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1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,440
♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
2
00:00:03,508 --> 00:00:06,847
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:06,914 --> 00:00:10,354
♪ But where are thosegood old‐fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:13,360
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:13,426 --> 00:00:16,967
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:20,173
♪ Lucky there's a man whopositively can do ♪
7
00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:21,877
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:21,944 --> 00:00:23,046
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:23,113 --> 00:00:28,591
♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:36,306 --> 00:00:37,842
Well, here we are.
11
00:00:37,909 --> 00:00:39,846
Time for everyone
to get new shoes.
12
00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:41,482
Hi. Can I help you
find something?
13
00:00:41,550 --> 00:00:42,986
What's she gonna do?
14
00:00:43,053 --> 00:00:44,532
This place doesn't even
have a back room.
15
00:00:44,556 --> 00:00:46,259
All the inventory's
just out on the floor
16
00:00:46,326 --> 00:00:48,096
in ceiling‐high library stacks.
17
00:00:48,163 --> 00:00:50,501
Yup, we got it, Stewie.
You're better than this place.
18
00:00:50,568 --> 00:00:53,173
Yeah, I know that.
I'm better than every place.
19
00:00:53,239 --> 00:00:55,545
Yes, my son needs
a new pair of shoes.
20
00:00:55,612 --> 00:00:57,582
Okay, let's just
see what his size is.
21
00:00:59,185 --> 00:01:01,155
Looks like a ten and a half.
22
00:01:01,222 --> 00:01:03,527
They're perfect. I'll take 'em.
23
00:01:03,594 --> 00:01:05,531
No, those aren't the shoes.
24
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:09,071
(robotic): Do not speak
in that tone to the Iron Giant.
25
00:01:09,138 --> 00:01:12,144
Must destroy shoebox city.
26
00:01:13,146 --> 00:01:15,217
Sorry.
He's a little out of sorts.
27
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:18,089
He saw a bra in the window
of Lane Bryant on the way over.
28
00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:20,093
They're, um...
they're pretty big.
29
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,398
They are a remarkable feat
of engineering.
30
00:01:22,464 --> 00:01:25,270
That and the Ferris wheel
I will never understand.
31
00:01:25,337 --> 00:01:27,074
Yeah, for me, it's paper bags.
32
00:01:27,141 --> 00:01:29,045
I mean, there's a door
in it, but no exit?
33
00:01:29,111 --> 00:01:31,249
- What's that about?
- (laughs)
34
00:01:31,315 --> 00:01:33,119
I was serious about the bag,
but, hi.
35
00:01:33,186 --> 00:01:34,455
- I'm Brian.
- Holly.
36
00:01:34,523 --> 00:01:36,960
Holly... are you free
on Friday night?
37
00:01:37,027 --> 00:01:39,131
Well, I don't know.
Are you a shoe store murderer?
38
00:01:39,198 --> 00:01:40,935
N‐N‐No.
39
00:01:41,002 --> 00:01:42,539
There's more than you'd think.
40
00:01:42,605 --> 00:01:44,976
Like, if you were me, that's not
a ridiculous question.
41
00:01:45,043 --> 00:01:46,547
See you Friday.
42
00:01:46,613 --> 00:01:48,249
Good for you, Brian.
43
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,196
Maybe you can take her
to the Cheesecake Factory.
44
00:01:50,220 --> 00:01:51,523
People seem to like that place.
45
00:01:52,559 --> 00:01:54,629
Did you folks find something
on the menu you'd like?
46
00:01:54,696 --> 00:01:58,604
No. 110 pages, and no.
47
00:01:58,671 --> 00:02:01,275
♪
48
00:02:08,289 --> 00:02:10,060
- What's all this?
- Oh, hey, guys.
49
00:02:10,127 --> 00:02:12,364
Uh, sadly, my Uncle Ray
passed away last week,
50
00:02:12,431 --> 00:02:14,970
but he left me
his vintage sports car.
51
00:02:15,036 --> 00:02:17,374
Joe, that's amazing
that your uncle died.
52
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,478
But I'm really sorry
to hear about the car.
53
00:02:19,546 --> 00:02:21,315
He means that
the other way around.
54
00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:23,486
Uncle Ray also left
strict instructions
55
00:02:23,554 --> 00:02:25,591
for me to show his car
at the Classic Car Show
56
00:02:25,658 --> 00:02:27,127
in Providence this weekend.
57
00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:28,496
Classic Car Show?
58
00:02:28,564 --> 00:02:30,100
Isn't that one
of those gatherings
59
00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:32,104
of a bunch of guys
whose penises don't work?
60
00:02:32,171 --> 00:02:35,143
Correct. Anyone with
a perfectly‐restored classic car
61
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,680
for sure has a bum wiener.
