Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,199 --> 00:00:05,994
Hey, you guys? What are
you doing tomorrow night?
2
00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:09,414
Oh, well, let me see.
I believe I'm...
3
00:00:09,581 --> 00:00:11,749
Yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
4
00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:16,129
Well, my agent hooked me up
with six tickets to a great play.
5
00:00:16,296 --> 00:00:17,922
I could fall asleep at a play.
6
00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:21,134
- What is it?
- It's a one-woman play called:
7
00:00:21,301 --> 00:00:24,304
Why Don '2' You Like Me?
A Bitter Woman's Journey Through Life.
8
00:00:24,471 --> 00:00:25,513
Ooh.
9
00:00:26,014 --> 00:00:28,683
- That sounds interesting.
- That does sound interesting.
10
00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:32,145
To listen to a woman complain for
two hours. I don't think it gets bet...
11
00:00:34,981 --> 00:00:38,318
I know! I know. We can drive.
We can vote. We can work.
12
00:00:38,485 --> 00:00:40,987
What more do these broads want?
13
00:00:41,821 --> 00:00:44,324
Well, you guys will have a great time.
I promise.
14
00:00:44,491 --> 00:00:46,242
What? How come you don't have to go?
15
00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:47,994
I wish I could, but I found out...
16
00:00:48,161 --> 00:00:51,664
...that I have to be at work really
early the next day, so I can't go.
17
00:00:51,831 --> 00:00:54,459
But take the extra ticket
and invite whoever you want.
18
00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:57,545
Ooh. Let's see. Who do I hate?
19
00:00:59,797 --> 00:01:01,174
Oh, sorry.
20
00:01:01,508 --> 00:01:02,967
- Oops, sorry.
- Okay.
21
00:01:03,134 --> 00:01:04,719
- Okay.
- Okay. Up you 90-
22
00:01:04,886 --> 00:01:07,096
- Oh, gosh, okay!
- All right.
23
00:01:16,731 --> 00:01:19,734
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
24
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:23,279
Do you think it's possible
for two friends to fool around...
25
00:01:23,446 --> 00:01:26,658
...and not have it be a big deal?
26
00:01:28,076 --> 00:01:30,578
No, I don't think that ever works.
Why?
27
00:01:31,621 --> 00:01:33,248
- No reason.
- No, no. Rachel?
28
00:01:33,414 --> 00:01:35,416
- Yeah.
- Who do you want to fool around with?
29
00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:38,044
Nobody! Forget it.
30
00:01:38,294 --> 00:01:39,337
Joey?
31
00:01:40,255 --> 00:01:41,881
Maybe.
32
00:01:43,049 --> 00:01:44,551
- You can't.
- Why?
33
00:01:44,717 --> 00:01:45,927
Because.
34
00:01:49,430 --> 00:01:52,892
Okay, seriously,
did not understand a word you just said.
35
00:01:53,935 --> 00:01:56,187
- In the hall.
- Okay.
36
00:01:58,856 --> 00:02:00,733
- You wanna fool around with Joey?
- Yeah.
37
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:04,445
Ever since I had that dream about him,
I can't get it out of my head.
38
00:02:04,612 --> 00:02:07,240
I mean, what's the big deal?
People do it all the time.
39
00:02:07,407 --> 00:02:10,076
Who do you know that are friends
that just fool around?
40
00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:14,497
Okay. Off the top of my head...
Don and Janet.
41
00:02:14,664 --> 00:02:17,333
- Who are they?
- I know them from work.
42
00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:20,295
- Both of them?
- No, just one of them.
43
00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:22,255
Which one?
44
00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:25,341
I don't know.
What were the names I just said?
45
00:02:25,508 --> 00:02:28,303
No, Rachel, things could get
incredibly complicated.
46
00:02:28,469 --> 00:02:31,931
You're right. I won't do anything
with Joey. I just thought it...
47
00:02:32,098 --> 00:02:36,936
Okay, so that's two cups of tarragon,
a pound of baking soda and a red onion?
