subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Slackers.2002.720p.WEBRip.x264-[YTS.LT]-English

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic Download

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian Download

Czech

Danish

Dutch Download

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish Download

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek Download

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese Download

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,580 --> 00:00:05,774 This is Evan Scabetta. 2 00:00:05,848 --> 00:00:10,785 I'm calling from Non-bottled Wine Beverage Monthly, a new publication. 3 00:00:10,853 --> 00:00:13,413 I was just calling to inform you... 4 00:00:13,489 --> 00:00:18,222 that your product has been selected as the best boxed wine on the market. 5 00:00:18,293 --> 00:00:21,023 That's right, so all of us here at the magazine thought... 6 00:00:21,096 --> 00:00:25,499 you should go ahead and send over a fuckin' shitload of it. 7 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,933 Oh, we love it. It's o good. 8 00:00:28,003 --> 00:00:30,267 - We like-- - Merlot. 9 00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:33,474 We love the merlot. 10 00:00:33,542 --> 00:00:37,308 You're the best, Rita. You always have been. Thank you. 11 00:00:37,379 --> 00:00:40,974 Allright, boys. We've done this before. Let's do it again. 12 00:00:41,049 --> 00:00:44,985 Simple, easy, by the book. 13 00:00:45,053 --> 00:00:47,351 Meet back here in 20 minutes. 14 00:01:37,105 --> 00:01:39,437 Holden University. 15 00:01:39,508 --> 00:01:41,738 This was our territory... 16 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:45,211 andh ere we were, 48 days away from a diploma... 17 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,215 that would open doors for the rest of our lives. 18 00:01:48,283 --> 00:01:51,548 We're one step closer to the American dream. 19 00:01:52,788 --> 00:01:54,983 After today'ss cam. 20 00:02:35,163 --> 00:02:38,098 Hey there! Mission Sports! Everybody smile for the camera! 21 00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:40,327 It's gonna be on tonight at 8:00. Everybody smile! 22 00:02:40,402 --> 00:02:43,701 Mission Sports 2-2 Bureau Sports Channel. 23 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:46,536 One camera, 24-hour-a-day sports coverage. 24 00:02:46,608 --> 00:02:49,372 Yeah! Slow down. Slow down. 25 00:02:49,444 --> 00:02:51,776 You guys wanna be on TV? Say hello to Mom! 26 00:03:14,536 --> 00:03:17,528 We're on 'em, we're on 'em. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. 27 00:03:17,606 --> 00:03:21,565 You're great. You look good. Big strides. Smile for the camera. 28 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,695 No athletics like amateur athletics. 29 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:45,062 I see the Olympics for you, baby. Everybody's a winner. 30 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,647 Right here, right here! 31 00:04:04,152 --> 00:04:05,619 All runners cross the street! 32 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,426 This way, this way, this way! 33 00:04:19,501 --> 00:04:21,594 This is a different route. 34 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,139 Beautiful! All right! You're looking good! 35 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:52,600 New route! This way! Let's see the form! Big smiles! 36 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:56,159 Everybody cross the street! All runners cross the street! 37 00:04:56,238 --> 00:04:58,331 New route! 38 00:04:58,407 --> 00:05:00,932 - Watch where you're going, asshole! - Oh, yeah. 39 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,288 - My leg! - I can't believe it! 40 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:17,587 - Oh! You killed my tibia! - Oh, My God. 41 00:05:17,659 --> 00:05:20,457 - What a travesty! - Oh, Lord! 42 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,463 Jesus, this looks bad. 43 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:26,763 He's never gonna make it. He's supposed to work in a kibbutz this summer. 44 00:05:26,835 --> 00:05:30,362 - Whatever, but I didn't do anything. - Have mercy on my leg! 45 00:05:30,439 --> 00:05:33,533 Keep lyin, buddy. We got it on tape. I might just call that number. 46 00:05:33,608 --> 00:05:36,042 - I'm calling my supervisor. - Call a doctor while you're at it. 47 00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:40,207 - Hey, I was in Desert Storm, mister! - God, it hurts! 48 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,343 -Allofthis... - You don't know anything about driving. 49 00:05:44,419 --> 00:05:47,354 - topassa test. - He broke my tibia! 50 00:05:47,422 --> 00:05:49,856 He broke my tibia! 51 00:05:49,925 --> 00:05:53,486 It's one ofour favorit scams-- the worm in the apple. 52 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,897 which they kept under lock and key. 53 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:01,231 Now, if you had an extra blue book... 54 00:06:01,303 --> 00:06:03,464 you could pretty much get away with anything. 55 00:06:03,538 --> 00:06:07,770 And now, after this morning, we had our very own supply. 56 00:06:09,111 --> 00:06:11,579 Okay, people, this is the midterm. 57 00:06:11,646 --> 00:06:14,080 It is 30 percent of your grade. 58 00:06:14,149 --> 00:06:16,344 Now's the time to start panicking. 59 00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:19,854 For those ofyou who don't know me, my name is Philip, I'm the head TA. 60 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,913 If you don't know me, that means you've never been to class. 61 00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:26,017 Study materials need to go under our desk... 62 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,358 as my minions pass out the test booklets. 63 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,361 Game time. Let me get some booklets. We need three. 64 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:34,266 That means our textbooks go under-- Exactly! 65 00:06:34,336 --> 00:06:36,270 It's not open book. 66 00:06:36,338 --> 00:06:38,636 We leftjunior high a long time ago. 67 00:06:41,076 --> 00:06:43,010 Don'tmake eye contact. 68 00:06:45,147 --> 00:06:46,876 And our midterm... 69 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,882 begins now. 70 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,885 I gotta take a test. I gotta take a test. 71 00:06:55,657 --> 00:06:56,589 Hi there. 72 00:07:00,428 --> 00:07:02,293 You're in my seat. 73 00:07:02,364 --> 00:07:04,628 - The seat was empty. - I was getting test booklets. 74 00:07:04,699 --> 00:07:07,133 - Get out ofmy seat. - We already Have test booklets. 75 00:07:07,202 --> 00:07:10,137 Hi. Hello. Yeah. See, the test booklets are out. 76 00:07:10,205 --> 00:07:12,730 So this conversation you're having isn't taking place. 77 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,244 - He's in my seat, though. - Exactly. 78 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:20,804 And we're grownups, so we don't argue over seats. Why don't we go over there. 79 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,086 You just made my little black book. 80 00:07:27,622 --> 00:07:29,988 Okay, go sit. Go sit. 81 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,428 Move, move, move. You're late now. Move. 82 00:07:42,737 --> 00:07:45,262 - I'm sorry. Do you know him? - No. 83 00:07:46,975 --> 00:07:49,170 - Good. Thank you. - Eyes on My own paper. 84 00:07:50,145 --> 00:07:52,409 Joe Schmo has no answers for you. 85 00:07:53,582 --> 00:07:56,176 Man, this is a really hard test. 86 00:07:56,918 --> 00:07:59,079 I don't think I know one of these damn answers. 87 00:07:59,154 --> 00:08:02,021 Good thing I'm not in this class. 88 00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,558 See, I'm simply here to copy the questions down. 89 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:11,991 Look at me. I'm ananonymous blender-inner. 90 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,306 make the switch. 91 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,406 I leave the stolen bluebook as a decoy. 92 00:08:24,479 --> 00:08:27,642 And here? Here's where I made my mistake. 93 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,775 This is how it all started. 94 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,551 But, I mean, look at her. 95 00:08:33,622 --> 00:08:36,557 That's the reason I went to college. 96 00:08:40,962 --> 00:08:45,160 I wrote my number down in case you wanna call me to talk about the test. 97 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,134 Or just talk about anything. 98 00:08:48,970 --> 00:08:52,804 I gotta go. Here's my number. I want you to call me. 99 00:08:52,874 --> 00:08:55,809 You know, tell me how the rest of the test went. 100 00:08:55,877 --> 00:08:58,311 - you know? - Okay. 101 00:09:00,282 --> 00:09:02,341 Just call me. 102 00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:11,191 - I Have to go to The bathroom. - That's not allowed during the test. 103 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,692 I really have to go. 104 00:09:13,662 --> 00:09:14,924 Tell you what. 105 00:09:20,035 --> 00:09:21,400 Explosive diarrhea. 106 00:09:21,469 --> 00:09:24,836 Okay, go. All right. And leave that stuff there. 107 00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:29,908 Good luck. I mean that. 108 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,009 What you just saw was cheating. 109 00:09:34,082 --> 00:09:38,018 Now I've got the questions, and all my roommate needs are the answers. 110 00:09:38,086 --> 00:09:39,883 I just don't wanna get sloppy 600s. 111 00:09:40,488 --> 00:09:41,887 I told you,Jeff... 112 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:46,416 you gotta work through gay porn before they let you set foot in hetero. 113 00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:48,018 - Fellas. - Really? 114 00:09:48,096 --> 00:09:51,463 Dave, is this true? You have to do gay porn before you work in straight porn? 115 00:09:51,533 --> 00:09:54,798 - True. - What a dirty, despicable business. 116 00:09:54,869 --> 00:09:56,530 - How'd it go? - it went well. 117 00:09:56,604 --> 00:09:59,300 I slipped in, I slipped out. It was beautiful. 118 00:10:01,376 --> 00:10:03,810 - I was fuckin' invisible. Relax. - You're sure? 119 00:10:03,878 --> 00:10:05,140 Yeah, I was invisible. 120 00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:09,946 Guys, this is like child's play. A baby could do this work. 121 00:10:10,018 --> 00:10:11,542 Don't get flashy, Karl. 122 00:10:11,619 --> 00:10:13,917 Nothing higher than an A-minus, or we dock you. 123 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,388 Look, I'm just saying-- 124 00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:20,952 We pay you because you do phenomenal work, so fill out that physics test. 125 00:10:21,029 --> 00:10:23,964 Maybe you wouldn't need someone to fill out every test form... 126 00:10:24,032 --> 00:10:27,559 if you stopped smoking these doobies, smack joint heads. 127 00:10:27,635 --> 00:10:30,900 Don't be so smug, Karl. There's a lot here you don't know about. 128 00:10:32,907 --> 00:10:35,501 No. That does not agree with me. 129 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:41,004 Okay, harumph, it's over-- I saw that. 130 00:10:41,082 --> 00:10:43,607 Flip me off one more time, I'm taking away the test. 131 00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:48,247 Pass 'em toyour left. To your left! 132 00:10:48,323 --> 00:10:50,257 Quickly. 133 00:10:50,325 --> 00:10:53,419 And you may leave. I don't wanna see you anymore. 134 00:10:54,996 --> 00:10:56,930 Enjoy your vacation. 135 00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:17,684 Okay, the test is over. We're done here. 136 00:11:36,771 --> 00:11:40,366 - So, how'd you do on the test? - Oh, who knows? 137 00:11:40,442 --> 00:11:44,208 - What, you don't care? - I'm obsessing about this purity test. 138 00:11:44,279 --> 00:11:46,941 - It's a magazine. - I missed skank by two points. 