All language subtitles for sydog

I'm looking for stuff
that means something.

What do you like about that boy?

He understands me.

If you pay attention,
you'll discover real life.

There's a revolution
going on in you.

- How have you changed
as a person

since we first
started filming?

- I started off
not really knowing who I was,

'cause, I mean, I was a kid.

I was 7, and I'm 12 now.

That was a little bit after
the trans--trans--

transformation?

Yeah, that's pretty much
what I remember.

Here we go!

- Avery, can we come in?

Can you show--
- No!

Never!

Fine.
Maybe one day.

- Just come on in.

Now.

- I used to love
"Little Mermaid"

when I was younger.

I think I related to it
so much

because she wanted to be
something that she couldn't,

so she had to go and get,
like, a surgery

to make her have legs,

but, like, obviously
for my predicament,

it's something different.

- Well, a few nights ago,

Phoenix said that he's--
she's a girl.

I just like to wear
girl things.

- I was meant to be a boy,
but I turned out to be a girl.

- Why are we filming with you?

- Because I'm transgender!

Doop!

- I know there's people
out there that are like me.

I mean, maybe there might be
some people like me

at my school.

They might be hiding it too.

Today's a special day
'cause I'm starting blockers.

They, like, stop
female hormone things.

- So how sure are you
that you wanna do this?

- Positive.

I'm doing this for myself.

- The syringe itself
is ginormous,

and it's a lot bigger
than the needle.

- This is--you know?
- Yeah.

- This is what's
gonna help you, okay?

- Three, two, one.

- Ah.
- Breathe, breathe.

- Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Worst part's done.

- Shh.
- Ah. Done.

All right, don't look at that.
- Take a deep breath.

You see, it's done.
It's over.

Take a deep breath.
- Whoop!

- See?
That's all it is.

You think you can handle that?
- Yeah.

- It'll get better.
- Till you're 16?

Oh, you're happy, aren't you?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Remember when you used to put
ice packs on you?

- Mom.

- Every single night,

I would have to go downstairs

and take ice packs
off of his chest,

and I used to tell him,

"The swelling isn't
gonna stop."

And duct tape.
No more duct tape.

And maybe you won't have
to wear binders anymore either.

Does that--how does that
make you feel?

- Good.
- You're, like, glowing.

I'm not gonna cry.

I know you're waiting,
but it's not gonna happen.

- My girlfriend is 13.

Her name is Mildred.

We've been going out
for three months.

I don't want Mildred to know
I'm trans

because I think that

it would kind of,
like, ruin some things.

I wanna tell her first
more than anybody else.

But right now,
I don't think it's the time.

It's just hard.
Like, you're in between.

Like, you wanna tell
that person,

but then you don't.

If she really does like me
like she says she does,

I don't really think
she will take it

over the top, you know?

Oh, am I doing that salsa dance
with you guys

in the quinceañera?

- That's an everyone thing.

- Do you have a huge cake?

- See, we don't exactly--
how big the cake's gonna be.

- And I have to--don't I have
to dance with you like this?

Like--

'Cause your dress is--
- Probably.

'Cause my dress is gonna be
like--

Bigger than that.

- Here, you can swing.

- Thank you.

- Okay, so day one

of my hormone blockers.

Pill number one, ever.

Water.

Kay.
Well, here it is.

Tiny.
Nothing too big.

Done.

Oh, my God,
so many results already!

Ding dong.

- Hello.
How you doing?

- Is there anything
I can help y'all find?

- Actually, yes.

We're getting ready
to go skiing next weekend

and we're hoping--water skiing,
so we're hoping to find a--

a little more athletic, maybe--

- Essentially like this.

- Maybe a sports bra type top.
- Okay.

- Not, like, a string bikini.
- Yeah.

Something a little more
substantial.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- I kinda like that print.

- How 'bout these for bottoms?
That's plenty of coverage.

- Yeah.
I like this fringe one.

- No.
We're not getting fringe.

- How 'bout this one?
- No.

- Do you have any
that have, like,

a little bit of padding
to them?

- Well, this one has a little
bit more substantial padding.

- Mm-hmm.
- But this one...

- I'm 15 years old.

My transition started
a long time ago,

when I was 11 years old.

How 'bout we just get
something like this?

- That would be perfect.

- That's it. It's good.
- Yeah, there you go.

- It's got the--
- That makes dads happy.

- Yeah.
- Do you wanna try this one on?

- I don't wanna try it on.
You can try it on.

- I'll try this one on.
- Okay.

- I like the color.

- That looks good.
- I like it.

Since I've gotten older,
my body has changed a little.

The actual visual of,
like, looking in the mirror

and, like, seeing myself
has gotten a little worse.

Some people are all right
with just doing hormones

and vocal therapy,

but I do wanna, you know,
change my body

for what will make me happier
in the future.

Dad, maybe we can try on
that Michael Kors one.

- No, we're not trying on
Michael.

It has no straps.

If you get that one, then I get
to try on some Speedos.

- I don't think
that's a good look for anyone.

- Well, it's vital for me
to have my parents understand

what I'm trying to get at.

Like, being a teenager is just
hard enough on its own.

Going through puberty
as someone that you're not

is a little harder.

- I didn't get to do anything
when I was 15.

- So how do you think
it would've been

if I would've been, like, 15
and, like, transgender

back in that day?

How do you think people
would've, like, treated me?

- Oh.

They would not have
accepted it.

It would not have been--

I don't know how Grandma Hall
would be with it if she knew.

- Well, how do you feel
about it, Grandma?

- Oh, I'm fine.

I've taken care of you
since you were two months old.

- You're my grandchild,

and whether you're male
or female,

you're still my grandchild.

- I like that you don't care
about anything

except for if I got, like,
tattoos.

You wouldn't like that.
- No.

There are some things
that I've put my foot down,

whether you're male or female.

- Thank you very much for--
for tuning in with us.

Avery, how early did you know
that you were a girl?

- When I was about 4.

- And you're being
homeschooled right now.

- Yeah.
Because--

- Was there an incident
that occurred,

or what happened?

- Yeah, most--like, at school,

I just started dressing
like a girl,

and everyone just didn't
like it.

They just were really mad
for whatever reason.

I don't really know.

- In her pre-K class,

she was starting
to assert herself

a little bit more

and started
with pink sparkly shoes,

and then it would progress
to girl clothing.

The kids started saying,
you know, "Come on.

"When are you gonna stop this?

When are you just gonna start
acting like a boy again?"

And that's when she told us,
"I don't wanna be here anymore.

"I'll give up all my friends.

"I would rather just be able
to be a girl

and not have any friends
at all."

- Oh, wow.

- So you're going to be able
to have

your own children's book.

- I don't get this.

- It's for transgender
awareness.

You're gonna be the author,

and you get to look
at the pictures

and decide which ones
you like best

and we like.

- So basically, they're letting
me decide--decide?

- Mm-hmm.

And hopefully next week,

we're gonna get some
for you to look at.

- Pretty cool.

- Then they want to maybe
have you do a book tour

to promote it.

So you have to practice
autographing your name.

- This is not gonna go well.
- Or at least smiling.

- Who'd wanna take pictures
with me?

- Smile--lots of people would
wanna take pictures with you!

- Why?
- Because you're awesome.

- I'm not even famous
on anything.

I'm gonna go play Xbox.

Gimme that camera.

- "Emily slid
into a shiny yellow dress

"while Jacob wiggled
into a sparkly pink dress.

"'What are you wearing?'
asked Mom.

"'It's like a dress.
I made it.'

"Dad frowned.

"'You can't go to school
like that.'

"'Put on some shorts
and a shirt

"'under that dress thing,'
Mom said.

'And hurry.
We're late for school.'"

You're never late for school,
right?

'Cause you're homeschooled.

"'Let's get
the sewing machine,'

"she said finally.

"Jacob felt the air
refill his body.

"He grinned.
Mom smiled back.

"'There are all sorts of ways
to be a boy,' she said.

'Right?'"
- Wait, I'm a boy.

- I know.
- And also--

- You're a rainbow boy.

- And I'm also wearing girl's--
girl clothes!

- You are wearing--
they are your clothes,

so they are boy clothes.

"Dad looked up from his book."
- No, girl clothes.

- Okay,
then they're girl clothes.

They can be
whatever you wanna be.

- Bleh.
- Bleh.

- Bleh.

- I am a girl-boy.

A girl-boy is a boy
want to be a girl.

Now for race car.

Actually, I love rainbows.

- Why?

- 'Cause they're so beautiful.

Hey.

- Phoenix,
costumes are this way.

- Ooh!

- When he plays pretend,
he's always a girl.

He's a queen, he's a princess,
he's a mom, he's a sister.

But then, still,
he'll correct people.

He says, "I'm a boy."

Ooh.

We say gender expansive,
nonbinary,

gender nonconforming,
under the trans umbrella,

gender awesome, girl-boy,
rainbow boy--

we don't really have
a good term.

- We don't use "his" or "her"
so much

just because it's kind of
up in the air right now.

- We're supporting Phoenix
along the way,

whatever it is.

- Oh!

- Oh--

- Are you okay?
- You okay?

