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1
00:00:03,660 --> 00:00:05,628
- Hey, you guys ready to order?
- Sure.
2
00:00:05,795 --> 00:00:08,161
- Okay, Priya.
- I'll have the Shepherd's Pie.
3
00:00:08,331 --> 00:00:11,357
- You want to split that with me?
- Oh, no, no, no, he doesn't.
4
00:00:11,534 --> 00:00:12,899
Why not?
5
00:00:13,069 --> 00:00:15,594
Milk in the taters,
milk in the gravy, Parmesan crust.
6
00:00:15,772 --> 00:00:20,368
Your lactose-intolerant boyfriend will turn
into a gas-filled Macy's Day balloon.
7
00:00:20,543 --> 00:00:22,534
(LAUGHING)
8
00:00:22,712 --> 00:00:25,738
Not quite accurate.
The Macy's balloons are filled with helium...
9
00:00:25,915 --> 00:00:29,578
...whereas Leonard produces
copious amounts of methane.
10
00:00:31,287 --> 00:00:32,982
(LAUGHING)
11
00:00:34,290 --> 00:00:36,554
So no on the Shepherd's Pie.
Can we move on?
12
00:00:36,726 --> 00:00:40,924
Yeah, a little tip. He says he can eat
frozen yogurt. Do not believe it.
13
00:00:41,097 --> 00:00:43,725
Sea bass. I'll have the sea bass.
14
00:00:43,900 --> 00:00:44,924
You gotta like this.
15
00:00:45,101 --> 00:00:49,504
The girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend
bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty.
16
00:00:49,672 --> 00:00:50,832
(ALL LAUGHING)
17
00:00:51,407 --> 00:00:53,307
- Kill me.
- It wouldn't help.
18
00:00:53,476 --> 00:00:57,412
The human body is capable
of being flatulent for hours after death.
19
00:01:02,085 --> 00:01:05,020
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
I have amazing news.
20
00:01:05,188 --> 00:01:07,179
Bernadette,
before you change the subject...
21
00:01:07,357 --> 00:01:11,157
...does anyone have any final comments
on Leonard's faulty digestive system?
22
00:01:11,728 --> 00:01:13,252
So, what's your news, Bernadette?
23
00:01:14,464 --> 00:01:17,262
The thesis committee accepted
my doctoral dissertation.
24
00:01:17,433 --> 00:01:19,196
I'm getting my PhD.
25
00:01:19,369 --> 00:01:20,961
- Oh, congratulations.
- Oh!
26
00:01:21,538 --> 00:01:26,032
Wow! So that means you're a doctor,
you're a doctor...
27
00:01:26,209 --> 00:01:28,268
...you're a doctor, you're a doctor.
28
00:01:28,444 --> 00:01:31,709
And, Howard, you know a lot of doctors.
29
00:01:31,881 --> 00:01:34,611
- Ha-ha-ha!
- Yeah, ha, ha!
30
00:01:34,784 --> 00:01:37,150
- Congratulations, honey.
- Thank you.
31
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,778
So, Howard, tell us, how's it feel
knowing that when you two get married...
32
00:01:40,957 --> 00:01:43,949
...you'll be referred to
as Mr. And Dr. Wolowitz?
33
00:01:45,328 --> 00:01:47,159
Unless he takes Bernadette's last name.
34
00:01:47,330 --> 00:01:50,128
And considering her status,
that could open doors for him.
35
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:52,200
Please, this isn't about me.
36
00:01:52,368 --> 00:01:55,565
- I'm proud of you.
- Well, you'll really be proud of this.
37
00:01:55,738 --> 00:01:58,366
I was headhunted
by a big pharmaceutical company.
38
00:01:58,541 --> 00:02:00,907
They're gonna pay me
a buttload of money.
39
00:02:01,277 --> 00:02:02,642
What?
40
00:02:02,812 --> 00:02:04,211
Bernadette, that's great.
41
00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:06,314
Howard, do you make a buttload?
