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1
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I never really understood...
2
00:00:05,271 --> 00:00:07,000
...the importance of the conductor.
3
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:10,939
Between you and me,
what the hell is this guy doing?
4
00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:15,047
Do you really need somebody
waving a stick in your face...
5
00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:18,378
...to play the violin?
Does that really help you out?
6
00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:21,820
I could see how we need him
at the beginning, okay?
7
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,489
Tap, tap, tap.
8
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:26,782
"Start." Okay.
I could see how you need that.
9
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,259
But once we're going, okay.
Once it's all happening...
10
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:32,159
...what do we need him for then?
11
00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:37,395
I don't see the cellist looking up, "I'm
confused. I don't know what to do."
12
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:40,562
Then the conductor go,
"Do this. Like this...."
13
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:43,436
"Oh, okay, thank you.
Thank you very much."
14
00:00:46,815 --> 00:00:48,783
Why even try anymore?
There's no sense to it.
15
00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:51,009
I'm never gonna meet anybody.
I should accept it.
16
00:00:51,186 --> 00:00:53,381
-Oh, yes, you will.
-No, I won't.
17
00:00:53,655 --> 00:00:55,987
Yeah, maybe you won't.
18
00:00:56,291 --> 00:01:00,250
It's hard enough to meet a woman
you dislike, much less like.
19
00:01:01,777 --> 00:01:04,422
-Are my nostrils getting bigger?
-No.
20
00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:08,695
See, why must it be so difficult?
Why all this tension and hostility?
21
00:01:08,770 --> 00:01:12,500
Why can't I just walk up to a woman
and say, "Hi, I'm George"?
22
00:01:12,875 --> 00:01:15,166
"How are you?" Is that so terrible?
23
00:01:14,804 --> 00:01:17,375
H-- H-- Hi.
24
00:01:17,413 --> 00:01:19,213
Hi. Hi.
25
00:01:21,851 --> 00:01:23,751
-There's just no men out there.
-I know.
26
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:27,822
I mean the problem is that the good ones
know they're good.
27
00:01:27,991 --> 00:01:29,322
They know they're in such demand....
28
00:01:29,492 --> 00:01:32,723
They're not interested in confining
themselves to one person.
29
00:01:32,496 --> 00:01:34,628
I hate the good ones.
30
00:01:34,798 --> 00:01:36,126
Is Jerry a good one?
31
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:39,026
That's a good question.
I think he thinks he is.
32
00:01:40,771 --> 00:01:42,500
The mediocre ones are available...
33
00:01:42,673 --> 00:01:44,641
...but so insecure not being
a good one...
34
00:01:44,808 --> 00:01:46,935
...they're always,
"I'm not good enough for you.
35
00:01:47,111 --> 00:01:51,741
What are you doing with me?"
Eventually I just go, "You're right."
36
00:01:53,251 --> 00:01:55,811
You know maybe you need somebody
between good and mediocre.
37
00:01:55,987 --> 00:01:57,887
No, maybe I need somebody
who has nothing.
38
00:01:58,055 --> 00:02:01,816
Somebody who just has to appreciates being
with me because he's so desperate.
39
00:02:05,563 --> 00:02:08,162
It's gotten to the point where I'm
flirting with operators on the phone.
40
00:02:10,068 --> 00:02:12,366
I almost made a date with one.
41
00:02:12,538 --> 00:02:14,028
Oh, so there's still hope.
42
00:02:14,273 --> 00:02:17,674
I don't want hope. Hope is killing me.
43
00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:20,835
My dream is to become hopeless.
44
00:02:21,013 --> 00:02:22,241
When you're hopeless don't care.
45
00:02:22,414 --> 00:02:25,212
When you don't care,
that indifference makes you attractive.
46
00:02:25,301 --> 00:02:28,668
-So hopelessness is the key.
-It's my only hope.
47
00:02:29,171 --> 00:02:31,605
You see, I wouldn't really mind
so much...
48
00:02:31,774 --> 00:02:33,401
...but I feel badly for my mother.
49
00:02:33,576 --> 00:02:36,101
If my mother weren't around,
it wouldn't be so bad.
50
00:02:36,279 --> 00:02:40,375
But, I'm telling you, if I'm not married
by the time I'm 40, I'm gonna have to have to kill her.
