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1
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,080
Right.
2
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,440
Pencil Museum, here we come.
3
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,640
You know, it's home
to the world's largest...
4
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,000
...colouring pencil, yeah.
5
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,160
- Yeah, which is over...
- ...30 foot long.
6
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:44,720
(ARGUING)
7
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:48,240
FIONA: Oh, Steph and Bill
from number eight are at it again.
8
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:51,600
Well, come on. It's nearly
twice the height of a giraffe.
9
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,000
Doesn't that depend on the giraffe?
10
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,960
And what use is it to anyone anyway?
11
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,240
I mean, you'd need the world's biggest
sharpener before you get started.
12
00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,480
You don't actually use it,
you just admire it.
13
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,680
It's the biggest of its kind.
That's the point.
14
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,720
I don't care how big it is,
Little Neil's got to do his homework
15
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,400
before anyone's going anywhere.
16
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:08,800
What homework?
17
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,920
DT. It's for Mr Appleton.
18
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,280
How long's that going to take?
19
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:15,280
I've got to pick a building of
world significance and then research it.
20
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:17,920
Half an hour.
Pencil Museum, here we come.
21
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,960
And then I've got to build a scale model.
22
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,480
- What?!
- (SIGHS)
23
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,640
They're all going up in the school foyer.
24
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,320
Oh, well, let's just make the real thing
and have done with it, eh?
25
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,600
I'm sure we could knock up
the Sydney Opera House before lunchtime.
26
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,240
These teachers don't care
whose weekends they ruin, do they?
27
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,600
Well, this one's nearly done with.
28
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:39,000
Sure Mr Appleton's not knocking up
a Taj Mahal from empty Mateys boxes.
29
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,440
Come Monday, I'm calling school.
30
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,520
They can't set this kind of homework
on a Friday
31
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,320
and expect it'll be done
in two days flat.
32
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:46,640
Hold on a minute.
33
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:47,720
When was it set?
34
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,720
- Four weeks ago.
- (GARTH LAUGHS)
35
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,120
Oh, you've got...
36
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:53,360
Four weeks?!
37
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:54,480
I forgot.
38
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:55,600
Oh, yeah.
39
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:56,640
You forgot?
40
00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,840
What if I forgot to replenish
the pick and mix, eh?
41
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:03,360
Or put out the camping chair promotion?
But I didn't, did I?
42
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:07,440
No, I did everything I was supposed to
so we could all come here and relax,
43
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:11,320
enjoy the sun, the water,
the clear mountain air.
44
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,320
And to see the biggest pencil
in the world.
45
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,400
Colouring pencil!
46
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,280
If you don't mind,
it's a colouring pencil.
47
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,040
Nobody loves that place more than I do.
48
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,480
I want my ashes blowing round it one day.
49
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,840
But it's not a building
of world significance.
50
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,000
Well, it is to me.
51
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,080
Well, think of all the disaster movies.
52
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,320
It's the Golden Gate Bridge that always
gets destroyed by a tidal wave.
53
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,920
It's Big Ben that gets blown up
by the aliens.
54
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,840
Not Stoke City Football Ground.
Thank God.
55
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,800
Right, well, what about the Taj Mahal,
or the Sydney Opera House?
56
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,800
Have you seen the Sydney Opera House?
57
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,560
These are scissors, not a wand.
58
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,520
Yeah, it might be a bit ambitious,
Little Neil.
59
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,360
I've got it.
60
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,040
Oh...I am good.
61
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,840
Stonehenge!
62
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,560
Come on, three more of them
and we're done.
63
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,680
Get your coats on,
we're going Pencil Museum.
64
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,280
Stonehenge isn't going to cut it
for Mr Appleton.
65
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,080
He'll want something bigger and better.
66
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,720
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS)
67
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,720
The Empire State Building.
68
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:23,400
Come on, what's bigger
and better than that?
69
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,760
The Burj Khalifa, the Shanghai Tower,
Abraj Al-Bait clock tower,
70
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,240
the Ping An Finance Centre.
71
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,160
Well, where did all these pop up from?
Nobody told me.
72
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,720
Ping An Finance Centre did call,
but you were out.
73
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:38,240
Everybody knows the Empire State Building
was the biggest and best
74
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,920
- for donkey's years.
