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1
00:00:01,237 --> 00:00:03,104
Every time somebody recommends
a doctor, he's always the best.
2
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:05,604
"Oh, is he good?"
"Oh, he's the best."
3
00:00:05,637 --> 00:00:07,904
"This guy's the best."
They can't all be the best.
4
00:00:07,937 --> 00:00:10,004
There can't be this many bests.
5
00:00:10,037 --> 00:00:13,204
Someone's graduating
at the bottom of these classes.
6
00:00:13,237 --> 00:00:15,371
Where are these doctors?
7
00:00:15,404 --> 00:00:17,404
Is somewhere someone
saying to their friend,
8
00:00:17,437 --> 00:00:19,204
"You should see my doctor.
He's the worst.
9
00:00:19,237 --> 00:00:20,704
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
10
00:00:20,737 --> 00:00:21,871
"Oh, yeah. He's the worst.
11
00:00:21,904 --> 00:00:23,704
"He's the absolute worst
there is.
12
00:00:23,737 --> 00:00:25,037
"Whatever you've got,
13
00:00:25,071 --> 00:00:27,271
"it'll be worse
after you see him. Yeah.
14
00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:29,837
He's just a-- He's a butcher.
The man's a butcher."
15
00:00:29,871 --> 00:00:30,000
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
16
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,171
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
17
00:00:31,204 --> 00:00:32,171
And then there's always that,
18
00:00:32,204 --> 00:00:34,104
"Make sure that you tell him
19
00:00:34,137 --> 00:00:35,504
that, you know, you know me."
20
00:00:35,537 --> 00:00:37,604
Why? What's the difference?
He's a doctor.
21
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:40,371
What is he--?
"Oh, you know Bob.
22
00:00:40,404 --> 00:00:43,071
"Oh, okay, I'll give you
the real medicine.
23
00:00:43,104 --> 00:00:44,537
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
24
00:00:44,571 --> 00:00:47,371
Yeah, everybody else
I'm giving Tic Tacs."
25
00:00:52,865 --> 00:00:54,198
WOMAN:
And usually for lunch,
26
00:00:54,232 --> 00:00:55,332
I'll have a salad.
27
00:00:55,365 --> 00:00:59,098
And for dinner,
I eat whatever I want.
28
00:00:59,132 --> 00:01:02,432
What do you think the
worst part of being blind is?
29
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,198
Excuse me?
30
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,898
You know,
if you were blind,
31
00:01:07,932 --> 00:01:11,032
what do you think
the worst part of it would be?
32
00:01:11,732 --> 00:01:13,198
I don't know.
33
00:01:13,232 --> 00:01:15,198
I think it would be
not being able to tell
34
00:01:15,232 --> 00:01:16,632
if there was bugs in my food.
35
00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:24,165
How could you ever enjoy
a meal like that?
36
00:01:24,198 --> 00:01:28,565
I'd constantly be feeling around
with my lips and my tongue.
37
00:01:28,598 --> 00:01:30,832
Well, that's how
my 5-year-old eats.
38
00:01:30,865 --> 00:01:33,098
He's a very picky eater.
39
00:01:33,132 --> 00:01:34,898
Did you hear about
that kid that was kidnapped
40
00:01:34,932 --> 00:01:37,098
the other day in Pennsylvania?
41
00:01:37,132 --> 00:01:38,698
No.
42
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,332
Oh, he's at a carnival
with his mother.
43
00:01:40,365 --> 00:01:42,532
she goes to get a hot dog.
Next thing you know,
44
00:01:42,565 --> 00:01:43,865
she turns around,
boom, he's gone.
45
00:01:44,698 --> 00:01:46,365
Oh.
46
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:49,299
Imagine how sick a person has
to be to do something like that.
47
00:01:49,299 --> 00:01:49,498
Imagine how sick a person has
to be to do something like that.
48
00:01:49,532 --> 00:01:52,198
[VOICE TREMBLING]
And these people
are all over the place.
49
00:01:52,232 --> 00:01:54,598
You never know who's crazy.
I could be one of these people.
50
00:01:57,932 --> 00:02:00,098
Have you seen any good movies?
51
00:02:00,132 --> 00:02:02,198
Who takes care of your boy
during the day?
52
00:02:02,232 --> 00:02:03,665
[NERVOUSLY]
We have a woman.
53
00:02:03,698 --> 00:02:04,732
Why?
54
00:02:04,765 --> 00:02:06,532
No, no. I'm just saying,
you know.
55
00:02:06,565 --> 00:02:07,698
She had references.
56
00:02:07,732 --> 00:02:08,698
Oh, I'm sure she did.
57
00:02:08,732 --> 00:02:11,032
I'm sure they're impeccable.
58
00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:12,798
I'm talking about the ones
that forge them.
59
00:02:17,898 --> 00:02:19,299
You know, I think
this is really helping.
60
00:02:19,299 --> 00:02:19,998
You know, I think
this is really helping.
61
00:02:20,032 --> 00:02:21,765
[AGGRESSIVELY]
I don't live near here,
you know.
62
00:02:26,365 --> 00:02:27,865
JERRY:
So she's giving me the massage,
63
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,865
and I'm just making
conversation.
64
00:02:29,898 --> 00:02:31,698
I don't like to talk
during a massage.
65
00:02:31,732 --> 00:02:34,265
Neither do I, but I do it for
them. I figure they're bored.
66
00:02:34,298 --> 00:02:35,932
Hey, I do that too.
67
00:02:35,965 --> 00:02:37,765
I feel guilty about
getting the pleasure.
68
00:02:37,798 --> 00:02:40,065
I feel like I don't
deserve it, so I talk.
69
00:02:40,098 --> 00:02:42,032
It stops me
from enjoying it.