48
00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:40,106
What the hell are you cooking?
49
00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:34,160
- Hey.
- Hey.
50
00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:37,205
You guys won't believe
what I have to do for work today.
51
00:03:37,372 --> 00:03:41,918
Yes, but, Ross, you chose a career
of talking about dinosaurs.
52
00:03:43,002 --> 00:03:46,506
There are these two professors
who are joining my department...
53
00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:50,718
...and I have to meet them here
and show them around campus.
54
00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:52,011
What's bad about that?
55
00:03:52,178 --> 00:03:54,889
I just know they'll be
a couple of old windbags...
56
00:03:55,056 --> 00:03:58,601
...wearing tweed jackets
with suede elbow patches.
57
00:03:59,602 --> 00:04:00,687
Ross?
58
00:04:00,853 --> 00:04:03,523
What? These aren't suede.
59
00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:10,196
Excuse me. I'm looking for someone.
60
00:04:10,363 --> 00:04:13,408
You don't, by any chance,
know a Ross Geller?
61
00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:14,617
No.
62
00:04:18,246 --> 00:04:21,457
Hi. Hi, I'm Ross Geller.
63
00:04:21,624 --> 00:04:25,128
- Oh, hi. I'm Professor Wheeler.
- Oh.
64
00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:28,840
Oh, that's... That's...
That's nice.
65
00:04:29,507 --> 00:04:30,842
It's good to meet you.
66
00:04:31,008 --> 00:04:33,886
Thank you so much for taking the time
to show me around.
67
00:04:34,053 --> 00:04:35,888
No, it's no big deal.
68
00:04:36,055 --> 00:04:40,393
If I weren't doing this, I'd just,
you know, be at the gym working out.
69
00:04:41,477 --> 00:04:42,729
Is he gonna introduce us?
70
00:04:42,895 --> 00:04:46,232
I think we're just blurry shapes
to him now.
71
00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:49,402
By the way,
I really enjoyed your paper...
72
00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:53,030
...on the connection between geographic
isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
73
00:04:53,197 --> 00:04:57,160
I wrote that in one night.
74
00:04:58,870 --> 00:05:01,414
Twenty bucks says they're married
within the month.
75
00:05:02,415 --> 00:05:04,709
Well, we should probably get going.
76
00:05:05,626 --> 00:05:07,670
We've got a lot of ground to cover.
77
00:05:07,837 --> 00:05:10,548
Isn't another professor
supposed to come with us?
78
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:13,426
I don't think so.
79
00:05:13,801 --> 00:05:16,429
I'm pretty sure.
A Professor Spafford from Cornell?
80
00:05:16,596 --> 00:05:19,682
Well, he's obviously late,
and the rule in my class is:
81
00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:23,811
If you can't come on time,
then don't come at all.
82
00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:27,148
An option that many of my students use.
83
00:05:28,024 --> 00:05:30,109
- Shall we?
- We shouldn't wait for him?
84
00:05:30,276 --> 00:05:33,529
You know what, he's a big boy.
I'm sure he'll find us, okay?
85
00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:36,073
- Professor Geller?
- Oh, damn it!
86
00:05:46,751 --> 00:05:49,462
Hi, it's Jan Rogers.
Can't wait for your party tonight.
87
00:05:49,629 --> 00:05:54,258
Listen, I forgot your address.
Can you give me a call? Thanks. Bye.
88
00:05:55,676 --> 00:05:57,553
- Hey!
- Hey!
89
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:58,888
What's happening?
90
00:05:59,138 --> 00:06:03,351
It's a real shame you can't make it
to that one-woman show tonight.
91
00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:06,562
I'd love to, but I gotta get up
so early the next day.
92
00:06:06,729 --> 00:06:10,441
- You know me, work comes first.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
93
00:06:11,943 --> 00:06:15,488
Hi, it's Jan Rogers.
Can't wait for your party tonight.
94
00:06:17,281 --> 00:06:19,575
Stupid Jan Rogers!
95
00:06:20,576 --> 00:06:22,578
You are having a party tonight?
