
900
00:34:08,743 --> 00:34:11,346
Welcome to a taping
of the new show Jerry.
901
00:34:13,548 --> 00:34:15,550
Does everybody here know
what a pilot is?
902
00:34:15,584 --> 00:34:17,352
Yeah,
he flies the plane.
903
00:34:17,386 --> 00:34:20,390
No, a pilot
is the taping of a show
904
00:34:20,423 --> 00:34:23,226
that's the first show
before a TV series.
905
00:34:23,259 --> 00:34:25,895
And this show will air
on Thursday.
906
00:34:25,928 --> 00:34:27,263
Are you ready
to meet our cast?
907
00:34:27,297 --> 00:34:28,831
AUDIENCE:
Yeah!
908
00:34:28,865 --> 00:34:29,900
All right.
909
00:34:36,907 --> 00:34:38,542
Good evening, folks.
How you doing?
910
00:34:38,575 --> 00:34:40,344
[APPLAUSE]
911
00:34:40,377 --> 00:34:43,180
Well, you sound like
a great crowd.
912
00:34:43,214 --> 00:34:45,382
We have a show we're gonna
put on for you tonight.
913
00:34:45,416 --> 00:34:48,886
It's a new TV show,
it's what they call a pilot,
914
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:50,254
and we hope it
becomes a series.
915
00:34:50,287 --> 00:34:53,024
It's called Jerry,
and I'm playing Jerry--
916
00:34:53,057 --> 00:34:55,460
Sic semper tyrannis!
917
00:34:58,997 --> 00:35:00,598
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
918
00:35:05,838 --> 00:35:07,640
What about Davola?
Did you believe that?
919
00:35:07,673 --> 00:35:09,141
What was that thing
he yelled out,
920
00:35:09,174 --> 00:35:10,476
"sic semper tyrannis"?
921
00:35:10,509 --> 00:35:11,944
Yeah.
What is that, Latin?
922
00:35:11,977 --> 00:35:13,646
What John Wilkes Booth
yelled when he shot Lincoln.
923
00:35:13,679 --> 00:35:15,748
It means "Death to tyrants."
Really? What does it mean?
924
00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:17,450
I can see that.
925
00:35:19,819 --> 00:35:22,956
See, now, this is exciting.
This is exciting, huh?
926
00:35:22,989 --> 00:35:24,891
Did I miss anything
already?
927
00:35:24,924 --> 00:35:26,293
No. It starts
in five minutes.
928
00:35:26,326 --> 00:35:28,295
You were there at the taping.
What's the big deal?
929
00:35:28,328 --> 00:35:30,497
Now it's on TV.
It's different.
930
00:35:30,530 --> 00:35:31,266
I told everybody I know
to watch it.
931
00:35:31,266 --> 00:35:32,132
I told everybody I know
to watch it.
932
00:35:32,166 --> 00:35:33,433
Yeah, me too.
933
00:35:33,467 --> 00:35:35,069
Hey, what about Russell?
Did you hear from him?
934
00:35:35,102 --> 00:35:36,336
No.
935
00:35:36,370 --> 00:35:38,473
Strange, him not showing up
at the taping.
936
00:35:38,506 --> 00:35:40,975
♪ Hey, pistol-packin' mama
937
00:35:41,008 --> 00:35:43,143
♪ You swing that gal around
938
00:35:43,178 --> 00:35:44,912
♪ Allemande leftwith the old gray hag
939
00:35:44,945 --> 00:35:46,647
♪ Around and around you goYee-ha! ♪
940
00:35:46,681 --> 00:35:48,149
Well, well, well.
941
00:35:48,183 --> 00:35:49,650
Congratulations.
942
00:35:49,684 --> 00:35:51,119
Well, thank you.
943
00:35:51,152 --> 00:35:52,353
You went for
the big E?
944
00:35:52,387 --> 00:35:54,490
Wet and wild.
945
00:35:54,523 --> 00:35:56,157
All right, sit down.
It's about to start.
946
00:35:56,191 --> 00:35:57,793
Oh, yes.
947
00:36:00,229 --> 00:36:01,266
Hey, what is this?
948
00:36:01,266 --> 00:36:02,598
Hey, what is this?
949
00:36:02,631 --> 00:36:04,433
Look, a wallet.