- Mm.
75
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:43,000
All we have to do is stick a few boxes
on top of each other,
76
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,160
put a dart through the top, sorted.
77
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,400
They'll be queueing up
in that school foyer.
78
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,600
But without those revision notes,
I'm going to fail the test.
79
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,360
Well, Dolores gave them
to the courier last night.
80
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,880
Dolores doesn't speak English!
81
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:03,160
Darling, they will be here, all right?
82
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,560
- (KNOCKING)
- Finally!
83
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,040
Hmm. They'll be here.
84
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,080
- Hello.
- Saw your car.
85
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,400
- Ah.
- Just thought I'd pop in to say hello.
86
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,600
- Right.
- Good journey?
87
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,440
Yes, excellent. Thank you very much.
88
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,720
- Is that the shower I can hear?
- No.
89
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,720
- Oh.
- Has a courier left anything with you?
90
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:27,000
There was a parcel for Mr Fieldhouse
on Wednesday -
91
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,080
a pair of maroon women's slippers?
92
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,200
- You opened it?
- (SCOFFS) No.
93
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,640
I just guessed by judging
the shape and size of the parcel.
94
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,280
Then how did you know they were maroon?
95
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:39,680
Where's Mrs Dillon?
96
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,400
She's in Ibiza with her friends.
97
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:42,880
Why?
98
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,560
She's got friends here.
99
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,400
Yes, I know she does.
I'll tell her you said hello.
100
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:48,720
She's definitely not coming?
101
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,240
She's definitely not coming.
102
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:51,440
I'm so sorry.
103
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:52,480
(KICKS DOORFRAME)
104
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:53,720
Is there anything else?
105
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,360
- No.
- OK.
106
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,960
Oh! Dolores!
107
00:04:58,360 --> 00:04:59,720
Oh, boy.
108
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,280
Where should we start?
109
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,480
The top?
110
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,360
I doubt they did that in real life.
111
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,760
- They had more than two days to build it.
- It took them
112
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,800
one year and 45 days,
113
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:12,440
or seven million man hours.
114
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,080
Shall we have a cup of tea?
115
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,040
You've not even broken ground!
116
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:18,320
Yeah, but you can't dive headlong
into these things.
117
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,680
Need a lot of consideration.
118
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:24,840
103 storeys, 73 lifts and 6,514 windows.
119
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,480
You'd need a hell of a bucket.
120
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,040
We're out of teabags.
121
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,800
Be back as soon as I can.
122
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,800
Neil! No! Neil!
123
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,080
(DOOR CLOSES)
124
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,000
Get back in here!
125
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,400
NEIL: Ten minutes, max.
126
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,960
Oh, you've got to be...
127
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,680
- Neil...
- (MUFFLED) Oh, no.
128
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,680
I thought I saw you from across the road.
129
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,720
- Yeah, I can't stop.
- No, no...
130
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,840
You will not believe
what I found out last night.
131
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,240
Did you know that
the United States' Sixth Fleet
132
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:09,600
was protected by a team
of crack...military...
133
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:11,880
...dolphins?
134
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,240
What, a Special Forces unit,
like the Navy Seals?
135
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,240
No!
136
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,280
Bottlenose dolphins.
137
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,840
They're trained at a secret base
in the Florida Keys.
138
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,480
The Russians are at it too.
139
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:31,400
They've got a compound at the Black Sea,
near Odessa.
140
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,360
I mean, we had a unit
at Weston-super-Mare,
141
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,120
but due to defence cuts...
Oh, another cream tea over here, please.
142
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,520
That would be really lovely,
thanks very much indeed.
143
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:40,600
No, she's not staying.
144
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,040
We train them from birth, Neil.
From birth.
145
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,120
They're killers!
146
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,120
(SIGHS) So is the entrance
on 33rd or 34th Street?
147
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,320
Both.
148
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:59,800
The main entrance is on Fifth Avenue,
but there's five altogether.
149
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:02,640
(KNOCKING)
150
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,440
No, you stay where you are.
I'll get it.
151
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:06,480
Get what?
152
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,720
Oi, that is the worst thing
I've ever seen in my entire life.
153
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,520
ROBERT: Oh, thank you very much.