96
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,290
I'm kind of having a thing
for the Days of our Lives people.
97
00:06:26,457 --> 00:06:27,834
You weren't gonna tell us?
98
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,419
How did you think
you'd get away with that?
99
00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:32,421
I do it every year.
100
00:06:34,048 --> 00:06:36,092
You do that every year?!
101
00:06:36,259 --> 00:06:38,427
I didn't have to tell you that!
102
00:06:38,761 --> 00:06:41,472
God, I'm stupider than Jan Rogers!
103
00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:45,685
That's why you got us tickets
to that play, to get rid of us!
104
00:06:45,852 --> 00:06:46,936
Yeah.
105
00:06:47,103 --> 00:06:50,565
Last year is that why you sent us
to that Medieval Times restaurant?
106
00:06:50,731 --> 00:06:51,941
Yeah.
107
00:06:52,817 --> 00:06:57,446
The year before that, you set up that
nighttime tour of that button factory?
108
00:06:57,613 --> 00:06:59,782
I can't believe you guys went
for that one.
109
00:06:59,949 --> 00:07:03,160
Why wouldn't you invite us
to your parties?
110
00:07:03,411 --> 00:07:07,665
You're fine, okay? But everyone else acts
like an idiot around famous people.
111
00:07:07,832 --> 00:07:10,710
Well, then, so just invite me.
112
00:07:11,294 --> 00:07:14,547
Please, I was trying to be nice.
You're the worst one.
113
00:07:14,714 --> 00:07:18,718
Joey, come on! Please, please?
Let me come. I will behave. I promise.
114
00:07:18,885 --> 00:07:22,388
- I will behave. Please, please, please.
- Okay, fine. You can come.
115
00:07:22,555 --> 00:07:26,183
But don't tell anybody else.
It's up on the roof at 8.
116
00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:27,935
A soap-opera roof party?!
117
00:07:28,102 --> 00:07:31,772
I'm going to a soap-opera roof party!
Uh, my God! Oh, my God!
118
00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:36,527
And it's out of my system.
119
00:07:42,158 --> 00:07:47,747
And then my wife and I went
on a cruise to the Galépagos.
120
00:07:47,914 --> 00:07:52,126
There was a seafood buffet
you wouldn't believe.
121
00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:57,423
There were clams and mussels
and oysters...
122
00:07:57,590 --> 00:07:59,884
...and cracked crab...
123
00:08:00,051 --> 00:08:02,219
...and snow crab...
124
00:08:02,386 --> 00:08:04,889
...and king crab.
125
00:08:05,056 --> 00:08:08,184
It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
126
00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:12,688
So where did you get
your undergraduate degree?
127
00:08:12,855 --> 00:08:16,609
- And that's not all I'm allergic to.
- Oh, it's not over.
128
00:08:16,776 --> 00:08:20,905
I'm also allergic to peanuts
and cashews...
129
00:08:21,072 --> 00:08:23,240
...and almonds and filberts...
130
00:08:23,407 --> 00:08:25,076
So basically all nuts!
131
00:08:25,368 --> 00:08:27,495
Interestingly, no.
132
00:08:28,329 --> 00:08:32,166
You're kind of playing it fast and loose
with the word "interesting."
133
00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:37,546
If you'll excuse me,
I'm going to use the restroom.
134
00:08:38,756 --> 00:08:40,383
Oh, my God!
135
00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:42,718
I've lost the will to live.
136
00:08:44,428 --> 00:08:45,930
- Let's ditch him.
- What?
137
00:08:46,097 --> 00:08:48,808
While he's still in the bathroom.
I am begging you.
138
00:08:48,975 --> 00:08:52,770
Okay. Okay, fine,
but I just have one question for you.
139
00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:56,023
When we exit, should we walk or run...
140
00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:58,567
...or prance or stroll...?
141
00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:03,572
Stop it! Stop it! He talks slow,
but he might pee fast. Okay, let's move!
142
00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:15,543
Oh, hey, you guys, this is Charlie.