51
00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:43,780
Because it's the only fair thing to do.
52
00:02:43,953 --> 00:02:45,818
I just couldn't put her through that.
53
00:02:47,223 --> 00:02:48,952
At least you're not bitter.
54
00:02:50,260 --> 00:02:51,693
Who says I'm not bitter?
55
00:02:51,861 --> 00:02:55,058
-Aren't you too young to be bitter?
-No, you can be young and bitter.
56
00:02:55,865 --> 00:02:59,460
Just maybe not as bitter as I'll be
1 0 years from now.
57
00:02:59,903 --> 00:03:01,768
But I'm bitter.
58
00:03:01,672 --> 00:03:04,436
Anyway, don't tell anyone.
59
00:03:05,642 --> 00:03:08,668
Don't worry. Your bitterness
is safe with me.
60
00:03:09,213 --> 00:03:12,239
Okay. Order me a piece of cake.
61
00:03:12,649 --> 00:03:14,378
I'm gonna go throw up.
62
00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:21,519
Look at my hands.
63
00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:23,158
Look.
64
00:03:24,028 --> 00:03:25,427
Filthy from the paper.
65
00:03:25,864 --> 00:03:29,800
They should give you a Wet-Nap when
you buy one, like at those rib joints.
66
00:03:31,102 --> 00:03:33,730
-What did you do last night?
-Went out with George. You?
67
00:03:33,905 --> 00:03:35,600
Went out with Cynthia.
68
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,202
How was it?
What did you talk about?
69
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:40,922
Oh, you know, the usual.
The Federal Reserve, the rain forest.
70
00:03:43,049 --> 00:03:45,108
Cynthia felt we should nuke
the rain forest.
71
00:03:45,284 --> 00:03:48,412
Get rid of it in one fell swoop
so we could eliminate it...
72
00:03:48,588 --> 00:03:50,556
...as a subject of conversation.
73
00:03:51,691 --> 00:03:54,387
-What about you?
-We brushed on that.
74
00:03:56,762 --> 00:03:59,526
Actually, George was in rare form.
75
00:03:59,049 --> 00:04:01,449
He just can't find anybody.
76
00:04:01,618 --> 00:04:03,210
I know. Cynthia too.
77
00:04:03,386 --> 00:04:05,877
-She's really given up.
-George too.
78
00:04:11,328 --> 00:04:13,762
-Yeah, right.
-Yeah, right.
79
00:04:16,466 --> 00:04:19,333
-I've never fixed anybody up.
-Ugh! Me neither
80
00:04:19,502 --> 00:04:23,029
And I am not about to
start with George.
81
00:04:24,758 --> 00:04:27,386
Well, why wouldn't you start
with George?
82
00:04:27,561 --> 00:04:29,153
You think she's too good for George?
83
00:04:29,463 --> 00:04:31,294
I didn't say "too good," did l say "too good"?
84
00:04:31,465 --> 00:04:33,695
-You implied it.
-I didn't say it.
85
00:04:33,468 --> 00:04:35,733
Because if you think she's too good
for George...
86
00:04:35,903 --> 00:04:38,895
...you are dead wrong. Dead wrong.
87
00:04:39,557 --> 00:04:41,149
Who is she?
88
00:04:41,426 --> 00:04:43,758
-Who is he?
-He's George.
89
00:04:44,229 --> 00:04:46,595
-She's Cynthia.
-So what?
90
00:04:47,699 --> 00:04:49,963
What, you don't think
she's beautiful?
91
00:04:50,535 --> 00:04:52,366
What's with the eyebrows?
92
00:04:54,056 --> 00:04:56,957
You know what your problem is?
Your standards are too high.
93
00:04:57,159 --> 00:04:58,717
I went out with you.
94
00:05:03,465 --> 00:05:06,525
That's because my standards
are too low.
95
00:05:08,971 --> 00:05:12,566
And by the way,
women kill for eyebrows like that.
96
00:05:12,742 --> 00:05:16,769
Do you know that?
Women pluck their real eyebrows...
97
00:05:16,946 --> 00:05:19,972
...out of their head one by one...
98
00:05:20,149 --> 00:05:23,641
...until they're bald, Jerry,
bald above the eyes.
99
00:05:23,819 --> 00:05:25,552
And then they paint in these eyebrows
to look like that.