I'm so sorry to disturb you.
154
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,480
I was wondering, do you have
an iPhone charger I could borrow?
155
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,120
It's the 21st-century cup of sugar.
156
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:18,880
Think there might be one
in the kitchen drawer.
157
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,080
Great, splendid.
158
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,360
Sorry, I normally rely on Penny
for this sort of thing,
159
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,160
but she's away in Ibiza at the moment.
160
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,120
Yes, her best friend's just got divorced.
161
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,200
Oh, that's a shame.
162
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,000
Yeah, well, Sasha doesn't seem
to think so.
163
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,720
She's hired Whigfield for her beach party.
164
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:34,600
You know this is the fourth divorce bash
Penny's been to this year?
165
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,080
When my sister got divorced,
we went to the Weathervane.
166
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,040
She spent the whole evening
crying into her snakebite.
167
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:42,320
Right.
168
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,760
Ah! One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
Now that is an excellent book.
169
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,000
Ha! We used to call our school matron
Nurse Ratched.
170
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:50,280
God, she had cold hands.
171
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,560
When I'm on duty,
I warm mine on the radiator.
172
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,760
- Oh, that's nice.
- Not that I'm going to ask you to cough.
173
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,680
(LAUGHS BREATHLESSLY)
174
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,880
(COUGHS)
175
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,520
Oh, yes, brilliant.
Thank you so much. Yes.
176
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:04,720
It was my own silly fault.
177
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,640
I should have asked Dolores
to give one to the courier,
178
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:08,000
along with Petra's revision notes.
179
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,440
- Oh, Dolores?
- Yes, our cleaner.
180
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,680
Petra's got a biology test -
she left her notes behind.
181
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:14,960
So we've had them sent up.
182
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:19,040
But there doesn't seem to be
any sign of the courier, which is odd.
183
00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,880
Oh! Well, what have we here?
184
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,920
Er...the Empire State.
185
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,360
Ah-ha-ha! Splendid!
186
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,040
God, you can almost smell the hot dogs.
187
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,800
- (SCOFFS)
- Hey!
188
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,440
- (DANCE MUSIC)
- WOMAN'S VOICE: Two, three, four, dance!
189
00:08:58,480 --> 00:08:59,760
Mr Thistlethwaite!
190
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,520
One, two, three, four, dance!
191
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,520
Mr Thistlethwaite!
192
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:11,720
I need to get into number eight!
193
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,320
Mr Thistlethwaite!
194
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,680
Stop!
195
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:21,880
MALE VOICE: Good dance!
196
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,680
(HEAVY THUD)
197
00:09:58,760 --> 00:09:59,840
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
198
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:03,040
BILL: Noticed you never get these
migraines when we're going to the beach.
199
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,200
STEPH: You know high altitudes
don't agree with me!
200
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,680
BILL: We were still in the car park!
201
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,120
STEPH: You do this on purpose, don't you?
202
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,400
BILL: Oh, yes, every time.
203
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,160
STEPH: Well, it's thumping now.
204
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,280
I'm going to sleep it off!
205
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:35,720
Where have you been?!
206
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,040
The shop was shut.
207
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,400
I had to go in the village.
There was a terrible traffic jam.
208
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,680
You got most of it round your mouth.
209
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,800
Oh...
210
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,160
Well, I bumped into Lorraine Sykes.
Got strong-armed into a cream tea.
211
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,880
Cream tea?! While we've been slaving away
on the Chrysler Building?!
212
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,840
Oh, so if I touched that seat,
it won't be warm?
213
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,280
Chrysler Building?
214
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,960
ROBERT: And then, that's it.
Just like that.
215
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,120
Oh, hello!
216
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,440
Dad, come look at this.
217
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,760
We're making it out of foamcore.
218
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:08,440
We've got T pieces and a glue gun
and a rebate cutter.
219
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:09,800
Robert's got everything.
220
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,760
Well, model-making's
all part of the architect's job,
221
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,040
so I always keep a few pieces
in the back of the car.
222
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,080
I-I hope you don't mind me
giving him a few pointers.
223
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,760
Thought we were doing Empire State.
224
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,640
I got a new roll of Sellotape
and everything.
225
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,240
Sellotape?
