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1
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:57,885
The brother will give him some advice. This is gonna be a doubleheader.
2
00:00:57,957 --> 00:01:01,120
We've got the Big Deal worth10,000-plus behind door number one...
3
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:03,788
or door number twoor door number three.
4
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:06,696
- What door do you want?
- Take door number three.
5
00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:09,792
- The car's in door number three.
- What are you talking about?
6
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:14,499
Door number two is the winner.
Door number three is a zonk!
7
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,338
Take two! Take two! Two!
8
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,379
See? She picked number two.
9
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,938
Yeah. Now watch what she gets.
10
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:27,715
See there? She ended up
with a cow with a straw hat on.
11
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:30,381
I can't figure it out.
12
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:33,187
I can figure it out, Herman.
13
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:36,228
The lady's just stupid.
14
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:39,026
Wait a minute, Fred.
Why do you say that?
15
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,796
How many smart people do you know
be dressed like a pizza?
16
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:48,873
And another thing that makes her stupid
is she listened to you.
17
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:52,400
You're not so smart either.
What about yesterday on Jeopardy...
18
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:56,711
when you told that woman that Sherlock
Holmes is a famous housing development?
19
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,218
That was just an honest mistake.
20
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:03,813
But there was no excuse
for you picking the wrong door.
21
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:08,020
And besides, if you're so smart,
how come you're just a junkman like me?
22
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:12,588
If God wanted me to be a junkman,
I am smart enough not to ask why.
23
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:16,294
You know the trouble with you, Sanford?
You have a narrow mind.
24
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:19,805
And you know the trouble with you,
Goldstein? You got a big mouth.
25
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:23,642
I don't have to stand here
and listen to those insults.
26
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,235
If I want to be insulted,
I'll call my mother-in-law.
27
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,081
- I'm going.
- Who needs you?
28
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,083
Who needs you?
29
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:35,049
And bock bagel!
30
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:42,561
This is off-limits to you.
And don't never come back here no more.
31
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,597
I wish he would come back here again.
I'll knock him out.
32
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,326
What are you doing?
The whole neighborhood's gonna hear you.
33
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,767
- I don't care who hears me.
- Would you get in the house?
34
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,270
I'll knock him cold.
35
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:54,602
What's wrong anyway? I thought
you and Goldstein were friends.
36
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:58,166
I don't wanna talk about it.
What are you doing here so early?
37
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:01,111
I couldn't wait to get home
to show you this.
38
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,676
- You know what this is?
- Let me see that.
39
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:09,688
Yeah. It's an old rusty gun.
40
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:12,919
That's an original
Revolutionary War rifle.
41
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:15,187
I picked it up at an auction
for 50 bucks.
42
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:18,230
You paid 50 bucks for this?
43
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:23,031
This is an original Revolutionary War
rifle. It's called a Brown Bess.
44
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:25,730
And they sold it to a brown dummy.
45
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,235
I thought you'd say something like that.
46
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:36,442
Look, when I left the auction,
I went to two or three gun shops.
47
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:40,111
Each told me that if I was to clean
it up and polish it real good...
48
00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:42,484
I could get as much as $800 for it.
49
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:45,217
It's an antique. You see
how rusty it is? Look at it.
50
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:48,920
That don't mean nothing. Know how
they make these things look old?
51
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:52,556
They take 'em
and beat 'em with a chain.
52
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:56,227
Then they bury 'em in the ground
so the worms can gnaw at 'em.
53
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:59,465
Then they dig 'em up and leave 'em
in the rain for three or four days.
54
00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:02,201
Then they take it to an auction.
And the man says...
55
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:05,176
"Sold to the dummy
with the black mustache. "
56
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:11,007
You don't believe me?
All right, hold this. Hold that.
57
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,611
See these three business cards?
They're all from gun stores.
58
00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:19,715
Each one of these guys told me
I could get $750 for that rifle.
59
00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:23,159
- Let me get a good look at this rifle.
- Why don't you quit pretending?
60
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:26,665
You don't know nothing about antiques,
and you know even less about guns.
61
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:28,963
- Who don't know about guns?
- You don't.
62
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:33,335
Are you kiddin'? World War I.
Fred B. Sanford.
63
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,431
B. Sanford? What's the B for?
64
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,476
Bull's-eye.
65
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:43,107
Machine gunner, World War I.
66
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:46,845
Rifleman, pistol expert.
