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1
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,568
Happy Parade Day!
2
00:00:11,628 --> 00:00:14,738
It's the Parade Day Parade!
3
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:17,999
Clear the roadway!
4
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:21,019
Your antics inconvenience hundreds!
5
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:23,855
Hooray for parades!
6
00:00:24,048 --> 00:00:26,358
Your antics delight one and all!
7
00:00:27,477 --> 00:00:30,529
Follow me, Little Lord Ralph!
8
00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:34,849
What's hiding behind
the Great Green Wall?
9
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,350
A choo choo? Some buttons?
10
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,352
A dog ten feet tall?
11
00:00:47,034 --> 00:00:50,031
My eyes told me a secret!
12
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,760
Aw, last day of school.
13
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,721
Lot of fond memories in here.
14
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,040
- Furnace.
- On it.
15
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,374
I know what's behind the Big Hedge,
16
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,709
because I went behind the Big Hedge
17
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,210
and I saw what's behind the Big Hedge
18
00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:05,455
and now I'm gonna tell you. Yay!
19
00:01:05,515 --> 00:01:07,732
The Big Hedge? As in the Big Hedge?
20
00:01:07,925 --> 00:01:10,217
No one knows what's behind that thing.
21
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,571
Although, a seventh grader once told me
22
00:01:12,764 --> 00:01:14,964
it was naked ladies
setting off fireworks.
23
00:01:14,983 --> 00:01:18,301
I heard it's where divorced
parents go to get back together.
24
00:01:18,403 --> 00:01:22,396
No, sir! It's where they hold
the Independent Spirit Awards!
25
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:25,083
If you call that independent.
26
00:01:25,276 --> 00:01:28,587
No, it's the best playground ever!
27
00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:32,257
There's Easter eggs and baby
cars that anyone can drive.
28
00:01:32,450 --> 00:01:34,926
And this many clowns in clown pants!
29
00:01:35,616 --> 00:01:38,305
Dang, that's hella clowns.
30
00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:43,417
How the crotch
do we get through that thing?
31
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,186
I've seen my dad do this.
32
00:01:52,896 --> 00:01:54,779
- Wow!
- Whoa!
33
00:01:56,450 --> 00:02:00,118
See? Easter eggs,
clown pants and baby cars.
34
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,679
I love you, clowns!
35
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,541
There's a golf course in
the middle of Springfield?
36
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,018
What's golf?
37
00:02:09,079 --> 00:02:11,371
I've never seen a golf course anywhere,
38
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,356
except those commercials for pills
39
00:02:13,416 --> 00:02:15,449
that give old people their life back.
40
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,915
Duckies!
41
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,379
I'm gonna go steal their wet bread.
42
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:23,290
Whoa, I've never seen
Jimbo looking so sharp.
43
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,292
Is he bullying rich guys now?
44
00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,628
Fine round today, sir.
45
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:30,223
You know, I hope to be a doctor myself.
46
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,984
It's always been my dream
to work around blood.
47
00:02:35,012 --> 00:02:37,447
Well, maybe this will help
with medical school.
48
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:42,143
Whoa! 20 bucks!
49
00:02:44,188 --> 00:02:45,889
What the hell, Jimbo?
You just suck up to that guy
50
00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:47,148
and he gives you money?
51
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,649
It's not sucking up.
52
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,318
Rich guys love hearing
how great they are,
53
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,154
and they're willing to pay for it.
54
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,156
Money pay.
55
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,927
Look away, pervs!
56
00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:02,496
We'd like jobs, please.
57
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:05,850
Well, you seem a little young,
but I do need the help.
58
00:03:06,002 --> 00:03:07,852
I'm out several of my best caddies
59
00:03:08,045 --> 00:03:10,246
due to an elaborate
virginity-losing wager.
60
00:03:10,306 --> 00:03:12,339
Here are your first assignments.
61
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,436
You know, I've never really
sucked up to anyone before.
62
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,755
Sure, I've lied, scammed, grifted,
63
00:03:18,815 --> 00:03:20,681
but this feels different.
64
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:21,866
Special.
65
00:03:22,018 --> 00:03:24,018
Well, I'm a Van Houten.
66
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:26,612
Watch and learn.
67
00:03:26,765 --> 00:03:30,041
Dang! Looks like I got
the handsomest golfer
68
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,951
in the whole damn club!