42
00:02:07,283 --> 00:02:09,513
Better than what you've got
a buttload of.
43
00:02:12,989 --> 00:02:15,685
If I roll down the windows in the car,
everything's peachy.
44
00:02:15,858 --> 00:02:17,985
If you do it, you're still not a doctor.
45
00:02:18,928 --> 00:02:20,987
Yeah, just a heads-up
on the car window deal.
46
00:02:21,164 --> 00:02:23,394
It helps, but everything is not peachy.
47
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,118
(SINGING)
Oh, if there was a problem
48
00:02:52,295 --> 00:02:53,421
Yo, I'll solve it
49
00:02:53,596 --> 00:02:55,393
Check out the hook
While my DJ revolves it
50
00:02:55,565 --> 00:02:58,033
Ice ice baby
51
00:02:59,369 --> 00:03:01,496
Ice ice baby
52
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:06,336
PRIYA:
Oh, God, I feel ridiculous in this dress.
53
00:03:06,943 --> 00:03:10,276
LEONARD:
You look beautiful, Lieutenant Uhura.
54
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,240
Now prepare for inspection.
55
00:03:15,351 --> 00:03:17,046
PRIYA:
My brother's going to hear you.
56
00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:18,881
LEONARD:
Oh, relax, he's got headphones on.
57
00:03:19,055 --> 00:03:22,218
And we're 10 miles above Earth
in a starship.
58
00:03:22,625 --> 00:03:26,459
Really, 10 miles?
You're orbiting inside the atmosphere?
59
00:03:26,996 --> 00:03:28,429
Moron.
60
00:03:28,598 --> 00:03:32,193
PRIYA: I can't believe I'm wearing
my brother's Halloween costume.
61
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:36,468
LEONARD: I can't believe you think
he only wears it on Halloween.
62
00:03:37,106 --> 00:03:40,166
Open the landing bay doors,
shuttlecraft approaching.
63
00:03:40,343 --> 00:03:43,278
Okay, gotta go.
64
00:03:45,348 --> 00:03:46,781
(DOORBELL RINGS)
65
00:03:48,751 --> 00:03:49,877
Hey, what's up?
66
00:03:50,053 --> 00:03:54,752
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Is that
my future daughter-in-law, the doctor?
67
00:03:56,225 --> 00:03:58,420
No, Ma, it's Raj!
68
00:03:58,594 --> 00:04:01,961
MRS. WOLOWITZ: He's a doctor too, right?
- Yes!
69
00:04:02,131 --> 00:04:05,066
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Like Leonard and the skinny weirdo?
70
00:04:07,637 --> 00:04:11,164
Sheldon, yes.
Everybody's a doctor but me!
71
00:04:11,340 --> 00:04:13,433
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Well, whose fault is that?
72
00:04:13,609 --> 00:04:15,873
(MOUTHS)
Wha...?
73
00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:17,969
What's up?
74
00:04:18,147 --> 00:04:21,344
Leonard's putting disgusting memories
in my memory-foam mattress.
75
00:04:22,819 --> 00:04:24,446
- Can I stay here tonight?
- Uh...
76
00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:26,713
Well, sure,
but I'm going out with Bernadette.
77
00:04:26,889 --> 00:04:29,653
- It'll just be you and my mother.
- I guess that's okay.
78
00:04:30,126 --> 00:04:32,594
Ma, can Rajesh sleep over?
79
00:04:32,762 --> 00:04:36,129
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Of course. He and I can play doctor.
80
00:04:40,536 --> 00:04:41,935
She's kidding, right?
81
00:04:42,105 --> 00:04:46,701
I don't know. She's pretty feisty since they
put her on hormone replacement therapy.
82
00:04:48,144 --> 00:04:50,704
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Paging Doctor Cutie-Pie!
83
00:04:54,217 --> 00:04:58,813
I must say, Amy, I was very impressed
to see that Bernadette got her PhD.