226
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,600
Robert says the Chrysler building makes
the Empire State looks like a bus shelter.
227
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:32,120
(LAUGHS) Well, I didn't quite
put it quite like that. No.
228
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:35,400
And when I say bus shelter, I mean
there are some very attractive stations.
229
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:39,160
The, er... The Busbahnhof Poppenbüttel
in Hamburg, for instance,
230
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,080
is a wonderful example of, er...
231
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,760
King Kong wasn't hanging off
the Chrysler building.
232
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,120
I think we'll do the Empire State.
233
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:49,200
No, well, the Empire State is impressive.
But the Chrysler building...
234
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:52,240
Well, it's the true masterpiece
of the Art Deco age.
235
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:56,160
With this magnificent shimmering apex,
complete with sunburst motif
236
00:11:56,200 --> 00:12:00,280
and those polished eagles
soaring high above Manhattan.
237
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,360
Which one's biggest?
238
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,040
Yeah, the Empire State is-is bigger.
239
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:05,520
Well, I think we'll stick to plan, then.
240
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,520
Why don't you do both?
241
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,000
That will impress Mr Appleton.
242
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,560
Now that's a great idea.
243
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,440
We could create something of a skyline.
I've got plenty more foamcore in the car.
244
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,680
Unless, of course,
you prefer to use poster board.
245
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,520
Well, cereal boxes have always been
good enough for me, thank you.
246
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,480
I will be swatting biplanes by tea-time.
247
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,480
(SNORES GENTLY)
248
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,000
(PHONE BUZZES)
249
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,400
(PHONE BUZZES)
250
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,040
(PHONE BUZZES)
251
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,840
BILL: # Loud was the voice
of the lonely goatherd
252
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,120
# Lay-ee odle-lay-ee odle-oo. #
253
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,400
Hello, Petra.
254
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:13,120
You've got to come quick,
there's a bat in our house.
255
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,200
A bat? In the middle of the afternoon?
256
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,360
No, no, it's a cat.
It's a cat in our house
257
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,280
and I need you and Steph to come
and help me catch it.
258
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:23,720
Sorry, Steph's not feeling very well.
She's got a migraine.
259
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,920
Is your dad not around?
260
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,440
No, she went out this morning.
261
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,400
Please.
Please, I need you to come and help me.
262
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,760
I need both of you to come and help me.
263
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,360
What, three of us to catch a cat?
264
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,360
What is it, a Bengal tiger? (LAUGHS)
265
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:42,280
I tell you what -
you leave your front door open,
266
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,200
he'll soon wander out.
267
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,440
But...
268
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:56,840
- FIONA: Oh, wow.
- ROBERT: Brilliant.
269
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,800
- LITTLE NEIL: It's amazing.
- ROBERT: Yeah.
270
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,080
So you do this for a job?
271
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,080
Yeah. Well, when designing any building,
272
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:05,000
you have to make
a very detailed architectural model.
273
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,600
This building, of course,
was designed by Van Alen.
274
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,240
What, the band?
275
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:10,840
No, the architect.
276
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:11,880
William Van Alen.
277
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,840
- (SELLOTAPE RIPS)
- Wasn't there before.
278
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:15,880
So where was it?
279
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,720
Well, I don't know. Hiding.
280
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,840
Maybe it went into the village
for a cream tea.
281
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,920
Should be me in the school foyer, not him.
282
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,880
Here.
283
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:27,960
Where you going now?
284
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,360
To the toilet.
285
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:31,560
Ugh...
286
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,400
Now...the apex.
287
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:40,200
ROBERT: So we need this...and this,
288
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,280
and then we'll start cutting
those pieces there.
289
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,240
(TINNY MUSIC PLAYS)
290
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,320
Hi, I'm Robert Dillon.
291
00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,400
Last time, we looked at how
to turn your vision into a drawing.
292
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,920
Today, we're going to take...
293
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,840
(GASPING) Oh, my God!
294
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,360
Today, we're going to take that drawing...
295
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,400
Ah!
296
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,480
(WHISPERING) Thank you!
297
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,680
(QUIETLY) Garth!