69
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:36,789
You fine, boy!
70
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,866
Hmm, you're new.
71
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,827
Uh, that's why they assigned me to you.
72
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,722
The best way to learn the course
73
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,557
is by watching a master carve it up
74
00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:47,517
like a Thanksgiving turkey.
75
00:03:50,121 --> 00:03:51,287
That does sound
76
00:03:51,306 --> 00:03:52,472
like something they would say.
77
00:03:53,557 --> 00:03:54,899
Let's play some golf.
78
00:03:55,092 --> 00:03:56,568
Whew.
79
00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,645
Wait till my friends hear I caddied
80
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,315
for Kent "The Straight Dope" Brockman.
81
00:04:02,467 --> 00:04:04,242
We watch you every night.
82
00:04:04,435 --> 00:04:07,579
Really? I thought youngsters got
their news from the Internet.
83
00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:11,398
Pfft. No way. My boys think
broadcast news is the swagness.
84
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,585
And the girls call you "a snack."
85
00:04:13,778 --> 00:04:15,920
Hope it's okay for me to
use the current lingo.
86
00:04:16,113 --> 00:04:17,922
The snack will allow it.
87
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,741
Stacy and I, well, it's, uh...
88
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:21,818
it's complicated.
89
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,577
Isn't it always?
90
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,097
She's a terrific person and
a top-notch meteorologist.
91
00:04:26,290 --> 00:04:29,158
But if I'm dodging her
calls after three months...
92
00:04:29,219 --> 00:04:31,585
I think you've already
made up your mind.
93
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,497
You just don't want to admit it,
'cause you're a kind person.
94
00:04:34,557 --> 00:04:36,691
Mm. Guilty as charged.
95
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,003
You da man!
96
00:04:40,063 --> 00:04:43,006
Muzzle your nonsense, imbecile!
97
00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:44,524
Said da man!
98
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,117
This is "The Straight Dope,"
99
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,511
thanking you for a wonderful round.
100
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,179
This is it. The moment of truth.
101
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,772
Did I kiss enough butt?
102
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,017
Only money will tell.
103
00:04:55,745 --> 00:04:57,537
I thought all money was the same.
104
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,131
But the best money is peeled off a wad.
105
00:05:00,283 --> 00:05:02,300
? Cash rules everything around me ?
106
00:05:02,451 --> 00:05:03,635
? C.R.E.A.M., get the money ?
107
00:05:03,786 --> 00:05:05,711
? Dollar dollar bill, y'all ?
108
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,697
? Cash rules everything around me ?
109
00:05:07,757 --> 00:05:08,956
? C.R.E.A.M., get the money ?
110
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,050
? Dollar dollar bill, y'all ?
111
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,960
? Cash rules everything around me ?
112
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,312
? C.R.E.A.M., get the money ?
113
00:05:14,505 --> 00:05:16,222
? Dollar dollar bill, y'all ?
114
00:05:16,374 --> 00:05:17,982
? Cash rules everything around me ?
115
00:05:18,175 --> 00:05:20,467
? C.R.E.A.M., get the money. ?
116
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,970
There's my number one son.
117
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:26,307
Come sit next to your proud papa,
workin' man.
118
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,975
We're all proud of you.
119
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,552
I'm sure Bart will learn a lot
120
00:05:29,612 --> 00:05:32,388
carrying a bag of sticks
from place to place.
121
00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:35,316
They're called golf bats, Lis.
122
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,484
Nice starter wad.
123
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,820
You want to see what I'm rolling with?
124
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,948
That rubber band is just straining!
125
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,067
Can I hold it?
126
00:05:44,127 --> 00:05:45,418
Hey, be careful with that!
127
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:46,656
Whoa!
128
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:50,073
No-static dryer sheets?
129
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:52,258
You pad your wad?
130
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,761
I'm not the father you
thought you married!
131
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,269
Look, Maggie.
Your brother is doing a job.
132
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,845
Aren't you proud of him?
133
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,513
Aren't you?
134
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,824
Want to sneak a peek?
135
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:13,446
...and in the end,
everyone lost money but me.
136
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,856
Wow. I've learned so much today,
137
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:19,452
about golf, life and oil leases.
138
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:23,030
I wish I had tribal land for
you to build a pipeline on.