62
00:02:36,747 --> 00:02:38,517
Uh, he also left me
everything I'd need
63
00:02:38,584 --> 00:02:42,692
to convert my garage
to a 1950s‐style diner.
64
00:02:43,727 --> 00:02:47,669
See, here are all the 1950s
Coke signs from the 1980s.
65
00:02:50,708 --> 00:02:52,545
Oh, cool, and a jukebox!
66
00:02:52,612 --> 00:02:54,716
Yeah, but since the songs
are from the '50s
67
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,485
they're all about men
in their 40s
68
00:02:56,553 --> 00:02:58,389
wanting to have sex
with teenagers.
69
00:02:58,456 --> 00:03:01,329
♪ I wanna...be‐bop a teeny bopper ♪
70
00:03:01,395 --> 00:03:03,499
♪ At the sock hop ♪
71
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:06,405
♪ Or maybe after workbehind the malt shop... ♪
72
00:03:06,472 --> 00:03:08,343
(new 1950s song intro begins)
73
00:03:08,409 --> 00:03:12,184
♪ 13 candles ♪
74
00:03:12,251 --> 00:03:15,357
♪ Is probably enough... ♪
75
00:03:15,423 --> 00:03:18,196
♪ Nine, ten, 11‐year‐old,12‐year‐old sex ♪
76
00:03:18,263 --> 00:03:20,968
♪ I'm gonna sleepwith all the kids tonight! ♪
77
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:23,139
Joe, stop pressing buttons.
78
00:03:23,206 --> 00:03:26,279
(Somethin' Stupid"
playing in distance)
79
00:03:26,345 --> 00:03:28,283
♪ And then I goand spoil it all ♪
80
00:03:28,349 --> 00:03:30,655
♪ By saying somethin' stupid ♪
81
00:03:30,721 --> 00:03:34,028
♪ Like "I love you." ♪
82
00:03:34,094 --> 00:03:35,397
(scattered applause)
83
00:03:35,463 --> 00:03:37,568
Boy, I forgot
how great that song is.
84
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:40,240
I know, right? It's definitely
my favorite romantic love song
85
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:41,677
sung by a father
to his daughter.
86
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:43,122
Ooh, we should
put in our next song.
87
00:03:43,146 --> 00:03:44,582
Good thinking.
88
00:03:44,649 --> 00:03:46,553
Yes, we'd like
to request "Witchcraft,"
89
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:49,024
as arranged
by Mr. Nelson Riddle.
90
00:03:49,091 --> 00:03:50,427
(sighs)
Okay, give me a minute.
91
00:03:50,493 --> 00:03:52,164
You should just know
92
00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:53,600
there's a 21st
birthday party here,
93
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,072
and you're ruining it for them.
94
00:03:58,343 --> 00:04:00,113
Wow.
3:00 a. m.
95
00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:02,384
We practically
shut the place down.
96
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:05,558
And quite a night.
We got to sing two songs.
97
00:04:05,624 --> 00:04:07,294
Do you mind if I kiss you?
98
00:04:07,361 --> 00:04:10,066
Actually, I should
chew some gum first.
99
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:11,636
I had bologna for dinner.
100
00:04:11,703 --> 00:04:13,206
Get over here.
101
00:04:13,272 --> 00:04:15,276
(both moaning)
102
00:04:17,114 --> 00:04:19,218
Oh, yeah,
that's good kiss bologna.
103
00:04:22,725 --> 00:04:24,763
Oh, hey, guys, what's the word?
104
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:27,401
Uh, bird.
Bird is the word.
105
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,271
But we were wondering
if you'd take us
106
00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:30,775
for a spin in your new car.
107
00:04:30,841 --> 00:04:32,745
Yeah, that's a great idea.
Hop in.
108
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:39,191
Vroom! Vroom!
Vroom! Vroom!
109
00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:42,765
(imitates clicking,
engine revving)
110
00:04:42,832 --> 00:04:45,638
(imitates gear shifting)
111
00:04:45,704 --> 00:04:47,474
Uh, what‐what...
what's happening right now?
112
00:04:47,542 --> 00:04:50,581
Close your eyes, gang, as we hit
the Kancamagus Highway.
113
00:04:50,648 --> 00:04:52,317
Just four miles
to Mount Washington.
114
00:04:52,384 --> 00:04:53,821
What the hell
are you doing, Joe?
115
00:04:53,887 --> 00:04:55,558
We want to go for a real drive.
116
00:04:55,624 --> 00:04:57,762
This is a real drive.
Just imagine it.
117
00:04:57,829 --> 00:04:59,833
Feel that New Hampshire air.
118
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,237
Joe, we're not in New Hampshire.
We're in your driveway.
119
00:05:02,304 --> 00:05:04,609
Oh, great, some knucklehead
is tailgating us.