84
00:04:58,988 --> 00:05:00,250
It's indeed admirable.
85
00:05:00,423 --> 00:05:03,392
Although, it is microbiology.
86
00:05:04,427 --> 00:05:08,625
Your doctorate is in neurobiology.
I fail to see the distinction.
87
00:05:08,798 --> 00:05:10,231
I'll make it simple for you.
88
00:05:10,399 --> 00:05:14,062
I study the brain, the organ responsible
for Beethoven's "Fifth Symphony."
89
00:05:14,237 --> 00:05:18,640
Bernadette studies yeast,
the organism responsible for Michelob Light.
90
00:05:20,743 --> 00:05:24,076
- Is there something wrong with your neck?
- It's a little stiff.
91
00:05:24,247 --> 00:05:29,514
What a remarkably fragile structure
to support such a valuable payload.
92
00:05:30,486 --> 00:05:34,616
It's not unlike balancing a Faberg� egg
on a Pixy Stick.
93
00:05:34,991 --> 00:05:36,652
Have you considered massage?
94
00:05:36,826 --> 00:05:39,021
I'd like to respond to that sarcastically.
95
00:05:39,195 --> 00:05:44,861
Yes, I relish the thought of a stranger
covering my body with oil and rubbing it.
96
00:05:45,601 --> 00:05:48,729
I was proposing you massage your muscles
with your own hands.
97
00:05:49,071 --> 00:05:52,165
Still sounds like
a lot of unnecessary touching.
98
00:05:52,341 --> 00:05:55,310
Trust me.
With your right hand, locate the spot...
99
00:05:55,478 --> 00:05:58,777
...where the scapula meets
the acromion process.
100
00:06:00,183 --> 00:06:02,447
- All right.
- Now push your third finger...
101
00:06:02,618 --> 00:06:06,679
...along the ridge of the shoulder blade,
making a small rotation as you do so.
102
00:06:07,390 --> 00:06:09,290
Rotating.
103
00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:13,292
You should feel a small node-like object
rolling back and forth along the bone.
104
00:06:13,462 --> 00:06:16,954
- You mean the myofascial point?
- Obviously.
105
00:06:18,167 --> 00:06:19,259
Now, bear down on it...
106
00:06:19,435 --> 00:06:22,734
...like the seventh-grade noogies
we all know too well.
107
00:06:24,307 --> 00:06:28,368
Oh, dear Lord. Yes, yes. Oh, yes.
108
00:06:30,246 --> 00:06:33,147
Amy, I've never been touched
like this before.
109
00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:37,541
Ah! Oh, my hands are magic.
110
00:06:38,621 --> 00:06:39,781
Don't flatter yourself.
111
00:06:39,956 --> 00:06:44,086
Your hands are blunt tools guided
by my knowledge of the nervous system.
112
00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:46,990
I could just as easily have paralyzed you.
113
00:06:47,296 --> 00:06:48,820
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
114
00:06:49,398 --> 00:06:50,956
There's someone at my door.
115
00:06:51,133 --> 00:06:53,601
That doesn't interest me. Goodbye.
116
00:06:58,741 --> 00:07:00,675
- Can I sleep here tonight?
- Why?
117
00:07:00,843 --> 00:07:05,007
Leonard's having astronomically inaccurate
Star Trek sex with my sister.
118
00:07:05,748 --> 00:07:08,012
I can see how that would be upsetting.
Come in.
119
00:07:09,118 --> 00:07:11,245
I'll get the sheets and blankets
for the couch.
120
00:07:11,420 --> 00:07:14,947
- Don't bother, I'll sleep in Leonard's room.
- No, I can't authorize that.
121
00:07:15,958 --> 00:07:18,119
Why? He's in my bed,
why can't I be in his?
122
00:07:18,294 --> 00:07:22,697
The Hammurabic code is an eye for an eye,
not a bed for a bed.
123
00:07:22,865 --> 00:07:24,355
Come on, dude, I'm exhausted.