139 00:11:47,015 --> 00:11:50,576 I don't think you have to worry about that. 140 00:11:50,652 --> 00:11:52,017 Hey, hot boy. 141 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:55,647 I thought that was your sexy ass. Come here. 142 00:11:55,723 --> 00:11:58,157 Ooh, you guys are so fuckin' hot. 143 00:11:58,226 --> 00:12:00,660 - Give me some of that. - some of this? 144 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:07,368 I was right. You're a hard person to follow. 145 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:11,565 I'm sorry, I don't think that we've met before. I'm Angela. 146 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,904 You like me? 147 00:12:13,975 --> 00:12:15,909 We just took a test together. 148 00:12:19,681 --> 00:12:22,616 You guys must've been in a zone when you were taking that test. 149 00:12:22,684 --> 00:12:25,084 - We sat right next to each other. - Hey, what's going on? 150 00:12:25,153 --> 00:12:26,848 How you guys doin'? 151 00:12:26,921 --> 00:12:28,855 - We're fine. - Are you having a good day? 152 00:12:28,923 --> 00:12:29,855 - yeah. - Cool. 153 00:12:29,924 --> 00:12:32,950 You guys know where Professor Markoe's office is? 154 00:12:34,729 --> 00:12:37,163 Yeah, Professor Markoe's office? 155 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,658 I think it's right the "F" over there. 156 00:12:40,735 --> 00:12:43,169 Can you see I'm having a goddamn conversation? 157 00:12:43,238 --> 00:12:45,968 Just back off and go do your stupid-ass thing. 158 00:12:49,043 --> 00:12:53,275 The factis, the midterm has already been, and you missed it. 159 00:12:53,348 --> 00:12:54,872 You guys mustnot have heard me. 160 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,710 I'm Sam Schechter. I got hit by a truck today. 161 00:12:58,786 --> 00:13:00,720 I heard all of that. 162 00:13:00,788 --> 00:13:04,485 - What The heck is going on? - Professor Markoe, Thank God. 163 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:07,494 Listen, I got hit by a truck today. 164 00:13:07,562 --> 00:13:09,826 All I want is to take the midterm. 165 00:13:09,898 --> 00:13:12,958 Hit by a truck? Are you okay? 166 00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:15,127 He got hit by a truck! 167 00:13:15,203 --> 00:13:17,137 Okay, but is he all right? 168 00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:21,733 I got hit by a truck. I got a busted tibia. 169 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,778 My rib cage is very tender. 170 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,008 My testicle turned blue. 171 00:13:28,082 --> 00:13:32,781 Why don't you drop your trousers and we'll examine 'em. 172 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:37,753 The color of your balls won't change the fact that you missed the midterm. 173 00:13:37,825 --> 00:13:41,488 If it'll help me take the midterm, I'm happy to show everyone my balls. 174 00:13:41,563 --> 00:13:43,258 We don't wanna see that. 175 00:13:43,331 --> 00:13:45,663 Forget about looking at the balls. 176 00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:48,065 You're gonna take the midterm. 177 00:13:48,136 --> 00:13:51,697 And you are gonna let him take it at your desk. 178 00:13:51,773 --> 00:13:54,765 -You'll have to move until he's through. -I gotta take it somewhere. 179 00:13:54,842 --> 00:13:59,006 And I want you to give him all the time he needs. 180 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,638 Good luck, kid. 181 00:14:02,784 --> 00:14:04,718 I'm tellin' you... 182 00:14:04,786 --> 00:14:06,720 tell that motherfucker to go. 183 00:14:06,788 --> 00:14:10,280 He is no damn good. I bet he got crabs. 184 00:14:12,026 --> 00:14:15,393 Yeah, girl. Put on my hot boots, get my groove on. 185 00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,056 - yeah. - Well, I'm finished. 186 00:14:20,101 --> 00:14:22,194 Think I did pretty good. 187 00:14:24,105 --> 00:14:25,197 Shotgun. 188 00:14:25,273 --> 00:14:30,210 Boys, to a very successful operation. Possibly one ofour last. 189 00:14:30,278 --> 00:14:32,803 Which I masterminded, by the way. 190 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,212 We'll give you that. 191 00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:39,049 It's not too soon, I say. I think the well's sorta run dry. 192 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,054 Let's get the heck outta here. 193 00:14:41,122 --> 00:14:43,056 - You're ready to go to law school? - Absolutely. 194 00:14:43,124 --> 00:14:46,855 Jeff's gonna get out too. He's gonna be a financial master of the universe. 195 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:50,159 - That'll help me get some fine bitches. - It's time to move on, man. 196 00:14:50,231 --> 00:14:52,756 What do you have that's better than this? This is great. 197 00:14:52,834 --> 00:14:54,768 This is great? This is a shit heap. 198 00:14:54,836 --> 00:14:58,272 I gotta be honest. Best dorm on campus doesn't excite me much anymore. 199 00:14:58,339 --> 00:15:02,241 Areyou kidding? It took four years to build this place. This place is great. 200 00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:05,609 You seem scared to move on 'cause you don't know what to do with your life. 201 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,740 -It's okay if you're afraid to graduate. -If you're afraid of the future. 202 00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:13,515 You know what? This is going nowhere. Let's just celebrate our latest win. 203 00:15:13,588 --> 00:15:16,182 - Celebrate how? - The usual way, of course. 204 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,170 The usual way. 205 00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:09,675 Lenny's. 206 00:16:09,744 --> 00:16:12,008 I'll get the birthday club cards. 207 00:16:14,982 --> 00:16:16,916 I say "happy," you say "birthday." 208 00:16:16,984 --> 00:16:18,008 - Happy. - Birthday! 209 00:16:18,886 --> 00:16:20,581 When I say "birthday," you say "party." Birthday. 210 00:16:20,655 --> 00:16:21,519 Party! 211 00:16:22,490 --> 00:16:25,186 - Let's say it. Happy birthday. - Happy birthday! 212 00:16:25,259 --> 00:16:28,023 - Let's party... - Hearty! 213 00:16:28,996 --> 00:16:30,088 Party hearty. 214 00:16:31,232 --> 00:16:33,666 Here's to an A-minus, boys, in physics. 215 00:16:33,735 --> 00:16:36,533 - The easy way. - That's right. 216 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:39,698 That's Sam. Sam cheats for convenience. 217 00:16:39,774 --> 00:16:42,709 At this school, if you can't pass a foreign language exam... 218 00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,981 on the otherside of campus. 219 00:16:50,918 --> 00:16:52,977 and never plans to. 220 00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:56,387 The classroom is being threatened by fire. Run from this inferno. 221 00:16:56,457 --> 00:17:00,018 Quickly, quickly! Everyone! You, last student, turn! 222 00:17:00,094 --> 00:17:02,324 Good God, man, what is wrong with you? 223 00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,830 You want to end up like burnt breakfast toast? 224 00:17:08,803 --> 00:17:10,794 Your sacrifice puzzles and honors me. 225 00:17:10,872 --> 00:17:14,000 I must leave now. I am a coward. Do not tell anyone. 226 00:17:14,609 --> 00:17:17,203 It was Sam's idea toj oin forces. 227 00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:19,212 Alone we werej ust a couple of freshman cheaters... 228 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:23,475 but together we were dangerous. 229 00:17:23,551 --> 00:17:26,042 I'm not an evil, lying genius. 230 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:30,181 I just happen to know a technique. I callit "The Seed of Doubt. " 231 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,919 I'm a commercial airline pilot. 232 00:17:31,993 --> 00:17:35,759 Say it, repeat it, believe it. 233 00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:36,762 Yeah, whatever. 234 00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:39,061 No, no, I'm a commercial airline pilot. 235 00:17:42,904 --> 00:17:45,338 I, ladies... 236 00:17:45,406 --> 00:17:48,375 am a professional, commercial... 237 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:51,434 airline pilot. 238 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,680 - Cool! - yeah. 239 00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:56,046 Is he a pilot too? 240 00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:57,948 F.B.I. 241 00:17:58,019 --> 00:17:59,316 I got the ugly one. 242 00:17:59,387 --> 00:18:03,289 Jeff bought in sophomore year. He marches to a different drummer. 243 00:18:05,993 --> 00:18:08,223 He's just crazy. 244 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:12,630 I don't want you to worry about finishing the exam. No one ever does. 245 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,136 That's the way I designed it, so just finish writing whenever you-- 246 00:18:16,204 --> 00:18:20,231 Time's up! Okay, that's it. Time's up. Close your books, stop writing. 247 00:18:21,008 --> 00:18:23,067 Come forward with your papers immediately. 248 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,135 Everybody in the back. 249 00:18:25,213 --> 00:18:27,647 Everybody all the way in the back. 250 00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:29,706 You. Yes, you. 251 00:18:29,784 --> 00:18:32,252 Little Red Riding Hood. Congratulations. 252 00:18:33,254 --> 00:18:35,484 You just got an "F." Come on up. 253 00:18:35,556 --> 00:18:38,582 There's always one in every crowd who doesn't believe me. 254 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,594 You can stop writing, sir. I don't care if you have the cure for cancer. 255 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,653 It's fruitless. You will not pass. 256 00:18:45,066 --> 00:18:47,557 Sir, congratulations. You have failed. 257 00:18:47,635 --> 00:18:50,968 - Do you even know My name? - No, I don't knowyour name. 258 00:18:51,038 --> 00:18:53,006 No, you don't. 259 00:19:01,282 --> 00:19:03,750 What's your name? What's your name? 260 00:19:03,818 --> 00:19:06,753 I've seen a lot of pornos in my day. It's like a trade secret. 261 00:19:06,821 --> 00:19:08,812 Next time you're jackin' off, you sit lndian style. 262 00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:11,825 Believe what you want. At least I get out some. 263 00:19:11,893 --> 00:19:14,862 You go through more tissues than a widow. 264 00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:16,328 What? It's true. 265 00:19:16,397 --> 00:19:19,628 Who's the one who just said I've seen a lot of porn? 266 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:23,830 You are a rabid consumer of porn. They have your name on file. 267 00:19:23,905 --> 00:19:27,170 You're the one who masturbates. I'm not the-- 268 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,968 Happy birthday or whatever. 269 00:19:31,012 --> 00:19:32,172 What's up? 270 00:19:33,247 --> 00:19:35,647 How'd you do on the test? 271 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,946 Well, I fucked up the gravitational constant. 272 00:19:39,020 --> 00:19:40,647 Me too. 273 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,655 What's your name again? 274 00:19:45,026 --> 00:19:47,119 Tom Weaver. 275 00:19:47,194 --> 00:19:50,027 Can we help you with something, guy? 276 00:19:51,432 --> 00:19:53,366 Oh, my God, how's your leg? 277 00:19:53,434 --> 00:19:57,632 Obviously he's a lot better now. Thanks for your concern. 278 00:19:57,705 --> 00:20:01,163 And if you're done trying to hide the baloney pony... 279 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,176 we've got some stuff to eat. 280 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,739 Happy birthday. 281 00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:11,682 Yeah, dude. Happy birthday, man. 282 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,879 - Third one this week. - I'm proud of you. 283 00:20:17,058 --> 00:20:19,526 - who is That guy? - He's just a bus boy. 284 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,273 Gimme seven! 