139
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:26,384
I'd be honored if you'd frack
under my house someday, sir.
140
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:32,932
Ugh. I've never seen my son...
suck up before.
141
00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:35,952
Easy money. Mwah.
142
00:06:35,970 --> 00:06:39,288
You don't kiss all the golfers'
butts like that, do you?
143
00:06:39,307 --> 00:06:42,198
Oh, Mom. These rich guys
expect a little...
144
00:06:42,551 --> 00:06:45,128
in exchange for some... ah.
145
00:06:45,146 --> 00:06:46,553
It's no big deal.
146
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:49,407
On one hand,
I'm glad you're being polite.
147
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:50,816
On the other hand...
148
00:06:53,104 --> 00:06:56,080
Wow, I never thought of it
that way, Mom.
149
00:06:56,273 --> 00:06:58,917
No one looks out for me the way you do.
150
00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:00,901
You are the shining star
151
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:03,421
that guides this family
through the darkness.
152
00:07:03,614 --> 00:07:05,906
Oh, aren't you sweet.
153
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,742
Why don't we stop by the
skateboard store on the way home
154
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:09,986
and I'll buy you...
155
00:07:11,288 --> 00:07:12,296
Suck-up.
156
00:07:18,495 --> 00:07:20,513
So, there we are on the 18th green.
157
00:07:20,665 --> 00:07:22,331
The course has been a bear all morning.
158
00:07:22,392 --> 00:07:24,517
I tell Judge Snyder to shut that all out
159
00:07:24,669 --> 00:07:25,926
and just be in the moment.
160
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,112
He nods, plants his feet.
161
00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:30,339
And, in one smooth motion...
162
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,201
...tips me 50 bucks!
163
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,362
Wow. Just... wow.
164
00:07:36,514 --> 00:07:39,198
Why do I suddenly want to
bring Bart's car around?
165
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:44,796
Here you go.
Buy yourself a bigger tip jar.
166
00:07:48,084 --> 00:07:50,026
? Tip's in the jar, grateful we are ?
167
00:07:50,044 --> 00:07:52,044
? Praised be your name,
you've raised the game ?
168
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,954
? Some give us zip, it's such a rip ?
169
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,881
? Shame them with song,
they're in the wrong ?
170
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,308
? All of the grown-ups
in here just... ?
171
00:07:57,501 --> 00:07:58,718
Doesn't it bother you
172
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,386
that Bart made that money...
173
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,130
Sucking up to those golfers?
174
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,466
Marge, sucking up is the American way.
175
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,134
In this country, everybody got together
176
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,395
and decided that all
the money should belong
177
00:08:09,547 --> 00:08:12,942
to a few dozen families and
their favorite suck-ups.
178
00:08:12,977 --> 00:08:15,809
Don't you remember when
we all decided that?
179
00:08:17,049 --> 00:08:19,664
And of all the things
that Bart might do for money,
180
00:08:19,857 --> 00:08:21,907
this is by far the most legal.
181
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:23,835
Other people are paying our son.
182
00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:25,353
And in cash!
183
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:28,322
It's both aboveboard
and under the table.
184
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,416
That's the dream!
185
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,752
Homie, I know it's not logical,
186
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:34,920
but when I saw Bart at that golf course,
187
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:38,090
my mothering spirit just wanted to hurl.
188
00:08:38,243 --> 00:08:40,092
Back me up on this one.
189
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,578
Tell our son he has to quit.
190
00:08:42,638 --> 00:08:44,764
Quit being a caddy? No way!
191
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,766
How much did Mom give
you to tell me that?
192
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,101
Uh... n-nothing.
193
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,528
Well, I can do better than that.
194
00:08:50,721 --> 00:08:52,772
Will 20 bucks make this go away?
195
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,441
Well, I guess
I can tell her I did my best.
196
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,778
Tell her you did your... very best.
197
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,187
Mm-hmm.
198
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,598
Now that you got your own pool,
199
00:09:02,617 --> 00:09:04,617
what are you gonna buy next?
200
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,643
I'm thinking of getting
one of those booths
201
00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:07,720
that blows money around.
202
00:09:07,772 --> 00:09:10,182
It pays for itself the
first time you get in it.
203
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,051
Bart, no! That wad is your future.