124
00:07:24,533 --> 00:07:26,626
And Tyra Banks says
the most important item...
125
00:07:26,802 --> 00:07:29,100
...in your makeup bag
is a good night's sleep.
126
00:07:32,808 --> 00:07:33,968
All right.
127
00:07:34,143 --> 00:07:37,601
This is a form indemnifying me...
128
00:07:37,780 --> 00:07:41,944
...from your use of Leonard's bedroom.
129
00:07:42,118 --> 00:07:44,382
Sign here,
indicating that I tried to stop you...
130
00:07:44,553 --> 00:07:48,080
...and did so
using a stern facial expression.
131
00:07:53,062 --> 00:07:56,122
- Good night, Sheldon.
- We still have to go over safety procedures.
132
00:07:56,299 --> 00:07:58,529
Now, the apartment
has three emergency exits...
133
00:07:58,701 --> 00:08:01,135
...located here, here, and here.
134
00:08:02,004 --> 00:08:03,562
In the event of a power outage...
135
00:08:03,739 --> 00:08:07,004
...luminous paint
will guide you to the nearest exit.
136
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:09,104
You're kidding.
137
00:08:18,554 --> 00:08:20,818
I never kid about safety.
138
00:08:29,732 --> 00:08:31,131
- Agh.
- Aah!
139
00:08:33,803 --> 00:08:35,031
What are you doing here?
140
00:08:35,204 --> 00:08:37,069
- I was sleeping.
- In my bed?
141
00:08:37,239 --> 00:08:41,403
I would have slept in my own bed, but it
was being used to bring shame to my family.
142
00:08:42,878 --> 00:08:46,109
And the memory of Gene Roddenberry.
143
00:08:46,615 --> 00:08:47,707
Oh, you heard.
144
00:08:47,883 --> 00:08:51,216
"Scotty, I need more power."
145
00:08:52,321 --> 00:08:54,881
Sorry. Does Sheldon know
you're sleeping here?
146
00:08:55,057 --> 00:08:56,081
Are you kidding?
147
00:08:56,258 --> 00:08:59,318
He made me sign a waiver,
participate in an emergency fire drill...
148
00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:02,225
...and take a refresher course in CPR.
149
00:09:02,398 --> 00:09:04,696
Thank God he had a dummy.
150
00:09:04,867 --> 00:09:07,563
Oh, yeah. Mouth-to-Mouth Mona.
151
00:09:08,571 --> 00:09:10,368
You know she used to date Howard?
152
00:09:11,374 --> 00:09:14,138
Oh, my God, she's that Mona?
153
00:09:15,277 --> 00:09:17,268
Why can't you and my sister
spend your nights here?
154
00:09:17,446 --> 00:09:19,437
We tried.
She doesn't get along with Sheldon.
155
00:09:19,615 --> 00:09:22,049
Sheldon doesn't get along with Sheldon.
156
00:09:22,218 --> 00:09:24,743
It's still no reason for me
to have to listen to you...
157
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,411
...arm your photon torpedoes every night.
158
00:09:28,224 --> 00:09:29,486
Okay, well, how about this.
159
00:09:29,658 --> 00:09:33,822
Until Priya gets her own place, you stay
here and I'll stay at your apartment.
160
00:09:34,797 --> 00:09:36,890
Can I bring girls here?
161
00:09:37,299 --> 00:09:38,960
You?
162
00:09:39,502 --> 00:09:41,470
Sure. Bring as many as you want.
163
00:09:43,239 --> 00:09:44,263
Okay, deal.
164
00:09:46,342 --> 00:09:48,310
Just not against their will.
165
00:09:54,183 --> 00:09:56,947
- You think you should be eating that cake?
- Why?
166
00:09:57,119 --> 00:09:59,587
If you're gonna be a trophy husband
for a rich wife...
167
00:09:59,755 --> 00:10:02,087
...you might wanna watch your waistline.
168
00:10:02,658 --> 00:10:06,685
He's right.