100
00:05:26,473 --> 00:05:28,737
Well, let me tell you something
about George.
101
00:05:28,909 --> 00:05:30,968
He is fast.
102
00:05:31,244 --> 00:05:33,576
He can run like the wind.
103
00:05:33,847 --> 00:05:35,109
And he's strong.
104
00:05:35,282 --> 00:05:38,376
I've seen him lift 100 pounds over
his head without even knowing it.
105
00:05:38,852 --> 00:05:41,946
You wouldn't know it to look at him,
but George can bait a hook.
106
00:05:41,672 --> 00:05:43,902
-He can really do that?
-Come on, let's do it.
107
00:05:44,074 --> 00:05:45,735
I think they'll really get along.
108
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:49,744
-What, are you into this?
-Yeah, come on, it's a good match.
109
00:05:49,914 --> 00:05:52,781
Wait. They'll be telling us how
their dates went.
110
00:05:52,950 --> 00:05:54,577
We going to share
that information?
111
00:05:54,752 --> 00:05:56,151
Naturally.
112
00:05:57,055 --> 00:06:00,752
We're going to tell each other
everything? Every secret?
113
00:06:01,059 --> 00:06:02,287
Everything.
114
00:06:03,128 --> 00:06:05,824
-What if it worked out?
-Yeah, right
115
00:06:08,317 --> 00:06:10,148
Out of the question.
116
00:06:10,385 --> 00:06:11,909
Out of the question.
117
00:06:12,187 --> 00:06:15,384
-Why?
-No. I'm not going to do that.
118
00:06:15,657 --> 00:06:18,353
It's one step away from personal ads.
119
00:06:19,094 --> 00:06:20,584
Then prostitutes.
120
00:06:20,762 --> 00:06:24,254
No! No! I am not going
down that road.
121
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,923
What does she look like?
122
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,920
-She's good-looking.
-How good-looking?
123
00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:35,890
-Very good-looking.
-Really good-looking?
124
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,530
-Really very good-looking.
-Would you take her out?
125
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,592
-Yes, I would.
-You hesitated.
126
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:44,498
-What hesitate? I didn't hesitate.
-Something's up. You hesitated.
127
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,901
I'm telling you, she's good-looking.
128
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,439
-What about the body?
-Good body. Nice body.
129
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,634
-How nice?
-Nice. Pretty nice.
130
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:55,212
-Really good?
-Really very nice and good.
131
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,514
-What about personality?
-Good personality.
132
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,223
Funny. Bright.
133
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,362
I don't want anyone smarter than me.
134
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,499
How could she be smarter than you?
135
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:18,697
All right, let's see. Let's see.
What else? What else?
136
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,803
What does she do?
137
00:07:20,558 --> 00:07:22,389
First of all, what does he do?
138
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,289
He was in real estate.
139
00:07:24,462 --> 00:07:26,760
He's not working right now.
140
00:07:26,931 --> 00:07:29,559
Oh! He's not working?
No. No. No.
141
00:07:29,734 --> 00:07:31,565
How come he's not working?
142
00:07:31,736 --> 00:07:34,603
Well, I mean, he got fired.
143
00:07:34,772 --> 00:07:36,034
Why did he get fired?
144
00:07:39,511 --> 00:07:43,277
Oh, right. Um, well....
145
00:07:43,449 --> 00:07:46,612
He tried to...poison his boss.
146
00:07:46,785 --> 00:07:48,548
Excuse me?
147
00:07:49,121 --> 00:07:54,058
It's such a long story. Seriously,
he just had some problems at work.
148
00:07:54,226 --> 00:07:56,251
-ls he nuts?
-No, no, no.
149
00:07:56,428 --> 00:07:59,727
He's a really, really funny guy.
150
00:07:59,999 --> 00:08:01,296
What does he look like?
151
00:08:01,217 --> 00:08:04,015
-Pardon?
-What does he look like?
152
00:08:05,321 --> 00:08:07,915
Well, he's got a lot of character
in his face.
153
00:08:08,091 --> 00:08:11,652
He's short. Um, he's stocky.
154
00:08:11,828 --> 00:08:13,090
He's fat.
155
00:08:13,263 --> 00:08:15,060
Is that what you're saying,
that he's fat?
156
00:08:15,331 --> 00:08:16,559
Powerful.