204
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:16,054
What you need is a good
investment vehicle.
205
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,388
Hmm.
206
00:09:20,409 --> 00:09:24,110
"Patented Ultra-Freedom
BadAss Technology
207
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:27,006
stops the engine if the
driver puts on a helmet."
208
00:09:27,115 --> 00:09:28,281
- Yes!
- Yeah!
209
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,468
After you buy it, can we have rides?
210
00:09:30,661 --> 00:09:33,137
Guys, guys, if I shared my death-mobile,
211
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:35,973
then you wouldn't be motivated
to earn wads of your own.
212
00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:37,808
I'm doing this for you.
213
00:09:38,001 --> 00:09:41,053
Yeah, well,
you're acting like a butt wad.
214
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:42,888
Oh, Nelson.
215
00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:45,541
Saying what you really
think will get you nowhere.
216
00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:47,151
Lousy rich kids.
217
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,652
- If I had a quad, I'd share my quad.
- Lame.
218
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,157
Mm!
219
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:58,887
Okay, okay,
I'll tell you what's bothering me.
220
00:09:58,989 --> 00:10:00,556
It's Bart's caddy job.
221
00:10:00,658 --> 00:10:01,832
It's gross, right?
222
00:10:02,025 --> 00:10:03,334
You can tell me it's gross.
223
00:10:03,527 --> 00:10:04,818
You think it's gross?
224
00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:07,654
Well, private golf clubs
are pretty evil.
225
00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,248
Right. They are.
226
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:10,674
How so?
227
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,344
_
228
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,069
Wow, look at all these.
229
00:10:14,129 --> 00:10:16,071
Waste of water resources,
230
00:10:16,131 --> 00:10:17,256
pesticide use,
231
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,350
history of sexism and racism...
232
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,410
And Bart's a suck-up!
233
00:10:21,428 --> 00:10:23,078
Not to mention that private clubs
234
00:10:23,138 --> 00:10:26,081
get huge breaks on their property taxes,
235
00:10:26,141 --> 00:10:27,766
which is completely unfair.
236
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,085
Why shouldn't rich
people pay their share?
237
00:10:30,145 --> 00:10:32,512
Lisa, we've got to shut down that club.
238
00:10:32,648 --> 00:10:34,865
We're going to city hall!
239
00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:44,946
_
240
00:10:47,424 --> 00:10:49,421
Oh!
241
00:10:52,576 --> 00:10:54,885
Club President Bildorf.
242
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,703
Plays every single day
243
00:10:56,764 --> 00:10:59,205
and never tips less than 100 bucks.
244
00:11:00,638 --> 00:11:02,542
Looks like I picked
the right summer job.
245
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:05,229
Mark my words...
his bag will be on my shoulder
246
00:11:05,422 --> 00:11:07,213
before this year's Father-Son
247
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:10,626
Bingo-Bango-Bongo Best-Ball Scramble.
248
00:11:10,644 --> 00:11:11,885
You know, since school's not in session,
249
00:11:11,946 --> 00:11:13,979
I can finally tell you...
250
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,573
you're awesome.
251
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,317
- Mm...
- Hmm? Hmm?
252
00:11:18,452 --> 00:11:20,119
I'll take Simpson.
253
00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:26,750
- Eh, I just won't play.
- Mm.
254
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,921
Okay, Mom. You got
to get your voice out there.
255
00:11:31,073 --> 00:11:32,756
Take the cause directly to the people
256
00:11:32,949 --> 00:11:35,092
with an online petition.
257
00:11:36,754 --> 00:11:38,220
I got this!
258
00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:40,823
There.
259
00:11:40,924 --> 00:11:43,083
Now all I need is a catchy title.
260
00:11:43,144 --> 00:11:44,159
I got it.
261
00:11:44,219 --> 00:11:45,828
"Stop Coddling
262
00:11:45,888 --> 00:11:48,347
the Springfield Junipers Wealthy."
263
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,015
Whoops, too long. Hmm.
264
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,501
How about "Stop Coddling
265
00:11:52,561 --> 00:11:54,019
the S.J.W.s."
266
00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:55,762
And post.
267
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:58,340
I wonder if that headline
will get any attention.
268
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,619
An online petition attacking
our local private golf club
269
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:04,513
has garnered over one
million signatures.