285 00:20:43,351 --> 00:20:46,684 Hey, you guys are about to enter into a world of pain. 286 00:20:46,754 --> 00:20:49,917 You. I know what you did. I was there. I saw it. 287 00:20:49,991 --> 00:20:53,358 - Move, or you're gonna get hurt. - It's that tweaked bus boy, man. 288 00:20:53,427 --> 00:20:56,658 I know what you did. I was sitting right next to you. Remember me? 289 00:20:56,731 --> 00:20:59,666 Hey, shorty. How's your leg feeling, buddy? 290 00:20:59,734 --> 00:21:02,601 You're playing awfully good for having a broken leg. 291 00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:06,106 Right, homeboy? I'm not kiddin' around, bitch. 292 00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:14,778 Okay, let's see the so-called proof. 293 00:21:14,849 --> 00:21:20,048 I got the proof. You were there, Dave. Dave Goodman, 555-01 22. 294 00:21:20,121 --> 00:21:21,986 This is nothin'. 295 00:21:22,056 --> 00:21:23,956 Keep it. I got plenty of copies. 296 00:21:24,025 --> 00:21:27,961 Of course, if this were to get out, you guys would probably be expelled. 297 00:21:28,029 --> 00:21:31,123 Do you really need a diploma? No. 298 00:21:31,198 --> 00:21:35,134 But, you know, if you wanted to go to a law school, for instance... 299 00:21:35,202 --> 00:21:37,136 that'd be pretty tough. 300 00:21:37,204 --> 00:21:42,005 Or be hired by a prestigious financial firm like Stockton, Upright & Falk. 301 00:21:43,110 --> 00:21:44,737 I'm into that firm. 302 00:21:44,812 --> 00:21:46,473 I know. I saw your name on the interview list. 303 00:21:46,547 --> 00:21:49,778 Good luck getting that job. They don't hire cheaters. 304 00:21:51,485 --> 00:21:53,817 Hey, wait! Ethan, wait. Dave. 305 00:21:53,888 --> 00:21:54,980 Dave, come on. 306 00:21:55,056 --> 00:21:58,321 Okay. What do you want? 307 00:22:01,295 --> 00:22:02,785 I got a proposition for you. 308 00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:05,297 You're obviously amoral... 309 00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:07,527 but certainly clever in your ways. 310 00:22:07,601 --> 00:22:10,365 And you, you may have some... 311 00:22:11,439 --> 00:22:13,873 people skills I may lack. 312 00:22:13,941 --> 00:22:16,705 What do you want? Money? Free dry cleaning? Euro-pass? 313 00:22:16,777 --> 00:22:19,268 No, I don't-- A Euro-pass? No. No! 314 00:22:21,082 --> 00:22:23,676 I want you to get me a girl. 315 00:22:23,751 --> 00:22:26,049 - a girl. - This is college! 316 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,179 Bag your own bitches. 317 00:22:28,255 --> 00:22:30,280 Angela's not a bitch! 318 00:22:32,693 --> 00:22:34,627 Take it easy, man! 319 00:22:35,496 --> 00:22:37,691 Let him go. You gonna be good? 320 00:22:37,765 --> 00:22:40,359 - Yes. Yes. Yes. - Okay. Back away. 321 00:22:40,434 --> 00:22:41,867 I have copies. 322 00:22:41,936 --> 00:22:45,702 - I'm not afraid to expel you. - take it easy. Relax. 323 00:22:45,773 --> 00:22:47,968 Give me a day. I need to think about this. 324 00:22:48,042 --> 00:22:50,636 This is a tough one. Just give us the night. 325 00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:57,881 They call me Cool Ethan. I live in Heineraker Hall. 326 00:22:57,952 --> 00:22:59,920 All right, cool. We'll find you. 327 00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:01,648 All right? 328 00:23:05,893 --> 00:23:09,329 I didn't like being blackmailed by "Cool Ethan"... 329 00:23:09,396 --> 00:23:11,830 but he did have good taste in women. 330 00:23:11,899 --> 00:23:16,063 Are you fucking insane? This is a major breach of security. 331 00:23:16,137 --> 00:23:18,833 This guy could have us kicked out of college, man. 332 00:23:18,906 --> 00:23:21,340 Look, we will get him the girl. 333 00:23:21,408 --> 00:23:23,501 Look, let me explain something to you. 334 00:23:23,577 --> 00:23:26,512 My college career is a house of cards... 335 00:23:26,580 --> 00:23:30,516 glued together with thousands of lies, and now it's being threatened... 336 00:23:30,584 --> 00:23:32,882 - Shut up! - by some schoolboy with a crush? 337 00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:34,887 We'll get him the girl. Relax. 338 00:23:35,156 --> 00:23:38,751 I've been watching you everywhere you go. 339 00:23:38,826 --> 00:23:41,761 Soon you're gonna be mine, aren't you? 340 00:23:41,829 --> 00:23:45,196 Who's that? That's the most beautiful girl in the world. 341 00:23:45,266 --> 00:23:47,200 I like you. 342 00:23:47,268 --> 00:23:50,032 Everything here, you touched it, baby. 343 00:23:50,104 --> 00:23:54,541 We're gonna get married one day and have 23 little kiddies. 344 00:23:54,608 --> 00:23:56,872 And I'm gonna get ajob at Stockton, Upright & Falk... 345 00:23:56,944 --> 00:23:59,105 and be so rich that you're gonna love me forever. 346 00:23:59,180 --> 00:24:02,047 And we're gonna have sex in my bedroom 347 00:24:07,288 --> 00:24:10,724 Guys, we're a team. Back me up. What do you say, huh? 348 00:24:12,293 --> 00:24:15,456 Just promise me this has nothing to do with the girl. 349 00:24:15,529 --> 00:24:18,794 Hey, this has nothing to do with the girl. 350 00:24:21,235 --> 00:24:24,432 Don'tyou fuckin' Seed of Doubt us, man. 351 00:24:24,505 --> 00:24:26,666 This has nothing... 352 00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:29,140 to do... 353 00:24:29,210 --> 00:24:31,508 with the girl. 354 00:24:36,584 --> 00:24:38,518 Okay. I'll buy it. 355 00:24:38,586 --> 00:24:42,420 Thanks.Jeff, I got a job for you. You'll start tomorrow. 356 00:24:42,489 --> 00:24:45,583 - Sam, come on. I know you're in. - Fuck. 357 00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:50,796 Yo, wake up. 358 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,935 - I brought you coffee. - I don't touch that stuff. 359 00:24:56,003 --> 00:24:57,664 - can I come in? - No. 360 00:24:57,738 --> 00:25:01,003 No one comes into Ethan's room. Ethan's rules. 361 00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:05,310 What's that smell? 362 00:25:05,379 --> 00:25:09,042 Maybe it's the smell of your ass getting kicked out of school. 363 00:25:09,116 --> 00:25:11,050 Well, enough of this gay banter. 364 00:25:11,118 --> 00:25:13,177 - We're gonna get you the girl. - on What day? 365 00:25:13,254 --> 00:25:15,688 Well, let's say on Monday. 366 00:25:15,756 --> 00:25:18,122 - Tuesdays Are better. - Tuesdays-- 367 00:25:18,192 --> 00:25:20,183 - It'll be a Tuesday. - Great. 368 00:25:20,261 --> 00:25:22,286 You're smart. I like you. 369 00:25:22,363 --> 00:25:24,297 I'll probably give you a nickname. 370 00:25:28,435 --> 00:25:31,871 We needed a plan to get into Angela's room, so Jeff knocked. 371 00:25:33,774 --> 00:25:36,743 Yoo-hoo! It's Steve Pasternak looking for Angela. 372 00:25:36,810 --> 00:25:38,971 - Angela, please. - Do I fuckin' know you? 373 00:25:39,046 --> 00:25:42,379 I lent Angela my notebook because I take such "world-famous" notes. 374 00:25:42,449 --> 00:25:44,474 So I was wondering if I could-- 375 00:25:44,551 --> 00:25:46,519 Are you busy with something? 376 00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:49,715 Yeah. I was masturbating. 377 00:25:52,293 --> 00:25:54,227 Masturbating. In the dorms. 378 00:25:54,295 --> 00:25:57,856 Well, that's what you get when you go to art school. 379 00:25:57,931 --> 00:26:00,991 What do you want, her room? Right over there. 380 00:26:02,169 --> 00:26:05,661 - Thank you. - Don't touch anything. 381 00:26:07,374 --> 00:26:10,275 So, do you know what the book looks like? 382 00:26:10,344 --> 00:26:13,745 Let me tell you what it looks like. It's a very distinctive note-- 383 00:26:14,748 --> 00:26:16,739 Some of my notebook had her handwriting in it. 384 00:26:31,265 --> 00:26:35,201 There's really nothing here. Someone's going to have to make contact. 385 00:26:35,269 --> 00:26:37,203 I will break, I will enter... 386 00:26:37,271 --> 00:26:39,865 I will torch, I will shatter, I will rifle... 387 00:26:39,940 --> 00:26:41,874 I will pillage, I will probe... 388 00:26:41,942 --> 00:26:45,378 but I'm really not comfortable just talking to a girl. 389 00:26:45,446 --> 00:26:47,380 You know what, boys? 390 00:26:47,448 --> 00:26:50,383 Why don'tyoujust let me take care ofit? 391 00:26:50,451 --> 00:26:54,888 You treat a hot girl like dirt and she'll stick to you like mud. 392 00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:04,456 Watch where you're going, you skanky-ass bitch. 393 00:27:04,531 --> 00:27:06,226 - Cocksucker. - Slut. 394 00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:08,234 - Butt-wipe. - Ho. 395 00:27:08,302 --> 00:27:09,997 Monkey boy. 396 00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:20,605 Maybe I should make the contact. What do you think? 397 00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:21,807 Sam? 398 00:27:24,385 --> 00:27:27,821 Swirling gases growing hotter and hotter... 399 00:27:27,888 --> 00:27:30,982 until it reaches a critical temperature... 400 00:27:31,058 --> 00:27:34,755 and transforms itself into the most awesome sight in the universe. 401 00:27:34,828 --> 00:27:37,763 What is this sight called? Anybody? 402 00:27:42,102 --> 00:27:45,003 Remember me? Dave. I'm a friend of Ethan's. 403 00:27:45,072 --> 00:27:47,006 - We're in the middle of class. - you know. Cool Ethan. 404 00:27:49,076 --> 00:27:51,977 Here. These are for you. Hey. 405 00:27:52,045 --> 00:27:55,378 Look at the matches. He's in the inside. 406 00:27:57,751 --> 00:28:01,050 - That's Cool Ethan. - I don't know who Ethan is. 407 00:28:01,121 --> 00:28:02,986 You don't know who Cool Ethan is? 408 00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:05,354 You, our new friend with the pipe. 409 00:28:07,461 --> 00:28:09,361 What's the formula for finding critical mass? 410 00:28:09,430 --> 00:28:10,897 Keep 'em. 411 00:28:14,768 --> 00:28:16,702 True. 412 00:28:22,776 --> 00:28:25,643 - I don't know, man. - Hello, dark angel. 413 00:28:25,712 --> 00:28:28,476 Fuckin' dinner on a budget. 414 00:28:28,549 --> 00:28:29,641 What'd you guys get? 415 00:28:30,884 --> 00:28:34,342 I got some term papers, some E-mails and this "dream guy" survey. 416 00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:37,481 - I don't know what it means. - this shit is cheesier. 417 00:28:37,558 --> 00:28:39,492 You're right. 418 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:43,257 Dream guy, huh? "Intelligent, good-looking, smart, funny." 419 00:28:44,331 --> 00:28:46,356 Sam, where'd you say she was from? 420 00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:48,060 She's a local. 421 00:28:49,169 --> 00:28:52,605 A local, huh? Looks like I'm gonna be making a visit to the Patton's house. 422 00:28:57,077 --> 00:28:58,806 - Charles Patton? - Yes. 423 00:28:58,879 --> 00:29:00,642 Ron Mathius, US Census Bureau. 424 00:29:00,714 --> 00:29:02,614 You've been selected for a personal information session. 425 00:29:02,683 --> 00:29:05,447 - is That bad? - No, that's good, sir. 426 00:29:05,519 --> 00:29:09,421 - Aren't you young for government work? - I'm not a GS-11 yet, no. 427 00:29:09,490 --> 00:29:12,084 - I'm just a GS-4, but-- - GS-4! 428 00:29:12,159 --> 00:29:14,093 - Shall We Do it? - Let's get it on. 429 00:29:14,161 --> 00:29:16,629 - All right, then. - come in. 430 00:29:16,697 --> 00:29:19,131 We at the Census Bureau like to dig a little deeper... 431 00:29:19,199 --> 00:29:21,724 find out the stuff thatjust doesn't translate to paper-- 432 00:29:21,802 --> 00:29:23,736 Wow! What a beautiful home. 433 00:29:23,804 --> 00:29:26,238 Well, then, you should meet the decorator. 434 00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:29,332 Ron Mathius, Census Bureau, my wife Valerie. 435 00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:35,509 - Great job. yeah. - Oh, thankyou. 436 00:29:35,582 --> 00:29:37,277 - Would you like a drink? - Yes! 437 00:29:37,351 --> 00:29:39,285 Well, you're gonna get a drink. 438 00:29:39,353 --> 00:29:41,480 That's adorable. 439 00:29:42,289 --> 00:29:45,156 - this is your only female dependent? - Yes. 440 00:29:45,225 --> 00:29:48,661 In that case, I'm gonna need a passport, a birth certificate... 