157
00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:22,638
He is so powerful. He can lift
1 00 pounds right up over his head.
158
00:08:22,255 --> 00:08:24,689
And, um...what else? What else?
159
00:08:24,858 --> 00:08:27,383
Oh, right, well....
160
00:08:26,911 --> 00:08:31,348
He's, he's kind of--
Just kind of-- Losing his hair.
161
00:08:31,615 --> 00:08:34,448
-He's bald?
-No.
162
00:08:34,685 --> 00:08:37,711
No, no, no. He's not bald.
163
00:08:37,888 --> 00:08:39,753
He's balding.
164
00:08:40,024 --> 00:08:43,050
-So he will be bald?
-Yeah.
165
00:08:42,494 --> 00:08:45,725
-What kind of hair?
-You know, long, dark hair.
166
00:08:45,897 --> 00:08:47,364
Flowing?
167
00:08:48,633 --> 00:08:49,861
Flowing?
168
00:08:50,302 --> 00:08:54,329
Is it flowing? I like flowing,
cascading hair.
169
00:08:54,573 --> 00:08:57,974
Thick, lustrous hair
is very important to me.
170
00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:05,147
"Thick, lustrous hair
is very important to me."
171
00:09:05,318 --> 00:09:06,717
-ls that what you said?
-Right.
172
00:09:06,886 --> 00:09:08,513
Just clarifying.
173
00:09:09,722 --> 00:09:11,849
Let me ask you this.
174
00:09:16,295 --> 00:09:20,527
If you stick your hand in the hair,
is it easy to get it out?
175
00:09:23,136 --> 00:09:24,535
Do you want to be able to get it out?
176
00:09:24,705 --> 00:09:27,173
Or do you want to not be able
to get it out?
177
00:09:27,941 --> 00:09:30,808
-I'd like to be able to get it out.
-I think you'll get it out.
178
00:09:31,778 --> 00:09:33,211
What about the skin?
179
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:35,575
I need a good cheek.
I like a good cheek.
180
00:09:36,383 --> 00:09:38,214
She's got a fine cheek.
181
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,976
Is there a pinkish hue?
182
00:09:43,023 --> 00:09:47,221
-A pinkish hue?
-Yes, a rosy glow.
183
00:09:46,844 --> 00:09:48,835
There's a hue.
184
00:09:49,681 --> 00:09:53,208
She's got great eyebrows.
Women kill to have her eyebrows.
185
00:09:55,186 --> 00:09:56,983
Who cares about eyebrows?
186
00:09:59,991 --> 00:10:02,425
Is she sweet? I like sweet.
187
00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:05,523
But not too sweet.
You could throw up from that.
188
00:10:07,966 --> 00:10:10,093
I don't think you'll throw up.
189
00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,701
She likes to throw up.
190
00:10:20,279 --> 00:10:22,679
-Has he ever been married?
-No.
191
00:10:23,515 --> 00:10:25,210
Has he been close?
192
00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:28,777
He once spent a weekend
with a woman.
193
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,851
He didn't really try
to poison his boss.
194
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,855
Yeah, he did.
195
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:42,227
We had an incredible
phone conversation.
196
00:10:42,402 --> 00:10:44,097
We talked for, like, 20 minutes.
197
00:10:44,271 --> 00:10:47,172
I threw away my notes
in the middle of the call.
198
00:10:49,843 --> 00:10:52,073
I thought she had
a great voice timbre.
199
00:10:52,245 --> 00:10:53,644
Is it "timbre" or "tambre"?
200
00:10:53,814 --> 00:10:56,908
-I think it's tambre.
-Why'd I think timbre?
201
00:10:57,084 --> 00:10:58,574
She could do voice-overs.
202
00:10:58,752 --> 00:11:00,310
You didn't tell me about her voice?
203
00:11:00,487 --> 00:11:03,479
-I didn't notice the voice.
-It's mellifluous.
204
00:11:03,891 --> 00:11:05,449
So, Saturday night.
205
00:11:05,626 --> 00:11:07,856
She had to be impressed
by that conversation.
206
00:11:08,029 --> 00:11:10,930
It was a great performance.
I am unbelievable on the phone.
207
00:11:11,098 --> 00:11:15,797
On the date, they should just have two
phones on the table at the restaurant.