270
00:12:05,446 --> 00:12:06,624
One million?
271
00:12:07,703 --> 00:12:11,277
Mom, you used the term "S.J.W."
272
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:12,612
Yes, I know.
273
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,356
The "Springfield Junipers Wealthy."
274
00:12:14,416 --> 00:12:18,636
No! "S.J.W." stands for
"social justice warriors."
275
00:12:18,829 --> 00:12:21,121
That's what right-wing
trolls call anyone who cares
276
00:12:21,182 --> 00:12:22,956
about positive social change.
277
00:12:23,017 --> 00:12:25,050
Look at the other online petitions
278
00:12:25,186 --> 00:12:27,311
your "supporters" have backed.
279
00:12:27,504 --> 00:12:29,813
Oh, boy.
280
00:12:30,006 --> 00:12:33,133
Um, a signature's a signature?
281
00:12:33,194 --> 00:12:34,485
Thanks to the cranky clicks collected
282
00:12:34,678 --> 00:12:36,561
by local complainer Marge Simpson,
283
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,138
Springfield's golf club will have to pay
284
00:12:38,199 --> 00:12:40,048
a huge property tax increase,
285
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:42,217
threatening the club's very existence.
286
00:12:42,319 --> 00:12:44,569
In one reporter's unbiased opinion,
287
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:48,557
closing this par-72 landmark
would be a travesty.
288
00:12:48,575 --> 00:12:49,833
One and all would mourn the loss
289
00:12:49,985 --> 00:12:52,002
of this exclusive private green space
290
00:12:52,154 --> 00:12:54,338
and Ramon's famous Bloody Marys.
291
00:12:54,531 --> 00:12:56,965
He uses a golf tee as an olive skewer.
292
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,568
I think it's Ramon.
293
00:12:59,628 --> 00:13:01,570
I finally found something I'm good at,
294
00:13:01,630 --> 00:13:03,588
and you want to ruin it!
295
00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:06,241
You don't know what it's like to
bring something into this world,
296
00:13:06,301 --> 00:13:09,578
watch it grow and worry
about it day and night.
297
00:13:09,638 --> 00:13:11,263
I love you, Wad.
298
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,524
We're going shopping for rubber bands.
299
00:13:13,717 --> 00:13:15,934
You deserve it!
300
00:13:17,076 --> 00:13:19,087
Simpson, report to the first tee.
301
00:13:19,148 --> 00:13:21,106
You're going to the show.
302
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,366
Yes!
303
00:13:23,786 --> 00:13:27,037
Digitaria sanguinalis.
304
00:13:27,230 --> 00:13:29,948
Tell Tetsuo he's fired.
305
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:32,126
I think it's Tetsuo.
306
00:13:33,934 --> 00:13:35,528
Mr. Club President?
307
00:13:35,589 --> 00:13:37,363
I'm sorry, for a second there,
308
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,717
I mistook you for a
young Pierce Brosnan.
309
00:13:39,910 --> 00:13:40,967
Very young.
310
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:42,127
Ha!
311
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:44,555
Spare me, kid. I've heard it all.
312
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:49,042
Simpson, your mother's campaign
is going to bankrupt this club.
313
00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:51,211
I need you to convince
her to call it off.
314
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,879
Oh, I am trying.
315
00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:55,399
My mom never backs down,
no matter how wrong she is.
316
00:13:57,111 --> 00:13:59,570
That's why she's still
married to my dad!
317
00:14:00,538 --> 00:14:03,056
Why are charities and churches
318
00:14:03,117 --> 00:14:06,635
the only ones that
don't have to pay taxes?
319
00:14:06,653 --> 00:14:08,728
It's preposterous.
320
00:14:08,789 --> 00:14:12,065
Yeah, man, this place
is better than any church.
321
00:14:12,126 --> 00:14:14,142
Everyone wants to come here on Sunday,
322
00:14:14,161 --> 00:14:16,086
people are always shouting
out the Lord's name
323
00:14:16,279 --> 00:14:17,813
and, instead of wafers and wine,
324
00:14:17,873 --> 00:14:21,333
you get club sandwiches and
scotch in a plastic cup!
325
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:22,834
Bart Simpson,
326
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:25,153
you've just given me the greatest idea
327
00:14:25,214 --> 00:14:28,673
since little whales
embroidered on khakis.