441 00:29:48,729 --> 00:29:52,825 social security number, diary, vaccination reports and... 442 00:29:52,900 --> 00:29:54,595 that pretty much wraps it up. 443 00:29:54,668 --> 00:29:58,502 - Okay, Let me go see What I can find. - That Would be a really big help. 444 00:29:59,406 --> 00:30:00,839 Wonderful. Super. 445 00:30:02,042 --> 00:30:03,976 He really is a sweet man. 446 00:30:04,044 --> 00:30:05,978 - He's a sweetheart. - yeah. 447 00:30:06,046 --> 00:30:07,980 He's great. 448 00:30:08,048 --> 00:30:10,482 This is a very lovely house you have here. 449 00:30:10,551 --> 00:30:11,882 - Oh, thankyou. - You're welcome. 450 00:30:11,952 --> 00:30:14,079 - I like to decorate. - I can see that. 451 00:30:14,154 --> 00:30:16,145 - And I Do My own gardening. - your own gardening? 452 00:30:16,223 --> 00:30:18,248 - And decoupage. - Decoupage? 453 00:30:18,325 --> 00:30:21,624 I love to suck cock. And I arrange flowers too. 454 00:30:21,695 --> 00:30:24,095 Where's those school records, honey? 455 00:30:24,164 --> 00:30:27,099 In the back of her closet, in the shoe box. 456 00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:30,432 Shoe box! Yes! I knew that. 457 00:30:30,504 --> 00:30:32,165 Oh, shit. 458 00:30:32,239 --> 00:30:33,672 What now? 459 00:30:36,109 --> 00:30:38,373 "My ideal guy has... 460 00:30:38,445 --> 00:30:41,380 childlike wonder, maturity... 461 00:30:41,448 --> 00:30:44,212 blue eyes, honesty... 462 00:30:44,284 --> 00:30:47,219 knows what to say without being told." 463 00:30:48,789 --> 00:30:51,223 Does that sound like anybody toyou? 464 00:30:51,291 --> 00:30:53,225 Forest Whitaker? 465 00:30:54,294 --> 00:30:56,057 Dave. 466 00:30:56,830 --> 00:30:59,162 What the hell areyou doing? 467 00:31:01,435 --> 00:31:05,166 House rules. You don't make your own drinks. Valerie makes your drinks. 468 00:31:05,238 --> 00:31:07,729 Where is Valerie? 469 00:31:07,808 --> 00:31:09,742 Well, whileyou're back there-- 470 00:31:10,911 --> 00:31:12,845 He's not gonna sell us out for a girl. 471 00:31:12,913 --> 00:31:14,972 - He might. - I don't think he will. 472 00:31:15,048 --> 00:31:17,983 -He might. -I know Dave, and I don't think he will. 473 00:31:18,051 --> 00:31:20,485 - thankyou. - Let me showyou-- 474 00:31:20,554 --> 00:31:23,819 You know what? I know where the door is. You have a pleasant day. 475 00:31:23,890 --> 00:31:26,324 I'm gonna-- Thankyou. Good-bye. 476 00:31:26,393 --> 00:31:28,827 No, thankyou. Thankyou for coming. 477 00:31:30,530 --> 00:31:34,830 And where have you been hiding all this time, my little monkey? 478 00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:48,213 I got lucky at her parents's house and hit the motherlode of information. 479 00:31:48,281 --> 00:31:50,215 I mean, Angela was perfect-- 480 00:31:50,283 --> 00:31:54,549 4.0 GPA, volunteer at a hospital and a homeless shelter. 481 00:31:54,621 --> 00:31:57,556 I mean, the girl's neve reven had a cavity. 482 00:31:59,359 --> 00:32:02,692 Okay, I'm done. "X" marks the spot. I'm here. Peace. 483 00:32:02,763 --> 00:32:05,357 Dudes, I'm breaking off so I can find my homeys. 484 00:32:05,432 --> 00:32:07,400 - Whatever. - Okay, Cool. 485 00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:13,405 - So, what's the status with the girl? - Just a second. 486 00:32:13,473 --> 00:32:15,737 - go with The hospital? - yeah. 487 00:32:17,144 --> 00:32:19,476 So she volunteers at this hospital-- 488 00:32:19,546 --> 00:32:22,037 Nope. Oh, no. No hospitals. 489 00:32:22,115 --> 00:32:25,050 - No hospitals. - you can talk to her at The hospital. 490 00:32:25,118 --> 00:32:26,949 What would me say? 491 00:32:27,020 --> 00:32:29,284 You're right. She wouldn't like you. So we're gonna trick her. 492 00:32:29,356 --> 00:32:32,154 We're gonna tell her you have a girlfriend. 493 00:32:32,225 --> 00:32:34,819 - It's less threatening. - Find a new plan. 494 00:32:34,895 --> 00:32:37,830 I'm kicking you guys out unless you find a new place. No hospitals. 495 00:32:37,898 --> 00:32:39,525 You're not getting me to go to a hospital. 496 00:32:39,599 --> 00:32:42,625 - It's a beautiful hospital. - That's what they said before. 497 00:32:58,118 --> 00:33:00,211 - Angela, you're a big help. - Thanks. 498 00:33:03,223 --> 00:33:04,850 Ethan. 499 00:33:04,925 --> 00:33:06,415 Ethan. Right. From, um-- 500 00:33:06,493 --> 00:33:08,984 - Physics. - yeah. 501 00:33:09,062 --> 00:33:11,860 - How areyou? - I'm cool. 502 00:33:11,932 --> 00:33:16,164 I didn't know that you volunteered here at the hospital. 503 00:33:16,236 --> 00:33:18,670 Well, I don't. I'm here 'cause you're here. Just kidding. 504 00:33:18,739 --> 00:33:21,606 I just hate watching people suffer... 505 00:33:21,675 --> 00:33:24,735 so I figure why not put things in perspective and help out, you know? 506 00:33:24,811 --> 00:33:27,507 My girlfriend's also a doctor up in Boston. I think I love her. 507 00:33:27,581 --> 00:33:29,515 - Oh, Really? - yeah. you need any help? 508 00:33:32,586 --> 00:33:35,555 Hi, Mrs. Van Graf. I'm Angela, a student volunteer here. 509 00:33:35,622 --> 00:33:37,556 We brought you your lunch. 510 00:33:37,624 --> 00:33:39,990 Well, I don't want any lunch. 511 00:33:40,060 --> 00:33:42,722 Okay, that's fine. We don't have to have lunch. 512 00:33:42,796 --> 00:33:46,425 We could just have a conversation, learn more about you. 513 00:33:46,500 --> 00:33:49,833 - I'm Ethan. - I don't want to talk either. 514 00:33:49,903 --> 00:33:51,871 I'm sure there's a lot we could talk about. 515 00:33:51,938 --> 00:33:53,371 We could watch TV. 516 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:58,503 No, actually, I think maybe we should learn more about Mrs. Van Grafhere. 517 00:33:58,578 --> 00:34:00,637 Like, are you from this area? 518 00:34:01,348 --> 00:34:02,576 Hell no. 519 00:34:02,649 --> 00:34:04,879 - I came here forwork. - What did you do? 520 00:34:04,951 --> 00:34:06,714 I worked the docks. 521 00:34:07,487 --> 00:34:09,717 See? She worked on the docks. That's fascinating. 522 00:34:09,790 --> 00:34:12,350 I mean, most women weren't the least bit interested-- 523 00:34:12,425 --> 00:34:14,393 I used to be a whore. 524 00:34:21,301 --> 00:34:24,668 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Holy-- Are you okay? 525 00:34:24,738 --> 00:34:26,365 - Are you okay? - Get Dr. Danvers! 526 00:34:29,109 --> 00:34:32,044 - Ethan's gonna take care of this. - Go get Dr. Danvers! 527 00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,046 - I'll be right back. - I'm gonna stay. 528 00:34:34,114 --> 00:34:36,105 I'm new, so bear with me. 529 00:34:36,183 --> 00:34:39,675 Oh, I'm so hot. I'm overheating. 530 00:34:39,753 --> 00:34:42,187 - Do you need a Fresca? - No, I don't need a Fresca. 531 00:34:42,255 --> 00:34:44,621 - What can I Get you? - a sponge bath. 532 00:34:44,691 --> 00:34:46,625 - Over there. - a sponge bath? 533 00:34:46,693 --> 00:34:50,060 - yeah. - Well, I've only sponged myself, but-- 534 00:34:50,130 --> 00:34:52,462 - sponge bath. - Okay, here I come. 535 00:34:52,532 --> 00:34:54,466 Holy-- 536 00:34:54,534 --> 00:34:57,594 Oh, sponge me. 537 00:34:57,671 --> 00:35:00,469 Oh, so very hot. 538 00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,101 Is that better? 539 00:35:03,176 --> 00:35:05,110 - Yes. - you like that? 540 00:35:05,178 --> 00:35:07,237 - You've got great hands. - Oh, Thank you. 541 00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:09,248 You've got a great rack. 542 00:35:09,316 --> 00:35:11,250 So, you're cooling off, right? 543 00:35:11,318 --> 00:35:13,445 No, I'm just getting hotter. 544 00:35:14,154 --> 00:35:16,645 - Okay, So,Just on The boobies? - Great sponger! 545 00:35:16,723 --> 00:35:19,886 - Wanna make sure We got everything. - Oh, you got it. 546 00:35:20,827 --> 00:35:22,761 - What Are you doing? - sponge bath. 547 00:35:22,829 --> 00:35:25,195 - That is against hospital regulation. - Let a professional Do that. 548 00:35:25,265 --> 00:35:28,757 - You're not supposed to be doing that. - Put The sponge down. 549 00:35:28,835 --> 00:35:32,100 - this is his first day. - The dirty old whore told me to Do it. 550 00:35:32,172 --> 00:35:33,969 Get away from the patient! 551 00:35:36,509 --> 00:35:40,946 And then it just so happens that they walk in when I'm sucking on her nipple. 552 00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:45,684 So you fingered an old lady? 553 00:35:45,752 --> 00:35:48,346 She was asking for it. 554 00:35:48,421 --> 00:35:50,855 It's totally fixable from where I'm standing. 555 00:35:50,924 --> 00:35:54,018 How hard can it be? I mean, right, Sam? 556 00:35:54,094 --> 00:35:56,255 Dave, could you talk to Angela for me? 557 00:35:56,329 --> 00:35:58,263 Yeah, I could talk to her. 558 00:35:59,733 --> 00:36:01,701 I was hoping you'd say that... 559 00:36:01,768 --> 00:36:04,703 'cause I'd really hate to kick you guys out of school. 560 00:36:08,808 --> 00:36:11,675 All right, dudes. See you later. 561 00:36:15,448 --> 00:36:16,574 You. 562 00:36:16,650 --> 00:36:19,175 You were right. We should study together. 563 00:36:19,252 --> 00:36:21,777 - I never said that. - It'd be a good idea. 564 00:36:21,855 --> 00:36:25,313 - So you use my notes, I do the work-- - I'm not gonna use your notes. 565 00:36:25,392 --> 00:36:28,327 To tell you the truth, I've got a photographic memory. 566 00:36:28,395 --> 00:36:30,488 I mean, I practically know everything. 567 00:36:30,563 --> 00:36:32,497 Try me. 568 00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:34,999 - We don't have to do this. - Just try me. 569 00:36:35,068 --> 00:36:37,502 - Okay, what's the fastest land mammal? - Cheetah. 570 00:36:38,838 --> 00:36:40,533 What's the only country to straddle two continents? 571 00:36:40,607 --> 00:36:42,165 Turkey. I got one. 572 00:36:42,242 --> 00:36:45,302 A guy and his son are driving and they get in an accident. 573 00:36:45,378 --> 00:36:48,313 - They go to a hospital-- - And The mother was a doctor. 574 00:36:48,381 --> 00:36:50,144 You see? We got chemistry. 575 00:36:50,216 --> 00:36:51,979 Wow. Did you feel that? 576 00:36:52,052 --> 00:36:53,986 Yeah, it's electric. 577 00:36:56,189 --> 00:36:58,623 All right, there's a study group Wednesday nights. 578 00:36:58,692 --> 00:37:00,626 507 Obal Hall. 579 00:37:03,063 --> 00:37:04,997 Put that in your photographic memory. 580 00:37:10,904 --> 00:37:14,431 - What about this? - is this a study group or a date? 581 00:37:15,608 --> 00:37:17,041 It's a study group. 582 00:37:17,110 --> 00:37:20,705 I just invited that guy Dave. 583 00:37:20,780 --> 00:37:23,715 Hypothetically, if there is no Ethan, she's not your type? 584 00:37:23,783 --> 00:37:25,045 She's not my type. 585 00:37:25,118 --> 00:37:27,552 Her gorgeous face and pert breasts disgust you, right? 586 00:37:27,620 --> 00:37:30,054 The thing is, she's got this-- 587 00:37:32,959 --> 00:37:35,894 Are you gettin' the special tingle from this boy? 588 00:37:37,630 --> 00:37:39,894 You're getting the special tingle! 589 00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:43,265 - It's not the tingle that worries me. - What is it? 590 00:37:44,971 --> 00:37:46,063 It's the guy. 591 00:37:46,139 --> 00:37:47,936 You start to change for somebody... 592 00:37:48,008 --> 00:37:49,805 and before long they change you. 593 00:37:49,876 --> 00:37:51,969 - You know, and this is-- - right, right, right. 594 00:37:52,045 --> 00:37:54,070 - this is who I am. - That's interesting. 595 00:37:54,147 --> 00:37:57,981 You know my policy. You gotta show the boobs and work the ass. 596 00:37:58,918 --> 00:38:00,442 I have no boobs. 597 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,385 You're right. We'll work the ass. 598 00:38:05,558 --> 00:38:08,493 -Hi, Angela. -This is Dave. He's gonna study with us. 599 00:38:08,561 --> 00:38:10,256 Like David and Goliath. 600 00:38:10,330 --> 00:38:13,322 You know, maybe you're an expert in astrophysics... 601 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:15,334 but some ofus could use some study time. 602 00:38:15,402 --> 00:38:18,269 Who really cares about this crap? 603 00:38:18,338 --> 00:38:20,829 About a billion Alpha Centaurians. 