298
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,160
BILL: # High on a hill
was a lonely goatherd
299
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,400
# Lay-ee odle-lay-ee odle-lay-ee-hoo... #
300
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:48,440
(DOOR OPENS)
301
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,000
# Loud was the voice
of the lonely goatherd
302
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,600
# Lay-ee odle-lay-ee odle-oo. #
303
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,040
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (WHISPERS) Garth.
304
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,080
Garth!
305
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,360
(SNORES GENTLY)
306
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,600
BILL: # High on a hill
was a lonely goatherd... #
307
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,360
(PHONE BUZZES)
308
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,240
# Loud was the voice
of the lonely goatherd
309
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,640
# Lay-ee odle-lay-ee odle-oo. #
310
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,840
(PHONE BUZZES)
311
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,440
(STEPH YAWNS)
312
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,720
Oh!
313
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:27,800
(DOOR OPENS)
314
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,040
(TEARFULLY) Are you feeling any better?
315
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,800
Oh, have you been
watching that film again?
316
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,920
That ending always gets me.
317
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,920
Christopher Plummer,
crossing into Switzerland.
318
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,000
Little Gretl on his back.
319
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,440
STEPH: Let's go for a walk
into the village.
320
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,120
I'll just grab a cardie from the cupboard.
321
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,560
We could pop to the cafe for a cream tea.
322
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,760
Oh, unless Lorraine Sykes
is hanging around.
323
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,800
Three times she's caught me in that place.
324
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,680
BILL: Did she tell you about the dolphins?
325
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,000
STEPH: What dolphins?
326
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,160
(DOOR OPENS)
327
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,080
Petra, just...!
328
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:13,200
(DOOR SLAMS)
329
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,520
(SIGHS)
330
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,840
(SWING MUSIC PLAYS)
331
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,160
ROBERT: So, that's the whole one,
like that.
332
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,400
Exactly like that. And then...
333
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,440
Argh!
334
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,320
Hey! Now then.
335
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,760
(PAINT GUN HISSES)
336
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,400
Drum roll please, Fiona.
337
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,600
There you go, son. We did it.
338
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,880
Oh, it's jolly good. It's, er...
339
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,160
Well... It's completely, um...
340
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:29,760
Oh.
341
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,560
Broken.
342
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:32,760
Yeah...
343
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,280
You two carry on and I'll get it sorted.
344
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:38,440
All right, come on then, Little Neil.
If you care to do the honours.
345
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:39,520
(CHUCKLES)
346
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:44,400
ROBERT: There we go.
347
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:48,560
FIONA: Oh, that looks amazing! (LAUGHS)
348
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,600
And, in the spirit of Van Alen,
I've, er...
349
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,400
I've incorporated one last surprise.
350
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:56,880
- (SWITCH CLICKS)
- (FIONA GASPS)
351
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,840
- ROBERT: Ta-da!
- Oh, wow!
352
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,400
ROBERT: Look at that.
353
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,920
FIONA: Look at that!
Look at all these little cars.
354
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,480
Yeah, I just thought I'd, er...
Yeah, it's, er... It's...
355
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,400
- FIONA: That is unbelievable.
- LITTLE NEIL: When did you do this?
356
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:14,400
Oh, well. I, um... I added that when...
when you weren't looking. So, um...
357
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:15,920
Yes, I thought you might enjoy that.
358
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,000
FIONA: Look at all these little cars
and trees outside.
359
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,480
Oh, Robert, it is beautiful.
360
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,720
Here you go.
361
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,320
I let myself get carried away.
362
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:36,760
Please tell me
you didn't light it up from the inside.
363
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,640
- Oh...
- Well, I couldn't help myself.
364
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,800
It's cousin Jeremy's birthday party
all over again.
365
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,720
That Meccano was just lying there.
366
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:46,520
You didn't have to build the Hoover Dam!
367
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,520
No-one was watching him
blow out his candles.
368
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:49,960
Even Aunt Izzy was filming you.
369
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:52,960
Oh, any word from Ibiza?
370
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,200
Yeah, they've been up
for 72 hours straight.
371
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,680
- Great.
- Sasha has had her stomach pumped twice.
372
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,360
How delightful.
373
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:04,240
Well...divorce can be
a very sobering experience.
374
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,360
Mm!
375
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,080
When did your notes arrive?
376
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:08,120
Er, this afternoon.
377
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,840
Oh, great! So, crisis averted.