208
00:11:16,737 --> 00:11:18,432
-Hi.
-Hi!
209
00:11:19,407 --> 00:11:22,638
-Out we go Saturday night.
-I know.
210
00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:27,008
-So, what did she say?
-You're getting together Saturday night.
211
00:11:27,799 --> 00:11:29,892
-That's it?
-Yeah.
212
00:11:30,168 --> 00:11:33,501
-She didn't mention the conversation?
-No.
213
00:11:35,507 --> 00:11:37,498
See? I don't get that.
214
00:11:38,310 --> 00:11:41,609
We had a relaxed, stimulating, great
conversation. She doesn't mention it?
215
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:43,008
-Why not mention it?
-What?
216
00:11:43,181 --> 00:11:44,773
She could have mentioned the conversation.
217
00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:48,249
All right. All right. I'll go on the date,
but that's that.
218
00:11:52,825 --> 00:11:54,816
You know my friend Bob Sakamano?
219
00:11:54,994 --> 00:11:59,363
-The guy from Jersey.
-He just got a job at a condom factory.
220
00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:01,858
Look at this. He gave me a gross.
221
00:12:05,405 --> 00:12:08,602
-What are you gonna do with all of them?
-Oh, well....
222
00:12:14,281 --> 00:12:15,839
Take some, Jerry. Grab them.
223
00:12:16,016 --> 00:12:18,814
No, thanks. They look like
they came out of a cereal box.
224
00:12:18,985 --> 00:12:22,250
Come on, Elaine, here.
Take half a bag.
225
00:12:22,473 --> 00:12:24,668
Half a bag?
226
00:12:24,942 --> 00:12:27,240
What am l, a hooker?
227
00:12:28,946 --> 00:12:31,176
Anyway, they look kind of cheap.
228
00:12:32,383 --> 00:12:34,476
I'll take one.
229
00:12:37,672 --> 00:12:39,230
It's possible.
230
00:12:40,575 --> 00:12:44,272
The problem with the condom
is still buying them.
231
00:12:44,446 --> 00:12:48,883
I think we should have, like,
a secret signal with the druggist.
232
00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:51,746
You walk into the store,
go to the counter. He looks at you.
233
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,683
And if you go like this--
234
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,508
He puts them in the bag
for you. That's it.
235
00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:01,277
Show up there with your little
shaving cream, your little toothpaste.
236
00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:02,936
How are you today?
237
00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,910
"Have a nice day." "You too."
238
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,456
So where are they? It's 1 1 :45.
They should be back by now.
239
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,288
-What did they do?
-I think they went out to dinner.
240
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,760
Oh, wait. I got another call.
That must be him.
241
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:20,626
-Hello.
-It's me. I just got home.
242
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,199
Hold on.
243
00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:25,569
-It's George. He just got home.
-Yeah. I got Cynthia on the line.
244
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:29,640
-I'll call you back when I'm done.
-Remember our pact: full disclosure.
245
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,470
Of course.
246
00:13:32,044 --> 00:13:33,375
Yeah, go ahead.
247
00:13:33,147 --> 00:13:35,672
I'm gonna tell you,
but I made a pact with Cynthia.
248
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,874
We swore we were not gonna tell
you and Elaine.
249
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:40,212
-You can tell. I'll vault it.
-It's in the vault?
250
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:43,481
I'm locking the vault. What? Come on.
251
00:13:44,175 --> 00:13:46,939
-We had sex.
-Oh, my God, you had sex?
252
00:13:47,111 --> 00:13:48,874
-How did that happen?
-I don't know.
253
00:13:49,046 --> 00:13:50,707
I closed my eyes and made a move.
254
00:13:50,882 --> 00:13:52,213
-At your apartment?
-Yeah.
255
00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:54,351
-She didn't stay over?
-No. She left.
256
00:13:54,519 --> 00:13:57,181
Listen, you can't mention
any of this to Elaine.
257
00:13:57,355 --> 00:14:00,051
Cynthia will kill me. We made a deal.
258
00:14:00,525 --> 00:14:01,753
Oh, my God.
259
00:14:01,926 --> 00:14:04,190
He was uncomfortable
because it was our first time.
260
00:14:04,362 --> 00:14:07,559
So he felt he'd perform better
if we did it in the kitchen.
261
00:14:07,732 --> 00:14:09,495
-What?
