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1
00:00:03,554 --> 00:00:07,189
� Is violence in movies and sex on TV �
2
00:00:07,291 --> 00:00:10,792
� But where are those good old-fashioned values �
3
00:00:10,862 --> 00:00:13,795
� On which we used to rely? �
4
00:00:13,865 --> 00:00:17,266
� Lucky there's a family guy �
5
00:00:17,368 --> 00:00:20,536
� Lucky there's a man who positively can do �
6
00:00:20,638 --> 00:00:22,137
� All the things that make us �
7
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,539
� Laugh and cry �
8
00:00:23,641 --> 00:00:29,144
� He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! �
9
00:00:34,819 --> 00:00:36,218
Well, here we are.
10
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,220
Time for everyone
to get new shoes.
11
00:00:38,322 --> 00:00:39,955
Hi. Can I help you
find something?
12
00:00:40,057 --> 00:00:41,423
What's she gonna do?
13
00:00:41,492 --> 00:00:42,958
This place doesn't even
have a back room.
14
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:44,693
All the inventory's
just out on the floor
15
00:00:44,762 --> 00:00:46,495
in ceiling-high library stacks.
16
00:00:46,597 --> 00:00:48,964
Yup, we got it, Stewie.
You're better than this place.
17
00:00:49,066 --> 00:00:51,633
Yeah, I know that.
I'm better than every place.
18
00:00:51,702 --> 00:00:54,036
Yes, my son needs
a new pair of shoes.
19
00:00:54,105 --> 00:00:56,071
Okay, let's just
see what his size is.
20
00:00:57,575 --> 00:00:59,575
Looks like a ten and a half.
21
00:00:59,677 --> 00:01:02,044
They're perfect. I'll take 'em.
22
00:01:02,113 --> 00:01:04,046
No, those aren't the shoes.
23
00:01:04,115 --> 00:01:07,449
(robotic): Do not speak
in that tone to the Iron Giant.
24
00:01:07,551 --> 00:01:10,552
Must destroy shoebox city.
25
00:01:11,622 --> 00:01:13,655
Sorry.
He's a little out of sorts.
26
00:01:13,724 --> 00:01:16,591
He saw a bra in the window
of Lane Bryant on the way over.
27
00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:18,593
They're, um...
they're pretty big.
28
00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:20,929
They are a remarkable feat
of engineering.
29
00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,732
That and the Ferris wheel
I will never understand.
30
00:01:23,801 --> 00:01:25,467
Yeah, for me, it's paper bags.
31
00:01:25,569 --> 00:01:27,469
I mean, there's a door
in it, but no exit?
32
00:01:27,538 --> 00:01:29,672
-What's that about?
-(laughs)
33
00:01:29,774 --> 00:01:31,473
I was serious about the bag,
but, hi.
34
00:01:31,575 --> 00:01:32,941
-I'm Brian.
-Holly.
35
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,344
Holly... are you free
on Friday night?
36
00:01:35,413 --> 00:01:37,479
Well, I don't know.
Are you a shoe store murderer?
37
00:01:37,581 --> 00:01:39,281
N-N-No.
38
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:41,016
There's more than you'd think.
39
00:01:41,118 --> 00:01:43,285
Like, if you were me, that's not
a ridiculous question.
40
00:01:43,387 --> 00:01:44,954
See you Friday.
41
00:01:45,056 --> 00:01:46,689
Good for you, Brian.
42
00:01:46,791 --> 00:01:48,557
Maybe you can take her
to the Cheesecake Factory.
43
00:01:48,659 --> 00:01:50,092
People seem to like that place.
44
00:01:51,128 --> 00:01:53,162
Did you folks find something
on the menu you'd like?
45
00:01:53,264 --> 00:01:57,165
No. 110 pages, and no.
46
00:01:57,234 --> 00:01:59,802
� �
47
00:02:06,744 --> 00:02:08,443
-What's all this?
-Oh, hey, guys.
48
00:02:08,512 --> 00:02:10,846
Uh, sadly, my Uncle Ray
passed away last week,
49
00:02:10,915 --> 00:02:13,315
but he left me
his vintage sports car.