378
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,120
- Good old Dolores.
- This had nothing to do with Dolores.
379
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,400
Er, excuse me,
she gave them to the courier.
380
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,120
Without those crib sheets,
you'd have been completely stuffed.
381
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,200
Maybe.
382
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,120
Er, "maybe" nothing.
383
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,840
She is the hero of the hour,
and she went above and beyond.
384
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,080
I think the least you could do
is show a little gratitude.
385
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,880
What's he going to say to Mr Appleton?
386
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,560
"I made that, then had 15 pints,
387
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,680
"got kicked in the head by a horse,
put on a blindfold
388
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,280
"and then made that?"
389
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:48,720
Leave him alone.
390
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,040
He did his best.
391
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,920
Oh, yeah, he did his best.
392
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,640
He was at it all afternoon.
393
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,800
He wanted to make sure
his was bigger than Robert's.
394
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,960
Yeah, look, his might look good,
but mine's built to last.
395
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,480
One puff of wind, that will come down
like a pack of cards.
396
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,640
There'd better not be a puff of wind
between now and Monday morning.
397
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,360
Do you really think I'd be that petty?
398
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,080
You hid Robert's double-sided sticky tape!
399
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:10,720
It was under the tea towel.
400
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,200
In the bottom drawer!
401
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,000
You leave the Chrysler building alone.
402
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,640
What's...?
403
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,280
"Neil Hackett, aged 45½"?
404
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,440
Aww...
405
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,280
(MUTTERS)
406
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,800
Argh!
407
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:41,840
What's the matter?
408
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:42,880
Biplanes!
409
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:45,880
(GRUNTS)
410
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:50,920
(WATER RUNS)
411
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:07,160
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS)
412
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,040
(QUIETLY) Oh...
413
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,720
(WHISPERS) Garth. Garth!
414
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,680
- Christopher Plummer!
- What?
415
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:39,960
Dad?
416
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,320
- Look, you've got to help me.
- What?
417
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,080
I need your help! Come on.
418
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,680
You didn't.
419
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,160
It was an accident.
420
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,760
A puff of wind? I don't think so.
421
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,080
A typhoon, maybe.
422
00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:57,600
A hurricane, a tornado.
423
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:58,800
I slipped on the taxi cab.
424
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,360
Is that the best you've got?
425
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:01,560
You've got to believe me!
426
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,040
It doesn't matter what I believe.
427
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,360
This is nothing compared to
what Mum will do to you.
428
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,000
But she's not going to find out, son.
429
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,320
We can fix it together.
430
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:10,680
"We"?
431
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:11,880
Well, how hard can it be?
432
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:13,400
Exhibit A!
433
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,560
Oh...
434
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,160
That still looks better!
435
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,800
There's one person
who can get you out of this mess.
436
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,640
Oh, how can I possibly ask him?
437
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,960
You've got no choice.
438
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,400
Sorry, Dad.
439
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:25,640
I'm going back to bed.
440
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:36,760
ROBERT: You need to make sure
the edges fit snugly.
441
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,280
This can be rather tricky.
442
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,120
Ah, you're telling me.
443
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,000
Rather than use double-sided tape,
444
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,360
I prefer to use pins
from the outside wall,
445
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:46,920
to strengthen the joints.
446
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,480
Yeah. Especially when your tape's
in my bottom drawer. Ha!
447
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,000
Like this.
448
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,720
- And now onto the window construction.
- Whoa, whoa!
449
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,680
Hang on, Steven Seagal.
450
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,520
I binned it, I binned it!
451
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,520
You woke him up
in the middle of the night?
452
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,800
Robert? As if!
453
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:21,320
Right, so where did the elves go, then?
454
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,880
Elves? I didn't use elves.
455
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,880
I did this.
456
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,600
I mean, it took all night, but, you know,
457
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,800
it's actually quite straightforward
once you get the hang of it.
458
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:32,880
I-I don't get it.
459
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,360
I mean, it's as good as new.
460
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:35,960
It's better.
461
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,200
Don't like telling tales,
but Robert cut a few corners.
462
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,000
So I made a few improvements.
You know, get him out of jail.
463
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,480
But you'll never get the credit for it.
I mean, no-one will ever know it was you.