143
00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:18,629
Charlie, this is Phoebe
and my sister, Monica.
144
00:09:18,796 --> 00:09:21,966
- Hi.
- Charlie will be joining my department.
145
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,301
- You're a paleontologist too?
- Yeah.
146
00:09:24,635 --> 00:09:26,679
Oh, okay. Now, what do you think...
147
00:09:26,846 --> 00:09:31,183
...of Renyard's new theory of species
variegation in segmented arthropods?
148
00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:36,397
I think he's a little out there,
but he does have some interesting ideas.
149
00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:41,402
Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this.
Excuse me.
150
00:09:41,694 --> 00:09:44,280
Renyard's theory of species variegation?
151
00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:49,618
I saw the article on your coffee table.
I memorized the title to freak you out.
152
00:09:51,787 --> 00:09:53,456
So did you two have fun?
153
00:09:53,622 --> 00:09:56,083
Oh, my God. She's great.
154
00:09:56,250 --> 00:10:00,546
We have so much in common, and she's
just cool, you know? And funny.
155
00:10:00,713 --> 00:10:04,425
And I don't know if you've noticed,
but she's a hottie!
156
00:10:04,759 --> 00:10:05,801
Hi!
157
00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:11,766
- Hey.
- Hey.
158
00:10:11,932 --> 00:10:15,728
Hi, you guys. Listen, you know what,
I'm not feeling really well...
159
00:10:15,895 --> 00:10:19,315
...and I don't think I'm gonna get
to go to the play.
160
00:10:19,482 --> 00:10:20,816
Really? What's wrong?
161
00:10:20,983 --> 00:10:23,194
I don't know.
I think it's kind of serious.
162
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,822
You know, I was watching this thing
on TV this morning...
163
00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:31,243
...about Newcastle disease,
and I think I might have it.
164
00:10:31,619 --> 00:10:34,121
Newcastle disease is
a secretion-borne virus...
165
00:10:34,288 --> 00:10:37,041
...that only affects chickens
and other poultry.
166
00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,961
Okay, who's this?
167
00:10:41,504 --> 00:10:44,840
I'm sorry. Rachel, this is Charlie Wheeler.
She's a colleague.
168
00:10:45,007 --> 00:10:46,926
Hi. Well, I would shake your hand...
169
00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:50,387
...but I'm sure you don't want
to get my chicken disease.
170
00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:54,141
- Rachel, can I see you for a second?
- Sure.
171
00:10:59,355 --> 00:11:00,606
You're not sick.
172
00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:02,733
What? Yes, I am!
173
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:05,361
Okay, then why are you all dressed up?
174
00:11:07,488 --> 00:11:11,408
When you're sick, you do whatever
you can to make yourself feel better.
175
00:11:12,993 --> 00:11:16,288
You just want to stay home
so you can make a move on Joey.
176
00:11:16,455 --> 00:11:19,250
No, I heard you before.
That is so not what this is.
177
00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:21,669
Okay, then what is this?
178
00:11:22,336 --> 00:11:23,379
Okay.
179
00:11:24,463 --> 00:11:27,633
Joey is having a secret
Days of our Lives party up on the roof.
180
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,344
And he sent you guys to the play
to get rid of you.
181
00:11:30,761 --> 00:11:32,513
What?!
182
00:11:33,347 --> 00:11:34,598
What? What's going on?
183
00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:38,394
Joey is having a secret
Days of our Lives party up on the roof!
184
00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:42,982
He didn't want you to know about it,
but I came over here to tell you.
185
00:11:43,566 --> 00:11:47,111
- You came to say you were sick.
- All right, professor or detective?
186
00:11:48,195 --> 00:11:51,824
Wait, Joey's having a party,
and he wasn't gonna invite us?
187
00:11:51,991 --> 00:11:55,578
He does it every year.
That's why he's sending you to the play.
188
00:11:55,744 --> 00:11:59,957
That's why he sent us to that medieval
restaurant and to that button factory.