50
00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:15,784
Joe, that's amazing
that your uncle died.
51
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,920
But I'm really sorry
to hear about the car.
52
00:02:18,022 --> 00:02:19,788
He means that
the other way around.
53
00:02:19,857 --> 00:02:21,990
Uncle Ray also left
strict instructions
54
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,059
for me to show his car
at the Classic Car Show
55
00:02:24,161 --> 00:02:25,461
in Providence this weekend.
56
00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:26,995
Classic Car Show?
57
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,530
Isn't that one
of those gatherings
58
00:02:28,599 --> 00:02:30,532
of a bunch of guys
whose penises don't work?
59
00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:33,535
Correct. Anyone with
a perfectly-restored classic car
60
00:02:33,637 --> 00:02:35,204
for sure has a bum wiener.
61
00:02:35,306 --> 00:02:37,006
Uh, he also left me
everything I'd need
62
00:02:37,108 --> 00:02:41,276
to convert my garage
to a 1950s-style diner.
63
00:02:42,313 --> 00:02:46,181
See, here are all the 1950s
Coke signs from the 1980s.
64
00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:51,086
Oh, cool, and a jukebox!
65
00:02:51,155 --> 00:02:53,288
Yeah, but since the songs
are from the '50s
66
00:02:53,357 --> 00:02:54,956
they're all about men
in their 40s
67
00:02:55,026 --> 00:02:56,825
wanting to have sex
with teenagers.
68
00:02:56,894 --> 00:02:59,895
� I wanna... be-bop a teeny bopper �
69
00:02:59,997 --> 00:03:01,963
� At the sock hop �
70
00:03:02,033 --> 00:03:04,833
� Or maybe after work behind the malt shop... �
71
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,769
(new 1950s song intro begins)
72
00:03:06,871 --> 00:03:10,639
� 13 candles �
73
00:03:10,741 --> 00:03:13,842
� Is probably enough... �
74
00:03:13,911 --> 00:03:16,578
� Nine, ten, 11-year-old, 12-year-old sex �
75
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,381
� I'm gonna sleep with all the kids tonight! �
76
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,583
Joe, stop pressing buttons.
77
00:03:21,652 --> 00:03:24,720
("Somethin' Stupid"
playing in distance)
78
00:03:24,822 --> 00:03:26,722
� And then I go and spoil it all �
79
00:03:26,824 --> 00:03:29,191
� By saying somethin' stupid �
80
00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:32,394
� Like "I love you." �
81
00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:33,929
(scattered applause)
82
00:03:33,998 --> 00:03:36,065
Boy, I forgot
how great that song is.
83
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:38,600
I know, right? It's definitely
my favorite romantic love song
84
00:03:38,702 --> 00:03:40,202
sung by a father
to his daughter.
85
00:03:40,271 --> 00:03:41,470
Ooh, we should
put in our next song.
86
00:03:41,539 --> 00:03:43,071
Good thinking.
87
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,007
Yes, we'd like
to request "Witchcraft,"
88
00:03:45,109 --> 00:03:47,342
as arranged
by Mr. Nelson Riddle.
89
00:03:47,411 --> 00:03:48,877
(sighs)
Okay, give me a minute.
90
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,479
You should just know
91
00:03:50,581 --> 00:03:52,081
there's a 21st
birthday party here,
92
00:03:52,183 --> 00:03:54,483
and you're ruining it for them.
93
00:03:56,787 --> 00:03:58,554
Wow.
3:00 a.m.
94
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,889
We practically
shut the place down.
95
00:04:00,958 --> 00:04:04,092
And quite a night.
We got to sing two songs.
96
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,760
Do you mind if I kiss you?
97
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:08,497
Actually, I should
chew some gum first.
98
00:04:08,566 --> 00:04:10,165
I had bologna for dinner.
99
00:04:10,234 --> 00:04:11,633
Get over here.
100
00:04:11,702 --> 00:04:13,702
(both moaning)
101
00:04:15,473 --> 00:04:17,606
Oh, yeah,
that's good kiss bologna.
102
00:04:21,245 --> 00:04:23,245
Oh, hey, guys,
what's the word?
