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1
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There's something insincere
about greeting cards.
2
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,830
They're like these little
$ 1 folded-paper...
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,341
...emotional prostitutes, isn't it?
4
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:15,106
"I don't know what my feelings are,
so I'll pay some total stranger a buck...
5
00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:19,012
...to make up this little
Hallmark hooker to do the job for me.
6
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,244
So I can go,
'Here, I didn't write this...
7
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:24,948
...but whatever they wrote,
I think the same thing."'
8
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,990
Wouldrt it be better
to have one card...
9
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,958
...that covered every occasion
for everybody in one shot?
10
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:33,463
"Happy birthday, merry Christmas,
happy anniversary, congratulations...
11
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,863
...it's a boy
and our deepest sympathies."
12
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,971
Signed, "The whole office."
13
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:45,642
She was hitting on you?
14
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,803
My friend Noreen?
15
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,539
Your friend Noreen.
16
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,742
- Sure you're not flattering yourself?
- Lf I was flattering myself...
17
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:56,650
...I think I'd come up with someone
a little less annoying than Noreen.
18
00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:59,992
I cannot believe that
she was hitting on you.
19
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,221
- Lf you don't believe me, ask her.
- I will. Besides, she's got a boyfriend.
20
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:08,333
You know him, Dan. Remember,
we went to that party at his house?
21
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:10,731
- The guy with the really high voice.
- Yeah.
22
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,563
Jerry, did you get my Fortune
magazine in your mail?
23
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,231
Check the pile.
24
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:18,938
Yeah, yeah.
25
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,348
- Who sent you a card?
- I don't know.
26
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:24,244
Open it. It's from Hallmark.
27
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,817
- Hello, my love.
- Hello, darling.
28
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,249
Isn't that cute.
A thank-you card from Kristin.
29
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:33,915
Let me see.
30
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:35,825
- Who's Kristin?
- Works for PBS.
31
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:37,986
Met her when I agreed to do
the pledge drive.
32
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:39,426
Did you ask her about me?
33
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:43,262
Yeah. In fact, she said that you could
sit in the back and answer the phone.
34
00:01:43,903 --> 00:01:46,463
Giddyup! All right.
So now, how does that work?
35
00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:49,699
What, I get a percentage
of every pledge I bring in, right?
36
00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:53,601
No. It's not aluminum siding.
It's volunteer work.
37
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,805
All the money goes to the station.
38
00:01:55,982 --> 00:01:58,815
Okay, yeah. That sounds good.
But I still get a tote bag, right?
39
00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:01,146
Yeah, and one of those
foam beer-can holders.
40
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:07,152
You know what I'm doing?
41
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,557
- I'm calling Noreen.
- Go ahead.
42
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:12,994
- You sure you don't mind?
- Like she'll admit she was flirting.
43
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:18,204
- Hello?
- Hi. It's Elaine.
44
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:21,807
- Listen, I was just talking to Jerry.
- Jerry?
45
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:26,173
- Jerry Seinfeld.
- Oh, I like Jerry a lot.
46
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:30,339
- You mean "like" like?
- What are you talking about?
47
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,910
Noreen, were you hitting on him?
48
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,952
Noreers not here.
49
00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:37,384
This is Dan.
50
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:43,485
Did you say that Noreen
was hitting on Jerry Seinfeld?
51
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,291
I'll call you back later.
52
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:51,270
So was I right? She likes me, right?
53
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,674
Hello.
54
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,413
It's for you. Must you keep giving
my number out?
55
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,417
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Pitt.
56
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:11,656
- Hello.
- Elaine, what is going on?
57
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,918
Why did you tell Dan
I was hitting on Jerry Seinfeld?
58
00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:18,120
- Is this Noreen?
- What would ever possess you...
59
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:19,959
...to make up a story like that?
60
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:23,899
Well, listen, Jerry mentioned it,
and I didn't believe...
61
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:26,368
I think I deserve an explanation.
62
00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:29,631
Noreen, are you crying?
63
00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:33,974
No, this is Dan.
64
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,840
- Hi, Dan.
- Elaine?
65
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:40,418
Work?