A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
169
00:10:07,196 --> 00:10:08,424
Yeah. Ha, ha.
170
00:10:08,597 --> 00:10:11,828
First of all,
I'm not threatened by my fianc�e's success.
171
00:10:12,001 --> 00:10:14,970
I'm proud of her.
And secondly, I have my own career.
172
00:10:15,337 --> 00:10:18,670
Eh, until you have kids.
173
00:10:19,308 --> 00:10:20,639
Good news, Raj.
174
00:10:20,810 --> 00:10:22,801
I got the blood work back from the lab.
175
00:10:22,978 --> 00:10:25,469
You're okay to stay for a while.
176
00:10:25,648 --> 00:10:28,310
- When did you take my blood?
- Not important.
177
00:10:30,186 --> 00:10:34,145
Your sugar was a little high.
I'd follow up with your regular physician.
178
00:10:34,323 --> 00:10:37,656
In the meantime, I have some paperwork
here for you to go over.
179
00:10:37,827 --> 00:10:40,091
- What the hell is this?
- Yeah, boilerplate stuff.
180
00:10:40,262 --> 00:10:43,288
A modified roommate agreement
for a temporary house guest.
181
00:10:43,466 --> 00:10:46,401
And a living will
and durable power of attorney.
182
00:10:48,070 --> 00:10:51,164
This says you can make
"end of life" decisions for me.
183
00:10:52,374 --> 00:10:55,241
As your friend,
let's hope it doesn't come to that.
184
00:10:55,411 --> 00:10:56,901
Please sign.
185
00:10:57,079 --> 00:10:59,513
- Did you sign this?
- There's a reciprocity clause.
186
00:10:59,682 --> 00:11:01,479
You get to pull the plug on him too.
187
00:11:02,985 --> 00:11:04,953
Well, that seems fair.
188
00:11:06,188 --> 00:11:08,884
Congratulations
and welcome temporarily aboard.
189
00:11:09,058 --> 00:11:15,224
Here's your ID card,
your key and your lapel pin.
190
00:11:15,397 --> 00:11:18,366
Which Leonard was too cool to wear.
191
00:11:21,937 --> 00:11:25,236
FYI, part of your responsibilities
as roommate pro tem...
192
00:11:25,407 --> 00:11:29,673
...will be to drive me to and from work,
the comic book store, the barber shop...
193
00:11:29,845 --> 00:11:34,111
...and the park for one hour
every other Sunday for fresh air.
194
00:11:35,217 --> 00:11:39,051
Bring a ball or a Frisbee.
You know, something he can chase.
195
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:43,453
Also, you're tasked
with bringing home all takeout dinners.
196
00:11:43,626 --> 00:11:44,854
Tonight is Thai food.
197
00:11:45,027 --> 00:11:49,896
You'll find the standard order in appendix B
or downloadable from my FTP server.
198
00:11:50,065 --> 00:11:52,795
If you have any questions,
here's the FAQ sheet.
199
00:11:52,968 --> 00:11:54,629
Or if you prefer the human touch...
200
00:11:54,803 --> 00:11:59,001
...I do a live web chat
called Apartment Talk on Tuesday nights.
201
00:12:01,544 --> 00:12:03,512
No backsies.
202
00:12:08,817 --> 00:12:11,684
Sheldon, dinner.
203
00:12:18,394 --> 00:12:19,452
What is this?
204
00:12:20,329 --> 00:12:24,390
This is the difference
between eating and dining.
205
00:12:27,469 --> 00:12:29,437
Remarkable.
206
00:12:29,605 --> 00:12:34,804
I'm just realizing how much Leonard's
been skating by all these years.
207
00:12:36,011 --> 00:12:37,205
It's not a big thing.
208
00:12:37,379 --> 00:12:40,507
Just think of me
as a brown Martha Stewart.
209
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:42,440
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
210
00:12:42,651 --> 00:12:45,449
Hey, Sheldon, did you change
your Wi-Fi password again?