103
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:25,847
Uh, bird.
Bird is the word.
104
00:04:25,916 --> 00:04:27,649
But we were wondering
if you'd take us
105
00:04:27,718 --> 00:04:29,317
for a spin in your new car.
106
00:04:29,386 --> 00:04:31,220
Yeah, that's a great idea.
Hop in.
107
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:37,593
Vroom! Vroom!
Vroom! Vroom!
108
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:41,329
(imitates clicking,
engine revving)
109
00:04:41,398 --> 00:04:44,133
(imitates gear shifting)
110
00:04:44,235 --> 00:04:45,934
Uh, what-what...
what's happening right now?
111
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,070
Close your eyes, gang, as we hit
the Kancamagus Highway.
112
00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:50,805
Just four miles
to Mount Washington.
113
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:52,341
What the hell
are you doing, Joe?
114
00:04:52,443 --> 00:04:54,009
We want to go for a real drive.
115
00:04:54,111 --> 00:04:56,278
This is a real drive.
Just imagine it.
116
00:04:56,347 --> 00:04:58,347
Feel that New Hampshire air.
117
00:04:58,449 --> 00:05:00,616
Joe, we're not in New Hampshire.
We're in your driveway.
118
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:03,151
Oh, great, some knucklehead
is tailgating us.
119
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,953
What's the hurry, pal?
120
00:05:05,022 --> 00:05:07,422
Oh, I see so many birds.
121
00:05:07,525 --> 00:05:10,158
Well, we're in a tunnel, so I'm
not sure how that's possible.
122
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,960
Joe, stop this car right now.
123
00:05:12,029 --> 00:05:14,296
-The car is stopped.
-(imitates gears grinding)
124
00:05:14,365 --> 00:05:16,298
(sighs) Always have trouble
finding third.
125
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,433
(imitates brake squeaking)
Okay, what's up?
126
00:05:18,536 --> 00:05:20,769
You got this amazing car.
Why can't we take it out?
127
00:05:20,871 --> 00:05:22,304
Well, ever since I was nine,
128
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,838
I've dreamed
of driving this car someday.
129
00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:25,707
But I'm not allowed.
It's in my uncle's will.
130
00:05:25,809 --> 00:05:27,242
Even when I take it
to the car show,
131
00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:28,910
I have to put it up
on a trailer.
132
00:05:28,979 --> 00:05:30,912
Malcolm in the Middle,
five nights a week
133
00:05:30,981 --> 00:05:33,448
on Manchester's Channel 12.
134
00:05:33,517 --> 00:05:35,117
Cleveland, stop reading
fake billboards.
135
00:05:35,219 --> 00:05:36,919
Now, if you'll excuse me,
136
00:05:37,021 --> 00:05:41,456
I'm off to taste the delights
of downtown Nashua.
137
00:05:41,559 --> 00:05:42,925
I don't care what Joe says.
138
00:05:43,027 --> 00:05:45,060
This is too nice a car
not to drive it.
139
00:05:45,162 --> 00:05:47,930
Are you suggesting we take it
out without telling Joe?
140
00:05:48,032 --> 00:05:49,598
He's left us no choice.
141
00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:51,866
I can't just sit in a car
and pretend to drive,
142
00:05:51,936 --> 00:05:53,535
like-like I had to pretend
to be impressed
143
00:05:53,637 --> 00:05:56,404
by Quagmire's
new big, green grill.
144
00:05:56,473 --> 00:05:58,406
This is the largest
high-performance
145
00:05:58,475 --> 00:06:00,342
ceramic cooker available, Peter.
146
00:06:00,411 --> 00:06:02,878
-NSF Certified.
-Ah, yeah, cool.
147
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:05,013
I'm starving. When do we...
when do we fire this thing up?
148
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:08,216
(laughing):
Fire-fire this thing up?
149
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,752
Get a load of this guy.
You don't just fire it up.
150
00:06:10,854 --> 00:06:12,554
You slowly bring it
to temperature.
151
00:06:12,656 --> 00:06:13,956
(sighs)
Okay.
152
00:06:14,058 --> 00:06:15,557
When do we put the burgers on?