328
00:14:32,635 --> 00:14:34,179
As of today, the sport of golf
329
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,331
is officially declared a religion.
330
00:14:36,391 --> 00:14:38,091
The Springfield Junipers Golf Club
331
00:14:38,152 --> 00:14:40,185
is now a house of worship.
332
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:43,672
Like all religions,
golf will be completely tax-exempt,
333
00:14:43,732 --> 00:14:45,616
adhering to the core American credo
334
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,785
that churches rake it
in but pay nothing.
335
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:50,287
May Golf have mercy on us all.
336
00:14:51,332 --> 00:14:52,956
Mm.
337
00:14:58,227 --> 00:14:59,287
Get in the hole!
338
00:15:06,162 --> 00:15:07,977
_
339
00:15:09,307 --> 00:15:11,308
Thank you for coming, Your Holinesses.
340
00:15:11,501 --> 00:15:12,884
Once you see how these golfers
341
00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:15,720
are cheapening the
whole idea of religion,
342
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:18,206
you'll put an end to this sham.
343
00:15:18,225 --> 00:15:21,710
You want me to cast judgment
on a faith other than my own?
344
00:15:21,728 --> 00:15:23,654
Well, twist my arm.
345
00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:27,640
? I'm alright, Lordy, Lordy ?
346
00:15:27,701 --> 00:15:30,494
? Don't nobody worry 'bout me,
don't worry ?
347
00:15:30,645 --> 00:15:32,478
? You got to gimme a fight ?
348
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,573
? Why don't you just let me be? ?
349
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:35,674
? Hallelujah! ?
350
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:36,892
Mm?
351
00:15:36,952 --> 00:15:39,394
Congregants, scripture, prayer...
352
00:15:39,454 --> 00:15:42,005
looks like a house of worship to me.
353
00:15:42,157 --> 00:15:43,732
_
354
00:15:43,792 --> 00:15:45,567
These aren't commandments.
355
00:15:45,627 --> 00:15:47,235
They're jokes I don't get.
356
00:15:47,296 --> 00:15:49,972
Well, there's plenty of saints.
357
00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:52,574
Blessed Shark,
358
00:15:52,634 --> 00:15:55,260
deliver my son's golf ball safely
359
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:58,372
onto the green of
Pebble Beach's notorious
360
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:01,650
and evil 17th hole.
361
00:16:03,770 --> 00:16:06,605
Look at this!
It's like the high holidays every day.
362
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:07,923
I should be so lucky.
363
00:16:07,941 --> 00:16:09,441
Marge, I'm sorry,
364
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:12,919
but I think this religion
checks all the boxes.
365
00:16:12,954 --> 00:16:14,621
We're calling it. It's a faith.
366
00:16:18,819 --> 00:16:21,778
I just can't take seeing him like this.
367
00:16:21,971 --> 00:16:23,947
Honey, over the years I've learned
368
00:16:24,098 --> 00:16:26,449
that you just want me to
listen to your problems
369
00:16:26,642 --> 00:16:28,118
and not always try to solve them.
370
00:16:28,311 --> 00:16:30,036
So... good luck.
371
00:16:34,484 --> 00:16:36,351
It's Sunday. Shouldn't you be in church?
372
00:16:36,369 --> 00:16:37,702
I mean, your church.
373
00:16:38,042 --> 00:16:40,538
I've said a lot to you about this job,
374
00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:42,281
except what's deepest in my heart.
375
00:16:42,342 --> 00:16:45,451
Honey, the thing I've always
admired most about you
376
00:16:45,512 --> 00:16:48,788
is that you've never needed
anyone else's approval.
377
00:16:48,807 --> 00:16:50,698
And I'm worried you're gonna lose that.
378
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,625
I'm not gonna suck up forever.
379
00:16:52,686 --> 00:16:54,218
Just until I'm rich.
380
00:16:54,354 --> 00:16:57,147
Then other people will suck up to me.
381
00:16:57,298 --> 00:16:59,724
Promise me these golf
people won't take away
382
00:16:59,818 --> 00:17:01,467
my special little guy,
383
00:17:01,528 --> 00:17:04,546
because they seem to get
everything else they want.
384
00:17:04,564 --> 00:17:05,739
Mwah.