120
00:05:04,676 --> 00:05:06,513
What's the hurry, pal?
121
00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:09,118
Oh, I see so many birds.
122
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:11,623
Well, we're in a tunnel, so I'm
not sure how that's possible.
123
00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:13,527
Joe, stop this car right now.
124
00:05:13,594 --> 00:05:15,798
- The car is stopped.
- (imitates gears grinding)
125
00:05:15,865 --> 00:05:17,768
(sighs) Always have trouble
finding third.
126
00:05:17,835 --> 00:05:20,073
(imitates brake squeaking)
Okay, what's up?
127
00:05:20,140 --> 00:05:22,310
You got this amazing car.
Why can't we take it out?
128
00:05:22,377 --> 00:05:23,780
Well, ever since I was nine,
129
00:05:23,847 --> 00:05:25,426
I've dreamed
of driving this car someday.
130
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,287
But I'm not allowed.
It's in my uncle's will.
131
00:05:27,354 --> 00:05:28,757
Even when I take it
to the car show,
132
00:05:28,824 --> 00:05:30,426
I have to put it up
on a trailer.
133
00:05:30,493 --> 00:05:32,430
Malcolm in the Middle,
five nights a week
134
00:05:32,497 --> 00:05:35,103
on Manchester's Channel 12.
135
00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:36,716
Cleveland, stop reading
fake billboards.
136
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,510
Now if you'll excuse me,
137
00:05:38,577 --> 00:05:43,152
I'm off to taste the delights
of downtown Nashua.
138
00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:44,522
I don't care what Joe says.
139
00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:46,626
This is too nice a car
not to drive it.
140
00:05:46,693 --> 00:05:49,532
Are you suggesting we take it
out without telling Joe?
141
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,202
He's left us no choice.
142
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,439
I can't just sit in a car
and pretend to drive,
143
00:05:53,507 --> 00:05:55,210
like‐like I had to pretend
to be impressed
144
00:05:55,276 --> 00:05:57,882
by Quagmire's
new big, green grill.
145
00:05:57,949 --> 00:05:59,852
This is the largest
high‐performance
146
00:05:59,919 --> 00:06:01,756
ceramic cooker available, Peter.
147
00:06:01,823 --> 00:06:04,428
- NSF Certified.
- Ah, yeah, cool.
148
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:06,542
I'm starving. When do we...
when do we fire this thing up?
149
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:09,672
(laughing):
Fire‐fire this thing up?
150
00:06:09,739 --> 00:06:12,344
Get a load of this guy.
You don't just fire it up.
151
00:06:12,410 --> 00:06:14,181
You slowly bring it
to temperature.
152
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,517
(sighs)
Okay.
153
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,187
When do we put the burgers on?
154
00:06:17,254 --> 00:06:19,659
B‐B‐Burgers?
Are you hearing this?
155
00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:23,132
You don't put burgers on a grill
of this quality, Peter.
156
00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:25,804
I've been brining a heritage
breed chicken for three days.
157
00:06:25,871 --> 00:06:27,708
(sighs)
Then can we put that on?
158
00:06:27,775 --> 00:06:29,879
Yes. At midnight,
when it's reached temperature.
159
00:06:29,946 --> 00:06:31,683
Then why am I here now?
160
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:34,722
Because I need your help
to move the grill a single inch.
161
00:06:34,789 --> 00:06:36,793
(both grunting)
162
00:06:38,229 --> 00:06:40,400
(sighs)
Well, let's just listen to music
163
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,571
on my high‐end stereo system.
164
00:06:42,638 --> 00:06:44,408
Nice.
Let's crank it.
165
00:06:44,474 --> 00:06:46,546
(laughing):
C‐C‐Crank it?
166
00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:48,182
You hear this clown?
167
00:06:48,249 --> 00:06:49,819
I only use it
to listen to podcasts.
168
00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,690
MAN: Today on The Moth,
169
00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:54,962
how a single pair of shoes
reunited two sisters.
170
00:07:00,607 --> 00:07:02,344
So, big date, huh?
171
00:07:02,410 --> 00:07:04,381
You must really like this girl.
172
00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:07,655
Honestly, I think
Holly could be... the one.
173
00:07:07,722 --> 00:07:10,894
Brian, you strike me
as a very selfless lover.
174
00:07:10,961 --> 00:07:13,900
Is that true?
Are you a selfless lover?
175
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,738
Stop saying "selfless lover."
176
00:07:15,804 --> 00:07:17,684
Have you been reading
Lois' romance novels again?
177
00:07:17,708 --> 00:07:19,579
A few, but I'm just saying I bet
178
00:07:19,645 --> 00:07:23,252
your coital congress will send
Holly into paroxysms of ecstasy.
179
00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:25,591
- Knock it off.
- What? I'm being supportive.