How about that?
67
00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:50,320
That's not the way I heard it.
It was World War II.
68
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:55,054
And it was Fred B. Sanford, all right,
and the B wasn't for bull's-eye.
69
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,993
It was Fort Dix, New Jersey.
70
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:08,564
Potato peeler, latrine orderly and KP.
How 'bout that?
71
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,838
How 'bout one across your lip?
72
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:14,243
Pop. You might know something
about modern guns...
73
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,874
- but not about a 200-year-old gun.
- Who don't?
74
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:20,817
You don't. Next you'll be telling me
you was in the Revolutionary War.
75
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:25,256
I wasn't, but one of my ancestors was.
Buford Sanford.
76
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,259
- Buford?
- That's right.
77
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,659
Buford Sanford.
He was a slave.
78
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:32,061
When the Revolutionary War started...
79
00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:36,033
they let him off
so he could go ahead and fight.
80
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:38,263
He was so good
that when the war was over...
81
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,739
they was nice enough to let him
go back to being a slave again.
82
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:45,743
Then how come
I've never heard about him?
83
00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:49,077
I was saving it
for the right moment.
84
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:52,208
- They tell other stories about Buford.
- Like what?
85
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:56,381
You remember that picture
where's three guys marching...
86
00:05:56,456 --> 00:06:00,290
and one of'em is blowing the flute
and the other one is carrying the flag?
87
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,987
"The Spirit of'76"?
88
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,928
That's it. Guess who
was playing the drums.
89
00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:08,364
- Buford?
- Buford.
90
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:11,995
I've seen that picture a thousand times,
and all three of them dudes is white.
91
00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:17,475
So what? How many times you seen
pictures ofJesus and he's white?
92
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,340
What about 'em?
93
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:22,347
That's wrong too.
94
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:25,282
Because you can't hang around
Jerusalem 30-some-years...
95
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:29,117
don't wear no hat and stay white.
96
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:38,426
Nobody in our family had anything
to do with the Revolutionary War.
97
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:42,366
Are you kidding? My grandfather told me
stories about the Revolutionary War.
98
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:45,632
How the soldiers fought then.
Give me that rifle, let me show you.
99
00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:49,141
Buford was one of the best shots
in all the whole service.
100
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,039
See, the British fought like this.
101
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:55,137
They lined up in a long line,
all side-by-side.
102
00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:59,878
It was march, march.
They'd fall down to one knee and fire.
103
00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:03,410
Like that.
Step, step, fire.
104
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:06,925
- Terrific.
- Buford was the best shot in his outfit.
105
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:11,760
You know that command they used to give,
"Don't fire till you see the whites"?
106
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:20,399
It was, "Don't fire until you see
the whites of their eyes. "
107
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:24,239
Buford never waited that long.
108
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:28,838
See, he'd be hiding in the bushes,
and soon as they got nice and close...
109
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:30,849
he would just pick 'em off...
110
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,977
Pow! Then he's ease
farther in the bushes.
111
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:37,853
He sees more of'em coming
and he... Pow!
112
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:41,257
Just like that. Then he'd wait
for some more of them to come.
113
00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:44,057
Didn't make him no difference.
He'd see 'em coming...
114
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,706
Pop, are you all right?
115
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:11,548
Why didn't you tell me
that damn gun was loaded?
116
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,794
I think I broke
my shoulder or something.
117
00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,923
The only thing you broke
was that window over there.
118
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:23,457
You can replace
the broken windowpane...
119
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:26,334
but you can't replace
a broken shoulder.
120
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:28,339
I wonder where that bullet went.
121
00:08:28,407 --> 00:08:30,705
Don't worry about
that old bullet.
122
00:08:30,776 --> 00:08:34,268
- They hit something and fall apart.
- It had to land someplace.
123
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:37,282
I'll take a look at these binoculars...
124
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:41,013
Wait a minute.
Where'd these binoculars come from?
125
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:45,387
Those binoculars?
I use those for business purposes.
126
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,722
What do you mean, business purposes?
127
00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:50,921
- You know Sherman, the junk dealer?
- Yeah.
128
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:55,457
I use them to check out his inventory,
see what the competition is doing.
129
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,130
No, you don't. You've been
using these to look at his wife.
130
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,697
You train these binoculars on their
bedroom, and you check out his wife.
131
00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:05,608
I swear, honest, Lamont. Honest.