- Too many feathers.

- I'm headed
to the memorial service

for Tamara Dominguez,

and she's a Latina trans woman
who was murdered

here in Kansas City
a couple of weeks ago.

You know, lately, we've seen
the Obama administration

making a lot of progress
for trans equality,

but there's been backlash

and violence,

especially against trans women
of color,

is one of those things

that reminds us
we have a lot of work to do.

- Three people
have been killed

in the LGBTQ community
in Kansas City

in the past year.

Now others are hoping
to replace hate

with understanding.

- You realize that we needed

to bring together
our community

and celebrate who she was,

but also realize
that this is an epidemic

that's facing our country.

- And an epidemic
in Kansas City,

which some have called
the epicenter

of transgender violence.

- How are the shots going?
- Good.

- Are you getting a monthly
or every--

- Every three months.
- Three months.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

- Are they working?
- Yeah.

- Do they hurt?

- Uh, some--yes.
A lot.

- One option is to think about
that implant.

- Yeah.

- It's just a little--did we
talk about that last time?

- Yeah, I don't--
I don't remember if we had seen

if insurance was gonna
cover that, or--

- The generic one
that we like to use is $2,500.

It's just a little tube
that go--

would go under your arm
right here.

It acts just like the shot.

It would take the place
of the shots.

- Oh.
Okay.

- And then he was curious--

'cause I know last time
we were here,

you had talked about a pill
that he could take

that has a little bit
of testosterone, I think, in it

to help change his voice
a little bit

or deepen it.

- Exactly,
and that's called oxandrolone.

- Mm-hmm.

He gets made fun of at school
for being--

having, like,
a very high-pitched voice and--

- We'll just have
our nurse call

and see if we can get that
prior authorized.

- Yeah, 'cause we did
the genetic testing,

and I just had a heart attack
when I got the bills.

Like, there's no way
I can pay--

I don't even make that
in a month.

So--

- Your insurance
didn't cover it?

- Um, it was, like, $2,000.

- Maybe it's something...

we can re-discuss with them.

'Kay, I'm just gonna put in
some orders here.

Usually, when things are
medically necessary,

the insurance will pay.

- Sorry.

These appointments are just
really hard.

I'm not scared of anything.

Eggs!

I am a great explorer,

I love animals, bugs,
and all sorts of things,

and I just like the outdoors.

Going up.

Going up.

Going up on top.

- Everyone's used to tomboys,

and I just happen to have
a tomboy trans girl.

Avery was born in 2007,

and she was assigned male
at birth.

We thought we had two boys,

but at the age of 4,
she corrected us

and started her social
transition that year.

A lot of people
out there think

that 4 year olds have
sex change operations

or start taking hormones.

It's an incredibly common
misperception.

Children before puberty do not
have medical interventions.

It is a social transition.

It is clothing,
it is pronouns,

and that sort of thing only.

- What is Mario?

I think he's a plumber.

But the main question is
what gender is Yoshi?

No one knows the answer
to that question,

and no one ever will.

- When we started with Avery
and her transition,

we didn't feel like
there was anywhere to turn.

We didn't know who to talk to
or where to go,

and we felt desperately lost.

- I never thought

that I would be an advocate
for the LGBT community.

I was raised
as a Southern Baptist,

hardcore conservative,

but we were asked to do
one story in the newspaper

where we were
completely anonymous

and only used
Avery's initials,

and after that,
I was asked to give a speech.

We lost most of our friends
and some of our family.

We basically went into hiding
for about a year

while my daughter grew out
her hair

to look like the girl
that she is.

Once that went viral,
Avery decided

that she could tell her story
better than I could

and asked if we could make
a video of her

telling her own story.

- Hi, I'm Avery,

and welcome to Avery Chat!

Whoo-hoo!

- From there, a lot of people
started writing stories

about her.

She was very proud
to be transgender.

She said her job
as a trans person

was to help change the world
for other kids.

- I'm just a normal girl.

Your average, everyday,

normal transgender girl.

- Are you getting black?

- Yeah, black with white.

- You need red and white.

- Red?

- But black goes
with everything, Grandma.

- It's kind of a dull color.

I'm her grandmother,

and I always take her
to get her manicures.

She thinks she's older
than she is.

- How old is she?

- She's just 15.

- Hmm.

- Modeling, first off.

That's what I wanna do
when I'm older,

but if that doesn't work out,

plan B is I wanna go
to, like, cosmetology school

and first be a makeup artist
and then do, like, nails,

and then I would do,
like, hair.

- This one, I dropped a turkey
on my toe,

and the nail popped off.

- Oh, nail popped off
from the turkey?

- 20 pound turkey.
- Oh.

- It was frozen, too.

You look like a cat.

- No.

- Let's see.

Oh, dear gussy.

- Do you like 'em?

- Little wild.
- I'll help you with the coat.

- Okay, okay.
Thank you.

I hope Brian's gonna like them.

- It's all right if he doesn't.

- Yeah.
I think his favorite--

- If he likes you,
he'll like that.

- I gotta go and get him
some candy today

'cause I had
this really cute idea for him.

So you know how we had,
like, one month yesterday?

So I got, like, a mason jar,
and I decorated it all pretty,

and I put inside of it,
like, a red piece of paper,

and I wrote, like, "I love you"
on the bottom of it,

and I, like, taped it
to the bottom.

- Now, don't put it on
too heavy.

- What?

The candy?

- No, all this mushy stuff.

- Remember your age,
young lady.

- I'm nervous.

- You're nervous?
- Yes.

- Oh, you got this.

- It shows
a $60 specialty copay.

Did you wanna take care
of that today?

- Yeah, that's fine.

- Thank you.
And this is--

- Yeah.
Goes by Jay though.

- Jay?
- Mm-hmm.

- So what do we got
going on here today?

- We are having--
he's getting an implant put in

by Dr. Gatti.

- Okay.

- Some kids are really nervous

It'd be ideal to have this
in the office setting

rather than to have Jay
go to sleep for it.

In this case,
Jay's mom didn't feel

that he would do well
in that scenario,

so we can do
a brief anesthetic.

- I refer to this
as a Band-Aid.

We're putting a Band-Aid
on the situation

because I don't wanna play God.

So I figure
we're giving him the blockers

to block all the hormones

so that he doesn't spend
his entire college fund

on removing the breasts
that he never wanted.

But also, that if he does,
by miracle,

decide that he wants to be
a female,

that he can go through
that puberty at 18,

if he wants to, or 16,

and develop just like
a normal female would,

except later.

But that is probably not
gonna happen.

I mean, he is--he's Jay.

I mean,
is nonexistent anymore.

Hold on.
I'm sorry.

Sorry.

- It's okay.

- It's just hard seeing
your name on that wristband.

- I know.

- Come on, Bryce.
Come on, you can do it.

- Push.
- Come on, Bryce.

It's right there!

- It's a girl.
- It's a girl, Bryce!

- Look at that.

- It looks like you.

Aww.

- Aww, no.

- Love you.
Take great care of him.

The therapist that Jay sees
always says,

"Well, they're not becoming.

They're always been
that person."

But for me,
I see that transition.

It started out as,
"I wanna be a boy."

And I was like,
"Well, you're not."

But now it's,
within the last two years,

"I am a boy.

I'm not a girl."

We switched schools
in the same city,

and when he went
to this new school,

I didn't know for six months

that he was telling everybody
he was a boy.

Had no idea.

That's when I knew
this is not a joke.

This is not some phase.

This is not something
that he's gonna grow out of.

Say, "Hi, Grandma.
Hi, Grandpa.

Hi, Mary Jane.
Hi, Auntie Mary Jane."

I've lost a lot of people.

My family really doesn't talk
to me,

and my mother...

thinks I'm a child abuser.

But, I mean,
I know in my heart

that it's the right thing
to do,

and I would rather have
a healthy son

than a suicidal daughter.

- Jay.
Mom's here.

both: Look.

- Hey.

You tired?

Yeah?

It's all done.

But at this point, at school,

Jay's friends do not know
that he is trans,

and I know
it's a ticking time bomb.

I'm gonna push him to come out

and be
who he's supposed to be.

- Good morning.
all: Good morning.

- Today, we choose
to recognize,

honor, love, and celebrate

anyone here who would claim
their identity publicly

as lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender,

queer or questioning,
intersex, pansexual, asexual,

or any category
that I've left out.

- This is Phoenix.

Can you tell them?

- Mommy, I'm a little shy.

- You're a little shy?

Do you wanna tell everyone
if you're a boy or a girl?

- I just want to tell them
that I'm a girl.

- Okay.
You can tell them that.

- Say that.

- Mm...

I don't want to do it.
- Okay.

- Phoenix would like you
to know that she's a girl

and she prefers
"she" and "her" pronouns.

'Kay, let's go this way.

all: May you be well, safe,
and whole.

We honor you
exactly as you are.

- I really don't feel like
Phoenix ever really was a boy.

From a very young age,
didn't wanna cut her hair,

didn't wanna wear boy clothes.

We didn't really think
of anything

until she became,
you know, vocal about it

and started saying
she wanted to be a girl.