180
00:07:25,657 --> 00:07:27,360
After all,
confidence will help you
181
00:07:27,427 --> 00:07:29,766
maintain optimal stamina
during your lovemaking.
182
00:07:29,832 --> 00:07:31,770
- That's enough.
- Have it your way, Brian.
183
00:07:31,836 --> 00:07:36,211
I myself am a student
of the pleasures of the flesh.
184
00:07:36,278 --> 00:07:39,484
(slurping)
185
00:07:40,988 --> 00:07:44,194
Listen to your lover, Brian.
186
00:07:49,839 --> 00:07:51,308
(stomach gurgling)
187
00:07:51,375 --> 00:07:52,745
Ugh, damn it. Anxiety dump.
188
00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:54,749
(stomach gurgling)
189
00:07:54,816 --> 00:07:57,955
‐(unzips) ‐Ah, that's better.
190
00:08:08,008 --> 00:08:11,248
Oh, uh, is‐is Holly here?
191
00:08:11,315 --> 00:08:13,720
You must be the new jerk
my mom is dating.
192
00:08:13,787 --> 00:08:15,624
Uh, and you must be the kid
193
00:08:15,691 --> 00:08:16,993
she never told me about.
194
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,372
I host Family Guy repeats
in Germany.
195
00:08:23,439 --> 00:08:24,952
GERMAN ANNOUNCER: German
Family Guy is brought to you
196
00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:27,548
by rail‐thin men
in Internet pornos going,
197
00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:29,719
"Ooh‐aah, ooh‐aah, ooh‐aah!"
198
00:08:36,365 --> 00:08:38,603
I'm sorry I never
told you I had a son.
199
00:08:38,670 --> 00:08:40,006
Some guys get scared off.
200
00:08:40,072 --> 00:08:41,843
No, no, that‐that's great.
201
00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:43,345
I'm‐I'm terrific with kids.
202
00:08:43,412 --> 00:08:44,682
I actually have a kid.
203
00:08:44,749 --> 00:08:46,853
Aw, that's sweet.
How old is he?
204
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,491
Uh, I don't know.
How long ago was Ratatouille?
205
00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:51,037
Well, I'm gonna
go finish getting ready.
206
00:08:51,061 --> 00:08:53,767
Why don't you guys get
to know each other a little?
207
00:08:58,944 --> 00:09:02,751
So, uh, is there a dad that you
spend weeks of your time with?
208
00:09:02,818 --> 00:09:04,655
My dad moved to Florida.
209
00:09:04,722 --> 00:09:07,661
Sounds right. What, um...
what grade are you in, bud?
210
00:09:07,728 --> 00:09:09,799
- Second.
- You don't say.
211
00:09:09,865 --> 00:09:12,046
Boy, I bet things are different
than they were in my day.
212
00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:13,974
Lot of school shootings now.
213
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,311
‐What?!
‐Oh, no. No, no, I... No, I just meant...
214
00:09:16,378 --> 00:09:18,449
Like‐like, people
bring guns to school?
215
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:19,986
What? No, no,
I'm‐I'm not saying...
216
00:09:20,052 --> 00:09:21,656
And they just shoot kids?!
217
00:09:21,723 --> 00:09:23,459
Well, you can hide
under your desk.
218
00:09:23,526 --> 00:09:25,797
The desks won't be enough!
(crying)
219
00:09:25,864 --> 00:09:27,868
All set.
You guys getting along?
220
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,607
Yup, just great. All right,
let's go eat at a waffle house,
221
00:09:30,674 --> 00:09:33,045
and then I'll show you
all my bow‐hunting carcasses.
222
00:09:33,112 --> 00:09:35,517
That sounds like
a perfectly normal date.
223
00:09:38,556 --> 00:09:40,393
♪
224
00:09:46,104 --> 00:09:47,641
Okay, I got a perfect way
225
00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:49,745
to distract Joe
while we take his car.
226
00:09:49,812 --> 00:09:53,520
There's literally
no phone survey he won't take.
227
00:09:53,586 --> 00:09:55,423
‐(phone ringing) ‐Hello?
228
00:09:55,489 --> 00:09:57,026
Yes, Joe Swanson?
229
00:09:57,093 --> 00:09:58,763
On a scale of one to ten,
230
00:09:58,830 --> 00:10:01,435
how happy are you
with your Wi‐Fi service?
231
00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:05,944
Well, I'd say it's Wi‐Fine.
(chuckles)
232
00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:07,514
I came up with that
ten months ago
233
00:10:07,581 --> 00:10:09,785
in anticipation
of this very call.
234
00:10:09,852 --> 00:10:11,923
Ha. Terrific.
And would you be willing
235
00:10:11,989 --> 00:10:13,727
to take a half‐hour survey
236
00:10:13,793 --> 00:10:16,766
in your far upstairs bedroom
while facing the wall?
