All language subtitles for the.big.bang.theory.s12e18.720p.bluray.x264-demand

Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

We just published a few months ago.

How did you have time
to design an experiment?

This whole thing
is actually a gigantic accident.

You weren't even
thinking about super-asymmetry?

Thinking about it?

We don't even understand it.

Can you believe this?

Doctors Pemberton and Campbell
have been doing a press tour

trying to take credit
for super-asymmetry.

So what?

I mean, no one's gonna give them credit
for accidentally discovering something.

Yeah, who remembers
the guy who was trying to find India

and discovered America instead?

What was his name again?

Now stop trying
to steal our Nobel Prize.

You come up with your own idea.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Have a seat, thanks for being here.

I feel the same way about you.

This is nice.

All my friends hanging out,
watching Ellen.

It's like, what am I
gonna do with my other two wishes?

It's not nice.

She's having on the scientists
who are trying to steal our Nobel Prize.

Although I will enjoy watching her

expose Pemberton and Campbell

for the coattail-riding frauds
that they are.

That is Ellen's brand.
Gotcha journalism.

Yeah, you should've seen her
take down John Krasinski last week.

Got him to admit he loved his wife.

It was brutal.

All right, our next guests

are a couple of physicists.

Don't turn the channel.

They've been doing
some viral videos online

about what it's like
to be in the running for a Nobel Prize.

Please welcome Doctors Greg Pemberton

and Kevin Campbell.

Why does she even
want to have scientists on?

That's a silly question.

Who else will give her audience

causal explanations
of natural phenomena?

I love you, honey, but think.

So you guys have discovered something
pretty amazing in the universe.

Obviously, I understand
high-level physics

because I'm a comedian, but...

Could you explain it to the audience?

Well, I don't know,

I'm not sure we're even
smart enough to understand it.

Look, look, the audience
is laughing at them.

It's starting.

I hate to say it, Sheldon,
but I think the audience likes them.

Well, that will all change
when Ellen asks them

how super-asymmetry explains

the cosmological excess of matter
over anti-matter

and they panic like Leonard
trying to do a pull-up.

Hey, what'd I do?

Not a pull-up.

People have been loving your videos.

Especially the...
The songs that you've been posting.

Thank you.

This may be pushing it,
but I have to ask.

Would you mind singing

one of those for us right now?

- Oh, why not?
- All right.

Come on, Ellen, they're right there.
Go for the jugular.

Let's get physicist, physicist

I wanna get physicist

Let's get into physicist

- Let me hear your boson talk
- Boson talk

Come on, Ellen.

Let me hear your boson talk...

Our whole universe
was in a hot dense state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago
expansion started...

Wait!

The earth began to cool

The autotrophs began to drool

Neanderthals developed tools

We built a wall
We built the pyramids

Math, science, history
Unraveling the mystery

It all started with the Big Bang!

Bang!

Dr. Pemberton.

Dr. Campbell.

Doctors Pemberton and Campbell.

Morning, buddy.

I am not your buddy.

- What's wrong?
- I'll tell you what's wrong.

You went on TV and were charming.

Thanks, man. That's what my mom said.

Why don't you come in
and have some parfait?

Yeah, we ordered it from room service,

it cost, like, 12 bucks.

It's just yogurt in a glass.

I don't want your yogurt.

Then what do you want?

I want you to hold a press conference

where you admit that you
blindly stumbled into super-asymmetry

and it was really our discovery.

Oh.

No, thanks.

You know, just because
we proved something by accident

doesn't mean we didn't prove it.

Yeah, I wasn't trying to prove
that my wife was cheating on me

when I came home early one Friday,

but I'm still sleeping on his couch.

I told you, you can do better than her.

Thanks, it just hurts.

And when you win that Nobel Prize,

she's gonna realize that she was wrong.

You are not a fraud.

She is not wrong!

Wow, I can't believe
you're siding with Linda.

Shame on you.

Look at this. They posted another video.

It's not even about science.

They're on a celebrity bus tour.

Those are fun.

I went on one and saw Tom Hanks
talking to his gardener.

He's even nice when
you plant the wrong color azaleas.