604 00:38:20,907 --> 00:38:25,276 I am so sick of people sitting in a room... 605 00:38:26,780 --> 00:38:29,715 studying and wasting the most important years of their life... 606 00:38:29,783 --> 00:38:32,513 worrying about what some dipshit is gonna say on a test. 607 00:38:32,585 --> 00:38:35,520 This is where it's at. We should really get out. 608 00:38:35,588 --> 00:38:38,523 So, the concerns of the little people don't apply to visionaries like you? 609 00:38:38,591 --> 00:38:42,687 It's wasn't you. It was the guys in the room. It was hot in there and-- 610 00:38:42,762 --> 00:38:46,698 - You're holding my hand. - Well, We might hit a patch of ice. 611 00:38:51,404 --> 00:38:53,998 - So I got this plan. - What's the plan? 612 00:38:55,642 --> 00:39:00,204 I plan to take you to this place where you can actually study the real thing... 613 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,578 and not what's in the textbook. 614 00:39:02,649 --> 00:39:04,139 What doyou say? 615 00:39:04,217 --> 00:39:06,685 - I'd say it's a good plan. - All right, then. 616 00:39:06,753 --> 00:39:09,984 What one's that? The one that looks like the Death Star. 617 00:39:11,424 --> 00:39:13,016 That's Castratia. 618 00:39:15,261 --> 00:39:19,197 The myth has it that she's the most beautiful of all the goddesses... 619 00:39:19,265 --> 00:39:22,200 and any mortal man who would try to court her... 620 00:39:22,268 --> 00:39:26,534 she would slice his manhood off. 621 00:39:28,208 --> 00:39:30,039 - come on, No. - No, seriously. 622 00:39:30,110 --> 00:39:32,078 - No. come on. - Yes. seriously. 623 00:39:32,145 --> 00:39:34,079 - Really? - No. 624 00:40:03,610 --> 00:40:06,579 You know what? My arm's getting numb. 625 00:40:06,646 --> 00:40:08,273 Oh, I'm sorry. 626 00:40:08,348 --> 00:40:10,282 - Sorry. - That's okay. That's fine. 627 00:40:10,350 --> 00:40:12,944 It does that, you know. 628 00:40:21,094 --> 00:40:23,528 Was that wrong? 629 00:40:23,596 --> 00:40:25,257 No. No, I mean-- 630 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,394 Because-- I'm sorry. I just thought that-- 631 00:40:30,470 --> 00:40:32,028 Let me just explain. 632 00:40:32,105 --> 00:40:33,868 I got this friend, and-- 633 00:40:35,441 --> 00:40:38,035 He really likes you, and I cannot do that to him. 634 00:40:38,111 --> 00:40:41,205 You're a very beautiful girl, but, you know, he's-- 635 00:40:41,281 --> 00:40:43,545 - I grew up with him-- - What friend? 636 00:40:43,616 --> 00:40:47,052 His name's Ethan. You don't know him? Everybody knows him. 637 00:40:49,789 --> 00:40:50,881 I know Ethan. 638 00:40:50,957 --> 00:40:53,255 He's a great guy, and-- 639 00:40:53,326 --> 00:40:57,763 I guess I just don't understand what Ethan has to do with... 640 00:40:57,830 --> 00:41:00,993 you and me. 641 00:41:01,067 --> 00:41:02,466 Give him a chance. 642 00:41:02,535 --> 00:41:05,595 You'd really get along with him. 643 00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:07,606 You know, Cool Ethan. 644 00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:12,538 Okay, Dave. 645 00:41:14,047 --> 00:41:16,311 She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes 646 00:41:17,684 --> 00:41:19,549 She'll be comin' 'round the mountain 647 00:41:19,619 --> 00:41:21,382 She'll be comin' 'round them ountain 648 00:41:21,454 --> 00:41:23,285 She'll be comin' 'round the mountain 649 00:41:23,356 --> 00:41:25,324 When she comes Now you! 650 00:41:25,391 --> 00:41:26,790 She'll be ridin'six white horses 651 00:41:26,859 --> 00:41:28,349 When she comes 652 00:41:28,428 --> 00:41:29,986 She'll be riding six white horses 653 00:41:30,063 --> 00:41:31,963 When she comes 654 00:41:32,031 --> 00:41:33,623 She'll be riding six white horses 655 00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:35,634 She'll be riding six white horses 656 00:41:35,702 --> 00:41:39,160 She'llberidingsix whitehorses 657 00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,173 When she comes 658 00:41:43,209 --> 00:41:45,143 -Jeff, it's Dave. - Yeah? 659 00:41:45,211 --> 00:41:47,509 - What were you doing? - Nothing. Nothing at all. 660 00:41:47,580 --> 00:41:50,447 Check out Ethan's schedule for me. Where is he now? 661 00:41:50,516 --> 00:41:52,984 Yeah, he should be heading for the library right now. 662 00:41:53,052 --> 00:41:55,486 - Awesome. Thanks, man. - Don't worry about it. 663 00:41:57,590 --> 00:41:58,648 Where were we? 664 00:42:05,632 --> 00:42:07,497 You. Come here. 665 00:42:07,567 --> 00:42:10,001 Have you talked to her? Does she understand? 666 00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:14,005 She was a little suspicious at first, but I'm dealing with it. 667 00:42:14,073 --> 00:42:15,506 This is so "F"-ed up. 668 00:42:15,575 --> 00:42:18,510 You said you could get me a complete profile ofwhat she wants in a guy. 669 00:42:18,578 --> 00:42:21,411 How do you know that she's "the one"? 670 00:42:21,481 --> 00:42:22,914 I just do. 671 00:42:22,982 --> 00:42:26,918 Besides the fact that she's beautiful, smart and funny, how do you know? 672 00:42:28,488 --> 00:42:30,422 Because of the way she smiles. 673 00:42:30,490 --> 00:42:32,424 Because of her smile. 674 00:42:32,492 --> 00:42:35,928 Because when I close my eyes all I see is her face laughing and moving... 675 00:42:35,995 --> 00:42:39,226 and screaming and screaming and screaming... 676 00:42:39,299 --> 00:42:41,233 and screaming and screaming. 677 00:42:41,301 --> 00:42:43,496 - I thought you said you loved her. - Why Do you care? 678 00:42:43,569 --> 00:42:46,129 - I'm just trying to figure it out. - Yes, I love her! 679 00:42:46,205 --> 00:42:48,605 - Yes, I love her completely. - you love her. 680 00:42:48,675 --> 00:42:50,233 And I hate her completely. 681 00:42:50,310 --> 00:42:53,711 But that's something I want to work on with just her, me and her together... 682 00:42:53,780 --> 00:42:55,213 in a locked room. 683 00:42:55,281 --> 00:42:58,546 So bring me the girl, Dave, or you and your friends are goin' down. 684 00:43:07,994 --> 00:43:09,689 We have plenty to eat. 685 00:43:09,762 --> 00:43:12,060 Vegetarians on this side, meat over here. 686 00:43:12,131 --> 00:43:14,065 Hey, how are you, Bill? 687 00:43:14,133 --> 00:43:16,067 - How's everything going? Good? - Okay. 688 00:43:16,135 --> 00:43:19,127 Angela? Weird! 689 00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,574 Ethan, what are you doing here? 690 00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:25,873 Well, I'm in the food service industry and I like bums, so it's kinda my duty. 691 00:43:25,945 --> 00:43:28,379 Okay. 692 00:43:28,448 --> 00:43:31,645 - Angela? - yeah. Hi. How areya? 693 00:43:31,718 --> 00:43:35,245 While I've got you here, could I ask your advice on something? 694 00:43:35,321 --> 00:43:37,255 Yeah, sure. What's up? 695 00:43:37,323 --> 00:43:41,020 Well, it's kind of about my girlfriend Stephanie. 696 00:43:41,094 --> 00:43:42,425 Oh, yeah, your girlfriend. 697 00:43:42,495 --> 00:43:45,430 I just need a woman's POV on the whole "sitch." 698 00:43:45,498 --> 00:43:49,093 Actually, you know what? Can I talk to you about something? 699 00:43:49,168 --> 00:43:50,100 Sure. 700 00:43:50,169 --> 00:43:54,105 I kinda wanted to talk to you about us, if that's cool. 701 00:43:54,173 --> 00:43:56,107 Yeah, fine. 702 00:43:56,175 --> 00:43:58,109 I know you don't have a girlfriend, Ethan. 703 00:43:58,177 --> 00:44:00,145 And I know that you like me. 704 00:44:00,213 --> 00:44:03,341 You know, this is kinda-- Can I just be honest? 705 00:44:03,416 --> 00:44:05,441 Go ahead, go ahead. 706 00:44:06,586 --> 00:44:08,747 I really like someone else. 707 00:44:09,822 --> 00:44:11,756 Do you-- Did you-- 708 00:44:11,824 --> 00:44:15,453 Oh, my God, I am so sorry. I led you on. 709 00:44:16,529 --> 00:44:19,930 Angela, I like you as a friend. 710 00:44:19,999 --> 00:44:21,489 You're the sweetest thing. 711 00:44:21,567 --> 00:44:22,864 - Oh, My God. - Really? 712 00:44:22,935 --> 00:44:24,869 Yes, you completely misinterpreted everything. 713 00:44:24,937 --> 00:44:26,802 You're not my type. 714 00:44:26,873 --> 00:44:28,704 - Don't worry. - God, I'm so embarrassed. 715 00:44:28,775 --> 00:44:30,709 It happens all the time. It's cool. 716 00:44:30,777 --> 00:44:33,439 I'm really happy that we got this cleared up... 717 00:44:33,513 --> 00:44:35,708 because the guy that I like is your friend Dave. 718 00:44:35,782 --> 00:44:37,716 - Dave! - Yeah! 719 00:44:37,784 --> 00:44:39,843 Fudge! 720 00:44:39,919 --> 00:44:43,218 I can't stop thinking about him. I can't shut up about him. 721 00:44:43,289 --> 00:44:45,519 I know! You can't shut up about him! 722 00:44:45,591 --> 00:44:49,527 - you want me to go talk to him? - Would you Really? 723 00:44:49,595 --> 00:44:53,998 No problem. I'll put it in my book. I'll say, "Talk to Dave about Angela." 724 00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:55,693 Don't worry. 725 00:44:55,768 --> 00:44:59,204 Come here. Let's get these lousy sons of bitches something to eat, huh? 726 00:45:04,343 --> 00:45:08,575 Maybe she needs a little sponge bath. She's so dirty. 727 00:45:08,648 --> 00:45:10,343 Put the underwear on your head, Ethan! 728 00:45:10,416 --> 00:45:13,544 Please! Oh, Ethan, put the underwear on your head! 729 00:45:13,619 --> 00:45:15,814 - No! No! - I love it! 730 00:45:15,888 --> 00:45:18,186 You shut up, Dave! You shut up, Dave! 731 00:45:18,257 --> 00:45:19,554 Does that feel good? 732 00:45:21,394 --> 00:45:23,521 Does that feel good? 733 00:45:23,596 --> 00:45:25,996 Ethan, what are you doing? 734 00:45:28,234 --> 00:45:30,566 I'm not gonna eat that shit, you fuckin' retard. 735 00:45:31,604 --> 00:45:34,368 No one calls me a retard, you freakin' hobo! 736 00:45:38,010 --> 00:45:39,102 Get his shoes! 737 00:45:42,648 --> 00:45:45,583 It's still 22 to 3, mine. 738 00:45:45,651 --> 00:45:47,812 I thinkwe could do better than that. 739 00:45:47,887 --> 00:45:49,821 Come on! 740 00:45:49,889 --> 00:45:52,323 What is that, man? You wearing musk? 741 00:45:52,391 --> 00:45:55,918 Oh, yeah. I'm going to sing with this band tonight. 742 00:45:55,995 --> 00:45:58,555 - What? You don't sing. - No, I sing. 743 00:45:58,631 --> 00:46:00,929 - Bullshit. You don't sing. - I sing! 744 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,968 I sing. 745 00:46:03,035 --> 00:46:06,095 - If you sing, right now sing. - I'm saving my voice. 746 00:46:09,642 --> 00:46:11,371 Hello! Hello! 747 00:46:11,444 --> 00:46:13,378 Reanna? 748 00:46:13,446 --> 00:46:16,938 - Ethan. - Yup, and I've got gifts. 749 00:46:17,016 --> 00:46:18,643 You just let yourself in? 750 00:46:18,718 --> 00:46:21,915 Angela, I feel really bad about what happened today with the bums. 751 00:46:21,988 --> 00:46:24,616 Ethan, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm already over it. 752 00:46:24,690 --> 00:46:26,624 No, Angela, it's not okay. 753 00:46:28,694 --> 00:46:30,628 I'm bad! 754 00:46:32,698 --> 00:46:35,098 - That's really clever, Ethan. - take that. I got it foryou. 755 00:46:36,002 --> 00:46:39,096 I wanted to be sure that you and I are best friends... 756 00:46:40,172 --> 00:46:42,106 gnome matterwhat. 757 00:46:42,174 --> 00:46:44,642 - Ethan, that's a troll. - Gnome it's not. 758 00:46:46,679 --> 00:46:49,113 All right, I have to go now. 759 00:46:49,181 --> 00:46:50,113 Wait. 760 00:46:51,651 --> 00:46:54,586 One more thing. A wee leprechaun. 761 00:46:54,654 --> 00:46:57,088 Okay, that one I don't get. 762 00:46:57,156 --> 00:46:58,851 I'll be your best friend... 763 00:46:58,925 --> 00:47:01,519 until you steal my pot of gold! 764 00:47:03,763 --> 00:47:05,321 Don't do that. 765 00:47:05,398 --> 00:47:08,595 - I'm just kidding. - Okay, time to go. yeah. 766 00:47:08,668 --> 00:47:11,466 - Okay. - Remember That favor? 767 00:47:11,537 --> 00:47:13,732 - Talking to Dave? - yeah. 768 00:47:13,806 --> 00:47:15,706 Don't. I'll handle it. 769 00:47:15,775 --> 00:47:18,300 I'm gonna see him tonight, so I think it'll be better ifl handle it. 770 00:47:18,377 --> 00:47:20,311 Oh. You're gonna see him right now? 771 00:47:20,379 --> 00:47:22,313 - Really? - yeah. 772 00:47:22,381 --> 00:47:25,316 Well, that frees me up. Great. 