70
00:02:42,065 --> 00:02:43,732
There's nothing to eat
in here.
71
00:02:43,765 --> 00:02:45,665
[GASPS]
Oh! I forgot to tell you.
72
00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:47,998
I'm in the middle of a story.
Oh, okay, go ahead.
73
00:02:48,032 --> 00:02:49,299
Why don't you ever
go shopping?
74
00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:49,432
Why don't you ever
go shopping?
75
00:02:49,465 --> 00:02:51,832
It's not like it's a really
funny story or anything.
76
00:02:51,865 --> 00:02:53,498
What happened?
77
00:02:53,532 --> 00:02:55,832
Well, so she mentioned
that she had a son.
78
00:02:55,865 --> 00:02:57,498
And then for some reason
79
00:02:57,532 --> 00:02:59,032
I launch into the story
80
00:02:59,065 --> 00:03:01,532
about the kid from Pennsylvania
who was abducted.
81
00:03:01,565 --> 00:03:02,765
Oh, wasn't that terrible?
82
00:03:02,798 --> 00:03:04,065
Yes, it was.
83
00:03:04,098 --> 00:03:05,498
Not even an apple.
84
00:03:05,532 --> 00:03:07,765
She doesn't wanna hear that.
That was stupid.
85
00:03:07,798 --> 00:03:09,232
I know it was stupid.
86
00:03:09,265 --> 00:03:10,432
Really stupid.
87
00:03:10,465 --> 00:03:12,098
Hey, I just said it was stupid.
88
00:03:12,132 --> 00:03:13,398
What about this leftover
Chinese food?
89
00:03:13,432 --> 00:03:14,398
Take it.
90
00:03:14,432 --> 00:03:16,198
I can't believe you said that.
91
00:03:16,232 --> 00:03:17,898
Hey, would you stop it already?
92
00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:19,299
So, what did she say?
93
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:19,698
So, what did she say?
94
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:21,898
I don't know, She actually
seemed to get a little paranoid.
95
00:03:21,932 --> 00:03:23,665
[SCOFFS]
GEORGE: This is terrible.
96
00:03:23,698 --> 00:03:26,432
What is this, ginger?
I hate ginger.
97
00:03:26,465 --> 00:03:28,765
I can't understand how
anyone can eat ginger.
98
00:03:28,798 --> 00:03:30,565
I have a good masseuse
you can go to.
99
00:03:30,598 --> 00:03:32,365
No, she's really good.
She's not just a masseuse.
100
00:03:32,398 --> 00:03:34,565
She's a physical therapist.
There's a big difference.
101
00:03:34,598 --> 00:03:36,165
She uses the ultrasound.
102
00:03:36,198 --> 00:03:37,732
It's a real medical procedure.
103
00:03:37,765 --> 00:03:39,365
In fact, if you get
a doctor's note,
104
00:03:39,398 --> 00:03:40,398
it's covered by insurance.
105
00:03:43,898 --> 00:03:45,932
Physical therapy is covered
by insurance?
106
00:03:45,965 --> 00:03:47,365
Yeah.
107
00:03:47,398 --> 00:03:48,865
You don't pay
for the massage?
108
00:03:48,898 --> 00:03:49,299
Not if you have
a doctor's note.
109
00:03:49,299 --> 00:03:51,198
Not if you have
a doctor's note.
110
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,032
So where do you get
this note?
111
00:03:53,065 --> 00:03:54,332
Well, I've never
actually done it,
112
00:03:54,365 --> 00:03:55,732
but if I really
wanted to,
113
00:03:55,765 --> 00:03:58,232
I could probably get one from
my friend Roy, the dentist.
114
00:03:58,265 --> 00:03:59,998
Right. Your friend Roy.
115
00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:02,165
What's the name of this
physical therapist?
116
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:04,365
I'll tell you, but don't ask her
anything about her kid.
117
00:04:04,398 --> 00:04:05,865
She's a little off.
118
00:04:05,898 --> 00:04:07,798
And you don't
have to pay?
119
00:04:09,965 --> 00:04:11,898
GEORGE:
We have 3:00 appointments.
120
00:04:11,932 --> 00:04:13,332
George and Elaine,
right?
121
00:04:13,365 --> 00:04:14,332
Right.
122
00:04:14,365 --> 00:04:16,732
Could you fill these out
for me, please?
123
00:04:16,765 --> 00:04:17,732
And, um,
124
00:04:17,765 --> 00:04:19,299
Elaine, you'll be seeing
Julianna.
125
00:04:19,299 --> 00:04:19,365
Elaine, you'll be seeing
Julianna.
126
00:04:19,398 --> 00:04:20,732
Okay.
And, George,
127
00:04:20,765 --> 00:04:22,565
you'll be with Raymond.
128
00:04:27,798 --> 00:04:29,898
Excuse me.
Did you say Raymond?
129
00:04:29,932 --> 00:04:31,398
Yes.
130
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:35,198
But, uh...
131
00:04:35,232 --> 00:04:37,732
Raymond is a man.
132
00:04:38,432 --> 00:04:39,565
That's right.
133
00:04:48,732 --> 00:04:49,299
I can't get a massage
from a man.
134
00:04:49,299 --> 00:04:50,398
I can't get a massage
from a man.
135
00:04:51,532 --> 00:04:53,065
Why not?
What, are you crazy?
136
00:04:53,098 --> 00:04:55,598
I can't have a man
touching me.
137
00:04:55,632 --> 00:04:57,498
Switch with me.
138
00:04:57,532 --> 00:04:59,032
Ew, I don't want
the man either.
139
00:05:00,465 --> 00:05:02,198
What's the difference?
You're a woman.
140
00:05:02,232 --> 00:05:03,598
They're supposed to be
touching you.
141
00:05:03,632 --> 00:05:05,165
He'd just be touching
your back.