153
00:06:15,659 --> 00:06:18,159
B-B-Burgers?
Are you hearing this?
154
00:06:18,229 --> 00:06:21,430
You don't put burgers on a grill
of this quality, Peter.
155
00:06:21,532 --> 00:06:24,299
I've been brining a heritage
breed chicken for three days.
156
00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:26,234
(sighs)
Then can we put that on?
157
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,437
Yes. At midnight,
when it's reached temperature.
158
00:06:28,539 --> 00:06:30,171
Then why am I here now?
159
00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:33,175
Because I need your help
to move the grill a single inch.
160
00:06:33,277 --> 00:06:35,277
(both grunting)
161
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:38,847
(sighs)
Well, let's just listen to music
162
00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:41,049
on my high-end stereo system.
163
00:06:41,118 --> 00:06:42,784
Nice.
Let's crank it.
164
00:06:42,886 --> 00:06:44,986
(laughing):
C-C-Crank it?
165
00:06:45,055 --> 00:06:46,588
You hear this clown?
166
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:48,323
I only use it
to listen to podcasts.
167
00:06:48,392 --> 00:06:50,191
MAN: Today on The Moth,
168
00:06:50,261 --> 00:06:53,528
how a single pair of shoes reunited two sisters.
169
00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:00,735
So, big date, huh?
170
00:07:00,804 --> 00:07:02,804
You must really like this girl.
171
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:06,074
Honestly, I think
Holly could be... the one.
172
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,411
Brian, you strike me
as a very selfless lover.
173
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,414
Is that true?
Are you a selfless lover?
174
00:07:12,483 --> 00:07:14,216
Stop saying "selfless lover."
175
00:07:14,318 --> 00:07:16,084
Have you been reading
Lois' romance novels again?
176
00:07:16,153 --> 00:07:17,953
A few,
but I'm just saying I bet
177
00:07:18,055 --> 00:07:21,623
your coital congress will send
Holly into paroxysms of ecstasy.
178
00:07:21,725 --> 00:07:24,092
-Knock it off.
-What? I'm being supportive.
179
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,761
After all,
confidence will help you
180
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,297
maintain optimal stamina
during your lovemaking.
181
00:07:28,399 --> 00:07:30,299
-That's enough.
-Have it your way, Brian.
182
00:07:30,401 --> 00:07:34,569
I myself am a student
of the pleasures of the flesh.
183
00:07:34,638 --> 00:07:37,939
(slurping)
184
00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:42,611
Listen to your lover, Brian.
185
00:07:48,319 --> 00:07:49,718
(stomach gurgling)
186
00:07:49,787 --> 00:07:51,186
Ugh, damn it.
Anxiety dump.
187
00:07:51,288 --> 00:07:53,188
(stomach gurgling)
188
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:56,425
-(unzips)
-Ah, that's better.
189
00:08:06,637 --> 00:08:09,604
Oh, uh, is-is Holly here?
190
00:08:09,707 --> 00:08:12,207
You must be the new jerk
my mom is dating.
191
00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:14,142
Uh, and you must be the kid
192
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,577
she never told me about.
193
00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:21,750
I host Family Guy repeats
in Germany.
194
00:08:21,819 --> 00:08:23,418
GERMAN ANNOUNCER: German
Family Guy is brought to you
195
00:08:23,487 --> 00:08:25,954
by rail-thin men in Internet pornos going,
196
00:08:26,056 --> 00:08:32,444
"Ooh-aah, ooh-aah, ooh-aah!"
197
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,846
I'm sorry I never
told you I had a son.
198
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,314
Some guys get scared off.
199
00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:38,116
No, no, that-that's great.
200
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,518
I'm-I'm terrific with kids.
201
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:40,985
I actually have a kid.
202
00:08:41,055 --> 00:08:43,255
Aw, that's sweet.
How old is he?
203
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,724
Uh, I don't know.
How long ago was Ratatouille?
204
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,392
Well, I'm gonna
go finish getting ready.
205
00:08:47,461 --> 00:08:50,062
Why don't you guys get
to know each other a little?
206
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:59,070
So, uh, is there a dad that you
spend weeks of your time with?
207
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,939
My dad moved to Florida.