We don't cram this
down anyone's throat.

It's what it is, though.

It's who we are.
It's who Phoenix is.

- That's cool.

- Hey, Avery.

- Avery.
- Hey.

- Love the hair.
- Thank you.

- So what's new?
Tell me what's new.

- We wanted to come in
and double check on puberty

and what signs
we're looking for...

- Mm-kay.

- Because we have read
all of the sex education books,

and she gets really, really,
really upset

looking at the books.

Sweaty panic attacks of
"I can't get facial hair"

and "What if my voice gets low
and people know?"

So we wanna make sure
that she knows

what the signs are.

- So there shouldn't be
any signs of puberty

before age nine.
- Mm-hmm.

- Otherwise, it would be
considered too early, so...

- Too early, right.
Precocious puberty.

- Yeah.
But then, as soon

as you do start showing signs,

we can start some treatments
to block it.

- Why do I have to be--grow up?

I just wanna stay a kid.

- You can't stay a kid forever.

Peter Pan's not real.

- I ain't gonna lie to you,
it's a little awkward.

I would've thought for sure

that somebody would've picked
Lee up

and took her out to dinner.

Oh, they holding hands too.

Be young and in love again.
Is that awesome or what?

I can feel--
I'll be your seeing eye dog.

- How 'bout sports?

Anything else
other than wrestling?

Or is that it?
- I only wrestle.

- You look like
you'd be a basketball player.

- Nice sarcasm.
I like that.

- I'm just playing with you.

Sure, she's been on a date,

but this is
her first Valentine date

with Brian.

I'd tell him
what any father would say.

If you treat her bad,
then don't come around,

'cause I'll
probably beat you up.

I'll break you in half
or something.

But, you know, just what
a father would say to him,

you know?

Hey, I'm cool with this,

but just don't--
don't hurt my daughter

and I'll be--
everything'll be okay.

- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

- Hold on.
- Sit still, babe.

Sit still.

Like, focus.

- You're so cute.
- Like, look.

They look like a galaxy.

- That's what your eyes
look like.

- No.

Isn't he nice?

Don't you guys like him?

I like him.
I think he's really cute.

It's kinda,
like, a weird feeling

'cause in the predicament
I'm in,

most of the people,
like, judge me

and so I always,
like, nitpick myself.

Like, oh, my nails look funny

or is my makeup
all the way blended?

And it's kind of strange

knowing that someone's,
like, not looking at that

and they're just,
like, looking at who you are

and your personality
and not, like,

your physical, like, being,
and I like that.

Cute.

Wanna walk towards that thing

with, like, the kaleidoscope
of colors?

- And take pictures?
- And like--yeah.

- All right.

- When it comes down
to, like, the bedroom area,

I don't plan on doing
something like that

until I'm comfortable.

Right now,
I'm just not comfortable

doing something like that.

- No, I haven't ever dated
someone

who was transgender before.

It was a first,
but, I mean, I don't see it

as, like, any kind of big deal.

She's a normal girl
just like anyone else.

- I do have something
to ask you, though.

Not literally.
- It's not that!

- Then what is it?
- It's a bite!

- Why is--why do you have
a bite?

- Because I was being annoying,
so she bit me playfully.

- You weren't kissing?
- No, Mom.

We were playing around.

And all her cousins were there.

- Looks like a hickey.

- It's not
and you don't believe me,

and it's really disappointing

'cause I'm trying to tell you
the sto--

- I--

- The real truth
and you don't believe me.

- If my son comes home
with marks on his neck--

- It's not a hickey.
- I'm gonna ask you.

- Okay, that's fine,
but it's not a hickey.

- But the fact that you're
getting so angry and mad

makes me wonder
if it really is a hickey.

- But it's not a hickey!
- I know.

Well, I better not see
another one,

so if she wants
to "playfully bite" you...

- I--not unquote, unquote.
- Have her bite you on the--

Have her bite you on the arm.
- Okay.

- Because that looks bad.

- I know.
- That's all I'm saying.

- God, no one
ever believes me.

- Did Mildred go at all?

I know that you wanted
to invite her, but--

- Yeah, I invited her,
but she had modeling.

- She had what?
- Modeling.

- Oh, okay.

- I think I told you

I was gonna be
in the quinceañera.

- Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

- Well, it's coming up.
- Okay.

- And I'm excited,
but I can't dance.

I've seen your videos.
I think you can dance.

- A little.

- But like, you know,
I hang out with her,

like, every day...

- Mm-hmm.

- So I'm gonna have
a lot of practice.

- So you guys have been working
at it already?

- Yeah.

It's hard.

- I feel,
like, more like a boy

when I get my hair cut.

- Even when we thought
she was a boy,

we always gave her the option.

She always wanted
to grow it out.

- To me,
when I think of girly,

I think of just,
like, long, flowy hair.

It took my hair,
like, three years

to get, like, this long.

- I like being a girl
'cause I get to wear dresses

and get to paint my nails.

- I don't know what I see.
I just see me.

all:

- Ooh.

- Wait a minute.
Gotta get those.

- Only one.

- All right, let's eat.
- All right.

- All right, let's eat.

- 'Cause you'll
probably power through

about six or seven of them.

- Yeah, you'll eat
at least six of them.

- All right, guys, move over.
You guys are sitting too close.

Let me get in there.
- Stop.

- Told her
to leave room for Jesus.

- Scoot closer.

- ...bathrooms according
to their sex at birth.

A similar bill has also been
proposed in Missouri.

- Okay.

- The bill would force
trans students

in public schools
to use bathrooms

according to their sex
at birth.

- Yeah, these are people
commenting on the situation.

"This is ridiculous.

"Transgender people should be
able to use the bathroom

like everyone else."

Preach.

"You're wrong and you know it.

"You were born a man
and not a girl.

#WhatHappenedtotheWorld."

What happened to the world
is got a better--

it became a better place.

- Yeah.

- The bill proposed

by Republican state
representative John Whitmer

would prevent
transgender students

from using public school
bathrooms and locker rooms

of the gender
they associate with.

- If the bill passes,

schools would have to pay
$2,500 to students

who encounter
a transgender student

in the bathroom.

- This bill has put

a $2,500 bounty

on the head
of every transgender child

in the state of Kansas.

Every school kid
who's nonconforming

is going to be subject

to the worst kinds
of harassment

that could lead to injury
or, God forbid, death.

And if this bill passes
and if it gets signed

by that man whose office
is right behind us,

the blood will be on his hands

and on the hands
of every legislator

who votes in favor

of this horrible nightmare
of legislation.

- Whoo!

- Hi.
- Hi. I'm a reporter.

I wondered if I could ask you
a couple of questions.

- Sure.
- 'Kay.

Why are you here today?

- 'Cause we have
a transgender child,

so this matters to us.

If laws like this are enacted,

suddenly, kids who are seen
as complete equals

by their peers

are going to be outcast.

They're gonna be ostracized.

- This bounty
on transgender students

is absurd and terrifying.

They want to out and...

just catch our kids
in the bathroom

and get paid for it.

- The sin du jour now
is this transgender nonsense.

Now we have to worry about
what bathrooms we can go into

and about what pronoun
we're supposed to use.

Ultimately,
if you were born a female,

you're gonna be a female
all your days.

- See what I mean?

- Let me see what pictures.

- This is from kindergarten.

- Okay.
- This--

- Well, somebody has your--
pictures of your yearbook.

Somebody knows.

- I just checked Snapchat,

and we see all these
text messages from Mildred,

like, "What's going on?"

- Will she tell you
who gave them to her?

- That's what I'm about
to ask her

and see if she'll tell me
who did it.

- I know that you're used
to hiding everything,

but now it's kinda like--

you're gonna have to be open
about everything now.

There's no deception involved.
- She can get on the phone.

- Huh?
- In a second.

She can get on the phone
in a second.

- Okay.

- Hello?

- Hello.

- Hey, do you wanna talk
to my mom?

- Sure.

- Hey, honey.

So do you want me
to explain it to you, or...

- Yeah.

- Okay, well,
Jay's transgender,

which means female to male.

The reason why we haven't
really said anything to anybody

is just because, I mean,
Jay looks like a boy,

he acts like a boy.

That is who he is.
He's Jay.

He's--you know,
he's not anymore.

He's never gonna be
anymore.

He just--he probably should've
told you who he was,

that he's trans, but he is Jay.

He never lied to you
about who he was,

if that makes sense.

- Yeah.

- So are you okay?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Okay.

The only thing
that I ask you is...

find it in your heart
not to kinda make this a joke

at school or--

- Right.
- You know.

Because this really does
affect his life

and how he feels about himself
and who he is,

and the damages of that
in general are horrible

outside of what you would see
in school.

It's a...
- Yeah.

- Difficult situation
for anybody to have to endure.

So...

but I'll let you talk to Jay.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Hello?

- Hello.

- Are you there?

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

- I just don't know--

I just didn't know
how to tell you

'cause, like, it's really hard
and nobody would understand it

and...

it's not easy being trans.

It's really not, and I thought
maybe if no one knew my past

and no one knew that,
then I could just be Jay

and nobody would have to worry
about it or--

or have to think different
about me.