237
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:19,437
Also, how loud does your TV get?
238
00:10:19,505 --> 00:10:21,909
BONNIE:
Don't be long, Joe! I'm expecting a call.
239
00:10:21,976 --> 00:10:24,047
I'll take the time I need!
240
00:10:24,114 --> 00:10:26,151
This is the Wi‐Fi call.
241
00:10:26,218 --> 00:10:28,489
(engine starts)
242
00:10:28,556 --> 00:10:30,961
Great job
hot‐wiring the car, Cleveland.
243
00:10:31,027 --> 00:10:32,631
The key was in the ashtray,
244
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:35,504
but your presumption
will not be forgotten.
245
00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:37,574
(engine revving)
246
00:10:43,152 --> 00:10:45,991
(sighs)
You know, you're the Cub Scout.
247
00:10:46,057 --> 00:10:48,630
We're supposed to be making this
Pinewood Derby car together.
248
00:10:48,696 --> 00:10:49,999
I don't care.
249
00:10:50,065 --> 00:10:53,873
Hey, you're one kid,
and we're four kids,
250
00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:56,211
- so we're gonna bully you.
- (grunts)
251
00:10:56,278 --> 00:10:57,514
Knock it off.
252
00:10:57,581 --> 00:10:59,184
Or what,
Kyle‐Kyle‐Dog‐Poop‐Pile?
253
00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:01,188
Hey, guys?
Let's take it easy
254
00:11:01,254 --> 00:11:04,995
and maybe not use canine feces
as a taunt. That's hurtful.
255
00:11:05,062 --> 00:11:06,732
What?
(chuckles)
256
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:09,572
He's just saying
that Kyle's a little baby
257
00:11:09,638 --> 00:11:12,611
who's too stupid to even know
how to stand up for himself.
258
00:11:12,678 --> 00:11:14,949
What are you
gonna do, baby‐‐ cry?
259
00:11:15,015 --> 00:11:16,484
‐(growling) ‐(screaming)
260
00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:18,623
Let go of me!
Stop!
261
00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:20,192
- You're crazy!
- You leave him alone!
262
00:11:20,259 --> 00:11:22,496
(barking)
263
00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:25,871
Whoa.
Thanks, Brian.
264
00:11:25,937 --> 00:11:28,643
Nobody's ever stood up for me
like that before.
265
00:11:28,710 --> 00:11:30,881
Well, I think my instincts
just kicked in.
266
00:11:30,947 --> 00:11:32,718
Want to help me sand your car?
267
00:11:32,784 --> 00:11:35,122
Yeah.
Definitely.
268
00:11:37,694 --> 00:11:39,230
Animal control?
269
00:11:39,297 --> 00:11:42,905
I'd like to schedule
an emergency neutering.
270
00:11:42,971 --> 00:11:44,975
♪
271
00:11:47,146 --> 00:11:49,652
Man, I can't get over
how old‐timey
272
00:11:49,718 --> 00:11:50,921
everything in this car is.
273
00:11:50,987 --> 00:11:52,925
I know.
Check out what's on the radio.
274
00:11:52,991 --> 00:11:54,929
NEWSWMAN:
President Kennedy has been shot.
275
00:11:54,995 --> 00:11:57,534
NEWSMAN 2:The martians are nowtraveling to New Jersey.
276
00:11:57,601 --> 00:11:59,538
MAN:
♪ Beatles song, Beatles song ♪
277
00:11:59,605 --> 00:12:02,109
♪ La, la, la, la, la. ♪
278
00:12:02,176 --> 00:12:04,548
Ah, that last one
brings back a lot of memories.
279
00:12:04,615 --> 00:12:06,519
Wow, this baby
handles like a dream.
280
00:12:06,585 --> 00:12:08,556
Do you guys mind
if I drive with my knees
281
00:12:08,623 --> 00:12:12,163
while I make some last‐minute
fantasy football changes?
282
00:12:12,229 --> 00:12:13,700
- Look out!
- (tires screeching)
283
00:12:15,704 --> 00:12:18,141
- Oh, my God!
- Holy crap!
284
00:12:18,208 --> 00:12:20,647
Aw, man,
Joe is gonna be so pissed.
285
00:12:20,714 --> 00:12:22,751
Thank God all we hit
were those trash cans.
286
00:12:22,818 --> 00:12:24,989
Oh, my God.
Oscar!
287
00:12:27,961 --> 00:12:31,702
(grunts)
Tell my ex‐wife...
288
00:12:31,769 --> 00:12:34,007
to go (bleep) herself.
289
00:12:35,009 --> 00:12:36,779
Very on‐brand.
290
00:12:36,846 --> 00:12:38,850
Right up to the end.