142
00:05:05,198 --> 00:05:07,232
He'd just be touching
your back too.
143
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,698
No, it could get sexual.
144
00:05:08,732 --> 00:05:10,032
I know.
145
00:05:10,065 --> 00:05:12,232
That's the point.
If it's gonna get sexual,
146
00:05:12,265 --> 00:05:13,865
it should get sexual
with you.
147
00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:15,532
I wouldn't be
comfortable.
148
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,865
I would?
149
00:05:16,898 --> 00:05:18,198
What if something
happens?
150
00:05:18,232 --> 00:05:19,198
Oh,
[SCOFFS]
151
00:05:19,232 --> 00:05:19,299
what could happen?
152
00:05:19,299 --> 00:05:20,132
what could happen?
153
00:05:21,898 --> 00:05:24,065
What if it felt good?
154
00:05:26,398 --> 00:05:27,865
It's supposed to
feel good.
155
00:05:27,898 --> 00:05:29,698
I don't want it
to feel good.
156
00:05:29,732 --> 00:05:31,665
Then why get
the massage?
157
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,732
Exactly.
158
00:05:34,598 --> 00:05:35,765
[MUTTERS]
Jeez.
159
00:05:38,765 --> 00:05:39,732
George.
160
00:05:39,765 --> 00:05:40,965
Y--
161
00:05:44,198 --> 00:05:45,165
Yes.
162
00:05:45,198 --> 00:05:47,232
I'm Raymond.
163
00:05:48,698 --> 00:05:49,299
Hello.
164
00:05:49,299 --> 00:05:50,198
Hello.
165
00:05:52,032 --> 00:05:53,732
Are you ready?
166
00:06:04,232 --> 00:06:05,832
And then Julianna asked
me if I wanted
167
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,532
to join her here
in the office.
168
00:06:07,565 --> 00:06:08,932
Really?
169
00:06:08,965 --> 00:06:11,998
Used to be
a flight attendant.
170
00:06:12,032 --> 00:06:14,265
[GRUNTING]
171
00:06:14,298 --> 00:06:16,198
Oh, boy.
172
00:06:16,232 --> 00:06:17,865
You know, why don't you
open those pants.
173
00:06:17,898 --> 00:06:19,299
It's gonna be a lot
easier that way.
174
00:06:19,299 --> 00:06:20,132
It's gonna be a lot
easier that way.
175
00:06:34,465 --> 00:06:36,432
So, what do you do?
176
00:06:36,465 --> 00:06:37,532
What?
177
00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:39,998
I said, what do you do?
178
00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:42,232
I-- I don't know.
179
00:06:42,265 --> 00:06:44,032
You don't know
what you do?
180
00:06:44,065 --> 00:06:45,032
No.
181
00:06:45,065 --> 00:06:47,565
[LAUGHS]
Oh, come on.
182
00:06:47,598 --> 00:06:48,598
You're very tense.
183
00:06:48,632 --> 00:06:49,299
Coffee. Too much coffee.
184
00:06:49,299 --> 00:06:51,198
Coffee. Too much coffee.
185
00:06:51,232 --> 00:06:52,832
Okay. You should take off
those pants now.
186
00:06:52,865 --> 00:06:54,098
I'll work the hamstring.
187
00:06:54,132 --> 00:06:56,265
Oh, the hamstring's fine.
188
00:06:57,632 --> 00:06:59,365
But you wrote
that it was tender.
189
00:06:59,398 --> 00:07:02,532
[CHUCKLING]
I wrote. I wrote.
190
00:07:02,565 --> 00:07:04,232
I'll check it out.
191
00:07:05,098 --> 00:07:06,365
Are you sure?
192
00:07:06,398 --> 00:07:07,432
Yeah. Take them off.
193
00:07:16,465 --> 00:07:18,098
[SQUISHING]
194
00:07:38,598 --> 00:07:40,265
How did you hurt this?
195
00:07:40,298 --> 00:07:42,332
I don't know.
196
00:07:42,365 --> 00:07:43,332
You don't know?
197
00:07:43,365 --> 00:07:44,498
No.
198
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,365
But you just told me--
Korea.
199
00:07:46,398 --> 00:07:48,098
You hurt it in Korea?
200
00:07:48,132 --> 00:07:49,299
What?
201
00:07:49,299 --> 00:07:49,365
What?
202
00:07:49,398 --> 00:07:50,365
The hamstring.
203
00:07:50,398 --> 00:07:51,765
Korea.
204
00:07:52,565 --> 00:07:54,098
How?
205
00:07:54,132 --> 00:07:55,898
Hamstring.
206
00:07:55,932 --> 00:07:57,232
How did you hurt
the hamstring?
207
00:07:58,532 --> 00:07:59,798
Hotel.
208
00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:05,532
Oh...
209
00:08:06,565 --> 00:08:08,432
[DEEP BREATH]
How'd it go?
210
00:08:11,232 --> 00:08:12,365
George?
211
00:08:14,432 --> 00:08:15,532
JERRY:
No appointments at all?
212
00:08:15,565 --> 00:08:18,165
Because my neck is still tight.
213
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,299
What about Thursday?
214
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,032
What about Thursday?
215
00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:21,798
And Friday?
[DOOR OPENS]
216
00:08:22,598 --> 00:08:23,698
Oh, boy.
217
00:08:23,732 --> 00:08:25,465
Okay.
Thanks anyway.
218
00:08:30,232 --> 00:08:31,198
What's with you?
219
00:08:31,732 --> 00:08:33,098
[SCOFFS]
220
00:08:33,698 --> 00:08:36,032
A, uh...
221
00:08:36,065 --> 00:08:37,865
Yes. A...
222
00:08:37,898 --> 00:08:42,532
A man gave me...