189
00:12:00,124 --> 00:12:02,376
And that horrible museum tour?
190
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,503
No, I arranged that.
191
00:12:08,507 --> 00:12:11,302
Hey, you guys, I'm turning in.
Have fun.
192
00:12:14,722 --> 00:12:16,432
We know about your party, Joey.
193
00:12:16,599 --> 00:12:20,102
- What party?
- The game's over. Take off your robe.
194
00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:23,063
Okay, I mean...
195
00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:25,441
No!
196
00:12:25,608 --> 00:12:28,986
Close it up! Close it up!
197
00:12:30,988 --> 00:12:32,323
Nice to meet you.
198
00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,293
Hey, you made it! All right!
199
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:46,670
Glad you could make it.
Thanks for coming.
200
00:12:47,046 --> 00:12:50,007
- Oh, my God. Kyle Lowder!
- Hi.
201
00:12:50,674 --> 00:12:52,426
I love you!
202
00:12:52,593 --> 00:12:56,263
Hey. That's why I didn't invite you.
You have to calm down, all right?
203
00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:58,432
Just get yourself a drink
or something.
204
00:12:58,599 --> 00:13:01,477
Oh, yeah, that's what you want.
My inhibitions lowered.
205
00:13:01,685 --> 00:13:02,728
Hey.
206
00:13:02,895 --> 00:13:05,314
My God, can you believe
we're surrounded by all this?
207
00:13:05,481 --> 00:13:07,024
I can barely control myself.
208
00:13:07,191 --> 00:13:09,818
You might want to remember
that you're married.
209
00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:12,238
Where is Chandler anyway?
210
00:13:12,404 --> 00:13:13,989
Oh, my God! Chandler!
211
00:13:20,579 --> 00:13:23,332
Where the hell is everybody?
212
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:28,170
Why Don '2' You Like Me?
213
00:13:32,132 --> 00:13:35,386
Chapter 1: My First Period.
214
00:13:39,974 --> 00:13:42,059
Hey, Joey said no autographs.
215
00:13:42,226 --> 00:13:44,353
But if she's getting one,
I want one too!
216
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,649
"To Monica." And none of this
"best wishes" crap. I want "love."
217
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:53,862
Okay, actually, Mon, Matthew was
giving me his phone number.
218
00:13:54,029 --> 00:13:56,824
Oh, man! If I had known
I was coming to this party...
219
00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:58,867
...I never would've gotten married!
220
00:14:00,035 --> 00:14:02,121
- It was nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
221
00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:04,373
- Call me.
- We will!
222
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:09,169
- Look at you with all the guys!
- Yeah.
223
00:14:09,336 --> 00:14:10,713
I guess you've forgotten Joey.
224
00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:13,674
Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten
aboutJoey.
225
00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:16,218
And clearly, you've forgotten
about Chandler.
226
00:14:17,219 --> 00:14:19,346
Please. Chandler's
the love of my life.
227
00:14:19,513 --> 00:14:21,598
Oh, leather pants! Have mercy!
228
00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:28,564
So it's probably gonna be hard
for you to leave Boston, huh?
229
00:14:28,731 --> 00:14:32,609
Actually, I'm kind of happy to be leaving.
I just broke up with someone.
230
00:14:32,776 --> 00:14:35,029
Oh, so sad.
231
00:14:35,571 --> 00:14:38,282
Still, it can't be easy
for you to leave Harvard.
232
00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:42,536
Especially after working with a Nobel
Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer.
233
00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:45,748
Actually, Albie is the guy
I broke up with.
234
00:14:45,914 --> 00:14:49,043
- You dated Albert Wintermeyer?
- Yeah.
235
00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:52,129
And you called him "Albie"?
236
00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:57,176
I mean, that's like calling
Albert Einstein...
237
00:14:57,968 --> 00:14:59,011
Albie.
238
00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:03,057
Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
239
00:15:03,223 --> 00:15:05,392
You think?
I mean, you dated the guy...
240
00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:09,021
...who improved the accuracy
of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!