385
00:17:13,305 --> 00:17:14,405
Ready to play, sir?
386
00:17:14,499 --> 00:17:15,981
I see you've got a new diamond earring.
387
00:17:16,043 --> 00:17:17,500
Very age-appropriate.
388
00:17:17,652 --> 00:17:20,411
Bart, you'll never caddy for me again.
389
00:17:20,547 --> 00:17:22,747
Now that your mother's
no longer a threat,
390
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:25,233
I can go back to Chadlington here.
391
00:17:25,251 --> 00:17:28,661
Him?!
But my religion idea saved the club!
392
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,238
I should be your caddy.
393
00:17:30,298 --> 00:17:31,330
I earned it!
394
00:17:31,391 --> 00:17:32,665
Earned?
395
00:17:32,768 --> 00:17:35,685
Earning things is so...
396
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:36,886
tennis.
397
00:17:36,897 --> 00:17:39,356
Golf is about privilege.
398
00:17:39,524 --> 00:17:42,100
Fine. But someday
I'm gonna be a member here,
399
00:17:42,252 --> 00:17:44,510
and I'm gonna be cool to the caddies.
400
00:17:44,571 --> 00:17:46,421
Uh, you, a member?
401
00:17:46,481 --> 00:17:48,347
Oh, look,
402
00:17:48,408 --> 00:17:50,200
you made Chadlington laugh.
403
00:17:52,395 --> 00:17:55,688
Look, there's no path from
where you are to where I am.
404
00:17:55,791 --> 00:17:58,666
Once a suck-up, always a suck-up.
405
00:18:08,035 --> 00:18:09,386
Well, I earned this.
406
00:18:09,579 --> 00:18:13,014
Sorry, buddy,
but it's time to say goodbye.
407
00:18:15,102 --> 00:18:16,284
Fore!
408
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:17,560
You joined?
409
00:18:17,753 --> 00:18:19,137
They gave us a group deal.
410
00:18:19,289 --> 00:18:20,955
And they lifted their restrictions.
411
00:18:21,057 --> 00:18:22,065
What's not to like?
412
00:18:22,216 --> 00:18:23,791
Everything's not to like!
413
00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:25,384
These people are horrible.
414
00:18:25,445 --> 00:18:27,979
Their stupid shoes
clack-clack-clack everywhere.
415
00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:31,315
The snack shop buffalo
wings are microwaved and...
416
00:18:31,989 --> 00:18:33,362
What the...?
417
00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:49,834
You made one mistake, Bildorf!
418
00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:52,429
You forgot about the wad.
419
00:18:52,622 --> 00:18:54,489
It can buy a pretty nice ATV
420
00:18:54,549 --> 00:18:57,434
or rent a whole bunch of them!
421
00:19:00,796 --> 00:19:01,854
Booyah!
422
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:03,106
Oh, no.
423
00:19:06,153 --> 00:19:07,669
Kid power!
424
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:13,599
Look at me!
425
00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:15,935
I'm playing golf!
426
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:21,291
Rum-Ta-Tum, your time has come!
427
00:19:25,988 --> 00:19:27,367
Class warfare!
428
00:19:32,787 --> 00:19:34,195
Bart Simpson,
429
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:35,680
the next time you want
to make a point...
430
00:19:37,144 --> 00:19:39,867
I would prefer you use your words.
431
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:44,147
Did you honestly think a little
vandalism would shut us down?
432
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,374
Greens can be reseeded,
433
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:49,727
traps re-sanded, roughs unsmoothed.
434
00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:51,154
The club will go on.
435
00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:56,451
Ah, and here are the
police to take you to jail.
436
00:19:57,987 --> 00:20:00,722
This is a raid!
We're closing the club down!
437
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:02,573
Bildorf, you're under arrest.
438
00:20:03,718 --> 00:20:07,228
Me? But they are
the ne'er-do-wells.
439
00:20:07,288 --> 00:20:10,398
I am the head of a legitimate religion.
440
00:20:10,416 --> 00:20:11,749
You sure are.
441
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:14,418
And like every new religion,
sooner or later,
442
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,888
it turns into a sex cult.
443
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:27,857
In your case, it was really... sooner.
444
00:21:30,019 --> 00:21:31,145
Shh!
445
00:21:34,409 --> 00:21:36,500
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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