223
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,165
Yes. A man gave you...
224
00:08:44,198 --> 00:08:46,232
A man gave me...
225
00:08:46,265 --> 00:08:47,232
[LAUGHS]
226
00:08:49,032 --> 00:08:49,299
a massage.
227
00:08:49,299 --> 00:08:50,398
a massage.
228
00:08:50,432 --> 00:08:51,398
So?
229
00:08:51,432 --> 00:08:53,532
So he...
230
00:08:53,565 --> 00:08:54,832
had his hands...
231
00:08:54,865 --> 00:08:56,732
And, uh...
232
00:08:56,765 --> 00:08:59,998
he was, uh...
233
00:09:00,032 --> 00:09:01,532
He was what?
234
00:09:01,565 --> 00:09:04,598
He-- He was, uh...
235
00:09:04,632 --> 00:09:06,898
touching and rubbing.
[LAUGHS]
236
00:09:07,798 --> 00:09:09,232
That's a massage.
237
00:09:09,265 --> 00:09:11,232
And then I took my pants off.
238
00:09:11,265 --> 00:09:12,232
You took your pants off?
239
00:09:13,232 --> 00:09:14,198
For my hamstring.
240
00:09:14,232 --> 00:09:15,298
Oh.
241
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:17,998
He got about, uh...
242
00:09:18,032 --> 00:09:19,299
two inches from...
243
00:09:19,299 --> 00:09:19,465
two inches from...
244
00:09:21,798 --> 00:09:23,532
there.
Really?
245
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,565
I think it moved.
246
00:09:28,732 --> 00:09:29,765
It moved?
247
00:09:29,798 --> 00:09:32,065
It may have moved.
I don't know.
248
00:09:32,098 --> 00:09:33,365
I'm sure it didn't move.
249
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:34,932
It moved!
250
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:38,032
It was imperceptible,
but I-I-I felt it.
251
00:09:38,065 --> 00:09:40,998
Maybe it just wanted
to change positions. You know...
252
00:09:41,032 --> 00:09:42,098
shift to the other side.
253
00:09:42,132 --> 00:09:43,532
No, no.
254
00:09:43,565 --> 00:09:45,365
It wasn't a shift.
I've shifted.
255
00:09:45,398 --> 00:09:47,132
This was a move.
256
00:09:48,132 --> 00:09:49,299
Okay. So what if it moved?
257
00:09:49,299 --> 00:09:50,198
Okay. So what if it moved?
258
00:09:50,232 --> 00:09:52,198
That's the sign, the test.
259
00:09:52,232 --> 00:09:54,932
If a-- If a man makes it move.
260
00:09:54,965 --> 00:09:57,865
That's not the test.
Contact is the test.
261
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:02,165
If it moves
as a result of contact.
262
00:10:02,198 --> 00:10:04,398
Do you think it's contact?
263
00:10:04,432 --> 00:10:05,598
It has to be touched?
264
00:10:05,632 --> 00:10:08,065
That's what a gym teacher
once told me.
265
00:10:11,232 --> 00:10:13,098
Hey.
Hey.
266
00:10:13,132 --> 00:10:15,398
I just saw Joe DiMaggio
in Dinky Doughnuts.
267
00:10:15,432 --> 00:10:17,598
You know,
I looked in there
268
00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:19,299
and there he was
having coffee and a doughnut.
269
00:10:19,299 --> 00:10:20,032
and there he was
having coffee and a doughnut.
270
00:10:20,065 --> 00:10:21,598
Joe DiMaggio?
271
00:10:21,632 --> 00:10:23,365
In Dinky Doughnuts?
Yes.
272
00:10:23,398 --> 00:10:24,932
Joe DiMaggio.
273
00:10:24,965 --> 00:10:25,998
No. I'm sorry.
274
00:10:26,032 --> 00:10:27,532
If Joe DiMaggio
wants a doughnut,
275
00:10:27,565 --> 00:10:29,698
he goes to a fancy restaurant
or a hotel.
276
00:10:29,732 --> 00:10:31,998
He's not sitting
in Dinky Doughnuts.
277
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,232
Well, maybe he likes
Dinky Doughnuts.
278
00:10:34,265 --> 00:10:36,865
I don't even like to sit next to
a man on an airplane,
279
00:10:36,898 --> 00:10:38,432
because our knees
might touch.
280
00:10:38,465 --> 00:10:40,998
I can't see Joe DiMaggio
sitting at the counter
281
00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:44,198
at little, tiny, filthy,
smelly Dinky Doughnuts.
282
00:10:44,232 --> 00:10:46,898
Why can't Joe DiMaggio have
a doughnut like everybody else?
283
00:10:46,932 --> 00:10:48,598
He can have a doughnut...
All right. Yeah.
284
00:10:48,632 --> 00:10:49,299
but not a Dinky.
285
00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:50,432
but not a Dinky.
286
00:10:51,465 --> 00:10:53,232
I don't even like
to use urinals.
287
00:10:53,265 --> 00:10:54,898
Always been a stall man.
288
00:10:56,398 --> 00:10:57,465
Look, I'm telling--
289
00:10:59,898 --> 00:11:02,565
I'm telling you,
that was Joe DiMaggio.
290
00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:06,032
The guy slept
with Marilyn Monroe.
291
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,598
He's in Dinky Doughnuts.
292
00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,198
All right. Look,
what about this doctor's note?
293
00:11:09,232 --> 00:11:10,532
Let's go see your friend, Roy.
294
00:11:10,565 --> 00:11:11,698
I never said
I'd do that.
295
00:11:11,732 --> 00:11:12,698
What are you talking about?
296
00:11:12,732 --> 00:11:14,032
That's 75 bucks.
297
00:11:14,065 --> 00:11:16,265
I'm not working.