66
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,582
Tell Noreen I'll just
call her back later.
67
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:45,885
Who was crying?
68
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,823
No one. I'm sorry, Mr. Pitt.
That won't happen again.
69
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:52,260
I'm sure it won't.
But someone was crying...
70
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:53,899
...and I want to know who it was.
71
00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,894
Well, it's a long story, okay?
72
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:01,006
But my stupid friend Jerry
told my other friend Noreen...
73
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,574
...that she was...
74
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:07,974
...you know, hitting on him.
75
00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:13,141
And so I called her to see
what was going on...
76
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:16,584
...and I accidentally got her boyfriend,
who is this...
77
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:18,921
...you know...
78
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:24,419
I'm Jerry Seinfeld.
I tell jokes for a living...
79
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:28,931
...but there's no joking about
the financial crisis at PBS.
80
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,797
Show us you care.
81
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:33,996
Call in your pledge now.
82
00:04:34,173 --> 00:04:36,437
Jerry, I am so grateful
that you're doing this.
83
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,600
Oh, I know you are.
84
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:41,171
- You got the card I sent?
- I did.
85
00:04:41,347 --> 00:04:44,612
- So where is it?
- What?
86
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,376
The card.
87
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,480
Is this it in the trash?
88
00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:55,956
No.
89
00:04:57,530 --> 00:04:59,327
This is my card. You threw it away.
90
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:03,063
- Well...
- I put a lot of thought into this card.
91
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,568
You signed your name
and you addressed the envelope.
92
00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:09,003
It's not like you painted the picture
and wrote the poem.
93
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,468
Oh, fine.
94
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:14,479
I gotta get back to the office.
95
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,980
Why, because I threw the card out?
How long was I supposed to save it?
96
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,016
You have no sentimentality.
97
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:22,882
I have sentimentality.
Really. I'm sentimental.
98
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,853
Here, look.
Here's some cards I've saved.
99
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:27,049
These are birthday cards
from my grandmother.
100
00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:29,751
- I'm not a bad guy.
- So you save her cards but not mine.
101
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,157
Oh, great!
102
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,596
Well, but you see,
I saved something. See?
103
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:37,099
I can save.
104
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:39,667
I'll see you
at the pledge drive, okay?
105
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,603
Well, new cards, huh?
106
00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:45,710
No. They're old cards
from my grandmother.
107
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:50,440
Well, I'll tell you, a nice greeting card
can really lift a persors spirits.
108
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:52,481
Yeah.
109
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,253
- A check.
- Yeah, she puts $ 10...
110
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:58,720
...in every birthday card.
That's why I save them.
111
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:01,689
There's a check in all these?
Why don't you cash them?
112
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,385
I don't know. It's $ 10.
113
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:06,794
Yeah, but you got a whole pile here.
Look at this, 1987.
114
00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:10,265
- So what?
- Your grandmother gave you this gift.
115
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:13,769
She wants you to spend the money,
to have the fun that she can't have.
116
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,033
This is tantamount
to a slap in the face.
117
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,904
- Oh, get out of here.
- Jerry...
118
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:21,535
...a gift not enjoyed is like
a flower that doesn't blossom.
119
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:25,616
All right. All right.
I'll cash the checks.
120
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,047
Yeah.
121
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:31,750
It was a thank-you card from Kristin
because I'm doing the PBS drive.
122
00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:33,892
I mean, how long am I supposed
to keep it?
123
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,654
The rule's a minimum of two days.
124
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,460
You making that up, or you know?
125
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,632
I'm making it up.
126
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:44,099
I mean, really, what is the point
of saving it?
127
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,397
I could see if I had a mantel.
128
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,904
Well, a mantel's
a whole different story.
129
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,373
- Absolutely.
- Lf my parents had a mantel...
130
00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:54,513
...I might be
a completely different person.
131
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,705
So anyway,
she's kind of upset about it...
132
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,578
...so I need you to do me a favor.
133
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,811
- Let's have it.
- Well, I'm doing the PBS drive.
134
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:06,288
So during the show, they're running
the Ken Burns Baseball thing.