773 00:47:25,384 --> 00:47:27,318 I hopeyou enjoy the presents-- 774 00:47:38,264 --> 00:47:41,722 Let me just take this moment and say one thing. 775 00:47:41,801 --> 00:47:44,531 We have, like, three weeks till the exam, and-- 776 00:47:44,604 --> 00:47:47,539 I wrote the damn mock exam! I gave it to you! 777 00:47:47,607 --> 00:47:49,541 I wrote the mock exam? 778 00:47:49,609 --> 00:47:52,043 Hey, let's get out of here. 779 00:47:52,111 --> 00:47:54,045 - No. - yeah. 780 00:47:54,113 --> 00:47:56,980 - No. - No? come on. 781 00:47:58,117 --> 00:47:59,948 Please? 782 00:48:00,019 --> 00:48:01,884 I'll take you somewhere. 783 00:48:32,018 --> 00:48:34,919 Oh, my God! Thank God! I thought you were with Dave! 784 00:48:34,987 --> 00:48:36,454 Oh, baby. 785 00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:40,550 Yeah? So what? 786 00:49:43,856 --> 00:49:47,189 I don't know. I don't want to stop loving you. 787 00:49:47,259 --> 00:49:49,454 I mean, where are you? 788 00:49:49,528 --> 00:49:51,996 Don't make me put you under lock and key. 789 00:49:52,064 --> 00:49:53,998 I know you're a good girl. 790 00:49:54,066 --> 00:49:57,399 You'd better not be doing something you're not supposed to. 791 00:49:57,470 --> 00:49:59,495 The big bad wolf's gonna find you. 792 00:50:12,685 --> 00:50:14,812 Been using a new shampoo? 793 00:50:20,126 --> 00:50:21,855 Play a little game! 794 00:50:22,962 --> 00:50:24,896 Duck, duck, goose, huh? 795 00:50:26,098 --> 00:50:28,157 Duck, duck... 796 00:50:28,234 --> 00:50:29,394 goose! 797 00:51:05,070 --> 00:51:07,004 Oh, shit. 798 00:51:07,072 --> 00:51:10,098 Something's wrong. 799 00:51:15,314 --> 00:51:17,612 -Jesus Christ. - And we're back! 800 00:51:22,588 --> 00:51:24,249 I want to be polite... 801 00:51:24,323 --> 00:51:27,815 but how many decoupage gifts can you receive? 802 00:51:27,893 --> 00:51:32,023 I don't know. I guess she makes my dad happy. So what can I say? 803 00:51:32,097 --> 00:51:34,031 Soyou like living in the dorm? 804 00:51:34,099 --> 00:51:36,033 My God, I was so happy to get out of the house. 805 00:51:36,101 --> 00:51:38,968 My stepmother drives me crazy. 806 00:51:39,038 --> 00:51:43,134 - My real mom lives in St. Louis. - St. Louis? 807 00:51:43,209 --> 00:51:45,143 She's a Midwestern gal. 808 00:51:46,579 --> 00:51:47,876 That's great news. 809 00:51:49,081 --> 00:51:53,142 Really? Tell me something about you. 810 00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,454 What do you want to know? 811 00:51:56,522 --> 00:51:57,989 - a secret. - a secret? 812 00:51:59,592 --> 00:52:02,959 - a secret, huh? - I'm sure you have plenty. 813 00:52:03,028 --> 00:52:04,962 Got a few. 814 00:52:05,030 --> 00:52:08,488 - So tell me. - Yeah, tell her, Dave. 815 00:52:08,567 --> 00:52:10,535 Tell her the real secret. 816 00:52:10,603 --> 00:52:15,267 Me and my friend,Jeff, we can control the power on campus. 817 00:52:15,341 --> 00:52:18,276 How's that for a secret? We hack into the power grids. 818 00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:21,609 Looks like I'm gonna have to pay your friends a little visit, Dave. 819 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:24,615 Me and my friend, Jeff, we can control the power on campus. 820 00:52:24,683 --> 00:52:28,414 How's that for a secret? We hack into the powergrids. 821 00:52:28,487 --> 00:52:31,388 - Don't say a fucking word, Ethan. - Look at That shot. 822 00:52:31,457 --> 00:52:33,391 He's "doing" his special lady. 823 00:52:33,459 --> 00:52:35,654 Shut the fuck up! 824 00:52:35,728 --> 00:52:37,662 I don't want to see any more, all right? 825 00:52:37,730 --> 00:52:40,324 He's "f"-ing you. He "f"-ed me. 826 00:52:40,399 --> 00:52:42,799 And now I got a little movie of him "f"-ing her. 827 00:52:42,868 --> 00:52:45,302 Dude, enough about Dave. You don't know a thing about Dave. 828 00:52:45,371 --> 00:52:48,135 He betrayed you. He stole my girl. 829 00:52:48,207 --> 00:52:51,472 He's not our friend. What? 830 00:52:51,543 --> 00:52:53,272 Son ofa bitch! 831 00:52:53,345 --> 00:52:57,304 The little freak is right, all right? Dave screwed us. 832 00:52:57,383 --> 00:53:00,716 He's not the only one who screwed us. We're getting screwed by the system. 833 00:53:00,786 --> 00:53:04,847 The system that forces us guys to like girls, all right? 834 00:53:04,924 --> 00:53:08,257 We're getting pushed into this. What if we just take the girls out of it? 835 00:53:08,327 --> 00:53:11,763 We can have our own system. It's a countersystem. 836 00:53:11,830 --> 00:53:15,322 Then you do things together-- You swim, you row, you boat... 837 00:53:15,401 --> 00:53:17,301 you eat, you stink. 838 00:53:17,369 --> 00:53:19,701 We can just be guys. You can have sex-- 839 00:53:19,772 --> 00:53:23,401 You can do it, you know, many guys at a time, but it's not gay. 840 00:53:23,475 --> 00:53:25,033 That's interesting. 841 00:53:25,110 --> 00:53:27,044 I'm gonna go talk to Dean Rattenbaugh about that... 842 00:53:27,112 --> 00:53:30,775 while I'm getting your ass expelled. 843 00:53:30,849 --> 00:53:32,840 - come Over here. - What? 844 00:53:32,918 --> 00:53:34,476 Sit down. 845 00:53:40,759 --> 00:53:44,160 - Give me The tape. - Oh, this tape? 846 00:53:46,565 --> 00:53:48,032 What do I get? 847 00:53:50,602 --> 00:53:52,536 This is everything we have on Angela. 848 00:53:52,604 --> 00:53:54,765 How much of that did I work to steal my own self? 849 00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:56,831 Shut up. I'm giving it to him. 850 00:53:58,978 --> 00:54:01,276 Everything you need to get the girl is in here. 851 00:54:02,181 --> 00:54:04,206 - on three. - All right, on three. 852 00:54:04,283 --> 00:54:06,683 - One-- - If I could interject something here. 853 00:54:07,753 --> 00:54:09,687 I'm not gay, you know. 854 00:54:16,762 --> 00:54:19,993 I'm the kind of guy who will 855 00:54:20,065 --> 00:54:23,466 Not insist that you go on the pill 856 00:54:23,535 --> 00:54:27,266 I'm cool with splitting the bill 857 00:54:27,339 --> 00:54:29,569 -And I'll kill - Oh, My God. 858 00:54:29,641 --> 00:54:31,802 - who you wan tme to kill - It's Ethan. 859 00:54:34,113 --> 00:54:36,581 Stay there. 860 00:54:36,648 --> 00:54:38,809 You and me 861 00:54:38,884 --> 00:54:41,717 - Hey, new-wave boy! - Don't you see 862 00:54:41,787 --> 00:54:44,654 Shut the fuck up! 863 00:54:44,723 --> 00:54:47,317 - Don't you see - Do We fucking know this guy? 864 00:54:47,393 --> 00:54:49,691 My heart is beat-beat-beating 865 00:54:49,762 --> 00:54:51,821 It's Ethan again. 866 00:54:51,897 --> 00:54:55,230 Oh, Angela 867 00:54:55,300 --> 00:54:58,827 Oh, how I need you so 868 00:54:58,904 --> 00:55:02,169 'Cause your eyes are like two shining blue 869 00:55:02,241 --> 00:55:05,210 Rockets in the night come to take me away 870 00:55:05,277 --> 00:55:07,711 Come and fuck me, baby 871 00:55:07,780 --> 00:55:10,248 He is so-- 872 00:55:10,315 --> 00:55:12,579 And don't let me hurt you just by accident 873 00:55:12,651 --> 00:55:14,619 - I probably won't, but - Shut up! 874 00:55:17,322 --> 00:55:18,414 Fudge! 875 00:55:18,490 --> 00:55:20,788 Ethan, I appreciate the effort, but-- 876 00:55:20,859 --> 00:55:23,123 - I wrote this for you! - What Do you want? 877 00:55:23,195 --> 00:55:25,789 It's 2:00 in the morning. 878 00:55:25,864 --> 00:55:27,024 I wanna come up. 879 00:55:27,099 --> 00:55:30,125 - this has to end, right now. - Invite him up. 880 00:55:30,202 --> 00:55:33,035 We'll make him clean the fucking bathrooms. 881 00:55:33,105 --> 00:55:36,871 Besides, maybe he's good in bed. The little ones always are. Come on. 882 00:55:38,610 --> 00:55:41,636 - Move. - you can come up for one minute. 883 00:55:41,713 --> 00:55:42,975 Really? 884 00:55:49,888 --> 00:55:51,822 Guys? Hey, yo! 885 00:56:04,103 --> 00:56:05,730 Wow! 886 00:56:13,445 --> 00:56:14,878 Love. 887 00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:38,494 Okay. I'm going to fix your nose... 888 00:56:38,570 --> 00:56:41,801 and we're going to have a little talk, okay? 889 00:56:41,874 --> 00:56:43,569 Okay. 890 00:56:43,642 --> 00:56:47,100 This is not very manlike ofme, is it? 891 00:56:47,179 --> 00:56:50,307 Ethan, it's a tiny cut. It's no big deal. 892 00:56:52,217 --> 00:56:54,845 You're right. It's just a cut on skin. 893 00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:58,583 You're so awesome. Your room is so awesome. Your phone is kick-ass. 894 00:56:58,657 --> 00:57:00,955 And you know what? I love you. 895 00:57:05,430 --> 00:57:08,695 You and I are just friends. 896 00:57:08,767 --> 00:57:11,998 I have to make that clear to you, because this cannot continue. 897 00:57:12,070 --> 00:57:14,061 You're still on this whole Dave thing. 898 00:57:16,675 --> 00:57:18,438 Unbelievable. 899 00:57:18,510 --> 00:57:21,308 It's not a Dave thing. 900 00:57:21,380 --> 00:57:23,940 I'm in love with him. 901 00:57:24,016 --> 00:57:25,950 Have you two been physical? 902 00:57:27,019 --> 00:57:29,613 You know what? 903 00:57:29,688 --> 00:57:30,950 That's it. 904 00:57:31,023 --> 00:57:34,652 What Dave and I do is none of your business. It's time for you to leave. 905 00:57:34,726 --> 00:57:37,786 I was hoping you wouldn't take it this far. Damn it! 906 00:57:37,863 --> 00:57:39,296 Enough is enough! 907 00:57:39,364 --> 00:57:42,561 Will you quit breathing so loud? I can't hear what he's saying. 908 00:57:42,634 --> 00:57:46,764 - God, I'm so scared for us. - It's too late for this, you know? 909 00:57:46,838 --> 00:57:48,772 You've been duped by the worst kind of con man. 910 00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:50,398 When I fell in love with you... 911 00:57:50,475 --> 00:57:52,568 I knew I couldn't get you because you're so beautiful. 912 00:57:52,644 --> 00:57:54,805 So I paid Dave and his goons to get close toyou. 913 00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:56,814 He put together a dossier of information... 914 00:57:56,882 --> 00:57:58,474 which I studied every night. 915 00:57:58,550 --> 00:58:00,484 I do not believe what you're saying to me. 916 00:58:00,552 --> 00:58:03,248 How do you think I know your favorite animal is a monkey? 917 00:58:03,322 --> 00:58:06,655 - Ethan, shut up! - I said, "Dave, stop. It's over. 918 00:58:06,725 --> 00:58:09,193 She is a lovely girl with a pure heart. 919 00:58:09,261 --> 00:58:11,786 Don't taint her with your octopus ink!" 920 00:58:11,863 --> 00:58:14,798 - something is wrong with you. - Nothing's wrong with me. 921 00:58:14,866 --> 00:58:17,733 - No, something-- - Bullshit. 922 00:58:17,803 --> 00:58:19,930 You know how he brags about the power grids? 923 00:58:20,005 --> 00:58:22,371 That's how he's going to talk about you. 924 00:58:22,441 --> 00:58:25,274 You're just another thing for him to brag about. 925 00:58:25,344 --> 00:58:28,507 I'm not the kind of guy who would rub this kind of proofin your face. 926 00:58:39,558 --> 00:58:40,889 Good Christ! 927 00:58:40,959 --> 00:58:42,893 - Stop.Just listen. - you deserve That, asshole. 928 00:58:42,961 --> 00:58:45,020 - I can explain everything. - Ethan explained everything. 929 00:58:45,097 --> 00:58:47,588 - Don't listen to Ethan! He's psychotic! - You are a fraud! 930 00:58:47,666 --> 00:58:49,725 You are a child! You're manipulative! 931 00:58:49,801 --> 00:58:51,962 And worst of all, you're a whore! 932 00:58:53,138 --> 00:58:55,129 I am not a whore. 933 00:58:55,207 --> 00:58:58,301 You used me to make a hundred bucks. 934 00:58:58,377 --> 00:59:00,572 Angela, I didn't do anything like that. 935 00:59:00,646 --> 00:59:03,809 - You didn't? - I didn't. 936 00:59:03,882 --> 00:59:06,578 I didn't do anything wrong. 937 00:59:13,925 --> 00:59:17,190 Why did you steal my E-mails, Dave? 938 00:59:24,836 --> 00:59:27,498 I came clean. And you should have stopped when I asked-- 939 00:59:27,572 --> 00:59:30,666 You told her I did it for money? Huh, you little freak? 940 00:59:30,742 --> 00:59:32,209 What are you doing here anyways? 941 00:59:32,277 --> 00:59:36,270 I'm gonna ask you this right now and I want you to answer me honestly. 942 00:59:38,950 --> 00:59:40,577 Did you... 943 00:59:40,652 --> 00:59:42,586 or did you not... 944 00:59:44,022 --> 00:59:47,651 seduce me because of some deal you had with Ethan? 