241
00:15:09,188 --> 00:15:13,525
Yes, and while that is everything
one looks for in a boyfriend...
242
00:15:13,692 --> 00:15:15,361
...he had a lot of issues.
243
00:15:15,527 --> 00:15:17,404
Oh, like what?
244
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,949
I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry.
It's just that this must be...
245
00:15:21,116 --> 00:15:25,287
...what regular people experience
when they watch Access Hollywood.
246
00:15:25,746 --> 00:15:27,498
Okay, you want the dirt?
247
00:15:27,664 --> 00:15:29,792
Albie was seriously insecure.
248
00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:33,170
He was really intimidated by the guy
I dated before him.
249
00:15:33,337 --> 00:15:36,757
Who's intimidating to a guy
who won the Nobel Prize?
250
00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:38,926
A guy who won two.
251
00:15:39,468 --> 00:15:40,761
Two? What...?
252
00:15:40,928 --> 00:15:43,889
Don't tell me you dated
Benjamin Hobart?
253
00:15:44,056 --> 00:15:45,933
Yeah, for three years.
254
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,476
Oh, my God.
255
00:15:48,352 --> 00:15:52,648
Have you ever dated someone
who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
256
00:15:54,149 --> 00:15:55,776
No.
257
00:15:56,568 --> 00:15:58,695
But there was
my first boyfriend, Billy.
258
00:15:58,862 --> 00:16:01,198
Oh, yeah? No Nobel Prizes for him?
259
00:16:01,365 --> 00:16:04,660
No, but he did just win
a MacArthur "genius grant."
260
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,663
What a loser.
261
00:16:09,248 --> 00:16:11,125
Some more wine?
262
00:16:15,295 --> 00:16:17,714
Hey, Ross. How's it going
with Charlie?
263
00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,758
Oh, great. After I finish my wine...
264
00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:23,846
...I'm gonna blow
my average-sized brains out.
265
00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:25,597
What's the matter?
266
00:16:25,764 --> 00:16:30,394
She only dates geniuses
and Nobel Prize winners.
267
00:16:30,561 --> 00:16:33,355
Oh, my God, at the Chinese restaurant
earlier today...
268
00:16:33,522 --> 00:16:37,860
...I put chopsticks in my mouth
and pretended to be a woolly mammoth.
269
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,279
I always loved that.
270
00:16:40,446 --> 00:16:43,949
Of course you would!
Your brains are smaller than mine!
271
00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:48,120
I can't compete with the guys
she goes out with.
272
00:16:48,287 --> 00:16:50,831
They're so out of my league.
273
00:16:51,331 --> 00:16:52,458
Oh, my God!
274
00:16:52,624 --> 00:16:54,585
- Worse?
- Oh, much, much worse.
275
00:16:54,751 --> 00:16:58,922
I did my impression of Joan Rivers
as one of the earliest amphibians.
276
00:16:59,089 --> 00:17:00,215
"Can we walk?"
277
00:17:02,426 --> 00:17:04,720
- Oh, you like that?
- No.
278
00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:06,138
What?
279
00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:09,641
Come on! I think that's funny!
280
00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:11,935
Woolly mammoth.
281
00:17:12,102 --> 00:17:13,812
L'I'S good!
282
00:17:15,939 --> 00:17:20,110
I bet you're thinking that now would be
a great time for an intermission, huh?
283
00:17:20,277 --> 00:17:22,905
Oh, yes. God, yes.
284
00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:25,407
Well, you're not gonna get one!
285
00:17:25,574 --> 00:17:28,994
Because in life, there are
no intermissions, people!
286
00:17:30,245 --> 00:17:34,041
Now, Chapter 7:
Divorce is a Four-Letter Word!
287
00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:38,337
How could he leave me?!
288
00:17:40,088 --> 00:17:42,758
I don't know. You seem lovely.
289
00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:53,977
Ross, this is one of my costars, Dirk.
Dirk, this is my good friend Ross.
290
00:17:54,144 --> 00:17:56,563
- Nice to meet you.