208
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,942
Sounds right. What, um...
what grade are you in, bud?
209
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,078
-Second.
-You don't say.
210
00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:08,346
Boy, I bet things are different
than they were in my day.
211
00:09:08,449 --> 00:09:10,282
Lot of school shootings now.
212
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,484
-What?!
-Oh, no. No, no, I...
No, I just meant...
213
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,619
Like-like, people
bring guns to school?
214
00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,288
What? No, no,
I'm-I'm not saying...
215
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,889
And they just shoot kids?!
216
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,624
Well, you can hide
under your desk.
217
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:22,027
The desks won't be enough!
(crying)
218
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,162
All set.
You guys getting along?
219
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,898
Yup, just great. All right,
let's go eat at a waffle house,
220
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,434
and then I'll show you
all my bow-hunting carcasses.
221
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,770
That sounds like
a perfectly normal date.
222
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,575
� �
223
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,849
Okay, I got a perfect way
224
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,984
to distract Joe
while we take his car.
225
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,721
There's literally
no phone survey he won't take.
226
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,589
-(phone ringing)
-Hello?
227
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,325
Yes, Joe Swanson?
228
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:54,993
On a scale of one to ten,
229
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,662
how happy are you
with your Wi-Fi service?
230
00:09:57,731 --> 00:10:02,200
Well, I'd say it's Wi-Fine.
(chuckles)
231
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,668
I came up with that
ten months ago
232
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:06,004
in anticipation
of this very call.
233
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,273
Ha. Terrific.
And would you be willing
234
00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:10,008
to take a half-hour survey
235
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:13,077
in your far upstairs bedroom
while facing the wall?
236
00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:15,614
Also, how loud does your TV get?
237
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,216
BONNIE:
Don't be long, Joe!
I'm expecting a call.
238
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,352
I'll take the time I need!
239
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,554
This is the Wi-Fi call.
240
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,689
(engine starts)
241
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,225
Great job
hot-wiring the car, Cleveland.
242
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,827
The key was in the ashtray,
243
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,696
but your presumption
will not be forgotten.
244
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,799
(engine revving)
245
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:42,240
(sighs)
You know, you're the Cub Scout.
246
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,776
We're supposed to be making this
Pinewood Derby car together.
247
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,244
I don't care.
248
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:50,182
Hey, you're one kid,
and we're four kids,
249
00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:52,584
-so we're gonna bully you.
-(grunts)
250
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:53,718
Knock it off.
251
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,520
Or what,
Kyle-Kyle-Dog-Poop-Pile?
252
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,522
Hey, guys?
Let's take it easy
253
00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:01,392
and maybe not use canine feces
as a taunt. That's hurtful.
254
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:02,994
What?
(chuckles)
255
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,730
He's just saying
that Kyle's a little baby
256
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:08,800
who's too stupid to even know
how to stand up for himself.
257
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,203
What are you
gonna do, baby-- cry?
258
00:11:11,305 --> 00:11:12,604
-(growling)
-(screaming)
259
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,806
Let go of me!
Stop!
260
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,541
-You're crazy!
-You leave him alone!
261
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,643
(barking)
262
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,146
Whoa.
Thanks, Brian.
263
00:11:22,216 --> 00:11:24,816
Nobody's ever stood up for me
like that before.
264
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,085
Well, I think my instincts
just kicked in.
265
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,953
Want to help me sand your car?
266
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,456
Yeah.
Definitely.
267
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,627
Animal control?
268
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:39,231
I'd like to schedule
an emergency neutering.
269
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:41,333
� �
270
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,837
Man, I can't get over
how old-timey
271
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,238
everything in this car is.
272
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,240
I know.
Check out what's on the radio.
273
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,242
NEWSWMAN: President Kennedy has been shot.
274
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,645
NEWSMAN 2: The martians are now traveling to New Jersey.
275
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,647
MAN:
� Beatles song, Beatles song �
276
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:58,449
� La, la, la, la, la. �
277
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,718
Ah, that last one
brings back a lot of memories.
278
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:02,654
Wow, this baby
handles like a dream.