291
00:12:43,659 --> 00:12:45,806
Thank you so much for having
Kyle and me over for dinner.
292
00:12:45,830 --> 00:12:47,734
Everything is delicious,
Mrs. Griffin.
293
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:50,072
Well, I wasn't sure
what a divorcée eats,
294
00:12:50,139 --> 00:12:52,076
so I just assumed fried things.
295
00:12:52,143 --> 00:12:53,646
No, that's perfect.
296
00:12:53,713 --> 00:12:56,317
What about this guy? Did he help
with any of the cooking?
297
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:58,623
Brian is not allowed
to touch communal food
298
00:12:58,689 --> 00:13:00,627
because his feet
smell like the street.
299
00:13:00,693 --> 00:13:03,098
I like when you measured my feet
at the store,
300
00:13:03,165 --> 00:13:04,735
Brian's girlfriend.
301
00:13:04,802 --> 00:13:07,607
Well, it...
it was my pleasure, Chris.
302
00:13:07,674 --> 00:13:10,847
I'm not actually sure
if my shoes fit right now.
303
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:12,951
Um, could you do that thing
304
00:13:13,018 --> 00:13:16,291
where you push your thumb
on my big toe?
305
00:13:16,357 --> 00:13:18,963
Chris, you're within six years
of the same age
306
00:13:19,030 --> 00:13:21,735
as this kid you've never met
and have nothing in common with.
307
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,138
Why don't you go up to your room
308
00:13:23,205 --> 00:13:25,109
and have
an awkward time together.
309
00:13:25,175 --> 00:13:27,747
Um, okay.
Want to go upstairs
310
00:13:27,814 --> 00:13:30,820
and accidentally break
one of my toys and I'll hit you?
311
00:13:30,887 --> 00:13:32,022
I guess.
312
00:13:33,024 --> 00:13:34,828
CHRIS:
Hey, don't touch that!
313
00:13:34,895 --> 00:13:36,064
‐(thud) ‐(slap)
314
00:13:36,131 --> 00:13:39,838
Mom!
He blocked my punch and hit me!
315
00:13:39,905 --> 00:13:41,341
I knew they'd get along.
316
00:13:41,407 --> 00:13:44,615
You know, Kyle and I actually
have to get going anyway,
317
00:13:44,681 --> 00:13:46,919
but thanks so much.
318
00:13:46,986 --> 00:13:48,689
Hey, Holly, before you go,
319
00:13:48,756 --> 00:13:50,627
settle an argument
between me and my wife.
320
00:13:50,693 --> 00:13:53,799
When measuring yourself,
what do you count as the base?
321
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:56,037
- Peter.
- What? She measures stuff for a living.
322
00:13:56,104 --> 00:13:59,645
Let me start
by saying I am taint inclusive.
323
00:13:59,711 --> 00:14:02,651
All right,
I like where this is heading.
324
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:03,917
Well, thanks again for coming.
325
00:14:03,953 --> 00:14:05,289
Oh, hey, you know,
I was thinking
326
00:14:05,355 --> 00:14:08,061
we could take Kyle
to Bob's Funland on Saturday.
327
00:14:08,128 --> 00:14:09,998
Oh. Really?
328
00:14:10,065 --> 00:14:12,671
Yeah, I have to go there to buy
Adderall anyway, so I thought...
329
00:14:12,737 --> 00:14:15,777
Brian, stop.
I just... We can't go.
330
00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:19,016
- What? Why?
- Honestly, I've been thinking...
331
00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,653
STEWIE:
Uh‐oh!
332
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,022
Wh... W‐What are you saying?
333
00:14:22,089 --> 00:14:24,628
Well, Brian, I'm still young.
334
00:14:24,695 --> 00:14:26,331
STEWIE:
Oh, she's saying you're not.
335
00:14:26,397 --> 00:14:28,636
And the truth is
I'd like to date other people.
336
00:14:28,703 --> 00:14:30,773
STEWIE (chuckles):
Oh, nail, meet coffin.
337
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,877
In fact, my old boyfriend
is single again,
338
00:14:32,944 --> 00:14:35,048
and he happens to be
a very selfless lover.
339
00:14:35,115 --> 00:14:36,351
STEWIE:
Dude, I told you.
340
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,823
But I‐if we break up,
341
00:14:38,889 --> 00:14:41,227
does that mean
I won't get to see Kyle, either?
342
00:14:42,897 --> 00:14:44,901
I guess not.
343
00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:50,145
I'm sorry, Brian.
344
00:14:50,212 --> 00:14:52,784
♪
345
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:02,202
Touch my feet!
346
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:05,008
- Touch my feet!
- Aah!
347
00:15:14,728 --> 00:15:16,799
(sighs)
348
00:15:17,801 --> 00:15:20,807
(sighs)
349
00:15:35,770 --> 00:15:39,443
- Oh. Hey, Stewie.