132
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,873
I haven't looked at his wife.
Not once.
133
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:11,280
Not once since she
been putting on weight.
134
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,648
Uh-oh, what?
135
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:24,685
There's a broken window across
the street. That's Goldstein's window.
136
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:26,698
Let me see that.
137
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,399
You see?
See that broken glass?
138
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:34,371
- Wow, is she fat!
- Would you look at Goldstein's window?
139
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,740
Uh-oh is right.
140
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:45,250
The bullet from that rifle
went right through Goldstein's window.
141
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,116
Some kid could've threw a brick
through that window.
142
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:50,951
Or maybe it was a meteor.
That's what it was.
143
00:09:51,023 --> 00:09:53,719
A meteor came down
from Venus or someplace...
144
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:58,730
and crashed through Goldstein's window
and landed in his kitchen.
145
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:02,097
No, I think you shot a hole
through Goldstein's window.
146
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:07,606
Hey, wait a minute. What if Goldstein
was in there and you...
147
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,971
Don't say that.
Don't even think it.
148
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:12,533
In the first place, if the bullet
did go through his window...
149
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,046
it didn't have enough power
in it to kill a man.
150
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:18,845
And the second place, we don't
even know if Goldstein was in the room.
151
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:22,718
And in the third place, it's about time
for both of us to get out of town.
152
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:28,424
Wait a minute, Pop. I'm worried.
Goldstein never leaves that house.
153
00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:31,588
The only time he ever leaves that room
is to come over here and look at TV.
154
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,723
Maybe the bullet didn't hit him.
155
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:37,257
If that bullet didn't hit him, he'd be
in the street screaming bloody murder.
156
00:10:37,336 --> 00:10:39,304
Murder? Don't say that.
157
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,973
You had to have an argument with him!
What'd you have an argument for?
158
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:47,740
The neighbors probably heard you.
They'll say that you gunned him down.
159
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:51,749
Stop it. If he did get shot, you know
it was an accident. You believe that.
160
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:54,650
Yeah, I believe it and you believe it,
but will a jury believe it?
161
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,745
Ajury?
What are you talking about?
162
00:10:56,822 --> 00:11:01,725
I'm talking about a shooting
and you did it! Pop, you shot a man!
163
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:08,796
Oh, this is the big one.
164
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:11,029
You hear that, Elizabeth?
165
00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:13,435
I'm comin' to join you, honey.
166
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,498
Guilty! Guilty!
167
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:21,205
What am I gonna do? I don't wanna
spend the rest of my life in jail.
168
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,214
All my years of hard work.
169
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:27,844
They'll take me away,
and I'll lose all this.
170
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:34,653
Don't worry. If anything happens to you,
I'll take care of this place.
171
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:37,628
How you gonna take care of
the place from a jail cell?
172
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,928
Jail cell? What are you talking about?
I didn't shoot that rifle. You did.
173
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,867
- I didn't buy that rifle. You did!
- I didn't pull the trigger.
174
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,870
- I didn't load it.
- Neither did I.
175
00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:48,338
All three of us
are in this together.
176
00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:52,639
Me and you and the soldier
who loaded that rifle 200 years ago.
177
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,845
Wait. We're not absolutely positive
that Goldstein is dead.
178
00:11:56,916 --> 00:12:01,683
How we gonna find out? Keep watching
the sky till we see buzzards circling?
179
00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:05,155
No. All we gotta do...
180
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:08,352
is just sit over here
and keep watching Goldstein's light.
181
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:12,022
What good is it gonna do to sit
over here and watch Goldstein's light?
182
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,589
If his light goes off at 8:30,
like it always does...
183
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,431
that means he turned it off,
and he's alive.
184
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:21,371
And if it don't go off,
that means that he's dead.
185
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,773
- Lf he's dead, you know what that means?
- Yeah.
186
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,210
We're dead.
187
00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:51,802
Hey, Pop, wake up!
188
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,806
Goldstein's light.
It's still on.
189
00:12:54,874 --> 00:12:58,503
I looked through the binoculars, and
it's still on. You know what that means.
190
00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:01,410
It means he didn't turn it off.
191
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,779
He didn't turn it off
because he couldn't turn it off.
192
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:08,843
I hate to say it, but Goldstein is dead.
What else could it be?
193
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:14,154
If Goldstein is dead,
then I'll soon be dead too.