279
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,722
Do you guys mind
if I drive with my knees
280
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:08,393
while I make some last-minute
fantasy football changes?
281
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:09,828
-Look out!
-(tires screeching)
282
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:14,465
-Oh, my God!
-Holy crap!
283
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,868
Aw, man,
Joe is gonna be so pissed.
284
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:19,070
Thank God all we hit
were those trash cans.
285
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:21,306
Oh, my God.
Oscar!
286
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,946
(grunts)
Tell my ex-wife...
287
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:30,348
to go (bleep) herself.
288
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,018
Very on-brand.
289
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,053
Right up to the end.
290
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:41,960
Thank you so much for having
Kyle and me over for dinner.
291
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,895
Everything is delicious,
Mrs. Griffin.
292
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,364
Well, I wasn't sure
what a divorc�e eats,
293
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,366
so I just assumed fried things.
294
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,768
No, that's perfect.
295
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,637
What about this guy? Did he help
with any of the cooking?
296
00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:54,839
Brian is not allowed
to touch communal food
297
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,841
because his feet
smell like the street.
298
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,510
I like when you measured my feet
at the store,
299
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:00,979
Brian's girlfriend.
300
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,848
Well, it...
it was my pleasure, Chris.
301
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:07,118
I'm not actually sure
if my shoes fit right now.
302
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,187
Um, could you do that thing
303
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,657
where you push your thumb
on my big toe?
304
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:15,259
Chris, you're within six years
of the same age
305
00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:17,929
as this kid you've never met
and have nothing in common with.
306
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,464
Why don't you go up to your room
307
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:21,399
and have
an awkward time together.
308
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,935
Um, okay.
Want to go upstairs
309
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:27,071
and accidentally break
one of my toys and I'll hit you?
310
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,239
I guess.
311
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,075
CHRIS:
Hey, don't touch that!
312
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,277
-(thud)
-(slap)
313
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:36,081
Mom!
He blocked my punch and hit me!
314
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,682
I knew they'd get along.
315
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:40,818
You know, Kyle and I actually
have to get going anyway,
316
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:43,221
but thanks so much.
317
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,889
Hey, Holly, before you go,
318
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,824
settle an argument
between me and my wife.
319
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:50,028
When measuring yourself,
what do you count as the base?
320
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:52,364
-Peter.
-What? She measures stuff
for a living.
321
00:13:52,466 --> 00:13:55,767
Let me start
by saying I am taint inclusive.
322
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,837
All right,
I like where this is heading.
323
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,105
Well, thanks again for coming.
324
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,639
Oh, hey, you know,
I was thinking
325
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,309
we could take Kyle
to Bob's Funland on Saturday.
326
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,244
Oh. Really?
327
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,846
Yeah, I have to go there to buy
Adderall anyway, so I thought...
328
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,983
Brian, stop.
I just... We can't go.
329
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:15,253
-What? Why?
-Honestly, I've been thinking...
330
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,788
STEWIE:
Uh-oh!
331
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,323
Wh... W-What are you saying?
332
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,792
Well, Brian, I'm still young.
333
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,727
STEWIE:
Oh, she's saying you're not.
334
00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:24,862
And the truth is
I'd like to date other people.
335
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,931
STEWIE (chuckles):
Oh, nail, meet coffin.
336
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,067
In fact, my old boyfriend
is single again,
337
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,269
and he happens to be
a very selfless lover.
338
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,737
STEWIE:
Dude, I told you.
339
00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:35,073
But i-if we break up,
340
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,509
does that mean
I won't get to see Kyle, either?
341
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,146
I guess not.
342
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,418
I'm sorry, Brian.
343
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,953
� �
344
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,496
Touch my feet!
345
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:01,266
-Touch my feet!
-Aah!
346
00:15:08,892 --> 00:15:10,992
(sighs)
347
00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:15,029
(sighs)
348
00:15:29,913 --> 00:15:33,748
-Oh. Hey, Stewie.
-Hey... you.
349
00:15:33,817 --> 00:15:36,151
-Feeling down?
-Yeah.
350
00:15:36,253 --> 00:15:38,419
Ah, don't worry about Holly.