135
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,654
So I thought if I could get
a baseball player...
136
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:10,455
...to come on the show with me...
137
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:14,030
- You want me to ask a Yankee.
- Could you?
138
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,527
All right.
139
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,731
- I'll run it by a few people.
- All right. Do your thing...
140
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:22,932
...where you lie to everyone.
141
00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:27,440
I should never have made
that phone call.
142
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,275
- Did you ever get to talk to Noreen?
- Yes. She's very upset.
143
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,509
So was I right about the flirting?
Was it true?
144
00:07:32,685 --> 00:07:34,778
I don't know. I never asked.
She was yelling...
145
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,182
Who was flirting with you?
146
00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,319
Remember when we were
in the bookstore?
147
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,288
That woman came up to us.
148
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:44,759
- She wasrt flirting with you.
- Oh, sure she was.
149
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:48,833
Asked me where
the humor section was.
150
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:52,095
Humor? Come on.
151
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:54,267
Jerry...
152
00:07:54,440 --> 00:08:00,072
...her brother just had a book
of political can'toons published.
153
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:07,252
All right. So maybe she wasrt
flirting with me. So what?
154
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,650
Oh, yeah, that's funny.
155
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,154
Hey, you wanna hear
something weird?
156
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,622
Mr. Pitt...
157
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:17,729
...eats his Snickers bars...
158
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:20,730
...with a knife and fork.
159
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,491
- Really?
- Yes.
160
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,227
Why does he do that?
161
00:08:25,404 --> 00:08:28,271
He probably doesn't wanna
get chocolate on his fingers.
162
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,376
That's the way these society types
eat their candy bars.
163
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:32,943
Oh, you know.
164
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:36,513
What, you think I eat
all my meals with you?
165
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,047
Excuse me. Sweetheart?
166
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,680
I think you may have
overcharged us.
167
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,346
- What is this?
- That's the extra toast.
168
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,322
Get it?
169
00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:50,958
Got it.
170
00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:55,900
Did you just see
what happened here?
171
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,697
What?
172
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,395
Did you see the way
she pointed at the check?
173
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,666
She gave me the finger.
174
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:09,578
That's how waitress types
express derision.
175
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:12,377
They don't wanna get
their mouths dirty.
176
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,580
So, what do you think?
177
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,456
PBS fundraiser?
178
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:20,558
I'm not gonna waste
the players' time.
179
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:24,162
Besides, the team already does
so much promotion for Channel 11.
180
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,624
Channel 11.
181
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:31,000
Forgive me for trying
to class up this place.
182
00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:34,697
For trying to have the Yankees
reach another strata of society...
183
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:38,173
...that might not watch Channel 11.
184
00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:48,244
What the hell are you doing?
185
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,916
I am eating my dessert.
186
00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:55,885
How do you eat it,
with your hands?
187
00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:02,924
You know, maybe George
has something here about PBS.
188
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:06,196
Okay, 60 bucks from Nana.
189
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,473
Yeah.
190
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:18,343
- Hello?
- Hello. This is Chemical Bank.
191
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:21,816
Just wanted you to know that
your checking account is overdrawn.
192
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,478
Chemical Bank?
193
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:26,056
I haven't used that account
in months.
194
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:29,456
Well, someone's been cashing
the checks, and you're overdrawn.
195
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,097
Oh, dear.
196
00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:35,097
I'll be down there first thing
in the morning.
197
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:37,030
Wait, we can do this
over the phone.
198
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,581
You got Danny Tartabull?
199
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:54,049
You wanted a Yankee,
I got you a Yankee.
200
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:57,018
You really came through.
Kristirs gonna be thrilled.
201
00:10:57,189 --> 00:11:00,056
The Bull owes me one.
I helped him with his swing.
202
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:03,127
So you're bringing Danny Tartabull
to the fundraiser tonight.
203
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:04,922
Absolutely.
204
00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:07,190
Pending approval of the script.
205
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:10,893
- Excuse me?
- Jerry, I'm Yankee management.
206
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:15,063
- Yeah, I'd like to see the script too.
- You're just answering phones!