194
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:18,788
And the sad part, no one will ever know
the truth: The murder was your fault.
195
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:23,093
My fault? How do you figure
it was my fault?
196
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:25,103
Until you brought that rifle here...
197
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:28,402
the most dangerous thing I had
was a baseball bat.
198
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,136
You ever hear of anybody
getting shot with a baseball bat?
199
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:35,670
Are you gonna start that again?
Who told you to shoot the gun?
200
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:39,479
- I ain't gonna take no murder rap alone.
- Well, it's not really murder.
201
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:44,751
You didn't know what you were doing.
That's it. Plead temporary insanity.
202
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:48,885
How 'bout if I plead
I got a son with permanent insanity?
203
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:54,027
We're not absolutely positive
that Goldstein is dead.
204
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:57,193
Maybe you're lucky. Maybe he was
just very seriously wounded.
205
00:13:57,269 --> 00:14:01,433
Yeah, a flesh wound,
like in one of them cowboy movies.
206
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,634
They never get more
than a flesh wound.
207
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:06,803
- How we gonna find out?
- You could call him.
208
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:10,576
And if he's got a flesh wound, he'll
stagger to the phone and answer it.
209
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:12,947
Good idea, Pop! Why didn't
I think of that from the start?
210
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:15,077
You ain't got what I got up here.
211
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:18,453
- We'll just call him up.
- What you gonna say when he answers?
212
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,617
Just one word... mazel-tov!
213
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:25,626
- How many rings?
- It just started.
214
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,357
- Now how many?
- That's two.
215
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:31,460
- How many...
- Shh!
216
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,836
The telephone company say, always let
the phone ring at least ten times.
217
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:39,776
Sometimes people will be sleeping.
Sometimes they be in the shower, and...
218
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:47,349
Sometimes they be dead.
219
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,755
He didn't answer. He's dead.
220
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,361
Here's part two of the big one.
221
00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:02,790
Goldstein and I be going
to that old junkyard in the sky.
222
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:06,861
Me to Saint Peter
and him to wherever he goes.
223
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:09,032
Wait a minute.
There's one other possibility.
224
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:11,099
Goldstein could be alive,
but unconscious.
225
00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:14,942
That would explain why he didn't answer
the phone, 'cause he was unconscious.
226
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:18,472
There's only one way to find out. One
of us has got to go over there and see.
227
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:22,611
- Well, why don't you do that?
- Me? Why don't you go?
228
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:25,384
- I ain't going over there.
- You're the one that shot him.
229
00:15:25,457 --> 00:15:28,688
If I go over there and find him dead,
the shock will kill me.
230
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,491
And if I find out he's alive,
I'll be so happy...
231
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:35,158
I'll be jumping up and down and have
a heart attack, and that'll kill me.
232
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:39,034
So either way,
if I go, I go.
233
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:45,600
Okay, I'll go. I'm gonna go out
the back way so nobody'll see me.
234
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:49,444
While I'm gone, I don't want you
to open that door for nobody.
235
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:52,416
Sometimes the cops try to disguise
themselves as normal people.
236
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:56,648
Yeah. I can spot a cop a mile away.
237
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:59,316
They got them crew cuts
and have them big sideburns.
238
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:01,791
They wear a Arrow shirt
with little, thin neckties.
239
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:05,057
And they wear them brown wingtip shoes
with the design on the toe.
240
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,564
- And they chew gum real fast.
- That's right, so watch yourself, Pop.
241
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:14,497
Why did this happen to me?
Why am I being punished?
242
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:17,007
Maybe I should've went
to church more often.
243
00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:22,677
It's the cops.
It's the cops. I know it.
244
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:30,447
He's got on an Arrow shirt
and a thin necktie.
245
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:33,787
Oh! What do you want?
246
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:37,295
I'd like to talk to Lamont Sanford
about a firearm he has.
247
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:42,232
No, he's gone.
He went to a U.J.A. Meeting.
248
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:45,737
United Junkmen of America.
249
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:49,397
My name's Ronald Hart
of Hart's Gun Shop.
250
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,781
Is that a Arrow shirt?
251
00:16:56,849 --> 00:17:00,080
I don't know, but yesterday
a Lamont Sanford stopped in my place...
252
00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:04,088
to get a Revolutionary War rifle
appraised, and I found a buyer for him.
253
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:06,090
He sold the rifle.