351
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,555
"There are other fish
in the sea"
352
00:15:40,624 --> 00:15:43,224
is what is usually said
at a time like this.
353
00:15:43,326 --> 00:15:46,294
-That's the thing.
It's not even Holly.
-Ugh. There's more?
354
00:15:46,396 --> 00:15:49,097
I mean, the person I actually
miss hanging out with is Kyle.
355
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,832
We'd formed a real connection,
356
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:53,768
and I sort of liked
being a father figure to him.
357
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,304
That's... that's nice, Brian.
358
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,506
Kyle and I
had actual fun together.
359
00:15:58,608 --> 00:16:00,041
I mean, most kids suck.
360
00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:02,310
They just want to sit around
and play Candy Land.
361
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:05,180
-Yeah. Hell of a game.
-No, it's not.
Candy Land is terrible.
362
00:16:05,282 --> 00:16:06,714
There's not even any skill
to it.
363
00:16:06,783 --> 00:16:09,183
Uh, okay.
Um, you know what, Brian?
364
00:16:09,252 --> 00:16:10,718
You're hurt right now,
365
00:16:10,787 --> 00:16:13,054
and you're-you're saying things
that you don't mean.
366
00:16:13,123 --> 00:16:15,456
But listen,
if you miss Kyle that much,
367
00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:18,193
-you should go find him.
-Thanks. Maybe I will.
368
00:16:18,295 --> 00:16:19,527
Just hope
he doesn't want to play
369
00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:21,128
some stupid game like Go Fish.
370
00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:23,264
Go Fish is a thinking man's game
371
00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,066
of inquiry and consequence.
You know what?
372
00:16:25,168 --> 00:16:27,402
You know, I-I don't... I don't
have to explain myself to you.
373
00:16:27,504 --> 00:16:29,537
Go-go on.
Go find your kid.
374
00:16:34,978 --> 00:16:36,210
Damn it, what the hell
are we gonna do?
375
00:16:36,279 --> 00:16:38,546
-Joe's gonna be furious.
-Relax, Quagmire.
376
00:16:38,615 --> 00:16:40,348
From what I know
about car accidents,
377
00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:42,884
you can total your car,
completely walk away from it
378
00:16:42,986 --> 00:16:44,485
and still be Caitlyn Jenner.
379
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:47,155
Besides, I'm pretty sure
I can pound this out.
380
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,759
What the hell are you doing?
381
00:16:51,828 --> 00:16:54,629
-Crap, Joe's gonna kill us.
-Quagmire's right.
382
00:16:54,698 --> 00:16:57,498
Remember how upset he got
when they canceled Psych?
383
00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:58,833
(crying)
384
00:16:58,902 --> 00:17:00,701
Now who's gonna
expose charlatans
385
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,439
by pretending to be psychic in
the greater Santa Barbara area?
386
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,579
Oh, my God.
387
00:17:13,416 --> 00:17:15,249
What? What is this?
388
00:17:15,318 --> 00:17:17,518
Is this Ferris Bueller?
389
00:17:17,587 --> 00:17:20,188
Yeah, it's Ferris Bueller.
390
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,657
Hundred percent
on Ferris Bueller.
391
00:17:22,726 --> 00:17:25,593
Well, I'm glad
we got that settled.
392
00:17:25,662 --> 00:17:27,995
It's Fast Times at Ridgemont High, you idiot!
393
00:17:28,064 --> 00:17:30,197
Joe, we all watched it
a week ago.
394
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:33,668
Oh, yeah. You know, I enjoy
movies while I'm watching them,
395
00:17:33,737 --> 00:17:36,137
but the second they're over,
I can't remember a thing.
396
00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:37,538
Except Forrest Gump.
397
00:17:37,607 --> 00:17:39,474
(imitating Forrest Gump):
"Try one of my candies.
398
00:17:39,576 --> 00:17:42,143
It'll tell you about life."
399
00:17:42,245 --> 00:17:44,879
(chuckles)
I can't forget that beauty.
400
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,881
But what happened to my car?!
401
00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:48,215
We're really sorry, Joe.
402
00:17:48,285 --> 00:17:50,885
We took it without asking
and wrecked it.