- Hey... you.
350
00:15:39,511 --> 00:15:41,949
- Feeling down?
- Yeah.
351
00:15:42,015 --> 00:15:44,186
Ah, don't worry about Holly.
352
00:15:44,253 --> 00:15:46,224
"There are other fish
in the sea"
353
00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:48,963
is what is usually said
at a time like this.
354
00:15:49,029 --> 00:15:52,069
- That's the thing.
It's not even Holly. - Ugh. There's more?
355
00:15:52,136 --> 00:15:54,908
I mean, the person I actually
miss hanging out with is Kyle.
356
00:15:54,975 --> 00:15:56,477
We'd formed a real connection,
357
00:15:56,545 --> 00:15:59,450
and I sort of liked
being a father figure to him.
358
00:15:59,518 --> 00:16:02,022
That's... that's nice, Brian.
359
00:16:02,089 --> 00:16:04,260
Kyle and I
had actual fun together.
360
00:16:04,326 --> 00:16:05,863
I mean, most kids suck.
361
00:16:05,930 --> 00:16:08,067
They just want to sit around
and play Candy Land.
362
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:11,007
‐Yeah. Hell of a game.
‐No, it's not. Candy Land is terrible.
363
00:16:11,073 --> 00:16:12,409
There's not even any skill
to it.
364
00:16:12,476 --> 00:16:14,948
Uh, okay.
Um, you know what, Brian?
365
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,417
You're hurt right now,
366
00:16:16,484 --> 00:16:18,889
and you're‐you're saying things
that you don't mean.
367
00:16:18,956 --> 00:16:21,260
But listen,
if you miss Kyle that much,
368
00:16:21,327 --> 00:16:24,033
- you should go find him.
- Thanks. Maybe I will.
369
00:16:24,099 --> 00:16:25,344
Just hope
he doesn't want to play
370
00:16:25,368 --> 00:16:26,939
some stupid game like Go Fish.
371
00:16:27,005 --> 00:16:28,976
Go Fish is a thinking man's game
372
00:16:29,043 --> 00:16:30,880
of inquiry and consequence.
You know what?
373
00:16:30,947 --> 00:16:33,194
You know, I‐I don't... I don't
have to explain myself to you.
374
00:16:33,218 --> 00:16:35,222
Go‐go on.
Go find your kid.
375
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,045
Damn it, what the hell
are we gonna do?
376
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:44,306
- Joe's gonna be furious.
- Relax, Quagmire.
377
00:16:44,373 --> 00:16:46,143
From what I know
about car accidents,
378
00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:48,782
you can total your car,
completely walk away from it
379
00:16:48,849 --> 00:16:50,185
and still be Caitlyn Jenner.
380
00:16:50,252 --> 00:16:52,991
Besides, I'm pretty sure
I can pound this out.
381
00:16:56,163 --> 00:16:57,466
What the hell are you doing?
382
00:16:57,534 --> 00:17:00,372
- Crap, Joe's gonna kill us.
- Quagmire's right.
383
00:17:00,438 --> 00:17:03,244
Remember how upset he got
when they canceled Psych?
384
00:17:03,311 --> 00:17:04,480
(crying)
385
00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:06,417
Now who's gonna
expose charlatans
386
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:10,191
by pretending to be psychic in
the greater Santa Barbara area?
387
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,239
Oh, my God.
388
00:17:19,143 --> 00:17:21,013
What? What is this?
389
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,184
Is this Ferris Bueller?
390
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,990
Yeah, it's Ferris Bueller.
391
00:17:26,057 --> 00:17:28,361
Hundred percent
on Ferris BuellFerris Bueller.
392
00:17:28,428 --> 00:17:31,334
Well, I'm glad
we got that settled.
393
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,839
It's Fast Timesat Ridgemont High, you idiot!
394
00:17:33,906 --> 00:17:36,010
Joe, we all watched it
a week ago.
395
00:17:36,077 --> 00:17:39,383
Oh, yeah. You know, I enjoy
movies while I'm watching them,
396
00:17:39,450 --> 00:17:41,989
but the second they're over,
I can't remember a thing.
397
00:17:42,055 --> 00:17:43,324
Except Forrest Gump.
398
00:17:43,391 --> 00:17:45,271
(imitating Forrest Gump):
"Try one of my candies.
399
00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:48,001
It'll tell you about life."
400
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,573
(chuckles)
I can't forget that beauty.
401
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,510
But what happened to my car?!
402
00:17:52,577 --> 00:17:53,979
We're really sorry, Joe.
403
00:17:54,046 --> 00:17:56,518
We took it without asking
and wrecked it.
404
00:17:56,585 --> 00:17:58,254
I like When Harry Met Sally...