464
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,360
I'll know it was me.
465
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:53,680
Every time I walk into the school foyer
and see it standing there, glittering.
466
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,840
Besides, everybody knows
how these things work.
467
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,080
The parents always make them,
never the kids.
468
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:00,080
So I will get the credit.
469
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:02,200
And I'll get an A-star off Mr Appleton.
470
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,480
Do you think you'll choose it
as one of your options?
471
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,720
All the other dads
are going to be seething.
472
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,160
Walking in with their cornflake Colosseums
and their Weetabix White Houses.
473
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:12,720
What, like that one?
474
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,520
- (GARTH SCOFFS)
- All right, I admit it.
475
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,640
I was dreading walking into school
and seeing it
476
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,480
and hearing all the other dads sniggering,
thinking it was me.
477
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,960
- It was you.
- No.
478
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,600
This is me.
479
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,200
Oh, it's still standing then?
480
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,720
I was half-expecting
to find it all over the kitchen floor.
481
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,240
It was, but Dad
put it back together overnight.
482
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,400
- (LAUGHS)
- (KNOCKING)
483
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:33,680
(DOOR OPENS)
484
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,000
LITTLE NEIL: Garth,
Petra's here to see you.
485
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:53,640
(PETRA LAUGHS)
486
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,440
# Yodelay-ee odle-lay-ee
odle-lay-ee-hoo... #
487
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:57,560
(THEY LAUGH)
488
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,200
Oh, what a nightmare.
489
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:04,680
Yeah, I know.
490
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:07,440
Something to tell the grandkids, though.
491
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,480
I-I just wanted to make it up to you.
492
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,680
Well, there is something you can do
to make it up to me.
493
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:23,920
OK, explain how a population
of antibiotic-resistant bacteria
494
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,720
might develop from non-resistant bacteria.
495
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,880
OK, so there will be non-resistant
bacteria, then there will be anomalies,
496
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,240
and then they will form
antibiotic-resistant bacteria.
497
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,240
ROBERT: Sorry I left these behind. I hope
they didn't get in your way too much.
498
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,520
No, we're so grateful.
499
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:38,920
You did a fantastic job.
500
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,960
Oh, no, not at all.
501
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,960
Oh, don't be so humble.
502
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,160
I just tried to make something that would
look like a kid would hand it in.
503
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,760
Yeah, no, absolutely.
Well, of course. No, well, you, er...
504
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:54,400
Yeah, you totally replicated the crude
naivety one might come to expect...
505
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:55,920
um...
506
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,120
...from an 11-year-old.
507
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,800
See Petra's wearing a ponytail.
508
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,280
FIONA: What's wrong with that?
509
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:06,240
Nothing. They look fine on schoolgirls.
510
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,400
It's when men start wearing them
that the trouble starts.
511
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,280
I mean, what does Zlatan think
he looks like, eh?
512
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,520
Looks all right to me.
513
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,440
Where do you stand on them, Robert?
514
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,760
Well, they-they...
have rather...slipped out of fashion.
515
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,520
- Slipped out of fashion?
- Yeah.
516
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:23,600
They never slipped into fashion.
517
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,040
- Well...
- I mean, in my opinion,
518
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,560
any bloke who ever wore one of them
was, is
519
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,080
and, well, will always be
a complete and utter...
520
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,960
Anyway, we should...
We should probably get on.
521
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,280
Come on, Petra.
522
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:35,680
See you.
523
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,120
What was all that about?
524
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:39,280
Oh, nothing.
525
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:42,360
Nothing!
526
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,640
I think I'll just take
the one model into school.
527
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,280
They'll call me a swot
if I go in with two.
528
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,760
It's all right, son.
I understand.
529
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:49,920
Makes complete sense.
530
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,800
I'd do exactly the same thing myself
in your shoes.
531
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,080
No, no, I'll take the Empire State.
532
00:27:58,120 --> 00:27:59,400
What?
533
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:00,440
Why?
534
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,000
Because we did it together.
535
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,880
And King Kong didn't
hang off the Chrysler building.
536
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:07,520
But...
537
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:11,720
Isn't that lovely?
538
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,480
You're going to be
in the school foyer after all.
539
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,400
(WHISPERS) Oh, shut up.
40173
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