- So, what show are you on?
291
00:17:56,730 --> 00:18:00,108
I'm not an actor.
I'm a professor of paleontology.
292
00:18:00,943 --> 00:18:02,694
- That's science.
- Oh.
293
00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:05,989
Hey, well, listen,
I play a scientist on Days.
294
00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:09,034
Yeah, my character just won
a Nobel Prize.
295
00:18:10,953 --> 00:18:15,874
Dirk was wondering about the woman
you brought and if you two are together?
296
00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:18,293
Oh. Well, no, but...
297
00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:22,381
I mean, she only goes out
with really, really smart guys.
298
00:18:22,548 --> 00:18:25,676
Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
299
00:18:27,386 --> 00:18:28,971
I'd lead with that.
300
00:18:31,265 --> 00:18:34,059
That's it. Just sign right on the bra.
301
00:18:34,935 --> 00:18:35,978
Monica!
302
00:18:36,478 --> 00:18:39,690
Don't worry, Joe.
I won't come next year!
303
00:18:43,735 --> 00:18:44,987
What the...?
304
00:18:45,153 --> 00:18:46,446
What do you got there?
305
00:18:46,613 --> 00:18:49,116
Just some boys gave me
their phone numbers.
306
00:18:49,283 --> 00:18:51,535
- Oh, really? Let me see.
- Oh.
307
00:18:52,327 --> 00:18:54,746
Damn, that's a lot of guys.
308
00:18:54,913 --> 00:18:57,207
Are you a little slutty?
309
00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:01,169
I think I am.
310
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:04,381
Let me see if I approve
of any of these clowns.
311
00:19:04,548 --> 00:19:06,800
- This guy wears a rug.
- Well...
312
00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:09,386
This guy's Canadian.
313
00:19:09,886 --> 00:19:12,472
Oh, and this guy is in a cult, okay?
314
00:19:12,639 --> 00:19:17,394
It'll cost you $5000 to get to level three,
and I don't feel any different.
315
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:21,064
Pass. Pa... Oh, pass. Pass.
316
00:19:21,231 --> 00:19:24,443
- Why? What's wrong with these guys?
- Well, nothing major.
317
00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:28,030
It's just that, you know,
they're not really good enough for you...
318
00:19:28,196 --> 00:19:30,407
...and you deserve the best.
319
00:19:30,574 --> 00:19:32,826
Joey, you're so sweet.
320
00:19:32,993 --> 00:19:37,372
It's true, but it doesn't matter. I already
know who you're going home with.
321
00:19:37,539 --> 00:19:39,249
Who?
322
00:19:42,794 --> 00:19:44,129
Me.
323
00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:45,922
What?
324
00:19:46,506 --> 00:19:48,258
Really?
325
00:19:48,592 --> 00:19:51,762
Yeah, because we live together.
It's a joke! It's a joke.
326
00:19:51,928 --> 00:19:54,222
Right! That's funny! I get it!
327
00:19:54,389 --> 00:19:57,309
- Got you!
- You're funny, Joey.
328
00:19:57,809 --> 00:19:59,561
Oh, my God.
329
00:20:05,609 --> 00:20:08,362
So how did you enjoy the play?
330
00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:13,742
Oh, my God.
Honey, I am so, so, so, so sorry.
331
00:20:13,909 --> 00:20:14,951
You should be.
332
00:20:15,118 --> 00:20:19,331
You missed the most powerful
three hours in the history of the theater.
333
00:20:19,498 --> 00:20:22,668
- You really liked it?
- Oh, yeah. I mean, at first I hated it.
334
00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:27,047
But why wouldn't I? Because as a man,
I've been trained not to listen!
335
00:20:30,008 --> 00:20:35,180
But after Chapter 16:
Fat, Single and Ready to Mingle...
336
00:20:36,056 --> 00:20:38,183
...I was uplifted.
337
00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,352
- Oh, really?
- Oh, yeah.
338
00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:43,772
I had no idea the amazing journey
you go through as a woman.