Those guys are good
at self-promoting, so what?

No one ever won a Nobel for being nice.

Yeah, but if they did,

do you know who would win one?

Are you gonna say Tom Hanks?

He picked up a shovel
and helped the guy replant.

Dr. Cooper, there you are.

I just want to tell you not to worry

about this Pemberton
and Campbell publicity blitz.

Are you worried?

Not at all.

Not even a little bit.

Look, it doesn't matter
if they have popular support.

We're gonna get
the scientific community behind us.

He's right, the Nobel Prize
is about the work.

And as your fellow scientists,

we support you and Amy.

That's great, Scooby Gang.

Now, the university is gonna host

a reception for you and Dr. Fowler

where we invite as many
academic luminaries as we can,

give them a chance to meet you,

hear about your work.

That's a great idea.

Yeah. Who needs to be likable
when you have Nobel Laureates

campaigning for you?

Now, wait a minute.
Do you not think we're likable?

That's what's great about you,

you never stop
asking the tough questions.

Hey. Kids asleep?

Nope. I've been trying
to get them down for hours.

Apparently, Halley's
afraid of the dark now

and I can't turn on the night-light

'cause it makes Michael cry.

Why doesn't he like the night-light?

Jot that down and we can ask him

as soon as he learns to speak.

We can also find out
what's so damn funny about birds.

I'll go talk to her.

I don't know why she's
suddenly so afraid of everything.

Honey, remember, she's my child, too.

Hey, sweetie,

I heard you were afraid of the dark.

I know someone else
who was afraid of the dark once.

Your daddy, when he was in space.

And just like you,
I was wearing a full diaper.

Hey, good news.

They're inviting several
Nobel Laureates to our reception.

Oh, great, like who?

Uh... Makoto Kobayashi.

Ooh.

What?

Well, I may have been
less than kind to him

about his Nobel Prize win.

Why?

I was jealous, angry and new to Twitter.

It was a dangerous combination.

Okay, so scratch Kobayashi.

Uh, George Smoot's on here.

Ugh...

We have a history.

Saul Perlmutter?

Oh!

What about Kip Thorne?

That was a misunderstanding.

I didn't know he was right behind me.

So you've alienated
everyone we need to help us?

Well, Amy, if I had known
that someday we'd need them,

I would never have insulted them.

- Well, that doesn't make it better.
- Oh.

Well, it's also not true.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Oh. That's cute.

Did Halley draw that at preschool?

I drew it.

Well, good night.

It's supposed to be an astronaut.

And I'm supposed to be
living on my own at this age,

but here we are.

Halley was scared
and Howard told her the sweetest story

about when he was in space

and I thought I could turn it
into a book for her and Michael.

Oh. Well, I mean, I am an artist.

If you want, I could do the drawings.

- Really? That'd be amazing.
- Yeah, it'd be fun.

And a nice change of pace
from what I usually draw.

What do you usually draw?

Well, good night.

Someone texting you?

No, I just met
my exercise goal for the day.

By doing the dishes?

Hey, you have your goals, I have mine.

- Hello.
- What are you two doing?

Just finishing a workout.

What's up?

Do you have any cookie dough?

Uh...

I think so. Let me see.

Yeah, we've got
chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin.

Oatmeal raisin?

I know at least
two things wrong with that cookie.

It's for the Nobel Laureates.

We need them on our side,
but unfortunately, Sheldon...

No. "Unfortunately, Sheldon..."
that's all you got to say.

Well, that's...
So you need these people's support

and you're sending them baked goods?

Yeah, they're pretty smart.

Don't you think they're
gonna realize it's just a bribe?

No, you'd think,
but sometimes brilliant people

can be painfully oblivious
to social cues.

Thank you for
pointing that out, Sheldon.

Anytime.

"Sheldon Cooper"? Hmm.

"Sheldon Cooper"?

Pass.

"Sheldon Cooper." Aww.

Ugh... Oatmeal raisin? Ugh!

Oh. It's from Saul Perlmutter.

He sent me a picture.

Ooh, let me see.

Oh, he arranged the cookies
to spell out "thank you."