Everybody would think
I was just a guy

and just go on with it,

but I know that I--

I probably should've told you

because it was probably
important to tell you,

and I'm sorry
I didn't tell you earlier.

- It's okay.

- And I understand
if you don't wanna talk to me

or if you don't like me
anymore.

I understand.

I'm really sorry.

- Okay.

- All right.
Bye.

- Bye.

- I--

- Can barely even see anybody.

- Tensions with Zach's family
have definitely increased.

We started calling her
"she" and "her,"

and that was just too much
for them.

- My dad can't shut up

and keep his beliefs
to himself.

Saying,
"You're going to Hell."

It's almost like they're trying
to push it on Phoenix

to try and change her
back into a boy or something.

- All right, you remember--
I asked you girls,

do you want ivory, pink,
rosy, or purple,

and you both said...

both: Rosy.
- All right.

Close your eyes.

Hold out your hands.

Happy birthday.

- Beautiful.
- Flower crowns.

- It's a little strange

that my parents
wouldn't wanna be here

when they were invited.

If they don't wanna be here

because of Phoenix
being transgender,

I can't make them.

I can't force them.

- Also, we went to
the bathroom bill protests,

and I regret it.

It left an impression
on Phoenix.

Like, regularly,
she's afraid of us dying.

She's afraid of us dying
and being left with someone

who'll make her go
to the boys' bathroom.

Sometimes I feel like...

I'm not giving Lotus
enough attention.

Like she's growing up
without me.

I mean, I'm right there, but...

you know, Phoenix definitely
takes up a lot of it,

and it's, like, not,
like, her fault or anything.

It's just--

I'm just always thinking,

"Am I doing
the right thing here?

Is this the right choice?"

- Here, can you touch me?

- But then also,

Zephyr starts, like--

he'll put on Lotus' clothes,

and he'll dance in them.

And I look at him, like,

"Please, not you too.

"Please be a boy.

"Don't be transgender.
Don't be gender nonconforming.

Please be a boy."

- Mommy!

- "Can I please not have two?"

- Mommy.

all:

- I take pride in being okay.

And last night,
I was not okay.

Today, I'm not okay.

all:

- Confetti!

- Stop.
- Nope.

- Stop.
Come here.

Avery.
- No!

- What are you gonna do
when the guy gets here?

- What guy?

- The photographer
from "National Geographic."

- You put me in everything!

- Avery, we've--
- And I don't approve of it.

- We've talked about it.

The problem is,
you do approve things,

and then you change your mind.

- No!

- I'm going to--
- No, you're not.

- If you don't get up
and cooperate,

it's going off.

Avery.
- Not right now.

Not if you can't find me!

- Okay.

Makes you wanna just go out

and have a few kids,
doesn't it?

Hello, Robin.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.

- Thanks for having me.
- Yeah.

- Hello.
- There's Avery.

- Hello.
- Don't be rude.

- Nice to meet you.

- Okay, I thought

that you were gonna have
a British accent,

but it sounds like
you're an Aussie?

Or maybe a Kiwi?
- A Kiwi.

- Ah.

- So when I explained
to you guys what--

I mean, you kind of know,

but we're doing a whole issue
on gender

and "National Geographic,"

and the story I'm doing
is about 9-year-olds

around the world.

So it's really important
that we work super hard

to get an amazing picture
of you.

So that's gonna mean
that I'm gonna request

that you're gonna have--

give me some time

and be a little patient
with me.

'Cause I'm gonna take
a lot of pictures.

I'll coach you through it.
Don't worry.

Are you ready?
- Yes.

- So just relax your lips.
- I'll try.

- Yeah.
That's it.

See?
You're a natural.

Let me see
if this is gonna work.

- Nailed it.

- Good.

That's looking really good.

That's not so great.
- That's not so great.

Avery.

- You just be yourself.
That's awesome.

Stay there.

Don't move.
Do that.

What you're doing.

You did something really cool--
like that.

You went like that.
Yeah, that's good for me.

- It feels like
I'm meditating now.

- You do look like
you're kind of floating.

Good.
Awesome.

You're actually
very photogenic.

- I thought that was good.

- Cara.

Her hair just flows.
- Her hair, I know.

Mm-hmm.
- I like that.

What's it look like on?

Oh, God!

- Half the freaking dress
is missing.

You pay $4,000
for a piece of clothing

that doesn't even cover
both of your boobs.

- Cathy knew me
before my transition.

We've been best friends
for about four years now.

Super exciting
that I can have someone

who's there for me 100%
throughout my transition.

I would love to model for them.

- Are you gonna do anything
about modeling?

- I've been thinking
about it a lot,

and I'm almost 17

and that's a year away
from being 18, and...

once you're 18, you really
have to start thinking

about your career and where
you're going with that,

'cause I don't wanna be,
like, 30 years old,

like, "Yes,
I'm still gonna make it."

"Just wait."

Hi.
- Hi.

I'm Becky.
- Nice to meet you.

I'm Leena.
- Nice to meet you.

Hi.
- Hi, Becky. I'm Cathy.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- I'm Michael.
- Hi.

Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- You guys can have
a seat here.

- My goal is to do modeling
and fashion

for big name corporations

'cause I wanna model
for, like, Dior,

and my biggest top of my list

is I wanna model
for Victoria's Secret.

- Okay.

So we do a two-year contract.

It's exclusive here
in Kansas City.

We just wanna stick here
to start with,

see how you progress,

and then we can kind of,
you know, shoot you out there

to some other places.

We do have KC Fashion Week
coming up.

They're getting ready
to have castings

on the 10th, 13th, and 20th,

so that would be
the very first thing

I would try to send you on.

- Yeah.

Where my passion is just
the, like, runway aspect of it.

- Yeah, absolutely.
- So--

- Okay,
let's shoot some headshots.

- It started early.

We were divorced, and there
was two separate households,

and 6, 7 years old,
and she would tell us,

"I'm a little girl,"

and I'm like,
"You have no idea.

You don't."

I don't know how many times
she would come back

and tell both of us,
"I am, I am, I am."

- I just always knew,

but it was trying to figure out

what the right,
like, words were

to use for it.

At first, yeah, I came out
to my parents

as, "I'm gay."

- She wrote her dad and I
this book,

kinda help us understand
what she was feeling inside.

I love every page of it

because it was written
from her heart.

- It kinda opened my eyes.

- And then I started
researching more and more,

and I was like, "I'm not gay.

"I'm transgender,

and I just didn't know
the word for it."

- I mean, it was--it was--
it was difficult.

I ain't gonna lie.
It was difficult.

It was much more--

easier transition
for my ex-wife

than it was for me.

- She was very adamant about,
"Okay, I am a girl,

"and I need you guys
to understand

that nothing you say
is gonna make a difference."

- At that time, we started
letting her grow her hair out,

become
a little more effeminate.

And then between the summer
of eighth and ninth grade,

that's--we as a family
sat down and said,

you know, "If this
is who you truly are,

then this is the time
to do it."

- I wouldn't tell the people
who I was auditioning for

that I was transgender
necessarily

just because it's none
of their business and--

- Maybe that's
what they're looking for.

Maybe they're looking
for someone like you.

- Well, I mean, if they're
looking for a trans model,

then I'll say
I'm a trans model, you know.

- If they ask, you be honest.

You're not ashamed of anything.

But I wouldn't offer
any information.

Don't give 'em any more
than what they need to know.

- Now it's a different story

if I go in
and I'm doing gown auditions

whether than,

"We want you in a bikini,"
you know,

because I wanna do VS,
you know, and I wanna do--

- That's pretty skimpy.
- That type of modeling.

- Yeah.

- More along the lines
of less--

- Yeah, but say--

- Couture and gowns
and all that.

More along the lines of--

- Yeah, but let's say--
- VS, you know.

- Let's say right now,
you're just doing

some "mom and pop"
type of things, you know.

And then--
- Well, yeah, it's--

- Say in a couple years,
well, maybe we'd--

- I don't think
I would tell them, no.

- You know,
maybe in a couple years,

when you do have the surgery,

then we won't have to worry
about your bikini

or anything that--you know?

- Just, I don't want someone
to look at me

and question my womanhood,

'cause I don't wanna do that

and I don't wanna go down
that road.

- Sure.
Absolutely.

- I'm the chef.

Do you--how much do you want?

- So how come you and Mildred
can't be friends?

Like, why does she say to you
that you can't--

- Because her mom doesn't like
that I'm transgender.

- Like, how do you know that?
What did Mildred tell you?

I would like to know that.

- Her mom basically said

she doesn't want her
talking to me or being near me

because I am the way I am.

- Really?
- Yep.

Remember when she pulled up

at the parking lot
the other day?

- Yeah, and she circled around

'cause she didn't wanna park
by us?

- Yeah.

- Is it all because
you're trans?

- Yep.

- Does she even understand
what transgender is?

- Probably not.

- That's kinda cool now that--

I mean, 'cause now
you're seeing the true light

of, like, how she is
and how fast she moves on.

- Okay,
this is what I'm talking about.

This is not--why I did not
wanna talk about this.

- I'm just saying.