950
00:36:04,466 --> 00:36:06,002
A wallet?
Let me see that.
951
00:36:06,035 --> 00:36:07,269
Here.
952
00:36:07,303 --> 00:36:09,371
Oh, man,
it's my father's wallet,
953
00:36:09,405 --> 00:36:10,507
the one he thought they stole
954
00:36:10,540 --> 00:36:11,708
at the doctor's office
that time.
955
00:36:11,741 --> 00:36:13,343
How do you like that?
This is it!
956
00:36:13,376 --> 00:36:15,512
Get-- Get--
957
00:36:15,545 --> 00:36:18,848
♪ [] ♪
958
00:36:46,845 --> 00:36:48,547
[ALL CHEERING]
959
00:36:48,580 --> 00:36:50,515
You hurt me.
960
00:36:51,583 --> 00:36:52,717
Hey.
961
00:36:52,751 --> 00:36:54,553
Hey, George.
962
00:36:54,586 --> 00:36:56,221
New sneakers?
963
00:36:56,255 --> 00:36:57,523
Yeah.
964
00:36:57,557 --> 00:36:58,991
What do you need
new sneakers for?
965
00:36:59,024 --> 00:37:00,493
I like sneakers.
966
00:37:00,526 --> 00:37:01,266
How do you make a decision
which ones to wear?
967
00:37:01,266 --> 00:37:02,194
How do you make a decision
which ones to wear?
968
00:37:02,228 --> 00:37:04,230
I'd go crazy if
I had to decide.
969
00:37:04,264 --> 00:37:06,899
Oh, you're crazy anyway.
970
00:37:06,933 --> 00:37:08,234
ELAINE:
Why did you eat
971
00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:09,435
the top off the muffin?
972
00:37:09,469 --> 00:37:10,670
GEORGE:
So what?
973
00:37:10,704 --> 00:37:11,905
ELAINE:
I can't eat it now.
974
00:37:11,938 --> 00:37:14,407
BOTH:
George.
975
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,711
What kind of stupid show
is this?
976
00:37:17,744 --> 00:37:21,248
Hey, that's that idiot
that took all my records!
977
00:37:21,282 --> 00:37:23,284
[LAUGHS]
978
00:37:23,317 --> 00:37:26,788
John, what are you doing?
Come back to bed.
979
00:37:26,821 --> 00:37:28,522
This, uh, show
looks interesting.
980
00:37:28,555 --> 00:37:31,266
Uh,
isn't he that Seinfeld fella
you went out with?
981
00:37:31,266 --> 00:37:31,559
Uh,
isn't he that Seinfeld fella
you went out with?
982
00:37:31,593 --> 00:37:34,562
Ooh, he's horrible!
Horrible!
983
00:37:34,596 --> 00:37:36,030
Nevertheless...
984
00:37:36,063 --> 00:37:38,300
Oh, that Jerry's
a funny guy, huh?
985
00:37:38,333 --> 00:37:40,102
Got to love the Sein.
986
00:37:40,135 --> 00:37:42,137
Hate the Sein.
987
00:37:42,170 --> 00:37:45,040
[SPEAKING CHINESE]
988
00:37:45,073 --> 00:37:48,611
[SPEAKING CHINESE]
989
00:37:48,644 --> 00:37:51,947
[SPEAKING CHINESE]
990
00:37:51,980 --> 00:37:53,649
DONALD:
This is a piece of crap!
991
00:37:53,682 --> 00:37:55,919
Oh, Donald,
you used to like him.
992
00:37:55,952 --> 00:37:57,420
DONALD:
What a sellout!
993
00:37:57,453 --> 00:37:58,722
Give me that remote!
994
00:37:58,755 --> 00:37:59,956
Give me the--
No, Donald!
995
00:37:59,989 --> 00:38:01,266
Donald!
Give me the remote!
996
00:38:01,266 --> 00:38:01,558
Donald!
Give me the remote!
997
00:38:01,591 --> 00:38:03,727
Come on, Jerry,
the commercial's almost over.
998
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,128
All right.
999
00:38:05,161 --> 00:38:07,397
You know, Jerry, I really like
this guy playing the butler.
1000
00:38:07,431 --> 00:38:09,233
Oh, yeah, he's good.