Sheldon, that word isn't "thank."

Hi. I got you a surprise.

What? Oh!

What's the occasion?

I heard you tell Halley
that story the other night,

and I thought it was so sweet

that Stuart and I turned it into a book.

"The Frightened Little Astronaut"?

That looks just like you.

Look how tiny and scared you look.

And the best part is,

Stuart showed it
to a publisher friend of his,

and they're interested in it.

That is so cool.

Absolutely not.

Why?

Because I don't want
the whole world to know

I was the frightened little astronaut!

Maybe you should've called it

The Bitchy Little Astronaut.

You want to tell me what's going on?

Is my distress that obvious?

Sheldon, please don't
take this the wrong way,

but when you're quiet even for a second,

something's wrong.

Well, it's true.

The fact is, I feel really bad for Amy.

Well, we all do.

But just for fun, why do you?

Well, she didn't do anything wrong,

but she's paying for my mistakes.

- Wow.
- What?

No... I'm just honestly impressed.

When did you start caring
about other people's feelings?

Well, I laughed when
Amy got a shock from

the broken Christmas tree lights,

so it was after that.

So none of them
are coming to the reception?

I don't think so.

Okay, what did he say
that was so insulting?

Well, he may have
suggested there was

an inelegance to the quadrupole
normalization of Smoot's data.

Damn.

See, sometimes I wish
I could invent a time machine,

so I could go back and prevent myself

from acting so rashly.

Or moving forward,
you could think before you speak.

I suppose so.

But the time machine thing
is probably more likely.

My problem is that I don't always know

when I've gone too far.

Well, if you like,
I could try to help you out.

You know, and maybe let you know

if you're crossing a line.

Oh, you mean, like, with a code word?

Sure. How's "shut up"?

That's perfect.
People say it to me all the time.

No one will suspect.

Hey, got a minute?

Sure. What's up?

Uh... Bernadette said
you weren't crazy about the book.

No. It's great.

I just don't want anyone to ever see it

or read it or know it exists.

But this could be
really good for me, you know?

Finally get my artwork published.

And come on,
it's a, it's a cute story.

Easy for you to say.

No one's gonna think you're a coward.

Are you kidding?
The other day in the comic book store,

a balloon popped and I threw up.

Can't you just take my name off it?

No, the only reason
the publisher's interested

is 'cause a real astronaut wrote it.

Well, look, what if
we made a few changes?

Sure, yes.

- What do you have in mind?
- Well, nothing major.

But see here on the cover, where it says

"frightened little,"
what if, I don't know,

it didn't say that?

So, it would just be The Astronaut?

Yeah, you're right.

That doesn't quite pop. What about

The Brave Astronaut?

See, that's got some zip to it!

- Okay.
- And here on this page,

where I'm crying.

What if, instead, I'm...

punching a meteor
into the sun with my bare fists?

So you have superpowers?

I like the way you're thinking.

Professor Thorne?

Dr. Hofstadter.

You know my wife, Penny.

- Sure. Hi.
- Hi.

We wanted
to talk to you about Dr. Cooper.

- Now, before you say no...
- No.

- Well, then, after you say no.
- No.

Okay, look, Sheldon's a pain in the ass.

But Dr. Fowler's really nice.

So if you average them out, math...

...you got someone who's okay.

And more than the person,
the Nobel is about the work.

You should understand that
more than anyone.

Yes, because of your work
on gravitational waves.

You know my work?

I do. But I'm really
hogging this conversation.

Leonard?

Just give them a chance.

Science has
a history of difficult people.

Look at Newton,
who was a jerk to Leibniz,

and Leibniz, who was a jerk to everyone.

Yeah, you know,
and I don't need to tell you

that gravitational waves
are disturbances

in the curvature of space-time.

Or that the... Hey,
you worked on the movie Interstellar?

So, what do you think?

I think if you were in space

without a shirt on, you'd die.

Oh. No, I am wearing a shirt.

It's just skintight,
so you can see my pecs.

When did you get pecs?

Yesterday, when I made Stuart add them.

Howie, what I liked
about the other story

was that it was real.

I mean, nothing in this
actually happened to you.