I can't afford that.
298
00:11:16,298 --> 00:11:18,032
I don't know how
I feel about it.
299
00:11:18,065 --> 00:11:19,299
Oh, what are you,
like a Quaker now?
300
00:11:19,299 --> 00:11:20,632
Oh, what are you,
like a Quaker now?
301
00:11:21,798 --> 00:11:23,532
All right, all right.
302
00:11:23,565 --> 00:11:25,298
A stall man, huh?
303
00:11:26,565 --> 00:11:28,498
[CHUCKLES]
304
00:11:28,532 --> 00:11:29,698
JERRY:
So we were just wondering
305
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:31,932
if it was possible
for you to write us a note.
306
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:33,532
And if you can't,
believe me, it's fine.
307
00:11:33,565 --> 00:11:34,598
He didn't say he can't.
308
00:11:34,632 --> 00:11:36,598
I mean if you feel
funny about it at all.
309
00:11:36,632 --> 00:11:38,332
He doesn't feel funny.
If he does.
310
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,032
GEORGE: Do you feel funny?
JERRY: Forget it.
311
00:11:40,065 --> 00:11:41,598
He didn't say anything.
312
00:11:41,632 --> 00:11:43,065
He feels funny.
313
00:11:44,032 --> 00:11:45,198
You don't have to do this.
314
00:11:45,232 --> 00:11:46,598
He knows that!
315
00:11:46,632 --> 00:11:48,865
Roy, should we go? Is this
a breach of our friendship?
316
00:11:48,898 --> 00:11:49,299
Oh, can you be
any more dramatic?
317
00:11:49,299 --> 00:11:51,598
Oh, can you be
any more dramatic?
318
00:11:51,632 --> 00:11:53,898
Don't be ridiculous.
319
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:59,098
Holyfield. He's a good friend
of one of my patients.
320
00:11:59,132 --> 00:12:01,165
He's got a hell of a body,
doesn't he?
321
00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:02,232
How would I know?
322
00:12:04,065 --> 00:12:05,765
Do you like him?
323
00:12:05,798 --> 00:12:07,065
What do you mean,
like him?
324
00:12:08,065 --> 00:12:09,498
Do you like him?
Well, I mean,
325
00:12:09,532 --> 00:12:11,065
he's a good fighter
and a nice guy,
326
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:12,865
but I don't like him.
327
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,532
How come you don't like him?
328
00:12:14,565 --> 00:12:15,832
Why should I?
329
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:17,365
What is the matter
with you?
330
00:12:17,398 --> 00:12:18,498
Nothing. Why?
331
00:12:18,532 --> 00:12:19,299
You think something's wrong?
Am I different?
332
00:12:19,299 --> 00:12:21,165
You think something's wrong?
Am I different?
333
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:22,565
So you want the notes?
334
00:12:22,598 --> 00:12:23,565
You don't have to, really.
335
00:12:23,598 --> 00:12:25,532
No, no. It's okay.
336
00:12:25,565 --> 00:12:30,032
We should probably get one
for Elaine too, right, George?
337
00:12:30,065 --> 00:12:31,298
George?
338
00:12:34,398 --> 00:12:38,432
George.
339
00:12:38,465 --> 00:12:40,065
JERRY:
Well, what about
the week after?
340
00:12:43,032 --> 00:12:45,132
No appointments at all?
341
00:12:46,598 --> 00:12:48,132
What?
342
00:12:49,465 --> 00:12:51,165
Well, can I--?
343
00:12:51,198 --> 00:12:56,032
Can I at least just talk to her
so I can apologize?
344
00:12:56,065 --> 00:12:57,832
Forget it.
345
00:12:57,865 --> 00:12:59,032
I can't believe this.
346
00:12:59,065 --> 00:13:02,032
I make one
innocent comment...
347
00:13:02,065 --> 00:13:04,365
about some lunatic
in Pennsylvania,
348
00:13:04,398 --> 00:13:05,398
and I'm cut off.
349
00:13:05,432 --> 00:13:07,532
This woman is insane.
350
00:13:08,465 --> 00:13:09,565
What's with you?
351
00:13:10,965 --> 00:13:12,565
What?
352
00:13:12,598 --> 00:13:15,998
Well, you were too close to me.
I was all scrunched in there.
353
00:13:16,032 --> 00:13:18,432
Hey, you scrunched me.
354
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,299
I sat down here first.
355
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,065
I sat down here first.
356
00:13:21,098 --> 00:13:22,865
[DOOR OPENS]
KRAMER: Hey.
357
00:13:23,465 --> 00:13:24,398
[DOOR CLOSES]
358
00:13:25,765 --> 00:13:28,565
I saw DiMaggio
in the doughnut shop again.
359
00:13:32,865 --> 00:13:34,765
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
360
00:13:34,798 --> 00:13:36,198
Joe DiMaggio?
Joe DiMaggio.
361
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,032
You know this time I went in
and I sat down across from him
362
00:13:39,065 --> 00:13:40,398
and I really watched him.
363
00:13:40,432 --> 00:13:42,865
I studied his every move.
364
00:13:42,898 --> 00:13:44,398
For example...
365
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:46,232
he dunks.
366
00:13:47,232 --> 00:13:49,198
Joe DiMaggio dunks
his doughnuts?
367
00:13:49,232 --> 00:13:49,299
That's right.
See, now I know it's not him.
368
00:13:49,299 --> 00:13:51,498
That's right.
See, now I know it's not him.
369
00:13:51,532 --> 00:13:53,432
Joe DiMaggio could not be
a dunker.
370
00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:55,065
Oh, he's a dunker.
371
00:13:56,398 --> 00:13:57,598
Why couldn't he be
a dunker?
372
00:13:57,632 --> 00:13:59,365
And nothing diverts
his attention.