He's John Ritter's cousin.
1001
00:38:09,266 --> 00:38:10,900
Really?
Yeah.
1002
00:38:10,935 --> 00:38:12,669
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
1003
00:38:14,538 --> 00:38:15,740
Hello, Charles.
1004
00:38:15,773 --> 00:38:16,974
Hello.
1005
00:38:17,007 --> 00:38:18,976
So, uh, where do you want me
to start?
1006
00:38:19,009 --> 00:38:20,144
Start in the bedroom.
1007
00:38:20,177 --> 00:38:22,347
[GRUMBLING] I'll start
in your bedroom.
1008
00:38:24,215 --> 00:38:25,416
Hey.
Hey.
1009
00:38:25,450 --> 00:38:27,418
The butler's here.
He is?
1010
00:38:27,452 --> 00:38:30,488
Listen, when he's finished,
send him over to my house.
1011
00:38:30,521 --> 00:38:31,266
I'm not sending him
to your house.
1012
00:38:31,266 --> 00:38:31,990
I'm not sending him
to your house.
1013
00:38:32,023 --> 00:38:33,525
Why not?
1014
00:38:33,559 --> 00:38:34,960
Because the judge decreed
he'd become my butler,
1015
00:38:34,993 --> 00:38:36,027
not my friend's butler.
1016
00:38:36,061 --> 00:38:37,463
Jerry, he is your butler.
1017
00:38:37,496 --> 00:38:39,097
You can give him
any order you want.
1018
00:38:39,130 --> 00:38:40,599
That's what butlers do.
1019
00:38:40,632 --> 00:38:41,833
But I don't want to.
1020
00:38:41,867 --> 00:38:44,703
Jerry, my house is a pigsty.
Come on.
1021
00:38:44,736 --> 00:38:46,806
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
1022
00:38:46,839 --> 00:38:48,507
It's Elaine.
Yeah?
1023
00:38:48,540 --> 00:38:50,209
Come on up.
1024
00:38:51,043 --> 00:38:52,311
I need more Pledge.
1025
00:38:52,345 --> 00:38:53,513
More Pledge?
1026
00:38:53,546 --> 00:38:54,947
I just bought two cans
last week,
1027
00:38:54,981 --> 00:38:56,849
and I don't have any wood
in the house.
1028
00:38:56,883 --> 00:38:59,219
Well, it goes fast.
1029
00:39:02,255 --> 00:39:04,357
Hello.
1030
00:39:04,391 --> 00:39:05,726
Hello.
1031
00:39:10,898 --> 00:39:13,401
What's all this about?
1032
00:39:13,434 --> 00:39:14,868
We had a date
last week.
1033
00:39:14,902 --> 00:39:16,404
You had a date?
1034
00:39:16,437 --> 00:39:17,906
You went out with my butler?
1035
00:39:17,939 --> 00:39:19,908
Who said you could
go out with my butler?
1036
00:39:19,941 --> 00:39:21,375
Well, why do I need
your permission?
1037
00:39:21,409 --> 00:39:24,245
Because he's my butler.
1038
00:39:24,278 --> 00:39:27,249
Ha ha! That's terrific!
1039
00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:31,053
[LAUGHING]
How could anyone
not like him?
1040
00:39:31,086 --> 00:39:31,266
I like his style.
1041
00:39:31,266 --> 00:39:32,654
I like his style.
1042
00:39:32,687 --> 00:39:35,725
He has a sort of
casual elegance.
1043
00:39:35,758 --> 00:39:37,927
But he picks his nose.
1044
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:39,395
Nevertheless...
1045
00:39:39,429 --> 00:39:42,332
He's a member of
our health club, isn't he?
1046
00:39:42,365 --> 00:39:44,066
Yeah.
1047
00:39:44,100 --> 00:39:46,069
JERRY:
Sure, that's great. 2:00?
1048
00:39:46,102 --> 00:39:50,606
You know, that Kim Novak
had some big breasts.
1049
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,243
...now a two-one pitchto Mattingly.
1050
00:39:53,276 --> 00:39:55,078
[CHEERING AND WHISTLING ON TV]
1051
00:39:55,111 --> 00:39:57,881
You ever notice
a lot of butlers
are named Jeeves?