403
00:17:50,954 --> 00:17:52,553
I like When Harry Met Sally...
404
00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:56,223
"I'll have the food
what made that lady came."
405
00:17:56,293 --> 00:17:58,092
You guys ruined my uncle's car.
406
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,161
We're so sorry, Joe.
407
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:03,298
-It's okay. I'm not mad.
-You're not?
408
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,633
No.
In fact, uh,
409
00:18:05,702 --> 00:18:07,635
all I feel is relief.
410
00:18:07,704 --> 00:18:10,438
Caring for a car like that
requires round the clock effort.
411
00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:12,373
Do you know how much
of a pain in the ass that is?
412
00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:13,641
BONNIE:
Yes!
413
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:14,976
I mean, cars are meant
to be driven,
414
00:18:15,045 --> 00:18:16,310
not kept in a garage.
415
00:18:16,379 --> 00:18:19,513
But it's too late now.
I mean, look at it.
416
00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:22,417
I couldn't drive this car
even if I wanted to.
417
00:18:23,453 --> 00:18:25,787
I'm not so sure about that.
418
00:18:25,889 --> 00:18:27,121
� �
419
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:30,124
I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
This is awesome!
420
00:18:30,226 --> 00:18:31,592
I'm really d...
Oh,
421
00:18:31,661 --> 00:18:33,461
stop sign, Quagmire, stop sign!
422
00:18:33,563 --> 00:18:35,263
(tires screech)
423
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:38,866
Joe's legs are, um...
colder than I expected.
424
00:18:38,935 --> 00:18:40,702
No blood.
425
00:18:55,118 --> 00:18:56,451
(cheering)
426
00:18:59,155 --> 00:19:01,222
Brian, you made it!
427
00:19:01,291 --> 00:19:03,758
-Hey, buddy.
-What are you doing here?
428
00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:06,361
Holly, I was a terrible dad
with my own son,
429
00:19:06,463 --> 00:19:09,296
but I feel like I've made
a true connection with Kyle.
430
00:19:09,366 --> 00:19:10,832
Whoa, did you earn a ribbon?
431
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:13,568
No, it's a bookmark
with a Bible verse on it.
432
00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:14,969
The priest was giving them out.
433
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,305
Oh. Weird.
Well, how'd our car do?
434
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:20,108
Second to last.
But I don't care.
435
00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:22,176
I had so much fun
making it with you.
436
00:19:22,278 --> 00:19:23,911
Me too, Kyle.
437
00:19:23,980 --> 00:19:26,113
(whistle blows)
438
00:19:26,182 --> 00:19:27,982
Okay, thanks
for a great event, everyone,
439
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,450
but we need to clear out.
440
00:19:29,519 --> 00:19:31,652
There's a sex offender meeting
in ten minutes,
441
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:33,654
and we can't have any overlap.
442
00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:36,657
Thank you, Brian.
It was sweet of you to come.
443
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,598
Aw.
444
00:19:46,569 --> 00:19:51,606
Say, Brian, what are you doing
Saturday night?
445
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,080
Hi. I'm almost ready.
446
00:19:59,182 --> 00:20:01,482
Great.
447
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:06,954
-How you doing, champ?
-(knocking)
448
00:20:08,858 --> 00:20:10,892
Okay, Cliff and I should
be back by midnight.
449
00:20:10,994 --> 00:20:12,960
I left money for you two
to order a pizza.
450
00:20:13,063 --> 00:20:14,262
Sounds perfect.
451
00:20:15,498 --> 00:20:16,764
All right, Kyle,
what do you say you and me
452
00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:19,100
watch some Stranger Things ?
453
00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:22,236
MORGAN FREEMAN: Brian made Kyle bread and butter,
454
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:25,139
and kept the pizza money.
455
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:32,463
Ich bin froh, dass alles wieder normal ist.
456
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,732
Tut mir leid wegen deinem Auto, Joe.
457
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,133
Es ist in Ordnung.
458
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:38,669
Wo ist nun Jerome mit den wiener?
459
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,172
(giggles) Wiener.
460
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,082
Guten nacht,
461
00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:53,551
von das Disney Corporation.
462
00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:28,586
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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