207
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:18,538
It would put me at ease.
208
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:21,874
Hey. When you order,
get the waitress to point to the menu.
209
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:24,243
I wanna see what finger she uses.
210
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:28,786
Say, I wanted a side order of fruit,
but I didn't see it on the menu.
211
00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:31,115
You'll get it.
Comes with your breakfast special.
212
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:32,917
Right you are.
213
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:36,619
You know, I didn't get the special,
but I'd also like the fresh fruit too.
214
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,525
I'll check.
215
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,468
I don't believe it. She did it again!
216
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,369
Oh, she had an itch.
217
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,533
Had an itch.
She could have used any finger.
218
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,271
That finger was meant for me.
219
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,439
Yeah. She knew what
she was doing.
220
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,050
By the way, lunch is on me.
221
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:03,279
I just cashed my nana's
birthday checks.
222
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,787
Looking for something, lady?
223
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:15,763
Isn't the Chemical Bank on this block?
224
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,904
The bank. It burned.
225
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:21,229
It's gone.
226
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:22,999
Oh, dear.
227
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:25,742
You know, what you wanna do
is go down to 49th Street.
228
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,778
That's the main
customer-service branch.
229
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:32,315
Ask for Mr. Fleming. He'll help you.
230
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,190
- Hello.
- Jerry, hello.
231
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:50,802
- Uncle Leo.
- Listen, I don't wanna alarm you...
232
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,165
...but your nana is missing!
233
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,869
Nana's missing?
234
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:58,305
I came to pick her up
for her doctor's appointment.
235
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:02,675
She wasrt here. I called the doctor.
Nobody knows where she is.
236
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:07,148
She hasn't left the apartment
in 25 years.
237
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:10,818
I've been thinking about her.
I just cashed some of her checks.
238
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,685
- That's right.
- What kind of checks?
239
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,553
- I think Chemical.
- They were Chemical.
240
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:18,163
Chemical? She hasn't used that
account since her branch closed.
241
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,525
What are you doing
cashing her checks anyway?
242
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:22,394
Kramer thought it would
make her happy.
243
00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:24,900
I never should have cashed
those checks!
244
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,731
Hey, I didn't twist your arm.
245
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:28,874
Your grandmother's on
a very fixed income.
246
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:30,531
What are you, broke?
247
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:33,405
All right, just call me
if you hear anything.
248
00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:36,844
Well, I cash the checks,
the checks bounce...
249
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,813
...and now my nana's missing!
250
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,484
- Well, don't look at me.
- It's your fault!
251
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,385
My fault?
Your nana is missing...
252
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:48,493
...because she's been passing
those bum checks all over town...
253
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:52,188
...and she finally pissed off
the wrong people.
254
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:08,146
So anyway, it's caused
a lot of problems.
255
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:11,408
Dan thinks I'm interested in Jerry.
He won't let up.
256
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,074
Well, I'm really sorry.
257
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:15,379
But you can see why
I'd make a mistake like that.
258
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:17,513
No. Why?
259
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,953
Well, you know,
because he's a high talker.
260
00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:26,228
Well, he does raise his voice
occasionally, but that's normal.
261
00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:30,300
No. No, no. Not a loud talker...
262
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:32,130
...a high talker.
263
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:34,033
Really?
264
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:39,135
You don't think his voice sounds
a lot like yours?
265
00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:40,608
I never noticed that.
266
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:45,780
Well, it's no big deal.
You know, it's just that...
267
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,784
...he can sound like a woman,
you know?
268
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:52,486
Great. I'm going out with a man
who sounds like a woman.
269
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,394
Well, he looks like a man.
270
00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,463
Yeah.
271
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:04,092
He's bald.
I know that's a guy thing.
272
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,400
I guess.
273
00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:09,701
I know he belches a lot.
274
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:12,572
Well, that's something.
275
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:16,681
So Jerry thought
I was flirting with him.
276
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,817
Yeah.
277
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,953
He's kind of a baritone, isn't he?
278
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,213
- What are you doing?
- I'm eating this cookie.
279
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:31,059
No, no. But why are you using
a knife and fork?