-He says the kitchen...
262
00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:11,498
...is the most sociable room
in the house.
263
00:14:11,669 --> 00:14:12,931
And he was serious.
264
00:14:12,904 --> 00:14:15,634
-So how was it?
-How good could it be?
265
00:14:15,807 --> 00:14:18,071
My head was on a hot plate.
266
00:14:18,877 --> 00:14:20,538
I got another call. Must be Jerry.
267
00:14:20,062 --> 00:14:23,498
-Oh, don't you tell him any of this.
-Yeah, okay.
268
00:14:24,867 --> 00:14:27,461
-Hello?
-So, what did she have to say?
269
00:14:27,636 --> 00:14:30,537
-What did he have to say?
-He said he had a good time.
270
00:14:30,973 --> 00:14:33,134
-Her too.
-Oh, good.
271
00:14:33,109 --> 00:14:34,599
-Anything else?
-No.
272
00:14:35,044 --> 00:14:37,205
-You?
-No.
273
00:14:37,646 --> 00:14:39,978
-You sure?
-Yeah.
274
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:43,245
-You?
-Yeah.
275
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:46,917
All right, well....
276
00:14:47,624 --> 00:14:49,785
I guess everything is under control.
277
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,258
Yeah. Okay then.
278
00:14:52,429 --> 00:14:53,760
Alrighty.
279
00:14:54,064 --> 00:14:55,531
-Good night.
-Good night.
280
00:14:58,536 --> 00:15:01,801
I left three messages.
I can't believe this woman.
281
00:15:01,972 --> 00:15:05,499
We have sex, she leaves 10 minutes
later, then I never hear from her again.
282
00:15:05,676 --> 00:15:07,405
What kind of a person does this?
283
00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:11,911
She used me. I feel cheap and violated.
284
00:15:15,794 --> 00:15:18,422
-I'm gonna do something about this.
-What are you gonna do?
285
00:15:18,596 --> 00:15:20,587
Never mind. Disgraceful.
286
00:15:20,765 --> 00:15:25,725
Leaves you sitting there on the kitchen
floor like some kind of roach trap.
287
00:15:26,171 --> 00:15:28,298
"Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am."
288
00:15:28,473 --> 00:15:30,668
"Sir." Whatever.
289
00:15:30,626 --> 00:15:32,491
She's not gonna get away with this.
290
00:15:32,728 --> 00:15:36,289
I keep racking my brain
to try to figure out what I did.
291
00:15:36,465 --> 00:15:38,296
I was smart. I was funny.
292
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:40,458
I made great small talk
with the waitress...
293
00:15:40,636 --> 00:15:43,196
...so she could see I could relate
to the commoners.
294
00:15:43,372 --> 00:15:45,135
I'm a man of the people.
295
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:46,907
-I'm gonna call her.
-Don't call.
296
00:15:47,075 --> 00:15:49,976
-No, I'm calling her.
-No, Jerry, I don't want you to.
297
00:15:50,145 --> 00:15:52,272
-Get away from me.
-Give me the phone.
298
00:15:52,447 --> 00:15:54,507
-You wanna fight me?
-Jerry, I'm gonna kill you.
299
00:15:55,034 --> 00:15:56,934
Hey, hey, hey!
300
00:15:57,103 --> 00:15:58,900
Hey, come on, Jerry, George.
Stop it.
301
00:15:59,138 --> 00:16:00,696
I'll just call her when you leave.
302
00:16:00,873 --> 00:16:02,135
It's none of your business!
303
00:16:02,308 --> 00:16:04,538
-lt is so my business.
-Give me that!
304
00:16:04,710 --> 00:16:06,541
Stop it, boys!
305
00:16:08,549 --> 00:16:10,540
I don't want another word
from either of you.
306
00:16:10,717 --> 00:16:12,912
-Tell him--
-Hey, hey, hey!
307
00:16:15,122 --> 00:16:19,081
The next one of you that opens your
mouth, you'll have to deal with me.
308
00:16:21,128 --> 00:16:23,926
I bet I know what this is about.
It's about a woman, isn't it?
309
00:16:24,264 --> 00:16:25,788
-Yeah, but--
-You see!
310
00:16:25,966 --> 00:16:27,900
This is exactly what they want
to do to you.