373
00:13:59,398 --> 00:14:00,765
Like, I'm, you know--
374
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,598
Like, I'm sitting
in there, you know
375
00:14:02,632 --> 00:14:06,232
and I start banging
on the table, you know, to--
376
00:14:06,265 --> 00:14:07,398
So that he'll look up.
377
00:14:07,432 --> 00:14:09,198
You know, like,
I'm sitting there, and I:
378
00:14:09,232 --> 00:14:10,565
You know.
379
00:14:12,532 --> 00:14:13,832
He wouldn't move.
380
00:14:13,865 --> 00:14:16,832
So then I started doing
these yelping noises like,
381
00:14:16,865 --> 00:14:17,865
yow!
382
00:14:19,098 --> 00:14:19,299
Yow!
383
00:14:19,299 --> 00:14:20,298
Yow!
384
00:14:20,798 --> 00:14:22,032
Uh...
385
00:14:22,065 --> 00:14:26,265
No reaction, because the guy
is so focused, you see.
386
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:29,432
He can just block out anything
that's going on around him.
387
00:14:29,465 --> 00:14:32,098
See, that's
how he played baseball.
388
00:14:32,132 --> 00:14:34,698
He dunks like he hits.
389
00:14:34,732 --> 00:14:36,032
So then what?
390
00:14:36,065 --> 00:14:38,698
Well, then the waitress,
she comes up and she tells me
391
00:14:38,732 --> 00:14:41,665
to shut up
or they're gonna throw me out.
392
00:14:41,698 --> 00:14:43,365
Why didn't you just
call out his name?
393
00:14:46,765 --> 00:14:47,898
KRAMER:
Well--
394
00:14:49,865 --> 00:14:51,132
What happened to you?
395
00:14:54,065 --> 00:14:56,098
These kids called me
a Mary.
396
00:14:57,698 --> 00:14:59,032
A what?
397
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,732
I was jumping
over a puddle.
398
00:15:01,765 --> 00:15:04,265
And for some reason,
I went like this:
399
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,532
And they called me
a Mary.
400
00:15:08,565 --> 00:15:11,832
So I chased them
and I tripped and I fell.
401
00:15:11,865 --> 00:15:15,565
Yeah, you know kids.
They can be very perceptive.
402
00:15:16,065 --> 00:15:17,398
Hey, George.
403
00:15:17,432 --> 00:15:18,865
What is this?
404
00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:19,299
What is that?
405
00:15:19,299 --> 00:15:20,265
What is that?
406
00:15:20,298 --> 00:15:23,032
No, really. What is that?
[PHONE RINGS]
407
00:15:24,865 --> 00:15:26,398
Yeah.
408
00:15:27,532 --> 00:15:29,032
Hello.
409
00:15:29,065 --> 00:15:31,098
Oh, hi, Roy.
410
00:15:31,132 --> 00:15:32,832
What?
411
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,198
Oh, my God.
412
00:15:34,232 --> 00:15:37,332
Well, how did
this happen?
413
00:15:37,365 --> 00:15:38,532
What can I do?
414
00:15:38,565 --> 00:15:40,498
Oh.
415
00:15:40,532 --> 00:15:43,332
I am so sorry.
416
00:15:43,365 --> 00:15:44,698
Okay.
417
00:15:44,732 --> 00:15:46,265
Bye.
418
00:15:46,298 --> 00:15:47,432
That was Roy.
419
00:15:47,465 --> 00:15:49,299
He's under investigation
for insurance fraud.
420
00:15:49,299 --> 00:15:49,798
He's under investigation
for insurance fraud.
421
00:15:51,932 --> 00:15:53,332
KRAMER:
♪ He's just a man ♪
422
00:15:53,365 --> 00:15:55,165
♪ And not a freak ♪
423
00:15:55,198 --> 00:15:56,198
♪ Joltin' Joe ♪
424
00:15:56,232 --> 00:15:57,732
♪ DiMaggio ♪
425
00:15:57,765 --> 00:15:59,032
♪ Joe, Joe ♪
426
00:15:59,065 --> 00:16:00,032
♪ Go Joe ♪
427
00:16:04,350 --> 00:16:05,550
JERRY:
I told you.
428
00:16:05,583 --> 00:16:07,783
Told me what?
I told you we shouldn't do it.
429
00:16:07,816 --> 00:16:10,283
I didn't say anything.
He's got a house, a family.
430
00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:11,716
They could take away
his license.
431
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:12,850
You should've heard him.
432
00:16:12,883 --> 00:16:15,050
Three notes.
How stupid was that?
433
00:16:15,083 --> 00:16:17,050
We never should've got
three notes.
434
00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:19,550
Three notes?
Yeah. You, me and George.
435
00:16:19,583 --> 00:16:21,183
You got me a note?
Yeah.
436
00:16:21,216 --> 00:16:22,383
But I got
my own note.
437
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,550
You what?
438
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,316
I got a note from
my gynecologist.
439
00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:26,550
Why'd you do that?
440
00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:28,350
I didn't know you were
getting me a note.
441
00:16:28,383 --> 00:16:29,950
Of course I was
getting you a note.
442
00:16:29,983 --> 00:16:30,950
But you didn't
say anything.
443
00:16:30,983 --> 00:16:31,085
Neither did you.
Oh.
444
00:16:31,085 --> 00:16:31,950
Neither did you.
Oh.
445
00:16:31,983 --> 00:16:33,050
That's how he got caught.
446
00:16:33,083 --> 00:16:35,150
We sent in four notes
from two doctors.
447
00:16:35,183 --> 00:16:38,550
How could you do that
to your friend?
448
00:16:38,583 --> 00:16:41,516
He's got a wife, kids...
449
00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:44,216
and a lot of other stuff.