339
00:20:44,189 --> 00:20:47,901
Tell me...
Tell me about your first period.
340
00:20:49,653 --> 00:20:50,904
No!
341
00:20:52,656 --> 00:20:54,282
Did somebody sign your bra?
342
00:20:54,449 --> 00:20:58,453
So I got it when I was 13.
Very difficult.
343
00:20:59,663 --> 00:21:04,334
Hey, Ross? So listen,
about you and the dinosaur girl?
344
00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:08,171
Are you really just gonna let
a couple of Nobel Prizes scare you off?
345
00:21:08,338 --> 00:21:10,674
What is that?
Come on, a piece of paper?
346
00:21:10,841 --> 00:21:12,926
It's actually a million-dollar prize.
347
00:21:13,301 --> 00:21:15,262
Go, Charlie!
348
00:21:15,804 --> 00:21:18,181
But my point is...
349
00:21:18,348 --> 00:21:22,269
...okay, so she dated them,
but she also broke up with them.
350
00:21:22,436 --> 00:21:28,024
Maybe she's looking to, you know,
slum it with some average Joe Ph.D.
351
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:33,989
Yeah, maybe, and I do have
my whole career in front of me.
352
00:21:34,156 --> 00:21:35,615
I mean...
353
00:21:35,782 --> 00:21:38,702
I could still win a Nobel Prize.
354
00:21:38,869 --> 00:21:44,708
Although the last two papers
I've written were widely discredited.
355
00:21:46,543 --> 00:21:51,590
You're so much more than just brains.
You are sweet and kind and funny.
356
00:21:51,882 --> 00:21:53,258
And sexy.
357
00:21:53,425 --> 00:21:56,553
Okay, well, give her a chance
to see all that.
358
00:21:56,970 --> 00:21:58,889
Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
359
00:21:59,055 --> 00:22:01,600
- Thanks. I'm gonna go find her.
- Good for you.
360
00:22:01,767 --> 00:22:06,688
Your paper on punctuated equilibrium
in the Devonian Era was topnotch.
361
00:22:06,855 --> 00:22:08,857
Stop going through my stuff!
362
00:22:11,943 --> 00:22:13,195
- Hey.
- Hey.
363
00:22:13,361 --> 00:22:16,198
I just wanted to let you know
I've changed my mind.
364
00:22:16,364 --> 00:22:18,408
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna kiss Joey.
365
00:22:18,575 --> 00:22:22,037
No! You can't!
Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
366
00:22:22,204 --> 00:22:24,247
Please! What about you and Chandler?
367
00:22:24,414 --> 00:22:27,375
That's different.
I was drunk and stupid.
368
00:22:27,542 --> 00:22:29,878
Well, hello?
369
00:22:30,796 --> 00:22:34,257
What about all the guys that you got
the phone numbers from?
370
00:22:34,424 --> 00:22:37,010
- Why don't you just kiss one of them.
- I could...
371
00:22:37,177 --> 00:22:40,722
...but I don't want to.
I want to kiss Joey.
372
00:22:41,389 --> 00:22:45,393
All right. I think it's a big mistake,
but it's your decision.
373
00:22:50,148 --> 00:22:51,274
I'm gonna do it.
374
00:22:51,441 --> 00:22:54,361
- And I can't stop you?
- No.
375
00:23:07,457 --> 00:23:10,710
Hey, Rach, have you seen
Charlie anywhere?
376
00:23:16,466 --> 00:23:18,844
I'm smarter than him!
377
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,478
Hey, thank you so much
for these tickets, Chandler.
378
00:23:28,645 --> 00:23:33,024
This was a really important experience
for me. I wanted to share it with you.
379
00:23:33,191 --> 00:23:34,985
You're so wonderful.
380
00:23:36,319 --> 00:23:38,405
Why Don '2' You Like Me?
381
00:23:39,865 --> 00:23:43,285
Chapter 1: My First Period.
382
00:23:45,287 --> 00:23:48,790
I can't believe you guys bought that.
Enjoy your slow death.
30406
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