211
00:12:45,621 --> 00:12:49,079
Yes, it's, "Penny get your own Wi-fi."
No spaces.
212
00:12:50,025 --> 00:12:51,424
Thanks. Wow.
213
00:12:51,594 --> 00:12:53,027
What's with the fancy spread?
214
00:12:53,195 --> 00:12:55,322
My new roommate
is bending over backwards...
215
00:12:55,497 --> 00:12:57,294
...to ingratiate himself to me.
216
00:12:57,466 --> 00:13:00,299
Uh, nice touch, by the way.
217
00:13:01,804 --> 00:13:03,795
What do you mean?
What happened to Leonard?
218
00:13:03,973 --> 00:13:06,032
The same thing that happened
to Homo erectus.
219
00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:08,836
He was replaced by a superior species.
220
00:13:09,979 --> 00:13:11,970
I'm the new Homo in town.
221
00:13:15,651 --> 00:13:17,175
That came out wrong.
222
00:13:17,786 --> 00:13:19,651
Let me try this again. Where's Leonard?
223
00:13:19,822 --> 00:13:21,983
He's living at my place,
so I'm living here.
224
00:13:22,157 --> 00:13:23,886
You're living here provisionally.
225
00:13:24,059 --> 00:13:26,527
But I must say it's looking good.
226
00:13:27,663 --> 00:13:30,188
Leonard and Priya are living together.
That's big.
227
00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:34,325
No. Origami napkin swans.
228
00:13:36,138 --> 00:13:38,368
That's the headline.
229
00:13:39,275 --> 00:13:41,334
It's a good thing.
230
00:13:43,078 --> 00:13:45,603
So do you know
what kind of research you'll be doing...
231
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,373
...at this pharmaceutical company?
232
00:13:47,549 --> 00:13:49,983
There were a couple
of opportunities available...
233
00:13:50,152 --> 00:13:54,020
...but I volunteered
for the premature ejaculation project.
234
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:02,223
I mean, it's not like either one of us
has heart disease.
235
00:14:06,068 --> 00:14:08,263
Oh, I almost forgot,
I got you a little present.
236
00:14:08,437 --> 00:14:10,803
Oh, Bernie, no, you didn't have to.
237
00:14:10,973 --> 00:14:14,101
Well, I wanted to. Come on, open it.
238
00:14:16,979 --> 00:14:19,880
You bought me a Rolex?
239
00:14:20,049 --> 00:14:22,074
How much did this cost?
240
00:14:22,251 --> 00:14:24,219
Oh, you let me worry about the money.
241
00:14:27,256 --> 00:14:29,383
I just want my baby
to have pretty things.
242
00:14:34,997 --> 00:14:38,194
- More wine?
- Oh, no, no, I've had way too much already.
243
00:14:38,367 --> 00:14:40,392
Here's an interesting fact about alcohol.
244
00:14:40,569 --> 00:14:42,059
Hit me.
245
00:14:45,641 --> 00:14:48,940
Man is not the only species
that ferments fruit...
246
00:14:49,111 --> 00:14:50,976
...in order to become intoxicated.
247
00:14:51,146 --> 00:14:52,738
Can you guess what the other is?
248
00:14:52,915 --> 00:14:57,750
Hint: Sometimes they pack the alcohol
in their trunks.
249
00:14:58,287 --> 00:15:00,187
Monkeys.
250
00:15:03,325 --> 00:15:06,226
When does a monkey have a trunk?
251
00:15:06,395 --> 00:15:08,260
When a suitcase just won't do.
252
00:15:08,430 --> 00:15:10,159
(LAUGHING)
253
00:15:12,901 --> 00:15:14,300
All right.
254
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:18,429
It would appear as if alcohol
is playing keep-away with your intelligence.
255
00:15:19,108 --> 00:15:20,302
Good night.
256
00:15:20,476 --> 00:15:22,706
Please note, it is now past 10 p.m.