311
00:16:28,068 --> 00:16:29,899
They play one against the other.
312
00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:32,071
You can't let them
manipulate you like that.
313
00:16:31,439 --> 00:16:32,838
-But, Kramer--
-No, no, no!
314
00:16:33,007 --> 00:16:34,804
I want you guys to shake hands.
315
00:16:35,076 --> 00:16:37,772
Come on, there are plenty women
out there for all of us.
316
00:16:38,012 --> 00:16:39,240
Shake.
317
00:16:39,547 --> 00:16:41,344
Yes! You see?
318
00:16:41,516 --> 00:16:44,314
Isn't that better than fighting?
Animosity?
319
00:16:44,485 --> 00:16:47,477
You wanna fight with somebody,
you fight with me.
320
00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:52,417
By the way, those condoms I gave you?
They're defective. Don't use them.
321
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,495
-What?
-Yeah.
322
00:16:59,669 --> 00:17:01,569
-Defective?
-Yeah.
323
00:17:01,737 --> 00:17:04,171
How could you give me
a defective condom?
324
00:17:05,541 --> 00:17:07,441
I didn't even know
they were defective.
325
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,805
-Didn't think you'd ever gonna use them.
-What do you mean--?!
326
00:17:11,047 --> 00:17:12,241
Take it easy.
327
00:17:12,415 --> 00:17:14,383
Just spread out!
328
00:17:23,092 --> 00:17:26,061
Don't worry. If anything was wrong,
she'd have called you.
329
00:17:26,863 --> 00:17:28,421
I missed my period.
330
00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:30,732
Oh, my God!
331
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:34,734
I am very worried. I am never late.
332
00:17:34,972 --> 00:17:36,803
But he used a condom, right?
333
00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:39,875
I know, but these things
aren't always foolproof.
334
00:17:41,111 --> 00:17:43,136
Oh, no.
335
00:17:44,915 --> 00:17:46,246
What?
336
00:17:46,416 --> 00:17:47,849
Was it blue?
337
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,848
Yeah. How'd you know?
338
00:17:52,490 --> 00:17:54,253
Just a hunch.
339
00:17:59,163 --> 00:18:03,532
It says "twist-off."
Twist off! Twist! Off!
340
00:18:05,336 --> 00:18:07,429
Oh, hi. Soda?
341
00:18:07,505 --> 00:18:09,063
No, thanks.
342
00:18:10,108 --> 00:18:11,735
So tell me.
343
00:18:11,910 --> 00:18:15,710
What's the problem with your little
flaky friend? She doesn't return calls?
344
00:18:16,681 --> 00:18:18,649
Who are you to talk
about her like that?
345
00:18:18,117 --> 00:18:20,051
She'll call him when she's
good and ready.
346
00:18:20,252 --> 00:18:22,243
-You don't even know her.
-Oh, I know her.
347
00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:23,818
I know her type.
348
00:18:24,456 --> 00:18:26,583
Her type? What type?
349
00:18:26,759 --> 00:18:28,317
The type that doesn't return phone calls.
350
00:18:28,494 --> 00:18:31,793
I knew we shouldn't have done it.
It was a bad idea in the first place. I told you.
351
00:18:31,364 --> 00:18:34,299
You told me? You pushed
this whole thing on me.
352
00:18:34,467 --> 00:18:35,798
It was your idea.
353
00:18:35,969 --> 00:18:38,301
I was just helping your bitter,
twisted friend.
354
00:18:38,771 --> 00:18:40,102
She's not bitter.
355
00:18:40,273 --> 00:18:42,104
Bitter's a judgment call.
She's twisted.
356
00:18:42,275 --> 00:18:45,676
Twisted? God, I did you a favor!
357
00:18:45,845 --> 00:18:48,780
I thought you said they had a good time.
What else are you keeping from me?
358
00:18:48,248 --> 00:18:50,978
-Are you calling me a liar?
-I'm calling you one if you are.
359
00:18:51,151 --> 00:18:53,085
-Are you?
-Get your finger out of my face.
360
00:18:53,253 --> 00:18:55,380
-Get yours out.
-I don't care.
361
00:18:55,555 --> 00:18:57,989
Get out! Out! Out! Out!
362
00:18:58,158 --> 00:19:00,888
Hey, hey, hey! Come on, stop it!