- No, 'cause you get
very defensive--

- I'm not defensive.
- And you bring up it all up.

- I'm just saying.

Sorry.

Jay.

- I didn't like
how you outed me

to her mom.

I don't like how you did that.

But I had no say in it,
because you were mad.

- I was wrong for doing that,
but at the same time,

I watched this relationship
for ten months go down,

and I didn't ever interfere,

but when somebody's mother
comes to me

and says I need to love
my son more

and support him more
because he's highly emotional,

that's when I got angry.

- I understand that.

- Because she was
basically patronizing me

and being condescending
on the phone.

- Coming out is my decision.

- Mildred's mo--parents
should have known

that you were trans
from the get-go, I feel.

- And you know
we were gonna tell 'em,

but we just didn't know how.

- But it had been ten months,
and you hadn't said anything

and now you know why

she didn't wanna ever tell
her parents.

Because now she can't
even look at us.

She won't even park her car
next to us at a soccer--

at the soccer field.

- Okay.

- So she never had planned
on telling her parents.

- Okay.

- Oh, my goodness.

- You know, like,
sometimes you think

there's not a reason
to be here.

That runs through my head
a lot.

I just think
about all the times

people have not accepted
who I am.

Sometimes, I say that
I'm going to take my life.

And you're just like,
"No, you can't do this,"

and you just, like--
all of a sudden,

it's just, like,
come out of that moment,

and you're just like,
"Why am I doing this?"

It's just hard.

You don't know
what's gonna happen.

People these days--
they could do anything.

- Right now, a terror attack
on a gay nightclub.

- My son was in there
with his boyfriend

and two other guys.

They heard about 20 shots.

- Get outta here.

- Oh, my God, dude.

- It went bang, bang,
bang, bang.

- This weekend,
Avery's supposed to be

the grand marshal in one
of the local Pride parades,

but we are rethinking that
right now

with everything
that's happened in Orlando.

- Come on out.

- We have the reality
of our family being so visible

that we're easy targets.

So we need to check in
with her.

I've been talking
to the police,

and I even had a meeting
with the FBI today.

They wanna make sure
that you are completely safe

if you decide you still want
to go to the parade.

If you don't want to do it,

that's okay, and we can talk
about that.

So they said they don't
want you to feel scared.

- I don't wanna go
to the parade.

- You don't?
- No, I don't wanna die.

I don't wanna--I don't wanna.

- Okay.

- I don't wanna go
to the parade anymore.

- Okay.

You know, this is a lot
for anyone to process,

so we don't wanna push her
on those decisions

and make her feel like
she's forced to do something

she doesn't wanna do.

- You guys wanna make a wish?

So you make a wish,
and then you throw it in there.

Or you throw it in there

and make a wish
at the same time.

I'm not sure how it works,
but--

- Guess what I--

Just, like, dump all the change
in there.

- You want one?
- Yes.

I wish Phoenix would tell us
how she's feeling

instead of acting out.

This has been
a stressful year.

- We've cut people
like my family

out of my life.

It has just been so much,
mentally, to deal with.

- I'm just frazzled every day,

and I apparently don't handle
stress well.

- Whoa!
- Wee!

- You need to be
the homeschooler,

and I need to work full-time.

- You can go do that
and I'll stay at home.

- Mm-hmm.
We will do that.

I can go away from the kids
and hang out with adults.

- I might get a little lonely.

- Yes,
the at-home parent gets lonely.

That's what happens.

- We are considering
getting divorced or separated.

Our marriage has baggage.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- It's a confusing time.

- I don't really know

if they're getting divorced
or not.

I think that our family
should stay together

and not get divorced.

But it's so--

but I also think it's okay
either way.

- Avery, Anson, come here.

I wanna show you something.

Yeah?

- What do you think of that?

- Amazing.
- Oh, my gosh.

Look at you.

- It's amazing.
- Look at your face.

That is a fierce kid
right there.

Look at the quote
that they have for you.

- "The best thing
about being a girl

is now I don't have to pretend
to be a boy."

Cool.
- I'm so proud of you.

- My gar!
- Mwah.

- Oh, my goodness.

- We moved in with my parents,
just the kids and I,

while Zach was out of town.

Zach and I are divorcing.

When we first got married,
I was really young

and trying to find my way,

but right now,
I'm ready to move on.

Currently working on...

getting the kids in school

and getting our legal stuff
figured out.

Lots of changes for the kids.

And Phoenix is sorta just fine.

She's just like, "Eh.

We live here now.
Whatever."

Just--

I don't know.

- Now I'm a junior, so...

oh, my God, I'm a junior.

- This is my freshman.

He won't let me drop him off
in front of the school.

I have to drop him off
at the corner.

- He won't--

- Let me kiss him either
in front of everybody.

I'm getting emotional.

- Stop.
- Oh.

You're in high school.

- Oh, my God.

And you have your first pimple.

- Oh, my God.

- I'll probably just go home,

but, like,
aren't you going over

to Brian's house later?

- All he wants to do
is just cuddle and sleep.

- So I asked him, like,
"Why am I, like, an exception,

I guess, to, like, the norm
that you would usually date?"

And he's like,
"Oh, because I love you for you

and not who you are,
like, physically."

He's like, "Yeah,
I love your, like, physical,"

but he's like, "But you--
you're just on a--

I guess"--what is that called?

Like, emotional?
- Emotional?

- Yeah, I guess.
- Yeah.

- Emotional level.

I think that's where
he likes me, which is good,

but I don't know, I just
was getting in my feelings,

and I was like--

what happens if he goes off
and leaves me?

- He's not.

- 'Cause you know that saying
where you're--

both: Where you're
your own biggest critic?

Yeah.
- Yeah.

- But imagine being, like, you

and then looking in the mirror

and seeing,
like, a six-foot gorilla

and so you're like,
"Oh, God, what is that?"

- Yeah.

- If I could change something,

it'd be, like, the one thing
with me being trans,

like, my SRS.

Sexual reassignment surgery.
- Mm-hmm.

- But that's it.
- Mm-hmm.

- Like, I don't want
anything else done.

- Yeah.

- Are these leggings,
or are these your pants?

- These are leggings.

- Oh.

- Everything's looking good
with your--

- Hormones.
- Yeah, your hormones?

Your estrogen, your--
- Go where I wanna go.

I think the thing that we need
to look into now most of all

is we need to find a surgeon,
first off,

that we wanna go with
and see what their things are

on insurance and payment
and long-term and all of that,

because I'm not gonna pay
$35,000 up front I don't think.

- In another year or two,
you know,

even after you graduate,
year and a half, two years,

maybe new laws have passed
on insurance and--

- I mean, I understand that,
but I just--

- I don't know.
All sorts of stuff.

- I just can't wait.

- SRS, it's a major--
- Major surgery.

- Yeah, it's a major surgery.
Something different.

It's not, you know, something
that they do every day.

- It's not getting
your appendix taken out.

- Yeah, you know,
if something happened,

blood loss,
loss to your heart rate or--

you know, whatever
the case may be,

and we lost you...

Let's--we really need to think
about this.

- But I don't think
it's for everyone,

and it doesn't make you
any less of a woman

or any more of a woman
because you have it,

but for me personally,

I don't feel like I could live,
like, in this--

in the body that I have now

for the rest of my life
without being upset by it.

- I know.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
girls and boys,

please welcome to the field

your Kansas City Titans.

- Lanie's out there.
You see her?

There she is.
- Yeah.

- Where?
- She's 21.

Defensive lineman.
- Oh!

- My mom met Lanie
not even a month ago.

- Right there.
She's right there.

- I know.

I met Lanie late one night
on Facebook.

Just started out
as a friendship,

and then it grew
into a crazy love story

like something you would see
in a movie.

Never thought it would happen.

I mean, it hit me...

like a storm.

- Go, Lanie!

- 21, Lanie Ford of the Titans
says--

- Oh, go!
- "You're not getting by me."

- Go, Lanie!

- Jay is very needy
with his mom.

I'm very needy with his mom,
so...

it's fireworks a lot.

I'm gonna try to bond
with him.

He never really wants
to hang out with me right now,

but I'm sure that'll change
the more I'm here.

You know,
"I gotta go to the store.

Do you wanna go with me?"

One-on-one time.
I know it's baby steps.

I hated my stepdad
for, like, ten years

and then woke up one day
and was like, "Oh.

This man's here to help me,
and he loves me."

And ever since that happened,

he became
one of my best friends.

- Come on.
Let's go.

Stretch.

- "National Geographic"
put a 9-year-old boy,

emphasis on boy,

who wants people to think
he's really a girl

on the January cover
of the magazine.

- That's the article,

this wicked, satanic movement
that's promoted

and messed around with
this poor young man's mind.

- God has made us male
and female.

- You know, a person
who's turning themselves

into a transgender
is some kind of a creature.

- Like this Avery young person.

- Same exact people.

- How does he define himself
as a "girl?"

- Right.

- What "National Geographic"
has on its cover

is pedophilia.

- "National Geographic"
is something

that we're very proud of.

I also think it's something

that has caused
a lot of turmoil

in our life for the last month.