280
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:32,527
Did you just think of that?
281
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:35,262
No. I've seen people do it.
282
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,299
I like it.
283
00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:43,932
- So this isn't gonna take long, is it?
- Oh, no, no. In and out.
284
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,633
I made sure of that.
285
00:15:45,811 --> 00:15:48,541
And you'll be happy to know
I perused the script...
286
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:52,514
...and it's met with my approval.
- Yeah. I'm sure it's fine.
287
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:54,986
Hey! Hey, watch it!
288
00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:59,882
Did you see that guy?
He just gave me the finger.
289
00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:02,655
- You sure?
- Oh, yeah!
290
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:06,229
Middle finger, straight up, at me.
At us.
291
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:11,064
- What are you doing?
- I'm following him.
292
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:17,670
I'm sorry. The account had
insufficient funds.
293
00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:22,837
We had to return the checks
made out to a Mr. Jerry Seinfeld.
294
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:26,542
Oh, dear. That's my grandson.
295
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:31,418
- May I call him now and explain?
- Oh, certainly, certainly.
296
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:35,359
And now I think she might
really be interested in you.
297
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,091
And Dan is obsessed.
298
00:16:38,263 --> 00:16:42,256
He keeps leaving these annoying
messages on my machine.
299
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,030
Would you?
300
00:16:45,904 --> 00:16:49,340
- Hello?
- Hello. I need to speak to Jerry.
301
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:50,839
Oh, it's you.
302
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,410
We were just talking about you.
303
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:57,682
Listen, Jerry doesn't wanna
talk to you.
304
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:01,752
Nobody wants to talk to you,
so why don't you just...
305
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,514
...drop dead.
306
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,020
Hey. All right.
307
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,720
- Any word from Nana?
- No.
308
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:15,196
- Nana?
- Yeah. My grandma's missing.
309
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,732
- Missing?
- Yeah.
310
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:20,065
Think it might have something to do
with those checks.
311
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:25,205
What does Nana sound like?
312
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,977
Like a grandmother. Why?
313
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:29,205
Well, I...
314
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:33,078
Oh, you hung up on my nana?
315
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,919
I don't know. Maybe.
316
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:39,057
You told Nana to drop dead.
317
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:43,391
- It's possible.
- Yes, it is.
318
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,395
All right. Look, Jerry, we gotta
get down to PBS PDQ.
319
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,032
All right.
320
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:52,497
No one gives us the finger.
We're Yankees.
321
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:56,702
- Want this last doughnut?
- Oh, you can have it.
322
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:11,016
- Jerry, where are the tote bags?
- I don't know.
323
00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:13,283
Well, I'm not leaving
without tote bags.
324
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:16,451
I was promised tote bags,
and tote bags I shall have.
325
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:21,761
- Jerry, this man wants to see you.
- Leo.
326
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,799
- Hello.
- Uncle Leo.
327
00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:26,164
- What are you doing here?
- I wanted to tell you...
328
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:27,703
...your grandmother is fine.
329
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:31,309
She's had quite a day, but she's
gonna watch you tonight on the TV.
330
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:32,739
- Yeah.
- Jerry.
331
00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:34,970
I'm dying to meet Danny Tartabull.
Where is he?
332
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:37,115
He'll be here any second.
333
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:39,944
- You guys are both on in five minutes.
- Yeah, yeah.
334
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,747
- Okay.
- Bye-bye.
335
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:47,659
Why didn't you tell me
you were a little short?
336
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:53,157
Here. If anybody asks you
where you got it, you don't know.
337
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:56,927
- No, that's okay, I really don't need...
- What are you talking about?
338
00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:59,297
- It's not necessary.
- Would you please take the...?
339
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:02,338
- I can't take it.
- I want you to have it.
340
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:05,944
- Jerry, take the money!
- I don't want it!
341
00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:10,179
Jerry, open up. We need to talk.
342
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:12,283
Who's that?
343
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:16,148
Sounds like that friend of Elaine's that
was hitting on me in the bookstore.
344
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,186
Jerry, I'll take care of it.
345
00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:21,424
Is Jerry in there?