405
00:17:58,321 --> 00:18:01,995
"I'll have the food
what made that lady came."
406
00:18:02,062 --> 00:18:03,866
You guys ruined my uncle's car.
407
00:18:03,932 --> 00:18:05,970
We're so sorry, Joe.
408
00:18:06,037 --> 00:18:09,109
- It's okay. I'm not mad.
- You're not?
409
00:18:09,176 --> 00:18:11,313
No.
In fact, uh,
410
00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:13,317
all I feel is relief.
411
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,190
Caring for a car like that
requires round the clock effort.
412
00:18:16,257 --> 00:18:18,217
Do you know how much
of a pain in the ass that is?
413
00:18:18,261 --> 00:18:19,329
BONNIE:
Yes!
414
00:18:19,396 --> 00:18:20,609
I mean, cars are meant
to be driven,
415
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,069
not kept in a garage.
416
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:25,241
But it's too late now.
I mean, look at it.
417
00:18:25,308 --> 00:18:28,214
I couldn't drive this car
even if I wanted to.
418
00:18:29,249 --> 00:18:31,521
I'm not so sure about that.
419
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:32,588
♪
420
00:18:32,824 --> 00:18:35,930
I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
This is awesome!
421
00:18:35,996 --> 00:18:37,265
I'm really d...
Oh,
422
00:18:37,332 --> 00:18:39,236
stop sign, Quagmire, stop sign!
423
00:18:39,303 --> 00:18:41,073
(tires screech)
424
00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:44,547
Joe's legs are, um...
colder than I expected.
425
00:18:44,614 --> 00:18:46,417
No blood.
426
00:18:53,297 --> 00:18:54,934
(indistinct chatter)
427
00:19:00,980 --> 00:19:02,249
(cheering)
428
00:19:04,988 --> 00:19:07,058
Brian, you made it!
429
00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:09,429
- Hey, buddy.
- What are you doing here?
430
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:12,202
Holly, I was a terrible dad
with my own son,
431
00:19:12,269 --> 00:19:15,041
but I feel like I've made
a true connection with Kyle.
432
00:19:15,108 --> 00:19:16,511
Whoa, did you earn a ribbon?
433
00:19:16,578 --> 00:19:19,283
No, it's a bookmark
with a Bible verse on it.
434
00:19:19,349 --> 00:19:20,619
The priest was giving them out.
435
00:19:20,686 --> 00:19:23,090
Oh. Weird.
Well, how'd our car do?
436
00:19:23,157 --> 00:19:25,930
Second to last.
But I don't care.
437
00:19:25,996 --> 00:19:28,034
I had so much fun
making it with you.
438
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,604
Me too, Kyle.
439
00:19:29,671 --> 00:19:31,942
(whistle blows)
440
00:19:32,008 --> 00:19:33,645
Okay, thanks
for a great event, everyone,
441
00:19:33,712 --> 00:19:35,215
but we need to clear out.
442
00:19:35,281 --> 00:19:37,385
There's a sex offender meeting
in ten minutes,
443
00:19:37,452 --> 00:19:39,389
and we can't have any overlap.
444
00:19:39,456 --> 00:19:42,395
Thank you, Brian.
It was sweet of you to come.
445
00:19:52,349 --> 00:19:57,359
Say, Brian, what are you doing
Saturday night?
446
00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:04,974
Hi. I'm almost ready.
447
00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:07,245
Great.
448
00:20:09,216 --> 00:20:12,623
- How you doing, champ?
- (knocking)
449
00:20:14,594 --> 00:20:16,564
Okay, Cliff and I should
be back by midnight.
450
00:20:16,631 --> 00:20:18,669
I left money for you two
to order a pizza.
451
00:20:18,735 --> 00:20:20,104
Sounds perfect.
452
00:20:21,273 --> 00:20:22,586
All right, Kyle,
what do you say you and me
453
00:20:22,610 --> 00:20:24,747
watch some Stranger Things?
454
00:20:24,814 --> 00:20:28,087
MORGAN FREEMAN:Brian made Kylebread and butter,
455
00:20:28,154 --> 00:20:31,060
and kept the pizza money.
456
00:20:37,472 --> 00:20:40,411
Ich bin froh,
dass alles wieder normal ist.
457
00:20:40,478 --> 00:20:42,616
Tut mir leid wegen
deinem Auto, Joe.
458
00:20:42,683 --> 00:20:44,119
Es ist in Ordnung.
459
00:20:44,186 --> 00:20:46,558
Wo ist nun Jerome
mit den wiener?
460
00:20:46,624 --> 00:20:49,196
(giggles)
Wiener.
461
00:20:58,147 --> 00:20:59,149
Guten nacht,
462
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:01,420
von das Disney Corporation.
463
00:21:01,470 --> 00:21:06,020
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