- I got a message

from my mom and dad

that they're not happy
about seeing you

on "National Geographic"
and stuff,

and they think that
we have put you out there

trying to get fame
and attention,

and they're worried
that you will never be able

to come back later
now that people have seen you

on such a big stage

and tell us
that you're really a boy

and you wanna go back
to living like a boy.

'Cause that's what they seem
to think.

Do you think you're
gonna ever wanna go back

to just living like a boy?

- No.
- Why not?

- Because I'm a girl, I guess.

I don't really know
how to answer the question.

Good Meat.
Good Meat.

Good, good, good, good, good
Meat.

Good Meat.

- The inauguration
of the 45th U.S. president

now in the books--

- TVs across Kansas City
broadcasting the inauguration.

- Now that Trump
is our president,

that does worry me

just because of all the
transgender inequality stuff.

I am just in fear all the time.

- We're more
than a thousand miles

from the heart of it all
in Washington, D.C.,

but that did not stop
Kansas Citians

from tuning in.

Many people I spoke with
off-camera

still not comfortable
with President Donald Trump.

- Transgenders here
in the metro worry

about what may happen next.

- President Trump announcing

that most transgender troops
would no longer be able

to serve in the military.

- I think when you have
an administration of people

that are actively vying
against you,

yeah, it's very scary,
and we're terrified

of what the next four years
is gonna bring.

- This is not a pleasant time
to be out and visibly trans.

Hi.
My name is Phoenix.

I live in kindergarten.

- You live in kindergarten?

No, you live in Lawrence.

- No.

- You--

- I live in country.

Country is United States
of America.

- So I've got the kids
in public school.

The night
before school pictures,

Phoenix decided to go back
to living as a boy.

We didn't know
what was going on.

It was all very sudden.

- Nuh-uh.
Me boy.

- You know, it is okay

for boys to wear girl clothes
and--

- Nuh-uh.
- Girls to wear boy clothes.

- Not dresses.
Or skirt.

- Yeah, boys can wear dresses
and skirts.

That's really okay.
- Not dress.

- We have several theories
about what's going on

with why Phoenix went back
to boy.

One is,
was Zach encouraging it?

Or now that we live
with my dad,

he has a more regular
male role model.

- Bang.

- Every time I've asked him
what he wants

for his birthday,
he'd say, "A gun!"

Remember, you never have this
pointed at something

you don't wanna destroy.

I'm curious to see
how this pans out.

We don't really know.

What do you think?

- I think he's gonna be
gender-fluid.

- You think he's gonna be
gender-fluid?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

We really could
just place bets.

No one knows.

- I'm just hoping

that...

Phoenix is fully aware
of what's going on

and, you know, doing this

for the right reasons
and everything.

Yeah, I think we would both be
ecstatic for, you know...

Phoenix to not have to deal
with the transgender issues

the rest of Phoenix's life.

The whole thing is kind of
a mystery at this point.

I don't know,
the peer influence or whatever

maybe had something to do
with it.

He got into school
and started seeing other boys

wearing boy clothes
and things like that.

It's also never been
a huge deal to me,

because...

I love Phoenix,

not, like, my son Phoenix
or my daughter Phoenix.

It's, I love Phoenix.

- Hey.
- You got a car?

- Yes, girl.
How do you like it?

- It's nice.
When'd you get it?

- Today.

- Now that you have a car,
we can go, like, wherever now.

- Downtown, honey.

- Downtown.
- Yes.

- Westport.

Vintage shopping.

- Yes.
- We don't have to ask.

- I think it'll be cool

'cause then we can go
to guys' houses

whenever we want.

There's been some changes.

Me and Brian broke up.

The ending of it--
it kinda hit me as a surprise

for his feelings on it
because I thought

that he really, really,
truly loved me.

He told me that he was using me
as a cover-up

because he wasn't sure
of his identity

in the sexual world,

and that was really
what crushed me,

'cause I felt used,
and I felt betrayed

by someone who told me
that they had loved me

and cared about me
for who I was,

and to be told
that I was just a cover-up

was heart-wrenching.

- Yeah.

- I just kind of told him,
you know, stay out of my life.

Stay out of my business.

I just felt betrayed.

- It was all so, like, sudden.
- I know.

- Like, it kinda just came
out of the blue,

and you told me and I was like,
"Oh."

- I mean, there were
some, like, signs, I think,

that we both saw

and were just kinda like,
mm, mm.

- But--but is it--yeah.
- Yeah.

When I started dating Brian,

it felt like an authentication
kinda thing.

Like, I'm dating a straight man
and he sees me as a woman,

and I was like,
that is so exciting,

'cause I was like,
that's all I wanted,

and, I mean, when I loved him,
I genuinely did,

so that's pretty sad,

but...you move on.

And so instead of dating boys,
I buy shoes now.

So--

it brings me just as much joy.

- How's it going?
- Good.

It's cold outside.
- Yeah.

You wanna take your jacket off
real quick?

So Lanie's fully moved in,
right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

How's it going?
- We still butt heads a lot.

- Yeah?

- Oh, I forgot to--
I can self-shot myself.

- Yeah? I saw a video--
- I don't need help.

- But I didn't know if that was
just a one-time thing.

- No, I do it every night
by myself.

- That's awesome.

I do mine every Saturday,
not every day,

but I'll still take,
like, a second and breathe

and sometimes I'll even close
my eyes when I do it,

but it's just, like,
a deep breath and then--

Go.

So--
- Yeah.

- I don't know that it ever
actually gets any easier.

- So how's everything
with your surgery?

- I've had a complete
total hysterectomy,

so my primary hormone
is testosterone.

So how about the medicine
for your voice and everything?

Is that still going okay?

- Yeah.
- Good.

- I just don't feel like
there's any change.

- Well,
it's one of those things

they said, too, it takes
a while to build up, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Looks good.

- Jay, we have some news
for you.

- Are you--you wanna tell him?

- Your mom and I...

are pretty sure
we're gonna go get married.

- We're getting married
'cause we love each other.

That's a given.

But a lot of the reason is,
remember when I told you

that with my insurance at work,

we changed insurance companies
this last--last January?

- Mm-hmm.

- Without your human growth
hormone medication,

you're never gonna grow taller.

Ever.

My insurance won't cover
anything.

But...

Lanie's insurance,
we've checked into it,

and her insurance covers
everything.

So that's why we're rushing
the marriage.

Because you can't legally be
on her insurance

if we're not married.

- I love your mom.
I'm gonna marry her anyway.

We're just gonna do it now.

- 'Kay.

- Mm-hmm.

- Avery.

You have behaved so well
for the last week and a half,

and you're starting
to mess it up right now.

- I'm not choosing
to be difficult at all.

- What's the conference about?

- It's going to be
in Washington, D.C.

- Yeah, we're going
to Washington, D.C.

We're gonna--
- Again?

- We're gonna--
- Again.

- And we're gonna be moving
to the White House

the central area,

to throw a book
at Donald Trump's face.

- I don't think
that we wanna say that, no.

This one is Time to THRIVE,

and it's for people
who work with LGBTQ youth,

and we actually go and meet
with our senators,

some representatives.

After we do that,

we go and sit

and sell some of Avery's books
for a little while.

Avery.

Manners.

- I just don't wanna
even have a book.

I've done too much
in this world.

It's ruined my life enough,
and now

everyone in this world
is going to know.

If I sell my book,
it's gonna get on the news

for, like--along with me

for, like, the 50th time
at this point,

and it's just gonna make
my life worse.

- A couple years ago,
you wanted people to know.

- Yeah, I did.
- But now?

- But now--that was really
a stupid, silly mistake,

and now I don't.

Yeah.
That's something.

- Mm-hmm.
- I'll go pack now.

- This is hard

because her future depends
on what we do right now.

- Take it.
- Stop, Ave.

Here.
Put it in here.

Things are going to get worse
if more people don't step up

and fight.

But I do struggle

with letting her
just enjoy childhood.

Avery.

Oh, my goodness.

- It's ginormous.

- It's so critical right now

that we personalize
trans issues

for senators
and representatives

and they understand
what's at stake.

I don't know
if she understands

the gravity of that,

but she is walking
these halls,

and that visibility alone
matters.

I'm Debi Jackson, and I live
in South Kansas City.

It's her story in her own words
from after she transitioned,

and, you know, all the other
things that she is

besides being transgender.

- Right.

- Can you sign?

Oh, my goodness.
With force.

- I am an independent woman.

- I just really need you
to not be rude.

Okay?

- Is Avery signing copies?

- She is not at the moment.
- All right.

- But maybe after a few bites
of cheese.

- We're waiting to meet you.
- I'm not--

- Are you kidding?
You're pretty famous.

- No, that--I'm not Avery.

I am--Avery's not here.

I'm just filling in.

- Do you mind signing a book
for me?

Smiley face or, like,
a unicorn or a star?

- We've had a very long day.

- Yeah, I hear ya.

- She doesn't wanna be
on display.

It's exhausting

constantly being looked at.

So obviously,
she's going to need a break

from all the attention.

- Everybody's hair is down.

If I would've known
you could've had

your hair down,
I would've had my hair down.

- I am very nervous,
and this is a big deal though.