346
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:24,323
Well, he can't be disturbed now.
347
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:26,589
Well, this situatiors
driving me crazy.
348
00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:28,693
He's all I think about.
349
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:31,529
I can't get him out of my mind.
350
00:19:31,703 --> 00:19:33,102
Well, I'm sorry, fella.
351
00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:35,763
I mean, I know what it's like
to be in love.
352
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:37,875
It just ties you up in knots.
353
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:40,603
And Jerry is a very sexy man.
354
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,742
- What?
- Look, I'm not judging you.
355
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,717
In fact, we here at PBS,
we have many programs...
356
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:50,684
...celebrating your lifestyle.
357
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,652
Armistead Maupirs
Tales of the City...
358
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:57,693
...gender-bending and swinging
in San Francisco.
359
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,694
Before Stonewall,
about those dark ages...
360
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,856
...when you couldn't
come out of the closet...
361
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,730
...lest you be persecuted
because of your, you know...
362
00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:06,302
No, I don't.
363
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:07,938
Are you Danny Tartabull?
364
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,636
No, I'm not.
365
00:20:13,845 --> 00:20:15,403
I'll take care of this, Danny.
366
00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:21,316
- Excuse me.
- What's the problem?
367
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:25,422
I believe you cut me off
and then made an obscene gesture.
368
00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:27,081
I did? Where?
369
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:29,420
Outside of Manattan
about an hour ago.
370
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,162
Is that Danny Tartabull?
371
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:35,592
That's right.
Of the New York Yankees.
372
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:38,930
I'd like to shake his hand,
but I can't.
373
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:47,006
I'm Jerry Seinfeld.
I tell jokes for a living.
374
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:52,173
But there's no joking about
the financial crisis here at PBS.
375
00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:54,945
Our lines are open,
so please call the number...
376
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,145
...you see on your screen.
377
00:20:57,322 --> 00:21:00,314
This is the only time this year
we'll be asking for donations.
378
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:05,285
- PBS pledge drive.
- Hello. I'd like to speak with Jerry.
379
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,898
You again, buddy.
Look, forget about Jerry.
380
00:21:08,066 --> 00:21:10,967
- It's not gonna happen.
- This is his grandmother.
381
00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:13,127
Oh, Nana.
382
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:15,830
- Hello.
- Tell Jerry I'm sorry.
383
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:18,476
I'm going to have to write
him some new checks.
384
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:20,373
As long as you got
your checkbook out...
385
00:21:20,545 --> 00:21:22,376
...how about forking a little over
to PBS?
386
00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:25,311
You watch this station, don't you?
Don't be a freeloader.
387
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:28,146
Programs like Ken Burns' Baseball.
388
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,481
And if Danny Tartabull were here...
389
00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:34,150
...I'm sure he'd say,
"That's correct, Jerry."
390
00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:35,953
Jerry. I have an announcement.
391
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,323
- Your grandmother is on the line.
- My nana?
392
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:44,060
And as we speak, she's generously
writing PBS a check for $ 1500!
393
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:49,565
She can't do that.
She's on a very fixed income.
394
00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:52,301
Stop the show!
395
00:21:57,516 --> 00:21:59,882
I got another card from Kristin.
396
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,850
Not quite as chipper...
397
00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:04,784
...as the first one.
398
00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:09,721
- Isn't this little bunny giving you the...?
- Yes, he is.
399
00:22:10,462 --> 00:22:12,191
- You should show this to Georgie.
- Yeah.
400
00:22:12,564 --> 00:22:15,328
- Here's your knife and fork.
- Thank you.
401
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,765
Look, she's cutting up
an Almond Joy.
402
00:22:18,937 --> 00:22:20,234
I just don't get it.
403
00:22:20,405 --> 00:22:23,499
I saw someone on the street
eating M&M's with a spoon.
404
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:29,178
What is wrong with everybody?
405
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,940
Look, they're doing it.
406
00:22:31,416 --> 00:22:32,678
They're all doing it.
407
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:37,481
What is wrong with all you people?
408
00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:41,120
Have you all gone mad?
409
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:52,120
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