1052
00:39:59,550 --> 00:40:01,266
You know, I think
when you name a baby Jeeves,
1053
00:40:01,266 --> 00:40:04,021
You know, I think
when you name a baby Jeeves,
1054
00:40:04,055 --> 00:40:07,759
you've pretty much mapped out
his future, wouldn't you say?
1055
00:40:07,792 --> 00:40:10,061
Not much chance
he's going to be a hit man,
1056
00:40:10,094 --> 00:40:11,463
I think, after that.
1057
00:40:11,496 --> 00:40:12,597
"Terribly sorry, sir,
1058
00:40:12,630 --> 00:40:15,433
but I'm going
to have to whack you."
1059
00:40:17,469 --> 00:40:18,770
Yeah!
1060
00:40:18,803 --> 00:40:19,972
[CHEERS]
1061
00:40:20,005 --> 00:40:22,140
Oh, wow!
That was great.
1062
00:40:22,174 --> 00:40:23,942
That show
was so funny.
1063
00:40:23,976 --> 00:40:25,310
It was really funny.
1064
00:40:25,343 --> 00:40:27,279
I'm not just saying that
because I know you, honestly.
1065
00:40:27,312 --> 00:40:28,814
All right, well, let's
go out and celebrate.
1066
00:40:28,847 --> 00:40:29,948
Yeah.
Yeah!
1067
00:40:29,982 --> 00:40:31,266
Seriously, that was so good.
1068
00:40:31,266 --> 00:40:31,284
Seriously, that was so good.
1069
00:40:31,317 --> 00:40:32,718
[PHONE RINGS]
1070
00:40:32,751 --> 00:40:34,453
You know what? This thing's
gonna get picked up.
1071
00:40:34,487 --> 00:40:35,621
You guys are gonna be rich.
1072
00:40:35,654 --> 00:40:37,490
Oh, yeah.
Do you really think so?
1073
00:40:37,523 --> 00:40:39,258
And God didn't kill me.
1074
00:40:39,292 --> 00:40:41,160
RITA: Hi, Jerry.
Hello?
1075
00:40:41,194 --> 00:40:42,395
This is Rita Kierson.
1076
00:40:42,429 --> 00:40:44,130
Oh, hi, Rita.
1077
00:40:44,163 --> 00:40:46,466
I'm calling to let you knowthat Russell Dalrymple
1078
00:40:46,500 --> 00:40:48,302
is no longer
with this network.
1079
00:40:48,335 --> 00:40:50,237
Oh, my God. Did he get fired?
1080
00:40:50,270 --> 00:40:52,773
To be honest with you,nobody really knows.
1081
00:40:52,807 --> 00:40:54,608
He seems to have disappeared.
1082
00:40:54,641 --> 00:40:56,143
Russell's disappeared?
1083
00:40:56,176 --> 00:40:59,780
In any event, I've been madethe new president of NBC.
1084
00:40:59,814 --> 00:41:01,266
As you may or may not know,
1085
00:41:01,266 --> 00:41:01,449
As you may or may not know,
1086
00:41:01,482 --> 00:41:03,784
Russell and I
did not see eye to eye
1087
00:41:03,818 --> 00:41:05,420
on many, many projects.
1088
00:41:05,453 --> 00:41:07,522
And as my first order
of business,
1089
00:41:07,555 --> 00:41:10,258
I'm, uh, passing on your show.
1090
00:41:10,291 --> 00:41:11,827
You're passing already?
1091
00:41:11,860 --> 00:41:13,995
The show just ended
two minutes ago.
1092
00:41:14,029 --> 00:41:18,500
Well, I just got the job.
Goodbye, Jerry.
1093
00:41:20,136 --> 00:41:21,803
Yeah. See you.
1094
00:41:25,307 --> 00:41:28,444
W-what are you
looking at me for?
1095
00:41:28,477 --> 00:41:29,779
It was you!
1096
00:41:29,812 --> 00:41:31,180
What? What? What did I do?
1097
00:41:31,213 --> 00:41:31,266
Do you realize his obsession
with you cost us a TV series?
1098
00:41:31,266 --> 00:41:33,950
Do you realize his obsession
with you cost us a TV series?