254
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,290
If he ever gets another rifle
like that one...
255
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:13,957
I have a standing offer
from a client of $1,000 for it.
256
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,664
A thousand dollars?
257
00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:18,930
For a rifle that don't shoot?
They don't shoot, you know.
258
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:24,067
Of course they do. They could kill a man
today the way they did 200 years ago.
259
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:29,171
Then of course, the excuse would be that
the idiot didn't know it was loaded.
260
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:31,182
Well, thanks a lot.
261
00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:35,676
The guy was here from the gun shop.
262
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:39,588
I sure wish you'd have sold that gun
yesterday. We'd be $1,000 richer...
263
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:42,525
and we wouldn't be wondering
if we'd killed a man.
264
00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:44,960
- You can stop wondering.
- What do you mean?
265
00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:47,658
I just knocked on Goldstein's door.
There wasn't any answer.
266
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,963
Another big one!
267
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:56,633
Part three, and the end.
268
00:17:56,708 --> 00:18:01,042
Please don't panic! The thing we gotta
do is keep calm! Now, don't panic!
269
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:03,877
I am calm.
I'm not panicking.
270
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:09,649
- We gotta get rid of that rifle.
- Yeah, that's what we gotta do.
271
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:13,384
- Here. Here we go.
- What's the blowtorch for?
272
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:16,485
We can take the wood off this rifle
and then melt the rest of it down.
273
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:18,496
- Good idea.
- Let's go in the back. Hurry up.
274
00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:22,500
- Who do you suppose that is?
- I don't know.
275
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:27,096
I'll answer the door and stall 'em.
You start melting it down. Hurry.
276
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:41,884
Hey, Fred. Just got a minute.
Hope you got some coffee.
277
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,149
I want you to meet my new partner,
Officer Hopkins.
278
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:48,353
- This is a friend, Fred Sanford.
- Mr. Sanford.
279
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:52,363
What's the matter, brother?
Aren't you feeling well?
280
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:56,197
I don't feel too good. I've been having
a series of heart attacks.
281
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:59,528
Yeah, that's been going around.
282
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:02,130
What's the matter?
You worried about something?
283
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:04,801
It's just my heart.
It'll stop soon.
284
00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:10,272
Say, what's that smell?
285
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,484
- What smell?
- I don't know. You cooking something?
286
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:19,320
No! Nobody's cooking anything.
See, Lamont is...
287
00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:25,193
He's barbecuing, and he don't like
nobody watching him while he's cooking.
288
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:28,859
Yeah. Hey, Lamont, Brother Smitty's
out here with his new partner.
289
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:31,164
- They wanna know what you cooking?
- What?
290
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:34,831
- They wanna know, is it done yet?
- Done? No, it's not.
291
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:36,841
- It ain't done yet.
- What's he cooking?
292
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,900
Soul food.
293
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:42,606
Say, Fred, I don't know any
soul food that smells like that.
294
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:46,811
This soul food comes
from a special recipe.
295
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:51,049
- Brother Smitty and his new partner.
- How are you?
296
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,057
They came by for coffee.
297
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,184
- We don't have no coffee, do we?
- No, we're out of coffee.
298
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:57,353
- I told Pop we had to get some coffee.
- Sure did.
299
00:19:57,429 --> 00:20:00,057
- Tea too.
- I'm sorry, men. No coffee.
300
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:03,966
That's all right. We'll stop by later
when you have some coffee. Let's go.
301
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,631
- What happened to your window? Kids?
- Kids.
302
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:11,699
You'd think if a youngster broke
your window, he'd be honest and confess.
303
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,608
You'd think so.
304
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:17,479
That soul food smells like hammer hocks
and black-eyed rice.
305
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:25,651
- That's ham hocks and black-eyed peas.
- Oh, right.
306
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:28,693
Okay, let's...
We'll see you later.
307
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:36,197
You hear? They don't fool me talking
about hammer hocks and black-eyed rice.
308
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:38,202
- They know.
- I think so.
309
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,602
All that stuff about confessing...
310
00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:44,369
See, they know. They just wanted us
to know they knew. You know?
311
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,172
I know.
312
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:50,705
And because they're friends, they're
giving me a chance to turn myself in.
313
00:20:50,782 --> 00:20:52,545
I think you're right.
314
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:55,849
That's the only thing left
for me to do, is turn myself in.