But anyways, yeah,
it's Kansas City Fashion Week.

Huge, huge opportunity for her,
so, I mean--

but there's gonna be
hundreds of girls here.

- Oh, you're so glittery.

- Right over there.

- Okay.

I'm so nervous.

- 478?

Hi.
- How are you?

- Good.
How are you?

- Pretty good.
- Good.

All right.
Jenna?

- Leena.
- Oh, sorry, Leena.

- You're fine.
You're fine.

- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- I got a call from,
like, a couple of designers,

and I got cast to walk
for a swimwear line.

And we had called them
and told them, you know,

like, "Just so you know, like,
I'm trans.

"Like, everything's fine.

"I can still, like,
wear swimwear and all that

"and that's,
like, not a problem,

"but we just want you
to be aware

"of, you know, everything,

"so you as a designer can have
that information or whatever."

And about two days later or so,
I got a call back

saying, "We had, you know,
had a meeting

"with our creative directors,

and we'll be switching
some girls out."

I was the only person
on the whole cast

that got cut.

There's a little, you know,
bias out there.

You get used to it.

'Cause it is such a--
like, a religious area,

and it's so conservative
that it's hard

for other people to have,
you know,

any sort of an open mind

for people
who aren't like them.

The designer has 900 followers
on Instagram,

so pretty irrelevant
in my life, so...

- I'm nervous.
- I know.

- You're not the one
who has to talk

in front of a bunch of people.

- Yes, I do.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm gonna do a speech.

- Speech about what?
- None of your business.

- So I had to un-invite
my mom to the wedding.

I just couldn't handle
the negativity anymore

and the comments
that she was saying about Jay.

It's supposed to be a day
of celebration for all of us.

I mean, I feel bad,

but I don't need that
around me.

And Jay doesn't need that
around him either.

- No.
Nuh-uh.

Keep your eyes closed.
- They're closed.

- Look that way.
- They're closed.

- Hey, babe.

- Hey.

- You look beautiful.

- So before we get started,

Jay said he had some words

he'd like to share
with everyone.

- Hi, everyone.

So I just wanna say that...

- That I love you guys
and that--oh, my God.

That they mean a lot to me

and I'm really happy
that Lanie makes my mom happy

and it's really important
that my mom's happy

and I'm glad
that we can be here tonight

to celebrate their happiness.

I love you guys.

- Oh, Jay.
- Oh!

- Hug it out.
Hug it out.

- I pronounce you married.
You may kiss the bride.

- Yes!
- Yeah!

- She only needs, like, two
or three pieces of sweet potato

about that big.

Watch your fingers there.

- Okay.

My mom found this really cool
nature program

where I get to go take care
of animals.

I get to feed them,
clean their cages,

and just kinda hang out
with them.

Is this a poisonous snake?

- No.

- Do you think

I would let you do
a poisonous snake?

- Nope.

- She's one of the best ones.

- It's actually something
with responsibilities

that I actually have to do
something

and, like, it's just something
that's fun

and that makes me excited
for when I get to go.

- Anything with a mouth
can bite,

so we don't touch the mouth
or the head, right?

So we always stay
towards the back or the tail.

- I'm very happy
my mom found this

'cause now I get to experience
the real world

of that place,
which is amazing.

- So just, like, the doctor
that I've chosen

for a consultation.

- Where?
- In San Francisco.

Sexual reassignment surgery.

Or you can call it GRS,

which is just gender
reassignment--

- What?
Jeer-ess?

- GRS.
- Oh.

- What do you mean?
- So you can have sex?

- Grandma.

The playpen.

- Well, that's one way
to look at it.

- Yeah, that's the--
that's the whole surgery.

Creating a playpen.

- 5'2".

- Yes!

- Oh, my God.
- We broke five foot.

- We've had so many changes
since the wedding.

We've moved
to a new apartment.

- This is our living room.

Then this is my room.

- Jay was able to get
his birth certificate changed

to male.

They changed it!

- Okay, stop shaking me.

- And the biggest change
of all

is that Jay finally is taking
testosterone.

- Your face is way different
than it was last year.

- No, go like this.

- Oh, man!
You got your peach fuzz.

- He is physically changing
so much so fast.

It's crazy.

- Four, five.

Done.

- Oh, you didn't cry.

- Oh, my God.
Now it burns.

- Yeah, but you're gonna get
used to it,

and it's only every two weeks.

- Gimme five.
- Burns so bad.

- I like it.

- Hi, Phoenix.

Every day, first thing I do
when I wake up

is go to Facebook Memories

and delete any mention of him
being a girl

and change pronouns back to he
if it shows up.

There's this whole
little precious time

in his childhood

that is, like, a dark secret,

which, in retrospect,
I can't believe that happened.

It was a huge mistake.

Children are not transgender.

He's a boy.

He was born a boy.
He's always been a boy.

He'll always be a boy.

And maybe there are people
who actually are,

and it's probably
a mental disorder.

But I don't think
it's, like, inherently bad.

Like, ADHD
is a mental disorder.

That's--you can live with that.

- You do seem like you've had,
like, a 180 change.

- Oh, I know.

No, I've--yeah, no,
I'm glad I changed.

I like this a lot more.

I don't know,
it was just, like, a whole--

it completely changed my life.

I think a lot of it was just--

I'm being me now
without a spouse's influence.

- Phoenix was so young

when these things
were happening.

I think there was always

kind of in the back
of our mind of,

is this just
a kid being a kid

and just wanting to dress up
in clothes

and, you know,

being primarily surrounded
by Mom

and an older sister at home

and Dad's at work
all the time?

- I don't know
where it came from.

I do wonder how much
Zach had an influence on that.

Like, when Phoenix said
he was girl,

I was freaking out,

and he was like,
la-dee-da-dee, it's all fine.

- There's a lot to it that
I have no idea

if Molly or I made
the right decisions,

or, you know,
but it doesn't feel wrong

to support my kid, so
I don't feel bad about that.

- If Phoenix came to me again
and said he thinks he's a girl,

I would...

strongly prevent myself
from combusting like a volcano

and get him in therapy
and support him

as best as I can
under his therapist's guidance.

- I don't feel like I would
do anything differently.

You know, you were saying
some things like that

to where you wanted
to wear dresses

and you used to say

that, like, you identified
as, like, girl-boy

and all those types of things,
so--

- I'm definitely a boy.

- Yeah.
I think so too.

If that changes down the line,
we'll--

we'll call you a girl later
if you want.

- Mm-mm.

You think
you're gonna stay a boy

the whole rest of your life?

Yeah.
That's fine too.

Doesn't really matter.

Doesn't matter to me at least.

Some people, it matters,
but I don't care.

- Even if someone

starts a transition,
and then they desist,

that doesn't mean
it's always going to be

100% desistance.

It could be temporary.

They could also get messages
from other people around them

that it's really not okay

and we're kind of tired
of this

and this isn't natural,

and they can suppress things
for a while.

That's why it's important
to let your child explore.

If they end up being trans,
they're trans.

If they don't,
all they got from you

is that you love them enough

to give them a chance
to figure it out.

- Alexa, sing me
"Happy Birthday."

- Alexa.

What is transgender?

- When a person identifies
as transgender,

it means that the gender

with which
they personally identify

does not match the sex

to which they were assigned
at birth.

- Thank you.

- This is for MCC.

We want that.
- This is a private university.

- Yeah, here's
all the stuff for it.

Springfield.

Oh, my gosh.
You have so much.

Rockhurst.

I think you can do A+ there.
- No.

- No?

KU.
We're gonna keep that, right?

- Yes.

- Never even heard
of this college.

- It's a Christian college.

- Okay, so that's a no.

- Another KU.
Man, it's a sign.

Ugh, Mizzou.

Okay, where's that--

the military packet
that you got in the mail?

You didn't even open it.

- Yeah,
'cause it's not an option.

- Why is it not an option?

- 'Cause the laws.

- I remember when you wanted
to be in the military.

- Yeah.

- So I guess
that's a throwaway?

- Yeah.
- Sorry.

You know, you once told me
that you had wished

you had just have owned
your truth, I guess, in a sense

and not made everything
so complicated

as far as, like, hiding
who you were.

I mean, has that changed now?

Because I always thought that--

well, when we talked
about college the other day,

you had said that
you would tell your roommates,

like, your dorm--the people
that you're dorming with

that you were trans

so that they were comfortable
with it,

so that they didn't feel
deceived.

Does that make sense?
- Yes.

- Do you feel like

you just don't wanna say
anything at all

to your dorm buddies?

- Probably not at first, no.

Because on the first day
of college,

if I tell them I'm trans,
and then--

what, I could get beat up

by a whole bunch
of their friends

because I don't know
who they are

or who they hang out with?

- You know that Lanie and I,
especially me,

are 100% behind
whatever decision you--

you know, I'm not gonna
force you to do anything.

- I know.
Just--I don't know.

I think we should just take it
step by step.

I mean, I don't really know.

- Okay.

See you in five days.

- Good luck.

- Right.
- Yeah, be careful.

- We'll see you girls.
- Bye.