1099
00:41:33,983 --> 00:41:35,818
I didn't know
that he'd fall for me,
1100
00:41:35,852 --> 00:41:37,120
and I'd drive him insane.
1101
00:41:37,154 --> 00:41:38,989
I mean, you know,
that's not my fault.
1102
00:41:39,022 --> 00:41:40,190
Yes, it is!
1103
00:41:40,223 --> 00:41:41,591
You're very charming!
1104
00:41:42,926 --> 00:41:44,528
I can't believe this.
1105
00:41:44,562 --> 00:41:46,329
What happened to him?
Where the hell is he?
1106
00:41:46,363 --> 00:41:48,065
No one knows.
1107
00:41:50,401 --> 00:41:53,004
RUSSELL: She works
for Pendant Publishing.
1108
00:41:53,037 --> 00:41:56,640
She's the most beautiful woman
I've ever seen.
1109
00:41:56,674 --> 00:42:00,344
You know, I used to
work for NBC,
1110
00:42:00,378 --> 00:42:01,266
but when I go back
to her this time,
1111
00:42:01,266 --> 00:42:02,914
but when I go back
to her this time,
1112
00:42:02,947 --> 00:42:05,584
she'll respect me.
1113
00:42:05,617 --> 00:42:07,519
You'd better get down.
1114
00:42:07,552 --> 00:42:09,888
They might
start firing soon.
1115
00:42:09,921 --> 00:42:13,058
[GUNSHOTS]
1116
00:42:23,303 --> 00:42:24,837
Hey,
look at this.
1117
00:42:24,870 --> 00:42:26,239
What is
going on here?
1118
00:42:26,272 --> 00:42:27,841
GEORGE:
Well, well, well.
1119
00:42:27,874 --> 00:42:31,266
Nothing has changed.
How did this happen?
1120
00:42:31,266 --> 00:42:31,377
Nothing has changed.
How did this happen?
1121
00:42:31,411 --> 00:42:34,214
Oh, these are
the two guys I talked to
1122
00:42:34,247 --> 00:42:36,082
at the Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission.
1123
00:42:36,116 --> 00:42:38,585
Hey, what are you two guys
doing here?
1124
00:42:38,619 --> 00:42:40,687
I thought you were going to do
something about this.
1125
00:42:40,721 --> 00:42:41,855
Now you're eating here?
1126
00:42:41,888 --> 00:42:44,125
Oh, well, no,
that's why we're here.
1127
00:42:44,158 --> 00:42:45,592
We're checking things out.
1128
00:42:45,626 --> 00:42:47,762
You're checking it out?
Yeah, we're checking it out.
1129
00:42:47,795 --> 00:42:49,797
See you
back at the office, guys.
1130
00:42:51,298 --> 00:42:53,601
Fred, Paul! Lunch and dinner?
1131
00:42:53,635 --> 00:42:56,037
Boy, you guys
ought to move in.
1132
00:42:56,071 --> 00:42:57,940
How about a piece of pie,
on me, huh?
1133
00:42:57,973 --> 00:43:00,108
Sophia, take care
of these fellows.
1134
00:43:00,142 --> 00:43:01,266
Hey, come here a second.
1135
00:43:01,266 --> 00:43:01,309
Hey, come here a second.
1136
00:43:01,343 --> 00:43:02,610
I want you
to know something.
1137
00:43:02,645 --> 00:43:04,980
You are not gonna
get away with this!
1138
00:43:05,013 --> 00:43:06,281
Get away with what?
1139
00:43:06,314 --> 00:43:08,717
Oh, "with what?"
You know what.
1140
00:43:08,751 --> 00:43:11,754
With the waitresses,
how they're all...alike.
1141
00:43:11,787 --> 00:43:15,992
Oh!
Oh! Of course they're alike.
1142
00:43:16,025 --> 00:43:18,161
They're my daughters.
1143
00:43:18,194 --> 00:43:21,397
Oh!
1144
00:43:21,430 --> 00:43:23,967
Your daughters.
1145
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:27,271
Oh, you must be very proud,
Mr. Visaki.
1146
00:43:27,304 --> 00:43:29,639
And may I say, sir,
they're lovely girls.
1147
00:43:29,673 --> 00:43:30,975
Absolutely lovely girls.