257
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:26,279
Per our roommate agreement,
kindly refrain from raucous laughter...
258
00:15:26,448 --> 00:15:29,349
...clinking of glasses,
and celebratory gunfire.
259
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,080
(LAUGHING)
260
00:15:32,521 --> 00:15:35,547
Okay, ahem, explain something to me.
261
00:15:35,724 --> 00:15:38,784
You watch Leonard put up with that guy
for years and years.
262
00:15:39,328 --> 00:15:41,956
What has to break inside your brain
for you to think:
263
00:15:42,131 --> 00:15:45,589
"Oh, Krishna,
I've got to get me some of that"?
264
00:15:46,602 --> 00:15:49,400
It's better than having to wear
noise-canceling headphones...
265
00:15:49,571 --> 00:15:50,629
...in my own apartment.
266
00:15:50,806 --> 00:15:52,671
What? Oh, God, yeah, yeah.
267
00:15:52,841 --> 00:15:55,469
- Leonard's a noisy little dude in the sack.
- Mm.
268
00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:57,407
- Every night.
- Really?
269
00:15:57,579 --> 00:16:01,811
Even during allergy season, when he has
to alternate between kissing and breathing?
270
00:16:03,685 --> 00:16:06,017
It's my sister.
Can we not talk about this anymore?
271
00:16:06,188 --> 00:16:08,247
Yeah, sorry, sorry.
272
00:16:10,192 --> 00:16:12,558
- Can I tell you a secret?
- Yeah.
273
00:16:13,295 --> 00:16:14,762
I screwed up.
274
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:18,696
Leonard's a great guy.
I never should have broken up with him.
275
00:16:19,902 --> 00:16:22,166
Well, uh, to paraphrase Shakespeare:
276
00:16:22,337 --> 00:16:25,465
It's better to have loved and lost
than to stay home every night...
277
00:16:25,641 --> 00:16:29,338
...and download
increasingly shameful pornography.
278
00:16:31,847 --> 00:16:35,180
Oh, you poor baby.
279
00:16:35,517 --> 00:16:37,951
- What's wrong with me, Penny?
- Nothing, nothing.
280
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,712
You know, if we weren't friends...
281
00:16:39,888 --> 00:16:42,789
...and you hadn't brought up
that creepy pornography story...
282
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:47,054
...l'd be on you like the speed of light
squared on matter to make energy.
283
00:16:47,229 --> 00:16:50,494
Hey, you totally got that right.
E equals MC squared.
284
00:16:50,666 --> 00:16:54,534
I listen.
I have no idea what it means, but I listen.
285
00:16:55,704 --> 00:16:58,764
- To friendship. Ha, ha.
- To friendship.
286
00:16:58,941 --> 00:17:02,206
SHELDON: Would you booze hounds
please stop that infernal clinking?
287
00:17:05,247 --> 00:17:07,681
And the answer was elephant.
288
00:17:10,018 --> 00:17:11,781
LEONARD:
Mm.
289
00:17:15,858 --> 00:17:19,259
Leonard, sweetheart,
we're kissing, not eating hot soup.
290
00:17:20,796 --> 00:17:22,286
Sorry.
291
00:17:23,532 --> 00:17:25,329
(COMPUTER BEEPING)
292
00:17:26,368 --> 00:17:29,235
That's my parents on video chat.
Go hide in the bedroom.
293
00:17:29,404 --> 00:17:32,066
Oh, come on,
why don't we just tell them we're dating?
294
00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:34,141
We've been through this, it's not time.
295
00:17:34,309 --> 00:17:36,834
- When is the time?
- I've got five brothers and sisters.
296
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:40,243
One of them is bound to screw up,
then I'll tell my parents about you.
297
00:17:40,415 --> 00:17:42,349
- Now shoo.
- Fine.
298
00:17:44,786 --> 00:17:46,481
Hello, Mommy. Hello, Daddy.
299
00:17:46,655 --> 00:17:48,646
We heard there was a tornado
in Kansas City.