945 00:59:47,726 --> 00:59:49,751 See, it wasn't exactly like that. 946 00:59:49,828 --> 00:59:53,559 Dave, will you just answer yes or no? Please, just answer me. 947 00:59:56,134 --> 00:59:58,068 - Yes. - Oh, shit. 948 00:59:59,971 --> 01:00:03,600 Angela, you see? I told you he was violent! Look! 949 01:00:03,675 --> 01:00:06,769 Angela, please, baby, please. 950 01:00:06,845 --> 01:00:08,972 Listen to me. Listen to me! 951 01:00:09,047 --> 01:00:11,311 This is not a good night for my nose. I'm gonna go disinfect it. 952 01:00:16,521 --> 01:00:19,115 Well, I don't know about the punch in the nose, but I think she likes me. 953 01:00:19,191 --> 01:00:21,125 You don't love her. 954 01:00:23,628 --> 01:00:25,562 I do tonight. 955 01:00:29,501 --> 01:00:31,435 Hey, do you have a condom? 956 01:00:36,074 --> 01:00:37,507 Fuck. 957 01:00:40,579 --> 01:00:43,377 I wantyou to get this bad energy out. 958 01:00:43,448 --> 01:00:47,509 Ethan, I really don't feel like being touched right now, okay? 959 01:00:47,586 --> 01:00:48,848 Thanks. 960 01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,184 Then you need a jump-start. 961 01:00:53,425 --> 01:00:54,517 Clear! 962 01:00:55,994 --> 01:00:58,155 Clear! Clear! 963 01:00:58,230 --> 01:00:59,663 Ethan, it's-- 964 01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:04,127 It's been kind of a long night. 965 01:01:04,202 --> 01:01:07,069 I don't want to kick a dead horse, but that Dave... 966 01:01:08,306 --> 01:01:09,705 he's a bad dude. 967 01:01:09,775 --> 01:01:12,039 You made the right decision. 968 01:01:12,110 --> 01:01:14,203 Thanks for being honest. 969 01:01:15,781 --> 01:01:17,214 No problem. 970 01:01:19,885 --> 01:01:23,150 - I'm tired. - I know. me too. 971 01:01:23,221 --> 01:01:25,985 Move over. Let's go to bed. 972 01:01:26,057 --> 01:01:27,490 Move over. 973 01:01:28,727 --> 01:01:31,059 How about you sleep on the couch? 974 01:01:33,098 --> 01:01:34,190 Okay. 975 01:01:34,266 --> 01:01:37,758 Shh, be quiet. We're in my girlfriend's dorm. 976 01:01:39,304 --> 01:01:41,397 You wanna what? 977 01:01:41,473 --> 01:01:44,374 No, we shouldn't. 978 01:01:44,443 --> 01:01:47,276 Okay, but you be quiet, hair doll. 979 01:01:50,582 --> 01:01:52,379 Like that? 980 01:01:52,451 --> 01:01:55,045 I said to her, or him, I said-- 981 01:01:55,120 --> 01:01:58,647 - I can't believe you guys. - Oh, you can't believe us? 982 01:01:58,723 --> 01:02:01,283 You know what? I can't believe you. You betrayed our trust. 983 01:02:01,359 --> 01:02:04,453 -I did not betrayy ou! -That's the one thing we had between us. 984 01:02:04,529 --> 01:02:07,623 - I did not betray anyone! - but you said My name on That tape. 985 01:02:07,699 --> 01:02:09,030 What about that? 986 01:02:09,100 --> 01:02:12,399 You might as well have broadcast it to the whole campus. 987 01:02:12,471 --> 01:02:14,268 Man, I mean, we can't do that to her. 988 01:02:14,339 --> 01:02:15,431 What? 989 01:02:15,507 --> 01:02:18,408 The guy is a stalker. I mean, Ethan, he's nuts. 990 01:02:18,477 --> 01:02:21,469 - How was I supposed to know? - you know What? 991 01:02:21,546 --> 01:02:22,843 Fuck you. 992 01:02:22,914 --> 01:02:26,179 I'm the one who took care of it. You're out. 993 01:02:26,251 --> 01:02:28,742 I can't trust you anymore. You're out. 994 01:02:31,823 --> 01:02:33,188 You sure did fuck up. 995 01:02:38,029 --> 01:02:41,931 Butyou didn't fuck up so much as you fucked up. 996 01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,628 You find somebody, and it just feels right. 997 01:02:44,703 --> 01:02:46,864 It's like fate. 998 01:02:46,938 --> 01:02:49,099 Exactly! It was my fate to meet her. 999 01:02:49,174 --> 01:02:52,109 But it wasn't your fate to be with her. 1000 01:02:52,177 --> 01:02:54,111 Unfortunately, my friend, fate... 1001 01:02:55,547 --> 01:02:57,845 has a different plan for you. 1002 01:02:57,916 --> 01:03:00,578 You will grow up, go out into the world. 1003 01:03:00,652 --> 01:03:04,019 You'll forget all about the things that happened here. 1004 01:03:04,089 --> 01:03:06,182 Ethan, Angela... 1005 01:03:06,258 --> 01:03:08,317 the shit we pulled. 1006 01:03:08,393 --> 01:03:10,759 Those hookers that we thought were girls. 1007 01:03:10,829 --> 01:03:13,059 And you're going to go out there... 1008 01:03:13,131 --> 01:03:15,964 and no one-- no one... 1009 01:03:16,034 --> 01:03:19,003 can shoot you down because a woman one time... 1010 01:03:19,070 --> 01:03:22,631 stepped on your heart and left a scar in its wake. 1011 01:03:22,707 --> 01:03:24,470 That is your fate, Dave. 1012 01:03:25,377 --> 01:03:27,811 Just as it is my fate... 1013 01:03:27,879 --> 01:03:30,404 to some day become shogun. 1014 01:03:43,328 --> 01:03:45,819 Fucking idiot! Are you kidding me? 1015 01:03:50,168 --> 01:03:53,763 There goes Dave the liar. I "f"-ed his old girlfriend. 1016 01:03:56,875 --> 01:04:00,072 - Oh, Ethan. - Oh, Cameron. 1017 01:04:00,145 --> 01:04:03,114 - Oh, yeah! - Baby, baby. 1018 01:04:03,181 --> 01:04:04,739 Boobies, boobies. 1019 01:04:07,185 --> 01:04:09,653 Stone-hard reality, Dave. 1020 01:04:09,721 --> 01:04:11,655 I asked you to stop. 1021 01:04:15,093 --> 01:04:17,561 Cameron! Take off my pants. 1022 01:04:20,865 --> 01:04:22,856 Oh, no. That's my mom. 1023 01:05:05,777 --> 01:05:10,077 Is enough enough Is enough enough 1024 01:05:12,584 --> 01:05:16,350 I saw the sign When I opened up my eyes 1025 01:05:16,421 --> 01:05:17,820 I saw the sign 1026 01:05:19,991 --> 01:05:22,425 When I opened up my eyes I saw the sign 1027 01:05:35,974 --> 01:05:40,377 No one's gonna drag you up to get into the line where you belong 1028 01:05:40,445 --> 01:05:44,541 I saw the sign I saw the sign 1029 01:05:47,952 --> 01:05:50,921 Guys, I saw the sign. 1030 01:05:50,989 --> 01:05:54,117 And it opened my eyes. I gotta be with Angela. 1031 01:05:54,192 --> 01:05:57,787 - As your attorney, I can't advise that. - I'm telling everything. That's it. 1032 01:05:57,862 --> 01:05:59,591 You guys have nothing to worry about. 1033 01:05:59,664 --> 01:06:02,599 - You're serious about this, man? - Dead serious. 1034 01:06:02,667 --> 01:06:04,362 I need to be with her. 1035 01:06:04,436 --> 01:06:07,030 Hey, you're not fucking seed of doubting me now? 1036 01:06:07,105 --> 01:06:09,665 Sam, I'm not going to lie anymore. 1037 01:06:10,842 --> 01:06:12,776 I'm done. 1038 01:06:14,245 --> 01:06:17,180 I have something to say to you. 1039 01:06:17,248 --> 01:06:21,651 And I think that it's important that I say it out of the cage. 1040 01:06:27,659 --> 01:06:31,755 I think you're doing the right thing. I've never seen you like this before. 1041 01:06:31,830 --> 01:06:34,856 You know what? I've never felt like this before. 1042 01:06:34,933 --> 01:06:38,699 Listen, I blew up last night, but I'm proud of you. 1043 01:06:38,770 --> 01:06:42,433 I wish I could back you up. I'm not getting kicked out of college. 1044 01:06:42,507 --> 01:06:44,941 This is me. You have to understand this. 1045 01:06:45,009 --> 01:06:47,842 You guys aren't going to pay for this. I'm gonna do this myself. 1046 01:06:47,912 --> 01:06:50,142 I never would have given that stuff to Ethan in a million years... 1047 01:06:50,215 --> 01:06:52,149 If I thought that you felt this way. 1048 01:06:52,217 --> 01:06:53,844 You did what you had to do. That's fine. 1049 01:06:53,918 --> 01:06:57,911 I guess I felt a little bit jealous because... 1050 01:06:57,989 --> 01:07:00,651 you have a girlfriend now, or whatever... 1051 01:07:00,725 --> 01:07:02,818 and I felt like I was left out. 1052 01:07:02,894 --> 01:07:04,828 Come on. 1053 01:07:04,896 --> 01:07:07,228 - Really? - a little bit. 1054 01:07:07,298 --> 01:07:09,926 Come here. Give me a hug. Got nothing but love for you. 1055 01:07:10,835 --> 01:07:14,271 Oh, one, two, three, four hard nipples. Nope. 1056 01:07:14,339 --> 01:07:18,332 This is really weird. I never thought we'd see the day when the team split up. 1057 01:07:19,677 --> 01:07:21,838 Wait. Not yet. 1058 01:07:21,913 --> 01:07:26,714 We don't split up yet. Cool Ethan? He caught you cheating, right? 1059 01:07:26,785 --> 01:07:28,719 - yeah. - Right? 1060 01:07:28,787 --> 01:07:31,381 He's gunning for your job, right? 1061 01:07:31,456 --> 01:07:33,424 You know mywhole story. 1062 01:07:33,491 --> 01:07:34,719 You got his stuff? 1063 01:07:36,995 --> 01:07:40,795 One more job, guys. I say we bury him. 1064 01:07:40,865 --> 01:07:43,390 But wait, you say. How did we get Ethan's documents? 1065 01:07:43,468 --> 01:07:45,527 Allow me to refresh your memory. 1066 01:07:45,603 --> 01:07:47,969 When you only see two of us, watch out. 1067 01:07:48,039 --> 01:07:52,203 Because the third one is probably rifling through your shit. 1068 01:08:01,386 --> 01:08:03,513 It was time toput ourgifts to use. 1069 01:08:03,588 --> 01:08:07,354 So we splitup into two groups to take Ethan down. 1070 01:08:09,294 --> 01:08:12,320 First on the list, Stockton, Ypright and Falk. 1071 01:08:13,665 --> 01:08:16,327 Ethan wanted to work there more than anything. 1072 01:08:16,401 --> 01:08:18,733 So we thought we'd lend him ahand. 1073 01:08:27,178 --> 01:08:31,114 Professor Markoe's? Yes, the exam is today. 1074 01:08:31,182 --> 01:08:32,376 Back on up, slick. 1075 01:08:37,155 --> 01:08:39,988 Oh, God, I'm choking. 1076 01:08:40,058 --> 01:08:42,390 Oh, God, I'm choking! 1077 01:08:42,460 --> 01:08:44,155 God, he's choking on a piece of steak. 1078 01:08:44,229 --> 01:08:46,390 I don't know what to tell you, but I think Philip called this one in. 1079 01:08:46,464 --> 01:08:49,399 I run this office. All of this is me. 1080 01:08:58,042 --> 01:09:00,169 - Oh, Fuck. - Are you All Right? 1081 01:09:00,245 --> 01:09:02,338 I'm fine now. Thanks to you. 1082 01:09:02,413 --> 01:09:04,745 Thanks to this fine, young gentleman. 1083 01:09:07,619 --> 01:09:10,247 If you just let me get in there, I'll replace that mouse and be outta there-- 1084 01:09:10,321 --> 01:09:12,050 Thank you. Fix it. 1085 01:09:12,123 --> 01:09:14,353 Wes Mann. I'm in emerging markets. And you are? 1086 01:09:14,425 --> 01:09:18,919 Ethan Dulles. I'm actually only here for an interview with Mr. Leonard. 1087 01:09:18,997 --> 01:09:22,933 Oh, well. Leonard Leonard and I are very good friends. 1088 01:09:23,001 --> 01:09:24,696 I'm gonna march you right up there. 1089 01:09:24,769 --> 01:09:26,930 Let me help you out. You've had such a hard day. 1090 01:09:27,005 --> 01:09:30,099 I look good and everything, but I'm still freaked out, 'cause of the meat. 1091 01:09:30,174 --> 01:09:32,608 So if you could give me a little privacy. 1092 01:09:37,715 --> 01:09:39,683 Yes, this is a message for Mr. Dulles. 1093 01:09:39,751 --> 01:09:43,482 This is Mr. Leonard's office in Human Resources at Stockton, Upright and Falk. 1094 01:09:43,755 --> 01:09:46,622 - good work down there, Mr. Dulles. - you can Call meJack. 1095 01:09:46,691 --> 01:09:48,454 Jack? 1096 01:09:48,526 --> 01:09:50,790 It says on here that your first name is Ethan. 1097 01:09:51,863 --> 01:09:53,797 - Call me Jack. - All right,Jack. 1098 01:09:53,865 --> 01:09:58,131 Jack, what one word would you say... 1099 01:09:58,202 --> 01:10:00,170 describes yourself perfectly? 1100 01:10:04,375 --> 01:10:08,607 I'm gonna have to say slave to the freaky-assed booby. 1101 01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:10,011 That's not one word. 1102 01:10:10,081 --> 01:10:12,948 You know, Philip said that you were available. 1103 01:10:13,017 --> 01:10:15,508 Hurry up, brownie, cookie, whatever. 1104 01:10:15,586 --> 01:10:17,645 You get into this job because you like to work with your hands. 1105 01:10:17,722 --> 01:10:19,986 I work with my-- 1106 01:10:20,058 --> 01:10:23,118 I work with my hands all the time. I mean, love to rub you down. 1107 01:10:23,194 --> 01:10:28,791 You ever had a massage with heated stones? Like nothing you'd believe. 1108 01:10:28,866 --> 01:10:30,800 On your resume under "activities"... 1109 01:10:30,868 --> 01:10:34,668 you have "smokin' blunts with the homeys"... 1110 01:10:34,739 --> 01:10:37,469 and "bustin' caps in whitey." 1111 01:10:38,543 --> 01:10:40,670 Can you explain that? 1112 01:10:40,745 --> 01:10:42,713 Please come to Mr. Leonard's office... 1113 01:10:42,780 --> 01:10:45,340 as soon as you possibly can for your job interview. 