450
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:45,616
Oh...
451
00:16:45,650 --> 00:16:46,583
yyyyyeah.
452
00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:53,550
Hi, Pam.
453
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:55,150
Hello.
Hello.
454
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:59,550
I just thought maybe
I could talk to Roy if--
455
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:00,550
Pam, did the x-ray
456
00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:01,085
from Mrs. Sloane...?
457
00:17:01,085 --> 00:17:02,550
from Mrs. Sloane...?
458
00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:03,550
Hi.
459
00:17:03,583 --> 00:17:05,150
Hi, Roy.
How you doing?
460
00:17:05,183 --> 00:17:06,683
Come on back.
461
00:17:06,716 --> 00:17:09,283
I have a patient,
but she's under.
462
00:17:09,316 --> 00:17:10,683
I don't even know
what to say.
463
00:17:10,716 --> 00:17:11,716
Me neither.
464
00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:13,050
I knew this would happen.
465
00:17:13,083 --> 00:17:14,150
Me too.
466
00:17:16,916 --> 00:17:19,283
I mean, the whole thing,
it's just...
467
00:17:19,316 --> 00:17:20,350
Tragic.
468
00:17:20,383 --> 00:17:21,883
Well, it's not tragic.
469
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:22,950
No?
470
00:17:22,983 --> 00:17:23,983
No. It's...
471
00:17:24,016 --> 00:17:25,116
Unsettling?
472
00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:26,883
Okay.
473
00:17:26,916 --> 00:17:27,983
I mean, what if they--?
474
00:17:28,016 --> 00:17:30,250
I hope you're both happy.
475
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:35,250
I'm not happy.
476
00:17:35,983 --> 00:17:37,283
Me, neither.
477
00:17:37,316 --> 00:17:39,016
I've never been happy.
478
00:17:41,683 --> 00:17:44,783
I mean, I'm happy sometimes,
but-- But not now.
479
00:17:44,816 --> 00:17:47,316
In college, maybe.
480
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:48,516
Those were fun times.
481
00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:49,550
Yeah, college was fun.
482
00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:50,983
Yeah.
Yeah.
483
00:17:51,016 --> 00:17:53,283
You know the whole practice
is in jeopardy.
484
00:17:53,316 --> 00:17:54,683
You know that.
485
00:17:57,416 --> 00:17:59,116
Don't mind her.
Oh, please.
486
00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:00,550
I love her.
487
00:18:00,583 --> 00:18:01,085
I've just met her,
but I'm very impressed.
488
00:18:01,085 --> 00:18:03,550
I've just met her,
but I'm very impressed.
489
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,783
I don't understand.
490
00:18:04,816 --> 00:18:06,616
I've never had a problem
with these notes before.
491
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,450
Well, what's the next move?
What's gonna happen now?
492
00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:10,050
Well, nothing, really,
as long as we get
493
00:18:10,083 --> 00:18:12,016
the physical therapist
to go along with our story.
494
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,783
What? The physical therapist?
Why?
495
00:18:13,816 --> 00:18:15,016
She just has to say
496
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:16,650
the complaint was related
to a dental problem.
497
00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:22,650
How you doing?
498
00:18:26,183 --> 00:18:28,383
Hi. Uh, look, I know
I don't have an appointment,
499
00:18:28,416 --> 00:18:31,085
but it's really important
that I talk with Julianna.
500
00:18:31,085 --> 00:18:31,116
but it's really important
that I talk with Julianna.
501
00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:32,850
I'm sorry, Mr. Seinfeld.
She's not in.
502
00:18:32,883 --> 00:18:35,683
I know she's mad at me, but
I really have to speak with her.
503
00:18:35,716 --> 00:18:37,483
I told you she's not here.
You don't understand.
504
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:39,150
Look, you have to leave.
I--
505
00:18:39,183 --> 00:18:40,816
Wait a second. Don't you--?
506
00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:42,616
Hi, hi. Look, I don't
know what you think--
507
00:18:42,650 --> 00:18:43,616
Please!
But, you see...
508
00:18:43,650 --> 00:18:45,683
Let me just talk to you
for a second.
509
00:18:45,716 --> 00:18:46,683
See, what I did is
510
00:18:46,716 --> 00:18:47,683
inadvertently sent in
an insurance--
511
00:18:47,716 --> 00:18:49,150
I treated you,
512
00:18:49,183 --> 00:18:50,983
so please just get out
of the office.
513
00:18:51,016 --> 00:18:53,016
But can't you just listen to me?
Run, Billy!
514
00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:55,483
Run to the office
and close the door!
515
00:18:55,516 --> 00:18:56,916
Call the police.
516
00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:59,550
The police.
517
00:18:59,583 --> 00:19:00,583
What is the--?
518
00:19:01,316 --> 00:19:03,050
Hi, George.
519
00:19:03,083 --> 00:19:04,416
Uh... Hello.
520
00:19:06,683 --> 00:19:07,850
Raymond?
521
00:19:11,916 --> 00:19:14,883
ELAINE:
Well, I mean, it's only
a six-month probation.
522
00:19:14,916 --> 00:19:16,550
It's a slap
on the wrist.
523
00:19:16,583 --> 00:19:17,550
Yeah, I still don't see
524
00:19:17,583 --> 00:19:20,550
any dinner invitations
forthcoming.
525
00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:23,016
Men have been popping
into my sexual fantasies.
526
00:19:25,383 --> 00:19:26,883
All of a sudden,
I'll be
527
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,216
in the middle...
528
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,916
Of what?
529
00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:36,016
And a guy will appear
from out of nowhere.
530
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,483
I said, "Get out of here.
531
00:19:37,516 --> 00:19:39,716
What do you want?
You don't belong here."
532
00:19:39,750 --> 00:19:42,783
What do they do?