1148
00:43:31,008 --> 00:43:31,266
It's nice to see such fine,
upstanding women
1149
00:43:31,266 --> 00:43:33,143
It's nice to see such fine,
upstanding women
1150
00:43:33,177 --> 00:43:35,145
in gainful employment,
Mr. Visaki.
1151
00:43:35,179 --> 00:43:37,915
Oh, a table right here.
Oh, here's table for you.
1152
00:43:37,948 --> 00:43:39,249
Peggy!
Peggy!
1153
00:43:39,283 --> 00:43:40,985
Peggy!
All right.
1154
00:43:41,018 --> 00:43:42,587
Daughter.
Peggy. His daughter Peggy.
1155
00:43:42,620 --> 00:43:44,322
Peggy's coming over
to serve.
1156
00:43:44,355 --> 00:43:46,324
One of the family.
1157
00:43:46,357 --> 00:43:48,159
Peggy.
My daughter Peggy.
1158
00:43:48,193 --> 00:43:49,427
Ah, Peggy,
good to see you.
1159
00:43:49,460 --> 00:43:52,497
Thank you very much.
Hi, Peggy.
1160
00:43:54,032 --> 00:43:55,334
Guess what
I gotta do tomorrow.
1161
00:43:55,367 --> 00:43:56,535
What?
1162
00:43:56,568 --> 00:43:58,804
JERRY: Oh.
Start looking for a job.
1163
00:43:58,837 --> 00:44:00,672
KRAMER: You know what you
ought to do, George?
1164
00:44:00,706 --> 00:44:01,266
You should work
for Greenpeace.
1165
00:44:01,266 --> 00:44:02,341
You should work
for Greenpeace.
1166
00:44:02,374 --> 00:44:03,442
You know those people,
1167
00:44:03,475 --> 00:44:05,344
they attack the whalers
out on the open sea.
1168
00:44:05,377 --> 00:44:07,146
Are you crazy?
1169
00:44:07,179 --> 00:44:10,282
You take your
life in your hands
with those nuts.
1170
00:44:10,316 --> 00:44:12,184
Keep fighting, matey!
1171
00:44:12,218 --> 00:44:14,687
Get your head
above the water!
1172
00:44:14,721 --> 00:44:17,357
I've got you, matey!
1173
00:44:17,390 --> 00:44:21,028
I got you, matey!
1174
00:44:21,061 --> 00:44:24,865
I'll remember her name:
Elaine Benes!
1175
00:44:24,898 --> 00:44:26,366
I'll write to her!
1176
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:30,538
I'll tell her all about you
and what you did out here!
1177
00:44:30,571 --> 00:44:31,266
Goodbye, matey!
1178
00:44:31,266 --> 00:44:32,974
Goodbye, matey!
1179
00:44:33,007 --> 00:44:34,708
Goodbye!
1180
00:44:41,883 --> 00:44:43,718
Now,
I know women often complain
1181
00:44:43,752 --> 00:44:45,887
about the number of things
you have to do
1182
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:47,356
to get male attention:
1183
00:44:47,389 --> 00:44:49,024
the high heels,
the pantyhose, the makeup.
1184
00:44:49,058 --> 00:44:51,393
But let me tell you,
it's even worse
if you're a man.
1185
00:44:51,426 --> 00:44:54,029
Because if you're a man,
you don't know what to do.
1186
00:44:54,063 --> 00:44:56,666
That's why we're building
bridges, climbing mountains,
1187
00:44:56,699 --> 00:44:58,834
exploring
uncharted territories.
1188
00:44:58,868 --> 00:45:01,571
You think we want
to do these things?
1189
00:45:01,604 --> 00:45:03,906
Nobody wants to
build a bridge.
1190
00:45:03,939 --> 00:45:07,443
It's really, really hard.
1191
00:45:08,644 --> 00:45:09,969
Designing rockets,
flying off into space--
1192
00:45:09,969 --> 00:45:11,047
Designing rockets,
flying off into space--
1193
00:45:11,081 --> 00:45:12,301
I guarantee you,
1194
00:45:12,335 --> 00:45:14,635
every astronaut,
when he comes back from space,
1195
00:45:14,668 --> 00:45:16,301
goes up to a girl and goes,
1196
00:45:16,335 --> 00:45:18,368
"So did you see me up there?"
82866
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