- I'm going to meet

pretty much the most renowned
doctor there is

for this procedure.

- Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

From the flight deck,
I'd like to add a welcome

aboard Alaska Airlines
flight 3375,

currently operated
by SkyWest Airlines,

with service to San Francisco.

- If I was to go
to the doctor,

and I know this sounds,
like, dramatic or whatever,

but if they were to tell me
it wasn't an option

for some reason,

or that I wasn't a candidate
for it,

I don't think I would be able
to pick myself up from that.

I don't think I would be able
to, like, carry on from that.

- Take a deep breath.

- Hi.
Hello.

- How are you?
- Hello, hello.

- You must be Leena.
- Yeah. Hi.

- Hi. I'm Dr. Bowers.
- Nice to meet you.

- Hi.
It's a pleasure.

So where are you in the process
of transition, then?

- I started transitioning
at about, like, 11 years old.

I think
as I've just gotten older,

my gender dysphoria's gotten,
like, a little worse.

- And so--
- Sure.

- I've noticed just kind of
as I've gotten older,

I've gotten more uncomfortable
by it.

- Mm-hmm.

This is something most kids,
most adults,

have been fighting
their entire lives.

You think that if you're born
with a penis,

that means, automatically,
you're a boy.

I delivered babies
for 20 years.

We delivered
a surprisingly large number

of kids whose genitals were not
necessarily male or female.

So even in nature,
God does not get it

exactly divided into two camps.

The thing is,
the penis is the same

as the clitoris, really.

Everything a boy has,
a girl has,

and everything a girl has,
a boy has.

And then I deconstruct genitals
when I do my surgical work

and then build them back up.

We're just turning back
the clock basically.

I know.

Are you on our list
for surgery now?

Do you have a surgery date?

- I don't think
we're on the list yet.

- 'Cause that's
the biggest holdup.

That's what we should really do

is get you on our list, though,
for surgery.

- Thank you very much.

- Absolutely.
- We greatly appreciate it.

You don't know
how much this means.

- Relief is the single biggest
emotion that people feel

when they're done
with this surgery.

They just feel like,
"Ah, finally.

My body is aligned
with my soul."

- I don't know how much talking
I'm gonna do, to be honest.

- Hey, let's roll
this window up now.

- Mm.

- It's just taken a long time
to get here,

and she's very busy,

and just meeting her is just...

It's, like, kinda like--

the only way I could put it
into words would be, like,

imagine your heart failing
and it getting worse and worse,

like, every day and then
someone just being like,

"I have a heart for you."

It's just kind of like, wow.

So it's--
- Yeah.

- It's, like, everything.

- Did I tell you today
I love you?

- I love you too.

- Get it to the perfect
Pixie temperature.

- I think you like the bath,
Pixie.

I didn't think you'd like it
very much.

- She's not bothered.

Yeah, she's just,
like, chilling.

This is, like,
the most enjoyable thing ever.

- Okay.

- Was that fun?

Was it?

Good girl.

- You think someday,
you'll wanna go out

and talk to people again?

- Heck no.
- No?

- No.
- Your time is done?

- Yeah, no.

- I think it's great

that Avery just gets to be
a kid.

- I asked her
if she would like all of us

to just kinda fade
into the background,

and she said no

because it's still
important work.

- I think we keep doing
what we're doing.

I think, if anything,
we have to do more.

- I don't just wanna be known

as someone that's transgender.

Like, that's not how
I wanna make people happy.

I just wanna make people happy
from being funny, lighthearted,

and not talk about
all the serious things going on

'cause I don't want everyone
to have to think

about everything that's wrong
with the world.

I want them
to think about what's good.

- Hello, children.

- Hello.
- Hi, Mommy.

- Actually,
that was pretty great.

See what happens when you look?

- This is "The Book
With No Pictures," okay?

- Okay.

- Okay?
- Eh!

- "It might seem no fun

"to have someone read you
a book

"with no pictures.

It probably seems boring
and serious."

- Wait, wait.
- "Except--"

- It's in italics,

so you have to go like,
"Boring and serious!"

- Today, I'm going to be asking

a girl to prom
and as my girlfriend.

So you see that?

- Want me to help you
with the tie?

- No, I can reach it.

- I mean this.
- No.

- You look very handsome.

- Why are you laughing?

- I was nervous
of making this documentary

'cause it's gonna be,
like, out in the public.

I'm scared.
I don't--

I'm not sure if I am ready
for it to come out.

But I know one thing
that is gonna come out of it

is that there's gonna be
that one kid

or that one teenager

that's gonna go
to their parents

and say, "Hey, look at this,"

and it's gonna help
that one person

figure out
the rest of their journey.

- What I really hope
is that people realize

that we're not,
like, some exotic species.

Like, we're a human.

That's what matters.

We do human things.

We have human emotions.

We're human,

just that was born
a little bit different.

That's--it's plain and simple.

- Hey.
- I'm ready to go.

- Hey.
What's up, superstar?

- This is something
you've been looking forward to.

- And thankfully, you guys
are going with me and--

- I wouldn't have it
any other way.

- Define "making out" for me.

- For us, it's three pecks
on the lips.

- There's no tongue?

- No!
Ew!

- That's so gross!

I don't even know
how French people do it!

- People ask you,

how is it living with someone
who's transgender?

- Horrible!

Horrible!

- There's your answer.

I just broke
the fourth wall.

I have learned a lot.

I've learned to do things
to make myself happy.

Don't let people that
box you out

make you feel any less.

Hi, I'm a.t. Furuya.

I'm the Youth Programs
Senior Manager for GLSEN,

and welcome to today's
culture close-up

for the HBO documentary film,
Transhood.

We will be joined by
two of the film's subjects,
Lena and Jay.

How did you feel about
the film and the experience

and how it all came together?

I think it's,
like, groundbreaking.

I've never seen
anything like this.

And especially with
all of our varying ages.

I think that that's
really interesting

to get a point of view
from how early,

as a trans person,
you can feel

that authentic self.

The main reason why I did it
is because you always have to

look out for others
that don't have a voice.

What was put
in the documentary

will help people that have
no idea what kids go through

in this process.
It will help families.

It will be an eye opener.

Lena, if you're comfortable,

in high school
how did you navigate

identity harrassment
and bullying?

How does it feel looking back
at that?

When it comes to school,
it was just kind of

an everyday thing.
There were always the jokes.

There were always the slurs.
There were always things.

I remember I was walking through
the hallway

and I heard on the intercom
someone call my old name,

my dead name, that had been
changed for two years.

I would just sit in my car
and have, like, a panic attack

for like hours.

Who's the problem gonna be
with today?

Is it gonna be with a teacher?
Is it gonna be with a student?

I hope everybody
who's watching this, you know,

and their experience
has it easier.

I'm so sorry.
I don't believe any--
anybody deserves that kind of

harassment and bullying.

Jay, do you mind sharing
a little bit about
your experience?

Teachers put me in
the corner.

They would box my whole desk off
from other students.

People saw me being trans
as a disease that I was going to

infect the other students.

I had recess inside.
I had--

My bathroom breaks weren't with
everybody else.

They were separate.

Most of my schooling was alone
at a desk bordered off.

You had to just endure so much.
Sorry that happened.

I identify as non-binary,
more specifically agender.

So I don't identify with gender
at all.

I do think that was
an interesting piece of the film

that there was not as much of
a focus on medical transition.

And just more of a focus on
how do we accept people

and their identities.

I think a big movement
in the trans community is around

like being enough.
Like you are enough.

How you show up.

You're whole in all
of your identity.

Whether you've had affirming
surgery or not.

I think that's an important
piece.

If a parent came up to you
and was like,

"I have a trans kid,
potentially, what do I do?"

What advice would you give them?

I think understanding that

this is not just
a temporary feeling.

That at a very young age
a lot of trans people do know

who they are.

Listen to your child.

Listen to what they want.

If they wanna cut their hair...

If they wanna dress like a guy,
they wanna dress like a girl,

let them figure out
who they wanna be.

There's nothing wrong with
allowing your kid

to have that experimental time.

Once you're an adult,
the world is a little bit more

cold to you
and not so forgiving.

You know, the thing that
everybody calls it

is a "phase"... what if it is?
You know what I mean?

What if they just wanna try
something because they think

that maybe that's gonna
make them feel comfortable.

And I'm not saying trans is
a phase at all.

But I'm saying that people
sometimes like to try things

before they say, "This is me,
this is who I am."

And when I did try it,
that is who I want to be.

It made me absolutely happy.

It made me comfortable
in my skin,

and that's who I was.

Don't be afraid to introduce
them to older people

who are trans.

And more than anything
just love your child

because unconditional love is
irreplaceable.

Not everybody is lucky enough
to have it.

Just really love your child
and support them

and make them feel wanted
and seen.

That unconditional love is
a matter of life and death

for a lot of young people.

The most important piece is
allowing folks to be

who they are and allowing folks
to show up

as their authentic selves.

That's gonna be a major guidance
for parents

as they support their kid.

Listen to what they want,
listen to what they need

because you could change
their whole entire world.

They will forever respect that
and they will forever see that

you're their number one
supporter by letting them be

who they wanna be.