315
00:20:55,921 --> 00:21:01,416
- Yeah, it's the only thing left to do.
- Well, I'll go turn myself in.
316
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:06,055
- You take care of all this nice stuff.
- Don't worry. I will.
317
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:08,861
I spent a lot of years
fixing this place up.
318
00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:12,763
I'll just go turn myself in.
319
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:16,899
I sure will miss
the old place, my truck.
320
00:21:16,975 --> 00:21:20,240
Say, wait a minute! Do you see
what I see? It's Goldstein!
321
00:21:20,312 --> 00:21:23,145
Hello, Fred. Hello, Lamont.
322
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:25,809
- It's you!
- Look at this.
323
00:21:25,884 --> 00:21:28,614
I didn't think I would live
to see the day to get such a welcome.
324
00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:30,621
Come on in.
Did you hear him?
325
00:21:30,689 --> 00:21:31,986
Yeah.
326
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:35,220
He said he never think he'd live
to see the day... Sit down.
327
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:38,263
Fred, I came over to apologize
for yesterday.
328
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,594
I don't now why
we had to fight.
329
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:44,659
Me either. Last night I called you to
apologize, and I couldn't get an answer.
330
00:21:44,736 --> 00:21:47,170
And your light was on all night.
We were worried about you.
331
00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:51,005
I was upset, so I went across town
to visit with my son.
332
00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:54,534
I left the lights on
to keep the burglars away.
333
00:21:54,613 --> 00:21:57,980
When I came home, you know
what happened? My window was broken.
334
00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:03,954
Look at my hat that I left hanging
on the back of the chair.
335
00:22:04,022 --> 00:22:05,614
A bullet hole!
336
00:22:06,692 --> 00:22:12,255
Know what I think? I think some
crazy guy shot off a gun in the street.
337
00:22:13,465 --> 00:22:17,731
If I had been sitting in that chair,
I wouldn't be sitting in this chair.
338
00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:21,796
What am I talking about?
I wouldn't be sitting at all.
339
00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:24,808
I would be laying in Mount Sinai.
340
00:22:26,044 --> 00:22:28,103
That's where they go.
341
00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:33,511
- Don't even think about it.
- No, don't think about it.
342
00:22:33,585 --> 00:22:36,577
Who thinks about it?
I'm glad to be alive.
343
00:22:36,655 --> 00:22:39,215
- And I'm happy we are still friends.
- Me too.
344
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:41,282
I'm going back
to have a little lunch now.
345
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:45,160
- Why don't you have lunch with us?
- What are you having?
346
00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:49,530
- Pig knuckles and red beans.
- I'll come back after lunch.
347
00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:55,973
Goldstein lives!
348
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:58,032
There's only one word for it, son.
349
00:22:58,110 --> 00:23:00,101
Mazel-tov!
350
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:11,822
Say, what are you looking at?
351
00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:14,950
I'm watching Goldstein put his
new window in. You wanna take a look?
352
00:23:15,026 --> 00:23:17,961
- Yeah, let me see that.
- I'm gonna go get myself some coffee.
353
00:23:21,933 --> 00:23:24,629
Oh, lady, are you fat.
354
00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:38,842
- Is Lamont Sanford home?
- Who are you?
355
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:41,477
I'm Mr. Hart from the gun shop.
I was here yesterday.
356
00:23:41,553 --> 00:23:44,215
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Come on in. I'll call him.
357
00:23:44,289 --> 00:23:45,688
Thank you.
358
00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:47,952
- Lamont!
- Yeah, what is it?
359
00:23:48,026 --> 00:23:50,688
The fellow was here yesterday...
360
00:23:50,762 --> 00:23:52,195
Hello, Mr. Hart.
361
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:56,963
If you ever get another rifle like
that Brown Bess, I can still get $1,000.
362
00:23:57,035 --> 00:24:00,004
Listen, what kind of condition
does it have to be in?
363
00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:03,040
After all, we're talking about
something that's 200 years old.
364
00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:05,406
I wouldn't expect it to be
in perfect condition.
365
00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:08,139
- Wait just a minute.
- Where you going, Pop?
366
00:24:08,213 --> 00:24:11,671
Pop! What are you doing?
367
00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:14,844
How much can I get
for it like this?
368
00:24:28,433 --> 00:24:32,665
Sanford and Son is recorded on tapebefore a live studio audience.
32725
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