300
00:17:48,824 --> 00:17:50,257
Is that close to you?
301
00:17:51,293 --> 00:17:53,056
- No.
- Where is your brother?
302
00:17:53,228 --> 00:17:54,752
Oh. Out with his friends.
303
00:17:54,930 --> 00:17:57,364
I don't like it,
a young girl alone in her apartment.
304
00:17:57,533 --> 00:18:00,229
I'll sleep better
when you move back here next month.
305
00:18:00,402 --> 00:18:02,996
- You're moving back to India?
DR. KOOTHRAPPALl: Who is that?
306
00:18:03,171 --> 00:18:05,264
Oh, my God,
there's someone in your apartment.
307
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,203
Call the police in America.
308
00:18:07,376 --> 00:18:09,241
When were you gonna tell me about this?
309
00:18:09,411 --> 00:18:12,938
Oh, hello, Leonard.
What a pleasant surprise.
310
00:18:13,115 --> 00:18:16,278
Mommy, Daddy,
you remember Rajesh's friend Leonard.
311
00:18:16,451 --> 00:18:18,646
I thought Rajesh was out
with his friends.
312
00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:20,913
Oh, he has many friends.
313
00:18:21,089 --> 00:18:22,488
Rajesh has many friends?
314
00:18:24,293 --> 00:18:26,420
Why are you lying to us?
315
00:18:26,762 --> 00:18:28,662
She doesn't want you to know
we're dating.
316
00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:30,661
- Leonard.
- What difference does it make?
317
00:18:30,832 --> 00:18:33,892
If you're moving back to India,
we're obviously breaking up.
318
00:18:34,369 --> 00:18:37,167
You know what?
I don't wanna deal with this right now.
319
00:18:45,314 --> 00:18:49,114
So... hot in India?
320
00:18:50,152 --> 00:18:53,053
Of course it is. It always is. It's India.
321
00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:56,658
Now, what do you have
to say for yourself?
322
00:18:56,825 --> 00:18:58,554
Uh...
323
00:18:58,727 --> 00:19:00,957
That is a beautiful tapestry.
324
00:19:34,930 --> 00:19:37,160
Oh, God.
325
00:19:42,104 --> 00:19:44,265
Oh, God.
326
00:19:45,173 --> 00:19:46,504
Ugh.
327
00:19:47,209 --> 00:19:51,612
Okay, look, this never happened.
Do you understand me?
328
00:19:54,950 --> 00:19:56,577
Really? Still can't talk to me?
329
00:20:00,722 --> 00:20:02,246
What are you doing here?
330
00:20:02,824 --> 00:20:05,292
- What?
- I said, what are you doing here?
331
00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:06,518
I live here.
332
00:20:07,362 --> 00:20:09,956
I have paperwork that says differently.
333
00:20:10,132 --> 00:20:11,793
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
334
00:20:12,634 --> 00:20:15,626
- Priya's going back to India.
- Irrelevant.
335
00:20:17,039 --> 00:20:20,566
Rajesh and I have a good thing going
and you're not going to ruin it.
336
00:20:24,079 --> 00:20:25,273
What are you doing here?
337
00:20:26,381 --> 00:20:28,679
Been up all night.
I had a fight with Bernadette.
338
00:20:28,850 --> 00:20:30,078
Why?
339
00:20:30,252 --> 00:20:33,187
She gave me a beautiful watch.
340
00:20:35,490 --> 00:20:37,321
Leonard, do you understand this?
341
00:20:37,993 --> 00:20:40,325
- Yes.
- Talk to him.
342
00:20:49,771 --> 00:20:51,500
Damn.
343
00:20:52,407 --> 00:20:53,738
What's going on?
344
00:20:53,909 --> 00:20:55,843
Oh, heh. No. No.
345
00:20:56,011 --> 00:20:58,377
It's not what it looks like. No.
346
00:21:01,883 --> 00:21:04,147
What does it look like?
28448
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