So, it's a children's book.

I mean, cats don't wear hats.

And if someone gives you green eggs,

it ends with you on the toilet
trying to make a deal with God.

But the real story was so sweet.

The little astronaut was afraid,

but he still went to space,
and that's what made him brave.

But in space, the other astronauts...

made fun of him,

and that's a thing
he doesn't want to relive.

I get that.

I guess it would
just take a really brave man

to put an embarrassing story like that

out into the world,

just so it might help some
frightened children not feel so alone.

Wow. That is quite the guilt trip.

Are you sure you're not Jewish?

I'm just a wife that is
so proud of her husband,

and doesn't think that he has anything

to be embarrassed about.

Oh.

You're sounding less and less Jewish.

Hey, we just heard that you're the ones

who convinced
the Nobel Laureates to come.

- Thank you.
- You are welcome.

You guys deserve this.

Yeah, now get out of here,
go talk to some smart people.

Wait a minute.

Yeah, sorry. Sometimes I forget
you're smart because you're so sexy.

- I can see that.
- Yeah.

Dr. Cooper. Dr. Fowler.

I was just telling Professor Arnold
how you came up with

super-asymmetry at your wedding.

It's a wonderful story.

It really is.

I wouldn't say it was
the highlight of the wedding,

because I've been told not to

for reasons I don't fully understand.

But what he does understand
is how the universe works,

and that's what's important.

Not what comes out of his mouth.

Uh-oh.

I haven't been to
a lot of parties like this,

but what does
a "Physics Rumble" look like?

- Kind of like angry chickens.
- Hmm.

Or like when puppets fight.

Dr. Cooper, Dr. Fowler, good to see you.

What are you doing here?

Professor Smoot invited us.

- We're Facebook friends.
- Smooty!

Well, this is our reception, so go away.

Actually, Amy,
I think we should let them stay.

Please, enjoy yourselves.

Try some pigs in blankets.

And yes, that is the plural.

- Great.
- Thanks.

What are you doing?

If they stay,

everyone will see
that their grasp on super-asymmetry

is tenuous at best.

Oh. That's clever.

Yeah, I don't just know
the plurals of things, Amy.

Is this gonna be a problem?

No, no. We have a plan.

Dr. Campbell and Pemberton,

settle a bet for Dr. Fowler and me?

We were just discussing,
under what conditions

the radiative corrections
to super-asymmetry

could cause time variation
of alpha EM?

I say active galactic nuclei

at cosmological distances

show a part per million deviation.

Dr. Cooper says this has been disproven
recently with quasar observations.

What do you think?

I agree with you.

Good answer.

Hey, if we haven't said it before,

we just want to say... thank you.

Yeah. We couldn't have
proven super-asymmetry without you.

Wait, wait. You all heard them say it.

They didn't do anything.

Sheldon. Shut up.

- Yeah... Well, that's rude.
- No. Shut up.

Oh, the code word, thank you.

You know, it's strange.
A few months ago,

nobody paid any attention to us,
and now all of a sudden,

we're getting all these accolades.

Yeah, have any of you ever felt like

maybe you didn't deserve it?

Leonard, there's something
I need to say.

- Shut up.
- Okay.

It's crazy.

We conclusively proved super-asymmetry,

and yet somehow we,
we still feel like impostors.

There should be a term for that.

Oh, for crying out loud,
there is a term for that!

It's called "imposter syndrome"

and you don't have it!

Because you can't have it
if you are impostors,

and you are!

We're the ones
who discovered super-asymmetry!

So if anyone's gonna feel like
they have imposter syndrome, it's us,

because we're not impostors! They are!

You're impostors and you're frauds!

- Is that what I would've sounded like?
- Yeah.

Yikes!

"Once upon a time,
there was a little astronaut

who was sitting in a rocket

waiting to go to space."

Three... two... one...

"And while
all the other astronauts

laughed and joked, he stayed quiet,

because he had a secret.

He was scared.

He had another secret, too.

He was only pretending
to be scared to trick the alien king."

Aha!

Howie.

Fine. There was no alien.

There was a bossy wife, though.
We'll get to her later.