1114 01:10:45,416 --> 01:10:47,008 - Thanks. - Yes! 1115 01:10:47,085 --> 01:10:50,418 You know as well as I do how I very well got the job. 1116 01:10:50,488 --> 01:10:53,082 You and me, boy, we can handle shit, all right? 1117 01:10:53,157 --> 01:10:54,283 Right, right. 1118 01:10:58,863 --> 01:11:02,060 You watch Leonard Leonard handle some shit. 1119 01:11:03,968 --> 01:11:05,799 Oh, Angela 1120 01:11:09,941 --> 01:11:11,875 Oh, how I need you so 1121 01:11:17,648 --> 01:11:19,479 I see what I wanted to do 1122 01:11:28,059 --> 01:11:29,822 Now 1123 01:11:44,642 --> 01:11:46,075 Yeah! 1124 01:11:50,248 --> 01:11:54,082 Stockton, Ypright andg et those lousy cheaters expelled. 1125 01:11:56,220 --> 01:11:58,654 Ethan Dulles is waiting in the lobby for me? 1126 01:11:59,757 --> 01:12:01,782 I don't-- What's the holdup? I've been waiting a half-hour. 1127 01:12:01,859 --> 01:12:03,554 Still checking. 1128 01:12:03,628 --> 01:12:06,256 You let him in here and your ass is grass, and I'm the lawn mower. 1129 01:12:07,698 --> 01:12:10,929 Actually, that appointment's no longer on the books. 1130 01:12:11,002 --> 01:12:13,971 Okay, well, I'll just go check the books. Bitch. 1131 01:12:14,038 --> 01:12:16,529 Heard you got a little smart with Mr. Leonard. 1132 01:12:18,709 --> 01:12:20,267 Get him out of here now. 1133 01:12:20,344 --> 01:12:21,811 The lawnmower's waiting. 1134 01:12:21,879 --> 01:12:24,814 I want that punk thrown out of this building. 1135 01:12:24,882 --> 01:12:27,817 I parked my wheel right out here. I'm fine. Thanks, guys. 1136 01:12:29,020 --> 01:12:31,147 Can you believe that? 1137 01:12:38,529 --> 01:12:41,157 - Get him. - Come here! 1138 01:12:42,567 --> 01:12:44,000 Help me! 1139 01:12:49,607 --> 01:12:52,337 This is the final exam. 1140 01:12:52,410 --> 01:12:56,471 From this point on there's no talking, no study guides... 1141 01:12:56,547 --> 01:12:57,809 no exceptions. 1142 01:12:58,749 --> 01:13:02,742 You have three hours. That's it. Pencils down after that. 1143 01:13:03,521 --> 01:13:06,854 Begin now. 1144 01:13:22,573 --> 01:13:24,973 Hi. Yeah, we're having a test here. A final. 1145 01:13:25,042 --> 01:13:27,909 - Hold on. Just wait a second. - I don't have a second. 1146 01:13:27,979 --> 01:13:29,037 Excuse me. 1147 01:13:30,348 --> 01:13:34,614 - We're having a test here. - Just relax. This can't wait. Please. 1148 01:13:34,685 --> 01:13:36,482 - You can talk to her after the-- - Just Relax. 1149 01:13:36,554 --> 01:13:40,581 These people are taking a test-- They are taking a final exam. 1150 01:13:40,658 --> 01:13:42,956 - Please Just Give me five minutes. - Am I coming up there? 1151 01:13:43,027 --> 01:13:45,894 - Is that how it's gonna be? - Just listen to me. please. 1152 01:13:45,963 --> 01:13:49,091 Just give me one second. Okay? Just one second. 1153 01:13:51,569 --> 01:13:54,163 - You think I'm a liar? - yeah. 1154 01:13:54,238 --> 01:13:56,570 Yeah. Well, I am a liar. 1155 01:13:58,075 --> 01:14:01,340 Ethan never paid me. He blackmailed me. 1156 01:14:02,380 --> 01:14:04,905 I did it because he caught me cheating. 1157 01:14:05,983 --> 01:14:08,042 What the fuck? 1158 01:14:10,588 --> 01:14:12,522 I am a cheater. 1159 01:14:13,791 --> 01:14:15,850 I have cheated my way through high school. 1160 01:14:15,927 --> 01:14:18,122 I have cheated my way through college. 1161 01:14:18,196 --> 01:14:20,061 I have cheated my way through everything. 1162 01:14:20,131 --> 01:14:22,759 I don't think I've ever taken a test honestly. 1163 01:14:22,833 --> 01:14:26,599 I've engineered blackouts. I've done bomb threats. 1164 01:14:26,671 --> 01:14:30,072 I've hacked into the administration network. I've done it all. 1165 01:14:30,141 --> 01:14:33,406 I mean, I think this is the first legit thing I've ever done. 1166 01:14:34,478 --> 01:14:38,312 And there's no angle. And there's definitely no scam. 1167 01:14:40,284 --> 01:14:44,482 I'm doing it because-- because I love you. 1168 01:14:44,555 --> 01:14:46,750 You love me? 1169 01:14:46,824 --> 01:14:48,485 I do love you. 1170 01:14:52,096 --> 01:14:55,088 I'm pretty sure I'm in the wrong class. 1171 01:14:55,166 --> 01:15:00,365 But, I just gotta say, that was really moving. 1172 01:15:01,305 --> 01:15:03,865 Well, honesty, folks. Right? 1173 01:15:03,941 --> 01:15:07,035 Isn't that the most important thing, honesty? 1174 01:15:07,111 --> 01:15:11,275 That's what it's all about. I didn't understand that until I met you. 1175 01:15:12,950 --> 01:15:15,942 - That was beautiful. - Thank you. Thank you. 1176 01:15:33,371 --> 01:15:35,464 Well, you'rej ust Mr. Party Pants, aren't you? 1177 01:15:36,674 --> 01:15:38,835 You all think you know this man? 1178 01:15:38,909 --> 01:15:41,434 Well, I have in my hand hard evidence... 1179 01:15:41,512 --> 01:15:45,039 that this man is, in fact, a cheater! 1180 01:15:47,418 --> 01:15:50,080 Why are you clapping? Why are you clapping? 1181 01:15:50,154 --> 01:15:52,145 Why are you clapping? 1182 01:15:53,924 --> 01:15:55,949 What the hell is this? 1183 01:15:58,462 --> 01:16:00,225 Well, Ethan, I told her the truth. 1184 01:16:00,298 --> 01:16:02,926 And I told her I cheated and I told her I loved her. 1185 01:16:04,268 --> 01:16:07,999 - You don't believe him, do you? - I don't know. 1186 01:16:08,072 --> 01:16:10,540 I want to, Dave... 1187 01:16:10,608 --> 01:16:12,132 but I just can't. 1188 01:16:14,011 --> 01:16:16,275 - I don't wanna. I don't wanna! - Shut up. 1189 01:16:16,347 --> 01:16:19,248 I couldn't take it anymore. We're a team. You go down, we go down. 1190 01:16:19,317 --> 01:16:21,547 I don't think so. Ifyou're not enrolled-- 1191 01:16:21,619 --> 01:16:25,453 I am in the class. I'm Sam Schechter. I got hit by a fucking bus. 1192 01:16:29,393 --> 01:16:31,452 He's telling you the truth. 1193 01:16:31,529 --> 01:16:34,293 I know he is, because he got caught helping me cheat. 1194 01:16:35,700 --> 01:16:39,136 It's a scam. Another scam. You can't believe them. 1195 01:16:39,203 --> 01:16:41,637 Oh, another scam, huh? That's interesting. 1196 01:16:41,706 --> 01:16:43,901 Listen, Angela, we took this picture in Ethan's room. 1197 01:16:44,875 --> 01:16:46,809 If you don't want to be with Dave, that's fine. 1198 01:16:46,877 --> 01:16:51,473 You might want to avoid getting hacked up by "eyebrows" on your wedding night. 1199 01:16:51,549 --> 01:16:54,382 What is this? That's a little weird. 1200 01:16:54,452 --> 01:16:57,910 - Let me see this one second. - could you explain That to me? 1201 01:16:57,988 --> 01:16:59,922 Ethan, what is that? 1202 01:16:59,990 --> 01:17:02,015 A picture I let the boys-- 1203 01:17:02,093 --> 01:17:03,890 If you think that's weird, one more thing. 1204 01:17:03,961 --> 01:17:05,087 This is good. 1205 01:17:06,964 --> 01:17:08,431 It's a hair doll. 1206 01:17:08,499 --> 01:17:10,592 Yeah. It's gross, right? 1207 01:17:10,668 --> 01:17:13,432 - Hereyou go. - Ethan, What is this? 1208 01:17:13,504 --> 01:17:16,268 - is this a hair doll? - I didn't make that. 1209 01:17:16,340 --> 01:17:19,468 It fell out of your hair that way and I want it back. 1210 01:17:19,543 --> 01:17:21,773 -It fell out this way? I don't think so. -Give it back! 1211 01:17:21,846 --> 01:17:24,178 - I want it back! - Give it back! 1212 01:17:25,983 --> 01:17:29,851 You're going down! Why are you laughing? 1213 01:17:29,920 --> 01:17:31,478 What? 1214 01:17:31,555 --> 01:17:33,819 - you Have a cheater in your midst. - Where? 1215 01:17:33,891 --> 01:17:35,984 You can't have her, 'cause I own her. 1216 01:17:36,060 --> 01:17:39,962 I'm gonna file criminal charges on all your asses. 1217 01:17:40,030 --> 01:17:42,931 - He's holding a hair doll. - I need the cheater's name. 1218 01:17:43,000 --> 01:17:45,366 - He answers to Ethan. - Ethan. here. 1219 01:17:45,436 --> 01:17:48,269 I had a nickname for you. Want to know what it was? I'm not gonna tell you. 1220 01:17:49,373 --> 01:17:52,137 - All right, it was "Laser." - this one right here. 1221 01:17:52,209 --> 01:17:55,042 Hi, Ethan. Can I see that paper? 1222 01:17:55,112 --> 01:17:58,172 Fine. Yes. Here, here. 1223 01:17:58,249 --> 01:17:59,375 Thankyou. 1224 01:17:59,450 --> 01:18:01,884 His name's right on there. It's David. 1225 01:18:01,952 --> 01:18:03,419 Okay, Ethan. 1226 01:18:03,487 --> 01:18:07,150 This is a copy ofthe final exam, which is what we're taking right now. 1227 01:18:07,224 --> 01:18:09,283 That means you're in violation of the honor code. 1228 01:18:09,360 --> 01:18:10,554 It's not mine. 1229 01:18:10,628 --> 01:18:12,721 Youj ust handed it to me. 1230 01:18:12,797 --> 01:18:15,789 - Are you crazy? - I think you're crazy. 1231 01:18:15,866 --> 01:18:17,629 What? 1232 01:18:18,836 --> 01:18:21,896 Give me that test. You are mine, motherfucker! 1233 01:18:22,973 --> 01:18:25,407 You guys are fucking retarded. 1234 01:18:25,476 --> 01:18:26,841 You know what? 1235 01:18:26,911 --> 01:18:30,312 Why don't you shut your mouth, you skanky-assed "bee-yatch." 1236 01:18:30,381 --> 01:18:32,781 - Fuckyou, Cocksucker. - Slut. 1237 01:18:32,850 --> 01:18:34,784 - Shithead. - Ho. 1238 01:18:34,852 --> 01:18:36,285 Monkey boy. 1239 01:18:38,923 --> 01:18:41,084 So what do you say? 1240 01:18:42,259 --> 01:18:43,749 Do I have a chance? 1241 01:18:47,798 --> 01:18:49,026 Yes. 1242 01:18:49,099 --> 01:18:50,532 Come here, then. 1243 01:19:06,016 --> 01:19:09,213 Every now and then, we're all given a perfect moment. 1244 01:19:10,488 --> 01:19:12,820 A moment where everything makes sense. 1245 01:19:12,890 --> 01:19:15,757 A moment where everything seems right andg ood... 1246 01:19:15,826 --> 01:19:18,556 and everything's gonna be okay. 1247 01:19:18,629 --> 01:19:20,927 If you can be kissing a girl like Angela... 1248 01:19:20,998 --> 01:19:23,159 in the middle of a moment like that... 1249 01:19:23,234 --> 01:19:26,260 well, you really got it made. 1250 01:19:27,938 --> 01:19:30,930 The university took stern action. 1251 01:19:31,008 --> 01:19:33,533 We got kicked out of school. 1252 01:19:34,912 --> 01:19:36,846 Sam took it like a man. 1253 01:19:36,914 --> 01:19:38,779 I'm sorry! 1254 01:19:38,849 --> 01:19:41,477 I guess we all learned a life lesson, except for Jeff. 1255 01:19:41,552 --> 01:19:44,043 Jeff learned a different lesson. 1256 01:19:44,121 --> 01:19:46,282 Jeff learned how to print diplomas. 1257 01:19:47,791 --> 01:19:51,784 In the end, I guess I realized you can't scam when it comes to love. 1258 01:19:51,862 --> 01:19:55,855 But still, guys like me, Sam and Jeff... 1259 01:19:55,933 --> 01:19:58,163 we can't scam our own natures either. 1260 01:19:58,235 --> 01:19:59,998 We're all still friends. 1261 01:20:00,070 --> 01:20:02,834 I'm still with Angela, and I've never been happier. 1262 01:20:02,907 --> 01:20:04,204 It's strange. 1263 01:20:04,275 --> 01:20:07,938 You think you got life all figured out, and it just keeps surprisingy ou. 1264 01:20:08,012 --> 01:20:11,470 And to think, I learned how to be a better man... 1265 01:20:11,549 --> 01:20:13,608 from getting blackmailed by that little freak-- 1266 01:20:15,019 --> 01:20:16,452 CooI Ethan. 1267 01:20:20,524 --> 01:20:25,188 I love you, but I hate you 1268 01:20:25,262 --> 01:20:30,359 Which brings to mind how much I loveyou 1269 01:20:30,434 --> 01:20:34,268 We could've worked this out you know 1270 01:20:34,338 --> 01:20:39,776 In a little room ln a little locked room 1271 01:20:39,843 --> 01:20:43,836 I'm sorry you had to settle for Dave 1272 01:20:43,914 --> 01:20:48,351 The one-dimensional man 1273 01:20:48,419 --> 01:20:53,413 He's filed under "cocksucker" in my little blackbook 1274 01:20:53,490 --> 01:20:58,359 Sweetness can rot your teeth 1275 01:20:58,429 --> 01:21:02,559 Bittersweet cacophony 1276 01:21:02,633 --> 01:21:05,966 But you hold the key 1277 01:21:06,036 --> 01:21:09,403 You hold the key 1278 01:21:09,473 --> 01:21:12,965 To my little locked room 1279 01:21:13,043 --> 01:21:18,777 You hold the key You hold the key 1280 01:21:18,849 --> 01:21:23,718 To my little locked room 1281 01:21:23,787 --> 01:21:27,621 Please let me 1282 01:21:27,691 --> 01:21:30,125 Out soon 1283 01:21:32,396 --> 01:21:34,330 I love you. 1284 01:26:08,672 --> 01:26:10,765 I've never done a porno before. 1285 01:26:10,841 --> 01:26:12,775 Until now, bitch. 100440