They talk back.
533
00:19:42,816 --> 00:19:45,183
They go, "Hey, George,
how's it going?" I mean...
534
00:19:45,216 --> 00:19:47,716
I said, "Get the hell
out of here."
535
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,050
Hey, it's the K-Man.
536
00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:50,383
[KNOCKING]
537
00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:51,416
[LAUGHS]
538
00:19:54,083 --> 00:19:56,450
Maybe it's time you got
a different hobby.
539
00:19:56,483 --> 00:19:58,450
Oh, man.
540
00:19:58,483 --> 00:19:59,416
[GROANS]
541
00:19:59,916 --> 00:20:01,085
[SIGHS]
542
00:20:01,085 --> 00:20:01,316
[SIGHS]
543
00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:03,583
I just came from Roy's.
544
00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,016
I threw up from the gas.
545
00:20:10,050 --> 00:20:11,783
JERRY:
Did he say anything?
546
00:20:11,816 --> 00:20:13,583
No, no. He's fine.
547
00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:17,450
[WHISPERING]
Oh, my God. It's...
548
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:19,016
What?
Joe DiMaggio.
549
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,016
Where?
550
00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:23,216
Having a cup of coffee.
551
00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:25,616
ELAINE: And he's dunking.
KRAMER: Yeah. Ah?
552
00:20:25,650 --> 00:20:29,050
Wow. Look at him.
553
00:20:29,083 --> 00:20:31,085
The Yankee Clipper.
KRAMER: Yeah.
554
00:20:31,085 --> 00:20:31,716
The Yankee Clipper.
KRAMER: Yeah.
555
00:20:31,750 --> 00:20:33,216
Here.
556
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:36,483
You see? Now, that
is a handsome man.
557
00:20:42,550 --> 00:20:43,783
Oh, please.
558
00:20:43,816 --> 00:20:45,916
Wait, wait.
Hold on a minute. Wait.
559
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:50,483
Oh.
560
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:51,750
Yee!
561
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:53,716
Yee-hee!
562
00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:56,650
See? I told you.
563
00:20:56,683 --> 00:20:58,050
What causes homophobia?
564
00:20:58,083 --> 00:21:01,085
What is it that makes
a heterosexual man worry?
565
00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:02,883
What is it that makes
a heterosexual man worry?
566
00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:05,050
I think it's because
567
00:21:05,083 --> 00:21:07,483
men know that deep down
568
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,816
we have weak
sales resistance.
569
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:12,183
We're constantly buying shoes
that hurt us,
570
00:21:12,216 --> 00:21:13,950
pants that don't
fit right.
571
00:21:13,983 --> 00:21:16,716
Men think, "Obviously,
I can be talked into anything.
572
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,016
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
573
00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:19,716
What if I accidentally wander
574
00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:21,350
into some sort of
homosexual store
575
00:21:21,383 --> 00:21:23,383
thinking it's a shoe store,
and the salesman goes,
576
00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:25,883
"Just hold this guy's hand, walk
around the store a little bit.
577
00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:27,050
"See how you feel.
578
00:21:27,083 --> 00:21:28,550
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
579
00:21:28,583 --> 00:21:31,085
"No obligation,
no pressure, just try it.
580
00:21:31,085 --> 00:21:32,316
"No obligation,
no pressure, just try it.
581
00:21:32,350 --> 00:21:34,116
Would you like to see him
in a sandal?"
582
00:21:34,150 --> 00:21:35,483
♪ Hey
Di-di-dee ♪
583
00:21:35,516 --> 00:21:37,283
♪ Wah ♪
584
00:21:37,316 --> 00:21:38,250
♪ Wah ♪
585
00:21:41,183 --> 00:21:43,016
♪ Hey
Di-zi-ski-dee ♪
586
00:21:43,050 --> 00:21:44,053
[BETTY BONNEY'S
"JOLTIN' JOE DiMAGGIO" PLAYING]
587
00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:44,716
[BETTY BONNEY'S
"JOLTIN' JOE DiMAGGIO" PLAYING]
588
00:21:45,415 --> 00:21:47,715
♪ Started baseball's
Famous streak ♪
589
00:21:47,748 --> 00:21:50,148
♪ That's got us
All aglow ♪
590
00:21:50,181 --> 00:21:52,981
♪ He's just a man
And not a freak ♪
591
00:21:53,015 --> 00:21:55,448
♪ Joltin' Joe
DiMaggio ♪
592
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:57,948
♪ Joe, Joe
DiMaggio ♪
593
00:21:57,981 --> 00:22:00,048
♪ We want you
On our side ♪
594
00:22:00,081 --> 00:22:02,715
♪ He tied the mark
At 44 ♪
595
00:22:02,748 --> 00:22:04,948
♪ July the first
You know ♪
596
00:22:04,981 --> 00:22:07,948
♪ Since then he's hit
A good 12 more ♪
597
00:22:07,981 --> 00:22:10,448
♪ Joltin' Joe
DiMaggio ♪
598
00:22:10,481 --> 00:22:12,881
♪ Joe, Joe
DiMaggio ♪
599
00:22:12,915 --> 00:22:14,053
♪ We want you
On our side ♪
600
00:22:14,053 --> 00:22:14,948
♪ We want you
On our side ♪
601
00:22:14,981 --> 00:22:17,448
♪ From coast to coast
That's all you'll hear ♪
602
00:22:17,481 --> 00:22:19,948
♪ Of Joe
The one-man show ♪
603
00:22:19,981 --> 00:22:22,648
♪ He's glorified
The horsehide sphere ♪
604
00:22:22,681 --> 00:22:25,048
♪ Joltin' Joe
DiMaggio ♪
605
00:22:25,081 --> 00:22:26,048
♪ Joe ♪
40573
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