363
00:19:01,061 --> 00:19:03,052
Come on. Break it up!
364
00:19:03,264 --> 00:19:04,526
Hey, hey!
365
00:19:05,132 --> 00:19:07,066
What's the matter with you?
366
00:19:08,202 --> 00:19:12,935
Now, don't you two see
that you're in love with each other?
367
00:19:15,376 --> 00:19:17,571
I mean, why can't you
face that already?
368
00:19:17,778 --> 00:19:20,576
You're running around looking
for something not even there...
369
00:19:20,748 --> 00:19:23,279
...when everything you dream of
is right here in front of you.
370
00:19:23,551 --> 00:19:25,416
Now why can't you admit that?
371
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:29,090
By the way, when you see George,
give him these. These'll work.
372
00:19:31,092 --> 00:19:34,255
I knew those condoms
were defective!
373
00:19:34,763 --> 00:19:37,596
How did you know
they were defective?!
374
00:19:37,899 --> 00:19:42,233
Because! Because she missed
her period!
375
00:19:42,121 --> 00:19:44,282
She missed her period?
376
00:19:47,726 --> 00:19:49,523
Oh, my God!
377
00:19:49,962 --> 00:19:51,759
I can't believe it.
378
00:19:52,231 --> 00:19:54,756
I'm a father! I did it!
379
00:19:54,933 --> 00:19:56,491
My boys can swim!
380
00:19:56,668 --> 00:20:00,798
I can do it! I can do it!
I'm a father!
381
00:20:04,911 --> 00:20:07,812
So he shows up. He's all out of breath.
He's disheveled.
382
00:20:07,981 --> 00:20:12,350
And tells me that whatever happens,
whatever I decide is fine with him...
383
00:20:12,186 --> 00:20:13,653
...and I could depend on him...
384
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:17,052
...and that he'd support me
in whatever way I need.
385
00:20:17,391 --> 00:20:20,053
Elaine, I was speechless.
386
00:20:20,561 --> 00:20:23,860
Wow. Wow. You see?
You think you know somebody.
387
00:20:24,031 --> 00:20:27,728
I said to him, "l really appreciate this,
but I just got my period."
388
00:20:27,901 --> 00:20:29,562
-Yeah.
-So I asked him to come in--
389
00:20:29,737 --> 00:20:31,102
-Hi.
-Oh, hi.
390
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:35,537
Sorry we're late. We got so
hung up in traffic. I'm sorry.
391
00:20:36,410 --> 00:20:38,469
-What happened?
-Acting.
392
00:20:40,498 --> 00:20:42,932
-Very mature.
-Thank you.
393
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,358
-Hi, Cynthia.
-Hi.
394
00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:47,903
This is a great place to sit
you got here.
395
00:20:48,172 --> 00:20:50,402
Best seat in the house.
Right next to the kitchen.
396
00:20:50,575 --> 00:20:52,566
Oh, stop it. Stop it.
397
00:20:54,446 --> 00:20:57,415
-So, what are these?
-We ordered appetizers. Start eating.
398
00:20:58,016 --> 00:20:59,483
Oh, fabulous.
399
00:21:02,855 --> 00:21:04,846
This is good. Oh, this is good.
400
00:21:05,758 --> 00:21:07,919
Is that salt on this?
401
00:21:08,527 --> 00:21:10,290
Is there salt on this?
402
00:21:09,912 --> 00:21:11,777
But have you ever fixed anybody up?
403
00:21:11,948 --> 00:21:13,848
Why do we do it? Why?
404
00:21:14,350 --> 00:21:16,045
You thought
they'd have a good time...
405
00:21:16,219 --> 00:21:18,244
...and little power trips
for you, isn't it?
406
00:21:18,988 --> 00:21:20,285
Now you're playing God.
407
00:21:20,456 --> 00:21:23,516
Of course, God was
the first person to fix people up.
408
00:21:23,193 --> 00:21:25,127
He fixed up Adam and Eve.
409
00:21:25,295 --> 00:21:27,160
I'm sure he said to Adam,
"No, she's nice.
410
00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:32,859
She's-- Yes, she's very free
about her body.
411
00:21:33,036 --> 00:21:35,197
Doesn't really wear much.
412
00:21:35,372 --> 00:21:38,671
She was going out with a snake.
I think that's over, though."
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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